When gran and grandpa move into your home

BY BONNY FOURIE bronwyn.fourie@inl.co.za

Spending long weekends and holidays with your parents is special but could you live with them permanently?

IF YOU know you could live with your parents, great. But if you are not sure, or think you might find yourself needing to consider it one day, then read the advice in this article first.

Major considerations around retirement living include retirees’ needs for security continuous care models and being part of communities to avoid loneliness and isolation.

For retirees who cannot afford, or cannot find space in, a retirement development, often the only option is to move in with family – usually their adult children and young grandchildren. And, as inviting as that might sound, there can be challenges.

How such a move will affect family members, and the challenges it will bring, depends on a number of factors, says Riette du Preez, a Johannesburg-based clinical psychologist with a special interest in care of the elderly.

“Despite the challenges, many families still go this route.”

OVERCOMING THE PROBLEMS

The reasons leading to parents moving in with their children include parents requiring specific health care, social or cultural expectations that parents will live with their adult children and financial need.

Du Preez says there are certain things families can do to help navigate the decision, such as ensuring communication between all family members, from grandchildren to grandparents, is prioritised.

Household routines will also be affected so these must be carefully considered.

“It may be helpful to compromise to meet everyone’s needs, even if it means taking turns. Roles and responsibilities can often become issues in co-habiting families.

“Deciding on the daily, practical running of the household and who will take charge of what is key. We often leave them to chance, causing frustration and conflict in relationships.”

ESTABLISHING PARENTAL ROLES

Another issue often left to chance is the nature of relationships between individuals in the family. For example, if the adult daughter and her mother didn’t get along before living together, the chances are this will not change.

“Problematic relationships are bound to be amplified when you live together,” Du Preez says, adding that when grandparents live with their grandchildren, confusion might arise about the parental roles.

“Grandparents often take on parental responsibilities when both parents are working and this can cause conflict between adults and confuse younger children, if not managed.”

She advises that the issue be handled respectfully between the adults, and that consistency is maintained when dealing with children. However, involving grandparents in certain decisions is necessary to help them feel integrated into the family.

SPLITTING FAMILY TIME

Taking time as a family without elderly parents is also vital and it is also important to allow them time without the family.

“Deciding to live with an elderly parent can be very hard or it may come naturally.

“Whatever the case, it is important to consider all the positives and negatives,” Du Preez says.

MAKING THE HOUSE SAFE FOR THE ELDERLY

HAVING an elderly parent or parents move in may be the logical choice for many, but making the family home safe for them is often not taken into consideration.

Not only will families have to prepare for changes to routines within the home, and living arrangements, to factor in the arrival of an elderly person, but they also need to remember that physical changes will need be made to the home.

SOME OF THESE INCLUDE:

Lighting inside and outside homes. Night lights that go on automatically outside the home are necessary as are night lamps on bedside tables, preferably ones you touch to put on and off.

Tape down the ends of rugs and get rid of rugs that are slippery. Create obstacle-free paths within the home, such as from the bedroom to bathroom.

Fix broken paving bricks on outside pathways and paint anti-slip coatings on flooring in the kitchen and bathroom.

Invest in travel mugs to carry hot beverages and use plastic dishes and non-slip place mats.

Make bathrooms fall-proof by installing grab bars.

Get non-slip mats, make toilet seats higher, so it is easier to get up and down and install shower seats in the bathroom.

For elderly people with hearing problems, families may have to buy phones that have flashing lights and fit torches linked to doorbells.

LIVING with elderly parents can work if everyone is on the same page. PICTURE: