LIBERTI magazine : Oct / Dec 2012

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OCT-DEC 2012 • £3

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Faith with Attitude libertimagazine.com

OPERATION CHRISTMAS CHILD

Fifty Shades

of Freedom

Thinking outside the shoebox

DEBRA GREEN ROC ‘n’ Soul KILLY JOHN SUE RINALDI BEV MURRILL HEIKE PRENTICE CATHY MADAVAN AMY BOUCHER PYE EMMA GREENWOOD

Entertainment • Fashion • Health • Interviews • Movies • Shopping • Sex • Travel • TV

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www.libertimagazine.com

VOL. 8 • NO. 4 • OCT-DEC 2012

Contents FEATURES Fifty shades of… liberty J.John and wife Killy specifically read 50 Shades of Grey so they could give Liberti an objective view on its content. The couple discuss the novel’s raunchy content and whether bondage is really the answer to conservative attitudes to sex within the Church.

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Fifty shades of… redemptive love

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Caroline and Ruth from Activate Your Life discuss whether Christians should be reading 50 Shades, and if not, why not?

Fifty shades of… restoration

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A review of the controversial trilogy from Restored; an organisation that is dedicated to ending violence against women.

WHY THE QUEEN’S SO KEEN ON DEBRA GREEN Debra Green recently received an OBE for her services to community cohesion. She is committed to seeing people’s lives change for the better and to empowering Christian women to thrive as leaders in what still tends to be a male-dominated church environment.

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COLUMNS 5

UP FRONT with Bekah Legg

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MEET THE TEAM Sue Rinaldi

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THE SOPHIA NETWORK with Sharon Prior

11 GREENMUM with Emma Greenwood 13 SIXTY SECOND LIFE COACH with Heike Prentice 15 MAKING MARRIAGE WORK with Bev Murrill 22 COMPASSION with Kate Sharma 25 A SLICE OF PYE with Amy Boucher Pye 27 WONDER WOMEN with Arianna Walker 36 DAILY DEVOTIONS with Hazel Rager 54 IN THE KNOW with Killy John 70 THE LAST WORD with Cathy Madavan

GET OFF YOUR SOAPBOX AND ON TO YOUR SHOEBOX

REGULARS

Run by Samaritan’s Purse, Operation Christmas Child ships shoeboxes filled with goodies to more than 100 countries each year. One school followed the progress of the boxes they filled and its pupils were deeply moved by the reactions of the children that received them.

21 NUTRITION

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16 TOP APPS

60 FINANCE

20 FITNESS

62 WORD FROM THE WISE

56 MUSIC

66 FASHION

58 FILM FOCUS

Cover Picture: © Woodooart | Dreamstime.com

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BEKAH LEGG

UP FRONT Colorsport / Andrew Cowie

EDITOR

Bekah Legg bekah@libertimagazine.com

DEPUTY EDITOR

Joy Tibbs MARKETING & ADVERTISING

Steve Legg steve@libertimagazine.com

Duncan Williams Tel: 07960 829615

DESIGN

Andy Ashdown Design www.andyashdowndesign.co.uk

PRINT Halcyon www.halcyonline.co.uk

DISTRIBUTION COMAG CONSULTING EDITOR FOR SCM

Steve Legg © Liberti Magazine 2012 Liberti is published by Son Christian Media (SCM) Ltd. The acceptance of advertising does not indicate editorial endorsement.

SCM holds names and addresses on computer for the purpose of mailing in accordance with the terms registered under the Data Protection Act 1984.

Liberti is protected by copyright and nothing may be produced wholly or in part without prior permission.

CONTACT Liberti Magazine PO Box 3070, Littlehampton, West Sussex, BN17 6WX, UK Tel: 01903 732190 E-mail: bekah@libertimagazine.com

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Liberti Magazine

Fifty shades of freedom fter the wettest summer in living memory, it’s easy to think of 2012 as the ‘grey summer’. It was cold, dark and depressing with occasional bouts of sunshine which kept alive the hope that at some point all would come good. Not unlike the trilogy which, having unexpectedly taken the world by storm, may also contribute to this summer being known as the ‘season of grey’: Mr Grey.

It’s a book you can’t get away from – all across Twitter and Facebook, ladies having been letting the world know that they are ‘going to bed with Mr Grey’. The supermarkets are brandishing two-for-one offers on it (I’ll leave you to work out how that works with a trilogy!) and copycat books seem to be springing up from every direction.

So we thought we should take a look at what all the fuss is about. As a magazine that stands for freedom in all its forms, we felt we couldn’t shy away from the fascination for being dominated that seems to have arisen. We have written to our friends near and far and asked them for their take on the stories and for their thoughts on how we should engage with it.

Elsewhere the light did shine. We stood and cheered with the crowd as 19-year-old Saudi Arabian Sarah Attar, covered from head to toe, came in last in the 800m. Not because we love the underdog, but because here was a woman whose very presence at the Olympics represented a

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seismic shift in gender equality. She was an inspiration to women around the world who are barred from following their dreams.

Inspiration came too in the women who, gold after gold, showed girls in this country and beyond that they can aspire to more than the perfect tan. I love that this year my daughters have been given role models whose value lies in discipline, hard work and determination and not in privilege, party life and body parts.

I believe that it was for freedom that Christ set us free. It wasn’t a nominal technicality, a change of wording on the contract. We’re not just meant to know we’re free; we’re meant to live freedom out in every aspect of our lives. We’re meant to dream big dreams and then walk into them.

It’s what I want for my daughters – it’s what I want for you – to know that you were created unique with incredible gifts and an adventure all of your own; to walk with God. One where you are valued above rubies for the gifts he gave you before you were even born.

I don’t want them to become absorbed in 50 shades of grey, but instead I’d like to see them caught up in 50 shades of freedom – each one brighter than the last.

WE’RE ‘ MEANT TO DREAM BIG DREAMS AND THEN WALK INTO THEM.

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BEKAH LEGG Editor

BekahLegg

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LIBERTI LADIES

MEET THE TEAM

Sue Rinaldi TRAINING TO BE A QUALIFIED ACCOUNTANT DID NOT QUITE ADD UP FOR SUE RINALDI, WHO CHOSE INSTEAD TO FOLLOW THE PATH OF MUSIC AND CREATIVITY… WHAT IS YOUR DAY JOB? Since leaving my job as a trainee accountant/auditor in 1984, I have been immersed in music, songwriting, travelling and touring, teaching, training and consulting on creativity, culture and worship.

Body Shop founder Anita Roddick, who cared about the oppressed and the exploited; and Annie Lennox, who gave us “Sweet Dreams” and now the ‘Sing’ Campaign, which gives a voice to women and children with HIV/AIDS… I could go on.

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

WHAT INSPIRES YOU?

My middle name is Rose after my grandmother. As a young girl I thought it was the worst name in the universe… but it’s grown on me!

Music, candles, Niagara Falls and gadgets!

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM FLAVOUR? I am not really an ice cream lover, mainly because it gives me brain freeze! I prefer to live on the savoury side of taste bud life.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM HOLIDAY… The ‘h’ word doesn’t feature too much in my freelance world, but it would probably involve an ocean, great food and wine, art and culture and not too many tourists!

DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? The ability to seek out new flavours and products in supermarkets.

WHAT BOOK(S) ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING?

I VALUE ‘FREEDOM

FIGHTERS AND AGENTS OF CHANGE

WHAT’S YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? Flying. A ‘good flight’ is an oxymoron to me. I shook all the way to Australia the first time I visited that beautiful country. I envy people who can chill and smile and kick their shoes off at 38,000 feet in the air. I need to be aware and alert and have my shoes ON… just to be ready!! Thankfully, I have improved!

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Top of my digital pile are Half The Sky by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn; Culture Making by Andy Crouch; Future Minds: How The Digital Age is Changing Our Minds by Richard Watson and 11/22/63 by Stephen King.

WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? A mouse pad is very last season, darrllin!

WHAT ARE YOU DREAMING OF? Writing a song that has a great ‘middle eight’.

WHAT CHALLENGES ARE YOU FACING? Being a ‘restless pilgrim’ I am always aware and think about these principles constantly. On a personal level, it’s about the transitions of life, the natural age-upgrade and how to walk with integrity through it all.

WHO ARE YOUR GREATEST HEROES? I find it difficult to pick just one and I would never use the movie/slushy-song word ‘hero’! I value freedom fighters and agents of change who love justice, for example Sojourner Truth, an African-American women’s rights group;

wearing a skirt and impressing people with my dance moves (not!).

WOULD YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMP? Only in the virtual world…

WHAT MUSIC ARE YOU LISTENING TO AT THE MOMENT? Pink, Imogen Heap, Radiohead and Ben Howard.

WHO WOULD PLAY YOU IN A MOVIE ABOUT YOUR LIFE? Anne Hathaway, or in my Lara Croft moments, Angelina Jolie…

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE WRITTEN ON YOUR GRAVESTONE? “A girl of good intentions”. Actually, I would prefer a custom guitar built in memory of me with the word “firebird” etched in marmitebrown resin onto the eco-friendly, everlasting wood.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Sci-fi with lots of altered universes and special effects that make your speakers go boom!

CAN YOU DESCRIBE YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT?

WHAT IS THE KEY TO LIVING A GODLY LIFE?

Falling backwards over a stage monitor during a Heartbeat concert in front of a packed Colston Hall in Bristol. I was singing lead vocal,

“Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion” (Brennan Manning).

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SOPHIA NETWORK

Be a good sport •

OVERCOME DIFFICULTIES: each woman in the Olympics has her own story to tell, but none worthier than cyclist Joanna Rowsell, who smashed three world records in as many days. She was brave enough to stand on the winners’ platform and let the world know that she suffers from alopecia, which took courage and humility. She said that it was because of the alopecia that she was so determined to win in her sport. Well done, Jo!

It’s interesting to note that if GB’s female competitors had been separated from the men, they would still have been seventh in the overall medal table. The most important thing, though, is that Team GB was made up of amazing men and women who worked together and supported each other throughout.

Surely this is what God intended for human beings all along. How can we imitate this in our families, workplaces, schools and churches as we build on the legacy of London 2012? The best legacy would be to see men and women working together to achieve their goals.

Charlie Forgham-Bailey/Colorsport

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BY SHARON PRIOR, CO-FOUNDER OF SOPHIA NETWORK ith the Olympics and Paralympics over, we’d like to take the opportunity to say a big well done to all those who competed for Team GB; to the women and men who sacrificed to be the best they could for their country.

So how were these Games different from the many that went before? Well, for the first time ever, every country was able to enter female competitors and women competed in all of the available sports. It was great to see Sarah Attar, the first woman to represent Saudi Arabia at an Olympics, run the 800 metres.

In fact, the overall percentage of women competing was the highest ever. In the 1984 Olympics, 24% of competitors were women, while in 2012 the provisional figure was 44%.

That is definitely something to be celebrated and applauded! Yes, there is still a way to go in encouraging national Olympic committees to provide opportunities and resources for women so they can train and compete at this level, but this shouldn’t stop us from acknowledging that we have reached a great milestone in Olympic history.

A lot has been said about the importance of

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Liberti Oct-Dec 2012

the Olympics in leaving a legacy for future generations, and as I was reflecting on this I thought about how we can use the great achievements of the women in Team GB to encourage girls in the UK to be all that they were created to be.

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CHALLENGING THE STEREOTYPES: the example of Katie Taylor and Nicola Adams gaining medals in boxing, which has always been viewed as a ‘male sport’. What stereotypes can we encourage girls and young women to challenge in their lives?

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IDENTIFY YOUR DREAM: many female athletes talked about identifying their dream and then going for it when they were interviewed. Talking about the London Olympics before the event, Laura Trott said: “It is everything I have dreamed of since I was eight years old.” How can we help young women to identify their dreams and follow them, even if they seem impossible?

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PERSEVERANCE, HARD WORK AND DETERMINATION: when we saw Jessica Ennis powering into gold medal position in the heptathlon, we saw a woman who had persevered, worked really hard and showed great determination in a range of disciplines. How can we use this to help young women see what they can achieve with these great qualities?

SHARON PRIOR is co-founder of the Sophia Network (www.sophianetwork.org.uk) for women in leadership, which champions the full equality of men and women in every area of life.

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EMMA GREENWOOD

greenmum

An avalanche of single flakes William Hill White Christmas occurs if a single snowflake falls on a Met Office monitoring station in the betupon location over the 24hour period of December 25.

Given that generous definition, could we aim to make it a green Christmas in our locations?

Mother Teresa is well known for reminding us that the ocean is full of individual drops.

Well, an avalanche is full of single flakes, so here are some tips to help you on your way to creating your very own Green Christmas.

Make sure your veg hasn’t followed in the wise men’s footsteps and travelled afar. Leave off the gas-guzzling, jet-setting mange tout and stick to traditional Christmas vegetables such as sprouts and parsnips, which can be grown in the UK. If you think your dining room gets cramped on Christmas Day, spare a thought for your turkey. Most of the 11 million turkeys eaten in the UK during the festive season are reared in large, windowless broiler sheds with only one square-foot of space per bird; many have their beaks removed to prevent fighting. By contrast, free-range turkeys are allowed to roam outside and are available from most supermarkets.

“O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, how lovely were your branches.” Check your wrapping paper is Forest Stewardship Council (FSC) certified. Half of the timber harvested worldwide is used to make paper, and FSC certification ensures it comes from managed forests or post-consumer reclaimed material.

It came upon a midnight clear… but not in China where greenhouse gases and carcinogens from artificial Christmas tree manufacture fill the air instead of angels singing. Real is the deal! Real trees remove carbon dioxide from the air as they grow while providing a habitat for small animals and insects. These days, Christmas trees are grown as crops that are raised solely for this purpose and new trees are planted in their place after harvest, so there’s no need to worry about ‘killing a tree’. There are no landfill worries either as long as you remember to put your tree out for collection after Christmas so the council can shred it for compost.

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O CHRISTMAS “ TREE, O CHRISTMAS On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me… a charity Christmas card. Charity cards kill two calling birds with one stone, sending good tidings to your friends while helping those in need. Buy them from your local charity shop, though, as charity cards are big business.

Some high street retailers are milking it for all it’s worth – like the eight maids of the carol – giving only 8% of profits to the advertised charity.

And if you think you’re nothing like Scrooge, think again! There are modern day Bob Cratchits out there harvesting cocoa for your Christmas treats and getting paid a pittance.

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Fairtrade chocolate may cost more, but let The Ghost of Christmas Future show you how you can make a difference by buying your chocolate at a fair price.

For more suggestions see the ethical Christmas shopping guide on page 18. Can we make 2012 a Green Christmas? You bet we can!

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© Galyna Andrushko | Dreamstime.com

TREE, HOW LOVELY WERE YOUR BRANCHES.

EMMA GREENWOOD is an ex-highflyer business consultant, mother of two children and wife of Christian comedian and communicator Mark Greenwood. Since she abandoned the rat race, she tries to live ‘responsibly’ in the world and uses her trademark narrative writing style to encourage others to do the same. Read her blog at emmajgreenwood.blogspot.com.

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HEIKE PRENTICE

60 SECOND LIFE COACH

Spoilt for choice here is a lot about getting dressed that reflects life’s dilemmas. I didn’t use to enjoy going shopping for clothes. The extravagant variety of colours and designs hanging on endless rails and displays; competing with upbeat music and seductive fragrances reminiscent of vanilla that were all designed to entice me into buying the latest fashion usually achieved the opposite result. After trying on the maximum number items allowed in the changing rooms I would hang them all back and leave empty-handed, because I was more attached to the funds in my account than the lure of a new outfit. Now I go shopping with a friend who loves the choice and is also good at choosing, so I have come to enjoy the experience.

But I still open the wardrobe only to say to my husband: “I have nothing to wear”. It’s not that the wardrobe is empty; it’s just that nothing seems to fit whatever mood or frame of mind I’m in. So it feels as if I have no choice.

There are, of course, much more serious situations in life that lead us to believe we have no choice or that we are presented with too many choices.

Whether to stay at home or go back to work after having children; whether to apply for that job or start your own business; whether to start a relationship or stay single; which church to attend; which house to buy; which school to enroll the kids in; which ministry to support. The list is endless.

So how do we negotiate the myriad of options? How do we make a decision? Is there only one right outcome?

Know that you have choices. There are almost always more options and possibilities than we first see, and it’s worth talking any important decision through with other people who can bring a fresh perspective. Proverbs 15:22 says: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed” (NIV). List the various options on a piece of paper and consider the realistic consequences rather than imagined ones. Because as my friend told me the other day: whenever we say ‘yes’ to one option, it also means saying ‘no’ to one or

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I STILL OPEN ‘ THE WARDROBE

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several others. Being aware of that reality releases us from the narrow and misleading conviction that there is ultimately only one ‘right’ way forward.

Take your time. Resist the temptation to come to a decision or conclusion too quickly.

Sometimes it’s good to wait, to rest in the tension of waiting, of not knowing. Do not be rushed, even when others put pressure on you.

Psalm 37:1 says: “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes” (NIV). Waiting can strengthen your character and change your mindset. The bigger the decision, the more time it will probably require, especially when it involves other people. Even if you know straight away or you have a hunch, it is wise to allow time to process and confirm your conclusion. The process of choosing and coming to a decision can be invaluable in its own way: attitudes are

highlighted, minds are renewed and priorities are refined.

Outcomes are not final. Sometimes we shy away from making a decision out of fear that it could be the wrong one, and that taking a wrong turn is somehow the end of the road. If you have faith in God you can have confidence that as long as “…in all your ways [you] acknowledge him, he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:6, NIV). He has a way of redeeming any situation if we submit ourselves to Him. Clarity will come, and you will know when it’s here.

You are as free to choose as you choose to be.

In actual fact, you are spoilt for choice.

© Dmitriy Shironosov | Dreamstime.com

ONLY TO SAY TO MY HUSBAND: “I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR”.

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HEIKE PRENTICE is a direction and leadership development coach and a director at Christian Growth International. She likes to think through new ideas, concepts and strategies and believes it’s important to have a laugh! Heike is married to Alistair, they have a twenty-something and two teenage sons, and a Finnish Lapphund called Tiia. Heike can be contacted at coaching@heikeprentice.com.

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BEV MURRILL

MAKING MARRIAGE WORK

A string of 40 pearls

WE ‘ THOUGHT WE

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grit of our fears and inadequacies has been gradually coated with the essence of forgiveness and the release of our egos so that the other could be strengthened and enlarged.

Slowly one pearl joined another, with different shapes and sizes to match the challenges we’ve faced, and each has its own lustre that was won by the secret surrender of our hearts; all because love truly can cover a multitude of mistakes and failures.

We are living proof that two vastly different, flawed and complex beings can begin as one plus one and end up as ONE, without losing the individuality with which we were created. The Bible says that “a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

This can only happen if we love each other even when we feel lost and disappointed, when it seems our hearts might break, embracing even when we’re afraid to trust one more time, and continuing to love even when fear and shame screams at our vulnerability and demands that we protect our hearts in order to survive. Loving each other because we promised we would, and

we will not break a promise. And now we are family, all because two people fell in love and were determined to stay there.

Withdrawing is too easy, hardening your heart is too dangerous and looking outside the place of your oneness for comfort is catastrophic.

Choosing to love as a verb and not a feeling is how souls can remain free and still be tied to each other forever.

With God as the enabler, the arbitrator, the one who empowers and so many times corrects our course, we have been healed and become the healers, we’ve received grace and given it, we have been changed and we have been the agents of change.

Our advice? Within the perfect combination of brokenness and blessing that is marriage, choose love rather than waiting for it to choose you.

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© Valeriya Potapova | Dreamstime.com

y husband and I recently celebrated a major anniversary: 40 years of marriage. The overwhelming feeling of joy comes from the fact that we made it! Through all the ups and downs, through all the pains, sorrows and frustrations, whether they were shared between us or whether they were caused by the other – we made it! We’ve loved, laughed, argued and been irritated beyond belief. Sometimes we thought that it was too hard… but it turned out that it wasn’t. The years have shown that although it wasn’t easy, it was doable. And we’ve done it!

We began with such optimism. We thought we would never be challenged in our love for each other, but we were, again and again. With each new challenge and each violent breach of the walls of our selfishness and self-sufficiency came the choice to become more resilient, more transparent and more willing to become ONE. And every time we made the choice to do it right despite our spite, another layer was added to the building of our ONENESS; another brick in the wall of finding our centre in God and in each other.

Our years are like a string of pearls. The hard

WOULD NEVER BE CHALLENGED IN OUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER

•

BEV is executive director of Christian Growth international, a regular conference speaker, and author of Speak Life and Shut the Hell Up, and Catalysts. As a mother and grandmother, she knows what it’s like to do the hard graft of marriage and family, and the amazing grace of God to make it work.

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HotStuff TOP APPS WITH SUE RINALDI

Let the games begin…

THE WALL STREET JOURNAL RECENTLY REPORTED THAT: “TRADITIONAL BOARD GAMES ARE BEING REFOCUSED WITH APPS FOR TABLETS AND SMARTPHONES; BRINGING APPLE AND ANDROID DEVICES TO A NEW – OR OLD – FRONTIER.” SO LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF THESE DIGITAL REMAKES. Scrabble

iPieces The recent launch of Jumbo iPieces represents a new way of playing board games by merging an iPad app with real figures or pawns. So far, four traditional games have been released: Snakes & Ladders, Game of Goose, Fishing Game and Air Hockey. Each uses the iPad as the playing board with the figures activating special effects on the board. The manufacturer is maximising its marketing campaign by emphasising the convergence of two worlds, old and new, to bring the family together. I spent an enjoyable few hours testing them out…

After fighting my way through the overly packaged casing, most games contained tiny plastic playing pieces like fishing rods, ladders or pawns. My main challenge was to eventually get the case back together again afterwards!

A bonus is that the app is totally free and

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easy to download, but the games can seem short and at times the playing pieces feel irrelevant because your finger can do the same job! Although suitable for children aged six upwards, I would be a little nervous about the size of the pieces. On the positive side, a whole history of gaming is being re-clothed and reintroduced; and the playing pieces do mean fewer finger marks on your screen!

It’s an interesting idea, but the app needs to offer more interactive thrills for iPieces to really gather a committed following, and £9.99 per game-pack seems slightly overpriced. (If you are wondering, I enjoyed the Goose game the most!)

App released free for iOS and soon for Android

Sometimes the old ones are the best ones!

The beauty of this family letter game is its simplicity. Everyone knows the rules and most people have played it at some point in their lives. The app version is every bit as good as the real thing with clear quality graphics and cute sounds.

You can play solo, challenge friends with ‘Pass N Play’ or play via your local network. The iPad HD app reaches new heights of enjoyment on Party Play when bluetoothed with the free tile app on your iPhone. The iPhone acts as your rack of letters and you flip them onto the board of the iPad, which intuitively rotates to the current player. Simple but effective… and intensely satisfying!

Released for iOS, Android and Blackberry

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TOP APPS

Boggle This is a family-friendly word game that has been brightened up and enhanced for app-play. Tap Quick Play, shake the iPad and the word search countdown begins.

You can challenge others and play in a variety of modes. Great for learning and for testing out your vocab skills!

Released for iOS, Android and Blackberry

UNO This is a classic, colourful card game featuring a unique deck of cards and set of rules. A variety of player modes is available, and players can customise the game rules and discover new ways of playing. Tournament mode enables you to collect prizes and unlock eight other deck themes. It’s a winner!

Released for iOS, Android and Blackberry

Monopoly As traditional as Marmite but without the controversy… this much-loved board game is brilliantly adapted for tablets and smartphones. Aswell as attractive animation and multiple ways of playing, the iPad version throws in a few exclusive features including a Toyota Prius mover that lets you choose a greener way to play! There is also a World Edition, enabling you to roam around Paris or Rome; it’s a wonderful, globetrotting adventure!

Released for iOS, Android and Blackberry

Ticket to Ride This excellent board game is a cross-country train adventure in which you collect and play train cards to claim railway routes that connect cities on your destination tickets. The app creators are winning accolades for the immersive qualities and oil-painting-style graphics.

It offers a variety of playing options including solo play, Pass n Play and online challenges via Days of Wonder’s own online service, which allows you to play opponents from any software platform. The standard map is the US, but additional maps are available as in-game purchases.

Android users are shouting for their own app. It’s a great game, so get on board!

Released for iOS, Mac and Windows Online

SOURCED AND STUDIED BY APP-HAPPY SUE RINALDI

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CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

Chocolate coins Don’t be a Scrooge this Christmas. Make sure cocoa workers get a fair price for their harvest. Divine Fairtrade Chocolate Coins are a sweet treat at £2 (Oxfam or divinechocolate.com).

I’m dreaming of a GREEN Christmas I'M SURE WE'D ALL BE SHOCKED IF WE REALISED THE ACTUAL COST OF THE PRESENTS WE BUY: TO THE PLANET AND TO THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THE GOODS; MANY OF WHOM LIVE IN POVERTY. LET'S STRIVE FOR A GREEN CHRISTMAS RATHER THAN A WHITE ONE THIS YEAR. Spices Spice up the festive season with Bart’s Fairtrade spice range and wine mulling sachets from £1.59 (Waitrose or bartspices.com).

Christmas pudding Traidcraft’s Fairtrade Christmas Pudding scored four out of five in The Guardian’s taste test.

Get yours for just £7.95 (traidcraftshop.co.uk).

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CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

Organic trainers If the shoe fits, wear it – or give it to someone as a present! Fairtrade FSC organic trainers come in pink, olive, orange and teal as well as traditional colours.

Kid’s sizes £25 adults £40 (thefaircorp.com).

Pants to Poverty Say pants to poverty this Christmas with this new range of Fairtrade organic underwear from £14 (thefaircorp.com).

Fairtrade footballs A totally kickin’ gift! Prices for these Fairtrade FSC footballs start from £7 (thefaircorp.com).

Men’s socks Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without a few pairs of socks changing…err, hands.

These Fairtrade men’s trouser socks are just £4 for two pairs (sockshop.co.uk).

Advent calendar Count down to the big day with a clear conscience. Divine’s Fairtrade Chocolate Advent Calendar is just £4 (Waitrose or divinechocolate.com).

All images supplied by the manufacturers and used with permission.

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WellBeing FITNESS WITH GAYNOR BURTON

“I’m (NOT) in the mood for dancing” (or jogging, or lifting weights, or a walk…)

THE NOLAN SISTERS MAY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN IN THE RIGHT MOOD FOR EXERCISE, BUT SOMETIMES WE FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING BUT! f course, physical activity has massive physical benefits, but in my experience the emotional benefits are actually far greater and can really help to combat negative moods, attitudes, feelings and even psychiatric conditions.

If you are someone who has a tendency towards any of these then read on!

to take ourselves off the couch and into the world, but doing so can really make a difference. Putting regular exercise in can go some way to correcting the chemical imbalance in our brains that causes the negativity.

Try promising yourself that you can come home after ten minutes if you want to. Start with a brisk walk and see what happens!

Feeling low

We often say to ourselves: “What difference will exercise make anyway?”, “I can’t be bothered”, “It’s easier to just carry on as usual and whatever will be will be”, “I’m too unfit to even start”, “I’ve just got too far to go/too much weight to lose”.

Actually, it will make a BIG difference and it will change your mindset.

So when you start thinking it won’t make a difference, remember that each little positive step adds up to positive results! You can either start drifting even further backwards or you can take some positive steps forwards.

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We all feel low at times because of situations in our lives or because of a chemical imbalance in the brain. It’s at these times that we don’t want

Feeling apathetic

Feeling angry Most people assume that exercise makes you feel less aggressive and angry because sweating, puffing and even punching (a pad!) is a great way to release emotions.

This is true, but exercise does much more than just getting it out of your system! Exercise actually changes brain activity so that we don’t feel aggressive in the first place.

There is a part of the brain that makes us evaluate the consequences of our actions before we react to a situation and take action.

Exercise helps us to decide whether to react physically or verbally, or to allow something to wash over us. It increases activity in this area of the brain, boosts rational thought and makes us

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less likely to lash out.

Any exercise and activity will help with your anger, but fast-paced aerobics, dance-based exercise to music or boxing could be right up your street!

Feeling rubbish with PMT The human body was designed for movement, and when we don’t move much our bodies and the different processes within them slow down and can’t produce the natural pain-fighting chemicals they were designed to produce.

Endorphins are released when you exercise and these help to reduce pain.

Exercise can also help to alleviate bloating as water moves through the body more effectively when circulation is improved. Digestion also becomes easier, acne is less of an issue and headaches are eased because of the extra blood flow.

Exercise can also distract you from your symptoms.

So while you are lying on the sofa with your hot water bottle on your stomach and exercise is the last thing you want to do, just give it a gentle go and see what happens.

Then in the future, as you exercise more regularly throughout the month, you will help to alleviate your symptoms naturally.

“So dance, yeah let’s dance, come on and dance…”

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GAYNOR BURTON is the founder and director of Fitfish (www.fit-fish.co.uk) the Christian fitness company that offers fitness weekends, weeks abroad, personal training, nutrition advice and more. With a background in event management, specialising in mass participation outdoor sporting events, ski instructing and advanced level personal training and nutrition advice, Gaynor is passionate about motivating others to reach their goals in a physical, spiritual and emotional capacity.

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WellBeing NUTRITION WITH CAROLINE GERRIE

How to pass with flying autumn colours OCTOBER IS SUCH A BRILLIANT TIME OF THE YEAR! ALTHOUGH IT HERALDS LONGER NIGHTS WITH THE EVENINGS DRAWING IN, THE IRIDESCENT CONTRAST OF GLORIOUS COLOUR DISPLAYS IN NATURE CAN BE ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING. love walking in our local woods. A morning stroll can feel crisp and invigorating with the beginnings of a nip in the air and the skies providing an unbroken, vivid blue backdrop to the stunning display of golds, bright yellows, copper and scarlet leaves above my head. Below my feet is a carpet littered with a confetti of fallen leaves and twigs lined with mossy green and tan hues… simply perfect!

As an annual event when my children were young, we would go and visit the Pumpkin Man in Slindon, a little village nestled in the South Downs. He was a guy who displayed a huge variety of home-grown squashes, gourds, marrows, butternut squashes and of course pumpkins (hence his name) every year.

Slindon Pumpkin Festival, as it is now called, still turns a mass of brightly coloured fruit and vegetables into a new pictorial creation. Its ever-changing centrepieces, ranging from butterflies and sunflowers to harvest themes, reflect all that’s good in creation. The glorious colour and smell hits your senses as soon as you draw up to the cottage.

As nature adapts to the change in season and beds down for the colder months, we should also be preparing ourselves. This is the time of year when it makes sense to do a quick check-

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up to see whether we are still eating the right foods to help boost up our immune systems so that we go into the winter months with the ability to fight off coughs, sneezes and other diseases.

For me, the Pumpkin Man’s autumnal display of colour is a visual reminder of immuneboosting fruit and vegetables; using the colours displayed in the majestic season God provided around us as a prompt.

Green, yellow, orange, red and purple fruit and vegetables generally contain some of the immune-helping nutrients needed for our body to stay strong and to fight off infections and inflammation.

Green vegetables such as broccoli and courgettes contain vitamin C and cancerpreventing compounds called glucosinolates.

Vitamin A is found in yellow, orange and red veggies such as sweet potatoes, carrots, peppers, pumpkins and squashes, and helps with the production of antibodies. Aubergines (purple) are excellent antioxidant vegetables that contain a bioflavonoid compound called nasunin, which helps to shield our systems from ‘free radical damage’.

Eating well is an important place to start. By watching the amount of saturated fats and sugars – processed foods, fatty meats, cakes and biscuits – we eat will help to reduce the pressure on our immune systems, especially as we often crave comfort foods during the darker months. So like nature sheds its leaves, let’s start by shedding some comfort foods! Think of delicious, nutritious, healthy casseroles and brightly coloured homemade soups as comfort foods rather than cookies and chocolate.

Stress and lack of sleep can adversely affect our immune systems. So maintaining a good sleep pattern of around eight hours a night and

a regular exercise routine will help to release stress that builds up in the body. Finding a form of exercise you will enjoy through the winter season is just as vital as eating the right ‘comfort’ foods!

Using the season’s bold colours as an inspiration for daily food choices, we can help maximise our nutrient intake. Below is a quick chart to help keep our bodies in tip-top, bugbusting shape for the winter months ahead.

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Fruits Apples, apricots, berries, banana, mango, pineapple, oranges, lemons and limes.

Vegetables Broccoli, squashes, courgettes, avocados, sweet potato, carrots, coloured peppers, aubergine.

Meats/Fish chicken, turkey, cod, tuna, mackerel, salmon, halibut, seafood.

Grains Brown rice, basmati rice, quinoa, barley, whole-wheat pasta.

Legumes/seeds All types of beans, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, walnuts, almond.

And how about a quick and easy soup to help you on the way…

Immune-boosting soup Butternut & red pepper soup 1 red onion – chopped 2 sticks of celery – chopped Organic, low sodium chicken/veg stock cube 2 red peppers – roasted Half a medium butternut squash – roasted Chopped parsley 1 Fry onion and celery in LIGHT olive oil until golden.

2 Then add peppers, butternut squash and stock cube.

3 Fill pan with water to cover veggies and bring to boil. Then cool.

4 Blitz in blender, reheat when needed and add parsley… Enjoy!

CAROLINE GERRIE is a fully registered nutritional therapist and has a degree in health promotion. As well as writing about health issues in magazines she works as a nutritionist for an organic food company.

Caroline is available for private consultations and gives presentations at corporate level. She is married to David and they have three children.

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COMPASSION

CHANGING LIVES

Cross over the road, my friend

BY KATE SHARMA (COMPASSION UK), WITH JAYASEELAN ENOS (COMPASSION INDIA) hen I was at school, we’d spend an hour or so a week sitting on a cold, hard floor for hymn practice.

Having no natural musical talent, it wasn’t something I particularly enjoyed, but one song in particular made an impression on me. Perhaps you know it:

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Would you walk by on the other side whilst starving children cried?

Would you walk by on the other side or would you run and hide?

Cross over the road, my friend, ask the Lord his strength to lend; His compassion has no end, cross over the road.

He stepped into the street and noticed a crowd forming across the road. As he fought his way to the front, Palani was faced with a horrific sight. A baby girl lay amid a pile of rubbish in a pool of blood, covered in ants. Wild pigs had mauled her so badly that a bloody hole was all that remained of her left eye.

Palani’s heart was filled with grief. He swept the grubby little bundle into his arms and swore that, despite their own poverty, he and his wife would give this child a new beginning as their daughter. They named her Mahalakshmi.

Geetha recalls: “I added sugar to water and gave that to Mahalakshmi instead of milk. We often ate only one meal in the evening and there were times we went without a meal for two days in a row.”

The couple worked hard to provide the new member of their family with the care and attention she required, but about a year or so after they discovered the little girl, disaster struck: Palani deserted them.

Geetha feared that she could no longer continue as she had another son to support and no job. But, when she had nowhere left to turn, the local church stepped in.

In partnership with Compassion, the church ran a Child Survival Programme to support babies, toddlers and their caregivers who were in great need, and Mahalakshmi was registered on the programme. Not only has the centre provided food, hygiene supplies and household equipment, it has also been a spiritual and emotional rock for Geetha.

“I thank God for Compassion,” she says with a smile. “Because Mahalakshmi is in the programme, I have no worries about her at all; be it food, clothing or her education.”

Today, Mahalakshmi has been transferred to Compassion’s Child Sponsorship Programme where, thanks to the support of her sponsor, she is a vivacious, bright and intelligent girl dreaming of a future that is filled with hope and opportunity.

When I read this story for the first time it got me thinking about the song I sang as a kid and I realised the mistake I had made back then. Just because we don’t hear the cries of the

HE HEARD ‘THE SHRILL

SCREAMS OF A TINY CHILD FILL THE AIR.

I thought it was a ridiculous question at the time: would I walk by on the other side while starving children cried?

Of course I wouldn’t. But then the streets of my home town weren’t lined with starving kids, so once hymn practice was over I thought nothing more of it.

Palani and Geetha, on the other hand, are a couple from India, where starving children line many of the streets in their poor neighbourhood. As Palani was getting ready for work one morning, he heard the shrill screams of a tiny child fill the air.

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world’s starving children from our own doorsteps doesn’t mean that they are any less real and it certainly doesn’t mean we can ignore them.

Maybe we are not in a position to physically cross the road like Palani and Geetha did, but we can still play a part. Walking alongside Geetha and the church were some very important and unsung heroes: Mahalakshmi’s sponsors.

They may not have dressed her wounds and rocked her to sleep but their financial and prayerful support ensured that life-saving intervention was possible. They crossed the road to offer what support they could and that is something that each and every one of us can do, regardless of where we happen to live.

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COMPASSION is an international Christian child development and child advocacy ministry. Partnering with local churches, it is committed to the spiritual, economic, social and physical development of children living in extreme poverty in 26 countries, enabling them to become responsible, fulfilled Christian adults. To sponsor a child with Compassion, visit www.compassionuk.org or call 01932 836490.

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AMY BOUCHER PYE

A SLICE OF PYE

What’s in a word?

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And at creation was His Son: the Word, who was God. The Word who became flesh and made His dwelling among us. And He is not only among us, He dwells within us. With the Word living in us, we can more easily speak life to those around us. We can stop in that moment of angst or irritation before we spew out words that will pierce the heart of the hearer. Instead we can ask God to fill our mouths with his affirming words; those that bring joy, peace, love and wisdom.

God always speaks

‘AREWORDS A GIFT

FROM GOD. IT’S LIKE HE’S GIVEN US A HUGE TREASURE TROVE OF JEWELS.

loving words to us, and we would hear them if we just slowed down and tuned into His voice.

The more we practice hearing Him, the clearer we will hear. So much so that we’ll even be able to speak words as rich as rubies at 8:27am on a Monday morning. When it’s raining, again.

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AMY BOUCHER PYE works with words from her home in North London. She’s writing a memoir on this topic entitled Beloved Am I. She recommends a recent TED talk by Susan Cain, “The Power of Introverts”, for all those who just need some space to recharge and think deeply.

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oday is Monday and it’s raining again. We had a busy weekend, involving me throwing a birthday dinner party for my husband and eight of his male friends. (He’s returned the favour more than once, so I can’t complain.) So did I mention that today is Monday?

I had a choice this morning, during the stressful build-up to the school run. I could speak words that blessed or words that cursed.

I’m ashamed to admit that I descended into the latter. Of course, I could blame it on the fact that it’s Monday.

Or that half of the family got up late. Or… But I had a choice and I didn’t speak words that affirmed or showed love.

Instead I gave way to frustration, anger and irritation.

Words are a gift from God. It’s like He’s given us a huge treasure trove of jewels, each one signifying a different word. Some are deep red, like rubies; rich in colour and depth. Some are a brilliant blue sapphire, bestowing peace and rest.

Some are shiny green emeralds, promoting growth and new life. Some are translucent as pearls, containing wisdom earned at a great price.

And some are as precious as diamonds.

These jewels we string together can be necklaces of beauty that we bestow on our family, friends and even strangers. They can be apples of gold in settings of silver (Proverbs 25:11). The gift of beautiful words, after all, will never rot or tarnish.

Sometimes our jewellery needs restringing; we need to choose different words to replace the ones that will harm and hurt. Or we may have had biting words spoken over us that have morphed from glorious jewellery into binding chains that constrict and suck the life out of us.

But at our slightest yelp for help, our Father will cut off those chains, releasing us to embrace what is true, noble, pure, lovely and admirable.

God always speaks life through His words.

After all, He spoke the world into being. At His command, light and dark, the sky and land, and the seas and vegetation appeared. And then of course His people, created in His image.

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WONDER WOMEN

ARIANNA WALKER

Juggling

with glass

BY ARIANNA WALKER

loved a quote I saw the other day. Victoria Beckham said: “When you get a TV, you get a manual. There isn’t one for motherhood. Like every working mum, I wake up every morning and feel like I’m juggling glass balls.”

It reminded me of one of those entertainment acts, where a person cleverly spins plates on sticks and somehow manages to keep them all from falling. The concentration and skill required is impressive and no doubt it takes years and years (never mind a great deal of cheap crockery!) to perfect.

It’s an amazingly accurate way of portraying how many of us lead our lives. We are wearers of many hats: the wife, the mother, the daughter, the employee or employer, the church volunteer, and all the other roles in our lives that demand a piece of us.

We have a definite advantage over most of the men I know (sorry guys) in our ability to multitask. How many of us can make the kids’ tea and make sure they eat it, while simultaneously stacking the dishwasher, speaking on the phone to your (or worse, his) mother, writing a note for the babysitter and putting make-up on! It’s a great way to live and many of us wouldn’t have it any other way. I believe, as women, we’ve been blessed with a natural ability to spin the many ‘plates’ in our lives.

There is, however, another side to the picture.

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FEEL UNDER PRESSURE BECAUSE IT ‘WE SEEMS EVERYONE ELSE’S SHOW IS SO MUCH MORE IMPRESSIVE THAN OURS. THE USUAL SOLUTION IS A BIG BOX OF CHOCOLATES AND A PITY PARTY.

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solution is a big box of chocolates and a pity party. What we seldom realise is that those same people are looking at us and feeling inadequate in the same way we are.

So, how do we combat the stage fright? A friend of mine, who is a professional dancer, once told me that the only way to get over stage fright is to avoid looking at the many faces in the audience. If you don’t, you’ll become overwhelmed and lose confidence. To focus instead on one face or one focal point and forget the rest are even there.

In the same way, unless we keep our eyes firmly focused on God, we are easily persuaded to look around us and constantly compare ourselves to those alongside us.

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Just like you don’t see the hours of practice the entertainer puts in or the number of plates dropped before the skill is perfected, we can look around us and see perfect performances and go home feeling worthless and incapable of holding our lives together.

It’s an unfortunate female trait to compare ourselves to those around us, and usually we mark ourselves down. We feel depressed because everyone else has managed to lose their pregnancy weight/keep their house spotless/organise that church event/build a career/go to college (delete as appropriate!).

We get stage fright and feel under pressure because it seems everyone else’s show is so much more impressive than ours. The usual

To spin or not to spin: that is the question The fact is, when we are busy spinning the plates of our lives, we must ensure that God is not one of them. God is the one who gives us our plates to spin, and when we remain Godcentred we allow Him to be our coach, teaching us to spin them rather than relegating Him to being just another plate we need to fit into our demanding routines.

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Being God-centred is about choice. It’s choosing whether to be a Mary or a Martha. In Luke 10:34 we read that it was Martha who invited Jesus to their home. She was a good woman with honourable intentions. She loved Jesus and obviously enjoyed his company, but she made the same mistake women have made since time began. We become so busy serving our friends that we don’t have the time to just be with them.

The very same principle applies to Martha.

She was so distracted by serving the Lord, doing things He never asked her to do, that it became a substitute for being with Him. No doubt she heard the laughter coming from the living room where Jesus and all the other guests were. She must have heard snippets of the conversation, bits of amazing revelation and the fascinating stories Jesus was telling, and here she was slaving away in the kitchen, trying to remember who wanted tea and who wanted coffee!

It’s easy to see why she got annoyed – I think I’d have done the same. But Jesus was very clear in His response to her. He gently reminded her of the priorities in life and said: “Martha, dear Martha, you’re fussing far too much and getting yourself all worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential and Mary has chosen it” (Luke 10:41, The Message).

You see, it’s not that the work doesn’t need doing. It’s just that there is a time, a place and a

Liberti Oct-Dec 2012

SEE, IT’S NOT THAT THE WORK ‘YOU DOESN’T NEED DOING. IT’S JUST THAT THERE IS A TIME, A PLACE AND A PERSON FOR EACH TASK. ’ person for each task, and we each need to make sure we are where God wants us, doing what He wants us to do, when He wants it.

There is only one place to find out the answers to those questions and that is in the presence of God. Once you know for sure which plates He’s given you, you need to learn to say “no” to the ones others try to give you.

Taking on too much out of guilt or pressure only leaves you exhausted and unable to do the things God actually wants you to do.

Spinning only the plates He gives you means you’ll be giving into your life from an overflow of being with Him rather than from your own strength, which runs out. Instead of letting your life drive you crazy, let it drive you closer to God. You’ll know when you’ve got it right because there is a peace, a feeling of contented balance and purpose to a life that is in God’s

orderly control.

The Bible says: “Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly” (Matthew 11:29-30, The Message). In other words, be God-centred, not task-centred, and in doing so you’ll learn to spin the plates God has given you with a skilful flair and a carefree smile.

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ARIANNA WALKER is a speaker, an author and the executive director of Mercy Ministries UK – a Christian charity that works in partnership with churches across the UK to provide residential care for young women who are dealing with lifecontrolling issues. For more info see www.mercyministries.co.uk Twitter: @AriannaWalker @speakmercy.

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OPERATION CHRISTMAS CHILD

GET OFF YOUR

SOAPBOX AND ON TO YOUR SHOEBOX

BY PETER WOODING, EUROPE BUREAU CHIEF FOR ASSIST NEWS SERVICE

ach year, thousands of schools, churches, workplaces and community centres across the UK experience the joy of packing and sending gift-filled shoeboxes to some of the neediest children around the world.

Operation Christmas Child is the world’s largest children’s Christmas project and is run

by Christian charity Samaritan’s Purse. The charity started sending these shoeboxes in 1990 and has brought the hope of Jesus Christ into the lives of more than 94 million underprivileged children since that time.

The shoebox gifts are collected from the UK, the US, Canada, Australia, Austria, Finland, Germany, New Zealand and Spain. Samaritan’s Purse and its national partners – mostly churches – hand deliver the shoebox gifts to children in more than 100 countries across six continents.

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WERE ABLE TO FOLLOW THE ‘PUPILS REMARKABLE JOURNEY OF THEIR SHOEBOXES AND TO SEE THE DIFFERENCE THEY WERE ABLE TO MAKE TO CHILDREN IN OTHER PARTS OF THE WORLD.

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Last year, hundreds of thousands of children and adults from across the UK were involved in the wrapping, packing and sending of nearly 1.1 million shoeboxes full of gifts to disadvantaged children in Africa, Eastern Europe and Central Asia.

But one school in particular was deeply impacted when pupils were able to follow the remarkable journey of their shoeboxes and to see the difference they were able to make to children in other parts of the world.

Ann Parish, head teacher at Shackleton Lower School in Bedford, agreed for her school to featuree in a special video that would follow the journey of six of the shoeboxes that were being sent by children in two classrooms to children on the other side of the world.

“The children at our school are from lots of different countries around the world; it’s a very multicultural school,” she said. “We do lots of different charity work throughout the year, but the shoebox appeal has really helped our children to get involved and really motivated them in terms of seeing the journey right through from the start to the end and actually seeing the children in the other countries receive the shoeboxes. It’s made them very

enthusiastic about helping other children around the world.”

The idea to produce the video came about when Brian Bennett, the charity’s head of communications (whose wife Maggie teaches at the school) thought it would help the children to understand the impact of their involvement.

“The school was engaged and committed to being part of Operation Christmas Child and while they were preparing for it I did an assembly, where I told the whole school about Operation Christmas Child and the impact it has on children overseas,” he explained.

“I had been thinking about the possibility of doing some filming at the school, with children just wrapping and packing the shoeboxes, but then I thought why not film those same shoeboxes being opened by children overseas and coming back to the school to show children at the school the impact of what they had done and the difference they had made in the lives of children living in a country far from where they were.”

The children raised money by having a special day to purchase the items needed to fill the shoeboxes, and the staff joined in. Two classrooms’ tables were then set up with shoeboxes and wrapping paper featuring items

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hospitals where children have been abandoned by their parents and are very ill and have nothing of their own, and some schools and a community project where we saw the depravity and poverty children there have to live with.

“But there was one girl who couldn’t go to a distribution because she had leukaemia. We gave her one of the red shoeboxes at her home and as we filmed her opening the shoebox she pulled out the photograph of the classroom and she nearly cried as she looked at this picture of all these children waving at her, but she was very brave.”

Samaritan’s Purse then filmed two other red shoeboxes being opened by a boy and a girl, whose reactions were similarly moving as they pulled out the photograph from Shackleton Lower School. The final three shoeboxes were later filmed as they were opened by children in Liberia.

Brian says the highlight was showing this

WHAT THEY WERE SEEING AND HEARING ‘WAS IN RESPONSE TO SOMETHING THEY HAD DONE SOME MONTHS EARLIER. I PRAY THAT THEY WILL NEVER FORGET THE DIFFERENCE THEY HAVE MADE.

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Operation Christmas Child Facts We are hoping to reach the 100 million mark with this year’s campaign. If 100 million shoeboxes were stacked one on top of the other, they would stand 1,722 times higher than Mount Everest!

If all the children who received an Operation Christmas Child shoebox stood hand-in-hand, they would circle the globe twice.

that were specifically chosen to take into account the different age groups and genders of the children who would be receiving them.

Brian explained: “As they were wrapping the shoeboxes there was one table at the front of the class where there were six shoeboxes being wrapped, all in the same red paper. I was reminded of the film Schindler’s List, where everything was in black and white except for a little girl in a red coat.

“I decided to follow these red shoeboxes going through the whole process. Rather than just giving them out randomly to children, we would film these six shoeboxes going to the six children in the countries where they were going to make the connection between the shoeboxes and the children more tangible.”

To make the shoeboxes even more personal, each of the children signed their names on a class photograph to go in the shoeboxes. A total

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of 57 gift-filled shoeboxes were wrapped and packed by children at the school. These shoeboxes were then filmed going into Brian’s car before being taken to a local warehouse, which had temporarily been converted into an Operation Christmas Child processing centre.

“The filming moved to the warehouse, where all the shoeboxes were unloaded and checked by volunteers before being placed in large cartons,” he said. “The next stage in the process would see cartons being palletised and loaded onto a lorry for containerisation.

“Because I wanted to film the six red shoeboxes being given to children, it was necessary for me to retrieve them after they had been filmed being placed into a carton; I could then hand carry those shoeboxes to the countries they were going to.

“First we went to Crimea in Ukraine, where we distributed the shoeboxes in orphanages,

Samaritan’s Purse works in around 100 countries providing aid to victims of war, natural disaster, famine, disease and poverty.

In the UK, more than 5,500 churches, 7,000 schools and 3,000 workplaces take part in Operation Christmas Child every year.

Between 300,000 and 400,000 people wrap and pack at least one shoebox for Operation Christmas Child each year.

In 2011, more than 1.1 million gift-filled shoeboxes were wrapped and packed by people from all walks of life across the UK; totalling 8.6 million globally.

More than 6,000 volunteers help to collect and process the shoeboxes through 140 processing centres and warehouses across the UK. Children in 105 countries received shoeboxes last year.

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OPERATION CHRISTMAS CHILD

How can you get involved?

If you are part of a church, school, workplace or community group and would like to get others in your group involved, then simply follow these three steps: Order or download your FREE Operation Christmas Child resources, including leaflets explaining how to pack your shoebox and featuring boy/girl stickers.

1

Encourage everyone in your group to get hold of an empty shoebox, fill it with gifts, and gather them before November 18. If you make your £2.50 donation online, you will be told where your shoebox(es) went!

2

Samaritan’s Purse will then call to arrange collection of your shoeboxes some time after November 18. They will then be processed by our volunteers before being sent out for distribution to children in need.

3 footage to the children back at the school: “The best part of all was when we came back to the school and showed the children their shoeboxes being opened by children in Crimea in Ukraine and also in Liberia; we wanted to capture their reaction.

“When we showed them the shoeboxes being opened in Crimea they went very quiet for a moment. They were stunned to see those children opening their shoeboxes and looking at the photograph, which they had all signed. They were seeing children living in a foreign country, in a very different environment and in a very sad situation, being made happy by what they had done. The teachers in the classroom were crying their eyes out; they were so moved by this.

“In Liberia there was one boy called Yohan who gave a personal message in the video to the children, which made it so real to these pupils back in England. They were seeing something of the impact that they had made through something that they had enjoyed doing. This was real, what they were seeing and hearing was in response to something they had done some months earlier. I pray that they will never forget the difference they have made.”

Assistant head, Heather Cook, also acknowledged the benefits to pupils at the school: “Operation Christmas Child really fits in well to our PSHCE curriculum, Every Child Matters and the Global Education Curriculum, allowing our children to have an understanding of what life is like for children in other countries and really learn to appreciate what life is like for other children.

“I think there’s quite a bit of the actual packing of the shoeboxes, but it’s also the fact that they’ve had an opportunity to try and understand what it will mean with the items they are putting in and how much it will mean to the children opening those shoeboxes.”

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HAZEL RAGER

DAILY DEVOTIONS

© Nyul | Dreamstime.com

Less is More

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riends get to know one another better by being together and marriage enhancement courses endorse a commitment to a specific, regular timeslot when couples agree to be alone to deepen their relationship. So it is with God. Intimacy has a price tag: time. We learn what makes people tick when we stop talking long enough for them to express their deep longings and vulnerabilities. There is a big difference between greeting a neighbour over the garden fence and inviting them in for a cup of tea and a leisurely chat.

Likewise, hopping through Every Day with Jesus at the bus stop or the school gate can be more about ticking the ‘quiet time’ box than cultivating intimacy with God. I was inspired and challenged by The Big Silence, a BBC television series that investigated the value of silence in our lives. I was stunned by the episode about a man called John. Upon returning from a solitary walk, John – claiming to have no real personal faith in God – announced that Jesus had joined him and that they had had a great conversation.

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pervaded the atmosphere.

Intrigued, I decided to take the plunge: just five-minute slots at first. With mobile switched off and laptop closed, I literally made myself sit quite still in a comfy chair. The windows immediately appeared streaky, but I resisted the temptation to flourish Flash and cloth.

Right, how about eyes closed? That was better. The shopping list swam before my eyes and the thought I might have missed a friend’s birthday lurched in my stomach. I took two deep breaths and reined in my thoughts.

Trusting something important might be unfolding and hungry to experience more of God, I persevered.

Not using the time to pray felt weird at first, but as the time grew to 15 minutes I felt prompted to have pen and paper to hand. By about week three I began to have a sense that God was waiting for me to return to the spot (I found it helpful to return to the same chair, thus saving myself the distraction of deciding where to sit each day) to settle.

I found a phrase or a picture would come into my mind that would show me how to manage a situation or encourage me to pray for someone in a certain way. I would jot these things down in my prayer journal. Quite often in the Bible, God exhorted people to write things down when He spoke, so I’m reassured that shortterm memory loss is not a new thing. When I didn’t, the thoughts always seemed to dissipate as the day unfolded; however significant they felt at the time.

As time passes and I persevere, I begin to see how practising just ‘being’ with God creates space for me to receive more of Him. It felt rather one-sided at first, but this communication with Him, where I am at rest and practising saying little, is strengthening our relationship.

I DIDN’T ‘ SEE ANGELS OR

He had previously wrestled with giving up his mobile phone for the show and vehemently expressed his wish to get to the pub. It was strikingly evident that the greatest battle was to relinquish the familiarity brought by the background noise of 21stcentury living.

In the 17th century, Brother Laurence famously wrote a book called The Practice of the Presence of God. While working in a busy kitchen, he practised ‘inner’ silence, choosing to attune his spirit and keep his heart in a posture of openness.

Encouraged by the concept of ‘practising’ I determined to give it a go. I began by having a week where I didn’t play background music until after midday. I usually work from home and more often than not have music playing.

A mysterious dynamic seemed to be released out of the quiet. I didn’t see angels or anything, but a settled kind of peace increasingly

ANYTHING, BUT A SETTLED KIND OF PEACE INCREASINGLY PERVADED THE ATMOSPHERE.

’

•

HAZEL RAGER is a freelance writer with a passion for motivating women to realise that we each have a God-given beauty and strength that can influence our world for good; encouraging them that their gifting is unique and therefore vital.

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FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

Fifty shades of

LIBERTY © Warrengoldswain | Dreamstime.com

BY KILLY JOHN AND J.JOHN ith global sales running into tens of millions, Fifty Shades of Grey and its two sequels, by EL James, are not so much books as a publishing phenomenon.

So why have these books been so successful?

For a start, they follow a tried and tested formula straight out of Mills & Boon: take one slightly clumsy, socially inept, plain and virginal girl and one cool, handsome, incredibly rich and powerful young man – put them together and eventually, despite trials and tribulations (you guessed it), it all works out.

The novelty in EL James’ books is a fairly explicit eroticism. This is of a very feminine kind: despite ‘gentle’ sadism and bondage being major themes there is little sense of genuine threat and the encounters are (rather tiresomely) always orgasmic.

It is interesting that there are also limits to the sexual practices: the author is clearly aware of not just what turns women on but also what turns them off. The fact that these books were simultaneously published in digital format and can be bought and read in secret also helped to drive sales.

The sexual nature of these books has aroused a storm of criticism in Christian circles and the eroticism is certainly problematic. Yet deciding where acceptable boundaries lie in this area is very difficult; after all, throughout history the Church has frequently found Song of Songs to be too hot to handle. Yet at the risk of sounding puritanical and even legalistic, I don’t think these are books for singles.

However, the issues of sex disguise deeper, more subtle and possibly more dangerous problems and they also present a challenge to women. These books are sheer fantasy; indeed there are Pixar cartoons that offer a greater sense of realism. The real world, dear readers, is not like this.

If you are waiting for a similar Mr Right (did I mention his helicopter?) you may be waiting a very long time. Once more we get the myth that all you really need in a good relationship is lots and lots of sex.

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THESE BOOKS ARE SHEER FANTASY; ‘INDEED THERE ARE PIXAR CARTOONS THAT OFFER A GREATER SENSE OF REALISM. THE REAL WORLD, DEAR READERS, IS NOT LIKE THIS.

’

Another desperately dangerous idea is that sadism is pleasurable. Frankly, if any man starts to suggest that he’d like to tie you up and beat you, get out very quickly; possibly passing the local police station on the way home. There is also a disheartening materialism present throughout the books: a ‘possessions-pornography’ of things and brands that repeats another lie: that wealth and power are ultimately significant.

My biggest complaint, though, is simply that

I find the theme of a woman’s submission to a dominant man extraordinarily depressing. Is this where women’s rights have brought us?

There is a tragic irony here that although some feminists have labelled Christianity as maledominated and oppressive to women, what our post-Christian society is producing looks infinitely worse. These books fly in the face of everything that this magazine stands for: give me Liberti not bondage.

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Fifty shades of

REDEMPTIVE LOVE

BY CAROLINE EAST AND RUTH ADAMS n the surface, Caroline and Ruth don’t appear to have a lot in common. One is a young single mum-of-one who works full time as a community outreach worker for the Methodist Church, while the other

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has been married for almost 40 years, has five children (three birth and two ‘forever’) and runs her own business (www.in-your-element.co.uk).

But despite the age difference, they’re good friends. They meet up regularly for coffee and chats, email in between and share life on a deep level. In many areas they have similar views and values, and when the Activate Your Life team asked for volunteers to review Fifty Shades of Grey, they were the only two who had read it.

They both experienced similar reactions from Christian friends who were aghast when they were willing to admit they’d read this ‘mummy porn’, and both found themselves on the receiving end of some very challenging remarks. All in a day’s work!

So, realising that many Christian women will have reservations about these books, here are their reflections.

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FIFTY SHADES OF GREY about sexuality, abuse or past pain. We could discuss God’s ideas about the best context for sexual pleasure. We could talk about how all that we do, including our lovemaking, is best when we reflect what God is like. We could discuss the Bible’s view on honouring each other’s bodies.

I am passionate about the people reading this series. What is it we are looking for that makes us so compelled to read on?

I was brought up short by a paragraph from the first book that may hold an answer: What does Christian know of love? Seems he didn’t get the unconditional love he was entitled to during his very early years … and in a moment of startling clarity, I see it. It’s very simple: I want his love. I need Christian Grey to love me. This is why I am so reticent about our relationship – because on some fundamental level, I recognise within me a deep-seated compulsion to be loved and cherished… The BDSM is a distraction from the real issue. The sex is amazing, he’s wealthy, he’s beautiful, but this is all meaningless without his love, and the real heart-fail is that I don’t know if he’s capable of love.

I think we read on hoping that he’ll love her unconditionally in the end. Perhaps these books are awakening our deep thirst for love and healing. The search to know and be known is dominant in our lives. Our busyness and activity distract us but the longing still lurks beneath.

Fifty Shades gives Christians an opportunity to share that there is someone pursuing us and loving us unconditionally. His name is Jesus.

He’s not embarrassed to listen to us about every aspect of our lives including our sexuality. So yes, I am a Christian and I am reading these books. And like Jesus at the well with the Samaritan woman, I want to point my friends to, and find myself relying on, the lasting hope; the lasting satisfaction and the unconditional love of Jesus Christ.

Caroline East Recently, I spoke at two Activate Your Life events about sharing our faith and both times I was heard to say: “The Bible is very matter-offact about sexuality, but in polite Christian circles we mostly avoid talking about it.

“We often have so little to say about it that the world assumes our views are negative.

When we consider how explicit Song of Solomon is, are we in danger of burying our heads in the sand over sex?”

At the same time, my Facebook friends were beginning to buzz about Fifty Shades of Grey, a series of books by EL James. They told of how they were devouring these books at the expense of their household chores – easily done I’d say!

So what’s the fuss all about?

The books are about the relationship between graduate Anastasia Steele and controlling billionaire Christian Grey. As Ana gets to know Christian, she discovers that his sexual tastes include bondage and domination. Deeply

scarred from childhood abuse and with an obsessive need for control, Christian asks Ana to sign an agreement that she will experiment with his preferred sexual behaviours and will also allow him to control other aspects of her life. Throughout, Ana finds it hard to reconcile who she really is with the submissive partner that Christian wants her to be.

I have been asked: “Can I read this book or do I need to say I won’t because I’m a Christian?” The books contain explicit adult erotica themes that have provoked some concern. A book that brings erotica, bondage and domination into the mainstream public view is an obvious target for church people to begin speaking negative views over. It could easily become something to condemn and in doing so we’d quietly imply judgement over everyone reading it.

But I wonder what would happen if we saw Fifty Shades as an opening instead of a hazard?

God is not embarrassed by our sexuality. Just mentioning the book could start conversations

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FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

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Ruth Adams Fifty Shades of Grey was recently the subject of The One Show and Woman’s Hour and was referred to in some way on numerous other programmes and in newspaper articles.

Everywhere we look, people are talking about and reading this book, which is now the fastest selling of all time. And this, with very little marketing or publicity; just word of mouth.

Wow! People are so excited and fascinated by what they’re reading that they’re telling everyone about it. Is there a lesson for us here?

The Fifty Shades trilogy began as a blog, which has now earned the author millions so far this year. And with the film rights in the bag and a whole raft of merchandise to come very soon, this is just the start.

I read all three books well before all the hype started. There was something in a review months ago that caught my eye (no, it wasn’t the sex!) and out of curiosity, I bought the trilogy. Having read all three books, I’d suggest that anyone who reads Fifty Shades of Grey goes on to read the following two books as well, in order to get the whole story. After all, we wouldn’t be in a position to comment on the

Bible if we only knew about the content from Genesis to Song of Songs.

Most commentators talk almost exclusively about the themes of domination and submission in the books, yet I’ve not heard anyone mention redemption, freedom and love conquering all; or about perfect love casting out fear, because these themes would be unlikely to grab the attention of the media and the public.

But they’re certainly there.

It’s very easy for us as Christians to feel we shouldn’t read books like this, that we should concentrate on the pure, good and lovely things in life (Philippians 4:8), but the reality is we live in a fallen world; a world where thousands of children are brought up in families where some really horrific things are considered normal.

Back in the 1950s, John Bowlby wrote: “Children are not slates from which the past can be rubbed by a duster or sponge, but human beings who carry their previous experiences with them and whose behaviour in the present is profoundly affected by what has gone before.”

How true this is. Current research confirms the ongoing effects of early trauma on a child throughout their lives.

So a work of fiction, as we assume Fifty Shades is (although there’s definitely a real understanding and appreciation of Bowlby’s words in the books), that explains the effects of trauma on a child. Now that this whole area is on the national agenda and Care for the Family are getting involved in the Fostering and Adoption scene, this can only be helpful for those who get involved to understand the reality of some of the challenges of the role.

The other fact is that it’s often a lot worse for children who’ve had difficult early experiences.

This story could very well talk about paedophilia, murder, rape and other issues, which are so often the reality for adults who were damaged and traumatised as children. Not always, of course, but often.

An article in Time magazine in the 1990s stated that: “A baby born with a potential for greatness encoded in his genes may turn out to have a gift for logic or a brilliant criminal mind, the direction defined by his early experiences.”

For a child who has been through similar experiences to Christian, our definition of ‘normal’ is non-existent in any area of life.

So for me, this book isn’t about the erotic so much as the redemptive. Throughout the book we see the effects of love and its power to change a person; a woman who is prepared to stay with the man she loves – despite the challenges this brings – in order to understand his ‘demons’ and help him find a way through. I found it both moving and powerful. Anastasia’s purity covers Christian’s depravity and, as with all the best stories, good ultimately triumphs over evil.

•

CAROLINE AND RUTH are involved with Activate Your Life, a network of Christians that encourages women to be fully engaged in their communities and neighbours. Activate believes in friendship evangelism; sharing God's love through conversations, events and activities that are all about relationship. If you would like to find out more about its weekend away in a spa hotel, its speakers or its training events, visit www.activateyourlife.org.uk, or find the organisation on Facebook and Twitter.

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FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

Fifty shades of

RESTORATION

© Ivan Mikhaylov | Dreamstime.com

BY NATALIE COLLINS FROM RESTORED RELATIONSHIPS

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s an organisation that focuses on ending violence against women, the large number of people reading Fifty Shades of Grey hasn’t surprised us, but it has concerned us greatly.

Although much of the book’s media attention has focussed on the BDSM elements within the storyline, it has failed to note how dangerous it is to promote a perpetrator of domestic abuse as an ideal partner. In the book, Christian Grey’s desire for bondage and sadomasochistic sex are underpinned by a concerning level of emotional and psychological abuse through which he seeks to control his girlfriend Ana. In the first five chapters there is no sexual contact between Christian and Ana. However, Christian Grey exhibits many abusive tactics and behaviours, constantly confusing Ana, putting her down and devaluing her. There are a large number of women – including myself – who can identify Christian Grey and his

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behaviours in our abusive ex-partners. To see a book so blatantly frame abuse as desirable reveals a disturbing level of misunderstanding of abuse in society.

Many organisations that are working to end violence against women have suggested the same thing, including Wearside Women In Need, which is calling for people to drop off their copies of Fifty Shades so they can burn them on November 5.

Within a Christian understanding of sexuality there is much to be concerned about in BDSM practices, which do not reflect the tenderness of an intimate relationship built on commitment and mutual respect. As an organisation that is passionate about seeing relationships transformed in a positive way, we would not want to promote BDSM as a healthy expression of sexuality.

However, we must be careful to separate the BDSM elements of Fifty Shades of Grey and the elements that are abusive. They are two separate issues, with two separate responses. Indeed, there are those within the BDSM and ‘Kink’ community that have condemned the books as inaccurate and dangerous.

If, as a Christian community, we want to bring something of value to the conversations about Fifty Shades, we must be wise as to where we focus our criticism. The book does not accurately portray consensual BDSM, and criticisms of BDSM may serve only to further perpetuate the stereotype of Christians as “anti-sex”.

If we can bring a well-formed critique of the abusive elements within the book, however, we will bring a fresh perspective to the wider critique of the book. Additionally, it is an opportunity to raise awareness and provide education about violence against women. With 31% of teenage girls being sexually assaulted by a boyfriend in the UK and at least 25% of women experiencing abuse from a partner at some point in their lives, this is a much-needed message.

At the heart of what we do at Restored is the truth that Jesus came “to proclaim good news to the poor…to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favour.”

This must be the heart with which we critique Fifty Shades of Grey; the heart that cries for the broken and abused and holds to account those who are perpetrating abuse. Those who choose to abuse are also in need of help as they are not living life to the full as Jesus intended.

But the initial focus must always be on the safety of the person who is experiencing abuse.

Let’s speak the truth that this book is normalising and minimising abuse, and uncompromisingly fight any voices that seek to normalise or justify it.

•

To find out more about the abusive elements in Fifty Shade of Grey, check out our blog: www.restoredrelationships.org/info/blog.

SEE A BOOK SO BLATANTLY ‘TOFRAME ABUSE AS DESIRABLE REVEALS A DISTURBING LEVEL OF MISUNDERSTANDING OF ABUSE IN SOCIETY.

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Advertising Sales: Duncan Williams, Tel: 07960 829615

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Why the Queen’s so keen on Debra Green

BY JOY TIBBS was delighted when I heard that motherof-four Debra Green was to be awarded an OBE for her services to community cohesion. Debra is the principle founder of national charity Redeeming Our Communities (ROC). The project started off in Manchester, from whence she hails, and has spread across the UK; and it’s really helping to improve many people’s quality of life.

ROC was built on prayer, with Debra getting local churches together four times a year over a seven-year period to petition God for transformation in the city. It wasn’t long before crime rates started to come down and statistics within the education and healthcare segments began to improve.

“Those seven years of prayer really laid the foundations to all the community transition in

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the last 12 years,” Debra told Liberti. “People started to work together in unity and we made connections with people working in key areas of community life, like the police.”

Building bridges These churches first started praying for the police in 1998 and Debra felt prompted to thank local police for all the good work they were doing. This, she says, led to partnerships with polices forces across the UK. By making these ties, the project leaders were able to uncover why there is so much crime in the UK and exactly how the police work. Most importantly, they were able to pray more effectively for the police and to work with them to make a difference.

But ROC hasn’t only built partnerships with the police; it has also brought together

individuals and groups from the fire and rescue service, schools, churches, voluntary groups and many other organisations.

It officially launched in 2004 with an event at the Reebok Stadium in Bolton that welcomed 2,000 people from all walks of life. Among them were police chiefs and a number of MPs including Hazel Blears. Then in 2006, ROC went national at an event held at the NEC in Birmingham. This time a whopping 7,000 people attended. “That really shocked me!” says Debra.

Around 150 VIPs including the head of the city council attended, and ROC even received an endorsement from David Cameron, who was opposition leader at the time. Tory MP Caroline Spelman, who also attended the launch, has kept in touch with Debra and her team.

Since it went national, ROC has set up bases in eight cities, with a new centre in Belfast recently added to the list. Each venture starts

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DEBRA GREEN initiatives have come about as a direct result of ROC Conversations. A list of aims and objectives is usually compiled at the time, and then the relevant follow-up steps are taken to allow the ideas to become reality.

ROC’s centres are open full time and host regular police surgeries. Within a month of introducing the first ‘surgery’ in Manchester, 104 pieces of intelligence were collected and several cannabis farms were closed down, with crime levels dropping by 51%.

There are also ROC cafés, youth projects, football teams and family initiatives, which are attended by people of all ages, genders, religions and ethnic backgrounds. “It’s been an incredible experience, taking down barriers that people think are in existence,” Debra says. with prayer and, once established, works alongside local churches and organisations in the area.

“I believe God places us in communities,” Debra told Liberti. “We’re not meant to be alone. As children we are nurtured and brought up, and communities are our extended family.

People are lonelier today than they ever have been. Young people, even those with hundreds of friends on Facebook, still feel lonely, according to a recent BBC report.”

Getting the young (and not so young) on board She explains how on the way to a ROC event in Nottingham, she saw a girl of around 14 trying to jump off a bridge. “That brought home how desperately lonely some young people are,” she says.

Then, at the other end of the spectrum, there is the older generation, many of whom receive few or no visitors and feel as though the world neither needs nor wants them. Many elderly people in our communities never even leave the house, Debra points out. Her vision is for communities to be what the Bible presents them as: places where every person feels safe and included.

Perhaps surprisingly for some, young people really want to get involved in the work ROC is doing. Debra recalls a ‘ROC Conversation’ that took place in Radcliffe, Greater Manchester, just over a year ago. Quite a lot of young people turned up, and everyone sort of held their breath when one guy – sporting earrings and a

number of tattoos – stood up to speak.

He said that he wanted to see older and younger people mix together more, and everyone was surprised by his comment. If some of the people at the meeting had seen him in the street they would probably have run away, she remarks, but it proved that stereotypes about young people aren’t always right; that perceptions aren’t always the reality.

“There is a very small minority of young people who present difficulties and show disrespect, but the vast majority want to contribute towards the wellbeing of communities,” claims Debra. This young man also reminded her that God judges people very differently from the way we do, and she quotes 1 Samuel 6:17 to back this up: “For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

The ideas presented by young and old at these community consultation meetings are taken on board, and a number of

WE’RE NOT MEANT TO BE ALONE. AS “CHILDREN WE ARE NURTURED AND BROUGHT UP, AND COMMUNITIES ARE OUR EXTENDED FAMILY. PEOPLE ARE LONELIER TODAY THAN THEY EVER HAVE BEEN.

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DEBRA GREEN

I HAD A VISION FROM GOD TO DO “THIS AND IT WAS STRONGER THAN ANY OF THE DISCOURAGEMENTS OR OPPOSITION I HAVE FACED. VISION DOES ENERGISE YOU.

”

Honour to whom honour is due Debra discovered she was to receive her OBE in April, and when we spoke to her she was waiting for the invitation to Buckingham Palace. She admitted she was hoping the Queen, “being a woman of such inspiration”, would present the award herself. But whatever happens, she will receive it on behalf of all the people that work for ROC; and for her family and friends.

Asked how she has kept going over the years, she tells us: “I had a vision from God to do this and it was stronger than any of the discouragements or opposition I have faced.

Vision does energise you and I had such a strong vision it’s kept me going for 20 years!

“The other thing is seeing the results; seeing young people’s lives change and seeing communities change for the better. If we can work together and pray, we can really see some statistics changing.”

Empowering Christian women Debra has also been passionate about raising up strong female leaders in the church (as well as being a rather good one herself). In her early twenties she was aware that there were very few female role models in church leadership, so she found herself surrounded by male leaders.

There were one or two women in senior roles, but they were few and far between.

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DEBRA GREEN “Things have improved but there’s a long way to go,” Debra says. “I have two daughters in their twenties now and I didn’t want them to have the same experiences I had. My motivation was that they wouldn’t have to break through prejudice and discrimination; dealing not just with external struggles but with their own internal battles with self-esteem issues and not believing in themselves, which I’ve often felt over the years.

“I was the first female elder in my church – no one else wanted to do it at the time through fear of rejection or failure. I’ve been an elder for about 15 years now. I’d say now that many of the women in my church are leaders in their own ways; so many have leadership skills in the marketplace as well as in the church.

“It’s something I’m really passionate about.

My husband Frank always pushed me forward and supported me. It’s really important to have good women role models; I want to encourage women to have a go and not to hold back.”

Asked whether it is possible to have a family, a career and be involved in leadership, she admits that some sacrifices have to be made, and that it’s natural (and right) to put family first. But it’s a juggling act that Debra has clearly excelled at, and she believes other women can do the same.

MANY OF THE WOMEN IN MY “ CHURCH ARE LEADERS IN THEIR OWN WAYS; SO MANY HAVE LEADERSHIP SKILLS IN THE MARKETPLACE AS WELL AS IN THE CHURCH.

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“Women need to be honest, putting out messages other women can learn from, and also privately getting networks together to support each other,” she concludes.

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To find out more about the great work ROC is doing, visit www.roc.uk.com. Debra has also penned two fantastic books: City-Changing Prayer (Frank and Debra Green: Kingsway, 2005) and Redeeming Our Communities: 21st Century Miracles of Social Transformation (Debra Green: New Wine Press, 2008), so be sure to check those out too.

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KILLY JOHN

IN THE KNOW

Is change really as good as a rest? y the time you read this, I will have experienced some major changes. My husband J.John and I will have become ‘the in-laws’, as our eldest son Michael will be married to a beautiful (inside and out) woman called Emma.

Our middle son Simeon will have completed a successful tour of the UK in a production of Black Beauty and moved on to his next job, while our youngest, Benjamin, will have opened his exam results and know what his plans are for this next year.

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These are all very exciting changes. We are now empty nesters and – perhaps the biggest change – none of our children will be at school!

After 20 years, no more parents’ evenings, yippee! (No offence to the teachers out there but you can be intimidating!)

Change is such a small word and yet it conjures up so many emotions, ranging from joy and excitement to fear and vulnerability.

The changes we are going through now have been a gradual process. I was recently reflecting on how I used to push our youngest up a steep hill in the pushchair so the other boys would get to school on time!

Then, slowly, they start walking to school or catching the bus on their own, and before you know it they are negotiating the use of the car and we are no longer the taxi service!

The emotions involved in change remind me of waves on the beach, crashing on to the shore, eroding the coastline. But we don’t need to be overwhelmed: like a surfer we can seize the opportunity these waves bring.

I’ve done a little body surfing in my time and watching the surfers catch a wave is spectacular, but they have to be patient: they have to practise to be prepared; they need to be purposeful when they see a suitable wave coming; and they also need to persevere. There is an awful lot of falling off and getting back on before you get the hang of it!

We also need to embrace these principles when facing change and seizing new opportunities. John F Kennedy remarked: “Change is the law of life and those who look only to the past or the present are certain to miss the future.”

We must not fear change, but instead we should expect it and welcome it. We need to remember that without change, nothing in this world would ever grow and blossom; and we wouldn’t move forward and become the people God created us to be.

I think the hardest thing about change is our approach to it. If that is the case then it is time for a ‘mind transfusion’ (or, as the good book puts it,

CHANGE ‘ IS SUCH A SMALL WORD AND YET IT CONJURES UP SO MANY EMOTIONS

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KILLY JOHN is the wife of J.John and mother to three grown-up sons; Michael, Simeon and Benjamin.

She has a background in the hospitality industry, which she continues to enjoy giving and receiving!

Now her sons have grown, she is enjoying travelling more with her husband and working locally at the Philo Trust offices. Killy enjoys coffee shops, cooking, reading and walking.

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a renewing of our minds), so that we welcome the advent of change. Let’s expect change as God’s way of moving us and growing us.

And it’s worth remembering that change will take place, so we should ask ourselves: will it be by consent or coercion?

There’s a story about two caterpillars who see a butterfly fly by. One caterpillar turns to the other and says: “You will never get me up in one of those!”

Where would you rather be? Crawling on the ground or flying high? I know which I would go for.

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Entertainment MUSIC WITH SUE RINALDI

Heavenly Sounds Amy Macdonald Life in a Beautiful Light If Amy MacDonald were a drink, she would be a refreshing tonic served up in a hi-ball tumbler garnished with a sunshine-yellow umbrella! Amid an industry too often camouflaged in fabricated images and hedonistic hyperbole, MacDonald stands out – simply for being ordinary. She does not dress to impress or chase trending status but instead sings of real-life stories in an optimistic key.

This is album number three for the 25year-old singer-songwriter first noticed eight years ago by a production company that was impressed by her songwriting abilities.

Subsequent demos led to a record deal, and debut album This is the Life was released in 2007 to worldwide acclaim.

Prior to recording Life in a Beautiful Light, MacDonald took a year-long break. Free from the pressure of touring and publicity schedules, she wrote songs inspired by world events and personal situations, never roaming into narcissistic territory or post-modern negativity.

The opener, “4th of July”, recollects a visit to New York after watching the tenth anniversary of 9/11; “Human Spirit” honours the resilience of the trapped Chilean miners; and “Across the Nile” is a stirring song of

possibility, motivated by the celebrations in Egypt following President Mubarak’s downfall: “Hope and strength can conquer all, you’ve shown the world how the mighty fall”.

“Left That Body Long Ago” is a touching ballad about her gran being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s – a subject not often explored in popular music – “Pride” contains the album’s most singable melody, conveying her emotions about performing at Hampden Park before a football match in Glasgow; while “The Green

Sigur Rós Valtari Icelandic band Sigur Rós, renowned for its unique post-rock, neo-classical fusion of ethereal ambient music, has released another stunning album. Sonically it succeeds in combining the most majestic of heights with the most fragile of emotive undertones, all within a musical landscape ranging from electronica to choral.

This is music to test drive your ultimate headphones or health check your wildest

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and the Blue” declares her huge affection for Rangers FC. It’s nice to see a girl inspired by football!

Never straying too far from her initial interlacing flavours of folk, rock and pop, the new album sounds more secure and vocally poised, and is generously glazed with a double coating of Scottish lilt. Production is never lavish, but it’s warmly fitting and sonically supportive for a girl who admits to liking the simple things in life.

speakers: it can soothe a restless mind, provide a perfect backdrop for study or take pride of place as the sole object of your attention.

The band’s ‘Mystery Film Experiment’ matches each track with compelling videos from 12 different filmmakers, each of whom was given the same budget and total creative freedom (www.sigur-ros.co.uk/valtari/videos).

“We never meant our music to come with a preprogrammed emotional response. We don’t want to tell anyone how to feel and what to take from it. With the films, we have literally no idea what the directors are going to come back with,” the band said.

Watch, listen but do not ignore. Valtari is oxygen, so inhale deeply!

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MUSIC

Ben Howard Every Kingdom As a surfer, Ben Howard is accustomed to riding the waves, and since releasing Every Kingdom, the crest of his musical wave has risen higher and higher, with no sign of breaking.

Devonshire-educated Howard was surrounded by music as a child. Introduced to the wonders of legendary artists such as Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan and Van Morrison by his musical parents, it is no surprise that at a young age he started playing guitar and putting words together. While studying journalism, Howard took ‘early retirement’ during his placement stage to make music full time; a risky but excellent decision if his debut album is anything to go by!

Word-of-mouth has garnered the attention of UK music lovers to his rootsy acoustic folk songs and even though many better-known names appear within this genre, Ben Howard has already been hailed as a giant among musicians!

His impressive and innovative guitar trickery and rich captivating voice embody songs of love lost and memories found; of friendship and of fear; and of questions about the cycle of life and how to shift between seasons. With the execution of a Michelinstarred chef he lavishly wraps organically grown emotions between lyrical slices of poetry and covers with a mouth-watering, melodic authenticity. Each track packs a punch that you will gladly eat again and again.

Opening song “Old Pine” lullabies until a guitar slap signifies a change of pace, and you are immediately immersed in a developing musical dynamic that hints at pleasures ahead.

As soon as the a cappella vocal pattern introduces “The Wolves” you sense a sweet scent of recognition as this was his first major single release. It is followed up by the highly contagious “Keep Your Head Up”, which boasts an uplifting fragrance of epiphany to counterbalance the uncertainty expressed in “The Fear”.

“Black Flies” is a genius, heavy-folk epitaph to the inevitable separation of a relationship, whereas “Gracious” is tinged with warm, comforting recollections of past love. Final track “Promise” opens with the sound of rain and confirms the outrageous talent of this acoustic troubadour for a melody that will nestle quite happily within your subconscious and for lyrical imaginings that unravel the heart.

Howard describes himself as “one of those artists who doesn’t really believe in fame”, but ironically for him and band members India Bourne and Chris Bond, fame seems to believe in them and their kingdom of “real music where people care what they’re singing about”.

Gungor Ghosts Upon the Earth Lush, original, delicate, profound, quirky and imaginative are just a few of the words that blitz your mind as you stroll through the musical maze that weaves a genre-shifting path between chamber, acoustic, choral and pop stimuli. If you think that sounds like a recipe for confusion, it isn’t. Gungor successfully inhabits every beat of every bar to serve up a feast of sublime and eclectic flavours that fascinate the senses, enliven the spirit and

leave you wanting more!

The album’s recurring themes of creation, redemption and recognising beauty in life causes Gungor to “hope that people see those things and pay enough attention. When they hear “Let There Be”, they are not just thinking of literally the creation moment, but places of darkness in their own lives and need order where there’s chaos.”

“Crags And Clay” offers tenderly driven and harmonious acclaim to the Creator; “Church Bells” opts for an intriguing Mediterranean-style backdrop to pray for hope; “You Are The Beauty” erupts into an Irish Jig and travels to the flamenco regions of Spain, and the closing refrains of choral anthem “Every Breath” say it all… “Here I am Lord, All I am Lord, Here I am Lord, I am Yours”.

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Entertainment FILM FOCUS WITH SOPHIE LISTER

Bilbo Baggins: An Unexpected Journey

CINEMA REVIEW A PICK OF THE MOST PROMISING WINTER RELEASES

FILM FOCUS

Ruby Sparks

Has it really been 11 years since The Fellowship of the Ring? Aside from making us all feel old, this fact might give pause for thought. At the time, many struggled to believe that any adaptation could do justice to Tolkien’s muchloved novels. Fellowship was a startling breath of fresh air, capturing the spirit of the book without being afraid to put its own stamp on the story. Exciting, funny, moving and staggeringly beautiful to look at, the film raised the bar for fantasy cinema.

All of this might have been forgotten if the sequels had dropped the ball. But The Two Towers and The Return of the King expanded the world of Middle Earth with great flair; not only offering cinemagoers some of the most spectacular battle scenes they’d ever seen, but also characters whose journeys mattered. Whether they were men, women, elves, dwarves or hobbits, these were people we could care about, and that was never lost beneath the prosthetics and special effects. The three films won a total of 17 Academy Awards and, more importantly, took their place in audiences’ affections as treasured classics.

For a while, it looked at though Peter Jackson – the unassuming New Zealander who masterminded it all – wouldn’t return to Middle Earth. The Hobbit was beset from the off by legal wrangles, and a list of production woes that are too long to detail. But now at last, with Martin Freeman starring in a role he seems to have been born to play, the first part of Jackson’s prequel is coming to

cinemas. If the Rings trilogy is anything to go by, Bilbo’s unexpected journey will surely have been worth the wait.

Most of us will have read (or been read) the story of the Hobbit, whose comfortable life is interrupted by a wizard and 13 dwarves. Dragged reluctantly away into the wilderness, the diminutive everyman is gradually transformed from homebody to hero. Along the way, he acquires new skills and qualities; as well as a deceptively innocuous piece of gold jewellery. The first and shortest Middle Earth novel has long been a favourite, speaking to our desire to escape the dull, daily routine and become part of a bigger adventure.

The appeal of Tolkien and the world he created, though, runs even deeper than that.

Though he never consciously set out to write about his Christian convictions as his friend CS Lewis did, the author still poured hidden truths about real life struggles into his fantastical realm. Perhaps The Lord of the Rings – and now The Hobbit – is a cultural sensation because it echoes forgotten parts of the human story. In a society where the Christian worldview is no longer given much serious attention, we still gravitate towards fiction built on Christian foundations. The three Hobbit films will remind us once again of the age-old battle between good and evil; and that even small people with small lives can choose to fight on the side of the light.

Release date: December 14

So many female characters on film come across as little more than male wish-fulfilment. In the case of Ruby Sparks (Zoe Kazan), it’s entirely intentional. She’s the creation of lonely novelist Calvin (Paul Dano), who writes her as his perfect woman – and is astonished when she walks off the page and into his life. But the real Ruby, he finds, can’t be controlled so easily, and it’s not long before she develops a will of her own. A smart and sometimes unsettling satire on gender relations from the team behind Little Miss Sunshine.

Release date: October 12

Skyfall The latest film in the Bond franchise needs little introduction. Daniel Craig stormed into the role in 2006 with Casino Royale, introducing the world to a leaner, meaner 007; and though Quantum of Solace in 2008 might have been a letdown, that hasn’t dampened enthusiasm for the next instalment. Story details have been closely guarded, but the trailer tells us that Bond will face a threat that is uncomfortably close to home, as M16 is threatened and M (Judi Dench) falls under suspicion. Look out for a starry British cast, dazzling action, corny one-liners, and gadgets galore.

Release date: October 26

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FILM FOCUS

Nativity 2: Danger in the Manger!

Argo After a series of embarrassing wrong moves as an actor, Ben Affleck went quietly off the radar and has since re-emerged as a gifted writer and director. Gone Baby Gone (2007) and The Town (2010) were both hits, and now he’s back with true-life tale Argo. This thriller reconstructs what happened when six Americans were taken hostage during the Iranian revolution of 1979 and the CIA concocted a bizarre plan to get them out. Going on Affleck’s directing record, expect excitement and intelligence in spades.

Nativity! (2009) starred a pre-Bilbo Martin Freeman as a jaded primary school teacher rediscovering his Christmas spirit, and he’s replaced by a game David Tennant in this cheerfully chaotic sequel. This time, the story finds teaching assistant Mr Poppy (Marc Wootton) and his class obsessed with entering the national Song for Christmas competition. Their enthusiasm leads them on a riotous cross-country trek, defying all odds and all health and safety regulations. Partially improvised, entirely barmy, you’ll be hard-pushed to find anything more overwhelmingly upbeat this year.

Release date: November 23

Release date: November 9

Life of Pi Yann Martel’s novel was a huge hit, and now this parable of survival and faith is coming to the big screen. When zookeeper’s son Pi Patel (Suraj Sharma) is shipwrecked while emigrating from India to Canada, all hope seems lost. He may not have drowned, but he’s sharing a lifeboat with a zebra, an orangutan, a hyena, and a Bengal tiger called Richard Parker. Narrating his tale years later, Pi lays claim to some extraordinary and magical adventures – but do we believe him?

Oscar-winner Ang Lee directs what should be one of this winter’s treats.

Release date: December 21

DVD REVIEW A PICK OF THE MOST PROMISING WINTER RELEASES

Arthur Christmas (U)

© 2011 CTMG, Inc.

What a relief; something new to keep everybody happy for a few hours over the festive season. Aardman Animations, the studio that brought us Wallace and Gromit, turns to CG-animation for a film that jettisons none of their usual charm. James McAvoy is the voice of Arthur, the weedy younger son of Santa (Jim Broadbent) and general bumbler. But when his father’s high-tech equipment fails, it’s up to Arthur to make sure that all of the presents are delivered on time, the old-fashioned way.

Brimful of warmth and wit, Arthur Christmas could easily become an annual family tradition.

Championships. When both girls make the national relay team, they must learn to work together. In the mould of Bend it Like Beckham, this is a bit of feel-good fun that embraces its clichés, making the most of a talented young cast.

Moonrise Kingdom (12)

The Five-Year Engagement (15) A good romantic comedy is hard to find. And while this one may be flawed, it makes more of an attempt than many to actually say something meaningful. Violet (Emily Blunt) and Tom (Jason Segel) have a happy, easygoing relationship, and when he proposes she gladly accepts. But their love and optimism is about to collide headlong with reality. As the wedding of their dreams is delayed again and again, the couple must decide whether what they have is worth fighting for and waiting for. Though the film is messy and overlong, it offers laughs and a few surprising home truths. © 2012 Universal Studios

Wes Anderson’s self-consciously quirky films are cinematic Marmite. If you’re a hater, you’re unlikely to be won over by Moonrise Kingdom, which is as eccentric and meticulous as all of his work. But if you’re a fan, it might rate among the best of the bunch. In a little island community where everything runs like clockwork, 12-year-old Suzy (Kara Hayward) and Sam (Jared Kilman) decide to run away together. Their innocent romance disrupts the

adults’ ordered lives, bringing about unexpected renewal in the process. This is a charming and deeply redemptive tale.

Fast Girls (12) As Britain was struck by Olympic fever this summer, you may have caught this homegrown film during its cinema run, or heard somebody singing its praises. Two runners – privileged Lisa (Lily James) and rough diamond Shania (Lenora Crichlow) – clash as they prepare for the World Athletic

SOPHIE LISTER is a researcher and writer for The Damaris Trust (www.damaris.org).

For more articles and study guides on films see culturewatch.org and toolsfortalks.com.

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Finance MONEY MATTERS WITH JOY TIBBS

Matrimony or mate-ri-money? © Mjth | Dreamstime.com

ost of us are aware there are certain savings to be made if you’re married. While money may not buy you love, there is evidence to suggest a bit of romance could help to protect your pocket.

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So should all singles be launching themselves into relationships in a bid to save a few pennies? Well perhaps not…

There are three important words to add to your vocabulary if you’re (young) free and single: MOSHing, mate-ri-money and FLAPers.

MOSH stands for multiple occupant shared

home and it happens when first-time buyers get together with other single friends to collectively buy a property.

Research from Future Poll indicates that 59% of singles who don’t own a property say that doing so would greatly improve their quality of life and 30% have several friends they would consider buying a property with. According to the Government Office for Science, singleperson households are projected to increase by 163,000 per year from 6.8 million in 2006 to 10.9 million in 2031.

The report also identified a new demographic in the UK described as FLAPers (financially liberated and positively single).

Gone are the days of feeling left on the shelf; instead, people in the UK are looking for ways to live independently without ending up out of pocket. Those who see marriage as oldfashioned and unnecessary, for example, really seem to be embracing this new ‘financial friendship’ concept.

Future Poll found that 80% of singles believe friendships last longer than romantic relationships and more than one in four single people would go to their friends first if they needed money urgently.

But what if you’re already married? Well, there’s no need to call in a divorce lawyer! Being in a committed relationship can definitely save you money.

In general, couples are seen to be safer prospects for insurers – particularly car insurance companies – than their single counterparts. Although this is set to change when new gender equality legislation takes effect in December, the average annual comprehensive car insurance policy currently costs £954 for a male driver, typically falling by £502 when a spouse is added. Deep down we all knew women were better drivers!

If that doesn’t send you rushing down the aisle, a new study from NS&I might just tip the balance. Its latest Savings Survey suggests Brits who are in a relationship save around £800 more each year than singletons. A fifth save at

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FINANCE least £200 more per month; more than £2,400 over the course of a year.

Relationships have the biggest effect on men’s finances, with men saving an average of £85 more each month under their partner’s influence compared with a £50 increase for women. Young men (aged 25-34) are most influenced by their partners, saving around £100 more. As many as 15% of women in relationships admit to being motivated to save more due to their partner’s bad financial habits compared with 11% of men.

John Prout, NS&I director, comments: “It is good to see that people in relationships are motivating one another to save significant sums of money. As well as helping each other save towards goals and providing more security in difficult times, these savings will make a difference for the bigger financial milestones that come during a relationship, like buying a home, or saving for life in retirement.”

Overall, the research seems to suggest that two heads (or wallets) are better than one; whether you decide to put a ring on it or not.

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JOY is a freelance editor and journalist covering everything from fashion to finance. She is an active member of Carmel City Church in Bristol. Joy has just written her first novel, a fantasy-style children’s book. Her aim in all that she does is to champion the gospel in a clear and relevant way. © Monkey Business Images Ltd | Dreamstime.com

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WORD FROM THE

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Sponsored by LibertiDating.com – bringing you genuine Christian dating

Conflict of interest y husband and I belong to different faiths; I became a Christian after we got married. I am expecting a baby and, as exciting as that is, I’m starting to worry about the implications of being a multi-faith family. My husband would like our child to follow his faith and I obviously want him or her to follow mine.

M

There’s no easy answer to this potentially stressful dilemma. You need to talk this through at length. My questions to you are: is your husband’s faith nominal? Is it more about the traditions than something that is hugely meaningful to him? If it isn’t something that’s deep in his heart, there may be room to negotiate and you may even be able to use this situation to explain why this is so important to you. So often it’s more about culture than God. Alternatively, you could take the line that your faith is just as valid as his and that you would like your child to grow up in an environment where he/she can

© Monkey Business Images | Dreamstime.com

CB

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make a valid choice. In that scenario you are going to have to trust God and surround the situation with prayer.

It sounds like you and your husband have already started to talk about what you want for your child, and this is great; keep the dialogue going. It’s going to be necessary for both of you to compromise, not in your beliefs but perhaps in other areas – remember to always respect one another’s faith. Talk about any shared values your faiths have that you can both display and teach your child. It’s going to be a journey of faith and not something you can solve, but the best thing you can do is pray for your husband and for your child; that they both come to know Jesus.

Ask others at your church to join you in praying for them and for you too, that the way you live your life would shout out who Jesus is, even when you can’t use words. Trust God for your child to know the truth, He is so much bigger than this.

JC

JJ

I would suggest that you need to make three things clear in your

discussions. First, your desire to raise your child as a Christian not because of some cultural tradition or family expectation, but because you now have a genuine relationship with Christ. Second, even if the child is brought up with your husband’s faith you will not be able to stop speaking about what you believe. Third, if your child is brought up under your husband’s faith, then when they reach an appropriate age they must be allowed the right to follow whatever faith they choose. This is important because some faiths consider that anybody who leaves their religion is a traitor and should be treated with the highest level of discipline.

One final thing to explore is whether your husband’s decision is because of his own beliefs or whether it is simply something that his family expect from him. In some religions and cultures it is assumed that the woman must yield to the man in matters of faith and that it is shameful for a man to give in to his wife. If it is family pressure that is behind his decision then it may be possible to negotiate a position in which the child goes through the rituals of your husband’s faith but that you are allowed to teach him or about Christ.

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© Monkey Business Images | Dreamstime.com

y husband is a bit of a mummy’s boy. I love him dearly and when ‘mummy’ is not around we have a great relationship, but when she visits (far too often), she is hugely critical of me: my cooking, the fact that I work, the things that I wear… and he just keeps his head down. I’ve asked him to stick up for me, but he just asks me to be more cooperative with his mum and to keep her happy. I’d rather he kept me happy!

M

make a gentle positive comment that you working means you can treat yourselves to a holiday each year. Or you and your husband could go shopping together so when your mother-in-law says something about your clothes, he could say he chose that! After she’s gone, make sure you thank and praise your husband for his comments.

Another way, which may not be easy, is to include your mother-in-law in the areas she criticises. For example, you could ask her for one of her recipes to cook for your husband.

This may help to reduce her negativity as she will feel like she’s still involved in her son’s life and not cast aside – which may well be where her critical behaviour is coming from.

The Bible is clear; he left home and is joined to his wife. You are now the priority. Here is some heartfelt advice for your husband. Man up and sort it out! Stick up for your wife and break away from your parents. You are a man not a boy and your mother should not be exercising so much influence on your day-to-day affairs. It may be confrontational, but needs must!

The mother-who-won’t-let-go is a classic JJ problem in marriages and in some cultures it’s a very common one. A fundamental point here is one made at the beginning of the Bible in its definition of marriage: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). In other words, a marriage involves not just the coming together of a man and woman but also their separation from their previous families. It’s a brand new start for a brand new family and you should both try to bring as little baggage with you as possible.

Your husband needs reminding that he married you, not his mother. It might be worth asking him how he would feel if your father adopted a similar policy of intervention and criticism. Your mother-in-law may also need some heavy but tactful hints that you, not she, are the woman in your husband’s life now.

Marriages are designed for two and adultery is not the only way in which the exclusivity of the marriage relationship can suffer. Ultimately, you may want to encourage your husband to consider moving a little bit further away. The phrase ‘distance lends enchantment’ can often be applied to a spouse’s parents.

CB

This is a tricky one! I can understand why your husband wants to avoid conflict, but there are ways of addressing this without having a stand-off! Firstly, perhaps you could invite your mother-in-law over once or twice a week? By inviting her she will feel wanted but by giving her the times you want her there it sets a boundary and may cut out on some of her other visits!

As for the critical comments, try not to respond to everything at once. Talk to your husband and choose one area to focus on each month. Ask him to respond positively whenever that area receives a critical comment. This way it will be about creating communication with her rather than causing conflict. For example, if she comments on you working, he could perhaps JC

Our expert panel JODIE COLLINS lives in London, where she heads up Beyond Ourselves, a charity that works in Zambia helping to build and develop community schools. Jodie was previously a teacher before moving to Tenerife for four years, where she worked alongside bar and club staff aged 18 to 30 giving advice, friendship and emotional support.

CARL BEECH is married to Karen and has two daughters. He loves good food, extreme sports challenges and great movies. He leads CVM and founded codelife.You can follow him on Twitter – carlfbeech – or Facebook.

CANON J.JOHN lives in Chorleywood, Hertfordshire. He is married to Killy and they have three sons, Michael, Simeon and Benjamin. He is a speaker with an appeal that transcends gender, age, race, culture and occupation. He has completed thousands of speaking engagements in 69 countries on six continents. J.John has also authored several titles. For further information visit www.philotrust.com and follow him on Twitter: Canonjjohn.

If you have a question for our panel please email: wise@libertimagazine.com.

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Liberti Magazine PO Box 3070, Littlehampton, West Sussex, BN17 6WX • Tel: 01903 732190 • Email: steve@libertimagazine.com

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FASHION

Why being a ‘charity’ case is no bad thing © Sebastian Czapnik | Dreamstime.com

BY JODIE EDWARDS he word charity shop evokes images of scruffy clothes scattered among hordes of rejected board games and half completed puzzles. Sometimes, this really is the case, but to dismiss them completely could result in you missing out.

Many modern charity shops have had an image overhaul in recent years and appear more like designer boutiques than homes for unloved junk.

© Raluca Tudor | Dreamstime.com

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Thanks to the recession, many people are finding they can no longer afford to splurge on high street fashion, so it is perhaps unsurprising that in the last year, charity shops have experienced a 12% rise in sales. It appears fashionistas are turning to charity shops to restock their wardrobes with stylish garments.

These shops can be home to beautiful vintage finds and designer attires – most of the time you just need to know where to look!

The Salvation Army store on Princes Street in London has long been considered a fashion hub, despite the fact that it is hidden behind the hustle and bustle of Oxford Street and is often overshadowed by its neighbour stores.

In fact, the shop’s hidden location means it is quiet and easy to browse for bargains. It is tucked away right across the street from the offices of fashion trendsetter Vogue on Hanover Square, and suspicions that the fashion house donates clothes from its fashion shoots and such events have been raised by several ‘in the know’ experts.

Browsing the clothing rails, you will find eclectic items by Ted Baker and Stella McCartney alongside clothing from chic high street labels such as Topshop and River Island.

Many of the garments are in brilliant condition, and although some price tags tend to exceed the £30 mark, they are still on offer at a fraction of their original price. This charity shop feels more like an intricate department store where you would find celebrities hanging out on their days off rather than a dusty shop your nan donates to. It is a hidden gem in the midst of the London fashion scene and is definitely worth a visit.

If the energetic streets of London are not your thing, the sleepy town of Warwick might be more up your street. The town has a cluster of lavish houses and glorious gardens; it’s a great place to hang out whether you’re after a spot of retail therapy or not.

A lot of retired and current football players are said to live there, so it shouldn’t come as a shock to discover that the British Heart

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© Stawicka | Dreamstime.com

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FASHION

Did you know…?

• A 73-YEAR-OLD MAN bought a handbag worth up to £350,000 for £20 handbag at an Oxfam store in Kingston earlier this year. It was designed by Philip Treacy, who has made hats for Lady Gaga and Princess Beatrice • THE WOLVERHAMPTON SOCIETY FOR THE BLIND (now called the Beacon Centre for the Blind) is thought to have opened the first ever UK charity shop, opening in Wolverhampton back in 1899. It sold goods made by blind people to raise money for the society • OXFAM HAS THE LARGEST number of charity shops in the UK with more than 700 outlets spanning the nation.

It also has affiliate stores in Jersey, Germany, Ireland, the Netherlands and Hong Kong.

• THERE ARE MORE THAN 9,000 charity shops in the UK and the Republic of Ireland • IT IS ESTIMATED THAT 87% of goods sold at these stores are donated • ON AVERAGE, CHARITY SHOPS each ‘recycle’ 40 tonnes of textiles every year, with the majority selling unfashionable, stained or damaged fabric to textile processors for recycling or reuse.

Based on 2010 landfill tax value at £48 per tonne, the value of textiles collectively reused or recycled by charity shops in landfill savings tax is £17.4 million per year

© Lucian Milasan | Dreamstime.com

• THE TERM BRIC-À-BRAC, first used during the Victorian era, originally referred to objets d’art such as decorated teacups, vases, compositions of feathers or wax flowers under glass domes, decorated eggshells, statuettes, painted miniatures and photographs in stand-up frames. Now it refers to any item of modest value

Foundation store hosts a load of rare and unique vintage items.

This shop excels in its vast range of handbags and belts, in particular. Embellished bags drape over the well-placed shelves, as do strings of leather and brightly coloured belts.

Some real steals can be found if you look carefully, such as ASOS necklaces for £1 and House of Holland bags for £10.

Charity shops have come a long way from the days of dodgy knits and ripped jeans. The majority now host a variety of treasures that don’t require a map to find. Roll up your sleeves and have a good old dig through the shelves, rails and bargain buckets at your local store.

A little perseverance will not only make you the owner of a stylish new wardrobe, but also a regular donator to a worthwhile charity.

•

• SINCE 2006, GIFT AID has allowed tax on the income earned by charity shops, acting as agent for the donor to be reclaimed. Sue Ryder Care was the first to Gift Aid its donations • CHARITY SHOPS IN THE UK get mandatory 80% relief on business rates on their premises, which is funded by central government rather than local taxpayers. Charities can also apply for discretionary relief on the remaining 20%

JODIE EDWARDS is a student, fashion assistant and blogger. She writes about fashion, beauty and whatever else pops into her head. Jodie is also a stylist and self-confessed hat enthusiast.

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FASHION

STRAIGHT LACED

FROM THE CATWALK AT LONDON FASHION WEEK:

Catwalk pictures: Catwalking.com

Victoria Tang

Designer: Bora Aksu Designer: Bora Aksu

Designer: Zoë Jordan

Designer: Zoë Jordan Designer: Huishan Zhang

GET THE LOOK

Cheap chic Designer: Kinder Aggugini

BY JOY TIBBS

ASOS Shirt Dress with Lace Panels (£42.00)

Lace Peter Pan Top from Asda (£12.00)

Lace Overlay Formal Dress (£15.00)

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River Island Chelsea Girl Lace Shift With 3/4 Sleeve (£30.00)

ASOS Off Shoulder Lace Dress with Peplum (£45.00) ASOS Strapless Skater Dress in Lace (£45.00)

Warehouse Bonded Lace Skirt (£30.00)

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FASHION

HEAVY METALLICS

FROM THE CATWALK AT LONDON FASHION WEEK:

Designer: Jasper Conran Designer: Jean-Pierre Braganza Designer: Maria Grachvogel Designer: Felder Felder

Designer: Maria Grachvogel

WHATEVER YOUR STYLE,THERE ARE TWO TOP TRENDS TO LOOK OUT FOR THIS AUTUMN/WINTER: LUSCIOUS LACE AND MARVELLOUS METALLIC.THESE TWO LOOKS ARE FILTERING DOWN RIGHT FROM THE CATWALK TO THE STREET, SO HERE ARE A FEW WAYS TO GET THE LOOK WITHOUT BREAKING THE BANK. AND IF YOU CAN’T DECIDE WHICH THEME YOU PREFER, FEEL FREE TO MIX AND MATCH! The Style Metallic Dress (£44.00)

GET THE LOOK Vero Moda Metallic Jacquard Prom Dress (£48.00)

Be Beau Metallic Jeans from Matalan (£24.00)

ASOS Skirt in Metallic Leather (£75.00)

Warehouse Metallic T-Shirt (£28.00)

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CATHY MADAVAN

LAST WORD

Must try harder ell, what a sporty sort of jubilee year we are having. With England’s football team almost sneaking into the semi-finals of the Euros, an emotional Andy Murray reaching the finals of Wimbledon, and the jet stream moving just in time for us to celebrate hosting the Olympics, it has all been really rather motivating! On one occasion I even found myself reading the sports pages of a newspaper. Just the once, mind; one can overdo these things.

So, does this mean we are now a nation of frightfully fit and perky people? A country simply awash with lean, mean, wobble-free thighs and rippling abdominal muscles?

Not in my house. I caught my kids exchanging high fives when sports day was cancelled this year due to the pants weather, and I accept I am a frightful role model in this respect. My stomach currently ripples in all the wrong ways – more setting blancmange than firm and fabulous. To be fair, I did almost go out for a jog at various points during the year, but the weather was too wet, too cold, too hot (briefly), or too weathery-looking for my liking. I did, however, once skip to the kitchen to refill the snacks that were vital in sustaining me through the nail-biting tennis final. Which counts, I think.

It’s not my fault, of course. To start off with, there are my unresolved childhood issues. My dominant memory of PE at school is of a PE teacher who was secured in that ‘for the greater good’ sports complex. She went to a staff training boot camp reserved for PE teachers and other professionals who enjoy the pain of others (yes, I’m looking at you, doctors’ receptionists).

I am the height of your average hobbit, and that teacher displayed unconcealed pleasure in seeing me repeatedly confronted with hurdles

W

I CAN ‘ ALWAYS STOP

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that a person in my diminutive world could use much more usefully as a washing line. All I learned was how to fake notes and to avoid these lessons at all costs.

The media hasn’t helped either. If in doubt, you can always blame the media. It is, though, rather incredible that however brilliant, world-class, or loaded with medals our female athletes and sports teams are, they receive the tiniest percentage of media coverage and attention (unless they are playing beach volleyball of course). Meanwhile, our minds are overdosed with ‘news’ stories and images of women being thin, beautiful or fabulously accessorised – which of course often has nothing at all to do with being fit.

The truth is, although I am sure Marks and Spencer is deeply grateful for the money I

’

spend on magic pants, magic all-in-ones and magic everything else (scuba-style undies would probably do it), I ought to take responsibility for my own fitness, stop making excuses and taking my health for granted, and sort myself out so that I can be fit and ready for the plans God has for me. As my wretched PE report always said: “Must try harder”.

Perhaps I’ll switch the sport off the TV for a while and go out for a brisk walk instead. I’ll build up gradually of course. And I can always stop at that lovely cafe with the yummy cakes along the way…

•

CATHY MADAVAN runs Mulberry Communications Consultancy, is involved in writing, communications and PR, and speaks regularly with Care for the Family and Spring Harvest. Married to Mark, a church leader near Southampton, she has two girls and three chickens! Check out her blog at www.mulberrycc.com or follower her on twitter @CathyMadavan.

© Cenorman | Dreamstime.com

AT THAT LOVELY CAFE WITH YUMMY CAKES ALONG THE WAY.

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