3 minute read
Shifting the Burden
We have had Take Back the Night, #MeToo, and Time’s Up, but men aren’t taking responsibility. The women of impulse are ready for change.
Words by Robyn Goodare
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“The bouncer just left me by myself”
As women, we often bond by sharing our feelings, so bringing impulse’s women together to discuss was a powerful experience.
We listed off the many assaults that we have endured. We shared feelings of anger, fear, disgust, and frustration of not being heard.
After angrily telling our stories with each other, we felt strongly that our audience was missing. Women have been having these kinds of conversations for a really long time, but the thing that’s missing is men hearing them.
Maybe we would see a change if more men were hearing how we really feel.
How often and how impactful these experiences really are.
“You have never been in that situation and you’re never going to be.”
We have highlighted over social media how many women have these experiences, and while some men have contributed to the conversation - showing support for their female friends – it is clear that they do not understand. Yes, some men have experienced assault, but very few share the constant fear of it as they go about their daily lives. Men often make fun of women for going to the bathroom together, an example of the unwillingness to understand how real and constant this issue is.
“I wish I had the confidence of a straight white man.”
It’s normal for us to make a call while we take a taxi, share our location with a friend when going on a date, and hold our keys in between our fists when walking home at night.
It’s normal for us to share the experiences of our assaults, the cat calls, the fear of being followed in the dark.
The constant conversation about this has highlighted, for many women, how important and real this is. We have all shared our stories with each other and do the many things that we feel are necessary to keep ourselves safe. But talking so openly about this has actually made many of us feel more scared.
“It’s like the world doesn’t want us to be independent.”
Most frustratingly, we don’t get to look after ourselves. We don’t want to rely on men to keep us safe. We want to be strong, independent women who push through cultural and societal boundaries. But we can’t have this until men listen to and understand our concerns.
We need our horrors to be shared so that the next generation are taught how to keep women safe. We need the educators in our schools to teach respect and equality from an early age. We need our bosses and managers to understand that we cannot finish a shift late at night without precautions to get us home safely. We need men, alongside everyone else, to call each other out for behaviours and language they use. We need everyone to understand that it is not right for us to feel guilty for not keeping ourselves safe.
We are not responsible for the violence towards us.
