Okay, Boomer

OK,BOOMER!

Unprotected sex is making a comeback! Why is it that after a period of societal distress, humans have the urge to rip off their clothes and make babies?

Words by Louise Allen

According to statistics published by the NHS, after an initial dip in May, antenatal appointments were at a five-year high in the fourth quarter of 2020. Experts had been predicting a post-pandemic baby boom since Patient Zero. It’s happened before - after World War II, the Boxing Day tsunami, and Princess Diana’s death. Lockdown allowed many to adjust to a slower pace of life. In the age of working from home, people had the opportunity to re-evaluate their circumstances. Many may have found it to be the perfect time for them to have a baby. With the pubs shut, it’s possible people were just plain bored. For those cohabitating couples, after bingeing Tiger King and batch-baking banana bread, there was nothing else to do but have sex!

While we were all sitting at home playing board games with our families and getting drunk with our friends on HouseParty, a naughty Snapchat was the closest a lot of people could get to ‘doing the deed.’ With all this pent-up frustration, it’s plausible that these sex-crazed lunatics were so eager to jump each other’s bones, that protection slipped the mind.

We all want something to celebrate. After online birthday nights in and virtual Christmas dinners, people want to party without pixels. They want gender reveals and baby showers without delayed audio, or grandparents unable to turn their front cameras on. They want something good, and they deserve something good - and what’s better than chubby cheeks and that fresh baby smell?

Adversity grounds people. I hate to sound like the turning point in a so-bad-it’s-good Hallmark film, but the pandemic reminded a lot of people how important family really is. Maybe this baby boom is down to people realising they want one of their own. Some may say it’s selfish to bring a child into an ugly world that is just beginning to heal for your own fulfillment, but who are we to shame people chasing a new beginning after hardship? Could baby booms be credited to something much more primal? Are our most basic instincts triggered when we bear witness to death on a large scale? Perhaps people feel compelled to pro-create to account for the population that we have lost. After all, there is a Neanderthal in all of us. Even when everything’s changing, nothing’s really changing at all. Humans will do as we always have done. We are that fundamental. So, here’s to the next generation, and let’s hope that I’ve not incited a onesie panic buy. Happy baby-making, folks!

For those cohabitating couples, after bingeing Tiger King and batchbaking banana bread, there was nothing else to do but have sex!