Impact Magazine - Issue 180- Feb 07

*NQBDU issue 180 feb ‘07

» tale of two cities THE STUDENT IMPACT ON NOTTINGHAM

› sex toys FIND THEM INSIDE

› religion ROAD TESTED SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO

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who’s looking out for the little guy?

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cosmic jo

05 I write in response to the article “Hard Up? Hard Luck!” Which ran in the above issue. Part of the article focussed around a telephone interview that Golnar Aref-Adib conducted with me in October. Unfortunately my concern is that due to a few points missed out of the article that we had chatted about, the content merely substantiates peoples misconceptions about the fund – something we are fighting hard this year to put to rest and encourage people to apply for additional funding if they are in need.

The first thing I would like to clarify is that we do not look at parents’ income when we are assessing applications to the Access to Learning Fund. The fund is unique in being the only element of statutory government support that only takes the income of students into account. It is a common misconception that we are interested in what students’ parents own, but to the 4th Year engineering student quoted in the article and any others concerned that “their parents earn more than the threshold for receiving increased student loans so the Access to Learning fund does not want to help..” I am pleased to say that what their parents earn does not affect the outcome of their Access to Learning Fund Application.

I am sorry that Impact has been informed of alleged unfairness in our system – the team in which I work pride themselves on the equitable treatment of all students when they apply to the funds we hold. Granted, we look at each case individually but in an objective manner – we don’t criticise students for what they spend their money on, and won’t judge anyone for any debt they may be in. Rather, the team look to offer grants of money where there is an assessed need, or a one off emergency, and help and advice if direct financial help is not appropriate.

The Financial Support Team are happy to help with the Access to Learning Fund, but also administer a variety of other funds including the University’s Bursary Schemes. On top of this we are able to help out with queries and problems around Student Loans, Grants, Tuition Fee Loans, and any other funding enquiries….our advice costs you nothing.

Many Thanks, Sarah Cook (Financial Support Officer) University of Nottingham Dear Impact, I see that there is a lengthy article in Impact on Nottingham Greyhound track. I

regulars

murder him in an horiffic and humiliating fashion, giving him the execution reserved for the worst of criminals. Shocking stuff indeed! And yet it happened [EIC - allegedly], as the CU will be able to tell you and show you the historical proof for. Why would God submit himself to this treatment? What on earth did he think he would achieve by it?

I suggest that to be a far more interesting and pertinent question to ask them next time you’re at one of their meetings.

Your article is poromoting this ‘sport’ for which these dogs are bred, make money for gamblers, then disposed of. Some of the dogs that escape death in this country are then sent to Spain where they run for a bit longer only to be hung from a tree when they are no longer useful. A TINY minority find homes with people who care.

Kind regards,

Please be reponsible and play your part to stop promoting this cruel industry.

Thank you, Kathy Musker Bsc Registered Nurse DipHS Dear Impact, I read with interest your article on the NUCU (Impact 179). I’m glad you made it clear that your intention was not to “vilify or offend the CU” and that it’s the election of the exec committee that concerns you. However, I do disagree with your claim that the CU discriminates against women in these matters.

I believe that all of the positions on the CU executive are open to nominations of either male or female members, and in fact of the current nine-strong exec, I’m pretty sure that five members are female. It doesn’t sound like discrimination to me, and certainly not “alarmingly like totalitarianism”! The nomination procedures are hardly anything sinister either - there is ample opportunity given for CU members to raise any concerns they may have about the suggested exec members before they are appointed. Not really scandalous, is it?

However, at any of the CU’s events, you’ll hear something far more scandalous preached by the CU. Imagine - the all-powerful creator of the universe voluntarily becoming a man, being born in a dirty stable with people questioning his legitimacy, to an oppressed race under foreign occupation. Imagine too, that his simple and truthful teaching is at the same time so offensive to the authorities of the time that they seek ways to kill him, haul him up before an illegal tribunal on trumped-up charges and have him sentenced to death on the testimony of false witnesses.

They mock him, abuse him and torture him to within an inch of his life. Finally, they

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grapevine ocean will sell out again this week (f*%k)

travel

new places to go with or without your mates

You may well be wondering where Impact has been for the past two months. Well, we have been revising for our exams. Damn you all with your unrealistic expectations! You’ve just made a designer cry. Do you feel proud of yourself? Do you? Do you?

Really, though, we’re sorry for our utterly unforgivable absence and hope to make up for it in the coming months by providing you all with heaps of fantastic writing, both witty and serious, to get you through the next two terms before the fabled and ridiculously long summer holidays come upon us.

This month’s Impact is truly a joy to behold. Chock full of fabulous articles that will stimulate your synapses to the max, we begin this month with a thorough and intriguing look at the difficulties presented by the insular nature of studenthood and what consequences might come due to this in our main feature ’A Tale Of Two Cities’.

Moving on, and lightening the mood somewhat, we have been making an in-depth examination of various sex toys, including the fabled Baby Jesus butt plug! All for your benefit, of course Tash Bonkers (never has a pseudonym been more apt) examines the pros and cons of a variety of toys, ranging from the weird to the wonderful to the downright scary, in her reviews.

Something for both the ladies and gentlemen, then.

The brilliant Winston and John the Savage have gone undercover in an attempt to try out seven religions in seven days, whilst in the wake of ever greater encroachment of our civil liberties, we look at exactly what the government are up to - is Big Brother finally becoming a reality (and not in the television show sense of the name).

So, if any of that sounds good, why not have a flick?

And not in that sense of the phrase, you filthy buggers.

Witty closing

style

spare parts small but perfectly formed

the olympics and some rugga 24

Editorial

fashion through the decades

drugs raids and george galloway

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Philip Whitehead

*NQBDU

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am sure you must be aware of the fate of racing greyhounds. In the not to distant past there was much press coverage of a man in the North East who shot greyhounds for the industry and buried thousands of them in his field, also a supposedly ‘rescue’ centre which also arranged for unwanted greyhounds to be killed. Thousands of greyhounds are sentanced to death at the young age of 3-4 years as they are ‘past their sell by date’ for racing.

issue 179 dec ‘06

nice

reviews of things that are good

» cu in hell

IMPACT INVESTIGATES THE CHRISTIAN UNION

› willey’s censure

THE SU PRESIDENT”S WORST WEEK

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famous last words we pester ricky from the the kaiser chiefs

› hot chip

FAST TRACKER INTERVIEW

cover image: our friends

letters

Dear Impact,

independent treatment centre at the QMC by heather saxton An Independent Treatment Centre, due to open in December 2007, is being constructed on the site of the QMC. The £46 million project will offer diagnostic tests, outpatient assessments and surgical procedures not requiring overnight stays. While the centre will be run by the company Nationshealth, it will be controlled by the NHS and it is part of a wider scheme to improve patient care by reducing waiting times and allowing departments such as Accident and Emergency to provide more efficient treatment.

centre has been five years in the planning and it is exciting to see it now becoming a reality.

Once open, nearly 200,000 patients every year will be able to benefit from being seen more quickly and conveniently in state-of-the-art facilities.” The centre should also benefit medical students who will be able to use the centre for research and practice.

At a recent community meeting concerns were raised about possible disruption to the neighbourhood, caused by increased volumes of traffic and people travelling to the area. Nottingham University Hospital’s Chief Executive, Peter Homa, gave assurances that as much as

possible was being done to reduce problems, including a park and ride system to the centre, a tram stop and unobtrusive construction methods. The centre is being built in line with the Considerate Constructors’ Scheme which ensures that whilst the work is carried out a high priority is given to health and safety and the environment, including the local community.

Once it is completed, the centre will surely be gladly received if it leads to the reduced waiting times which have been promised, and hopefully this is the beginning of further improvements to the health service.

impactnottingham.com/news

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The design is based on that of the Eden project, and the centre features a glass atrium along with other services such as a café, a large car park and a pedestrian bridge linking it with the main hospital building. General Manager Mark Morgan said: “This treatment

by emily grosvenortaylor ‘The Ark- it smells kinda funny but it’s all we have.’ As the large group on Facebook has proven, this might be the view of many of the current Nottingham students. However, plans for a new improved Student’s Union bar are being put in to motion with the hope of a revamp of the current Ark on campus. In the annual student satisfaction surveys conducted by the University, the Ark is one of the lowest scoring categories, with 31% of respondents stating how they ‘weren’t satisfied’ with the facilities, an increase on the 27% the year before. Some of the respondents described it as ‘the worst in the country’ and ‘an embarrassment’ to a University as respected as Nottingham.

Impact has learned that a body of Student’s Union representatives have undertaken the task of research in order to create a better environment for a venue that is used during the day and at night. This involved visiting many other Student Unions across the country to get an idea of what students need from a union. Furthermore an executive group of SU members including the current president have been meeting weekly to discuss options for this project.

It seems that Dave Willey has honoured his promise to ‘continue efforts for an improved Ark’ and at the moment, there are a number

nothing ever changes at the ark...

of pipeline ideas to be explored. Although this is certainly a massive undertaking, it will hopefully mean that soon, students will not have to visit the Ark because there is no-where else to go, but because it will be the best place to go. Watch this space.

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it smells kinda funny but it’s all we have

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NU societies apologise to george galloway by owen bennett George Galloway, the controversial MP and former Celebrity Big Brother contestant, threatened legal action against four societies at the University of Nottingham following comments on a flyer distributed on campus. The flyer, which was dispatched to those attending a talk by Galloway in the Law and Social Sciences building on the evening of the 30th November, claimed that the MP for Bethnal Green and Bow had “shared a platform” with the far-right BNP and that he had also criticised the government for lowering the age of consent for homosexuals to 16.

In an email sent from Galloway’s office to the heads of the societies involved (The Labour Society, The Conservative Society, The Jewish Society and the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Trans Association), a spokesman calls on the leaders to issue a “full and unqualified apology for the two blatant falsehoods, signed on behalf of each of your societies”, adding, “failure to provide such an apology for and retraction of the defamation would be taken into account in any future legal proceedings.” The societies involved are understood to have issued a retraction, with the president of the Conservative Society, Hamish Stewart saying, “I and the other three society/association heads received letters from George Galloway’s office demanding an

wardens... too powerful? by tom grant Every hall has a warden and whether you love or hate them, using wardens is a unique approach to ruling a hall. Some wardens see it as their duty to enforce discipline through a rather authoritarian approach of fining poor cashstrapped students, and while every warden has their own interpretation of punishable misdemeanours, the vast majority earn and deserve the respect of those living or working within the hall.

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But just how far the power of hall wardens reaches is known by only a few. Wardens receive very little guidance from the University about exercising these powers, and can act at their discretion to resolve almost any issue. A

apology, and since our societies had become associated with a pair of untrue statements we duly apologised.”

Stewart went on to explain how the statements found their way on the leaflet: “What I hear is that the author of the leaflet…sought out advice on what to write from an acquaintance in an external union, who gave him information that it transpires wasn’t entirely true.” However, he went on to add that, “The protest itself was a fucking blast.”

George Galloway was at the University to speak at the annual Sir Stanley Tomlinson Memorial

Lecture, which is usually delivered by a guest who is an expert in the Far East. Predictably though, Galloway’s speech centred on the Middle East, particularly the Israel – Palestine conflict. Galloway referred to how the UK has become the ‘tail of the American dog’ and that Blair’s foreign policy is “the biggest failure in modern times”. He also lambasted some of the media coverage in the West, claiming “The blood of some people in this world is more valuable than others”, in reference to the fact it is not known exactly how many Iraqis had died since the Iraq war began.

A lively question-and-answer session followed, where Galloway firmly rejecting the notion that he was anti-Semitic just because he was antiIsraeli foreign policy. A member of the audience had to be escorted from the lecture theatre by security after refusing to sit down and be quiet as he lambasted Galloway for “walking past mass graves” when the MP had met Saddam Hussain in the 1990’s.

george galloway: takes no shit

rather draconian example of such discretionary fining occurred recently in Lenton and Wortley Hall. A male student was overheard by a hall tutor saying to a female student “Do you want to go to my room for a shag?”. This cheeky comment was apparently an offhand remark, and the lucky female student just a mutual friend. The tutor reported this comment to the warden who promptly fined the student a hefty £40 for ‘disrespect’.

The University gives top-down power to the wardens in an effort to control the behaviour of students, and in particular the binge drinking antics of eager freshers (and a minority of Karni reps who should know better). There was an unfortunate incident at this year’s Mr. Willoughby competition, where two freshers needed hospitalisation for consuming too much Karni cocktail. All Karni events have subsequently been banned from Willoughby for the next two years.

The SU are also staunch supporters of the system, and emphasise that wardens are in place solely for the benefit of students.

Unlike most other aspects of this increasingly

commercialised university, wardens are not motivated by profits. Helen Gill, the SU welfare officer, notes that fines from students go into the SU “hardship fund” which is available for students who are genuinely skint.

Duncan Bradshaw, the Broadgate Park JCR President has been banned from the hall by his warden Steve Greedy. While Duncan was working a Week One Rep at the start of term, he continued to hail freshers with a megaphone despite being told not to by a member of staff. The megaphone was taken from him, and he responded by grabbing it back off the staff member, who did not take to this kindly.

Duncan is banned from hall while awaiting his disciplinary hearing, which is scheduled for the early next year. He also faces a suspended £50 fine, and no longer has his megaphone.

By banning a Hall President from his hall, warden Steve Greedy has made it extremely difficult for Duncan to run the JCR from afar.

Such political interference by a warden is causing ripples of concern among the student community.

votes for women by jessica elgot A motion by Women’s Campaign, a feminist organisation at the University of Nottingham, to become an ‘Association’, along with the likes of LGBT, the International Students Bureau and Students with Disabilities, has finally been approved by the Student Union Council, after having been blocked by a previous SU Council vote. Women’s Campaign is currently listed as a ‘campaign’ rather than an Association, but the SU Constitution makes no provision for campaigns, and define student groups as either Associations, Student-Run Services (Such as Karni, URN and Impact) or AU Clubs and Societies. President Dave Willey called the victory a ‘much needed change’.

For years, Women’s Campaign has been dealt with by the Associations Officer, and has been treated as an Association in all but name, but never allowed voting rights at council. However, this year’s Associations Officer Vala Anderson is determined to change that, particularly since the abolition of the post of Women’s

Officer on the SU Exec in 2000, in favour of an all-encompassing Equal Opportunities Officer position. Anderson told Impact, ‘It was something in my manifesto, which is the reason I got my position and Council would have effectively stopped me from [fulfilling] that”. In fact the majority of the previous Council were in favour of the motion, but did not have a twothirds majority needed, losing out by only one or two votes. However, the issue was debated again at the subsequent meeting, and Women’s Campaign won both the right to become an Association and the right to vote on Council, after council members were urged by Education Officer Be Pringle that this was ‘unbelievably unradical’.

such as LGBT or Students with Disabilities. This was counter-argued during the debate that in fact two-thirds of Council members are male and therefore women’s views are still likely to be marginalized. we’ve come a long way...

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news Although feminism may not be as militant as it was in the seventies, Anderson feels that is imperative for a voting member of Council to be concerned purely with the interests of women, whereas other members cannot as they are required to represent the views of both their male and female membership. Many dissenting members of the Council felt however that because women are not a minority group, and have laws protecting gender equality, they do not need to same voice as some groups which encounter much more frequent discrimination,

nottingham hospitality’s plans frozen A move to transfer the provision of hall food to a Central Processing Unit has been quashed by the University. This would have entailed all hall food to have been prepared in a large industrial kitchen several hundred miles away, frozen, driven across the country, reheated and served.

The move came to light only ten days before a decision was to be made and sparked outrage across campus. It even prompted the launch of

a facebook group ‘No To CPU’, started by the SU Exec’s own Environment and Social Justice Officer, Sophie Day. Although Nottingham Hospitality have denied they are the brains behind such a scheme, certain members of the SU Exec believe that the project is in line with Nottingham Hospitality’s mission statement to ‘increase financial returns’ to the University.

Despite the obvious nutritional issues of frozen food, representatives from Nottingham University who met with Nottingham hospitality expressed concerns over the redundancy of

drugs raid in student road by tim barwell Cannabis worth an estimated £250,000 has been found in Albert Grove, Lenton, after police raids on two houses in early January. Officers found 600 plants at the two houses in the road off Derby Road, opposite the Walton Hotel following a tip-off that cannabis was being grown at the properties. The electricity supply to the houses had also been tampered with to provide light for the plants, police said.

Hung Van Tran, 40 and of no fixed abode, was arrested and charged with the production

of cannabis. Mr Van Tran appeared before Nottingham Magistrates on Tuesday and was remanded in custody.

PC Kirstie Packwood, beat manager for the Lenton triangle, said: “We have been investigating the growing of cannabis in the Lenton area for some time and today’s raids at two addresses were the culmination of that investigation. It is a large amount of cannabis to find and we are delighted to have discovered the plants before they ended up being sold on the streets of Nottingham. We estimate they are worth in the region of £250,000. They will now be destroyed,” she said.

staff members, whose cooking skills would become surplus to requirements. This was coupled with the threat of strike action from the chefs union. The cost of food in catered halls has risen by roughly 8.9% over the past year and students expressed anger that this might have potentially resulted in poorer quality food.

One fourth year student commented, “I always boggle at the way that they raise the fees on one hand and pull “cost-saving” stuff like this out of the other. University accommodation should be non-profit.”

In a separate story regarding cannabis, a 103 year old man was recently arrested for possession of the drug in the city centre. He is believed to be the oldest person ever arrested in Nottingham. you got the gun, i got a plant, you got the gun, who’s the criminal?

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by jessica elgot

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news disaster management by gerald bates

or not

Hundreds of Nottingham Business School Students received an unwanted, belated Christmas present from their department as they returned from their holidays to find that the format for one of their examinations had been substantially changed just two weeks before it was due to be sat. Students on the module “Culture, Tourism and the Media” received an e-mail from the Director of Undergraduate Programmes at the school telling them that rather than the entirely multiple choice based paper which they had been told to expect from their first day on the course the exam would now include an essay-based assessment.

The lack of notice and shortness of explanation left many students furious with a flurry of e-mails of complaint being received by the School and over a hundred angry postings being left on the module’s internet forum page. Rob Wilkinson, a Management and Chinese Studies student and one of those affected told Impact: “We’ve been completely messed about. Changing the method of assessment this close to the exam is outrageous. With five other modules to study for I just don’t have the time to go back over the module and learn it in the depth required for an essay-based assessment. As a final year student I feel particularly let down”.

In spite of calls for the paper to be returned to its original format the Business School remains defiant. A statement released by the School

expresses regret for the change but expressed that the students “will not be disadvantaged by the examination format change” and assures all students that “all decisions taken in this matter have been in the interests of our entire student body, ensuring that appropriate educational standards are maintained”.

Be Pringle, the Students’ Union Education Officer, commenting on the matter said: “It’s massively regrettable that both the exam was set late and that the notice of the change of format was given to students was so short. It is still unclear as to exactly why the exam was set

late other than “unforeseen and highly disruptive circumstances”; the lack of a substantive reason is undoubtedly frustrating to fee paying students who now have to dramatically change their preparation for an imminent and important exam.”

It remains to be seen what impact this change will have on the students affected but the general sense of disappointment felt by many at the manner in which they have been treated is likely to remain long after the marks have been returned.

30 years for LB shooting by tim barwell The man found guilty of shooting a Nottingham police officer on the most renowned student road in the city has been sentenced to 30 years imprisonment. Trevon Kyron Thomas, 24, from Melford Road, Bilborough, fired three shots at PC Rachael Bown when she was called to a burglary on Lenton Boulevard on February 14th last year.

During the trial, Thomas said he had fired the gun accidentally as he was overcome by CS gas sprayed at him by PC Bown’s colleague.

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During the trial Thomas, who is originally from Trinidad and entered the UK in February 2000 on a six-month visitor’s visa, told the jury he was carrying the Browning 9mm pistol, loaded with 13 rounds of ammunition, for “protection”. He said he had previously witnessed a friend shot dead in the city and had been injured by a firearm himself a few years previously. But the jury, who were not told

about Thomas’ immigration status, returned a unanimous guilty verdict in December last year.

Ms Bown, 24, suffered life-threatening injuries when she was shot in the stomach below her body armour, while investigating reports of a burglary, and has still not returned to work.

She had been on the Lenton beat for just five days.

Det Ch Insp Dave Giles from Nottinghamshire Police said: “Trevon Thomas is a dangerous man. He went out that night with a firearm.

When compromised by uniformed officers, he did not hesitate to use it. He showed contempt for human life,” he said. Det Ch Insp Giles added he hoped the guilty verdict would act as a deterrent to others carrying guns.

Police caught up with Thomas as he sat on a plane for Trinidad at London’s Heathrow Airport on 17 February.

pc bown survived life-threatening injuries

please donate (heterosexual) blood by tash beecher The ongoing battle to allow gay and bisexual men to give blood continues after a protest march on 27th November. The march was the main event of a nationwide campaign run by Student’s Union LGBT (lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender) Association, with the main aim of lobbying NHS officials to change the ban on gay and bisexual men who have had sex with a man. Donated blood from non-gay men has to be screened anyway, and the ban is still in place despite a national blood shortage forcing the NHS to ship blood from countries such as Australia where no such ban exists. This contradictory action, and the fact that the Blood service will not use faster techniques for screening for HIV, is the basis of the campaign. LGBT Blood campaigners, headed by Nottingham LGBT chair Sarah Edmonds, were in the Portland building from 10pm, building up support for the cross campus protest which included trips to libraries George Green and Hallward. LBGT Chair Sarah Edmonds is extremely vocal on the matter.

“The ban really is outdated, and it’s unfair to judge blood donation on sexuality rather than sexual activity. For example, a man may

have had gay sex once, when he was 16 and possibly confused about his sexuality.

He would then, despite having been tested for HIV and been negative, not be allowed to donate blood, whereas a woman who is heterosexual would be allowed to give blood, regardless of whether she has been having safe sex or not. Surely, this makes no sense whatsoever.”

There was a massive response from the student population, and the twelve page petition was presented to a Blood Service official who was impressed with the protest and gave direct contact details for the petition to be sent to the Head of the Service.

The Liberal Democrat spokeswoman for Women and Equality, Lorely Burt MP, has also commented on the ban, which not only affects gay and bisexual men, but also any female partners these men have had.

“Anyone who has ever given blood should be applauded for their invaluable service saving the lives of others...this ban can only be justified on medical evidence that inclusion of these individuals substantially increases the transmission risk of HIV and other infections.

“It seems perverse that the current criteria allow a woman to give blood even if she has

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graham norton’s blood is too gay for you

had hundreds of sexual partners, but exclude a man who has had safe sexual relations with another man only once many years ago.”

The ban has not been reviewed since 1986, when HIV was rife and considered to be only a gay disease, and when shoulder-pads were considered a necessity.

institute of the year by tash beecher The University of Nottingham was this year declared to be the Higher Education Institution of the Year, at the ‘Times Higher Awards’, in recognition of it’s opening of campuses in China and Malaysia and it’s accomplishments.

The awards ceremony, the second to be held, took place on the 15th November to observe the successes of the British higher education system this year, with more than 800 guests attending.

Out of the 115 universities in the UK over 90 were involved in the ‘Times Higher Awards’, with Nottingham University given the honour of being awarded the title of Higher Education Institution of the Year. Sir Colin Campbell, the Vice-Chancellor of The University of Nottingham, in response to the award, said “this award is a tremendous accolade for our talented and dedicated staff and students worldwide. Our campuses in the UK, Malaysia and China are centres of

excellence.” A reason for the success of the University was not only the opening of its two campuses in China and Malaysia this year, but also the fact that students are able to move between the campuses. Furthermore, this led John O’Leary, editor of the Times Higher to state that “at home and abroad Nottingham has made great strides....the University is stealing a march on its competitors worldwide.”

Alongside being presented with the award for the Higher Education Institution of the Year, Nottingham also won, in conjunction with the University of Lincolnshire, the ‘Widening Participation Initiative of the Year’. This enables students of Health Sciences, who are from areas with a minimal history of participation in higher education, admission to some of the most sought after degree courses. As well as being presented with these awards, The University of Nottingham has also been confirmed as being in the top one per cent of universities around the world.

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trent tower: phallic for a reason

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sports robin is looking forward to another olympics

athletic atrocity? by adam harwood

olympic flame in the east midlands by gemma casey After the elation of winning the right to host the Olympics, the hard work has now begun to make sure London stages a successful Games in 2012. Chairman of the London Organising Committee for the Olympic Games, Sebastian Coe, insists that “the Olympics will be delivered on time - 86% of the land being used is already in the process of being regenerated for the Olympics and beyond.”

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But what impact will the 2012 Olympics have on the East Midlands area? “It is a great result for London, – and a great opportunity for the East Midlands” said Tim Garfield, Regional Director of Sport England in the East Midlands.

“Whilst colleagues in London are getting to grips with the reality of making the Olympics happen in 2012, the East Midlands role in supporting athlete development programmes and making the most of sport being at the top of the agenda are the new priorities here.”

A recent report has highlighted the unique

opportunities for the East Midlands to be the most successful sporting region in the world.

The Audit of Performance Sport shows that the East Midlands already has world renowned performance sport facilities at Loughborough University, while our very own Nottingham University is the world leader in sports medicine.

The announcement of the London Olympics means the regional partners brought together to support the bid will be looking closely at how to assist with the Olympic preparations and take advantage of the great opportunities it will bring for sport in the area. These include the prospect of encouraging more people to take part in sport and other activities and the development of a cultural programme to help embed the Olympic ideals in education, sports participation and economic and social development.

Already London 2012 has created real momentum for sport in this country, and one can only hope that this opportunity to transform our sporting infrastructure and inspire a new generation to participate in sport and lead healthier lifestyles will be fully realised.

Whilst the University has enjoyed notable success on a national level towards the end of 2006, the lower echelons of uni sport continue to be plagued by discontent. In the Saturday and Sunday Intra-Mural Leagues, several matches have already been subject to cancellation across the sporting arena, with football fixtures often being called off or even reorganized without the knowledge of the various captains or sports secretaries.

Hockey matches have similarly suffered from teams being unaware of changes to fixtures, whilst netball matches have been cancelled ostensibly due to the poor condition of the Highfields grass next door. Mark Epps, AU President, blames the Sports Centre for the ongoing problems. “There’s staffing issues there” he explained. “The University seems quite prepared to cancel matches on fairly decent pitches, whilst going ahead with games often affects the amount of overtime the staff can take”. Yet for the many players and teams who religiously turn out in expectation of their weekend fix of sport, no excuses will compensate for the substantial amount of money spent on entry into unfulfilled leagues. Adam Gray, frequent Sunday hockey player, calls the leagues a “joke”, explaining how his side “were expected, without any prior warning, to play two games in a day, with no idea when either was supposed to start”, adding “you have to question the commitment of the IMS reps to their players”.

Better news came from the more prestigious BUSA leagues, where Nottingham can expect, on current form, to gain a high standing in the University tables published in February, and perhaps better their previous year’s finishing position of 7th. Several teams were unbeaten before Christmas, including the Womens Hockey and Rugby 1sts, whilst the Men’s Lacrosse team finished as Midlands Champions.

The Varsity Boat race saw Trent sunk 6-0 by their superior UoN counterparts, and a recent swimming gala saw the Nottingham team secure 2 gold and 2 silver medals. Notable other successes came in Ju-Jitsu and Taekwondo, where national victories were recorded. With the new year comes hope for new national success, though those players slogging it out on the Intra-Mural fields over the coming months must hope that the university will put more effort into looking after its own...

by mark lomas

up recovery times between matches and heavy training sessions.

I had always imagined that playing University sport would be hard work, but the first XV kicker Tim McEwen explained to me that its not just about the sport, it’s a lifestyle.

Many of the players have also experimented with the controversial supplement creatine. Perfectly legal, it helps the body to store water and aids the speedy build up of muscle. But a thus far unfinished study has linked it to potentially damaging side-effects such as kidney damage. Tim believes four or five of the current squad currently use it, while pretty much every player has tried it at some point.

“It’s an honour to represent the University at the premier BUSA sport, and with 5 days a week of training or competing and your two days off expected to be taken up by weights training it’s a full time commitment!”

Having played for Harlequins Under-21s, Tim described the set up as “very similar to that of a professional rugby club.” These players are constantly putting their bodies on the line; the team nutritionist advises them to take on 180 grams of protein a day, double the recommended daily allowance for a 12½ stone man. Tim describes the supplement of choice for all of the 1st XV, Whey Protein, as “completely necessary” as it speeds

Rumours about players using illegal performance enhancing steroids circulate at university and professional level, but Tim is confident that despite all the player bravado, none of his team indulges.

And, more importantly, he asserts that although these supplements can aid performance in terms of power and strength, they will “never be a substitute for technical proficiency as the determining factor for selection at this level and in the professional game”.

society spotlight: fencing by roxane fisher It’s hardly surprising that the main reason students give for taking up fencing is “you get to hit people with swords!”. But there must be more to it than that, right? Our beloved Wikipedia defines it more subtly as “the art and science of armed combat involving cutting, stabbing or bludgeoning weapons directly manipulated by hand.” And what better way to rid your coursework frustrations on a Tuesday evening than by safely fighting it out at the Jubilee Campus sports centre…

The fencing society has 35 members, with beginner

and intermediate standards receiving excellent tutorage from coach Norman Randall. The more advanced fencers do more than hold their own, with three teams currently competing in the highest divisions of the BUSA league and two members who are national fencers, Tom Nicholls and president Jacob Colligan ranked 17th and 30th respectively in the UK sabre discipline.

As well as being more unusual that mainstream sports, fencing is an excellent way to keep fit, providing both a physical and mental challenge, and certain celebrities are reported to have added it to their fitness regime including Madonna and Bruce Dickinson - lead singer of Iron Maiden. So next time you’re feeling a little bloated from that post-Isis donner, remember: En garde. Ready? Fence!

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ice ice baby! by chris gilbertson An impressive league position, a large and ever-expanding fan base and one of the best home venues in the league. If you thought this was a description of Nottingham Forest, think again. With league success and regular home attendances of over 3500 at the Nottingham Arena the GMB Nottingham Panthers ice hockey team are the ones to watch this winter.

Based at the National Ice Centre complex in the Lace Market, the Panthers make up part of the Elite League, as one of the ten top flight teams.

The Panthers celebrate their 60th anniversary as a club this season, and have enjoyed success on and off the ice in recent times. In October the club represented Britain at the Continental Cup in Rouen, France. The Panthers put in brave performances against hosts Rouen, tournament favourites Salzburg and Danish side Sonderjysk only to come away empty handed. However, recent displays have seen the Panthers reach 3rd in the table, highlighted by the win over reigning league champions the Belfast Giants. Off the ice, the club has also re-signed last season’s top goalscorer Joe Cardarelli in an effort to launch Coach Mike Ellis’ team to the top of the table – so when it’s cold outside this winter, you could do worse than head into the arena to watch the Panthers turn up the heat.

sports

uni rugby’s recipe for success

our first XV don’t look as impressive without the drugs

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sports

15 apparently very shopping; there’s for clubbing and the occasional ve sa ure elsewhere, little need to vent retail outlet for a ilar out-of-town trip to Ikea or a sim crucial discount. oud of along this ere’s a lot to be pr And why not? Th tain. But as the y enough to enter route, and certainl proportion of the y tin a s, this is only illustration show nts that have even m. Of those stude city of Nottingha lds, Mapperley Fie t res idgeford, Fo heard of West Br to them on a map? many could point or Basford, how the scope of of de mpletely outsi Vast areas are co have the same d not all of them nt experience, an , the de 75 17 stu St Ann’s in is e. se ar ye lly e ua th us s’ classic novel, etic face that we sm co y e th pp of ngs, and ha is ga In Charles Dicken s e story its rival drug d London, and th st is notorious for are ea e e dia after tal th is me cities are Paris an th e th of ss ies ro . But the two cit was splashed ac ws do ies ea cit M e th th bo er d French Revolution ov 3 months e, an an Williams just th exist side by sid ry e murder of Nath sto th a e Bridgeway closer to home: bo is th is de Th tsi m. me: Nottingha broad daylight ou in ot sh to o, xt ag ne closer to home? go by the same na lie ent worlds that t what about even fer Bu dif e re. th nt ce st, g ra t nt pin ou n see the shop about co face. This is ab Road and you ca e problems they lk across Ilkeston wa bedroom st Ju six r, each other and th oo u. where the three-fl e world around yo t’s going ha change take place W . taking note of th ats fl cil un co uses give way to ho ection nt nn de y, co cit stu e e th th s axis: areas, and what’ ens along a 3 part to find in these different the t r on ou ve t co Student life happ se ey ct th , pa em Im at’s what us. Between th between them? Th Lenton and camp nt: the the average stude of m ste sy n s ed tow out. entire ne ing/lounging, ing, Lenton for liv campus for study

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Tale of Two Cities

tale of two cities

was the worst of “It was the best of times, it , it was the age times, it was the age of wisdom ing of hope, it was spr e th s wa it ... ess hn lis foo of everything before the winter of despair, we had, we were all going us, we had nothing before usall going direct the direct to Heaven, we were other way.”

Town

If you have money to spend, Nottingham is the place to be doing it. Ranked in the top 5 shopping spots of the country behind only London’s West End, Birmingham, Glasgow and Manchester, Nottingham’s retail figures are impressive.

Within a few years’ time, construction and expansion work will give the city a total of over 400 000m2 of enclosed retail space (this is roughly equivalent to the total floor space of 5300 4-person council flats). Last year, an average of around £3.5million was spent by consumers every day on ‘comparison expenditure’ goods - items bought for personal consumption, such as clothes, CDs, household goods etc.

This is the first city of Nottingham, and the only one that many students and visitors to the city will ever know. The city centre has huge amounts of money coming through it, with a crowd of high-end designer stores (like Paul Smith with its £50 key rings) and over 300 separate ‘leisure units’ ie. clubs, pubs, café bars and restaurants to choose from.

Drink in a bar like Tantra or Sugar and you see the selfstyled home of the ‘beautiful people’, young professionals with haircuts from Toni and Guy and attitudes to match, and even the cheap and cheerful isn’t quite so cheap in the cavernous depths of £6million superclub Oceana.

On a cold Wednesday Radfor d afternoon, I sat in Radford Rec on a park bench thinking. I needed to get

some fresh air, to take a break from my house. As I sat there, a track-suited fifteen- or sixteen-yearold hopped the fence into the kids’ play area. For about 20 minutes I watched him play disinterestedly on the equipment, hanging from bars, spinning on the roundabout, all entirely on his own. It struck me then that this was the kind of urban boredom that has kids smashing up bus shelters.

This is the flipside of the two cities of Nottingham.

Councillor Mohammad Aslam of Radford and Park ward accepts that it’s what you might call a deprived area – high unemployment, high crime and a life expectancy for residents that is ten years lower than for those in the suburbs of Nottingham (due to many interrelated factors like poor diet, lack of access to healthcare, etc). But as he explained, whilst crime is a problem, much more difficult to tackle is the widespread fear of crime that has built up over the years, a general feeling of a lack of security stemming from high-profile media cases like the recent shootings and equally the low-level anti-social behaviour that seems to be so prevalent.

Radford has problems, but it’s trying to deal with them.

Area 4 of Nottingham (Bridge, Arboretum and Radford and Park) was recently given £55million as part of the Government’s New Deal for Communities scheme, a project aimed at regenerating deprived urban neighbourhoods by improving the local environment and creating employment for residents. Some of this money has been spent on projects to improve the quality of council houses in the area, to renew a local leisure centre, and potentially to redevelop some of the parks in the area. On a grassroots level, there are various community projects in place too, like the Shiefton Youth Group, a mentoring scheme to help children who are struggling in education, which has been running for over 20 years now and is a renowned success.

At the same time many other projects have had difficulties with finances, like the BUILD project.

B.U.I.L.D

~ STUDENT AXIS ~ Walk through town and you can’t help but see money, money, money, whether it’s the new market square, the theatre, the ice arena, whatever. But the money coming into Nottingham as a retail hub just doesn’t translate as financial success for the outlying regions. The council simply receives more and more applications to build in the city centre: another bar, another clothes shop, another multiplex cinema, whilst small businesses further out of town find it ever harder to compete. It’s the classic zerosum game, where the rich get richer because the poor get poorer. And where is it that suffers? Try places like…

The Nottingham Council website led me indirectly to BUILD (Black people United In Learning Development), a mentoring programme for young black people, whose website lists their aims as “regenerating the skills, positive attitudes and knowledge base from its adult community back to the young, through the process of mentoring”. It sounded like a perfect counterpoint to the big-budget spending of the City Council, and I hoped to interview some of the people involved.

Preliminary phone calls just met with a dead line; assuming technical difficulties I headed down anyway, but when I reached the address I found only a metal grille covering the shop-front. The middle-aged Sikh man in the shop next door shed some light on it. “Oh BUILD, yes, no longer there”, he told me whilst fitting glass onto a family portrait, “They went bust sometime in July. Many problems”. I walked out and headed home, wondering how much money it would have taken to keep them afloat. Then I asked myself what this amount would be as a percentage of the cost of decorating the town for Christmas.

another school on the other side, in Dunkirk, which is being closed. So, there is the effect on the situation: families move out, children move out, there are less children going to the schools so schools close down. That’s not good for the community. But that’s naturally what happens.”

~ CLASSIC RADFORD ~

Lenton

An honest discussion about the problems facing Radford and Nottingham as a whole is important, but what definitely doesn’t help is the attitude of some students that Radford is ‘the ghetto’ and everything going on there is Someone Else’s Problem; for us in Lenton, everything is fine. Life is good, nothing going down here, why be concerned? But in truth, Lenton does have its fair share of problems: overpopulation with students and the following lack of integration into the broader community. If we can’t see the problems facing Lenton, the reason might be that we are the problem.

Councillor David Trimble, representative of Dunkirk and Lenton ward, is a man used to dealing with students, and is frank when discussing these issues. “I think that it’s the nature of houses of multiple occupation that causes problems – it’s not because it’s students, it’s because it’s transient. If you’ve got 6 or 8 people living in a house, your wheelie bin lids get left open and rubbish goes blowing down the street. And all the shops nearby get turned into takeaways. There’s a pub in Lenton called the Bag O’ Nails which closes at the end of term and doesn’t open again till the new term starts. You get more litter, you get night noise, parties, things that young people do. That happens.

And when it happens in a big concentration you get a problem for the community.”

For any families still left in Lenton there is now a great deal of pressure to move out, from both positive and negative factors. Firstly, none of the issues highlighted by Councillor Trimble are going to create the kind of community you’d want to bring your kids up in. If that wasn’t enough, these days the massively inflated rents in the Lenton area (and we all know about that) mean that any family who owns their house can relocate to a property of a similar size in a cheaper area, then pay off their mortgage with the money earned from letting to students – yet another reason why families are leaving in their dozens.

This has knock-on effects, as Councillor Aslam described.

“Unfortunately, because of having more students move in and families moving out, the effect now is that one primary school has to be closed in the Lenton area, Douglas Primary School [on Seely Road]. No problem with teaching, no problem with children’s behaviour, simply the number of children is not enough, it’s not sustainable. And another primary school which is being closed is Unity Primary School in Arboretum, for the same reason. And there’s

The incentives to move out become ever more powerful, and the cycle of studentification becomes self-sustaining: students move in bringing disposable income, more shops and facilities cater just for students, community declines, families move out, landlords buy houses and let to students, more students move in, repeat ad infinitum. The City Council is aware of this but does not have enough power to act, Councillor Trimble believes. “The situation is that no government, whatever political party it is, will interfere in a private market. The government won’t touch it. If a house goes for sale on the private market, and the landlord wants to buy it and let it to students, there’s not a lot we can do about that…We tried to pass a policy called Student Housing Restraint [requiring special planning permission for student housing]…but that was then challenged by a big student landlord…The planning inspector decided that we were trying to interfere in a private market so in the end he came down on the landlord’s side, which then meant we had to pay all the legal costs that came to over £50,000”.

~ CLASSIC LENTON ~

So we’re not without fault in causing our own share of Nottingham’s problems. It’s not like anyone individually is to blame, and it’s not like the city doesn’t welcome students with open arms. We’re good for the economy, and good for the prestige of the city. What’s interesting, and unfortunate, is that in so many ways these different sides to the city just don’t overlap. Students stay out of Radford, locals stay out of Lenton, anyone with money spends it in town, and everyone is happy within their own little bubble. It would be good if that changed but it’s easier said than done. On the part of students, though, it’s no excuse that we’re only here for a short period of time because we still shouldn’t be limiting our experience of the city to such a small space.

Next time you’ve got a day off, head to Beeston and check out the charity shops, or look up the Sumac Centre online and visit it, or buy some Jamaican food on Alfreton Road.

We all live in the same city together for better or worse, so let’s stop splitting it into two.

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kers” beecher words tash “bon

impactnottingham.com

Most of us think about sex, talk about sex, dream about sex and f**k knows we do it often enough...so what about that other little thing that’s a taboo subject, a smidge personal, a tad secretive and to some very sordid. MASTURBATION!!!

Thank you to the people at www.divine_ interventions.com for sending us free samples of some very interesting sex toys – all of which are modeled on religious characters. I had to ask simply... why?

Employee ‘Nigel’ explained to me:

Thank you, ‘’Easy tiger’’, for safe sex exposure. And thanks too for LGBT’s ‘’shag pack’’, the lube and the banana dental dams are genius. Masturbation can be more important for those who don’t have sex by choice. I don’t know who these people are or where they live, I just hear they exist. The world of self pleasure is fascinating – who knew there’s even a vibrator you plug in to your iPod that vibes in time to the beat of your choons? We at Impact went to the trouble of shopping for you at the local Adult Gift Shop in Hockley. We had a bit of help from general manager Marilyn Hawkes, and she advised us on the best toys on the market. One of our faves are the “Girly Giggle Balls” at £6.99. Marilyn agreed that “masturbation is the safest form of sex’’, but she went on to tell us that some students actually come in and buy condoms to use with sex toys! It just proves how we like to keep it safe; remember “If you don’t put something in there soon it could grow over”.

“I thought that it was a bloody funny idea.

Turns out that perhaps I didn’t after all have my fingers on the pulse of the religious community. They really can’t take a joke can they? But seriously, I never meant to offend anyone. I don’t take religion seriously and didn’t think that people had so little faith in their God that he couldn’t withstand a bit of fun.”

For the ladies...

Venus Butterfly Massager: Arouse yourself lady! Stick some re-runs of Baywatch in the DVD player. Just go with it, it’s the ultimate hands free device if you’re a lazy wanker. Oh and the toy cleaner is really useful.

For the gents...

Masturbation for guys, it has to be said, is a lot less taboo than for women. But there are ways of enhancing it even for the professionals amongst you, like vibrators, cock rings and specialist lubricants (ID Pleasure lube contains some of the same chemicals found in viagra!) to name a few.

Cock Rings Everyone is different though, and what works for Joe might make Dave come quicker. Wear it under your clothes on the bus. Call it a new year’s resolution.

sex toys

Art Deco Butt Plug: For the homophobic lot of you out there, no, it’s not just for the gays. Remember, the golden rule: “relaxation, lubrication, communication”. At £19.49 the glass Art Deco Butt Plug is worth it just for ornamental value. For more info, I recommend www.babeland.com.

‘Jackhammer Jesus’: And yes, I tested out the jackhammer. The verdict is it’s good if you like a huge one, but I think I may be permanently sealed up due to fear.

‘Baby Jesus Butt Plug’: Gives a whole new meaning to the ‘navity scene’ jesus in the manger.

Your say

I took the idea of religious sex toys and general masturbation to the mean streets of Nottingham – and by that I mean outside the SU shop – to see what you lot really think. Some of you have actually admitted to owning toys, albeit anonymously, but there you go, as my dad says, there’s no crumbs without biscuits.

Would you talk openly about masturbation with a partner? ‘’Not on a second date’’ ‘’My boyfriend bought me a rampant rabbit for my birthday last year. It was a really good ride – I used it once then dumped him! Not really! We have really good sexual communication, and brilliant sex.’’ ‘’No, but I think that people should explore themselves more. I have a vibrator but I don’t like dildos...sometimes the smaller dildo-vibrator combos are really good though.’’

Do you find the jackhammer Jesus offensive? ‘’I think it is blasphemous but I’m not offended personally by it...I know others that would be...

I couldn’t use it myself though.’’ ‘’It looks more like a novelty toy more than something you can actually use...I could get it out at a party or something, but that’s all.

Maybe stick that butt-plug on the dash of my car....”

--------------------------------------------------We folk at Nottingham do like to have some solo-fun, but we just like to keep it schtum, however we like to do it. So go forth, destress yourself after that hardcore revision and touch yourself up a bit.

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impactnottingham.com

Thanks to:

• Nigel (we all love PGTips too) from Divine Interventions www.divine-interventions.com • Mae at www.babeland.com for all the help on guides to masturbation • The more outspoken of you lovely general student bod.

• www.ibuzz.co.uk

sex toys

• Marilyn at the Adult Gift Shop, 30-32 Goose Gate, Notts NG11FF www.theadultgiftshop.com

20

impactnottingham.com words winston and john the heathen images francesca moore

e g a v a S e h T Get Religious

Beep. Beep. Beep. 7 o’clock and I definitely don’t want to wake from my ignorance. “Oh my god,” I think, for the last blasphemous time this week, “What is it with religion and dawn?”

Stumbling out of bed to light the incense, I burn my hand and know that I truly am suffering. Lotus, unfeasibly adopted, I imagine myself atop a mountainous precipice, my inner Buddhist sat cross-legged and Zen, my external Self, the blizzard blowing all around.

Combining the two sides of my personality is impossible; the gale won’t be contained. I txt Wston, ‘Noble Truth Level 3. My suffering has ceased.’ As I sit cross-legged, meditating with Winston at lunch. I contemplate that thinking about nothing requires a lot of concentration. I find sitting on the floor of the chaplain’s office to be very comfortable, Winston less so.

What a glorious day to wake as a Buddhist!

Self-improvement no longer a distant concept, inner peace begin now! The last two years a chemical assault, and now sex is something you do with yourself. Vrrhhmm, ooh. 1 New Msg. ‘Fuck how did you get the EXP? I’m haemorrhaging lvls today, Buddha would

not be proud,’ I reply, prompting a reminder about swearing. A heavenly bacon and sausage baguette sits in front of me, uneaten.

“No meat,” John says. I hand it to Fran, the vegetarian, and sip on my pint of lemonade, hardly the beer I was longing for. I’d have felt embarrassed with it and jealous without, but Buddhism didn’t subscribe to such petty emotions. Perhaps meditation was the answer?

Awkwardly becoming a lotus, breathing in time, humming and chanting; “Why are we here and where are we going? Why are we here and where are we going?” Not getting anything, I turned to distract John off his mountain Zen. Too late. “I was praying for a fart,” he grins. Buddha would be proud.

Even by Tuesday, somewhere in the midst of our meditative state, we were both finding solace. Today’s problem was that we couldn’t find many Sikhs and I guess that’s how the game started: “You go hide…and I’ll count to ten.” Last resort, we thought, ring them.

“Hi, my name’s John, I was wondering if…”

“This is Sikh temple.”

“Yes, yes I know. I was just wondering whether

religion

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21

my friend and I could come to your gurdwara and learn some more about your religion...”

“No.” Dial tone…

A dawn breakfast of yoga and meditation finds me the epitome of Zen. The sand on the shore, the leaf in the wind and an evening of Hindu prayer. The musicality of the religion gives it a festival feel, the melodies as friendly and accepting as the participants. Practical life philosophies combined with strange metaphors dictates that the cow standing on one leg destabilises the fourth age. Winston and I manage to find ourselves at the front and the pressure is certainly on. Some clapping begins and I’m keen to get involved, but terrible timing keeps me on the back foot. I glance left and I can see the cogs of Winston’s mind working. “Should I join in? He’s doing it…” Five minutes and the first tentative clap later, followed by more out-of-time but rhythmical noises and suddenly we are doing it, we’re being Hindus and it’s great.

The next night, Shouldbe Ginger leant back in his chair with a slightly arrogant swagger.

The fundamental logic of Christianity is that it’s consistently illogical – God is right, God is just, and all else follows from this; when questioned whether it’d be just for Him to send a murdered baby to hell, the answer was a straight-faced, unequivocal “Yes.” In an effort to unpicasso my bewildered expression, he continued, “I don’t believe that’s what he’d do, but if he did, then yes.”

The Muslims explained that as every baby is born into Islam, a murdered one would be sent to heaven. Mid-discussion, Winky said, “I think of you two, who could be out there getting smashed, as truly blessed, because you’re in here, learning about these things.”

I felt slightly guilty – he obviously hadn’t read our work. I later questioned the logic that Jesus could atone for all our sins via a tepidly brutal death, while if we wished to take responsibility for our own actions, eternity in the fiery pits of hell would be our only recourse. Dangerous thoughts in modern times. Islam conversely teaches that you atone for your own sins and God is a just figure who balances your good deeds with your bad.

Taking responsibility for your own actions active repentance over empty words - a school of thought that rests easy with me.

One of the great religious questions is, “If God loves us, why is there suffering in the world?” and I answer, “Because it is his means of control over “us”. If Earth was a utopia, there would be no desire to reach heaven.” “Erm…,” says the Christian at our table, “I have no

idea why he uses suffering, but he does.” As I thumb through the Qur’ân, I hope it has more answers.

Blindfolded and bound to secrecy, the Jew leads us to their Shabbat meeting place.

“Just in case you’re terrorists,” he explains.

“Winston,” I whisper, “Let’s not mess around with these guys, they’re renowned for using disproportionate force.” Short walk later and we’re at the safe house, blindfolds off. “Sorry guys,” apologises our host to the group, already waiting in the cold. “Jewish Mean Time!” Apparently GMT-1. The Reformist service begins with some prayers and I am handed a book, which I turn in my hands several times. I can’t seem to find the front or even turn the book the right way round. Dinner finds me amidst philosophical debate, sat next to a guy eating chicken bones and surrounded by people with names beginning with ‘J’.

Coincidence? I begin to understand that Israel is their identity and giving it up is exactly that hard. And that world domination isn’t always on their minds. And that to pray properly you need at lest ten people. As we are leaving, a voice calls: “Are we still playing the Christians off against the Muslims on Sunday?” “Ssshhh,” insists another, “they’re still here.”

The Orthodox ringleader taps shoulders to rally a spinning circle of shouting, stamping and praying Jews. On second invitation, I join in. A moment late and a foot behind, my contribution to the forming dust cloud was still unhindered. “Asbestos!” came the cry, group laughter relieving my anxiety. Dinner time.

HotJew argues with Bone Eater while I lust for my chicken soup. Reformist and Orthodox - fate predetermined; liberal v conservative, progressivism v traditionalism, the Old Argument. No intellectual institution escapes it. Women aren’t allowed to lead Orthodox prayer – a traditional sexism all too familiar

in Abrahamic religions. Still, they knew how to make chicken soup, so I directed my judgement at that. Verdict: impeccable. As I went to leave, Ringleader relayed John’s fears that they would hold a secret meeting on our departure, illustrated by their map of world domination. Oh, how we laughed our paranoid laughs.

As we enter, the dirge of the organ music echoes through the church. Sober and sedate, we take a pew, waiting for the service to start.

Hard-backed and un-cushioned, I remark that no one could fall asleep here. The service begins promptly with the ring of a bell and I stand only to look down at the prone form of Winston, asleep. As the sermon drones, I think: “I don’t believe in your religion, why am I a sinner? That’s your measurement. Temperature isn’t measured in metres, why should I be judged by your stick?”

The body of Christ left a foul taste in my mouth, and the Holy Water stung my forehead.

Saturday Mass, the result of being asked not to attend Alpha Course. They wanted to ensure a ‘comfortable’ environment for those more willing to leave their opinion at the door. Listening to the elderly pray, I noticed a distinctive tone. “Glory be to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.” Oh, my. I couldn’t believe these mechanical beings had ever questioned their own faith, so called “tests” really just the facts of life, ignored in the name of God. Losing a friend might hurt them, but losing Him will break them. I spend every day trying to disprove my own beliefs, but the saddest observation made during this week was that everyone we talked to already knew the Truth. Taking a seat in the confession box, I divulged my darkest transgressions.

“All is forgiven my son,” came John’s voice through the screen, washing away my sins.

religion

After taking off our shoes, we entered a room filled with incense and atmosphere. As we sat I immediately felt the awkwardness of a mass gaze burrowing into the back of my skull. “They shouldn’t be here.” “Why is he singing if he isn’t Hindu?” I was not singing, partly through lack of knowledge and partly out of a respect I didn’t realise I possessed.

If Hinduism without Brahman is an openminded philosophy, Abrahamic religion without God is borderline fascism; moral authoritarianism, intellectually devoid and revelling in its own ignorance.

22

impactnottingham.com words josie & john the savage | image francesca moore

big brother

23

impactnottingham.com

i&WFO UIF $BUIPMJD $IVSDI PG UIF .JEEMF "HFT XBT UPMFSBOU CZ NPEFSO TUBOEBSET 1BSU PG UIF SFBTPO GPS UIJT XBT UIBU JO UIF QBTU OP HPWFSONFOU IBE UIF QPXFS UP LFFQ JUT DJUJ[FOT VOEFS DPOTUBOU TVSWFJMMBODF w - 1984, George Orwell

of the library. Sorry, my mistake. The fiction section. With our privacy being raped daily in Britain by the 4.2 million cameras watching our every move, it is easy to forget.

Big Brother is not just watching us; we’ve welcomed him into our homes through the mass media. A recent Peugeot 207 advert says, “The average Briton is caught on camera over 300 times a day. Give them something to look at.� I wouldn’t advise it.

With the extreme erosion of our civil liberties the best you can hope for is to slip through the net. As dozens of security cameras are put up everyday without objection, our silence condones it. As we gawp at our friends across the pond, fear mongers of the world, spiralling into a state of effective martial law, make no mistake, we are no better off.

Middlesbrough they are currently * ntesting a system of loudspeakers linked

to surveillance equipment which the police use to call out to people caught acting unsociably, from fighting to littering.

Laughable when perceived from elsewhere in the country, but how long till the scheme is extended? One of the defining images of communist China and Russia were the speaker systems that shouted propagandist slogans at their citizens. How long before these cameras are shouting slogans at us? The reasons for this multitude of cameras, one for every 14 people: Security; Protection; Deterrent. “Give us your liberties and we will give you safety.� Give them nothing. Overuse has completely diluted the effective deterrent potential of cameras, with crimes committed daily despite camera presence and although some felonies are solved by CCTV footage, many are not. Most frightening is the fact that the laws governing monitoring and surveillance in Britain are the vaguest in Europe, in spite of us being the most watched nation by far. Our faith in “trustworthy� police monitoring is misplaced as in truth private firms, with undisclosed hiring policies and unknown agendas, maintain many of these systems. Where are the vital checks and balances?

* microcosm of “the system�, with dozens t is easy to see the university as a

of cameras watching you on campus and

university identity cards. We are assured that these measures are there for our benefit, our security, our safety and after speaking to Valerie Housely (Head of Section Development & Planning, Information Services) I must say that I do believe that they are. However, my point would be that all it would take is one person with malicious intent to have access to all of our personal information, whether from within or without.

The logging in and out of libraries is not for security reasons, but gives a measure of usage, both numbers and times. The IT deparment monitoring of internet histories on campus is present, but with no greater scrutiny than that performed by other external internet providers such as NTL. However, when we enrolled at university, we signed an understanding that all of our personal details would be stored and would be accessible if needed. Although systems like swiping in and out of buildings do monitor the movements of our ID number, the personal information is not attached, although certainly accessible if needed. She described universities as “the last bastions of free thought and academic freedoms,� and such an ethos is no bad thing. recently asked schools 5 heandgovernment universities to check for extremism

by watching “Asian-looking students� closely. This request, tantamount to spying on your own citizens, was thankfully met with derision by educational bodies.

But the government doesn’t need their cooperation, we volunteer it willingly. 12 million of us in the UK alone are signed up to Facebook, whose privacy policy stated, until a recent edit, that they “may share your information with third parties, including responsible companies with which we have a relationship�. The privacy policy still warns that “Facebook collects information about you from other sources, such as newspapers and instant messaging services.

This information is gathered regardless of your use of the Web Site.� The online social network generation seems anything but deterred even since the hushed discovery in 2005 that Facebook actually received thirteen million dollars in funding from Accel Partners, a firm whose manager formerly served as the chairman of In-Q-Tel, a venture capital firm operated by the CIA. Unsubstantiated conspiracy theory? The

British government has already permitted the CIA access to the bank details of thousands of UK citizens, unbeknownst to them; maybe yours, under the pretence of this massive umbrella that is the imaginary fight against terrorism and now you as a British citizen can be extradited to the USA in some circumstances for trial. Surely if you can’t trust your own government to protect you now, why on earth should we willingly hand them so much more power.

* and the passport in your drawer, national

n spite of the driving licence in your wallet

ID cards are still on the table. Not simply photographic, they would contain all your personal details along with biometric data; fingerprints, iris scans and DNA records.

The repercussions of having this card stolen equate to you quite literally losing your identity. The advocates say that if you obey the law you have nothing to fear. I disagree.

You and everybody else have everything to fear. Britain already has the largest percapita forensic DNA database in the world, with 3.6 million samples, representing 5.2 per cent of the population. The developer, Prof Alec Jeffreys, says: “When the database was initially established, it was meant to hold DNA from criminals. Now hundreds of thousands of entirely innocent people are populating that database.� 24,000 of these are under 18, innocent children. So much for the obedient being left alone.

1 the police can read your emails without recisely six government agencies and

a court order. Your landline can be tapped, your mobile phone acts as a tracking device and your car can be traced across the country through number plate recognition software. The police have access to your NHS records without having to establish that a criminal act has occurred. It would be naĂŻve to imagine in the age of the internet that any of these personal details would be beyond the reach of a determined investigator, but to collate them all in a single national database to be accessed whenever and by whoever is a dangerous thing. History has shown that “power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutelyâ€?.

Therefore in a time when the entire world communicates, privacy of oneself and ones thoughts over the omnipotence of the state is vital.

big brother

of you that haven’t read 1984, ' oryouthose can find it in the non-fiction section

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> grapevine clubs and societies

dates:

january// tuesday 30th

• Speed Dating Organisation: SU Ents Time: 8.00pm Location: The Ark Details: Expect to have around 20 face-toface 3 minute ‘dates’ with like-minded single people. Speed dating events are the perfect way to meet new singles in an exciting and fun filled evening. The speed dating event is organised so that there are plenty of breaks to grab a drink at the bar. Ensure that you arrive promptly at 8pm to register as places are limited on a first come, first served basis. Entry is just £1!

significant

dates:

january//

monday 29th - friday 2nd • Refreshers Week A great chance to get involved in the Students’ Union, join new clubs and societies and build that CV!

monday 29th • Nominations open for the Exec Elections Think you’re up to the challenge? Find out more at su.nottingham.ac.uk

february// friday 16th • Nominations Close for Exec Elections Make sure YOUR form is in by midday!

grapevine

march// thursday 1st • Revels Student Comedy Awards At the Ark, 8pm, £3

wednesday 31st

thursday 22nd

• Ramsoc Curry Night Organisation: Ramsoc Time: 8.00pm Location: Savera (Derby Road) Details: Ramsoc are having a curry night!

The food at the Savera is very tasty, and also reasonably priced. Don’t bother to cook on Wed 31st and come and join us! To sign up, email Toby at social@ramsoc.co.uk so that he can make sure he books enough places!

• MPS Trip to the Cairngorms Organisation: The Munro Pineapple Society Time: 5.00pm Location: TBC (meeting on Campus) Details: 3 day trip to the snowy land of the Cairngorms. Lots of opportunities to climb, walk, snow-hole or relax and drink whisky.

Come along to the sign up social (Tuesday 13th February 07 - 8pm.

february//

• Students’ Union Council - Close of Business Organisation: Union Coucil Details: Close of Business is the latest time that items for the next Union Council meeting can be submitted.

Event Webpage: www.su.nottingham.ac.uk/council

thursday 1st • Students’ Union Council - Close of Business Organisation: Union Council Details: Close of Business is the latest time that items for the next Union Council meeting can be submitted.

Event Webpage: www.su.nottingham.ac.uk/council

tuesday 27th

monday 5th • Islam Awareness Week Begins Organisation: Islamic Society Time: All week Location: Portland Building

wednesday 7th • Vagina Monologues Begins Organisation: New Theatre Time: Until February 10th Location: New Theatre

friday 9th • Fresher’s Trip Organisation: Caving Time: 6.30pm Location: Brecon Beacons National Park Details: A weekend targeted at complete novices to explore the vast and beautiful South Wales caves. All food, accommodation, transport and equipment is provided for only £30.

thursday 15th • Students’ Union Council Organisation: Union Coucil Time: 7.00pm Location: Senate Chamber, Trent Building Details: SU Council is the highest decision making body in the Union and it holds to account the groups and individuals that make up the SU. Everyone within the SU is welcome to attend!

Event Webpage: www.su.nottingham.ac.uk/council

ents: mondays// oceana • In advance — £3 • Before 11pm — £3 • After 11pm — £4

wednesdays// isis

• In advance — £3 • On the door — £4

fridays// fresh @ the ark • Before 9pm — Free • 9 - 10pm — £1 • After 10pm — £3

the zone @ ocean • In advance — £3 • On the door — £4

saturdays// flirt @ the ark

• Before 9pm — Free • 9 - 10pm — £1 • After 10pm — £3

Hi, I’m Cosmic Joe, Impact’s newest columnist. I guess you could say I’m a less masculine Mystic Meg, sifting through the bullshit that is your future, and trying to make some sense of it all. I’m here to guide you through time and space, like a star-guided navigator, except instead of guiding you across the seas, I’m informing you of your certain and imminent doom. Enjoy.

Aries

March 21st - April 19th

You’re feeling a little funny this month. Yes you, the one who looks rather smug. You think things are looking up, don’t you? Well you’re not wrong, rest easy in the knowledge that absolutely nothing will happen to you this month, roll up your sleeves, Have an orange,, there’s nothing to worry about. Take time to evaluate your environment, do you like these housemates of yours? You should help some of your friends out (if you have some), they could use a lucky fuck like you this month.

Leo

July 22nd - August 22nd

This month, there’s a good chance that you’ll feel a little psychic, as in you’re going to be able to see into the future, not just grope a stunted fortune-teller. Go with these ‘feelings’, after all, you’re a Leo, the coolest of all the star signs. You could beat the crap out of any of the rest of them, even that idiot with the bow (although he does scare you a bit). Something’s getting on your nerves, use your psychic ability to predict it, and then whatever it is, kill it.

Sagittarius November 22nd - December 21st

Leo is scared of you. Use this month to get your own back. Don’t let him know it’s you though; he’s always angry, he’s already eaten that goat, and he’s still hungry. Failing that, just alienate everybody around you, that always makes you feel better.

Taurus

is a bit rough. Let’s face it, you’re not really as sexy as you once were, and chances are that it’s going to stay that way from now on.

As a result of this pronounced ugliness you’re suffering from, it’s unlikely you’ll ever sleep with that person you like so much, so aim low to avoid disappointment. Pull a minger in Ocean or do something else that will make you feel a bit more mature. If possible, get a friend to give you a massage on the 20th. You deserve it, you’re slowly dying inside and out.

Capricorn December 22nd - January 19th

You’re quite active this month, what’s with that? People will think you’re popping pills, so simmer down; the world’s not that great. I think it’s safe to say you’ll meet someone this month, or possibly next month (the stars aren’t always clear). Whoever it is, they don’t seem to find you as annoying as everyone else. By the end of February you’re still dancing like an idiot, despite my kind words of advice, because in your head - everyone’s impressed with you.

Gemini May 21st - June 21st

Gemini, have you been talking to yourself again? Of course you have, you’re mental.

That’s probably why you’re still alone. Savour this sensation because it won’t last, you’re going to meet someone that you like, who probably doesn’t like you, but that won’t stop you because the voices in your head are unanimous for once. Good luck with this potentially intimate relationship, it’s only a matter of time before this person figures out how scary it is inside your head.

January 20th - February 18th

You’re one of these people that ‘knows people’, you’re a geezer, a dealer, a ‘networker’, if you will. Actually you’re pretty good at it too. Scratch a few backs this month and maybe you’ll get something back. If your multitude of friends doesn’t provide you with enough self-confidence, perhaps consider pouring a drink on someone you don’t know at Ocean, or even in a more intimate situation.

This will make you feel much better, because they will look so stupid.

Cancer

June 22nd - July 21st

impactnottingham.com

Cosmic Joe and his hopeless horoscope

25

Aquarius

OK let’s cut to the chase. You’re not actually a Cancarian. You’re one of the other eleven types of people in the world, but you’re reading this because you want to see if your horoscope is compatible with that of your sweetheart/ fuckbuddy/library hotbod. Well you’re not.

They’re much better than you and were already thinking about dumping you. Sorry.

Scorpio

October 23rd - November 21st

Apparently Venus is encroaching on your orbit this month. Ouch, that must really hurt, I feel really sorry for you. Hopefully you’ll be able to moan about it like you always do. Here’s a thought though, why don’t you stop moaning and explain to us what your problem really is? You’ve got so much wrong with you but you rarely talk about it, so I suggest you find someone to ring and talk through it with.

Scratch yourself while making the phone call – there; don’t you feel better now?

Pisces

February 19th - March 20th

Eat something. You’re getting thin again. Have some crisps or a pie; these are good nutritious foods. You’re going to meet a lost seafarer this month. He’s intent on finding “yaarr buried treasure, yaarr”. Take him to the treasure he seeks and he will reward you or kill you, either

April 20th - May 20th

Virgo

August 23rd - September 22nd

You’re feeling very grown-up this month. Good for you! Enjoy it, even if letting go of your youth

Libra

September 23rd - October 22nd

You’re still adhering to your New Year’s resolutions aren’t you. You’re such an anal bastard sometimes. You’ve even got them written down somewhere, haven’t you?

Fortunately for you, you’re not stuck in the same situation as everyone else; the changes you decide upon could actually make a difference. Be a bit more creative with your goals though, especially if your main aspiration for the year is to ‘have a wank’. Set yourself some higher goals, you low-expectationhaving motherf**ker.

cosmic joe

You’re feeling a little frisky this month, so do yourself a favour, go home. Surround yourself with relatives, family friends and old people.

Avoid at all costs being around anyone you might sleep with, because there’s an emotional shit-storm a’brewing, and you, my friend, are the explosive mess that’s going to cause it.

After laying low for a month you may emerge safe in the knowledge that if anything did happen, it wasn’t your fault, and nobody will even care that you left.

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> Cool Runnings If the closest you’ve come to skiing is contending with those treacherously slippy slopes on campus, perhaps some of these cheap deals will convince you to skip a few nights at Ocean and head for the snow!

The Austrian Alps provide some of the choicest downhill skiing and luckily reasonably priced resorts in the area are easy to come by. The comically named Hotel Bruggerhof situated in Kitzbuhel, Austria is family run, complete with the all important whirlpool and steam bath. Despite being 2 km from the main resort centre, a free shuttle bus service operates to and from the village several times a day.

The hotel is available on a half board basis.

Breakfast is a buffet affair, whilst supper comes via a four course evening meal, so if you’re on

a tight budget you can maximise what’s on offer. For a week’s stay plus flights the hotel offers as cheap a deal as £250 for early Feb.

centre of the village. This is also self-catered, but is available for only £299 for flights and a 7 day break.

The French Alps boast some of the highest, most attractive and best-equipped ski locations in the world, in fact they hosted the 1992 world Olympics and if its good enough for them…The Ski Residence Cybele in Meribel Valley offers exceptional value for money. The apartments are situated 300m from the centre of Brides-les-Bains, and the infamous Trois Vallees Ski area is directly accessible by the Olympe cable car. At the moment apartments and return flights are available for as little as £149, and although they are on a self-catering basis, by now, you should have economy shopping down to a tee.

If Santa Claus blessed you with cash to splash, then why not travel via the Snow train?

It allows the most dedicated party animal to continue their escapades thanks to the onboard ‘disco car’. Departures from London Waterloo take you to the Alps in about 14 hours. The sleeper train maintains its bardisco carriage throughout the journey, in the soundproofed carriage. Sadly tickets have just gone up by 50 quid to £219 for a return ticket, but maybe dancing/stripping off to Baywatch as the French Alps rush past would be worth it!

The slightly classier Hotel Valeria is situated in Livigno, just on the Italian/Swiss border. The hotel itself is perfectly positioned just 100m from the nearest ski lift and ski school, in the

For more information on any of these hotels go to opodo.co.uk. They have a vast number of special and incredibly cheap offers for the ski season. If you are interested in The Snow Train check out raileurope.co.uk.

Amy Pickerill

travel

> Backpacker’s Pick: Iceland Now I know Iceland isn’t your typical student destination, given that it is notoriously expensive with its £6 pints and the Icelandic equivalent of TGIs at about £30 a head, but there are ways of enjoying the sights in Iceland without breaking your bank balance.

While camping is the cheapest option for those summer months, during the winter the best accommodation for a limited budget is one of the numerous hostels throughout Iceland, with prices averaging £20-£30 per night. Some hostels also provide kitchen facilities, which cuts down on eating costs while breakfast is included in the price for most hostels. In terms of drinking, the best option is to take your own alcohol given both the exorbitant prices and the fact that the drinking age is a strictly enforced 21.

Given Iceland’s low temperatures during the winter months, you’d do well to base yourself in several different hostels and do day hikes that encompass the main attractions in the different parts of the island.

Being a small country, most of Iceland’s attractions can be covered in three or four days, though a week’s stay allows for an extra few days to explore, on skis or snow mobile, the vast glacier that covers over 10% of Iceland.

Icleand’s main attractions include the Golden Falls (Gullfoss), a spectacular double waterfall that flows from the glacier. Many of Iceland’s rivers also provide ideal places for white water rafting, though it has to be said not for beginners.

Geysers are another feature of Iceland’s

fantastic scenery, though the sulphurous smell that accompanies them is somewhat less enticing. The Icelanders have cleverly conceived of a way to profit from their geothermal surroundings by creating the Blue Lagoon.

Though it isn’t the cheapest hot bath you’ll ever have, this naturally heated lake provides the ideal way to relax after a days hike.

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In terms of getting to Iceland, if you book on www.icelandexpress.com throughout February and March flights to Reykjavik are £139 return including taxes, and if you have a couple of hours to spend in the city before the flight it is well worth visiting the innovatively designed Hallgrims church at the heart of the city and taking a walk along the shoreline, which has magnificent views of neighbouring islands.

Sam Holland

> The Grand Tour : Bristol Daytime One of the most dynamic cultural centres of Britain, Bristol overflows with galleries and museums, shops, sights and attractions. The Bristol Cathedral, one of the finest ‘hall style’ churches in the world, is worth a visit. The Downs, too, are huge and unbelievably beautiful in places. The city’s most famous landmark, Brunel’s 19th century suspension bridge, is always open and free to walk across, though in general the bridge doesn’t offer much entertainment in itself! For those not feeling quite so cultural, there’s always the famous Bristol Zoo, open all year round with student discounted tickets. Shopping’s not generally as good as in Notts, though the

steep alleyway of the Christmas Steps has an interesting and quirky range of shops.

Nightlife Like Nottingham, Bristol has an undeniable after-dark buzz, and bars and clubs pulse.

In terms of pubs, the Coronation Tap is a must. Something of a Bristol legend, this world-famous cider house is home to the infamous and dangerously drinkable Exhibition cider at nearly 9% (half-pints only!). The Berkely, every student’s favourite Wetherspoons, is also worth checking out, thanks to its cheap food and drink offers.

The biggest and cheesiest student night by far is Wedgies at Baja every Wednesday and Friday night, where drinks are just £2 all night. The new ‘super club’ Syndicate is also worth a visit, with its Wednesday student night featuring an 8-man hot-tub, a 6-man luxury jacuzzi, a massive bouncy castle, giant twister and laughing gas! Or for a more unique and less cheesy night,

try the Thekla. A club on a boat, there is much more to Thekla than its novelty value, with an excellent range of nights offering music ranging from hip-hop to mojo funk, and often hosting big name DJs. Anna Hogarty

travel

Bristol, the ‘shining light of England’s Southwest’, is a vibrant city to visit, with more bars, cafes and restaurants per square meter than Paris or London. The home of two universities, the student life is buzzing, with attractions both day and night to suit everyone...

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fashion through the decades

Wool jumper - Topshop, £12 Brooch - Accessorize, £8 Pencil skirt - Topshop, £32 Mirror - Model’s Own images rob garrat | styling katie hodgkiss | models holly barder & vikki royale | words katie hodgkiss

fashion

Forties The country may have been at war, but clothes rationing didn’t detract from the glamour of forties fashion. Recreate the look with cascading curls and red lipstick, but keep clothes simple. Lines should be clean and straight in shades of greay, black and beige.

Dress - Oxfam Originals, £20

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Top - Topshop, £35 High-waisted shirt - Topshop, £40

impactnottingham.com/style

fashion

Sixties The sixties really injected some fun into fashion, celebrating loud colours and bold prints. A pinafore dress teamed with a poloneck jumper and flat boots is a simple yet effective way of adopting youthful sixties style.

Flower-print pinafore - Topshop, £38 Wool poloneck - Topshop, £20 Necklace - Wild Clothing, £2

Seventies Wear what you want, how you want. Cover up during the day with knee-length dresses in floral prints then bear all in an empire line mini-dress in the evening. Whatever you wear, a laid-back seventies attitude is essential. Oh, and platforms.

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fashion

impactnottingham.com/style

Flower-print jersey dress - ÂŁ35

32

Flapper Dress - Topshop £30 Beads - Vintage Earrings - Topshop £8

impactnottingham.com/style

Twenties Embrace the reckless spirit of the twenties with calf-length flapper dresses and stylish wrap-over coats. Alternatively, pay tribute to the grat Gabrielle ‘Coco’ Chanel and revive the LBD.

style abroad words natalie dale Paris may be one of the world’s most stylish and sophisticated fashion capitals, but the designer boutiques for which it is renowned are hardly friendly to the student budget. Venture away from Chanel and Dior, however, and there lie a wealth of gems that offer Parisian chic with affordable price tags. Rue Saint Martin has some great vintage shops; Vertiges and Rag in particular both have a fabulous selection of bag, shoes, dresses and one-off custom pieces. If you have a little more cash to splash then head to ‘La Belle Epoque’ on 10 Rue du Poitou, where you will be able to pick up pieces

by Dior, Yves Saint Laurent and period Victorian items. You could also head to Mamie on 73 Rue de Rochechouart, which is normally visited by costume and fashion designers in the know. Here you’ll find good quality vintage pieces and a wide range of shoes.

Surprisingly, it would appear that the reason that vintage fashion remains so cheap in Paris is because the craze for vintage doesn’t appear to have caught on across the channel. Whether this is the result of ignorance or simply overt pretentiousness, we’re not complaining.

sex vs. style

words natalie dale and mary-anne veit

what do men really want when it comes to women and style?

fashion

Victoria Beckham has been quoted as saying in her new book That Extra Half an Inch that she dresses ‘first for herself, secondly for her girlfriends and thirdly for her man’. When researching how true this was of the female population of Nottingham University, it seems that, contrary to popular belief, girls actually dress to impress and compete against other girls and not for the appreciation of men. But what do men find attractive when it comes to women and style? Considering the sexually orientated nature of the male mind (deny it as you may, it’s scientifically proven!), you would be forgiven for assuming that men like women in as little clothing as possible: “short skirts, tight jeans and low-cut tops.” However, after some informal research, it became apparent that although men may not have a clue about the latest trends, they actually have strong opinions on what they like to see on a woman. There are styles which they like, fads they don’t understand, and trends they think are just plain wrong. One male was quoted as saying huge sunglasses (a la Nicole Richie) were a turn off: “If a girl has to hide her face that much she must be ugly.” Unfortunately for men, women tend to dismiss claims such as these as nothing more than a lack of knowledge when it comes to style,

so don’t expect us to ditch the bug-eyes anytime soon.

Although men may know what they like to see a woman wear, on the whole they generally find women’s fashion incomprehensible. Women may spend hours perfecting a certain ‘look’, but for the majority of men, clothes are a matter of practicality rather than style (at least during their student years). However it may be that men are not as oblivious as women think; the skinny jean fad has actually stirred quite a debate amongst the male population. Some love that they cling to every available curve, whilst others insist that skinny jeans are the territory of skinny supermodels rather than mere mortals.

The general consensus appears to be that men were happy for girls to have an individual look, as long as there was an element of femininity in it.

For example this seasons popular jumper dress, although hiding a girls figure on the top half, has been given the seal of approval as it shows off a girls legs, without revealing too much flesh. It is important to remember that when it comes to sexy versus stylish, it is not a case of one or the other but finding the right balance. Although a man

may not put much thought into his own clothes, a woman with an individual sense of style will always stand out from the crowd because it marks her as having a certain degree of intelligence and sophistication. When asked for the perfect female when it came to style, men quoted Gwen Stefani as having perfect mix of individuality, femininity and sexiness, whereas Sarah Jessica Parker, who is a style icon amongst women was seen as too extrovert for male’s taste. This is likely to be because girls who appear to be slaves to fashion rather than following their own sense of style can appear intimidating, as it suggests a certain highmaintenance quality that men are often wary of.

Officially, the rule is that style should be about individual taste and style rather than dressing to impress anyone else. In reality however, women may dress for themselves first, but the adoration of others is a very close second, be it from men or women. Whatever your own taste, the key is confidence. Find an individual style that you are comfortable in and what you are wearing won’t matter; if you think you look good chances are that men will too. That said however, mini-skirts and corsets belong in the playboy mansion, so steer clear.

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impactnottingham.com words andrew kaufman

Okay, I know that drunkenly falling asleep anywhere in public isn’t good, but the fact that I could do so happily in this undiscovered cultural treasure-chest of a city suggests to me that I have found a place where I can feel at home.

Despite a run-in with a few snap-happy Germans (Schadenfreude, anyone?) I made it home OK, and by the time I had sobered up had begun to regret actions that served only to confirm so many preconceptions about the English abroad. I hang my head in shame.

…cáceres, spain “Are you the drunken English boy that fell asleep in the Town Square?”

Having just been introduced to Leif by one of my German housemates, I realise that he has already been briefed on my perpetual party animal status, and that he has no qualms about reminding me of my most embarrassing escapade in my two and half months in the western Spanish city of Cáceres.

Nonetheless, the experiences I have had in my short time here as an ERASMUS student, studying at the University of Extremadura, will be some of my fondest memories in years to come.

The location of such a beautiful city (which is set to be the European City of Culture for 2016), complete with Castle and Monumental district as

“Well, actually it was in front of the Cathedral, but that’s a minor detail.” I reply coyly, trying to use the good old British wit to diffuse the situation – how long is it before I move on to football to change the subject?

> guide

IMPACT’S MONTHLY PIECE OF ADVICE

words josie robinson

…maintaining our new years resolutions Success and enjoyment at university inevitably requires a regular attendance of lectures and frequent organisation of social outings – a balancing act that requires great discipline and commitment. Why is it then that our new year promises to ourselves spectacularly fail to be fulfilled?

Interestingly, nearly all resolutions are negatively constructed – they are vows to ‘give up’, ‘to stop’ or to ‘lose’ something and are inherently difficult to sustain. At university, achieving such feats in the traditional hard working manner is to have the misguided optimism of an English batsman bothering to apply sunscreen before taking on an Australian bowler. Thus, the key to success is to make the method of maintaining these resolutions entertaining, diverse and novel.

For starters, forget giving up fast food for new year in a bid to attain a healthier diet. Instead, we should embrace the subway and the kebab. By capitalising on takeaway’s bottomless variety of neatly prepared vegetable fillings we are surely coming close to consuming the balanced diet we always promised our vitamin deficient bodies. Funding these frequent foot-long forays is remedied by a communal swear box. Thus we are inadvertently encouraged to sustain our swearing habits for the greater good of our health – a productive twist on the common resolution to swear less and a visionary approach to today’s obesity issue.

Furthermore, those planning to supplement their new improved diet with a doomed fitness regime for new-year’s, should simply resolve to stay until the last song of every club night out. That crucial half hour extra of abdominal firming YMCA stretches and gluteus-maximus ‘hips don’t lie’ toning are classic fitness regime substitutes.

well as flourishing new developments, has been a fantastic stage on which to play out the first act of my foreign adventure.

The language can be a barrier at times, especially when spoken in the local accent, but once you’ve been here long enough, speaking and understanding become a whole lot easier. The locals are very welcoming and are open to all the foreign customs that my international compatriots and I have brought here, although, I do feel for my housemate Galina, whose name is similar to the word for chicken. I have even managed to pick up some German whilst here – “Hast du das klopapier gekauft?” (Have you bought the toilet paper) being my favourite phrase so far.

All in all, the experience so far has been incredible, and I only hope the rest of the trip can meet the very high standards that have already been set.

A popular New Years resolution is to get a part-time job, but this is often scuppered by our laziness. However, by embracing our lack of willingness to dress up and move our limbs for money, we suddenly become ideal candidates for life art models at uni, which I’m reliably told pays four times more than serving behind a bar. Thus by feeling the draft, you are painlessly reducing your over-draft. It is the soundest financial tactic since a exuberant and spectacled man called Howard was asked to front the Halifax bank advertisements.

So, in conclusion, the reason we fail ourselves every year is not because the goals are unreachable, but because the method is dull, tedious and therefore as futile as separating cheap double vodka and cokes from an Isis drinks promotion.

This year, identify your resolution and choose a method for success that has the excitement, novelty and idiocy that motivate us as students. It is different for each individual, but ultimately the key to maintaining your resolutions this new year is to dance more, eat more takeaways, swear more and get naked in public twice a week!

spare parts

> our man in...

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reviews

ARTS | FILMS | MUSIC | NIGHTS | GRATIS

nice

image dave eborall

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impactnottingham.com/arts

NICE arts > you are what you read who you are when you read...

pride & prejudice Although you may be a woman of the 21st century, when you’re walking home with heavy shopping through herds of prepubescent chavs, you sometimes find yourself dreaming of embroidery and corsets. You identify closely with Lizzy Bennett’s independent spirit, but you’d like the chance to prove it, if only someone would go to the bother of repressing you a little... You value love over money, although secretly hope your future husband will be rich enough to avoid actually having to choose the one over the other. You loved the BBC adaptation, but felt a bit affronted by the new film. You say this is because it didn’t capture the greatness of Austen’s writing, but really it’s because you don’t think Lizzy Bennett looks like Keira Knightley. In fact, you’ve pictured her looking just like you.

The pains and pleasures of an embarrassing family are well known to you, only sisterly squabbles are over hair straighteners in your house, not bonnets. You like to deny it, but you find yourself dreaming of weddings at times, and your eyes are always peeled for

a Darcy, perhaps standing alone in a club looking haughty. Unfortunately, even the most promisingly brooding guys you meet turn out to be just plain grumpy and more into Pro-Evo than quietly heroic deeds. For now you are resigned to having fun with a few caddish Mr

Wickhams, and when the world gets too much, a well-thumbed copy of P&P is sitting on your bedside table ready to offer you sanctuary…

Bianca Leggett

poetry for pessimists rosemary dean considers the pains and pleasures of getting morose with the masters…

Night falls at four o’clock, the turkey is nearly eaten and all that awaits you is a pile of revision. Yes, it’s the post-holiday ennui, where either you’re swamped with work, or everyone you know is swamped with work and doesn’t want to know you. Isolated, alone. What to do?

Others have been there before you. And they wrote poetry.

arts

Dorothy Parker deals in the kind of cynicism about love that comes after three martinis. Her telling of a failed suicide attempt, ‘The Trifler’, compares waiting for death to waiting for a lover, only for neither to arrive, and concludes that not even the grim reaper can be trusted when it comes to a prettier girl. ‘Love Song’ describes a relationship which looks wonderful on the outside but is actually deeply tedious,

with the lines ‘My own dear love, he is all my world/And I wish I’d never met him.’

Lingering on the morbid side of things is everyone’s favourite repressed homosexual AE Housman, typified by ‘On An Athlete Dying Young’, which covers Housman’s favourite topics of men dying young, a Shropshire village and the passage of time. Housman only published two collections of poetry in his lifetime, the second called Last Poems, compiled for his dying childhood friend with whom Housman was in love.

But of course, no discussion of depressing poetry would be complete without Philip Larkin. Many people wonder why his poetry is so pessimistic, although living in Hull and working as a librarian no doubt played their part. At times his tone borders on self-parody,

such as ‘On Failure’, a poem which wonderfully captures the idle moment when it hits you that yes, you are actually rubbish. So maybe not that much of a failure after all, eh, Philip?

But then there’s still ‘As Bad As A Mile’, where he compares the whole of his life to throwing a stray apple core that misses the bin. Finally, there’s ‘A Study of Reading Habits’ where Larkin announces that ‘books are a load of crap’, concluding that a life of reading has done nothing but show up his own inadequacies.

There you have it, then. Even the poets admit that getting wrapped up in books has its downside. So perhaps its time to stop wallowing in poetry, and go out and see your friends instead.

Rosemary Dean

> poetry julia copus Julia Copus’ poetry from both her published works, The Shuttered Eye and A Defence of Adultery and a couple of as yet unpublished works, tackled love and relationships in a very personal manner, with each poem being accompanied by an intimate introduction.

Julia read poems covering her well-meaning inventive father, a new look on the creation

@ lakeside

of Eve, re-incarnation and the ‘social history of desire’, each of which were meticulously composed and read. The most memorable poem was ‘The Backseat of my Mother’s Car’.

This poem painfully detailed the feeling of sitting in the back of the car staring out while her mother drove away from her father for

skins thursdays

the last time. The poem was written in a new form invented by Copus called Specular (from the Latin speculum meaning mirror) as the first stanza’s lines are repeated in the second, capturing how Julia thought her feelings had no beginning or end but circled endlessly. This poem, although it really stood out due to its unique nature, is archetypal of her work: real, raw feelings carefully painted with interesting and often funny poems.

Alec Grieve

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> tv

@ 10pm, e4

A few weeks ago, Impact took an SU sponsored trip down to the set of Skins, a new programme airing on E4, Thursdays at 10pm. Think As If and Queer as Folk with a stretched 17 year old version of that pudding-faced child from About a Boy giving a blow job to a tap dancing ‘down to earth gay’ who, in reality, is slightly nervous about his potential gay following, There’s also Viagra, dropping pills, a bit of self harm, a few eating disorders, herbal fags, pyromania, and a giant pyramid made entirely out of sugar cubes.

Thorne (Shameless), Skins follows a group of troubled teenagers as they push boundaries.

Watch it if only for the pure hysteria of Nicholas Hoult, who plays Tony, writhing around in a discreet silk pouch; Nottingham local Joe Dempsie, who plays Chris, assures Impact that Mitch Hewer (as Maxxie) did his best to tuck it back. The crew had these closing words for you: Impact: “In Notts we have ice cream vans that sell drugs” Skins: “Skins is like drugs, it’s the word for roll ups. It’s more of a metaphor; you get under the skin of every character. There’s nothing on TV that shows teenagers like this.

I mean, Grange Hill’s not on anymore.”

Set in Bristol, with a writing team that includes Simon Amstell (Popworld) and Jack

Alice Hutton

dance > dance stan@won’t nottingham playhouse

More prudish theatre-goers, however, may have left a little red-cheeked: profanities, blasphemies, licentiousness (including brief unwarranted nudity), sadomasochism and a strong sense of nihilism littered the performance. This new concept piece expanded the boundaries of theatre, creating

a dance-cum-musical-cum-play sub genre.

Appreciated as a dance the ninety minutes were faultless; the high-octane choreography was tight and the ambitious acrobatics were applause-worthy.

As a play, however, it was cringe-worthy. The plot, unlike the choreography was lazy, and its attempt at political issues was insubstantial, sometimes wildly inappropriate. This included one jarring joke involving Fundamental Extremist Muslims, a blow-up doll and explosives. Despite this, the full house and fantastically varied audience would suggest that if this is anything to go by, physical theatre will be just the thing to bring the masses back to the theatre.

Josie Ensor

arts

The future’s here and the future is…physical theatre. For one night only, Stan Won’t Dance came to Nottingham, a play centred on the domestic and sexual duels of the protagonist and his partner grappling with love, loss, sin and redemption. It explored the seamless mix of the painfully ordinary; the nuances of domestic life with the striking extraordinary of writhing bodies and the devil incarnate.

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impactnottingham.com/films

NICE films > cinema reviews deja vu (12a) Cast: Denzel Washington, Paula Patton, Jim Caviezel, Val Kilmer Director: Tony Scott Running Time: 126 minutes Following the terrorist bombing of a ferry in New Orleans killing over 500 people, Déjà Vu stars Washington as government agent Carlin who’s called in to investigate the incident alongside Pryswarra (Kilmer) and his specialist FBI crew who possess a revolutionary timemachine to potentially prevent the attack.

So far this probably sounds ridiculously unbelievable within the context of an otherwise serious film. But don’t start imagining the likes of the Tardis just yet. Instead the time-machine is more of a 360 degree mobile CCTV camera providing uninterrupted coverage of events four days in the past - almost like watching Big Brother Live on E4 with the time delay. With this Carlin gets particularly engrossed in the case, falling in love with deceased victim Claire (Patton), whose actions prior to the bombing are pivotal in discovering the terrorist’s identity.

pan’s labyrinth (15) Cast: Ivana Baquero, Doug Jones, Sergi López Director: Guillermo del Toro Running Time: 119 minutes

film

Pan’s Labyrinth or El Laberinto del Fauno, is the latest work of Mexican director Guillermo Del Toro. It meshes the stark realism and brutality of fascism in Franco’s Spain with the escapist, fairytale fantasy of child protagonist Ofelia. The story is set in a rural village where the fascists have met strong resistance from a group of rebels, with both sides ruthless and violent in the defence of their beliefs. Ofelia is brought to this outpost by her mother who has married Captain Vidal, the man in charge of quelling the uprising, which he attempts to do with tortuous methods and gruesome sadism.

Here Ofelia meets a faun who tells her that she is the re-incarnation of a mythical Princess, and that to realise her destiny and retain her kingdom she must complete three tasks.

The film is visually stunning and captivatingly

shot and thankfully the special effects are used sparingly and with excellent results. Del Toro is reunited with Hell Boy’s Doug Jones who is heavily made up again, this time as the faun and the incredibly creepy Pale Man to great effect. In fact the cast is superb all round; Captain Vidal oozes malice and selfrighteousness whilst Ivana Baquero as Ofelia displays a maturity way beyond her 11 years.

The advertising for this film is slightly misleading as it is in no way a children’s film. It is fairly harrowing in places and could be best described as an adult fairytale. This should not put anyone off; it is a thoroughly affecting film with the kind of open ending most filmmakers dream of.

Marcus Wood

★★ ★ ★ ★

Déjà Vu isn’t particularly ground-breaking, with a similar concept already apparent in Minority Report, although Washington is enough of an icon to hold everything together and he has a few funny lines to keep you amused. Furthermore, the terrorist’s motives are under-developed - the film rests safely on him being an American patriot, as opposed to an Iraqi/Afghan, which would have been more pertinent. Similarly Kilmer’s minor role is disappointing, especially considering his opening scenes with Washington, which should have been the foundations of an ensuing partnership between the two characters.

Although the action is overly restricted to the finale, it is nevertheless gripping, in particular the car chase in which Carlin follows the terrorist through the past perspective while contending with present day traffic. Yet above all else Déjà Vu has you leaving the cinema feeling that, ferry bombings aside, why didn’t the US government use the device to stop 9/11?!

Paul Cooney

★★ ★

> dvd reviews Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest unfortunately suffers from the usual ‘sequel syndrome’ where everything is just a little too forced. Depp is, of course, brilliant in his effortless portrayal of the loveable anti-hero Captain Jack Sparrow and provides by far the most entertainment of the film. The other main characters however are weaker and less likeable in comparison, and this is glaringly obvious.

Admittedly, the characters are unconvincingly written, but sadly the acting doesn’t help much either – performances from Bloom and Knightley are particularly stale. One cannot help but feel that these characters contribute nothing whatsoever to the film as a whole.

By reuniting the cast from The Curse of the Black Pearl, too much attention is spent on sub-plots that try desperately to link all the characters together which makes for a muddled and confusing tale. This cluttered storyline is unsurprising given that Verbinski starts the film off so slowly - time would have been better spent explaining the basic plot in greater depth.

That said, the film does have its highlights; Nighy’s big bad squid gets the job done while

pirates of the caribbean: dead man’s chest (12a)

Cast: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Bill Nighy Director: Gore Verbinski Running time: 145 minutes

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looking the part (although his crew of un-dead sea freaks are more disgusting than terrifying) and the actual filming itself is beautiful.

Dead Man’s Chest lacks the ‘wow’ factor of the first film; the humour relies too heavily on slap-stick and the cartoon-like fighting scene between Norrington, Will Turner and Captain Jack, whilst being impressive, goes on for far too long. Spending two and a half hours watching this vaguely amusing, somewhat incoherent pirate adventure sure beats a quick stint in the Hallward library, so in that sense it is worth a go. Fun for all the family it might just about be, but your grandmother will be left wondering what the hell just happened.

Vicki Evans

little miss sunshine (15)

★★ ★

Take one dysfunctional family… Crack-addled, porn-obsessed grandfather: check. Dad, a motivational speaker who spouts trite and clichéd aphorisms that no one pays attention to: check. Mother, on the brink of losing it with husband, trying to hold it together for kids: check. Her homosexual brother, a professor of Proust who has come to live with the family after a failed suicide induced by the rejection of his student lover, who subsequently falls for his number one rival in the academic world: check. Teenage son, a fanatical follower of Nietzsche who has taken a vow of silence until he achieves his goal of becoming a fighter pilot: check. And then there’s Olive, a sevenyear-old girl who dreams of winning the Little Miss Sunshine beauty contest. Add reason for aforementioned family to squeeze into a clapped out VW camper for a cross-country trip to California and what do you get? Film festival favourite Little Miss Sunshine.

The impetus for the trip, in case you hadn’t guessed, is the beauty contest, and despite Olive being a bright and likeable seven year

old child, we know that her huge glasses and cute chubbiness don’t bode well for her chances. This sets up a road trip movie in which we already know what to expect - family arguments and division followed by bonding through adversity with everyone learning the importance of togetherness in the end; which is what we get. However to leave it at that would be to miss the point as Sunshine is a film that, for the most part, stays on the right side of sentimental and delivers plenty of laughs. Steve Carrell (40 Year Old Virgin) is on good form as the recovering Proustian professor, the grandfather has some killer lines: “I can say what I want - I still got Nazi bullets in my ass” and Toni Collette (you’ve seen her in loads of things) is always great to watch. Then there’s the beauty contest itself, a strange and hilarious event that is worth the ticket price on its own. The film is funny and warm and that should be enough to distract from your exams for a couple of hours…

Tom Peck

★★ ★

film

Cast: Steve Carell, Toni Collette, Greg Kinnear Directors: Jonathan Dayton, Valerie Faris Running Time: 102 minutes

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impactnottingham.com/music

NICE music

electric mouth

• local - uni band special Okay, bloody hell, why would anyone want to dedicate a whole page to the murky underworld of student rock bands? Great, you have five A grade A-levels, you’re heading for a first and yes, you probably will go on to make a fuck load as a lawyer – but really, what on earth makes you think you’re the next Noel Gallagher? You went to public school fer chrissake.

And you! Stop whining! You’re a be-spectacled Chemistry student and your band sounds like the spirit of Limp Bizkit channelled into a dirty hangover fart. Is that a cigarette you’re smoking up there on stage? Ooohh, rebel rebel!

Anyone who’s ever been dragged along to their best mate’s other mate’s gig at some crappy Battle of The Bands will shudder at the thought of a student bands showcase. But Impact’s fucking with the system, yeah? We’re like TOTALLY arsebumming your expectations.

We’ve trawled through the shite (of which there was plenty), absconding Student Rock Squalor, to four great new university bands that shatter the stereotypes and shove songbombs up your shove-holes. Shabba!

Alex Hoban

WHO: James Metcalf (vocals, guitar) Josh Shinner (bass) Tom Hopwood (guitar) George Wilson (drums) SOUNDS LIKE: A frenetic chase scene from Mission Impossible, but with more grit and stubble than midget madman Tom Cruise could ever muster.

IN THEIR OWN WORDS: “We spread the gospel of anthemic indie rock to the educated masses.”

WHY THEY’RE NOT SHIT: Because they sound like they actually mean the above. And having recently won two separate Battle of the Bands for a showcase set in London, this might not be the last you hear from them.

WEB: myspace.com/electricmouth Rob Chute

crimson roadmap

yo chomsky!

WHO: Alex (vocals), Roger (guitar), El Beardo (bass), Barney (synths), Andy (tt) SOUNDS LIKE: Part Keats, part Klaxons, they’re a rougher-around-the-edges LCD Soundsystem.

IN THEIR OWN WORDS: “We want pop to be cool again.”

WHY THEY’RE NOT SHIT: Their gigs are a disco ball of colour, headbands and crowd surfing. They’ve been in NME twice and the songs display a sense of humour and intellectualism (they’re named after a professor of Linguistics) that may just bring Rabble Pop to Guardian readers.

WEB: www.myspace.com/yochomsky Rob Chute

stuntmen

music

NAME: Stuntmen WHO: Steven D’Souza (guitars, lead vocals, keyboards), Rob Weiss (bass, backing vocals), Ed Gorrod (drums) SOUNDS LIKE: Intense three piece rock. A mash of Yes, Rush, and Incubus groove. The Rock Apocalypse cometh.

IN THEIR OWN WORDS: “We’re bringing progasmic rock out of the closet and into your aural cavities”.

WHY THEY’RE NOT SHIT: Their energetic live set leaves jaws dropped and eardrums popped.

WEB: http: //www.myspace.com/ stuntmenprog Rich Preston

NAME: Crimson Roadmap WHO: Rob MacPherson (guitar/vocals), Chris Smith (bass/vocals), Anjay Raj (drums) SOUNDS LIKE: An unleashing of epic proportions, with their song ‘My Chaos Theory’ lasting a full seven and a half minutes.

IN THEIR OWN WORDS: “We’re a little darker than most, keeping the vocals to a minimum and just let the music do the work” WHY THEY’RE NOT SHIT: They’re propelled by their sound. An obsession with guitar effects, overdriven bass and loud drums, they claim to give a ‘different take on rock music’.

WEB: http://www.myspace.com/ crimsonroadmap Jess Bowen

the holy path to ultimate band failure Most people you meet at university claim to be in a band. Impressed?

Look closer. They are poseurs, merely masquerading as a ‘Band’; they practise, rehearse and play little gigs, but it’s always so bloody stale.

These people are the odious mongrels of bandhood. What? You like that? It’s your dream too? Well, shmuck, look no further. Follow this handy five-point plan and you too can be a Student Band Sucker!

1) Employ a sub-megalomaniac, vacuous egotist as a lead singer. It guarantees group dissolution in vast measures. How to bag one? Fish for Granny Cardigans around campus.

2) Band names are vital. Make sure you never get one. True artists locked together in the quest for musical transcendence will never agree on a moniker, no matter how many suggestions they unashamedly pinch from obscure books.

3) Equipment is an astute investment. You will use new kit sparingly, for novelty, and never for its intended purpose. Arbitrary and frequent eBay purchases will devour your loan, ensuring that getting into a studio and recording remains a perpetual pipe dream. Score!

4) Never ever ever EVER play a gig – except for friends/partners/partners’ friends. Social politeness shields you from the poisonous malice that is constructive criticism.

5) Above all, practise at your peril. It wastes valuable time that could be spent haughtily discussing your trite ‘ideas’ that you ripped off from some crap Philosophy subsid you did last term.

Adam Sweeney

in...

girl band bust up: the final word As 2007’s dawn blinds us with its shiny threat of being the bright future etc., Jess Bowen ignores the big issues of modern times in favour of some good old fashion Rock Bitchin’.

We line up elegant electro-nymphs Dead Disco against prim pop-princesses The Pipettes for a round table debate, determined to decipher the precise role of the Girl Band in the grand scheme of life, the universe and everything…

For anyone who can’t quite stomach New Rave, 2007’s set to see the Girl Band back in vogue. Well, more specifically, the MostlyGirls-But-A-Few-Token-Guys-For-GoodMeasure Band. The close of 2006 has seen the advent of bands like The Gossip, CSS, Noisettes and Metric to name but a few, with the long-awaited debut album from lusty librarians, The Long Blondes, flipping our tweakers and sending us out buzzing.

So with so many lady faces in the press, it’s time to address that old cliché: Do girls really have it tougher than boys? Polka-dot popstars, The Pipettes go head to head with electro soon-to-bes, Dead Disco to battle it out. Let the catfight begin!

Round One: Is it harder for girls in bands to be ‘taken seriously’, or is that just a cop out?

The Pipettes plunge straight in: ‘Everyone knows that it’s a male-dominated industry. Women have to work much harder to justify themselves than men.’ Dead Disco, on the other hand are not convinced: ‘We seem to get a good balance of being compared to both male and female acts, but as a band if you work and practise hard enough then to be honest it is a bit of a cop out to use that excuse.’ Ouch.

Round Two: Do girl bands have to be all about the image in order to get our attention?

‘Historically, bands have always used their image to some degree,’ the Dead Disco girls tell us. ‘It’s not really female orientated, it’s more a part of being able to identify where the group is coming from, just like punks wearing studs and The Strokes wearing leather jackets.’ The Pipettes, known for their 1950s fashion and cute songs about broken hearts on the dancefloor are perhaps in a better position to answer this one. ‘We always wanted to have a strong image that represented the music we were making,’ they state matterof-factly. ‘The visuals always inform the perception of the music. We never wanted to look like everyone else; we never wanted even to be trendy or fashionable, which people misunderstand. It’s a uniform.’

Round Three: What should girls in bands be doing to get heard?

‘Well, we wanted to subvert expectations of what women should be in music,’ The Pipettes announce somewhat defiantly, ‘either validating themselves by an instrument or presenting themselves as objects. We do neither because we want to do things on our own terms.’ Dead Disco shrug it off. ‘Just make sure lots of people hear your demo and get playing some gigs…but don’t just ask for your mum’s opinion, and don’t forget to practice.’

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The Final Word It is a big temptation for girls to be a bit slapdash in their approach to music, because, let’s face it, getting attention as a girl band isn’t that hard. Band Soc’s Cat Rose has seen it all before. ‘Whatever kind of band you are, you have to have your own sound and this is the challenge that faces girls – sometimes they’re not as creative as they should be, and if you’re half-arsed then obviously you’re not going to be taken seriously.’ Clearly, the bands worth our attention are already out there doing it, and when a band is good enough no one cares whether they’re male or female. And that’s something which at last women in music are catching on to.

the women who made girls in bands cool again Karen O Predominantly an artist, with talent that doesn’t need to be marketed as ‘female’ in order to be noticed, Karen O rules the roost. Oh yes.

Kate Jackson Frontwoman of the Long Blondes, 7th coolest person of 2006 according to NME. Not so with us – step forward Ms Jackson!

Kim Deal Kim Deal rocks. End of.

Beth Ditto Love or hate her, Ms Ditto has made a big splash in the indie pond and would most likely win in a fight with, well, anyone.

Hayley Williams Teenage singer of rock band, Paramore, hailed as the new Gwen Stefani (we’re not allowed to like the old one anymore apparently).

music

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music NICE

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impactnottingham.com/nights

NICE nights > bites on the boulevard At the heart of Lenton is The Boulevard, and it is rife with some of the best cuisine in the midlands. For Italian, Chinese or Turkish go to Arco’s, Fortune Boy or Fanoose and let your taste buds run wild. But even if you want to eat your food off an actual plate rather than a polystyrene tray, it doesn’t mean you have to get your lazy arse into town…

the higoi I have to admit I was dubious about eating ‘real’ food on Lenton Boulevard. You’re always going to be safe with a bowl of chips at ‘the Bag’ opposite, so I was a little nervous as I tucked into sushi at The Higoi. From the outside it looks dark and gloomy, which is pretty much the same as the inside to be honest. But that’s not such a bad thing. The Higoi is small, traditional and authentic. The simplicity of the décor is probably so as not to detract you from the reason you are there: the food. And it was good sushi, although a bit too expensive for a student’s liking. If you’re after sushi I would recommend it if you’re feeling too lazy to leave Lenton.

Nancy Weir

ciao Replacing La Grenouille on the corner across from Fanoose Kebabs, this Italian restaurant had not yet opened as this issue went to print.

The menu has all the usual pizza and pasta for around the £7 mark, plus some meat dishes for a bit more. Small, intimate and stylish, it adds a much needed touch of class to the boulevard. Molto bene yeah?

Tom Parry

the happy return Every weekday from 5pm to 7pm, The Happy Return does meals for a pound! I’m astounded and slightly aggrieved not to have discovered this incredible fact earlier in the term. I’ve been slaving away at a hot stove (okay, microwave) every night while just across the road I could have been stuffing my face for sod all money and not had to wash up afterwards. As I went about spreading the good news, I encountered cynics who doubted the quality of food at such a low price. But for £1, who cares? As it happened both choices were perfectly edible;

chicken and bacon stew that was far tastier than it looked, or double egg and chips. Happy days. The one catch is that you must buy a drink with your meal, and I’m not sure a lime and soda counts. If you’re extravagant enough to want to spend more than a pound on supper, £4ish will get you one of the massive meals off the main menu, which I am reliably informed are ‘well nice’. Or you could just get four lots of egg and chips...

Tom Parry

shaw’s sandwiches

nights

You’re hungover, the fridge smells weird, and the plates are mouldy in the sink. Don’t continue this student stereotype by picking at the slimy remains of last night’s kebab, instead nip down to Shaw’s (opposite El Passo’s) and treat yourself to something a bit healthier. For under £2, Shaw’s will sort you out a sandwich, baguette, toastie or jacket potato, and if you scrabble around for some extra change you can get a panini or tortilla wrap. I plumped for a bacon roll, the granddaddy of bread-based snacks. The bap was of generous proportions, but with only two rashers of bacon it failed to live up to its mouth-watering promise.

Despite this disappointment, the word on The Boulevard is that the sandwiches are excellent and, to its credit, Shaw’s is a family-run business that prepares its food freshly for you. Munch on that, Jackson’s!

Tom Parry

> changing tracks the golden fleece

moog

@ newdigate st

@ mansfield road

You’ll find Moog hidden away off the Alfreton Road (that’s the one left after junction 7). Due to its obscure location, Moog isn’t a place you might stumble into as you walk by, but don’t let that stop you. Just make a bit of an effort and you’ll find something pretty exciting. With seventies style wallpaper and über comfy sofas, Moog is ideal for a chilled out midweek drink. If you fancy something more lively, go on the weekend and dance to the funky beats of local DJs. The staff are super friendly, the food is delish and it’s not too pricey either. Tip: the lovely guys at Moog have a cult film showing from 8pm every Sunday, and they even sell popcorn!

Since its refurbishment and Detonate’s takeover in 2005, great things have happened to the Golden Fleece. If you’re looking for a few quiet ales this isn’t really the place to head, but if you’re interested in a dash of drum and bass with your vodka coke you might just have a good time. With live music throughout the week including open mic night on a Monday and live bands on a Thursday, there’s a little something to suit everybody’s musical taste.

The Golden Fleece hosts the warm up gigs for both Detonate and Spectrum once a month so you’ll understand what sort of crowd it attracts.

Tip: Keep a look out for the fish man. This guy wanders the pub selling little pots of fresh seafood. The fish is quite expensive but the novelty factor makes it worth the pennies!

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nights NICE

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This is my middle finger up to all those Trent haters out there: I think the Trent lot hit the nail on the head with their choice of watering holes. If you’re sick of pubs like the Peacock or the Bag and you don’t fancy the Gordo’s scene I’d recommend these two for a welcome change of music, style and attitude...

Nancy Weir

> out and about in notts I’m sure a few eyebrows are raised every time the name is uttered. ‘What? As in tantric sex? Is Impact really reviewing that sort of establishment? Has Sting finally got his claws into the jewel of the Midlands?’

tantra @ victoria street

Decked out in red and black like an exotic boudoir, Tantra’s decor lives up to its name: seductive and a little bit kinky. Dim lighting and cosy booths create the feeling of intimacy, a theme echoed further in the infamous beds situated on a raised platform at the far end of the bar. String curtains separate the plush byres from each other and the rest of the club.

If you do fancy lounging around surrounded by cushions, drink in hand, it’s best if you reserve in advance (01159 859955) as the best seats in the house are highly sought after.

Heading down on a Tuesday is the best bet for us poor students as it’s half price cocktail night (praise be!). Choosing from the long list of cheekily named cocktails is the most strenuous part of the night. Cocktails on offer include Tantric Kisses, Knicker Dropper Glories,

Midnight Shags... Needless to say if you’re a wee bit shy, you might feel a bit uncomfortable ordering, but don’t let it put you off! The cocktails are to die for. Prettily presented in elegant glasses and topped off with fruit and/or umbrellas, it almost seems a shame to destroy such a work of art, but you won’t regret it.

Very different to the usual student haunts, Tantra gives a glimpse into the sophisticated world of the debt free yuppy that we all secretly hope to become. In the meantime, inject a bit of sophistication and luxury into your week. Go on, you know you want to!

Hannah Lewis

nights

But worry not. For those of you who don’t already know, Tantra is a lounge bar and not a strip joint (although there is a pole...). As the name suggests, it’s a little bit naughty, but very, very nice. Its website hails itself as ‘the sexiest club, lounge and boutique bar in Nottingham’ and I have to say I agree.

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NICE gratis > competitions Send all answers to: magazine@impactnottingham.com with ‘competition’ in the subject title

• get yourself a violent veg t-shirt Displaying a rather fascinating ability to see the funny side of things, www.violentveg.co.uk is the official site for those edgy wags, Violent Veg, where “PC” still means “police constable” and medicinal power of a good laugh is recognised. Drop in on the violent veg regularly for a dose of delicious and nutritious vegetable humour!

Thanks to the kind people at the Violent Veg team, Impact has three Classic T, short sleeved t shirts for whichever of our lucky readers can answer this rather special question... ®

• stop smoking with free Nicogel With smoking increasingly banned in work places, restaurants, bars, theatres and even sporting venues, many smokers have found their way of life challenged.

They can now find relief in the form of a revolutionary new gel that delivers a cigarette-like hit to the brain in less than a minute.

A unique aromatherapy gel called Nicogel could offer smokers a genuine solution for times when they find themselves in places where they are not permitted to smoke. The product contains a natural extract from Nicotiana spp - the tobacco plant, making it a safe and proven method to help bridge the gap for smokers.

Nicogel is rubbed into the hands – and just a few squirts a day can give smokers the same kick they get from cigarettes without the damaging effects of smoking tobacco.

Nicogel is available in a 50ml bottle and contains the equivalent of 50 cigarettes. The product is available from nationwide retail outlets such as Tesco, ASDA, Superdrug, Wilkinson’s, Morrison’s, Unichem Moss and all good independent chemists priced at £9.99.

We have three sets of 5 bottles to give away. To win, answer the following question….

Which natural extract does Nicogel contain?

A: Acer Laetum B: Nicotiana spp C: Cyrsium maackii

Who rules the backstreets?

Student accommodation isn’t known for being particularly salubrious and must-have design items are often as thin on the ground as your new bedroom’s threadbare carpet.

A: The Alley Carrots B: The Pretentious Pois C: The Passion Fruits

• bottled comedy gold Only a select few things are funny enough to be broadcast on the radio.

Fewer still are the numbers that get their own CD of ‘best bits’. We have two copies of Chris Adderson’ ‘The Ape That Got Lucky’ and the classic ‘Monty Python’s Flying Circus’ to tickle some lucky readers with.

To win, just answer the question that no doubt appears below...

In whose general direction are you farting?

quotability Owen - “Pete’s my ideal guy, and I’m not even gay” Matt - “When I read that, I thought ‘yeah, if I were gay, I’d hit that”

Matt - “Next morning I fingered her on the couch”

Miriam - “I’ve seen my brother’s cock” Owen - “Did you suck it off?”

Alice - “I would definitely have anal with Tom Jones - not the singer”

Matt - “Dan, could I have a tinkle in your dinkle? By which I mean a ride”

Chingy - “Alex, dude! Why don’t you ever call me back? I miss you bitch, peace”

Matt - “When you’ve designed a really good page you just want to make love to yourself”

Owen - “All the cool people are going to want to go to a cool club and all the shit people like me are going to want to go to Ocean”

Matt - “Everyone’s gay for me, even the women”

Dan - “I’d love to get anal beads in Impact”

Jess - “I would shag Paxman rotten”

*NQBDU staff

issue 180

nights

Editor-In-Chief: Dan Brenikov Editor: Miriam Zendle Deputy Editor: Pete Tubman Design Editor: Matt Perry Associate Editors: Charlotte Longstaff, Corin Faife, Alice Hutton Online Editor: James Hicks Images Editors: Dave Eborall, Rob Garratt Associate Design Editors: Oli Rimoldi, Elinor Harris News Editors: Jessica Elgot, Tim Barwell, Owen Bennett Sports Editors: Adam Harwood, Jenny Smith Travel Editors: Amy Pickerill, Sam Holland Fashion Editor: Katie Hodgkiss Arts Editors: Bianca Leggett, Simon Treacy Film Editors: Tom Peck, Paul Cooney Music Editors: Amy Dyson, Alex Hoban Nights Editors: Hannah Lewis, Nancy Weir, Tom Parry Publicity Manager: Robert Barham Publicity Officers: Dave Wood, Nsikan Edung

Matt - “Oh man, sorry Alice but Dan is my new God. He found my pen!”

Matt - “She didn’t scream, it wasn’t like normal”

Dan - “Don’t leave angry, Owen” Owen - “I wake up angry” Dan - “You had me at ‘alright treacle’”

photos, artwork & design Florence Gohard, Rob Garratt, Dave Eborall, Amy Bell, Philip Morton, Francesca Moore, Matt Perry, Oli Rimoldi, Daniel Brenikov, Elinor Harris, Alex Margolis et al.

contributors

• che guevara poster? check. traffic cone? check. baby biOrb? check!

But why languish in dishevelled digs when one item could transform your room and virtually guarantee a “yes” when you invite guests to come upstairs? Part distinctive spherical aquarium, part ambient room light and part work of art, the baby biOrb wields this kind of power.

Produced by innovative aquatics designers and manufacturers Reef One, the baby biOrb is the latest addition to its range of low maintenance, fish friendly aquariums. Being more compact than the original biOrb, the baby biOrb is perfect for even the smallest of student bedrooms.

Matt Stevenson, co-founder of Reef One, said: “I came up with idea for the original biOrb while completing my product design, innovation and marketing degree at university. I wanted to design a modern take on the traditional fishbowl that was both healthy for fish and easy to maintain.

“The baby biOrb retains the best features of the biOrb but its smaller size – and smaller price – makes it ideal for student homes and halls. Caring for your fish in the baby biOrb is pretty straightforward; feeding aside, it really shouldn’t take any more than half an hour every four weeks. Your landlord isn’t going to kick up a stink about you keeping fish either, especially when it makes his house look so great!”

The baby biOrb has interchangeable ‘swap tops’ which come in six different colours: black, silver, blue, pink, yellow and glow-in-the-dark green as well as a range of accessories. The baby biOrb and other Reef One products are available from stockists throughout the country. For more information, visit www.reef-one.com or call 01603 710339.

To win a fabulous baby biOrb (RRP £59.95) all you have to do is answer this (relatively) interesting question?

Do fish prefer Ben and Jerry’s or Lager?

apologies

contact us

To the greyhounds, we love you really. To any one of the religious demoninations we’ve offended this month. To Jade Goody for being so understanding.

Impact Magazine, Portland Building, University Park, University of Nottingham, Nottingham, NG7 2RD

thanks

Tel: 0115 846 8716

Heather Saxton, Emily Grosvner-Taylor, Tom Grant, Gerald Bates, Chris Gilbertson, Roxane Fisher, Gemma Casey, John The Savage, Cosmic Joe, Anna Hogarty, Rob Chute, Rich Preston, Jess Bowen, Adam Sweeney, Josie Ensor, Alec Grieve, Rosemary Dean, Tash Bonkers, Ben Davies, Andrew Kaufman, Josie Robinson, Marcus Wood, Vicki Evans.

To Natalie Dale, who has left University for a career in fashion. To our friends who submitted photos to our Facebook group. To Pete’s mum (for goods and services rendered). To Matt and Oli, who have been a godsend this month.

meetings

advertising

Mondays: News - 4pm Tuesdays: Sport - 2pm, Music - 5pm Features - 5pm, Images - 6pm Thursdays: Nights - 5pm Fridays: Arts - 11am, Fashion - 1pm

SU Marketing Team, Media Communications Tel: (0115) 846 8744 E-mail: sumarketing@nottingham.ac.uk

Email: magazine@impactnottingham.com designers@impactnottingham.com associate_designers@impactnottingham.com images@impactnottingham.com sports@impactnottingham.com fashion@impactnottingham.com nights@impactnottingham.com films@impactnottingham.com music@impactnottingham.com arts@impactnottingham.com news@impactnottingham.com impact.travel@googlemail.com

DISCLAIMER: The views expressed in Impact are those of individual contributors and are not representative of the magazine, Students’ Union or University.

“Why I Hate Society and Every Fucker In It” Express yourself! Make a WeeMee, a Wii Mii, a Zwinky! Personalise your MySpace with trashy colour schemes and music that defines you. The more you put on, the sexier you are.

Spray more, get more. What does your toilet say about you?

I’m sorry, but what the fuck is this? At what point in our sorry history did culture become something you bought rather than created? 1776? I stand here, a man sick of the society which defines self-expression as a combination of pre-sets, and friendship as the acceptance of an e-invitation to link database entries. It was as I walked home from uni the other day that it struck me; for all of society’s shallowness, the depth in which it wallows in its own vapidity is infinite. Words could never express just how vacuous and insignificant our lives have become. Worse, we try and fill these existential cavities with the stories of other, equally insignificant lives, as if the holes will overlap, magically producing meaning from shared worthlessness. Sitting outside the newsagents one day, eating my McSoulless under a shroud of shame, I suppress the urge to throw my lunch at anyone leaving with a copy of Closer or Hello – though, if I succumbed, at least they’d have an actual problem of their own to worry and gossip about. Increasingly, via celebrity “culture” and 30-second ad slots, we’re fed our thoughts and wants; encouraged to express ourselves via mass-produced cartoon faces, ringtones, fragrances and clothes, when in reality we no longer have anything to express. You are what you eat, and we’re all regurgitating society’s capitalist faeces.

This annoys me even more because people aren’t genetically cultureless, yet there’s a clear divide between those who enjoy and create the Arts (rah rah) and those who read The Sun (tits, hurrah!). Something terrible happens in the economic trashcan that mutates innocent children into chavs and criminals, the result of familial breakdown, poor education and a Netto health that snowballs and manifests through generations.

Children to whom “field trip” is a literal term. Disparity emerges between the faces and the faceless, until each becomes the drug for the other; mutually defining, overlapping holes. A working-class mother proudly stands next to the open boot of her car. Her family’s happy this Christmas because Asda gave her a 2-for-1 on crates of hard, legal drugs, enticing us to blow away our consciousness in a sad attempt at enjoying life in these dirty, overpopulated cities, tumours on the face of the world, interconnected via a network of concrete veins that transport the cancerous cells, slowly killing the only mother we ever had. High streets and local radio stations; identikit logos for identikit counties. The same people in the same places, talking about the same sports in the same pubs, drinking the same beer to wash away the same lives. Talentless graffiti by discarded punks yearning to make their mark on the world. Splintered pavement suffers the wrath of a suffocating Earth, splintered communities suffer the wrath of a suffocating populace, deprived of pride and self-respect.

I might sound like a grumpy bastard but I’m not saying anything you don’t already know and feel. Urban is the enemy, a void for class and beauty, sucking it out of its improverished citizens. Brand names and gossip fill voids and create desire.

I hate this society because it has callously buried reality and I hate every fucker in it because we’re doing our worst to find it.

impact’s columnist helen cui talks about life, the universe, and student politics ...

We are told that the young are disillusioned with politics, we feel our vote is inconsequential and ‘politician’ is a dirty word. But we don’t even have to look as far as Tony’s devilish grin to find the reason behind this political apathy; the surreal world of SU politics. Here, the student political animal is the deadliest species, devouring any scrap of enthusiasm left for the democratic process.

For anyone who has ever sat in an AGM, society committee, SU council or JCR meeting, you may have thought (though never admit to yourself) that democracy is not all its cracked up to be and that there sometimes can be a time and a place for dictatorships and an iron fist (if only to punch the next person who says something so unbelievably anally retentive/feminist/back-stabbing/self congratulatory that you have to pinch yourself). Holding a position in the SU is like joining an acceptable cult - that of the Self. Worship is in the form of circumlocutory speechifying and all this self-validation is made acceptable under the banner of democracy. Previously normal students become obsessed with the constitutional syntax and addicted to voting. The SU council has something called Procedural Motion 5 which calls for an end to the debate and a vote on whether to pass the motion, but if you launch a procedural motion 5 against another procedural motion 5 you have to vote on whether to vote on the motion. Democracy on campus means debating such core student issues of whether ketchup should be banned in halls because the cooks were offended that students use it to drown the taste of their ’food’; or whether red squirrels should be introduced onto campus to do battle with the satanic grey ones; or whether we are not taking seriously our responsibility to African Bonoboes by not selling a fair-trade, non-alcoholic Lambrini equivalent in the SU shop (the SU exec are now meeting with aforementioned Bonobo pressure groups). All this so that the egomanical CV builder and the Vineyard X socialist can one day get a corner office at KPMG or if they’re really lucky, the Labour candidacy for Richmond. And yet the student populace, with all the autonomy of thought as Dolly the Sheep, predictably votes for the fittest, the loudest and the one who can eat dog food out of another guy’s arse crack after 4 pints of Karni cocktail and 6 pints of milk. As the only honest man left in politics, RON, once said to me, ‘Vote for me and I promise to do absolutely nothing about The Ark.’

45

impactnottingham.com

by Matt Perry

lecture notes

opinion

A Short Rant

46

impactnottingham.com

> famous last words jessica elgot interviews craig murray

famous last words...

This issue, Impact takes a more serious tone in the form of an interview with the former ambassador for Uzbekistan and human rights champion, Craig Murray. The interview nicely coincides with People At Play’s production of ‘Talking to Terrorists’, showing at the New Theatre from 21st-24th February 2007.

Although the New Theatre season has yet to commence after a temporary exam hiatus, that hasn’t deterred many of its’ ambitious thespians. Many are using their student theatre experiences to start their own new, independent and very exciting production companies. These troupes are travelling beyond the newly orange porch a-top Cherry Tree Hill to the Royal Concert Hall, Edinburgh Festival, the National Student Drama Festival and the West End (well, almost). ‘Talking To Terrorists’ will be People At Play’s debut as an autonomous company. The play challenges the audiences’ perceptions of terrorism, and every syllable uttered is the transcript of real interviews, with a real person, from politicians, to journalists, to victims, relatives and of course, the terrorists themselves. Many of the characters featured are extremely high-profile figures including Murray himself.

Movement of Uzbekistan to Al-Qaeda, suspected of being gained through torture, was unreliable, immoral, and illegal. He accused Her Majesty’s Government of “selling our souls for dross”. In August 2003, he was faced with 18 charges including granting UK visas in exchange for sex. Murray claims that these accusations were intended to force his resignation. After he resigned, Murray stood for parliament in Blackburn, as an independent candidate, against his old boss ex-Foreign Secretary Jack Straw. Here, Craig Murray talks to Impact about the play, his faith in the British people and why students should get angrier…

While in office, Murray accused the Karimov administration of human rights abuses and complained to the Foreign Office that intelligence they received linking the Islamic

You talk in your book about your faith in the British public, and how you think they’d be horrified if they knew the torture that happens in the name of counter-terrorism. Do you still

What attracted you to participating in a play about terrorism? It wouldn’t be fair to say the play was agenda-less, although he [the playwright, Robin Soans] spoke to a range of people including victims of terrorists, going as far as Norman Tebbitt so there’s certainly very different points of view. But I think nonetheless a strong message comes across that terrorism isn’t a naturally occurring evil that just happens it has causes and those causes are very different. People are forced into terrorism and the way out of it is to talk to them.

believe this? I do have faith in the inherent decency of the British people. I still think if they knew the reality, that people’s children were being tortured in front of their eyes until they gave up information, most British people would be horrified, but that’s not what it shows or tells you in The Daily Mail or The Sun. And the bad points of the British? People don’t know what happens and people are much too trusting of politicians and the media. Political activism has gone down so much particularly among students. It’s terrible. Everyone says to me it’s because students of today have to take such big loans, and worry about getting a job and they don’t have time to think about the world outside, And y’know, it’s not like we didn’t have to worry about getting a job ten years ago, we had these issues too.

Even issues like global warming for example, campus aren’t getting radically upset about this. Politics is banned in most student unions and they don’t allow political leaflets or political posters. Which is amazing. I don’t care what people’s politics are, but they ought to have some.

Talking To Terrorists is on at the New Theatre 21st-24th February. For tickets call 07763119109

UDBQN*