The Roots of Addiction Understanding Attachment
River of Life Apostolic Bible Fellowship - Pastor J.L. Antonic
Age-Related Crises
Erickson’s Developmental Stages Erikson maintained that personality develops in a predetermined order through eight stages of psychosocial development, from infancy to adulthood. During each stage, the person experiences a psychosocial crisis that could positively or negatively affect personality development. For Erikson (1958, 1963), these crises are psychosocial because they involve the psychological needs of the individual (i.e., psycho) conflicting with the needs of society (i.e., social). According to the theory, successful completion of each stage results in a healthy personality and the acquisition of basic virtues. Basic virtues are characteristic strengths that the ego can use to resolve subsequent crises. Failure to complete a stage can result in a reduced ability to complete further stages and, therefore, a more unhealthy personality and sense of self. These stages, however, can be resolved successfully at a later time. Erikson’s theory outlines 8 stages of psychosocial development from infancy to late adulthood. At each stage, individuals face a conflict between two opposing states that shapes personality. Successfully resolving the conflicts leads to virtues like hope, will, purpose, and integrity. Failure leads to outcomes like mistrust, guilt, role confusion, and despair.
Erickson’s Developmental Stages
Erickson’s Developmental Stages - Identity v. Role Confusion AGE 12-18
Identity vs Role Confusion. “Who am I, and what’s my part in all of this?”
He describes identity crisis as a critical part of development in which an adolescent or youth develops a sense of self. Identity crisis involves the integration of the physical self, personality, potential roles and occupations.
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Success in this stage leads to fidelity, which is the ability to commit to others while accepting their differences
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Failure leads to role confusion and a weak sense of self
Erickson’s Developmental Stages - Intimacy vs Isolation AGE 18-29
Intimacy vs. Isolation. “Who are my people? Who loves me? Who do I love?”
The major conflict at this stage of life centers on forming intimate, loving relationships with other people. Success at this stage leads to fulfilling relationships.
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Success in this stage leads to forming intimate, loving relationships with others
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Failure leads to feelings of loneliness and isolation
Erickson’s Developmental Stages - Generativity vs Stagnation AGE 30-64
Generativity vs Stagnation. “Am I Useful, Productive, and a Contributor?”
During this stage, people focus on building their lives through their careers, families, and contributions to society.
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Success in this stage leads to feeling useful, accomplishing something, and contributing to society
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Failure leads to feeling unproductive, uninvolved, disillusioned, and disconnected from the world
Attachment
Attachment Theory Attachment theory hypothesizes that early caregiver relationships establish social–emotional developmental foundations, but change remains possible across the lifespan due to interpersonal relationships during childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. Attachment can be defined as a deep and enduring emotional bond between two people in which each seeks closeness and feels more secure when in the presence of the attachment figure. The initial and perhaps most crucial emotional bond forms between infants and their primary caregivers. Distinct behaviors characterize attachment in children and adults, such as seeking closeness with the attachment figure when distressed or threatened (Bowlby, 1969).
Attachment Behavioral System The attachment behavioral system concerns the tendency of an individual to seek security during times of stress (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2003), which can be internal (i.e., hunger, fatigue, illness) or from external features of the environment, such as threatening stimuli (Bowlby, 1988). The more extreme the stress, the more intense the attachment system activation. The attachment system is most readily activated during the first five years of life, a period characterized by high levels of vulnerability and dependence. Once the attachment system is activated, the infant is motivated to seek proximity to significant others (attachment figures) to protect themselves from physical or emotional harm (Bowlby, 1969). If this goal is achieved, the infant develops feelings of safety and security, and their attachment system becomes deactivated. The infant will call upon a range of attachment behaviors with the goal of attaining proximity to the attachment figure.
Attachment Style
Attachment Styles
Attachments Humans are born with a need to form close emotional bonds with others. The quality of a child's early attachment can have long-term effects on our social and emotional development. Secure attachment helps our brain develop pathways for high-level thinking, such as decision making and reasoning. Neglectful and abusive behaviors can be transmitted across generations creating all sorts of attachment problems.
Unhealthy Personal Attachments Anxious Reliance Anxious attachment styles can lead to people becoming overly reliant on others for emotional support. This can make it difficult to develop resilience and self-empowerment. Avoidance People with an avoidant attachment style may have difficulty forming and maintaining deep romantic relationships. They may find emotional intimacy difficult and tend to be independent. Codependency A lack of boundaries can indicate a lack of identity, self-worth, or values. This can lead to stress, relationship issues, and mental distress. A relentless desire for approval can create an unhealthy relationship. This can lead to codependency, resentment, and other issues.
Difficulty maintaining relationships People with insecure attachments may have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships. They may be overly aloof, avoid intimacy, or be fearful of losing the relationship or abandonment Jealousy Significant jealousy can be a sign of an unhealthy emotional attachment. This can include spending a lot of time worrying about what a partner is doing.v
Unhealthy Attachment - Consequences In an unhealthy attachment, one person typically looks to another for emotional support, usually without offering much in return. The partner who consistently provides support without getting what they need may feel drained, resentful, and unsupported ●
Using a relationship, object, or job to define your sense of worth
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Having a hard time imagining life without the other person or without an object
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Neglecting your basic needs to prioritize someone else's
Attachment Causes
God is not the source of our temptation James 1:12 -16 Blessed is the man that endures temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord has promised to them that love him. Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither does he tempt any man: but every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then, when lust hath conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings death. Do not err, my beloved brethren.
Producers of Unhealthy Attachment Parental/Familial Triggers ●
Distant/Avoidant - Parents who are emotionally and physically detached and don’t communicate love
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Absent - Parents who are not present due to divorce, jail, death, business travel, military
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Negligent - Parents with general disregard for their children’ needs or their behavior
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Imposing/Excessive - Hypervigilant parents who are overly anxious and controlling through fear
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Abusive - Parents who use excessive and arbitrary force as a means of discipline
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Restrictive/Insulating - Instill intense fear or paranoia - vaccines, government, “others”
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Smothering - Constantly hovering, solving all things, excessive age inappropriate hugging/coddling
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Spousal Replacement - Swapping the love of a spouse for closeness with the child past infancy
Producers of Unhealthy Attachment Crisis Scenarios ●
Abandonment - Neglect, absence, lake of care, comfort or concern. Emotional, Physical, or Both
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Death - of a close family member, friend, pet, loved one
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Violence/Aggression - Witnessing or being the victim of extreme anger and physical violence
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Catastrophe - Car Accidents, house fires, war injury, natural disaster, acts of mass violence
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Sexual Abuse - When a trusted person commits sexually unwanted acts against someone else
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Over-exposure - Age inappropriate exposure to adult concepts, visuals, language, scenarios
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Tragedy/Illness - Cancers, Accidents, Medical Problems, Paralysis, Injuries, Suicides, etc.
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Bullying - Social rejection, forced inferiority, physical mistreatment, name calling, reputation harm
Adult Attachment Problems ●
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Fear of abandonment: An intense fear of
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rejection or abandonment that can lead to
or a need to control situations to avoid
avoiding situations or relationships
vulnerability
Trust issues: Difficulty trusting others, which
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can stem from past experiences of betrayal or
Emotional withdrawal: Difficulty showing
Poor anger management: Poor anger management capabilities
neglect ●
Impulsive or controlling behavior: Impulsivity
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Inability to recognize boundaries: Failure to recognize and respect personal boundaries
affection or fully opening up and sharing thoughts and feelings ● ●
Difficulty forming relationships: Challenges in initiating or sustaining relationships, which can lead to breakups or isolation
Awkwardness in social situations: Rigidity or other types of awkwardness in social situations
Attachment Targets
When the attachment is not a person ●
Food Attachments - Gluttony, Binging, Food Addictions, Anorexia, Bulimia
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Body Dysmorphia - Anorexia, Adonis Complex, Obsessive Training, Gender Identity, Cosmetic Surgeries
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Substance Abuse - Alcoholism, Drug Addiction, Drug Abuse, Intoxication,
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Pornography - Visual Sexual Stimulation, Sex Addiction, Excessive Habitual Masturbation
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Sexual Deviance - Sadism/Masochism, Fetishes, Obsessions
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Video Games/Gambling - False Accomplishment, Competition, Avoidance, Chasing the Win
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Fantasy/Media - Escapism, Avoidance, Alternate Realities, Adopting Personas
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Hero Worship - Objectification, Idealization, Perfectionism
When the attachment is not a person When personal relationships have not resulted in healthy attachments, and the individual has exhausted themselves of unhealthy interpersonal attachments due to unmet desire, need, and general unfulfillment they will often transfer that attachment to an non-personal subject such as a substance, a fantasy, a pastime, which provide key factors: ●
Instant stimulation - it makes you “feel good”
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Positive reinforcement - The substance or behavior doesn’t correct you, and is consistent
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Meeting an emotional need - loneliness, acceptance, accomplishment, weakness, inhibition
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Meeting a physiological desire - hunger, thirst, sexual fulfillment, depression/anxiety
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Short term therapeutic benefit - Mind alteration, forgetting, dulling, transcending
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No immediate bad consequence - has a type of a “high”
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Downplay of harm/risks - risk factors easily marginalized, ignored, downplayed
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Aggression/Protection - Hostility toward anyone trying to separate them from the attachment
From Attachment to Addiction When unhealthy attachment is allowed to persist unchecked, it can lead to obsession, fixation, and or abuse (in the case of substances). When the fixation takes hold over time, it becomes addiction as the will becomes subordinated to the desire. The great exception to this would be powerful drugs of all sorts which are designed specifically to produce physiological addiction through manipulation of the body systems and pleasure centers. In some cases, the substance is so strong that the human will simply cannot contend with the powerful effects the drug produces. Altered consciousness, Psychosis, mental illnesses, brain and body damage and more can result. An addictive behavior is a behavior, or a stimulus related to a behavior, that is both rewarding and reinforcing, and is associated with the development of an addiction. There are two main forms of addiction: substance use disorders and behavioral addiction.
Behavioral addiction is the failure to resist an impulse, drive, or temptation to perform an act that is harmful to the person or to others. Many impulse control disorders appear to share core features with substance addictions: pathological gambling, kleptomania, compulsive buying, pathologic skin picking, sexual addiction (nonparaphilic hypersexuality), excessive tanning, computer/video game playing, and internet addiction, for example.
How Unhealthy Attachment Distorts our View of God It is not uncommon for people with attachment disorders or behaviors to struggle in their walk with God. For example, someone: ●
Who had an absent parent might struggle with the fact that they can’t see or easily hear God
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Whose parent beat or yelled them might envision God as angry, judgmental, condemning
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Who was sexually abused might blame God for not protecting them or not getting justice for being wronged
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Whose parents let them do whatever they want, might have trouble accepting a single moral law or “you can’ts”
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Victims of tragedy might struggle with why God doesn’t appear to intervene or “If God is Good, why is there evil?”
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Perfectionists might view God as pleased with them when they do well, and angry when they don’t
Memory Verses It is not uncommon for people with attachment disorders or behaviors to struggle in their walk with God. For example, someone: ●
1 John 4:8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
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Matthew 7:11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
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Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
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John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
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John 8:36 If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.
Next Session: Identifying Our Attachments
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River of Life Apostolic Bible Fellowship - Pastor J.L. Antonic