Light For The Lost Soul

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Faizah Hamid Nur Izzaidah Abdull Zubi Sharifah Nur Diyana Nur Izlin Azizuddin Mizznina Akmar Hisham Zulkefli Husna Ab Rahman Syahira Hozami

To the soul searchers, truth seekers and all those who have been struggling to find their true selves, this book is for you.

Alhamdullilah, all praise and gratitude are to Allah

, The

Creator, Sustainer and Owner of the keys to everything that is in the heavens and the earth, who has guided and inspired the team and I to work on this book, from its ideation to its completion. I would like to thank my parents, husband, family members, friends, my ilm sisters and classmates who have been with me through my ups and downs of life, thank you for your love and unconditional support. To Dopstv, thank you for believing in me and for the amazing ilm (knowledge) retreats we experienced and filmed; to IMAN Publication for your dedication and efforts in publishing this book, a dream come true; and to my team at QalbyApp thank you for your trust and for being a part of my da’wah mission. I am pleased to share that “Light for The Lost Soul” will be the first book to be featured in the app and community! Alhamdulillah for the opportunity to spread the love and beauty of Islam through media and technology.

I would like to thank all of my teachers (scholars) from Arees University, Al-Maghrib Institute, Nur Ala Nur Academy, Al-Khaadem and Al-Huda institute, particularly the Ta’leem Al Quran (TQSL2) diploma course teachers, GI’s (Group in-Charge), leaders and all my other mentors for your guidance, motivation and for showing me the light of beneficial knowledge from the Quran and Sunnah. Jazakumullahu khayran kathira. May you all receive the ‘ajr (good deeds) and may Allah accept it from us. Ameen.

“It is He who sent down tranquillity into the hearts of the believers that they would increase in faith along with their [present] faith. And to Allah belong the soldiers of the heavens and the earth, and ever is Allah Knowing and Wise.” (Surah Al-Fath: 4)

Throughout my life, I have been blessed to meet so many interesting and wonderful people, home and abroad. And because of the various roles I play; in business and in the community, I have sat in rooms filled with multi-millionaires, and I have also had the honour of sitting in meetings filled with some of the most knowledgeable and well-respected Muslim scholars of today. I believe that the people we meet in life, regardless of whether they are reputable or otherwise, famous or unknown, wealthy or poor, there is always something we can learn from them. Because the fate of our meeting was destined by the Almighty Allah

.

A couple of years ago I was introduced to Mizznina. Before meeting her, I had only known who she was by her new persona, a beautiful soul who has dedicated her life in the service of aiding humanitarian causes around the globe, while also being an active contributor in the ever-evolving modern da’wah scene. I never really knew much about her life prior to this devotional transformation. Not aware of her past, her family background, or any other matters that were personal in nature.

But let me tell you something that still amazes me until today. Since the day when I first met Mizznina, and for as long as our friendship has lasted till this very moment, there has never been an air of pride nor arrogance displayed in her demeanour. She never treated me any lesser back then even when I was a nobody. And in spite of all the interesting people I have met over the years, she definitely stands out, ironically because of her humility. Her kindness is genuine and comes from the heart, and it shines through. And because of that, she is a constant ray of positive influence to those around her, something that the world today needs more of. As a friend, I have also always admired her thirst for knowledge. Knowing her all this while, I can vouch that she is very committed to learning. Her discipline as a student is unmatched. Always making time to deepen her understanding of the deen. And I have always prayed that she will be able to continue to inspire more lives in a positive way - beyond all that she has already done. Writing a book was a project that I have been urging her to work on for quite some time now, of which she always retorts, “it’s a work in progress, Ustaz!” But now, I am delighted to have her first publication finally completed and ready for everyone’s reading pleasure. I am humbled to have a small part to play in this significant milestone of her life.

In this maiden masterpiece, she addresses a very important subject, on contentment. Something we all could use more advice and guidance on. There is no other feeling worse than having it all, and yet feeling so empty on the inside. It is confusing when you have spent your entire life pursuing exactly what the world has been persuading you to; telling you that you need more possessions, more fame, more money, more entertainment, and yet after you have acquired them all, there is no difference. It all still seems so hollow. And the unaddressed silence, is deafening. Using interesting personal anecdotes from her own life, she delivers potent points for all her readers to absorb and then reflect on their own journey thus far. I am confident that you will not only benefit greatly from the gems of this book, but you will also enjoy reading about her very own unique life “adventure”, of realignment, finding God, and self-discovery. Congratulations Mizznina. May Allah

bless you and

protect you and your loved ones, always. Dear readers, may you be pleased and enlightened! Peace and love,

Mizi Wahid.

For experience,

an

immersive

you

are

reading

encouraged

to

download the Qalby App on your phone. As you read along the chapters in this book, there will be several QR codes that you can scan to give you access to videos, articles and e-journals that will further increase your understanding on the topics discussed in this book. Scan here to listen to the soundtrack (voice-only) that has been specially composed for the “Light for the Lost Soul” series. Play it in the background as you traverse through the stories in this book and may you find the inspiration you seek through the pages within this book.

Growing up, I really thought I had everything. I was this strong-willed girl who would do anything to get whatever I wished for. Once I had my mind on something, I would make sure I got it. That determination was the reason why I became the Mizznina you used to know and perhaps the Mizznina you know today. My determination is always there - but it all depends on where I channel it. I worked hard to achieve all that I had ever wanted from this life. However, even though I had everything, I still had this void within me. I did not know what it was at that time, but there were moments when I felt empty. I kept filling this emptiness with things that could never truly fill it. I was never satisfied, I always wanted more yet I was still left with that feeling of loneliness and sadness.

After some hardships, I realised what was missing. It was Allah

— only by His remembrance can hearts find ease.

Alhamdulillah, I returned to Islam. I found ease and contentment through Islam, the Noble Quran (a Book of Divine Revelation) and Sunnah (way of the Prophet

), and now my goal has shifted. I

have my heart and my eyes set on the ultimate price of Jannatul Firdaus (highest level of heaven). Alhamdulillah. I am sure you are wondering, “Was this change easy?” Absolutely not. It still is not. There were many moments of loss, hardships and challenges that Allah

has tested me

with, there still are. However, I believe all these tests are here for a reason - to get me closer to Allah

, to see if I remain

patient in hard times, and grateful in times of ease. Perhaps, some might think with all the fame, wealth, and adoration that I have, things are easy for me. Nevertheless, the struggles I went through were, for the most part, endured in private. The kind of challenges that I face from time to time are the ones even money and fame cannot solve. Still, with Allah

by my side, going through this path —

of letting go of all the things that I love, of enduring hardships, of finding myself again – it feels possible. Being able to surrender myself to God brings upon this feeling of calmness into my life. This book is not a memoir. It is not a detailed account of my past, present and future life. It is a record of the journey

I went through after I have decided to take that first step of returning to Allah

, of rediscovering my spirituality. It is the

story after the hijrah (personal migration). And I pray, to any of you who are scared to take that first step, who are worried you have moved so far away from Him that there is no hope, I hope this book will give you the strength you need to make that change. I hope you find hope, love and His Mercy, as those are all the things that I felt in my journey. Please continue to make du’a for me and I pray that Allah’s mercy and hope will be with all of you as well.

Everything begins with the heart. A good deed can only be accepted if it begins with a sincere intention from the heart. As believers, we are taught to see, not only with our eyes (see the apparent), but to also look with the lens of the heart, so we can have access to insight, faith, wisdom, emotional intelligence, good character, and a depth of knowledge that only Allah can give. When the heart is humbled, submissive , and sincere to its Lord, it can go deeper than any ocean, with endless goodness and benefits. The heart is our source of power with which we connect with our Lord and we can only power up this source through Him. Without the heart, we cannot live, our internal organs will not be able to function and we are helpless without it. It is with the heart that we are able to feel emotions, love, happiness, sadness, jealousy, envy, contentment, peace and even longing. Yet, many of us choose to ignore this fact and take it for granted. We abuse the heart and we do not take care of it the

way that we should. We let our desires take control of us rather than we take control of them. We feed it with toxicities that we think will nourish the heart but rather, the toxicities pollute the heart and we forget about The One Who Originated it and Controls it. Today, we see that many are suffering from the diseases of the heart. We are greedy in consuming more than we need and we let the world go to waste, thus creating an imbalance in the world. We oppress others for wealth and power. We live fake lives trying to live up to societies’ expectations of what is beautiful and what will give us fame while losing ourselves in the process. We set about to believe the lies and deny the truth. We become unhappy with ourselves and ungrateful about life. We spread hate and feed our souls with gossip and backbiting as its fuel. We lie and cheat in work and betray loved ones. We indulge in indecencies and we compromise ourselves and our faith. But for what? We do all these for the love of this world, for the fulfillment of our lusts and desires— ultimately leading a life in darkness and sin. We then forget about our deen (religion) and lose hope in the mercy of Allah

and we give up trying to find Him.

There is a need to purify our hearts especially at this time of difficulty where so many of us have chosen to keep our hearts away from Allah

, deprive it of any khayr (goodness), fill it

with so much hatred, doubt, negativity, jealousy, envy, blame and judgement; thus we bring each other down and spew out all of these hateful venom into our society.

We are better than all these. This is the reason why I chose this topic – to talk about the lost, troubled soul in this ever fast-paced world. My intention is to remind myself, first and foremost, that we can all go back to the basics - to the heart. God willing, we would be able to selfreflect, to purify the heart and to turn back to Allah

. We

need to learn, to let go of the wrong things, and hold on to the right ones for the nourishment of our hearts and our lives. “Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah . Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.” (Surah Ar-Ra’d: 28) The heart is a vessel where iman (faith) lives and we need to fill it with the remembrance of Allah

, the Quran and Sunnah,

gratitude, humility, ihsan (obtaining perfection or excellence in worship), yaqeen (certainty), taqwa (piety) and all the important elements, so that one day, we can return to Him with a pure heart without even an ounce of pride and arrogance. Through this book, I hope I am able to inspire readers to embark on a journey of going back to Him, to continue and keep on striving towards Him. He is here for us and He is with us - all we need to do is just to take that one step. Abu Dharr RA reported: The Messenger of Allah

said, “Allah Almighty says:

Whoever comes with a good deed will have the reward

of ten like it and even more. Whoever comes with an evil deed will be recompensed for one evil deed like it or he will be forgiven. Whoever draws close to me by the length of a hand, I will draw close to him by the length of an arm. Whoever draws close to me the by length of an arm, I will draw close to him by the length of a fathom. Whoever comes to me walking, I will come to him running…” (Sahih Muslim, no.2687) I also pray that this will be a part of a legacy that will benefit all of us even after I am gone, and that you too will take this message far and wide so that others can be inspired by your story. Never would I have imagined I would be here today, sharing my experiences with you in a book and I pray that this will weigh heavy on the scale of amal (good deeds) for everyone who is involved with this book. May we all strive to have hearts that are pure - qalbun saleem. What is qalbun saleem? It is a heart that is pure, clean, beautiful, sound, uncontaminated, sincere, good, well-balanced, well-wishing, filled with what pleases Allah belief), ilm, positive thoughts about Allah

- iman (faith or and conviction.

It is free from shirk (worship of deity, gods or anything other than Allah

) and hypocrisy, doubts, negativity, hatred,

malice, corruption, grudges, envy and other diseases of the heart.

Let us try to achieve a pure heart by increasing our tawbah (repentance); ask Allah

to forgive us while we pardon others

and seek forgiveness from those we have wronged. Let us do this by increasing our good deeds and charity as it will erase our bad deeds. Let us do this by making lots of du’a to Allah

so that

He will be our source of strength to help keep us patient and steadfast throughout our lives. [And he said], “My Lord, grant me authority and join me with the righteous. And grant me a reputation of honor among later generations. And place me among the inheritors of the Garden of Pleasure. And forgive my father. Indeed, he has been of those astray. And do not disgrace me on the Day they are [all] resurrected The Day when there will not benefit [anyone] wealth or children But only one who comes to Allah with a sound heart.” (Surah Ash-Shu’ara: 83-89)

Dear lost soul, I see your tears I feel your pain I know you’ve been trying but it all ends up the same Now it’s time to stop the cycle you’ve been putting yourself in vain Just breathe and let it all go Call out His name [O Allah....] Dear lost soul I know you’ve been wandering in the cold Running after the world for that fame, love, for that gold Sold yourself to this life for the price of your soul But All that’s beautiful will one day be decomposed Don’t believe all the lies you are told They spun a spiderweb for you and you are under control

Oh travelling soul Let your story unfold Let the truth be told Accept it and rise up from the mould Look up to the heavens and reflect on the old Let it all go, let the tears flow, until your soul starts to glow, To the moon & down again A humbled heart & full of hope submissive to the strongest handhold Oh content soul, You were lost and now you are found, Your heart was in turmoil and now it is sound, Full and Overflowing with goodness, More than enough to share around. Oh content soul, Accept the highs and lows, Forgive, overlook and grow, Be grateful that’s how you should roll, Know that freedom is in being a slave not to this world, But to The One who created The Scrolls, Believing that to Him we belong to and to Him returns the soul.

I am the Moonchild. I move with the tides of emotion, beat and feeling. An artist, a loner; lost and found in search for release of expression. An ex-perfectionist who made sure I did everything I could to win, and I never gave up hope in searching for my soul’s inspiration - God.

Only when I was ready to face the truth to be real with myself, to be real with God; in my deepest and darkest moments, was when I found HIM. Those were the moments when I felt His presence and His Mercy descended upon me. He was always with me. It was I who was lost, and He Guided me back to my fitra (innate nature). In looking for Him, I found myself.

“And be not like those who forgot Allah, so He made them forget themselves. “ (Surah Al-Hashr: 19)

T

here were points in my life where I was at my lowest. I was living that YOLO life, no responsibilities, no consequences, just living off my desires filled with partying, addictions,

distractions - where it was just me against the world. I was deluded, blinded to the truth, I was a soul that was lost in the spider web of life, thinking I knew it all when I really did not. Allah

was not in the picture at all. I know I was not alone.

Many of us have gone through this or are going through this. I was completely oblivious. I was not at peace with myself, and so I had this void, an emptiness in my heart. I was not being true to myself, true to my fitrah, true to Allah

. I was trying

to live up to societies standards of what being true, beautiful, sexy and cool are. This void is dangerous if we leave it empty. It is even more dangerous if we start filling it with things that should not be there and when we start to live a life of purely nafs (ego) and desires. It leads us to do crazy things with no end to it, and we just keep on burying ourselves deeper and deeper into sins. Following our desires will just leave us always unsatisfied, always wanting more, and no amount of “likes” on social media, fame, power, or wealth can give us contentment and real success in this dunya (temporal world) and akhirah (everlasting hereafter).

I lived this lifestyle for a number of years, drifting in and out of reality and my own little dream world. Most people who knew me from way back then; from my school days to being with FBT (First Born Troopz) and TTC (Teh Tarik Crew) during my underground hip hop days would know. Allah

saved me,

again and again even when I did not want to be saved, even when I did not know I had to be saved. There are so many people in the world who do not know the reality of this life, where we are basically stuck in this matrix called dunya, where we see things through the lens of the world; everything is superficial, everything is material, and we have forgotten about the akhirah— our purpose in life. We live this life as if it is already a Paradise, and that is it. However, that is not the case. How can this life be a so-called Paradise, when one day it will come to an end of destruction? Today, so many vices have taken over our hearts. We have allowed our desires to control us, rather than having Allah

and the deen take over our hearts.

For many, the desires may come in the form of material things; it could be money and wealth; and it could also be fame, popularity, or entertainment. For the rest of us, it could be love, because love is definitely a huge factor among human beings. We are so obsessed with trying to find real love, the right one, that we have the tendency to go looking for love at all the wrong places and just pick the first one that comes. These things are attachments which will destroy not just our lives but our hearts, our minds, and just everything about us and cause us to lose ourselves.

I was born and raised in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I lived in a protected environment with a very loving and stable family. I had a beautiful childhood, Alhamdulillah. However, this was where I made a lot of mistakes because I took all of these things for granted. When I was a young girl, I was just enjoying all those things, but when I hit my early 20s, that was when I started to get really lost in the matrix. I was filling my heart with music, entertainment, hip hop, clubbing, and certain addictions. I fell in love with the rush and excitement it gave me and I felt like these things would give me the happiness and contentment that I was longing for. When I first began exploring the world of music

and

entertainment, way before the peak of my career, I was chasing after all these things. There was the music, there were the addictions, there were also the toxic relationships, and I was looking for love at all the wrong places, thinking that certain people would grant me completeness and I would feel whole. Nonetheless, as I grew up, when I slowly got rid of those small addictions, I started getting “addicted” to other things – one of which was my career. I wanted to make a name for myself so I embarked on this long journey of trying to achieve all my

goals in the hip hop and entertainment industry. I consumed myself, bled my heart and cried. I strived hard to achieve all the things I thought would give me contentment. After I had received all the recognitions and awards; had successfully sold all the different albums and accumulated all the fame, the void was still there, its hollowness kept on taunting me. I was still looking for things to fill me inside, and it was not working. I thought music was going to make me happy. Sadly, no, it did not. I have met people who would say, “Nina, you’ve got everything in life; a loving family, you’ve got your wealth, you’ve got a nice home, a nice car, you know you’ve got nice friends, you had good education, and now you got a job. What more could you want?”. After a long while, I have discovered, especially during my spiritual hijrah, the piece of the puzzle that was missing; the answer to this emptiness in my heart. It was Allah

. I was the

one who moved away, and He was; and has always been there for me. He has always been with us. The question is whether we open our hearts to being near Him; whether we are honest with ourselves; whether we are genuine inside to getting closer to Him. This is what this book is all about. You may think that when you have everything in life, you might be happy, but that is just a delusion. Allah Surah Al-’Ankabut verse 64:

says in

“And this worldly life is not but diversion and amusement. And indeed, the home of the Hereafter that is the [eternal] life, if only they knew.” It is easy for us to get lost in the dizziness of this world, to get distracted in achieving our own goals and dreams, with all the material things that are surrounding us. For me, it was the lights, the music, the camera, the action, the glamourous life, and everything in between. All these distract us from what is important, and that is to improve our connection with Allah

,

the Quran, the Sunnah, and our loved ones.

All of us on this journey want happiness, but do we know what happiness is? Happiness is just a feeling that comes and goes. It is as fleeting as this world; it is like the seasons in this life. One minute we are happy and motivated, the next minute we are sad and dejected. That is life. What will make the heart at peace and content is Allah

, for He is the Controller of hearts. He is the

One Who created our hearts. When we find ourselves dwelled in this world, when we live in our own bubble, when we build our own little spiderweb, it will be difficult to find the light. It is hard to find

that contentment and happiness because we are so engulfed with all the darknesses and dullness that are surrounding our hearts. When we depend on and attach ourselves to this world that is as fragile as the spider web, we are going to fall. The truth is, if we lean and depend upon Allah

, the Creator and the

Master of the heavens and the earth, the One who holds the keys to the forces of the heavens and the earth, nobody can break us. Nobody can stop us and if we ever fall, He will catch us. We need to depend on Him, to have complete yaqeen (certainty) and faith in Him, and always call out to Him. I was that person entangled in the web. If we look deeply within, we might find ourselves entangled in the web of feelings and emotions. We were and are still trying to find our way out. Nevertheless, remember, the only way out is through Allah

,

and the light of the Quran. We will probably see many people who are trapped in this matrix as well, who are unfortunately still unaware of the truth. That is why we need to get the message about the reality of this life out there in the open. The truth about finding peace and contentment is not and never will be through false approaches; not through worldly addictions nor through people and relationships that do not remind us of Allah

. We will

never find that contentment because we are all flawed, and we will always find disappointment in the creations.

Still, we will never be disappointed with Allah

because

He is the Most Perfect, He is Perfect in His Names and Attributes, and He is our Creator, the One who Loves us the most. “He is Allah, other than whom there is no deity, Knower of the unseen and the witnessed. He is the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. He is Allah, other than whom there is no deity, the Sovereign, the Pure, the Perfection, the Bestower of Faith, the Overseer, the Exalted in Might, the Compeller, the Superior. Exalted is Allah above whatever they associate with Him. He is Allah, the Creator, the Inventor, the Fashioner; to Him belong the best names. Whatever is in the heavens and earth is exalting Him. And He is the Exalted in Might, the Wise.” (Surah Al-Hashr: 22-24)

How do we address this problem we face in our hearts? How do we fix the situation whereby a person has a void in the discontented heart, has forgotten about the remembrance of Allah

, and has been deluded with things that he or she

thinks would make him or her happy?

For me, I noticed that I lost my sense of self when I was busy pleasing people instead of chasing after Allah’s pleasure. It took me a long time to realise that I could only find myself again when I began to take that first step towards Him and take a step back from everything else. The moment we start walking towards and depending on something other than Allah

; that is definitely going to lead

us astray from the path of contentment. It is going to sidetrack us from attaining what the heart truly wants. Therefore, what we really need to do is to focus on staying on the straight path. How do we know we are ready to embark on this journey? It is when the heart is softened. It is when we have stripped away our ego and arrogance, when we are being real with ourselves and with Allah

, when we become sincere in our intention to

make a change to be a better person and to be a better Muslim — that is when we know who we are and who Allah

is.

It is about recognising our role and getting to know who He is; by learning and acknowledging that He is Perfect in all His Attributes and Names. Only through realising His Perfection will we accept the truth about ourselves. Only through understanding who we really are, will we realise that we are just slaves of Allah . We are created solely for the worship of Allah serve others as well. “And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.” (Surah Adh-Dhariyat: 56)

, and to

I knew my journey had begun the moment I stopped making excuses. I remember the first time when I was invited to go for Hajj (an Islamic pilgrimage to Makkah and one of the pillars of Islam). I initially declined the invitation, because I was not ready. My heart was not ready. My mind was not there, and I was not open to it. I was so busy with my career and I did not have time to focus on my spiritual development. I was just making excuses, because if we think about the truth of it all, the invitation to go to the house of Allah

is

the biggest gift and blessing a Muslim could ever have. Yet, I failed to realise this at that time because my heart was blind to the truth.

We will also find the courage to begin this journey when we realise the truth about the nature of this life. For example, wealth, children, fame, or authority will not benefit us on the Day of Accountability; the final day which we can do no more charity, we cannot do any more good deeds, we can no longer try to cleanse ourselves for Allah All the blessings that Allah

. No, because the time is up. has given us will no longer

benefit us, unless we use them in His way. This is where we need to really focus on the blessings that we have and be grateful for

them. We need to make sure that we use them in the right way. We need to have the intention to please Him with every blessing, and for it to be a benefit to others as well. One of the biggest realisation for me in trying to attain contentment is acknowledging that real life is not in this world but in the hereafter. There is a Hadith in which Prophet Muhammad illustrated the reality of this life; that when you dip your finger into the water and pull it out, you would see only a tiny molecule of water clinging on to your fingertip. Mustawrid, a brother of Banu Fihr, said: “I heard the Messenger of Allah

say: ‘The likeness

of this world in comparison to the Hereafter is that of anyone of you dipping his finger into the sea: let him see what he brings forth.’ (Sahih Ibn Majah 1)

In the hereafter, Allah

will not look at how perfect

or flawless, or beautiful we are. He will not look at how much money and wealth we have, or how many medals or trophies we have received, or how many children and spouses we have He will delve into our hearts. He will look at our deeds and our intentions because these are the most important things we will be judged by.

This journey should also begin with a sincere intention to go through a whole transformation of change for the sake of Allah

and not for the sake of anyone else. If it is for the sake

of somebody else, then this journey will be short-lived and the moment it gets difficult, we would take the easier route, make a detour and quit our journey halfway. If we are doing it for the sake of Allah

, He will be the One to help us be in istiqamah

(steadfastness), to not give up when the going gets tough and to guide us upon this path of returning to Him. Do bear in mind, our journey does not end when we make hijrah. When you spiritually transform, it does not end with, “Okay, now that I pray five times a day and I’m wearing a hijab, I am a good Muslim. That’s it, I’m just going to stop and I don’t need to learn anything or improve on myself anymore.” No, because it keeps on going. As human beings, our iman goes up and down. The state of our faith wavers, if not daily, then monthly. We have our own challenges and these challenges either propel us forward or push us backwards. But we need to make sure we always keep on striving to better ourselves, until the end of our lives. We know we are ready when we make a sincere intention in our hearts to make a change and to be a better person. This feeling is inbuilt in us. It is our fitrah. It is a natural disposition where we incline towards the obedience and worship of Allah

. It is a feeling where we feel at home with Allah

. In

order to do that, we need to shred off the layers of attachments, addictions, vices and sins. We need to reflect and really be honest with ourselves, because this is the only way that we can begin this journey of purifying the heart, of returning to Allah

. The most important

thing, aside from the realisation, is the sincerity in your heart. Even though we are making a tiny or minuscule progress, Allah

knows our struggle. He is with us, He is here for us

and because we are making that effort and having the intention, we will be rewarded for it. In shaa Allah.

The important things that Allah

will look at are our

hearts and actions; we need to ask ourselves some serious questions. In a Hadith, An-Nu’man ibn Bashir reported that the Messenger of Allah

said:

“What is lawful is clear and what is unlawful is clear, but between them are certain doubtful things which many people do not recognise. He who guards against doubtful things keeps his religion and his honour blameless, but he who falls into doubtful things falls

into what is unlawful, just as a shepherd who pastures his animals round a preserve will soon pasture them in it. Every king has a preserve, and God’s preserve is the things He has declared unlawful. In the body there is a piece of flesh, and the whole body is sound if it is sound, but the whole body is corrupt if it is corrupt. It is the heart.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari and Muslim 2) Thus, what is a sound heart? A sound heart is one that is sincere. It is good, well-balanced, filled with faith, iman, and beneficial ‘Ilm, good thoughts and a big inclination towards goodness. A sound heart is also free of shirk, doubts, desires, and all diseases of the heart like hypocrisy, jealousy, envy, assumptions, greed, selfishness, ego, arrogance, insecurity, inhumanity, pride, ingratitude, and others. Keeping the heart pure is a constant struggle.

It is a

constant battle I have with myself everyday. We need to ask ourselves right now, what are the conditions of our hearts? Do we have any ill feelings, hatred, negativity, or grudges? Are we greedy whenever we purchase things? Are we gluttoning ourselves with food? Do we care about halal (permissible or lawful in Islam) and haram (any act that is forbidden by Allah and slandering all the time?

)? Are we gossiping and backbiting

So, purifying is in fact a huge part of our deen, and it is something that we have to constantly do every single day. The heart needs to be cleansed from all the impurities, dirt, dust, and all the smell that hinder us from making that first step to Allah

. Just as our bodies need to take a shower everyday

for us to be clean, so do our hearts. When you cleanse yourself every day then your heart becomes stronger, purer and more pleasing to Allah

; it

becomes a sound heart. When this heart is sound, so will our actions and thoughts be. Everything will be sound, it will be filled with khayr (good), it will be pure, full of barakah (blessing) and Allah’s Pleasure. Our heart is connected to our mind and soul and we need to take care of the amanah that Allah

has blessed us with.

Through this book, I hope we get to discuss together topics that include: detaching from dunya and attaching ourselves to Allah

, letting go of pleasing people and pleasing oneself,

letting go of our ego, letting go of all the diseases of the heart, and filling it with all matters that are good and nourishing like the Quran, the sunnah, dhikr (remembrance of Allah deeds, beneficial knowledge, and others.

), good

I would like for all of us to be encouraged to self-reflect and to make a lot of du’as. I remember 2013 was the year when I first made my spiritual hijrah and I began my quest in seeking ilm. In 2014 was when I went on a knowledge and spiritual retreat called “Reclaim Your Heart” with Ustadha Yasmin Mogahed and Shaykh Navaid Aziz. On that trip, I got to know more about the deen and Allah . Everything that I learned during that time has helped shaped me to be the person that I am today, together with what I had learnt from a number of other retreats and Islamic diploma courses I had attended Alhamdulillah. I hope these gems will inspire everyone to take that step towards Allah May Allah

.

continue to keep my heart sincere and may

this book be beneficial to everyone, including myself.

What is important to us varies between the different phases of our lives. When we were young, the important things for us at that time were food and playtime. Then we grew up and the list of things that we deemed important became longer. As I grew older, my purpose in life, the things that I loved, and what were important to me started to evolve. The moment I was introduced to the entertainment world, namely, music, hip hop, and dancing; they became the important things in my life. My main mission back then was to dedicate myself to music and performing. The hip hop culture and movement were really important to me because I wanted to put Malaysia on the map. I wanted to be the first female MC (namely emcee derived from the term Master of Ceremonies) in Malaysia and I wanted to prove to everybody that I was just as good as the guys were in rapping, dancing, and deejay-ing. Music was my religion, it was my ‘deen’. Islam was not a big factor in my life, it was just something I put in the background. It was something that I did when my parents asked me to.

I bled and sacrificed myself; I cried my heart out and I did everything for this culture, for this movement, for what I called art. All for the purpose of gaining respect and getting a name for myself. Since these were the things that I depended on and aimed for, I ended up going into a very dangerous cycle. Looking back, I would call that phase in my life as the oblivious years because the moment I entered college, university and the entertainment industry, there were many different types of vices I easily drowned myself in. It was not just the music or the performances but also the people I would get introduced to. All it took was a call, “Hey girl, whatcha’ doing tonight? Let’s hit the club!” And I would say, “Aight (alright)!” and that was where the madness began. What started as an aspiration to succeed in the industry and proving my worth ended with me becoming addicted to everything toxic within the party lifestyle. It came to a point where I was so dependent on it that I thought that I needed it to live, I needed it to function as a person. I was a soul that was wasting my life away. We know what we really need in our lives is the air that we breathe and our beating hearts. We definitely need Allah’s support the most. What keeps us alive is Allah

, which is why we need

to be closer to the Quran and the Sunnah. When we start to feed our hearts with things other than that, our hearts start to get sick. It becomes dangerously dependent on these created fraud things which are detrimental to our emotional, physical and mental wellbeing.

When I was in that ‘world’, I felt like I was in many layers of darknesses. There were moments where I questioned myself if there was actually something more to life than just all the things I was experiencing. My biggest wake-up call came in 2007, when my brother passed away that year. All the things that I was doing in life, all the silly, stupid, and sinful things, and all the toxicity that came with it started to make sense to me. My brother’s passing became a significant turning point in my life. All the facts about life that I failed to comprehend before my brother’s passing, presented themselves to me at that time. All I truly wanted was to live a good life, to be a good person, to live healthily, to be good to my parents, to be a daughter whom they love and not to dissappoint them. So, I started asking the most important questions.

“Why am I here? Where did my brother go? What’s going to happen to him now?” I knew I needed to clean up my life. I could not afford to take this life for granted anymore. So, my priorities started to change again. At that moment, Islam was not my main priority yet, Allah

was not even my focus. But at least, to me, it was

an improvement. I was trying to get better and let go of all the toxicities that were in my life. But everything felt so hard to me. Wanting to be good felt hard to me. I felt like I was under multiple layers of darkness. Underneath all those waves and dark clouds, it became so hard for the light to shine through, to guide me where I needed to go. To me, it felt like I was going round in circles, spiraling whichever way my lost soul was taking me to.

I began to see that ray of light when I went for Hajj with my family and made my hijrah in 2013. Again, that was when my main purpose changed. Due to the invitation to Hajj and my experiences there, I realised what it meant to be a real Muslim (someone who submits completely to All Mighty God). I made the intention that when I returned from Hajj, I would not be the same person as when I first arrived in the sacred lands of Makkah and Madinah. I needed to return to Malaysia as a totally different person. On the blessed day of Arafah (a mountain near Makkah that pilgrims visit), I realised what it means to be a real Muslim. At one particular time, I was observing all the other Muslims around me from all around the world wearing the ihram (a sacred state into which a Muslim must enter in order to perform Hajj), performing one identical thing which was making tawbah, asking Allah for forgiveness while crying at the same time. I wanted to be like them too! I wanted to be a part of that ummah (the whole community of Muslims bound together by ties of religion) and to strive towards Jannah.

On that day, I made a heartfelt du’a. “Ya Allah, I want to be a Muslim, someone who submits to you. Ya Allah, I want to let go of my ego, I want to break down all these layers. And I just want to do it for you, Ya Allah.” It seemed what was stopping me all this while was my ego. I asked Allah

to help humble me, so that my ego would be

stripped down to the ground and that was when it dawned on me that I was a nobody. I am a nobody but an ‘Abd, a servant of Allah

, and that is what it means to be a Muslim. After I came back from Hajj, I started to attend many

Islamic classes, conferences, retreats and in 2015 I signed up for my first diploma in Islamic studies and then in 2018, I enrolled in a Ta’leem Al-Quran diploma course, all of which had changed my life and helped me become a better Muslim, Alhamdulillah. Subsequently, slowly but surely, I started to understand how I was living my life back then and now, I began to see the truth about this life. Allah

says in Surah Al-Mulk verse number 2,

“[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed - and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving.” This is one of the realities of this life. We are created by Allah

to see which of us are the best in doing good deeds,

because we are all going to be accountable for our actions and deeds. Allah Forgiving.

is the Ultimate Judge, and He is the All-

There is a Hadith that I love and I began to understand the meaning behind it after beginning my spiritual discovery. Ibn Omar reported that the Messenger of Allah

said:

“Be in this world as if you were a stranger or a traveler along a path.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari 3) What this Hadith taught me is that I should never attach my heart to this life because one day, it will all end, it will all slip away from my grasp, and nothing will remain. Knowing that we cannot take whatever we have in this life to our eternal home over there in the hereafter, what should we do? We should prefer the eternal over the temporary. We should let go of things related to the dunya and not depend on them so much, thinking that we are going to hold on to them in the hereafter, thinking that they can save us, but they actually cannot. This worldly life is just a deception and a playful amusement; it is full of hardships, pain, challenges, and temporary enjoyment. Only Allah

and the Quran can bring

us out of the darknesses into the light and guide us to the truth; that the Hereafter is the real-life, where our happiness and bliss will be forever and eternal, where there will be no pain nor sorrow. Shaytan will try to distract us with the love of this life — things, people, wealth, power and fame.

However, none of this will help us gain Allah’s pleasure and His Jannah unless we use it in His way. This dunya is the weakest home one could ever think of. That is why the above mentioned Hadith is so important for us to understand, to remind us that we need to live this life as if we are a traveller because when we travel, we travel light. We should carry ourselves as travellers in this life because we know that all of the things that we have and possess are temporary, and we cannot bring them with us when we travel to the next destination, which is, the akhirah (afterlife). Instead of building our eternal home here in this dunya, let’s focus on establishing our eternal residence in Jannah. Build that majestic home so that we can enjoy ourselves there. We should choose the reward of pleasure over short lived delight, and rely upon Allah

alone, the Most Trustworthy and the

One with the Strongest Handhold. Allah

will catch us when we fall, and He will take care

of us as long as we turn to Him. Always remember that Allah is with us and He is there for us. If we hold on to the dunya, whose net as fragile as a spiderweb, we will end up becoming entangled in the web, engulfed by the darkness and sorrow. So, let us live this life as if we are a traveller, seeking the light of Allah Allah

and holding His presence close in our hearts.

in our hearts and dunya in our hands.

When I had the opportunity to travel to New Zealand in 2014, I had the privilege of sitting down with Ustadha Yasmin Mogahed and asked her a few questions that I had in my mind. I was curious because I had just made my hijrah a couple of months before the end of 2013. I wanted to learn more about the reality of this life, about how should a person let go of false attachments, and fill it with the love of Allah

. Through that session, I learnt of the four

basic steps below:

1. Find a Better Attachment: Allah Jannah

and

It is easy to let go of attachments when we find better ones to replace them. For example, getting over someone is easier the moment we meet someone else who is better. For a child, getting over a toy is easy when he is presented with a new toy. The same concept goes for our lives.

So many of us want so many things out of this life. We do not realise this world is imperfect and we are not going to get everything we want. Even though some will have everything that they want, they will never be fully content. The heart that is chained to this world will always want something more to satisfy it. However, this satisfaction can only be filled in Jannah. When we understand and learn about the reality of this life and its temporary nature, how it is imperfect, how everything changes, and how everything dies, we will understand that the pleasures of this life are nothing compared to the everlasting pleasures in Jannatul Firdaus. Moreover, when we learn that Jannah is eternal and perfect, it becomes easier to let go of this dunya, and then attach ourselves to Allah

and His Jannah.

2. This Life Is Just a Pitstop When travelling, especially for long-distance trips, there are bound to be pitstops or transits. Our life at this moment is actually just one pitstop in our long journey of returning to the eternal home. It is just a stopover before we wait for the next connecting flight. If we were to internalize the Hadith 3 mentioned earlier, we would know that we are just currently waiting at the terminal for a couple of hours before we get on to the next flight and move on to our next destination.

We know this is just going to be a couple of hours of waiting, so we know that nothing is permanent. We would be leaving that airport in just a few hours. This concept can be applied to our lives and help us understand that this life is temporary before our journey to the final destination. Dunya is just one of our “transits” or “pitstops”.

3. It Is Just a Hotel Room As a traveller, we always end up staying in hotel rooms or even guest houses. We know whenever we are at these kinds of places, it will be for a certain period; sometimes short; sometimes long, but never permanent. Imagine if we were sent far away from our home by our workplace for an assignment or a mission. Then, we have to stay for a few days at this temporary accommodation. We are okay with having only the basic necessities throughout our stay. As long as the bed, the sheets, and the bathroom are clean and functional; we know we will be fine. We are happy enough knowing that this is not our permanent residence and we are definitely not going to live there forever. But what if the situation was reversed, and we find out that we have to extend our stay due to work responsibilities? The moment we find out we will have to stay at a particular place for a longer amount of time, we start to have more expectations out of it so that the situation becomes pleasing to us. Some perhaps start to become ungrateful and begin to lodge complaints.

However, when we contemplate and view the situation by looking back and reminding ourselves that we are travellers, and this room is just temporary, we would become relaxed again. We become more understanding of the situation, “Hey, you know I don’t need all these things! I can detach myself; it’s all good because I am leaving soon anyway.” It does not mean that right now wherever we are, we cannot make our home peaceful and beautiful. Of course, we can, but what is more important is we do not become attached to it. There must be a balance between living the life in this world and striving for the next one.

4. A Temporary and Automatic State of Mind Our minds go through many different states of emotions throughout our lifetime. One moment we are feeling happy and suddenly the next, we are in despair. We should not be consumed by the temporary state of our minds. It is not going to last forever. Know that these feelings will pass, just like the seasons of summer, spring, autumn and winter. Another thing that I learned from my teacher is how a traveller has an automatic state of mind. This is something that Rasulullah

has taught us. In this life, a person who sees

dunya as the permanent home and attaches the heart to the impermanent things in this life, he or she then becomes someone who is ungrateful and complains a lot.

However, the one who sees the hereafter as the permanent home will not have difficulty in letting go of all the worldly attachments. It all comes down to which “reality” do we want to hold on to that will automatically set and focus our mind. We know that our final home is in the hereafter. Therefore, we want to try and beautify that home. We want to be in the best high-rise chambers next to Allah

, to be close to Him. We

will aim for that and we will strive for that. We will do whatever it takes in this dunya to get there. We will work for it; we will bleed and we will cry for it. We will strive for it because it is worth everything, more than this whole dunya and what the universe can offer us. That is Jannah. Zaid Ibn Thabit reported that the Messenger of Allah

said,

“Whoever makes the world his most important matter, Allah will confound his affairs and make poverty appear before his eyes and he will not get anything from the world, but what has been decreed for him. Whoever makes the hereafter his most important matter, Allah will settle his affairs and make him content in his heart. And the world will come to him, although he does not want it.” (Sahih Sunan Ibn Majah 4)

I remember one of the things that stopped me from getting closer to Allah

was the fear of what people would say to

me and about me. I could not bear the thought of what others would think when they saw me in a hijab. Sometimes, when we are far away from Allah

, we tend to fear the things that we

rely upon; which is the people. We fear people, society, losing wealth, and we fear losing power and fame. A lot of these factors influence an individual to not flee towards Allah

. A lot of people give up so easily. We

compromise who we are and our deen. We leave the good and adopt evil, because we are afraid of what people would say; we want people to like us more. This is the attachment to dunya. We form these attachments to people and worldly things when we depend on them. When we regard these things as everything to us and not include Allah towards Him.

in the equation, it will be harder to move

Without Allah

in the equation, we would become

disappointed whenever we do not get the kind of responses we had hoped for. We need to go back to our intention and keep revisiting it, no matter how many times it takes us. This highlights how only Allah

is Perfect, and only

true honour and true ‘izzah (power) belongs to Allah Surah Fatir (The Originator) verse number 10, Allah

. In says:

“Whoever desires honor [through power] - then to Allah belongs all honor. To Him ascends good speech, and righteous work raises it.” We know that all honour, praise and all goodness belongs to Allah

. It should not begin with an intention to please

people, because we, the people, do not own honour, power and goodness. Only Allah

does. Therefore, make the intention

to make this journey for Allah

and He will give you what

you need. Do not lose yourself by pleasing people, instead, find yourself by pleasing Allah

.

“O mankind, indeed the promise of Allah is truth. So, let not the worldly life delude you, and be not deceived about Allah by the deceiver. Indeed, shaytan is an enemy to you, so take him as an enemy. He only invites his party to be among the companions of the blaze.” (Surah Al-Fatir: 5-6) Let us talk about shaytan because he has a way of tricking us into thinking that we are not good enough to seek God. He tricks us into thinking that there is never any hope. He whispers to us slyly telling there is no way out for us in these darknesses we are in. Shaytan incites despair within us by whispering that Allah will never forgive us, and that His guidance will not be granted to us by making us say things like, “Allah

guides

everyone else but me or I’m going to keep on sinning anyway so what’s the point?” Beware, because that is the trick of shaytan.

He instills the feelings of procrastination, in delaying our action of returning to Allah

and taunts us with our

imperfections; causing us to think negatively about Allah by saying things like, “It’s Allah’s fault, why is this happening to me,” and doubt in Allah’s mercy. In the verses above, Allah

is telling us that shaytan

is the great deceiver. We must remember that and try our best not to be deceived by him. Allah

tells us in so many places

in the Quran that shaytan is our number one enemy. What do enemies do? They want to bring you down from every side and every corner. In every part of our life and at every moment, shaytan tries to bring us down. However only those who are righteous or those connected to Allah

, who remembers Him, who turns to Him, who keeps

on making their morning and evening adhkar, du’a, connects with the Quran and seeks His protection, they will be amongst those who would not fall for shaytan’s tricks. These are the people who will be protected by Allah

.

Remember, whenever we feel as if we are far away from Allah

, that can only mean, we are closer to shaytan. We

become astray because shaytan has beautified the sidewalks. The sidewalks off a straight path could have a lot of ‘thorns” disguised as temptations on them. If we are not close to Allah

, we might be tempted by these vices and desires,

persuaded and coaxed by shaytan and he would entice us to make us believe that he is our best friend.

But in the akhirah, when it has become too late for us to make Tawbah or to repent for the sins we committed, that is when shaytan would actually deny his involvement in all the sinful activities we have committed in the dunya. “And Satan will say when the matter has been concluded, “Indeed, Allah had promised you the promise of truth. And I promised you, but I betrayed you. But I had no authority over you except that I invited you, and you responded to me. So do not blame me; but blame yourselves. I cannot be called to your aid, nor can you be called to my aid. Indeed, I deny your association of me [with Allah ] before. Indeed, for the wrongdoers is a painful punishment.” (Surah Ibrahim: 22) Shaytan will come at you from all different sides. Remember, we can protect ourselves from shaytan by reciting the right du’as, by making the dhikr in the morning and evening, and the isti’adhah (seeking refuge with Allah

):

“I seek refuge with Allah from the cursed shaytan (satan).” “In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful."

Another dua that I recite everyday is:

“In the name of Allah, by Whose name nothing on the earth or in the heavens can cause harm, and He is the All Knowing, the All-Hearing.”

Shaytan will make us think that we are never good enough. He wants you to lose hope, feel despair, think bad about Allah you to believe in the lies and blind your sight from the truth. Shaytan’s wrath upon us would cause us to reevaluate our choices Allah

because of the huge amount of sins which would put us

in Jahannam We have to realise these are all the tricks of shaytan. He wants you to lose hope and he wants you to feel despair. He wants you to think bad about Allah

, and he wants you to

forget about the perfect Names and Attributes of Allah

.

He wants you to believe in the lies and blind your sight from the truth. The truth is this: Allah’s Mercy is far greater than everything and anything in this whole wide world.

In regards to Allah’s mercy, Abu Hurayrah RA reported that the Messenger of Allah

said:

retained with Him 99 parts and sent down to earth one part. Through this one part, creatures deal with one another with compassion. So much so, that an animal lifts its hoof over its young, lest it should hurt.” (Sahih Sunan Ibn Majah6) There is also another narration by Muslim that says, it is reported by Salman Al-Farisi RA that the Messenger of Allah said:

by His creation for mutual love and affection and 99 mercies are kept for the Day of Resurrection.” (Sahih Muslim 7)

In

another

narration

Messenger of Allah

from

Riyadh as-Solihin 8,

the

said:

created the heavens and the earth, and each of them can contain all that is between the heavens and the earth. Of them He put one on Earth, through which a mother has compassion for her children and animals and birds have compassion for one another. On the Day of Resurrection He will perfect and complete His Mercy, on that day.” I would like to share what my teachers have taught me from all of these collections of Hadiths. We understand that Allah

created 100 units of mercy. He has put down one

unit of His mercy on earth, and He said that this one unit of mercy He created contains all that is between the heavens and the earth. Allah’s Mercy is so vast and all encompassing. How amazing is our Rabb? If we think about it from the beginning of creation until the end of one part of mercy, we can see the compassion between mothers and their children, between creatures, and even between animals. All this mercy, love and compassion stemmed from that 1%. Allah

has 99 more and He may have a lot more.

These are things and secrets of Allah

that we do not

know of. So, do not ever feel despair on His mercy. In traversing the path back to Allah

, I believe that

pursuing knowledge is so important. We need to strive to learn beneficial knowledge to know who Allah

is to believe in

His promises and to live our lives with taqwa (hope in Allah’s rewards so we obey His commands and fear His punishment so we stay away from sin). We need to remember who Allah

is in public and in

private, so that we can fulfill our covenant that we made to Him 9

a long time ago; that we believe in Him and we worship Him alone. I remember the time during my darkest days when I was totally off track. During those years, I self-inflict myself with all the pain and danger that I got myself into. I was depressed. I was paranoid. I had anxiety because of the addictions that I had, and it was a really difficult time for me. Even though I knew I was doing bad things, I still had hope in my heart. I knew that one day I was going to get better, but I just did not know how. I think my heart was beating just enough to call out to Allah

, to seek His help.

If we are ever in despair and think there is no hope or there is no light for our lost soul, believe me, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe we do not see it but we need to

reach deep down inside our hearts and find that light and find that glimmer of hope. Never give up in finding the light and hoping for Allah’s forgiveness. Allah

loves us more than we love ourselves,

He loves us the most and He created us so that we can get to Jannah. There is always hope as long as we keep turning back with sincere repentance. From there, take it step by step but remember that the steps do not have to be perfect. What is important is to set your intention, the foundation that will help you achieve what is in your heart. It took me ages to get to where I am today and it took me years to get myself to praying five times a day, to develop the feeling of wanting to go for Hajj, to get to letting go of all my past sins. It took years. Years of struggling and hoping for His mercy. “And whoever does a wrong or wrongs himself but then seeks forgiveness of Allah will find Allah Forgiving and Merciful.”

The Messenger of Allah

said:

“O son of Adam, as long as you call upon Me and place your hope in Me, I will forgive you without hesitation in spite of what you have done. O son of Adam, if you have sins piling up to the clouds and then ask for My forgiveness, I will forgive you without hesitation. O son of Adam, if you come to Me with enough sins to fill the earth and then you meet Me without associating anything with Me, I will come to you with enough forgiveness to fill the earth.’” (Sahih at-Tirmidhi)

A lot of people think that in order to begin their journey to Allah

, we have to be perfect in all sorts of aspects. When

I relate this to my own life, I realised that the perfect time for a person to start the journey of returning to Allah

is at the

first thought he or she has in wanting to seek God. It does not matter where we are, no matter what we have done, and no matter where we have been. The moment the heart begins to think about returning back to Allah

, that is when we should

seize that instinct and turn our face towards Him. When then, should we start our journey? Acknowledging our imperfection is perhaps the best starting point. I knew that realistically speaking, I should not expect to achieve everything within one night, because nobody is able to do that. Remember that being perfect is a huge mistake because perfection only belongs to Allah

. Only to Him belongs all

‘izzah, all glorification, all praise, and we must realise this.

We must accept this truth and not delude ourselves into thinking that we can be perfect human beings. Once we start thinking that we can be perfect, we are actually setting ourselves up for despair and disappointment, which will cause us to feel hopeless in His Mercy. Life will always come at us with different challenges, and nothing will ever be perfect. Shaytan can come at us from several directions – making us think we are imperfect that we do not deserve Allah’s mercy OR making us think we are already perfect that there is no need for us to seek His mercy. He will make us believe in our own false notions that we are better and perfect than everybody else. This is arrogance. Never have that kind of thought for travelling the path of Allah

requires humility.

We have to instill humility and humbleness in our hearts. We need to own humility and humbleness. We need to acknowledge our imperfections and be humble towards other people and creations and realise that we are all slaves of Allah and He is our Owner. One day all of us will be buried six feet underground, leaving behind all the wealth, power, children and things we have accumulated, now, those things will not matter anymore. All these help to break the ego and that ‘I am better than you’ attitude, which is a trait of shaytan. Always remember, Allah

will forgive us, as long as we are sincere and humble. Acknowledging our imperfections leads to humility in

front of God. We must then balance it with the feeling of hope in Allah’s mercy while fearing His punishments if we sin so that we will stay away from it.

Never lose hope because Allah

wants to forgive us.

There is a Hadith that talks about how Allah

comes down at

the last third of every single night, asking: “Who is calling out to Me so that I may forgive him? Who is calling out to me so I may forgive him?” (Sahih at-Tirmidhi 9) Every single night, He is there. However, have we asked ourselves where are we at that time? Do not lose hope because Allah

will always be there for us. We just have to reach out. Whatever we have done, no matter how messed up things

are, it is part of the journey. The challenges that we go through, the slip ups, the mistakes, they are all part of the journey. They should not be reasons for us to drag ourselves down, rather we should use them as opportunities for us to rise up from the ashes and into the light of Allah’s love and forgiveness. Remember Allah

tests us both in ease (to see if we are

grateful) and in hardships ( to see if we are patient), only because He loves us and He wants us to learn and grow. He wants us to rise above and to be the best that we can be, because He wants Jannah for us. It is never too late to find the light and turn back to Him. When you take that one step to Allah

, He will come

running to you and this is based upon a Hadith that I hold on dearly to.

It was narrated from Abu Dharr that the Messenger of Allah

said: “Allah, the Blessed and Exalted, said: ‘Whoever does one good deed will have (the reward of) ten like it and more, and whoever does a bad deed will have one like it, or I will forgive him. Whoever draws near to Me a hand span, I draw near to him an arm’s length; whoever comes to Me a forearm’s length, I draw near him an arm’s length; whoever comes to Me walking, I come to him in a hurry. Whoever meets Me with an earthful of sins, but does not associate anything in worship with Me, I will meet it (i.e., his sins) with forgiveness equal to that.” (Sahih Ibn Majah 5) Allah

is always there and all you have to do is to just

take that first step. We need to begin with the right mindset that nothing in this life is perfect. I am not perfect. You are not perfect. Do we really know when exactly we are going to be flawless? We will be so in Jannah. So do not wait to be perfect to turn back to Allah

. Now is the right time.

When I think about my journey to Allah

, it began

with a sincere intention of wanting to change to a better person, to let go of all the toxicities and the evil that were in my life. I was not a 100% practicing Muslim at the time. I was not praying five times a day, nor was I wearing a hijab. I was still involved in many things that leads a person away from Allah

.

I was far away from any kind of perfection but I had the intention and I was determined to embark on that journey. So I began my journey even though I was scared and I was struggling within my heart and mind with voices of doubt telling me, “What’s the rush Nina, you still have time, you’re not ready yet, you still have so much to do and you are far from perfection, how can you present yourself to Allah now?” We have to really reflect that greatness and perfection only belongs to Allah

because we human beings can never

be perfect. Allah

created our hearts and our souls perfectly and

meticulously, in such a way that our soul only wants to surrender to Allah

. That is our fitrah, an inclination to tawheed (the

Oneness of Allah

). The fight within us can only be comforted

by seeking solace from the Ever Perfect One. We are not perfect. I can never be perfect until I get into Jannah. This was what my teacher explained to me thoroughly when I asked her about the journey towards Allah

.

There is a verse from the Quran, Surah Ar-Ra’d (The Thunder), verse number 11 and Allah

says:

“Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of people until they change what is in themselves.”

If we expect a change in our lives, we can’t just sit down and say, “I want to change, I want things to get better,” but we don’t put in any effort or any real sincere intentions. We don’t strive for it and expect things to just happen. When we want to become better, we have to have a firm resolve and determination that comes from the gut, that comes from deep inside ourselves to really make that move. Hijrah, a change to be better, does not happen overnight. It takes tremendous courage, determination, and a sincere intention to make a positive transformation, to take that one step towards Allah

and to keep on going.

Remember, it does not begin with “I am perfect”, it begins with “I am perfectly imperfect and I will always be, on my journey towards Perfection (Allah

).”

We have to be aware that whatever this world gives us will never result in the peace and contentment we are looking for. No matter how deceptively beautiful the world is presented to us by shaytan, no matter how big the promises of peace or contentment is offered to us by this dunya, if it does not come from Allah

and for Allah

, it is not going to happen.

We could be the richest person in the world. We could own the most luxurious cars, we could have multiple mansions around the world, and a beautiful family with us. But if the heart is hardened from humbling ourselves in front of Allah

, we

will still be the unhappiest person in the world, even though we have everything. Why? Because Allah

is missing from your heart. And

without Him, you will not be able to feel peace and contentment.

Allah

is As-Salaam, The Perfectly Sound, The Bestower of

safety, He is the one who grants peace, contentment and security for us in this life and the next. There could be an impoverished person, who does not own much. Despite all that, this person admits and believes he only has Allah

, that Allah

is

enough and is all that He needs. Thus this person is at peace and grateful with whatever he has. This is a big lesson for us and a point of reflection. Are we grateful with what we have and do we really rely upon Allah

? When it comes to the matter of humbling the heart in

front of Allah

with hopes of attaining contentment, there is

a verse in the Quran that my teacher once shared with me during our tafseer (the interpretation of the Quran) class. It is Surah AlHadid (The Iron), verse number 16, Allah

asked us a very

important question : “Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth?” This question is asked to us so that we can reflect on the state of our hearts. Should our hearts not be humbled by the remembrance of Allah when we think of Allah

? The heart is where Iman lives and , we need to remember Him with

our hearts. Yes, we say it with our tongues, but we also need to feel the remembrance, so that our hearts become humbled,

submissive and at peace. Humility comes from recognising who Allah

is, who we are and acknowledging our own faults and

weaknesses, knowing that we are completely dependent on Him and that we are nothing without Him. What happens when we do not humble ourselves to Allah , when we follow shaytan and we allow the obsession of our desires and worldly things to harden our hearts? There will never be peace, we will not be affected by the verses of the Quran and we will be blinded to the truth, walking arrogantly on this earth with hearts that are void of light and with no contentment within our soul. What we need to do is to humble ourselves by engaging more with the Quran, perform more good deeds and to make dua to Allah

, ask the turner of hearts to give you a heart that is

humbled until the end of your life. Did you know that Allah raises those who humble themselves before Him? It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allah

said:

“Wealth does not decrease because of charity, and Allah increases His slave in honour when he forgives others. And no one humbles himself before Allah but Allah will raise him (in status).” (Narrated by Muslim) Oh Allah, I put my head and heart down to the lowest ground only for you, The Most High, The Majestic, allow me to always be in a state of humility and sincerity for you and only you for the rest of my life, and may this be so for all of us, Ameen.

Allah

says in Surah Al-Hadid (The Iron) verse number 9:

“It is He who sends down upon His Servant [Muhammad] verses of clear evidence that He may bring you out from darknesses into the light. And indeed, Allah is to you Kind and Merciful.” In another verse from Surah Al-Maidah, verse 16, it is stated:

“By which Allah guides those who pursue His pleasure to the ways of peace and brings them out from darknesses into the light, by His permission, and guides them to a straight path . ” There are many layers and types of darknesses like shirk, sins, wishful thinking, self-delusions, addictions, diseases of the heart, attachments to the dunya and many others, but there will

be only one light that will lead us to the straight path. That one light is from Allah

, who is the source of Nur (light) and to

Him alone we worship. Allah

sent Prophet Muhammad

to the world and

lifted the darknesses and enlightened the hearts and minds of mankind with the light of the Quran. Muhammad’s

character

was the Quran and he is described as a “siraj” (an illuminating lamp), one that is bright and clear by itself. Whatever comes from him takes you out of darknesses into the light as he himself radiated light which spread across the world. The Quran and the Sunnah is guidance and light. They will illuminate the path that our heart and soul walk upon, as we seek peace and contentment for this life and the next. “Alif, Lam, Ra. [This is] a Book which We have revealed to you, [O Muhammad], that you might bring mankind out of darknesses into the light by permission of their Lord - to the path of the Exalted in Might, the Praiseworthy.” (Surah Ibrahim: 1) Believing in Allah

and following His Messenger

brings us from the darkness of ignorance and misguidance into the light of knowledge and guidance. When we return to Allah ; we focus on Him and we love Him. We become afraid of losing His love. When we become afraid of displeasing Him, it will be easier for us to race ahead towards doing good deeds and receiving His pleasure. We can begin to wear the hijab, to pray five times a

day on time, to pray the Sunnahs, to do more charity, to do more dhikr and all the other wonderful things. When we soften our hearts, only then we can feel peace and contentment. In many places in the Quran, Allah

talks

about how He brings life to the dead, lifeless earth. A beautiful parable illustrated in the verse below: “And of His signs is that you see the earth stilled, but when We send down upon it rain, it quivers and grows. Indeed, He who has given it life is the Giver of Life to the dead. Indeed, He is over all things competent.” (Surah Fussilat: 39) Only Allah

can bring life and revive the dead, barren

earth by sending down rain. In order for it to benefit from the rain, the earth needs to be soft. When rain hits the ground, then that is when all the living things like plants, flowers and produce start to grow. Just like the earth which needs to be soften for it to be affected for growth, so does our hearts. The heart needs to be softened, to be able to benefit from the good things that Allah sends to us - like the Quran. That is why we always have to make an effort to soften the heart. I really feel this in my life because whenever I feel down, and my heart feels scattered, when I feel like nothing is going to be right, I would turn to Him, either through my prayer, crying in sujood, my Quran, or even my dhikr. All these would slowly but

surely help me gain back my composure, stability, calmness and the peace in my heart that I am looking for. I know I will experience many highs and lows in life, but with the Quran, I can breathe, I have hope and the journey becomes easier. What the Quran and the remembrance of Allah

does

to the heart is similar to what the rain does to the dead earth. Only Allah

can revive our heart and nourish our soul.

Only with Him can our soul find its way back to peace and contentment.

(7x)

My heart is not the cover of a book. It isn’t something you can just judge with a look, It is something that took years of pain and hurt to find the right words to form, To find the source of light that brings calmness to the storm, So that I can be reformed and transformed. My heart is not something between you and me, It is between myself and Him, Between my words, actions, feelings and intentions A reflection of my outside and in, It is a balance, of hope and fear combined with faith that come together, Like iman and amal, There isn’t one without the other. Qalby, my heart, is the container of guidance and emotions, With the light of the Quran and Sunnah I have insight I see the solutions,

And when the heart is humbled to its Owner it can go deeper than any ocean, Where knowledge shines brighter than gold and the earths precious diamonds, My soul is not sold to this world and it’s commotion, Let the world chase after me, While I run after the The Most Sublime with complete devotion. Now that My heart is ignited with the light of Iman, Illuminated and alive I know right from wrong, I see a change in myself and I appreciate what I have before it’s gone, My Rabb feed me with the right nutrients I need to be strong, So that I can be a consistent source of goodness for everyone, So that I can have a heart that is Saleem, Before I meet with the One.

When I was a young girl, all I wanted to do was play, have fun, enjoy myself and to not think about the future. The thought of death and its approach never crossed my mind. I was just so busy with the world and the distractions it offered me. It gave me music and parties, it gave me friends, it gave me comfort, and as I grew older, life gave me relationships and other kind of worldly addictions. Throughout these few phases in my life, I got distracted by dunya; I found myself diving headfirst into this sea of madness, thinking whatever life offered me, I must achieve it and come out on top. Think about it, we have been programmed to ‘compete’ and make comparisons like this since we could begin walking. Our minds have subconsciously been trained to compete and to be better than other people. It is always about winning and losing. Does it always have to be a game of comparison, of who is wealthier? Who is more famous? Who has more children?

We think that honour lies in everything that a person could accumulate in this world but Allah

tells us that dunya is

meant for us as a distraction, a deception, an amusement and ultimately a test. When I learnt the tafseer of Surah Al-Hadid, particularly verse 20 from my Ta’leem Al-Quran course, I reflected upon my life as it all started to make sense to me, the different stages we go through as human beings and Allah

explains it so

beautifully: “Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children - like the example of a rain whose [resulting] plant growth pleases the tillers; then it dries and you see it turned yellow; then it becomes [scattered] debris. And in the Hereafter is severe punishment and forgiveness from Allah and approval. And what is the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion.” When your heart chases after all of these ‘illusions’, it will slowly deteriorate because we are not feeding our hearts with the right nutrients. We are not giving our heart the nourishment it needs, just like how we feed our physical body with the food it needs. I thought that I could make myself happy by filling my heart with the love for music, friends, relationships, addictions and entertainment. I thought that would make my life full to

the brim but I failed to see how those things were affecting my heart at that time; it became weaker and emptier. My heart then was hardened over time. This heart was created by Allah serve Allah

and its purpose is to

. Failing to serve this purpose will result in the

slow death of the heart, as I experienced with mine. I learnt that from the verse in Surah Al-Hadid mentioned before, there are basically five terms in which Allah describes the phases we go through in dunya. The description proves to show exactly what I went through when I was young, when I was chasing after the world.

1. Play The first one is La’ib

, which means “play”. When

we were children, all we wanted to do was to enjoy life and play around. As adults, La’ib is when we become busier with activities.

2. Distraction The second one is called Lahwu

, which means

distraction from Allah’s dhikr. Whenever we fullfill our own desires and chase the dunya, our hearts become empty and we become so distracted from Allah’s dhikr, His remembrance, worship and ibadah.

When the heart is distracted, it becomes heedless of Allah

, hard over time which in turn leads us to sin. In

order to fill the heart with love, peace, contentment and happiness, we have to do everything that will lead us back to Allah

, the One who created it.

When we fill it with our own desires and not Allah , what we are doing to the heart is bleeding it out and squeezing it dry from any chance of allowing it to beat for Allah

.

3. Beautification Then, the third one is Zeenah beautification. Allah

, which means

has made this life attractive and

beautiful for us. I went through this phase in my life as I was deceived by all the lights and glamour, I strove and busied myself for it. That is what Zeenah does; it distracts you from remembering Allah

.

I also remembered how I thought I had forever to admire the beauty I was blessed to experience in this world. I would be enchanted by the sunrise or sunset, by the moon as it shines bright in the darkness of the night, I would admire its beauty and snap that perfection through my camera and I would just sit there and stare. Never would it cross my mind to question or ponder upon the One who created it or to realise that everything around me is temporary.

4. Splurging The fourth is

means to boast and

brag over what you have done or collected. It is a constant struggle for perfection to boast over others. This happens when a person collects material things like academic qualifications, medals, trophies, clothes, shoes, bags, wealth, fame and any type of worldly gain. I fell into this category before too. The question is why do we collect or splurge on these kinds of things? So that we can show off our achievements to everyone. I remember one of my teachers once told me that there is nothing wrong if we love collecting and splurging on things in our lives. As normal human beings, it is in our nature to be attracted to beautiful things and wanting to own them. However we must be careful not to think that we are the actual owners because Allah

is Al-Malik, The King

of all kings, Master, Owner of the Mulk, everything that is in the heavens and earth, The Owner of us and all of our things. We must be grateful for these gifts and control the desire to flaunt them off. This is the actual key. Allah has given us dunya, but not for us to love but for us to use it for akhirah. This has been one of the biggest lessons I learned so far.

With the reference from Surah Al-Hadid, Allah has Given us “iron”, the metaphorical form of fortune and assets. Allah

has given us all sorts of things in this

dunya not for us to love them or be obsessed with them. But to use them in the right way as we plan for our akhirah so that we would be able to gain eternal rewards rather than just aiming for the short-term worldly rewards.

5. The Obsession To Win . Which means competition and increase. Everything today has become a competition to see who’s no.1. This dunya is defined by that. It has become a never-ending rat race; to compete, to win, and to see who has more. When we chase after material things, we compete and would do anything to ‘win’ (even adopt haram means) to gain more wealth or recognition. These kinds of things would ruin a person’s character and the akhlaq. It also ruins the heart and affects our iman, thus causing greed to seep in. When the heart becomes empty and void of the goodness of Allah

, it will be filled with the diseases of the heart

like feelings of jealousy, envy, ungratefulness, arrogance, and imperfection, and the heart becomes hardened, desensitised to the sins committed and to the evil surrounding it.

Why does our heart become empty? It is because we give out too much of our love for this dunya when we should not have fallen in love with it in the first place. When I reflect upon my past life, I was definitely swept off my feet and fell in love with the glitz and glamorous life of the clubbing culture, people, music, MTV, and entertainment industry of this world. I gave my love and my life to them. What should I have done, or what should we do? We need to fall in love with Allah

. We need to fall in

love with our Maker, over and over again, to fill our hearts with the love of the Quran and Sunnah, dhikr, obedience, ibadah and all these will become our fuel as we embark on our journey to Allah

. These will be the nutrients we need to thrive and

strive to earn Jannah. True richness and contentment of the heart happens when we fill it with the love of Allah

, when we chase after the

akhirah, when we race towards good deeds and His pleasure. True poverty and emptiness of the heart, happens when a person runs after the dunya. All of these things that I mentioned, are what makes the heart poor. This is based on a Hadith that I learned; Anas ibn Malik narrated that the Messenger of Allah

said:

“Whoever makes the hereafter his goal, Allah makes his heart rich and organises his affairs and the world comes to him whether he wants it or not. And whoever makes the world his goal, Allah puts his poverty right before

his eyes, and disorganises his affairs and the world does not come to him except what has been decreed for him.” (Sahih At-Tirmidhi) The reality is, every time we run after dunya, we will keep going around in circles and it will never ever be enough so we will keep running until the end of our lives. We can have a billion dollars in the world, but still, feel like we are poor, that it is never enough. We can also have the finest cars, all the friends and fame in the world but all of those things wouldn’t be able to make us happy because our hearts are discontented, empty and void of the goodness and remembrance of Allah

.

I would like to share with you verse 14 from Surah Ali Imran, Allah

says: “Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire - of women and sons, heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allah has with Him the best return.” Our hearts should beat for the One who made it for us and

not for the worldly things of this life. The heart does not beat for music, it does not beat for money, food or the people we love, and it does not beat for society. The heart beats for Him alone. That is the rhythm which we should live by.

“Everything is everything, Like the seasons change, Flowers bloom then withers away, Sadness departs and happiness stays, For a while anyway, Nothing ever stays the same, This life ain’t everything.”

Throughout my many learning journeys, I have come to understand that my heart is not mine to control. The heart has been created with specific functions and purpose. We can think of the heart as a vessel, which holds water or any type of liquid for us to nourish ourselves with. This liquid is a representative of what we fill our hearts with. If this “liquid” is, for example, the love of dunya, like the examples we have discussed before, then there will be no space left for Allah

and His love. I really believe this because when

I was pursuing my music career, I was so indulgent in that kind of lifestyle where music was my life and my love. I had no space left in my heart for the remembrance of Allah

.

It was a battle within, which I felt while I was pursuing my career. Music and hip hop was my love, my life and I had no room for anything else. Even though I had memorised some verses from the Quran, it was nothing compared to the hundreds of song lyrics I had memorised before.

It was a real struggle for me trying to let go of the things that I loved and replaced them with the love of Allah because we, humans, have desires, however Allah

,

has given

us the capability to control it, Alhamdulilah. He created us with so many amazing abilities, and we just have to seek strength from Him. The more I let go of music, of entertainment, of all the other things related to it; the more I was able to really fill in my heart with the love of the Quran and the love of Allah

. My

new passion began to overpower me and I pray that Allah continues to choose me, to choose you to walk in His way and to serve Him. One of my teachers gave us a wonderful example of this when she talked about the heart being a “vessel”. The second really invigorating example that she gave was about how she described the heart as a “petrol tank”. Imagine a car with our heart acting as the car’s petrol tank. Every day, we drive the car to carry out our daily activities and we need to fill up the tank with petrol every time it runs out. Specific cars have specific types of petrol that can best optimise the car’s mileage. The fuel for a regular minivan is not the same as that of a Formula 1 sports car. You also cannot fill in the petrol tank with any other type of liquid like water or juice because it will cause damage to the car’s engines. This is where we draw the similarity between the fuel for our heart and that of a car. If we fill our hearts with dunya, metaphorically it would be like filling our car tank with a regular orange juice.

If we fill our hearts too much with dunya like wealth, fame and superficial love, our heart will break down and will be unable to function at all. It becomes painful. We inflict pain upon ourselves, upon our “engine”. We abuse the heart because we are not giving it what it needs. Instead, we give it something that is harmful and detrimental. The heart was designed by the Creator for the Creator. It is meant to be for Allah

which means we are meant to be in

love with Him. We are also meant to fill our hearts with Him. We should never fall in love with dunya. This is our biggest test. We need to ask ourselves what are we doing with our dunya? Are we using it to earn eternal rewards? Or are we just falling deeper into the abyss? Our hearts beat for the One Who Made it. We have to live for Allah

, not for this dunya. If the hearts beat for other than

the Creator, then that is when the pain, sadness, and emptiness come and visit. It is important that we learn about what is qalbun saleem, a sound heart. Allah

talks about it in many places in the

Quran. I have learnt that qalbun saleem, a sound heart, is a heart that contains nothing in it that can compete with Allah There has to be nothing in there that is above Allah

. ,

that is competing with His love. His love has to supersede everything else and it has to overcome everything else. There should not be any other competition. Something that I have

learned from my tafseer class about qalbun saleem is illustrated in Surah Ash-Shu’ara verses number 83 until 89. These verses were a du’a recited by Prophet Ibrahim to Allah

, and from it, we can learn and extract many lessons

in regards to yearning for a sound and pure heart. “(And he said), “My Lord! Grant me authority and join me with the righteous. And grant me a reputation of honour among later generations And place me among the inheritors of the Garden of Pleasure And forgive my father. Indeed, he has been of those astray. And do not disgrace me on the Day they are (all) resurrected — the Day when there will not benefit (anyone) wealth nor children But only one who comes to Allah with a sound heart.” (Surah Ash-Shu’ara: 83-89) We learn here that at the end of everything, that is on the Day of Judgment, nothing of our wealth or our children will avail us. None of what we used to have will help us, when it comes to our recompensation and accountability. Unless we use what

Allah

has given us in His way, with His permission - that will

benefit us. People with sound hearts will be placed in Jannatul Firdaus (the highest level in heaven). This du’a (with the exception of verse 86 in which the context is special for Prophet Ibrahim because this is a du’a of us asking Allah

) is so beautiful to place us among

those who speak the truth and among those who are righteous. The righteous ones always earn Jannah.

What is a sound heart? A sound heart is one that is pure, uncontaminated, and free from doubts and desires. It is a healthy heart that is sincere, good and well-wishing, which leads to having a balanced heart. When the heart becomes imbalanced, it means that we are holding on to false attachments. We really need to focus on trying to have that balance between deen and dunya. We must make sure that we have dunya in our hands, and we use it in the right way that Allah

is

pleased with. To keep the check and balance of the heart is definitely a constant struggle. It is one of the greatest jihad (striving) when we are able to conquer our nafs, and when we are able to balance our hearts successfully. But how do we balance our hearts? By putting Allah first. It is by filling our hearts with the “right fuel” and to be particular about cleansing our hearts every day.

As many times we physically cleanse ourselves every day, we also have to purify our hearts the same way. In the hereafter. Allah SWT

will only look at the condition of our hearts, the

sincerity of our intentions and our actions. Qalbun saleem means a heart that is pure. It is free from the diseases of heart like shirk, hypocrisy and disbelief. It is free from jealousy, envy, heedlessness, assumptions, negative thoughts and feelings; grudges, greediness and misery. That is why it is always a constant struggle for us to reflect upon ourselves and observe our own imperfections. We are not perfect, but we must try and improve ourselves all the time. We must look at our own mistakes, acknowledge and fix them. We need to flush out all these bad and dirty notions from our hearts and fill it in with goodness. A sound heart is a heart that is clean, sincere and beautiful. It is filled with an inclination towards goodness. It is free from negativity, malice, evil, and doubts. It is filled with iman and yaqeen, conviction and taqwa towards Allah khashiya (fear of god) of Allah of Allah

, and the

. It is filled with hope and fear

and not the hope and fear of His creations.

Is Allah

the number one priority our lives, right now?

If He isn’t then this will create an imbalance that signals to us that we have false attachments. This is when we need to be honest with ourselves and conduct a self-analysis of our hearts. We would have to be the doctors of our own hearts. An example to better illustrate the idea of attachments in our hearts is by looking at one attachment as a basket that we fill with all the things that we love. We all may have many baskets in our lives. Each basket represents a part of our happiness that we love; like relationships, career, wealth and others. All of these baskets of happiness are filled with marbles. These marbles represent our hopes, fears, dependencies, titles and achievements to name a few. What if we put all these marbles into one of these baskets? The basket is surely going to overflow, become heavy and break.

The basket situation mentioned above, is like a metaphor to all our attachments in the world. Imagine us losing our jobs after we have put our heart and soul into them. We would become really disappointed, upset and distressed. After all the hard work; blood, sweat and tears - we lost everything. Imagine us losing our loved ones; spouses, children, or family members. All our loved ones, whom we depend on, rely on, people we love above everything else – passed away and have returned to Allah

. We would be devastated and lost.

We need to know where to keep these “marbles” and to put them in their most appropriate places. This is why it is so important to understand what the true purpose of the heart is. Yes, it is a lump of flesh. It pumps blood and we know that without the heart we cannot live. However, it is more than just a lump of flesh, it is the center of all feeling, emotion, intention and desires, it connects us to our mind, body and soul, it is the where iman and taqwa lives and it is the captain of the ship! If the heart is so important, we need to know what makes the heart beat, what makes the heart soft and what are the nutrients it needs. With the given metaphor of the baskets of marbles above, we understand that all these baskets of happiness are temporary matters. Job, family, wealth, money – all these are going to be here today, but gone tomorrow eventually.

On the other hand, if we deposited all of our ‘marbles’ of hopes, fears, fulfilment, love, happiness and dependence in the ‘basket’ of Allah If Allah

, then nothing can break it. is in our hearts and is our strength, then

nothing can break us because nothing can break Allah

, Who

is the Strongest Handhold. When our hearts are focused on living our lives for Allah

and worshipping Him alone with

this equation, we will become steadfast and balanced individuals. Checking the state of my heart is something I try to do regularly. Instead of using a magnifying glass to judge others, I use a mirror and evaluate myself. I have to train myself to be honest and ask; Am I jealous? Am I envious? Am I stingy? Am I ungrateful? Am I a hypocite? Do I compare myself to people? Do I hate people? Do I have a grudge? Do I want to cause harm to people? Do I complain? Do I lie, gossip, slander or backbite?

We need to replace these with positive thoughts, dua’s and affirmations such as; •

When you feel jealousy and envy say “I love you for the sake of Allah

, may He bless you and increase you with

even more.” •

When you are stingy, say “I love for you what I love for myself, and Allah

will love me for this.” Then give, as

giving is the cure to this. •

When you are ungrateful and complain say, “Alhamdulillah for everything. There are people who don’t even have the things I have”

•

When you feel hypocrisy in your heart say, “Allah loves truth and honesty so I will do what I say.”

•

When you compare yourself say, “Allah

loves me and

He created me unique and different from everyone else, I will appreciate and celebrate me.” •

When you hate or have a grudge say, “I forgive you because I want Allah

•

to forgive me.”

When you feel the urge to gossip and backbite, make dhikr instead! Be real with yourself and be real with Allah

. You need

to ask yourself: “Do I sift through my heart to see what is really there?”, “Do I have these bad feelings of jealousy and grudges for anyone?”

Sometimes our hearts can be so dirty, but we just cannot see it, or perhaps we just do not want to see it. We have to leave all these tangles of lies and deception so that we can enjoy our real lives in the hereafter. We really need to ask ourselves these important questions because, if most of the answers are “yes”, then we know it is time for us to stop, make lots of tawbah, increase in doing more good deeds, dhikr and charity as these actions will help to purify and increase the light in our hearts. To Allah to Allah

belongs the keys of the heavens of the earth, belongs the Mulk (Sovereignty), the Dominion,

and He is the one Who Gives and Sustains all at once without anything decreasing from Him. If we have Him in our hearts, we will have enough to give to others. We have to do this first before we can give love, goodness and benefit to people. We need to work on this relationship of love with Allah

and fall in love with Him again and again as

much as we can. May Allah

grant us sound hearts, ameen.

The heart is like the captain of the ship because it is the master of the body. It is the driver of everything that happens, and this is evident through the Hadith I shared in the Introduction section. “Verily in the body, there is a piece of flesh, which if sound, the entire body is sound, and if corrupt, the entire body is corrupt. Truly, it is the heart.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari) This Hadith tells me that if our hearts are good and pure, so will our thoughts and actions be. The heart is connected to our thoughts, as well as our limbs and our tongues, which will determine what we say and what we do. If our hearts are corrupt and full of diseases, like jealousy, envy, deception or lies, so will our thoughts, words and actions. It is as simple as that.

The heart that is sound will act as the internal ‘sight’ in which we see this world. The state of our heart will be reflected in the way we perceive things in the physical world. It becomes our lens in which we use to navigate as we travel our way back to God. Whenever we discuss about the lens of dunya versus the lens of akhirah, the former is always more challenging. Some people live by the lens of dunya and not the lens of akhirah. I equate the lens of akhirah as the lens of the heart as well. If an individual looks through the lens of dunya, he or she might have the perception that success, honour and all the good things lie only in material things. This could be very deceiving because it is only what we see from the outside. We are unable to see deeper than that. Surah Al-A’raf, (The Heights) in the Quran, verse number 179 states:

“And We have certainly created for Hell many of the jinn and mankind. They have hearts with which they do not understand, they have eyes with which they do not see, and they have ears with which they do not hear. Those are like livestock; rather, they are more astray. It is they who are the heedless.” A heart that does not understand is a person who looks through the lens of dunya and not the lens of the heart. He is unable to recognise with his own eyes the many great signs of Allah

and he is unable to listen and be affected by the

Quran, nor he does not listen to reminders or good advice, he turns away from the truth. We try to reason and justify things concerning the dunya matters only through our minds, but not our hearts. Allah

is advising us to reason with our hearts.

We learn from the stories of the nations of the past, that they did not believe in the Messengers and Prophets sent to them because they were arrogant, lived by their own desires and were looking with the lens of dunya. Wealth, status, money and children are not the criteria. The criteria should always be what Allah

says. Even the mushrikeen of Makkah did not want to

believe in Prophet Muhammad

for the very same reasons.

They mocked, oppressed and looked down upon him because of their stubborn arrogance. We see this a lot too nowadays. Some people look down on those who have less. Yet, real honour, power and respect belong to Allah

. He gives them to whom He wishes

regardless if they are rich or poor. It goes back to the Hadith4 on chasing after dunya again, that a person who runs after akhirah, will be made by Allah

a truly rich person. True richness

and honour comes in the heart ordained by Allah

. That

is the difference between the lens of dunya versus the lens of akhirah. When Allah heart?”, Allah

is asking, “Do they not reason with the is actually telling us to utilise the heart and to

look through its lens. He is telling us to see everything through it the way He wants us to. When we look through the lens of dunya and not the lens of akhirah, our perceptions might negate the actual situation whenever a predicament ever occurs. We might think it is already the end of the world for us just because things look bad on the façade. However, matters are different for a believer, for one who has his or her akhirah shades on. They will look for the goodness behind every situation, even though it was a bad experience, hardship or difficulty, they have positive mindsets, they think good about Allah

and have firm belief that whatever Allah

plans is good for them even if they don’t understand it, as long as they keep striving in His way. Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal, all praises is due to Allah in every condition. There is always khayr and goodness behind everything that happens, be it a calamity, or a loss. We understand

that struggles are a part of life and only through these struggles and calamities can we grow, learn and strive to become better; can we earn good deeds, and really put in all the effort towards betterment. A Hadith that really comforts my soul in regards to this matter is as narrated below. Suhaib reported that the Messenger of Allah

said:

“Wondrous is the affair of a believer, as there is good for him in every matter. This is not the case for anyone but a believer. If he experiences pleasure, he thanks Allah, and it is good for him. If he experiences harm, he shows patience and it is good for him.” (Sahih Muslim ) So, in ease, we should become grateful, and in hardship, we should become patient and grateful too because Allah will reward us for this. This is something undoubtedly important because we are able to look through the lens of the heart and the lens of akhirah at the same time. If we manage do that, we will be like the believer mentioned in the Hadith above. The believer that our Prophet

always talked about.

This Hadith is special to me because it teaches me how to respond when situations happen, I am able to maneuver myself better through the waves of life and be rewarded for it at the same time. I learn that iman is the most expensive asset in this whole universe and that it is worth the effort and sacrifice.

Iman is worth protecting so no matter what happens we have to be consistent with purifying our hearts and to be as real as we can be with ourselves and with Allah

. We have to

protect this lump of flesh in our bodies to be as pure as possible so that in shaa Allah, we will be able to meet Him when we leave this life with a pure heart.

Before we embark on any journey of personal and spiritual growth, we have to fix our hearts. It is true that before we begin with any journey, we first need to look within ourselves and check our intentions. We need to ask ourselves, “Why am I doing this? Who am I doing this for? What is my purpose?” Setting a clear intention is a powerful mover, it will help to steer us throughout our journey and it will be the foundation in which we begin and end anything. Every morning, take a few minutes to set whatever intention it is you want for the day. The ultimate intention should be to please Allah

so we need to

look into our hearts and see where we are at. Are we keeping to the covenant that we have with Him (which is to worship Him alone)? When we go on a journey, fixing our hearts is not a prerequisite work before we embark. Fixing the heart is “part” of the journey. It does not mean that if we do not get our hearts repaired first, we are likely never going to start our journey. Fixing the heart is a part of the journey and the moment we start making the intention to turn to Allah

, the heart will

fix itself. Allah

will mend our hearts. All we have to do is

just turn to Him. I think that is the most important part of it all. I would like to highlight that it is never about rectifying our hearts first before making the journey. Once we have successfully gone through a change, or spiritual hijrah, the heart fixing process will never stop. It is a continuous daily struggle because our hearts are volatile, it turns about and changes constantly. The Messenger of Allah

said:

“The qalb (heart) was given this name only because of it’s fluctuations. The heart is like a feather in the wilderness at a base of a tree that continues to be turned on it’s head by the wind.” (Narrated by Ahmad and at-Tabarani) This life is a test and at times we do not even realise that we have a lot of filth and darkness in our hearts. The only way we will be able to realise that is if we consciously make an effort to be aware of ourselves and the state of our iman, minds and hearts. Allah

knows if we are truly ready or not, as He knows

us better than we know ourselves and He alone knows the deepest secrets of our hearts, He is Al-Aleem, The All-Knowing. At any given time, we should already be ready to embark on our beautiful journey to Allah

. Deep down, even though

I made mistakes in my life, I have always felt like those affairs were also part of the journey I had to go through to learn, they

helped shape the person I am today. My heart had to go through the pain to realise the truth. So that I will be able to grow, be mature, and gain wisdom from all the experiences. Do not worry about fixing our hearts before starting the journey. Do it along the way. While you are reading this right now, each of you are already embarking on your special voyage. We do not have to be perfect to start because it is never about our flawed beginnings. No one human being is perfect. At the end of the day, it is always about the way we live our lives and how we end our journey. What really helped me with my journey to Allah was the intention and determination of ensuring that I would become a better person in the future. I wanted to become closer to Allah

. I made a lot of du’as to Allah

, asking for

His forgiveness and guidance. His guidance also came through sending me the right people who would help guide me along the way, Alhamdulilah. When you are going through this journey, do not be too hard on yourself. When we begin, we cannot expect to quickly and easily turn from zero to hero overnight. It does not work that way with anything in life. What we have to do is to take it step by step, at our own pace, and at our own time. Do not compare ourselves to anybody else but our own self. Each of us is unique and beautiful in our own way.

We have our own “likes” and “dislikes”, preferences, desires and many other differences. So, take it one step at a time. Make sure that every step we take is sincere for Allah

, and the

journey will become smoother and easier. This life is meant to be a struggle; a test. When we have set our minds to understand the reality of this life, going through any test or problem would not be such a bad thing at all. We know there is always goodness, khayr and wisdom behind everything that happens to us in our lives regardless of good or bad.

Ever since my spiritual hijrah, Allah

has given me the

opportunities to learn and to strive myself towards getting to understand more about the deen according to the Quran and Sunnah, Alhamdulillah. I feel that my journey with the Quran is like another whole different chapter. In 2013, I did not remember much of Quran at all - I did not even know how to read Alif Ba Ta (Arabic alphabets). All I remembered by heart was the Al-fatihah and the 3 Quls, until I was around 33 years old and right before I went for Hajj, I started learning the Quran slowly again from the basics.

Then, when I came back from Hajj I was on a

mission to learn everything that I had missed out on. So, there began my quest for seeking beneficial knowledge until today. Alhamdulilah. I cannot imagine how I would be if there was no Quran, tafseer, taalim (the study of Quran) or any Islamic classes that I go to weekly - I think I would have been a lost soul. All the

beneficial knowledge from the Quran and Sunnah I obtained from going to all these classes have really given me the fuel that I needed, that I still do need to continue to strive towards Allah

. In order for us to strive to be one of the Mutaqeen

(righteous, pious), of the Sabiqoon (foremost in doing good deeds), of the Muqarraboon (those who are brought close to Allah

)

and of the Muhsineen (those who worship with ihsan), we need to know how to please Him and what not to do to displease Him. We can achieve all of the above through seeking beneficial ilm (knowledge). Without it, I would be clueless and I would not be able to remain steadfast upon the Deen. I would have the thought that I have learned enough, and should have stopped where I was because I thought I was already in a good place. Believe me, that is never going to help us improve ourselves. Seeking knowledge is something that evolves, progresses and continues right from when we were born until the day we die. It is a never-ending process. There is a Hadith about knowledge seekers, and it is also my favourite Hadith. Narrated Abu Hurayrah RA, the Messenger of Allah

said:

“Whoever takes a path upon which to obtain beneficial ‘ilm (knowledge), Allah will make the path to Jannah easier.” (Sahih At Tirmidhi 11)

This Hadith gives me the drive and motivation I need to keep on seeking beneficial ilm, until the end of my life, because Jannah is the destination I am hoping for. This proves that beneficial knowledge will help make our path to Jannah easier and we have to strive for it. Here is another du’a I would like to share with you. I read it everyday in my prayers and also before I begin any class. “My Lord, increase me in knowledge.” (Surah Ta-Ha: 114)

Making sure that we are surrounded in a good environment will help us when we begin our mission to reach Paradise. I think if I did not let go of certain people, situations or environment in my life, the journey would have been way harder for me. It is true that we can fix our hearts along the way but we must also do our part – to turn our hearts toward Allah In order to turn our hearts toward Allah

. , we need

to let go of all kinds of attachments. We need to let go of all these things that are clogging our hearts, that are rusting and breaking down the engine. We have to toss out those toxicities. Only then the heart will become alive again, thus making it easier for us to really follow Allah

, and Rasulullah

.

Having good and supportive friends who loves us for the sake of Allah

is extremely important. The circle of people

who would advise us with the best kind of advice, who are honest without any sugarcoating, who would lift us up when we are down, who would make secret du’as for us and they would want us to be in Jannah together. We are a reflection of our friends, and if the friendship is based on taqwa, then this relationship will not only be for dunya, but it will last till’ Jannah. Allah

gave us a choice, so choose

wisely. Do not be friends with those who don’t care about your akhirah. I am grateful that Allah

has blessed me with great

friends since my childhood and has introduced some new friends along the way. I think it is also important we realise that we are going to face all kinds of struggles. The struggles could be completing the five daily obligatory prayers, memorising the Quran or trying to understand Arabic grammar. Whatever it is that we are struggling with in our quest of learning the deen, never ever give up and never think that we have known it all, because in reality we really do not know much at all. When it comes to knowledge, we are still scratching the surface. Nothing can ever be compared to Allah’s Absolute, Perfect and Complete Knowledge. In fact, the more I learn, the more I know I don’t know much ilm that I need explore. These Allah’s Words and Knowledge really is. These are verses that have Rabb.

“Say, “If the sea were ink for [writing] the words of my Lord, the sea would be exhausted before the words of my Lord were exhausted, even if We brought the like of it as a supplement.””

Do not ever feel worried in case we slip and fall sometimes, because we are imperfect human beings and we will slip and fall along the way. The most important thing is the effort, sincerity and determination that we put in. Allah

is Al-Latif (The

Most Subtle, The Kind), and He is the Most Caring and Most Appreciative. He knows and He appreciates each and every struggle we go through for His sake and He will reward us accordingly. How blessed we are to have Him as our Rabb. Let us take as an example, there are two students who took the same Quran test. One student managed to score 90% easily in comparison to another student who struggled and tried really hard, but only managed to obtain 60%. The latter student’s struggle is worth much more than the other just because of the effort given, especially when it comes to the struggle of learning the deen. Remember, do not focus too much about what is going to happen at the end. Instead focus on your effort and sincerity throughout the whole process. Every single moment of our journey has to be lived sincerely for Allah

. That is the struggle. To put Ihsan into

everything that we do. That is the istiqamah that we need to strive for. Furthermore, the journey never ends. Just because we have started to change for the better; put on the hijab, pray five times a day, fast during Ramadan (the ninth month of the Muslim year, during which strict fasting is observed from dawn to sunset); does not mean we are already good enough and it will not guarantee our place in Jannah. In a recent tafseer class, my teacher explained that when we are being resurrected and accounted for in the hereafter, we would wish to have one more chance of delivering a good deed. And we feel regret for the missed chances during our given lifetime where we should have done more. It is a never-ending progress and work in action on our part. The only way we can reach Jannah is by the Mercy and Love of Allah

, our deeds alone will not be enough, but

that should not stop us from striving to be of the people of AsSabiqoon and the people of the right.