Ustazah Nur Hidayah Azman
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: Faizah Hamid : Rahmah Pauzi : Fakhrur Radzi : Norashikin Azizan Zahidah Azman : Nur Izzaidah Abdull Zubi : Ahmad Muziru Idham Adnan : Nor Syamimi Musa : Nur'Ain Mamat : Kelly Telly : Nur Hidayah Azman : Husna Ab Rahman : Haziq Razack : Apend
A MUSLIM'S GUIDE TO BUILDING MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS First Print July 2026 ISBN 978-629-7992-02-0
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Ways We Connect: Be Patient With The Shortcomings Of Others Human beings are imperfect and flawed; we all know this very well. We also see it within ourselves. However, when it comes to human relationships with others, it is this same matter that can cause us to deplete in the long run. You bear the weight of being patient when words spoken to you are without care. When the promises made slowly begin to dissolve and dusted away. When you try to hold kindness and compassion in the heart yet disappointment keeps knocking at our door as if it is a regular returning guest. These are the moments in relationships when the heart feels tired and the mind gets exhausted in a way that is not easy to explain. Perhaps the struggle feels weighty because we genuinely want to do good and do what is right with our whole heart.
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Yes, we want to be the person who forgives, to give people the benefit of the doubt, to overlook the mistakes and peacefully moves forward. However, when the shortcomings keep appearing again and again, we can’t help but to feel the hurt and find our chest tightening each time. The apology we keep hoping for never seems to come through and the change we pray to see is taking longer than expected. This is where it gets confusing for us because our patience appears to clash with self-respect. Does this mean we have to endure misconduct without question? Are we expected to silently absorb the sting without acknowledging the load it leaves behind? What is the extent, how long should we put up with it, and is there a limit to kindness?
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The Simmering Frustration Within Us Here is the reality. Relationships are not that simple. What makes human relationships especially challenging and draining is the fact that we need to face imperfections and shortcomings. When we fall short of the expectations others have placed upon us or when the shortcomings of others collide with our own expectations, it is only natural for the human heart to stir and feel disturbed. We are met with frustration, our ego sets about on its countless arguments, we find ourselves at crossroads to respond sharply or withdraw entirely. And yet, as unbearable as it may seem and feel, it is exactly within these moments that our faith is being tested. We often envision worship as our personal and private moments with Allah SWT; the quietest and darkest time of the night to engage in a one-on-one with our Creator through prayer, supplication, or recitation of the Quran. Through these central acts, which form the building blocks of our relationship with Allah SWT, we seek His guidance to shape us into people of patience, sincerity, steadfastness, and forgiveness. However, the opportunities to grow into our best self and strengthen the pillar of our faith are given to us
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within the ordinary interactions of our daily lives. How can we truly learn patience if we are never tested? How can we be certain of our sincerity if it is never challenged? How do we measure the quality of our steadfastness if nothing ever shakes our resolve? And how do we practise forgiveness without the very human relationships that we sometimes struggle with? Every challenging and difficult interaction with another person becomes an opportunity for our heart to grow, our faith to strengthen and our character to be developed. As much as we don’t like to face this truth, deep down we know we need this. This is because, through our interactions with others, our hearts are invited to stand at small but significant crossroads.
When someone falls short, in a split second we are tasked to either choose the path that builds or ruins. One path leads towards reaction, while the other calls for restraint. One path protects the ego, while the other protects the heart. One path is shaped by what we want for ourselves, while the other is guided by the desire to seek the pleasure of Allah SWT.
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The choices we make are accumulative responses that form the sense of self that we carry within us. It is also a reflection of our heart, faith and character. In other words, our relationships with people are evidently one of the most effective training grounds for the development of our character.
The training ground could look like subtle tensions that arise, the moments of restraint, and the quiet struggle to choose what is better.
Patience is rarely formed when things are easy. It is built amidst instances that challenge us. While it may not be comfortable to choose composure instead of reacting impulsively, we are actively strengthening our inward state.
Slowly, we learn to hold ourselves and our hearts steady in the face of circumstances that shake and stir our peace. Especially in this modern, technologically advanced, instant era that promises and glorifies comfort as well as convenience, what feels unpleasant or inconvenient for us may actually be what strengthens our character and softens our hearts.
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What we are tempted to avoid may, in reality, be the very moments through which we learn patience, humility and quiet strength most deeply.
Allah SWT reminds us of this higher path in Surah Fussilat:
� َ َ َ ُ َ اَلا ۡ َ � َ ََو اَلا َت َ ۡۡس ۡ ٱۡد ََف َ� ۚ�ُۚة َيِه ٱ ِب ۡع َئ َِّي َّس ٱل َو ُة َن َس ٱَحۡل ِو َت ي ِ ِ ِ َّلَيِتي َ َ � َ َ َ َ ََۡ ۡ ُ َك َأ َّنَُه ۥٞ ةَٞك ََو ََب ۡۡي ََن ُُه ۥ ََع �َٰد ٰ ََو َ ُ َأ ۡحَسُن َفِإ َِذ ا ٱِذَّلِي َب ۡيَن ٞ ََو ٌٌّيِل �ِمَح ٣٤ مِٞي � “And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon, the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend.” (Surah Fussilat, verse 34) This verse highlights Allah SWT’s acknowledgement upon the discomfort, harm and difficulty occurring between people in their interactions with one another. However, it offers us guidance on how the believer can choose to rise above them. Allah SWT teaches us that our responses should not mirror the wrongdoing that has been done unto us, or within our presence and knowledge.
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The higher path in this sense is to respond with what is better in His sight. It could look like responding with restraint instead of reaction. When someone speaks to us in a harsh manner, we resist the urge to reply with equal harshness. We pause before responding, ensuring that our words and actions are shaped by righteous intentions. It could also look like realising that not every hurt requires an immediate response from us. When responding louder seems to be the easier option, we choose composure and refuse to descend to the same behaviour.
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Seeking Strength to Tame The Flame In situations when anger only intensifies the heat of the moment, taking in deep breaths and offering gentleness can disarm hostility in the heart. To recognise that when we are met with the shortcomings of others, it often comes from their own struggles, misunderstandings or insecurities. And that is deeply human. So, choosing patience right here allows room for growth and understanding, rather than escalating further conflict. At the same time, to respond with that which is better also means protecting our hearts as it is far more valuable than proving a point. It is not worth it to allow resentment, bitterness, or ego to take root simply because someone else acted wrongly. For once these matters take hold, they often harm the state of our own hearts far more than they correct the behaviour of others. It is ever humbling to realise that patience is not something that the heart can produce entirely on its own. We do not practice patience because we have the capacity to do so nor because we have found the greatest hack of all to actually make it happen. We need to seek His guidance in choosing patience each time and the fulfilment is meant to be guided because it is a strength granted by Allah SWT Himself.
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This is because the act of patience goes against our natural impulses. Human beings are created by Allah SWT with the ability to feel emotions like anger and hurt, which sometimes lead us to defensiveness. Naturally, when we feel wronged in any circumstance, our instinct is often to react immediately in order to protect our ego and all that is important to us in the moment.
When we speak of patience, we are required to practice restraint towards these impulses. This is not easy nor possible without Allah SWT providing the courage and strength to do so. Another aspect as to why we need the help of Allah SWT to pursue patience is because it involves trusting the outcomes that we do not have control over.
In choosing to respond with patience in our relationships with others, we resist the urge to force an outcome immediately. This means, we cannot control how others respond, how quickly certain situations improve, or whether the change we have been hoping for will even happen at all. In addition, as our tests in this life are constant and not momentary, patience is required to be sustained over time. We don’t connect and bond with another servant of Allah SWT once in our lives. Instead, it is
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a daily pursuit wherever we go and wherever life takes us. Hence, imagine how long we may need to remain patient. When the matter is ongoing, we find ourselves constantly in need of spiritual strength from Allah SWT to sustain us. Thus, patience is not simply a personal trait nor ability. It is a state of the heart that Allah SWT grants and sustains. One that we need to look for and ask from the Creator of our being and capacities. Allah SWT highlights this in Surah al-A’raf:
ۡ َ َ َٓاَّلٓ َ ۡ َ َ َ َ � ٰ َ � َ ََّم َ َ ِت َرِّبَِنا َل ا َج ۚٓاَء ۡت ََنۚا ِ ََوَما َتنِقِ ُُم ِِمَّنَٓا ِإ ِ َأ ۡن َءاَمَّنا ِبَِٔـ�اَٰي ۡ َۡ َ َ َ ۡغ ََعَلَ ۡۡي ََنا ََصٗرۡب� ٗ ا ََو َتَ ََو َ َّفََنا ُُم ۡۡسِلِِم َرَّبََنٓا َأۡف ِِر ١٢٦ َني ِ “And you do not resent us except because we believed in the signs of our Lord when they came to us. Our Lord, pour upon us patience and let us die as Muslims [in submission to You].” (Surah al-A’raf, verse 126) This was the du’a of Prophet Musa AS embedded in the Quran. He was praying to Allah SWT to provide him with patience and perseverance in times of adversity as he was faced with the tyrant Firaun. He was also seeking Allah SWT to help him remain in a state of submission
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until his death. This assistance he asked from Allah SWT comes from a place of reliance upon Allah SWT. Had he not come to terms with his capacity, shortcomings and weakness, he would not have turned to the All-Strong, The Most Powerful. However, he recognises that in the face of a tyrant and having to witness the inhumane pursuits and oppression inflicted upon the people, Prophet Musa AS would either not be able to overcome him on his own, or that he would act according to his impulse which may not be the best lead towards a victorious outcome. Instead of simply asking for patience from Allah SWT, he asked Allah SWT to pour patience upon him and his people in abundance, enough to sustain them through even the severest of trials sent their way.
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Responding In The Way That Pleases Allah SWT At the same time, patience should not be misunderstood as silent suffering. Patience does not mean accepting harm. Our faith does not provide a divine directive to remain quiet and helpless in situations that damage our wellbeing. This is in fact a common misconception that we have unconsciously adopted in our lives. When someone repeatedly speaks harshly to you, you don’t remain silent until it costs you your mental health. Instead, patience is manifested in the way we choose the right moment and tone to address it with the person. When someone’s behaviour continues to cause harm, you don’t remain in ignorance and act as if it does not bother you. Instead, patience is practised when you choose to respond without dumping anger and without humiliating the individual. When the situation causes you to build resentment within your heart, you don’t give it the permission to endlessly take root. Instead, you need to express your concerns in a calm and respectful way. When injustice continues to take place, you don’t tolerate simply to appear patient. Instead, you seek resolution through the proper and ethical means.
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As narrated in Sahih Muslim, Abu Sa’id al-Khudri reported that the Prophet SAW said:
َ َ َْْن َ ُْ ْمْ ُ ْن ْْلُْي ََغ �ْرِّي�ْ�ه ِب ََي ِِدِه ِ َفَِإْنْ َلَْم ُ ََك ًًرا َف ى َم َرَأ ُم ِْنُْك ِم ِ ِ َ َْ ْن َ َ َ َ َ َيَْسْ ََت ِِطْعْ َفِبِِل ََِساِنِِهِ َفِإ ِ َلْمْ َيَْسْ ََت ِِطْعْ َفِبَِقْلِْبِِهِ ََوَذِل َِك ْ َ َ ْض ََع ُُف �اِإْل اِن يَم َأ ِ ِ “Whoever among you sees evil, let him change it with his hand. If he cannot do so, then with his tongue. If he cannot do so, then with his heart, which is the weakest level of faith.” This hadith indicates that we are not meant to accept wrongdoing passively as it is not the virtuous response of a believer. Instead, we are guided towards responding in appropriate ways depending on our ability and capacity. Patience does not mean sitting still and doing nothing. That is silent resignation, not the kind of patience that our faith asks of us. Therefore, responding in better ways in how we connect with others is not about excusing the wrong, but about choosing a response that preserves the dignity of our hearts before Allah SWT. And sometimes, it takes the form of setting clear and healthy boundaries, recognising
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that a certain measure of distance may be wise for our sanity and the health of our hearts. When we begin to view our relationships with those around us from the lens of faith, pursuing patience with the people takes on a new meaning. Within the same breath, we begin to recognise that there is hidden worship within patience, within our pursuits of hablumminannas. When we engage with others in ways that please Allah SWT, those very interactions become part of our journey towards hablumminallah. They are not separate paths, but deeply interconnected ones. The very qualities that strengthen our relationship with Allah SWT are often cultivated through our relationships with the people. Perhaps, this is the hidden beauty within patience. That the way we carry ourselves with people may quietly become one of the sincerest forms of worship between us and Allah SWT. This is because He knows the lengths we take to hold our composure, soften our responses, and choose mercy over reaction.
Our intention, therefore, is not tied to whether the situation changes or the other person responds as we hope, but what pleases Allah SWT remains as our priority. In these moments when we choose to restrain our anger, overlook a minor mistake that does not cause detrimental harm, or receive what is handed to us with gentleness 80 | USTAZAH NUR HIDAYAH AZMAN
while harshness might have been the easier option, we are undoubtedly engaging in worship and devotion. Which means, we are constantly seen by Allah SWT, rewarded by Allah SWT and become those whom Allah SWT loves.
Allah SWT endorses and promises this elevation:
�ا ٰىَل ۡ ُ ُ � َّرَِّب ُِك ۡۡم ََو ََجَّن ٍٍَة ََع ۡۡرُض ََها ََو ََساِرِ ُُع ٓٓو� ِإ ِ ٰ ََمۡغ ِِف ََر ٖة ٖ �ِّمِن ۡ ََ � ٰ � ٰ ُ َ � َ ُ ُ َّد َ ۡت ِل ِ ۡۡل ُُمَّتَِق ٱلَّسَٰم َٰوُت َوٱَأۡلۡرُض ُأ ِِع ١٣٣ َني ِ َ َۡ َ ٰ� ۡ َ َ � َ َ � َ ُ َ �ٱِذَّل َني ٱۡلَغ ۡۡيَظ ِيَن ُيُنِفُِقوَن ييِف ٱلَّرَّسٓاِءِ َوٱلَّرَّضٓاِءِ َوٱۡلَٰك ِِظ ِِم ۡ ۡ ُ �ٱُهَّلل ِحُي َ ََو ۡٱۡل ََعاِف َ ِسِن ُ � َِني ََعِن ٱَّنلَاِۗس� ََو ١٣٤ َني ِ ِ ُِّب ٱۡل ُُمۡح ۗ ِ “And hasten to forgiveness from your Lord and a garden [ie. Paradise] as wide as the heavens and earth, prepared for the righteous Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good.” (Surah Ali 'Imran, verses 133 – 134) If we take a step back and reflect on our journey with fellow creations of Allah SWT on this earth, we will notice that coming face to the shortcomings of others mirror something within us as well. Just as we
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struggle with the imperfections of the human nation, both collectively and individually, Allah SWT continues to show patience with us every single day. We are flawed and imperfect ourselves. Our mistakes are many and in fact well-known to Allah SWT in ways we cannot even comprehend. Yet, He continues to allow His mercy to surround us. Let the heaviness and challenges within our dealings with the people be seen as opportunities for growth. Every single time we practise patience with another, let it become a reminder of the patience Allah SWT extends to us. As narrated in Sunan Ibn Majah, Ibn ‘Umar reported that the Prophet SAW said:
ُ َ َ ُ �ى ْاُهْم ىَلَع َأ َذ
� ُ ُْ ْؤ َ� َ ََخُيا ِل ُُِط اَّنل َ اَس ََو ِي اِذَّل اْلُْم ِمُِن َي �ْصُْرِب � اَلا � َ ُ َ َ َ اَلا َْْعْ َ ُ َ ً َ ُ ْؤ َأ َظُم َأ ْجًْرا ِمَِن اْلُْم ِم ِِِن اِذَّلِي َخُيا ِل ُِط اَّنلاَس َو ُ َ َ َ ُ �ى ْاُهْم َيْصُْرِب� ىَلَع َأ َذ
“The believer who mixes with people and is patient with their annoyance has a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people, nor is patient with their annoyance.”
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This prophetic reminder emphasises that our path in faith was never meant to be lived in isolation. Rather, it is through our interactions with others, unavoidably through their imperfections and our own as well, that the qualities of a servant of the Most Merciful are refined within us. Remember to choose patience and practise patience for the love of Allah SWT. Be patient with the slowness in our relationships with people and with each other’s shortcomings. For the work of the heart always takes time, and our pursuit of Allah SWT can be found in the way we nurture and carry our connections with those around us.
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Ways We Connect: Be Thankful For The Goodness Of Others Human beings have a tendency to remember the one hurtful word more vividly than the hundred kind ones, don’t we? When someone does many good things but misses out on one, our attention often goes straight to the matter that they didn’t do rather than the many things that they actually did try to do. And slowly without realising, our perception becomes tilted. We end up getting used to collecting instances of disappointments while allowing opportunities for gratitude slip through our fingers unnoticeably. In retrospect, we also find ourselves in this receiving position as well. The times when we gave what we could, sometimes our all, but it was the one thing we missed that was being recounted instead. How did that feel? To be reduced to a single flaw, while all the unseen efforts faded into the background. The hustles that came
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