Imran Zaki
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: Faizah Hamid : Rahmah Pauzi : Zahidah Azman : Auni Zainal : Nur Izzaidah Abdull Zubi : Nur'Ain Mamat : Ilham Nordin : Imran Zaki : Zumar Ali : Nur Mikhaella Ismail : Husna Ab Rahman : Husna Ab Rahman : Haziq Razack
IN YOUR HIDDEN TEARS : FINDING HOPE IN DESPAIR THROUGH MEANINGFUL QURANIC REFLECTIONS First Print October 2023 ISBN 978-967-2459-90-3
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INTRODUCTION:
Seeking Refuge with the Quran
IN YOUR HIDDEN TEARS | 13
Dear God, bring me home. Bring me back to where it all began. Wherever I walk on the valley of this earth, grant me a home blessed with peace and well-being. May I always witness You, in every leaf that falls, in moments of lightness and laughter, in moments of sweetness and contentment, and in every stage of growing and blossoming. May I remember You in every hurt and heartbreak, in moments of darkness and dejection, and during instances of disappointment, melancholy, or loneliness. For the gift of these eyes, hands and feet, all thanks and praise is due to God. He who never leaves us hanging, drowning or disoriented, who is always with us through our ups and downs, through our struggles and ignorance, through uncertainty and darkness.
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The Heavy Burden of Our Feelings
I awoke this morning with a strange feeling I couldn’t quite explain. I went about my day as if it were like any other ordinary day, heading down the stairs of the apartment and making my way towards my class on the Asian side of Istanbul. In the early morning light, I took a ferry to cross the Bosphorus Sea from a jetty on the European side of the city. Today, I simply sat inside the ferry cabin as I didn’t feel like going out onto the deck. Through the glass windows, I gazed outside. The sun had started to rise, and the city was getting busier and noisier with the rush of people going to work and children going to school. I suddenly caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window. My facial expression looked a bit gloomy. Honestly, I can’t seem to find the motivation to turn up at college. I was feeling like a failure. I was sad and angry at myself — all these emotions were mixed up in my head.
IN YOUR HIDDEN TEARS | 15
Studying in a foreign country is a big challenge, especially since I am required to speak and read in a new language. Only after mastering it can I begin to understand the critical and complex subjects. The pressure to become fluent in a fourth language became too much to bear. More often than not, I would leave the classroom feeling completely lost. I tried to read up more, studying for longer hours until I became exhausted, but my low grades made me feel dumb. Receiving poor results happened once, then twice. After the third time, I started seeing myself as worthless. Meeting people who questioned my abilities, and comparing me to my peers, just added more burden to my shoulders. From one perspective, living abroad may seem like a dream come true. To a person who was born in a tropical country, it is exciting to travel to a country which has four seasons and is part of two continents. But in truth, there’s a lot more going on behind the scenes than what you see on social media. At times, I can be really hard on myself. The voice inside my head is constantly doubting and criticising every move I make. I lost that optimistic spark, my self-worth, and the confidence that once fuelled me. Even the things I used to be passionate about seem to have lost their excitement.
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I have become so afraid of making mistakes that I just stop trying altogether. It’s like an internal battle of emotions is invading my body, filling me with doubt, uncertainty, fear, sadness, and anger. Slowly, it eats away at me and dampens my spirits. I am no longer able to speak in front of a crowd, even though I once participated in a public speaking programme on national television. Now, I am not able to write an essay even though I used to enjoy writing articles. It’s like every time I try to express myself, this voice inside whispers, “You’re stupid.” It leads me into a dark place where I end up punishing myself. Before anything even has a chance to happen, I’ve already torn myself apart with criticism, to the point where I can’t even get back up. Emotions run deeper than words can express. In those moments, I felt anxious about my future, I was uncertain of where to go from here. I can’t help but dwell on past events, from relationships to failures — it’s like every part of my life feels like some sort of punishment. It’s such a heavy burden to carry. My voice is frozen inside my throat, and my heart aches in my chest. I can’t hold back the tears anymore.
IN YOUR HIDDEN TEARS | 17
These emotions have a strong hold on me. The more I try to avoid talking about them, the bigger they grow and the more painful they become. Feelings are a subject that has always been tricky to discuss. It is like a bottomless well, or a fruit that is difficult to peel. No matter how hard we try to silence and deny them, at the end of the day, we have to be honest with ourselves – these feelings are a part of who we are. Unfortunately, some individuals will belittle the trouble and struggles others go through. They might say the people of the past faced something far more challenging than this. Some might downplay our struggles, saying others have faced far worse or that our problems seem insignificant. But God shows us that it’s okay to feel the way we do. What we are feeling is valid. It deserves to be celebrated and discussed with honesty. Speaking openly about them creates space for us to make peace and befriend them.
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Sadness Can Be a Powerful Reminder
Sometimes, we ourselves don’t give others the space to express their feelings. We have built a society full of toxicity. We push aside all the emotions shared, using many excuses to dismiss them, saying they are of weak faith. We deny emotions, thinking they are not important issues that deserve attention. We tend to belittle and judge others’ feelings just because we think their struggles are not as severe as what we’ve been through. But you know what? It’s time to change this narrative. Let’s create a more understanding and compassionate environment where emotions are accepted, cherished, and respected. Each person’s feelings are valid, and we should embrace and support each other through life’s challenges. After all, sharing our emotions and being there for one another is what makes us truly human.
IN YOUR HIDDEN TEARS | 19
Reflecting on the stories in the Quran is more than just reading historical accounts; they are gifts with immense value that we must treasure. We are never truly alone on this journey through life. The stories in the Quran have the power to make us feel connected when we stumble and get hurt. They teach us to let go and return to God.
In the midst of tears and pain, sadness can be a powerful reminder of our ability to trust in Allah’s plans. It can teach us to seek solace within ourselves, to sit with our emotions, and to hold our broken pieces with tenderness. In the depths of sorrow, I found refuge within the stories of the Quran. Diving into the details of the prophets’ hardships taught me that they too felt sadness and grief. I found echoes of my own struggles in their stories and it deeply comforted me. Getting in touch with our vulnerable side, to let ourselves feel deeply, can be empowering. By tapping into the prophets’ moments of vulnerability, we can embrace the rawness of our own emotions and make sense of them. We begin to see that God will always grant His help with every hardship.
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Life is not simply black and white. There can be a lot of grey clouds hanging over us, but there can also be rainbows after the storms. Little by little, we recognise that in life, hardship and ease are woven together like a beautiful tapestry. We see that struggle and ease can coexist. Sadness, a gentle visitor often misunderstood, reveals its profound beauty as it wraps its arms around our wounded souls. Sadness itself is not a sign of weakness, but rather a testament to our resilience in facing life’s trials with an open heart. If we allow sadness to wash over us like waves, we will discover that it is a vessel of growth and self-discovery, leading us closer to our inner selves. In embracing sadness, we can find the strength to heal and the courage to bloom again. Every tear is a testament to our humanity and an invitation to rise with renewed resilience. For many of us, confronting our inner demons remains an uphill battle. We struggle to find a way to break free from the cycle of self-destruction and find the strength to believe in ourselves again. I know it can be extremely hard, but I believe each of us can find a path to heal and embrace a brighter future. The first step we can take is to honour our emotions as they are. The clue is to find ways to bring ourselves closer to God, the only one who can help us through it all. Truly, in your hidden tears, there are reminders for you to come closer to Allah.
IN YOUR HIDDEN TEARS | 21
Let Yourself Feel Your Emotions
Faith and emotions work hand in hand. A firm belief can strengthen our hope and encourage us to be optimistic regardless of what is happening. At the same time, we stay grounded in reality and work hard to identify the real root of the problem. We need to examine this with a clear lens so that we can stay fair and humble enough to continue learning. There are three main ways of managing emotions. Firstly, acknowledge the emotion. Don’t deny that feeling. If we are angry, admit that we are angry. If we are sad, admit that we are sad. Acknowledging the state of emotional instability is the first step to getting out of the spiral. Don’t get caught up in toxic positivity, which is the belief that no matter how bad or difficult the situation is, one should maintain a positive mindset. This thinking pattern is where people brush off anything that is considered negative. It is saying “good vibes only”. IN YOUR HIDDEN TEARS | 37
Over time, this approach may become toxic because we can no longer deny the reality of our situation. We might start to feel as if we are the ones to blame for every difficulty that happens, and yet we still force ourselves to think more positively and just be happy. Isn’t that just a vicious cycle? The fact is; sadness, fear, and worry are all completely valid feelings. They are part and parcel of life. Don’t deny them in the name of “staying positive all the time”. When we deny the “negative feeling”, it will remain stagnant and it will not be resolved. Instead, acknowledge how you really feel. Feeling annoyed? “Yes, I feel annoyed.” Feeling angry? “Yes, I feel angry.” Acknowledging these feelings does not mean that we have to respond with immature behaviour, such as throwing tantrums or hurting others. The process of managing our emotions takes time and requires practice. Honouring our emotions is necessary so that we can reflect with authentic positivity, instead of the toxic kind. Rather than mentioning “positive vibes only”, we can say “It’s okay to feel both good and bad vibes”. Instead of saying “I can do it, why can’t you?”, we can change it to “It’s okay if you are having a hard time doing it”.
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Secondly, always rely and depend on the Most Worthy, God. He knows what is best for us, and He is the One who opens doors that we thought were closed. Thirdly, keep moving forward with the hope of finding a solution.
IN YOUR HIDDEN TEARS | 39
Being sad is one thing, while faith is another thing altogether – but these two are linked, because faith strengthens the soul, which in turn allows us to better manage our emotions.
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When Allah Heals Our Pain
“Oh God, to You I complain about my weakness, my helplessness, and the humiliation I am made to receive. O Most Compassionate and Most Merciful, You are the Ruler of the weak. And You are my Lord. In whose hands will you hand over my fate? To strangers from far away who will persecute me? Or to the enemy that You gave courage to oppose me? As long as you are not displeased with me, I do not care what I face. But You love to help – and what I need is a wider road and more room!
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I seek refuge in the light of Your face that illuminates all darkness and makes everything in this world and the hereafter orderly, so that You do not bring down Your anger on me and so that Your wrath does not overwhelm me. To You I submit, until I earn Your pleasure. There is no power and strength except through You.” — Prophet Muhammad SAW’s prayer at Taif
IN YOUR HIDDEN TEARS | 147
Allah’s timing doesn’t always go hand in hand with our timing. Sometimes our plans take shape and materialise almost instantly, but sometimes we wait a long time before seeing them start coming together. Take comfort in knowing that Allah is the best of Planners and He knows us better than we know ourselves. Find it in you to wait with sabrun jamil — beautiful patience. Believe that things will come at the right time. From the stories of the prophets, we observed how they sought help from Allah for the hardships they were going through. We learnt how they confided in Allah, using beautiful prayers to plead for their deepest wishes and to seek refuge from their fiercest enemies. We saw how they strived for beautiful patience while they waited for what their hearts desired – a long-awaited reunion between father and son, the news of a child after decades of marriage and infertility, the news of a home next to a river in Paradise after being exiled from their homeland.
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If God is making you wait, don’t lose hope. You are in the company of great prophets, who practised beautiful patience and received miracles beyond expectations. Patience has the power to heal and transform us if we only let it. While we wait, let’s take the time to nurture our connection with Allah SWT. Just like the prophets who came before us; waiting gives us a chance to get closer to God. If we plant the seeds of patience and tend to our garden diligently, our spiritual strength will grow and bloom. Trust in Allah, that He will reward our wait with plans beyond our wildest dreams.
IN YOUR HIDDEN TEARS | 189
Dear troubled soul, don’t be alarmed when darkness envelops your path. Like an eclipse, the shadows may linger for a while. Yet, in that moment, Allah is teaching us something valuable. Go back to the Quran, our ummah’s guiding light, which acknowledges our emotions in all their complexities. The stories in the Quran taught us to honour and rejoice in our emotions while guiding us to let go of what we cannot change. Life, with its twists and turns, opens up new chapters for us. But remember where we started and how far we’ve come since then. It’s not impossible to find ourselves again when we become lost. Allah will always be there to guide you back to the right path. Just ask from Him. As long as we are alive, hope will always be present. Today, we have overcome many challenging years, but there are other concerns lingering in our lives. Inevitably, we must accept that these worries are a part of our being. However, we have learnt meaningful lessons from those experiences. We learn to not set unreachable expectations and avoid being perfectionists.
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Not everything will happen the way we want it to. However, we should never lose our sense of optimism in God. We must always have faith in His plans. Every situation that doesn’t align with our plans and every circumstance that doesn’t match our expectations could be the path that Allah opens to something better for us. At the end of the verse, Allah reminds us that He knows and will always know, but we don’t know. In the tender embrace of our emotions lies a journey of self-discovery and healing. It is evidence of our humanity, the colours of our existence painted on the canvas of life. Too often, we are taught to suppress, silence, or dismiss these raw and intense feelings. But let me tell you, my friend, there is power in honouring the voice in our hearts. In acknowledging the tears that cascade down our cheeks, we find the courage to confront our pain, to find solace in vulnerability. Emotions are not weaknesses; they are our guides, gently nudging us towards understanding and growth. So let us be kind and true to ourselves. Be willing to grant ourselves permission to feel deeply. Within this sacred space between us and God, we unlock the doors to authenticity and self-compassion.
IN YOUR HIDDEN TEARS | 197
Once again, we do not know everything because we are limited in our knowledge as mere humans. However, we know that Allah knows. We know that every experience we go through is a process of growth and maturing. In the face of uncertainty, trust becomes the cure. Believing in Allah SWT is the door to submission of the soul and submission. Let us remember that nothing we endure is ever in vain. So have faith in Allah, the All-Knowing and AllHearing. Remember that by embracing our emotions, we find the freedom to be truly and unapologetically ourselves. Remember that having sincere trust in God helps us to overcome our challenges. Remember that living our life with faith empowers us to thrive in everything we do. Keep going, knowing that He will strengthen and protect us. Be at peace and take comfort knowing that Allah is with you with every drop of your hidden tears.
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