The Ups and Downs of Umpiring

The Ups and Downs of Umpiring

Did you know that the 1987-88 WA Ladies Bowling Association Fixture Book specified that ladies frocks had to be not more than 15inches (38cm) from the ground? There was a special device for measuring and ensuring compliance. Moira Dean has written this delightful poem about this important rule:

Oh, she thought with eyes a glitter, Had she ever felt fitter!! Today she would bowl in Pennants no less. Reserve in 3 Red she had got a spot.

The sun was shining, she felt so hot! Her petticoat double fronted she wore... It was a bother and a bore, Her dress she thought was big and staid.

So, onto it she sewed some braid. Bobble Sox made her shoes look modern. No jewellery could she wear! She even checked her facial hair!

On her head her hat was on, Off to the bowling club she sped. Where she found the ladies in their prime All waiting in a line!

A FEARSOME umpire stood inside Come here she said, all stern and gruff, You can’t wear that, it’s far too fancy. Take off the braid and make it staid,

Off the bobbles on the Sox, Put them there in that box. That dress she said with a snort Is FAR too short.

Take down the hem before we start. Her mates looked on, looking sad, But she O’boy was getting mad! 3 Red played one short that day.

Much to her team’s dismay.

Tennis club she joined next week. Her skirt so short it made her squeekkkkkk Frilly knickers she did wear

And played all day without a care. 51