Sorrento Bowling Club Magazine Issue 48 September 2012

Number 48 September 2012

Sorrento Club Newsletter

What we do in the winter?

The Sorrento Bowling Club was well represented at the Broome Cup 19th August 2012 A few dollars won and a many more lost, but an enjoyable day it was for Neil and Sylvia Mclaughlan, Annie Taylor, Johnny Warner, Frank and Kerry Bomford. On Friday all put their names down to play Popsticks at the Broome Bowling Club, with the three Sorrento guys playing in the same team. Was it a lucky fluke, don’t think so! They lost big time!!

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Contents

President’s Report Celebration BBQ Men’s Captains Report Ladies Captain’s Report Ladies Match Committee Report Men’s Match Committee Report Croquet Report Greens and Grounds Report Coaches Corner - “Hot Hints from Heardie” THE GRUMPY UMP Men’s Selection Review Ladies Selection Review Hints for Bowlers Fish and Chips Day A Tale from last seasons’s Pennants Some Notes from your Editor Heard on our Greens Code of Conduct: Greens and Grounds Art Group for Beginners Youngster strips off and assaults pensioner Message from Derek Smith Some fascinating facts about croquet In Loving Memory of Shane Taylor –1981-2012 A Golf Yarn Legends Down under Show A Tribute to Barry Mullumby Letters to the Editor Guess Who? Darts Report A Difficult Question from Jem To Prevent Confusion Why English as Official Language for EU Answer to Question on previous page Some Thank You’s Some Members in Action Winter Spring Clean Dorothy Dix, our Agony Aunt gives advice Please support our four new sponsors

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President’s Report

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s the warm rays of summer sun gradually pierce the wintery gloom, and people start come out of their hibernation, it’s time to look forward to a new and exciting bowls and croquet season. I am pleased to say that the Club has performed well over the winter months. Activity on the greens and in the clubhouse has been good and the Club is performing better financially. From what I hear, members seem to be happy with the way the Club is going.

“Our

aim is to increase Club membership to around 700 by 2015”

One issue that has worried some members is the change of happy hour from Friday to Tuesday and Wednesday nights. The Executive debated this issue again at its last meeting, with a majority vote taken to continue with the two nights. It was felt that a two-hour happy hour on Friday night was not in the spirit of the liquor laws and that the Club needs to encourage members to attend on other nights in addition to Fridays.

Whether members agree with the decision or not, I hope that you will continue to support the Club with your patronage on Friday nights. The additional cost is about that of two postage stamps.

I outlined at the AGM the intention for the Executive to develop business plans for the six key performance areas referenced in the Club’s strategic plan 2020 Vision. These six areas are: • Financial viability • Memberships and marketing • Club environment • Bar operations and club usage • Bowls performance • Greens and grounds The first group established is for Marketing and Membership. The Group comprises myself, Greg Day, Neville Odell, Tony Pilgrim, Anne Lilley, Coral Smith, Phil Webb, Guy Burdon, Bruce Eagles and John Sturk. Our aim is to increase Club membership to around 700 by 2015.The Group has met on three occasions, arriving at eighteen possible strategies, these being:

1.Getting better information about our members and prospective members, including feedback from people about what they are looking for/ disappointed about etc.

2. Have promotional materials available to hand to prospective members and to use in our various marketing approaches. Be clearer about who we are and what we offer (e.g. “Sorrento-much more than a bowling club�)

3. Reassess our cost of membership compared to other clubs and the types of memberships being offered - what are members and prospective members after?

4. Get members more active in recruiting new members - if our existing members recruited one member each we would double our membership 5. Keep members informed about the importance of increasing membership and the impact that it has on them and the prosperity of the Club 6. Follow up on new members. Keep in touch, communicate, buddy-system etc (who are they?)

7. Do a letterbox drop - perhaps a staged drop so that the numbers of new members can be accommodated and retained 8. Approach the members of other sporting clubs such as tennis, but also focus on winter-based sports whose members may not be involved in summer sports 9. Look at alternative formats for bowls/croquet that may be more attractive to prospective members 10. Develop strategies to convert community bowlers to club members 11. Assign responsibility for member recruitment to a single individual, who would work with a team of volunteers but retain a focus on recruitment 12. Redevelop the Club website and consider social media to advertise the Club 13.Approach Natural Lifestyle Villages or similar accommodation to recruit members 14. Use banners and internal advertising to market the Club and membership 15. Advertise on radio (e.g.

Curtin FM community service announcements) 16. Generate editorials for media (e.g. Joondalup Times and BowlsWA) 17. Integrate Club activities with

recruitment (e.g. market to Club functions, visitors) 18.Access data on members who have joined since 2008 but not renewed to gather information about why they did not continue and what we need to do to get them back In subsequent meetings, some of these strategies were amalgamated and then prioritised into the top five priorities. Each priority area was assigned to a coordinator to establish a team of members to further develop the strategies and then take action to implement. The top five priorities and their respective coordinators are outlined below: 1. The type of membership offered and the cost of memberships (Neville Odell with Tony Pilgrim, Coral Smith and Guy Burdon) 2. Promotional material, including advertising on radio and editorials for media (Anne Lilley with Neville Odell and Tony Pilgrim) 3. Letterbox drops (Brian Lucas) 4. Getting better information, including why members do not continue their membership (Neville Odell and Brian Lucas) 5. Converting community bowlers to full or social memberships (Phil Webb).

These groups will be looking for members to lend a hand. If you would like to contribute, in any capacity whatsoever, have a talk to the coordinator. Members can be on multiple groups.

We have the potential to continue to be a great club, reflecting our recent Metropolitan Club of the Year recognition; but we cannot afford to tread water. We must always strive to be better. I ask all members to hop in and lend a hand. – Brian Lucas

Celebration BBQ

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he Club held a BBQ (sponsored by the Darts Committee) on Friday 15th June 2012 to celebrate the fact that the Sorrento Bowling Club was recognised at the BowlsWA annual trophy presentation (held at Burswood on Friday 25th May 2012) as the “Metropolitan Bowling Club of the Year 2012”.

The Mayor Troy Pickard chatting to Brian and Phillipa Lucas

The night was attended by a large number of members and the importance of the award was apparent by the attendance also at the BBQ by Tony Krsticevic MLA (Member for Carine), The Mayor of the City of Joondalup Troy Pickard and Councillor Russ Fishwick City of Joondalup (South Ward).

It was pleasing to welcome the Mayor’s wife Felicity and their two children, Mason and Sueyin who also attended and shared in the BBQ with us.

Dennis and Julie West from Allstore Painting and Maintenance – one of our many sponsors

Jem and Bev Shorland enjoying the evening

Anne Lilley addressed the gathering to explain that this prestigious award was presented to the club that demonstrated outstanding performance for membership and capitation, pennant performance, greens, outside facilities, holding State events, participating in association events and promotional activities, under 18 promotion. community use of facilities, major works carried out, administration, having sports officials and Bowls WA officials, duty of care and club achievements.

Good on you Sorrento and keep up the good work!

– Dick Currie

The Mayor of Joondalup Troy Pickard with the sausage servers Marie Smart, Joan Whitham and Gavan Ebsworth

Brian and Troy looking happy whilst holding the trophy

Russ Fishwick our local councillor, Tony Krsticevic, Brian Lucas and Greg Day enjoying the proceedings

Above: Brian Lucas and Tony Krsticevic the Member for Carine Left:Tom and Mark from the Sorrento Soccer Club with Kevin

Anne Lilley explaining the Criteria for the Award

“If you move when I’m bowling you will get strangled”

Neil and Sylvia McLaughlan (Please note the tie!)

Lorna Glew and Betty Stern looking very “glam”

Ron and Barbara Rodgers enjoying the fun

Peter Snow and Barry Bradshaw enjoying a funny story

Please support our sponsors and advertisers Men’s Captains Report

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he 2012/2013 Bowls Season is vast approaching. Open day is Sunday 16 September 2012. Opening day will take the same format as last year (hopefully without the rain), official welcome and opening, morning game, lunch, and afternoon game. The bowls format as in previous years will be Ladies vs Men for the “Irene Gatter” trophy. Teams of fours will be selected. Please get your names in for this great day.

The calendar of events for 2012/2013 season will be available shortly thanks again to Chris and his team for putting the program together. In the meantime please note that the first rounds of Pennants are on Thursday 25 October 2012, Saturday 27 October 2012. Pennant Practice will be on Thursdays 4, 11, & 18 October 2012 and Saturdays 6, 13, & 20 October 2012. Notice of unavailability will be displayed alongside the selection board, Please assist the selectors by advising them of your unavailability.

Steve Draper has joined the Selection committee team. Steve has had previous experience as a selector and I am sure he will fit in well with the other members of selection. For those members who do not know Steve, he likes “Crownies”.

Volunteers will be required to do all sorts of jobs leading up to the commencement of the season. E.g. erection of Shade cloths and Shade sails etc. Please advise Ken Giles if you are available to assist.

As we approach the warmer months I must say we have been blessed with the winter weather. We have had record numbers of social bowlers both on Thursdays and Saturdays. We have had very successful “Dash for Cash” carnivals and again a special thanks to Barry Bradshaw Security screens company for sponsoring this event. Thanks also to the Match committee for organising social bowls, the occasional change in format has been well received. The “Fish and Chips “day was a great success, thanks to Ron and H and helpers for organising the day.

We will be looking at introducing coloured pants/shorts for the 2013/2014 Bowls season. However in the meantime if you require new whites for the up and coming Bowls season our new sponsor Kel’s Menswear has the right deal for you. City Club pants with Bowls logo at a very competitive price. Call in and say hello to Kel. Kel’s Menswear is situated in Shop KD3 Centro Warwick Shopping Centre. Phone Number 94488550. Produce your membership card and let Kel do a deal for you.

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Finally don’t forget to place your name on the sheets for Opening day 16 September 2012 and unavailability for Pennant practice commencing Thursday 4 October 2012 and Saturday 6 October 2012 If you require information re Men’s Bowls please come and talk to me, hopefully I will be able to answer your enquiry. Remember “Commitment brings Success”.

– ABBA

Ladies Captain’s Report

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s the new season draws closer the Ladies Committee has started work on planning our annual events.

OPENING DAY Will be held on Sunday 16th September-let’s hope for an improvement on last year’s wet weather! Morning tea will be provided and lunch will be catered for by Spit Roast. Unfortunately only two greens will be available for play on the day. Our Greens Staff have planned a work programme which will enable Sorrento to maintain the high standard of playing conditions recognised and envied by other clubs. Bowls WA will be arranging greens inspections a bit earlier this season and this will reduce the amount of time our greens personnel have to prepare playing surfaces acceptable to their Greens Committee. The present plan is to play “Handicapped Fours”. Players will be asked to specify the Division he/she played in last season and handicap points will be allocated accordingly. Teams will be balanced as evenly as possible based on the handicap points, ladies against men. By the time this goes to print all information relating to opening day will be on notice boards.

FASHION PARADE This popular event will be held on Tuesday 18th September. Tickets will cost $10 and will include morning tea, parade and a lunch of soup and crusty roll. Fliers with further information on the Day’s activities have been placed on notice boards. Tickets are available from May Leyland, so get a group together and join us for a fun day out.

Thanks to Denise and Neville Odell for the design and printing of advertising material. Your contribution is very much appreciated.

GALA DAY Programmed for Friday 11th January. As in past years, to decrease costs, we will be seeking donations from businesses/sponsors. Lists asking for volunteers to manage stalls will be circulated at the Ladies Quarterly meeting in September. A further update on this event will also be presented at that time.

WELFARE OFFICER Jean Baker has kindly agreed to expand her role as Ladies Welfare Officer to include our male members so she is now the CLUB Welfare Officer. Please keep Jean 11

informed of those members on “The sick list”. Thanks Jean.

OTHER A Membership and Marketing Sub- Committee has been established to start work on the Club’s 20/20 Vision Plan.

Thanks are extended to Brian Collins and Juras Lorencs for the installation of the very neat window in the door of the Ladies room-the dimensions were carefully worked out to accommodate ’little Nell’!!!

The agenda for the next quarterly meeting is on notice boards. As this will be our last meeting before the start of the season there will be quite a bit to report so I encourage you to attend.

We have lost several umpires so any lady interested in becoming an umpire should contact Jim Ironside for information on course dates and requirements In conclusion, my thanks to my hard-working committees for your contribution and support. To all lady members stay well and enjoy the coming season.

– Anne Lilley

Ladies Match Committee Report

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s I write this report I note that the start of our bowling season is less than a month away. I hope you have all had fantastic holidays and are as enthusiastic as the Match Committee about participating in all the events that we have organised for this season.

The season will begin with Open Day on Sunday the 16th September followed very closely on Tuesday the 18th with our Fashion Parade. After that we get into the best part “playing bowls”. So keep an eye on your fixture cards for all the important dates i.e. Club Championships, Pennant Games, Pennant Practice, Circuit Training, Ladies Quarterly Meetings Charity Fund Raising Days, State Events etc.

We will endeavour to have the Club Championship notices up on the board approximately a month prior to the event, so start working on your teams now. The Club Championship events are run for ALL our lady member’s not just first division bowlers, and we would like to see everybody participating, you just never know what may happen “on the day”.

To all our lady bowlers the Match Committee wishes you a happy and successful year of bowling and we look forward to seeing you out on the green.

– Coral Smith 12

Men’s Match Committee Report

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he winter Dash for Cash has continued to be a great success thanks to Safeway Security’s sponsorship and the increasing number of entries. The winners of the June event were Ron Rogers, Brian Self, Col Cramond and Herbie Eisenmann. The July game was again won by a Sorrento team consisting of Alan Anderson, Barry Stewart, Jim Welch and Kevin Coffey. The August competition was won by Ron Kuziela, Mick Martin, Brian Saul and Mike Korocyn. Unfortunately we don’t have a photo of the July winners but the June and August winners are featured below.

June winners Ron Rogers, Brian Self, Col Cramond and Herbie Eisenmann

August winners Ron Kuziela, Mick Martin, Brian Saul and Mike Korocyn

Our Opening Day will be held on 16th September 2012. Morning tea will be at 9.30 am with the morning game starting at 10.30am. The “Men” will play the “Ladies” for the Irene Gatter Trophy. This year we will play a handicap fours.

The cost for the full day will be $20 per person. If you only want to have lunch and play in the afternoon the cost will be $15. Bookings close 13 September 2012. It is important to make prior payment over the bar before this date. We are using outside caterers who require an exact number up front.

For any alteration to your bookings please contact Anne Lilley 94012952 or John Abercrombie 94480735.

– Chris Tibbits 13

Caption Competition

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here will be a bottle of red wine for the best caption for each of these cartoons – A, B and C.. Please email your suggestions to nevodell@bigpond.net.au or write them on a piece of paper and pass this onto Denise or Neville Odell.

A

Who does this remind you of?

B

Why was Greg Day seen entering and leaving the Woman’s toilets?

C Ray and Emily Dunn at their hat factory in NewZealand

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Fashion Parade Sorrento Bowling Club Percy Doyle Reserve Warwick Road Duncraig

Tuesday 18 September 2012 10.00 am Morning Tea and Raffles 11.00 am Fashion Parade Featuring the latest fashion Courtesy of JACQUI-E 12 noon lunch of home-made soup and fresh crusty bread All for the cost of $10 per head Tickets available from May Leyland 9401 0047 Or pay at the door 15

Croquet Report

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arbara Long recently celebrated a birthday milestone at Jetty’s Restaurant with fellow Croquet Members, Partners and Past Members. You can see the Birthday Girl having some fun on the Merry Ground with hubby Bill looking on thinking should “I put another $1 in and join her or what”.

Croquet hosted “Come & Try Days” in August and has registered for “Have a Go Day” on the 14th November at Burswood. More to follow on this in the next newsletter.

Report on the recent ‘Daft Doubles’ tournament by Peter Hamilton As this sounded like a fun event I twisted my wife Kathy’s arm into entering this two day competition with me - her first ever competitive, and multi club, event! I hope I can be excused for suggesting that it could well have been the ‘tournament from Hell’! Day one brought EIGHT 45 minute games with a break of 10 minutes between.

Day two had six ONE HOUR AND TEN MINUTE games (although each team did have one bye and a half hour lunch break). On both days we were bombarded with loud music (Rolling Stones, Hooked on Classics, Elvis etc.) to test our powers of concentration!

The first day was a selection process to place players into three finals groups Champions, Consolation and Good Egg! After some initial nervousness Kathy settled down to play her best ever day of Croquet and basically ‘carried’ me to gain second in our section and a place in the Champions group - Wow! Fairly soon my pride at this achievement gave way to the thought that maybe we’d shot ourselves in the foot - we would now need to face the real champions! Sure enough we were firmly put in our place with five straight losses. Regardless it was a great experience, it showed us that we could compete against other clubs and on reflection we picked up quite a few tips to improve our game.

Law of the Lawn: More Rules snippets by Peter Hamilton As before, I’ve tried to give a simplified interpretation of the rule as laid down along with the actual relevant rule number alongside. This time we’ll take the ‘Wrong Ball’ 16

situation and, when we boil it all down, it’s relatively straight forward (surprise, surprise). There are three different scenarios with slight variations...

1) In Golf Singles, if a player hits his so called ‘partner ball’ instead of the one he should be hitting, the balls are simply replaced as they were, with no penalty. What this means, in practice, is that the referee, or you (if you notice it about to occur), should warn them not to do this as it would simply slow down the game. Rule 11b (1) 2) However, for a Singles player hitting the opponent’s ball, or a Doubles player hitting any wrong ball, there are consequences. If the wrong ball strike is noticed before the opponent takes the next turn then the opponent can choose whether to leave the balls as they are or have them replaced. Also, because this hit was out of sequence, the opponents can choose to play either of their balls as they please. Rule 11b (3). If the strike was not noticed, play continues in that sequence and any points scored are allowed. Rule 11c 3) In Ricochet, the rule is the same as 2) above, except that the opponent’s option to choose which ball to play is irrelevant (because you always have the choice). Rule 13e Many Happy Hoops! – Judith Skeet

Greens and Grounds Report

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uote for the day: A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip.

Work is continuing on and around the greens and A and E greens are running well.

Our green keeper has a program in place for all the greens through winter and spring and at the moment, B, C and D greens are being renovated. Thanks Tiger and Barry.

This means that only A and E will be available for Opening Day. It would be good to have more greens available but if we want a high standard for the coming pennant season, then we all have to be patient.

The back wall has been erected and reticulation has been installed. The garden behind will slope down to the top of the wall and ground cover and colourful shrubs will be planted in the spring. Reticulation has also been installed in the garden behind E green in preparation for planting shrubs and the Croquet green’s sprinklers have been repositioned to better water the area. All in all, everything is progressing as it should.

Here is a little quiz that only 5% of Stanford University graduates figured out. Can you answer all of the following questions with the same word?

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1.The word has 7 letters.

2.It preceded God. 3.It is greater than God. 4.It is more evil than the devil.

5.All poor people have it.

6.Wealthy people need it.

7.If you eat it, you will die.

A free drink of your choice for the first person to tell me the answer. The answer will be in the next Newsletter. – Alan Rolls

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Coaches Corner - “Hot Hints from Heardie”

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ome question and answers to get you thinking about how to improve your bowls:

Q1

What is the recommended grip?

A1

Usually the middle finger is placed on the middle of the bowl on the centre of running surface but the main thing is that the grip is comfortable. Your thumb must be no higher than the large ring.

Q2

Why does my bowl wobble on delivery sometimes?

A2

There are three possibilities: • the little finger is too high up on the side of the bowl • your grip is incorrect and not running through wrist, forearm and shoulder • you’re turning your wrist on delivery

Q3

Where should my eyes be focussed on delivery of bowl?

A3

Your eyes should be fixed on an aiming point a convenient distance along the aiming line.

Q4

What is length and direction of the step?

A4

A normal walking step along the aiming line is required.

Q5

How long should I stay down after delivery?

A5

Stay down until your bowl has travelled well along the aiming line (or count to four) and watch it until it comes to rest, so adjustment may be made to next delivery.

Q6

What are the main reasons for bowling short bowls?

A6

• Not staying down after delivery • Wrist not firm as bowl is released • Bowl is being dropped • Arm bending on delivery – Graeme Heard

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THE GRUMPY UMP

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n the From the Umpires page in the Apr-May 12) of Jack Hi , Michael GobleGarratt listed a number of less than sporting behavioural incidents. Of particular concern was the apparent upsurge in refusals to adhere to the rules.

According to the author several such incidents started out as minor infringements, that a player or Umpire had attempted to simply point out, to which the player at fault had taken umbrage and then adopted an aggressive attitude with a view to winning the argument by intimidation. A number of the players refused to abide by the Umpire’s ruling and continued to badger the Umpires during a luncheon break. I thought what I would do if these circumstances happened to me, so here are the Grumpy Ump’s thoughts: Trial Ends after the Pennants start time: Tell them to commence the game without the trial ends and if they ignore you, do not make a scene simply submit a report to WABA. If WABA follows its rules the team will be scored as a forfeit.

Trial Ends on a green that they have already played on: Inform them that they are not entitled to have any trial ends and if they do it despite your warning go straight to the Match Committee and report them. If the Match Committee is doing their job they will disqualify the team.

Placement of the Mat after the end has commenced and it is found to be on the wrong line: Inform them what the Law says and if they choose not to follow it, let them go. It is not that big a deal. However report it to the Match Committee and let them decide what action to take.

Players should remember the golden rule “Only an idiot would ask for a ruling that they may not like and when they do not like the answer they ignore it”.

As an umpire you will find that most players think that they know the laws better than 20

you, they believe you know nothing and make up the laws as you go along. Don’t waste your time trying to convince them just give them the number for the Umpires Committee and the date and times for the next Umpires course.

Do not take it personally when players complain; remember they are usually trying to find an outlet for their own frustrations and incompetence, and the Umpire is an easy target because they know the Umpire will not retaliate. Treat them with the contempt they deserve and submit a report to either the Match Committee or WABA. The next player that says to you “I have been playing bowls for 20 years and I know the rules, you are wrong” the reply should be “So after 20 years, you still don’t know the laws how stupid are you”.

– Gavan Ebsworth

Men’s Selection Review

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o enable the Selectors to organize and run a more efficient practice game the following conditions will apply for the 2012/13 Pennant Practice Program.

Pennant Practice Program will commence on Thursday 4th October and Saturday 6th October 2012 and run for 3 weeks, with Pennants commencing on Thursday 25th and Saturday 27th October 2012. All players attending Pennant Practice must report to the club by 12.30pm with starting times as close to 1.00 pm as possible.

This report may be carried out at the club or by telephone. Club Phone 9447 0696..

Sheets will also be posted on the pennant board for players to nominate unavailability for each of the practice days. Telephones will be manned from 11.00am each day.

Any player not reporting prior to these times will not necessarily be selected in his correct position or division. Dress requirements for all practice will be Club Uniform.

The club will be nominating 9 divisions on Thursday and 7 divisions on Saturday consisting of the following.

Thursday

Saturday

1st Division Blue 2nd division.

3rd Division 4th Division 5th Division 6th Division

1st Division White 2nd Division 3rd Division 4th Division 5th Division

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1 3 1 1 2 1

1 2 1 1 2 – Des Bennett

Ladies Selection Review

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ime to polish up your bowls as the Pennant Season is almost upon us.

Pennant practice starts on 25th September, with weekly practice matches on each Tuesday thereafter, until the season begins on the 23rd October. Players are required to attend these practice sessions. Circuit training will commence on October 22nd.

This year there will not be a Fifth (5) Division as Bowls W.A. have revised the Divisional structures and after a unanimous decision of that body, 4th Division will consist of two (2) teams per side accordingly Sorrento have requested two (2) fourth division sides.

This Pennant season we will have one game (round 5) the 18th of November fixture on a Sunday morning.This will mean the season for the majority of player’s will end at the end of February 2013. Finals will be held in mid March 2013.

We look forward to an exciting and successful season of Bowls.

– Jan Cook.

Hints for Bowlers The coach said “Always follow through,

And stay down on the mat, Put one hand down on your knee,

The other one quite flat.

Take a swing and bend your knee

Concentration is a factor”.

I tried to do them all at one,

Now I’m at the CHIROPRACTOR. – Grahame “Skew Wiff” Watt

Fish and Chips Day

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hat a great day! Many thanks to Ron and Helen Kuziela for running the day and organising all the great prizes.

Only three teams won both their games. The Winners of the Winners were the loaded team of Hugh McKay (a visitor from Armadale), John Sanders, Richard Currie and Lindsay Baker with a good score of 2+19. (See next page for photo) 22

The Runners-up were the motley crew of Bruce Eagles, Keith Cooper, Greg Day and Neville Odell with 2 +11.

The Winners of the Losers were the rag tag bunch – Alan Anderson, Neville Cleary, Norm Claffey and John Taylor who beat the geriatric team of Mick Martin, Abba, Spider and Eric Tomkins to secure their spot..

The Chocolates to Boiled Lollies award went to the unlucky team of Rob Tozer, Graeme Heard, Alan Rolls and Guy Burdon who, after a brilliant win by 15 shots in their first game, managed to lose their second game by 12 shots.

– Neville Odell

A Tale from last seasons’s Pennants Her How did it end up my fault?

Returned from an away match. Sat in Club to wait for him.

Him Very late return to Club with team. Didn’t bother to go in and drove straight

home.

Her Walked outside to carpark. Becoming chilly. Didn’t see his car but thought he

went in own car to match. Waited outside. Almost all bowlers had now left.

Disbelief - he’s gone without me!! Tried his mobile but it is was switched off.

No reply at home telephone. Eventually contacted the man. He had just

arrived home and was on his way back to collect me.

Him Oh dear, forgot wife. Rushed back to collect her.

Her Started on foot for home, walking briskly. Thought he would see me on

roadside but, as usual, he didn’t.

Hm Arrived at Club but no wife to be found.

Her Got a ‘flea in my ear’ on eventual pick-up. No apology!!!

Dinner was a very polite affair that evening.

– Ted and Sonia McGrady

Some Notes from your Editor Did you know that beetroot juice will give rugby players, bowlers, athletes and cyclists a quick stamina boost by increasing oxygen levels in the blood and reducing blood pressure. So Herbie remember when Ron Kuziela calls for more benzene you actually need a pint of beetroot juice!

Did you know that Colin Bangs had to forego a date with Pippa Middleton as he was 23

required to fry chips at the SBC that Friday evening?

Did you know that we continue to lose jacks. At least 18 have gone missing and cost $30 each to replace. If you have a jack in your bowls bag please return it! Colin Sainsbury has asked that I make a special mention of the two jacks that he purchased recently for his own use. So do not accuse him of theft. They are his own property!

Did you know that while creating wives, God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world –– And then He made the earth round.

Did you know that as a young man John Collishaw was renowned, throughout the Bush, for his “twinkle-toed” ballroom dancing. He was always in demand at debutante balls!

Did you know that Pat Duffy has become a great-grandmother for the third time.

Congratulations Pat. Did you know TV coverage of lawn bowls is set to reach new levels of excitement this summer with the use of super-duper slow motion technology. It is expected that with the slow-mo implemented, each bowl will take between 10-15 minutes to get from the bowler’s hand to the jack, and another 15 minutes for Jack himself to walk down to the bowl. Each hour of bowling action will be stretched out over 5 enthralling days, in a move that will pit the bowls coverage up against the might of Channel Nine’s Summer of Cricket. The new-and-improved Lawn Bowls coverage isn’t stopping at the new super-duper slow-mo, with reports suggesting that the ABC will also be adding hot-spot technology to determine the exact timing and position of when the bowls collide, as well as a group of scantily-clad female volunteer cheerleaders from local retirement villages.

Did you know that in 1802 Thomas Jefferson said: “I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property – until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered.”

Did you know living to a good old age of 150 could soon be a reality thanks to the development of anti-ageing drugs. Rapamycin is currently licensed to treat cancer, but it has had surprising results in the battle against ageing. A team from the Institute of Ageing at University College London has found that when mice were fed the drug, they lived longer. Can you imagine playing for a Skip who is 149 and has bowled for 102 years? You won’t be able to tell him a thing!

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Greg Day our Vice President has asked that I include a special thank you to Derek Smith for all the work he has been doing around the club.

Any suggestions for future editions will be most welcome. We have not had much feedback from members recently so we are assuming that most of you are still enjoying our newsletter. As there have been no complaints about incorrect captions, sexist, ageist or racist jokes or incorrectly spelled names for a while we are concerned that members are no longer reading our newsletter. So we have deliberately included some errors and re-introduced some borderline/risque jokes for your enjoyment! So to get the bowl rolling a couple of Irish jokes!

Did you hear about a coach load of Paddys on a mystery tour decided to run a sweepstake to guess where they were going – the driver won £52!

Another Paddy joke! Mick walks into Paddy’s barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor. Mick says, “Oh no, Paddy, what ya doing?” Paddy says, “Well me and Mary haven’t been getting on in the bedroom lately and the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor.”

Finally lets have a go at the Kiwis. Did you hear that the New Zealand Olympic Games flag bearer Nick Willis had a Dutch team official to thank for sparing his blushes in front of hundreds of millions of television viewers at the opening ceremony of the London Olympics. The Beijing 1500 m silver medallist was immensely proud to carry the flag into the Olympic Stadium but also immensely grateful when the official in the Netherlands team marching ahead of them pointed out the zipper on his trousers was not done up.

Once again many thanks to all those members who provide us with jokes. If you need to contact me my telephone number is 9309 3108 and my e-mail address is

nevodell@bigpond.net.au – Neville Odell

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Heard on our Greens “We’ve got a Tiger, a Spider, an Eagle, a Partridge and a couple of Galahs! It’s like being at the Zoo”.

In the nominated Triples was a team submitted - “Currie, Rolls and Coffey” and one wag remarked “ They could make a meal of it.”

We also had a recent “ Drop one in front and block his hole up!”

And finally we had “Roger’s moustache quivered in anticipation”

– Dick Currie

Code of Conduct: Greens and Grounds

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he Greens Committee has obtained the services of three prominent members to ensure the Club’s Code of Conduct is adhered to by all as it is essential that we provide a safe and comfortable environment for our members and visitors to enjoy.

Our “C of C” inspectors will be ABBA the GRABBA, BOSTON ILLEGAL and RON the RIPPER. The photo shows them on duty during a recent event.

The gentleman sitting down is under guard in the “naughty chair” for dropping a Mintie wrapper on the bank. Be warned, they are a ‘no nonsense’ trio and penalties will be tough.

A ‘name and shame’ policy is currently being considered. Misdemeanours will include: • Dropping stubbie tops and other materials on the bank • Not returning bar glasses when taken outside • Depositing chewing gum in the rink bins without being properly wrapped • Dropping bowls on to the green from the bank • Inconsiderate disposal of cigarette butts • Rolling up on greens which are clearly identified as closed We hope you will treat this team of Gladiators with the fear and respect that they 26

deserve. They are highly trained and have eyes and ears that will capture any offence. We will give you all regular reports as our campaign progresses.

– Tony Pilgrim on behalf of Greens Committee and Greens Staff PS Special thanks to Sharon Eggers for helping me spell MISDEMEANOURS

Art Group for Beginners

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have had very little response to my request for interest in this group. I feel it will only be feasible to commence such a program with a minimum of 10 starters, and as yet we only have 8.

We will be using Acrylic Paint and covering the basics to begin with and then moving forward from that point. We will meet on Thursday mornings from 9am in the club.

If you would like to join in, please add your name to the poster on the Ladies’ Notice Board.

– Beth McCormack

Youngster strips off and assaults pensioner

A

bowler caused mayhem when he stripped down to his boxer shorts and punched a pensioner during a match. Scott Noble dropped his trousers in front of 200 stunned spectators at the Edinburgh Cup Final for lawn bowls after losing a grudge match.

The 24-year-old, who is said to “like a drink”, then laid into a 76-year-old member of his own committee who tried to stop him. A spectator said: “I’ve been watching lawn bowls for over 40 years and I’ve never seen anything like it.” Fellow bowlers and committee men struggled to restrain him before he was eventually thrown out the club – with his clothes on.

“There were old women present when he decided to drop his breeks – they were mortified. “Then he decides to chin one of his own committee men, who ended up with a cut head – the place was in pandemonium.

“He was walking about with his trousers down for ages. The lad is a good player but he’s blown it for himself. There’s not a bowling club in the land will have him now, no matter how good he is.” “We can’t have anarchy. These are bowling, not boxing, clubs.

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Message from Derek Smith

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member recently donated a lap top computer to me. This has been an invaluable tool in the Broadband for Seniors program and in particular in helping club members who are new to computers or just need some assistance.

The Broadband for Senior computers located next to the office, are, because of the necessary restrictions imposed on them, somewhat different in layout and use to a ‘normal’ computer making it slightly confusing for some people. The lap top allows me to demonstrate with a system closer to what they would have at home. I regret I am unable to remember the members name, but a big thank-you just the same.

– Derek Smith

Some fascinating facts about croquet • Croquet is believed to have its origins in 17th-century palle-maille, a game often played in London’s Pall Mall. It has been said that only tobacco smoke spread faster through the British Empire.

• Croquet was the first outdoor sport to embrace equality, allowing both sexes to play the game on an equal footing.

• Croquet reached the South Pole in 2005 when American scientists became the first to play a game there, in the snow, outside the South Pole Observatory.

• Croquet was a one-off Olympic sport in 1900 – although it was so poorly organised that one competitor went to his death without ever having known he was an Olympian. Sadly for croquet fans, there are not enough countries who play the game for it to be accepted for London 2012.

• Croquet has been reinvented in many forms: eXtreme eschews the garden setting for more robust terrain, featuring hills, sand, mud and water hazards.

• Bicycle croquet is another variation, in which players are allowed just 10 seconds to complete a shot. Meanwhile, two million people play Japanese ‘gateball’, a sort of five-a-side speed croquet.

• Lewis Carroll featured a surreal version of the game in Alice in Wonderland. A hedgehog was used as the ball and a flamingo as the mallet, while soldiers doubled over to make the hoops.

Sandy Macaskill

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In Loving Memory of Shane Taylor –1981-2012 Many friends attended Shane’s funeral held at Pinnaroo on July 17th. There were Sorrento bowlers, coaches and volunteers from Carine Riding for the Disabled as well as representatives from Woolworths where Shane worked.

Shane was a treasured volunteer and rider at Riding for the Disabled. His ability to relate to riders of all ages and to the horses was a sheer gift and he will be missed dearly by all of us.

One of the highlights of the year was in December, on the last week of the term, when he dressed up as Father Christmas. He would ride one of our larger horses up to the younger riders, jumping off with a loud “Ho! Ho! Ho!” and then presenting all the younger riders with a bag of lollies.

As a member of the Sorrento Bowling Club he was a regular social bowler on both Fridays and Sundays. His pride in accomplishing any good bowl was always a delight to see and hear. Shane will be missed by us all and his smile will last forever in our hearts.

– Ros Pittaway

A Golf Yarn

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golfer accidentally overturned his cart. Elizabeth, a young golfer who lived in a luxurious home next to the fairway heard the noise and yelled over to him.

“Hey, are you okay, what’s your name?” “My name is Ken, “replied the golfer.

“Ken, forget your troubles. Come to my home, rest up and I’ll help you get the cart up later,” said Elizabeth. “That’s mighty nice of you,” Ken answered, “but I don’t think my wife would like it.”

“Aw come on,” Elizabeth insisted. She was very pretty, and persuasive.

“Well okay,” Ken finally agreed. And added, “but my wife won’t like it.” After a delicious martini AND some sexy driving and putting lessons, Ken thanked his hostess. “I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be real upset.”

“Don’t be foolish!” Elizabeth said with a smile, “She won’t know any thing. By the way, where is she?” “Under the cart.....”

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Legends Down under Show

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he show got the Sorrento Bowling Club vibrating to a smorgasbord of great music from the rock legends that dominated four decades of music. The crowd came prepared to sing and dance. The dance floor had young and old showing their singing and dancing skills. It was good to see everyone come alive with laughter and friendly fun.

Thanks to all who helped on the evening and especially to Greg Day for organising the event and whose expertise at looking “cool” came to the fore, his feet and arm movements showed that his youth was spent rocking the decades away.

– Mary Rolls

Anne Orton and Hilda Dichiera enjoying the evening

Terry Smith and Brian Lucas telling jokes?

Left: Gail and Peter and Liz and Alan Right: Pippa and Margaret

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A Tribute to Barry Mullumby

B

arry Mullumby was born in Fremantle on the 18th December 1938. He spent his earlier years in the country as his father was a telegraphist in the then P.M.G. and had several postings in remote areas of W.A. At times he lived on nearby farms and often rode a horse to school. The family eventually returned to the city and his keen interest in communications and the Morse code saw him follow in his father’s footsteps and qualify as telegraphist. Eventually, telegrams were phased out and Barry retrained as a telephone Technician. His duties included installation, maintenance and repair of telephones and telephone equipment within the city and country areas.

Together with his wife Margaret, Barry settled in Greenwood where they raised four 32

sons. During their teenage years, the boys played football for the local footy club.

Barry was keen for the boys to do well and became involved in all aspects of the club for many years. He remained a keen supporter of the West Coast Eagles.

Barry’s other interests included sailing, lawn bowls and caravanning. In the early eighties, Barry built a 22 foot yacht in his back yard in Greenwood. This was no small undertaking. He named this boat “Shafto” and with a crew of four sailed it competitively at South of Perth Yacht club for some years before selling it and buying a similar yacht called “Wildfire”. Barry had skippered Wildfire ever since and won numerous trophies and pennants which are testament to his ability as a yachtsman.

Barry was first introduced to bowls when Nola, who had been playing for some time invited Barry to “come and have a go”. He was instantly hooked. Together they competed in as many team events as possible. It wasn’t long before he developed a reputation for his upshots which often resulted in a favourable outcome. He played mid week Pennants but despite his love of the game, he would not be persuaded to forego sailing on Saturdays.

Caravanning was a shared interest and he and Nola enjoyed expeditions to many parts of the state and further afield to Darwin. We enjoyed listening to tales of his exploits on the water, travellers stories and coups on the green over a few VBs in the clubhouse.

He will always be remembered for his welcoming smile and will be sadly missed by all who knew him.

Sponsorship Report

– George Sjepcev

W

e have a number of new sponsors. See back of newsletter. Please support these as well as our on-going long term other sponsors. When you visit a sponsor please tell them you are from the Sorrento Bowling Club and that we appreciate their support.

Kels Sportsware would like to thank all the club members who have already visited his shop in Warwick.

– Greg Day 33

Letters to the Editor

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etters to the Editor are most welcome so please do not hesitate. You may write either to the Editor or to Dorothy Dix our Agony Aunt.

A COMMENT FROM THE ROCKINGHAM BOWLING CLUB I came to your bowling club one day and picked up a copy of you newsletter and was impressed greatly.

Your newsletter has been produced expertly and if I may professionally.

After reading your letter I have begun a newsletter for our club and ask politely if I can have a proforma of your newsletter in electronic form so as to see how it is all done. I am not a journalist or profess to be even a keen newsletter reader but I think something like this newsletter will be beneficial for our club.

– Peter Villa, Club Captain Rockingham Bowling club

DIVISION 3 RED PENNANT In our June 2012 Newsletter on page 18 there was a great write-up by Barry Stewart about Division 3 Red Pennant win. The only things missing were the names of the team members with only the Skippers names being mentioned.

We know the Skippers play all the clever shots around the short bowls and to sprung jacks but it would be nice to see our names in print so we can show our grandchildren.

– A Distressed Grandfather Dear “Distressed Grandfather” At great expense we have established that the winning team was as follows: •Keith Cooper (Skip),Alan Rolls, Alan Taylor and Barry Stewart • Trevor Orton (Skip), Merv Spence Murray Newman and Ray Dunn • Noel Summers (Skip),Mike Berecry Craig Grisbrook and Jim Ironside

The winning team excluding Trevor Orton, Merv Spence Murray Newman and Ray Dunn who had to rush home to make the tea for their wives 34

THE LOCKWOODS DO IT AGAIN I would like to thank the Sorrento bowling club committee for allowing me a day at the club to fund raise for our house building programme in Cambodia. The money raised, just over $600 will go towards the next house building volunteer group I am taking in February. Each house costs around $1500 so your support has helped us towards our goal of having enough funds for 40 houses next build as we did last time.

We go every year so if anyone is interested in becoming a volunteer and joining us on one of our builds, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

– Jenni Lockwood

SOME MORE FEEDBACK ABOUT OUR NEWSLETTER I’ve just read the club newsletter from cover to cover. Far better than Saturdays west – although I’m not sure if that conveys the compliment I was intending! Thanks Nev – Philip

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Guess Who?

C

an you recognise some of our members in these old photographs?

B

Who is this lovely couple?

A This beautiful photo of two of our current members was taken in1961.

Write your answers on a piece of paper and pass this to Neville or Denise Odell.

The first person to identify all four people in these photos will receive a bottle of wine from the Vice President.

Darts Report

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he season is drawing to a close. Our two sides entered in the Sports and Bowling Club Association, which play on Thursday nights have only one game left to the finals.

Second division is currently in fourth and 3rd division are one win out of the four.

Our two sides entered in the Blue Water Association ,which play on Tuesday nights, have five games left to finals.

A grade is currently in top position and B grade is in 8th position.

I wish to congratulate all sides for their efforts and the spirit they have shown throughout the year.Especially the BWDA B grade side which is a mixed side and has been made to compete in B grade level competition due the associations ruling that any players that do not have an official average get allocated a 40 average.

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Coming events are - Darts club trip to Wongon Hills 1st-2nd September - Bowlers vs dart players bowls competition 7th of October - Darts club windup and presentation day 11th November.

At this stage we plan to have the singles and pairs competitions held on Thursday nights following the end of the Sports and Bowling Association finals.The final dates will be posted on the Darts notice board.

– Wayne Gray

A Difficult Question from Jem

“If you have an umpire in cricket, and a referee in football, what do you have in bowls? (see over page for correct answer)

To Prevent Confusion

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ll drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name Tylenol has a generic name Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of ‘cocktails’, ‘highballs’ and just a good old-fashioned ‘stiff drink’.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO. – Alan Wood

Why English as Official Language for EU

T

he European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year 37

Melbourne Cup Day 2012 Tuesday November 6th Roll up for a fun day at the Sorrento Bowling Club. There will be sweepstakes, horse races, a quiz and a prize for the best hat. Book a table for you and your friends and bring a plate of eats for your table. Starting time from 11am. All welcome.

Some of last year’s winners featured below!!!

Answer to Question on previous page Goldfish (or soup/cornflakes/etc.)

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phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”.. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza.

Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

– Warren Elliot

Taken Down by a Court Reporter ATTORNEY: WITNESS: ATTORNEY: WITNESS: ATTORNEY: WITNESS: ATTORNEY: autopsy?

WITNESS: ATTORNEY: WITNESS: ATTORNEY: WITNESS: 39

Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

No. Did you check for blood pressure?

No. Did you check for breathing?

No..

So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the No. How can you be so sure, Doctor?

Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

– Nelly Heard

Some Thank You’s

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would like to thank all the contributors to our newsletter. Emailed submissions are great and save on re-typing. Our Executive Reports are well received by members and help us all to know what is happening in our club.

I get regular contributions from Ian Witttber, Jem Shorland, Mike Berecry, Glenn Boston, Sonia McGready, Neville Cleary, John Taylor, Alan Wood, Nelly Heard and Warren Elliott. Many thanks!

Special thanks to Mary Rolls, Bruce Eagles and Coral Smith for the photos used in this and previous newsletters. – Neville Odell

Some Members in Action

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Winter Spring Clean

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hat a fabulous job done once again at our Winter Spring Clean. Unfortunately only 15 interested members (out of the 490) turned up to help. with cleaning trophies, emptying cupboards and cleaning and dusting the Ladies’ and Mens’ restrooms etc. Why is so much done for YOUR Club by so few?

We know many of our members are away but it would be nice if a few more could put their hands up when needed!

A special thank you to Neville Cleary, Derek Smith, Denise and Neville Odell, Jenny Bartlet, Jenny and Russell Lockwood, Mary and Alan Rolls, Roy Bracknell, Wendy Stobie, Greg Day, Joan Whitham, Eleanor Adams and Jem Shorland.

– Greg Day

Derek Smith sorting out the vacuum!

Jenny Lockwood and Greg Day take a break and enjoy Joan’s scones provided for the workers 41

Neville Cleary doing some vacuuming

Mary Rolls hard at work

Right: “Mrs. Mop” the cleaning lady trying to look intelligent

Dorothy Dix, our Agony Aunt gives advice Dear Dorothy How can we, an over-sixties Ladies Pennant team, be expected to keep our equilibrium at a serene and confident level when in a recent Pennant game, the opposition was made up of younger professionals (some say with doubtful proclivities) who after a quick healthy food morning tea, departed to a far corner of the bowling club and actually limbered up (Sergeant Major and all) before fronting up for the our game?

– Barbara Dear Barbara You should perhaps respond by all of your side firmly clasping their Zimmer frames in their left hands, shout out, “Another glass of red, please, Christian!”, toast your opponents health, depart the Club House right on the scheduled starting time, take lots of time to polish your bowls, and request your opponents pick up and hand your bowls to you before each delivery whilst thanking them profusely. That should be sufficient to bring them back to your skill level!”

– Dorothy Dix

Dear Dorothy Why was the President’s Annual Report included in the June Newsletter when he read it out at the AGM? – Brian Dear Brian This was done for the benefit of those who • fell asleep during the meeting • are deaf • were still in bed at 9h30 • were on holiday up North – Dorothy Dix 42

Dear Dorothy When listening to a tennis commentator at Wimbledon they described Serena Williams as “swaggering around the court”. My dictionary describes swaggering as “having or showing arrogant superiority to and disdain of those one views as unworthy”.

In our bowling club we have some who are inclined to swagger. Do you have any suggestions about how this breach of ettiquette may be discouraged?

– Jem Dear Jem Please provide a list in alphabetical order of those persons you classify as swaggerers which we will be delighted to name in our next newsletter. All three of you should then discuss the matter over a beer at the Club.

Please advise the Editor when the meeting is to take place so that he can mark the occasion for the next newsletter.

– Dorothy Dix

Show your Sorrento Bowling Club membership card at Brumby’s Bakery in Darch and receive a 25% discount on in- house baked items 43

Please support our four new sponsors

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