Sorrento Bowling Club Magazine Issue 33 September 2009

“The Sorrento Ducks”

Browny, Boney, Mike, Hammo and Abba

Sorrento Bowling Club Newsletter Number 33 September 2009 President: Ian Marshall Secretary: Ian Wittber (08) 9447-0696 Email: sorrentobowlingclub@amnet.net.au

“Home of the Sorrento Swans”

Did you know!

If you hold a Senior Citizens Card you are eligible to receive a State Government Rebate of up to $200 for security doors and screens.

If you would like further information or a free measure and quote call : Barry Bradshaw 9314 1774

Contents Report by Vice President in Absence of President Future Plans for Club House Fit Out 2020 Vision – The Journey Continues Our Treasurer’s Report Message from the Greens Committee Message from the Men’s Captain Message from the Lady Captain Match Committee Report Darts Report Winners of Social Bowls State Senior Bowls Notes from the Editor Hot Hints from Heardie Part 9 Club Dance’s Croquet Report The Twelve Priests Riding for the Disabled (also known as RDA) Jumble and Garage Sale for the orphanages in Thailand Joker Jackpot Night Some more photos Our New Welfare Officers Tribute to Maria Byrne Bowls WA and Retirement Villages.

Bowlers in Bali Job at the FBI God created the cow, Men are Just Happier People Two Puzzles – Have a go !

Club Championships –The Young Novice to Play the Old Bowler Do you have Viagra?

How Smart is Your Right Foot ?

Good sayings The Sinking of the S.S. Australia A “Stiff” Ban for his Stark-naked streak Answers to quiz

5 5 6 7 7 9 10 10 12 12 13 14 16 16 16 17 18 20 22 24 25 27 27 28 30 31 31 33 36 37 39 39 41 41 42

Report by Vice President in Absence of President

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irstly, I would like to inform you all that the matter of the air conditioning has been finalised and by the time this report has gone to print, hopefully the air con. should be installed.

A special thanks to Ian Marshall for his liaison with the Shire over the last few weeks to keep things moving.

You may have noticed two new glass bar fridges behind the bar. These have been donated by courtesy of John Godfrey. Thank you John.

Also the new entry carpet and stage podiums have been kindly renewed by Ian Linford. Thanks Foxy. I am sure the whole Club appreciates this generosity by you both.

All members please be advised that as from the 10th August 2009, we are now allowed to wear hats and foot thongs (and hopefully something respectable between the two items!) up until 7.00pm. After 7pm it is our responsibility to change attire to smart casual wear. The bar manager will be the only person who can enforce this.

Good bowling this season everyone! Cheers,

– Peter Snow

Future Plans for Club House Fit Out

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embers will appreciate the considerable work that has been done on the club house over the past twelve months – including a new roof, new ceiling, new carpets, bar stools and hall chairs. There remains however a fair bit more to be done, such as air conditioning, painting etc.

To ensure that a piece-meal approach is not adopted, the Executive has formed a small group chaired by Ron Prosser to recommend a coordinated approach to complete the club house fit out.

If you need a haircut visit one of our main sponsors

Joe ‘n’ co

At Shop 20, Duncraig Shopping Centre Marri Road 9447 0933

This Group will consider aspects such as: • Efficient usage of available wall space • Colour Coordination • Presentation of trophies, awards and memorabilia • Possible rendering of the face bricks, etc The Group will make presentation to the next Executive meeting and it is planned for work to commence shortly thereafter.

2020 Vision – The Journey Continues

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ur first planning group was formed back in 2006 when the Club faced declining membership and cash flow problems.

The Group drafted and had adopted a forward looking strategic plan titled 2020 Vision – Planning for the Future of the Sorrento Bowling Club.

A series of strategies were recommended to transform the Club. A number of ambitious goals were proposed. These included: • Increasing membership from 480 in 2007 to 630 by 2012 • Increasing the number of capitated bowlers from 300 in 2007 to 360 by 2009 • Improving the Club’s financial viability • Increasing patronage in the Club, increasing bar sales and hall and greens hire • Establishing greens that are equivalent to the best around.

It is pleasing to note that through the hard work and ingenuity of many Club members and a concerted effort by the Executive, today we have attained these targets.

Total membership stands at 642, with 446 capitated bowlers and 38 croquet players. Our cash assets have increased from $24,000 in 2006 to $106,000 today. As members will appreciate, the Club has also invested heavily in improving greens equipment and purchasing club house furniture and bar equipment.

However, like all complex organisations, there is never a good time to sit back and rest. We must plan and implement enabling strategies to ensure that the Club continues to prosper.

With this in mind, the Executive has again commissioned a small group coordinated by Brian Lucas, to review the Club’s strategic plan and make recommendations for the future.

Our Treasurer’s Report

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e are now 3 months into our new financial year with the current trading results indicating that we are holding our own compared to last year.

With the new season quickly approaching we will all need to patronize the club with the same passion as last year, to achieve similar results.

Improvements to the club over the past year have been terrific and we need your support to continue the good work. – Barry Bradshaw

Message from the Greens Committee

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i everyone I hope you are all enjoying your winter bowls.

The Greens Committee and the members generally have been concerned about the state of the boundary pegs for some time, and in fact they were a bit of an embarrassment during the police carnival.

We have now manufactured over 100 new pegs and painting of them has commenced.

We will however have to re-drill 22 mm holes in the brickwork to accommodate them. (Not a huge task) The work on the new shade cloth frames at the far end of C and D greens commenced this week with the removal of the old frames. Thank you to the helpers that achieved this. Hopefully we will be able to salvage some of the old material to use on the new

frames The new steel will be ordered this week, and as soon as this arrives, the new frames complete with shade cloth will be erected in time for the new pennant season.

There is quite a bit of damage to the barbed wire along the southern and western boundary fence line. Some has been caused by trespassers, but in the main by the intruding branches from the vegetation on the other side of the fence. We will contact the shire to sort it out.

Our gardeners have already started to tidy this area up by planting some new trees and shrubs, and this work will continue in the near future.

Of equal concern are the two large gum trees by the club main entrance.

• Constantly dropping debris and small branches (danger to pedestrian traffic).

• Westerly winds blow leaves, twigs and nuts onto ‘B’ green.

• Intruding shadow inhibits healthy growth and even green speeds on ‘B’ green.

We will be approaching the Joondalup shire to have the overhanging branches lopped off.

It has been decided to pave a 600 mm strip between the brickwork and the ditches along A and B green. Primus paving will carry out this work and have generously offered to supply us with 50% of the paving slabs free.

The greens are in excellent condition for this time of the year. ‘B’ green is coming along nicely, and should be OK for the start of pennants.

Apart from the situation with the Greenkeeper putting 8 rinks on one green, I have received no negative feedback, everyone seems happy with the way things are going.

However there seems to be a bit of confusion regarding my involvement in green and rink allocation. My involvement is zilch- nothing-zero.

The procedure is as follows.

On any Monday the greenkeeper will tell the secretary what greens and rinks he is allocating for a particular day. For example he may say that on Wednesday for the mixed pairs to use ‘E’ green rinks 1-6 and any overflow to use allocated rinks on ‘C’ green. (Not any rink you choose, as the Green keeper may have a reason for not using a particular rink).

That information is entered into the computer, and a print out is then taken into the bowls match room and put into the relevant book. (Known as the bible).

The organisers of the event on any particular day will then consult the book and arrange the game accordingly.

Please accept my apology if I have over simplified this, but sometimes it is the only

way to avoid being misunderstood.

Just before I close, to all the people who take a pride in Sorrento bowling club and quietly go about planting shrubs etc and generally keeping the gardens neat and tidy, I would like to say a big thank you.

We would be in a mess if it were not for you guys.

– Ron Prosser

Message from the Men’s Captain

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s the 2009/2010 bowling season rapidly approaches all the committees within the Sorrento Bowling Club have been preoccupied tidying up their business etc.

Umpires: I have approached Jim Ironside to coordinate the umpires this year and am pleased that he has accepted the position. There is more to this job than it sounds, especially with the amount club, country week, and State tournaments that we run here and have to provide umpires for.

Luckily we have 19 level 1 men umpires, 4 level 1 women umpires, and 2 women measurers – (12 of the men umpires were accredited only last year – great foresight, eh !!)

Greens: Ken Giles, Moira Dean, Beth McCormick, Annie Taylor, John Warner and any others helpers that I have not named – are constantly working all year round, doing all the surrounds, pruning roses and other gardening; and doing a fantastic job in keeping the club beautiful.

Ron Prosser (Chairman of the Greens Committee) has manufactured 110 boundary markers and 40 kitty (in the ditch) markers, these have been painted by Ray Dunn.

Last week Ron Prosser, Tony Pilgrim and myself removed the old metal shade canopies from the southern end of C and D greens. We saved what we could of the metal pipe and carried the junk metal and cement blocks to where it can be easily disposed of.

Delegate: Thank you to Des Bennett who has accepted the men’s delegated position for the club. I also thank on behalf of the bowls committee the retiring Delegate Steve Draper for representing the Sorrento Bowling Club at W. A. B. A for at least the last 5 years.

Match: I know Chris Tibbits and his Match Committee are on the ball, with the fixtures coming out shortly. We will keep everybody informed.

P.S Thanks to Ian Linford for donating and attaching new carpet to the removable stage floor Hope your bowls continues to improve. –Tiger Hogan

Message from the Lady Captain

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he official bowling season will soon be upon us, the Selection Committee having Pennants and Pennant practices in hand and the Match Committee running the Club Championships and various other events. Keep an eye on the Notice Boards.

A Ladies Quarterly meeting is to be held on Wednesday, 16th September at 10 a.m.

The Fashion Parade has been organised for Wednesday, 30th September, at 9.30 a.m. for morning tea. We are having Kings Park Fashions again, as Noni B is not participating in fashion shows due to the economic climate.

I am looking forward to meeting up with all our lady bowlers at the above events. – Clair Hanlon

Match Committee Report

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pening Day will be September 20th with details to be advertised on the notice board closer to the date.

Some preliminary dates for your diaries are as follows: Ladies Events: Singles 25-Nov-09 09-Dec-09 16-Dec-09 Pairs 21-Oct-09 11-Nov-09 18-Nov-09 10

Triples 17-Feb-10 02-Mar-10 Fours 13-Jan-10 20-Jan-10 Veterans Singles 17-Mar-10 24-Mar-10 Novice Singles 06-Jan-10 100-Up Singles Still to be advised

Mixed Events: Pairs 10-Jan-10 17-Jan-10 Fours 13-Dec-09 20-Dec-09

Men’s Events: Singles 07-Mar-10 14-Mar-10 Pairs 31-Jan-10 07-Feb-10 Triples 11-Oct-09 18-Oct-09 Fours Veteran’s Singles Novice Singles

03-Mar-10 10-Feb-10

24-Jan-10

21-Mar-10 14-Feb-10 25-Oct-09

01-Nov-09 08-Nov-09 15-Nov-09 06-Nov-09 13-Nov-09 29-Nov-09 06-Dec-09

We plan to have the fixture cards printed and available prior to Opening Day. Pennant dates are as follows, however, remember the dates are subject to change by Bowls WA, any amendments will be notified to members as soon as we are advised.

Ladies have pennant practice days on September 1st, 8th and 15th. Ladies Tuesday pennants commences on 27th October.

Tuesday Pennants break on 15th December for Christmas and re-commence on Tuesday 5th January.

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Pennant practice for the men commences on Thursday 1st October and Saturday 3rd October for the respective competitions.

Thursday pennants commence on 29th October and Saturday pennants commences 31st October.

Thursday pennants break on 17th December, Saturday pennants on 19th December for Christmas and re-commence on 7th January and 9th January respectively.

– Chris Tibbits

Darts Report

T

he home and away season for darts concluded on Thursday 13th August.

Our teams performed extremely well with the Premier Division, Second Division and Third Division all finishing minor premiers. Forth Division was unlucky to be knocked off top spot, narrowly losing the last game.

We hold great hopes for the finals, but of course nothing is certain. Good luck to all four teams.

–Brian Lucas

Winners of Social Bowls 25/6/09 Men’s Social 27/6/09 Scroungers 2/7/09 Men’s Social 3/7/09 Mixed Social 4/7/09 Men’s Triples 5/7/09 Mixed Social

8/7/09 Mixed Pairs 9/7/09 Men’s Social 10/7/09 Mixed Social 11/7/09 Men’s Social 12/7/09 Mixed Social 15/7/09 Mixed Pairs 17/7/09 Mixed Social 18/7/09 Men’s Social 23/7/09 Men’s Social 24/7/09 Mixed Social

25/7/09 Men’s Social

26/7/09 Mixed Social

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Colin Cramond, Peter Snow and Neville Odell Trevor Orton, Warren Elliott and Keith Tompkins Tom Nasuti, Warren Elliott and Neville Odell Marty Angelo, Kevin Cook and Syd van der Walt Peter Crow, Ian Linford and John Godfrey Brenda Richardson, Emily Dunn, Coral Smith and Lea Leach Norm and Barbara Claffey Tom Nasuti, Dick Currie and Neville Odell Marty Angelo, Gavin Strobel and Neville Cleary Marty Angelo, Harry Bandow and John Sturk Beth McCormack, Michael Ong and Ken Leach R Prentice and B Rutherford Carmel Hyde, Marj Clark and Coral Smith Keith Tompkins, Trevor Orton and Eric Tompkins Peter Snow, Tiger Hogan and Ken Parker Jim Ironside, Barry Snare, Nola Mullumby and Betty Stern Gavin Ebsworth, Harry Bandow, Max Katz and Alan Turner Brenda Richardson, Herbie Eisenmann and Coral Smith

29/7/09 Mixed Pairs 30/7/09 Men’s Social 31/7/09 Mixed Social

1/8/09 Men’s Triples 2/8/09 Drawn Triples 5/8/09 Mixed Pairs 6/8/09 Men’s Social 7/8/09 Mixed Social

8/8/09 Men’s Triples 9/8/09 Mixed Social

12/8/09 Mixed Pairs 13/8/09 Men’s Social 15/8/09 Men’s Social

Stan McCullagh and Emily Dunn Lee Walker, Tiger Hogan and Roger Haber Trevor Orton, Peter Ross, Peter Blake and John Forkin Phil Oldershaw, Alan Turner and John Taylor Charlie Maiolo, Mike Ong and Ken Leach Ray and Pat Stapleton Colin Campbell, Tiger Hogan and Peter Blake Ray Smith, Derry Ellis, Norm Claffey and Chester Coffey Trevor Orton, Keith Tompkins and Eric Tompkins Ron Kuziela, Herbie Eisenmann, Kevin Cook and Denis O’Brien Jane Watson and Tom Harding Marty Angelo, Warren Elliott and Richard Fermoyle Gavin Ebsworth, Harry Bandow and Neville Odell

State Senior Bowls

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he Men’s State Senior Bowls Competition (for over 60s) was held at Sorrento Bowling Club on Monday 13th July 2009. This Competition is played monthly at a different club and this time it was Sorrento’s turn to be host and show off our new carpet etc.

Play started at 9.30am on a cold morning when the overnight temperature was 2 degrees Celsius and most bowlers would have rather stayed in bed. There hadn’t been any rain overnight but the dew was so heavy on the greens it had to swept off with a broom.

104 members of different clubs across the metropolitan area were in attendance 13

and Trevor Barron arranged them into teams, although some of the skippers were reluctant to take on that role but their objections were laughed at and the games began with considerable congestion when all players on C and D greens congregated on the centre bank instead of forming up in their teams at the opposite ends of the greens. It was all taken in good fun but when a heavy bowling bag was dropped or rolled over someone’s foot there were cross words spoken.

Club Captain Tiger Hogan had spent the previous week coercing Sorrento members to play so we would not be embarrassed by not having shown enough interest in the event. He managed to rattle a few cages and 15 bowlers from Sorrento took to the rinks. Everyone realized why he was so keen to get bowlers to play when the prize for the winner of round one was won by ….Tiger Hogan. (Much applause and some boos.)

Max Goldthorpe was skipper of the team that won the overall second prize.

The Sorrento Ladies, who again won the thanks from the organizers and players, provided the lunch. The pea and ham soup for $2.00 a bowl was very popular.

– Dick Currie

Notes from the Editor • Did you hear that Carmel Hyde has become a great grand mother? Her son Paul Hyde ( a new member) has just become a grandfather for the first time.

• Did you know why toasters always have a setting so high that it could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being could eat?

• Did you hear that Alan and Allison Turner have become grand-parents for the first time!

• Did you hear that John Sturk ended up with three Barbara’s in a social game? He thought they were pulling his leg as each one introduced herself.

• Did you ever stop to wonder who the first person was to look at a cow and say, I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?’

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• Did you hear John Forkin managed a wrong bias the other day. He tells me it’s his first in 35 years!

• Did you know why your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

• Did you know that Ern Conyngham has been bowling for 58 years? He started when he was 28!

• Did you know that Foxie laid the new carpet at the entrance to our club? It looks good. Thanks also to Bev McCormack for painting the shade cloth supports and pruning the roses.

• Did you know That Tony Sabatino put in the new bollards at the back of the club?

These are there to protect the gas tank from errant drivers.

• Did you know that your editor is still hearing new excuses for bad bowls? Having listed 66 in my first book Bowl ‘em Over and another 20 in Roll up for a Laugh I thought I‘d heard them all but got 2 more this week “My bowl came out too smooth” (after my opponent had put his bowl into the ditch) “I trod on my shoe lace as I was about to bowl” (Thanks to Peter Farrell) Only a few complaints were received about the July newsletter: • Why was there no mention of 4 Blue’s brilliant achievements? Well the simple answer is that no one gave me the information!

• Our VP was concerned that he looked too short and fat – as if someone had hit him on the head (Someone once said “The camera does not lie”).

• “I was a runner-up in the Plate. Why was my photo not in the newsletter”? Well the simple reason is that there was not enough space to include all the photos I take or receive. We are currently limiting the pages with colour to the cover and the centre pages. It is expensive to print the colour pages and these are done separately on my colour laser printer. The rest of the newsletter is photocopied at Mal Washers. We have found that black and white photos do not copy too well.

• I didn’t understand the joke on the last page said one member. As I could not remember the joke I was unable to explain it to him.

A word of thanks from your editor to Jane Holland, Trevor Orton, Dick Oates, Ron Prosser, Barbara Stow, Tony Friedlieb, Moira Dean, Denise Odell, Neville Cleary, Monique Kopec, Emily Dunn, Mike Berecry, Ian Wittber, Alan Rolls, Richard Fermoyle, Kevin Coffey, and Norm Claffey for their help in different ways with the content, production, typing, proof-reading, printing and stapling of our five newsletters each year. Thanks to Rachel Bryant who helped with some typing.

Also a special thanks to the Executive members who write reports for the newsletter.

A mate of mine who has done newsletters for many years says he has never been able to get reports for his newsletters!

– Neville Odell 15

Hot Hints from Heardie Part 9 Important Points in the Delivery • Weight towards balls of the feet, with knees relaxed.

• Eyes focused on the aiming point, just over half-way up the green on your aiming line.

• Shoulders square to the line of delivery.

• Take a normal walking step, stepping as the bowling arm straightens at the bottom of the backswing for the correct timing and smooth delivery.

• A firm straight arm as the jack or bowl is released.

90% of the weight will be on the forward foot at the time the bowl is released.

• Bowling arm finishing not much higher than the forward knee.

• Step forward off the mat only after the jack or bowl has been delivered and has travelled at least 4 metres.

• Make sure you watch bowl finish, otherwise how can you correct.

– Graeme Heard

Club Dance’s

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lease note that the November Dance at our club will now be held on Saturday 7 November 2009 and not Friday 6 November – Glenn Boston

Croquet Report

K

ate Taylor (our Captain) and Liz Wood (Secretary) recently attended a function held by the Mayor of the City of Joondalup.

Representatives from sporting Clubs were treated to a cocktail evening, where Gavin Taylor, the Manager for Leisure and Cultural Services spoke expressing thanks to those who encourage sporting activities.

A luncheon was held in honour of two of our members who celebrated milestone birthdays at the Kingsley Tavern. It was a pleasant experience for all those who attended this function.

As foreshadowed for some time, an Open Meeting was held on Monday 27th July and a very lively discussion of various ideas took place. In such a meeting, it is interesting to see how players can say what they think! Those, which seemed to have strong support, will be put on the table at the next Croquet Committee Meeting, and details will be shown in the minutes.

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An Open Singles Ricochet Tournament held at Cambridge was supported by four of our members. Congratulations to Vince Sinagra who was placed second. Vince also represented our Club at the WACA Champion of Champions Golf Singles Tournament and achieved semi-final status. A great result Vince!

An in-house Golf Doubles Tournament was held this month. We congratulate Alan and Liz Wood on their win. A Golf Singles Tournament is to be held at the Club later this month.

A Fun Tournament for Golf Croquet is to be held at Nedlands Club on 12/13th September. This Tournament is always a lot of fun where all participants wear something ‘comfortable, colourful and casual’. Six of our members have entered and are looking forward to a great weekend.

A Busy Bee is to be held at the Club on Saturday, 5th September at 12 noon. Any Croquet members able to assist in tidying our grounds, please let us know. You will be rewarded with a free BBQ luncheon for your efforts.

To those of our members who are not in the best of health at present, we wish you a speedy recovery and a return to Croquet in the near future.

‘May your glass be ever full, may the roof over your head be always strong, and may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead’

– Kate Taylor

The Twelve Priests

D

id you hear about the Twelve priests who were about to be ordained.

The final test was for them to completely disrobe and line up in a straight row in a garden, without a stitch on, while a gorgeous, blonde, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his ‘member’, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when the model danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached the required state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction.

She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests, until she got to the final priest, Carlos........

Oh, Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground until it came to rest in nearby foliage.

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Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest. As he bent over to pick it up............ .......all the other bells started to ring.

Riding for the Disabled (also known as RDA)

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iding for the Disabled is dedicated to providing therapeutic horse riding activities for adults and children with disabilities.

Riding activities have huge benefits for the rider and help with the development of self confidence, concentration, communication, balance and body strength. Horse riding provides an opportunity for those with disability to experience freedom and mobility.

Club members Ron Taylor, Shane Taylor and Ros Pittaway (and previously Bill Yeo) are volunteers who really enjoy the contact with the riders, coaches and all involved at RDA. Liz, the organizer, tells me that Ros is really good with the young riders and through her patience gets good results. The young children really like her.

Ron who has helped RDA for many years is “fantastic” and a great help especially when horses need to be moved for special fund-raising days or to the vet.

Apparently the horses need a “warm up” before taking the children for a ride as all the horses are “a bit old and ancient” (a bit like our club members!!!!).

Liz says that Shane, who has worked at RDA for two days a week since 2001, is a really a great help behind the scenes especially at fund raisers when children are taken for pony rides. Liz says he always does more than expected.

This poem was written, from the heart, by a volunteer who saw the pleasure in the eyes of a wheelchair bound rider From a wheelchair onto horse I was hoisted up high I rode a horse! My freedom was a surprise.

I had accomplished and was able to move with four legs.

No one would gaze at me, no one would stare.

RDA are always in need of volunteers, if you wish to become involved, do contact them on 9448 6376.

- Ros Pittaway 18

Club members Ron and Shane Taylor and Ros Pittaway helping teach disabled children to ride at the Riding for the Disabled Association in Carine

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Jumble and Garage Sale for the orphanages in Thailand

Organiser Marie Smart with her daughter Becky and grand-daughter Grace

An amazing amount of $1027 was raised.

A big thank you from Marie Smart who is currently in Thailand doing voluntary work.

Well done to all those who helped make this fund-raiser a great success.

Left: Judy Campbell trying our some of the merchandise.

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Right: Liz Marshall shopping for her grand-children

Moira Dean getting ready for the summer trying on a bikini!

Jane Holland selling some of Mike Berecry’s orchids

Moira Dean and Mary Rolls buying bargain books 21

An unknown shopper (Colin Campbell?)

Joker Jackpot Night Only eight cards left on the board with nearly $5000 to win. Well done to Glenn Boston and his team for these fun evenings which have raised plenty of money for our club

Alan Rolls, Ern Conyngham and Dick Currie

Another unlucky loser misses out on the Joker to a rousing cheer from the crowd who will all be back next week to try again

The jovial Jessica!

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Lovely Lyn the glamorous Granny!

On the left the always smiling Jess and on the right the always helpful and friendly Antionette.

We are lucky to have such a great bunch behind the bar

Ron Prosser, Fred Stimpson and Bill Leyland enjoying a beer

John and Ray arm wrestling

Jimmy Welch and Alan Anderson enjoying a joke

Joy Hennessy, Tina Smith and Margaret Cooper hoping to win the Joker Jackpot

Johnnie, Ray, John and some blind guy who wondered in off the street hoping that someone would buy him a beer!!!

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Some more photos Thanks to Moira Dean and Edie Hewer for this twenty five year old press cutting about a snake on one of our greens Barbara and Roland Hill and Eleanor and Niel Adams who won third prize at the Exmouth Bowls Carnival

“Norma” Claffey.

Which team will she be playing in?

Herbie and George were runners-up in the Men’s Triples. Missing from the photograph are Cal and Brian Collins who helped them achieve their victory Some of our members enjoying themselves in Bali while the rest of us have to suffer Perth’s cold wet winter 24

Our New Welfare Officers Kevin Coffey: Men’s Welfare Officer Ph. 9447 3051 Mb. 0412 13434 email: bestegg@dodo.com.au

Jean Baker: Ladies Welfare Officer Ph 9447 7484 email: vince.baker@bigpond.com

As the newly elected ‘Welfare Officers’ we would like to advise all members of what this role entails and provide contact details.

Main role: Health / Well-being • To ensure that all members are informed of the progress of members in ill health.

• Send cards, flowers etc as required.

• To visit or contact all members in ill health.

• To keep the Club Sick Notice Board up to date.

Under the umbrella of Welfare Officer we are also happy to include; - Special birthdays and anniversaries - Bowls achievements - Community achievements etc - Organize ‘busy bees’ for incapacitated members - upcoming holidays / trips - visits from distant friends - births (great /grand children) - birthday notification (always 21!!)

- sharing information – ie. looking for a car, air con, mower etc We look forward to working with all members to enhance the club spirit and support members as and when the need arises. The aim is to have a section of the monthly newsletter specifically allocated for members ‘Welfare’ issues. Keep an eye out for those birthdays that ‘slip’ by. Please forward information directly to the respective Welfare Officer to assist their activities. Thanks for your support 25

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:

Tribute to Maria Byrne

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e will miss you dearly, however, we will smile when remembering you and the fun times we had on our Gala Days and in our Pennant team. Everyone knew you as a shy and loving lady. You will be sadly missed but always remembered by all who knew you. Our condolences to Des and family.

–Your friends from the Sorrento Bowling Club

Bowls WA and Retirement Villages.

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owls WA relies heavily on Governments for financial support. It is therefore important that we in turn show that the sport of lawn bowls is a growing sport. The involvement with retirement villages helps in that regard as the number of participants in the sport can be counted and added to the overall number of players.

Over the past few years there has been a change in lawn bowls with many more playing the game socially. The number of registered bowlers may have fallen but the number of social bowlers has grown markedly.

Bowls WA has therefore expanded its involvement in other aspects of the sport; these include disabled bowls, wheelchair bowls, blind bowls and retirement villages. There has also been a greater emphasis on junior bowls with bowling programs introduced into school. A new bowl has been developed called a hardcourt bowl, which is a rubberized bowl that can be used on any smooth surface. It has been accepted in a number of schools in the south of Perth this year.

Bowls WA offer to retirement villages is• The supply of standard mail-outs as applicable plus copies of the Jack Hi magazine.

•Access to umpiring courses •Access to coaching clinics •Advise on greens matters •Advise on competition matters • Promotion of bowls in the village with exhibition games.

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Retirement village bowlers are asked to register with BWA at a cost of $5 per bowler per year. The bowling group or village administration is asked to list the bowlers that are to be registered and forward to BWA with the payment. Bowlers who are capitated at local bowling clubs should not be included on the list. Currently Corinthian and Lawley Park villages have joined BWA. Recently we ran a coaching session for Lawley Park, which was very successful.

–Dick Currie

Bowlers in Bali

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s soon as it was discovered that Abba and his missus were Bali virgins the push was on. And so they booked a flight (with Virgin, of course) for nine people to spend nine nights there in ’09. The ‘Sorrento Ducks’ were off.

A late departure meant an arrival at their destination around the witching hour but that didn’t dampen the desire to try a local Bintang before turning in.....especially for Abba who needed a settler after being accosted by a couple of forceful locals at the airport. He thought he was about to meet Bali’s number one tourist attraction there and then, i.e. Schapelle Corby. Every time anyone asked a local about the jail the response would be, ‘Ah, you want to see Corby’.

The essentials were attended to the next day. The girls all arranged for a technician to come to the hotel so that they could all have their nails beautified in peace (and air conditioning) – not like Hammo who chose the beach for a toe nail treatment oblivious to the fact that his waiting companions were constantly being harassed by hawkers. Ah, the joys of the Bali experience!

The imperative matters were also discussed, such as when and where to meet each day for drinks. Bintang by the pool at 4.30 each day sounded fair. That became the habit for the duration followed by dinner (chosen by a different group member each night) and then more drinks at a somewhat secluded spot in the hotel grounds which the group claimed as their own and will for ever more be known as ‘Patti’s Bar’something to do with a birthday on the day of discovery.

That was one of two birthdays and a wedding anniversary to be celebrated and each acknowledged by the hotel management, thanks to the tour director. In the meantime there was time for shopping, each group member showing their own speciality.

Mike and Beverley were soon recognised as the king and queen of DVDs. Boney and the missus got into the clothes, Abba needed a few extra Bintangs when his missus ordered a hand-made gold, opal and emerald ring and who got lots of ‘Browny’ points by allowing the purchase of a made-to-measure leather jacket? No-one was quite sure what Hammo’s purchases were about – painted toe nails, flashy watches, a tattoo, 28

handbags.....? One thing known was that the recipient of the lace tablecloth was very grateful.

Very soon Boney became the self-appointed tour director and let it be known that there was no opposition from the rest of the group. His big mistake was that he excelled at everything he organised, which could partly be attributed to his very efficient off-sider in the missus.

He arranged a day trip to Ubud, seeing rice paddies on the way, stopping off at some waterfalls, a silver jewellery making workshop and a huge Batik showroom. More markets on the way back proved too much for some – a purchase of bulk sunglasses springs to mind.

The trip to the safari park proved a winner, although it’s not sure how much of it Mike enjoyed. Why was that sudden roadside stop again? Another day was spent travelling to Jimbaran Bay for a delightful seafood lunch and tour of the local fish market.

In the afternoon there was a visit to a Hindu temple where skirts had to be worn and glasses, earrings, etc. had to be removed because of the monkey population. Abba had to trust the others that the view was spectacular and that there were really were monkeys under the trees.

So, what was the highlight? The endless choice at breakfast each morning? The Bintang, cocktails, champagne, gin & tonics, Baileys, wine and whisky every day?

The ability to shop with a million in your pocket? The perfect weather? The relaxing swim in the pool each afternoon? The contagious happy dispositions of the Balinese?

No, it was the friendship and camaraderie for each other in fun times and support in needy moments.

Footnote: A slogan picked up in Bali and most applicable to all bowlers with a gripe.

Go to Bunnings, buy some timber, build a bridge and get over it.

– John Abercrombie

Job at the F B I

T

he FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

‘We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the 29

circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair.

Kill her!!’ The man said, ‘You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.’

The agent said, ‘Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.’

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.’ The agent said, ‘You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.’

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. ‘This gun is loaded with blanks’ she said. ‘I had to beat him to death with the chair.’

MORAL: Women are crazy. Don’t mess with them

God created the cow,

O

n the first day. God created the cow, God said, ‘You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I’ll give you a life span of sixty years.’

The cow said, ‘That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I’ll give back the other forty.’ And God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog. God said ‘Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years.’ The dog said, ‘That’s too long to be barking. Give me ten years and

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I’ll give you back the other ten years.’ So God agreed again.

On the third day God created the monkey. God said, ‘Entertain people, do monkey tricks make them laugh I’ll give you twenty years life span.’ The monkey said, ‘How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don’t think so, Dog gave you back ten years, so that’s what I’ll do OK?’ And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, Eat, sleep, play, have sex, bowl and enjoy life. Do nothing just enjoy life. I’ll give you twenty years.’ Man said ‘What only twenty years life span, no way”. Tell you what I’ll take my twenty years, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back that makes eighty.’ ‘OK’ said God ‘You’ve got a deal.’

So that is why for the first twenty years men eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy life and do nothing; For the next forty years they slave in the sun to support their family (their words not mine); for the next ten years they do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last ten years they sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

– Bryan Townsend

Men are Just Happier People NICKNAMES • If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

• If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT • When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY • A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS • A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

• The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

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FUTURE • A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE • A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

• A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP • A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL • Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING • Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

The Cheesecake Shop Warwick

Proud sponsors of the Sorrento Bowling Club Jack Dodia 9246 2397 Warwick Grove Shoppping Centre, Beach Rd, Warwick 6024 32

Two Puzzles – Have a go!

Puzzle No 1 See if you can figure out what these seven words have in common?.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Banana Dresser Grammar Potato Revive Uneven Assess

Puzzle No 2 “What is greater than God, More evil than the devil, The poor have it, The rich need it, And if you eat it, you’ll die?

What is it?

Answers on page 42

Club Championships –The Young Novice to Play the Old Bowler On the bank now there he stands His moth eaten hair in shaggy strands He chews his gum with malevolent air As the wind blows his coarse grey hair And in my head the voices say “He’s a mean old bastard, old and grey” His shoulders bunch like band of brass His feet splay wide upon the grass When all are threatened who play him here It’s no surprise my abject fear And in my head the voices say “He’s a mean old bastard and he’s come to play” 33

Sorrento New Years Eve Dance Thursday 31st December $22 per person The Apache Band will entertain us Bring your own nibbles Tickets available from the bar Make up a table Only 150 tickets available so book early Don’t miss out 34

Sorrento Bowling Club “Fashion Parade” Wednesday 30th September 2009 9.30 am Cost $8 Includes morning tea, show and lunch 35

He tosses his head, then he moves Grass cuttings rise from his white shoes Tired old legs lift tired old feet The air hangs still in furnace heat And in my head the voices say “He’s a mean old bastard, with right to play.

Along the bank he slowly rambles And bowlers dodge his angry shambles Then he sees me and speeds his gait There’s no disguising his fearsome hate And in my head the voices warn “He’s a mean old bastard, angry and worn” I move along, I start to jog Time’s slowed down, I’m in a fog He maybe old and seeming fragile But, all at once, he’s very agile And in my head the voices yell “He’s a mean old bastard, born in hell” I want to run I want to flee That old bastard’s right after me Then..quite suddenly.. he turns and smiles Has my fright restored his pride?

And in my head the voices smug Note the smile on his ugly mug!

“TOSS THE COIN IT’S TIME TO PLAY !!”

- Dick Currie

Do you have Viagra?

A lady walked into a pharmacy and asked the pharmacist, “Do you have Viagra?”

“Yes,” he answered.

She asked, “Does it work?”

“Yes,” he answered.

She said, “Can you get it over the counter?”

He said, “I can if I take two.”

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How Smart is Your Right Foot ?

Y

ou have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this! It is from an orthopaedic surgeon ............ This will confuse your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can’t. It is pre-programmed in your brain!

1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number ‘6’ in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so! And there’s nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you’ve not already done so.

– Mike Berecry

Good sayings Believe in yourself – its contagious Not all men are stupid – some stay single Pressure is what you put on yourself

Farmer Jacks 130 Coolibah Drive Greenwood Open 7 days a week 7am to 9pm

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ETC Engineering and Technology Consultants 61 Loftus St Leederville WA 6007 9328 5500 Thanks to Wayne Gray for his sponsorship

Wendy’s

Whitford City For delicious ice-creams, drinks, desserts and snacks contact Kishore Dudhia Kiosk 16 Telephone 9401 7917 38

Your limit is one step over the edge – find your limit Success is your choice If you want it bad enough – you will succeed Complacency breeds failure Life is one big bank account – what you have put in, you can take out.

For a reflection of life you must pass –look in the mirror, year after year Its nice to look in a mirror – and see someone you like Magic happens – say ‘thank you’ and watch how things change – Kevin Coffey

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The Sinking of the S.S. Australia The S.S Ship ‘Australia’ with passengers and crew, It sailed upon the high seas, afloat on Oceans blue.

No-one had a care or thought of what may lie ahead, Then Captain Rudd took over, and forecast “Storms ahead”.

He said “the ship is overweight with silver and with gold, We’ll have to give it all away, there’s too much in the hold”.

Rudd ordered out the life-boats, and made a special law, That all the first class passengers will have to go ashore.

He told the poor old pensioners, “To show I really care, Each couple gets a life-belt, but I’m afraid you’ll have to share”.

He said “Shut down the boilers, the smoke gets in my eye, Let’s give the coal to China – and stop pollution in our sky”.

The first mate and the officers, they didn’t seem so keen, They looked a little sea-sick, and some were turning `green’, But Captain Rudd relentless, let nothing in his way, He emptied out the bunkers, intent to save the day.

He said “the ship’s now riding high, I’ve saved it have no fear, And when the storm is over, I’ve another great idea.

Let’s advertise the ship for sale – while it’s still afloat, Well advertise it overseas, – “ FOR. SALE – ONE LEAKY BOAT’.

– Grahame “Skew Wiff” Watt

A “Stiff” Ban for his Stark-naked streak Builder James Forrest, 37, of Darwin, was served a six-month ban notice for his naked dash - which he ended with a star jump - through Nightcliff Sports Club.

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An “absolutely unrepentant” Mr Forrest said he had been drinking with friends at the club recently, and had just left, when “the wonderful idea” struck him. “(My friends) tried to talk me out of it ... (but) I got the gear off in the car park,” Mr Forrest said. “I left the car out there with the motor running.

“Did the quick bolt through, and did a star jump at the exit.”

Mr Forrest - who plays lawn bowls at the club - was only given the “bad news” a few days later when he returned. He had been banned for half a year.

A member - who didn’t want to give her name - said the six-month ban was “ridiculous”. “I just thought it was hilarious.

“He’s got a great body and a great personality ... full of life - there’s too many sour people nowadays.” The member admitted she was annoyed she had missed the Full Monty moment.

Mr Forrest said it was nice to hear he had a measure of support.

“I think the six months is a bit stiff, but I knew there’d be consequences,” he said. “I don’t have a problem with the club, it’s a good club,” he insisted.

While the debate will no doubt rage on, Mr Forrest will be playing his lawn bowls elsewhere until early July this year.

– Alyssa Betts Northern Territory New Jan 19th 2009

Answers to quiz 1. In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.

2. Nothing!

Please support our Sponsors Thanks to Dr. Mal Washer for allowing us to photocopy this newsletter 3 Boas Avenue. Joondalup.

WA 6027.

Phone: (08)9300 2244 42

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