Sorrento Bowling Club Magazine Issue 43 October 2011

Club Newsletter Sorrento Bowling Club “Aiming to be the best bowling club in WA�

Number 43 October 2011

Clair Hanlon, Coral Smith, Nelly Heard, Jean Baker and Helen Ironside modelling the latest in fashion at our Fashion Show

Contents From the President Dash for Cash Ladies Match Committee Report Kalgoorlie Ladies Bowling Club Tournament Ladies New Shirt Committee Fashion Show Men’s Pennants Ladies’ Pennants Ladies’ Delegate Report Croquet Report Darts Report Opening Day Sunday 18 September 2011 Some of our members enjoying Opening Day Umpire’s Corner Editorial Did you know?

Sports Chaplaincy and Welfare Some interesting comments from the Green Marketing and Functions Sponsorship Report The Knighthood Competition Elizabeth and Bob go for counselling An Obituary printed in the London Times The $12.99 Special Coaches Corner – “More Grass” Our Tribute to the Stars Evening Club members at “A night with the Stars” Pilbara Day Just a Reminder Some club members in action Dorothy Dix answers your questions Why do Golfers take to the Game of Bowls?

4 8 9 9 11 11 12 12 13 13 16 18 19 20 21 23 24 25 25 27 28 29 30 31 31 32 33 35 36 37 40 42

From the President

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hat a great day on Sunday 18th September – our Open Day. When I awoke on Sunday morning and looked out at the gloomy weather, I wondered what would happen. Bowls seemed highly unlikely and we had important dignitaries turning up. The catering was committed and costs were set.

What a wonderful response from the members of the Sorrento Bowling Club.

Over 140 members turned up. We heard of the importance of the Club to the community from Tony Krsticevic, MLA for Carine; Troy Pickard the Mayor of Joondalup; and Russ Fishwick, Councillor for the South Ward of Joondalup.

Despite the weather, everyone who attended seemed to have a good time; enjoying the lunch; and reminiscing about the good old days.

We were able to celebrate with our life members; people who provided the foundations upon which our Club is built. Unfortunately bowls never happened but everyone appreciated that the welfare of our greens takes precedence.

Tremendous thanks to John Abercrombie, Anne Lilley and Judith Skeet, our captains, together with their committees, for making the day a great success. And who can forget the helpers. They arrived very early Sunday morning to arrange tables, tea and coffee, food, flowers and the like. Too many to single out individually, but you know who you are. Thank you so much on behalf of the members of your Club – sorry I have to mention Joan and Dell.

On a different focus, financial viability is one of the six key performance areas listed in the Club’s strategic plan, 2020 Vision. The Club’s financial position is governed by other performance areas like membership – the more members that we have the more membership revenue we receive; the more bar trade that we generate then the greater the bar revenue; and so forth.

The Club’s financial position is also governed by how Where much money is spent and on what.

Between May 2008 and August 2011 (forty calendar months) the Club generated revenue of $1.43 million which was almost entirely consumed running the Club. The following graphs show where the money has come from and where it has gone:

does our money come from and where does it go?

As you can see, most of our revenue has come from our bar trade profits (28.4%), followed by membership subscriptions at 22.5%. As you would expect, most of the expenditure goes on general expenses associated with running the Club (such as lights, insurances, cleaning etc) and maintaining our greens.

The tight margins between revenue and expenditure over the past 40 months indicate how delicately our finances are balanced and how well they must be managed. A big thank you needs to go to Barry Bradshaw for the great work that he is doing as Treasurer.

Each area of Club activity is impacted by others. For example, bar trade and its profitability is dependent on membership numbers, bar patronage and the amount of bowls played. Bowls and croquet revenue is also dependant on membership and the level of bowls/croquet games played. Other revenue streams such as community bowls, functions and hall hire need to be maintained and hopefully expanded to increase revenue. These revenue streams if successful will take pressure off membership fee increases.

Some members may wonder why some other clubs are able to offer cheaper membership fees. In the main, this reflects how many social members they have with some, because of their location, operating more or less as the local pub. While we certainly do wish to attract more social members, I don’t think we wish to become the local pub.

Government excise tariffs on alcohol which are levied every six months have been absorbed by the Club over the past two years, reducing bar profitability.

Unfortunately these costs can no longer be absorbed and will have to be recognised in future prices charged for drinks.

From the above, members will appreciate the importance of introducing more members to the Club. Membership has fallen since its peak in 2008 and the Executive is exploring ways to address this trend, such as another open day or a letter box drop.

It goes without saying that if every member introduced a new member to the Club, our membership would double over night. We all have friends, family and neighbours. Why not talk up the Club and see if you can sign up a new member?

Members will have noticed that the Club is trying to improve its communication by increasing our database of member email addresses. Email is a very cost-effective way of keeping you informed of what’s happening. If you haven’t provided you email address as yet, please contact our Secretary.

Another way we are trying to increase patronage of the Club is through our regular events such as the $7 Friday night meals with live music; tribute nights, fashion parades and up coming events such as a Melbourne Cup Day and New Years Eve

Show your Sorrento Bowling Club membership card at Brumby’s Bakery in Darch and receive a 25% discount on in- house baked items

Tony Krsticevic MLA

MEMBER FOR cARinE

Proud to support the Sorrento Bowling Club I am available to help resolve any problems you may be experiencing with State or Local Government and listen to your views on local issues that need resolving. )HHO IUHH WR FDOO RU YLVLW P\ RI¿FH WR PDNH DQ appointment with me.

Suite 6 Carine Glades Commercial Centre 6 Davallia Road Duncraig WA 6023 P: 9246 1800 F: 9246 1987 E: carine@mp.wa.gov.au

www.tonykrsticevic.com.au

party. Past events have been well attended but we would like to see more members and their guests coming along. Congratulations go to Greg Day for all his hard work in this area.

A great way to reduce costs is to use volunteers in preference to paid staff. We have been extremely pleased with the response of members to our calls for assistance.

Volunteers also add a tremendous atmosphere to the Club and demonstrate the essence and the fabric of what a good Club is meant to be. Please be supportive of our volunteers and remember to say thanks. It is through their efforts that we have such a wonderful Club. Don’t forget to offer your help – even if it’s only washing up a few dishes, cooking the occasional BBQ or remembering to take your empty glasses back to the bar.

Well the days are getting longer and warmer and the bowls and croquet seasons are about to commence. Our greens staff has worked tirelessly over the winter to prepare the greens for the start of pennants. All that could be done has been done, and it’s now up to the weather to decide when that will happen. I ask members to be hopeful but also to be tolerant if things do not come together as soon as planned.

All in all I think that the Club has a good feel about it and we are all looking forward to the future. I hope that you feel this way also.

– Brian Lucas

Men’s Captains Report

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et me again thank you all who supported our Opening Day for 2011/2012. 150 members, life members and invited guests turned up to celebrate the opening of the Bowls and Croquet season. Unfortunately the weather was not kind with the competition for the “Irene Gatter” trophy had to be cancelled due to the wet weather and unplayable greens. Needless to say a great day was still had by all.

Men’s club fixtures cards are available from the Match Committee office. Chris Tibbits and his team have done a wonderful job in putting the fixtures list together.

First Pennant practice starts on Thursday 6 October and Saturday 8 October, so please make yourself available as the selectors need your commitment prior to the start of the Pennant season. More information as the season progresses. Remember “One Club One Goal” – ABBA

Dash for Cash

Winners of the last Dash for Cash were R Cantrill, G Pointu, R Gray and P Bamford. Runners up were the Sorrento team of M Martin, B Self, T Hogan and W Elliott. Sorrento also did well as morning and afternoon

winners

AM Winners T Orton, K Cooper, K Giles and K Coffey PM Winners A Partington, L Johnson, C Stainsby and H Eisenmann – Match Committee

Ladies Match Committee Report

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irstly I would like to advise that there has been a change to the Match Committee members. Barbara Claffey has retired from Match and Sonia McGrady has very kindly accepted the position. I would like to thank Barbara for all her help and support, and wish her all the best for the holiday/cruise that she and Norm are heading off on. Sonia brings a wealth of knowledge with her and we look forward to working with her. Thank you Sonia, and welcome.

The fixture cards are available, and anyone who doesn’t have one is welcome to see a Match Committee member who will be only too happy to help you out.

Our Gala Day is on the 13th January 2012 and the fliers have been sent out to various clubs, we look forward to a positive response from those. Should anyone wish to personally invite a team please see one of the Match Committee members and they will give you a registration form.

The Invitation Day fliers will be the next to go out and we hope to have that under way by the end of the month.

Ladies keep an eye on the clip boards for the Club Championship lists which have started going up. We will endeavour to have the lists up about a month prior to the event so that you will have plenty of time to nominate. We would like you all to participate in the Club Championships so that we can make this season as successful as possible. Good bowling ladies!

– Coral Smith

Kalgoorlie Ladies Bowling Club Tournament

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very year at the beginning of September, the Kalgoorlie Ladies Bowling Club runs a four day carnival, the first two days of which are called the Welcome Fours and the last two days the Farewell Fours.

Three teams of ladies from Sorrento Bowling Club travelled to Kalgoorlie by train to take part in this event. The participants had the good fortune to play bowls on Kalgoorlie’s brand new synthetic grass surface. A great time was had by all and, apart from a downpour on the afternoon of the second day, the weather was warm and sunny. The Sorrento teams stayed at the Railway Motel which was convenient to the bowling club and to the train station.

AIR CONDITIONING

Fax: (08) 9309 9933 U7/6 Buckingham Drive, Wangara WA 6065 Email: sales@theweatherwizard.com.au Web: www.theweatherwizard.com.au

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In the Welcome Fours, the Sorrento team of Nelly Heard, Marie Smart, Fay Jennings and Clair Hanlon finished second overall with Pauline Bourne, Jan Cook, Wendy Saul and Sharon Eggers finishing third. Both teams had 5 wins out of 6 games over the two days. In the Farewell Fours, the team of Pauline Bourne, Jan Cook, Wendy Saul and Sharon Eggers again finished in third place overall with 4 wins out of 5 games.

Everyone thoroughly enjoyed the bowling, the food and the camaraderie of the tournament. We look forward to taking part again next year.

– Sharon Eggers

Ladies New Shirt Committee

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he Ladies section of our bowling club decided earlier this year to design and introduce a new, more modern club and Pennant shirt. A committee of three ladies, Jan Cook, Fran Bracknell and Sharon Eggers, was appointed to investigate suppliers and to come up with some possible designs with a view to having a new shirt for the coming bowling season.

After consulting other clubs who had acquired new shirts and having discussions with several local suppliers, the shirt committee presented a choice of three possible designs plus pricing to the Ladies Executive Committee.

The new design was agreed upon unanimously by the entire Committee, the ladies of the club were shown the proposed new shirt and the ordering process was put in motion.

The new shirts had their first ‘outing’ at the club’s Opening Day. The general consensus is that they are attractive, very representative of our club environment (sun, water and a swan) and that the Sorrento ladies teams will now be easily recognisable anywhere they go to play.

– Sharon Eggers

Fashion Show

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y thanks go to all the ladies and visitors for making the Kings Park Fashion Parade a great success. Special thanks go to all the ladies who donated their

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time, made soup, sold raffles, sold tickets at the door, our great models and to Joan and her helpers for providing morning tea.

I would also like to thank Margaret for donating the lovely Nutrametics raffle and to Barbara her helper and also to Greg Day for the wine raffle. An amount of $1451 was raised. Apologies if I have forgotten anyone.

– May Leyland

Men’s Pennants

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t is very pleasing to see the numbers of Pennant players increasing, so much so we have decided to apply for another Division on Thursday so that more players can receive a game. This will increase our Division numbers to 9 for Thursday and Saturday will remain the same at 7.

Don’t forget Pennant Practice starts on Thursday 6th October and Saturday 8th October and if you are unavailable for those dates please put your name on the unavailable list posted on the notice board.

With the number of players available this year we should have a very healthy Bankers Competition on both days and with this in mind it would be advantageous if we were blessed with a member who was interested in running a competition on both days.

If there is a member out there who would like to offer his services for this position please contact me as soon as possible.

Due to the restriction in green availability we will be sending some teams to Warwick as they have generously agreed to accommodate our players. These dates will be advised in the near future. Good Bowling for the season.

– Des Bennett

Ladies’ Pennants

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he Ladies Selection Committee have set their objectives for the year viz.

• A committee that works together to achieve common objectives.

• Works to promote as many divisions as possible through training/coaching • Targets compatibility and harmony within teams.

• Tries new combinations and ascertains flexibility of players.

Circuit training will commence 24 Oct. at 2.30 pm and weekly thereafter, it is recommended all players make themselves available. Practice Matches interclub have been arranged and will be posted on the notice board when home and away details are finalized, depending on availability of our greens. Check our notice board.

Games for 1st Division players against our men are being arranged, these will be on Friday Evenings at 4.30 pm. Dates are yet to be confirmed.

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Please remember the five ladies on Selection are only too willing to assist in any way possible to make this a successful Pennant Season. Happy Bowling – Jan Cook

Ladies’ Delegate Report

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owls WA diaries will not be available this year due to lack of sponsorship Sponsors (BCIB) stickers to be used for Pennants this season.

Wearing of Light Feet bowls shoes remains an issue. Latest advice from Bowls WA Chief Executive Officer is that Bowls Australia is awaiting legal advice on the matter.

Greens inspections by Greens Committee, Bowls WA will begin earlier this season.

Clubs will be advised of dates of visits.

Ladies Match Committee will review dates of Friday/Saturday Pennant play offs as they currently clash with dates of Inter Region Round Robin event.

A review will also be undertaken of Ladies Country week fixtures for next year to determine if a solution can be found to overcome the postponement of some Metro pennant games during country week.

Nomination forms for Bowls WA Carnival Fours have been posted to clubs (copy on Ladies notice board). Venue will be Mt. Pleasant Bowling Club.

The ABC has advised Bowls Australia that on completion of its current contract it will no longer telecast bowls events. BA has expressed its concern at this decision and has referred the matter to the Federal Government for information/discussion.

– Ann Lilley

Croquet Report

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eoff Bloomfield a Life Member of our club suffered a stroke in June and sadly will not be back to play croquet. Geoff will be greatly missed around our Club and Clubs around the State. We wish him well.

Inter Club Championships are well under way. All were decked out in their wet weather gear for the Croquet Golf Singles Tournament which was held on Sunday 14th August. It turned out to be more windy than wet, with the gusts of wind giving the balls a couple of extra rolls which was not always a benefit to the player.

Sunday 28th August we held our Croquet Golf Doubles Tournament with the weather being nicer to us and more of our members coming out to enjoy the day. The winners 13

A bit of rain did not deter Pat Hobson, Trish Klemp, Dorothy Woods, Liz Wood, Kerry Bomford, Judith Skeet and Graeme Glover.

This monthly award is for the croquet player that makes the most amazing shot for the month.

Our inaugural and August winner is Olive Kidd, pictured below

In-house Golf Singles finalists – Liz Wood and Trish Klemp

In house Golf Doubles finalists Charlie Crute, Glenda Laidlaw, Kerry Bomford and Judith Skeet.

Too many names to mention!

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of these events were Liz Wood who won the Croquet Golf Singles. Judith Skeet and Kerry Bomford won the Croquet Golf Doubles.

Ricochet Tournaments to be held over the coming weeks.

It is widely believed that Croquet originated from France, four of our members were invited to St Stephen’s School in Duncraig on the 12th August to celebrate French Day and to show the students how to play croquet. The students were required to call our members Madame and the Madame’s all wore name tags. This worked well for Madame’s Skeet, Hobson and Klemp but Madame Wood!!! Alias Alan Wood, something not right there. .

On Sunday 21st August and Wednesday 7th September we held a “Come & Try Day”. Event Notices were placed in the Local Joondalup and Seniors Paper, we also advertised on Capital Community Radio. We had a good response which resulted in some new members and some people still trying out.

The Croquet Club recently hosted our annual event with members of the Platinum 50+ from Craigie Leisure Centre. 38 members of this group were guests of our Club and were introduced to the game of Croquet and Bowls. This proved to be a great afternoon and many visitors were keen to learn about both games. It is anticipated that our membership could well increase due to this event. We thank all Croquet and Bowls members who participated to show our guests the basics of these two sports.

Sorrento Croquet has introduced a new monthly award for “HOT SHOT OF THE MONTH”. Often we see our fellow croquet players doing an extraordinary ‘HOT SHOT’, which too many of us is not feasible. BUT THEY DO HAPPEN. Players are encouraged to nominate, with a brief description of the HOT SHOT, the person that they believe deserves this award. The recipient of this “CLAIM TO FAME” for August is Olive Kidd.

Olive was commencing playing a game of Croquet Golf – she hit from the starting corner, her ball travelled along the front of the green and unbelievably went through the first hoop! If that is not INCREDIBLE – what is? A trophy depicting a little mallet and ball on a plague has been presented to Olive.

We thank Ken Kidd for producing the ‘Trophy’ for “HOT SHOT OF THE MONTH” winners. His time, expertise and craftsmanship is greatly appreciated.

Members are slowly coming out of hibernation after a chilly winter and it is good to see them back on our Croquet Courts. It has been holiday time for many members of the Croquet Club, with some members travelling locally in Australia and some travelling overseas. We welcome them all back.

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Law of the Lawn: 1.The side to win the toss chooses which colour balls they want to use, but play must start with the Blue Ball.

2.Bisques cannot be used to run a hoop 3. Accidental touching of a ball by the striker’s mallet while preparing to strike is counted as a strike and the turn ends.

– Judith Skeet

Darts Report

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nother successful season for the Sorrento Bowling Club Darts Club is drawing to an end. This year we had five sides entered – two in the Bowling Club Association and three in the West Coast Darts Association, including two Premier division sides.

All five sides made the finals. Congratulations to all players who participated.

Congratulations also to Tony David (Capt.), Wayne Clegg, Ian Stevenson, Derek Gleeson and David Methvlen who won the Premier Division grand final, beating Morley in a great game.

At the time of writing this report we still have one other side still in the finals; our fourth division side. We wish the best of luck to Ian Marshal, Mike Smith, Tony Jones, Eddie Tassone, Sam Tassone, Kevin Cook, Des Bennett and Bruce Cross.

This year’s darts trip away is to Wongan Hills is on the 1st and 2nd of October. It will be an early start (8.30am Saturday from the club) to enable those that are interested to watch the AFL grand final before competing against the Wongan Hills Bowling Club darts sides.

A sausage sizzle will be put on for the players on Sunday on the return to the club.

We must thank Glenn Boston for his efforts in making all the arrangements for this trip.

Coming dart club events are: • Club pairs – Thursday evening 29th September • Club singles - Thursday evening 6th October • Club windup dinner - Due to bookings of Club, this event cannot be arrange

until early next year • Darts versus Bowls Day –Friday night, date to be advised – Wayne Gray 16

Opening Day Sunday 18 September 2011

Troy Pickard the Mayor of Joondalup; and Russ Fishwick, Councillor for the South Ward of Joondalup put down the first bowl and the first croquet ball for the season. Tony Krsticevic, MLA for Carine looks on

Russ Fishwick and Dick Currie enjoying morning tea 18

Troy Pickard, Brian Lucas and Tony Krsticevic at Opening Day

Some of our members enjoying Opening Day 19

Umpire’s Corner

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ennant players need to be aware of the new rules and procedures covering abandonment, delayed start or interruption of pennant games due to extreme weather conditions. Extreme weather conditions include lightning, hail, heavy rain and excessive heat.

In past years the responsibility of whether Pennants were abandoned on days of rain or forecast high temperature lay with Bowls WA Match Committee. The new rules recognise that each club may have widely varying climatic conditions on the day and that wherever possible play should be allowed and encouraged. This is particularly the case for coastal clubs with early sea breezes and ladies Tuesday pennants where maximum temperatures are often not reached until after play is scheduled to finish.

While Bowls WA can still impose a general abandonment of a Pennant fixture due to extreme weather conditions, essentially the responsibility of whether play is abandoned, delayed or interrupted due to rain or excessive heat (or any other extreme weather condition) now lays with individual clubs. Specifically the umpire of the day has the responsibility of making the decision whether play will commence or continue in the event of extreme weather conditions.

With regard to excessive heat, each club is now required to have an appropriate thermometer set up to measure the prevailing outside air shade temperature. Should the temperature reach 40 degrees C for men’s pennants (37 degrees C for ladies) then the umpire of the day is to review the prevailing conditions and decide whether play will commence or continue. The umpire may discuss the situation with the relevant team managers but ultimately the umpire has the final decision.

Where the start of a Pennant game is delayed due to extreme weather conditions and play cannot commence within 90 minutes of the schedule start, the game shall be treated as abandoned. Once play has commenced but due to extreme conditions cannot continue, the game will be deferred for up to 60 minutes, after which it can be abandoned. When extreme conditions continue to interrupt play; team managers shall consult with the umpire of the day who shall make the final decision whether to abandon or continue play.

The decision to abandon, delay or defer play is not taken lightly and reflects the fact that Bowls WA and Clubs have a duty of care towards its players to provide a safe environment for play. Players should respect any such decisions by the umpire and not attempt to approach and dissuade them from their decision. If players have a problem with the decision they should take it up with their team manager who can approach the umpire, or take the matter up with Bowls WA.

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A new guide outlining the duties of a Marker (based on Bowls Australia –The Principles of Marking), is now available and should be read by all players, particularly those that may be called upon to undertake the marking of singles events.

Copies are available from the Office or the Match Committee.

– Jim Ironside

Editorial

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ope you are enjoying the new format newsletter and the better quality printing of photographs and our sponsors adverts. Denise and I continue to get a lot of positive comments about our club newsletter. Unfortunately we still get complaints from members. One member said that a number of our ladies thought the joke about “The Effect of Tea” was sexist and another thought one of the verses in a poem was inappropriate and offensive.

We do try and exclude jokes that may offend members but it is important that readers understand that it is important to lighten the tone and mood of the newsletter with a few funny stories and jokes. The main aim of the newsletter is to provide a twoway communication forum with members. Our newsletter therefore needs to be a bit light-hearted and amusing otherwise members may not bother to read it from cover to cover – which we understand most members do.

We apologise unreservedly to those who were offended by our attempts to amuse and entertain. We do have the option in future to exclude all jokes and funny stories in future. Please let me know if you would prefer this option.

One influential member thought that as a matter of courtesy anyone being profiled by Kitty Mist should be advised prior to publication, and secondly, the comments about the person cleared first. Kitty Mist has now profiled thirty of our members and this is the first complaint we have received. These profiles are meant to be humorous and light-hearted and really not meant to offend members. Again apologies to anyone who has been offended.

We also got a complaint that there was no “Coaches Corner” in the August edition.

Ray Stapledon who is now responsible for writing this has assured me it will never happen again.

Ron Burroughs was “upset” because he was not smiling in his photograph and another member wanted to know why three men were featured on the cover and not three women! Well this time the cover is dedicated to our ladies!

We also got a tongue-in -the cheek “complaint” from Mike Smith who said Kitty Mist’s comment about Hadrian’s Wall being built by Glenn Boston’s forebears to keep the English out was incorrect. On checking with Wikipedia your Editor 21

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has established that the reasons for the construction of the wall vary, and the exact explanation has never been recorded. However, a number of theories have been presented by historians, primarily centering around an expression of Roman power and Hadrian’s policy of defence before expansion.

Scholars also disagree over how much of an actual threat the sparsely populated land of northern Britannia (Scotland) actually presented, and whether there was any more economic advantage in defending and garrisoning a fixed line of defences like the Wall over simply conquering and annexing the Scottish Lowlands and manning the territory with a loose arrangement of forts. Another theory is of the simpler variety – Hadrian’s Wall was, if not wholly, at least partially, constructed to reflect the power of Rome, and was used as a political point by Hadrian. So lets us allow Kity Mist a little poetic license!

Some members may prefer to read our newsletter on our club website. If you want to do this please go to www.sorrentobowlingclub.com.au Finally for those of you who don’t know we have two Alan Woods in our club. We have Alan Wood (aka “Footie”) who is the croquet player, shutter-bug and poet and married to Liz (aka “Mootie”) and we have Alan Wood the lawn bowler and retired Master Mariner Ship’s Captain who brought a boat load of new members from Scarborough. So don’t get them mixed up!

– Neville Odell

Did you know?

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id you know that Tiger Hogan’s mum is 100 and still counting? She has four children, 20 grandchildren, 33 great-grandchildren, and a one year-old great-great grandson.

She is very proud of the card and message she received from the Queen for her special birthday earlier this year.

Did you know that on 27 November 2011 Ray and Emily Dunn will have been married for 64 years? Well done to you both.

Neville and Lesley Cleary have also been married for a long time and celebrate 58 years of married bliss in November.

Did you know that your Editor was reprimanded for eating one of the Ladies scones at the Fashion Show! As a guest and as the official photographer was he not entitled to one small scone?

Did you know that the mayfly – after hatching – takes up to three years to grow up, and then spends only one day as an adult. During that day it 23

mates, lays eggs and expires? That last day must be absolutely spectacular!

Did you know that 80% of a bowler’s brain is water and that oak trees do not produce acorns till they are 50 years old? There is still hope for some of us Did you know that Jean Baker’s grand-daughter Kerri-Rose was the Eagles “Mascot for the Day” on 8 July when they played Geelong? Jean was extremely thrilled to see Keri-Rose run onto the oval with the Eagles team and Rick the Rock Eagle. Eagles won that night which made the it all the more enjoyable.

Do you know the definition of a novice bowler? He is a new convert to bowls who confesses he knows nothing about the game and then becomes angry when you agree with him.

Did you know that a crocodile cannot stick its tongue out and that an ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain?

Did you know that Tony Bourne was awarded the Western Australia 5 Star Community Coach Award by the Australia Sports Commission: Active After-School Communities. He attended a course and then did 10 weekly sessions at Bambara Primary School The award is for achieved excellence in: • Playing for Life Philosophy • Positive role model • Community Endorsement • Full registration • Innovation/Special Initiative

– Neville Odell

Sports Chaplaincy and Welfare

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haplaincy is now accepted and welcomed in many clubs and organisations. In my years as a Minister / Counsellor / Chaplain I’ve had the privilege of working in numerous chaplaincy positions - hospitals, aged care, West Perth Falcons, Perth Heat baseball and in my present position as National Chaplain for Mission Australia. One of my chaplaincy highlights was to attend the 1988 Seoul Olympics. Next month I will be lecturing at UWA on the connection between “sport and spirituality”.

Friends of mine presently work as Chaplains at the West Coast Eagles and the 24

Western Force. Both these clubs welcome the additional support this role brings.

Chaplaincy in my view is a low key presence within a club. Situations arrive in our lives, some welcome and others not, when a quiet conversation can be of great benefit. Members know its available and can access it simply with a phone call or by a conversation around the bar. As someone who is still working full-time it is a small offering I feel I can make to our great club.

At our last AGM Jean Baker was appointed as the Ladies Welfare Officer. Russ Lockwood has recently volunteered to be the Men’s’ Welfare Officer. These roles/ functions will remain unchanged. Feel free to chat to one of us if you would like to know more about this change.

–Bruce Eagles

Some interesting comments from the Green

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eep your ears open and you will hear all sorts of interesting comments on the green: Some heard recently on our greens :

“ That was an uncanny bowl” “The green was so fast my bowl kept running after it had stopped” “Wick me over” “Good bowl – you just need a bit more grass and a bit more weight” “We’re in more trouble than Gunga Din” “Have a go at it – just a draw shot” “God bless your cotton picking socks” “You need to change your hand and put on a foot!”

“It’s a booger of a green to play on”

Marketing and Functions Friends and Neighbours – once you come along you’ll be back for more. Without you our Club can’t exist. This is your Club and we’re trying to make this the best Club in WA. Thanks again for your continued support.

Oh what a night! A sellout crowd enjoyed our latest tribute night with a few surprises. Thank you members for your support and appreciation after the show Thanks also to all social and committee members who assisted me and to members for your continued support Friday nights will continue as always. We are averaging approximately 60 (members, families and friends) and growing. Great food, chocolate wheel, and music 25

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to dance to from 6.30 till 9pm. Feel free to bring your friends! If you’re not coming on Friday nights you’re missing a great social night at your Club On Sat 15th October we have the Fab Four Show. Be quick for tickets On Tues. 1st November we have Melbourne Cup Day from 11 am – Music/prizes etc – Greg Day

Sponsorship Report

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y the time this report is read most invoices for the 2011/12 season will have been forwarded to previous sponsors. At this point in time we are still chasing unpaid invoices for the 2010/11 season. There are a few companies who have for various reasons decided not to renew sponsorship. These signs will be replaced when a new sponsor comes on board. The next step will be to pay a courtesy call to all sponsors both big and small. I have already visited several companies.

OSBORNE PARK 76 HOWE STREET The task of obtaining new sponsors is an OSBORNE PARK WA 6018 onerous task when one considers the number of Phone: 92421686 sporting Clubs like our selves who are chasing bowlsworld@bigpond.com sponsorship in a restrictive market.

To date I have visited Pharmacy 777, Friedman, Lurie, Singh & D’Angelo and HSBC Investment Bank in an effort to obtain sponsorship. At this stage only HSBC Bank have indicated that they are interested. I will follow up on the others in due course. Contact has also been made with a Brick Paving company and Jani-King.

In previous years Jani-King has sponsored the Easter Carnival.

As in past years all members should, where ever possible support our sponsors. I feel we lose sponsors for lack of contact by our members.

SOUTH LAKE Unit 7/752 NORTH LAKE ROAD SOUTH LAKE WA 6164 Phone: 94149229 bowlsworld@bigpond.com

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All members should be on the lookout for potential sponsors and should contact the Executive if they have a possible sponsor.

As our season finishes in April and the Annual Meeting is held in June the incoming Sponsorship

Officer is behind the Eight ball in obtaining new sponsorship as most Companies have already finalised their forward budget for the new financial year.

Once again we have obtained dates for sausage sizzles at Bunnings Whitford. The dates aren’t ideal but due to an error by Bunnings they are all that was left to us. The dates are the 11th 24th & 31st December. All permits have been applied for. A list requesting volunteers will be put up soon and also will be in the newsletter.

– Ian Marshall

The Knighthood Competition (At the oldest bowling club in the world)

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ith good evidence that bowls has been played on its green since at least 1299, Southampton (Old) Bowling Green on the south coast of England has strong claims to being the oldest in the world.

The club plays the so-called Knighthood Competition, every year since its inception on 1 August 1776. The competition was inspired by a Mr. Miller, who at 82 was Master of the Green. For over two hundred years it has been played under his rules.

Those who have not previously won the Competition, are known as Gentlemen Commoners, and are eligible to take part, with all previous winners, the Knights, acting as organisers and controllers of the game.

The winner is allowed to use the title of ‘sir’ (in lower case) and he may return after any period of absence to enjoy the privileges of membership. During the Competition, tradition obliges the Knights to dress in full ceremonial attire – top hats and tails – with the silver medal, their insignia of office, sported on their chests.

The Knights set the jack’s length and position, and because the Competition is played over the whole of the green and not restricted by rink boundaries, many competitors are immediately perplexed by having to play unaccustomed shots across the green and at unfamiliar angles.

Each competitors bowls two woods and after each one comes to rest the distance from bowl to jack is measured and recorded before the bowl is removed.

A coin is placed under the jack so that it can be replaced precisely if displaced by a bowl. A bowl that moves the jack and rests on the penny is known as a ‘lodger’..

Rules are rigidly imposed, for example no competitor is permitted to approach the jack during play.

After each end a point is awarded to the player whose bowl finishes closest to the 28

jack; if he also has the second nearest he scores a total of two points. The jack is then reset at a different position and the game continues – the winner being the first player to score seven points.

He is awarded his Knighthood with appropriate pomp and ceremony in the knowledge that he can never enter the Competition again, but may officiate in future Knighthood Competitions dressed in top hat and tails. The Competitions are rarely concluded under three days and have been known to last for ten.

A Knight recording a measure Elizabeth and Bob go for counselling

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lizabeth and her husband Bob went for counselling after 25 years of marriage.

When asked what the problem was, Elizabeth went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Elizabeth to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow!

Elizabeth shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in 29

the glow of being highly aroused. The therapist turned to Bob and said, ‘This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?’

Bob thought for a moment and replied, ‘Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays but on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays I play bowls!!!

– Thanks to Russell Lockwood for this contribution

An Obituary printed in the London Times - Interesting and sadly true!

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oday we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: - Knowing when to come in out of the rain; - Why the early bird gets the worm; - Life isn’t always fair; - and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly 30

awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death; by his parents, Truth and Trust; by his wife, Discretion; by his daughter, Responsibility; and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights I Want It Now Someone Else Is To Blame I’m A Victim Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone.

– Thanks to Annie Taylor for this contribution

The $12.99 Special

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f you are a Senior you will understand this one, if you deal with Seniors, this should help you understand them a little better, and if you are not a Senior yet – God willing, someday you will be!

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the ‘seniors’ special’ was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $12.99. ‘Sounds good,’ my wife said. ‘But I don’t want the eggs’ ‘Then, I’ll have to charge you $13.49 because you’re ordering a la carte,’ the waitress warned her. ‘You mean I’d have to pay for not taking the eggs?’ My wife asked incredulously.

‘YES!’ Stated the waitress. ‘I’ll take the special then,’ my wife said..

‘How do you want your eggs?’ The waitress asked. ‘Raw and in the shell,’ my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.

DON’T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! WE’VE been around the block more than once!

– Thanks to Richard Fermoyle for this contribution

Coaches Corner – “More Grass”

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y the time these notes reach members Pennant practice will have started, however, how many of you will only be practising the same old faults of last season!!!

Members should have gone back to basics and do their practice from there. This 31

should also include a visit to a Club Coach (and there are 5 or 6 always available), but how many actually seek advice. During the Winter recess, we Coaches, see many instances where a few words would help you, but we cannot give advice unless you ask. We are not very busy and would welcome your requests. Along with Pennant practice, circuit training will be conducted for both ladies and men.

Finally, we as Coaches see mainly new bowlers and during their integration in bowls, they do naturally make mistakes, however, we request that other members do not offer advice (as many do) especially during games, as this upsets the new player and is counter productive for the Coach’s efforts and may only be part of the problem.

Today’s tip 1. Check your grip 2. Concentrate on delivery along your aiming line Have a good season

– Ray Stapledon

Our Tribute to the Stars Evening

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e paid our entrance fee and booked our place on a table with friends. Our first impressions were most positive. The setting with the stage, decorations and seating gave it a cabaret feel. After a few drinks, good conversation with some new acquaintances and a few nibbles we settled into a relaxed frame of mind and awaited the first act.

Roy Orbison was duly introduced and with some fanfare took to the stage. He naturally sang the songs we all wanted to hear and gradually the dance floor filled, then flooded. We thought he was fantastic, assisted with original backing music and he received hearty applause.

As we settled down to more chat and drinks, someone at our table spotted “Cher” arriving and we didn’t have to wait long before the music to her hit “Believe” heralded her stage appearance. Well, all eyes turned in her direction. Not only did she look the part, great costuming etc. But her voice and performance mirrored the star superbly.

The full dance floor turned into an adoring crowd, swaying to the music enchanted by her performance. We were all glad that Judy Campbell invited her son and daughter in law and friends as they were invited to take the stage. Brett, Carmel and Tash were great and we all enjoyed their contribution.

Follow that!

Freddie Mercury (Australia’s got talent, Tom Crane) did, and continued the theme of 32

Club members at “A night with the Stars�

Freddie Mercury, Rod Stewart, Ray Orbisson and Cher entertain the Sorrento Bowling Club members and friends 33

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dancing, arms swaying and audience participation. No crowd control was necessary as the performer gave excellent renditions of popular songs again enhanced with original music belting away in the background.

Finally, at no extra cost, the audience were informed of another star’s appearance.

Even though the identity was of no surprise to most, Rod Stewart pranced onto the stage giving another professional rendition of his songs with more audience adulation. He even got an encore to the delight of all who attended including a lady who was completed besotted by “Rod”.

We think that everyone present thought it was a truly fantastic evening, with comments of “best ever”. Well done Greg Day and the social committee for all of their work in organising such a memorable evening. Well done. To any members who did not get a chance to enjoy this great night, look out for and be part of the next event, as we are sure you will enjoy it.

– Tony and Pauline Bourne

Pilbara Day

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ilbara Day dawned fine! Unfortunately many of the Pilbara folk were at Open Days here in the Metropolis – but quality not quantity was the order of the day.

All “30” of us enjoyed a wonderful lunch from Joan and her helpers (what a star)!!

Moira Dean and Trevor Orton doing the raffle

We then, played a fabulous game of 18 ends versus Sorrento, (they helped us field 3 teams). The atmosphere was so outgoing and friendly, everyone was smiling.

The outcome of the day’s result was Pilbara winners of 158 shots and Sorrento 150.

We had a multi-raffle of wine and plants which made $120 for the club.

Ken Foggo, Lorraine Hyde, Neville Cleary and Gabriel Soto overall winners 35

Thank you, Sorrento, we’ll be here in numbers next year. Linky Soufulis accepted the Iron Ore Trophy on behalf of the Pilbara League.

– Moira Dean

Just a Reminder That the City of Joondalup council elections are now in progress. Voting packages will be posted out this week 19th to 23rd September and residents are being encouraged to vote ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO ARE ON THE ROLL IN DUNCRAIG, MARMION AND WARWICK. The Mayor of Joondalup Troy Pickard and the Sorrento Bowling Club President Brian Lucas have endorsed your club secretary Richard Currie for the nomination of councillor in the South Ward. DUNCRAIG MARMION AND WARWICK. Therefore I kindly ask for your vote. PLEASE VOTE FOR RICHARD CURRIE AND MAKE HIM HAPPY!!! – Richard Currie

If you need security doors or screens, speak to club member Barry Bradshaw or call Safeway Security Screens on 9314 1774 36

Some club members in action

Eddie Tassone one of our star bowlers and darts players

Right: Ken Lang, a friend to know if you want some quality meat for your next barbie

Shane Taylor playing well with his new bowls

Russell Lockwood draws another toucher Left: Brad Williams in action Right: John Brown showing good technique (note locked wrist)

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Hope Bryan Townsend will be back again this season

Roland Hill getting down low!!

Trevor Simmons another good new 38 bowler in action

Col Cramond, once again demonstrating good technique

Above and below: Derek Lay and Frank Bomford playing in the Croquet and Bowls Day

Farmer Jacks 130 Coolibah Drive Greenwood Open 7 days a week 7am to 9pm

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Dorothy Dix answers your important questions Dear Dorothy Who is Kitty Mist? I initially thought it was Dick Currie, Neville Odell or Sharon Eggers but I now realise that this scandalous periphrastic adoxography has to have been written by someone who is intellectually gifted. Please put us out of our misery and identify this talented club member.

- Angry Anderson Dear Angry Anderson Kitty Mist has asked to remain anonymous. He/she is a very modest person and does not want to be associated with any unneccesary publicity – Dorothy Dix

Our “Agony Aunt” section to help solve your problems Dear Dorothy Dix, Why do my bowls seem to have a mind of their own?

– Colin Dear Colin Were they once owned by Brian Saul?

– Dorothy Dix

Dear Dorothy A number of our lady members think that the joke about “The Effect of Tea” on page 41 of the August 2011 newsletter is sexist. When the Editor was approached we were told that we did not have a sense of humour. What should we do?

– Some Concerned Members Dear “Some Concerned Members”, Complaints received about the SBC Newsletter often relate to important issues such as the misspelling of member’s names, sexual content, nudity, fattism, discrimination and vilification. While most complaints are obscure and unrealistic the Editor assures me he will take more care in future to avoid anything that might be considered offensive or funny. He has promised to exclude jokes about gender, occupation, religion, diabilities, the elderly, the hearing impaired, the vertically challenged (the short), the circumferentially challenged (the fat) and the follicurlarly challenenged (the bald) – Dorothy Dix 40

Why do Golfers take to the Game of Bowls?

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any golfers transfer to bowls when they realise their golf skills are starting to diminish as their ability to hit the ball the same distance as when young diminishes.

They realise they no longer derive the same enjoyment and as their handicap increases there is a decision to move on try something different and BOWLS sounds good.

Although they adapt very quickly due to their ability to gauge distances and draw of the bowls, they soon find there is a lot more to this old peoples’ game than first anticipated especially after being belted by people much older than themselves.

After joining a bowls club they find the cost of being a member is much less. Golf membership and equipment is expensive. Expensive golf balls, are, unlike bowls, and hard to find when they have the wrong bias put on them!

Golfers are better club room champs than bowlers with the length of drives and putts being marginally exaggerated and mathematics is also not a strong point as I am sure some of the buggers can’t count. However both codes suffer the same problem with egos and abilities clashing.

One great advantage that bowls has over golf is the proximity of the clubhouse to the playing arena. It is great to be able to quickly get some refreshment and just as great to be able to quickly get rid of it, nothing worse than being caught short five holes from home!

It doesn’t take long to realise that to have started bowls at an earlier age would have been a bonus as it is being demonstrated that youth is playing a bigger role in this terrific game however age does not stop one from enjoying this game (if the hip is OK and the knee still works) and enjoying the fellowship that accompanies it.

Both games provide a health aspect with plenty of walking, although golf may have a bigger impact on blood pressure and golf certainly goes a long way to improving spiritual language skills.

No saint has been recorded as a golfer!

– Neville Cleary

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Beach stays are better with a free sunset dinner

Book online to receive your complimentary $100 sunset dinner voucher - min 2 nights stay Book online www.mullaloobeach.com.au or call 08 9404 1200 - 10 Oceanside Promenade, Mullaloo, Perth

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Book online www.sorrentobeach.com.au or call 08 9246 8100 - 1 Padbury Circle, Sorrento, Perth