Sorrento Bowling Club Magazine Issue 37 June 2010

Moira Dean and Ron Kuziela, our “Bowlers of the Year”

Club Newsletter Number 37 June 2010

Did you know!

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Contents Presidents Report From the Secretaries Desk Some Notes from your Editor The “Jani King” Versatilty Fours Easter Carniva Message from Men’s Captain Greens and Grounds Report Laser Levelling Message from the Lady Captain Getting Married Complaints Department Ladies Open Novice Singles Lancelin Bowls Carnival Coaches Corner –“Hot Hints from Heardie” A Well-Planned Retirement Dart Club Says Thanks Generosity Acknowledged Some Things are Inevitable Dash for Cash Sponsored Event Ladies Match Report Wanneroo/Joondalup Perpetual Trophy A Promotion for Sorrento 6th Division Blue Darts versus Bowlers Day Club Championship Winners Some More Championship Winners Ian Linford wins “Brownlow” The Bowling Fraternity Getting to know our Members - Joan Napier Umpire’s Corner Club Dances- Dates for your Diaries Synergy On-line Customer Service Suggestion Corner Croquet Report How to say I Love you in 10 Languages High School Bowls Our Gardens Pennant Forms Time for a change!

Answers to Umpire’s Corner Quiz

4 5 7 9 11 11 12 13 13 14 16 16 17 17 18 18 19 19 19 21 21 23 25 26 27 27 33 36 36 37 37 38 39 39 39 39 40 42

Presidents Report

(As presented at the Annual General Meeting Sunday 13th June 2010)

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nother year has passed. Your Executive would like to take this opportunity to thank all members who assisted in any way to make the Club a vibrant and enjoyable place to visit both for competition and social occasions.

As usual there have been the same faces who never turn down the opportunity to assist in any way they can. To name anyone in particular is a dangerous move, if I forget someone I will be condemned to that place and back. It is mentioned every year and probably will be forever and a day but if you can help in any way please let an Executive member know. The Club needs all the assistance it can get.

In this Newsletter all committees have given their reports. I won’t expand on any of these reports as the Chairpersons of these committees have covered most things and I would only be repeating what has already been said.

However I will congratulate all who played in competitions for the manner in the way they conducted themselves on and off the greens, the Darts teams and also the Croquet players whether at home or at other Clubs.

Congratulations to all winners of the various Championships and to those who obtained promotions in Pennants to higher levels. I urge you all to enter as many Club and State events as possible as these events are where you will gain more experience and meet a wider number of players.

All Clubs rely heavily on their greens for a large part of their income. As you will have noticed we have only one green in reasonable condition. Two others have been renovated for the coming season and the other will be in play in approximately two weeks. Niel Adams has taken on the position as greens manager. Niel has had a past career in turf management in both golf and bowling-green maintenance. He will be meeting with other members of the greens committee to plan for the coming season with the greens staff. To preserve what we have all members are requested to heed any requests from the greens committee.

A survey has been sent to all members asking them for their ideas and what they would like to see at the Club. Please take time to fill out this survey as it could to some extent shape the future of the Club.

A new season. Where to for the Sorrento Club? The survey asks some very important

questions. Do we get a synthetic green? My personal opinion is no not until someone comes up with a synthetic that is superior to what is available at present. Do we go on a recruiting drive to entice bowlers who can lift the standard of our Club? Or do we recruit a playing coach to work with our current players?

An upgrade to the main office and match committee room will commence in the near future. It is planned to install a computer, printer and copier in the match office to help reduce the number of people having access to the main office. Corporate bowls and dart results will all be done in the match office.

The Club must look through the windscreen and not the rear vision mirror.

To all who have or will venture North and other parts of the continent over the coming months safe travelling. To all members take care and stay healthy. – Ian K Marshall

From the Secretaries Desk

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e have come to the end of another financial year for the club, and it was one that I feel has been a success.

We had quite a bit of success on the greens, as well as off, with the club continuing to flourish and grow, with a lot of new members coming through and taking up positions within the club, as well as contributing to the ongoing social aspects.

Membership has continued to wane however, and after our initial success a couple of years ago, when we took on a lot of new members, we have lost some of these, and have not held another new members day.

This is for a number of reasons, with main one being that we could not accommodate another influx at the same level. However I feel that we are now ready to make another effort. Perhaps we should look at something towards the start of the new season however this may be delayed if we have any problems with greens.

Currently we still have about 560 members on our books with 375 bowlers of which about 75 still have to pay their fees, or indicate if they are to rejoin/resign. Croquet plays numbers have dropped off quite significantly, with numbers now at 38 with 7 currently Social membership payments have been quite slow, with less than half having paid to date. We will be following up on all of these late payers, with a reminder letter within the next few weeks.

We have one member that paid their fees by credit card late in March, and at the time, their name was not attached. If you have not yet received your membership card, or

receive one of the reminder letters, and know that you have paid, this might be you.

We have details of the card, but unfortunately cannot identify the owners from that information. Please contact the office if you feel that this might be you, and we can confirm details of the card.

Remember we still have the special offer available for new bowlers and croquet, and it is intended that this will continue for the time being. Therefore, if you are aware of anyone that is interested in the game of bowls or croquet, and wants to utilise the “try before you buy� scheme, please encourage them to come along and try out.

You may or may not be aware that there have been some changes to the constitution of BowlsWA, which has now opened up the positions on the state executive, in that it is not now necessary to have come through the committee system to qualify to be nominated for position of President, Deputy President and a few other positions.

These nominations can now come from any capitated member.

A lot of these changes were as a result of the approach made to clubs about registering corporate bowlers, as well as paying a fee for such. It seems that the executive of BowlsWA have quite extraordinary powers in this regard, and clubs need to take some of this blame, as they did not appreciate contents of the constitution when it was amended a year or so ago. A Presidents Forum met late last year, and after some discussions to and fro, proposed some changes to the constitution, which were put to a Special General Meeting, and adopted. It is now

up to us as a club, to make sure that we understand what is happening at BowlsWA level, and ensure that the clubs interests are being protected.

There are now a number of other proposals before us for consideration, and both myself and the President will attend a forum at which these are to be discussed. Perhaps we may know more by the time the AGM comes around, and can report to that meeting. In any event, it reinforces the need for the executive, and the club members, to be aware of what is happening outside the club, as well as inside the club.

The executive have approved a revamp of the office and committee room furniture.

Currently majority of the desks belong to a member, and need to be returned.

Furniture has been ordered, and will be installed with the assistance of Bill Long over the winter months. Hopefully this will include the provision of a small photocopier/ printer in the match office, as well as the setting up of the computer equipment already on hand. This will lessen the need for all and sundry to utilise the main office equipment.

This has been brought about mainly because we have had a few problems with our computer system in recent times, as it seems that someone has “hacked” into our system, and altered quite a few settings, which resulted in the network being rendered useless. This has now been repaired, and some changes to the protocols have occurred, in the hope that this cannot happen again. It is planned that access to the main office will be restricted to a lot less people, as we have had quite a few occasions when things have gone “missing”, some of which turned up later, but some of which are still “lost”. Our membership lists were also compromised at one stage, and whilst we feel that we have repaired, there may be a few errors still persisting.

In general, we are progressing as a club, however it is imperative that we continue to add new members to replace those that have moved elsewhere, or have simply decided that bowls and croquet are not for them. If you can encourage just one new member to join, imagine what size club we will have, as well as the benefits that will flow from the increase in participation in the club. Till next time.

– Ian R Wittber

Some Notes from your Editor

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id you know that Paul and Judy Graham celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary in April. A little bird tells me that Paul had to be “reminded”! ☺☺☺☺☺

Kath and Brian Joy have also just celebrated a Wedding Anniversary – their 57th.

Well done to you both! Congratulations to Max and Jean Katz who have just completed 50 years of marriage ☺☺☺☺☺ A little bird tells me that Neil and Lyn McLennen have celebrated their 53 rd Wedding Anniversary and have become great-grandparents for the second time. ☺☺☺☺☺ First prize must however go to Ray and Emily Dunn who have been married for 61 years of marriage. What a wonderful achievement! ☺☺☺☺☺ Did you know that Marty Angelo has five great-grandchildren and is looking forward to becoming a great-great-grand-father!!! ☺☺☺☺☺ Did you hear that Hans Correlje (and his strong team of mates) won the State 3rd Division and Under Triples. Well done Hans! ☺☺☺☺☺ Ray Dunn has asked that we say a special thank you to John Sturk, Kevin Cook and Russell Lockwood for helping him with the painting of the wall at the entrance to our club. The new sign looks great. Thanks also to Brett Dunn who donated the “Open/ closed” sign for advising members which greens are available on the day. Well done to all those that help make our entrance look good ☺☺☺☺☺ Did you know that it is impossible to lick your own elbow. At least 75% of the people who read this will try and lick their elbow! ☺☺☺☺☺ Did you know that Helen Eisenmann has made 860 000 muffins! She is on her way to a million. ☺☺☺☺☺ Did you know that 111 111 111 multiplied by 111 111 111 =123 456 789 876 543 21 ☺☺☺☺☺ A special thank you to Joan Napier for finding some old newsletters. As mentioned in our April newsletter I’m trying to put together a complete set so that one day when some one writes the club history they will have these available.

– Neville Odell

The “Jani King” Versatilty Fours Easter Carniva

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he Jani King WA Versatilty Fours Easter Carnival was held on Saturday 3 and Monday 5 April 2010.

The winners on the Saturday were C O’Donnell, C Hanlon, H Correlje and M Macliver with 29 shots up with G Heard, N Heard, E Dunn and R Dunn as runners up.

Third prize went to P Snow, K Coffey, S Eggers and J Watson with 6 points and 16 shots up The first round prize was won by R Hill, B Hill, J Sanders and M Sanders.

The second round went to L Hyde, N Cleary, B Bradshaw and C Hyde and the third round to A Arter, L Ker, H Arter and D Ker On the Monday Events the “Winners Of The Day” were the Yokine team of T Kay, J Lorencs, B Lorencs and M Kay with a massive 62 shots up G Heard, N Heard, E Dunn and R Dunn were runners up with 36 shots up The third prize went to the Dalkeith-Nedlands team of J Mcintosh, J O’Meehan, W O’Meehan and G Mcintosh who were 23 shots up N Claffey, M Angelo, M Dean and B Claffey won the first round prize with the Warwick team of P Ernst, W Birch, K Ernst and P Birch taking the second round prize.

The third round was won by B McCormack, H Eisenmann, J and R Lockwood – Chris Tibbits

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Message from Men’s Captain

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must thank all of our members and Committee persons for making the 2009/10 season such an enjoyable and entertaining one with a reasonable amount of success.

Thanks to: 1. Jim Ironside for recruiting 4 or 5 more Umpires. Well Done!!

2. Dave Rankin and his Staff (Ron Kuziela and Tony Pilgrim) for ridding ‘E’ Green of the ‘T’ trees and hedge. Great Job!!

3. Dave Rankin for painting the interior of the Clubhouse.

4. The Garden’s Committee for their great work in keeping the surrounds so beautiful and neat.

5. To Chris Tibbits and his Match Committee for their tireless efforts in keeping us Bowlers happy!!??

6. To Glenn Boston and his attractive and efficient Staff, Ian Marshall and his Executive Committee and the Volunteers.

7. Graeme Heard and his Coaches, Des Bennett our enthusiastic delegate, Ray Stapledon and his helpers, Warren Elliott, Des Bennett, Tony Sabatino, Phil Oldershaw and Tony Friedlieb, with the schoolchildren’s Bowls Coaching.

8. Let’s not forget Joan Whitham and her helpers in the kitchen.

9. Barbara Stow for running the Friday Social Bowls.

10. Ken Giles for helping me with my Club duties.

– Tiger Hogan

Greens and Grounds Report

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t present only two greens are available for play, C & D. “D” is not in very good condition and “C” is showing stress from being played on when wet. “E” green is coming along well, may be opened (or part) as needed.

The next 2-3 months are the worst for growing couch being cold and wet. When night temperatures fall below 10°c, couch tends to go dormant. We have Santa Ana couch grass on our greens which has an advantage in that it does grow a little in the cold weather.

It is very noticeable that greens have been played on when wet. Foot traffic when wet seals the surface and stops the soil from breathing and on soft soil, tends to break the plant stem just below the surface.

What players can do to reduce wear on greens Allow the greens to dry out after rain before playing on them. Rain (5ml or more) in morning or 6-10ml or more overnight means greens may be closed for the rest of the day. Hours of play 11.00am – 5.00pm. The warm part of day.

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Reduce foot traffic on the green Note that the “T” has been moved forward. Place mats well up the green (4-5 metres from the “T”) to try and keep off the worn areas. Keep off the green when not bowling. Only the two players that are bowling are to be on the green. Even Skips and Thirds should stay off as much as possible.

Unless we take care the greens may need to be closed. Finally please note that all roll ups and practice are to be played on the numbers – Dave Rankin and Niel Adams

Laser Levelling

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ver the past few months most of you would have seen renovations take place on A, B and E greens. All three of these greens have been laser levelled because they were not level and everyone talked about the ridge on A green, well it’s gone sorry Brian.

Laser levelling is carried out by first the green being surveyed to find the high spots and low spots to know how much soil is required to carry out the laser levelling. Just to note A and B greens needed 17 cubic metres and E green needed 13 cubic metres.

Once this is done and soil ordered then the green is spread and left to dry for a bit (it’s easier to drag when dry ) Don (the levelling man) starts spreading the soil around to get it roughly all covered then sets up his lasers on the level as well as the main one from the bank.

As he goes round and round he drops the height by a millimetre at a time until he can go no further as he would have reached the desired level, in most cases the highest point on the green at that time.

The leveller has 4 sensors on each corner which move on hydraulics to keep the level perfectly level as he goes round and round and round.

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And that in a nut shell is all it takes for a green to get laser levelled and if some of you want more info or see either come see me or when I get another one done I’ll let you know so you can have a look. Thanks – Dave Rankin

Message from the Lady Captain

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e had a successful 2009/10 Pennant Season. Well done to all. Now is the time to put your names down for the next season. Selection need the numbers by July to decide how many divisions we can field for the 2010/11 season.

Dates for your diaries: Wednesday, 21st July - 10 am. A morning tea to celebrate Joan Napier’s birthday.

Please bring a plate.

Monday, 4th October - Ladies Quarterly meeting.

Monday, 25th October - Fashion Parade.

Enjoy your Winter bowls, either here in Perth or in the warmer climates.

– Clair Hanlon

Getting Married

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acob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Devon, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a chemist. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers, “Yes.” Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

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Pharmacist: “All kinds “ Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “How about suppositories?”

Pharmacist: “You bet!”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer’s?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely..”

Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”

Pharmacist: “We sure do.”

Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”

Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”

Jacob: “Adult incontinence pants?”

Pharmacist: “Sure.”

Jacob: “OK...We’d like to use this store for our wedding presents list...”

Complaints Department

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nly four complaints were received about our April Newsletter.

The first was about why some people are featured more often than others. The person complaining was advised that your editor does not keep a record of who has been featured and who has not.

It all depends on what photos and information I receive from members. It is also dependant on the quality of photos received/available as I’m more inclined to use sharp and clear photos. No attempt is made to ensure “completeness” .

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With the selection of photos from the “End of Season Championships Trophy Presentation” it was difficult to get a full set as a number of members were not present. Apologies if you are not “featured” when you expect to be featured.

The second complaint was that a members copy of the April newsletter had a missing page. Once again we can blame Denise!

The third complaint was about the quality of some of our sponsors adverts.

Unfortunately we do not always have proper artwork available and ads are sometimes scanned from business cards. We are trying to improve ads all the time.

The fourth complaint was why there was nothing in the newsletter about one of the Men’s team that did so well in the Pennants. Well unfortunately one of the people I asked did not provide the write up. So apologies but I can only publish what I’m given by members.

– Neville Odell

If you need a haircut visit one of our main sponsors

Joe ‘n’ co

At Shop 20, Duncraig Shopping Centre Marri Road

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Ladies Open Novice Singles

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n the weekend of the April 17 and 18, seven ladies from Sorrento Bowling Club took part in the Ladies Open Novice Championship held at Osborne Park Bowling Club.

Participants were Margaret Watson, June Gregory, Tracey Hauck, Marilyn Bradbury, Jan Cook, Coral Smith and Sharon Eggers.

The tournament on the Saturday was conducted as sectional play for the first day, after which Marilyn, Jan, and Sharon were through to the next round in the major and Coral in the plate.

After the Sunday rounds, which were knock-out, Jan and Sharon were through to the semi-finals on Monday, playing each other and Coral was through in the plate. Coral won her semi-final and then had a substantial win of 21-8 over Shelley Worth in the final of the plate.

Sharon won her semi-final and then played Jenny Rogalski from Dudley Park in the final. Unfortunately Jenny was too strong, beating Sharon 21-14 in the final of the major. There were a number of supporters who attended most, if not all, of the three days of play and the bowlers would like to extend their heart-felt gratitude to those people for their wonderful support. Well done, Sorrento ladies novice bowlers – you did the club very proud.

Lancelin Bowls Carnival

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wo Sorrento teams entered this carnival held on the 10th and 11th April 2010.

Two teams from Sorrento entered. The one team consisted of Moira Dean, Myrtle Raven, May Leyland and Liz Marshall. The other team consisted of Nelly Heard, Fran Bracknell, Rhonda Prosser and Emily Dunn..

Moira’s team won the two-day Carnival. They played extremely well and thoroughly deserved their win. We won’t mention the other team - they just went along for the Pajama Party on Saturday night - boy what some people wear to bed!!! I must say the country clubs run terrific events and the hospitality is second to none.

A good weekend was had by all - lots of fun and a few drinks. Plus a team from Sorrento brought home the bacon.

– Nelly Heard

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Coaches Corner –“Hot Hints from Heardie” Important points in the delivery 1. Your weight must be towards the balls of the feet with knees relaxed 2. The feet and body must be pointed along your aiming line with bowling arm following that line 3. Your shoulders must be square to the line of delivery 4. Allow the weight of the bowl to determine the back swing.

5. Take a normal walking step 6. Step as your bowling arm straightens at the bottom of the backswing for correct timing and co-ordination 7. A firm straight arm as the jack or bowl is released. At the time of the bowl’s release 90% of your weight will be on the forward foot 8. The bowling arm must finish not much higher than the forward knee 9. Only step forward off the mat after the jack or bowl has been delivered and has travelled at least four metres. Remember bowling is always a forward movement.

10. Always watch where your bowl finishes Remember practice makes perfect but it takes time

– Graeme Heard

A Well-Planned Retirement

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utside England’s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant. The fees were ₤1 for cars ($1.40), ₤5 for buses (about $7).

Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn’t show up; so the Zoo Management called the City Council and asked it to send them another parking agent.

The Council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the Zoo’s own responsibility. The Zoo advised the Council that the attendant was a City employee.

The City Council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the City payroll.

Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain or France or Italy is a man who’d apparently had a ticket machine installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years.

Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars ...... and no one even knows his name.

– Mike Berecry 17

Dart Club Says Thanks

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ack in March, the Dart Club expressed its appreciation to some of its generous helpers by shouting them a meal at Vincenso’s Restaurant in Carine.

In attendance were Joan and Cedric Whitham and Dell Cornwall who have supported the Club through its annual dinners and other events over many years (Marie Smart was unable to attend because of baby-sitting duties); Margaret and Keith Cooper who have worked tirelessly selling the Friday night meat raffles and other initiatives like the free hams raffle at Christmas; Shelley and Wayne Gray (Wayne is Secretary of the Dart Club and through their company ITC are generous sponsors); Des Bennett who has been the Club’s Treasurer and Recorder over a number of years; Glenn Boston who, as Chair of Bar has been very supportive; myself and partner Pip. The Dart Club recognises the support that it receives from a wide range of members and is happy to demonstrate its appreciation. Incidentally, Vincenso’s is a very nice and inexpensive restaurant located in the Carine Shopping Centre, adjacent to the Carine Tavern.

– Brian Lucas

Generosity Acknowledged

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embers may have noticed some substantial improvements to the Club’s bar facilities. Last year a series of down lights were fitted to the front of the bar. Last month the western portion of the bar’s ceiling was replaced; fluorescent tubes were replaced; and a series of dimmable down lights installed.

Power and data cables were installed above the men’s pennant boards to accommodate a large 50” plasma television that will be donated by the Dart Club once painting has been completed. Apart from a small cost associated with the purchase of the ceiling tiles, the remainder of the work was donated.

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Wayne Gray employed two electricians for a full day, plus his own labour, and also provided the fittings. If you have ever had a sparky come to your house, I am sure you will appreciated the cost of this work.

John McBrearty is a friend of Wayne and although not a member of the Club, donated his time to transport the ceiling tiles, paint and install them. Many thanks to Wayne and Shelley Gray and John McBrearty for their generosity and commitment to the Club.

– Glenn Boston

Some Things are Inevitable

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hat do they say – only two things in life are certain, death and taxes. Well there is a third- rising prices. You guessed it, liquor prices will be increasing by 20 cents per purchase from 2nd July 2010.

Following a recent meeting by the Finance Committee, it was determined that the Federal Government’s latest excise increase could not be absorbed again by the Club, as has been the case for the past two increases in August 2009 and February 2010.

Sorry about that, but we are merely passing on Government taxes.

– Glenn Boston

Dash for Cash Sponsored Event

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ur new competition – Dash for Cash sponsored by Safeway Security Screens starts on Saturday 26 June 2010. (See advert on page 10)

Entry forms are available at the club from the clipboard and teams need to be nominated in full and paid for up front over the bar by Thursday prior to the event.

For this event we are not accepting part teams or individuals names, players must be part of a team. That means the match committee will not be making up teams from individuals not part of a team but wishing to play. Just for a change it is the players responsibility to form their teams. There will be no organised social bowls on the day of the event. If you want any more info then please call me.

– Chris Tibbits

Ladies Match Report

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fter a very successful and busy season things are now little quieter. Our Wednesday nominated mixed pairs are now up and running and to date we have filled the two greens allocated to us.

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The “Mother and Daughter” afternoon was great fun and we hope to be able to run another afternoon next year.

The Trophy Presentation Day, which this year we combined with the men, was a huge success and my thanks to Chris Tibbits and his committee for all their hard work. Let’s hope we can do the same next year.

My thanks to all the Ladies who entered the Club Championship Events, especially the new members. Sadly we had to cancel our planned Friendship Day. Once again my thanks to the Greenkeepers for making these events possible also Joan and the kitchen staff but most of all thanks to my committee for their hard work.

– Marie Smart

Wanneroo/Joondalup Perpetual Trophy

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n Friday 16th April, four teams of four ladies from Sorrento Bowling Club travelled to Yanchep to take part in the contest for annual Wanneroo/Joondalup Perpetual Trophy. This competition involves teams from six clubs in the two shires, namely Beaumaris, Quinns Rocks, Warwick, Merriwa, Wanneroo and Sorrento.

Three games of 11 ends were played during the day. One of our teams won all three games and the rest won two of the three. The very excited group of Sorrento ladies came out winners – a feat which was last achieved in 2005.

The team members were 1. Moira Dean, Pat Duffy, Sharon Eggers and Marilyn Bradbury (three wins), 2. Myrtle Raven, Alice O’Brien, Pat Frawley and Sylvia Mclaughlan (one loss and two wins), 3. Judy Campbell, Joan Whitham, Betty Stern and Jane Holland (one win, one draw and one loss), 4. Nelly Heard, Kath Harris, Wendy Stobie and Coral Smith (one loss and two wins). Well done ladies!

Congratulations to all the players on a job well done.

A Promotion for Sorrento 6th Division Blue

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t the end of the season the top five teams in 6th Division Blue on a Thursday were Quinns Rock, Bassendean, Sorrento, North Perth and Innaloo. This meant that Quinns Rock went on to higher things whilst the remaining four fought it out at Bassendean to see who would be promoted to 5th Division.

On the first day Sorrento played Bassendean, the teams being Mike Thornett, Neville Cleary, Andre Pushong and Barry Stewart on rink 3 while Bernie Hooper, Chris Burwood, Neil Munro and Ken Partridge played on rink 4. With all players concentrating on line and length, what else, and two or three ditch shots from the skip and lucky wicks, rink 3 bore up under the pressure to win by 4 shots.

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The story of the game was on rink 4, however, where Sorrento were being comfortably beaten, but, led by Neil Munro, came home with a “wet sail” to lose by only 3 shots. Thus Sorrento prevailed by 1 shot. The other game was won by North Perth. In the afternoon Bassendean beat North Beach, so the stage was set for a rematch between Sorrento and Bassendean on the following Thursday.

Upon arrival at Bassendean we found they had reshuffled their teams– same players but some in different teams. This gave us added confidence as we did not think it was wise to change teams at this late stage.

In the one game the red bowls of Partridge and the blue bowls of Munro often dominated the head. On the other rink steady play by everybody, especially our lead Barry Stewart, saw Sorrento staying in front throughout, finally winning by 3 shots. It was agreed that Barry and Andre played their best games of the season and continually had the opposition under pressure.

The evolution of the game was the reverse of the previous week, with Sorrento skipping away to a handy lead, only to be reeled in by Bassendean so that on the final end Bassendean needed a not impossible 5 shots to win the match. It looked a lot less likely when the skips came to bowl. Sorrento held 2 shots with a swarm of bowls in front of the jack. Who says short bowls are useless!!! In any case the only option for the Bassendean Skip was to drive and hope for a miracle. This did not happen.

We must congratulate Bassendean who played the game in great spirit and were generous losers (and entertained us well). Congratulations to all 8 players as they played well together and supported each other fully, and let us hope they enjoy a reasonable, or better still, unreasonable amount of success in 5th division.

– Mike Thornett and Neville Cleary

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Darts versus Bowlers Day

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t was great to see Pat Sweeney back on the green, strutting his stuff, at the annual Darts versus Bowlers Competition on Sunday April 18.

The competition kicked off at 10am with a “spider”, followed by a game of scroungers, with the main event starting at 1.30 that afternoon. Alan Partington won the spider and Wayne Oliver the scroungers.

The main game of 21 ends was keenly contested with the bowlers looking to gain some kind of unfair advantage over the kind and accommodating dart players right from the start.

Mick Martin’s team ended their game with a two shot lead over the dart side lead by Tony Kay. Craig Grisbrook put in a solid performance but the starring role went to Mick Martin who drew shot within a foot of the ditch to pinch the shot off Tony Kay, following Tony’s skilful drive.

Juris Lorencs led his dart side to a strong seventeen shot win over the bowlers side lead by Wayne Olive.

The most controversial win was that of Ron Kuziela, who relied of the exceptional skills of a dart player in Eddie Tassone to steal a twenty shot lead at the end of the day, over the dart side lead by Des Bennett. Reports were that Herbie put in a solid performance as lead.

Under the Lucas/Duckyourhead formula (similar to that used in cricket for rain-interrupted games), Ron Kuziela’s side would normally lose one-third of their points for playing a dart player. This, when rounded up, would reduce their lead to thirteen shots giving the dart players 23

the overall aggregate win by two shots. However, in the usual spirit that dart player’s show for fairness and compassion, this rule was not applied on this occasion and the bowlers won the day by five shots.

All who attended the day had a great time, full of fun and merriment – which after all is the aim of the day.

– Brian Lucas

The Winning Team Craig Grisbrook, Eddie Tassone, Pat Sweeney, Peter Blake, Neville Cleary, Wayne Olive, Kevin Coffey, Mick Martin, Derry Ellis, Ron Kuziela, and Herbie Eisenmann

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Club Championship Winners

Winners of Mixed Fours: John and Mary Sanders missing from photo are Ron and Rhonda Prosser

Barbara and Roland Hill winners of the Mixed Pairs

Ken Giles presenting the Men’s Fours trophy to Keith Cooper . Missing from photo Ron Rogers, Bill Trebilco and Ray Dunn

Winners of Ladies Triples: Beryl Tutt, Audrey Chappel and Helen Paterson Left: Winners of Ladies Fours: Clair Hanlon,Sylvia McLaughlin, Kath Harris and Jean Middleditch

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Some More Championship Winners

Ken Giles presenting the trophy to the winner of the Men’s Singles Ron Kuziela

Ken Giles (again!!) with the winners of the Men’s Pairs – John Hauck and Ron Kuziela (again!!!)

Winner of the Men’s Veterans Singles Graeme Heard with runner up John Collishaw 26

Men’s Novice Singles Winner – Kevin Coffey

Ladies 100 -Up Singles winner Lorraine Hyde with Kath Harris who won the Plate

Our President Ian Marshall presenting Ron Kuziela with Men’s Bowler of Year award

Ian Linford wins “Brownlow”

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ongratulations to Ian Linford who won the Sorrento 1st Division trophy “The Brownlow” for the best player for the 2009/2010 season. Ian is now a multiple winner of the perpetual trophy which started in the 2001/2001 season and was donated by Neville Gibbs and the Sorrento Darts Club.

1st Division players complete in “secret” a voting slip after each game by allocating a score between 1 and 5 (5 being the top score) for each of their team mates. It was of interest to note that a certain skipper allocated himself a score of 10 for one game but this was not counted!!!!!. Scores from a maximum of 16 games are counted when determining the best player – if a player plays 17 or 18 games, their lowest 1-2 scores are dropped from their total score.

The votes are securely held by a reputable club member in a personal vault and are only revealed at the annual get together of players who witness the calling of the scores for each game. A commentary of performances was provided by the Club’s ace reporter and players and partners had plenty of comment and laughter when players compared their perceptions of how well they played, the comments from the reporter and the scores allocated by team mates.

The top scores for the 2009/2010 season were as follows: 181 Ian Linford 176 Ron Kuziela 174 John Brown 173 Richard Bone and Geoff Murray 169 Alan Anderson 165 Peter Crow Ian has a reputation and record to show he is clearly one of the Club’s best draw bowlers and has a very effective yard on shot to boot. His outstanding performance throughout the year was reflected in the top scores he received making him a very worthy winner of the “Best Player Award” for the top Division for 2009/2010. Club Captain Tiger Hogan had the pleasure of presenting Ian with his trophy. Past winners of the trophy include Phil Kimberley, John Dawson, Niel Adams and Richard Bone.

– Richard Bone

The Bowling Fraternity

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ew members to the bowling fraternity will be at a loss when figuring out who is who at a bowling club. Here is a short guide to the types you are likely to come across at any given Bowls Club. Hopefully this will give you a clue as to who to socialize with, or who to avoid.

Be warned, YOU are one of these people!!! So this guide may also help you 27

understand why you drink alone at the end of a game of pennant, despite your constant attempts to wash the nether regions and use chick magnet deodorants.

THE PANIC MERCHANT. You are guaranteed to find a panic merchant at every Club. Their usual modus operandi is to read a snippet of a club or bowls admin memo, focus on one sentence and then proceed to yell out across the club room that immediate action is required.

If a memo hits the club stating that water restrictions MAY be changed, or deadlines for any POSSIBLE changes to club uniforms are due, or a rule change MIGHT be taking place; be assured that the panic merchant will interpret the MAY, POSSIBLE and MIGHT into DEFINITELY WILL in a split second.

It will take hours of re-reading and discussion to stop the panic. BE WARNED!!

They are also adept at over fussing about any new member to the club. They will be paranoid about what hat they are wearing, that they haven’t signed the visitors book within two seconds of walking in, will be scared that they haven’t had ten hours coaching before they even touch a bowl and generally annoy the living crap out of any person interested in joining the club.

Unfortunately, the shooting of Panic merchants was banned in 1920. Hopefully, with some lobbying, a cull of their numbers will be allowed under Federal Pest laws.

THE OLD SILENT PLODDER Any club worth its salt has an old plodder. They rarely talk and spend hours walking extremely slow around the Club rooms. What they do is a mystery, but be assured their work is essential.

Once in a Blue Moon they will suddenly turn in your direction and ask a very important question that you will not have the answer for. They will then get back to their business and not speak until next season. Don’t be fooled by their pace.

They are deadly bowlers and win multiple Singles Championships. How, I hear you ask? The vacuum of silence and long waits between bowls will slowly drive you insane, much like a Chinese water torture.

THE YOUNG SMART ARSE This lot have multiplied since the turn of the Millennium. They have popped straight out of High School, played no other sport and won’t shut up. The only way to shut them up is to beat them at a game of bowls. Problem is, that they a bloody good at it!

Your only chance to avoid them is to wait for them to start chasing the opposite sex.

With some luck they will finally realize that picking up young women at your typical bowls club is like fishing in the Elwood Canal; Virtually impossible and unhealthy if you succeed.

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THE RECENTLY RETIRED, WELL SPOKEN, NERVOUS GUY These guys are at most clubs and are generally a welcome relief from the other fruit bats that hang around the club. You are likely to say a big hello to them on a Saturday morning and always ask how they went in their game. Sounds great so far doesn’t it?

As the weeks grind on they will ask you more and more questions, divulge more and more information about themselves and before you know it, YOU’RE IT!!

By round 15 of Pennants, they will follow you around the club everywhere you go.

You will never get to practice alone, they will be in the change room every time you’ve got your pants down and finally they will be knocking at your front door at 7 am to go with you to the club.

When you are invited around to his place to “double team” his bridge opponents, Martha and Judy, you know it’s time to think of an escape plan!!!

THE GRUMPY FIFTY SOMETHING These guys are a dime a dozen. They are always at the club in some capacity, yet grumble every second they are in the Club. They will go on and on about how good things were in 1975 and will criticise anything, anybody says. Any good ideas you present to them will be swallowed up in their black hole of negativity and they will constantly gripe about women playing on Saturdays.

The only way to tolerate them is to agree with whatever they say, no matter how absurd, and add your own grumble.

Example: GRUMPY FIFTY SOMETHING : “Those bloody women who work shouldn’t be allowed in this club and those barefoot bowlers shouldn’t be allowed in here” YOU : “Too right, the only place they should be barefoot is in the kitchen, making our sandwiches”.

(Warning: Make sure you give a knowing sly wink to any female member who might be in earshot) THE RETIRED GOLFER/CRICKETER/FOOTBALLER This group are the number one recruits of modern day bowls. Ranging from thirty to forty years of age, they have slowly realized they can’t compete with the young guys on the open field and have found their Nirvana with bowls.

They can still go through the motions of playing sport, but also have the opportunity to drink beer before, during and after the game. Half a dozen of these guys can turn your bar trade into a cash cow. Getting them out of the Club before 3 am can be a problem, but the bar trade is worth the legal complications.

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Winners of Midweek Div. 3 White. Congratulations on your promotion to 2nd Div. Back row - Jean Baker, Del Cornwall, Margaret Clarke, Betty Stern, May McLiver, Jane Holland, Joan Whittam. Front row - Monique Kopec, Rayma Sermon, Hazel Arter, Pat Duffy and Helen Ironside.

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THE PLEASANT OLD LADIES These Ladies are pure Gold. They work tirelessly for the club, love a good laugh and love to bowl. Every Club needs them. If you haven’t got one at the club, be prepared for the GRUMPY FIFTY SOMETHING to complain about making Sandwiches every week.

THE GRUMPY OLD LADIES Every now and then you will get a Grumpy old Lady at the club and they rule with an Iron Glove! They have eyes like Hawks and can spot a misplaced doily from 200 meters. Some will harass you straight away, others will glare, brood, plot and plan your demise. They will turn off the TV during the dying moments of a tied AFL Grand Final, shut the bar just before you can get a life saving drink and insist they pour your tea exactly the way you don’t like it. Rumour has it that they were trained during the Cold War as guards at the Berlin Wall, but were let go for being too harsh.

THE YOUNGER LADIES Thankfully we get to see more younger women playing bowls and we are lucky to see all types joining. Single, Married, Student, Working, you name it , they are joining.

Many single women have found love and happiness at the Bowling Club, those with partners get to spend a pleasant afternoon with their other halves.

Of course, on the flip side, all it takes is one RETIRED CRICKETER, GRUMPY FIFTY SOMETHING or RECENTLY RETIRED GUY to make one wrong move and you can say goodbye to a new female recruit. Or they may just have created the next Generation of GRUMPY OLD LADIES. Time will tell.

THE POLITICALLY CORRECT PAIN IN THE ARSE This type will have already made a complaint to some Government body about all my comments above. These Men and Women have joined the Club to, “Get involved with the community” or “Help the club through hard times”, (or some similar Dribble), despite the fact you’ve turned over $500,000 the last financial year.

They will get stuck straight into your 32

constitution, run for the board and talk to you like a patronizing twat. Within seconds of becoming members they will nail a proposal for a code of conduct on the noticeboard, then proceed to suck the fun out of the club. As your member numbers slowly dwindle to nothing, they will invite local artists to the club. Eventually your top green is turned into a organic community garden and your new synthetic green is turned into a creche.

I hope this guide helps what sort of Club you want to be in and helps you dodge the odd bullet or two. And always remember to ENJOY YOUR BOWLS, no matter what.

– Thanks to Al Parkes and Phil Leahy of www.Bowlsworld.com.au

Getting to know our Members - Joan Napier

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riginally from Perth, Joan started playing bowls in Bruce Rock after moving there with her husband Charlie.

From 1962, Joan was very active at the bowling club, taking on the roles of Treasurer, President, and Secretary on the Ladies’s committee, and acting as Captain and ViceCaptain. Joan also took her umpires exam and played competition bowls in many country towns.

Joan and Charlie moved to Perth in 1983 and the following year Joan started playing pennants for Sorrento Bowling Club, playing in 4th Division. Joan was on the Match Committee with Edna Stewart and on the Selection Committee from 1988 to 1991.

Joan was also a delegate for Bruce Rock at WALBA. Joan has competed in many championships, winning the Championship Pairs with Chris Thompson in 1983/84 and with Mavis Trigwell in 1985/86.

Joan won the Championship Fours in 1983/84, 1994/95, 1997/98 and again in 1990/00. In Veteran’s Singles, Joan has her name on the trophy for 1987/88, 1988/89 and 1992/93. Joan has also competed in State Championships in pairs, triples and fours; and in the Masters Triples.

Umpiring at our club was another role Joan took on until her husband became sick Charlie passed away in 1993 and Joan has continued to be a very active member of the club. Last year Joan started using a mechanical arm to enable her to continue playing bowls. Unfortunately, a recent car accident has temporarily restricted Joan from playing bowls, but, she is regularly at the club playing cards and Mahjong.

Congratulations, Joan on your dedication and achievements with the S.B.C. and we hope to see you bowling again soon.

– Jane Holland & friends 33

John Forkin, one of our six war veterans in the Anzac Day Parade

Richard and Soraya Fermoyle enjoying the “after-party”

A disappointed May McIver as she fails to draw the Joker Dave Rankin doing a great job painting the inside of our club-house

Another happy couple – Paul and Judy Graham

Neil and Eileen McCrae at the Presentation Dinner On the right: Kath and Kevin Harris enjoying the evening 34

May Leyland, Clair Hanlon, Moira Dean and Margaret Watson entertaining members at the end of season party.

Rachel Bryant showing members how it should be done.

On the right: Kevin Scammel, Beth McCormack and John Sturk.

Helen and Dick Currie showing the youngsters how to boogie

Bev Cherry and Bea Meaken

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Mary Heron, Annie Taylor and Sarah Docherty (visitor) enjoying the Pennant Wind-up.

Left: Barbara Claffey, Margaret Cooper and Margaret McIntosh.

Right: Neil & Sylvia McLaughlan

Umpire’s Corner

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ongratulations to the 6 members who passed their umpire’s written and ‘on green’ exams to become accredited level 1 national umpires.

The new umpires are Jan Cook, Lee Leach, Russell Lockwood, Neil Mclauglan, Lindsay Baker and Kevin Coffey.

Occasionally I have heard players claim a full count of shots (e.g. 8 in a game of fours) where their opponents have accidentally disturbed the jack or the head during play or measuring. This is not the case and in fact there is only one offence where a team is awarded a full count of shots, and that relates to deliberate delaying of play.

Domestic Regulation 14 states that if the umpire decides that a player is deliberately delaying the delivery of the player’s bowl: • On the first occasion the umpire will warn the player.

• If the player commits the same offence a second time, the end will be regarded as completed and the opponents of the offender will score as many shots as there are bowls in use by such opponent.

• If the player offends a third time the game will be forfeited to the opponent.

Try your knowledge of the laws on the following questions: Answers are on page 42 Q.1 Before delivery a player stands with one foot off the mat and one foot on the mat but protruding over the edge of the mat. On delivery, the foot on the mat is raised and is above but not touching the mat. Is the player foot-faulting?

Q.2 Can a player do a measure before the last bowl has been delivered by placing an object (e.g. hand or foot) between the jack and bowls?

Q.3 During a singles game the green is closed due to bad weather. The game is continued the following day and one player decides, because the speed of the green has slowed, to continue the game with a different set of bowls. Is this permitted?

Q.4 The jack is split in two by a drive. What happens?

Q.5 A hat is blown from the head of a player and displaces the jack on an adjacent rink. What happens?

Jim Ironside

Club Dances- Dates for your Diaries

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he Apache Band will be playing at our club on 31st of July. Please support this dance. It will be great fun.

– Glenn Boston

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Synergy On-line Customer Service

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hen Tony Friedlieb sent Synergy an email about whether his credit card details were registered correctly on their system he got the following reply:

Dear Antony, Thank you for using the Synergy E-mail Customer Enquiry Service.

Your credit card details are not saved in our system. Please log in again and try to update the details.

We regrate for incontinence

Yours sincerely Varsha Customer Resolutions Synergy 228 Adelaide Terrace,Perth, Australia

Suggestion Corner

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ome members have suggested that we need a section in the newsletter for suggestions from members. Well here are some for the Committee to consider:

Suggestion 1 We should combine our Pennants Selection Board and our white board we use to record results. This is done at some clubs for example Cambridge. It makes it easy to see who was in a losing team!

Suggestion 2 The Match Committee should not schedule more then two Championship games on a day – one in the morning and one in the afternoon is enough for most of our “older members”.

More people will enter if they know they will not have to play three games on a hot summer’s day!

Suggestion 3 We should change the Pairs Events from 22-2-2 to 3-3. This will result in less walking as the Lead will deliver their three bowls followed by the Skip. More and more clubs are doing this and it is proving to be very popular again particularly with older bowlers who find 2-2-2-2 very tiring.

Suggestion 4 When we play a social game of pairs on a 37

Wednesday afternoon and end up with an uneven number of entries we should have the last three couples who entered play triples. This will avoid having to send the last pair home (as was done recently). No one will miss out! It really does not matter if there are two game of triples (with the Skip having two bowls and the other team member three bowls). It will encourage members who want to avoid the triples to enter early so that their name are not in the bottom three.

Please will the Match Committee provide a response to the above suggestions for the next newsletter.

Croquet Report

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wo teams from the Croquet Club recently entered a doubles Golf Croquet tournament at the Cambridge Club. 48 croquet players from within our State entered this event and it was great to compete with croquet enthusiasts from other Clubs.

We had a visit recently from the Stirling Seniors JAWS group. The game of Croquet was introduced to these folk, and we thank those who helped with this afternoon.

26 of our members enjoyed a Luncheon at Oscars in Ellensbrook where we celebrated two of our members’ milestone birthdays.

A NEW event which could be of interest to members is a One day B Grade Golf Singles tournament to be held at Cambridge on Sunday 11th July 2010. Please see notice board for further particulars. Note that ‘C’ grade players can also enter this event.

Welcome home to those members who have been travelling recently, and safe travelling to those who are planning travel in the next few weeks.

Dates for our in-house tournaments are being planned at the moment. Flyers will be placed on our notice board when these are to take place.

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WE look forward to welcoming four new players who have showed an interest in our game recently. KEEP ENJOYING THE GAME OF CROQUET! – Liz Wood

How to say I Love you in 10 Languages English Spanish French German Japanese Italian Chinese Swedish Lithuanian Australia

I Love You Te Amo Je T’aime Ich Liebe Dich Ai Shite Imasu Ti Amo Wo Ai Ni Jag Alskar Dig As Tave Meliu Nice Tits, Get in the Ute

High School Bowls

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he student’s bus arrives usually 15 minutes late but the students departure is much more organised (15minutes early!) . With the “hectic half hour in between that is their 60 minutes of lawn bowls. This consists of six quick end (if you are lucky) and a small prentation of prizes. Then they are gone. Same again the following week. Hopefully one day they will be members!

– Ray Stapledon

Our Gardens We have lovely gardens around our Clubhouse, admired by all members and visitors.

All gardens need to be maintained, weeded, pruned and when necessary replanted.

This is becoming too much to ask of a few dedicated people.Please we need 5-6 more people to help maintain the Gardens. Individuals or couples, maybe look after a garden bed each or generally help out. With extra numbers, this would mean only one day a week for a few hours. See Moira or Annie, if you can help.

– Niel Adams

Pennant Forms

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ust a reminder about Pennant forms. Please drop them into the box by the Pennant Board. Please note the form this year don’t have a “box” for “Reserves”.

Consequently we only have two at this stage. So if you would like to be a reserve would you let a selector know or indicate this on a form.

–Ron Burroughs 39

Time for a change!

I always thought the game of golf was just the game for me, The pressure of the winning putt, the drive from off the tee.

Then the body got those creaks and groans as it can in later years To give up chasing those little white balls reduced this guy to tears.

My wife was obsessed with croquet; it had become her chosen sport For me to play that funny game I never gave a thought.

To talk of bisques and hoops and pegs was foreign talk to me It was the game of the wrinkled ones, all in white and sipping tea!

But your life can change at any time as most of you will know And in a moment inspired by my wife I gave the croquet game a go.

To my surprise when I turned up there were chicks of every shape They sat me down and fussed around and even fed me cake.

With formalities done, it then came time, to step up to the plate And so with a trusty mallet, my task was to hit the ball straight But I found these balls of many colours had a mindset of their own Sometimes I got in front of the hoop; most times I let out a groan.

Perhaps it was Glad Wrap over the hoop, which stopped my ball in its tracks Get a firm grip on the mallet they said, swing vigorously forward and back!

With legs spread apart, head over the ball, I swung like a playground swing, But it wasn’t until I looked up and around I found others missing the same thing.

But slowly as my game progressed and my shots started hitting the mark, I liked the idea of smashing some balls to the other end of the park.

This game of golf I found was all about tactics, placement and guile Oh what feeling on the croquet green when I had that winning smile.

Then I found the game of ricochet, which were not bullets deflecting off walls, It was loading hoops, and shooting hoops and stop shots, and that was not all!

There were rushes, and roquets, and cannons, and how to do jump shots was bold By the time I learnt how to do all of these things it was time for this tale to be told.

Now there are those who cling to old customs, they’re the ones that sit there and wait, There are those who want much more action, they’re the ones that are opening the gate They say “Give us more ricochet and golf croquet, let’s get the show on the road” The excitement and passion of their new breed approach is ready and waiting to explode.

Yes, I’m in love with this game of croquet; the conversion just taking six months No lost balls in this game and the friends that I’ve made have really turned up trumps, So if your game of golf or bowls has turned you to frustration and despair Then come and join us at croquet where you will find lots of fun, fellowship and care.

– MALLETHEAD! 40

Farmer Jacks 130 Coolibah Drive Greenwood Open 7 days a week 7am to 9pm

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Answers to Umpire’s Corner Quiz Q.1 – Yes. Before delivery a player must be standing with one foot fully on the mat.

At the moment they deliver the jack or bowl the player must have all or part of one foot on or above the mat. (Law 20.1) Q.2 – No measuring is allowed before the last bowl required to be played has come to a rest and the process of deciding the number of shots scored starts. (law 40.3) Q.3 – Yes, (Law 47.3.2) Q.4 – The umpire would declare the end dead and the end replayed with a replacement jack. (Law 48.2 and Law 31) Q.5 – The jack shall be put back to its former position. If the skips or opponents in singles cannot agree on the jack’s former position the end should be declared dead.

(Law 33.3.3) Thanks to Dr. Mal Washer for allowing us to photocopy this newsletter 3 Boas Avenue. Joondalup.

WA 6027.

Phone: (08)9300 2244 42