Sorrento Bowling Club Magazine Issue 58 September 2014

“Well done Winners!”

“Thank you Trevors Carpets”

Winners of the Trevors Carpets Men’s Fours Handicap Event: Brian Saul, Bob Mulroy, Danny Condon and Alan Anderson

Sorrento Bowling Club Newsletter Number 58 September 2014

Contents Some notes from your Editor – Neville Odell President’s Report (As tabled at the AGM) Treasurer’s Report Aboriginal wisdom Forthcoming Events/ Dates for Your Diary Men’s Captain’s Report If my body were a car!

Women’s Captain’s Report Our Welfare Officer Retires A Bit of Fun The Brains of Older People do not get Weak Men’s Selector’s Report Little Johnny Akela, Naomi, Blossom and Pina go to Fiji Umpires Corner: Proposed Rule Changes Say a Prayer Today’s Humour Hot Hints from Heardie Men’s Match Committee Report Bowl of the Season Women’s Match Committee Report Cafe Sorrento’s First Birthday The Lord is My Shepherd The Naming of Our Greens Blood Cancer Croquet Report Bowls Performance Sub-committee Never Argue with a Woman!!

Getting to Know Our Friends Darts Report Our New Website The Bus Some Advice for Skippers written in 1932 R.S.L. News “The Hygiene of Youth and Beauty” Some Letters to the Editor The Champion?

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Some notes from your Editor – Neville Odell If you would like to comment or contribute to our newsletter please contact Denise or Neville on 9309 3108 or nevodell@bigpond.net.au Welcome to our September 2014 newsletter. We hope that all our readers (whether you’re bowlers, croquet players, darts players, cricketers or social members etc.) still enjoy reading our newsletter.

Remember feed back is always welcome.

You will see that this edition of our newsletter has been professionally printed by Quality Press. This means that we no longer have to arrange for it to be photocopied, collated, hand stapled and folded. It will reduce the hassle factor, enhance our sponsors adverts as well as the image of our Club.

Thanks to Brian Self who has kindly agreed to cover the extra cost for the next twelve months.

On behalf of all our members we thank Colleen Kingston of ETC for photocopying our newsletter for many years. She has never complained about the extra work involved and has always been most helpful. Thank you to Wayne Gray who made this all possible.

Did you know golf became so popular in Scotland that King James II had the game outlawed because he believed it was preventing his men from training properly for war?

Do you know what it means to be exhaustipated? Well this word means that you are so tired that you no longer give a sh@#t!!!.

Did you know that Australia’s seven richest citizens have more money than half the nation’s over 50-year olds?

“Bowls is my hobby, I really love it. It brings out initiative, concentration, responsibility, discipline and confidence” – Anon Did you know that the average cloud weighs about 500,000 kilograms? Barry and Wilma Bradshaw are concerned about what happens to a cloud once it has dropped its rain. If you happen to know the answer please let Barry know!

Did you know that New Zealand’s

10-strong Kiwi Commonwealth Games team practised on croquet greens before leaving for Glasgow. They thought this would help them get used to the slow Scottish greens

Mayors!! What do you need to be successful in Westville?

Did you hear that new member, Stan Bricknell’s lawn mower is very old?

To get it to start he has to leave it in the sun for half an hour. Lorraine his wife reckons Stan also needs half and hour in the sun to get him to start!

Did you know that the average age of Australia’s bowlers at the 2014 Commonwealth Games in Did you hear that one of the Glasgow was 31, the same members of the Executive as the national cricket Some Committee was seen team which reclaimed to be having a leak in the Ashes last summer.? more “Did the bushes alongside C you hear Green? He will not be Did you know that stories?” named and shamed but it three young and attracwas noticed that he had a tive New Zealanders feaslight limp! tured below are also breaking the standard mould for lawn bowlDid you know that Alan Wood is ers? Selina Goddard, Mandy Boyd about to become a grandfather? Is he and Amy McIlroy are the New old enough? Doe he know enough?

Zealand women’s triples combination for the Commonwealth Games. No more fuddie duddies!!

Your Editor has just returned from a visit to South Africa. On visiting Westville, where he once lived, he discovered that Westville has had a Dennis Cockhead, a Chris de Kock and a Eddie Allcock as

Did you hear that Bob Mulroy got a “hot-shot” team together? This team consisted of himself, Ron Kuziela, Colin Stainsby and Neville Odell.

The plan was to play in the Nollamara Men’s Fours. With $2500 up for grabs the team was disappointed to come away with only $2.50 each having only managed to draw one game of pairs!

This represents 0.1% of the available prize money. Not a very good outcome!

Did you hear about the owner of a golf course on the Gold Coast, who was confused about paying an invoice, decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, “You graduated from the University of Queensland and I need some help. If I was to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?” The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everything but my earrings.”

Did you know that there are three things the human brain cannot resist noticing: food, attractive people and danger?

Kerry Bomford also tells us that according to Albert Einstein, if honey bees were to disappear from earth, humans would be dead within four years.

She also tells us that there are so many kinds of apples, that if you ate a new one every day, it would take over 20 years to try them all.

Did you know that as per European Union Directive No. 456179 the Euro citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase “Spending a Penny” is not to be used after 30 April 2014? From that date onwards, the correct term will be

“Euronating”. It is hoped that this will be a great relief to everyone!

Did you see the final results of the Commonwealth Games bowling?

The gold medal share-out was five to South Africa, three to Scotland, one to New Zealand and one to England. The thirty medals that were on offer went to South Africa (7), England (6), Scotland (4), Australia (4), New Zealand (3), Malaysia (2), Northern Ireland (2), and Canada and Wales (one apiece).

Did you know that the Wanneroo Men’s Shed supplies computers at a very cheap price to those who otherwise would not be able to afford them? They have an agreement with Microsoft whereby they can legally supply a Windows operating system at a very cheap rate.

These are refurbished computers that start at around $80. To qualify, a person must be in receipt of a Centrelink benefits card or Health Card. Thanks to Derek Smith for this information.

There has been some debate about whether we should refer to our female members as ladies or women. When we Googled the difference we were told “a lady is a woman, but not all women are ladies”. Ditto with the words man and gentleman.

Apparently since the gender revolution, some women are insulted to be called “ladies,” feeling that the word suggests inferiority, hypocrisy, or condescension.

We have been asked by the Women’s Captain to refer to our Ladies as our Women. Therefore with immediate effect the Ladies Singles will be known as the Women’s Singles, the Ladies Toilet will become the Women’s Toilet and Ladies Pennants will be the Women’s Pennants.

Other events will also be re-named. accordingly Did you hear that Ken Giles managed to fall and break two ribs? His wife Nora tells me she has been trying for years to tell him that once you are over 70 you should not wear thongs.

When he went in for an ultra-sound they found a kidney stone which had to be removed before he could go on holiday to Greece!

Finally, once again many thanks to all the regular contributors to our newsletter.

Thank you also to Richard Fermoyle for his Dash for Cash photographs – Neville Odell

“ A good try means you missed everything!”

– Dick Currie

President’s Report (As tabled at the AGM)

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his last year 2013/14 has seen many changes at our Club. Our members have embraced the introduction of meals on a Friday evening. It is great to see more members using the Club.

The new POS system, introducing a member’s card to reduce the number of cash transactions, has improved customer service. We have experienced some teething problems with the system but it is a good system and we will gain significant benefits in the future. Thanks to Life Member Brian Lucas for managing the introduction of the system.

We probably did not gain the benefits envisaged from the introduction of a Bowls Manager that we were looking for. Early in the season there were positive signs.

As our Club continues to grow the appointment of a full time bar manager was inevitable. Thanks to Glenn Boston for his many years service in this role.

Your Executive Committee believes that unless there is a purpose to accumulate funds then there is no need to look for large profits. Also monies raised now should be spent on current members. Remember most of our income comes from our members in the form of subscription, match fees and bar profits. It is my belief that our current year’s profit is a good result.

Expenditure on Capital items was $43000 against $29000 allowed for depreciation.

Our greens are first class. My congratulations go to Richard Cox, Tony Pilgrim and Ron Kuziela. Kevin Cook’s work as Greens Chairman is fantastic. He and his band of helpers display the pride our members have in our club. Thank you very much.

Our Club is very fortunate to have more that 100 members that volunteer their time willingly and, in my view, this is the strength that makes our Club great.

Many thanks to you all.

Ron Taylor’s dual roll as Assistant Treasurer and Bar Chairman is outstanding.

Thank you, Ron. Our Women are, in my view, A TREASURE. Their performances on the green, work around the club and preparation of meals and snacks makes us a complete Club. Thank you.

Thanks also to John Hammond who once again audited our books on a voluntary basis. We really appreciate the amount of work that he carried out to ensure our books were in order.

Finally your elected committee have all worked tirelessly. My congratulations and thanks go to them all.

– Barry Bradshaw

Treasurer’s Report

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submit the treasurer’s report for the year ended April 30 2014. Net income for the year was $18,334. As at April 30 2014 total cash in bank amounted to $102,513, total creditors and other payables amounted to $41,045, leaving net cash position of $61,468.

– Pat Dichiera

Aboriginal wisdom

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ninety year old Aboriginal elder sat in his humpy eyeing two Government ‘Welfare’ officials sent to interview him.

“You have observed the white man for 90 years. You have seen his wars and his technological advances. You have seen his progress and the damage he has done.”

The elder nodded in agreement. The official continued: “considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the whitefella go wrong?”

The elder stared at the two government officials for over a minute and then he calmly replied: “When whitefella found the land, blackfellas were running it there were no taxes,, no debt, plenty kangaroo and plenty fish. Women did all the work. Medicine man free. Aboriginal man spent all day hunting and fishing. All night having sex”.

Then the elder leaned back and smiled; “Only whitefella bloody stupid enough to think he could improve a system like that.” Nuff said.

– Thanks to Mike Berecry for this contribution

Forthcoming Events/ Dates for Your Diary The Match Committee Fixture cards will be available on Opening Day. In the meantime here are some important dates for your diaries: • Dash for Cash • Opening Day: Des Bennett Memorial Trophy • Cancer Charity Day • Mixed Fours Championship

• Darts vs Bowlers • Mixed Pairs Championship

• Men’s Triples Championships

• Twilight Pairs Commences • Trevors Carpets Mixed Handicap Fours • Father and Son • Joe Stow Day • Divorced Pairs

• Women’s Fashion Parade

• Women’s 100 up Championship

• Women’s Championship Pairs

• Women’s Championship Triples

• Melbourne Cup Day

Saturday 30th August Sunday 14th September Friday 19th September Sunday 5th and Sunday 12th October Sunday 19th October Sunday 26th October and Sunday 2nd November Sunday 9th Nov. and Sunday 16th November Tuesday 11th November Sunday 23rd November Friday 28th November Friday 5th December Wednesday 17th Sept.

Tuesday 23rd September Wednesday 8th and Wednesday 15th October Wednesday 29th October and Wednesday 19th November Wednesday 26th Nov. Wednesday 10th Dec. 4th November

Men’s Captain’s Report

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nother Summer Season of Bowls is fast approaching. Reports from the Men’s Committee indicate we should be in for a big year ahead. A big thank you goes out to the Match Committee for organising winter bowls and carnivals i.e. “Dash for Cash” and “Trevors Carpets Handicap Fours”. Planning events in winter can be difficult and I hope all who participated realise the organisation that goes into such events. Also thank you to the Greens committee, Tony and Ron for their efforts in providing great greens during the winter months.

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The Development Squad and the Leads programs have been a great success.

Thanks go out to Brian Clausen and family for co-ordinating the programs.

Brian’s helpers should also be thanked. Brian also organised Therese Hastings and John Goddard to address the Development squad and other Club members.

This was also a great success. Let’s hope we can pick up a few pointers from their presentations.

By the end of August, A, B, C, D, greens will all be floodlit. Other than Community Bowls we need to take advantage of the Club’s investment. Suggestions on how we can utilise the lights for bowls would be greatly appreciated. Also I would suggest that members take ownership of any suggestions forthcoming. I believe the Match Committee have enough on the plate for the 2014/2015 Season.

The Men’s Committee have decided that coloured pants will be introduced for the 2015/2016 Pennant Season. There will be no phasing in period and is intended to find a sponsor to subsidise costs Opening day will be on the 14 September 2014 please place this date in you Diary. I am sure it will be a great success. Look out for more information in the next couple of weeks.

In conclusion I would like to thank the Men’s Committee officers and Secretary Graham Whitethorn for committing to another twelve months of running Men’s Bowls. Please give them your full support.

“Volunteering is better than criticising” – ABBA

If my body were a car!

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f my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull...

But that’s not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus and it’s especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

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My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here’s the worst of it. Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

– Author unknown. Submitted by my mate Barry Wood

Women’s Captain’s Report

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ur women bowlers had a successful 2013-14 Pennant season, with all teams holding their current division. In the Tuesday competition, the 1 White side finished 4th and took part in the finals but, unfortunately were defeated in the first finals game. The 1 Green North side missed out on the finals by only 1.5 points.

In the Saturday competition, the 1 Blue side finished 2nd, thus earning automatic promotion to 1 Red for the coming season.

Unfortunately they too were unsuccessful in their finals play offs. Our heartiest congratulations go to all of the players who did Sorrento so proud during this past Pennant season. We thank you for your commitment to the game of bowls in the name of our club and we hope that you will all continue to take part in the Pennants game as a member of our Sorrento sides for the up coming season.

Two of our women umpires were due for re accreditation this year if they wished to continue this role for our club. After four years of umpiring service, Jan Cook and Lee Leach have now achieved their re accreditation and are two of a small group of umpires who have been re accredited using a new, less demanding process which was put in place this year. Well done, ladies, and thank you for again committing yourselves to this service for the Club.

During the season the women members ran a number of events which raised considerable funds for our club. The main events were the Annual Fashion Parade in September, the Gala Day in January catering for 144 women bowlers, the prestigious Sorrento Women’s Invitation Fours in February which is open to teams of first division players only from other clubs, and our inaugural Trevors Carpets Handicap Triples in April. These four events alone raised $7000. We anticipate running these again and they will hopefully be as financially successful as this year. An enormous vote of thanks goes to all of the members – women and men – who made these events such a success. We really do appreciate the efforts and time that are given so willingly.

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There are a number of women who devote a lot of time to assisting with the running of the Women’s section of the bowling club. But I would like to acknowledge Nelly Heard who after many years of being on one women’s committee or another, has decided to retire from our Match Committee and take some welldeserved rest from administrative commitments for the club. Thank you for all your efforts, Nelly.

I would also like to welcome Coral Smith and Pauline Marsden to Match and Jan Paniperis to our Selection Committee. Jan is replacing Lee Leach who is retiring from Selection after 3 years of commitment to the challenging work of selecting Pennant teams. Thank you also, Lee, for your time in this role.

I would like to extend a very special thank you to two people who have helped to make our women’s fund-raising events so successful this year. First of all, a big thank you goes to Kishore Dudhia from Wendy’s Ice Creams who regularly donates a huge quantity of delicious ice cream to be served with desserts for most of our women’s events for which we provide a catered lunch.

The second person who has been so very generous with sponsorship and financial support is Ray Green from Trevors Carpets. Ray’s exceptional kindness has allowed us women to offer very generous prize money for our annual Women’s Invitation Fours, turning it into an occasion that attracts numerous top women bowlers from all over the state.

This year’s event was one of the best we have ever run and we received nothing but very positive and enthusiastic feedback about all aspects of the day. Ray also provided the sponsorship for our first and very successful Women’s Handicap Triples for Sorrento women bowlers only, which was held in April.

This was a new concept for a fun-filled event to wind up the bowling season. And there have been a number of other occasions where Ray has come forward with funds to support activities at our club. So our heartfelt thanks go to both of these kind hearted, generous benefactors of our club.

On a very personal note, I would like to take this opportunity to extend my sincerest and most profuse thanks and appreciation to everyone who did so much to help and support Kevin and I earlier this year following the death of my son.

– Sharon Eggers

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Our Welfare Officer Retires

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ne of our loveliest women, Jean Baker, has been doing the role of Welfare Officer for our club for six years. Several years ago, when no man came forward to take on the men’s section of this role, Jean offered to look after both women and men’s health and welfare issues. She has decided to step down from this very important role to take a well-earned break from keeping an eye on the health and wellbeing of our ‘under-the-weather’ members.

First of all I would like to extend, on our Club’s behalf, the sincerest of thank you’s for all of the valuable time and effort she has put in to filling this position At times, there can be a lot going on with ill or recovering members who have always really appreciated the contacts made on our behalf by Jean.

Obviously, Jean’s retiring from this position has left a vacancy, which ideally should be filled by a man – to look after the wellbeing of the male members – and a woman – to contact lady members. If there are any of you who feel you would like to take on this role, even if only for one year, please let Frank or I know.

A Bit of Fun

– Sharon Eggers

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ave you ever wondered what position you should play or if the position you are playing in Pennants is the correct one? Then the following statement will solve this for you. It has multiple responses so make sure you chose your response before reading the text below.

“A good Skipper will win ends, but a good Lead will win matches”

AGREE

DISAGREE

STRONGLY DISAGREE

If you agree and can handle pressure, then you should be a Lead.

If you agree, but are not keen on or can’t handle pressure, then you should be a Second.

If you disagree because you think it should be the other way round, then you 14

should be a Skipper.

If you strongly disagree, then you should be a Third. You may be of the opinion that the Third has the most crucial role because he/she has to fix the errors of the Lead and Second and/or change the nature of the Head so it is in your favour.

Why? If a Lead is consistently getting in the Head, then this relieves the pressure on the Second who is then able to play with more confidence. If He/She does this, then this in turn makes the job easier for the Third and subsequently for the Skipper.

If the Lead consistently fails to get them in the Head, the Second is under pressure which in turn puts the Third and Skipper under pressure. Once the confidence of the Third and Skipper is gone, the match is lost.

Finally, the best position to play, is the one you are happy and confident to play. – Derek Smith

The Brains of Older People do not get Weak

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rains of older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information stored in their brains, scientists believe. Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive becomes more full, so humans also take longer to access information, it has been suggested.

Researchers say this slowing down is not the same as cognitive decline. The human brain works slower in old age, said Dr. Michael Ramscar, but only because we have stored more information over time. The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more, but just may not be able to access the information.

Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature’s way of making older people do more exercise. SO THERE!! – Thanks to Mike Berecry for this contribution 15

Show your Sorrento Bowling Club membership card at Brumby’s Bakery in Darch and receive a 25% discount on in-house baked items 16

Men’s Selector’s Report

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he Selectors have decided to nominate the same number of teams as last season. Given the promotion of 3 Blue and 4 Blue on Thursday and 3 Blue on Saturday and the demotion of 3 Gold on Thursday the club has nominated the following teams for this season.

Thursday: 9 teams comprising of 1 Blue, 3 teams in 2nd division, 1 team in 3rd division, and 2 teams in 4th and 5th division.

Saturday: 8 teams being 1 White, 2 teams in 2nd division, 1 team in 3rd division, 2 teams in 4th and 5th division and 1 team in 6th division.

Pennant practise will begin in the first week of October.

Any player who is yet to return their form to nominate for Pennants could you please see one of the Selectors to let us know whether you intend to play. Look forward to seeing you all on the greens.

– Rob Tozer

Little Johnny

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ittle Johnny watched his Daddy’s car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. ‘Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...’

At this point Mommy cut him off and said, ‘Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.’

At the dinner table that evening, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story.

Johnny started his story, ‘I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.’

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Mommy fainted!

Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!

– Thanks to Alan Wood for this contribution

Akela, Naomi, Blossom and Pina go to Fiji

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n May 2014 four intrepid women from the Sorrento Bowling Club (Akela, Naomi, Blossom and Pina – the names have been changed to protect the not-so innocent!) set off at the crack of dawn to go to the airport to take the plane to Sydney and then on to Suva Fiji for the South Pacific Bowling Tournament.

After several adventures including but not limited to losing $500, picking up a way-ward fellow bowler in Sydney (Lola) and being chatted up by the Chief Steward on the Fijian Airways’ flight, five very tired bowlers arrived late at night in Suva and managed to persuade the chef of their hotel to keep the restaurant open so that they could be fed.

Next morning bright and early, Naomi and Blossom had to head off to play their first pairs match. The weather was not kind, dark ominous skies with the occasional downpour was the order of the day and they thought the game might be cancelled, but they found out that the Fijians are made of sterner stuff and nothing short of a cyclone or an earthquake deters them. The greens were sodden mud baths, but the games continued. Fijians may be made of sterner stuff but certain Women from Sorrento Bowling Club are not to be taken lightly – they won!

The fact that half of the opposition was actually from Bedford Bowling Club was not a factor as she was also Fijian. Akela and Pina had joined Naomi and Blossom and as a result of their win, their support team’s enthusiastic cries of encouragement and the fact that they were decked out in their bright Sorrento uniform all contributed to being photographed by the local Fijian Sun newspaper and published in the paper the next day!

Later that evening they participated in the “Welcome Dinner” at the Club – they discovered much to their delight that the Fijians know how to party!! The band was fabulous and after a wine or two, some even got into the cava, everyone was up dancing, singing and just having a ball. There were obviously a few sore heads the next day, but Naomi and Blossom had the day off and Akela and Pina did not have to play until the late afternoon. Naomi and Blossom discovered 18

The girls even got a mention in the local newspaper.

Pauline about to take on some research in Fiji for her job as voluntary barmaid at the club Left: Akela, Naomi, Blossom Pina and Jan in Fiji – not in any particular order so that their identies might be protected

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the Holiday Inn and a couple of other up-market hotels and from then on all the Sorrento Women made it a nightly ritual to have a drink and or/a meal there either before or after the festivities at the Club. As Pina said – ‘this is where we were supposed to stay!’

Akela and Pina played their first pairs match the next day late in the afternoon – under lights and in the rain – the paddocks by that time resembled lakes and their light little bowls just skimmed over the top of the water. They were fortunate that the Women they were bowling against were from Victoria and they went down in a very close game but were very glad to get out of the rain and stuck into a wine and a dinner at the club.

Naomi and Blossom enjoyed more bowls but no more wins. Akela and Pina had a resounding win – against a team from Quinns Beach!! – as they said, ‘we came all this way to play (and beat) a team from down the road!’ The fours matches were not all that successful – they came up against the New Zealand Commonwealth Games Team (aged 19-43) and were given a lesson in aggressive but wonderful bowls. The Islanders play with very heavy, very large cannon balls and woe betide your little bowl if it gets anywhere near the jack!!

In between the scheduled matches, the losers played 2-4-2 with random partners, Pina and her partner won money as did Naomi and her partner. As a result of the social bowls and the competition bowls they averaged 2-3 18-end matches daily on very heavy greens, and their backs, arms and techniques needed a little bit of repair work when they returned! (Partners on their return back at Sorrento were heard to grumble ‘you’re not in Fiji now’ when their bowls screamed into the ditch on the slightly faster greens.)

The final night was fantastic – a lovo or hangi was prepared in the players’ honour and they were entertained by dancing girls and fire dancers – Akela was nearly part of the entertainment when one of the fire sticks flew out of the hands of the dancer and landed between her feet! The dancing and singing and drinking went on and on – a couple of the party (Akela and Pina) were prepared to just keep on partying until they had to leave for the airport at 3 am, but unfortunately the band and some of the party-goers had to play bowls in the singles the next day!

However, the best part of the night was the very moving Farewell that was sung to the players who were going home the next day by the Fijians – bowlers, organisers and relatives, everyone joined in.

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So five very tired but totally happy bowlers got on to the plane the next morning, vowing to return the next year. As luck would have it, they had the same crew on the Fijian Airways flight back to Sydney, and were delighted to hear the Chief Steward announce as they were about to land in Sydney, ‘Welcome back to Australia to the Australian Ladies Bowling Team!!’ – they were Australian, they were ladies and they were a bowling team, so they took it!!

– Jan Paniperis

Umpires Corner: Proposed Rule Changes

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he Laws of the Sport of Bowls undergoes a review every four years with proposals for any rule changes being submitted (via Bowls Australia) to World Bowls for consideration and approval, usually at the next World Bowls council meeting coinciding with the Commonwealth Games.

Sorrento, along with many other clubs throughout Australia, submitted a proposal last year requesting a change to the laws to allow Skips in a game of fours to delegate scoring to the Seconds.

This proposal was submitted by Bowls Australia to World Bowls and is expected to result in a change to the laws to allow national authorities, such as Bowls Australia, the option of having a domestic regulation to allow Skips to delegate scoring.

Another proposed rule change being considered relates to foot faulting (law 20.1).

Currently the law requires a player before delivery to have one foot fully on the mat and then at the moment of delivery have all or part of one foot on or above the mat. The proposed change removes the requirement to have one foot fully on the mat before delivery and only requires that at the moment of delivery to have all or part of one foot on or above the mat.

The proposed changes were due to be voted on by World Bowls during the Glasgow Commonwealth Games. If the proposed changes are accepted, there will be a period of time before they will come into effect. Bowls WA will advise clubs and umpires if and when the laws are changed and when they will come into effect (most likely the 1st January 2015).

– Jim Ironside 21

The best knowledge – the biggest range – the right advice Osborne Park 9202 4545 Paul Waite

Joondalup 9300 3633 Rob Crane

Say a Prayer

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ittle Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.

When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. “Johnny!

Please wait until we say our prayer.” said his mother.

“I don’t need to,” the boy replied. “Of course, you do.” his mother insisted. “We always say a prayer before eating at our house.” “That’s at our house.” Johnny explained. “But this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook!”

– Thanks to Ian Wittber for this contribution

Today’s Humour My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you Believe that….2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

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The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.

When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a Coffin, three hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they’ve lost the plot!!

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to Our local pet shop and they were $70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.

I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking Doctor’ -– I thought, ‘What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?’

Hot Hints from Heardie

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– Ian Wittber

n this newsletter we will discuss the most important person in the team, the Second. Seconds are virtually leaders and play a high percentage of their bowls as draw shots.

If you want to be a good second • make sure your bowls pass the jack. Short bowls are a disaster.

• Never anticipate what your Skip is about to direct you to do.

• Stay just behind the mat and wait for direction. Once you have understood the direction, Play the shot to the best of your ability.

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As a Second you will be called upon to play many shots. You will need to be able to draw around short bowls, play running shots, promote shorts bowls, play the trail shot or the drive and be prepared to draw on the wide windy side because the Leads have blocked off the best side .

Remember these are all the shots you should be practising during the week. Never as a Second should you indicate to your Skipper the best shot you can see from the mat unless he asks you. Trust your Skipper, he is in charge and without your effort he cannot build a head.

To be a good team member. Don’t wander around. Back up the Lead and Third.

Applaud your teams good bowls and have very little to say. Let the Skips and Thirds run the show And always remember bowls is a team effort.

– Graeme Heard

Men’s Match Committee Report

The first Dash-for-Cash May 2014 22 teams entered, including several players from other clubs. The event was once again generously sponsored

by Safeway Security Screens. Thanks to Barry and Paul Bradshaw for this contribution.

Four matches of 11 ends of fours was played in (very) cool and cloudy conditions. Helped by a “whitewash” score of 27-0, the team of Andy Elmer, Mike Korycin, Brian Saul and Cody Packer were the only team to record four wins and took off the major prize. Next best was the team of Ray Green, Ron Burroughs, Bruce Eagles and Barry Bradshaw with 3 wins and plus 26 shots. Third place was taken by Neville Odell, Keith Cooper, John Sanders and Trevor Orton, who despite dropping an 8 to Ron Roger’s team in their first match, finished with 3 wins and plus 19 shots. Apologies to Bert Straw’s team from Quinns who phoned to register, but whose names didn’t make it on the event list.

Trevor Carpets The Trevors Carpets Sponsored Men’s Handicap Fours resumed on June 14th after being abandoned due to rain a month earlier. Unfortunately, 2 of the original 22 teams could not find replacements, so a re-draw of the remaining 20 teams took place, and the event reduced to 3 rounds. Last–minute player unavailability and ill-health also meant that the men had to co-opt three of the volunteer kitchen 24

women to fill some spots. Thanks to Coral Smith, Jan Cook and Nola Mullumby for filling in.

The only side to win all three matches was Danny Condon, Bob Mulroy, Alan Anderson and Brian Saul so they took out the overall prize. (See front page of this newsletter for a photo of the winning foursome). Filling the runner up spot was the team of Pat Dichiera, Derry Ellis, Ken Giles and John Collishaw with 2 wins and a draw, just displacing the team of Arthur Richards, Dave Bradley, Murray Newman and Ian Linford who also had two wins and a draw, into 3rd place. The N.A.B.A. (Not A Bowler’s Armpit) award for the least winningest team was Dion Smith, Alan Susta, Glenn Boston and John Hammond. Only one team went away empty-handed over the competition, and everyone reported that they had a great time.

Enormous thanks again to Ray Green from Trevor Carpets – the builder’s choice – for his fantastic sponsorship of this event. Thanks also to the kitchen staff for their morning tea and lunch.

Second Dash for Cash June 2014 Under fine and sunny skies, the June edition of Dash for Cash, sponsored by Safeway Security Screens and with thanks to Barry Bradshaw, attracted a field of 18 teams. No team managed to win all four matches, but two visiting teams from Quinns managed to snare 3 ½ wins each to carry off the major prize money. The winning team was R Gray, C Deakin, L Parr and I Parker with a greater “shotsup” score than the other team.

Runners-up were B Kapitzke, P Wachmer, R Knapp and L Farrow. Third place was snared by the Sorrento team of Ray Green, Ron Burroughs, Bruce Eagles and Barry Bradshaw. Prizes were also awarded to the four highest winning margins in each of the rounds played.

Thanks to Safeway Security Screens for their on-going sponsorship of this event.

And just a personal note; I had some of their screens installed at my house recently, and they are fantastic. See Barry if you need some security products Third Dash for Cash July 2014 Unfortunately after one round the rain forced us to abandon this game 25

– Trevor Orton

Bowl of the Season

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embers may recall our story in the last newsletter on two bowlers who we considered played the ‘perfect’ shot during the season.

Recently a poll was conducted among members as to which one they favoured and a prize was donated to the player receiving most votes. We are pleased to announce that Tony Pilgrim’s shot was the clear winner. Our congratulation to Tony, who is shown receiving his prize.

Footnote: During the game the opposing Skipper commented to Tony that he thought the green was terrible!!!

– Ray Stapledon

Women’s Match Committee Report

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n my role as the Chair of the Match Committee I would like to begin this report by taking the opportunity to welcome Pauline Marsden who has joined the Committee, and to welcome back Betty Stern, Helen Ironside and Carole Ford. Nelly Heard has retired from the Committee and is now enjoying a well earned (stress free) bowling life. On behalf of the women members of the club I want to extend a huge thank you to Nelly for all your hard work. On a more personal note I would like to thank you for the support and help that you extended to me when I previously had the role of Chair on the Match Committee.

A great deal of work has gone into ensuring that the 2014/15 fixture cards are at the printers and will be available for distribution on Open Day (Sunday 14th September). However, we have not had confirmation of dates for the IRRR and Wanneroo/Joondalup Trophy and we will keep you informed of these dates when they come to hand.

The Committee would like to extend an invitation of ALL our women bowlers to actively participate in the Club Championships this year. The Championships are open to everyone and are a great way of building an inclusive Club culture.

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As I mentioned at our quarterly meeting, should the circumstances arise that the weather forces us to postpone any of our Club Championships, the Match Committee may consider playing part of the Championships under lights in the evening. This decision will only be considered should we be running out of time to complete the games.

The Match Committee wishes you all a happy and successful year of bowling and we look forward to seeing you all out on the greens.

– Coral Smith

Cafe Sorrento’s First Birthday

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ew members will have realised that, on the 18th July 2014, our smiling caterers “Ross, Trish and their Girls” celebrated their first year at our Club. Please note the beautiful muffin cake with one candle. Our thanks to them for a job well done. Their lovely meals have been appreciated by all who have dined on Friday evenings. We look forward to their next anniversary.

Footnote: They are also quite good at bowls

– Ray Stapledon

The Lord is My Shepherd

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Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible – Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.

Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn’t remember the Psalm.

After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

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On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, “The Lord is my Shepherd, and that’s all I need to know.”

– Thanks to Ian Wittber for this contribution

The Naming of Our Greens

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ony Pilgrim has suggested we tell members a bit about the bowlers who did so much for our Club that it was decided to name a green after them. With the help of Ian Wittber and John Murphy we have established the following: The Arthur Stewart Green (D Green) In 1975 Arthur Stewart was the inaugural President of the bowls section of the Sorrento Sporting Club and stayed on as President for a number of years. Arthur was a very strong leader and put in a lot of hard work during the construction of the first green. He was also good at coaching new bowlers and the naming of the D Green after him was well earned and deserved.

The Des Bennett Green (E Green) Des Bennett was very involved at most levels of our Club, through the Executive, and over his eleven terms as Treasurer. He was also a coach, and many of our members will have been given their first introduction to bowls as a result.

He was only too willing to make himself available for various tasks There were many times when he and Graeme Heard would share the workload between them, and many sessions were scheduled outside what would be considered normal hours.

He was instrumental in getting our fifth green off the ground and for ensuring that we got what we wanted, rather than what the council, which was Wanneroo at the time, wanted to supply. He did not feel that the proposed wood chip base would be suitable. Des managed these negotiations, with his usual good nature, and there was never any major concerns.

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The Ron Hewer Green (B Green) and The Reg Rundle Green (A Green) Unfortunately we have not been able to find out anything about Ron Hewer and Reg Rundle. If any members know anything about these guys please let me know and we will include it in the next newsletter

Blood Cancer

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oday, 31 Australians are expected to be diagnosed with leukaemia, lymphoma or myeloma.

More than 50,000 people are living with one of these blood cancers or a related blood disorder in Australia today. Blood cancer and related blood disorders can develop in anyone, of any age, at any time.

In acute or aggressive cases, the person can require immediate and intensive treatment, often within 24 hours of diagnosis. Treatment for blood cancer can range from months, to several years and generally lasts longer than treatment for other cancers.

Treatment can be life-threatening and life-changing. Temporary side-effects like hair loss are common, but there can also be long-term effects, like being unable to have children later on.

Following my small presentation and a personal request to our bowling members for help with the Leukaemia Foundation’s Sunflower fund-raiser event, I have been overwhelmed by the generosity of giving by members and I would like to say a warm thank you for your support of my volunteering effort..

The giving from Sorrento members can be seen to bring some sunshine to some very sick people. I thank you. – Russ Lockwood

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Croquet Report

Kerry Bomford and visitor Elaine at a Ladies Social Day

Robin Rowe and Peter Hamilton hard at work

Pat Hobson and Judith Skeet at the Croquet Club’s Christmas Theme Party

“Croquet players never die, they just peg-out”.

Captain’s Comments (Judith Skeet) On behalf of all members of the Croquet Section, I record my sincere thanks to the two out-going members of the Croquet Committee – Kerry Bomford (Secretary) and Kathy Hamilton (Social Convenor). Their work on the Committee has been very much appreciated. They are replaced by Diana McGivern and Jackie Harland respectively.

Other members of the current Committee are John Harland (Vice Captain); Trish Klemp (Coaching and Handicapping); Peter Hamilton (Match Organiser); Tony Fowke (WACA Representative) and Pat Hobson (Welfare Officer); with me continuing as Captain.

The Committee members take this opportunity to thank stalwart member Terry Harvey for his on-going support in the role of Coach and for his voluntary work in cleaning and tidying up the Croquet Shed. We also thank new member Robyn Rowe and Terry Harvey for painting the poles with the colours showing the order of ball play and brightening up the whole croquet area.

With a view to improving direct communication between the Committee and other members of the Club (including Bowls and Darts Sections), the Committee will meet regularly on the third Thursday of every month at 12 noon in the Clubhouse.

Each meeting will commence with a 15-minute “Open Forum” at which ideas, 30

suggestions, invitations and general feedback from croquet, or other sectors, members can be presented for consideration, discussion and, where appropriate, action by the Committee.

The current Committee intends to build on previous efforts to further integrate the croquet section into the Club as a whole. Any ideas to assist in achieving this aim are welcomed by the Committee.

Croquet goes to St. Stephen’s School At the start of Term 2, the Sports Coordinator of St. Stephen’s School contacted Judith Skeet regarding the introduction of his students to the game of Croquet.

Judith gathered together a group of enthusiastic players and suggested that we visit the school on 11th June for this purpose. The group of 25 Year 11 students was split into six groups, each allocated to one of the croquet players. The levels of interest and enthusiasm varied from “keen” to “this is a game for old people.”

However, before very long each student had been shown how to hold a mallet and hit a ball. A number of hoops were erected and soon the groups were enjoying themselves!

The Sports Coordinator was impressed to see that some of the students, who previously had never shown any interest in sports, were enjoying the introductory lesson – with some even expressing an interest in playing again!

We were delighted to receive the following account from one of the groups: “Croquet was so much fun!! We loved playing it and enjoyed ourselves. Di showed us some skills that improved our game enough to play like a professional team. At the start we thought that croquet was a sport with no life towards it, but as the time passed we found many different positive views to see the game as very fun, exciting and competitive. Some people would get away the little roll of the ball and saying that it was their turn next but nothing passed Judith’s eyes.

In the end the whole class returned to their next class with positive feedback from croquet and found the enjoyment of it carried through to the end of the day. Thanks for having us and we loved your company, and hope to see you all in the future. Playing professional croquet!!

– Michelle, Sarah, Amy B and Amy J” From the Match Organiser (Peter Hamilton) State Competition for ‘B’ Grade Players Terry Harvey and Peter Hamilton represented Sorrento Croquet at the 2-day Annual State ‘B’ Grade Competition in June; and put in a creditable performance, with Peter qualifying to play a final game against a player from Cambridge 31

Croquet Club, and Terry coming a close third. Peter was narrowly beaten 7 – 5 in the final giving Sorrento 2nd and 3rd places in the competition – a credit to our Club and to Peter and Terry. We are very proud of them!

Ricochet Singles Club Championship This event was held on Friday 27th June and proved to be a very enjoyable day.

The final saw Judith Skeet playing Peter Hamilton for the title with Judith stamping her authority from the start. Her win of 14 - 10 was all the more commendable as her mallet lost one of its hitting surfaces during the Competition, creating a significant distraction for her! Congratulations Judith on winning the 2014 Championship!

“Away” Matches and Competitions Terry Harvey partnered a Cambridge player in the ‘Gosnells 12s’ Doubles competition recently and came a second by only one shot! A most worthy effort!

Peter Hamilton represented Sorrento this year in the “Champion of Champions” competition, which is the first time we have been involved. This competition includes most of the top players in WA, but Peter held his own admirably by winning four of his games – congratulations!

Cambridge Croquet Club hosted a two-day RPM ‘Golden Mallet’ Mixed Doubles Event on 2nd and 3rd August with Kathy and Peter Hamilton and Trish Klemp there to represent Sorrento. All players were presented with a mini ‘golden’ mallet as a memento.

Forthcoming Events (September to December) • Croquet Golf Doubles Competition on Friday 19th September • Croquet Golf Singles Competition on Friday 17th October • “Special Birthday” dinner on Friday 7th November (TBC) • “Have a Go Day (Burswood) on Wednesday 12th November • “Safeway Fun Day” on Friday 21st November Thank You The Captain and members of the Croquet Committee take this opportunity to thank all Croquet members who have volunteered their time and talents to make OUR Club a better place. In particular, our “painters”; the “Busy Bee” helpers, and the “Sausage Sizzle” helpers. Their contributions assist enormously in developing our community spirit!

– Judith Skeet 32

Bowls Performance Sub-committee

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he Sorrento Bowling Club were fortunate over the months of July and August to have had two high profile guest speakers to address the Development Group and other members.

In July Therese Hastings spoke on the importance of goal setting, head building and selecting the shot to play. On the shot to play issue she emphasised how the obvious shot may not be the best percentage shot to play.

On the question of practice, Therese was very keen to move away from the culture of roll-ups, saying we need constructive practice methods to improve our game. Therese also spoke about developing the mental side to bowling.

In August John Goddard spoke to members. His talk was based on an open forum format where John fielded questions from his audience.

On selection he felt that compatibility is as important as the quality of the players selected. He considers a Bowling Club as a family and as such it is important to know your players well. Sometimes, issues away from bowls can impact on a players performance. It’s good for Skips and Selectors to understand this when making decisions.

John indicating how far John’s advice was for new players to lead for as Snowy’s bowl was from long as possible as this will allow them to really the kitty hone their drawing skills as this will stand them in good stead later in their careers.

Having a plan for the last five to six ends in a Pennant game is important and this needs to be implemented over all rinks. He suggested the following: • Cover against going down large numbers, whether you are up/down or even.

• Know what is required.

• Keep your eye on the aggregate. Assign someone to do the counting.

• Avoid playing unnecessary risky shots.

• Remember a losing rink can still contribute to the aggregate if they can endeavour to score ones over the last five ends.

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On the question of getting promotion John said it is important to play and train as the higher Division teams do. Once, then having gained promotion, you are better equipped to stay there.

These are some excerpts from Therese and John’s talks. There were many others ‘pearls of wisdom’ those present were able to take on board. How fortunate we have been indeed.

– Brian Clausen

Greens and Grounds

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s we near the middle of winter the greens are showing what the lack of light and warmth does to them. We are not unhappy with them even though they look rather drab., “E” green in fact looks the best and that is because it was used the least during summer, we will turn this back to North/South very shortly so we can widen the Eastern and Western ditches.

You may have noticed that the bottlebrush trees that were on the Northern side of the pathway leading to the clubhouse have been removed and the reasons for this were, the roots have already created the need to remove pavers clear roots and replace pavers, this would have continued to happen, also when fixing the plinths on the Northern edge of “B” green roots were found in the ditch and we cannot have trees (that we control) growing into the greens. Also the shade created by them is not conducive to good plant growth.

The lighting for “C and D” is almost complete, in fact by the time of publication of this newsletter we would have expected it to be completed. Now we have a facility it is up to all of us to put on our thinking caps with the intention of developing games that can utilise this facility, particularly in summer.

Recently we completed a trip to Darkan to pick up excess greens machines and watering pipes. Our thanks go out to Peter Balcombe who not only allowed us to utilise his utility but he spent the whole day driving, loading and unloading.

Also Kevin and Sharon thanks for the use of the tandem trailer that enabled us 34

to pack on the machines and give us the extra length required, which enabled the watering pipes to sit on top of the Ute and not overhang the back of the unit. In addition, I wish to thank the Darkan Bowling Club for the donation they made to us. The worth of the 21 pipes alone exceeds any costs incurred in transportation.

We are endeavouring to only use two greens on any one day and if this means on some days we do not have space for those bowlers wishing to rollup, please persevere with us for a while as the intention is to ensure that when the growing season commences we will not be too far behind the schedule required. We have done some light coring on “D” and will do some on other greens as soon when we see the opportunity to do so.

The Thumbs Up club are continuing to work on Mondays and the main task at the moment is to remove old timber from behind all the ditch rubbers, some of which are causing bowls to rebound onto greens when driven strongly. Russell Lockwood is reviewing and repairing sections of the ditch rubbers that require immediate repair following the timber removal. The garden alongside the pathway will require immediate attention as well.

Some vandals caused damage to two of our small sheds plus they damaged the chemical shed roller door. We are seeking either repairs to the small sheds or replacing them with one big shed. These will look a little untidy for a while.

We are looking forward to Spring and the growing season so we can see clearly what greens require any special attention so we can have a minimum of three greens Assessed for Pennants immediately and then the other two to come on line shortly thereafter. “A” will be last to come on line and that would then enable us to rotate greens during the summer which is a luxury we haven’t had for a long while.

– Kevin Cook:

Never Argue with a Woman!!

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ne morning a husband and wife went down to their local Bowling Club for a roll-up in the sunlight. However the Greens were closed and as the husband went into the Club for a beer his wife decided to sit in the sunlight and mind the bowling gear and read a book.

Along comes the Chairman of the Greens Committee (very important person) and approaches the woman and says “Good morning, what are you doing?”

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“Reading a book” she replies (thinking, Isn’t that obvious) The Greens are closed, he informs her.

“I’m sorry but I’m not bowling - I’m reading”, she replies “Yes but you have all the gear and for all I know you could start at the moment I’m gone so if you don’t shift I have to report you to the Committee.”

“For reading a book?” she replies “The Green are closed and you have all the gear to start bowling” he informs her “If you do that I’ll have to report you with sexual assault” says the woman.

“But I haven’t even touched you” says the Chairman of the Greens Committee “That’s true but you have all the gear and for all I know you could start at any moment” she says with a smirk.

“Have a nice day and enjoy your reading” he said and left the green.

MORAL OF THE STORY: NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN WHO READS! IT’S LIKELY SHE CAN ALSO THINK!!!

– Dick Currie

Getting to Know Our Friends

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id you know that our dear friend, the debonair gentleman called Stan McCullagh is “of the Manor born”? This fact has only become apparent recently. Members are requested, in future, to please address him appropriately.

Baron Stan, Lord Stan or Sir Stan will be acceptable! There is however no need to bow and/or curtsey.

Stan’s ancestral home, Doughton Manor. Prince Charles’ Country home is next door!

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Stan’s mother, Ruby Helen Lindley, was the youngest child of George Henry Lindley and Florence Lucy Humphries. Florence’s parents were Lucy Caroline Getting and Thomas Humphries (Stan’s great-grand parents). Lucy was the daughter of David Getting and Mary Taylor Talboy. She was one of ten children. Stan tells me that this was because there was no TV in those days! Mary was a descendent of Richard Talboy the original owners of Doughton Manor.

Stan has not disclosed how, with such illustrious ancestors, he came to be born in Kalamunda on 23 February 1929. He was educated at the Kalamunda State School and in the early 1960’s started carting goods across the Nullarbor in a semi-trailer on a dirt road. After the railway became standard gauge across Australia Stan retired from inter-state driving and instead carted goods to and from Freemantle and Kewdale. Stan retired in 1988 when his wife Doreen became very ill. She passed away in 1994.

We are indeed fortunate that Stan decided to join our Club in 1995. As an ex-captain and President of his tennis club he soon adapted to lawn bowls and has always been very competitive. His extralarge black bowls are well-known for their ability to keep trundling along that extra metre until they reach the jack.

He has been very involved in the Match Committee for over ten years and has spent many hours at the Club organising social bowls and championship events. We understand that Sir Stan is not only good at tennis and lawn bowls but is a dab hand at Rummikub, a game that he and Marie Smart play.

He has always been a good club member and often helps with the cooking of meals for the Community bowlers. Well done Sir Stan!! The Club appreciates your on-going helpfulness, friendliness and sincerity!

– Neville Odell

Darts Report

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ell the Dart season is well underway with fourteen games played already. As in past years we are fielding four sides, two in the Blue Water Darts Association and two with the Sports and Bowling Club Dart Association.

Our A Grade side (Blue Water) is in 3rd spot on the ladder, close to top position. The team’s darts this year, fair to say, are down on last year’s performance. Having won the premiership for the past two years, making it three in a row will be a challenge, one which I am sure they are up to. Tony Kay and Spider Webb lead the averages 37

with 63 and 57 respectively.

Our other Blue Water side is 3 Gold. They are performing well and knocking on the door of the top four. Kevin and Jan Cook are leading the way with averages of 48 and 41 respectively.

The two Sorrento sides in the Sports and Bowling Club Darts Association are performing very well. Third division is in second spot on the ladder with Phil Michael putting in a big performance with a 56 average. Fourth division sits in third spot, lead by Bruce Cross with a 44 average.

Upcoming events, apart from the finals, include a bus trip to Bruce Rocks this month; the very popular Darts vs Bowls bowling day; and the Club wind up which is traditionally held in November. Our free hams raffle will be on again later this year, recognising our regular dart raffle contributors.

Shortly work will begin on a revamp of the Darts area, thanks to a generous grant from Azure Capital. This work will include replacing the current pelmets and surrounds around the dart boards; a new information cabinet; and hopefully the cladding of the current brickwork.

Finally please note that we are always looking for new members. Membership of the Darts club is $25 for the year and $5 each night you play. These fee’s cover association registration fees and fund events during the year.

Competition darts are held on Tuesdays and Thursday evenings commencing at 7pm and cater for all ages and abilities, from 1st division through to 4th division.

So, whether you have an average of 25 or 80 or if you have never played before we can find a spot for you. If you are interested please contact me. – Wayne Gray

Our New Website

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y the time you read this Newsletter it is sincerely hoped that our long awaited Website will be up and running. The time to prepare the format of the site, has taken a lot longer than we anticipated but Ian Wittber and myself have worked hard in trying to get the format correct and have a reasonable amount of content on the site. The actual content will improve as we get contributions in from all sections of the Club. We hope that this will be something the club will be proud of in the future.

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We all know what a brilliant job Neville and Denise do with the Newsletter and members will be able to download the latest edition from the site. There will be lots of additional information available on our website. This is in no way meant to replace the Newsletter but to complement it.

In addition to our normal E-mail address, there will be an additional E-mail address webmaster@sorrentobowlingclub.com.au which will be part of the website’s facilities. This address will allow comments about the site to be directed to the web-master. This will also allow contributors to easily send in their contributions by way of normal E-mail. We have lined up a list of regular contributions, but we welcome reasonable input from all members.

Enjoy our new site at www.sorrentobowlingclub.com.au – Derek Smith

The Bus

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ou are driving a bus from London to Edinburgh. When the bus leaves London it is licensed to carry 56 passengers. At the start of the journey 45 people are on board leaving 11 vacant seats. At the first stop five more people board and two alight leaving eight vacant seats. At the next stop 6 passengers leave and two board.

The question- What is the name of the bus driver?

The answer is on page 46 – Richard Fermoyle

Some Advice for Skippers written in 1932

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emember dear friends that success as a Skipper depends more on personal qualities than on actual skill as a bowler. It is far more essential to get the best from his men, than to score shots himself, but he must be able to do his best at a pinch, never lose heart, nor allow his men to do so, applaud good shots, and cheerfully accept bad ones.

To draw attention to a poor shot is not only bad taste but bad policy. Who knows better than the bowler that he had made a poor shot? A word or praise is worth a sermon of blame. Don’t make a big noise, for the “Skip” who exults when he is a few up, usually sulks when the boot is on the other foot.

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The ideal “Skip” should be master of every shot in the book. Driving has a fatal fascination for some men, but it can easily be overdone. Such “Skips” should try to remember they are not playing entirely for their own fun. A “Skip” should preserve the medium between talking too much and not talking at all.

Never force a man to play a shot he does not fancy. We are all much more likely to do the shots we think we can do, than those we have to be coaxed to try.

There are times when each man should be given a set object for every bowl, not vague orders of the fore or back-hand type, and no man should be allowed to deliver a bowl until he clearly understands which side holds the shot, and how many.

The wise “Skip” will set the example of watching every bowl from start to finish, for however true the rink, something may be learned about the run of the bowls at different lengths from every bowl sent down.

The “Skip” should take a keen interest in the throwing of the jack and require the leader to preserve or alter the length to suit his men, or to spoil the touch of the other side. To all these must be added careful study of pet shots, tactful handling of his men’s humours, whims, and peculiarities (most of us have some), and a gentlemanly demeanour at all times, before a Skipper can hope to weld four units into a bowling team.

– Author Unknown

R.S.L. News

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ur Annual General meeting was held recently and the following were elected: President Ian Marshall Deputy President Phil Griffiths Vice president John Weir Secretary Ian White, Treasurer Malcolm Sargant, Match Chairman Rod Beazley and Social Chairman Ron Prosser. Noel O’Halloran and Tony Harris were elected to the Social Committee and Bill Cowan and Gordon Wooldridge to the Match committee.

Selectors are Ian White Rod Beazley and Bill Cowan.

Sorrento R.S.L. Bowls members are asked to attend as many matches as possible so as to assist the Section to run efficiently and enjoyably. If you would like to play in events and you don’t have a team. you can enter as individuals and the Match Committee will assist by placing you with other players in the same situation. If you enter a team and you are the Skipper it is up to you to inform the 40

Match committee of any changes to your team.

Recently we travelled to Singapore for a week of bowls and sight-seeing. The trip was arranged by Phil Griffiths from this end and Willie Tan who organised the Singapore events. A job well done by both of them.

Members of the Sorrento Bowling Club who travelled were Liz and I and Brian and Jean Collins. We were amazed at the conditions the Singaporeans played under. The greens were average at best. At a game against a team from the Singapore National squad the President of Bowls Singapore told us that they get no assistance from the Government at all as it is a sport that has almost no recognition by Government. Haven’t we heard that somewhere else.

A game was played at the Singapore Cricket Club also the Taglan Club and the Cangalan Club. The competition was surprisingly high and at times we did not get a look in.

All Clubs operate on a no-cash basis. You pay your membership at start of season and then an account is sent monthly for food and drink consumed. At the Taglan Club the first time we gave them a fair indication as to our priorities. At this Club driving is frowned upon as the green is situated on the fourth floor and a full blooded drive is likely to end up in the car-park below or the pool of the adjacent American Club. The hospitality of the Clubs was nothing short of amazing. They could not do enough for us.

Fixtures for the coming season are with me and I will be distributing them either personally or by mail. They will be also available at the Club on our allocated notice board.

For the information of the male members the Annual National Carnival is being held in Perth. Trial for the State team start next month. I encourage all to attend if possible. Even if not selected there is the National fours following the test series.

If you can’t play all days of the Nationals, subs will be required so please make yourself available for a day or what time you can spare. Contact me for further info. Entry forms for the Nationals will be available in the coming Months.

Ladies an event has been added to the fixtures. It is a ladies pairs competition so support this if you can.

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– Ian Marshall: State/National President, R.S.L. Bowls section

“The Hygiene of Youth and Beauty”

R

os Pittaway has lent your Editor a book, written in 1927, by a Josif Ginsburg M.D.. His book is called “The Hygiene of Youth and Beauty” and covers subjects such as “The Signs of Age”, “Red Face and Red Nose”, “Correct and Incorrect Posture”, “Waist Reduction”, “Stomach Excercises, “Straightening of a Crooked Mouth” etc etc.

Ginsburg wrote that “in this modern era (i.e 1927!!), with the constant demands and pretensions of the “sterner”sex, (I assume he means men!!) the art of looking good has become a regular duty and practical science”.

He states that “no woman can afford to lose her sex appeal or become a neutral person as to attract man is her inhertited right and power”.

He hopes that his valuable information and impartial advice will apply in all cases of beauty and cosmetic deficiencies”. For example he states he is of the opinion that the ideal bust size is 35 inches with a 29 inch waist!

If members want to try out some of his advice and execercises or want more information ask Ros if you may borrow her book

“It was always my desire to publish a book based on science and experience” 42

Some Letters to the Editor To the Editor, President and Vice President We have been supporting Sorrento Bowling club for the last nine years, by donating ice cream when required for catering purposes.

Just to mention we gave $980 worth of ice cream last financial year alone.

Our Whitford City store closed in November 2013 but I am still supporting the club from our Warwick Wendys store to date. It is therefore devastating to note we have not been mentioned in the SBC June 2014 News letter at all. What is going on?

Does the Sorrento Bowling Club need our support any more? Please advise. It would be much appreciated.Thanks Anticipating a reply.

Regards Kishore Dudhia– Wendys Warwick Hi Kishore Apologies for leaving Wendy’s out of our June 2014 newsletter.

This was my fault as the Editor.

I was aware that your Whitfords branch had closed and I took out your advert as it referred to Whitfords. My plan was to get your new business card with the 43

To contact Kishore visit Wendys at Centro Warwick or call him on 9246 3040 or 0409 084828

Warwick address but I forgot.

I will make sure we give you a special mention in the September 2014 newsletter.

Once again we are sorry we left out one of our regular sponsors.

We appreciate your on-going generosity and sponsorship.

Best wishes Neville Odell – Editor

Letter from a Member

Letter from Nelly Heard

Is there any reason there was no contribution in our June 2014 newsletter from our President, Vice President, Secretary, Darts Section or Treasurer? I thought our newsletter was supposed to provide a forum for members of the Executivr Committee to communicate with our members

Don’t hold your breath waiting for a locker. I waited 18 months for a key, only to find out my key wouldn’t fit my locker. I complained and was told I needed a special key – my lock was different to everyone else’s . Finally after nearly 2 years the whole lock was taken out. It was replaced with a new lock and key which I promptly lost . I got a loan of a key from the key board. Have just had new keys cut – cost me $18 . So don’t complain Rick Munt.

Just hang loose – you might get a locker in about 2 years Thanks to Ken Vercoe who lent me a key whilst having a new one cut. Gosh men get exasperated very easily.

P. S. Have just found out ONE of the new keys doesn’t work .

Ho. Hum – Nelly

– A Concerned Member Dear “Concerned Member” About two weeks prior to finalising each newsletter I e-mail all our past and potential contributors to give them the required deadline for the next edition. If contributions are not forthcoming then the gaps are filled with a few extra jokes or photographs.

In the past I would phone members and remind them that their contributions were overdue but we have decided that this is no longer justified.

I would however like to thank all the members who send me contributions especially Trevor Orton who always provides a comprehensive report on the Men’s Match Committe.

Dear Nelly Rick Munt tells me he eventually got allocated a bowls locker! He is very impressed that his letter to the Newsletter Editor (in a previous edition) did the trick by invoking the “Power of the Press”

Neville Odell – Editor

Neville Odell – Editor

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The Champion?

I want to be a Champion A Champ I want to be I want to be a Champion For all the world to see

And then the things I’m missing Computer gave to me I didn’t really mind For there were only three

I practised long and hard And studied every shot Then fed it in Computer To see what I had got

Talent was an issue The first to come across It said in this department I was a total loss

I gave it all the info Reports of every size A mountain full of details For it to analyse

Ability it listed next Really much the same Was something that I lacked In all parts of my game

With such a pile of data Computer had to sort It took a blooming day To finally get report

The third I failed to read It really was a sin For in a raging temper Threw paper in the bin

It gave a page of attributes To help me in my quest It listed all the things It thought that I did best

It’s better to be normal I’m sure you will agree Who wants to be a Champ I’m certain it’s not me

– Derek Smith

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TO: The Prime Minister. July 2014.Canberra .A.C.T. Dear Mr Abbott,

I am an “Asylum Seeker”, And I DIDN’T arrive by BOAT, But if you grant me ‘ASYLUM’, I will gladly give you my vote.

For I’m living in Third World conditions, I’m not allowed money at all, I do my own Washing and Cooking, And I sleep on a Mat in the Hall.

I’m not allowed an opinion, I can’t speak out ‘bout my life, SO I BEG YOU – PLEASE grant me ‘ASYLUM’, As I want to escape from THE WIFE.

Signed: “ Will” Lever

Answer to Bus Driver Question The answer: Unless you have forgotten your own name you should know the answer 46

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