Sorrento Bowling Club Magazine Issue 56 April 2014

Some of our 2014 Winners

Winners of the Ladies Fours: Liz Marshall, Pauline Marsden, Anne Lilly, and Lorraine Hyde

Number 56 April 2014

Sorrento Bowling Club Newsletter

Winners of the Men’s Fours: Brian Lucas, Peter Crow, Brian Collins and John Godfrey

Contents Some notes from your Editor – Neville Odell President’s Report and Deputy President’s Report Bowls Captain’s Report Rural Australia Computer Terminology Greens and Grounds Report The Problem with Woman Drivers Croquet Report Australia versus “The Rest of the World” Trevor’s Carpets Mixed Handicap Day Some more photos of our bowlers in action!

Men’s Singles Championships Trevor’s Tipping Competition Men’s Triples Men’s Fours and Twilight Pairs Ladies Match Committee Our Planned Winter Activities What is a “Billion”?

Selector’s Reports Ladies Pots Winners The Pennant Season’s End Some More “Hot Hints from Heardie” Umpire’s Corner The Tomato Competition Guess Who? Why I like being old What is “Aplomb”?

Wally Smith Silver Chain Charity Day 2014 Sponsors for Silver Chain fund-raising This says it all..........

Some more useful comments from Skippers It DOES take a Rocket Scientist!!

God Bless Past Presidents Some days you shouldn’t get out of bed !!

Herbie New Dictionary Definitions Saturday Night Blues Some interesting head wear seen at our Club Some photos from 1995?

3 8 10 12 13 15 15 16 18 20 21 22 22 23 24 24 25 26 26 27 28 29 30 30 30 31 32 34 35 35 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42

Some notes from your Editor – Neville Odell If you would like to comment or contribute to our newsletter please contact Denise or Neville on 9309 3108 or at nevodell@bigpond.net.au

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elcome to our April 2014 newsletter. Judging from the comments received most members seemed to enjoy our February 2014 newsletter. Apologies to George and Kerry Sjepcevich for calling Kerry “Kelly”. The only other complaint received was that some of the volunteers featured on the cover have left the club.

We realised this at the time but still thought it was a good photograph to use on the cover to support our February 2014 feature on “Our Volunteers”.

Apologies to those members who were left off the “Volunteers List” published in the last newsletter. As is normal please blame Denise! Ron Burroughs, Rob Tozer, Ron Kuziela, Tony Pilgrim need to be added. Please let us know if we have missed anyone else.

In this Issue we have included a list of new members who have joined this year.

Ron Magerl has compiled this list and we thank him for this as it will help us to welcome and get to know new members.

We have also tried to look forward a bit more. We still tend to focus too much on past events so with the help of the Vice President, the Match Committees and our Secretary we have compiled a list of our planned “Winter Activities” for your diaries. See page 24.

Did you know that Ken Partridge has been working with Meals on Wheels for at least seven years? He also carries out transfers of patients between their homes and appointments at hospitals and clinics. Well done Ken. Our community is lucky to have people like you to help.

Did you know that when you’re born you have roughly 300 bones, and by the time you become an adult, you only have 206. So for those of you who are always losing things don’t worry about your missing bones! Just remember where you put your keys and your bowls.

Some more “Did you hear stories?”

Did you know that Jem Shorland won First Place for his poem “Down the Aisle” and second place for “ Mitch” in the 2013 WA Bush Poets Championships (Novice Section) held at Boyup Brook? Well done Jem! Jem’s latest poem will be included in the June 2014 newsletter.

Did you know that Ron Rogers had a tough time when he went to Melbourne to play in the Australian Open? After the long flight from Perth he had to get up at 4.30am (West Australian time) to get to his game by 8.30am only to end up playing his game in the pouring rain. Apparently nobody told him it rains in Melbourne so he did not have a supply of dry cloths and chamois leathers. He then had to bowl with wet slippery bowls while his wife went shopping for three pairs of shoes. Having been eliminated from the bowls he then drove to Sorrento on the Mornington Peninsular in his hired Prius where he paid tribute to our namesake.. Life is indeed tough for some of our members!

Did you know that Trevor Peters also had a bad day near the end of the Pennant season. He had been advised (or so he claims) that Thursday Pennants had “finished”. Fortunately he had a “premonition” and decided to come to the Club to make sure that this information was correct. Arriving at the Club in mufti and slip slops he had to make a quick change into his uniform so that we could rush off to the Joondalup Bowling Club. On arrival the poor man had to get special permission from the “Umpire of the Day” to allow him to play in one bowling shoe and one sneaker! Later in the afternoon poor Trevor almost got flattened/attacked by the same “Umpire of the Day” (and also a six foot six ex SAS type) whom he had asked to shut up and stop abusing his Skipper whilst our team were on the mat trying to bowl. Who said lawn bowls was a genteel game for stylish English gentlemen?

Did you know that it’s only after a mosquito has landed on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence?

Did you know that on average sharks kill ten people a year yet approximately 100 people die each year when they are trodden on by cows? (Please thank Nelly Heard for this useful piece of information).

Did you know that (according to recent research) if you mix diet drinks with alcohol, the alcohol is absorbed by the blood in greater quantities than with ‘normal’ soft drinks, therefore getting you drunk a lot quicker. (Thanks to Derek Smith for this useful information).

Did you know that when fish are in schools they sometimes take debate?

Did you hear about the fellow whose left side was cut off? He’s all right now!

(Thanks to John Forkin for the above useful information).

Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Scotland. She said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping far below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let the drunken bastard in.

Some more “Did you know’s” courtesy of Sonia McGrady. She tells us that: • Every person has a unique tongue print • Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does • Women’s hearts beat faster then men’s hearts Some of our readers will be interested in the lovely and intricate plaque alongside. This plaque is on the wall of the Denmark Bowling Club and is in honour of a member, Maude Mason.

It is made up from bowls club badges and other trinkets she collected over the years. She was Sports person of the Year in both 1993 and 1998.

She was awarded Life Membership of the Denmark Bowling Club in recognition of her contributions to this club.

Did you know that Barbara Hill used to sell and ship gold bullion on the international commodity markets? She was with the Perth Mint when they celebrated their Centenary in 1999.

Did you know that Ray and Emily Dunn designed and manufactured hats for

40 years? Dunrae was the name of their company in New Zealand. They made a wide range of fashionable ladies hats as well as fedora hats, top hats, cowboy hats and even “gangster”hats!! So if you need a hat for the next Melbourn Cup Day you know who to approach for advice.

Did you hear that someone left a $600 racing bike at Ray and Emily’s front door.?The Police have told her that if no one claims it in six week she may keep it and donate it to one of her sons!

If you want to know about waterproof mobile telephones ask Ken Giles who recently conducted some experiments! He tells me his wife was not impressed when he jumped into the swimming pool with her phone in his pocket.

Did you hear that Brad Williams and Brian Collins won the Annual RSL Championship Pairs and then teamed up with Ian Marshall to win the Triples event? Well done guys!

The well-known Australian Bush poet Graeme Watt tells me that once upon a time there was a very handsome camel with two huge camel humps. He fell in love and married a perfect female camel who had one beautiful hump. As time progressed they became the proud parents of a wonderful baby camel who had no humps. The contemplated long and hard on what to call their beautiful baby boy.

They finally decided on ............ “HumpFree” At present only about 60% of our members have valid e-mail addresses. More and more communication with members is via this medium so if you are not receiving e-mails from the Club because you have changed your e-mail address please advise the Office either by e-mail or by leaving your details in the Office for the attention of Frank Lilley our Club Secretary.

– Neville Odell

President’s Report

“Lets Focus on the Positives”

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ur Club has progressed in leaps and bounds over the past few years. Frank Lilley’s recent list of “Achievements over the last few years” and his “Capital Expenditure” list is impressive.

Add the positives of Greens that are the envy of most other clubs, new personnel in our Bar, the appointment of a Bowls Manager, very good performances by our Pennant teams prior to Christmas (I am sure we will learn from our drop in form in 2014) and the success of our Friday evening meals add up to a good membership year this far. Your Committees are all working very hard and my thanks go to them for their efforts.

We are delighted to welcome the following new members who have joined our Club this year: New Bowlers Norman Hyde, Steven Wattleworth, Murray Shaw, Brent Marshall, James Portwood, Nigel Spitz, Dylan Bishop.

New Croquet Players: Brenda Robinson.

New Social Members: Robert Davies, Greg Uren, Andy Smith, Charles McGivern, Peter Martin, Kerry Bennett, Sue Edwards, Linda McDonald, Jayne Smith, Geoff Edwards, Chris Hunt, Martin Humbert, John Benniman, Mike Harrold, Laurie Birchall, Nathan Graves, Shane Curtis, Alex Izzard.

– Barry Bradshaw

Deputy President’s Report

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ongratulations to the Men’s and Ladies teams who have made the finals and good luck to the others for next year.

To create a winning culture in our Club, we must work together and support our fellow players. For example my team was playing in a final on Thursday and not one person from our Club came to support us. Maybe it happened to other teams as well, I think it is very poor, the opposition team had 20-30 supporters, and many came from teams who didn’t make the play-offs. I will bring this matter up at the next Executive meeting and pass on the Bowling Committee to advise time and location and lets get-to-together for the future of the Club.

– Greg Day

Men’s Bowls Captain’s Report As our Pennant season draws to a close, I would like to thank all members for their commitment throughout a long and hot season. Some teams will make the play-offs which is a good indication of the dedication shown. Good luck and good bowling to all sides in the play-offs.

Congratulations also to all Club champions. This year we had a very good participation rate. There are still a couple of events to be concluded. All winners will be announced and presented with their awards on our Presentation and Dinner night on 5 April which is open to all members and partners. Look out for final details.

Please refer to” Coming Events” page in this newsletter as well as the notice board for details of all our up and coming events.

Thanks again for your support.

– ABBA. “Disappointments lead to new challenges”

Lady Bowls Captain’s Report

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n Friday Feb. 7 2014, Sorrento hosted our annual Ladies Invitation Fours event which was open to first division bowlers only.

It was an awesome day and everyone who took part or had anything to do with its organisation was thrilled by how well it ran and the fun that was had by all.

We were very lucky to have generous sponsorship from Ray Green of Trevor’s Carpets for this event which allowed us to offer very attractive prize money. This in turn helped to draw 24 prestigious teams from 14 different clubs around the metro and country areas of Perth. Ray also extended his generosity to free drinks at lunchtime and at the end of the day for players 10

and helpers alike. The players attending were overwhelmed by this gesture and gave Ray raucous applause in response. So heartfelt thanks are extended to Ray, on behalf of all of the ladies and the club in general, for his incredible support of this event. A profit of over $1300 was made which has now been added to our Club’s coffers.

A diligent team of workers led

by Jan Cook and ably assisted

by Pauline Bourne, Carmel Hyde, Fran Bracknell, Shelley Jeffs and a number of others took on all the tasks required to facilitate the general organisation of the day, such as setting up of the tables, making and placing the decorations, printing the envelopes for prize money, compiling the baskets for the wine raffle, selling raffle tickets on Thursday evening and on the day and many other jobs that went towards making this event such a success. The club house looked amazing – all decked out in black and yellow to reinforce the theme of Trevor’s Carpets sponsorship. Also the workers all wore black shirts and caps with the Trevor’s Carpets logo on which helped to identify them on the day.

Thanks must go to Joan and her tireless team in the kitchen for the preparation of morning tea, lunch and afternoon nibbles. Joan always ensures that area of any event runs smoothly and reliably and this was no exception. The team were very generously assisted by Danny who worked all day in the kitchen alongside the ladies.

Thanks, Danny – much appreciated. Thanks must go also to Kishore from Wendy’s Ice Creams for his generous donation of beautiful ice cream that accompanied the lunchtime dessert.

Nelly Heard, Betty Stern and Shelley Jeffs did a fantastic job of running the match side of the day. Without their efforts, tasks such as the draw would not be done, mats and jacks put out nor the results decided. So well done, Ladies of Match.

Thanks also must go to Kevin Coffey who made himself available to umpire all day. Because our usual lady umpires were unavailable, Kevin’s input was invaluable and very welcome. Kevin also assisted with the sale of tickets in the wine 11

raffle to the men’s pennant players after bowls on Thursday evening.

A number of our men members also made themselves available during the entire day to run heavy errands such as putting water containers out and moving furniture, etc. and do general chores. Thanks to Kevin Cook and Tony Bourne in particular for this.

There were 3 rounds of 11 ends played during the day with prizes for game winners, round winners and 3 overall prizes.

The 1st prize was $1000 which went to a team from North Beach skipped by Kaye Blackwell. They had 3 wins and finished with 33 shots up. 2nd prize of $500 went to another North Beach team and 3rd prize went to a Mosman Park team. Round prizes went to teams from Thornlie, Mt. Pleasant and Scarborough.

All players commented on how enjoyable the day was and how much they looked forward to returning next year. The weather was perfect temperature-wise, if a bit windy and tricky in the afternoon. Congratulations and well done to anyone involved in this highly successful day.

– Sharon Eggers

Rural Australia Computer Terminology ( or getting ready for Broadband in the Bush!!)

LOGON: LOG OFF: MONITOR: DOWNLOAD: HARD DRIVE: KEYBOARD: WINDOW: SCREEN: BYTE: MEGABYTE: CHIP: MICROCHIP: 12

Adding wood to make the BBQ hotter.

Not adding any more wood to the barbie.

Keeping an eye on the barbie.

Getting the fire wood off the Ute. Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.

Where you hang the Ute keys.

What you shut when the weather’s cold.

What you shut in the mozzie season.

What mozzies do.

What Townsville mozzies do.

A pub snack.

What’s left in the bag after you’ve eaten the chips.

MODEM: What you did to the lawns.

LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.

SOFTWARE: Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster.

HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives and forks - from the supermarket.

MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.

WEB: What spiders make.

WEBSITE: Usually in the shed, the dunny or under the verandah.

SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute won’t go.

CURSOR: What you say when the ute won’t go.

YAHOO: What you say when the ute does go.

UPGRADE: A steep hill.

SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing stuff.

NETWORK: What you do when you need to go fishing.

INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.

NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover a hole in the net.

ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.

OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up if the pegs aren’t strong – Thanks to Richard Fermoyle for this contribution to our understanding of computer terminology

Greens and Grounds Report

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ith the season fast drawing to a close we are starting to focus on what needs to be done over the winter months to ensure we have better facilities for next year.

The main issue is “A’ green. On the 12 March we lightly sanded it once again and followed this up with our final laser level the day after. It is expected that this green now will be in a position to grow into a surface that will be of similar standard to the others by next season. We intend to utilise “A” during the winter, when it is ready to be used. We do not envisage any of our other greens having to go through that type of renovation in the near future. During the winter we will be resting “B, C, D” whenever we can .

Recently we came across a fairly large hole in the ditch rubber on B green at about the 2nd rink after one member notified us that he had noticed some damage, this was on a day prior to a midweek Pennants day. We overcame the problem but it would be appreciated if you saw damage occur whilst you were using a green 13

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please notify the greens staff or office immediately so remedial action can be taken at the earliest possible opportunity. It has highlighted an area that may require some upgrading shortly.

To those participating in the Pennant finals and other Championships, we wish you the best of luck, to our other members we trust you have had a great year of bowls and we look forward to seeing you during the winter. I would also like to take this opportunity to thank all the green’s staff for the work they have done to date this year, and to the Thumbs up Club well done .

– K Cook

The Problem with Woman Drivers

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his morning on the freeway I looked over to my right and there was a woman in a brand new Volkswagen Golf doing 100 km per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that make-up.

As a man, I don’t scare easily, but she gave me such a fright I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the meat pie out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, my mobile phone slid out from between my shoulder and my ear, and fell into the coffee between my legs, which splashed and burned ‘Big Tom and the Twins’, ruined the phone, soaked my trousers and disconnected an important call. Bloody women drivers!

Croquet Report Waving the flag Sorrento members waved the flag in tournaments across town in February. Di McGivern and Kathy Hamilton along with Terry Harvey and Peter Hamilton entered the Como Night Doubles little realizing they would be up against several State Team players and some of the lowest handicappers around. Di and Kathy put up a good show for their first competition together, taking 4 hoops per game, off the majority of their opposition.

Terry and Peter were in a tussle with three teams winning the same number of 15

games but with the hoop count pushing them back into 3rd place. The way Terry likes to put it is that “we were equal first”!

Later that same week Judith Skeet and Kerry Bomford along with Kathy and Peter Hamilton entered the traditional annual Cambridge tournament (which shall remain nameless for the time being). Judith & Kerry didn’t score a prize but they did show their mettle by being the only team to beat the final winning pair in their group - and we could all hear they were having a good time! In Kathy and Peter’s group, once again there was a count back, this time with four teams, but they were lucky enough to have this one go their way and put them on top. K and P aren’t sure whether to boast about this win or not as the name of the tournament was ... The Daft Doubles!

Forthcoming Tournaments: • Ladies only Golf Tournament: • Ladder Competition: Keeping Active: “WINNERS & LOSERS” TV show on Tuesday 11th March seen them playing a game of Croquet and stating: “Croquet is a game of the Landed Gentry” – Judith Skeet

Australia versus “The Rest of the World”

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o celebrate Australia Day the second annual Australia vs The Rest of the World match was staged on Saturday 25th January. A total of 66 bowlers turned up, with 35 Aussies and 31 “ROWs”.

A couple of Aussies had to be deported to make the team numbers even, so a quick scan through the list found three obvious deportees. John Sturk, put his country of origin as Mars so he was an obvious choice for one. Ray Stapledon was a “boat person”, so he went too.

And Merv Spence didn’t know where he was from (which would be very sad if it was true), so he became a foreigner for the afternoon. Thanks gentlemen.

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Australia versus “The Rest of the World” photos

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The Barmy Army was well represented by our resident POMS

We had players born in Nigeria, UAE, Italy (and some “Dings”), New Zealand and South Africa. Apparently Yorkshire, Wales and Scotland are no longer part of Great Britain, because some claimed to come from these “countries”, too! There was even one who stated “Unfortunately England”.

Even some of the Australians are considering seceding, too because we had some Tasmanians, a Victorian as well as some proud West Aussies. But it got worse, because even one West Aussie believes Subiaco is a separate country. Creative!

Anyway, a match was eventually played with the Aussies triumphing 6 matches to 3. A great time was had by all, and I am sure this event will appear on the calendar again next year.

- Trevor Orton

Trevor’s Carpets Mixed Handicap Day

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hanks to the exceeding generosity of Ray Green, the Club was able to fund this event, on Sunday 16th February. Our enormous gratitude to you, Ray. Ray also provided drinks at lunch and at the end of play, plus some T-shirts, caps, stubbie holders and chocolates. A sausage sizzle was also organised at the last minute to round out the afternoon. Fantastic!

With a limit of twelve points available to each team, some interesting player combinations were formed amongst the 20 teams of four who participated. Four matches of 11 ends were played under somewhat cool and cloudy unseasonable conditions. Over $2,500 was available for the winners. With prize money hinging on every match, and with sudden-death single-bowl deciders in the event of tied scores, there were several exciting finishes.

At the end of the day the scores were added, and no team won all four matches. Four teams won three matches, and the greatest number of shots up was the team on Jan Cook, Kevin Cook, Graeme Whitehorn and Alan Wood (+21 shots), who edged out Nelly Heard, 18

Show your Sorrento Bowling Club membership card at Brumby’s Bakery in Darch and receive a 25% discount on in-house baked items 19

Some more photos of our bowlers in action!

Caption Competition: Please send in your suggestions for a suitable caption for the above four photographs. It can be one overall caption or four separate captions. The usual bottle of high quality wine will be presented to the member supplying the best caption

A lovely photo of Ron Kuziela and Liz Marshall our Singles Champions for 2014

The Giles, Sabatino and De Chiera families enjoying a glass of best red

Left: Some of us bowl better with our eyes shut Is there a bromance in the air?

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Graeme Heard, Jim Ironside and Ken Vercoe by a single shot. Carmel Hyde, Ray Stapledon, Dick Currie and Mike Hodge also won three matches, as did Denise Odell, Neville Odell, Eddie Tassone and Trevor Orton. Only one team missed out on prize money, and they lost three matches (including a sudden-death) by a single shot. Bad luck indeed.

Overall a fabulous day, and one that we will find room for in next year’s calendar.

Thanks again to Ray for his magnificent contribution.

Men’s Singles Championships

– Trevor Orton

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he Men’s Singles attracted a field of 60 bowlers this year. On the first day of competition, 20 section winners were decided and an alignment round played to whittle the field to 16.

Inevitably there were some high-profile losers and some surprising winners remaining after Day 1. By the end of Day 2, the field was down to the four semi-finalists. There were several long matches of over 30 ends, and three 21-20 results in the preliminary rounds. John Dilley, who had been well down in his quarter-final against Brian Clausen, stormed home from 9-20 to snatch a win, was drawn to play Mick Martin, and Ron Kuziela was to play Daniel Woodrow in the other half of the draw. After a bit of discussion, the final remained as originally scheduled for Sunday 16th Feb. John did it again in his semi-final, this time coming from 6-20 to win his way through to the final against Ron Kuziela, who had completed a comfortable win over Daniel a few minutes earlier.

In the final, John again adopted his previously-successful tactics and dropped behind.

He was still in touch at 11-15 after 19 ends, but Ron drew away in the remaining 5 ends to win 25-12.

Congratulations to Ron for winning the Club Men’s Singles title again, and to all who participated.

– Trevor Orton 21

Trevor’s Tipping Competition

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s has now become the norm, participants in the Men’s Singles had the opportunity to tip the winners of the 20 sections of the sectional play draw. The result was a six-way tie with Tozer, Marshall, Dilley, Clausen, Berecz, Martin and Orton all getting 15 correct predictions. This meant an $11 pay out for each person. After some discussion it was decided to “invest” the pot of $68 in the Lotto. This resulted in a $12 win which was again re-invested with a zero return!

It was interesting to note that Steve Draper, one of our hot-shot selectors was only able to get ten correct predictions (or 50% for the mathematically literate).

Webb, Baker, Odell and Balcombe surprised a lot of the tipsters by winning their sections.

Men’s Triples

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ongratulations to one of our newer members Ross Cunningham who, with Jim Ironside and Warren Elliott, took out the Club Championship Triples played in very hot conditions.

Ross’ team defeated surprise finalists Cal O’Donnell with Herbie Eisenmann and Peter Blake.

The Plate event was won by Peter Snow, Colin Stainsby and Brian Self, who defeated John Collishaw, Ken Giles and Tony Sabatino. 24 teams entered this event – the best numbers for some years – and several newer members acquitted themselves very well. Thanks to all participants and congratulations to the winners.

– Trevor Orton

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Men’s Fours

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he Match Committee’s dream came true in this year’s Men’s Fours Championship. Sixteen teams entered, which meant no alignment round and only two weeks required to complete the event! Mind you, there was a 17th team nominated which we had to refuse entry, as odd numbers cannot be accommodated in a championship-and-plate event. Another reminder to get your names on the entry sheets early.

The 16 teams became the finalists in both the Championship and the Plate by the end of the first day.

In the plate final that man Cal O’Donnell popped up again, this time Cal brought Ken Giles, Herbie Eisenmann and Glenn Boston along with him.

But unfortunately for Cal and his team, Peter Robson, Jim Welch, Brad Williams and Tony Pilgrim proved just too strong in the final. Tony’s photo had to be super-imposed as he rushed off to Thailand before the photographer arrived.

The major final was played between Ron Kuziela, John Berecz, Ken Leach and Brian Clausen, opposed by Peter Crow, Brian Lucas, John Godfrey and Brian Collins. In a match where the final margin of 6 shots was the greatest margin of the match, Peter’s team prevailed. (See cover for photo of winning team).

Again, all participants are thanked and the winners congratulated.

– Trevor Orton

Twilight Pairs

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t time of writing there are about four weeks remaining in our Twilight “season”. The numbers participating have been outstanding again. We have even had to turn some bowlers away due to the lack of rinks a couple of times.

An average of 54 bowlers turn up each Tuesday evening to draw their opponents out of a hat. Some very tight (and some very lopsided) matches result. John Sturk 23

and Barry Bradshaw won all 14 ends played earlier in the season - and for a small bribe, I will even tell you who they beat. There have been several “8 badges” recorded, but many more draws or single shot wins. In the “Best 10 Cards” competition, Brian Saul is a clear leader from his regular partner Ron Rogers.

Tony Sabatino and Dick Currie are jointly 3rd and 4th. Then comes Ross and Trish Cunningham. Get your names in early to avoid missing out.

– Trevor Orton

Ladies Match Committee

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nfortunately the results of the Ladies and Mixed Veteran’s events were not available for this newsletter and will be included in the next newsletter. Apologies to those Ladies who were expecting to see their results and photographs.

Our Planned Winter Activities Some dates for your diaries for April, May, June July and August 2014:

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on’t pack your bags and head north or hibernate for winter, because there’s still plenty of bowls going on at the club.

For the men, there are Popsticks every Thursday afternoon. On Saturday we have Nominated Triples, and if any bowlers need a team, we will make one up for them so that everyone gets to bowl. We need your names on the sheet or phoned in by 12:30 for a 1:00 start.

Our Presentation and Dinner night on is now on Saturday 5 April. All welcome. Members to please note this change from Saturday 29 March 2014.

On the last Saturday of the month we have Dash-For-Cash events which are all-day fours events with many participants from neighbouring clubs involved.

Due to generous sponsorship from Safeway Security Screens we are able to offer significant prize money for the events. They will be held on May 31st, June 28th, July 26th and August 30th this year.

Mixed Nominated Pairs on Wednesday afternoons will commence shortly. Watch the notice board.

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Mixed Social bowls will continue through the winter most Friday and Sunday afternoons).

On Sunday 13 April 2014 we have our annual Pilbara versus Sorrento game and on Anzac Day a 2-Up Pairs (Friday 25 April 2014).

Keep your eyes open for information on the Easter Versatility Mixed Fours to be held on Saturday 20th and Monday 22nd April this year.

Please note that there will be a Ladies Handicap Triples which is to take place on Wednesday April 16 2014 – for Sorrento lady bowlers only. This event is being sponsored by Trevors Carpets and there is a very generous amount of prize money available. There will be prizes for game wins, round wins and an overall and runner-up prize as well. So lots of opportunities for everyone to get some prize money. There will be 3 games (2 games before lunch) of 11 ends of 2 bowls each and the teams will be chosen by Selection based on handicapping according to pennants division. This will hopefully make the teams more even and give everyone a fair chance. Arrive at 9am for a 9.30am start on the greens.

The entry fee is $10 for the day and will include morning tea and lunch. Uniform or the sponsors shirt is to be worn.

Finally Silver Fern Catering (Ross and Trish) will be providing a Sunday Luncheon Roast towards the end of May, June, July and August. The date of the July event has been confirmed for Sunday 27 July. This will be a special “Christmas in July” luncheon with turkey, ham and plum pudding. Further information will be e-mailed to members. For those without e-mail please watch the notice boards.

What is a “Billion”?

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he next time you hear a politician use the word ‘billion’ in a casual manner, think about whether you want the ‘politicians’ to spend YOUR tax money. A billion is a difficult number to comprehend. Here is some help in understanding this number: A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age. D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

E. A billion dollars ago was only 13 hours and 12 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

– Thanks to Mike Berecry for this useful information 25

Men’s Selector’s Report A full report on the final results plus all the Pot Winners will be included in the next newsletter – Rob Tozer

Ladies Selector’s Report

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i Ladies, Our Pennant teams had a good year, no divisions will go down.

Unfortunately since Christmas we have had a lot of ladies unable to play for various reasons, hopefully next season everyone will be fit to play. This meant we had to move players around sometimes, some players had to play out of their normal positions at times. After starting the year with quite a few spare players, by the end of season we were just managing to fill the teams.

One White played for the flag, but they were knocked out on the first day. Only losing by two points. Well done ladies!

Everyone played their best and hopefully enjoyed their bowling season. I hope you all have a good break, then come back next season healthy and fit to play.

Ladies Pots Winners 22-10-2013 29-10-2013 6-11-2013 12-11-2013 17-11-2013 19-11-2013 26-11-2013

3-12-2013 10-12-2013 17-12-2013 7-1-2014 14-1-2014 28-1-2014 26

– Kath Harris

J.Whitham, S. Mclaughlan, R.Sermon, P. Collishaw W. Saul, L. Leach, K. Harris, C. Smith E. McCormack, J. Campbell, T. Cunningham, S. Jeffs P.Bourne, B.Hill, R.VanMosseveld, L. Hyde V.King, J.Baker, H.Ironside, J.Lockwood J.Whitham, S.McLaughlan, R.Sermon, P.Collishaw J.Whitham, S.McLaughlan, R.Sermon, P.Collishaw M.Kopec, M.Leyland, M.Campbell, M.Cressey P.Bourne, B. Hill, R. VanMossveld, C. Smith A. Taylor, D. Odell, P. Duffy, B. Tutt M.Kopec, M.Leyland, M.Campbell, M.Cressey B.McCormack, J.Campbell, V.Willers, S.Jeffs S.McGrady, J.Gregory, J.Paniperis, B.Stern M.Clarke, P.Duffy, M.Macliver, J.Watson

The Pennant Season’s End Thank God the Season’s over,

We’ve had a real rough trot, We’ve played the teams from near and far

And lost the bloody lot.

We’ve lost to all the top teams

We haven’t done real well, We’ve been beaten by the also-rans

We’ve had our share of Hell.

And now we’ve got this bomb-shell,

I reckon it’s belated, They reckon that the lot of us

Is gunna be RELEGATED. Well! I asked our Skipper yesterday

Because I was in doubt.

“If we’re gunna be relegated,

What’s it all about??”

Well he scratched his head (as Skippers do),

His eyes went kinda dim.

He said “If it means what I think it does

It’s looking pretty grim” He said “bein’ relegated is what they do to rams,

When their playin’ days are over

So they can’t have little lambs!”

Struth!” I said, “The lot of us Us poor unfortunate souls, We’ll never have a roll again,

And we’ve only got two bowls”.

So let this be a warnin’, to all you bowling fools,

Don’t finish on the bottom,

And next time read the rules – Graeme Watt 27

4-2-2014 11-2-2014 18-2-2014 25-2-2014

W.Saul, L.Leach, E.Dunn, C.Hyde P.Bourne, B.Hill, R.VanMossveld, C.Smith D.Odell, J.Baker, M.Campbell, R.Woodward F.Bracknell, J.Cook, T.Cunningham, E.Marshall

A special vote of thanks to Barry Bradshaw for sponsoring the Ladies Pots.

– Liz Marshall

Some More “Hot Hints from Heardie”

I

n this newsletter we will discuss two important aspects of bowls viz. the grip and the stance:

The Grip There are three types of grip viz. the Fingertip, the Claw and the Palm grip.

The FINGERTIP grip is the most common. The fingers are spread in a relaxed position around the bowl with the middle finger on the centre of the running surface. The thumb should be moderately high on the bowl with the weight on the fingertips. Make sure the little finger does not stray up the side of the bowl causing a wobbled delivery.

The CLAW grip can be quite effective for players with smaller hands or players who have difficulty holding the bowl. Fingers should be spread slightly apart with the middle finger in the centre of the running surface and the thumb covering the outer ring .

The PALM grip is good for slow greens or a fast drive. The bowl should be placed well back in the palm of the hand with the middle finger in the centre of the running surface. The thumb should be low on one side and the fingers spread wide .

Stance on the mat Find your aiming line start on the pegs with your right foot and body pointing that way and your bowling arm following that line. Keep your knees relaxed with their weight towards the balls of their feet Bring your eyes back along your aiming line to have a aiming point about half way to the jack and that’s where your eyes are looking when you bowl.

– Graeme Heard 28

Umpire’s Corner

T

here has been some discussion for a while about the format of Club events to ensure our winners qualify for Masters and/or Champion of Champions events. After correspondence and discussions with BWA Rules Committee the following situation applies to Club Events: For Club Championship winners to qualify for Masters and/or Champion of Champions events, the Club event must be in a format that is in accordance with the Laws of the Sport of Bowls and for Masters events shall have at least the minimum number of shots up or ends as specified in Bowls Australia - Masters Policy.

The Laws of the Sport of Bowls allows various formats for singles, pairs and triples (law 14) and the Club’s controlling body (Match Committee) is free to choose any of these formats without affecting the winner’s eligibility to compete in Masters or Champion of Champions events.

Allowed formats (Rule 14): Singles - 2, 3 or 4 bowls singles Pairs - 2, 3 or 4 bowls pairs. If 4 bowls, format may be 4,4, 2,4,2 or 2,2,2,2 Triples - 2 or 3 bowls triples.

To qualify for Masters Events, Club events shall have at least the minimum number of shots up or ends as follows: Singles – minimum of 21 shots up in sectional play and 25 shots up in knockout play.

Team games – minimum 15 ends in sectional play and 18 ends in knockout play.

Training Course for New Umpires About this time each year Bowls WA conducts one of its twice-yearly training courses for new and re-accrediting umpires. A notice from Bowls WA will be on the notice board later this month giving details of tutorials and venues. All competitive bowls events require accredited umpires and I would strongly encourage any player (ladies or men) with an interest in this area to take up the challenge and become an accredited umpire.

– Jim Ironside 29

The Tomato Competition

M

embers may recall my offer of tomato seedlings at the start of the season. Here is a progress report. Some members have reported moderate success (hearsay) but the “Monday Workers Group” has the evidence.

The overall winner was Ronnie Kuziela who produced the first ripe one – it was very nice. (Ask Tony Pilgrim who was on hand and ate it!!!) Our photo of Helen Kuziela, holding Ronnie’s tomatoes, shows some of the results.

Other winners were Mike Thornett (biggest one), Kevin Cook (most productive plant), closely followed by John Dilley, Bill Long and Ken Vercoe who performed well. Colin Banks suffered an early loss when a rat ate his plant. Tony Bourne’s plant got some disease but is recovering and Roger Haber’s plant was a late starter but is now looking good. Well done, fellows!

– Ray Stapledon

Guess Who?

A

number of our members were able to identify the person in the photo in the February Newsletter. The first person to recognise Eddie Tassone was Ken Vercoe and he wins the bottle of win (donated by Eddie himself). Peter Snow thought it was George Sjepcevich.

Why I like being old

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s I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it, if I choose to read, or play on the computer until 4am, or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50, 60 and 70’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.

I will walk the beach in a swimsuit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

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I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And, I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But, broken hearts are what give us strength, understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken, is pristine and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning grey, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself any more. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).

– Anon.

What is “Aplomb”?

H

is Lordship was in the study at Downton Abbey when the butler approached and coughed discreetly.

“May I ask a question of you my Lord?”

“Go ahead Carson “ said his Lordship.

“I am doing the crossword in The Times and I have found a word I am not too clear on” “What word is that?” said his Lordship.

“Aplomb” my Lord.

“Now that’s a difficult one to explain. I would say it is self assurance or complete composure”.

“Thank you my Lord, but I’m still a little confused”.

“Let me give you an example to make it clearer. Do you remember a few months ago the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge arrived to spend a weekend with us.”

“I remember the occasion very well, my Lord. It gave the staff and myself much pleasure to look after them.”

“Also”, continued the Earl of Grantham, “ do you remember Will plucked a 31

rose for Kate in the rose garden? “ “I was present on that occasion, my Lord, ministering to their needs” “While plucking the rose, a thorn embedded itself in Will’s thumb very deeply”.

Carson replied, “I witnessed the incident my Lord and saw the Duchess herself remove the thorn and bandage his thumb with her own dainty handkerchief.”

“That evening, his thumb was so sore, Kate had to cut up his venison for him, even though it was extremely tender.”

“Yes my Lord, I did see everything that transpired that evening.”

“The next morning while you were pouring coffee for Her Ladyship, Kate enquired of Will with a loud voice,” “Darling does your prick still throb?

And you, Carson, did not spill one drop of coffee!

Now that is aplomb!”

– Ian Wittber

Wally Smith Silver Chain Charity Day 2014

T

he Sorrento Bowling Club has hosted a charity fund raising day for the Silver Chain organization every year for over twenty years and this year the event raised a donation of $1012, bringing the grand total raised over the years to $27612.

The Silver Chain is a not for profit organization and is one of largest providers of community clinical and health care services in Australia. They offer a diverse range of services, including home care, palliative care, emergency care, family health care and other services.

The event is called the Wally Smith Silver Chain Charity Day in memory of an earlier club member who was receiving health care when he suggested the inclusion of this event in the Clubs annual programme. A number of Sorrento bowlers or their family members are currently receiving Silver Chain care.

The twenty-first annual event was held on Friday February 14 and following a great afternoon bowling, club members took part in a raffle of over forty prizes donated by 32

corporate sponsors or club members. Funds raised from the raffle, together with a percentage of the days green fees donated by the Sorrento Bowling Club, and including all money normally set aside for the days bowling prizes, was again donated.

Bowling competition winners on the day were Doug Pittaway, Maurice Pellerade, George Sjepcevich, and Carmel Hyde.

They will have their names engraved on the perpetual trophy.

Runners up on the day were Clair Hanlon, Coral Smith, Marjorie Clark and Frank Gandras.

The Winners, Doug Pittaway, Maurice Pellerade, George Sjepcevich, and While it is not possible to thank Carmel Hyde all of the volunteers who either

personally contacted local business houses seeking sponsors for the days events, donated prizes themselves, or helped run the days events, we do need to thank some members who made a significant contribution, including Sylvia McLaughlan, Chris Tibbits, Pat Duffy, Kerry Sjepcevich, Wendy Stobie, Del Cornwall, and Monique Kopec.

Dennis Saunders has donated a bottle of whisky each year, one of the very first prizes to be selected. This year he added a further bottle of liqueur along with several very nice sets of caps and shirts. Thanks again Dennis.

Del Cornwell, Wendy Stobie and Kerry Sjepcevich selling tickets for the raffle

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We recognize the generosity of the corporate sponsors (PTO) who donated a great variety of gifts to be raffled.

Club members are encouraged to appreciate and support the sponsors listed. – Neil McLaughlan

Sponsors for Silver Chain fund-raising Bella’s Restaurant – Hillarys Marina Crystal Reflections – Hillarys Marina Zenos Café – Sorrento Quay Jettys Restaurant – Sorrento Quay Zing Café and Restaurant – Sorrento Quay Toscanini’s Restaurant – Sorrento Quay Boulevard Restaurant – Sorrento Quay Willey Creek Pearls and Fine Jewellery – Sorrento Quay 777 Pharmacy – Whitfords City Five Star Meat Supply – Whitfords City Goodfellas Hair Studio – Hillarys Shopping Centre Hillarys Community Pharmacy – Hillarys Shopping Centre Liquor Barons Liquor Store – Hillarys Shopping Centre SuMo’s Hair Design and Barber Shop – Padbury IGA Supermarket – Padbury Padbury Florist – Padbury Indigo Hair Design – Padbury Sarawak Delights Chinese Restaurant – Padbury La Bella Woodfired Pizzeria and Restorante – Padbury Chada Thai Restaurant – Padbury Koh-I-Noor Indian Restaurant – Padbury Brads Barber Shop – Carine Optimal Pharmacy Plus – Carine Fratelli Restaurant – Sorrento Voyage Kitchen & Delicatessen.–Sorrento Kingsley Tavern – Kingsley Lotterywest Marmion Angling and Aquatic Club.

IGA Supermarket – Duncraig Duncraig Pharmacy– Duncraig Odin Sports Bar and Tavern – Balcatta Sportique – Warwick Grove 34

This says it all..........

I

f there was still a shred of doubt the world is out of control and totally insane, this should remove it. This says it all…….

Pythagoras’ Theorem: ..........................24 words.

Lord’s Prayer: .......................................... 66 words.

Archimedes’ Principle: .................................67 words.

Ten Commandments: .......................................179 words.

Gettysburg Address: .................................................286 words.

US Declaration of Independence : ..............................1,300 words.

US Constitution with all 27 Amendments: ........................7,818 words.

EU Regulations on the Sale of CABBAGES: .........................26,911 words – Anon

Some more useful comments from Skippers “Come on Tiger come on – the last part is the most important” from a Skipper who was trying to encourage a short bowl to make the journey “NO GRASS, NO WEIGHT, NO PROSPECTS” “Where have you been all day?

“That’s more like you! Welcome back!”

“There is only room for one idiot around here! You have taken my role”

It DOES take a Rocket Scientist!!

Y

ou may like this true story. Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the wind shields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the wind shields.

American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the Wind shields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.

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When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken shot out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer’s back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the wind shield and begged the British scientists for suggestions. You’re going to love this......

Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo: “Defrost the chicken.”

From Rolls-Royce Staff magazine

God Bless Past Presidents

I

n the game of bowls a bad bowl that ‘wicks’ in is referred to as to being just “dumb luck”! Well consider this! One of our better known bowlers who sometimes calls himself a golfer was playing in a very prestigious national corporate tournament in Sydney. The weather was foul and the rough and tee tree scrub horrendous. The above golfer checked his bag, yep, one dozen balls could be enough. Might just buy a few of the $1 balls just in case. So armed and dangerous he set off.

The format was Stableford meaning a reasonable game in tough conditions and suspect ability could get you 25 points? So 18 holes later with his two and a half dozen balls gone and only one left, from 20 he found looking for his lost ones, he reached the finish line with “ 1” Stableford point.

So the comparison with the bowler’s wick comes when the day’s winner, having played wonderful golf, collected a beautiful crystal bowl that he probably had no use for – whilst our “golfer”, with the N.A.G.A. Trophy wrapped up, took possession of two return tickets to Malaysia for his trouble.

Now that is ‘ dumb luck’. God Bless Past Presidents Note: For the non-golfers a N.A.G.A award is a booby/sportsman’s/consolation prize and is an abbreviation for “Not A Golfers Ass”).

– Barry Stewart 36

Some days you shouldn’t get out of bed !!

D

id you hear that Ken Partridge, our team manager, recently had the kind of day that remains something to be forgotten and never spoken of again? We can all relate to the problems that he faced on that terrible day!

Firstly, on a Pennant day when, as a good manager, he likes to set an example to the other members he dressed himself in the wrong Pennant shirt (old outdated model) and put on an old blue cap (not his Sorrento Bowling Club cap) and leaving the house in a rush he grabbed his son’s mobile phone instead of his own.

You would think that this was enough for a busy important man to contend with - BUT - after leaving his bowling bag in front of the building with all the other bags, he discovered (at the start of the game when all the other members were yelling at him to bowl) HIS BOWLING BAG HAD DISAPPEARED. Searching, with other members for his bowls they discovered that - there sitting alone was an identical bowling bag. Further investigation disclosed that another member, who was playing away, had taken his bag, bowls and all and had left his.

So our brave Ken was forced to use the unfamiliar bowls left behind and try to get used to them in a very important game with little time to practice the different line and size of the bowls. His team mates made a few unhelpful comments about the situation and it is understood that he received some strange phone calls during the afternoon. Aren’t you glad it wasn’t you?

Meanwhile, while all this was happening, Colin Stainsby was jumping into a car to travel to Midland Morrison to play for 2 Blue. When he and the team arrived it was quite warm so Col had a beer with a few of the others.

The opposition were a bit tardy in getting ready so it was around 1.30pm when Col put on his hat. Something was wrong because it did not fit. HE OPENED HIS BOWLS BAG TO FIND HE HAD THE WRONG BOWLS. He then rang Sorrento to let them know something was amiss.

Ken at Sorrento was upset that Col had taken his bag to Midland Morrison and Col complained that Ken had taken his bag! We will leave it to you, the reader, to guess who was at fault.

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Anyway, Col borrowed two bowls from John because they were more similar to his than Ken’s. The upshot is, excuse the pun, if the hat fits, they are probably your bowls.

– Dick Currie and Warren Elliott

Herbie

T

here are very good reasons why the Manager and Skipper of a Pennants team love Herbie Eisenmann. As far as the Manager goes, Herbie never needs any tracking down prior to a game of Pennants. In fact he is the easiest member of the squad to locate – reliably at the western, or Kilkenny, end of the bowling club.

Getting to know our members. This time we get to know Herbie

And once the action gets under way, Herbie has no trouble endearing himself to his Skipper by, with unerring accuracy, plonking his bowls extremely close to the kitty. It’s a pretty safe bet that when you look at the Pennants selection board, or get lucky with the Popsticks, and find Herbie is in your team, then you are going to be a serious challenge to your opposition.

As far as Herbie is concerned he has always liked a challenge. Born in Bad Kissingen, in the German state of Bavaria, on the 18th of September 1948, Herbie moved to Dusseldorf with his parents and older brother Reinhold at the age of 12. Even then there was still evidence of the massive damage British bombers inflicted during World War II, including a raid in September 1942 when on one night alone more than 100,000 firebombs were dropped on the city.

At the age of 22, and with an apprenticeship in printing and a few English lessons under his belt, Herbie, looking for adventure, made the bold move of travelling to Melbourne. The five-week trip on the Australis cost Herbie just 100 Deutsche Mark which made him the German equivalent of a 10 pound Pom. 38

After 12 months in Altona, Herbie moved to Bondi in Sydney where he met his wife, Helen, at an Austrian restaurant in Kings Cross. They moved to Perth in 1976 where Herbie continued as a printer and they were later married in Germany.

Many years down the track an advertisement in a local newspaper attracted Herbie to the Sorrento Bowling Club where he received coaching lessons from the late and legendary Des Bennett. They were lessons well learnt and since the year 2000 Herbie has risen to as high as second division in Pennants and along the way his commitment to the Club has been loyal to the core.

Just recently Herbie was a member of the Thursday Division Three Blue squad which topped the ladder to earn promotion.

And just like his uncomplicated and smooth-flowing bowling delivery, the affable Herbie likes to keep things simple in other aspects of his life. For example, what name do you think he gave his dog when he purchased a Jack Russell puppy?

“Jack”---- of course – Jim Woodward

New Dictionary Definitions

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed and MY Favorite!!

WRINKLES: Something other people have, similar to my character lines.

– Thanks to Eleanor Adams for this contribution 39

Saturday Night Blues The Pennant game was over And the hour was getting late I expected Hubby any moment To come walking through the gate.

Then I looked out and saw him His face was nice and cross, There were all the signs and symptoms That his team had had a loss.

I hurried to the first aid kit To prepare myself to hear How his Third missed every target And his Lead was nowhere near.

He came into the kitchen And slumped down on the seat, Then began his tale of woe Of why his team was beat.

I didn’t have to hear it I know it all by heart But he ripped into the details From the very start.

I continued with the cooking Gave a sympathetic nod, Then turned my attention back To the peas I had to pod.

I could see his lips were moving And he pranced around the room Throwing up both arms Projecting doom and gloom.

40

I don’t know what alerted him My carelessness I guess, I think I must’ve answered ‘no’ When I should’ve answered’ yes’.

I was just about to turn the meat And add in all the sage When I looked up and saw him His face was red with rage.

Even I could hear him As he began to shout, “You haven’t heard a word I’ve said What is this all about?

I know that I am tipsy From a few too many beers But even I can see the cotton wool That’s plugged into your ears.”

June Hall-Bentick

Some interesting head wear seen at our Club

All approved by Bowls WA? (You are OK as long as the hat has the required logo) 41

Some photos from 1995?

Guess who????

Our Bob Frisby Memorial Garden in 1995

42

Ian Wittber, Connie Hicks, Stewart Davies the 1995 winner of the Masters Singles from Floreat Club and Geoff Bainbridge, then President of BowlsWA. Left: Neale Griffin, Connie Hicks, Patron/Past President of Ladies State bowls and a rather young looking Ron Kuziela. Neale and Ron were in joint third position in the 1995 Masters Singles

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