Sorrento Bowling Club Magazine Issue 60 February 2015

The Demonstration Dream Team at the Masters Singles Clive Adams, Liz Marshall, Trish Cunningham, John Goddard, Ron Rogers, Pauline Bourne, Nerrida Porteous and Steve Glasson

Sorrento Bowling Club Newsletter

Number 60 February 2015

In this Issue Some notes from your Editors “Around Our Club” Men’s Captain’s Report Ladies Captain’s Report Ladies Gala Day January 2015 Men’s Selector’s Report Ladies Selector’s Report Umpires Corner Hot Hints from Heardie Men’s Match Committee Report All the Winners in the Club Mixed Fours Ladies Match Committee Report From Behind Bars Farewell to the Fermoyles The Three Amigos on Vacation. Assessing/Evaluating your Opposing Skipper Croquet Corner Greens and Grounds “The Five Davids and Goliath” Crabby Old Man Darts Club Report The English Plural Grab Life by the Bowls W.A. R.S.L. Bowls Section News Getting to Know Friends and Fellow Members Joe and Barbara Stow Day Grandparents’ Answering Machine Message Sorrento Masters Singles 2014 Our Rubik’s Cube/Pinball Expert – Dion Smith More “Around Our Club” Idle Thoughts Our Club Communication Strategy Proposed Reorganisation of the Executive Committee Letters to the Editor Answers to Quiz and “Guess Who” Thank you from Helloworld Balcatta

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Some notes from your Editors – Neville and Denise Odell If you would like to comment or contribute to our newsletter please contact Denise or Neville on 9309 3108 or e-mail us at nevodell@bigpond.net.au

BRICKBATS, BOUQUETS, CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS Thanks for all the positive comments we received about our December Christmas Newsletter. We unfortunately upset a few of our ladies who did not approve of the Men’s Scary and Hairy Christmas Cowboy Calendar. Apologies to those who were unhappy or who thought the naked back-sides were inappropriate! We also upset Ian Marshall who had been told he was to be ‘Mr. October’ and then suddenly became ‘Mr. January’. Unfortunately, in spite of all our efforts to improve on the final proof reading we managed to mis-spell Kevin Coffey’s name. Not sure how this happened but we will spread the blame this time between Brian Lucas who made the first mistake and our two ‘professional’ proof readers Denise Odell and Jan Paniperis. We also managed to miss out some names from our list of volunteers. Apologies to Mary Rolls, Sue Hogan and Monique Kopec who were left off the list of ladies making sandwiches for Men’s Pennants. Our men continue to appreciate what our ladies do when it comes to making sandwiches every Thursday and Saturday during the Pennant season. Other clubs have to resort to buying in pizza or making up platters

with olives and pickled onions which are never very popular! One club dispatches a member to Coles to buy frozen quiches and sausage rolls which then go into the oven while the men are playing! We also need to acknowledge Judy Campbell. Judy often helps in the bar cutting up cheese and preparing the plates of cheese and bikkies.

Did you know that lawn bowls is all about the three ‘L’s’? • Line • Length • Luck

SOME MORE “DID YOU HEAR” AND “DID YOU KNOW” STORIES Did you hear that Eric and Hilda Tomkins will celebrate their 60th Wedding Anniversary in April 2015? Well done guys!!! Guess we don’t have too many others in our Club who will beat this record! Not sure many of us would have recognised Eric as a young bloke on his wedding day! Keith Tomkins, their son tells me that they always go on “honeymoon” to celebrate their anniversaries. Do you know the best thing to wear in bed? David Cameron wears pyjamas, Donald Duck dons a nightcap and Marilyn Monroe wore just Channel No 5. It seems that Marilyn might have been on to something. One in three adults sleep in the nude, according to an international study by the US National Sleep Foundation, and it’s been shown to have all sorts of benefits. Experts reveal how ditching pyjamas could improve your sleep quality, boost your relationship and may even help burn calories. Did you know that John and Mary Sanders celebrated their Golden Wedding Anniversary in September 2014? They kept this special occasion very quiet and it was only by chance that your Editor managed to find out about this special event. Congratulations to you both. Did you hear that four of our ladies did very well in the Bowls W.A. State Fours? Nerrida Porteous, Wendy Saul, Lee Leach and Coral Smith reached the quarter finals. Did you know that Jim Woodward was greatly moved by President John F Kennedy’s speech to Congress on 25 May 1961. With Russia then leading a fledgling space race, President Kennedy promised that the United States would send a man to the moon and return him safely to earth by the end of the 1960’s. Jim, then a 15-year-old schoolboy,

“Around Our Club�

Tiare and her baby Janna Rose paying us a visit

New member Greg Taylor pondering his next shot

Robyn Woodward drawing another shot

From left to right: Cheryl Benn, Vonnie King and Trish Cunningham

Two members pretending they won the Masters

Terry Smith, Bill Hennley, Bill Leyland and Max Gouldthorp enjoying a beer or two

subsequently followed the events that followed from Alan Shepard’s first Mercury mission to Eugene Cernan commanding Apollo 17 with absolute fascination and detail. To this day he can name every Mercury, Gemini and Apollo mission and their crews. That’s a total of 27 flights and 59 astronauts. Test him out over a beer! Did you hear that Frank Gandras did very well in the Melbourne Cup. For someone who previously didn’t know one end of a horse from the other he did very well? He actually picked the Trifecta at the TAB with a win and a place and a very good pay out. He followed this up with some good wins in social bowls. Remember next time to speak to him about a few tips! Did you know that the cruise liner Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of fuel that it burns. For those of you who don’t know what an inch is or what a gallon is please note six inches is 15cm and a gallon is about four litres. Did you know that one of the bowlers at the Warwick Bowling Club keeps a detailed record of the number of ‘good’ bowls he bowls in a session? He excludes handy bowls, near misses and touchers that don’t count. Over nine games he reckons that he bowled 378 bowls and had only 78 good bowls. That’s 20% ‘good’ and 80% ‘bad’. He reckons a good bowl is a bowl that ends up within a metre of the jack. Some other members have adopted Ron’s system. One member claimed that he “had 52% of good bowls” but there is some doubt whether he was assuming a good bowl is anything within two metres!! Did you know that Ray and Pat Stapledon celebrated their 80th birthdays recently? Congratulations to you both. Ray and Pat have been married for 47 years and have two delightful daughters and two grandchildren. Did you hear about the husband who bought his son an iPAD, daughter an iPOD, himself an iPHONE and his wife an iRON. She wasn’t impressed even after he explained it could be integrated with the iWASH, iCOOK and iCLEAN network. This triggered the iNAG service, which totally wiped out the iSHAG function. Did you know that in some clubs it’s traditional for the Lady Skipper to always sit in the front seat of the car when her team is travelling to an away game? We thank our regular intrepid reporter and contributor, Ken Giles, for this useful bit of information. He feels that our “Gentlemen Skippers” might be missing out on this perk and token of respect.

Did you hear about the sexism row in the UK where a female lawn bowls player has been banned from competing for her local team, because the league claims women are ‘not as good as men’? Claire Williams, 51, helped get Burway Bowling Club in Shropshire into the top division in the county last year. However, the Shropshire Premier Bowling League has a strict male-only policy and its President has pledged to ‘fight vehemently’ to keep her and other women players out. Ms. Williams’ club is appealing to overturn the 21-year-old rule after branding the league regulations oldfashioned and outdated. But Mike Hinton, 73, President of the SPBL, has said there is ‘no way’ the league will allow a change in the rules and allow women to play. Did you know that Noel Summers has been playing lawn bowls for 52 years? He started when he was 32. When asked about the secret of his success he said it was down to three things – wine, whisky and women!! Did you hear that Barry Stewart got a special mention on the Internet? When Sorrento One White team were playing Kardinya, the following was recorded on the Ossie Park website: “Bob Mulroy’s team got off to a great start leading 8 to nil after 4 ends mainly through some good leading by newcomer Barry Stewart and some big bowls by third John Brown”. Did you hear that Colin Stainsby was concerned about why his new bowls shoe was shedding a sole only to discover that he was wearing one old and one new shoe? Life is tough when you get a bit old! Did you know that Ken Hollick’s son Rohan, once swam between Rottnest Island and Cottesloe Beach three times in the one day? He began his triple marathon from Rottnest at midnight and arrived on the mainland around 6am. He then set out for Rottnest, arriving around lunchtime. Rohan then thought he had better get home for dinner so he jumped back in the water, arriving at Cottesloe around 7pm. To this day Rohan is the first and only bloke to achieve this feat. Ken of course had quite a reputation on dry land. For several years he held the record for running a mile in New Zealand’s Bay of Plenty region. Did you know that Brian Lucas walks ten kilometres every day but the route he takes is through the back door of the Club and then out the front door? Thanks to Wayne Grey for this useful bit of information. Did you hear that a high school teacher was arrested today at Sydney’s International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator? At the press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the AFP with carrying weapons of maths instruction. ‘Al-Gebra is a problem for us’, the Attorney General said, “They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.” They use secret code names like “X” and “Y” and refer to themselves as “unknowns but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, “There are three sides to every triangle.” When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister Tony Abbot said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.” Fellow Liberal colleagues told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the Prime Minister. SOME OTHER BITS AND PIECES Thanks to Pauline Marsden for the following truisms from Greg Kasper. Pauline recorded these for us when Greg, a visitor from Mackay, Queensland, visited our Club during the Masters Singles: “You are a better bowler than the score shows” “When you are down you’ve got to be up” “Your luck starts when your bowl reaches the head” “Leads and Seconds determine the win – Thirds and Skips by how much” “You fill the green, you fill the bar and you fill the till” Can you answer all seven of the following questions with the same word? 1. The word has seven letters ... 2. Preceded God ... 3. Greater than God ... 4. More Evil than the devil ... 5. All poor people have it ... 6. Wealthy people need it ... 7. If you eat it, you will eventually die. Answer on page 54. Don’t worry if you didn’t get the answer. Only 5% of Stanford University graduates got it right. Please note that we now have a professionally printed Club Information Booklet for new and prospective members. These cost $1.70 each so please don’t take one unless it is for a new or prospective member. There is nothing much in this booklet for existing members although some have advised that they did learn some things they never knew before.

Congratulations to Monique Kopec who won the Mens’ Scary and Hairy Christmas Cowboy Calendar Competition. She wins a bottle of Paul’s best wine. Well done Monique. Please collect your bottle of wine from Paul.

Men’s Captain’s Report

– Neville Odell

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he Pennant season is approaching the serious part of the competition and quite a few teams are still in a good position to make the play offs. Good luck to all involved. Congratulations and thanks to all bowlers who have committed to play Pennants this season – it has made the Selectors job much easier. Volunteers again play a big part in the running of the club. We will be asking for volunteers to assist in organising a few events, mainly private evening or afternoon bowls. If you can help please see myself or Ken Giles. A big thank you to Brian Self for his skills in selling the Thursday and Saturday raffle tickets. It is impossible to get through the front door without being waylaid! Life Member Graeme Heard is on the mend; we wish him a speedy recovery. We would also like to send our best wishes to Life Member Joan. “Respect the teams you have beaten, because without them you would not be the winners”. – ABBA

Ladies Captain’s Report

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would like to thank all of you who had anything at all to do with our wonderful Gala Day. I heard only wonderful positive comments about every aspect of the whole event. The success of any event like this depends entirely on the contributions of any sort by our members. We raised about $3800 which goes into the Club’s general coffers. So thank you again for all of your time and generosity to EVERYONE who was involved. I am so proud of us all for the great work we do for our Club. Give yourselves a pat on the back. Helloworld, one of our sponsors donated a bottle of champagne as a raffle prize. If you are planning to travel please use Helloworld. Our annual Invitation Day event is coming up on Friday 13 February. Not as much help is required as for Gala Day, but there are still some areas in which we will require volunteers for all or part of the day. Invitation Day is not really a fund-raising day as such but we usually make a little money from it. If you would like to come and watch some great bowls, please do. We are allowing 3 or 4 Sorrento Division 1 teams to enter this year. 10

Ladies Gala Day January 2015

Jan and Moira serving snowball cocktails Left: Liz and Lorainne on the Book Stall

Left: Nelly preparing rolls for lunch

Emily and Jenni on the Jewelry table

Cheryl preparing rolls for lunch

Vonnie and Pat on the Money Sheet raffle Left: Carol admiring Beth’s beautiful artwork 11

Right: Robyn and Liz selling the delicious cakes Beryl and Sylvia on the Money Tree table Right: Marie and Annie having a laugh in the kitchen Eleanor, Jean and Pat on the Plant Stall

Carol, Betty and Helen registering the visiting teams

Denise and Kath behind the wine (where else?) 12

Kath, Sonia and Val on the Wine Raffle table

From left to right: SuzeeWoods, Sharon Eggers, Livia Woods and Rod Garnaut from our travel agent sponsor – Helloworld Balcatta, Northlands

A proposal was put by our Match Committee that the Women’s 100 Up event be classified formally as a championship event and this was accepted by the Executive Committee. – Sharon Eggers

Men’s Selector’s Report

Thursday: Of our nine sides five are very much in finals calculations. Our 1 Blue and 2 Blue 1 sides are lying 3rd and 2nd respectively and our 1 Blue had a convincing win over the top side Innaloo last round. 2 Blue 2 and 2 Gold are both sitting middle table and appear out of relegation trouble. The 3 Blue side is struggling to avoid relegation lying in 8th spot. 4 Blue are ten points clear on top and hopefully can win our 1st Pennant for many years. 4 Gold are lying 2nd and only 3 points off top spot. 5 Blue1 is lying 4th and 5 Blue 2 are lying 7th on the table with a strong chance of avoiding relegation. Pot Winners: R10: Norm Claffey, Fred Stimpson, Stan McCullagh and Ken Vercoe. Plus 19. R11: Neil McLaughlan, Ron Burroughs, Derek Smith and Tony Pilgrim. Plus 21. R12: Ron Rogers, Brian Saul, Bruce Eagles and Steve Mortimer. Plus 19. Saturday: Our Saturday sides are not as well placed as our Thursday sides. Our 1 White is struggling to avoid relegation although they have won four of their last five home games. Special mention of Mick Martin’s rink who have won 8 of their 12 games. 2 Blue and 2 Gold are both lying in the middle of the table and appear out of final calculations. 3 Blue have had two good wins in the last two rounds to jump to 3rd on the table. 4 Gold 1 and 2 sides are lying 2nd and 3rd respectively. 5 Gold has struggled recently to drop to 4th on the table which is the same position on the table as our 6 Purple side. Pot Winners: R10: Mick Martin, Ross Cunningham, Brian Lucas and Geoff Murray. Plus 23. R11: John Sturk, Guy Burdon, Darryl Rowland and Ray Green. Plus 32. R12: Ron Kuziela, Peter Crow, Brian Clausen and Steve Mortimer. Plus 12.

Ladies Selector’s Report

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– Rob Tozer.

i Ladies: We only have four games left to play; hopefully we will hold all of our divisions. Some divisions might get to play for the flag and it would be great to bring a flag home to our Club. 13

I know everyone plays their best every week, even when we have to move players around. It has been a difficult year with many ladies being sick or on holidays. Some weeks we had no reserves at all, so thank you for your understanding with being moved around. The ladies in our club are really friendly and support each other, especially if you are on your own. The companionship is very much appreciated by all. Hopefully the weather will cool down a bit for the rest of our games. Good luck for the rest of the season. – Kath Harris

Umpires Corner

Laws and Etiquette of Bowls

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n the last newsletter I recommended that all bowlers who play in competitive events, including Pennants, should be conversant with the Laws of the Game as well as points of etiquette. Copies of the new Law Book (Laws of the Sport of Bowls – 3rd Ed) which includes the Australian (domestic) regulations, are available from Bowls WA in Osborne Park for $9. Alternatively it can be found on the Bowls W.A. website under Club Assistance/ Umpires/ Crystal Mark – Laws of the Sport of Bowls. I am also making arrangements for a copy to be made available at the Club for general access by players. Bowls WA has also included a document ‘Etiquette of Bowls’ on the same web site as above which I will also make available with the Law Book at the Club for players information. Players are not expected to know all the Laws but should be conversant with the main laws that relate to the position they normally play in. e.g. a Third should be conversant with the Laws relating to deciding the number of shots scored (laws 22 – 25). I often hear stories about incidents that have been incorrectly ‘resolved’, due to players and opposition not knowing the appropriate Laws. It was agreed at the Men’s Bowls Committee meeting that I document, over the next month or so, a summary of the main Laws relating to each position in a team to assist players to become familiar with relevant Laws. I will e-mail these out as they become available and have copies available from the main office. – Jim Ironside 14

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Hot Hints from Heardie

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n this edition of the newsletter we will discuss the role of the Skipper. Skippers are at all times in control of their players and all events that occur during that game.

He/she can make all the decisions if so desired. A Skipper must however give clear and precise directions at all times. Don’t ask the players what they would like. You are responsible. You make the decisions. After a player has played his first bowl give some indication of the correction required to make his second a better bowl than the previous one. Always show positive body language and don’t run your team down when things are not going well. If you are unhappy with the shot the Third has called you on, go and have a look at the head and discuss the shot with the Third. Always show good etiquette on the green and also off. You are in a respected position and everything you do and say is always taken in by other players and spectators alike. Earn their respect. Have a positive attitude towards the game and to your team. Players will respond to your attitude. Be a good looser. Next time you could have that winning smile, so be a sportsman either when winning or losing. I wish all bowlers well for the rest of the season. Finally remember – the game is meant to be enjoyed not endured and remember it is a team effort. – Graeme Heard

Men’s Match Committee Report Men’s Triples In what must rank as one of the more remarkable results in recent Club Championship history, a team of 4th Division bowlers are Club Triples Champions this season. Pat Dichiera, Alan Wood and John Sturk (Skipper) got a bit wobbly in the last couple of ends but steadied to beat the team of Wayne Gray, Brian Lucas and Brian Collins (Skipper) in the final on Sunday 16th November. Both of these teams qualified for the final with identical 17-16 results. The Sturk team over Brian Clausen (with Tony Bourne and Gavan Ebsworth) and the Collins’ team over Ian Marshall (with Brent Marshall and Arthur Richards). In the Major final, scores were level 14-14 after 15 ends, but the next three consecutive 16

ends yielded seven shots to John’s team to establish what proved to be the winning break. But the real drama was to come. When John stepped on the mat on the 20th end leading by five, he found his team six shots down. John coolly drew 3rd shot with his last bowl, so still led by three coming to the last end. On this end, Pat drew within a few inches, but Brian Collins’s first shot dislodged the jack to be holding four and the win, before John’s first bowl drew 2nd shot. Brian’s last bowled sailed wide, so John put his final bowl “in his pocket” for the win. Congratulations to Pat, Alan and John, and commiserations to Wayne, Brian and Brian. The Plate final was won 20-13 by John Abercrombie, Mike Carrigy and Richard Bone, who defeated Barry Stewart, Barry Bradshaw and Bruce Eagles in their final. Thank you to all 60 bowlers who took part, particularly the ‘Glengarry Boys’ who knocked over Ron Rogers’ rink on the opening day. Just goes to show you that anyone can win on their day. Mixed Fours The Major final was between Mick Martin, Peter Balcombe, Jean Baker and Judy Campbell and Brian Saul, Sharon Eggers, Coral Smith and John Smith. This game was very close. Both teams were even on the 11th end at 9 all and again drawn on the 18th end at 13 all. This meant that it came down to the last end as the decider. Brian Saul was holding shot after the seconds put down their bowls. The jack was moved and gave the shot to Mick’s team. Mick drew in another two shots. Brian was unable to draw for shot with his first bowl however, with his last bowl he took a chance and 17

All the Winners in the Club Mixed Fours Left: Overall winners – Major: John Smith, Coral Smith, Brian Saul and Sharon Eggers

Right: Runners up– Major: Peter Balcombe, Judy Campbell, Jean Baker and Mick Martin

Left: Winners of the Plate Brian Clausen, Moira Dean, Eleanor Adams and Brad Williams.

Right: Runners up in the Plate Beth McCormack, Ron Taylor, Alan Wood, and Lorna Glew 18

drove at the jack picking it up cleanly and taking it to the ditch, where he had back bowls waiting. He picked up 3 shots to win the game 16 to 13. Well done Brian! Congratulations to all the contestants on a hard fought game. The Plate final was played between Beth McCormack, Ron Taylor, Alan Wood, Lorna Glew and Brian Clausen, Vonnie King (substituting for Moira Dean), Eleanor Adams and Brad Williams. The game started with Beth’s team winning the first two ends before Brian could get on the board. Once they started they went out to a 17 to 2 lead until Beth came back with a mighty effort to finally go down 22 to 19. Congratulations to Brian Clausen and his team. Mixed Pairs The finals of the Mixed Pairs took place on Friday 23 January. The finals had been delayed due to weather interruptions in the earlier rounds in October. The major final saw Lee Leach and Ron Rogers pitted against Coral Smith and Mick Martin. Coral and Mick stole an early lead to lead 10-5, but Lee and Ron fought back to hit the front 11-10. From then the match see-sawed with alternating two’s seeing first one pair in front and then the other. Consecutive ends to Coral and Mick saw them lead by 3 with 2 ends to play. Mick then played a slightly overweight bowl into the head and dislodged their closest bowl and conceded a 4. Lee and Ron closed out the final end to win by 3 shots. A hard-fought match played in good spirit. Congratulations to Lee and Ron, who win the Mixed Pairs title again. In the Plate final, Betty Stern and Alan Wood came up against Judy Campbell and Ray Green. Betty and Alan seemed to be gaining the upper hand in the middle of the match, only for Judy to play some great bowls to win the 13th and 14th ends. But unfortunately Judy’s health gave in on her and she and Ray conceded the Plate final. Well done Betty and Alan. 19

Men’s Fours

Winners of Major

Runners up in Major

The giant-killing run of John Sturk’s team continued in this event. After comfortably defeating Ron Kuziela’s rink of Gavan Ebsworth, Ken Leach and Brian Clausen in the semi-final, they had to meet Mike Carrigy’s rink (with John Hammond, John Abercrombie and Richard Bone) in the final. Mike’s team had had a narrow 1-shot win over Trevor Orton’s rink (Neville Odell, John Sanders and John Collishaw) in the other semi-final. The Sturk team came from behind to grab the win by two shots in the closing ends. Congratulations to Ken Vercoe, Bill Long, Alan Wood and John Sturk for their win. The Plate final was won by Jim Ironside, Warren Elliott, Ross Cunningham (sub Ken Giles) and Greg Taylor, who defeated Ric Munt, Peter Balcombe, Phil (Spider) Webb and Rob Tozer by two shots in another close-fought match. Well done to all. Note: Unfortunately we were unable to get a photo of the Plate winners – apologies! Thanks also to Tiger Hogan for assembling a “scratch” team to make up the even 16 teams – which makes the match committee’s job so much easier. Australia vs The Rest of The World (aka “The Boat People”) This annual match took place on the Australia Day long weekend and saw 28 “Aussies” and 26 “Aliens” nominated to play. “Aussie” Alan Walton was the last to pay, so he became an honorary “alien” for the afternoon. So 9 matches of 3-bowl triples were scheduled, with the Aussie bolting home 7 matches to 2 and a whopping 52-shot margin. Brian Saul, Derry Ellis and Ken Giles were the overall winners on the day. 20

Even Brian Self’s Welsh flag up the flag pole did not inspire the internationals, who hailed from Britain, South Africa, Italy, New Zealand, Croatia and several other countries. In recognition of the day, meat pies were added to the nibblies consumed at the end of the day. Thanks to all. – Trevor Orton

Ladies Match Committee Report Pairs Club Championship 2014/15

Winners of Major

Runners up in Major

The first round of the Pairs produced some very good bowls and close results. All players went into the second round as either players in the Major or Plate competition. On the morning of the 19 November the following semi finalists played in the Major event – Denise Odell and Robyn Van Mosseveld against Moira Dean and Beryl Tutt. Denise and Robyn were successful and went on to the final to be played in the afternoon. The other Major semi finalists were Jean Middleditch and Clair Hanlon against Coral Smith and Wendy Saul. Coral and Wendy were the successful pair and played off against Denise and Robyn. The Plate semi finals saw Judy Campbell and Trish Cunningham against Nerrida Porteous and Shelley Jeffs. Judy and Trish were the successful winners and went into the final of the Plate in the afternoon. The other semi final was between Kath Harris and Vi Willers and Eleanor Adams and Jenni Lockwood (replaced due to illness by Helen Ironside). Kath and Vi won this semi final. The Major final saw last year’s winners Robyn Van Mosseveld and Denise Odell 21

against Coral Smith and Wendy Saul. Denise did a wonderful job of pinging bowls off the jack, and together with the aid of Robyn proved to be a very strong team indeed. Congratulations to Robyn and Denise for defending their title and winning again this year. Trish Cunningham and Judy Campbell won the Plate in a hard fought match against Kath Harris and Vi Willers. Well done to Judy and Trish on their win.

Winnere and Runners up in the Plate

Thanks once again to the Umpires who gave of their time for this event. Women’s Championship Triples At last the Women’s Championship final has been played. The Championship started on 26 November and was finalised on 18 January. Congratulations to all the contestants who participated; the standard of bowling was exceptional. However, as we know, it comes down to the last four teams to play off in the finals. This year saw Clair Hanlon, Jean Middleditch and Vi Willers take on Beth McCormack, Judy Campbell and Trish Cunningham for the Plate. Beth’s team started off very strongly before we saw Clair’s team begin to claw their way back. Unfortunately it was short lived and Beth went on to have a comfortable win. The Major was contested between Moira Dean, Nerrida Porteous and Beryl Tutt who played Robyn Van Mosseveld, Shelley Jeffs and Sylvia McLaughlan. Moira also started out strongly before Robyn’s team fought back to be within 2 shots on the 9th end. Moira once again rallied her team and steamed ahead to victory. Well done girls! Both games were excellent to watch and it was a great way to spend Sunday morning. – Coral Smith and Helen Ironside

From Behind Bars

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orking in conjunction with our Bar Manager Paul Dennis, we have been able to implement quite a number of improvements behind the bar in the past three months. These include: 22

• Reorganising the bar and the back areas to reduce clutter and improve organisation. Storage racks have been installed in the back area thanks to the generous sponsorship of James Baker. • The storage area in the main cool room has been reorganised to be more efficient thanks to the efforts of Kevin Coffee and Bob Anderson. • The bar has been painted to liven up the area and the wine/spirit/glass display has been modernised. Thanks to Alan Bishop, Alan Waldron, Kevin Coffee, Dave Bradley and Ryan O’Callahan. • We are working with the City of Joondalup to improve cool room performance, particularly the smaller stubby cool room. We believe that we have discovered the technical problem in the stubby cool room that has been driving us spare over past months and it will have been fixed by the time you read this. • Fosters Brewery have reviewed our beer pouring and keg storage procedures and given us the thumbs up. They are also providing customer service and bar service training to our staff and volunteers. For our cider drinkers, Fosters have confirmed that draft cider does not have a head. • The smaller safe has been relocated to the back area to improve security and James Baker will soon be installing a solid door with a key pad lock to further improve security. James will also be installing racks in the rear caged area to enable our rubber mats to be hung and cleaned. • Regular glass washing has commenced. • An arrangement to purchase packaged alcohol from Cellarbrations has been implemented. • Higher quality wines have been introduced and our pricing strategy has been reviewed to reflect price sensitivity. • A food preparation area has been established in the Bar Manager’s office area. • A hall hire book has been designed to capture information about the requirements of people hiring the hall and facilities and this will hopefully reduce the level of confusion that currently exists. • Staff bar rosters are being reviewed continually to try and get the correct balance between faster bar services, while keeping wages at an appropriate level. I would like to thank Ron Taylor, Graeme May, James Baker, Kevin Coffey, Pauline Marsden and Glenn Boston for their ongoing support behind the Bar. We are still looking for more volunteers to work in the bar. This does not necessarily mean serving, but could involve glass cleaning, glass stacking, preparing snacks or general cleaning and will not require a lot of time or commitment. Please see me if you are interested. 23

– Brian Lucas – Chair of Bar

Farewell to the Fermoyles

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ichard and Soraya will be leaving Sorrento within the next month or two and moving to Halls Head in Mandurah. Richard has been a respected member of SBC, having assisted in administration duties at our Club and has been a Match Committee member for some years. Richard always enjoys his bowls and he will be missed by his team mates. Thank you for your efforts, Richard, and we wish you and Soraya all the best for your move and happy bowling at Halls Head. – Ken Giles

The Three Amigos on Vacation

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he trip started with a “Cork Popping’ thanks to the Moet (supplied by Sabatino). From then on the cruise only got better as the photograph tells. No more can be said as the rule of the seas is what happens on the ship stays on the ship. One of the male members took his bowling shoes instead of his joggers – must have thought he could get around his wife for a game while on shore. While on shore the girls eyes were on the shopping while the boys checked out the local product (Good Drop). Good time had by all. Stay tuned till next trip. – Ken Giles

Assessing/Evaluating your Opposing Skipper

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while back Neville Odell and yours truly were discussing what constitutes a “good” Skipper. In a moment of weakness I agreed to record my thoughts.

“In both Pennant and Club competitions, it is helpful to have some knowledge of your opposing Skipper. To assist in this area it may be useful to identify his/her strengths and weaknesses. As a general guide the skills listed below are some of the attributes Selectors use to 24

select Skippers at Pennant level. These same skills are the same as what you would use to assess your opposing Skipper. Personal skills to look for are a Skipper’s: • leadership skills • man management skills • temperament • concentration • confidence • ability to get the best out of his/her team • compatibility with their team It is also important to examine and monitor their bowling skills. Do they have? • the ability to draw • the ability to drive • ability to play under pressure • ability to read the head • ability to call clear, precise shots to team members • ability to be flexible • ability on both fast and slow greens • a good win/loss record At Club level in Club Championship events you generally know your opposing Skipper and knowing their strengths and weaknesses will assist you in determining how you are going to approach your game. At Pennant level whilst you don’t know who your opposing Skipper will be until the day of play, the Bowls WA website provides a Skipper’s ladder for each Pennant division/colour. This information can give you an insight as to their performance record in conjunction with the team they skip (also listed on this website). More importantly your ability to quickly assess your opponents personal and bowling skills can assist you in your aim to win. Using the skills listed above as a guide should help in your assessment.” – Graeme O’Brien

Croquet Corner

Captain’s Comments (Judith Skeet) As part of the ‘end-of-year wind-up’ for 2014, a Christmas Fun Game was held and was thoroughly enjoyed by members. Jackie Harland was the overall winner, with Mary Gardner taking out the ‘Good Egg’ award. Also, the Croquet section’s Annual Christmas Lunch was attended by 26 members of the Croquet section with Barry 25

Bradshaw and his wife and Joan Whitham attending as honoured guests. Joan was presented with a bouquet of flowers in recognition of her wonderful catering over a number of past years. An external caterer was engaged as a last-minute replacement for Joan and her team due to Joan’s ill health at the time. We send her our heartfelt good wishes.

Judith Skeet addressing Croquet members at the Christmas lunch. Seated (left to right) Michelle Glover, Joan Whitham, Wilma and Barry Bradshaw and John Harland.

We were delighted with our early ‘Christmas present’ from Department of Sport and Recreation, who informed us that our application for a grant of $500 for the purchase of equipment for our Club was successful. The money was deposited into the Club’s bank account in early January. Croquet Inter-Club Pennants Competition Sorrento entered two teams in the 2014 Pennants Competition for Golf Croquet, with the new flood lights being most appreciated by the players. The B Grade team had been promoted as a result of winning the C Grade competition a couple of years ago but was not placed. The team was captained by Peter Hamilton with Terry Harvey and Trish Klemp being regular team members. A fourth member was found each week with Glenda Laidler; Kathy Hamilton; Charlie Crute and Di McGivern all standing in when needed. The B Grade team comprising Kerry Bomford (Captain), Di McGivern, Graeme Glover and Robyn Rowe fared better by coming third behind the two teams from Forest Park. Safeway Sponsored Friends’ Day On Sunday 15 February, the Croquet section will hold a ‘Friends’ Day’ to encourage interest, and possibly new membership, by holding a fun competition where a member who is a regular croquet player will bring along a non-playing friend to be their partner. The afternoon’s play will be followed by a “Pizza Supper” sponsored by Safeway – a regular sponsor of the Croquet section. Any bowler or darts player who would like to come along as a friend will be very welcome to join in – we will find a player to be your partner. 26

Croquet Section Social Scene A ‘special birthday’ luncheon was held at the Kingsley Tavern for Bev Cox in January, but it has been decided instead to celebrate all Croquet members birthdays within a three-month period by having a social get-together each quarter. The Social Convenor will arrange these and the players look forward to the first of these soon. Summer Nights Twilight Competition This competition, organised by Forest Park and Victoria Park Croquet Clubs, will be held on Tuesday evenings for players with a handicap of no less than 8 and on Thursday evenings as an Open Competition. Sorrento has entered two teams in the Tuesday matches and one team in Thursday ones. The competition runs from 27 January through to 12 March. Trophy Presentation Night This year the Croquet section will join the Bowls section for this important and very enjoyable event where the successes of the previous year are recognised. – Diana Mcgivern

Greens and Grounds

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lthough “A” green has not come back as good as we would have liked, it is pleasing to see “C” come back in play this week and with some more grooming it will increase in speed in the coming weeks. We will continue to work hard on “A”. At present we are doing a lot of grooming and this is adding an extra workload to our workers and with the Christmas break, when one contractor was away, Colin Bangs (photo alongside) quickly learnt how to mow and has joined Barry Stewart and Derry Ellis as regular volunteer green mowers and rollers. A very big thank you to these guys. The Croquet court has been surveyed by another one of our volunteers Ron Rogers. Thanks Ron, and this will enable us to ensure the courts are of correct size and square. We will be re-painting lines and replacing hoops in the very near future. This will return that area to a good playing surface and meet the Pennant requirements. As we near the end of the season it can be said that our greens have not been to the normal/expected standards but at the start of winter we will have five greens in play and that will enable us to become more proactive rather than reactive to problems. This will then enable us to commence next season in a much better position. 27

The Thumbs Up volunteers continue to work each Monday and a lot they do goes unnoticed but it is valuable and necessary. Anyone wishing to join our group should arrive between seven-thirty and eight am any Monday. We don’t expect you to attend every Monday but any time volunteered is appreciated. – Kevin Cook

“The Five Davids Versus Goliath”

“David” Sturk and his “Giant Slayers”

From left to right: “David” Dichiera, “David” Woods, “David” Long and “David” Vercoe

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hey were the biggest underdog upsets since David and Goliath. Not in anyone’s wildest dreams, when this season’s Men’s Triples and Fours Championships began, could it be imagined that a combination of five basically Fourth Division play28

A ‘Champion Team’ will always beat a ‘Team of Champions’

ers would end up toppling star-studded teams heavily laced with Division 1 and 2 players. But that’s exactly what Skipper John Sturk’s hand-picked men achieved in the heat of battle in two of Sorrento’s premier Championship events. For the Triples he sought out Lead Pat Dichiera and Third Alan Wood and used Ken Vercoe as his Lead, Bill Long as his Second and Alan Wood as his Third in the Fours. While Goliath was struck a nasty blow on the forehead by a stone from David’s slingshot, there were plenty of bruised egos at Sorrento by the time John, Pat, Alan, Ken and Bill had finished their business. Their expectations were certainly not high when they first went into battle – but nor would have been David’s when he was finally given permission to tackle Goliath by King Saul. (Now, as far as we can ascertain, that was not our Brian Saul). A list of 52 children’s Church Lesson Plans states, in reference to David’s victory over Goliath, – “Just be yourself and use the familiar gifts and talents God has given you. He will work miracles through you.” Whether there was divine intervention or not, John, Alan and Pat certainly stuck to what they knew best in the Triples. John, a retired carpenter, nailed some amazing head-saving bowls; Alan, a Ship’s Master who worked all around the world on huge vessels in the oil and gas industry, kept a steady hand on the tiller with a skilful variety of draw and up-shots, and Pat, a Chartered Accountant, was rarely on the wrong side of the ledger with his superb leading. While Goliath was ultimately decapitated, Skipper Sturk kept a cool head throughout four tense games and his excitement at the finish was palpable. Along the way Sturk and his team systematically dismantled outfits skippered by Club heavyweights Ian Linford, Brian Saul, Brian Clausen and Brian Collins by one, nine, one and two shots respectfully. When he put his final bowl “in his pocket” to ensure victory rather than risk disturbing the head there was no denying Sturk’s excitement. In the Fours Bill Long, another former carpenter chipped away and Ken Vercoe, a marketing and sales manger also pitched in as they repaid the faith John Sturk had placed in them. John and his three hard-working mates paid scant regard for the reputation and standing of those they opposed, as was evidenced by their 31-9 dismantling of Ron Kuziela’s classy outfit in a semi-final. 29

And when victory was achieved against Mike Carrigy’s team in the final John wished he had made a small investment when someone bluntly told him before the Championship started, “you blokes are 1000-1 to win this.” Again his elation reverberated around the green. But that’s how the verbose and vocal John Sturk plays every game he undertakes and members of his Pennant teams can attest to how he doffs his cap to salute an exceptional bowl. But where did it all begin for this “Johnny come lately” and where did he acquire the nickname “Jaffa”? He took up bowling only seven years ago upon retiring and was simply known around Sorrento as John Sturk – that is until he lost his name tag. However, the mischievous combination of Glenn Boston and Barry Bradshaw then came up with the idea of giving him a new name tag, inscribed with the word Jaffa, because of the orange bowls he used. The nickname and badge have survived to this very day. Have Jaffa’s big wins gone to his head? Not a bit. The very next day after the Triples he was down at the Club taking part in the regular Monday morning Working Bee. But then Alan Wood, Pat Dichiera, Ken Vercoe and Bill Long also put an enormous amount back into the Club. The assembling and dismantling of the shade cloth that covers the frames at the end of each green heavily relies on Alan and Bill’s expertise and rarely does a Monday pass without Ken being on the end of a shovel or rake. And the amount of time, as our Club’s honorary treasurer, Pat puts in is unfathomable. Jaffa, Alan, Pat, Ken and Bill are simply pure gold as far as Sorrento is concerned. It is thus appropriate that their names will end up in type of the same colour on the Club’s honour boards. – Jim Woodward

Crabby Old Man

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hen an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home it was believed that he had nothing left of any value. Later, when the nurses were going through his meagre possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital and it is now winging around the World on the Internet:

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What do you see nurses ...... what do you see? What are you thinking ...... when you’re looking at me? A crabby old man ...... not very wise, Uncertain of habit ...... with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food ...... and makes no reply, When you say in a loud voice ...... ‘I do wish you’d try!’ Who seems not to notice ...... the things that you do. And forever is losing ...... a sock or shoe. Who, resisting or not ...... lets you do as you will, With bathing and feeding ...... the long day to fill. Is that what you’re thinking?...... Is that what you see? Then open your eyes, nurse ...... you’re not looking at me. I’ll tell you who I am ...... as I sit here so still, As I do at your bidding,...... as I eat at your will. I’m a small child of Ten ...... with a father and mother, Brothers and sisters ...... who love one another. A young boy of Sixteen ...... with wings on his feet. Dreaming that soon now ...... a lover he’ll meet. A groom soon at Twenty ...... my heart gives a leap. Remembering, the vows ...... that I promised to keep. At Twenty-Five, now ...... I have young of my own. Who need me to guide ...... and a secure happy home. A man of Thirty ...... my young now grown fast, Bound to each other ...... with ties that should last. At Forty, my young sons ...... have grown and are gone, But my woman’s beside me ...... to see I don’t mourn. At Fifty, once more, ...... babies play ‘round my knee, Again, we know children ...... my loved one and me. Dark days are upon me ...... my wife is now dead, I look at the future ...... and shudder with dread. For my young are all rearing ...... young of their own, And I think of the years ...... and the love that I’ve known. I’m now an old man ...... and nature is cruel, Tis jest to make old age ...... look like a fool. The body, it crumbles ...... grace and vigor, depart, There is now a stone ...... where I once had a heart. 31

But inside this old carcass ...... a young guy still dwells, And now and again ...... my battered heart swells. I remember the joys ...... I remember the pain, And I’m loving and living ...... life over again. I think of the years, all too few ...... gone too fast, And accept the stark fact ...... that nothing can last. So open your eyes, people ...... open and see, Not a crabby old man ...... look closer, see ME! Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within. We will all, one day, be there, too! The best and most beautiful things of this world can’t be seen or touched. They must be felt by the heart. – Thanks to Jan Paniperis for this contribution

Darts Club Report

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he 2013/2014 annual Darts Wind up Dinner and Trophy Presentation was held on Sunday 23 November and a good time was had by all, although I believe a few could not look at another prawn for weeks. The following special guests where acknowledged: • Life members David Wallace and his wife Margaret • Keith Cooper and his wife Margaret • Brian Lucas and his wife Pip • Wayne Gray and his wife Shelley • Ben Bortello representing the Sports and Bowling Darts Association • New members who have joined our Dart Club and are competing in the Blue Water Summer Darts competition. We would also like to thank again: • Joan Whitham and her helpers who looked after the meals. • Shelley Gray who arranged for the prawns and helped out on the day. • Keith and Margaret Cooper who work tirelessly selling raffle tickets and balancing the books. • Ian Marshall who organised the Darts Club trip to Bruce Rock. The Darts Club 2013/2014 season was not as successful overall as it has been in 32

previous years. However, the competition was enjoyed by all and the A grade division entered into the Bluewater competition and finished on top of the ladder but unfortunately did not win the grand final. Listed below are the presentations made at the wind-up: ASSOCIATION TROPHIES Bluewater Open Pairs Team Winner Shane Jones Bluewater Darts Association A Grade Division Top of the Ladder Tony Kay (Captain), Phil Webb, Doug Lorencs, Juris Lorencs, Brian Lucas, Brian Collins, Shane Jones, Rick Davage and Wayne Gray. 180’s Scored Bluewater Competition Tony Kay Shane Jones Phil Webb 180’s Scored Bowling Club Competition Bob Mulroy CLUB EVENT TROPHIES Singles Champion Singles Runner-up Singles Plate Winner Singles Plate Runner-up

Donald Botha Juris Lorencs Brian Lucas Ian Marshall

Doubles Champions Doubles Runners-up Doubles Plate Winners Doubles Plate Runners-up

Wayne Gray and Kevin Cook Juris Lorencs and Liz Marshall Brian Lucas and Jan Cook Bob Mulroy and Eddie Tassone

Bluewater Association A Grade Highest Average A Grade Most Pegs A Grade Highest Peg

Tony Kay (62.24) Phil Webb (38) Tony Kay (132)

3rd Division Highest Average 3rd Division Most Pegs 3rd Division Highest Peg

Kevin Cook (38.68) Kevin Cook (34) Pauline Bourne (77)

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Wayne Gray welcoming members to our Darts Club ‘Annual Luncheon and Presentations Day’

Shelley, Spider, Wayne and Brian trying to keep the plates full – a full time job!

Brett Marshall and his partner Ali Young enjoying lunch 34

Tony Bourne, Bob Mulroy and John Hauck enjoying a beer

Members enjoying their delicious lunch

Sports And Bowling Club Association 3rd Division Highest Average Bob Mulroy (46.23) 3rd Division Most Pegs Phil Micheal (26) 3rd Division Highest Peg Bob Mulroy (117) 4th Division Highest Average 4th Division Most Pegs 4th Division Highest Peg

Kevin Cook (39.50) Kevin Cook (28) Kevin Cook (76)

I would like to congratulate all the trophy winners and wish good luck to those teams competing in the summer competition – Wayne Gray

The English Plural

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen? If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim! Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England .

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We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, Grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, What do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? We ship by truck but send cargo by ship. We have noses that run and feet that smell. We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway. And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language In which your house can burn up as it burns down, In which you fill in a form by filling it out, And in which an alarm goes off by going on. And in closing ... If Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop?\

– George Carlin (sent in by Alan Wood)

Grab Life by the Bowls

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hose four intrepid bowlers – June Gregory, Pauline Marsden, Jan Paniperis and Margaret Watson – were at it again. After the wonderful time they all had in Fiji and having met some lovely people they now call friends, they were alerted to the world of ‘travelling bowls’, in particular the Pan Pacific Masters Games (PPMG) which were to be held on the Gold Coast in November 2014. So they decided to Grab Life by the Bowls and go!

Before you start thinking that they must have had tickets on themselves to enter a ‘Masters Games’ which sounds as though you need to be a ‘Master of your Sport’ – it actually means that all you have to be is over 35 years of age and just turn up and pay your fees! However, it is a fairly large event with over 14,500 international competitors in over 40 different sports and is held bi-annually on the Gold Coast. The Bowl’s programme included a lot of mixed events so the girls were able to tee up with their friends from Fiji as well as new friends they found on the PPMG notice board after placing an advertisement – ‘Four Luscious Ladies on the Loose looking for Partners’ – strangely enough they had no difficulty in getting those extra partners. Jan was fortunate enough to go a little earlier than the others and was picked up by a very dear friend and given a whirlwind tour of Byron Bay, Nimbin, Bangalow and Cabarita – a lovely part of the world. Pauline and June were picked up at Brisbane Airport by Margaret and her husband, John, and dropped off at the Xanadu Apartments (Livvie Newton-John eat your heart out!) in Main Beach, along with Marg’s wonderful coffee machine – the thought of not having a good coffee to start the day was unbearable! The next day the girls turned up at the Southport Bowling Club for a practice and were quickly dubbed ‘the Cougars’! They soon realised that the wind was going to be a problem – because of the high-rise buildings around the Club, the wind just swirled around – unlike the fairly consistently strong sea-breeze we get at Sorrento. Fortunately the greens were not as fast as had been predicted, but they were trying just the same. The following day the programme started in earnest and each event consisted of two qualifying matches of 15 ends, the results of which allowed you to be graded into the first or second division and then you played 3 matches of 15 ends all over two days. The girls had mistakenly thought that it would be a knock-out style of event, but it was not, you played each and every game, with only one day off in the 7 day programme! They played Mixed Pairs, Mixed Fours, Ladies Pairs and Mixed Triples. Needless to say they were whacked most nights so did not live up to their reputation as ‘party girls’, however they did manage to sample most of the better restaurants in Tedder Avenue which was close to their apartment, 37

and found a divine ‘Crab Lasagne’ which people apparently come from all over the world to eat! Although the Club was within easy walking distance from their apartment, they were very lucky to have on offer an array of different ‘stretch-limo’ drivers who willingly picked them up and dropped them off, as and when needed. – Jan Paniperis

WA R.S.L. Bowls Section News

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t the recently held Carnival in Perth, W.A. were unable to capitalize on a strong squad to choose from and finished third. Our two reps Brian Collins and Geoff Murray were among the stand-outs for WA In the national Fours Brent Marshall and Brad Williams were outstanding and were complemented by the opposition. The section needs your support for up coming events. The Match Committee are finding it hard to get players onto the green which will impact on future events and will result in a reduced calendar and the eventual demise of the Section. The AGM is approaching and there are several positions that will have to be filled. Watch for your newsletter for the date of the AGM. At the moment we have committee members who had to be coerced from the floor at the meeting to fill positions and who are reluctant to carry on. I for one will not be taking any further part on a committee. The constitution states that after his three year term, a President cannot stand for another position for a period of one year. After having been on a committee in the section since 2002 I feel it is time to have a break. Trust your third? In the recent Carnival, a W.A. team and a Queensland team were playing off for a spot in the National fours final. The QLD team needed three to win on the last end to qualify for the final. The W.A. Skipper played his last bowl and the QLD Skipper asked his Third the position. ‘We have three’, he replied. The QLD Skipper said, “That’s enough” and threw his bowl down the green and the mat onto the bank before the head had been declared. The W.A. Third had said the head had not been declared and that QLD only had two so the game was a draw. A subsequent measure confirmed two shots, so an extra end was played. Sadly QLD won the match!! – Ian Marshall: State/National President R.S.L. Bowls 38

Getting to Know Friends and Fellow Members

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t is important that we continue to get to know a bit about our friends and fellow members. In this edition of our newsletter we have decided to get to know our friend Col Cramond a little better. When Col was approached by our intrepid semi-retired sports journalist, Jim Woodward, for a formal interview he declined, so it was decided to get some bits and pieces from his mates Saulie, Selfie, Dilly and Sanders and write this article anyway. To hell with the privacy laws and political correctness! Having worked at Whim Creek for about a year for an exploration company Col came back to Perth in 1982 and was looking for work which is where this story begins. He applied for a greenkeeper’s position at Nedlands Bowling club and after a few years there he moved to the Innaloo Bowling Club. Col is an experienced and meticulous green keeper and he kept the Innaloo greens in good shape for 17 years. He then moved to Warwick where he has continued to use his expertise to achieve high quality greens. Col started playing bowls in 1987 on Thursdays at Perth Tatts as he was still playing cricket. In 1994 he started playing bowls on Saturdays as well. It appears that Col’s Bachelor of Arts degree, from University of Western Australia, stands him in good stead to hold the World record for the number of different sets of new and secondhand bowls bought, sold, used and tested in his 28 year bowling career. Every week his fellow team members speculate and make bets about which bowls will appear depending on the weather conditions and the green speed. Discarded sets

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Some of Col’s discarded bowls

are passed on to Community/Corporate bowlers via John Dilly at the Quinns Rock Bowling Club. These are well received due to their provenance, lineage and previous history. It is difficult to be precise but it is estimated that at least 50-60 sets of bowls have been evaluated and discarded as “unsuitable”. This year with the Pennants season only half way through Col had used nine sets of bowls. Thankfully he eventually settled for a brand new set of Taylor SRV’s. The bookies are taking bets on how long these will survive! In spite of changing his bowls more frequently than Saulie, he manages to maintain his position in one of our top teams. He is consistent and reliable and always a good person to have in the team. Over the years Col has also done well in the State Consistency Singles and the Master Singles If you Google “Col Cramond” you get all sorts of references to his bowling prowess. For example: Nollamara were ruthlessly rolled by the Sorrento juggernaut at Sorrento on Saturday to the tune of 109 to 61. The Swans team of Ron Kuziela, Brian Saul, Col Cramond and Brian Collins were outstanding in a crushing thirty-two shot win that set up the day for Sorrento to record a resounding seven points. The Blues rink of Brian Werndly, Mal Dempsey, Dyson, and Greg Hill were given the contract of shutting down the dangerous Ron Kuziela four, and did so, losing a close one by two, after trailing badly initially, despite the efforts of Sorrento third, Col Cramond. He does however have a bit of a reputation for “having a chat”. John Dilly reckons he can double cut a green while Col has his morning chat! Col is very knowledgeable on a wide range of subjects. Buy him a beer and he will expound his views on politics, Footy (being a one eyed Freo supporter) and international affairs. Col knows more about footy than Sam Newman and is quite willing to talk about AFL or WAFL which ever is your fancy. When travelling to away games, it is always best to tell Col that we are leaving 15 minutes before you are actually going as it is a long walk to the car when you have to pass many people you have known for many years and there are so many stories to tell. 40

Col is a very kind and helpful person. When Denise and I first arrived in Perth 12 years ago, to visit our daughter and her family, we went to the nearby Innaloo Bowling Club for our first roll-up in WA! We were immediately made to feel very welcome by Col who went out of his way to make us feel at home. As some members will know it is often quite daunting to arrive at a new club and we will always be grateful to Col. We are indeed lucky to have, in our Club, a man like Col as a member and friend.

Joe and Barbara Stow Day

– Neville Odell

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he Annual Joe and Barbara Stow Day was once again a great success. No cash prizes are award on this day as all the proceeds go to the Heart Foundation. An amount of $406 was raised by the 42 bowlers on the day who played on in spite of some spotty rain under cloudy skies. We were pleased with the donation of raffle prizes and extend our thanks to all those who donated them. Winners: Pauline Marsden, Ercelle Smith, Ann Curran (a visitor from UK) and Joann Inch (a visitor from QLD) Runners up: Doug Pittaway (for the 2nd year in a row), Frank Ferris (another visitor from QLD) and Helen Eisenmann It was a good day for the visitors who featured in both the winners team and the runners up team.

– Chris Tibbits

Grandparents’ Answering Machine Message

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ood morning . . . At present we are not at home, but please leave your message after you hear the beep. ‘beeeeeppp’.

If you are one of our children, press 1, and then select option from 1 to 5 in order of “birth date” so we know who it is. If you need us to stay with the children, press 2 41

If you want to borrow the car, press 3 If you want us to wash your clothes and do ironing, press 4 If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5 If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6 If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7 If you want to come to eat here, press 8 If you need money, press 9 If you are going to invite us to dinner or take us to the theatre; start talking .... we are listening! – Author Unknown

Sorrento Masters Singles 2014

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he 2014 Sorrento Masters Singles has been concluded with some very good results, from some very good players. This year we had the added attraction of the entry of Steve Glasson, who is a former World No 1, and who is currently the Australian Coach with Bowls Australia. Steve’s entry into this event ensured that we got a majority of the State’s best players, at least from those that qualified. To play in this event, you must have won a Club Singles Championship event or better. A closed or restricted event does not qualify players. The numbers were slightly down on what had been hoped for, however the quality of the field was excellent. We ended up with 32 players on each Sunday, which meant that there was no need for any alignment rounds, and also meant that only two games were required each day, including the days for the finals. There were only four entrants from Sorrento this year in the main draw, these being Ross Cunningham, Bruce Eagles, Ron Rogers and Ron Kuziela, plus two others that filled in at short notice to cover players that withdrew at the last moment, and they were Ian Linford and Tiger Hogan. I thank all of these members for taking part, and especially thank Ian and Tiger for their assistance in ensuring that everyone got a game. Of these players, Ross 42

Cunningham made the best of things, beating Charles Slavich in round 1, and then John Goddard in round 2. He then played against Anthony Provost, and whilst Ross put up a good fight, was finally beaten. Steve Glasson got through the first two rounds, beating a former Sorrento players in Barrie Bywater in the first game, and then Ben Horwood, only to be stopped by another former member (albeit some years ago) in Wayne Neilson. This was a game that went down to the wire, and was witnessed by a very good crowd of spectators and members alike. The last sixteen was a who’s who of Western Australian bowls, and Wayne Neilson progressed through to the final, with his opponent being Daniel Trewhella. Daniel won again, making this the sixth time that he has won this event, with the first time being when he was still a teenager. Well done to both those players, and we look forward to seeing them win many other events in the future. This event would not have gone as smoothly as it did, without a lot of help from our members, especially those that took up the challenge of marking one of these games. I needed a minimum of sixteen on the two qualifying days, and really had no trouble in getting both men and women to assist for the first two days, as well as through the other games to the final. I also thank Joan and her helpers for coming up with the lunches of sandwiches, which were sold to the players as well as spectators, along with feeding all of the helpers that qualified. This included all of the markers and the umpires. The bar staff were in attendance when needed, and Ron Taylor assisted by opening up on the two Sundays on a voluntary basis. Thanks Ron. Ian Marshall was an able co-convenor, and with all of this assistance, there was very little chance of anything going too far wrong. As an aside, the bar takings on the Monday 8 December were almost $2,200, whereas on a normal Monday they would be about $400. Not sure about figures for other days, but the drawing power of Steve Glasson was evident. Also on the Monday, we held a “Demonstration Match�, which went for 6 or 7 ends, and included Steve Glasson, John Goddard, Clive Adams and Ron Rogers, as well as Trish Cunningham, Pauline Bourne, Liz Marshall and Nerrida Porteous. Steve got 43

hold of a microphone, and commented throughout the game, as well as answering some questions from the crowd. Some of the ladies were a bit nervous at playing with such a well credentialed list of players, however at the end, they all agreed that it was a very good experience. (See cover for photograph) As the evening got too cold to stay outside, we went into the clubhouse, and Steve, John and Clive answered questions from the audience. All in all, a good night, and hopefully everyone in attendance, got something out of the night. During the course of the event, Ian Hopper confirmed with the Club, that he would be continuing on with the sponsorship deal from BCiB (Ian being the principal of this company) over the next few years. This is good news for our Club, as well as this event, so look forward to next year’s event with some degree of confidence. – Ian Wittber: Tournament Director

Our Rubik’s Cube/Pinball Expert – Dion Smith

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ion Smith unwittingly revealed secrets of his past when he recently turned up at Scarborough to watch Sorrento do battle in a game of Pennants. As Sorrento’s Thursday Division Three Blue squad continued its grim and ongoing struggle to get away from near the bottom of the ladder, an additional problem arose. One of Sorrento’s three teams was having trouble with one of those new-fangled scoreboards where you have to post the score by forming lines in the shape of the number required. That’s when Dion volunteered to step in and, in the blink of an eye, had the tricky No. 5 in perfect formation. Someone, light-heartedly, put it to Dion that, with skills like that, he would have been good at solving Rubik’s Cube. Well, as it turned out, that suggestion was only the tip of the iceberg. What lay beneath in regard to Dion’s technical ability with things cynics would be put in the “mis-spent youth” category and is absolutely fascinating. Dion quickly admitted that during his school days he was more than handy when it came to solving the then all-the-rage Rubik’s Cube. With a bit of prompting, Dion revealed that a few years later he also became a pinball wizard. Dion’s fascination with the Rubik’s Cube began during his formative school days at 44

Sorrento Primary in the early 1980s. So good was he at solving the challenging cube that he and a proficient mate used to charge fellow student two cents each to get all the colours on their respective sides. With a meat pie at the tuck shop costing around 10 cents, Dion and his mate never went hungry at lunch time. “We earned more money than we knew what to do with,” Dion recently confessed. But the axiom “all good things must come to an end” prevailed and this source of income ceased abruptly when the headmaster got wind of what was going on. But that didn’t stop Dion from improving the time it took him to solve Rubik’s Cube. He never did enter a competition, where any time he recorded would have become official. But he nevertheless took great pride in once solving Rubik’s Cube in 14 seconds when the official world record was 16 seconds. Not bad considering his first attempt took 1½ hours. And so a new challenge emerged when Dion enrolled at UWA to begin his Commerce Degree. There was a bank of pinball machines at the University and Dion quickly manoeuvred into position whenever there was a break in his lectures –– which he openly admits was often. Having completed his degree and qualified as an accountant and tax agent, Dion was then regularly seen at the Innaloo Bowling Club, by virtue of the fact it too had a few pinball machines. By now Dion and his mate “The Bear” were rated by those in the know as being in the top-10 pinball exponents in Western Australia. But when Innaloo removed the pinball machines, Dion changed his watering hole to the Sorrento Bowling Club where his father, Terry, is also a regular. Fortunately for Sorrento, Dion also decided to try his hand at bowls for the very first time and is a regular pennant player on Saturdays and an emergency on Thursdays. That emergency situation has seen Dion shuffled all over the place in the batting order. But this Rubik’s Cube and pinball expert naturally handles whatever challenge is thrown at him with consummate ease. 45 – Jim Woodward

More “Around Our Club� Can you identify the following?

Answers on page 54

A

C

B

D

Can you find Annie Taylor in this old photograph? Answer on page 54

Who could this be?

Ron Taylor enjoying a beer, Keith Cooper marking at the Masters, Ross Cunningham looking happy after beating John Goddard and Murray Newman in his special sun hat 46

Idle Thoughts • Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic. • All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy. • If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses side-saddle. • What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free? • They told me I was gullible and I believed them. • Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway. • Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone. • One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people. • My weight is perfect for my height-- which varies. • I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure. • How can there be self-help “groups”? • Is it me or do buffalo wings taste like chicken? – Thanks to my friend Brian Hills for this contribution

Our Club Communication Strategy

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n a Club such as ours two-way communication is important. Members need to know and receive information about: • Forthcoming events such as Club competitions and social entertainment • Results of Club championships and Pennant competitions • Status of our greens • Welfare of our members • Special occasions such as golden wedding anniversaries, new grandchildren, etc. • Our financial position • Coaching and umpiring courses and tips and hints • What decisions are being taken by our various committees

This information is currently available to our members through the following: • Our Club web-site • Our quarterly newsletter • E-mails to members • Our notice board • The AGM and the half yearly meeting • Minutes of meetings 47

• Verbal communication • Fixture cards The following ‘communication’ problems have been identified: • Only a limited number of members are accessing our new web-site but this will increase with time and as the content and links to other sites is improved. The latest newsletter and the previous three newsletter are available on the site and hopefully as members go to the site to read the newsletter they will see what other information is available • Only about 60% of our members have e-mail although this is increasing thanks to the work being done by Derek Smith and as members realise that they need to be able to access the e-mails being sent out by the Club Secretary • The Ladies Captain circulates by e-mail detailed minutes of her meetings but this does not happen with other committees. Her minutes are very comprehensive and cover most issues although this results in some repetition with the newsletter • Our newsletter tends to ‘look back’ and not forward. The editor has tried to address this and have a page of forthcoming events but this has not worked all that well. Now that it is a quarterly publication this makes it difficult for planning forthcoming evens as these have not always been finalised when the newsletter goes to print • Members seem to prefer a hard copy of the newsletter and 180 copies are printed each quarter. As more members access the website it is hoped that this cost can be avoided • Our notice boards are not ideal. The use of clip boards to hold minutes of meetings is not ideal and it appears members don’t read these minutes. • Minutes of some meetings are very cryptic and often refer to reports from committee members that are not attached or included in the minutes. AGM minutes are only available long after the event and again are very brief and not always self-explanatory. If you have any suggestions about how we can communicate better please write to the Newsletter Editor and we will publish your views and comments.

Proposed Reorganisation of the Executive Committee

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resident Barry Bradshaw and I have been discussing options to the present organisation of the Executive Committee and its committees and sub-committees. We are both of the opinion, after many years involvement in the administration of the Club, that the current structure is no longer functional and needs to change. The existing Executive Committee comprises twelve members. It is cumbersome and 48

both ineffective and inefficient. Shortcomings include: • Meetings take too long because different members may wish to express issues relevant to their areas of responsibility but that are not necessarily relevant to an Executive group • Important strategic issues such as Club performance, future planning and strategies and stake holder relations are not dealt with because of the time taken up on operational issues • Sub-committees feel they do not have the authority to make decisions and refer these to the Executive, causing lengthy delays and isolated decision making • Communication channels are ineffective and information is not always shared • Important areas of responsibility such as safety and occupational health and volunteer management are often overlooked I hasten to add that this is not a reflection on the individuals on the Executive, rather an ineffective structure that has not worked during a number of different administrations including my own. We are proposing a new approach, giving prescribed authority and responsibility to the groups outlined on page 50. As you will note, the structure proposes a Governing Council that will take responsibility for: • Governance & stewardship (Constitution, By-laws, policy and process) • Strategic direction and planning • Infrastructure and capital investment • Managing specific areas of responsibility • Financial management and protocol • Communication and technology The structure also proposed two Vice Presidents to replace the existing Deputy President. One Vice President will be responsible for club operations and the other sport and participation. Both will be members of the Governing Council and each

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50

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will be responsible for their areas of responsibility and the associated committees and sub-committees. The Club Manager will replace the current position of Secretary, reflecting an expanded responsibility beyond secretarial duties. While the proposed organisation structure looks quite different, it encompasses what happens now but organised in a different way which we believe will be much more functional. As explained previously, some positions represent member interests such as President, Vice Presidents, Bowls Captains, selectors, etc. and applicants for these positions would be voted for by members. Others are task based positions such as Treasurer, Club Manager, Chair of Bar, etc. and these will be appointed by the Governing Council based on Expressions of Interest from members. The responsibilities of some appointed positions may be subsumed by other office bearers where a suitable applicant is not available. For example, a Vice President may take on the role of Volunteer Coordinator or the Club Manager assumes the role of OH&S. I welcome your views and comments on the above structure and its proposed implementation. – Brian Lucas

Letters to the Editor

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he following letter was received from my old friend - Grahame “Skewiff” Watt, the well-known Australian bush poet. We featured his lovely poem ‘Occasional Flowers’ on page 8 of our December 2014 newsletter. G’day Neville Thanks for sending me a copy of your Christmas Newsletter – it’s great. It would have to be the best in Australia. Fair Dinkum! My ‘flowers’ poem has never looked so good. Congratulations on a great job. Your Moira Dean did a good job with her ‘Tops and Tails Cowboy Calendar’. She is obviously a very creative person. I thought I would be creative as well so wrote the following: “Those photos of “Back-sides” Galore, Showed angles and features and more, And one ‘cheeky’ guy, Had that look in his eye, That I’d seen at Sorrento before”. – Cheers, Grahame “Skewiff” Watt 52

To the Editor What a Great Club!! Most people would take for granted that new members are welcomed to our Club in the same way that Maurice and Julie Pellerade were, as set out in their letter to the Editor in our Christmas Newsletter December 2014. However I regret this is not so. It has recently come to my attention that a single lady who joined some time back was given a disgusting introduction to our Club. She had received a number of lessons and was deemed ready to graduate to Social bowls. In her first appearance, with high expectations and a set of new bowls, she was abused by a male member (who I will only class as a ‘pig’ of a man) and she vowed never to return to our Club. Let this be a reminder to all members that this behaviour still occurs. We must make sure this never occurs again. – Ray Stapledon

Dear Neville, Darts Club Raffle I have found that many of the Bowling Club members are not aware that the Friday night Meat Raffles are actually run for the benefit of the Darts Club. We are told that the Darts Club actually spend most of this money for the benefit of the Bowling Club. We are therefore interested in finding out just what percentage of the Darts Club’s income from its Friday night raffles in the last year has been used directly for the Bowling Club. As the Ladies have been refused permission to run a raffle to raise money for a bus for away Pennants games, we would be very interested to find out this figure. Yours faithfully, Interested Bowler. Hi “Interested Bowler” I have passed your letter on to the Chairman of the Darts Club. There will be a reply in our next newsletter 53

Answers to Quiz and “Guess Who” Answer to Question on page 9: Answer to “Guess Who” on page 46 Find Annie Taylor in Wedding photo:

“Nothing” A = Ian Marshall B = Lee Leach C = Arthur Richards D = John Godfrey (as per Brian Self) Annie’s the little flower girl

Thank you from Helloworld Balcatta

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e at Helloworld Balcatta (Northlands), formally Jetset Travel Northlands, have been a proud sponsor and Balcatta (Northlands) supporter of the Sorrento Bowling Club for over five years and we would like to thank those members who continue using the services of our travel agency. A family owned and managed franchise, we look forward to our ongoing mutual sponsorship arrangement and would appreciate that Club members continue booking with us. At Helloworld Balcatta (Northlands) we specialise in international and Australian domestic itinerary planning ensuring every component goes according to plan and runs smoothly. We coordinate air reservations with seat allocation, extra leg room if required, accommodation, car hire, tours, river and ocean cruises, excursions, shows, visas and travel insurance. Itinerary planning is our speciality and we love the challenge. In the unlikely event of an issue encountered while you are away or if you need to return home due to an emergency, we are only an email or phone call away to offer assistance. We specialise in simple to the most complex trips to all parts of the globe including ROUND THE WORLD economy, premium economy, business and first class air fares and tying up all the loose ends. We look forward to Club members supporting your sponsor. Call Rod, Lyn Suzee or Lew on 08 9345 2033 or email northlands@helloworld.com.au for all your travel needs.

Please support our new sponsor 54

Cellarbrations Duncraig Shop 6, Duncraig Shopping Centre, 8 Burragah Way Duncraig 08 9243 6681

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Trevors Carpets The best knowledge – the biggest range – the right advice Osborne Park 9202 4545 Paul Waite

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Joondalup 9300 3633 Rob Crane