Sorrento Bowling Club Magazine Issue 45 February 2012

Number 45 February 2012

Club Newsletter

UNDER 18 QUAD SERIES AT SORRENTO

The Winning team from New South Wales

Contents Our President’s Report Men’s Captains Report Ladies Pairs Club Championship 2011/12 Ladies Triples Club Championship 2011/12 Some of our ladies in action during the Triples Ladies Captains Report Ladies Delegates Report Coaches Corner Greens and Grounds Report Sponsorship Report Croquet Report Umpire’s Corner Men’s Selection Review Some Notes from your Editor From the Devil’s Advocate Sorrento Masters Singles 2011 Guess Who? Tribute to Niel Adams Joe Stow Heart Foundation Day Some 2012 Dates for your Diaries Video Killed the Radio Star Bunnings Sausage Sizzle Fund Raiser Social News Ladies Novice Championship 2011/12 Twilight Pairs Sunday Penance Darts Report Ladies Selection Report Ministers ‘out and about’ with the locals Under 18 Quad Series Father and Son Evening Friday Security Improved at Sorrento Busy Months at Sorrento Some Thank You’s Kitty Mist’s 2012 Bowling “Horrorscopes” Dorothy Dix, our Agony Aunt answers your questions

5 6 8 9 10 11 11 12 12 13 13 15 15 16 19 21 23 24 25 27 27 28 29 29 29 31 31 32 33 34 35 35 35 36 37 41

AIR CONDITIONING

Fax: (08) 9309 9933 U7/6 Buckingham Drive, Wangara WA 6065 Email: sales@theweatherwizard.com.au Web: www.theweatherwizard.com.au

Our President’s Report

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reported at the Half Yearly meeting held on 11th December 2011 that considerable progress has been made in the first six months of the current Executive Committee’s term. We were confronted by a number of challenges associated with the then poor state of our greens and the consequential damage to the Club’s reputation and income streams; reducing a wages bill that was not considered sustainable; and addressing a deterioration in perception by many members regarding the Club’s progress, again based to a fair degree on the then state of the greens.

The previous Executive Committee implemented a greens strategy that saw the appointment of a contract greenkeeper (Richard Cox), supported by Tony Pilgrim and Ron Kuziela. This strategy has worked a treat, in no small measure because of the tremendous effort and dedication that our green’s contractors have displayed. They in turn have been ably supported by a team of volunteers who have spent countless hours drilling and coring, mowing and rolling and generally assisting the greens staff.

I reported that the full-time Bar Manager’s position had been replaced by Glenn Boston, who has contributed a massive number of hours in running the bar. Glenn is supported by casual bar staff and again by volunteers who contribute significant time to helping out and reducing the wages bill.

Greg Day and his band of helpers have been very active in running events this year, with regular Friday night entertainment, tribute nights and much more. Again, we need to say thanks to the band of volunteers that help Joan out in the kitchen, setting up the venue, operating the BBQs, running raffles and generally lending a hand.

I cannot stress too strongly the vote of thanks that should go to our volunteers. This is from the Executive Committee, through to the various sub-committees (match, selectors, coaches and umpires, kitchen and bar, greens, community bowls, plus many more) and to the people who simply help out when it is needed.

Improved communication with members has been a major theme in the first six months. Our website is becoming more informative and email is used as a cost effective means of letting members know what’s happening. Neville and Denise Odell continue to do a superb job in producing our regular newsletters, full of useful and interesting information I believe that the mood in the Club is very positive. Our bowling sides are doing well, with a special mention to the Men’s first division white side that stand at the top of the ladder. Our greens are getting back to a standard that we all fondly remember and will soon be recognised as among the best around, and we are getting our finances back on track.

As I outlined in the December newsletter, however, now is not the time to tread water.

In many ways, the Club is arriving at a fork in the river. To the right is a safe and steady path – business as usual; doing the sorts of things that we have always done; leaving the Club intact just the way it was when we joined. Unfortunately there is an inevitable waterfall in this fork of the river. Given that our member’s average age is 67 and the most common age is 70, unless we can recruit younger members in their 40s and 50s, the Club will eventually become unsustainable. We have seen this happen to many bowling clubs in the past, with closures and amalgamations.

I would like our legacy to be better than that and for the Club to indeed continue on to be recognised as the best bowling club in Western Australia. To achieve this we will need to plan carefully and be prepared to change if need be.

At the meeting I extended my thanks to the Executive Committee and Club members for their ongoing support. I am confident that the next six months will be as productive as the last six months.

“Our

aim is to be recognised as the best bowling club in WA”

Since the meeting we have continued to negotiate with the City of Joondalup for a number of building projects including the installation of outside toilets, erecting shade sales in the front of the clubhouse, installation of improved security, improvements to the BBQ area and additional shed facilities. Unfortunately the provision of additional toilets requires the provision of deep sewerage which will cost around $200,000. This item will hopefully be raised at the next Council meeting scheduled for February. We believe that deep sewerage is essential for many other reasons and we will continue to negotiate with Joondalup.

Building permits are likely to be provided for the other projects but no funding is available from the City. The Club will need to fund these projects through other means. We have also received a Worksafe order to prevent smoking in the entrances to the clubhouse in accordance with health requirements. Unfortunately for our smokers, smoking will need to be confined to the area adjacent to the BBQ area or other places away from the entrances.

Men’s Captains Report

– Brian Lucas

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he festive season has come and gone and we can again settle back into Pennants, Club Championships, Major Tournaments , Social and Community Bowls,

At the half way mark of the Pennants all teams except four are in strong contention for the play offs and in turn promotion. After Round 8 the position was as follows:

Saturday

Thursday

1 White 1st 2 Gold 2nd 3 Gold 3rd 4 White 4th 4 White (2) 10th 4 Gold 4th 5 White 5th

2 Red 2 Blue 3 Red 4 Red 4 Blue 5 Red 5 Blue 6 Blue

1st 8th 2nd 2nd 9th 5th 9th 6th

To all Bowlers keep up the good work and to Des and his team of selectors a job well done. It has been quite a while since the club celebrated a full winning board .

It happened on the Saturday before the Christmas break. All team members (except two one white players who had to clean and deliver a bus) celebrated with a drink put on by President Brian. The harmony in the club that evening was the best it has been for a long time. Lets do it again as soon as possible. I am sure President Brian won’t mind the expense.

The National Under 18 Carnival was a great success and my appreciation goes out to all the volunteers who assisted the Match committee in making this carnival such a great couple of days.

Again credit goes where credit’s due, four greens are now available for use. A great achievement, seeing it was only six months ago that we had one green available..

Well done again to all involved in the preparation of the greens. For the greens to last the season the Greens committee have requested that all games of bowls be played on the green allocated by the green keeper. This gives the green keeper an opportunity to rotate the greens.

Don’t forget to nominate for the Club pairs and Club singles. Nominations are again down, lower grade bowlers seem to think that they have no chance of winning the event so why nominate. For new and lower grade bowlers this is an opportunity to learn and get experience and with bowls being such an unpredictable game, upsets are always on the card.

I would also like to thank the Ladies Match Committee for delaying the start of their Fours Championships to allow members to attend the funeral of Niel Adams.

To all members and bowlers good luck for 2012. I can sense quite a bit of celebrations happening around play off time. “Good things come to those who wait” – ABBA

Ladies Pairs Club Championship 2011/12

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he Ladies Pairs got away to a wet start on the 26th October with most teams only playing 3-4 ends before play was abandoned for the day. All players returned on the 9th November to continue play.

During the course of this championship, some excellent bowls were played with the final two pairs in both the major and plate competitions playing off on the 16th November.

Barbara and Fran – Winners of the Ladies Pairs

The major competition saw Fran Bracknell and Barbara Hill against Myrtle Raven and Pat Frawley whilst the Plate was between Helen Ironside and Jane Watson against Wendy Saul and Jan Cook. Fran and Barbara got away to a very good start but Myrtle and Pat slowly drew back into the game. Fran and Barbara finally won by only 3 shots in a very close encounter.

The plate saw the team of Helen Ironside and Jane Watson lead throughout the match, but Wendy Saul and Jan Cook were close behind them for most of the game.

Myrtle and Patti – Runners up in the Ladies Pairs

Congratulations to Fran and Barbara and to Helen and Jane. Well done ladies – Helen Ironside

Jane and Helen– Winners of the Plate in the Ladies Pairs

Wendy and Jan – Runners up in the Plate

Ladies Triples Club Championship 2011/12

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eek one of the Triples championship was on the 30th November with 12 teams contesting the competition. By the end of the day there were four teams left to contest the semi finals on the morning of the 7th December. The finals of the Major and Plate events were both played in the afternoon.

The Major saw the teams of Moira Dean, Denise Odell and Eileen McRae against the team of Nelly Heard, Fran Bracknell and Bev Cherry. The team skippered by Nelly Heard were the winners. Congratulations go to Nelly and her team and also to Moira Dean and her team for a fantastic effort to play-off for the Triples Major Championship. Well done to you all.

The Plate saw the teams of Helen Paterson (skipper) Liz Marshall and Beryl Tutt against the team of Annie Taylor (skipper), Helen Ironside and Jean Middleditch.

The lead changed several times during the match with the team led by Helen Paterson running out the winners. Congratulations to all players in this match for a great effort. – Helen Ironside

Bev, Fran and Nelly winners of the Ladies Triples

Denise, Moira and Eileen runners up in the Ladies Triples

Beryl, Helen and Liz winners of the Ladies Triples Plate

Jean, Annie and Helen runners up in the Ladies Triples Plate

Some of our ladies in action during the Triples

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Ladies Captains Report

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ue to editorial deadlines this report has, of necessity, been submitted in advance of our Gala Day. A more detailed report on Gala Day activities will be included in the April newsletter. In the meantime I wish to extend a sincere and general thanks to all those volunteers who have contributed in whatever way to ensure that our club continues to offer a well organised, well patronised, happy and successful day. The sponsorship of the event by Police and Nurses Credit Society is a greatly appreciated new initiative and we look forward to their continued support.

In what had been a very busy week Joan and all her unfailingly cheerful and hard working helpers are to be thanked and congratulated on the wonderful effort they have made to meet the catering needs of the visiting national junior bowling teams and their accompanying entourages – well done ladies, once again you did us proud.

A gold star award to Vonnie King and her team of Barbara Hill, Bev Cherry and Pauline Bourne who won an 8 badge in the game against Warnboro on 13th December. The opposition requested that they be swabbed after the game, however results proved that no drugs were involved only great bowls (the rest of us want some of what’s in your drink bottles!!!!) Well done ladies, keep up the good work.

Ladies Delegates Report

– Anne Lilley

• Bowls diaries will be available for purchase from Bowls WA next season.

• The Lightfeet Bowls Shoes issue has been resolved. The shoes are acceptable if the soles have been modified to ensure a smooth surface.

• Concern has been expressed at the small print size in the new Fixture Books.

• Regional Delegates raised a number of Field of Play issues at the November Meeting. These included: 1. The Extreme Weather Policy in relation to inconsistencies in application. In particular where play is abandoned in some venues and not in others. This has the potential to impact Ladder standings at the end of the Season.

2. Poor/incorrect umpiring decisions.

3. Men playing as Thirds in the Ladies Pennant competition. There was strong support for men being restricted to playing as Leads or Seconds. These concerns have been forwarded to the Chairman of the Ladies Association Match Committee (since acknowledged and for review for next season).

4. Complaints about the lifting and loss of colour of the new bowls stickers.

Manufacturers have been contacted and have agreed to replace them free of charge. Further advice will be sent to clubs by Bowls WA.(since resolved).

5. Ladies IRRR will be hosted by the Southern Region and will be played at the Manning Memorial Bowling Club in April 2012. Vice Patron of Bowls WA Beryl 11

Brennan will present awards. Further details should be posted to Clubs by the end of January 6. Death on the Green Policy (Rule 23) is being reviewed.

7. Bowls WA has an updated Sporting Pulse website.

8. Some Greenkeepers have expressed concern at the increased incidence of “bowls dumping” and have requested that Clubs discourage this practice.

9. The Bowls WA Open Day will be held again this year but the issues of timing and earlier notification to Clubs will be reviewed.

10. Bowls WA has reintroduced a coaching committee to deal with coaching issues. Jaewyn Norton from Safety Bay has been appointed as coaching representative on the Bowls Management Committee.

11.The Bowls WA Constitutional Review Committee continues to meet on a regular basis to develop strategies to improve communication/decision making between the Association and clubs.

– Anne Lilley

Coaches Corner

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appy New Year to all members. I would hope that with the season half completed that you have peaked in your performance level. However, it is now up to each one of you to maintain and/or exceed your past achievements.

As an aid to ongoing success I pass on to you the following message, which was given to me by a fellow coach.

D is for direction I set my feet to the line E is for extra weight, front foot of mine L is to look at my grip front and back I is to imagine my line to the jack V is to vary the height of my bowl E is for eyes fixed on the line to roll.

R is to relax, now breathe, step and bowl You may care to take a copy of the above and carry it in your bowls bag for easy reference.

Ray Stapledon

Greens and Grounds Report

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e are now into a new year and the greens are looking and playing great. We now have four good greens to play on and they can only get better from here. E green is now getting some work and this all thanks to our three, hard-working green keepers. The croquet green was recently vertimowed and the players should now be enjoying the new surface.

Some great work on and around the greens is still being carried out by our dedicated 12

band of volunteers. You all know who you are so keep up the good work guys. I should though make a special mention of Kevin Cook. He is spending hours and hours each week helping the green’s staff with all the work they have to do each day.

Also Barry Stewart is walking behind one of the mower twice a week to keep the greens in good shape. Thanks guys. Good luck with the rest of the Pennant Season.

The greens should serve you well.

Sponsorship Report

– Alan Rolls

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ince the last newsletter we have signed HSBC Bank for one year at a total of $3,500. Depending on how the agreement pans out we may be able to sign them on for a longer period. HSBC are an investment bank however they do handle general banking and are located on Boas Ave. in Joondalup. The sponsorship deal stipulated that $1,000 be allocated to the Masters Singles and signage. The signage is yet to be finalized.

The Police and Nurses Credit Union agreed to sponsor the Ladies Gala Day on the 13th of January for a total of $500. Wendys donated $140 worth of goods for the Day as part of a contra deal.

We are still chasing outstanding monies not paid for last season from various Companies. Remember as sponsorship is an ongoing matter any assistance in obtaining sponsor ship is greatly appreciated.

Brads Hair Dressers in Carine Glades is sponsoring the Men’s Pennant Pots and Bretts Gardening is sponsoring the Ladies Pennant Pots.

– Ian Marshall

Croquet Report

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ur Croquet held their Ricochet Singles In House Tournament on Saturday 19th November. Congratulations go to Trish Klemp and runner up Peter Hamilton.

On Wednesday 14th December, many members and partners enjoyed a Christmas Luncheon and Trophy presentation at the Kingsley Tavern. Annual Trophy’s were also presented with the “Netherclift Trophy” for the most improved player awarded to Graeme Glover and the “Braybrook Trophy” for the person who contributed most to the club throughout the year was awarded to Judith Skeet.

It is the requirement of Croquet West that each club has qualified coaches. With Geoff Bloomfield falling ill, Sorrento Croquet was sadly lacking in this area. In December 2011 Liz and Alan Wood completed the necessary training course and are now fully 13

Judith Skeet congratulating Trish Klemp winner of Ricochet singles

Group photo – Ricochet Singles Right:Trish Klemp and Peter Hamilton finalists in the Ricochet Singles Left: Judith Skeet congratulating Liz Wood winner of Golf Singles

accredited Croquet Golf Coaches. This will be a big benefit to our club as we strive to get new members and grow our club.

Over the Christmas/ New Year period, members will be aware that maintenance has been happening at our club, with the large croquet green being verti mowed and general equipment maintenance.

LUCKY JAN, Friday 23rd December Jan Brindal a new croquet member had to be woken from her Nanny Nap prior to her Christmas Street Party to be told she had won the Christmas Hamper that was being raffled at the Bowling Club.

She arrived bleary eyed but very happy and had to cancel next week’s shopping due to the contents of the hamper. You have to be in to win it.

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Law of the Lawn: GOLF Balls that miss hitting another ball and it travels beyond the halfway before a hoop is taken, the penalty is the opposition following the hoop being won, MUST inform the opponent to place the offending ball on the outside of the white line, level with the peg either side of the court.

– Judith Skeet

Umpire’s Corner

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fter much confusion over the interpretation of the Law covering ‘game stoppages’ (Law 50), Bowls Australia sought clarification from the World Bowls Laws Committee and issued a memorandum to all States which is summarised as follows; All sub parts of Law 50 (50.2, 50.3 and 50.4) only come into effect if Law 50.1 is invoked; i.e., where a game is stopped because of darkness, weather conditions, or any other valid reason by either the Controlling Body, the Umpire of the Day or agreement between the players where an umpire or Controlling body is not present.

Where a game is stopped in this situation, an end in progress, where all the required bowls have not been played, shall be declared dead. (Law 50.2) Where a game is temporarily stopped by the players themselves (e.g. to shelter from a passing shower), an end in progress is not dead and shall be continued when the players return.

Where a game is stopped under Law 50.1 and all bowls in an end have been played but the process of deciding and declaring the number of shots has not been completed, the players controlling the head should decide the number of shots and declare the head before the game stops (Law 50.3).

If they cannot do this due to extreme weather they can do it when they return after the stoppage provided both players agree no movement of bowls or jack has occurred during the stoppage, otherwise displacement Laws come into effect.

With regard to the new rules and procedures for extreme weather (rain, lightning, heat etc) Bowls WA have advised that no changes will be made before the end of the season, at which time a review of these rules will be undertaken.

– Jim Ironside

Men’s Selection Review

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hursday teams are now halfway through the season, having completed 9 rounds and of the 9 Divisions playing we have 5 Divisions in the top 4 and 4 Divisions 15

in the lower part of the table, however, all those teams are still with a clear chance of finishing above the bottom two teams.

Saturday teams have played 8 rounds and of the 7 Divisions we have 3 Divisions within the top 3, which includes 1st Division White who are on the top of the table.

3 Divisions are within the top 5 and 1 Division on the bottom, however, decisions were made to try and improve the situation and the team achieved their first aggregate win in the last game of the year – well done.

Congratulations to all teams playing on Saturday 17-12-11. It is some time since all teams have won the aggregate on one day and it was very pleasing to see the board on this occasion. The President also congratulated the players with a free drink.

Pot Winners sponsored by Brad’s Barber Shop Thursday 17/11/11

J Hauck, G Heard, C Grisbrook, B Williams.

R Burroughs, T Pilgrim, J Farmer, C Stainsby.

32-9 36-13

G Kirkham, K Partridge, T McGrady, M Hodge.

N Summers, B Stewart, R Smith, J Ironside.

N Summers, B Stewart, R Smith, J Ironside R Rogers, B Saul, J Welch, G Murray.

R Rogers, B Saul, C Cramond, G Murray.

25-6 28-8 32-8 42-14 34-6

24-11-11 1-12-11 8-12-11 15-12-11 22-12-11

Saturday 19-11-11 K Cooper, P Oldershaw, G Burdon, R Lockwood. 28-14

20-11-11 S Wright, E Tassone, T Dowling, P Dichiera.

26-8

26-11-11 T Sabatino, B Bradshaw, P Webb, N Odell.

31-11

R Rogers, I Linford, C Cramond, G Murray.

28-8

3-12-11 J Murphy, K Partridge, G Soto, T Simmons 32-6

10-12-11 J Shorland, D Byrne, C Grisbrook, J Welch.

38-9

17-12-11 K Tompkins, K Giles, J Taylor, E Tompkins.

30-13

J Abercrombie, N Cleary, K Cook, G Burdon.

26-9

All players should take particular notice of the selection board over the next few weeks as we have some venue changes due to the “Fixture Reversals” early in the year.

– Des Bennett

Some Notes from your Editor

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elcome to the first newsletter of 2012. Hope you enjoy the various contributions. After producing our newsletter since February 2007 your Editor is running out of ideas so if you have any suggestions for future editions please let me have them.

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First some bad news. Rick Synnot, one of our bowlers died on 27 December 2011 from pancreatic cancer. Rick suffered for a long time but he still managed to visit the club for a drink and to say hello to all his mates.

Did you hear that Pauline Bourne, Sharon Eggers, Jan Cook and Coral Smith were runners up at the Beaumaris Gala Day? Well done ladies!

Did you hear that late last year May Leyland and her team of Myrtle, Liz and Anne did well at Gin Gin? Did you hear that in the Master’s Singles Tristan Smallacombe managed to drive the jack from A -green to the far end of Cgreen. Fortunately no-one was in the way.

Did you hear that on the 13th December 2011 Graeme Heard got a hole-in-one at the Carramar Golf course. He tells me this is his third! We wish you many more Graeme!

Did you know that both Dennis Saunder’s grand-daughters are medical doctors?

Did you hear that in the UK GPs have been told that Viagra prescriptions will be rationed to two pills a month to cut costs? Critics say that such rationing is treating sex “like an unnecessary luxury” and warn it will cause anguish.

Did you hear that Mike Smith, whilst practising his Santa Claus act managed to fall off the roof and break a few ribs? We are pleased to see you back at bowls and out of your wheelchair Did you know players and spectators at the Ballina Bowling Club were recently treated to the first look at a revolutionary set of lawn bowls. Aero Bowls chief executive Walter Jacobs unveiled the new shiny silver set as he teamed up with Kelvin Kerkow. “We’re about to launch these around the world and pretty soon everyone will be using them,” Jacobs said. “The worst enemy of a bowler is wind and these overcome it. “The accuracy with them is unbelievable and we have dozens of orders already. “Every ball and every set are Identical. “The Aero Bowls are expected to be released in February.

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Did you know that Steve Draper’s son Scott is a Rhodes Scholar? He is currently Assistant Professor at UWA. Scott joined the Centre for Offshore Foundation Systems last year following 3 years reading for a DPhil (PhD) in Engineering Science at the University of Oxford. His DPhil thesis was on ‘Tidal Stream Energy Extraction in Coastal Basins’, and addressed how much energy can be extracted for human use from fast moving tidal currents. According to the West Australian “he is determined to solve problems in the offshore oil and gas industry”.

Dick Oates tells me that there are two theories on how to win an argument with a women and that neither one works!

Have you tried Bullocks made by a company called Cowshed? Cowshed’s male customers like Bullocks as they find it to be effective as a bracing body wash, There is also Cowshed Cow Pat Moisturising Hand Cream for the ladies!

Finally some words of wisdom from an old bowler: Remember • bowls is a “confidence game”! When you’re hot you’re hot – when you’re shot you’re shot!

• the most wasted day of all is the one in which we have not laughed • if at first you don’t succeed, avoid skydiving – Neville Odell

From the Devil’s Advocate

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ne afternoon, after a friendly game of bowls, I was holding forth about some of the problems our Selectors experience when Neville Odell immediately latched onto what I was saying and bull-dosed me into writing “something” about the “problem” for our newsletter. I may be whistling in the wind, but here goes anyway: Since starting to play bowls in 2005 I have found that there is too much bickering and criticism about individuals, team selection and Skippers. Rather than discussing 19

issues directly with individuals concerned to try to resolve the problem within the team, bowlers choose to take the problem to the Selectors to sort out for them. This has a detrimental effect on the performance of the team.

Having been involved in many team environments I have yet to find one where differing personalities do not come into play. People love to espouse their likes and dislikes about individuals or management.

Cricket, football, soccer and rugby teams, which have much larger team numbers than bowls, have become successful as they have learnt how to deal with these issues.

For some reason in bowls this is not the case and too much time and brain space is dedicated to bagging the Selectors, the Skipper or fellow bowlers.

In most sports many egos come into play and not everyone gets along but once the team has been selected we must all pull in the same direction to try to achieve a successful result. All other issues should be left in the club house. Some of our “senior citizens”, (who have been educated in the era of “do as I say, not as I do”), do not always relate well to change or constructive criticism and this must be taken into consideration New eyes see things differently and I would therefore like to offer ideas to create some discussion and perhaps improvement thereby making our club more successful on the greens.

1.Once our Selectors have done their job and the teams are on the board we have two choices, accept it or remove ourselves from selection. Our Selectors have a thankless task and it is impossible to please everybody. So if we wish to play Pennants then we should abide by their decisions. When we accept their decisions and play as selected, we should clear our minds of any issues which will affect our performance on the rink.

2. We must all work as a team, accepting that the Skips have the final say and their decision should be final as they are the team leaders on the day and carry the full responsibility. That is not to say we can’t offer advice, but if advice is not taken then accept it and move on.

3. We will perform much better if we are not carrying a grudge, and hopefully the team and club will benefit. Golf is a good example of this, having made a bad shot, if you dwell on the bad shot you will continue to play badly. The difference being in golf you have no one else to blame.

4.We all have annoying traits and as individuals we are the last to recognise them.

From experience as a Ship’s captain I have learnt that it is best if you discuss this in 20

a reasonable manner with the individuals concerned. Most times they are not aware of their actions and once it has been brought to their attention they may be prepared to do something about it. Some will be offended and may react badly but you can be assured they will think about it, and, if your bowling is good enough they won’t want to lose you, so you may see a change.

5. If we have issues with the way the Skipper or a team member reacts or treats us or other team members it might help to approach them at a convenient time and try to discuss it. If issues cannot be resolved within the team then the Skip should approach the Selectors and ask for changes to be made.

6. If Selectors are approached about personality clashes between team members, one of the Selectors should call the team member concerned and seek first hand advice before teams are changed.

The above should be read as constructive comment with the view to improving club performance and is in no way meant to be criticism of any members. It is not my intention to tell experts how to suck eggs but to offer my thoughts for consideration and discussion. Finally remember that • the Selectors need to select teams on ability not personalities.

• lawn bowls is a team sport made up of individuals - not individuals making up a team – Devilishly Yours, Alan Wood

Sorrento Masters Singles 2011

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he Sorrento Masters Singles has again been run, and this year was won by one of the State’s best bowlers, Anthony Provost.

The qualifying days were not without some very good contests and overall the spectators had some very good games to watch. Because of the weather forecast that did not seem all that good, games were commenced earlier than normal, and as a result on both Sundays, all games were completed by mid-afternoon.

There were some very close fought games on the Monday, with Trystan Smallacombe beating Brian Calthorpe 25/22, and Anthony Provost beating last year’s winner Thomas Mitchell 25/23.

The quarter finals were not so close, but some very good games were played. It was then that the weather intervened, and no play was possible on the Tuesday, with thunder storms intervening, and the greens being closed. It was agreed with the players, that the games would be held on the Wednesday. This is the first time that I am aware of, the games needed to be postponed to a later day.

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58 Westchester Rd, Malaga Phone 9249 8039

Ben Broom from HSBC congratulating Anthony Provost the winner of the 2011 Masters Singles However all players co-operated, and play went ahead on the Wednesday. As the rain had slowed the greens the semi-finals were not as close as one would have envisaged. Anthony Provost beat Scott Edmonds 25/13 and Tony Krajancic beat Trystan Smallacombe 25/8. The final was also a good contest with the result being that Anthony Provost ran out the winner over Tony Krajancic 25/15.

All players thanked the sponsor, the HSBC Bank, for their support, as well as the ladies for their untiring efforts in providing meals over the days of the event, as well as the greenkeepers for their efforts in bringing the greens up to the standard expected. All in all, the event was successful, and at the end of the day, the better players came through as is usually the case.

We have also received some suggestions for possible changes to format and these will be investigated. All those that have participated over the last few years will be surveyed as to their thoughts.

Guess Who?

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here is a bottle of wine for the first person who identifies the two people in the photograph alongside.

If you think you know who these people are please contact Neville Odell 93093108 or nevodell@bigpond.net.au 23

– Ian Wittber

Tribute to Niel Adams 30 March 1938 – 5 January 2012

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have known Niel for about 25 years and what a pleasure that has been. My tribute is to tell you about a man who was compassionate, caring, competitive and a great friend.

What is a friend? I will tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself.

Your soul can be naked with him. He seems to ask of you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. He does not want you to be better or worse. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think so long as it is genuinely you. He understands those contradictions in your nature that leads others to misjudge you.

With him you breathe freely.

Our friendship developed mainly through bowls but was as strong off the field as on it.

We’ve been known to solve the problems of the world over a bottle of RED (or two). This usually caused Eleanor and Veronica to roll their eyes.

Niel was in my opinion and the opinion of others, probably our most consistent and successful bowlers in the past twenty years.

He played top RED for Scarborough and has skipped many successful Pennant teams on both Saturdays and Thursdays over many years. You may care to look at the honour board and see how many times his name is mentioned. He will be a great loss because of his demeanour, ability to pass on skills and the respect in which he was held. We’ve had many good times together on the green and many small joys talking about our family, children and particularly grandchildren, whom he adored.

His competitive spirit has shone through during these last four and a half years and I got to know what a true fighter he was. These have been very tough at times but Niel had wonderful support from Eleanor, who was by his side every day, encouraging Niel with his battle. Veronica and I will always be there for you Eleanor.

I knew he wasn’t well, but he always put others first. I recall a number of times on the greens, when I wasn’t travelling that well, Niel would be waiting for me with a cold drink and a word of encouragement. Even as his health deteriorated he was 24

able to visit my Brother, who had leukaemia, and inspire him to try harder. Barry will always be in his debt. What a lovely man! Farewell my dear mate – I will never forget you – Graeme Whitehorn

Joe Stow Heart Foundation Day

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his is the memorial day when we remember our dear friend Joe Stow. On the day a wonderful group turned up and were very happy to buy raffle tickets. The raffle money, the prize money and the third of the green fees donated by the Club raised a total of $646 for the Heart Foundation.

The winners, who will have their names engraved on the Memorial Cup, were Russell Lockwood, Denise Odell, Chester Coffey and George Sjepcevich. Runners-up were Annie Taylor, Bob Horgan, Peter Eardley and Mary Cressy.

Our new members may like to know how Joe came to have his name on the Cup and also the origin of Fat Cat’s Corner. Joe joined the Club many years ago and decided he would be best suited to helping the social bowlers and in time he took over running it. He just loved the social bowlers and he ran it for over a decade, every Friday and Sunday. You didn’t dare not turn up or he would demand to know where you had been. He made the social bowlers a family and stood up for them many times to make sure they had a green to play on. He gave everyone a nickname and they all knew who they were. The winners were called out by these names. If you had just joined you were made to feel very special and he loved teasing all the ladies.

I always walked two steps behind him like he was royalty.

Joe went to bed when Fat Cat came on TV so this was his nickname. He wrote in the magazine for many years under the name of ‘Frolics with Fat Cat’ and wrote about 3 pages of news and jokes.

After we had finished our drinks with our bowling partners of the day Joe always sat in ‘Fat Cat’s Corner’ and after a while everyone started to sit there. We never spoke much about bowls and Joe would tell some jokes and everyone joined in and lots of laughter could be heard. He had his special friends who sat there with him each week and some of them have passed on as well. I think the bar takings went up during this time! But at a certain time he would say ‘Come on, Barbara, it’s time to go home as Fat Cat will be on TV’.

Joe left us suddenly of a heart attack. He was a great loss to the Club, but he still lingers on for those who new him. I thank those of you who make sure his name is still with us. A big thanks to John Forkin for the cup and Cal O’Donnell for the sign.

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May I say what a wonderful job Chris Tibbits and Barbara Spence did on Heart Foundation Day and also on all the other social days. We are grateful to you both and all the other helpers for making sure that the social bowlers are in safe hands. Many thanks to everyone.

- Barbara Stow

Some 2012 Dates for your Diaries

February Mareena Purslove Day Men’s Championship Singles Ladies Championship Singles Ladies Invitation Day Bowls vs Darts Mixed Veteran’s Pairs March Country Week Men’s Championship Pairs Ladies Veterans Singles Silver Chain Day Men’s Novice Singles Sorrento vs Police April Ladies Perpetual Trophy Easter Carnival Easter Carnival Annual Trophy Presentation Sorrento vs Pilbara Ladies Friendship Day Mother and Daughter Day

Friday Sunday Wednesday Friday Sunday Wednesday

3 February 2012 5, 19 and 26 February 8,22 and 26 February 10 February 12 February 29 February

Friday Sunday Wednesday Friday Sunday Wednesday

2 to 9 March 11, 18 and 25 March 14 and 28 March 16 March 18 March 21 March

Friday Saturday Monday Saturday Sunday Wednesday Sunday

13 April 7 April 9 April 14 April 15 April 18 April 22 April

Video Killed the Radio Star

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ur radio star Ron Kuziela was the guest presenter on Bowls Talk on 91.3 Sport FM last month. Ron gave a very thorough and insightful appraisal of First Division White men’s pennant competition, identifying Kalamunda, Mount Pleasant, Manning and of course Sorrento as the likely top four teams in the competition at the end of the season.

The panel commented on the strong performance of Sorrento in the completion and also the significant improvement that has occurred in the standard of our greens. They identified the strong performance of Ron Roger’s team and John Brown’s with 53 and 34 shots up respectively as a major contributor to the division’s overall performance.

Ron responded by saying that there is a good feeling among the sixteen players 27

and the sides are well balanced. He praised Richard Cox for his professionalism in preparing the greens and thought that he and Tony Pilgrim might buy him a whip for Christmas.

Ron posed the question of what is success – making Division One Red or having a happy club. This sparked considerable discussion with the panel agreeing that there seems to be a mood to move away from paying players and for players to instead play for their club and their club shirt. Prickles Thorne reflected on the high costs of running clubs and the need to also focus on having functions and generating funds from several sources.

The panel acknowledged Ron Kuziela’s tremendous bowls record and longevity in the game – winning a State singles at Cockburn and participating in a State series.

Well done Ron and thank you for representing the Sorrento Bowling Club in such a competent and professional manner.

– Brian Lucas

Bunnings Sausage Sizzle Fund Raiser

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any thanks to those who assisted with the sausage sizzles over Christmas and New Year. While the days we were given were not ideal, we still managed to raise valuable funds for our Club. It was difficult to predict the traffic through Bunnings at that time of the year and as such it was difficult to order the necessary goods. However we managed even though New Years Eve was not a good day.

The first day we took $1212, Christmas Eve $1173 and New Years Eve $932.

Due to stock not being sold on each day it is difficult to give an accurate figure for profits, however I estimate a profit of $1,600. .

Frank Bomford. Derry Ellis, Liz Marshall, Monique Kopec, Tony and Pauline Bourne, Ken Giles, Neville Odell, Joan Whitham, Diane Phillips, Thora Lay, Barry Bradshaw, Cal O’Donnell, Ken Vercoe, Ian Wittber, John Abercrombie, Anne and Frank Lilley, Mike Thornett, Peter Snow, Alan and Mary Rolls, Shane and Ron Taylor and Des Bennett assisted with several members helping on more than one day.

Three days have been booked for August and September next year so we will need your help once again.

–Ian Marshall 28

Social News

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ew Years Eve was a great success thanks for all of the support. Also big thanks to all who helped putting the night together. Big mention to Ian Jones with his ladder. Thanks Ian. Well 2012 is going to be a great year for the club.

1. Socially lots of great shows and different things planned, you will be advised shortly.

2. Bowling greens and grounds look terrific. Thanks guys.

3.Teams all doing well ladies and gents.

4.We have a very friendly atmosphere in our club which leads to a healthy environment.

5. Also thanks to all the other people committed to Sorrento bowling e.g. match committees, kitchen etc 6.All looks good for 2012 – Greg Day

Ladies Novice Championship 2011/12

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he Ladies Novice Championship was played on the 23rd November 2011 in what could only be termed “very hot” conditions with the temperature reaching 36.8 degrees at one stage. Three ladies contested the Novice competition with Jane Hayes and Shelley Jeffs playing in the final.

The final was a hard fought match with the score being even at ends 8,12,14,17 and 19. (wow! This was close) Shelley Jeffs drew away in the last two ends to win by 5 shots. Well done to all three ladies and especially Shelley. Shelley now has the option to go on to represent Sorrento Bowling Club in the Women’s Champion of Club Champion Novice Singles on the 28th April 2012 (venue to be advised later).

– Helen Ironside

Twilight Pairs

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wilight Pairs commenced again for 2011-2012 in November. Limited greens meant some restriction on numbers playing in the early weeks, but now we are getting a regular 40 to 50 bowlers each week. Some familiar faces are back, but there are some new faces, too. Everyone is welcome, and any combination of male and female can play. The twilight “season” runs until April.

The usual weekly winners prizes are awarded based on the number of ends won, but there is also a season-long competition running. The season winners are determined by adding the shots up for the best 10 match results. So far only 8 matches have been played, but Colin Campbell, Neville Odell, Euie Tennant, Barry Stewart, Rob Tozer and Trevor Orton are in the leading pack.

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We would love to see you there, so find yourself a partner and come along on Tuesday for a 4:30 start.

– Trevor Orton

Sunday Penance

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uring a Sunday morning Pennant game at Morley one of our teams witnessed what could be the next version of “Barefoot Bowls”. A motor scooter went roaring down the street next to the green.

The rider was waving and cheering to all the players as he sped by. He was completely naked. We think he may have been going home to get dressed for Church!

– Ray Stapledon

Darts Report

The Darts 2010/11 season has finished and the Sorrento dart club has again had a very successful year! I would like to congratulate all the players, committee members, delegates and team managers for their efforts.

A special thank you must be made to Keith and Margaret Cooper who once again have undertaken the thankless task of running the Friday night raffles. The monies raised covered a large proportion of the funds required to run the darts club.

This years’ darts trip was to Wongon Hills – hosted by Wongon Hills Bowling Club.

The day included watching the AFL grand final, enjoying bowls during the breaks, darts in the evening and a great home cooked dinner to wind up the day. By all reports a good time was had by all. We are now planning a return to Wongon Hills for the coming 2011/12 trip.

On behalf of all those that attended I would like to thank Glen Boston for organising this event with the Bowling Club and for offering to organise next years’ trip.

For those that not aware our previous President Mr. Brian Lucas resigned to take on the position as President of the Sorrento Bowling Club. Brian will be missed but will still be a major contributor to the operations of the darts club - as we will be utilising one of Brian’s well known managerial skills of DELEGATING. Instead of being the DELEGATOR he will now find himself being the DELEGATEE. Please Note: • The Darts wind-up and trophy day will be held on Sunday 29th of January.

• The annual Bowls vs Darts bowls competition is on Sunday 12 February 2012.

Members wishing to attend these events should register their names on the darts pin-up board.

• The dart club AGM is being held on Thursday night 16th February - starting 31

at 7.00pm. We hope there will be a good attendance with lots of eager members wanting to assist in the future running of the Darts club.

Thanks you all for your efforts in 10/11 – and I’m looking forward to another successful year in 11/12.

– Wayne Gray

Ladies Selection Report

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e are looking forward to the second half of the Pennant season after a much welcomed Christmas break. This is the time when we all need to make a concerted effort to retain our Divisions. Hopefully we will not have the absenteeism of players that occurred prior to Christmas which required us to play two men to make up our numbers. Thanks go to Kevin and Jim for your assistance.

Absenteeism does create the need to change two or more players from other teams to meet the needs that the absent players create. If non attendance is rectified then we will be able to have a better review of our performances at a team level and also a personal level.

Brett Campbell, Judy’s son is the sponsor of the Ladies Pots. Please contact him if you need lawnmowing, brush cutting, sweep ups or edging

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We invite any member who has a concern over selection to arrange to come and talk to the selectors on a Tuesday afternoon to air any grievances/concerns.

We welcome Trish Smith to the selection committee who replaces Beth McCormack.

Happy bowling.

– Jan Cook

Ministers ‘out and about’ with the locals

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n December 2011, Carine MLA Tony Krsticevic hosted an afternoon tea at the Sorrento Bowling Club with guests of honour Minister Robyn McSweeney MLC and Minister Simon O’Brien MLC. Over 110 constituents of 65 years of age and older, had the rare opportunity to meet the Ministers over a cup of tea and raise issues directly with them such as health, the retirement villages legislation and transport for seniors. “I thought the afternoon tea would give attendees a chance to share their ideas in a relaxed, informal setting,” Mr Krsticevic said. “I think it is important for as many people as possible to have the opportunity to hear from our Ministers first hand.”

Minister O’Brien said the afternoon tea provided a great environment to hear the views of the people of Carine, particularly on the important issue of retirement village’s legislation. “This Government cares very much about seniors interests as evidenced by the opening of the Seniors Housing Centre late last year and improved legislation protecting those over 65 who still want to work,” he said.

Minister McSweeney made the most of the opportunity to speak with the seniors and said that she was able to help many people with their queries. “I very much enjoyed the interactive exchange of information at the seniors’ forum organised by Tony,” she said. “We were able to help many people in the electorate, especially alerting them to the benefits they are entitled to with the State Government seniors card.”

Mr. Krsticevic said these forums give the Ministers the opportunity to hear directly from the constituents, rather than rely on Government Departments and advisors for feedback. “I will continue to organise and facilitate open and transparent two-way communication in the future,” he said.

Lisa-Marie Tsoutsoulis 33

Under 18 Quad Series

The WA Under 18 Quad Team

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owlsWA invited our club to host the Under 18 Quad Series this year between New South Wales, Victoria, South Australia and our own state of Western Australia. The offer was taken up and the event was held on Tuesday 10th January through to Thursday 12th January. Each State was represented by a team of 5 girls and 5 boys supported by coaches and managers.

The end result of the tournament was NSW won by 1 point from Victoria with WA third and SA fourth. The final result not being known until the last game was completed Thursday lunchtime. The players sweltered in the Perth heat and humidity but the standard of bowls played would make any coach proud. For those who were able to watch some of the play I am sure they would have been impressed by the standard of bowling displayed. As an example the boys and girls singles players had some fantastic games with most of their results being within 2 or 3 shots, having played to 25 up.

The tournament was a big plus for our club and all players and visitors remarked on our greens and the manner in which the days were organised. Whilst BowlsWA did all the initial planning and logistics, our members were in charge of the actual days and catering.

Those involved did a marvellous job under some trying conditions, i.e. heat and humidity in a small kitchen, and deserve a great big thank you and round of applause.

The Match Committee also did very well and their efforts were described as “seamless” and “invisible”. To all those who acted as markers for the singles events we also say thank you.

It must be said that the players were very well mannered and showed tremendous 34

team spirit throughout their games, win, lose or draw. They showed respect for the club and its facilities and we can say that if all junior players are like those then bowls is in good hands.

– Chris Tibbits

Father and Son Evening Friday

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he club held its third Father and Son evening on Friday 13th January but the date was not an omen for the success of the event. 44 Teams lined up for what has proven to be a very popular evening for father and son, as well as families that come along to support, and sometimes offer suggestions.

Some pairings were not strictly father and son as in the final days there were some folks who had to pull out due to unforeseen circumstances. With this in mind the organisers sought to make up teams so that all nominated teams had a game.

Thanks go to our organising match committee and kitchen helpers, Murray, Sharon and Coral for a great sausage sizzle after the games.

Eventual winners on the night were Dick Currie and his son-in-law Steve Gerreyn whilst the unluckiest team was Cal O’Donnell and his grand-son Glen Cragg.

– Chris Tibbits

Security Improved at Sorrento

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hanks to the tremendous generosity of Wayne Gray, President of the Dart Club, Sorrento now boasts a start-of-the-art security and CCTV system. The system comprises a series of CCTV cameras mounted in the bar area and in the clubhouse, plus surveillance of the rear lane area. The system, valued at between $15,000 and $20,000, helps to protect the club and importantly allows staff and volunteers exiting the club after lock up to see what’s happening in the lane before leaving the Club.

A big thank you to Wayne and the Dart Club for their generosity.

– Brian Lucas

Busy Months at Sorrento

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fter hosting a very successful Under 18 National Junior Squad championship event held in January, thanks in no small part to the efforts of Chris Tibbits and his large band of volunteers, the Club is set for a further busy period on our bowling greens.

Sunday 22nd January will see the Club host three greens of State singles championships, followed by one green of singles on the Monday. The quarter finals 35

will be held at the Club on Tuesday 24th, followed by the semi-finals and finals of both the Men’s and Ladies on Wednesday 25th January. The finals will be broadcast

by Sports Radio.

Sorrento then hosts two greens of Country Week singles on Friday 2nd March, followed by three greens of pairs of the Saturday. Three greens of fours will be in play on Sunday, with a smaller number of players on Monday. Two greens of carryon pairs will finish the Country Week competition at Sorrento on Tuesday 6th March.

The demand for Sorrento greens for these prestigious events is testimony to the tremendous work that has gone in to improve our greens and shows how far the Club has come from a year ago.

Such events are very important for the Club as they promote the Club as one of the leading bowling clubs in the State; help generate interest in new memberships; and provide good revenue streams. With four greens available there should not be major issues for members who wish the have a game, but if there is then please remember that these events are very beneficial to your Club and provide some great bowls to watch.

– Brian Lucas

Some Thank You’s

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inally a special thank you to the following volunteers who have helped in the last few months:

Lindsay Baker, Ray Dunn, John Sturk, Kevin Cook, Warren Elliott, Tiger Hogan, Russell Lockwood, Mike Thornett, Alan Rolls, Barry Stewart, Frank Bomford, Tom Dowling, John Taylor, Charlie Maiolo, Rob Tozer, Derry Ellis, Wayne Olive and Neil McClennan.

We are also very grateful to Joan for all her hard work during the week of 10th to 14th January and all her helpers – Wendy Stobie, Del Cornwall, Ethel Smith, Audrey Chappell, May Leyland, Margaret Cooper, Allison Waldeck, Nola Mullumby and Rayma Sermon and her daughter, Judith Skeet, Kath Hamilton, Kerry Bomford, Ella Brown and Thora Lay. We are very lucky in our Club to have so many members who help around the greens and the Clubhouse. Well done! If we have missed anyone we will thank them in next newsletter.

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Kitty Mist’s 2012 Bowling “Horrorscopes” AQUARIUS (JAN 20 – FEB 18) Aquarians are strange people who prefer water to beer and bowls to golf. They are usually reasonable bowlers especially when it is raining. They have inventive minds but are inclined to be regressive. They lie a lot, both in bath chairs and to each other. They are inclined to be both careless and impractical causing them to make the same mistakes (e.g. delivering a wrong bias) over and over again. Non Aquarians think they are stupid.

Famous Aquarians: Germaine Greer, Trevor Peters, Justin Timberlake, Chester Coffey, Oprah Winfrey and Jenifer Aniston

PISCES (FEB 19 – MAR 20) Fish bowlers tend to have vivid imaginations and waste a lot of their days looking over their shoulders for nonexistent secret police. They have minimal influence when driving to a packed head. People resent them for their delusions of grandeur and their desires to be first division Skippers. Though foolishly brave they lack confidence and poise. They should never be left alone with chickens.

Famous Pisceans: Drew Barrymore, Neville Cleary, Bruce Willis, Jem Shorland, Jim Ironside, Spider Webb, Stan McCullagh and Lindsay Baker

ARIES (MAR 21 – APR 19) Arians are outgoing and adventurous bowlers. They hold all other star signs in contempt. They are quick tempered, impatient, and rarely take kindly to well-intentioned advice from their Thirds. They are not known to enjoy mixing with Pisceans, and are generally regarded as not very nice people in a remarkably friendly way. They try to kill the end when they are four, five or six down often missing everything and ending up in the ditch.

Famous Arians: Sarah Jessica Parker, Russell Crowe, Ray Stapledon, Lady Gaga, Vincent van Gogh and Ellie Mcpherson 37

TAURUS (APR 20 – MAY 20) Bull bowlers are generally regarded as impractical but persistent. They have determination and work doggedly whilst being stubborn and bull-headed. Taurians are renowned for their body odour and, as they also tend to pass wind, should be encouraged to retreat to the bank as soon as they have bowled. Most of them are over weight so they can play a mean up-shot when required. Tend to give useless directions from the head.

Famous Taureans: Hitler, Jerry Seinfeld, John Collishaw, Leonardo de Vinci, Kate Blanchett, Ted O’Grady, George Clooney and Roland Hill

GEMINI (MAY21 – JUN 20) All Gemini bowlers believe they are one of a twin and waste a lot of time looking for the other one. They are not too quick but their low IQ’s mean they have lots of company. They are inclined to always offer less for items than they are worth, and are known to be flamboyantly cheap. Tend to play an occasional wrong bias at a critical stage of the game when every bowl has to count.

Famous Geminis: Clint Eastwood, Queen Victoria, Liz Hurley, Denise Odell, Angelina Jolie, Ken Giles, and Nicole Kidman

CANCER (JUN 21 – JUL 22) The Crab, the fourth sign of the Zodiac, means you can be crabby and emotional on the bowling green. Pushed even slightly you will run into your shell and not come out for weeks. You are a bowler of feeling and sensation but will ignore your own judgment and your Skipper’s reasonable advice.

Cancerians take all other star signs for suckers. They are always putting things off and never make anything of themselves. Usually end up in the 7th Division.

Famous Cancerians: Princess Diana, John Sanders, Tom Cruise, Dick Currie, Russ Lockwood, Meryl Streep, John Sturk and John Godfrey 38

LEO (JUL 23 – AUG 22) Leo bowlers demonstrate their stupidity by considering themselves to be born leaders. They are known to be pushy and should never be left in charge of the head, money or small boys. They are vain and refuse to accept honest criticism for short or narrow bowls. Most bowlers find their arrogance to be disgusting. Some Leos are known as dummy-spitters and tend to upset the Selectors.

Famous Leos: Madonna, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Graham O’Brien.

Barack Obama and Meryl Streep

VIRGO (AUG 23 – SEP 22) Virgos are logical and hate disorder. When playing bowls with them make sure the spare bowls are on a neat pile to the left of the mat. Their nit-picking is sickening to their friends. They are cold and unemotional and are known to fall asleep while making love or whilst on the mat. They make very good bus drivers. They believe fervently in the rhythm method so were all conceived over Christmas. Never make them Skippers!

Famous Virgos: Michael Jackson, Moira Dean, Cameron Diaz, George Sjepcevich, Brian Saul, Lily Tomlin, Wayne Gray and Neville Odell

LIBRA (SEP 23 – OCT 22) Librans are artistic bowlers who have great difficulty dealing with reality. Male Librans make excellent queers, while a remarkable number of females of this sign do very well as professional women of the night. All Librans are known to be Collingwood supporters and to visit STD clinics on a Wednesday. Librans make good librarians and are reasonable Leads as long as you face them in the right direction.

Famous Librans: Hugh Jackman, Ian Marshall, Olivia Newton-John, Cal O’Donnell, Ron Burroughs, Warren Elliott, Doug Pittaway and Dick Oates 39

SCORPIO (OCT 23 – NOV 21) Scorpios are shrewd on the bowling green but should never be trusted to play an up-shot. They achieve success because of their total lack of ethics. A very high proportion of Scorpions find themselves either murdered, or losing everything to fellow Scorpios. Most are tone deaf, but sing very loudly and appallingly badly. They meet lots of Librans in VD clinics. Tend to make all sorts of excuses for bad bowls.

Famous Scorpios: Hillary Clinton, Trevor Orton, John Murphy, Leonardo DiCaprio, Mike Berecry, Peter Farrell, Judy Farrell and Demi Moore

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22 – DEC 21) Sagittarians are optimistically enthusiastic but fellow bowlers can’t understand why. They have a reckless tendency to depend on luck which always deserts them except when they get a lucky wick off a short bowl.

They totally lack talent of any kind, and generally wind up as drunks or dope fiends. Other bowlers always laugh at them, not with them. They lack any sense of common decency.

Famous Sagittarians: Brad Pitt, Brian Lucas, Tony Pilgrim, Jane Fonda, Barry Mullumby, Bruce Lee, Noel Summers and Frank Bomford

CAPRICORN (DEC 22 – JAN 19) Most Capricorns are conservative bowlers and never take risks. They are generally lazy, and rarely amount to much. Most born to this sign would prefer to have been born Leos, so as to receive both Christmas and Birthday presents, instead of just one big one. They lack any sense at all and are not good at reading a head. When a Capricornian is on the mat it is a good time to get a drink of water as this gives them time to consider their options Famous Capricorns: Kate Middleton, Glenn Boston, Dolly Parton, Mel Gibson, Nigella Lawson, Barry Stewart and Kahlil Gibran 40

Dorothy Dix, our Agony Aunt answers your questions Dear Dorothy During a recent game another team member tried to coach me. In my opinion this “helpfulness” does not help. All it does is affect my concentration. During a match, is not the time to start trying to make changes to your action as it can seriously affect the result. What should I do?

Steve Glasson Dear Steve We do have a number of members who think they know everything about bowls and persist in trying to assist both new and experienced bowlers with their insightful comments. Just ignore them and set up an appointment with one of the qualified coaches who will be only too pleased to help you correct any bad habits you may have developed Dorothy

Dear Dorothy We have some bowlers who can’t drive or draw. What should we do?

Kelvin Kerkow

Dear Dorothy Why has the club bar been a happier place of late?

Jem

Dear Kelvin There is a simple solution. Make them Skippers!

Dorothy

Dear Jem Glenn is back and the pipes, the pipes are calling Dorothy

Dear Dorothy I am currently playing well in the 5th Division and I would really like to play in a higher division as my consistently good bowls justifies promotion. Have you got any advice for me? “ An Ambitious Bowler” Dear “Ambitious Bowler” Des Bennett, the Chairman of the Men’s Selection Committee, told me recently that if you want to play in a higher division you must become a Selector as your bowls will improve immediately by at least two divisions. So go for it next year and nominate!

Dorothy 41

If you need security doors or screens, speak to club member Barry Bradshaw or call Safeway Security Screens on 9314 1774

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Show your Sorrento Bowling Club membership card at Brumby’s Bakery in Darch and receive a 25% discount on in- house baked items 43

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