Sorrento Bowling Club Magazine Issue 30 February 2009

Sorrento Bowling Club Newsletter Number 30 February 2009 President: Ian Marshall Secretary: Ian Wittber (08) 9447-0696 Email: sorrentobowlingclub@amnet.net.au

“Home of the Sorrento Swans�

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Contents

Our President’s Report Our Treasurer’s Report Message from the Lady Captain Ladies Match Committee Report Message from Men’s Selection Committee Men’s Fours Club Championship Final Message from Ladies Selection Committee Secretary’s Report Joe Stow Memorial Day Darts Report Twilight Bowls 51st Australian Police Bowling Championships Umpires Corner Hot Hints from Heardie Part 6 Notes from your Editor The Trevor Peters Wedding Heathridge Verge Competition 2008 51st Australian Police Bowling Advertisement One Finger in the Air Traveleaders Norfolk Island Bowls - Oceania Classic Triples Artists at Our Club The Gynaecologist’s Assistant Volunteers for Various Small Jobs Results of Social Bowls Mujibar Sits his Test Octogenarian’s Lament Some interesting stuff The Global Financial Crisis Auld Lang Syne Winner of the Caption Competition Members Trades and Services Register Message from Australian Prime Minister & Australian Treasurer The sharing of marriage...

The Laws of Ultimate Reality Law of Mechanical Repair Why did you stop?

If Bev Cherry our Groupie Mistakes made by Olympic Commentators: Message from Men’s Captain Croquet Report Message to all contributors

4 5 5 6 7 7 8 9 12 13 14 14 16 17 18 19 19 20 21 23 25 25 26 27 27 28 29 29 30 31 32 32 33 34 34 34 35 36 37 38 39 42

Our President’s Report

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t the half way point of the 2008/9 season it is extremely gratifying to report that our Club is in the best position financially it has been in for several years.

This can be attributed to the tight controls put in place by our Treasurer and Finance committee.

Also the extremely successful membership drive has been a big contributor to our financial position, which has seen a big increase in turnover in bar revenue and match fees. Not only has the bowling section recorded a big increase but also the croquet section who have had an amazing increase in new participants. The darts section has also benefited from the drive.

At the half-yearly meeting in 2007 the members authorized the Executive to raise funds to cover the cost of new greens equipment, new furniture and a new till system for the bar. At this stage we have not had to borrow finance to cover these costs.

Although we have not purchased new furniture the amount we require will not be as large as the amount first mooted.

Members have been asking when the Club refurbishment will commence. We can advise that new bar stools and tables have been ordered and should arrive early in 2009. The replacement of the carpets and furniture will not take place until the ceiling and the roof are replaced.

At a meeting held on the 18th December with the City of Joondalup it was decided that work will not commence until after the Police Carnival in April 2009 to avoid any disruption to the pennant season and Carnival. Work should take three to four weeks to complete. In that time the Club will be shut down entirely.

No bowls, darts or croquet will be permitted until work has been completed. (Note from your editor: The exact dates are still to be confirmed. Watch the Notice Board for more information) At this meeting the issue of the air-conditioning was raised. It amazed me that the City did not know of what had been done by their contractors. We were assured that it would be rectified.

Members will have noticed the extra flag poles in place and in fact some have queried the reason for them. The extra poles are for the Police Carnival to cater for State flags and the usual flags that are put up. It worked just as cheap to purchase them as to hire them.

In the last Newsletter I asked for a member to assist in or take on the position of Junior Bowls co-ordinator. To date I have not received one repeat not received one

enquiry from members as to what is involved and how they can help. It is extremely disappointing that so much is being left to so few. The volunteers we have are doing an extremely good job when asked and now it is time for others to stand up and be counted. I wish all our members a prosperous New year – Ian Marshall

Our Treasurer’s Report

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he Club continues to perform well financially in 2008/9 with profits for December 2008 of $5,412 compared with a loss of $187 in December 2007.

Our year to date figures to December 2008 compared with the same time in 2007 also look sound with a profit for 2008 of $62, 207 compared with $9,332 in 2007.

Our net cash position as at 31 December 2008 was $55,375 compared to $17,776 in 2007.

The Club has expended a fair proportion of its profits on our greens and greens equipment plus improvements to the clubhouse. The Club has also committed to purchase chairs for the main hall which will consume most of our surplus.

We sought approval from the membership in 2007 to borrow $55,000 to fund new purchases. It is very pleasing that we have been able to do this from our cash flows, demonstrating the tremendous success that we have had in the past two years – thanks to the efforts of many Club members.

We need to remain diligent in the way that we run the Club and continue to encourage new members to the Club.

– Brian Lucas

Message from the Lady Captain

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Kerry Bradshaw Ph C, M.P.S. Telephone 08 9447 1419 Shop 10 North Beach Road North Beach WA 6020

e had a quarterly meeting on 10 December 2008 and all appears to be going well.

The Selection Committee is having a demanding time, as always. It is not an easy task to keep everyone happy but the

aim of good Pennant results is first and foremost.

It is a busy time for the Match Committee with many varied events for them to organise. Both these committees are doing a good job.

Our Gala Day on 9 January 2009 was a success. I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the volunteers, in whatever capacity, for making it a great event.

– Clair Hanlon

Ladies Match Committee Report

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he Ladies Singles was won by Denise Odell and Pat Frawley was the runner-up.

It was a closely contested final and well supported by spectators. Denise will represent the Club in the Champion of Champions event in April.

The Plate event was won by Beryl Tutt and Helen Paterson was the runner-up.

Our Novice Ladies Singles was truly an excellent day of comradeship, friendship and first class bowling from the 12 ladies who competed. This event was won by Sharon Eggers and the runner-up was Lee Leach. Sharon will also represent the club in the Champion of Champions. The Plate event was won by Coral Smith with Liz Young being the runner-up.

Many thanks to the markers, umpires and also the spectators, especially the men who stayed and watched.

Our Gala Day was a huge success and we had 34 teams competing. I have had so much positive feedback from several of the clubs who participated so congratulations to all the Sorrento ladies and men who helped out on the day, especially the team who had to stand in at the last minute due to a double booking. Big thanks from myself to my Match committee for all their hard work on the day. Well done to all the winners.

The Ladies Club Fours starts next week, and ladies please enter, as we need more teams.

Our Invitation Day on February 20th is our next classic event and to date we have 19 teams entered. We hope to have more.

Thanks once again to my match committee – I couldn’t do it without you.

– Marie Smart

Message from Men’s Selection Committee

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fter nine rounds the Saturday teams are doing better than the Thursday teams.

Division 1 Blue North are in with a chance of a Pennant and four other teams have a chance of ending in the top four.

On Thursday the best performing team is 6 Red. Other teams are running about half way down and need some wins to avoid relegation.

The number of “unavailable” players on both Thursday and Saturday is cause for concern. So far this season the most “Pennant Reserves” have been four. Please support your club and try and be available when selected.

– Alan Arter

Men’s Fours Club Championship Final

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he victors of the plate were the team of Ron Rogers, Bill Trebilco, Tony Peters and Geoff Clew. They defeated the team of Gavin Ebsworth, Neil Breaknell, Rob Tozer and Ray Bracknell in a very entertaining game. Gavin’s team were well in contention until the experience of Ron’s team prevailed, taking them to a comfortable victory. Well done Ron’s team.

Well how good and how close was the major final? Considering the blustery conditions the standard of bowls was extremely high. The underdogs made up of three Second division players took on the might of four First division players. That is the team of Mick Martin (M&M), Michael Carrigy (Mike), Jim Welch (Welchy) and John Abercrombie (ABBA) faced the battle against First Division giants, John Brown (Browny), John Hammond (Hammo), Rick Hutchinson (Hutchy), and Richard Bone (Rich).

M&M’s team showed early aggression and outplayed the more formidable team of Browny’s early in the game, going to a reasonable lead after 11 ends. However good luck seemed to favour Browny’s team and they gradually wore down the lead .The

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result came down to the last bowl of the last end.

Browny’s team picking up two shots to win by one shot. All in all it was a great game played in the right spirit amongst very good friends.

It should be mentioned however that John Brown has been a member of the Sorrento Bowling Club on and off for over 23 years. Browny has filled the roles of Club Captain, Selector and Bowls coach. Would you believe that this is the First Championship final Browny has been successful in over all these years? Congratulations John, maybe this is the start of more titles to come.

Congratulations to the team of John Brown, John Hammond, Rick Hutchinson and Richard Bone.

Commiserations to the runners up.

Congratulations to all players for matches played in an excellent spirit despite the closeness of the scores.

– John Abercrombie

Message from Ladies Selection Committee

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fter a promising start to the season some divisions began to struggle. To strengthen them, changes have been made to our two first divisions. Both divisions posted winning results for the following fixture and division 2 green continues to achieve very strong results. Other divisions are holding steady. The aim is to now consolidate these strong performances.

After beginning the season with a long list of players on our “reserve” list (mainly new members) numbers have now dwindled to a handful because of illness and family commitments.

The situation is now very tight and there is very little room to manoeuvre when players are unavailable for pennant games. Thank you to all new players in the “bankers” group and to other “reserves” who have willingly stepped up to play when called upon.

Tuesday “bankers” group is still going strong and reports are that the players are showing strong promise of becoming valued pennant players of the future. The group is very keen, committed and enjoying our magnificent game of bowls.

In the last edition of our newsletter I inadvertently omitted to welcome two players on their return to pennants after a lengthy absence. A belated but warm welcome to Emily Dunn and Judy Campbell.

– Mary Sanders.

Secretary’s Report

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leasingly, I am able to report that the club is progressing very nicely, both on the social side as well as financially. The Get on The Green programme is up and running again after the Christmas break, and we have about 48 teams each week playing in the Tuesday and Friday night competitions. This equates to nearly 200 people each week, and apart from having a game of bowls in a fun atmosphere, the club is benefiting financially. This programme runs through until March.

Membership continues to grow, although at a much slower rate of recent times, as we near the end of our membership year. We have not been encouraging new members to take up the special deal offered, as we have less than four months to go, however we have a number of potential new members that are undertaking some coaching lessons, with a view to joining in the new membership year. We also have a couple that plan to transfer from other clubs, but are not happy where they are currently playing. They will be paying full fees.

As all those that attended the Half Yearly General meeting in December will know, we adopted a new constitution at that meeting, and this has now been registered with the Racing, Gaming and Liquor Department, and they have agreed to the changes.

This is now in place until we make changes at a General meeting.

Part of the change is that committee positions will now be for a two year period, and it is hoped by this method, there will be some continuity within the various committees, and not have a complete change each year.

There was also a change in that the Assistant Secretary position has been erased, and replaced with a position known as Media and Public Relations officer, and we are seeking someone with some knowledge in this area, that is prepared to step up and assist the club in this area of operations. This is most important, as it presents the

club to various media outlets, as well as co-ordinating our approach. Anyone who is interested should contact the Secretary for some details.

Also elsewhere in this newsletter, there are a list of jobs that need to be done in and about the club, and we are seeking volunteers for these various tasks. Again, we ask that anyone who is willing to assist, see the Secretary who will advise details. Some small tasks have already been filled, and I thank those that have been asked, and accepted, for undertaking these sometimes small and tedious jobs, without wish for reward.

The majority of the tasks do not take a lot of time, but still need to be done.

Hopefully we can spread the tasks amongst the membership, rather than relying on the hard core of volunteers that seem to turn up all the time. Those that do I am sure feel rewarded for their efforts, but I am sure feel somewhat aggrieved when they hear some negative comments, usually made by someone without any knowledge or understanding of just what is going on, and just how the club functions without a large payroll.

I reported on the Police Carnival in the last newsletter, and members will spot that we have installed some extra flagpoles as part of this planning. There are seven poles, one for each state, and one for the Commonwealth flag. These can be utilised for other purposes as well, such as sponsors flags, and I am sure will be well utilised.

With regard to this carnival, we will be seeking some volunteers for various tasks over the week of the carnival, and if anyone is prepared to assist, please advise the Secretary. There will also be some social bowls during this period, and further details are provided elsewhere in this newsletter.

We have been granted five days this year for the Men’s Country week events. This is a good event for the club to hold, as it exposes us to many country members that play in the event, as well as giving us a reputation. This reputation can be good or bad, depending on what we present, and in the past we have been very proud to be regarded as one of the clubs that these players wish to compete at, due in large to the good meals that we have served up in recent years, along with good greens.

I am sure that we will again excel in these areas, and ask if anyone is willing to assist Joan Whitham over the five days that we have them here, Joan will be grateful for their assistance.

Due to the lack of greens at Scarborough, we have agreed to assist them with their home games for pennants, as well as one of the championship events, by allowing them to use our greens, if they were available. To date we have been able to assist them with most dates requested, and I know they have been grateful. We have been charging them the same as we would our own members, thereby allowing them to 10

at least conduct their games. They do have one green passed for play, but it is not really as fast as they would like, and may require some further games from us going forward.

We have also been approached by North Beach club who are in a similar situation, and we will assist them if we can, without detriment to our own members. Hopefully we will never be in this position, and need their assistance, but if we can advance the game of bowls by assisting our close neighbour clubs, we must surely be doing the right thing.

There are a number of grants that we can apply for from various government and other entities, and a lot of these ask for details of the numbers of people that volunteer within the club and the hours that they have contributed. In the past we have not been able to justify any figures, and to this end we have commenced a “Volunteers Register�.

By asking all those that volunteer in any capacity to record their hours worked, we can in the future quote some accurate figures. Please see me if you are prepared to record your hours worked and I will give you a form.

A recent grant application has failed, partly because we could not justify some of these aspects, but also partly because there were 13000 applications for funds under this particular scheme, which was a Federal Government initiative to reward volunteers. It has been hoped that we could install a commercial microwave oven, a Bain Marie, as well as getting some funds towards fuel costs for volunteers. Perhaps next time!!

Not much else to report on at this time, but there are always ongoing issues in and about the club. You will have noted that we had plumbers in for almost a week, trying to resolve our lack of water pressure issues, which played havoc with the toilet

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cisterns, as well as some other equipment. At time of writing this was still being resolved.

The replacement of the roof will not take place until after the Police Bowls Carnival.

We had made a decision to close the club entirely for a short period to allow for this work to be carried out efficiently and quickly, however this may not be necessary, and after we have had discussion with the contractor, we can advise further. The roof and ceiling are to be replaced completely, along with the replacement of the carpet, all at City of Joondalup expense.

We are also expecting delivery of some bar stools and bar tables shortly, and our general chairs are to be replaced, possibly after the roof is complete, however, timing is not finalised at this stage. These chairs are at a major cost to the club, being in excess of $20,000, so any contributions to this cost would be appreciated.

Finally I would like to welcome new members Margaret Coates, Bruce Eagles, Glenys Eagles, Danuta Fulwood, Alison Gray, Tony Le Grove, Neil Munro and Bradley Williams. Till next time. – Ian Wittber

Joe Stow Memorial Day – 12 December 2008

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ecember 12 dawned bright and sunny and everyone had a smile on their face!

Why? Because they knew it was the Joe Stow Memorial Day at the Sorrento Bowling Club and there would be a lot of fun to be had.

The day is held annually to remember our past member Joe Stow who willingly gave up his Friday for many years to run social bowls until his heart decided that his time was up.

Throughout the afternoon funds are raised via green fees, raffles and donations with the money going to the Heart Foundation of WA. Funds usually allocated for prize money also goes to the Heart Foundation.

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Gary Scheckter “For Total Eyecare” Duncraig Belridge Brighton Currambine Ellenbrook

08 9246 1112 08 9307 5200 08 9562 1242 08 9304 0506 08 9296 9691

This year the amount raised was $809 and there were 90 players on the greens to enjoy the afternoon of bowling.

Winners are grinners and the grinners this year with 18 points and 2 bonuses were Gil Barr, Herbie Eisenmann and their skipper Marty Angelo. They were presented with the trophy which sits in the club trophy cabinet and their names will be engraved on it for all to see.

Runners up on the day were John Stobie, Jim Ironside and Tricia Smith with 18 points and 11 shots up, while close behind them were Glen Larcombe, Bev Carrigy, Stan McCullagh and George Szepovich with 18 points and 5 shots up.

The competition was very even on the day with the next three teams all amassing 17 points. Thank you to all who helped on the day and to everybody that paid and donated for the raffle.

– Chris Tibbits

Darts Report The 2009 dart season commences in March, with the first practice game held last week. It looks like we will field a premier division and second division side in the West Coast competition this year, plus a third or fourth division in the bowling club association. If we can find some more players we may be able to field a fourth side.

Members will also be pleased to know that the Dart Club will be purchasing new bowls mats and jacks for the Club in the next few weeks.

Any members who are interested in playing darts, irrespective of your ability, should contact Brian Lucas or Glenn Boston.

–Brian Lucas 13

Twilight Bowls

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ith almost half of the twilight bowls season gone, I report that there has been outstanding roll-up this year.

Last year we average 44 bowlers each Tuesday evening, but this year that average has jumped to 66! On a couple of occasions we have even had to turn people away due to insufficient rinks being available.

It is also pleasing to see new bowlers coming along, often to be pitted against much more experienced bowlers. But that is the nature of this competition, and all feedback so far has been very positive.

The pursuit of the “big money” available in the Bill and Brenda Broun Trophy shows: 1st

3rd 4th 5th

9th

Bryan Townsend

Neville Odell Lindsay Baker Rowley Bayman Ken Giles

Marty Angelo Pam Rodgers Peter Rodgers Ray Dunn

Barry Jones

Stuart Wright

30 30 25 23.5 23 23 23 23 22 22 22

[Points are awarded as follows: 2 points for playing,1point for winning on shots, plus a bonus point for winning by 10 or more shots] – Trevor Orton

51st Australian Police Bowling Championships Saturday April 18 to Friday April 24, 2009

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veryone is welcome to attend the colourful “march on” on Saturday 18 April at 0900. The WA Police Pipe Band will be in attendance to hopefully keep all the plods in step.

Play in the Championships commences on Saturday immediately after the ceremonial duties are completed with the first of the round robin games between five rinks of 14

fours from each of the five participating State Teams.

In the afternoon the first rounds of the Fours Championship gets under way. Over the course of the week the Singles, Pairs and Triples Championships will also be hotly contested.

Competition culminates on the following Friday morning with the finals of the Singles, Pairs and Triples. The week’s activities will then be wound up at a Presentation Dinner on Friday night.

Members to please note that as a prelude to the Australian Police Bowling Championships there will be an afternoon of social bowls in aid of charity. The proceeds of the afternoon are for the benefit of the Police Legacy organization.

The WA Police Bowling Club would therefore like to invite all Sorrento Bowling Club members to participate in the Legacy bowls day on Friday April 17 starting at 1300 hours. (See advertisement on page 20) The event also gives bowlers from interstate an introduction to the host bowling club and a feel for the greens before battle commences in earnest the following day. (The Club bar might just sell a beer or two, pray for a hot Sorrento afternoon!!)

We will play fours, any combination, and two games of 12 ends with a refreshment break at half time. Cash prizes will be played for with other lucky prizes. Dress is mufti and entry is $10 per head. If we could fill 5 greens of happy bowlers on the day it would be a wonderful benefit for our Legacy recipients. Entries of 4 men, 4 ladies or any mixture of the two are most welcome as are single entries to make up into fours.

In addition to the above on each morning and afternoon of competition, social bowls will be organised for all who wish to participate, this includes Police bowlers who 15

may not be involved in the Championships at that particular time and also Sorrento Bowling club members who may be looking for a game.

At this stage of planning we hope to have at least one green available at all times for the social bowls. Provided that nothing untoward crops up, i.e. loss of a green or two, the social bowls will be played each day as follows: Saturday 18th through to Thursday 23rd For both the morning and afternoon games dress will be whites or club colours No entry fees are charged.

The best winning rink will receive a carton of beer or bottles of wine after each game.

Chris Titbits will be coordinating the social bowls and anyone desiring to participate should register their name with Chris each morning and afternoon.

Please note that there will be no social bowls on the morning of Friday 24th due to the Championship finals. The conclusion of the finals at midday sees the end of the Carnival and return of the Sorrento greens and facilities to the members!! – Tony Horner

Umpires Corner

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amage to umpiring equipment is causing some concern. One of the boundary scopes is out of order unless it can be repaired at little cost.

How it happened is a long story but if any member sees an item of equipment disassembled with a component behind the bar PLEASE do not touch until you know the reason why it is behind the bar. The other scope was repaired before the beginning of the season to realign the telescopic sight. The scope would need to have been

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banged hard to cause the problem.

Two line mirrors have been purchased and will be placed on the umpires’ trolleys when protective covers have been acquired.

The trolley containing the umpires equipment only just gets through the Club doors (when only one side of the doors is open ) and if any item of equipment protrudes outside the side edges of the trolley, any attempt to push the trolley through the door will cause damage.

Callipers have had to be straightened on several occasions and care needs to be exercised by umpires when using the callipers as the screw thread can at times be tight and “spring” at an embarrassing moment.

Always check that the arms of the calliper are fully extended to the screw before attempting to measure.

Umpires please ensure all equipment is returned so that no item protrudes over the side of the trolley and duty teams please take care when returning the trolley to the match room.

Umpires will need to practice with the new line mirrors. They are much quicker than the boundary scope but for very close line measures or when the jack/ball is close to, or in, the ditch you may prefer the boundary scope. Malcolm Sargant is available before pennant games to demonstrate the equipment and outline the concerns you need to be aware of.

– Malcolm Sargant

Hot Hints from Heardie Part 6

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elcome to Steve Draper who has now become a Level One Coach and will be an asset to Sorrento. Steve still works, but will be able to coach bowlers after work, so give him a call.

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Bowls come in different sizes from size 00, which is the smallest, to size 7. It is most essential that the beginner is equipped with a set of bowls the correct size.

Remember smaller is better than large. A bowl is a heavy object for it’s size. Each size has a different weight The new bowler should be encouraged to try different makes and sizes before buying. Their choice should be influenced not only by the size of the hand, but also by the strength in the fingers, wrist and arm, which will improve with practice.

Q. Why does your bowl wobble on delivery sometimes?

A. Your little finger is too high up the side of the bowl, your grip is incorrect. (parallel line not running through wrist, forearm and shoulder) or you are turning your wrist on delivery.

Q. Where should your eyes be focused on delivery of bowl?

A. The eyes should be fixed on an aiming point at a convenient distance along the aiming line.

Q. On delivery what is the length and direction of step?

A. Normal walking step along aiming line.

Q. What are the reasons for bowling short bowls?

A. Not staying down after delivery, wrist not firm as bowl is released, bowl too large, maybe dropped or the arm bending on release of bowl.

– Graeme Heard

Notes from your Editor

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id you know that Neville Stevens of Re/max Advanced Realtors sponsors the Men’s Pots each week. Many thanks Neville. The Ladies Pots are sponsored by the Padbury Pharmacy. Once again many thanks. Members to please remember to support our sponsors!

Did you hear that Malcolm Sargant has now won over $500 in the monthly State Over 60 Competitions. He has won five out of five. Well done Malcolm.

Trevor Peters and Phil Kimberley continue to win regularly in the Monday afternoon Cambridge Pairs. Well done Trevor and Phil.

The flowers on the cover of this newsletter are from our club. Thank you to those members who continue to make our gardens so beautiful.

There were only a few complaints about our December Newsletter. One member wanted to know why we had Father Christmas on the cover and it was still 18

Continued on page 23

The Trevor Peters Wedding

Did you know that Trevor and Glenys Peters have a Japanese connection? Their youngest son Ryan recently married Junko Watanabe last October. The wedding ceremony was conducted in a Shinto Temple in Nikomatsu which is located in the mountains of northern Honshu in Japan.

Trevor is the handsome guy in the suit standing next to his daughter-in-law.

P.S. Trevor also has a Greek connection. His second son Jarrad married in a Greek Orthodox church on the island of Mykonos in Greece.

Heathridge Verge Competition 2008 Did you hear that John and Phillipa Collishaw were Runners up in the Top Category of the Shire of Joondalup Heathridge Verge Competition 2008 The criteria for winning this award were based on giving access to pedestrians from road, the use of waterwise plants and the enhancement of the verge. Well done John and Phillipa 19

51st Australian Police Bowling Championships Saturday April 18 to Friday April 24, 2009

Club members are invited to attend the Opening Ceremony on Saturday 18 April at 0900. The WA Police Pipe Band will be in attendance Play in the Championships will commence immediately after the ceremonial duties are completed with the first of the Round Robin games between five rinks of fours from each of the participating State teams.

Over the course of the week there will be Singles, Pairs and Triples Championships for the Police bowlers with the competition culminating on the morning of Friday 24 April with the finals.

The week’s activities will then be wound up at a Presentation Dinner on Friday night.

The WA Police Bowling Club have invited Sorrento Bowling Club members to participate in their Legacy bowls day on Friday April 17 starting at 1300 hours. Please enter your names onto the list on the notice board if you wish to take part.

During the week there will also be social bowls for club members and police bowlers who are not participating in the Championships.

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See no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil

Mens’ Triples 18 January 2009

Dennis and Lilly

Brian, Steve and Chris

Foxie, Bill and Charlie 21

One Finger in the Air

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(Continued from page 18) November. Well the reason for this was that we had to finalise the December Newsletter in November so that we could still get it photocopied for free at Mal Washer’s Office (that is before they shut down for their Christmas holidays) Apologies for misspelling Nelly Heard as Nellie Heard and Bryan Townsend as Brian Townsend. Blame, once again, goes to Denise who does the final proof-reading and spell checking.

One member said she got only 140 servings from the Camel stew recipe and not the promised 150 and this upset her catering arrangements on Christmas day.

Another member was unhappy that their photograph was so small. Point taken! We tried to get too many photos onto a page and won’t do this in future. Advertising in the newsletter brings in some income which covers the costs of printing some pages and the cover in colour. We will continue with this as it seems to have been well received by members.

– Neville Odell

Traveleaders Norfolk Island Bowls - Oceania Classic Triples

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hris Tibbits is investigating the possibility of a bowls trip to Norfolk Island in August and has looked into a tour as offered by Traveleaders. The tour is for 11 days/10 nights during which there are 5 days bowling and 5 days touring or sightseeing. For those who have a non bowling partner/wife/husband on the days that bowls are on there will be alternative tours and sightseeing offered. Accommodation is at the Hibiscus Island Resort and Motels which look very attractive on their website. You are given the choice of Quad share ($1599) or twin share ($1699) units.

(See advertisement alongside) Inclusions Return air fares ex Sydney, 10 night’s accommodation, 9 day’s car hire (one car per room) All touring, transfers and meals as per itinerary (see Chris Tibbits for a copy) Not included Air fare taxes, departure tax Norfolk Island Approx $280 per person (subject to change).

Other costs Car hire insurance approx $17 per day Bowling entry fee $75 per player Insurance is recommended but not compulsory $90 Return air fares Perth/Sydney/Perth Approx $600 23

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Deposit $400.00 per person and full payment by 20th June 2009 Norfolk Island is a small island of the east coast of New South Wales and is approx 8 kms by 5 kms in size and reportedly very scenic and relaxing.

Chris has a copy of the itinerary and will be pleased to provide a copy to anyone who is interested. He can be contacted on 9448 8499 or at social bowls every Friday afternoon.

Artists at Our Club

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id you hear that the artists in our club will be holding an exhibition of their work later this year. The exhibition will be combined with a wine tasting. The artists that will be participating are; Beth McCormack

9245 4718

Hazel Arter

9305 5872

Eileen McRae

9448 7152

Peter Robson

9448 1201

Sandy Hogg

Alexander@bipond.com

Murray Gildersleeves

9296 8710

– Beth McCormack

The Gynaecologist’s Assistant A bloke goes into the Job Centre in Joondalup and sees a card advertising for a Gynaecologist’s Assistant. Interested he goes to learn more.

“Can you give me some more details about this job? He asks the guy behind the desk.

The Job Centre guy shifted through his files and replies: “Uh here it is – OK the job entails you getting patients ready for the gynaecologist.

You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and wash their nether regions. Then apply shaving foam and shave all their pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so they’re ready for the gynaecologist’s examination.

There’s an annual salary of $100000 but I’m afraid you will have to go to Wanneroo.”

“Oh why, is that where the job is based?”

“No that’s where the end of the queue is”

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– Davie and Babs

Volunteers for Various Small Jobs

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e are always seeking volunteers for various small jobs in and around the clubhouse. If you feel you can assist in any of these, please make contact with the Secretary – Ian Wittber, and he will advise and guide you as to what needs to be done.

Window cleaning We need one or more persons to clean windows on a regular basis. These can be done in sections or all at one time, however, overall task is to clean both inside and out, removing any sticky tape and dust, as far as possible. Club will supply cleaning equipment.

Weeding The area at the back of the clubhouse (behind the bar area) is needing someone to check once every fortnight or so, to remove any weeds that may have started to grow, as well as any litter that has gathered in this area from wind gusts.

Badge Board We need someone that is handy with small badges, to maintain the Badge Board.

There are a few new badges to be added, and it may need some re-arrangement. Not an onerous job, but one that needs to be done.

Gardening Ken Giles, Annie Taylor and Moira Dean undertake maintenance of the gardens, and are in attendance on a regular basis, however they can always use some assistance.

Please make contact with any of the above and ask if you can assist somehow.

Trophy Cabinets The trophies within the Trophy Cabinets’, need to be cleaned occasionally, and we need someone that will undertake this task once or twice a year. Cleaning materials can be supplied by the club.

Library We have maintained a library of books for many years, and in recent times this has fallen into just a few books, most of which are fairly dog-eared. We need one or more persons to maintain these books in a neat and tidy fashion, as well as removing any dilapidated and damaged books, and calling for replacement books from our members. Many members have books that they have read, and which now adorn shelves and cupboards looking for someone new to read them. Maybe our members can assist by donating these books to the club for their use. However, this would need to be completed in an orderly manner, and we ask that members hold back until an 26

organiser can be located among our members. Perhaps you could advise us if you can assist, and someone will contact you once they have been found to organise.

– Ian Wittber

Results of Social Bowls

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pologies if your name has been missed off this list or if there are any errors.

All your editor does is type up what is written on the Notice Board. Will the organisers please write the winner’s full names onto the list when awarding the prizes as this helps when we do the final typing.

16/11/08 Mixed Social 18/11/08 Twilight Pairs 21/11/08 Mixed Social 23/11/08 Mixed Social

25/11/08 Twilight Pairs 28/11//08 Mixed Social 30/11/08 Mixed Social 2/12/08 Twilight Pairs 5/12/08 Mixed Social 7/12/08 Mixed Social 9/12/08 Twilight Pairs 12/12/08 Joe Stow Mem. 14/12/08 Mixed Social 19/12/08 Mixed Social 21/12/09 Mixed Social 23/12/08 Twilight Pairs 27/12/08 Men’s Social

28/12/08 Mixed Social 3/1/09 Men’s Social 6/1/09 Twilight Pairs 9/1/09 Mixed Social 13/1/09 Twilight Pairs 18/1/09 Mixed Social

R. Young, Sharon Eggers and Ros Spencer Annie Taylor and Ros Spencer Stan Prentice, Brian Doran and Alan Brown Beth McCormack, Denise Odell, Albert Spencer and Noelene Gregory John Hauck and Mick Murray Richard Currie, May Macliver and Ken Parker Kevin Coffey, Beryl Taylor and Ruth Young Neil McLaughlan and Sylvia McLaughlan Des Lloyd, Neville Cleary and Dennis O’Brien Monique Kopek, Bruce Eagles and Ray Slimper Lindsay Baker and Barry Jones Marty Angelo, Herbie Eisenmann and Gil Barr Nelly Heard and Lorna Beamish Chris Tibbits, Marjorie Clarke and Mary Cressey Marty Angelo and Mineko Stapp Ron Prosser and Brian Staples Euie Tennant, Merv Spence, John Taylor and George Griffith Alan Arter, Ken Leach and Betty Stern John Hammond, Max Gouldthorp and Betty Stern Norman Claffey and Barbara Claffey P. Ariavd, Jack Jones and Lorna Beamish Peter Rogers and Pam Rogers Joan Napier John Smith Lee Leach and Barbara Woods – Chris Tibbits

Mujibar Sits his Test Our mate Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.

The Personnel Manager said “Mujibar you have passed all the tests except one.

Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job”.

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Mujibar replied “I’m ready”.

The manager said “Make a sentence using the words yellow, pink and green”.

Mujibar thought for a moment and said “Mr Manager, I’m ready’. The manager asked him to go ahead.

Mujibar said “The telephone goes green, green and I pink it up and say yellow this is Mujibar speaking”.

Mujibar now works at a call centre. No doubt you have spoken to him. I know I have.

– Brian Townsend

Octogenarian’s Lament Time was when, of it’s own accord From your trousers it would spring But now you’ve got a full time job To find the blasted thing.

It used to be embarrassing The way it would behave For every single morning it would Stand up to watch me shave.

But as your old age approaches It sure gives you the blues To see it hang it’s little head And watch you tie your shoes Now that your nookie days are over And your pilot light is out What used to be your sex appeal Is now your water spout!

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– Neville Cleary

Some interesting stuff Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter ‘A’?

A. One thousand Q. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, wind shield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

A. All were invented by women.

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

The Global Financial Crisis

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his is the American Medical Association’s opinion of the Financial Bail Out Package

The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the Pathologists yelled, ‘Over my dead body!’ While the Paediatricians said, ‘Oh, Grow up!’

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, ‘This puts a whole new face on the matter.’

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The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn’t hold water.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some assholes in Washington – Anon.

Auld Lang Syne

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hat a wonderful, successful night. My sincere thanks to our Social Committee and helpers for the hard work on the night and throughout the year. A special thanks to Glen Boston, Rachel, Antoinette and Lyn. Without them behind the bar the party would not have been possible.

Most people I have spoken to said they had a ball, however, reports are our bar manager said he had three balls. I believe that would have been a sight to behold.

We did have one casualty- One-of our lady committee members was tromped -on while dancing but felt little until the next day. May Mac is looking for some lady with extra high heels.

It was a learning curve for me and the Committee. Cooling and seating arrangements will be looked into for the next one and there will be another with the band Revue already booked.

My final thanks are to all members and their guests that made up one of the best parties that I have been involved with over the years.

The Cheesecake Shop Warwick

Proud sponsors of the Sorrento Bowling Club Jack Dodia 9246 2397 Warwick Grove Shoppping Centre, Beach Rd, Warwick 6024 30

Thank you one and all. See you at the next function. The Social Committee wishes you all a Happy New Year.

–Cal O’Donnell

Winner of the Caption Competition

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hanks to all those members who sent in captions for the cartoon in the December 2008 Newsletter.

Marge Clark suggested “What’s it to be, Luv? A toucher or a drive?”

Denise Odell thought “Kitty and Jack” or “Keep a stiff lower lip!” were possibilities.

John and Carol Smith recommended “I’m not sure where Cal and May got there new outfits but they sure could do with an iron”.

Brian Townsend suggested “Your weights not bad – only six inches more.“ “Are you going to be much longer?” was submitted by Nola and Barry Mullumby.

Mike Ong, suggestion was “Wow! Look at those two beautiful ‘bowls”.

There were a few rude captions and one anonymous one.

The best suggestion was however Peter Snow’s “Have your bowls got dimples too?”

Well done Peter. You have won a bottle of Australian red wine – Neville Odell and Cal O’Donnell

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BALCATTA LAWN MOWER AND CHAINSAW REPAIRS, SALES AND SERVICE Contact our sponsors Paul and Judy Kangas Unit 2, 3 Cressall Rd Balacatta ,WA 6021 Tel 9344 7511 Mobile 0419 792 290

Members Trades and Services Register

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etting someone to do that odd job is not always easy. It occurred to me, as a member of a club, that people you know are often the best solution.

My idea is to set up a register of Trades, Professional or Retired people who may be looking for work or willing to do the odd paid job for other members. We must have loads of skilled people in the club who members are not aware of.

If you are interested in listing your name with the club please pass your name, the service you provide and contact details to me or my wife Pauline or email me at tonybourne50@hotmail.com If sufficient interest is shown, we will include the register in a future newsletter and make a copy available on the notice board. –Tony Bourne

Message from Australian Prime Minister & Australian Treasurer The federal government sent each and every pensioner over $1000 for Christmas.

Remember if we spend that money at K-Mart, the money will go to China.

If we spend it on petrol it will go to the Arabs.

If we purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan, If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala, If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan, If we purchase useless crap it will go to Korea and none of it will help the Australian economy.

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The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in Australia. Thank you for your help.

– Kevin Rudd & Wayne Swan

The sharing of marriage...

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n old man placed order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink; his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking, ‘That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.’

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said ‘No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.’

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the 33

young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked ‘What is it you are waiting for?’

She answered ‘THE TEETH.’

– George Griffiths

The Laws of Ultimate Reality Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee. Law of Gravity Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of Random Numbers If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Variation Law If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time) Law of the Bath When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. Law of Biomechanics The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Law of the Theatre At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. Law of Physical Surfaces The chances of an open-faced sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors’ Law If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.

– Trevor Orton

Why did you stop?

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fter 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.

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ETC Engineering and Technology Consultants 61 Loftus St Leederville WA 6007 9328 5500 Thanks to Wayne Gray for his sponsorship

He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch the TV. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “That was wonderful. Why did you stop?”

He said, “I found the remote.”

– Anon.

If If you can always roll the jack, right at the skipper’s feet If you can always draw the shot, the one that must be beat When you are asked to play a “yard on” do you judge it to perfection?

And when you’re called to drive, can you always make correction?

If you can come up smiling when the other bloke, Puts your good shot out of play and treats it as a joke.

If you’re the one who saves the day, I’ll say to you my son “You’re a bloody hero, what’s more the only one!”

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– Ray Dunn

Bev Cherry our Groupie

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ev hails from Hobart where her twin sister still lives. Along with her husband and three children Bev arrived in Perth in 1969. Bev joined Sorrento Bowling Club in 1991 and remembers achieving runner-up in the singles competition around 1993.

“Twas the week before Christmas and all through the house”… when a change came over the Cherry household. To be exact it was 3 pm. on Sunday 19th December 2004 when Bev and her husband switched TV channels and saw and heard Andre Rieu playing “The Blue Danube” with a symphony orchestra.

They were both captivated and did not move from their seats for the next hour. They were hooked!

In 2008 they travelled to Melbourne to see two of his concerts on 14th and 15th November and another one in Perth on 22nd November!

In 2009 they have tickets for Andre’s concert in his home town of Maastricht (Holland) in July and another concert in Melbourne in October I happened to be talking to Bev one day at the club and said that I didn’t know Andre Rieu. Within days Bev had given me a DVD of one of his concerts and I was hooked too!

– Jane Holland

Wendy’s Whitford City

For delicious ice-creams, drinks, desserts and snacks contact Kishore Dudhia Kiosk 16 Telephone 9401 7917 36

Mistakes made by Olympic Commentators: Weightlifting: “This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning; during her warm up and it was amazing”.

Dressage: “This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother”.

Gymnastics: “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father”.

Boxing: “Sure there have been injuries and even worse some deaths in boxing, but none of them that serious”.

Softball: “If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same again”.

Basketball: “He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces”.

Soccer: “Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field”.

Tennis: “One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them…Oh my God, what have I just said?”

At the rowing medal ceremony: “Ah, isn’t that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew”.

– Clair Hanlon

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Farmer Jacks 130 Coolibah Drive Greenwood Open 7 days a week 7am to 9pm

Message from Men’s Captain

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ell, here we are half way through our Pennant season and our Men’s Saturday teams seem to be positioned favourably. Thursday’s teams, on the other hand, may need to improve somewhat to avoid relegation in some divisions.

Our Greenkeeper (and his men) have done an excellent job with the greens and most times all five greens are available for play. It should be made known that Glen Craig is consulted before we make greens available to North Beach or Scarborough as we have on occasions this year.

If there are questions about this matter please send them to the Ombudsman!!!

Congratulations to Des Bennett and Ian Wittber (and their helpers) on Tuesday and Friday nights, with the excellent way they have run the Corporate Bowls – 96 bowlers each night.

Congratulations also to Steve Draper on receiving his Level 1 Coaching Certificate.

A big thank you to Brian Collins and his little band of helpers for erecting the new shed near “E” green.

All the best for the rest of the season.

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– Tiger Hogan

Croquet Report

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irst of all I would like to wish all our members a very Happy New Year. I would also like to thank Dorothy for all the work she did on writing about the activities of our club in the Sorrento newsletter.

We had a very successful Christmas party which was attended by Ian Marshall, the President of the Sorrento Bowling Club as well as Brian Hadley from WACA. Jim Longmuir and Joan Rowley have resigned from the Committee.

Kate Taylor and Glenda Laidler won our recent Ricochet Competition. Runner’s up were Vince Sinagra and Anne Woodhams.

We have a Singles In-House Golf Handicap competition coming up on Friday nights 6, 13 and 20 of February.

January has been quiet due to the hot weather. Tuesday nights between 6 and 8 pm are picking up.

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In the Golf Singles at Nedlands, Robert Close was runner-up in the X- group and Liz Wood in the Y-group.

Members to please note that we have two City of Sterling Platinum Days coming up and we will require coaches and helpers for afternoon teas. Please diarise following dates: 1st event Tuesday 24 March 2nd event Tuesday 26 May

1.00 – 3.30 pm 1.00 – 3.30 pm

Carlton Mid Strength One of the fine Carlton beers available at our club 40

– Kate Taylor

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Message to all contributors Please will you let me have contributions for our April newsletter by no later than

19 March 2009.

Late contributions cause problems so please stick to the deadline

www.liquorhomedelivery.com.au

Contact Jamie Chittick on 0419042105 Shop 4/31 Pimlot St. Dianella WA 6059 Thanks to Dr. Mal Washer for allowing us to photocopy this newsletter 3 Boas Avenue. Joondalup.

WA 6027.

Phone: (08)9300 2244 42

Club Sponsor Happily coming on board and looking forward to help your club reach it’s full potential

Neville Stevens Re/max Advanced Realtors 9474 7774 or 0428 882 005 neville@remaxadvanced.com.au Award Winner 10 years industry experience All business from club members either personal or referred will be appreciated 43

DVG Wanneroo Mitsubishi, a major sponsor of the Sorrento Bowling Club is at 6 Lancaster Roads in Wangara.

With contemporary state of the art facilities, a stylish showroom and award winning professional service, DVG will showcase the best Mitsubishi has to offer in WA. And we’ve just been awarded Distinguished Dealer for the 6th year running so come down and see what the new DVG Wanneroo Mitsubishi is all about.

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