Sorrento Bowling Club Magazine Issue 44 December 2011

Christmas Newsletter Number 44 December 2011

Contents From the President Members enjoying “The Beatles” Some dates for your diaries Men’s Captains Report Ladies Captains Report Greens & Grounds Report Coaches Corner The Cancer Council Day Sponsorship Report Croquet Report Men’s Veteran’s Singles Umpire’s Corner Men’s Selection Review Some Notes from your Editor A Bowler’s Wish A Golfers tale of conversion to bowls A letter from – Santa.

Marketing and Functions Farewell from Bryan and Rita Townsend The “Divorced Pairs” 2011 The Sorrento Ladies 100 up Men’s Triples Ancestral Notes Four by Kitty Mist Addendum from Hoops Mist Championship Mixed Fours Melbourne Cup Loud Shirt and Mad Hat Day Tuesday 1st November 2011 Midnight Lecture Mixed Pairs Dorothy Dix answers your questions The Christmas Tree Fairy Brian & Pip Lucas – Married 6 November 2011 Ladies Selection Report Ladies Match Committee Report Conversation over a wine for lunch Some Thank You’s

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From the President Planning for Our Future I seem to be always rabbiting on about the 2020 Vision – Planning for the Future of the Sorrento Bowling Club. I do so because it is the most important document, and of course the thinking behind it, with respect to my presidency. A mentor of mine asserts that life is made up of four elements – to live; to learn; to love; and to leave a legacy.

I ponder what legacy will be left when my term and that of the Executive finishes in eighteen months time. Hopefully it will be a successful, happy and vibrant Club that is financially secure, has made significant achievements and has a great plan for the future.

The 2020 Vision was instrumental is transforming the Club from its precarious position in 2006 to becoming a very strong and vibrant club in 2009. Members would be aware of the subsequent difficulties faced by the Club in late 2010 and 2011 as a result of poor greens and a number of other factors.

It is pleasing to see that the Club is again turning around with three good greens becoming available this year and a fourth hopefully available early in the New Year.

The Club also has a renewed vibrancy with numerous functions and events being held, which are well patronised by our members and guests. An ever increasing number of members are also donating their time and energy to assist the Club and reduce wages costs.

Now however is no time to tread water and given the “Now is volatility that we have experienced over the past years, we must be ever vigilant to ensure that the Club not the time continues to grow and prosper. For this reason, the 2020 to tread Vision remains a very important strategic document. Its aim is, to the extent possible, predict the future through water to 2020 and to position the Club to respond to that future.

Where we have control, it is also to shape our own future.

By way of example, our ageing membership poses significant challenges for the Club. As you will note from the graph below, the average age of our 430 members, or at least those on our database, is 67. The biggest age group is 70. We have very few members who are younger than 50. Next year our average age will by 68 and 70 in 2013.

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We know what happens as people get older and for the Club to continue to grow and to prosper we must encourage younger members to join. By younger I mean mainly people in their 40s and 50s. Naturally we will continue to value and encourage older people to join the Club.

Unfortunately, the Club was unsuccessful in retaining the new members who joined as a result of our open day in 2008. We need to understand why that was the case and what we need to do in order to make ourselves more attractive to younger members.

This necessarily will involve some changes on our part and as we get older accepting change can become quite a challenge.

Your 2020 Vision team comprising myself, Barry Bradshaw, Wayne Gray and Greg Day is working hard to develop strategies to address our ageing membership and to develop other strategies to ensure that the Club continues to move in the right direction.

Thank You I would like to extend a big thank you to the Executive Committee and the various sub-committees, to our greens and bar staff and the many hard working volunteers that the Club is so fortunate to have. It is amazing when you sit back and think about, for example, the effort and amount of work that our members and staff put into making a Gala Day, Melbourne Cup Day, or Tribute Night a great success; or the work that goes into pennant selection and organisation, arranging social bowls and croquet events; or organising and running a community bowls or darts season.

Thanks also to Richard Currie for his role as Club Secretary. Dick unfortunately has had to resign because of work commitments. I am pleased to announce that Ron Taylor will be seconded into the Secretary’s position. He will be ably supported

by Frank Lilley and Geoff Murray. Well done everyone. If you are currently not involved, then have a chat to one of the committee to see how you can help.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year I wish to extend everyone a very happy and prosperous Christmas and a wonderful new year, full of excitement, achievements and joy. – Brian Lucas

Members enjoying “The Beatles” Night with the Fabulous Four

Some dates for your diaries Mid-year AGM Please remember that the mid-year AGM is at 10am on Sunday 11th December 2011.

Meet The Minister On Thursday 15 December 2011 Tony Krsticevic MLA Member for Carine will be hosting an afternoon tea at our Club. He will be bringing Minister McSweeney and Minister O’Brien. The target audience is people 65+ years of age from the electorate of Carine. Minister McSweeney will speak on Seniors issues and Minister O’Brien will discuss the retirement villages legislation. The event will run from 2-4 pm. It may be a good opportunity for pennant players who have finished playing their games to mingle in with the guests and the Ministers. Tony Krsticevic like to offer 10 places, to committee or club members of our club who would be interested in attending the event. If you are interested in being one of the 10 invited members please place your name on the flyer at the club.

Australian Under 18 Quad Series On 10th, 11th and 12th January 2012 our Club will be hosting the above series.

Youngsters from NSW, Victoria SA and WA will compete against each other in all disciplines. Bowls WA have indicated that WTV 44 will be televising this event and it will also be shown on Fox Sports. As usual, volunteers will be required to assist the event to run smoothly. We will need kitchen hands, umpires and markers for the singles. Our Match Committees will also be involved. The relevant committees will be advised and they will organize the volunteers required.

Recognition for Volunteers On Wednesday the 11th January 2012 approximately 80 volunteers in Bowling Clubs around the Metropolitan area will be recognized for their services in various areas at a function conducted by Bowls WA at the Sorrento Bowling Club. Further information will be advised as it comes to hand Australian Past Presidents Ass. Bowling Carnival Also to be conducted at the Sorrento Bowling Club is two days of the Australian Past Presidents Ass. Bowling Carnival. This is to be held on the 4th and 5th of May 2012.

Approximately 150 competitors will be competing and there will be partners of players to be catered for as well. Once again, volunteers will be required and will be called for as the time nears.

Bunnings Sausage Sizzle Fund Raiser We still need some more members to man the stand outside Bunnings at Whitfords on 11th. 24th and 31 December 2011 – Ian Marshall 10

Men’s Captains Report

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nfortunately rain has played havoc with the opening games of the Pennant season. It is too early to predict but at this stage all teams seem well matched in their divisions.

If any member requires an interpretation of ” Rules of Play “ they can discuss their concerns with Jim Ironside or Richard Bone. Both gentlemen are only too happy to accommodate your enquiries.

Des Bennett and his selection team are doing a great job in selection and organising alternate venues owing to the unavailability of greens. Well done team.

Graham Heard is a few male bowlers short in his coaching classes. Heardie told me the other night that he has 30 women to look after. Come on guys Heardie is waiting for the numbers to even out – or is he!

Thanks again go out to all the volunteers who have and still are assisting Ron and Tony with the greens . Alan Rolls is doing a great job managing the Greens and Grounds under some difficult conditions. A, B, and C greens are looking great.

Hopefully all three will be in use by end of November 2011.

The Men’s committee request all bowlers to be patient with the Green situation, we are endeavouring to again have the best greens in the district. Due to the weather some difficulties have been encountered. Again I personally thank you all for your patience.

There are some bowlers that have been given the responsibility of “Skipping” in lower divisions. I am sure Peter Crow, Ron Kuziela, John Brown, Ron Rogers , plus Ian Marshall, John Hauck, Jem Shorland and Peter Robson would be delighted to share their experiences in the role of a Skip. Don’t be afraid to ask, these chaps would be very willing to pass on their experience to the inexperienced..

A big thank goes out to Kevin Kennedy who has volunteered to run a bankers competition on Saturdays. Many thank Kevin.

Volunteers are required for Community Bowls please see Barry Stewart and Russ Lockwood. Ian Wittber will be soon asking for help for the running of the Sorrento Masters. Please give Ian your full support.

Finally I thank you again for your patience and consideration. “A short term pain for a long term gain”.

– ABBA 11

Ladies Captains Report

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lanning for our Gala Day on 13th January 2012 is well under way. I have contacted several new sponsors and hope to attract increased sponsorship for this event. Approval has been given to use the large back shed for storage purposes, so any donations left in the Ladies room will be moved to this area. We are still short of helpers on some of the stalls so if you would like to be involved please add your name to the list on the notice board.

Fliers for our Invitation Day in February have been posted out to Clubs. Volunteers are required to help with a club fund raising sausage sizzle at Bunnings in December - details are on the notice board.

We have had a pleasing number of applications for membership and quite a few new ladies will be joining “The Sisterhood” in the near future.

The Melbourne Cup was a great day and thanks go to all those members who worked so hard to make it such a success. A “Gold Star” must also be awarded to our “greens guys” who have put in such a magnificent effort to improve the standard of our greens/surrounds. We greatly appreciate your many hours of hard work. Thank you also to the Coaches involved in the ladies circuit training each Monday - hopefully your efforts will be reflected in our Pennant results!!

In conclusion my thanks to my Committees who work hard to ensure ‘smooth sailing” at a very busy time in the bowls calendar - well done ladies.

As this will be the last newsletter before Christmas, my very best wishes to you and yours for the festive season.

– Anne Lilley

Greens and Grounds Report

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good deal of work has been put into A and C greens over the last few months and they are really looking great, thanks to our green keeper, Richard Cox and his hard working helpers, Tony Pilgrim and Ron Kuziela. By early December, we should be playing on B green and D green should come into play by the end of December or beginning of January. After that happens, work can start on the long suffering E green.

The band of regular volunteers have been busy on the greens drilling, vertimowing, spreading fertilizer and plugging the bare patches and doing other work around the greens. With all this activity, I think you will agree that the greens and grounds are a pleasure to look at.

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Some of you will have noticed that a sign now appears on the greens at certain times indicating when that particular green will be rolled. It is usually done prior to the commencement of a game so help the greenkeepers by finishing your roll up before the allotted time.

You may have noticed that our Croquet club now has a big sign at the back of their green acknowledging the club and advising visitors where it is located.

On behalf of the Greens and Grounds Committee, I would like to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a new year that gives you all that you wish for.

Coaches Corner

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– Alan Rolls

y observations indicate that many members were ill prepared for the start of the season.

Weather conditions (at clubs that have synthetic/carpet greens) have presented Pennant players with fast greens very early in the season. However this will transfer to grass greens in the coming weeks, so now is the time to prepare.

“At delivery, shorten your step and this will help to reduce your backswing. In addition, lower your delivery arm and shorten your backswing. You will also need to take a wider aiming line”.

As a form of practice, try bowling to a 15 metre kitty.” If these tips don’t work, then consult your coach.

Ray Stapledon

The Cancer Council Day

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he Cancer Council Day was once again a great success. The “Bowl Over Cancer Trophy” was won by Kevin Cook, Emily Dunn and Neville Odell with Ted McGrady, Barbara Spence and Jenny Bartlett as runners-up. A total of $402 was raised. Well done to all involved in this annual fund-raiser.

Sponsorship Report

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s reported previously all previous sponsors have been forwarded invoices for the renewal of sponsorship for this season. To date we still have outstanding monies from the previous season. These companies have been approached for the outstanding account as well as this seasons, however it is proving to be a difficult task. At this 13

point in time we are behind last seasons sponsorship total. A possible cause of this could be the fact that we were late in sending out renewal notices due to the illness of our Treasurer.

I have contacted several companies enquiring if they would be interested in sponsoring the Club, however I have noticed that some companies are more interested in sponsoring an event rather than the Club. I have also noted that most companies have finalized their budgets well before we have appointed a sponsorship officer.

I would like all members to support the companies we have displayed around the Clubhouse and to let those companies know that you are from the Sorrento Bowling Club. Every little bit of assistance helps.

– Ian Marshall

Croquet Report

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orrento Croquet has a new sign on the hill behind their greens. The sign can be seen by all and we are hoping that visitors to the bowling club will note that croquet is being played and our membership grows. It is important to note here that we are the only Croquet Club in the Northern Corridor and we have the potential for growth. We would like to thank the Bowling Club Executive, the Darts Club and Greg Day for the sign and Brett Dunn for his attention to detail.

Croquet West has a new website. Members are encouraged to go to this website for all the latest news from other clubs and more importantly events that are happening such as Tournaments being played at other clubs. www.croquetwest.org.au In House Tournaments are still being played with Ricochet Doubles being played on Sunday 2nd October. Congratulations to Trish Klemp & Liz Wood on winning the Ricochet Doubles. Congratulations also go to The Old Codger “Bill Rowley” and The Young Colt “Graeme Glover” who are not weekly players but came runners up and missing by one point. Ricochet Singles are being held on the 19th November.

Our “Come & Try Days” and columns in the local paper were a success and we welcome the new members. We hope they enjoy the game of Croquet and enjoy being a member of our club. .

On the 18th September about a third of our Croquet members turned out to join with 14

our fellow Bowling Clubs members in a fun day. The weather did not permit the playing of Bowls, but 3 of our members (2 being our most senior members) braved the very windy weather for a game of Croquet after lunch. Some of us others (we won’t mention any names here) enjoyed a glass of champagne or two or should I say a bottle or two and decided this was a better option than playing Croquet.

The Croquet Club recently hosted an event for young Managers from Bankwest.

Twelve people turned up, we think they were more there for the drinks and food than play croquet. They were commenting it is an old folk’s game. How little they know. Thank you to Joan Whitham, Keith & Margaret Cooper for their help on this day.

On the 13th October 18 of our members joined in celebrations for Pam Mulroney’s 80th and Graeme Glovers 50th Birthday with a luncheon at the Greenwood Tavern.

An enjoyable day was had by all who attended.

Some of our members participated in a fun day at the Club for Melbourne Cup Day. Sweeps were won by Judith Skeet & Kerry Bomford, with Kerry picking up a bottle of wine for her Novelty Hat. We had enough food and drink on our table to feed an army and there was lots of merriment, fun and dancing.

Hot Shot of the month for September was Tony Fowke who when playing a game of Ricochet, Tony ran 6 hoops in his turn. This occurs very infrequently and is an extraordinary feat! Hot Shot of the month for October was Bill Rowley. Bill’s ball travelled from one end of the green to the far end, entering the hoop through the back door which placed his ball in a prime position to take the hoop on his next turn! This is an exceptional shot!

Laws of the Lawn: • If the striker swings and misses the ball this is an “Air Strike” and is not a fault.

• If the striker plays a wrong ball or plays out of turn a non striking fault is committed. The opponent chooses whether to leave the balls where they stop or to have them returned by the offender to their original positions. The side committing the fault loses its turn.

• If a non striking fault is not detected before the next stroke is played, play continues as if no fault.

Finally I would like to wish all members and their families a very Happy & Safe Christmas and looking forward to seeing you back on our greens in 2012.

Remember “Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you are forced to.”

– Judith Skeet 15

Men’s Veteran’s Singles

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he over 70 men enjoyed their Singles competition. Well done to Graeme Heard who won the Men’s Veteran’s Singles for the third time beating Neville Odell in the final.

Umpire’s Corner

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he start of the Pennant season with some inclement weather has raised a few issues that players need to be aware of.

Green Speed Requirement (Metropolitan Pennant Competition General Conditions, Rule 15).

Where rain has affected the speed of a green prior to a game, the 13 second green speed requirement is waived and no loss of aggregate points will apply. The game will be played as normal.

Rain interrupted play.

When players wish to leave the rink due to rain they must get the Umpire of the Day’s agreement first, otherwise they run the risk of losing the game by forfeit. When both teams leave the rink, the end, if not completed and declared, becomes dead and shall be replayed. Players cannot continue an end if both teams have left the rink.

The thirds in particular need to be aware that if all bowls have been played in an end, they should count the shots and declare the end before leaving, otherwise those shots will be lost.

The logic here is that once all players have left the rink there is no certainty that the head has not been altered during their absence, e.g. strong gust of wind.

Bowls WA general abandonment.

Players may have been a little confused after being advised that Bowls WA had given away extreme weather general abandonment of pennant fixtures in favour of host club (Umpire of the Day) decisions, only to have BWA issue a general abandonment for midweek pennants on the 3rd November.

Bowls WA have advised that the Thursday in question was exceptional in that the Bureau of Meteorology were forecasting thunderstorms (i.e. lightning) for the afternoon and BWA decided for safety reasons to issue the general abandonment.

They also confirmed that BWA will, as previously advised, not be issuing general abandonment for general rain or extreme temperature forecasts. These will be decided at the individual venues by the Umpire of the Day. – Jim Ironside 16

Men’s Selection Review

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t is very pleasing to see our Thursday teams doing so well. After three rounds including one washout we have five Divisions in the top four. Well done to the players in those Divisions and I am sure that the other teams will soon be knocking on the door.

It is difficult to evaluate Saturday teams as we have only played 2 Rounds and one of those was affected by rain. The pot winners for the past games are: Thursday: 27/10 10/11 Saturday: 5/11 12/11

R Rogers –B Saul – C Cramond – G Murray G Kirkham – K Anderson – T McGrady – N Munro

30-10 31-9

R Rogers – M Martin – C Cramond – G Murray R Rogers – M Martin – C Cramond – G Murray

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Some Notes from your Editor

– Des Bennett

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irst of all thanks to Carmel Hyde and Sharon Eggers for the photographs of competition winners. I would also like to thank all contributors to our newsletters especially members of the Executive Committee for their regular reports, Greg Day, Ian Wittber, Annie Taylor, Emily Dunn, Monique Kopec, both Alan Woods , Warren Elliott, Jem Shorland, Brian Murphy, Neville Cleary and Mike Berecry for their funny stories and Ray Stapledon and Jim Ironside for the Coaches Corner and Umpire Notes.

Thanks also to Wayne Gray for organising the printing of our newsletter and my dear wife Denise for continuing to be the main proof-reader and stapler operator. I must also thank the anonymous Kitty Mist and Hoops Mist for the member profiles as well as Dorothy Dix for answering members queries and concerns Do you know what Banana, Dresser, Grammar, Potato, Revive, Ueven and Assess have in common? Answer on page 43.!

Did you hear that an event organised by a British city to school its older residents in the arts of safe sex has been cancelled due to lack of interest? The workshop was to cover “frank, fun and factual” ways for older people to talk about sex in later life.

Entry would have been free, but those taking part would have had to supply proof of age and of residency in Portsmouth. No sex please we’re British and over 60!

Did you hear that Wayne Olive, as a member of the Police Bowls Committee 17

played against a team of Parliamentarians in an annual bowls game? He tells me the Parliamentarians were only able to win three out of forty games Did you hear that Ray Dunn put tomato sauce onto some delicious Christmas fruit mince pies Emily left him for his lunch? Apparently he failed to listen to his wife’s instructions when she was about to leave home and thought the pies were meat.

Fortunately he managed to salvage the fruit pies by scrapping off the tomato sauce Did you know the Graeme Heard has just celebrated his 80th birthday?

Did you know that Keith Cooper and Graeme Whitehorn were both born on All Saints Day (1st November)? Veronica Whitehorn finds this a bit strange as she reckons neither “qualify”!

Did you know that Brad’s Barber Shop in Carine are sponsoring the Men’s Pots?

Please support them when you need a haircut.

Did you hear that Fran Bracknell arrived at bowls and when trying to find her chalk discovered she had her slacks on back to front?

Did you know that at the far end of the Pinnaroo Valley Memorial Park (beyond the kangaroos) there is an ideal isolated spot to meet your “lover”? Whilst trying to photograph some kangaroos your Editor spotted some hanky panky!

Have a great Christmas and 2012.

– Neville Odell

A Bowler’s Wish May Good Fortune guide our woods Just as we’re inclined; May our first be on the jack And the next behind May our numbers Two and Three Be where we should have them be; Most important may our Skip Save us should the others slip

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– Author Unknown

A Golfers tale of conversion to bowls (Or why bowls is better than golf)

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t went something like this! Teed off from the third and walking down the fairway I said to my mate. ‘Hey I’ve joined the Sorrento Bowling Club’. He stopped and looked at me and said, ‘I didn’t think you were that old’. Isn’t that something you’ve heard before.

Well I didn’t look at it that way as I had always taken the opportunity to watch any bowling that was shown on television and I considered it a game worthy of trying at some time.

A well known past president of SBC had invited me down on numerous occasions to try it and so I did and, in my socks, I had a bit of go for about an hour or so and I thought that I had potential until we moved from the reno green to a surface that I felt was ridiculous and totally unfair. We had a beer and I didn’t come back.( I could hardly walk the next day).

I had played golf at a good level and considered it to be my first choice as a past-time so when I made the decision to join SBC the comment from most was, ‘how will you fit it in with golf?’. It wasn’t something I had given a lot of thought to as I hadn’t even had one lesson with Heardie.

Ian Marshall lent me a set of bowls and I met with Heardie and after the first lesson I was sucked right in and couldn’t wait for the next one. I could see a major conflict coming on with bowling days and golf days.

I have always enjoyed competitive sports but was not prepared for insidious pressure placed upon me after two days as a member. ‘Here Baz just fill in this form it will allow you to play Pennants “at some stage”. The ‘some stage’ was the following weekend and a double header to boot. My dear wife just rolled her eyes and followed me to Bowls World.

All jesting aside we won our first 6th div game and the opposition didn’t field a team for the second day so I was running at 100%, such a simple game.

By the end of the season I had experienced the highs and lows and realised that this was not much different to golf in difficulty but that the major redeeming factor with bowls was that there were other people to blame, something that golf didn’t allow. I was really starting to warm to this game.

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It has now been two years and I have managed to fit the golf and bowls together. I have enjoyed the pennant competition (something my golf club doesn’t have) and the social bowls and the easy movement between clubs (something that golf doesn’t do).

So golf versus bowls: • Golf; the ball goes where the contours allow it to go • Bowls; the bowl goes where the bias allows it to go • Both relatively out of our control Golf will always be a special pastime for me but it disheartening to see the drives get shorter and shorter as the years pile up but with bowls you can always make the ditch!!

– Barry Stewart

A letter from Santa.

I’m sending you this little note, Along with a confession, I won’t be leaving much this year, Because of the ‘recession’.

Reindeer fuel and travel costs Have reached an all time high, My bells have ceased to jingle, And Rudolph cannot fly.

But if you’ve been good boys and girls, (As you’d have me believe,) I just might make exception, And visit Christmas Eve. So don’t forget at Christmas Leave out some nice cold beer, Cos I could be real thirsty And need some Christmas cheer.

And no more bits of fruit cake, Or bread and dry stale cheese, How about a Pizza?

And no more CARROTS please!

So Please spare a thought for Santa, I’m not as fit as in the past, And this years Christmas visit Could be my very last.

– Grahame “Skew Wiff” Watt 20

Marketing and Functions Melbourne Cup What a day we had with 180 members and friends. On the day the club was decorated with a great horsey feel. Thanks to all who contributed and helped to make this a success. (Especially “Mrs. Doubtfire”).

New Years Eve New Years Eve is not far away. Ring the club for information and bookings. Band and floor show, bring your own nibbles for $25 per head. Great value! Please book your tables ASAP. Christmas Party Sunday the 18th of December will be a Xmas afternoon for grandchildren. Father Christmas, rides etc. More information soon. As a special treat there will be a choir singing Christmas carols on the day.

Friday Evenings To members who are not attending Friday night music, food and socializing and other functions you are really missing out. Come along and support your club you will find it most rewarding.

– Greg Day

Farewell from Bryan and Rita Townsend

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would like to take this opportunity to thank the Sorrento Bowling Club and its members for the warm and friendly welcome my wife and I received when we returned over the years for our six month stays.

I have always enjoyed playing Pennants for the club as well as the social banter during roll-ups and it is with great regret that circumstances dictate that we should go back earlier than we would have wished.

We hope that all members and the club reach their objectives and you all enjoy long and healthy bowling. I will still take an interest in how the club is progressing via the newsletter and the internet. So this is a sad goodbye but a very big thank you – Bryan and Rita Townsend PS: After bringing 35 sets of bowls in my hand luggage – sorry no more!

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The “Divorced Pairs” 2011

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he “Divorced Pairs” got away to a bad start on the 21 September due to a forecast few showers turning into a down pour, causing the cancellation of the day at 10.20 am. The following week (28th September) saw 24 enthusiastic pairs again turn up ready for a great day of sunshine, bowling and fun.

Stan McCullagh and Coral Smith were the overall winners with Brian Saul and Sharon Eggers taking out the runner’s up overall.

The morning winners were Nelly Heard and Neville Odell and the afternoon winners were John Godfrey and Pat Frawley. John Godfrey had a great day out winning 1st prize in the raffle and afternoon winner as well. Well done to all the winners.

Glenn Boston was heard to say that he was the most consistent bowler of the day, due to, in his words “managing to avoid the jack at all costs, all day”. That takes great skill Glenn, but better luck next year.

Nelly Heard and Neville Odell were holding 8 on one end and feeling very pleased with their efforts. Roy Bracknell was not happy with their pleasure and came in with a magnificent bowl to reduce their holding to only 4. Nellie was seen jumping up and down and yelling (as only Nellie can!) and what happened next is unknown except Roy was seen after their game sporting a band aid on his head!!!!!!!!

– Helen Ironside

The Sorrento Ladies 100 up

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he Sorrento Ladies 100 up was held on the 4th and 12th October 2011. This event is always very popular, as it provides timely experience prior to the many competitions available to the ladies, during the course of the season.

After the completion of day one the competition had been narrowed down to 4 semi finalists in each of the Major and Plate competitions. Day two saw some very competitive bowling in the morning from all bowlers concerned. After lunch the finals were played between Pauline Bourne and Wendy Saul in the Major competition and Sharon Eggers and Kath Harris in the Plate.

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The Major final saw some very good draw bowling from both of the contestants with the scores being very close or even during the match. Pauline and Wendy were neck and neck until Pauline slowly drew away and won. Congratulations go to Pauline for a fine effort.

The Plate was a hard fought event with the scores being very close for most of the game. Sharon and Kath both played some excellent draw bowls. Kath finally drew away over the last few ends to win the Plate. Congratulations go to Kath.

–Helen Ironside

Men’s Triples

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n a closely contested final of the Men’s Triples championship Steve “Wrong Bias” Draper, Brian “Tiger” Hogan and Brad “Pain in the Butt” Williams beat Ron “Benzene” Kuziela, Cal “Rowdy” O’Donnell and Herbie “The Love Bug” Eisenmann. Extra supplies of benzene from the bar were ordered after Ron and his team dropped a five at a 24

critical stage but this was not enough to get them back into contention!

Steve Draper and his team did well throughout the competition beating the strong team of Tony Sabatino, Mickey Martin and Eddie Tassone as well as the highly rated team of Brian Saul, John Collishaw and Bruce Eagles In the Plate final Peter Robson, Wayne Olive and Tony Pilgrim were too strong for Ian Marshall, Graeme Heard and John Godfrey (substituting for Barry Stewart).

Thanks to the Match Committee for organising another great competition.

We are indeed lucky to have such an efficient Committee to organise our competitions. The only problem they had was getting Derry Ellis out of bed when he forgot he was supposed to be at the club by 9.30 am – Neville Odell

Some more winners 25

Ancestral Notes Four

by Kitty Mist Even more scandalous periphrastic adoxography.

GREG DAY. Scored 455,000,000 hits on Google. He is an artist, photographer, singer, telecommunicator, bobcat hirer, in ministries, and manager of Uttergutters – the fish wholesalers. We are amazed he finds the time to bowl. He complains he cannot handle wind on the green very well.

We suggest he tries a radical change of diet. He also claims he is no relation of Bastille Day, New Years Day, Christmas Day, Saint Pat’s Day, or Yester Day. Greg does not suffer from nyctophobia.

NIEL ADAMS Adams is the 69th most common surname in England, but the 39th most common name in America. There are three Niel Adams living in West Sussex, Hertfordshire, and Derbyshire, but Niel is unique here in Australia. But we already knew that, didn’t we. And this write-up should get him onto Google. We got Herbie Eisenmann on!

Many people believe Niel would give up anything (except Eleanor) to win the Club Singles.

NEVILLE ODELL

By Googling Neville, all you get are thousands of references to three humorous books about bowls which have been compiled and published by him for Alzheimer’s Australia Research. Bowlers can read them day after day and always find something new. While he is famous, he is a shy, retiring person, not unlike Kitty Mist. Kitty would love to crack a mention on Google, but he/she was even refused entry in Facebook. Hates people who insert an apostrophe into Odell.

Known to scratch his forehead with a dactylion when stressed.

KEVIN COFFEY Kevin collaborated with Fred to tabulate and collate the Coffey genealogy in KY, USA. But Kentucky, being one big, happy, very friendly family, has proved to be beyond the scope of spread sheets to handle. His Coat of Arms consists of fess # of ermine between three coons.* His Family Crest has a naked man astride a dolphin. His Family Motto is, ‘Non Prudentia sed victoria’.** 27

* Irish cups (That is right! IRISH CUPS!) ** No forethought, except victory # Your guess is as good as mine JIM IRONSIDE. Immortalised from 1967 to 1975 by Raymond Burr as a wheelchair bound detective who refused to take the role unless he could sit down on the job. Jim can be traced back to 802 AD, and royal Saxon blood. Edmund Ironside (990-1017) was a half brother to Edward the Confessor. There is a gap in the records until a John Ironside was born in Scotland in 1666, and again in 1669. Jim can explain this interesting gap in the records, and being born again.

GRAEME HEARD Graeme was found in Suffolk well before 1066 and all that. Family motto, ‘Rightly and Wisely’, sums him up as a bowls coach. Coat of Arms – three red hearts over a chipmunk up to its tail in deep, blue water.

Graeme is only too happy to talk about being up to his tail in deep, blue water. He was in it when he fecklessly disposed of family assets without his wife’s knowledge or permission (see previous issues under, ‘Bowls – For Sale.’)

JOHN GODFREY. Godfrey is Irish and derived from the Gaelic, MacGothraidh sects who were a branch of the Maguires of County Fermanagh. The County Tipperary sect of O’Gothraidh also anglicised their native name as Godfrey, as well as Gohry, and Geoghery, just to be sure to be sure.

Just where do you come from, John?

His Coat of Arms consists of three stylized red lions surrounding a very scared black dragon, all animals facing left. Eddie is his second cousin.

Editor’s Note: Bibelot – a rare and beautiful object Sempiternal – everlasting Sigillography – art of engraving on signet rings

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Addendum from Hoops Mist

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itty’s brother, Hooper (“Hoops”) Mist has written a couple of profiles for those who are crotchety cockatrice and like to coquettishly conquer croquet.

KEN KIDD In 1839 the good ship “Delhi” of Delly Belly fame arrived in Adelaide with Thomas Kidd on board.. Thomas, a professional con artist was the first settler of a long line of Kidd’s to arrive in South Australia. The Scottish name Kidd has also been spelled Kydd, Kyd, and Kid and comes from the early saying in Dundee taverns “You must be kidding”. Billy the Kidd a most famous gun fighter from the American West, escaped by killing his jail guard, shooting the sheriffs’ deputy and managed to stowaway on the ship “Happy Families” arriving in Adelaide in 1850.

Three years later “The Cisco Kidd” arrived in Australia and immediately set up a croquet mallet manufacturing business which was most popular with local farmers who now had an implement to knock their fence posts into the ground. The Kidd family today have invaded most of Mullaloo; breeding profusely they have a brilliant black-market scheme in operation selling artificial grass to golf clubs for their fairways! Ken’s main aim in life is to Kidd as many people as possible to obtain free drinks at the bar!

TONY FOWK .The name Fowke arrived in England after the Norman Conquest of 1066. Recorded in a number of spellings including Faulks, Faulkes, Fawkes, Fawks, Fawlks, Fawlkes, Fowkes, and many others including Fake! The Fowke coat of arms carries the motto “Qui sera sera” which means “Whatever will be” and this is quite evident in Tonys approach to croquet as he despatches his opponents ball to the far boundaries of the court. Tony’s great, great grandfather, an army man became a Brigadier-General in 1745 and fought in the “Battle of the Bedpans” where he covered himself in smelly stuff as well as glory and in 1748 was promoted to the rank of General Janitor which saw him in charge of the latrines in the “Battle of the Khyber Passing Wind” in Afghanistan. Another member of the Fowke family was Guy Fowkes who in 1605 decided that he would blow up the British Houses of Parliament Tony, known as “The Falcon” carries this explosive gene within his body, and has made many attempts to destroy the croquet shed but still cannot understand the words ‘match’ and ‘fuse’.

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Championship Mixed Fours

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n the one semi-final of the major the Heards and the Dunns were unlucky to drop a seven on the 12th end which left them with insufficient ends to catch up with Fran’s team. Graeme Heard was heard to say “It was all that bloody Herbie’s fault – he was on the jack all day!!”

In the other semi-final the Kuzielas, Judy Campbell and Wayne Olive were too strong for Trevor Peters, the Ironsides and Jane Watson. Ron and his team went onto beat Fran, Vonnie, Herbie and Roy in the final. Well done!! Ron Kuziela was heard, at a critical stage of the game, instructing Helen “to sit on Herbie”.

In the first semi-final of the Plate the Lilleys, Myrtle Raven and Glenn Boston beat Kevin Coffey, Sharon Eggers and Coral and John Smith. In the other semi-final the Hills, supported by Barry Stewart and Eileen McCrae were too good for Martie Angelo, the Hyde sisters and Neville Cleary.

In the final of the Plate Roland and his team beat Frank and his team in a closely contested game

The Winners – above and below

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The Losers – above and below

Melbourne Cup Loud Shirt and Mad Hat Day Tuesday 1st November 2011

The “winners” and the “losers”

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Mixed Pairs

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hirty five couples entered a closely contested Mixed Pairs competition.

Bruce Eagles and Beth McCormack were overall winners beating Jim and Helen Ironside in a closely contested final.

In the Plate event Neville and Denise Odell managed to beat Kevin Coffey and Sharon Eggers.

Special thanks to Richard Fermoyle for Beth McCormack and Bruce organising this event. A good time was had Eagles winners of the Mixed Pairs by all the competitors.

Jim and Helen Ironside – Runnersup in the Mixed Pairs

Winners of the Plate Event: Denise and Neville Odell

Midnight Lecture

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n elderly man was stopped by the police at 2 am and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

The man replied, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”

The officer then asked, “Really? Who’s giving that lecture at this time of night?”

The man replied, “That would be my wife.”

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Dorothy Dix answers your questions

Write to Dorothy if you have any problems

Dear Dorothy I was so looking forward to playing in the Womens’ championship pairs 2011 with the mecurial Marie Smart. We joined the SBC the same day in 2000 and after “lessons” we played together in a few championships together but drifted apart over the years, so this year was going to be very special. On the Thursday prior to the competition I received a phone call from Marie who was upset and full of apologies as she had volunteered to help out at CHOGM and was in the final six persons chosen for special duties, so therefore could not play bowls with yours truly.– Reason THE QUEEN needed her services! What does one think of a mate like that?

Personally I was extremely happy on behalf of her achievement , yet another milestone in her colourful life - WELL DONE MARIE! – Annie Taylor Dear Aniie Taylor I wasn’t aware THE QUEEN PLAYED BOWLS!!!!

Dorothy Dix

The Christmas Tree Fairy

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very Xmas tree has a silver fairy sitting on top of it. Do you know how it got there? Santa was having a really bad Christmas. His elves were on strike and the toy production line was at a standstill. His wife had been giving him the cold shoulder for the past month, half his reindeer were receiving treatment for bowel disorders, and Rudolph’s nose was refusing to turn red. He was way behind schedule and he was working flat chat!

Just then he heard a knock on the door, and a beautiful little fairy came into his workshop. The fairy said, “I have got this lovely Christmas Tree for you Santa. Where would you like me to put it!”

– Jem Shorland

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Brian & Pip Lucas – Married 6 November 2011

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amily and friends gathered at the Marmion Angling and Aquatic Club to witness the marriage of Brian Francis Lucas and Phillipa Shirley McLennan Prior to Pip arriving, Brian was rather nervous, unable to remember his jokes. We had none of this ‘Did you hear about the fella getting married’.

But his nerves did ease somewhat when Pip arrived and entered the room on the arm of her brother in-law, Jon Myer and her 84 year old Mum. Pip looked absolutely stunning and Brian couldn’t take his eyes off her.

After exchanging vows and the giving of rings, the Celebrant announced them as husband and wife, Mr. & Mrs. Lucas. This was followed by a loud cheer and applause from all. The Master of Ceremonies was David, who is Brian’s friend of 57 years.

Another notable attendee was Brian’s 94 year old Mother in-Law from his previous marriage.

Pip’s sister, Mary, gave an emotional speech, mentioning Pip’s life before she met Brian, her medical problems, and the breakdown of her marriage, during which Pip told her family that she would never ever be involved with another man again.

This was until friends from both sides arranged a blind date and from that first meeting they were attracted to each other. After approximately four months of courting, Brian asked Pip to accompany him to Pinnaroo Cemetery to visit the gravesite of his late wife. From there the relationship blossomed falling deeply in love with each other.

Brian’s daughter in-Law Lynne, gave a lovely warm speech, welcoming Pip into the family and she is now known as ‘Nanna Pip’.

A “strange” guest All in attendance had a wonderful time dancing the night was photographed at away, celebrating with the new Mr. & Mrs. Lucas.

the wedding. Do you recognise him/her? On behalf of the Sorrento Bowling Club, we all wish Answer page 43 Brian and Pip Love, Health and Happiness for their future together.

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– John Godfrey

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Ladies Selection Report

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lthough the season to date has had its up’s and down’s and changes to teams have caused some concerns, we are in the main on target to achieve one objective viz. Improving Sorrento’s standing overall.

As it stands after 4 rounds. Division 1 –team 1 are 3rd, team 2 are 6th. In Division 3 we are 3rd. In 4th Division we are 4th. In Division 5 we are 2nd but down only by percentage. Division 2 which is in 9th position is receiving strong attention which we believe can move them upwards.

Some wise words from Graeme Whitehorn are worth re-emphasising Quote “A team is a set of people working together “i.e. you=Your Team= Your Side.

Teamwork is a combined effort with organised Co-operation.

Have a merry Christmas with plenty of good cheer, Keep Safe

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– Jan Cook

Ladies Match Committee Report

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hat a wonderful start we have had to the season. Despite some inclement weather we have been able to complete the 100 Up competition and also make a start on the Ladies Pairs. Thank you to all who have participated and congratulations to our winners, runners-up and plate winners.

The Novice Championship will be held on the 23rd November. So to our new bowlers we wish you well and hope you enjoy this event. The Ladies Triples will be the last event for this year and it will start on Wednesday, 30th November so good luck to all who are participating. The Ladies Championship Fours will commence on Wednesday, 11th January and the second round will be on Wednesday, 18th January.

However, this year for the first time the Semi-Finals and the Grand-Finals will be on Sunday, 29th January, when the Men’s Championship Fours Finals will also be held.

On behalf of the Ladies Match Committee, I would like to take this opportunity to wish all the ladies a Merry Xmas and a happy, safe and prosperous New Year.

– Coral Smith

Conversation over a wine for lunch

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achel, Clare and Samantha haven’t seen each other since School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Rachel arrives first, wearing an Alannah Hill outfit. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio. Clare arrives shortly afterward, in Sass & Bide. After the required ritualized kisses she joins Rachel in a glass of wine. Then Samantha walks in, wearing a faded old T-shirt, jeans and boots. She, too, shares the wine.

Rachel explains that after leaving Lauriston and graduating from Melbourne Uni Arts, she met and married Timothy, with whom she has two beautiful daughters.

Timothy is a partner at Mallesons. They live in a large house in Toorak, where Charlotte and Emma, their daughters also have their tennis lessons. They have a holiday house in Portsea and regularly ski in Canada ..

Clare relates that she graduated from Monash Medicine and became an orthopaedic surgeon. Her husband, Edward, is a high profile Macquarie investment banker.

They live in a Brighton beachfront mansion and have a holiday flat in Little Cove, Noosa.

Samantha explains she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Ben. They run a tropical bird park in the Byron Bay hinterland and grow their own vegetables.

Ben can stand five parrots, side by side, on his d- -k.

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Half way down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Rachel blurts out her husband is actually a bank teller at Commonwealth Bank. They live in a small house in Mitcham and have a caravan for their holidays at Tootgarook.

Clare, chastened and encouraged by her old friend’s honesty, explains that she and Edward are both nurses’ aides in a retirement home. They live in Rosanna and take holiday camping trips to Torquay.

Samantha admits that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.

Some Thank You’s

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e tend to take the work done by our volunteers for granted and often forget to say a simple thank-you. Your editor has collected a few “thank-you’s”.

If we have missed some people please let us know and we will acknowledge these members in our next edition: • Russell Lockwood for fixing the ditch rubbers around the greens • Ron Taylor for taking on the position of Secretary following Dick’s resignation • Barry Stewart and Warren Elliott for vertimowing the greens • Glenn Boston for taking over the Bar Manager’s duties once again • Ray Dunn for on-going painting jobs • George Sjepcevich for all his help around the Club • Cal O’Donnell and Glenn Boston for helping with rolling of greens • John Sturk for helping with maintenance • All the ladies who have given up their time to make sandwiches for Men’s Pennants

Maybe a Tad Simplistic but –– • U.S. Tax revenue: $2,170,000,000,000 • Federal budget: $3,820,000,000,000 • New debt:

$1,650,000,000,000 • National debt: $14,271,000,000,000 • Recent budget cut: $38,500,000,000 Let’s remove 8 zeros and pretend it’s a household budget: • Annual family income: $21,700 • Money the family spent: $38,200 • New debt on the family credit card: $16,500 • Outstanding balance on the family credit card: $142,710 • Total family budget cuts: $385 Would you give this family an AAA credit rating?

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If you need security doors or screens, speak to club member Barry Bradshaw or call Safeway Security Screens on 9314 1774

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More and more bowlers prefer On-line shopping

Answers to Quiz and Guess Who? Quiz: Put the 1st letter at the end of each word and it is the same backwards Guess Who?: Murray Newman

Annie Taylor doing the Highland fling al la Broome

Show your Sorrento Bowling Club membership card at Brumby’s Bakery in Darch and receive a 25% discount on in- house baked items 43

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