Sorrento Bowling Club Magazine Issue 46 April 2012

Number 46 April 2012

Sorrento Club Newsletter (including bowls, croquet and darts)

Winners of the Men’s and Women’s Fours Championships Men: Brian Collins, Rick Hutchinson, Peter Crow and Brian Lucas Ladies: Lee Leach, Anne Lilley, Emily Dunn and Val Thornett

Newsletter Objectives

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t is important to not to lose sight of why we publish a club newsletter. In summary our newsletter is designed to:

• provide our President with an opportunity to set out our vision and strategy • allow our Executive Committee to communicate to members about both past and future activities • encourage members to participate in future activities by featuring photographs of members enjoying past events • provide an opportunity to advertise the services provided by our sponsors so that members will support them whenever possible thereby retaining their financial support.

Our newsletter must also be entertaining so that members look forward to the next edition and enjoy reading it from cover to cover. If you have any suggestions please discuss these with the Editor – Neville Odell 9309 3108 or nevodell@bigpond.net.au

Contents Newsletter Objectives Our President’s Report Men’s Captains Report Lady Captains Report Men’s Fours Club Championships 2011/12 Ladies Fours Club Championships 2011/12 Greens and Grounds Report Mother And Daughter Afternoon Croquet Report Umpire’s Corner Invitation Day Men’s Selection Review Some Notes from your Editor Winner of our “Guess Who” Competition?

The Perks of Heading Towards 70!

Some Dates for Your Diaries Do Bowlers Get Exercise?

“The Trevor Orton” Twilight Pairs Darts Report A Gripe About Team Managers Some Thank You’s Am I Becoming a Grumpy Old Man/Woman?

Ladies Gala Day Ladies’ Gala Day 2012 – some photographs How to Win an 8 Badge Some photos from our “Father and Son Day” Singles Championships Mareena Purslowe and Associates Day Veteran’s Pairs Farewell from Jane Holland Some of Our Friendly Bar Staff Message from Spider Some more Guess Who’s?

Dorothy Dix, our Agony Aunt Answers to Guess Who

2 5 6 7 8 10 12 12 12 14 15 16 17 18 19 21 21 22 22 25 26 26 28 29 31 34 35 38 40 40 40 40 41 43 43

AIR CONDITIONING

Fax: (08) 9309 9933 U7/6 Buckingham Drive, Wangara WA 6065 Email: sales@theweatherwizard.com.au Web: www.theweatherwizard.com.au

Our President’s Report

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must confess to feeling quite proud about the achievements of the Club over the past nine months. It’s hard to imagine that last March we couldn’t get Bowls WA to pass enough rinks to run a men’s bowls final, one of a number that our players had worked so hard to earn the right to host. Now we arguably have among the best greens in the State. Our bowls and croquet teams are performing extremely well, with our bowls teams looking good for a number of promotions. Our finances are in much better shape than they were nine months ago and the Club seems a very happy and buoyant place to be.

Work will soon commence on erecting new shade sails along the front of the clubhouse, with the assistance of a generous $3,300 Healthy Club sponsorship, designed to promote improved health within clubs.

We have already installed a new shed near the croquet green and a larger shed, donated by the City of Joondalup, will shortly be erected near the greenkeepers shed.

Unfortunately our plans to erect outside toilets have run into muddy waters because of the necessity to connect them to deep sewerage and the $186,000 price tag that this would attract. On the positive side, the City of Joondalup will consider contributing $35,000 towards a new BBQ area as part of their 2012/13 capital works budget process.

I’m particularly proud of the work of the Executive Committee, staff and contractors and the army of volunteers who continually make an outstanding contribution to ensure that Sorrento remains a truly great Club. By way of example, we have just completed our hosting of the Country Week bowls competition with 144 country bowlers playing at the Club on the Saturday and Sunday and a lesser number on the Friday and Monday. I’m delighted to report on the enormous success of this event, with many bowlers commenting on the good greens and friendliness of our Club.

Financially the Club did very well.

Our success in hosting this event was due to the enormous number of Club volunteers who participated, ranging from the event organisers who put on a very professional and polished performance; the ladies and gentlemen who slaved in the kitchen and on the BBQ preparing and serving over 150 meals on the big days and washing up an endless number of plates; the greens staff and volunteers who prepared magnificent greens for the event; the bar staff and volunteers who not only served behind the bar and provided an outside service but also ran numerous errands to pick up supplies; our umpires and officials who kept the event running smoothly; people who ran the raffles, raising considerable funds for the Club; and the numerous other volunteers who simply helped out maintaining water containers and many other tasks.

In a similar manner, our recent hosting of the Under 18 National Squad competition,

which received wonderful praise from participants and event organisers alike, was entirely dependent on the great work and energies of our Club volunteers.

There are too many volunteers for me to name people individually but I am sure they know who they are and hopefully have received the accolades from members that they so rightly deserved. We always need more people to help out and reduce the load on our volunteers. If you would like to join our merry band of workers, contact one of your committee members to see how you can assist.

Men’s Captains Report

– Brian Lucas

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s this report goes to print it should be noted how successful the current season has been for both Thursday Pennants and Saturday Pennants. To have all but two teams in finals contention is a great achievement.

In previous reports their has been quite a few people thanked for their own achievements, the Green keepers assistants, Selectors, Match Committee etc. and rightly so, but their has been no mention or acknowledgement to the players who put in week by week to achieve this seasons results. Over 135 players have represented the club this season with distinction and I on behalf of the Men’s Bowls committee, thank you all for you commitment and club support over a very long and hot season. Well done to you all.

A reasonable show of support turned out to watch the semi final and final of both the Men’s and Women’s singles final. In the Men’s semi finals Rick Hutchinson was victorious over Tony Pilgrim and Ron Kuziela won in a very tight finish over Ian Linford. Congratulations goes to Rick Hutchinson on his victory over Ron Kuziela in the final. Rick was a worthy winner and Ron was gallant in defeat.

As mentioned in President Brian’s recent report to all members, Country week was an outstanding success. I, on behalf of the Men’s Committee, endorse President Brian’s comments and acknowledgement of all the members and friends who gave of their time to make Country Week the success it was. Volunteers are the lifeline of this club and if anyone is interested in offering their services please contact Ken Giles, Vice Captain Men’s Bowls committee. Ken maintains a Volunteers Register and I’m sure Ken will be able to find you a job, small or big.

We are approaching the end of a very successful season. The Men’s Bowls committees are looking into alternatives for running of club events. As in the past the Match committees are open for suggestions. All suggestions will be discussed.

There are a few new initiatives in the pipeline which will be discussed which we hope

may lead to more players entering into club events. More on this at a later date..

In closing and again on behalf of myself and the Men’s Bowls committee we wish all teams in the play-offs the best. It would be a major lift for the club if we could win the Grand finals. “Good Bowling brings Good Luck”

Lady Captains Report

– ABBA

The Executive has extended thanks and congratulations on the successful outcome of our Gala and Invitation Days.

Our Gala Day profit was $4087 and Invitation Day raised almost $1000. This achievement reflects the commitment and hard work of everyone involved and serves to enhance the Clubs reputation of hosting happy, popular and well organised events.

By the time this goes to print a new air conditioning unit will have been installed in the kitchen and hopefully this will make life much easier for our kitchen volunteers. Plans are also underway to erect sail shades which will encourage people to sit outside to enjoy both club and Bowls WA events.

The croquet players were delighted to have their new shed erected at the end of February. We have greatly appreciated the willing help received from Judith, Kerry and Thora as well as the donations received for our Gala Day. With a grant received from the City of Joondalup two comprehensive portable first aid kits have been purchased from St. Johns and in addition a first aid training session will be arranged. This is on hold until the Club produces a revised evacuation plan which is required by St. Johns prior to the conduct of any educational programmes.

The Finance Committee will be meeting to consider membership fees for the 2012/13 season. The Club Constitution and By-laws will also be reviewed. As yet no decision has been made regarding the introduction of a Club TAB. A small subcommittee is undertaking research into the matter and is to present a report on the findings to the Executive.

As a health and safety requirement we will be seeking information from the City of Joondalup on principles/practices of food handling.

Whilst I have formally thanked our Coaches, I would like to publicly acknowledge the time and effort put into the ladies weekly circuit training by Graeme H, Graeme W and Ray S. Your efforts to prepare us for the challenges of the pennant season were

greatly appreciated. Talking of pennants hearty congratulations to the team of Brenda Richardson, Mary Heron, Bev Carrigy and Lorna Glew on winning an 8 badge. Well done ladies.

May L will be acting Ladies Captain during my absence in April/May. Finally a big thank you to John Watson our bus driver for his safe delivery of a precious cargo to greens afar!!! Enjoy the break ladies and take good care of yourselves.

– Anne Lilley

Men’s Fours Club Championships 2011/12

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here were once again a number of very closely contested games with a number of surprises. In the first semi-final of the major Peter Crow, Brian Lucas, Rick Hutchinson and Brian Collins took on Tony Sabatino, Alan Rolls, Colin Campbell and Lindsay Baker with Peter’s team getting over the line 22/10.

In the second semi John Brown, Richard Bone, Mike Carrigy and John Abercrombie got over the line against Brian Saul, Graeme Heard, John Collishaw and Col Cramond with a 15/8 win.

In the final, with bragging rights on offer, Peter and his team got off to a great start and led by 11/0 after six ends. John and his team fought back to be only two shots down after 15 end. Peter’s team had a strong finish winning five of the last six ends to run out winners 23/13. Well done boys!

After the game Peter Crow, the Skipper of the winning team, was heard to say: “He who laughs last laughs longest!” Not sure exactly what he was on about but guess the opposition will understand the reference!

John Abercrombie was heard to express concern that once again the Sorrento Ducks had missed out having been runner’s up in three of the last four years. He was heard to mutter something about ‘Always a bridesmaid, never a bride’.

In the Men’s Plate there were also some closely contested games. In the first semifinal Peter Robson, Wayne Olive, Craig Grisbrook and Tony Pilgrim had a hard fought game against Steve Draper, Brian Self, Tiger Hogan and Brad Williams with Steve and his team getting over the line 17-14.

In the second semi Rob Tozer, Neville Cleary, Brian Staples and Greg Day took on the might of Mick Martin, Wayne Gray, Kevin Price and Ken Lang. After being down one shot to nine early in the game a player in Rob’s team was heard to say “we can’t win from here”. But luckily for Rob this team member was put in his place and

Looking worried! What shot should we play?

Judy Campbell resolving a tight measure

Beth McCormack, Eileen McCrae, Wendy Saul and Marie Smart runner’s up in the Ladies Fours Championships

Richard Bone, Mike Carrigy, John Brown and John Abercrombie – runner’s up in the Men’s Fours Championships

Tiger Hogan, Steve Draper, Brian Self and Brad Williams – runner’s up in Mens’ Plate

the team rallied getting over the line 18/11.

In the final of the plate Rob Tozer’s team faced another heavy weight team skippered by Steve Draper. After trailing early Steve fought back to be in front 12/9 after nine ends. Not to go down without a fight Rob led after 15 ends but dropped 8 shots in 3 ends to trail 20/17 after 18 ends but their never give in attitude saw them pick up 7 to 1 shots in the next 3 ends winning 24/21.

After the game “self nominated” Man of the Match, Greg Day said “When we knew we had them covered we eased off a bit. We are only 4th Division bowlers you know”. (See cover for photo of winning team).

– Wayne Olive

Ladies Fours Club Championships 2011/12

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he Ladies Fours Club Championship saw a disappointing response with only 8 teams nominating to play. The first round was played on Wednesday 11 January in the afternoon with the winners going forward to the semifinals and then the final on 29th January.

A new innovation was trialed this year with the Ladies and Men’s Championship 4’s events coordinated to have their semi finals and finals contested on the same day. This proved successful and popular both for the players and spectators.

Consideration is being given to using this format for other men’s and women’s club championship finals in the future.

The result of the Ladies semi finals saw the winning teams of Anne Lilley, Emily Dunn, Lee Leach and Valerie Thornett and Beth McCormack, Judy Campbell, Wendy Saul and Marie Smart progress through to the final. During this final, the lead changed several times with the spectators treated to some excellent bowling. The 14th end saw the scores level at 12 all, followed by 13 all on the 16th end, 15 all on the 18th end – (what a tussle), and then 16 all on the 20th end. This final was decided on the last end with Anne Lilley’s team finally winning 19 to 16 shots. What an exciting match! (See cover for photo of winning team).

Congratulations to Anne and her team for a fine effort in what could only be described as very hot and humid conditions.

– Helen Ironside 10

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Greens and Grounds Report

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he current Pennant season is all but over and looking at the position of the teams on the ladder, I would say that we have had a good season. Some of this success I feel can be put down to our very good greens that we have been playing on throughout the season. The only reason that they have been so good is the work that Richard Cox, Tony Pilgrim and Ron Kuziela have put into them over the last nine months. The many volunteers that have given their time have also contributed to this success.

Over Country Week, we had very favourable comments from the players about the quality of the greens, so the word is getting around the State that Sorrento Bowling Club is the place to come and play bowls.

The Croquet Club now has a new shed to store all their equipment and during the year we will be upgrading the main shed to make it more comfortable for the players.

Depending on the amount of funds available during the year, you will see quite a few developments around the grounds before the start of next season.

On behalf of myself and the greens’ staff, we would like to thank all the committees for their support and enthusiasm during the season and especially the Executive Committee who have contributed to the development of our green and grounds.

–Alan Rolls

Mother And Daughter Afternoon

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n Sunday April 22nd 2012 we will be holding our annual Mother and Daughter Day starting at 1.00pm. The cost will be $10.00 per player which includes a sausage sizzle after the game Get your team together now which should consist of any combination of the following: Mother, Daughter, Daughter-in-law, Granddaughter, Mother-in-law Or Grandmother (even A Great Grand-mother).

– Helen Ironside

Croquet Report

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orrento Croquet Club is being represented again this year in the currently on-going 7 week inter-club Golf Croquet Tournament, being held at Forest Park. Charley Crute, Glenda Laidler, Denise Baldock and Peter Hamilton (aka ‘A Jack & Three Jills’) are competing in the ‘C’ division whilst Trish 12

you next year Denise!).

Klemp, Paula Burnell, Liz & Alan Wood (aka ‘First to Seven.com’) have bravely tackled the open class (Paula being especially courageous as she has been playing only a few months). At this stage fortunes are mixed, although the C graders recently had a clean sweep win when Denise stepped up to the plate from her normal reserve place. (This is the same Denise who this month achieved the unheard of feat of making ten consecutive hoops during a game! Open grade for

Peter Hamilton also entered the State Open Championships at the end of February, although bravery didn’t come into it, as he didn’t realise what he was entering. Eventually the nerves gave way to anticipation (‘Oh well, what is there to lose’?) and he managed not to disgrace himself too much with scores of 7:6; 7:5; 7:4; and 7:3 and at one stage finding himself 4:1 up against the no.

1 player. Peter said that he was told that, as the highest handicapper, he wasn’t expected to win any games - so he lived up to expectations!

Judith Skeet and Kerry Bomford entered the Golf Croquet Doubles Tournament held in York on 10th and 11th March. They reached the finals for their division, but were pipped at the post by the better players Narrogin.

The adage “You are neither too young nor too old to play croquet” proved to be very true, with the overall event being won by 15 year old Nathan from York and 18 year old Noel from Moorabinda Club in Bunbury who formed a duo for the event and never lost a game over the weekend. In the evening while the adults were enjoying a wine or two after the games and were exhausted after the days events and heat, Nathan, Noel and 13 year old Samantha were practising jump shots and going through hoops from one end of the court to the other. It was easy to see why they were the overall winners.

Croquet works are ongoing with the completion of the verti-mowing of our large green (A thank you to the Grounds Committee and Green Keepers for a job well done). A new equipment shed has been erected, which will make things a lot easier for members to access our equipment.

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Tuesday Twilight Croquet has been a great success, with members wishing to continue on while the weather is still warm. Due to the success of this year’s trials we are looking at introducing another night later on in the year.

Law of the Lawn: Conduct.

• When a player is about to hit a ball do not talk, and do not move if in his/her visual field.

• You are required to play with “reasonable dispatch’. So as far as possible (without contravening the point above) be in position to play your next stroke as soon as it is your next turn. In doubles do not spend excessive time in long discussions with your partner.

– Judith Skeet

Umpire’s Corner

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he rule that covers when and which players are allowed to go up to the head during play has been raised with me by some players in recent weeks.

The Laws of the Sport of Bowls contains no specific rule restricting any player in possession of the rink (mat) from going up to the head during play. However, Appendix A4 of the Laws contains recommended rules covering this aspect which a Controlling Body of a competition (e.g. Bowls WA or individual Club match committee) can invoke if it wishes to restrict the movement of players during play.

These would need to be included in the Conditions of Play for that competition.

In summary, there is no restriction on any player in possession of the mat going up to the head during play unless such restrictions are included in the Conditions of Play for that event. It should be noted that Bowls WA Conditions of Play for their events

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and competitions (including Pennants) do not include any restrictions on players going to the head during play.

About this time each year Bowls WA conducts one of its twice-yearly training courses for new and re-accrediting umpires. A notice from Bowls WA will be on the notice board later this month giving details of tutorials and venues. All competitive bowls events require accredited umpires and I would strongly encourage any player (ladies or men) with an interest in this area to take up the challenge and become an accredited umpire.

– Jim Ironside

Invitation Day

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he Ladies from Sorrento Bowling Club held an invitation day sponsored by Ray Green from Trevor’s Carpets, on the 10/02/2012 with 30 teams attending from various clubs throughout Perth and one from Dalwallinu.

The day was very hot and some of the ladies were affected by the heat, resulting in 10 teams withdrawing at lunch time. Further consultation with all the teams revealed that 20 teams were keen to participate in the final game. So with a bit of shuffling around we were able to accommodate everybody with a third game.

The overall winners on the day were J Stein, O Linden, L Philp and W Marsh from Mundaring and the runners up were P Chalmers, R Dunn, H Stevens and J Lindsay a Composite team.

A special thank you to Ray Green for his very generous sponsorship, which also included some caps to give away as prizes. We drew lucky leads, seconds, thirds and skips for these caps, of which three went to the Dalwallinu team. Luckily for them a Merriwa lady donated her cap to them so that they had a matching set.

A great day was had by all, with many promises from attending teams that they will be back next year.

– Coral Smith 15

Men’s Selection Review

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ith only two games to play on both Pennants days we have a very positive Premiership Board with all teams performing with exceptional ability and showing that we have a very good range of quality bowlers at Sorrento Bowling Club.

We must thank the Greens Committee and Staff for supplying us with quality greens to bowl on and comments from visiting players confirm that we are very fortunate.

Good bowling for the last 2 games and we hope all goes well in the final for the teams that have qualified..

We must be very proud of our 1st Div White team who are playing in this Division for the first time and are sitting in the top four, what a great effort.

We might be embarrassed to think that we will not have enough greens to host all the finals that will be allocated to us. What a great problem.

Pot Winners Thursday 19-1-12 P Crow, W Olive, B Collins, A Partington.

2-2-12 G Ebsworth, N Cleary, J Taylor, T Bourne

A Partington, B Saul, C Cramond, G Murray 9-2-12 D Bennett, T McGrady, S McCullagh, K Hollick 16-2-12 K Cooper, A Rolls, A Taylor, B Stewart 23-2-12 P Snow, T Hogan, I Marshall, W Elliott

G Ebsworth, N Cleary, J Taylor, T Bourne.

1-3-12 T Sabatino, R Stapledon, K Giles, N Odell.

8-3-12 I Linford, J Shorland, T Hogan, W Elliott.

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41/4 25/8 25/8 32/9 33/9 28/9 33/14 38/13 35/6

Pot Winners Saturday 14-1-12 S Wright, E Tassone, T Friedlieb, P Dichiera.

21-1-12 S Wright, E Tassone, C Bangs, P Dichiera.

4-2-12

D Bennett, A Third, D Rae, D Cowell.

11-2-12 T Nasuti, S Cartwright, G Whitehorn, R Dunn.

18 -2-12 B Saul, C Cramond, J Sanders, W Elliott.

25-2-12 P Oldershaw, G Ebsworth, F Lilley, B Williams, 10-3-12 T Sabatino, T Orton, J Collishaw, L Baker.

34/13 24/11 34/6 39/8 38/10 26/8 39/12 – Des Bennett

Some Notes from your Editor

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ell done to our Match Committee who ran a very successful State Singles competition. The four semi-finalists were Steve Withers, Neville Stevens, Russell Bates and Anthony Provost. Steve beat Neville in the first semi 21/20 and Anthony beat Russell in the other semi. In a closely contested final Antony Provost was too good and won for the fourth time 25/22. Everyone was impressed with the greens, the food provided by Joan and her team and the overall arrangements.

Did you know that Stuart Wright, with two games to go has only lost one of his Pennant games?

Did you know Senior Citizens spend an average of one hour and 27 minutes each day either standing at or sitting on the toilet? You may always rely on this newsletter for useful information.

Did you know that Roland Hill used to play water polo for New South Wales and that Noel Summers has been bowling for fifty years?

Did you know that and Pippa and John Collishaw’s son, Steven, had just been appointed to a new position of WA Police Psychologist? It seems a number of our members have intelligent children.

Did you know that Margaret Watson has been very busy knitting squares and sewing them into blankets for the Born to Knit campaign run by Save the Children’s fund.

She has now sewn up over 100 blankets which will help a child stay warm and feel comfy and safe and will be distributed across India, Cambodia and Laos. What a stout effort, Margaret, we are very proud of you.

Did you know that Jem Shorland is the treasurer of the Joondalup Men’s Shed? His photo was in the Wanneroo Times recently. He is clutching three fluffy owls whilst looking intelligent. This organisation does toy making, community handyman work 17

and bicycle restoration and distributed 700 toys to refugees and trauma victims last Christmas.

Did you know that Vonnie King won the Joker’s Jackpot? Well done, Vonnie! Some members sitting close by heard her say something like “f#@&ing marvellous”.

We congratulate Steve Glasson for his inclusion in the Australia Day Honours List as a recipient of the Medal of the Order of Australia, and applaud Australian vicecaptain Karen Murphy for winning the PBA Ladies Matchplay title in England.

Did you know that each year in Australia 7.5 million tons of food, that could have been eaten, is thrown away. For the non mathematicians this is 7 500 000 tons or 7 500 000 000kg. Based on our population of 22.8 million this equates to 328kg per person per annum. What a huge waste!

Looking back in an old file I found a great summary of why our club is special. As we all tend to take things for granted I thought it would be useful to remind members about our strengths: • Our club is situated in a delightful rural setting with no road noise and plenty of parking and great bird life • We have a number of loyal and valuable members who have been in our club for many years • We have five good quality grass bowling greens two of which are floodlit.

• We are recognised as being the best club for mixed social bowls north of the

river • We field a large number of teams in the summer Pennants • We are financially viable due to the large number of dedicated volunteers

working in the club, our corporate bowls competitions and a good budgeting control system • We have active social, darts and croquet sections – Neville Odell

Winner of our “Guess Who” Competition?

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n our February 2012 newsletter you were asked to guess who was in the alongside photograph of a handsome young couple to win a bottle of wine. One member thought the man was Keith Cooper. Another thought the lady was Mary Rolls. Nola Mullumby was also mentioned as a possibility but at the end of the day there was only one winner – Nelly Heard who correctly identified the couple as Glenn and Ann Boston. Well done Nelly! You can claim your bottle of wine from Glenn.

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The Perks of Heading Towards 70!

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an Wittber thought this may be of interest for our “older” members: • Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

• In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

• No one expects you to run anywhere.

• People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”

• People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

• There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

• Things you buy now won’t wear out.

• You can eat supper at 4 PM. • You can live without sex but not your glasses.

• You get into heated arguments about pension plans..

• You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

• You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

• You sing along with elevator music.

• Your eyes won’t get much worse.

• Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

• Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

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58 Westchester Rd, Malaga Phone 9249 8039

• Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

• Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

– Ian Wittber

Some Dates for Your Diaries • Ladies Perpetual Trophy • Easter Carnival • Easter Carnival • Annual Trophy Presentation • Sorrento vs Pilbara • Ladies Friendship Day • Mother and Daughter Day • Strip Show, featuring Spider Webb and one other.

Friday Saturday Monday Saturday Sunday Wednesday Sunday Tuesday

13 April 7 April 9 April 14 April 15 April 18 April 22 April 31 April

In May there will be a meeting at our club for those interested in returning the Percy Doyle parks and play areas into a wilderness swamp so as to promote and protect the breeding grounds of the Lesser Crutched Coot. Date to be announced. Contact Jem Shorland for more details.

Do Bowlers Get Exercise?

During a recent Pennant game of 21 ends, I used the global positioning system (GPS) on my Blackberry phone to record how far I walked.

The distance recorded in this experiment was from when first I walked from the bar to “D” green to when I returned to the bar after completing the game.

So to summarise:

Amazingly, at no stage did I feel the need to return to the club rooms for a beer or a toilet break during the game! Some people have rituals, and toilet every five ends or so (you know them!).

I picked up my bowl 46 times over the course of 2 practice roll ups and 21 ends.

There were no dead ends or wrong biases.

I picked up my opponents and team-mates bowl 48 times.

I was thanked 3 or 4 times for being such a gentleman.

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I damaged my big toe kicking 98 bowls back behind the mat.

It should be noted how hard I work out on the green, unlike some.

During the game I twice walked from “D” green to “C” green to see how the boys in Division 1 White were going. It didn’t do much for either of us. At the end of the game the GPS recorded a total distance travelled of 2.98 km. A comfort break or two and a trip or two to the bar might have rounded it up to 4 or 5km. So depending on your mass (weight), and the amount of kicking, wicking and wandering, a bowler will burn between 100 and 240 calories during each hour of easy play!

Plans are afoot to attach remote GPS electrodes to the girls behind the bar next Friday to check their movements, and to check if Wayne Gray or Brian Collins ever move at all from bay 13.

We also plan to attach multiple GPS recorders to Brian Saul to establish whether there is ever a moment when he is not wandering either up or down the green during a game of pennant. So how do you rate? Are you exercising enough?

– John Godfrey and Kitty Mist collaborating.

“The Trevor Orton” Twilight Pairs

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earing the end of the twilight bowls season, and a steady 44-52 bowlers still turning up each week. 104 different bowlers have taken part, and 36 of them have played in 10 or more games.

Our new system for awarding season prizes is working well (apart from misplacing one week’s score cards). A player’s ten highest scoring cards are added to decide the overall season winner.

Mike Hodge, Euie Tennant, Neville Odell, Colin Campbell, Rob Tozer, Barry Stewart and Trevor Orton are among the leaders with 3 weeks to go. The final games will be played on Tuesday 3rd April. Love to see you there next year. We resume on November 6th, so mark that one in your diary.

Note from your Editor: It has been agreed that as Trevor has done so much for the twilight bowlers over the years that this event will now be known as the “The Trevor Orton Twilight Pairs”

Darts Report

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new year of darts is underway and we look forward to another successful year Our 2010/2011 annual darts wind-up was held on Sunday 29th of January, 22

capping off a very successful year with 5 teams entered four of which made the finals with 2 winning their grand finals.

The grand finals winners were: Premier Division: Tony David, Ian Stevenson, Derek Gleeson, Wayne Clegg and David Methven Division 4:Bruce Cross, Ian Marshall, Eddie Tassone, Sam Tassone, Des Bennett , Kevin Cook and Tony Jones Our Darts vs. Bowls event was held on Sunday 13th and I would like to thank all of those who attended. The day was a great success with the bowlers narrowly winning the day (on every rink) the dart players were doing well until drinks where called.

This distraction proved to be their downfall.

The club AGM was held on Thursday 16th Feb. and the elected committee members are: President – Wayne Gray, Secretary – Tony Jones, Treasurer – Des Bennett, Delegates –Kevin Cook and Phil Webb and Recorder – Kevin Cook As for previous years it was accepted at the AGM that the Darts Club would donate excess funds raised during the year to the Bowling Club in the form of equipment or improvements to the club building.

The new Darts Committee to decide how these funds will be expended. Some of the donations by the Darts Club over previous years included Bowlers Honour Board, Bowlers pennant boards, kitchen crockery, kitchen pots and pans, televisions and bowls mats.

Keith and Margaret Cooper have again taken on the task of running the Friday night raffle which provides a large proportion of the funds required to run the darts club.

Glen Boston has taken on the task of arranging for this year’s darts trip.

Unfortunately this year we have lost our 2 premier division sides due to a new competition which they are playing in .

This year we have 3 teams entered – two in the Bowling Club competition played on Thursday night and one in the Blue Water played on Tuesday night The Sorrento Darts Association held the annual dinner and trophy presentations function in February and a good time was had by all. Our sincere thanks go to Joan Whitham and her band of willing helpers for the wonderful spreads they always provide for the Darts functions. Every year the food is extremely nice and the quantity is such that the social bowlers were able to test some of the wares.

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Besides 180 badges to Aub Jones, Sam Tassone and Bob Mulroy there were a number of individual awards for highest average and highest peg, but the highlight was the Premiership medals and plaque for the fourth division team. The reason it was the highlight was the way in which it was won. From third place we were able to lift our individual performances to win the elimination finals and then the highlight was the grand final.

It was a little like the story of the old man and the sea for determination when we sent Eddie Tassone in to play against SAA’S top gun, prior to starting this game Eddie held an annual average of 36.75, after the opposition started with 125 Eddie responded with 58, 94,58,58,81,100 and pegged on 52 i.e. six shots for an average of 83.5. Eddie being the shy type has not mentioned his performance but did ask for a copy of the sheet so he could take a photo and mount it on the wall in his bedroom.

Many hands make light work. As Westcoast no longer plays from Sorrento we need workers to help make the Sports and Bowling teams successful, please assist by attending this meeting.

– Wayne Gray and Kevin Cook

A Gripe About Team Managers

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hose who play Pennants will be familiar with some of the Team Managers duties, well they know he meets with the opposing Team Manager of the day and organises the rink structure for the day’s play, you know, “why have we got the ditch rink?”

However, players also know that the Team Manager maintains a roll call to ensure all players are present for the days match. Along with the roll call for home games is the payment procedure and this is where the Team Manager’s role becomes more of a chore than it should. This is because a few players do everything but pay their money on arrival, many buy a raffle ticket, roll up, buy a drink or just chat with their mates.

There are also one or two who always leave it to the last minute to arrive!

The annoying part is that because we have a responsibility for the money, we cannot just up and do anything until it is all collected and submitted to the club. So I think as well as being a good bowler, we could be better club men by making things easier for Team Managers. I will not be a Team Manager next year, but I know those who are will appreciate you making the prompt payment of money a priority.

PS. Perhaps those who are consistently arriving at the last minute should have a couple of weeks as Team Manager!

– Warren Elliott 25

Some Thank You’s

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ur BBQs have proved a challenge over recent times, with generous members coming to the fore. Our plans are to replace the existing BBQ area with a new extended roof, new pavers, lighting and a new BBQ. The cost of this will be in the order of $40,000 and we are seeking assistance from the City of Joondalup with some of the funding.

Surprisingly a new state-of-the-art BBQ, similar to those you see in parks, is around $8,000. So when our old BBQs started playing up it was not considered practicable to spend so much money on a new BBQ before a decision is made on the overall restoration of the BBQ area.

To the rescue came Brian Self who arranged to procure and donated two new 10mm BBQ plates, valued at $330. Then Brian Collins donated his time, energy and materials to weld new surrounds around the plates to prevent fat from running onto the BBQ burners. Hopefully, our BBQ problems are resolved until a new facility can be arranged. Our appreciation to the Brians for their commitment and generosity.

Am I Becoming a Grumpy Old Man/Woman?

Keep score. Do not cheat! This quiz applies to bowlers as well as croquet and darts players.

• Do you complain about members of your team? (Yes or No) • Do you complain about the Selectors? (Yes or No) • Do you complain about your team to the Selectors? (Yes or No) • Are you rude to salesmen who call you from call centres in Bombay as you are about to commence your evening meal? (Yes or No) • When the grand children visit are you more concerned about your clean carpets than how big they’ve grown? (Yes or No) • Do you go for weeks without smiling or laughing? (Yes or No) • Do you get upset with people who squeeze the toothpaste from the top of the tube?

(Yes or No) • Do you complain about supermarket trolleys that have a mind of their own and wobbly wheels? (Yes or No) • Do you complain when your opponent gets lucky during the game? (Yes or No) • Do you get grumpy when people talk loudly on their mobiles on the green, bus or train? (Yes or No) • Do you get upset with your bank, computer, toaster, neighbour’s dog or wife/ husband/partner? (All or one?) (Yes or No) • Do you feel like everybody was put on this planet to irritate you? (Yes or No) 26

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Score YES results (0 to 12) : 0 You are either dead, or should be declared Australia’s second Saint.

1-3 You qualify to be Pope, to be a second, or to be Ian Wittber, or all three.

4 You qualify to be a bad Pope, or Brian Saul.

5-6 You are nearly normal and may be a Cardinal, a lead, an umpire, or Tiger Hogan.

7-8 You are intelligent, above normal, and may be a Bishop, Club President, or Charlie Beggs.

9 You need psychiatric help, may be a Monsignor, Club Secretary, or Tony Pilgrim.

10 You are sub-normal, should skip, probably studied for the priesthood, could be Club Treasurer, or Ron Kuziela.

11 You are very sub-normal, should be a third, could be a Deacon, a Committee member or Peter Snow.

12 You are uncontrollable, unacceptable, drink too much, stay out too late, beat your wife, are a poor bowls umpire, and like Glenn Boston you are a typical member of our great Club.

If you only scored “NO” results, you support the Greens, and should confine yourself to your unit watching commercial television.

Ladies Gala Day

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he Ladies of the Sorrento Bowling Club played host to 34 teams from Beaumaris, Cambridge, Merriwa, Mosman Park, North Beach, Osborne Park, Quinns Rocks, Scarborough, Wanneroo and Warwick at our recent Gala Day sponsored by the Police and Nurses Credit Society.

The format for the day was for two games of 15 ends, one game in the morning followed by lunch, and the other

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Lesley Appleton and Donna Webb from Police and Nurses Credit Society with Anne Lilley our Ladies Captain

Ladies’ Gala Day 2012 – some photographs

Sonia and Betty

Jenny with the cuddly toy raffle

Jean, Jane and Eileen on the garden stall 29

Lee and Beryl selling “Money Tree” raffle tickets

Wendy, Emily and Denise on the Craft stall

May offering the magic brew to all

Clair and Val selling wine raffle tickets

Sylvia entertaining us on the piano

Fran, Wendy and Merrilee with their raffle 30

Pauline and Val selling their trinkets

Patty, June and Moira selling all the lovely goodies on the cake stall

Moira with the lovely table decorations she made

game to be played in the afternoon.

The day started out quite well until the temperature and the humidity decided to make conditions a little uncomfortable. One of the ladies from Beaumaris had to pull out because of the heat. Sonia McGrady stepped in to fill the gap in that team as did Pat Duffy, Monique Kopec and Wendy Saul for other teams that were a player short. Thank you ladies!

Joan once again did us proud with her scrumptious lunch and the (wine) trifles for desert were a huge success. Thank you to all the ladies for making and donating the delicious trifles. To Joan and all her tireless helpers thank you.

The second game became a slog after lunch. I think most of the ladies would have preferred to have had a nana nap instead of playing bowls. The conditions weren’t great and the humidity was unbearable so we decided to finish the game after 13 ends.

Lesley Appleton and Donna Webb from Police and Nurses were there to present the overall winners V Cox, L Colmer, P Kendrew and R Young from North Beach and the Runners up G Susac, V Thorpe, A Hibbert and A Ingram from Wanneroo with their prize money.

It was a wonderful day full of friendship and laughter and I think that was due to the huge effort that all the ladies put in to the day, whether it be helping out behind the stalls or selling raffle tickets, you all contributed to make it the special day that it was.

To everybody who was able to help out on the day thank you and a big thank you to my Match Committee members for all their support and help on such a memorable day. – Coral Smith

How to Win an 8 Badge

(Thursday 8th March at home against Cambridge).

1. Russell Lockwood (our Lead) rolls the Jack to the 2m line and places his bowl along side. Opponent rolls into ditch. Russell 2nd bowl 2m short. Opponent trails 20cm resting toucher.

2. Lindsay Baker (our Second) puts toucher in ditch 1.8m from Jack and stays for shot. Opponent short.

3 4 & 5. Lindsay and Ian Marshall (our Third) add to the head. Now 5 shots up.

6. Skip bowl added. Opposing Skip rolls his bowl into ditch.

7. Skip bowl added.

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Brett Campbell, Judy’s son is the sponsor of the Ladies Pots. Please contact him if you need lawnmowing, brush cutting, sweep ups or edging

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Samantha Chan and Ann Crosby at our club giving information about BUPA to members 33

Some photos from our “Father and Son Day”

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8 Opposing Skip knocks Russell short bowl into the count.

Skip amazed when head declared. Never been near anywhere near an 8 previously.

– Philip Oldershaw

Singles Championships

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ednesday 8th February saw the commencement of the Ladies Championship Singles. The small number of entrants was disappointing and some discussion will take place in the near future to hopefully consider options to encourage more participants for the 2012/2013 year.

The first and second rounds saw many very close games and some upsets in the results were forthcoming. Several games were won or lost on the last end.

The finals saw Pauline Bourne and Lee Leach play off in the Major event and Sharon Eggers and Beth McCormack in the Plate. The windy conditions and fast greens made bowling difficult for all players but this did not stop some great bowling.

Pauline Bourne won the Major and Sharon Eggers won the Plate. Congratulations to both players for their outstanding achievements. To Lee and Beth, well done to you both for being the runners-up in this prestigious event.

Sixty men entered the Men’s Singles this year. After some surprises, some shocks, an alignment round and some lucky wicks the last 16 emerged from the sectional play woodwork. Trevor’s lottery to predict the winner’s of the twenty sections saw Tiger and Snowy each get 15 correct forecasts and share $68.

After some very closely contested games the last four were Rick Hutchinson. Tony Pilgrim, Ron Kuziela and Ian “ Foxie” Linford. In the first semi-final Rick beat Tony

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Rick Hutchinson winner of the Men’s Singles and Ron Kuziela the Runner Up

On the right Sharon Eggers winner of the Womens Plate and Beth McCormack Runner Up

Our club Singles Champions in action.

Well done Rick and Pauline

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On the right Pauline Bourne winner of the Womens Singles and Lee Leach the Runner Up

Part of the large crowd that came to watch the combined Singles Final Day

Foxie in action in semi-finals

Sonia keeping low and steady

Tony shows us the perfect draw

Lorraine watching her bowl right to the end

A tricky measure for the umpire – Jim Ironside 37

Good to see Monique in the semi finals

Liz against Lee in the semi finals

Our hot shot markers – Coral and Bruce

25-17 and Ron beat Foxie 25-23. In the final Rick bowled brilliantly to beat Ron by 25-14. After leading 23-7 Rick lost a few ends and it looked as though Ron was making a come back but Rick managed to clinch it. Well done! We wish Rick “good bowling” in the Champion of Champions competition This year saw the combination of both the Ladies and Men’s semi finals and finals being played on Sunday 26th February.

The number of spectators that were present for both the morning and afternoon games was very encouraging for the trialing of this new innovation.

Time will tell if we have this same format for the finals in the future.

– Helen Ironside and Neville Odell

Mareena Purslowe and Associates Day

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n Friday 3rd February we were fortunate to have Mareena Purslowe and Associates sponsor our Friday afternoon social bowls. This was the fourth year they have stepped up and provided cash prizes for the day.

Although it was quite warm it never reached the extremes of the previous weeks 42 degrees and, believe it or not, 42 players took part. Some close scores resulted and some not so close but all who played said they enjoyed themselves and it beat doing housework or gardening.

Winners on the day were Trish Smith, Allison Waldock and Ken Parker, whilst the runners up were June Gregory, Bob Horgan and Judy Farrell. Well done to all bowlers and a big thank you to our sponsors on the day, – Chris Tibbits 38

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Veteran’s Pairs

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ell done to Fran Bracknell and Graeme Whitehorn on winning the Veteran’s Pairs. Neville and Denise Odell were the runners-up. It was a very enjoyable day and there were some very closely contested matches.

Farewell from Jane Holland

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would like to say goodbye to friends and fellow bowlers at SBC. I have been a member for 9 years and I have enjoyed the friendship and opportunity to play bowls, especially pennants, and also participating in the many social events over the years.

Martin and I have sold our house in Duncraig after being there for 31 years. We have bought a block in Denmark on the south coast and have just begun to build a house.

We will be staying with our daughter or travelling around in our caravan for the next six months. I will miss you all but look forward to joining the Denmark bowling club and maybe catching up in the future, Regards, Jane Holland

Some of Our Friendly Bar Staff

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e are very lucky to have such lovely bar staff, and we are not referring to Glen!!!

Pictured alongside are Leah Rogers (daughter of Ron Rogers), Kelly Bradshaw (grand daughter of Barry Bradshaw) and Tiare Blampy

Message from Spider

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would like to thank you for your concern about my health when I became ill recently. I appreciated the visits in hospital and the telephone calls and was even given a lovely bunch of flowers (thanks Shelly). Some members were concerned about future supplies of jerky but its alright – I’m nearly back to normal???

Thanks to all – Spider Webb 40

Some more Guess Who’s?

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2

4

5

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6

8 Answers on page 43

Show your Sorrento Bowling Club membership card at Brumby’s Bakery in Darch and receive a 25% discount on in- house baked items 42

Dorothy Dix, our Agony Aunt

Write to Dorothy Dix if you have any problems

Dear Dorothy We were at a critical stage of a game when our Third put down a wrong bias. As the bowl was about to disappear into the adjoining rink 6 it collided with a bowl coming from the opposite direction from rink 6. Should our Third have been allowed to replay his bowl?

The wind was so strong the windsock looked like a honeymooner’s worst nightmare. The strong wind may have pushed his bowl back into our rink if it had not collided with the other bowl – A Biased Bowler Dear Biased Bowler, There are too many variables and suppositions applied to easily resolve this matter, but we should perhaps refer to the Rules of Bowels (sic), from the copy in use at time the SBC was established, under Sec C.1.b.ii, covers “Deaths on the Green”, because such an event could occur post the circumstances under discussion.

The best thing to do, however, would be to obtain a ruling from ex-member Derry Barber. He can refer to rule books, on every subject known to man, carried in special pockets built into his bowls pants. He would know what rule to apply, and where, under every conceivable circumstance.

You may need to approach John Godfrey and use his GPS in order to locate Derry.

– Dorothy Dix

Answers to Guess Who 1. Lee Leach 2. Ron Taylor 3. Stan McCullagh 4. Kevin Price 5. Betty Sterne 6. Judy Campbell 7. Neville Cleary 8. Emily and Ray Dunn

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