Idaho Family 11 2018

FREE

November 2018

IMAGINARY CUPS

Fill them with goodness

BLENDED FAMILIES A holiday mix

PUMPKINS AND LEAVES

QUICK CLEANING

Be company-ready

DIY Thanksgiving décor Fall and football are a perfect match

Contents Features

Volume 6, Number 11 Publisher J.J. Plew Cover Photo Creative Outlet

November 2018

Blended families A holiday mix

Columns

5 14 The Horney Village

‘Put It On Paper’

Editor Gaye Bunderson editorgaye@gmail.com Sales & Marketing J.J. Plew jjplew82@gmail.com 208-697-2043 Contributors Daniel Bobinski, Tiffany Guerzon, Jessie Horney, Macaile Hutt, Mary Ann Wilcox Graphic Design Carol Smiley csmileydesign@gmail.com

A cup of imagination

6

In Each Edition

Fill yours

4 Editor’s Intro

Distribution Shauna Howard, Doris Evans

Idaho Family Magazine, published monthly

by Gem Production Co., LLC, is committed to providing readers with informative and entertaining information to help them in maintaining healthy families and positive lifestyles. It is distributed throughout the valley as a free publication. Idaho Family Magazine does not assume responsibility for statements or opinions expressed by editorial contributors or advertisers. The acceptance of advertising does not constitute an endorsement of the products, services or information. Idaho Family Magazine does not knowingly present any product or service which is fraudulent or misleading in nature. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced without express written consent of the publisher. Reader correspondence and editorial submissions are welcome. Idaho Family Magazine reserves the right to edit or reject all materials submitted.

All rights reserved. Copyright 2018 by Gem Production Co., LLC.

Apologizing to kids

8

Fall crafts

Pumpkins & leaves

10 Family Events Calendar

Quick clean

A holiday-ready home

9

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Idaho Family Magazine | NOVEMBER 2018 3

EDITOR’S Intro

Thoughts on apologizing to kids

I

so enjoyed sharing tweets with you last month that I thought I’d do it again — just one more time, I promise.

It’s a little different this month. I happened to chance upon a Twitter thread on parents’ thoughts about apologizing to their children. I found the tweets insightful and wanted to share them. It isn’t a topic I personally thought much about before, but parents’ views here indicate that apologizing to your children sometimes is necessary and healthy.

The thread started with a woman I don’t even know named Mandy Nicole, who posted a brief tweet on September 1 at the exceptionally early hour of 12:23 a.m. It got lots of traction throughout the coming day, and I’ve picked out some highlights of the conversation. (Tweets are unedited.)

Mandy Nicole, (@ThatMandyNicole) Normalize apologizing to children. megaforte84 (@megaforte84) Normalize letting children decide an apology isn’t enough or that they aren’t ready to accept one yet, too.

Kate Tapley (@tapley_kate) We told our kids to say “I understand. I need time.” when hearing an apology that they aren’t ready to accept.

Kim Phillips (@kim_phillipsk) When kids hear an apology, I tell them they can say “thank you” “I accept your apology” or “I don’t accept your apology right now, I’m still hurt (or still angry) (or need some time)”.

Not just important for receiver but equally important for giver to understand. megaforte84 (@megaforte84) Also important to have ‘I don’t accept this as genuine’ in the list. I’ve been familially forced to accept an apology, then told I couldn’t complain anymore because I accepted the apology when the offense was repeated less than five minutes later.

Kate Tapley (@tapley_kate) Absolutely! Right now we’re focusing on teaching our kids

the difference between a genuine apology and a false one, and how important it is to, if one is truly sorry, correct the behavior.

Kim Phillips (@kim_phillipsk) And yes, if the behaviour continues, then it’s a whole different conversation including “you can understand why they don’t trust your apology so what actions are you going to take to prove it is genuine”.

Sunny J. Writer (@SunnyJWriter) Omg yes. My parents never apologized for anything or admitted wrongdoing. It shows children that adults can get away w/bad behavior and worse, the kids deserve it. Nope.

Not true. Parents are godlike and while they deserve respect, they should show children humility.

Ann Murtagh (@aine_treasa) I couldn’t agree with you more about the harm ‘never being wrong’ causes. I feel very strongly about the importance of modeling admitting being wrong to children.

Perfect Number (@pnumber628) Yessss when I was a little kid my mom would sometimes apologize & I now think that’s super important.

Kate Tapley (@tapley_kate) Yes! And it teaches such important things! They already understand that adults who love you can make mistakes, they’re learning that their anger is valid, and healthy ways to deal with it. And it teaches them how to apologize without bringing shame into play.

The editor again: Please feel free at any time to share your thoughts with me on any topic. Also, I wanted to say that my Twitter account is a personal account not related to Idaho Family Magazine. It is a place where I feel I can be myself and give my opinions and comments, as long as they don’t hurt anyone else. (And I still feel social media has some big problems to solve.)

— Gaye Bunderson, editor

Children’s Photos Wanted

FREE

November 2018

Idaho Family Magazine would love to put your child or children on our cover. All photos should be high quality, sharp and clear, and high resolution of around 300 ppi. Color photos are preferred, and all photos need to be vertical not horizontal. Please identify the children in the photos, the children’s ages, and what Treasure Valley community they reside in. (If chosen for the cover, their last names will not be used without permission.) Send the photos to editorgaye@gmail.com.

Fall and football are a perfect match

IMAGIN

ARY CUPS

Fill them with good ness

BLENDE D FAMILIES

A holiday mix

PUMPK IN AND LE S AVES DIY Than ksgiving

QUICK CLEANING Be comp any-r

Fall and footba

4 NOVEMBER 2018 | Idaho Family Magazine

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www.idahofamilymagazine.com

KEEP OPTIONS loose

Blended families and the holidays

By Daniel Bobinski

W

hen it comes to marriage, year of holiday planning after remarrying and sometimes things happen creating a blended family of five grown children. that cause the marriage to She writes, end. It could be the death of “I presumed everyone would come to our a spouse, or it could be divorce. However it house. But a few inquiries revealed that the two happens, when widowed or divorced people married offspring, both sons, were going to their with children get remarried and create a in-laws’ for Thanksgiving. Two of the girls — “blended family,” it doesn’t always look or feel one in Phoenix, one in Houston — both have like the Brady Bunch. In addition to sibling boyfriends, and don’t want to travel on a crazy rivalry, identity confusion, and establishing weekend; they want to cook dinner in their own (or reinforcing) personal boundaries, blended apartments. (Both invited us.) The youngest families often have to deal with how to handle wants to go my brother’s house, who lives near the holidays. her in California. I feel abandoned.”

Daniel Bobinski Consider the young widow who has a small Psychologists tell us that when it comes to child. With holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas blended families and the holidays, options and outside-the-box typically being days of family gatherings, her own parents thinking come in handy. want to spend time with her, but the parents of her late This line of thinking is helpful in cases of divorce, when husband want to spend time with their grandchild, too. This alternating holiday rules may be established by decree. Margorie isn’t a huge problem, because the same scenario would exist Engel, an author who writes about divorce and families, says, even if her husband were alive. But when the widow marries “Give yourself permission to color outside the lines. Don’t be a divorced man who has children from a previous marriage, locked into [establishing traditions for] only Christmas Eve or now the dilemma is multiplied. There’s only so much time on Christmas Day.” For example, Engel suggests establishing rituals Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve, or Christmas Day, so let’s that don’t fall on a specific holiday. She suggests creating new face it, some people won’t have the holiday gatherings they holiday traditions, such as visiting holiday light displays, going want. ice skating, or attending holiday concerts. The bonus for doing According to Psychology Today, approximately 65 percent these things as a blended family is they help create memorable of remarriages include children from past marriages. When shared experiences for the members of the blended family. a blended family gets established, it often means establishing Several blended families I know take a relaxed approach at new traditions, too. But that’s not always so easy. Writing in the Thanksgiving and Christmas. Specifically, both families choose Orlando Sentinel, columnist Marni Jameson describes her first Continued on Page 13

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Idaho Family Magazine | NOVEMBER 2018 5

EMPTYor full?

The imaginary cup inside each of us

By Macaile Hutt

I

n our clinic, we utilize a lot of tools and strategies to help the kids we see understand their emotions, feelings, and current state of being in ways that are relatable to them. We often talk about feelings in colors or animals (like sadness being a big, blue, heavy elephant sitting on your heart), and we try to give kids the tools they need in order to express the way they are feeling in a way that is conducive and appropriate to their environment.

One of my favorite tools that we use with our kids is the notion that there is a cup that Macaile Hutt lives within us and is filled or emptied by everything we do, every single day. It’s fun for kids to draw pictures of what they think this cup may look like, and their imaginations never disappoint.

Once we’ve imagined what this cup looks like, we talk about the different choices we make that personally fill or empty our cups. The things that fill a child’s cup might be playing with friends, eating a preferred food, earning screen time, and playing sports. The things that might empty a child’s cup could be getting in trouble/grounded, getting in an argument with a friend, or being in a space that is too loud or busy. Discussing these at a personal level helps children understand their own role in filling or emptying their cups.

Once we have talked about this enough for it to start making sense, we can start applying it to everyday scenarios in a way that gives children the ability to express their feelings in a positive way. We use modeling techniques in order to help children find the verbiage within themselves to express the current state of their cup and what they might need in order to adjust or “even out.”

An example of this might be: “Mom, my cup got really empty running errands today. It was too loud and too busy.

I tried really hard to be patient, but I feel like I need some alone time when we get home to refill my cup.”

I encourage children to draw pictures or describe what it looks like to have an empty cup — tired, defeated, sad, or even slightly sick or unwell inside. We describe this in colors, animals, or even video game characters so they can start to recognize and identify this state of being before it becomes out of control. Alternatively, we talk about what a full and happy cup looks like — content, excited, calm, and ready to go. A full cup looks like a well-oiled car on a racetrack,

ebbing and flowing with all of the bumps and curves in the road. A full cup feels good inside and helps us have good thoughts about those around us.

The next step in applying this to our everyday lives is to understand how our choices can impact the cups of those we love.

We talk about the things that the kids believe fill up the cups of their parents, caregivers, teachers, siblings, and other loved ones. We talk about choices that we can make in order to help fill the cups of those we love when it seems like maybe their cups are running a little low. A hug, a compliment, a smile, or an act of service can go a really long way when someone’s cup needs a little boost. We help our kids learn to recognize what it might look like when their mom or sister or teacher has an empty cup so they can lend a little pour if they have some extra love to give.

We really encourage this conversation to be socialized amongst the family, and help this verbiage to be adopted into everyday life. It makes it easier for children to understand changing moods and emotions when a concrete and consistent tool is applied to it.

For example, a death in the family can cause a lot of emotions and really big feelings to enter a household. But if the cup strategy has been applied, it can be explained to the child/children that when we experience a big loss, our cups might be emptied for longer than normal. We feel really sad and it takes extra “filling back up” in order for our cups to get back to a happy level. We can ask for patience and extra space in order for our family members to be patient with our cups and help us to fill our cups back up when they can.

Which brings me to the final (and arguably most important) point of understanding regarding the cup that lives inside of us — it’s impossible to fill someone else’s cup if our cup isn’t full. I’m talking to you, mama, daddy, grandparents, teachers.

We must lead by example and make sure we are taking care of our own cups before we can expect ourselves to fill the cups of those we love.

By adopting this principle into our homes, we allow safety and freedom in expressing when our cups are running low.

We can lead by example by sharing true and honest feelings with our children, significant others, family members, and even co-workers by choosing to “check in with our cups”

A hug, a compliment, a smile, or an act of service can go a really long way when someone’s cup needs a little boost.

6 NOVEMBER 2018 | Idaho Family Magazine

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Macaile Hutt is an occupational therapist in Boise, as well as a writer and contributor for The Sensory Project. Her therapy style takes a holistic and child-directed approach, with the goal of children succeeding across multiple environments. She holds a master’s degree in occupational therapy from A.T. Still University and has received continuing education in Handwriting Without Tears, pediatric kinesiotaping, Interactive Metronome, and Beckman Oral Motor. She is co-owner of the company Human Code, a candle and retail company with a larger purpose of promoting kindness and generosity. In her free time, she enjoys creative writing, backpacking, and traveling.

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when needed and ask ourselves what we need in order to feel full.

Taking time for ourselves and filling our cups isn’t a selfish act, at all. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Taking the time to fill our own cups and learning how to practice asking those around us for help when we need it allows us to lead by example for the tiny eyes watching us. It also allows us to soak up enough juicy goodness into our own cups that we may have enough to share with those around us.

I challenge you to talk about our full and empty cups with those you love at home. Get silly, draw pictures, talk about the things that feel warm and soothing like hot chocolate and the things that feel rough and dry like sandpaper.

Check in with your family, your friends, and, most importantly, yourself.

How full is your cup today?

Your present can be his future .

Give the gift of college savings. idsaves.org

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Before you invest, consider whether your or the beneficiary’s home state offers any state tax or other state benefits such as financial aid, scholarship funds, and protection from creditors that are only available for investments in that state’s qualified tuition program.

IDeal is administered by the Idaho College Savings Program Board (Board). Ascensus Broker Dealer Services, LLC (“ABD”), the program manager, and its affiliates, have overall responsibility for the day-to-day operations, including investment advisory and recordkeeping and administrative services. The Vanguard Group, Inc. (Vanguard) serves as Investment Manager for IDeal. Sallie Mae Bank serves as the Savings Portfolio Manager for IDeal. IDeal’s Portfolios invest in either: (i) mutual funds offered or managed by Vanguard; or (ii) an FDIC-insured omnibus savings account held in trust by the Board at Sallie Mae Bank. Except for the Savings Portfolio, investments in IDeal are not insured by the FDIC. Units of the Portfolios are municipal securities and the value of units will vary with market conditions.

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Idaho Family Magazine | NOVEMBER 2018 7

LEAVES and pumpkins

DIY fabulous fall & Thanksgiving décor

By Tiffany Guerzon

T

hese awesome autumn décor projects are both simple and stunning. Create leaf suncatchers or stuffed fabric pumpkins. Best of all, the warm fall colors can grace your mantel or entryway in early November, then become part of your Thanksgiving tablescape in late November.

Leaf Suncatcher

This project is a great way to preserve those beautiful autumn leaves. Combine this activity with a nature walk to collect the leaves.

SUPPLIES Paper plate Scissors Clear contact paper Hole punch String Pen Colorful fall leaves, but make sure they aren’t too dry and crumbly INSTRUCTIONS • Poke a hole in the near the inside rim of the paper plate and cut out the center of the plate, leaving the rim intact. If you use a white plate, kids can color or paint the rim. Or, skip that step and simply use a decorative paper plate in a fall color or pattern.

• Trace around the outside of the plate rim onto the back of the contact paper and then cut out the circle of contact paper. Repeat so that you have two circles.

• Flip the plate over so that the back is up. Remove the paper backing from the contact paper and center the contact paper over the plate. Adhere the edges of the contact paper to the rim of the plate. Flip plate right side up again.

• Allow kids to arrange fall leaves on the contact paper and press down to stick.

• When the leaves are arranged to everyone’s satisfaction, adhere the other contact paper circle to the front of the suncatcher.

• Use the hole punch to make a hole in the rim of the plate. Thread a length of yarn, ribbon or twine through the hole, then tie the ends of the string together to make a hanging loop. Hang your creation in a window and enjoy.

8 NOVEMBER 2018 | Idaho Family Magazine

No-Sew Fabric Pumpkin

These are not only easy to create, but make fun table centerpieces or decor for any part of the house. Make just one or several in a variety of fabrics. Choose a black and white palette for an elegant display, cute fall patterns for a whimsical look or solid warm colors for a neutral arrangement.

SUPPLIES Fabric in fall patterns or colors. Cotton material works best.

If buying fabric off of the bolt, purchase a quarter yard of each. You can also often find bundles of “fat quarters” in the quilting section of fabric stores. Fat quarters are simply a quarter yard of precut fabric.

Stuffing for your pumpkins. A polyester stuffing such as Poly Fil works well.

Toilet paper rolls — one per pumpkin Scissors Green pipe cleaners — one per pumpkin 3- or 4-inch-long sticks — just get them from your yard INSTRUCTIONS • Lay fabric right side down on work surface. Trim fabric into a square shape. For a large pumpkin, you will need approximately 18 x 18 inches. Cut smaller squares for littler pumpkins. You can eyeball this, it doesn’t need to be perfectly measured or even have straight edges, as the edges won’t show when the project is finished.

• Place toilet paper roll upright in the center of the fabric square.

• Place stuffing all the way around the toilet paper tube.

Don’t worry about adding too much or too little stuffing; you can adjust the amount if needed later.

• Holding the toilet paper roll with one hand, bring one corner of the fabric up and tuck it into the inside of the tube. Repeat with the other three corners. Tuck in the rest of the fabric in the same way. If there isn’t enough fabric to tuck into the tube, remove some of your stuffing. Or, if your pumpkin isn’t plump enough, add some stuffing. Once all of the fabric edges are tucked into the tube and the pumpkin is stuffed to your liking, poke some stuffing into the top of the tube to hold the fabric in place. Put the stick inside the tube for a stem and then push the stuffing down into the tube so that it doesn’t show.

• To make a vine, wrap a green pipe cleaner around the stick a couple of times, then curl the ends by wrapping the pipe cleaner around a pencil or your finger.

Tiffany Guerzon is a freelance writer. www.idahofamilymagazine.com

QUICK clean

Getting your house holiday-ready

By Mary Ann Wilcox

N

ow that school has been back in session for a while, we are all on the treadmill trying to keep up with afterschool sports, dance lessons, music lessons and concerts. And to add to the craziness, the holidays are coming up. How do we meet all our family needs and still keep our house clean and company-ready?

Here are a few hints that I have found to minimize the time I spend cleaning: • Do a time study by setting the timer for how long you think it will take to do a task, with or without interruptions. • Check your actual time against the clock. You will probably find that it took you less time than you anticipated. Keep a list handy with each task that you timed. • As you have a few minutes here and there, choose a task to do. You will find that most of your basic and daily housecleaning can be accomplished while you are waiting around. • Knowing the time for each task frees your mind and motivates you to accomplish something with the few minutes at hand. • Break each task into small components that can be completed in 5- to 15-minute increments.

For instance: when you vacuum, check the time it takes you to do one room at a time, then add the time for all rooms together to arrive at the overall time needed.

• Thinking in small increments helps you break down tasks into child-size portions that can be done without overwhelming you, or a child. • Set a time limit for each level of cleaning. Cleaning house will consume every minute of your day if you let it. Be realistic with your expectations. Balance your time with all your other responsibilities. • Mind over matter: knowing the time for each task frees your mind and motives you to accomplish something with the few minutes at hand. Ask yourself, “I only have (x-amount of minutes), so what can I do?â€? • Don’t waste movement. Keep cleaning supplies where you use them. • Clean where you are. Ask the question, “I’m here; what can I do while I’m here?â€? • Pick up as you pass. Become a compulsive “picker-upper.â€?

Glance at a room as you pass through. Pick up anything that you can take with you and deposit at your destination.

Wearing a 3- or 5-pocket apron can be an efficient way to drop things in the proper room as you pass. • Simplify your dÊcor. The more you have displayed on shelves, counters and table tops, the more time it takes to clean. Horizontal surfaces are collectors of clutter. Keep them free of items that are not used on a daily basis or that don’t add to the dÊcor.

Classes on cleaning efficiency are available in the Treasure Valley through Mary Ann’s Cupboards. Call 208-376-9773 for the next scheduled class or go to www.MaryAnnsCupboards.com for the upcoming class schedule.

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Idaho Family Magazine | NOVEMBER 2018 9

CALENDAR Moscow Ballet’s Great Russian Nutcracker

Ada Library Activities

Caldwell Holiday Craft Bazaar

This holiday classic will be presented at 7 p.m. Monday, November 5, at the Nampa Civic Center. For tickets or more information, go to www.nampaciviccenter.com or www. nutcracker.com.

Ada County Library branches feature a number of family- and youth-friendly programs. Following is a brief list of events for November and December: Hidden Springs Branch Library, www.adalib. org/hiddensprings, 208-229-2665 • November 7, 6 p.m., Family Read Week: Find It at Your Library; snacks, games, crafts and a free book, all ages • November 10, 4 p.m., Fused Glass Pendants; $20/pendant, register/pay at library, children 6 and under must be with an adult; all ages • November 16, 3:30 p.m., Teddy Bear Picnic for National Teddy Bear Day; bring your favorite stuffed animal, ages 5+ • December 7, 3:30 p.m., Cotton Candy Day; cotton candy and a fun experiment, ages 5+ Lake Hazel Branch Library, www.adalib.org/ lakehazel, 208-297-6700 • November 17, 6 p.m., After-Hours Hunger Games Party; teens may do battle while the library is closed; also, food and music, ages 12-18 • November 19, 4:30 p.m., Garden Lab; kitchen scrap gardening, ages 5-11 • November 30, 6:30 p.m., Magic the Gathering; beginning and seasoned players welcome, may bring own decks and mats, all ages • December 17, 4:30 p.m., Garden Lab; gingerbread house meets chia pet, ages 5-11 Star Branch Library, www.adalib.org/star, 208286-9755 • November 15, 6:30 p.m., Family Reading Week, will include a scavenger hunt, all ages • November 28-December 19, every Wednesday, 4 p.m.; Ready, Set, Code!, four weeks of projects/ devices, ages 9+ Victory Branch Library, www.adalib.org/victory, 208-362-0181 • November 9, 4:30 p.m., Cardboard Drive-In Movie; first, decorate a child-sized cardboard “car” at 4:30, then enjoy short films on a projector at 5:30; snacks and craft materials provided, all ages • November 26, 4:30 p.m., Making Cat Toys; make cat toys for Simply Cats Adoption Center, ages 13-18 • November 27, 4:30 p.m., Chaos STEM; knock stuff down, blow stuff up, and break things – all in the name of science and engineering, ages 8-14 • December 1, 3 p.m., Wands & Wizards Party; miraculous crafts, mysterious games, and thrilling treats – and you may dress magically as well, all ages • December 15, 2 p.m., Holiday Graham Cracker Cottage, all ages

The Caldwell Holiday Craft Bazaar is set for 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Friday, November 9, and 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday, November 10, at O’Connor Field House, 2207 Blaine St. Entrance fee is $1. For more information, call 208-455-3004.

21st anniversary of Boise Cotillion The Boise Cotillion is marking its 21st anniversary, and many events are planned for 2018-2019. The first event, the Inaugural Ball – Introduction to Cotillion, is set for Tuesday, November 6, with separate times for children in grades 4-5 and grades 6-9.

The ball will be held in the Crystal Ballroom in the Hoff Building at 802 W. Bannock in Boise. For more information or to enroll, go to www.boisecotillion.com. Questions may be directed to Cotillion Director Denise Hodges at boisecotillion@aol.com or 208-371-7410. The next program on the schedule after the ball will be the Holiday Gala on Tuesday, December 4.

See the website for more details.

TEEN PROGRAMS Free programs for teens 13-19 years of age

Teen Night: Guardians Thursday, November 15, 2018 Drop-in 5-8 p.m.

Teens ages 13 to 19 are invited to drop in and enjoy FREE admission to BAM as well as music, food, a studio art activity related to the exhibition Matteo Pugliese: The Guardians.

Teen Advisory Committee

BAM’s Teen Advisory Committee is for students 14-19 years of age who are interested in developing leadership skills and learning more about careers in art and museums while fulfilling community service requirements.

Members help organize Teen Night and volunteer at family and public programs. www.boiseartmuseum.org Call for more information! 208.345.8330 ext. 36

10 NOVEMBER 2018 | Idaho Family Magazine

Kids Discovery Expo All family members may attend the Kids Discovery Expo from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday, November 10, at Expo Idaho. The event is highlighted by hands-on exhibits. Other activities for kids ages 0-13 include a petting zoo, jump house, sports activities, face painting, bubble soccer and more. Go to www. ibleventsinc.com for more information.

3rd Annual Christmas is Coming to Kleiner Park This third annual holiday event will take place from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday, November 10, at the Center in the Park, 1920 N. Records Way in Meridian. All money raised will be given to Wish Granters Inc. There will be fun for the whole family, with a variety of food vendors, games, activities, Santa, an all-ages talent contest, and more. Admission is free and all are welcome. Go to https://www.facebook.com/ events/842910832552984 for more information.

Winter Wonderland Festival in Caldwell Downtown Caldwell’s 11th Annual Indian Creek Light Celebration is set for 6 to 9 p.m. Friday, November 16. (The tree and creek lighting is set specifically for 7:30.) There will be a Santa & Kids’ Playland located at Indian Creek Plaza and Arthur Street. Live entertainment and vendors will also highlight the event. The lights along Indian Creek will be on display throughout the holiday season. Go to cityofcaldwell.org for more information.

Caldwell Train Depot Open House Go to Caldwell’s Historic Train Depot Interpretive Center and take a look around at all of the Caldwell history on display from 6 to 9 p.m. Friday, November 16. The depot is located at 701 Main St. This will be a great family outing for young and old. (The open house will be held other days as well. Go to cityofcaldwell.org.)

Canyon County Christmas Show County Christmas Show is set for November 16-18 at Ford Idaho Center in Nampa. Times include: 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. Friday, November 16; 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. Saturday, November 17; and 11 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Sunday, November 18. Admission is $4 for adults, $3 for seniors, and free for children 12 and under. There will be free parking during this “holiday experience for the entire family.” Go to fordidahocenter.com for more information.

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of Events Turkey Shoot Teams of one adult and one child may win a Thanksgiving turkey during Nampa Rec Center’s annual basketball Turkey Shoot from 1 to 2:30 p.m. Saturday, November 17. There are several age categories and hoop heights for this event.

Advance registration is recommended. Sign up at the center or online at nampareccenter.org. Call 208-468-5858 for more information.

WaterShed Weekend Fall Festival Program Join the Boise WaterShed every third Saturday of the month for nature and art activities the whole family can enjoy. Activities take place from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. A one-hour outdoor tour of the water renewal facility is offered from 11:30-12:30, weather-permitting. The tour is not recommended for children under the age of 4; closed-toe shoes are required. Admission is free, and no pre-registration is required. The program on November 17 is Map Mania, in celebration of GIS Day. On December 15, the theme is Handmade Holiday; the program will be held at the Dick Eardley Boise Senior Center, 690 Robbins Rd.,

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Months of November & December Please send family-related calendar items to editorgaye@gmail.com

on that day. For more information, go to www.

BoiseEnvironmentalEducation.org.

Boise Holiday Parade 2018 The annual Boise Holiday Parade will begin at 9:45 a.m. Saturday, November 17, through downtown Boise. This year’s grand marshal is Mayor Dave Bieter. For more information, go to https://www. boiseholidayparade.org.

Family Christmas Bazaar & Craft Show in Kleiner Park Admission is free for the Family Christmas Bazaar & Craft Show set for 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday, November 17, at Kleiner Park’s Center in the Park, 1920 N. Records Ave. in Meridian. There will be fun for the whole family, with an all-ages talent show and a free scavenger hunt (sign-up required by calling Jennifer at 208-353-2678). Vendors will be showing their wares, and there will be treats, balloons, face painting and more. Go to https:// www.facebook.com/events/310643036083894 for more information.

Wintry Market The 8th Annual Wintry Market will take place from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday, November 17-18, on the fifth and sixth floors of JUMP in downtown Boise. Admission is free.

This event is an upscale and inventive indie art/craft show held annually on the weekend before Thanksgiving. It consists of innovative and original items produced using traditional art/craft methods by more than 60 local artists and crafters. It bills itself as an “affordable marketplace for handmade goods.” More information is available at downtownboise.org.

“A Magical Cirque Christmas” A holiday performance for the whole family, “A Magical Cirque Christmas” is set for 7:30 p.m. Monday, November 19, at the Morrison Center. The show will be highlighted by breathtaking circus acts, as well as angelic voices singing Christmas carols. For tickets and more information, go to morrisoncenter.com.

Continued on page 12

Idaho Family Magazine | NOVEMBER 2018 11

CALENDAR of Events

cont.

WaterShed Free School Break Program

“The Forgotten Carols”

November 19-21, the Boise WaterShed will hold a Thanksgiving Break Drop-In Program. Children are invited to have some fun in the exhibit hall with make-and-take crafts and activities with a Thanksgiving theme. Crafts and activities will take place from 10 a.m. to noon, with a water renewal facility tour at 11 a.m., weather permitting.

Admission is free. For more information, go to www.BoiseEnvironmentalEducation.org.

“The Forgotten Carols” will be presented at 7:30 p.m. Monday, November 26, at the Morrison Center. “The Forgotten Carols” musical theater stage performance tells the story of Connie Lou, a nurse whose empty life is changed when Uncle John, a new patient she is attending, recounts the story of Christ’s birth as told by little known characters in the nativity story. The accounts from the Innkeeper, the Shepherd and others help the nurse discover what the world has forgotten about Christmas. For tickets and other information, go to morrisoncenter.com.

Saint Alphonsus Festival of Trees The 35th annual Saint Alphonsus Festival of Trees is set for November 21-25 at Boise Centre, with a gala on November 20 and a fashion show on November 26. The Centre becomes home to a wonderland of holiday splendor, featuring hundreds of lavishly decorated Christmas trees, wreaths and inspirational decor. From its opening night black-tie Gala to the Festival Fashion Show and North Pole Village, there is something for everyone to enjoy. For admission fees and other information, go to https://www.saintalphonsus. org/ways-to-give/boise/festival-of-trees/.

Downtown Boise Holiday Tree Lighting Boise Mayor Dave Bieter will light a Christmas tree in the Grove Plaza in downtown Boise on Friday, November 23. From 5 to 6:30 p.m., families may join in singing Christmas carols. For a list of perfomers and the evening’s schedule as it becomes available, go to https://downtownboise.org/ events/downtown-holiday-tree-lighting.

Winter Garden aGlow This year’s Winter Garden aGlow will be held from 5:30 to 9:30 p.m. beginning Thursday, November 22, and continuing through Tuesday, January 1, at the Idaho Botanical Garden. There will be a dazzling display of more than 380,000 lights. On select nights: Santa will visit from the North Pole; a Holiday Express G-scale model train will wind its way through the garden; and local choirs will fill the air with music. Visit the Garden Store for special “holiday specs” to turn the twinkling lights into holiday symbols and characters. Go to idahobotanicalgarden.org for more information.

Canyon County Festival of Trees The Canyon County Festival of Trees will be held November 23-25 at the Ford Idaho Center in Nampa. For a schedule of events and other information, go to fordidahocenter.com.

“Live Nativity” A “Live Nativity” will take place at 6 p.m. Friday, November 30, and at 5 p.m. Saturday, December 1, at 538 W. State St. in Eagle. Again this year, the Eagle Seventh-day Adventist church, along with help from the neighboring Latter-day Saints church, will present a “Live Nativity” for the community, helping to remind everyone of the “reason for the season.” (Organizers welcome the participation of any other community churches in this special event. Contact Jodi at eaglesdachurch@gmail.com.) Experience the Bethlehem marketplace and the story of the birth of Jesus; sing Christmas carols and listen to beautiful Christmas music; have your kids make some Christmas crafts and stop to have some hot soup and hot chocolate or cider. Also, pet Clyde the Camel — as well as the sheep, donkey, horse, and goats — and see the shepherds. Bring some “taxes” of non-perishable food for the food bank.

Boise Christmas Show All Idaho Expo buildings will be open for the annual Boise Christmas Show November 30-December 2. More than 300 vendors will be displaying their crafts and products. For admission fees, hours and other information, go to https:// www.expoidaho.com/event-calendar/event/236boise-christmas-show.

Christmas in Meridian 2018 The 2018 Winter Lights Parade & Downtown Tree Lighting in Meridian is set for 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. Friday, November 30. Join the Candy Cane Fun Run and lead the parade down Main Street; costumes and ugly sweaters are encouraged.

The Twilight Christmas Market will take place from noon to 8 p.m. Wednesday, December 5, at Meridian City Hall; admission is free. Children’s Winterland Festival will be held from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday, December 8, at the Meridian Boys & Girls Club, 911 N. Meridian Rd.; admission is free with a donation of canned food or cash for the Meridian Food Bank. This event features

12 NOVEMBER 2018 | Idaho Family Magazine

Christmas-themed games, crafts, pictures with Santa, ornament making, trolley rides, and other fun activities. A park-n-ride shuttle will circulate from nearby Meridian City Hall. For more information about this and other holiday events in Meridian, go to christmasinmeridian.org.

Laps Before Naps Bring four items of canned or other non-perishable food and receive free entry to Nampa Rec Center’s Laps Before Naps program on Thanksgiving Day, November 22, at any time from 5 a.m. to noon.

Participants are welcome to choose laps in the pool or laps around the track. Go to nampareccenter. org for more information.

City Santa Come tell Santa your Christmas wishes and get your picture taken with him at DL Evans Bank, 890 W. Main St. in downtown Boise. Dates and times include: 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Saturday, December 1; 6 to 8 p.m. Thursday, December 6; 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Saturday, December 8; and 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Saturday, December 15. Donations will be accepted and will benefit the Women’s & Children’s Alliance.

Millennial Choirs & Orchestra Millennial Choirs & Orchestras will present “A Child Is Born” at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday, December 4, at the Morrison Center. This inspiring Christmas program will feature hundreds of musicians, a youth choir, a grand chorus, and a symphony orchestra. For tickets and more information, go to morrisoncenter.com.

Nutcracker Ballet in Caldwell Caldwell Fine Arts will present Eugene Ballet’s performance of “The Nutcracker” at 7 p.m.

Tuesday, December 4, and Wednesday, December 5, in Jewett Auditorium. “Nutcracker Jr.,” a shorter version of the acclaimed classic, is set for 1 p.m. and 6 p.m. Thursday, December 6, in Jewett; and Clara’s Tea Party, always held in conjunction with “The Nutcracker,” will take place on the following days and times: 5:30 p.m. Tuesday, December 4; 5:30 p.m. Wednesday, December 5; and 11:30 a.m., 2 p.m., 4:30 p.m. and 7 p.m. Thursday, December 6. The Tea Party is held in the Langroise Center. For tickets to any of the above, or for more information, go to caldwellfinearts.org.

Idaho IceWorld Ice Show daho IceWorld will hold its annual Ice Show at 3 p.m. and again at 6 p.m. Friday, December 8.

Both programs regularly sell out, so get your ticket as soon as possible. For more information, visit idahoiceworld.com or call 208-608-7716.

Santa’s Workshop Children ages 3-12 are invited to spend two hours making holiday crafts, playing games and decorating cookies from noon to 2 p.m. Saturday,

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December 8, at the Nampa Rec Center. (Santa will be making an appearance.) Cost is $5 for members and $6 for non-members. Advance registration is recommended. Call 208-468-5858 for more information.

Christmas Light Tour Join the Nampa Rec Center’s Christmas Light Tour December 14 or 15. The tour will visit spectacular light displays throughout Nampa, and the tour bus will make a stop at Starbucks for warm beverages.

Boarding of the bus begins at 5:45 p.m. and departs at 6 p.m. from the Rec Center. Cost is $6 per person.

Outdoor Christmas Concert & Bonfire The Church in the Dirt in Homedale holds an annual Outdoor Christmas Concert & Bonfire beginning at 6 p.m. Saturday, December 15, in the parking lot at Badiola Arena, 402 U.S. Hwy. 95 in Homedale.

There will be kids roasting marshmallows, as well as s’mores, hot chocolate, eggnog, and chorizo wraps. Santa will be passing out oldfashioned candy bags, and there will be hayrides for everyone. Blaine and Molly Lilly, co-leaders of Church in the Dirt, are professional musicians and will play music throughout the event. For more information, contact the Lillys at blainelilly@hotmail.com or 208-3375634.

Children’s Reading Series Boise Contemporary Theater’s Children’s Reading Series is a popular program that presents the best of contemporary children’s theater in a creative environment, allowing children ages 6 and up to “hear a play.”

Professional actors bring compelling stories to life — and there are free goodies. The performances are presented at 2 p.m. one Sunday a month (see BCT website for more information). A performance is set for December 16. To purchase tickets, go to bctheater.org or call the BCT Box Office at 208-331-9224.

“Rocking Around the Christmas Tree with Darci Lynne and Friends” Ventriloquist, Darci Lynne is the youngest contestant to ever win “America’s Got Talent.” She was named winner in 2017 in front of a huge television audience. She and her puppet friends will present a holiday program at 7 p.m. Friday, December 21, at the Morrison Center. For tickets or more information, go to morrisoncenter.com.

Member $5/team Non-member $7/team

Shoot for a chance to win a turkey for your Thanksgiving dinner! Teams in 3 age divisions consist of one adult and one child taking 10 free-throw shots. Advance registration is recommended.

November 17

1-2:30 pm

Nampa Rec Center

REGISTER ONLINE AT NAMPARECCENTER.ORG OR CALL 208-468-5858 FOR MORE INFO.

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Blended Families Contined from Page 5 to have their family holiday celebration after the official holiday occurs. For example, one family decided to always have their Thanksgiving Day feast on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. This way, if their children are obligated to be elsewhere on the fourth Thursday in November, there is no consternation. As a bonus, there is plenty of Sunday football on TV so they can still overeat and then watch some games.

The other family I mentioned decided to always have their Christmas celebration between Christmas and the New Year.

They joke that they often wait until after Christmas to do their Christmas shopping, because buying gifts at half-price saves them a lot of money. (Hmmm...not a bad idea!)

One problem Engel says to watch out for in blended families is when young children receive gifts from many sources. She says kids need to be reminded not to gloat in front of their stepsiblings who may not receive as many gifts. Along these same lines, grandparents may need to be coached to give gifts discreetly if they’re buying presents for only their own bloodline.

Perhaps the best advice I heard about celebrating the holidays as a blended family came from someone who said, “I stopped trying to please everyone. Because of our family situation, we have so many options for where to celebrate. I decided that the best thing was for everyone in our family to feel loved, not controlled.”

Still another blended family said they established a routine to spread their love around. Thanksgiving is spent with one side of the family. Christmas Eve is spent with another side of the family. On Christmas morning they do their own thing, and on Christmas afternoon they visit with yet another part of the family.

As you can tell, there are lots of options. If you’re in a blended family and find holiday planning somewhat stressful, here are some thoughts.

1. Take time when considering options.

If in-laws or other relatives invite you to attend their event, give yourself permission to say that because you’re in a blended family, you need to hold off making a commitment. You need time to consider how your family wants to celebrate a holiday.

2. Confer with your spouse.

Find out what the priorities are between the two of you. It’s your family. The two of you have the right to choose how you celebrate a holiday as a family.

3. Explain your choices to your relatives.

Remember, you won’t be able to please everyone, so in some cases you may need to be firm. Just remember to also be polite.

In the end, I really like what my friend said: The best thing is for everyone to feel loved, not controlled. Since Thanksgiving and Christmas are times for being thankful, I think it’s a good idea to use that theme as a guide.

Daniel Bobinski, M.Ed. teaches teams and individuals how to use Emotional Intelligence, and his videos and blogs on that topic appear regularly at www.eqfactor.net. He’s also a best-selling author and a popular speaker at conferences and retreats. Reach him at daniel@eqfactor.net or (208) 375-7606.

Idaho Family Magazine | NOVEMBER 2018 13

THE HORNEY village

Try the ‘Put It On Paper’ method

By Jessie Horney

M

y friend Clint has a line that he uses on crying babies (and he has four kids, so he’s held his fair share of crying babies), and it always makes me laugh.

Besides his barrel chest and deep voice, he also tends to grow an impressive beard, so the optics of a tiny baby in his arms is already amusing; but then instead of mindlessly sympathizing with the screaming newborn, he starts in with a gentle series of sarcastic questions in his “baby voice” (don’t act like you don’t have one too).

It goes something like this: “Oh, no. What’s the matter, baby?

What’s the worst part? That everyone adores you? That we bend to your beck and call? Tell me all about it. Is it so hard to be loved so much? Is your perfect life too much to handle? Is it hard to be the favorite?”

Of course, he’s also tending to the baby’s needs as he teases, and since the tone of his voice is high and endearing, the baby slowly calms down with no idea that we’re all laughing at its tiny hollers.

Ever since I heard Clint do this with his kids, I’ve tried to do the same thing with my life. You know that phrase, “It looks good on paper”? We use it to explain that an idea or plan might seem like it will work, but the reality of the thing is less impressive. I stole that phrase and turned it around.

I call this practice, “Put It On Paper,” which basically means that you say the facts of a situation out loud (without dramatizing).

For instance, my husband works a lot, and oftentimes gets called to work without any notice. This is frustrating, especially when I end up alone with our kids for many days at a time. (Real full-time single parents, by the way, deserve all the applause and kindness in the world — those heroes of multi-tasking and burden-bearing.) When I know that Sam won’t be home again for dinner and kids’ bedtime, it’s really easy to tell myself the story where I’m the beleaguered servant with no help or energy, my kids are the wicked villagers out to crush my spirit, the world doesn’t understand how hard my life is, Sam doesn’t care about my struggles at home, etc. etc. ad nauseam.

When I get to this point around 8 p.m. while I’m still trying to clean the kitchen after dinner and then I’m stomping up the stairs to yell at my kids to PLEASE STAY IN BED

BECAUSE MOMMY IS DONE BEING NICE TODAY, I pause. And I ask myself, “What’s the worst part, Jessie? That you have three beautiful kids who need you?

That you have a kitchen to clean because you had a table full of food to feed them tonight? That you have a husband who works hard to provide for your family?

That you have a warm, safe house for your kids to sleep in?”

Maybe this seems demeaning to myself, but honestly, the slight sarcasm helps. Because all of those things are true. I have three kids I love. I have a kitchen full of food. I have a husband with a job. I have a house to sleep in at night. If cleaning those things and raising those people and doing some of it alone feels overwhelming, that’s okay. But if I can’t be overwhelmed without also being aware and thankful, I’m just a whiner with no perspective.

Here’s why it works to speak the truth, to “Put It On Paper.” Just because I feel a certain way about a relationship or a situation, those feelings do not determine what is real. By stating what is undeniably true and then looking for ways to be thankful, my feelings are put in their proper place. They are not false, they are not true, they are feelings. They matter, just like the crying baby matters, and ought to be attended to with care and love. But feelings are also temporary. Giving my feelings the power to make my decisions leads to a life of disorder and regret.

I make my own kids “Put It On Paper” when they seem to be spiraling down the dark hole of self-pity. This practice isn’t meant to shame them or dismiss their reactions. Quite the opposite, in fact. I want my kids to recognize and name their feelings with nuance, wisdom, and understanding. I also want them to claim the power of perspective. Telling the facts of a situation without any editorializing often helps us see where our feelings belong, and helps us see blind spots in our own character rather than spewing fault around us.

It works for the same reason that saying our fears out loud often makes the fears disappear. When we see our own head on paper, our thoughts strung out like laundry to dry on a clothesline, it’s easier to see where we are exaggerating, or even downright wrong, and where we can choose to be thankful. Thankful while stressed. Thankful while angry.

Thankful even while overwhelmed. We can allow space for the one while taking a deep breath and remembering the

“When we see our own head on paper . . . it’s easier to see where we are exaggerating, or even downright wrong, and where we can choose to be thankful.“

14 NOVEMBER 2018 | Idaho Family Magazine

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power of the other.

Chasing perspective also gives room for actual grief or anxiety to be addressed. If we say our circumstances aloud, and it turns out they are worth our concentrated concern or energy, the gravity of the situation will protect itself, and there is space to explore what we need to survive the pain of a season or moment in life. Our needs clarify, rather than pile up, if we are faithful to address our feelings with strength of character, not wild amounts of self-pity or self-flagellation.

And even in our darkest hours, a pinprick of light will pierce the darkness when we find a way to be thankful, despite how things look on paper.

I hope your Thanksgiving month shines with light and warmth, and that as this year wraps up, you give yourself the gift of perspective, which produces the undeniable joy of a thankful heart. I’m praying this over myself and my kids, even when I’m tired of the same messes and the same fights and I’m tempted to tell myself the same old stories: that I would have courage to speak truth over my life and my feelings, rather than letting my feelings tell me what is true about my life.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Jessie Horney is a freelance writer and poet.

Find her at www.horneymomtellsall.com.

Jessie Horney

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