Idaho Family 09 2019

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September 2019

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KIDS’ TALK

Little, big things

GOOD KID TIPS

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT

Special needs, special friends

Routines create safety

See inside for...

Sadie, 10, admires a pumpkin in 2018 at the Farmstead in Meridian

Special Needs Guide 2019 - Part 1

Contents Volume 7, Number 9

Publisher J.J. Plew Associate Publisher Adrianne Goff Adrianne@globalpsd.com

September 2019

Features

Columns

Little-Big Things

3

Perfectly Imperfect

4

10 The Horney Village

Sewing and smartphones

It’s the same to kids

Editor Gaye Bunderson editorgaye@gmail.com Sales & Marketing J.J. Plew jj@idahofamilymagazine.com 208-697-2043 Contributors Daniel Bobinski, Jessie Horney, Macaile Hutt, Sandy McDaniel

Special friends

In Each Edition

Graphic Design Carol Smiley csmileydesign@gmail.com

6 Family Events Calendar

Distribution Shauna Howard, Doris Evans

Idaho Family Magazine, published monthly

by Gem Production Co., LLC, is committed to providing readers with informative and entertaining information to help them in maintaining healthy families and positive lifestyles. It is distributed throughout the valley as a free publication. Idaho Family Magazine does not assume responsibility for statements or opinions expressed by editorial contributors or advertisers. The acceptance of advertising does not constitute an endorsement of the products, services or information. Idaho Family Magazine does not knowingly present any product or service which is fraudulent or misleading in nature. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced without express written consent of the publisher. Reader correspondence and editorial submissions are welcome. Idaho Family Magazine reserves the right to edit or reject all materials submitted.

All rights reserved. Copyright 2019 by Gem Production Co., LLC. Follow us on Facebook

Special Needs Guide

12

Routines

14

2019–Part 1

Not always bad

Children’s Photos Wanted Idaho Family Magazine would love to put your child or children on our cover. All photos should be high quality, sharp and clear, and high resolution of around 300 ppi.

Color photos are preferred, and all photos need to be vertical not horizontal. Please identify the children in the photos, the children’s ages, and what Treasure Valley community they reside in. (If chosen for the cover, their last names will not be used without permission.) Send the photos to editorgaye@gmail.com.

2 SEPTEMBER 2019 | Idaho Family Magazine

FR

EE September 2019

Sponsor of

$10 OFF WEDN

ESDAYS

KIDS’ TALK

Little, big things

GOOD KI D TIPS

Routines

PERFECTL IMPERF Y ECT

create safe ty

Sadie, 10, at the Farmadmires a pump stead in Merid kin in 2018 ian

Special need s, special friends

See inside for...

Special Needs

Guide 2019 -

Part 1

www.idahofamilymagazine.com

KIDS’ TALK

Little things are all big things

By Daniel Bobinski

M

aybe you’ve seen the internet meme about how important it is to listen to everything your children tell you. The quote originates from parenting author, Catherine M. Wallace, and it

goes like this: “Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.”

My wife is a master of this, and I have to say, there’s a lot of power in this practice. It’s also amazing to watch her do it.

There can be four or five moms sitting around talking, and at least that many children bringing toys or ideas to their parents to get comment or feedback. Almost always the parents give a cursory, “That’s nice, dear,” to the child, and then return to conversing with the other adults.

They don’t always show it, but kids walk away from such encounters a little disappointed. And when it happens over and over, a pattern is established that sets the tone for future conversations.

My wife does things a little differently. To her, whoever she’s engaged with in conversation gets her attention, and children are taught not to interrupt. If my wife is talking with another adult and a child has something to say or show her, the child is instructed to place his or her palm on my wife’s shoulder or her arm just below the shoulder, then wait to be acknowledged.

Once my wife finds a natural break in the conversation with the adult, she’ll turn and give the child her undivided attention.

And, she will engage the child with as much interest and focus as any conversation she has with adults. “Children are people, too,” my wife says. “They deserve the respect of attention just the same as any adult.”

Like I said, it’s amazing to watch this play out. Consider the aforementioned example of four or five adults engaged in conversation but pretty much ignoring their children. If my wife sits down among them, their children seem to flock to her.

Why? Because she actively listens to what they’re saying and responds to them in normal conversation, just like she would with any adult. She doesn’t talk baby talk to them, she just talks with them. And they love it. They love that someone is engaging them in genuine conversation.

Next thing you know, all the kids in the room are gathered around my wife and the other adults are engaged in whatever chit chat they have going on.

As a comedic side note, my wife says the kids’ conversations are usually more interesting anyway. She says they haven’t been squelched by society, so they’re still exploring new ideas and their imaginations are quite interesting.

So what’s the magic? Why do so many parents miss the connection that topics which are small to them are huge to their kids?

I may offend a few folks here, but as the proverb goes, better are the wounds of a friend than the kisses of an enemy. Both www.idahofamilymagazine.com

my wife and I have discussed this dilemma of parents not engaging their children enough and we believe it’s Daniel Bobinski due to humanity being primarily selfcentered. Obviously, not everyone is overwhelmingly self-centered, but despite their years of rotating around the sun, many adults are still missing the self-esteem necessary to set aside their own need for affirmation (as subtle as it might be) and focus on other people.

Especially “little people” — the ones whose issues seem so trite and mundane to someone who experienced those minor issues so many years before.

If we want our children to talk with us about the big things when they’re older, we need to engage them about little things when they’re younger. To engage children well, or better yet, to see their small stuff as being important, it helps if we first have our own needs met. Unfortunately, growing up in a culture in which advertisers constantly barrage us with messages that we’re not complete unless we buy their product doesn’t help. Somewhere along the way we need to realize that we are good enough just the way we are.

To borrow from another quote (often attributed to Henry Ford), if we believe we are good enough, we’re right. And if we believe we aren’t good enough, then we’re correct there, as well.

How can we believe we’re good enough? That mindset develops from multiple inputs. Absent having that belief being built into us in our own youth, it can be fostered through having a mentor or a coach, through healthy relationships with healthy friends, through marriage seminars or relationships at church, as well as other areas of study on the science of self. As someone who trains on emotional intelligence, I am somewhat amazed at how many adults confide they don’t have good self-esteem. However, I also know it’s never too late to start building it.

So what do you believe about your children? How you answer that question when they’re small will impact how you answer that question when they’re older. If nothing else, your answer will certainly impact how they interact with you, both now, and when they’re older.

In closing, allow me to quote Catherine M. Wallace again: “Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what.

If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.”

And by listening to the little things, we start building their selfesteem; their belief that what they think, say, and do matters. It’s never too late — nor too early — to start.

Daniel Bobinski, M.Ed. teaches teams and individuals how to use Emotional Intelligence, plus how to create high impact training. He’s also a homeschooling dad, a best-selling author, and a popular speaker at conference and retreats. Reach Daniel through his website, www.

MyWorkplaceExcellence.com, or 208-375-7606 (ofc).

Idaho Family Magazine | SEPTEMBER 2019 3

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT

Special needs make for special friends

By Macaile Hutt

W

hen I sat down to write my wonderful ability to see differences as beautiful, even if September article for the they initially seem strange or weird.

Special Needs issue of Idaho I always try to remind my patients and their families Family Magazine, I felt instantly that we were all born exactly as we were intended overwhelmed. How on earth am I supposed to be. We are all perfectly imperfect and we all have to write an article encompassing even a strengths and weaknesses to help make us unique.

FRAGMENT of the impact that these special When something feels “weird,” it’s usually just kids and these special people make on all of because it’s different from how we are used to it being. the lives lucky enough to come in contact with And choosing to reframe our mindset to talk about Macaile Hutt them? I weighed my options, thought of so differences rather than turn away from them allows many angles I could take, and, ultimately, decided that these us the opportunity to meet and become friends will all kinds kiddos should have the chance to share some of their special of people. It also helps us take a step closer and see that, deep lessons with the world through my words. down, all of our hearts beat the same.

I want to take some time this month to share with you some 2. Perspective is everything. Rather than count how many of the most valuable lessons and perspectives I’ve gained by reps (when exercising) we have left, we focus on how many we being lucky enough to work in a field where I am blessed with have already accomplished. Instead of stating our failures, we the presence of my special friends every single day. Here goes. do our best to focus on all of our many successes. I have learned 1. Is it weird or is it different? I find myself saying this that if we focus on what we are lacking, it often feels like we have almost every single day. Not just with my patients; but with even less than we do. But when we stop to focus on all of the my friends, family members, and even sometimes to complete reasons we have to be thankful, we almost always realize that we strangers. Working in this profession has allowed me the have more than enough exactly as we are.

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3. It takes a village. These kiddos have helped me learn that it’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to admit that I can’t do something alone. There is strength in numbers, and we are almost always more capable together than we would ever be if we were completely on our own. Ask for help. Offer help.

We are all in this together.

4. Sometimes we have to try 100 times before it sticks. I often tell my families in feeding therapy that sometimes we have to present something 100 times on a child’s plate before they will even TOUCH it. How often do we give up on something before we’ve truly given our all?

How different life would be if we realized that sometimes we have to try 100 times before we will even get close to getting it right. But, if we keep trying, we will always, always get it right eventually.

5. Everyone can teach us something if we will let them. I have learned more from my patients and families than I could ever dream of teaching them. I have learned that if we humble ourselves and allow our pride to step aside, we can learn something from every single person we encounter. Sometimes people teach us lessons directly and, other times, people teach us lessons in patience, forgiveness, understanding, and perspective through adversity and difficult situations. These kids come to me with an open mind every single day, and that open mind is what allows them to make every ounce of the progress they make.

6. Giving up is not an option. I’ve been beat in planking competitions by a child with cerebral palsy, I have been schooled in The Game of Life, Monopoly, and Go Fish more times than I can count by children with genetic, mitochondrial, and chromosomal abnormalities — children that some said would never walk, never talk, or never live a ‘normal’ life. And all I have to say is not only am I thankful those people were so incredibly wrong, but, more than that, I have to make note that those people were only wrong because none of those children ever gave up on themselves.

7. There’s always a reason to be thankful.

I remember working in a school district in Arizona during my clinical rotations and I was in a session with a second grader who was fully blind. He was asking me questions about what I looked like, what the activity we were working on looked like, and asking me to describe in intricate detail the sensory bin that I wanted him to put his hands into. Out of nowhere, Continued on Page 9

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Idaho Family Magazine | SEPTEMBER 2019 5

CALENDAR FootGolf

Nampa Public Library programs

Come out to Ridgecrest Golf Club in Nampa and experience the new hybrid game of golf and soccer FootGolf. The game is played with a soccer ball, and the goal is to kick it down the course in as few kicks as possible. New holes are established on the course so the ball can sink into the hole. (Soccer cleats not allowed.) Come Monday through Friday anytime, and after 2 p.m. on Saturday, Sunday, and holidays. For more information, go to ridgecrestgolf.com.

ampa Public Library will offer a number of familyand kid-friendly programs throughout September as follows: • Art Endeavor, 4-6 p.m., first Tuesday of each month, topic on September 4 is Fairy Houses • Saturday Family Movie, 1:30-3:30 p.m., first Saturday of each month • Baby/Toddler Storytime, 10:15-11 a.m., Tuesdays and Thursdays • Groovin’ & Movin’, 10:15-11 a.m., first and third Mondays of each month • • Humpback Whale Storytime, 4-4:45 p.m., first Monday of each month • Preschool Storytime, 10:15-11 a.m., Wednesdays and Fridays • Reading Tails, 3:30-4:30 p.m., second Tuesday of each month • You Pick Storytime, 4-4:45 p.m., second and fourth Mondays of each month • Water Words Storytime, 10:15-11 a.m., fourth Wednesday of each month • The Club, 2-3 p.m., first and third Wednesdays of each month

Family Night Out at BUGS Boise Urban Garden School offers a Family Night Out cooking event. September’s programs will include Healthy After School Snacks, Back to School Meal Prep, Versatile Veggie Pot Pie and other culinary topics and instruction.

There are also specific cooking courses just for the youngsters. For more information, go to BoiseUrbanGardenSchool.org.

6 SEPTEMBER 2019 | Idaho Family Magazine

• The Lego Club, 4-5 p.m., fourth Wednesday of each month • After School Adventures, 4-5 p.m., third Tuesday of each month • • Home School Hangout, 1-2 p.m., first Wednesday of each month • • Bots & Builders, 4-5:30 p.m., second Wednesday of each month • • Tween Program, 4-5 p.m., fourth Wednesday of each month • • Teen Gaming Night, 4:30-6 p.m., first Thursday of each month • Marvel & DC Teen Comic Club, 4:30-5:30 p.m., second Thursday of each month Check out all the events at nampalibrary.org.

Fostering Idaho foster/adoption meetings 2019 The first step in finding out more about being a foster or adoptive parent in the State of Idaho is by attending an information or orientation meeting.

A meeting will be held from 6 to 7:30 p.m. at the Meridian Library District branch at 1326 W. Cherry Ln. on September 4. If you have questions in advance, contact Monique Layton, recruitment coordinator, at 208-249-0180 or mlayton4@ewu. edu, or visit www.fosteringidaho.org.

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of Events

Beginning September, 2019 Please send family-related calendar items to editorgaye@gmail.com

Garden Ambassador Guided Tours

Last Splash Weekends

Learn about Idaho Botanical Garden’s history, from its transformation from prison grounds to today’s beautiful plant displays, during free tours on select Thursdays and Saturdays in September.

Pay regular Garden admission and join Garden Ambassadors for guided tours through the grounds. Tours start at 10 a.m. at the admission kiosk on September 5, 14 and 19. The tours are kid-friendly. Go to idahobotanicalgarden.org.

Roaring Springs admission will be just $16 plus tax from noon to 7 p.m., weather permitting, on Saturdays and Sundays, September 7-8 and September 14-15. For more information, go to roaringsprings.com.

Fall Porch Sale From 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Friday and Saturday, September 6-7, go to the front porch of the main branch of Boise Public Library for the Porch Book Sale of fiction and nonfiction books from the library’s collection. There will also be children’s books and CDs. All items will sell for 50 cents, tax included.

Courageous Kids Climbing Courageous Kids Climbing will host a climbing event for children with special needs from 10 a.m. to noon Saturday, September 7, at the Downtown YMCA in Boise. For more information, send an e-mail to JeffRiechmann@cs.com or visit Courageous Kids Climbing on Facebook.

Flavorful Fairytales Flavorful Fairytales will return from a summer break with “The Snail and the Whale” by Julia Donaldson. Snail wants to travel the world and see new places, and what better way to do it than to hitch a ride with a humpback whale?

After the story, participants will craft a whale made of seashells, then make cute and tasty snail-shaped snacks using fruits and veggies. It all begins at 4:30 p.m. Friday, September 13, in the J.U.M.P. Share Studio. There is a ticket price per participant, and all ages are welcome with a parent. Registration ends Wednesday, September 11. Go to http://register.jacksurbanmeetingplace. org/mastercalendar/.

Harvest Classic Nampa Parks and Recreation’s 35th Annual Harvest Classic Fun Run is set to begin at 9 a.m. Saturday,

September 14. There will be a broad range of competitive categories for all ages and abilities, as well as entertainment, food, and prizes. For more information or to register, go to https://www. nampaparksandrecreation.org/184/Harvest-Classic.

Suicide Prevention Walk A Strength2thrive Suicide Prevention Walk is set for 7 p.m. to 8 a.m. Saturday, September 14, at Columbia High School, 301 S. Happy Valley Rd. in Nampa. The night-long walk will feature bands and speakers throughout the event. All proceeds from the walk will help support the Idaho Suicide Hotline. For more information, go to https://strength2thrive.org/info/ or https://www. facebook.com/events/719655281787826/.

Rock Party Join the Idaho Museum of Mining & Geology for geology fun from noon to 4:30 p.m. Sunday, September 15, during its annual Rock Party.

The event will include hands-on activity stations for kids, including Idaho mining history, fossils and geology, hillside geo-hikes for families, gold panning, geode-cracking and more. Cost is $5 for adults, $2 for kids ages 4 to 17, and free for kids

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CALENDAR of Events

cont.

3 and under and IMMG members. The gift shop will be open; food will be available (Slow River Coffee and Foxy Franks). For more information, go to www.idahomuseum.org or call 208-283-3186. The program is sponsored in part by a grant from the Idaho Humanities Council.

Indian Creek Festival The 17th Annual Indian Creek Festival in Caldwell is set for September 19-21 at the creek and at Indian Creek Plaza, 120 S. Kimball Ave. There will be cardboard kayak races and other events. For more information, go to https:// www.indiancreekplaza.com/indian-creek-festival.

Chalk the Block at Indian Creek Festival One of the first programs of the Caldwell Fine Arts 2019-2020 season is Chalk the Block, happening from 10 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. Saturday, September 21, in downtown Caldwell at Arthur and Kimball streets by the 7th Street Bridge. Indian Creek Plaza will come alive with chalk images, showing the artistic talent of community members of all ages, with the theme of “Pure Imagination.” Pre-registration is recommended, as space is limited. Visit www. caldwellfinearts for rules and pre-registration.

Pink Lady Classic The Pink Lady Classic with the Boat Race of Destruction and Fireworks will be held Saturday, September 21, at Meridian Speedway, 335 S. Main. Gates open at 4:45 p.m., and the racing starts at 6:45 p.m. All seats will be open seating. Go to meridianspeedway.com.

WaterShed Weekend Join the Boise WaterShed every third Saturday of the month for nature and art activities the whole family will enjoy. Activities take place from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. Admission is free, and no pre-registration is needed. On September 21, the topic will be “Back to School Bookworms,” offered in partnership with the Boise Public Library. For more information, go to www.

BoiseEnvironmentalEducation.org.

Creative Good Auction Boise’s creative professionals give back to the community by auctioning off their services at reduced rates from 6 to 8:30 p.m. Wednesday, September 25, at the Linen Building in downtown Boise. The Creative Good Auction is an

Nampa Parks & Recreation’s

opportunity to bargain shop while helping to retain local talent, support the CATCH nonprofit, and have fun. The $20 registration fee gets you a paddle to raise for a silent auction and unlimited drinks and dinner. Check the website at creativegoodauction.org for updates on auction items and to get registered. Examples of services up for grabs include graphic design, logos and brochures, photography, and videography and audio, as well as programming and business consulting.

Oktoberfest The Nampa Civic Center will host its annual Oktoberfest event from 6 to 10 p.m. Friday, September 27. Now in its 12th year, the event features music, games, food and fun for the whole family. (Yes, there will be Oktoberfest beers, as well as non-alcoholic beverages for the young ones.) It’s best to buy your tickets early, as the event is well attended. Go to https://nampaciviccenter.com/events/events-tickets/.

CFA presents Ryan Hamilton Ryan Hamilton is a comedian for the whole family. He grew up in rural Idaho and went on to become a favorite in the New York stand-up comedy scene. He will perform at 7 p.m. Friday, September 27, at Jewett Auditorium on the C of I campus in Caldwell. The show is a presentation of Caldwell Fine Arts. For tickets or more information, go to caldwellfinearts.org or call 208-459-5275.

Car-Craze The 2nd Annual Cloverdale Funeral Home Car-Craze is set for 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturday, September 28, at 1200 N. Cloverdale Rd. in Boise.

There will be live entertainment, awards, food and beverages, free entry for spectators, and fun for everyone. Proceeds are donated to the Idaho Veterans Assistance League. For more information, call 208-375-2212.

2nd Annual Homegrown Country Music Festival Idaho musical artists will perform from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. Saturday, September 28, at the Kuna Greenbelt behind Kuna City Hall, 751 W. 4th St. There will be food and drink vendors and a free kids’ area. Kids under 10 will get into the festival for free. For more information and a list of performers, go to HomegrownEvents1.com or call 208-869-2189.

“Wild Kratts Live 2.0 – Activate Creature Power” Get ready to dive into an all new Wild Kratts adventure with the Kratt Brothers in “Wild Kratts Live 2.0 – Activate Creature Power” at 1 p.m. and 5 p.m. (two shows) Sunday, September 29, at the Morrison Center.

Join the Kratt Brothers as they combine live action and animation. Wild Kratts is a PBS KIDS TV show. For tickets and other information, go to https://www.morrisoncenter.com/events/detail/wild-kratts-20.

Race for the Steaks

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SIGN UP AT THE NAMPA REC CENTER, ONLINE AT NAMPARECREATION.ORG OR CALL 208-468-5858 FOR MORE INFO.

8 SEPTEMBER 2019 | Idaho Family Magazine

Idaho Beef Council’s Race for the Steaks, for racers 10 and up, is set for 4:30 p.m. Saturday, October 5, at Ann Morrison Park. Bring the whole family for an evening of fun benefiting the Treasure Valley Family YMCA and the Idaho Foodbank. For more information or to register, go to ymcatvidaho.org/runs/ymca-race-for-the-steaks/. There will be a steak dinner for every participant.

Beginner’s Triathlon If you have ever wanted to participate in a triathlon but wanted to get started on a smaller scale, the Nampa Rec Center’s annual Beginner’s Triathlon is for you. Set to begin at 8:30 a.m. Saturday, October 12, the triathlon will include a 1/8-mile swim, 4-mile ride (on an upright stationary bike), and a 1½- mile indoor run. The event is for anyone age 13 and up. Registration must take place by October 4 at 7 p.m. Go to nampaparksandrecreation.org.

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10. Tiny hands often leave the biggest marks on our hearts. Holy cow! I’m admittedly sitting at my laptop with I got really emotional thinking about how difficult it would tears streaming down my face, so incredibly overwhelmed be to not be able to see anything ever again. I found myself with gratitude for all of the opportunities life has handed me feeling so sad and so sorry for him, and he could tell I was to get to know my special friends. I truly can’t imagine life holding back tears. without them. Every tiny finger that reached for my hand “Why are you crying?” he asked. inevitably ended up touching my heart. They have shown “I just feel sad that you can’t see the things I’m describing to me strength unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed. They have you,” I replied back. given me kindness that I can’t comprehend. They have “Oh, it’s okay, don’t feel bad,” he began, “some dogs are shown empathy that no other human I’ve encountered could also blind AND they don’t have thumbs. I can still play video possess. And they’ve taught me resilience, perseverance, and games even though I can’t see the screen.” grace that has changed me forever.

I couldn’t help but laugh and cry at the exact same time as this sweet kiddo lent me his perspective in its most pure and To all of my special friends, thank you. innocent form. For every single thing we are without, we have You are so loved, you are so brave, a hundred more reasons to be thankful. and you are so incredibly perfectly imperfect 8. Normal is boring. I often hear the phrase, “I just want exactly as you are. my kid to be normal.” But normal is such a relative term.

This world is a better place because of you.

What does it even mean? I know I sure don’t feel ‘normal’ most days. If we were all the same, life would be so boring.

Macaile Hutt is an occupational therapist in Boise, as well as a writer and contributor for The Sensory Project. Her therapy style takes a And most of my favorite moments at work come from the holistic and child-directed approach, with the goal of children succeeding deep belly laughter than ensues from all sources outside of across multiple environments. She holds a master’s degree in occupational normalcy. These beautiful children have helped reframe my therapy from A.T. Still University and has received continuing education perspective to celebrate and rejoice in our differences. You’ll in Handwriting Without Tears, pediatric kinesiotaping, Interactive never catch us chasing “normal.”

Metronome, and Beckman Oral Motor. She is co-owner of the company 9. Too much swinging in circles will make everyone Human Code, a candle and retail company with a larger purpose of promoting kindness and generosity. In her free time, she enjoys creative sick eventually. That one is pretty self-explanatory. writing, backpacking, and traveling.

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT Continued from Page 5

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scared to death. And then, to dive off the high tower, that was another big deal. “I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna do it!” But, that’s where we went every summer. We’d walk from our

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Idaho Family Magazine | SEPTEMBER 2019 9

THE HORNEY Village

From sewing rooms to smartphones

By Jessie Horney

M

y mom kept a large corner of our upstairs family room devoted to her sewing ambitions.

Ceiling-high shelves stacked with fabric, drawers stuffed with patterns and sewing hobby magazines, spools of thread on rows of spindles, scraps of past projects littering the floor; that corner was her private world in the middle of a very exposed life. She sewed out of necessity (when money was tight and seven kids still needed school clothes), she sewed for fun (the doll clothes, diaper bags, and blankets she created are still my own kids’ favorites), and she sewed for therapy, the pleasure of following a plan and producing something useful and lovely often a balm in the disorder of our noisy, chaotic home life.

She didn’t sew all the time. We often went months without hearing the whir of the machine or the tapping of her foot on the pedal. But when she did sew, it was almost manic. She stayed up late, she consulted with our grandma and aunts, troubleshooting with her best friends — they’d all be in the same sewing cycle and help each other finish what they began.

If she was making something for you, you’d get called to the sewing corner and told to stand still while they all measured you, pinched at your waist and pinned back extra fabric, dismissing your complaints with an eye roll when the pins got your skin.

My mom was wholly unavailable during these bouts of sewing mania. She was present, tucked into her corner, pushing fabric through the machine, or standing at the measuring board with a rotary cutter, or deep into a slightly gossipy two-hour phone call while piecing out a pattern — but we weren’t exactly in her orbit. I don’t even know if she

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could hear us, she’d be so far into her work. But it wasn’t upsetting. It was comforting. She was with us, and she was close, but she didn’t care what we needed or fought about.

She had a life that did not include us, and we were fine with that. The occasional autonomy was a thrill in our childhood, a reminder that our mother was human and capable of many talents, not a servant or an admiration society for our own little lives.

I don’t have a sewing corner. I have a lot going on that does not directly involve my kids, but there is rarely a physical manifestation of those projects and creations. I’m a writer, so what do they see me doing “at work”? Looking at a screen, typing in silence. I manage a lot of relationships and responsibilities, but it’s the age of the smartphone, so where am I doing that work? Not out loud at my kitchen table, the phone cord stretching from the wall and tripping my kids when they walk by asking for a snack. No. I’m looking at a screen, returning a text or reading an email or making a plan via Facebook messaging. It is silent and unseen work. I feel the need to explain what I’m doing when my kids catch me looking at my phone in an attempt to aggrandize the action, like I need them to know that I’m not just scrolling Instagram.

“Hold on, I’m texting Aunt Becca about coming over later.”

“Just a second, I need to ask Daddy about our plans tonight.”

“Wait a minute, guys, I have to read this work email before we leave.”

“I’m just looking at the pictures we took earlier.”

No matter how legitimate the reason, I can’t stand the wall that my phone creates between me and my kids. Hear me on

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this — they don’t need (nor deserve) my full attention at all times. But the virtual reality I step into for work, pleasure or therapy takes me away from them like a silent menace, and all they see is me retreating. They do not hear the whir of my machine. They do not step around the scraps of my ideas.

They see me staring at a screen. They approach an empty version of their mother, aware that she is involved somewhere invisible in something they cannot hear, touch, or understand.

So, what can I do? Buy a home phone and plug into that ancient technology of the wall jack? Scoff if you want, but a curly cord and an answering machine sound like freedom. What bothers me most about the smartphone is the expectation of the damn thing. If you own it, you must answer when it rings. If it dings, you must respond. If someone has a question and texts, you must give them what they need or want from you. If not right this moment, then within the next few.

There are many people in my life who cannot stand the selective way I engage in smartphone capabilities. Lots of people try to punish me for it, in fact; they wait a long time to answer my texts, they ignore my calls, they pour a spoonful of my own medicine and passively hold it up to my nose. What they don’t realize is my utter relief when someone ignores me or responds days later rather than right away. Because if we all do it, then we can’t get mad at each other, right?

Right?

This essay might sound like I’m trying (poorly) to convince you that I don’t return your texts and phone calls for altruistic parenting reasons, even though we all know that’s only part of my reasoning. I also just don’t like feeling beholden to a screen full of requests. It is overwhelming to live in the real world and the virtual; how can anyone maintain full relational contact with a foot standing in both realms?

But also, what do we owe each other in terms of communication? If I pay for a data plan and carry this phone around with me, aren’t I also signing a social contract? If

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you have my phone number, doesn’t that mean I granted you access to my life and that I ought to respond with equal access to my response? And how can I defend being choosy about who gets my attention inside that phone? Admittedly, aren’t there a select few who will get an immediate reply? Isn’t there a hierarchy to my response time? Is that fair?

Do I care?

The beauty of the sewing corner was the tactile experience of my mother’s inner self. It smelled like her lemon tea; it hummed with conversations and the rhythm of the serger; blue gingham dotted the landscape of fabric along with busy florals, bright 90’s greens, and the plaid of our homemade Christmas pajamas.

My phone is a cold rectangle of metal, yet carries a whole bustling world within. It is a miracle and a devil, a distraction and a necessity, 7 ounces of shackles on my wrist — and yet the key to the virtual universe and a connection to the people I know and love. What do I owe my phone, what do I owe you, and what do I owe the people around me, the flesh and bones who notify me with their voices and hands, not their ringtones or notifications? I want a life rich with color and experience. I want the wonders of the physical world: endless summer skies, the smell of my kids’ skin, warm bread that I kneaded myself, conversations that change my perspective.

But I also want to text my friends to meet me at the park, story podcasts for rest time, bread recipes from my favorite blogger, and video calls to family far away.

In a society bent towards distraction and removal, can I find a way to use my phone for engagement and presence? Is it even possible, or are we just fooling ourselves?

Text me with your answers. I’ll get back to you in 3-5 business days.

Jessie Horney is a freelance writer and poet.

Find her at www.horneymomtellsall.com.

Idaho Family Magazine | SEPTEMBER 2019 11

Special Needs Guide 2019 - Part 1 SPECIFIC CHALLENGES Autism Spectrum Disorders Autism Society Treasure Valley Chapter 336-5676 asatvc.org Idaho Aspergers Support Groups parentingaspergerscommunity.com Idaho Autism idahoautism.com Idaho Autism Consultation (802) 233-6582 LoveMyProvider.com IdahoAutismConsultation.com National Autism Association (877) 622-2884 nationalautismassociation.org

Blindness/Visual Impairment Idaho Commission for the Blind and Visually Impaired (ICBVI) 334-3220 or (800) 542-8688 icbvi.state.id.us Idaho State Talking Book Service 334-2150 https://libraries.idaho.gov/tbs/ National Association for Parents of Children with Visual Impairments (800) 562-6265 napvi.org

Deafness/Hearing Impairment American Speech-LanguageHearing Association (ASHA) asha.org Idaho Council for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing 208-334-0879 cdhh.idaho.gov Idaho Hands & Voices idhandsandvoices.org/contact idhandsandvoices.org Idaho Sound Beginnings 334-0829 healthandwelfare.idaho.gov Idaho Speech, Language, Hearing Association, Inc. idahosha.org

Diabetes American Diabetes Association 1 (800) 342-2383 diabetes.org

HODIA – Idaho Diabetes Youth Programs 891-1023 hodia.org St. Luke’s Humphreys Diabetes Center Boise, 331-1155 Meridian, 884-4220 Fruitland, 331-1155 stlukesonline.org

Down Syndrome National Down Syndrome Society (800) 221-4602 ndss.org Treasure Valley Down Syndrome Association (TVDSA) 954-7448 idahodownsyndrome.org

Dyslexia Coopalo Learning Center 484-3816 CoopaloLearningCenter.com

Epilepsy Epilepsy Foundation 301-459-3700 (Main) 1-800-332-1000 (24/7 Epilepsy & Seizures Helpline) epilepsy.com

Muscular Dystrophy Muscular Dystrophy Association of Idaho 327-0107 mda.org/office/idaho Muscular Dystrophy Association (MDA) (800) 572-1717 mda.org St. Luke’s Rehabilitation Hospital 489-4444 stlukesonline.org

Serious Illness Idaho / American Cancer Society 345-2184 cancer.org Make-A-Wish Foundation of Idaho 345-9474 idaho.wish.org

Spina Bifida Spina Bifida Association of America (SBA) Spina Bifida Association of the Intermountain Region (Idaho, Nevada, Utah) 310-359-9611 spinabifidaassociation.org

Epilepsy Foundation of Idaho 344-4340 epilepsyidaho.org

St. Luke’s Children’s Specialty Center 381-7000 stlukesonline.org

Mental Health

SURVIVING MULTIPLE NEEDS

Idaho Federation of Families for Children’s Mental Health 433-8845 idahofederation.org Children’s Mental Health, Idaho Department of Health and Welfare 1-800-905-3436 healthandwelfare.idaho.gov National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Helpline, (800) 950-6264 (in a crisis, text NAMI to 741741 or call (800) 273-8255, 24/7) nami.org NAMI Treasure Valley 208-801-1609 tvnami.org

Multiple Sclerosis Utah-Southern Idaho Chapter, National Multiple Sclerosis Society 388-4253 1-800-344-4867 nationalmssociety.org

12 SEPTEMBER 2019 | Idaho Family Magazine

Advocacy & Legal Services The Arc, Inc. 343-5583 thearcinc.org

Chatter Box Speech & Language Center Boise and Nampa boisechatterbox.com 898-1368 or 466-1077 Children’s Therapy & Learning Center 957-6301 childrenstlc.com Brain Balance Achievement Centers 377-3559 BrainBalanceCenters.com Idaho School for the Deaf and the Blind (ISDB) 208-934-4457 (Gooding, ID) iesdb.org (Idaho Educational Services for the Deaf and the Blind) Idaho State Department of Education 332-6800 sde.idaho.gov LearningRX Center-Boise West 258-2077 learningrx.com/boise-west

DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITY SERVICES Center on Disabilities and Human Development (CDHD) 208-885-6000 (University of Idaho in Moscow) 1-800-393-7290 (Toll Free) idahocdhd.org Children and Youth with DeafBlindness 208-885-6000 (University of Idaho in Moscow) 1-800-393-7290 (Toll Free) idahocdhd.org

Brain Injury Alliance of Idaho (BIAID) 208-385-3013, Helpline: (800) 444-6443 biaid.org

Community Partnerships of Idaho (CPI) Boise Children’s Center 376-7846 mycpid.com

DisAbility Rights Idaho or Co-Ad Inc. 336-5353 disabilityrightsidaho.org

Gem State Developmental Center 888-5566 (Meridian) 466-3838 or 466-9661 (Nampa) gsdcdda.com

Idaho Parents Unlimited, Inc. (IPUL) 342-5884 or (800) 242-IPUL (4785) ipulidaho.org

Idaho Council on Developmental Disabilities 334-2178 icdd.idaho.gov

Idaho Infant Toddler Program 2-1-1 (Idaho CareLine) healthandwelfare.idaho.gov

Idaho Lions Sight & Hearing Foundation, Inc. 338-5466 idaholions.org

EDUCATION Advanced Therapy Care 898-0988 advancedtherapycare.com

2-1-1 Idaho CareLine (800) 926-2588 211.idaho.gov

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Part 2 of the Special Needs Guide 2019 will appear in our October issue.

St. Luke’s Children’s Rehabilitation 489-5880 (Boise) 489-5099 (Meridian) 489-5700 (Nampa) 385-3680 (Caldwell) stlukesonline.org

SUPPORT

Saint Alphonsus Rehabilitation Services (STARS) 367-7827 starspt.org

Aim Early Idaho aimearlyidaho.org

Access Living (855) 922-2207 (main toll-free number to each Idaho clinic) accesslivingllc.com

Ambitions of Idaho 454-2996 (Caldwell) 466-7443 (Nampa) 888-6123 (Meridian) ambitionsofidaho.org

ADAPTIVE RECREATION SERVICES AdVenture Program, Boise Parks & Recreation 608-7680 cityofboise.org Wings Center – Motor Development FireFly Children’s Center PLLC Helen Singh: (214) 641-5540 wingscenter.com Special Olympics Idaho 323-0482 idso.org Recreation Unlimited (RU) Bogus Basin’s Adaptive Snow Sport School 208-391-3594 recreation-unlimited.org Treasure Valley YMCA Caldwell YMCA, 454-9622 Downtown YMCA, 344-5501 Meridian Homecourt Y, 288-4400 West Boise YMCA, 377-4886 ymcatvidaho.org

Easter Seals-Goodwill Behavioral Health 672-2904 (Boise) 454-8555 (Caldwell) easterseals.com

Children’s Therapy Place Locations in Boise, Meridian, Nampa 323-8888 (same ohone number for all locations) childrenstherapyplace.com

VSA Idaho (Member of VSA Affiliate Network, a John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts program) 342-5884 ipulidaho.org

Community Connections, Inc. (CCI Idaho) Boise, 377-9814 Nampa, 475-4236 cciidaho.com

Warm Springs Counseling Center (WSCC) 343-7797, ext. 1238 (client services line) childrenshomesociety.com

Community Partnerships of Idaho (CPI) Boise Children’s Center 376-7846 mycpid.com

HEALTH CARE Advanced Therapy Care 898-0988 advancedtherapycare.com

Imagine Pediatric Therapy World 467-1069 imaginepediatric.com

Idaho Parents Unlimited 342-5884 ipulidaho.org

Kaleidoscope Pediatric Therapy 375-4200 KPTidaho.com

UnBefuddled LLC 466-3900 unbefuddled.com

Mini Joys, Inc. 830-3227 minijoys.org

THERAPY & TREATMENT SERVICES

Ride for Joy 365-0671 rideforjoy.org

Living Independently Forever, Inc. 888-0076 lifeincidaho.com Safe Kids Treasure Valley & Safe Kids Worldwide 381-1719 safekids.org/coalition/safe-kidstreasure-valley Tomorrow’s Hope 319-0760 (Boise and Meridian) tomorrowshopeinc.org

Brain Balance Achievement Centers 377-3559 BrainBalanceCenters.com Chatterbox Pediatric Therapy Center – Boise / Nampa 898-1368 or 466-1077 boisechatterbox.com

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Idaho Family Magazine • | SEPTEMBER 2019 13 •

MORE GOOD-KID TIPS

Routines create safety for children

By Sandy McDaniel

D

5. I think it is the job of the school to discipline a child. The exception to that is if lying, hitting, disrespect or unkindness is involved, then an additional consequence may be administered at home. (Hint: time off of media time gets their attention! Note: I once spent a morning in my son Scott’s fourth grade class because he started a fight the day before. I told him, “If you need someone to coach you on

By Sandy McDaniel being kind, I’m your person!” He begged me to leave, promising to always be kind.

1. Regular bedtimes, regardless of homework. A student does better going to bed and getting up earlier 6. If you put your children in too many after-school than dragging on into the night. That early bed-early activities, you will be a candidate for the funny farm rising practice also motivates a child to get going on doing in two months’ time. I think three or four practices and the work. one or two games on Saturday is too much. Given I am not in charge of your child’s well-being, I leave it to you 2. No media (TV, iPads, phones, etc.) before bedtime. to lessen the pressure cooker they live in by saying no Studies on the brain indicate that children sleep better if to endless sports. The good thing about sports is that there is no stimulus before sleep. Violence promotes bad the kids are not on their electrical gadgets — and two dreams. For brain development, health and heart health, wrongs, according to my father, don’t make a right! children need lots of sleep every night. ing! Dong! The school bells have rung and now it is time to get back into the routine. Routine means you have a schedule of what to do when and you follow it in order to bring order to chaos. The problem is that the children have been free for a couple of months and have no interest in routines. Nevertheless, here are some ideas to consider:

3. Have a set time for homework. Have your child show you what he/she is going to do, then after it is done, have them show you what they did. Boys leave school and they leave it totally. Most girls remember they have homework.

By showing you what is to be done, the children organize their brain. By needing to show you their work, they are less likely to be sloppy or skip corners. If something isn’t the way it needs to be say, “You need to do the problems you skipped. I will set your alarm for six o’clock so you can get it done.” Do that once and work gets more attention.

4. Keep communicating with teachers. The worst thing that can happen is to get behind. Tell the teacher, “Hailey’s work is showing signs of not understanding the material. Please talk to her and let us know if we may help.”

7. Help children to eat food that helps their body grow and promotes good health. Fast food once in a while is great, and there are tons of recipes for children on the internet. Note: Fix scrambled egg mix with 12 eggs. Put mixture into muffin tins that have been sprayed.

Add anything you want: bacon bits, cheese, dried tomatoes, spinach, etc. to each tin. Bake at 350 degrees for 10-12 minutes. Can heat and eat after first day.

8. Children can still do chores when school starts.

From age 9 up teach them to do their own wash. Be sure to teach them not to put bleeding colors with white or pale colors. Have a timer on yarn to put around their necks; set it to ring when it is time to move wash to the dryer and then rings again when it’s time to take clothes from dryer to basket to room. Have a sign-up sheet as it is likely that all kids will want to use the wash on Sunday night. Chores teach a child what is necessary to do in order to manage a home; they are also done for the right to live in your home.

“By showing you what is to be done, the children organize their brain.”

14 SEPTEMBER 2019 | Idaho Family Magazine

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9. Have traditions that bring your family together.

Eat dinner at a table and talk to each other whenever possible. Have Friday night pizza and movie time. Go on bike rides or other fun activities together. Children who feel like they belong to a “pack” are less likely to look for a place to belong with less desirable people.

10. Be emotionally available to your children. Listen!

Hush! Don’t judge what they say, just listen. Children stop talking to parents who lecture, moralize or judge. If you have an opinion, state it as such: “I can see where you are coming from, and another way to look at it might be...”

If you want your children to talk to you, you need to be emotionally available.

Investing time and love in a child is the glue to help a child learn to be all that he or she can be. There are no re-runs in this game. Invest now!

For more than 55 years, Sandy McDaniel has been an international speaker and recognized authority on families and children. Author of five books, columnist, founder of parentingsos.com, she is a resident of Meridian and loves spending time with her three Idaho grandchicks.

Semi-retired, she speaks to schools, churches, and MOPS groups and provides parent coaching sessions in person and on the phone. She is available for parenting talks/trainings in the Treasure Valley and may be reached at sandy@parentingsos.com. Also, go to YouTube: Sandy Spurgeon McDaniel to see videos on specific parenting issues.

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Idaho Family Magazine | SEPTEMBER 2019 15

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