Idaho Family Mar/Apr 2021

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Mar/Apr 2021

DAD WORKS HARD Earns custody of baby

BRAIN-BUILDING FOR INFANTS Some simple activities

WHAT KIDS BUY Should it always be sensible?

FAMILY, JOB… ANXIETY

A balancing act

The Willis Family, photo taken by Karissa Irish of Don’t Blink Photography

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Contents

Features

Volume 9, Number 2 Publisher J.J. Plew Associate Publisher Adrianne Goff Adrianne@globalpsd.com Cover Photo Karissa Irish, Don’t Blink Photography Editor Gaye Bunderson editorgaye@gmail.com

Mar/Apr 2021

Custody dad A win in court

Ronda Pierce Foster mom helps bio dad

4 5

Sales & Marketing J.J. Plew jj@idahofamilymagazine.com 208-697-2043 Contributors Chuck Carpenter, Luke Erickson, Cara Johnson-Bader, Dennis Lopez, Stan Popovich Graphic Design Carol Smiley csmileydesign@gmail.com Distribution Shauna Howard, Doris Evans

Idaho Family Magazine, published monthly

by Gem Production Co., LLC, is committed to providing readers with informative and entertaining information to help them in maintaining healthy families and positive lifestyles. It is distributed throughout the valley as a free publication. Idaho Family Magazine does not assume responsibility for statements or opinions expressed by editorial contributors or advertisers. The acceptance of advertising does not constitute an endorsement of the products, services or information. Idaho Family Magazine does not knowingly present any product or service which is fraudulent or misleading in nature. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced without express written consent of the publisher. Reader correspondence and editorial submissions are welcome. Idaho Family Magazine reserves the right to edit or reject all materials submitted.

All rights reserved. Copyright 2021 by Gem Production Co., LLC. Follow us on Facebook www.idahofamilymagazine.com

Columns 7 Real Money,

Real Families Stuff kids buy

12 The

Outdoorsman ‘Reading sign’

Balancing act

Family, job...anxiety

Building baby’s brain

6

15 Wednesday’s Child

Meet Joseph

8

Four tips

Teenage revolt Clown?

No thanks!

14

In Each Edition 10 Family Events Calendar

Children’s Photos Wanted Idaho Family Magazine would love to put your child or children on our cover. All photos should be high quality, sharp and clear, and high resolution of around 300 ppi.

Color photos are preferred, and all photos need to be vertical not horizontal. Please identify the children in the photos, the children’s ages, and what Treasure Valley community they reside in. (If chosen for the cover, their last names will not be used without permission.) Send the photos to editorgaye@gmail.com.

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Mar/Apr 2021

BRAINBU FOR INFA ILDING NTS Some simp le activities WHAT KI DS BUY

Should it always be sensible?

DAD WORKS HARD

Earns custo dy

of baby

FAMILY, JOB… ANXIET Y A bala ncing act

The Karissa IrishWillis Family, photo taken by of Don’t Blink Photograph y

Idaho Family Magazine | MAR/APR 2021 3

RYAN AND SCOTTIE

Baby girl saves father’s life (really)

By Gaye Bunderson

R

yan Meier is a 36-year-old man who grew up without knowing the love of a parent. Both his biological mother and father deserted him when he was a child; and as a fourth grader, he ended up staying with a stepfather after his mother abdicated all her maternal responsibilities.

And yet, despite all that, the story of Ryan becoming a father himself is filled with a sweet paternal tenderness that restores one’s faith in the ability of a human being to overcome a painful past. But Ryan traveled a long, difficult road before his hardened heart became a fountain of fatherly love.

Deep in his mind, Ryan carried an unspoken thought: “If my biological parents don’t want anything to do with me, nobody else is going to want me.” He endured that hollow feeling, and starting at the age of 15, he regularly abused methamphetamines. At age 20, he got his first felony charge for possession of a controlled substance and was placed in an Ada County court program to help him get off drugs.

“It was unsuccessful,” he said. “I couldn’t figure life out; I couldn’t connect the dots.”

4 MAR/APR 2021 | Idaho Family Magazine

His story after that is one of being in and out of incarceration, until in 2015, at age 30, he realized the hamster wheel of drugs and prison wasn’t amounting to much of a life. He got a job and said he was becoming “somewhat successful.”

But he made compromises with the lure of drugs.

“I thought if I had full-time employment and structure, I could use drugs like I wanted,” he said.

He also formed a relationship with a woman who in 2016 discovered she was pregnant with his child. At one point, the couple argued over something and Ryan’s temper got the better of him. He ended up with a felony domestic charge.

He went to jail for 30 days, and after pleading guilty to aggravated assault, he was later sentenced to probation.

“I knew I couldn’t continue using drugs – and our baby was almost here. I decided ‘no more highs’. I was just focusing on work,” he said.

Scottie Marie Meier was born January 28, 2017, and Ryan realized, “I didn’t want my daughter to ever think, ‘My father doesn’t want anything to do with me’.”

He was able to be at the hospital when his daughter was

www.idahofamilymagazine.com

RONDA PIERCE

Foster mom befriends biological dad

By Gaye Bunderson

Ryan had a special photo made of himself and his daughter to show how blessed he has been by her. She taught him to love, and even to live, as he straightened up his life in order to have full custody of his beloved little girl. (Courtesy photo) born and said, “When the doctors placed her in my hands, I thought, ‘I have never loved anybody – not even myself. I have never felt that way.’ But when I held my daughter, I felt it. I don’t know if I ever knew what love was until she was born. But I knew I loved her.”

He made changes in his life immediately, motivated by his love for Scottie.

The first challenge he confronted was while he was still at the hospital. Because he had been up all night awaiting Scottie’s birth, he fell asleep in a chair. “A detective tapped me on the leg and told me my daughter tested positive for meth. I volunteered to take a drug test,” Ryan said.

His newborn had to be closely monitored due to the meth and was not allowed to leave the hospital nursery. Ryan would sit with her in a rocking chair – he didn’t want to leave her. “I was scared to leave for fear she wouldn’t be there when I got back,” he said. He stayed an entire 22 hours straight, holding his baby as much as he could.

After a while, the nurses got used to him and began to teach him a little about how to care for a baby. Finally, one nurse told him to go home and shower. “The baby will be here when you get back,” she assured him.

While he was away, he voluntarily signed up for a drug test and asked that the results all be forwarded to the baby’s Health & Welfare caseworker. He was prepared to do anything for his daughter’s sake.

Because of his past history – and especially for having struck his girlfriend – he was placed on a Child Protection Services list, and the baby was placed in foster care.

“I was disgruntled inside – they said it would take 6 months to a year before I would know if I could have custody,” he said.

He was allowed supervised visits.

On January 30, 2017, when Scottie was placed in foster care, the foster mom, Ronda Pierce, was introduced to Ryan.

“She was respectful and understanding and very cordial,” he said. He was holding Scottie at the time, and the caseworker Continued on Page11 www.idahofamilymagazine.com

Foster parents and biological parents aren't locked in an adversarial role, as some might see it. “I think there's a misconception that foster parents want to keep all the kids,” said Ronda Pierce, who, along with her husband TJ, served as foster parents for 3 years. During that time, one of their foster children was Ryan Meier's daughter, Scottie.

Ryan was originally told it could take 6 months to a year before the issue of custody was decided. But in a much shorter time frame – 7 weeks, to be exact – Ryan was given custody of Scottie. Caseworkers and others familiar with Ryan sided with him during the court hearing. One of those people was Ronda.

“The biggest thing that stuck out for me was that he was constantly wanting to learn and ask questions. He wasn't too proud to ask for help,” she said.

She was very happy to help teach him parent skills, and was very happy when he was awarded custody. “I think that's your role as a foster parent – you want those parents to succeed,” she said.

The Pierce family had to say goodbye to Scottie, but it wasn't a painful process. “We were not strangers to saying goodbye,” Ronda said. “We were excited for Ryan – he worked really hard to get the baby back.”

The Pierces maintained their relationship with Ryan and his new family – he has a wife and son now too – and Ronda said it was because Ryan needed an extended family of sorts. “Ryan had to give up his whole entire life to stay clean (from drugs). He had no successful relationships.”

The Pierce and Meier families even go to church together. Ryan opted for church attendance because “I wanted to have healthy relationships for my kids and allow them to meet some families and kids they could do things with.”

What does Ronda think is the best message people can take away from Ryan's story? “Our message as a family regarding Ryan is that people can change. Some people think no one deserves a second chance.”

But Ryan's life dispels the idea that nobody deserves a re-start. He worked hard for his own second chance, and he's made the very best of it.

Idaho Family Magazine | MAR/APR 2021 5

BALANCING ACT

Dealing with family, career – and anxiety

By Stan Popovich

It can be difficult for adults to have to take care of their families and manage their careers at the same time. This can cause a lot of stress and anxiety for many people.

As a result, here are six tips on how to take care of your family and your career without getting overly stressed.

1. Set goals: Try to set goals for yourself when you manage your family or career. When you get up in the mornings, try to set some daily goals for you to accomplish. When you accomplish these goals, you will feel happier and more confident to do more things.

2. Delegate: When taking care of your family, get your spouse to help out. If your kids are older, get them to assist you. If you are at work, only take on what you can handle.

Don’t try to do everything all at once. Learn to delegate and work with other people.

3. Evaluate your situation: If you try to do everything, you will get stressed and anxious. A person can only do so much in a given day. Do not do everything. Learn to manage your responsibilities. If you feel like you are doing too much, then take a break and evaluate your situation.

4. Prioritize: Try to do things in terms of their importance.

Let’s say that you have to clean the living room, go to the supermarket, and wash the dishes. You decide to go to the supermarket since that is the most important thing that needs to be accomplished. You decide you can do the other two tasks later on. Determine what needs done right now and do those particular tasks in order of importance.

5. Plan ahead: It is much easier to accomplish something if you know what you are going to do ahead of time. Proper planning will help manage the stresses and anxieties of getting want you want and help you to stay organized.

6. Communication is important: It is important to talk to your co-workers and family members in order to avoid any potential problems. Get into the habit of talking to others in order to get things accomplished. Don’t get upset when things don’t work according to plan. Learning how to work with others can help save you a lot of time.

Stan Popovich is the author of the popular managing fear book, “A Layman’s Guide to Managing Fear”. For more information about Stan’s book and to get some free mental health advice, visit Stan’s website at http://www.managingfear.com.

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REAL MONEY, REAL FAMILIES

Should kids buy whatever they want?

By Luke Erickson

W

hen my kids earn money we jumped into part II of my seminar about how divide it into three categories another option was to save her money for for saving, sharing, and something bigger and better later on. And I spending. With their spending totally convinced her to save her money (not a money we usually try to give them some true story at all). Okay, so she didn’t much like guidance along the way, while still allowing my ideas. Instead, she returned to the shelves them to make their own decisions. After all, of plastic and emerged with something I knew learning from their own spending mistakes she would like…but at an exorbitant price. while they’re young can spare them much One last time I asked her if this is what bigger spending mistakes when they’re older. she really wanted to spend her money on.

At least that’s the story I told my wife when I didn’t use the term “opportunity costs” my four-year-old brought home a giant stuffed because, well, I’m a hip dad, aside from the unicorn that was surprisingly cheap but fact that I just used the word “hip” to mean Luke Erickson literally twice as big as she is (true story). cool (i.e. sick, lit, dope – you’re welcome for One of the hardest lessons to learn for our kids so far is the translation kids), but I did explain that by spending her that of opportunity costs. Yes, opportunity cost, that old money on this overpriced toy she wouldn’t be able to buy economic principle that we all learned of as freshmen. It anything else with that money. She rolled her eyes and said, always helped when my economics professor used Taco Bell “I know dad.” And off we went to the checkout line. tacos and burritos in his examples (true story). “If you have We got home, and she opened her toy and enjoyed it well 10 bucks and order ten tacos, you won’t have any money (or enough. Then – you can tell where this is going right? Only belly space, professor?) for burritos. The opportunity costs a few days later we were at a family friend’s house where one of your order of tacos therefore are the burritos you could of her close friends had a baby Grogu toy (aka baby Yoda) have enjoyed instead.” So yes, eating tacos doesn’t just cost from the Disney series the Mandalorian. She instantly loved us money, it also costs us the burritos that we shall never the cute little green baby Grogu and asked if she could get consume (however, clogged arteries and digestive tract issues one. Like the dutiful professor I am I seized the moment would come with either choice FYI). to amplify her pain and help her see the error of her ways.

Recently my ten-year old came into a considerable sum of money (for her anyway) due to a confluence of birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, and allowance. She asked me to take her to the store, so like the good father/professor that I am, I chauffeured her whilst discussing the limitations of her The author's daughter, money. “This sounds like a lot of money, but it won’t take Adalyn, age 4, was very long to spend it all if you’re not careful with it…” and allowed to buy whatever other equally valuable words of wisdom. she wanted with her own money, and her choice was “Okaaay daaad…” Tough crowd. Not her first time a unicorn bigger than she hearing one of my seminars apparently. We went into the is. Dad tries to impart store, and I let her peruse the wares of the fine establishment. some of his grownup By the way, am I the only one who finds it ironic that this wisdom to his kids when supposed “Wal-mart” doesn’t even sell walls? They don’t they make independent purchases of their own. even have walls, just a bunch of shelves. They should have But was this a “spending called it “Shelv-mart.” And don’t even get me started on this mistake”? so-called “Target” store!

See answer in this column.

Where were we?

(Photo provided by Ah, so my daughter spent a good deal of time looking Luke Erickson) over her options. It seemed that there just wasn’t anything that really caught her attention. I told her that if she didn’t find anything that she really wanted she should just save her money and we could do some more shopping online or at other stores. Of course, I seized the moment and quickly Continued on Page 9 www.idahofamilymagazine.com

Idaho Family Magazine | MAR/APR 2021 7

FOUR TIPS

Brain-building activities for your baby

A

By Cara Johnson-Bader s a new parent, you want to give PLAYING AND SINGING Research your baby the best start in life, highlights the importance of playing with and a wonderful way to give your your baby. Essential elements of your little baby the best start is through brain one’s growth are all developed and finedevelopment activities. It might seem like a tuned through play. Skills such as developing daunting task, but boosting your åbaby’s brain a healthy self-confidence, strengthening does not need to be complicated; in fact, it can listening skills, improving language skills, be a simple part of your daily routine. and growing important physical skills are all At New Horizon Academy, we know that the developed through play. best way to help your baby’s brain is to actively Whether it is games like “Peek-a-Boo”, engage her through everyday activities like “Pat-a-Cake”, singing “Twinkle, Twinkle, talking, playing, reading, and comforting her Little Star”, or using puppets, this playing and when she feels stressed. singing fosters imagination and creativity and Cara Johnson-Bader Here are four everyday activities that help your helps promote language development. little one’s development.

You may think, “Well, I am not a good singer.” That is ONE-ON-ONE TIME The number one brain booster for just fine. Your singing voice does not matter. You are singing your baby is one-on-one time with you. Responsive, warm, to you baby, not being judged on American Idol, and your and supportive interactions between you and your baby build baby loves the sound of your voice and the attention you are the foundation for learning. giving him.

TALKING Talk to your baby about what you are doing.

READING Reading to your baby is one of the most Describe what you see together, such as, “Here is a bird. powerful things you can do to support brain development.

He is red. See him fly in the sky.” As your baby begins to Studies have also shown that children who were read to as babble and coo, talk with her as though she is carrying on a newborns have a larger vocabulary, as well as more advanced conversation with you. mathematical skills, than other children their age and are By talking to your baby, you are helping her develop her better prepared to eventually start reading on their own. vocabulary. All that babbling and cooing is your baby’s You are the best brain builder for your baby, and it is through pre-language skills developing. Studies have shown that everyday interactions that you help your baby grow and develop. the number of words a child learns by the age of 3 grows Cara Johnson-Bader is the Vice President of Marketing and Parent in direct correlation to how many words are spoken in the Experiences at New Horizon Academy and mother of two young boys. home.

Learn more about New Horizon Academy at newhorizonacademy.net.

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REAL MONEY — Continued from Page 7 “Nope! But you could have had it if you hadn’t spent all your money on that other cheap overpriced toy!”

Then…I did a mic drop and walked out of the room (not totally a true story, I wasn’t actually using a microphone).

The truth, I felt her pain a bit, because that little green guy is adorable. We talked through baby Grogu as an opportunity cost to her earlier decision to spend money; I gave her a hug and told her that it’s a great thing to be able to save our money for things we really want, and not just spend money on stuff we sorta kinda want in the moment just because we have money to spend. And I totally changed her life and she’ll forever be a wise spender and live happily ever after and thank me profusely for imparting my wisdom to her (yeah, not even close).

Okay, the truth is that I have no idea whether this lesson will stick with her or not. But wise spending habits aren’t built in a day either, right? They happen over time and particularly during a child’s formative years where they form their life paradigms – the perspective they will have on the world as they move into adulthood. And maybe, just maybe with enough opportunities to talk over the pros and cons of their spending decisions, kids might avoid some pretty costly spending mistakes later in life.

So, I guess as a parent I’ll have to be patient and keep sharing gentle lessons on wise spending on a regular basis in hopes that some of it will sink in.

Or…as a professor I might just tell my kids to go buy a cheap giant unicorn at Shelv-mart and soak it with tears of sorrow from all of their spending failures that resulted from their father’s inability to teach them properly. And I’m out (clumsy totally unhip mic drop).

Luke Erickson, Ph.D., AFC®, REALTOR®, is an associate professor of personal finance for the University of Idaho. He lives and works in the Treasure Valley. Luke and his wife Rachel have been married for 15 years and live in Meridian, Idaho with their four energetic children. Got questions or comments about kids and money? Email them to erickson@ uidaho.edu and he’ll respond in future articles.

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Idaho Family Magazine | MAR/APR 2021 9

CALENDAR of Events

MARCH

Beginning March, 2021

Please send family-related calendar items to editorgaye@gmail.com

Foster care informational meetings

Foster parents are needed to provide a safe, temporary home for children and youth who are in foster care. Attending an informational meeting will give potential foster parents a basic understanding of who the children in foster care are, the roles and responsibilities of foster parents, and what’s needed to become licensed to foster. During an informational meeting, participants will hear from an experienced foster parent about the rewards and challenges of fostering, and will learn more about the background of some of the children and the length of time it will take to get a placement. The meetings are being held through Zoom, so anyone can join from the comfort of their own home. Meetings are sponsored by Fostering Idaho through the EWU-Family Resource and Training Center. Visit their website at https://familyrtc.org/ fosteringidaho/events for the full calendar of upcoming meetings. If you have questions, contact Monique Layton, recruitment coordinator, at (208) 249-0180 or mlayton4@ewu.edu.

Boise WaterShed online

The Boise WaterShed is offering a variety of online programming for people to connect, learn and engage during this challenging time. Whether you are looking for at-home activities, short informative videos, or information for lifelong learning, you may find it at https://bee.cityofboise.org/learn/ watershed-at-home/. Also, continue to check out bee.cityofboise.org for updated information and activities throughout the current and coming months.

Boise Art Museum

Boise Art Museum is open from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Tuesday through Saturday and from noon to 5 p.m. on Sunday. There is plenty of space for physical distancing and quiet contemplation at the museum. For the health and safety of visitors and staff, the BAM experience is now no-touch or low-touch, with

enhanced disinfecting protocols throughout the building. The museum highly recommends purchasing tickets in advance online at http://www.boiseartmuseum.org/bam-admission-purchase/.

Discovery Center of Idaho

The Discovery Center is open to the public for exploring. There are some important changes you should know before your visit, including: advanced tickets are required; hands-on exhibits have been removed for now and the Young Learner’s area is closed; masks are required for your entire visit; cards only please – no cash is accepted at this time. For times and other information, go to dcidaho.org.

Spring Sports Madness for Moms and Sons

Nampa Rec Center’s annual event for moms and sons, Spring Sports Madness, is set for 7:30 to 9 p.m. Saturday, March 6. There will be pizza, basketball, dodgeball, other games, and a photo booth. Tickets will be limited, so inquire early at nampaparksandrecreation.org.

Red Shoe Shindig

The 2nd annual event benefitting Ronald McDonald House Charities of Idaho is set for 7 p.m. Thursday, March 11, and will be virtual, with options to host a watch party. Bring on those red shoes! Go to https://www.rmhcidaho.org/redshoe/.

2021 Food Truck Rally Goes to the Dogs

The annual Food Truck Rally Goes to the Dogs is set for 2 to 6 p.m. Saturday, March 13, at Lloyd Square Park in downtown Nampa. There will be no entry fee, but food and drinks will be available for purchase. For more information, visit nampaparks.org or call 208-468-5858.

Boise Philharmonic

Boise Phil has continued to present programs throughout the year, with protocols in place, including masks. The philharmonic has a slate of programs set for 2021 as well. Go to https://boisephil.org/events/calendar/ for more information. (The schedule includes a Family Concert at 7 p.m. Saturday, March 27, with a presentation of Peter and the Wolf / Carnival of Animals.)

APRIL Flashlight Easter Egg Hunt n

in actio

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Before School & After School Swimming • Rock Climbing • Court Games Crafts • Snacks and More!

FOR MORE INFORMATION, CALL 208-468-5858 OR VISIT OUR WEBSITE AT NAMPARECCENTER.ORG 10 MAR/APR 2021 | Idaho Family Magazine

Nampa Recreation Department’s Flashlight Easter Egg Hunt for children 13-17 is set to take place Friday, April 2, in the Nampa Rec Center’s backyard.

The hunt will begin at 9 p.m. sharp, and those who attend should bring their own bags and flashlights. Cost is $3 per person. For more information, go to nampaparksandrecreation.org.

Easter Egg Swim

The Nampa Rec Center will host its annual Easter Egg Swim from 1 to 3 p.m. Saturday, April 3, at the Rec Center. Cost of the Easter Egg Swim is included with admission to the center. There will be sinkable and floatable eggs. A special hunt for children 5 and under will take place at 1 p.m.; ages 6-8, 1:30 p.m.; and ages 9-12, 2 p.m. For more information, go to nampaparksandrecreation.org.

www.idahofamilymagazine.com

came and took her and put her into a carseat.

Painful though it was, Ryan was nonetheless relieved that the caseworker had taken the child from his arms and not Ronda. “If Ronda had come and taken the baby from me, I would have always had that image of her.”

After the baby was driven away, Ryan said he went to a nearby bench and sat down. “I cried and cried and cried. For a good 45 minutes I sat there.”

When his emotions were spent, he did a quite unusual thing.

“I had a nice SUV – a Yukon – that I paid $600 a month for,” he said. He also had a Ford Escort. He drove to where he could have both vehicles together. Then, he drove one vehicle a short distance, stopped, walked back to the other vehicle and drove it a ways ahead of the first vehicle. “I kept ‘leapfrogging’ them,” he explained. His goal was to get the Yukon back to the dealership where he’d purchased it and keep the Escort for transportation.

“I couldn’t justify making payments on a car when I had no home and no daughter.”

That night, he slept on the couch at the residence of his former girlfriend, Scottie’s mother. He went to work the next day, and when he came home, Scottie’s mom wasn’t there – she was out doing drugs again. When she finally returned at 3 a.m., she tried to start an argument. Ryan wasn’t buying it, and he left with nothing but a backpack, leaving everything else behind.

He had left home as a teenager at age 16. Now in his 30s, he went to his stepfather’s home – a man he calls Dad – and made arrangements to sleep on the floor so he could save up his money. He also ate a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in order to stretch a dollar.

The Health & Welfare case plan required him to have a normal, stable and healthy life so he could create a stable life for his child. He went to all his supervised visits and always got there 15 minutes early. “I wanted to show everyone that Scottie was my priority,” he said. “If Health & Welfare was going to ask me to do something, I was going to do it before they asked.”

In fact, he was going to do all they asked and more, to meet all their expectations and then some. He took a Happiest Baby on the Block class at St. Luke’s. It was for pregnant moms, and the expectant mothers in the class were using dolls to learn proper infant care. But there was Ryan, with his real live baby, learning all he could and being 100 percent hands-on.

To continue to learn about child care, he started asking Ronda questions, such as how to give a baby a proper bath.

“I would also google things, like when should babies eat and how much,” he said.

After 3 weeks of sleeping on his dad’s floor and subsisting on PB&J, he found a little studio apartment that was about www.idahofamilymagazine.com

Scottie Marie Meier was born in 2017 to Ryan Meier, a young man who had been to prison for drugs. Ryan had never been parented well himself, and he was determined to be the best father he could be to his baby girl. (Courtesy photo) 10’ x 22’ and had a tiny kitchen and bathroom. It cost $390 a month to rent, and he thought it could serve as his and Scottie’s first home together.

On March 23, 2017, a court hearing was held to determine if Ryan could get extended home visits with Scottie and have her stay overnight with him. “I was doing whatever it took, and people were talking about it. I could feel a shift in the room,” he said.

He wasn’t being perceived as a possibly irresponsible risk to his daughter’s well-being, but as a man who was seeking to be an exemplary dad to the baby girl he treasured.

“We were just at the 7-week mark,” he said, rather than the 6-months-to-a-year timetable that had originally been told to him.

At the end of the hearing, he knew the court’s decision was highly in his favor: he was being given Scottie and not just for an overnight stay. “Scottie wasn’t coming home to visit – she was coming home for good,” he said.

Ronda and her husband TJ were present in court. The couple have five kids of their own, and they asked Ryan if they could take Scottie home to their house for one more night so they could all say goodbye to her. He said yes.

“People told me I needed to cut ties with Ronda and TJ, but everything in my body asked, ‘Why would I get rid of these two people who have done nothing but care for me and help me?’” Ryan said.

Ryan has become a speaker and trainer at fostering programs, sharing his perspective as a birth parent. He, Ronda and TJ have remained close. Scottie is now 4 and actually has a baby brother.

“When she was 6 months old, I started seeing somebody. I was terrified of a new relationship,” he said. That girlfriend is now his wife. Her name is Sequoia, and she has become a good mother to Scottie. The couple’s son is named Samuel and is 10 months old.

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Idaho Family Magazine | MAR/APR 2021 11

THE OUTDOORSMAN

Learning to ‘read sign’ in the wild

By Chuck Carpenter

G

rowing up with a dad that had mark, and then blood, hair, and what was left hunted and trapped all of his life, I of the rabbit. understand why he wanted my two Another incident took place in Alaska, younger brothers and me to learn where a very large grizzly had made a stalk how to read sign – how to follow an animal, that would have made any bow hunter proud. learn areas they liked to travel, hide out, feed, He was traveling along and had either smelled and sleep. or seen a cow moose bedded down. Using the I don’t remember how many times he would wind and cover perfectly, the grizzly slipped actually take us back to a place where he had in within a few feet of the moose. After a very found that a predator had made a kill, and he short charge, he killed the moose and dragged let us boys follow the tracks and try to figure it a short distance and fed on the carcass. The out what had taken place. tracks in the snow told the whole story.

I remember going to a place where an owl There was the time in Montana when Chuck Carpenter had killed a snowshoe rabbit and checking a rancher called my dad and said that out how the ole rabbit was hopping along and began to run, something had killed five antelope not far from his house. I and after a short distance noticing marks on both sides of the was able to go along with my dad when he checked it out. tracks. Dad asked us what we thought? Then as we walked It was late winter and quite a bit of snow was on the along, tracks explained how the rabbit was just traveling ground. Some of the ridges were blown off, with most of the along, and the marks on each side of the tracks were marks snow stacked up in the draws. The snow had a crust and the left from an owl’s wings. There was a struggle, a short drag antelope were breaking through it. The tracks in the snow

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again told the story. Several coyotes had moved into the area and were hungry. They would chase the antelope; and when the antelope would try to cross the draws, they would break through the snow and flounder around unable to outrun the predators. With the coyotes able to stay on top of the snow, it was easy for them to make a kill.

Dad and I were on a deer hunt in Montana. We were trailing a little bunch of deer along in the snow. We were easing along as easy as we could, carefully checking the area ahead of us.

Dad would stop now and then and look at a pile of deer scat.

He would say, “We’re getting close now, that’s really fresh.” I would stop and look at the same pile of scat that he just looked at. I was thinking that it looked just like the last pile we went by. I finally put my foot in one of the piles and moved my foot around. I still couldn’t tell the difference. I looked up ahead at my dad. He was carefully checking out the area ahead of us.

I reached down in the snow and picked up a handful of the little round pellets and rolled them around in my fingers. Still couldn’t tell how fresh they were. I slowly lifted them to my nose and thought maybe a sniff would tell me what I needed

to know.

At the first sniff, one of the little pellets shot right up my nose. I started huffing and puffing and was getting really concerned! After about the third or fourth huff, that little pellet shot out of my nose and flew out into the snow. My eyes were watering and bugged out, and my face was red.

I looked up at my dad. He was laughing as hard as I’ve ever seen him laugh. He had tears rolling down his face. I really didn’t see all that much humor in the whole situation. “Was it fresh, Chuck?” he laughed. “Man, that thing had about the same muzzle velocity as your 30-06 when it came shooting out your nose.”

I think about the things I was lucky enough to enjoy with my dad almost every day. I was lucky to have that ole mountain man to teach me all he could.

Chuck Carpenter, who now lives in Idaho, likes to hunt, fish and trap.

He worked on a farm as a boy; then, as an adult, he took a job with the Department of Interior’s Animal Damage Control, now called USDA Wildlife Services. He ultimately became a district supervisor. He retired in 2011.

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Idaho Family Magazine | MAR/APR 2021 13

TEENAGE REVOLT

Son refuses to clown at mom’s carnival

By Dennis Lopez

C

onflict is normal. So, too, is conflict between parents and children. And employees and their bosses. But when your boss also is your mother, conflict is seen as rebellion, a revolution – the proletariat versus the bourgeoisie.

For most kids, a summer job means flipping burgers, working at the local market or washing cars. I, on the other hand, spent summers traveling. You see, my mother owned a carnival.

To be on the road required the ability to adapt to new places, people and situations. It was part of the game. But the summer when I was 16, one of those “situations” resulted in my first open revolt against my “tyrannical” boss and biological mother, Blondie.

“Try this on,” she said, tossing a large, weathered brown paper bag to me, “let’s see if it fits.”

I remember smelling the contents of the bag even before I opened it…a combination of cigarette smoke and body odor.

I dumped the contents onto the floor of our office trailer… blue striped pants, polka dot shirt, bow tie, wig. WIG? It took a few seconds to jell…it was a clown suit!

“You’re gonna be great,” she said.

“I’m gonna run away,” I said, and the red banner of revolution was raised.

At 16, I was so full of teen angst that I was afraid to even wear my hair different than anyone else. How was I supposed to be a clown?

Round one went to teen angst, round two, to authoritarianism.

Finally, like two boxers at the end of a 10-round fight, we called it a draw and placed an ad in “Billboard” magazine, then a magazine that focused on carnivals and circuses.

Two weeks later, Bubbles the Clown joined the show.

We were playing some small county fair in eastern Montana.

Fairs open early and close late, which meant we had our first call at 9:30 a.m. and sprung at 10. Bubbles made it to the lot around noon. Blondie was not happy.

“Maybe he was tired from his drive here,” I suggested. I had to make sure Bubbles stayed off Blondie’s radar because if he left, I knew who would be next in that stinky clown suit.

“Yeah, that’s probably it,” Blondie said somewhat doubtfully.

“He did drive from Kansas to get here.”

The next day, Bubbles hit the lot at 1:30. The fat hit the fan at 1:31.

“The nerve of that guy,” Blondie ranted. “I told him first call for him was 9:30, Cotton told him 9:30 and Skeeter told him 9:30. What the heck is wrong with him? Doesn’t he know how to tell time?”

“Well, he’s a performer,” I offered. “Remember when we hired that escape artist guy? He had his own way of doing things.

Maybe Bubbles just needs some time to get used to us. After all, 14 MAR/APR 2021 | Idaho Family Magazine

this is a carnie, not a circus.”

“Yeah and it’s MY show and if he won’t listen to me, he’s going down the road.”

Bubbles did manage to make it to the lot on time the next day, but disappeared from time to time throughout the morning.

“He’s usin’ the restroom, I’ll bet,” I assured Blondie.

We started getting complaints from our customers shortly after noon.

“That clown of yours frightened my little boy,” said the lady.

“He’s…he’s very peculiar.”

Blondie patched it up with the woman by giving her a handful of ride passes and a piece of plush. Eight cranky mothers later she was beside herself.

“What is going on? What’s Bubbles doing that makes people think he’s…what did that one lady say?”

“Peculiar?”

“Get your fanny down the midway and find out what’s making him seem so ‘peculiar” to people.”

Everything seemed okay when I got to the kids’ ride area.

Bubbles was there with his balloons, walking slowly around the midway. Every once in a while he would pause and give out a balloon to some random kid.

And then I noticed something.

The kids would look sort of shocked when they got their balloons and occasionally would cower behind their mothers.

“Bubbles” was saying something to them when he bent down and handed them their balloons. But what was it?

It was Cotton, our ride foreman, who found out. He paid a local woman a sawbuck to hang around and listen and then take her kid up to Bubbles and get a balloon. She then reported back to him about the experience.

“She thinks he’s staggering drunk, Denny. And every time he gives a kid a balloon he says something like ‘Here…you little creep’,” he said. “The lady also said he pinched her, to boot.”

In less than ten minutes Blondie had Bubbles under the hot lights, grilling him about what was going on.

“Simple,” he said wiping the grease paint from his long face with some paper towels. “I hate kids.”

Even Blondie was stunned. What kind of clown hated kids?

“I just can’t stand ‘em anymore,” he continued. “When I was on the circus, it wasn’t so bad. We weren’t up close, but this kind of gig brings ‘em right next to you. I need a drink.”

Blondie paid him off and the last time I saw Bubbles he was passed out in his car, half clown, half without makeup and fulltime drunk. He was gone the next morning and, with him, the idea of a clown on the midway.

And to be sure, I tossed the weathered paper bag and its clown-suit contents into a garbage can. www.idahofamilymagazine.com

WEDNESDAY’S CHILD

Joseph, 16, is a funny, talented ‘jokester’ The following information is provided by Wednesday’s Child, an organization that helps Idaho foster children find permanent homes.

J

oseph, 16, is an outgoing young man with a passion for riding anything with wheels, including his bike, electric scooter, longboard or roller blades. When he’s not busy being active, he can be found reading novels by his favorite authors, JK Rowling and Rick Riordan, or building something awesome with Legos or K’nex. Board games are another of his favorite pastimes and he would really like to one day start a Rubik’s Cube club at school. Those closest to Joseph describe him as a smart and funny jokester who is extremely talented and creative when it comes to art and building things.

Though Joseph doesn’t count school as one of his favorite things, he definitely understands the need for a good education and is working hard to be successful at it so that one day he can fulfill his dream of going to college to become a computer programmer or coder. Caregivers who can help support him educationally will be an integral part of helping him to realize his future dreams.

Joseph describes his ideal Forever Family as including both a mom and a dad. He looks forward to each of those relationships and what they can add to his life. A family where he can be the only, or the youngest, child in the home is an ideal fit for him. Joseph values his faith and wants a Christian family who shares in his religious beliefs and

attends church regularly.

He has a real affinity for animals and hopes that his new home will have pets that he can help care for and spend time with. Joseph describes the best personality match for him as parents who are calm, caring but firm, good listeners, and easy to talk to when he is upset about something.

His team also adds that a family with TBRI training, or one who has an in-depth understanding of childhood trauma, would be a wonderful fit for him. It is very important to Joseph that his new family understands and supports his need to stay connected after he is adopted to several important people who are currently in his life.

A family that values this and that can foster and support those ongoing relationships would allow Joseph to be able to successfully move forward in his new life while knowing that he does not have to give up relationships that are reminders of the good things about his past and where he came from.

Joseph is sure to add fun and adventure to his future family.

If you think that your family would be a great match for this resilient teen, we look forward to receiving an inquiry from you today (see below).

For more information on the Idaho Wednesday’s Child Program, visit www.idahowednesdayschild.org, or contact Recruitment Coordinator Shawn White at swhite52@ewu.edu or cell 208-488-8989 if you have specific questions.

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