Idaho Family 03 2019

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March 2019

HARD MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS An unfortunate gene

PARENTAL STRESS ST. PATRICK’S DAY A special day for adoptive family

A control issue

BRAIN BUILDER A parent’s role

See inside for our...

Early Learning 2019 Preschool and Child Care Guide

2018 Idaho Miss Amazing Preteen Representative, Jane Petersen

Contents Features

Volume 7, Number 3 Publisher J.J. Plew Associate Publisher Adrianne Goff

March 2019

Water bottles

5

Save on glassware

Columns 7 The Horney Village

Rewriting history

Cover Photo Sam Mfinanga Editor Gaye Bunderson editorgaye@gmail.com Sales & Marketing J.J. Plew jjplew82@gmail.com 208-697-2043 Contributors Daniel Bobinski, Jessie Horney, Macaile Hutt, Cara Johnson-Bader, Sandy McDaniel, Kim Schafer Graphic Design Carol Smiley csmileydesign@gmail.com

Parental stress It’s about control

Follow us on Facebook www.idahofamilymagazine.com

14

Genetic diagnosis

A Love Story

Waiting for light A

Idaho Family Magazine, published monthly

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Departments 8 Adoption

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Distribution Shauna Howard, Doris Evans

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Early Learning 16 Preschool & Child Care Guide

Meet DJ

2019

In Each Edition 4 Editor’s Intro Good leadership

Parents as brain builders

20

Some tips

Use words Not fists

10 Family Events 22

Calendar

Idaho Family Magazine | MARCH 2019 3

EDITOR’S Intro

Good leadership worth striving for

W

e’re all leaders in our own way. We lead our families, for instance. Or we may lead a church Sunday school class or be the volunteer coach of a sports team.

I think too often people combine the words “boss” and “leader” in a way that isn’t right. For me, a boss is someone who gets heady with the power of telling other people what to do. Real leaders realize that sometimes they have to take it on the chin, take one for the team, lead by example. And they have to do this for the well-being of the team or staff, for morale, for the good of everyone.

That’s what good family leaders do.

They’re the adults. They make the hard decisions and endure the consequences.

They look out for everyone in the family, from biggest to smallest, and not just for themselves. Would you expect anything less of them? No, you wouldn’t.

I want to discuss two really great leaders I once encountered at a previous job. I mention them because, for me, they were stellar examples of what good leadership means: making sacrifices and caring about others.

Have you ever worked at a job where one department or employee was more highly valued than another? Good management recognizes that every employee in every department is a key member of an employment team. But obviously, not every place we work has good managers.

In one particular job I held, the advertising department clearly held a spot in the boss’s heart far above the other departments. So when our parking lot was torn up so that a prominent business could build there, our boss decided he would pay for parking in a nearby parking garage for himself, employees in the ad department, and all department heads.

Everyone else would have to park blocks away in what amounted to a sandlot that quickly became a swamp when it Be a legend. rained.

Insure your life.

I admit a good walk never hurts Be a legend. anyone, so the blocks that had to be Insure your life. traversed in dressy shoes to make it to With the right life insurance, you can leave a legacy for work were, yes, darn good exercise. your family. I’m here to help.

LET’S TALK TODAY. Until it snowed and the temperature With the right life insurance, dropped to freezing levels. Woe to With the right life insurance, leave you canyou leavecan a legacy for a legacy for anyone who survived the long stretch of your family.

I’m here to help. your family. I’m here to help.

LET’S TALK TODAY. LET’S TALK TODAY. sidewalk to the office only to get inside and realize they’d left their briefcase behind in the parking lot.

Be a legend.

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So anyway, what about leadership?

Well, there were two department heads who said “No, thank you” to the offer of parking in the parking garage.

Instead, they told the boss, “If our staff has to walk to work all the way from the boondocks, we’ll walk with them.”

And they did.

They passed up a free chance to park in a close-to-the-office covered space where the snow and rain couldn’t get in during the cold winter and the sun didn’t beat down on their car in the hot summer.

They could have said, “Well, best of luck, staff. Life’s a bummer. Enjoy the hot or cold hike while we get the best piece of the company pie. We are in management, after all!”

But they didn’t say that. They cared about the people under them, and they wanted us to know it.

Don’t forget that whether you’re the head of a family or the head of a business or organization, there’s more to being a leader than throwing your weight around. And many times, there’s a real difference between a boss and a leader. Being told you’re bossy is not a compliment. But being told you’re a good leader is. Go out and be one today; and, by example, teach your children how to be one too. (By the way, there are exceptions to my declaration that all bosses are only heady with power. I know, because I currently work for two of those exceptions.)

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HARD MEDICAL DIAGNO SIS An unfortunate

ST. PATR ICK’S DAY

gene

PARENT AL STRESS A control

issue

A special day adoptive familyfor

See inside for

Early Lea our... rning 20 Preschool and 19 Child Care Guid e

BRAIN BUILDER A parent’s

role

2018 Idaho Miss Amazin g Preteen Representative, Jane Peterse n

4 MARCH 2019 | Idaho Family Magazine

www.idahofamilymagazine.com

FAMILY water bottles

Save on dishes, help environment

By Joanne Wilcox

W

e all know how important it is to our health and brain function to be properly hydrated, right? With health and hydration in mind, does your top dishwasher rack ever look

overloaded with cups?

So did ours. Since installing a drinking fountain was out of our budget (weird, I know), I came up with a great way to have everyone hydrate and get a drink of water throughout the day without filling up our dishwasher or cupboard with labeled glasses for each person. (This is another method, though still flawed — I don’t like 9 glasses on my counter all day.)

Here’s what worked for us:

1. I bought different kinds of water bottles at our favorite second-hand store (Deseret Industries).

2. Each person in our family chose a bottle and labeled it.

This saves space in landfills, as you are reusing water bottles rather than throwing them away.

3. Important: Be sure to tell each person that they are in charge of keeping their bottle filled and clean and to only drink out of their own water bottle. (This has been a bit of a problem for us.)

4. I ask my crew to drink a full bottle of water every day.

No, it doesn’t happen daily, but we try.

5. The Sharpie-written names tend to wear off after awhile.

No worries. This is fine as long as everyone knows which bottle is theirs. You/they don’t have to know everyone’s bottle on sight. Just your/their personal one. Tip: If you like knowing everyone’s bottle, writing on tape has worked best for us. Label maker labels tend to wear out faster than Sharpie on tape.

6. We have a specific place for water bottles in our fridge.

It has been labeled “Waters” to show each person where their water bottles live. Our crew is pretty good about replacing them there. (Now if we could just keep them filled, we’d be golden.

7. We also have a basket of extra bottles. You know, the ones that magically appear from races, camps, reunions, etc.

These are our replacement water bottles as we sometimes forget ours at the park, orthodontist, beach, someone else’s house or car, etc. This way we don’t stress over the absent bottle. Just choose another and label it.

Tip: Sometimes plain water gets boring, even for me. If you simply plop an herb tea bag in with the water and let the tag on the string dangle out the top, you’ll have flavored water. Go ahead and screw the lid on over the string; don’t worry — it will still be watertight. Peppermint is my favorite, and it’s great for digestion and energy, too.

I hope this little suggestion makes your dishwashing more efficient (because there are fewer glasses to wash) and helps your family be hydrated at the same time.

For more information, go to www.MaryAnnsCupboard.com.

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Idaho Family Magazine | MARCH 2019 5

PARENTAL stress

Is it actually about losing control?

By Daniel Bobinski

W

hen we don’t slow down to take time for ourselves — to recharge our batteries — we run the risk of experiencing stress.

Call it what you want: stress, fatigue, tension, it doesn’t matter, and it happens to just about everyone. But did you know that the word, “stress,” is a little deceptive? We tell people we’re stressed, but in reality, the word “stress” is a synonym for a sense of losing control. Let me explain.

• When our computer doesn’t do what we want it to, we may sense a loss of control, but we describe that loss of control to others as stress.

• If the number, pace, or size of projects on our plate gets to where we can’t keep track of everything, we sense a loss of control, but we call it stress.

• When our child is refusing to take his bath or is being rebellious in another way, we struggle to maintain a sense of control, but we tell our friends we’re experiencing stress.

We use the word “stressed” because it’s taboo for us to be losing our sense of control.

What are some common parental stress triggers? According to a recent study in England of more than 2,000 parents, some of the top triggers include: • Getting kids to go to bed • Getting kids to eat certain foods • Getting kids to clean their rooms • Getting kids up and ready for school on time • Getting kids to take a bath I have no doubt each of these challenges slows down our day and increases our stress. But at the core, when we encounter such situations, we’re struggling with the loss of control over how to bring each desire to reality. Again, the word “stress” is merely a socially acceptable way of describing the angst occurring within.

Considering all the time parents of very young children spend awake in the middle of the night taking care of illnesses, you might think that it’s younger kids that cause parents the most stress. But research from Arizona State University and Oklahoma State University shows that it’s the parents of 11- and 12-year-olds that experience the most stress. So much so that mothers of children in this age group are also the most likely of all parent groups to suffer from depression.

Depression is a different animal, but in the same family as stress. If stress is the sense that we’re losing control, depression can be described as the sense that all semblances of control have been lost, with no hope of getting them back.

Been there. Done that. But let me tell you there is hope.

Whether it’s socially acceptable stress or an unfairly stigmatized place of depression, stressed-out parents tend to make bad decisions, so it’s always a good idea to strengthen or re-establish a sense of control, even if it’s in small pieces.

6 MARCH 2019 | Idaho Family Magazine

According to WebMD.com, some very simple things can alleviate stress. And, if you look at the suggestions they make, each has to do with regaining (or building) a sense of control.

Several of the suggestions that I like include: • Make time for hobbies. Whether it’s needle arts or gardening or woodworking, almost all hobbies put you in the driver’s seat. You get to choose what project you’ll do, and you get to choose how you want your end results to look.

Clearly, you’re in control, and you can pace yourself for what’s comfortable. A friend of mine works with clay to make his own pottery, and he says it’s a great stress reliever. But perhaps more accurately, the stress dissipates when he’s doing something that gives him a sense of control.

• Set limits appropriately and learn to say “no.”

Boundaries are helpful for keeping us sane, and one valuable piece of advice I adopted was that it’s okay to give my answer without having to explain myself. Each of us can choose to say “no” to a request, and if someone asks why, we are under no obligation to provide our reasoning. People may want to argue about your values and why you choose to do or not do something — but your reasons are YOUR reasons, they’re not up for debate.

• Seek out social support. By spending time with people you enjoy, you gain a sense of control. You’re comfortable around them, and often they do things that make you laugh, which also works wonders for alleviating stress.

• My final suggestion may be the most important: Don’t kid yourself into thinking you can come out of heavy stress or depression all by yourself. If you believe stress is affecting you negatively, and especially if you feel like you’ve lost all control, get some professional input. If nothing else, identify someone whom you trust and schedule some regular “talk time.” It can be amazingly therapeutic.

Granted, what I’ve listed here are just a few suggestions to help you regain control and, as a result, alleviate stress. I know that many people believe they can simply will their way back from severe stress or depression, but when you’re at the far end of the scale, outside help is highly recommended. That said, as listed, there are definitely some things we can do to increase our sense of control.

Do a little research for yourself. Find some suggestions that you think will work for you (because one size does not fit all) and do them. If we don’t take time for ourselves — to recharge our batteries — we end up being drained. When that happens, we can’t be of much help to the people we love.

Daniel Bobinski, M.Ed. teaches teams and individuals how to use Emotional Intelligence, and he blogs regularly on that topic at www.eqfactor.net. He’s also a homeschooling dad, a home fellowship leader, a best-selling author, and a popular speaker at conferences and retreats. Reach him at daniel@eqfactor.net or (208) 375-7606. www.idahofamilymagazine.com

THE HORNEY village

Don’t rewrite your parental history

By Jessie Horney

T

here are two kinds of people in this world: The ones who think parenting is difficult, and the ones who lie about it. And under these categories are all kinds of sub-categories, like parents who complain about their kids but never read parenting books or ask for help, or parents who don’t actually realize their kids are out of control, or parents who have naturally compliant children and attribute it to their own good parenting skills (please), or parents of small children who give advice like they’ve been raising kids for more than 5 minutes (wait, is that me? She wonders as she writes a parenting article). But the worst subcategory of all, gentle readers, are the parents who rewrite history even as it is happening.

I call this momnesia, the disease that erodes reality and gives way to statements like “My kids always ate what we served them without complaining,” and “My babies always slept through the night, I don’t know what you’re doing wrong, sorry,” and “My teenagers loved listening to me talk.

Loved it.”

I used to roll my eyes at these moms and dads who appeared to live in a universe parallel to me and my actual human children. But here’s the bad news: I think I’ve contracted the disease.

My youngest child is 3 years old and I swear to you, I have no idea when she started talking in full sentences. I don’t know how my son started staying in his own bed after we took him out of the crib. I have no idea if my oldest daughter always cleaned up the toys so well or if I taught her at some point. Literally — no idea.

The problem is not in the forgetting, though. This is to be expected. Our brains cannot possibly hold all of these details.

The problem is in the retelling, the way that we tend to shame each other by rewriting the details to make ourselves more capable and intentional via our version of the past.

What is this mechanism in play which glosses our memories and removes the grit and dig of raising small children? It’s not that I don’t remember it being exhausting, it’s that I couldn’t possibly recall the particulars of the hundreds of daily decisions and difficulties of keeping babies alive and well. Our life together becomes a conglomerate of small memories held together as a broader narrative, one in which people are defined by generalizations (she never slept, he was so stubborn) and small moments are magnified to explain why we felt a certain way during a certain period of time (infamous injuries, successes, arguments, intense likes and dislikes). Why do we do this? Why can’t I remember Audrey’s first tooth, despite the all-encompassing nature of the experience? I see pictures of my darling son when he was a toddler, with his tan skin and dark brown eyes and think, “I www.idahofamilymagazine.com

used to get mad at that perfect person every single day. How? Why? What kind of a monster couldn’t stand being around that beautiful, wonderful child?”

But I refuse to dismiss that version of myself (monster or no) for the sake of shinier memories. I love that girl, the one who thought a two year old was trying to ruin her life. She had not yet seen the other side of the road, not yet sensed the fleeting nature of infancy and toddlerhood, how those years would run through her hands like water that she would never drink again. But also, the water was cold and at times, felt like a drowning.

I’m not saying all this to defend myself and make excuses for what I will inevitably forget about parenting small children; I’m saying it to remind myself not to dismiss the experience of other parents and people I encounter. I say it to remind myself how it feels when people tell me that my kids get sick all the time and theirs never did (lies. I knew their kids and their snotty noses). I say it to remind myself how it feels when other parents shrug their shoulders about tantrums and can’t remember their kids ever throwing fits Continued on Page 21

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ADOPTION: A Love Story

Biological mom chooses closed adoption

By Kim Schafer

A

doption changes the way you understand love. You find it is possible to love a person you’ve never met and carry a piece of her in your heart every day. I could walk by this woman on the street and never know it, yet she gave me the most amazing blessing: my daughter. And while we have a closed adoption, it has opened our hearts to love and honor in amazing ways.

Our story started like that of many adoptive parents, faced with infertility struggles on our path to becoming parents. We have a biological daughter and the story of her arrival in our lives includes no big hiccups. We figured number two would be the same. Boy, were we wrong!

After much heartbreak and soul-searching, we decided to pursue adoption and contacted A New Beginning Adoption Agency. Soon we were attending our infant program training, trying to take in all the emotions and factors of the adoption process. When it came to discussion of openness, we were the ones in the back, arms crossed, hesitant to see the beauty of a truly open relationship. It just seemed so scary and unknown, building a relationship with a woman we’d barely met and opening our lives and homes to her and her family. But maybe, just maybe, we’d be ready when we were matched.

And then the wait began…

Waiting for a match is the ultimate in emotional roller coasters, which perhaps only those in the adoptive parents’ community can truly understand. Our wait was especially tough, as months stretched to years. Yes, we doubted ourselves. Yes, we cried often.

And yet, we moved forward with hope. We found comfort in the community of others waiting. We found hope in the joy of other families getting matched and bringing home their little ones.

We bought Christmas gifts for the future member of our family and made sure that every plane ticket and hotel reservation was refundable, just in case the phone rang and we needed to rush to the hospital. We had good days and bad days.

Three and a half years after we first contacted ANB, they contacted us with words that would change everything: “Are you sitting down? She picked you guys!” I will never forgot the tears and shouts of joy from our daughter when we asked her what outfit her little sister should wear home from the hospital. She had been dreaming and waiting to be a big sister for years.

During the time between matching and the birth, most adoptive families are spending time getting to know their birthmother or birthparents. It is a time to build the foundations for the rest of the child’s life, the adoption triad. However, this is where our story is different.

Our birthmother chose to have a closed adoption. We knew this when we first saw her profile, so it wasn’t a surprise.

8 MARCH 2019 | Idaho Family Magazine

Despite our hesitations at the initial training, three plus years had prepared our hearts for an open adoption. Sure, we’d be careful about boundaries until we all got to know each other, but we saw the great value of openness. It wouldn’t always be easy, but it was part of our family’s story. In “The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption”

by Lori Holden, I remember reading that a relationship with birthparents is like a relationship with in-laws; you don’t always get along, but you continue to work for a positive relationship because you are family. It was a perfect analogy.

As the due date came closer, we continued to understand there would be limitations to our relationship, but we were hopeful to gather anything we could from our birthmother, even a quick introduction to the woman who had chosen us to raise her daughter. With one brief moment, we could get a mental image of the woman whose features would likely be in our daughter’s face. We could then tell our daughter that her hazel eyes and reddish brown curls were just like her birthmother’s. We could tell our daughter that we met her birthmother and she was strong and loved you with her whole heart. It wouldn’t be the life-long relationship we’d prepared for, but it would be enough.

As with the arrival of many babies, ours came a little early and with concerns of complications. We made a late night trip to be at the hospital and sat outside the NICU doors anxiously waiting for good news. Three and a half years of waiting and the last 30 minutes were the hardest. When we were finally allowed in, she was perfect! Our daughter was a little small, but NICU was “kicking her out” because she was thriving on her own. Her birthmother chose for us to be banded and identified as this little girl’s parents, and we settled into our hospital room in awe of all that had just happened.

Through it all, our hearts were with the woman who had just given birth to this beautiful girl. Was she okay? Was she sure about her decision? Would she want to meet us? The nurses were amazing, respecting her privacy and ensuring we never passed each other in the hallway. She would know us, as she had seen our lives in our profile book, but we would not know her. I still wonder if we accidently saw each other at opposite ends of the hallway.

We sent her flowers and a letter — yet how do you write to a woman you’ve never met who has given you the most amazing gift? I have a degree in English, but I was out of words. We did our best, opened our hearts, and hoped she would understand.

Two days later, we were on our way home. Our tiny baby was with us and soon to meet her big sister. Leaving the www.idahofamilymagazine.com

hospital with an adopted child is a mix of joy and sadness, even if you’ve never met her birthmother. We didn’t have a short meeting or snapshot of this woman, but we had the most amazing piece of paper: a list of her favorites. This was all we had of this brave woman who had chosen us to raise her child — but it has been enough.

We might not have an open adoption, but our hearts are open about our adoption. We are happy to share our story and ensure our daughter knows the beauty of her arrival in our family. We honor her birthmother and her adoption throughout the year.

We’ve had some friends and strangers respond that our closed adoption must be better — there are no weird boundaries, relationships, or worries. We do our best to explain that openness is actually better for everyone in the adoption triad. Open adoptions don’t mean that birthparents are co-parenting. Open adoption means the child has a relationship with their birthparents and a connection to who they are biologically.

St. Patrick’s Day has a whole new meaning in our lives.

Our birthmother is part Irish and she always celebrates her favorite holiday with corned beef and cabbage. And so, just weeks after her birth, we celebrated our new daughter’s first St. Patrick’s Day. She might not have noticed her green outfit or the corned beef and cabbage, but she was part of the celebration. It is our new tradition: matching green shirts, funny glitter cloverleaf glasses, and dinner together, complete with green pudding for dessert. We are still perfecting our corned beef recipe, but we know we have many years to improve. Each year, we honor our birthmother and celebrate our family.

Sometimes honoring our birthmother happens in the moment. We know her favorite song and favorite band so if we hear them on the radio, we talk about the woman who picked us to be a family of four. Of course, our daughter doesn’t yet know the significance of these songs, but she will as she gets older because we’ve made this part of her story.

Lasagna is a favorite meal at our house, loved by all and great for leftovers, an important feature in our busy schedules.

But lasagna is our birthmother’s favorite food, so the meal has even more meaning. It might be little, but it is still important to our family.

While most couples celebrate anniversaries, we have added an extra day of family celebration: our Schafer-versary! It is the annual celebration of us becoming a legal family of four. We have a local bakery make us a personalized treat, from cute, pink sugar cookies to a puzzle piece-themed cake representing each of our favorite colors. We share the celebration with those in our adoption story: A New Beginning staff and our family and friends who supported us along the way. In celebrating this important day, we also celebrate the beauty of adoption and honor the birthmother.

We are becoming fixtures at ANB events. Because we www.idahofamilymagazine.com

don’t have a relationship with our birthmother, our adoption relationship is with other adoptive families. We want our daughter to understand her story and have other adopted children to connect with. When she hits those teenage years and wants to know about her story and her birthparents, we have little to tell her. But we know she’ll have those questions, so we want to make sure the adoption community is part of her life now. We don’t have all the answers, but we know others who can help.

I will forever honor the choice of our birthmother to have a closed adoption. I cannot imagine being in her shoes, and I know she didn’t make the decision lightly. I hope she is at peace with her decision. I wish I could tell her how beautiful and amazing our daughter is and how much she and this little girl have changed our lives.

For selfish reasons, I wish I could have had just a couple minutes to meet our birthmother because I fear the future questions and the pain that not knowing her birthfamily might cause our daughter. Maybe for selfish reasons, I would feel better being able to see that our birthmother is okay — happy, healthy, and surrounded by love — just like the tiny baby she entrusted to us. But I will forever honor her decision.

There are brief moments when we forget that our youngest is adopted because we don’t have a birthfamily “side of the family,” and birthdays and holidays don’t involve new people and extra layers of celebration. But we don’t ever want to forget this part of her story, which is why we have created new family traditions and celebrations. It might have started with a paper of our birthmother’s favorite things — but it has been enough.

A woman I have never met holds a very special place in my heart. I will carry a little part of her with love and honor each day of my life. For those outside of adoption, this seems impossible. For those in the adoption community, this is reality.

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Idaho Family Magazine | MARCH 2019 9

CALENDAR Friday Teen Night Friday Teen Night, open to youngsters in grades 7-12 with student ID, is held from 7 to 10:30 p.m. on the first and third Fridays of the month at the Fort Boise Community Center, 700 Robbins Rd. in Boise. The youth will be supervised by Boise Parks and Recreation staff. For more information, contact Barbara English at 208-854-6625 or benglish@cityofboise.org.

Family Night Wednesday at IceWorld Wednesday night is Family Night at Idaho IceWorld, 7072 S. Eisenman Rd. in Boise. From 6:30 to 8:30 p.m., admission and skate rental is only $6 per person. Go to idahoiceworld.com for more information on family-friendly programs.

Nature Explorers The Deer Flat Wildlife Refuge will hold a Nature Explorers program for preschoolers on the fourth Thursday of each month beginning at 10:30 a.m. in the Refuge Visitor Center, 13751 Upper Embankment Rd. in Nampa. Preschoolers ages 3-5 may use their natural curiosity to investigate the world around them on guided nature explorations. There will be hands-on activities on a different theme each month. Preschoolers should come with an adult and be ready to be outside.

For more information, visit www.fws.gov/deerflat, email deerflat@fws.gov, or call 208-467-9278.

Ada Library Activities Ada County Library branches feature a number of family- and youth-friendly programs. Following is a brief list of events for March and April: Hidden Springs Branch Library, www.adalib. org/hiddensprings, 208-229-2665 • March 5, 12 and 26, 3:45 p.m., Think Fun: Yoga and Meditation for Kids, ages 6-10 • March 5, 6 p.m., Hats Off to Dr. Seuss, all ages • April 10, 12:30 p.m., Math & Science Workshop, pre-registration required, ages 4-6 with caregiver • April 16, 6 p.m., D.E.A.R. – Drop Everything and Read, families read stories together, all ages Lake Hazel Branch Library, www.adalib.org/ lakehazel, 208-297-6700 • March 11, 4:30 p.m., Garden Lab – Windowsill Bulb Garden, ages 5-11 • April 6, 6 to 8 p.m., Capture the Flag AfterHours Party, ages 11-18 • April 8, 4:30 p.m., Video Game Design Lab, ages 7 and up • April 17, 4:30 p.m., Sew...You Wanna Make a Bag?, ages 8-11 • April 25, 6:30 p.m., Stuffed Animal Slumber Party, all ages Star Branch Library, www.adalib.org/star, 208-286-9755

• March 6, 13 and 20, 4 to 5:30 p.m., Tech Art (art made by technology), ages 8 and up • March 8, 2 p.m., Meet the Masters Homeschool Art Program, ages 5 and up • March 26, 4:30 p.m., No Way, Jose! – A Puppet Show (based on a Mexican folk tale), all ages • April 3, 10, 17 and 24, 4 to 5:30 p.m., Ready-Set Robots, ages 8 and up Victory Branch Library, www.adalib.org/victory, 208-362-0181 • March 15, 5:30 to 7 p.m., After-Hours Nerf Battle (contact Eric at ehovey@adalib.org if you need a Nerf gun), ages 12-18 • March 16, 1 to 5 p.m., Quilting with Carol (for questions or a materials list, contact Carol at cmcclain@adalib.org), ages 12 and up • March 16, 2 to 3:30 p.m., Wizard of Oz 80th Anniversary Celebration, all ages • March 18, 4:30 p.m., Adventures of Oz Escape Room, ages 12-18

New Beginning adoption information A New Beginning Adoption Agency holds adoption information seminars and webinars, providing a no-pressure environment for families to learn about adopting infants and children in the U.S. foster care system. Anyone interested is welcome to come learn about the differences in programs, needs, requirements and processes. Upcoming seminars and webinars are as follows: • Adoption Information Seminar, 6:30-7:30 p.m. March 5 at 8660 W. Emerald, Ste. 142, in Boise. The program is free, but preregistration is required by emailing admin@ adoptanewbeginning.org or by calling 208-9393865.

• Adoption Information Webinar, 6:30 to 7:30 p.m.

March 13. Specialists will discuss infant adoption, foster-adoption and international adoptions. The webinar is free, but you must RSVP to admin@ adoptanewbeginning.org in order to receive login information.

• Adoption Information Seminar, 1-2 p.m. March 14. See seminar info above.

Fostering Idaho foster/adoption meetings 2019 The first step in finding out more about being a foster or adoptive parent in the State of Idaho is by attending an information or orientation meeting.

Meetings are set for 6:30 to 8 p.m. in the Bannock Room on the lower level of St. Luke’s Medical Center at 520 S. Eagle Rd. in Meridian on the following dates: April 8, June 10, August 12, October 14 and December 9. Meetings will also be held from 6 to 7:30 p.m. at the Meridian Library District branch at 1326 W. Cherry Ln. on the following dates: March 6, May 1, July 10, September 4 and November 6. If you have questions in advance, contact Monique Layton, recruitment coordinator,

10 MARCH 2019 | Idaho Family Magazine

at 208-249-0180 or mlayton4@ewu.edu, or visit www.fosteringidaho.org.

21st anniversary of Boise Cotillion The Boise Cotillion is marking its 21st anniversary.

The next programs on its schedule of events include an All American Western Dance on March 7 and a Spring Prom on April 4. For more information or to enroll, go to www.boisecotillion. com. Questions may be directed to Cotillion Director Denise Hodges at boisecotillion@aol.com or 208-371-7410.

Dixie Jazz and Crawfish Boil An all-you-can-eat Crawfish Boil, hosted by Boise Southwest Rotary, is set for 5:30 p.m. Thursday, March 7, at the Basque Center, 601 W. Grove St. in Boise. The evening will feature music by North Junior High and Boise High School bands.

Children are welcome.

School Age Fun & First Thursday Family Night Children ages 5-11 are welcome to explore art, science, games and technology every Thursday after school from 4 to 5 p.m. at the main branch of Boise Public Library. Kids may attend the program March 7 and see what it’s all about. Also, on the same day there will be a family-friendly version of First Thursday held at the main library branch from 6:30 to 8 p.m., with games, crafts, movies, puppets and more. Call 208-972-8201 for more information.

Quaker Village Auction Attend the 68th Annual Quaker Village Auction at Greenleaf Friends Academy from 5:30 to 9 p.m.

Friday, March 8, and from 7:30 a.m. to 3 p.m.

Saturday, March 9. This event is family-oriented and helps raise funds for the ongoing educational needs of the academy. Beginning at 5:30 on Friday, there will be food booths, an auction preview, a children’s program, and the opening of a live auction. Auction items range from outdoor equipment, trips, vacation homes, raffles, Quaker quilts, furniture and antiques.

Events on Saturday include a pancake breakfast, silent auction, gift certificate booth, and food from maples bars to tacos.

A Light in the Window The Family Justice Center Foundation will hold its 2019 Benefit Gala on Friday, March 8, at the Nampa Civic Center. A social hour will be held from 5:30 to 6:30 p.m., and a dinner and program will take place from 7 to 10 p.m. There will be live music, as well as auction items to bid on. Tickets are $50 per person; go to fjcfoundationofidaho.org.

For more information, contact Crystal Kuhn at 208-475-5721 or kuhnc@cityofnampa.us.

Monster Jam 2019 If Monster Trucks are your thing, take the whole

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of Events family to the Monster Jam at 7 p.m. Friday, March 8, and 10:30 a.m. Saturday, March 9, at Ford Idaho Center in Nampa. Go to fordidahocenter. com for more information.

Spring Sports Madness for Moms and Sons Moms and their sons ages 3-13 are invited to Spring Sports Madness from 7:30 to 9 p.m.

Saturday, March 9, at the Nampa Rec Center. Play basketball, dodgeball and other fun games; spend time in the photo booth; and enjoy pizza. Cost is $8 for members and $10 for non-members. Go to nampaparksandrecreation.org for more information.

Foothills Family Day – Birds of Prey Day Falcons, hawks, owls and eagles will highlight Foothills Family Day from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m.

Saturday, March 9, at the Foothills Learning Center at 3188 Sunset Peak Rd. in Boise. Come learn about Idaho’s birds of prey, discover your wingspan equivalent, and dress up like an owl.

Guided birding hikes with local experts will start every hour, and there will be crafts and owl pellet dissections. The program is free, and no preregistration is required. Go to bee.cityofboise.org for more information.

Beginning March, 2019 Please send family-related calendar items to editorgaye@gmail.com

Museum volunteer orientation The Idaho Museum of Mining and Geology at 2455 Old Penitentiary Rd. in Boise is seeking enthusiastic volunteers who love rocks and Idaho history. Join IMMG staff at 2 p.m. Saturday, March 9, to learn what’s happening at the museum and to decide if you would like to volunteer there. Call Annemarie at 208-866-6386 or Shirley at 208-283-3186 for more information, or visit the museum on Facebook or at www.idahomuseum.org.

Yoga Storytime Looking for a unique new storytime experience?

Bring your children ages 3-6 to Yoga Storytime from 2 to 2:45 p.m. Tuesday, March 12, at the main branch of Boise Public Library. Yoga practice can benefit children in a number of ways, including improved self-regulation, promoting attention and social skills, and reducing the negative effects of stress. There will be stories, songs, and mindful movement. Bring a mat or borrow one of the library’s. No experience necessary. Call 208-9728201 for more information.

Zine Makers Meetup Calling all artists, writers, and those seeking

to foster more creativity in their lives. Attend the Zine Makers Meetup from 6 to 8 p.m.

Wednesday, March 13, at JUMP’s Inspire Studio in downtown Boise. Participants will collaborate to create personalized zines, or mini magazines, whose intent is to explore one’s identity, share artwork, and/or tell a story. There will be materials on hand to create a personalized zine.

The class will end with a photocopy session of all zines collected and a swap of participant creations. The meetup is for anyone ages 13 and up. Go to http://jumpboise.org/class-listings for more information.

Flavorful Fairytales: “Clifford the Small Red Puppy” The Flavorful Fairytale for March at JUMP’s Share Studio is “Clifford the Small Red Puppy” and will take place from 4:30 to 5:30 p.m.

Thursday, March 14. Participants will get to hear how Clifford grew to be such a big red dog. The story will be followed by a colorful felted paw print craft, with time afterward in the JUMP kitchen making a cheddar-flavored puppy kibble snack mix. There is a ticket fee

7 NEW ATTRACTIONS SPRING BREAK FUN!

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Idaho Family Magazine | MARCH 2019 11

CALENDAR of Events

per participant, and all ages are welcome with a parent. Registration ends Tuesday, March 12. Go to http://jumpboise.org/class-listings for more information.

2019 Idaho Miss Amazing The Idaho Miss Amazing event, celebrating the abilities and strengths of girls and women with disabilities, will take place March 15-16 at Jewett Auditorium on the College of Idaho campus in Caldwell. A talent showcase will start at 6 p.m.

Friday, a teen finals show will start at noon on Saturday, and the finals will begin at 6 p.m., also on Saturday. For more information, go to id.missamazing.org.

World Water Day Celebration

cont.

Food Truck Rally Goes to the Dogs The annual Food Truck Rally Goes to the Dogs is set for 2 to 6 p.m. Saturday, March 16, at Lloyd Square Park in downtown Nampa. It’s free to attend, and there will be food and drink available for purchase. For more information, go to nampaparks.org or call 208-468-5858.

“Dig into Rocks” The Idaho Museum of Mining and Geology in Boise will hold its opening weekend from noon to 5 p.m. March 16-17, with free admission both days. There will be free minerals for kids, updated exhibits, and the gift shop will be open. For more information, call 208-368-9876, visit the museum on Facebook, or go to www.idahomuseum.org.

Join the Boise WaterShed as it marks World Water Day from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. on Saturday, March 16. Water unites everyone around the globe and in the local communities. Celebrate the United Nations’ World Water Day with the theme of Leaving No One Behind (Human Rights and Refugees). Free food and music will entertain participants as they explore City of Boise booths, a Pop-Up Library and participate in a community art project to create a water poetry mural. At 10:30, hear stories about the connection to water around the world. The first 100 people will receive a copy of the children’s book, “Spring Waters, Gathering Places” by Bryan Knaff and Sandra Chisholm DeYonge. For more information, go to www.BoiseEnvironmentalEducation.org.

Land Art Exhibit

Boise WaterShed Adult Programs

Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day from 5 p.m. to midnight on Sunday, March 17, at Pinz in Meridian. Bowl a strike with a green head pin and win a $10 gift card to Wahooz, Pinz and Roaring Springs. For more information, go to pinzbowlingidaho.com.

The Boise WaterShed holds programs for children and families but also has a number of programs just for adults, including Friday Night Adult Earthworks, where participants create artworks (or “earthworks”). These classes are taught by a team of artists and scientists who explore science topics and offer lessons in art methods. On March 22, the topic is “Celebrate World Water Day,” and on April 26 it is “Let’s Beesponsible.” Pre-registration is required, and the cost is $15 per person. Go to www.BoiseEnvironmentalEducation.org.

Boise WaterShed Exploration Series This series is designed for adults and allows them to learn more about the Boise River watershed.

It includes field trips to such places as a local brewery and the Idaho Botanical Garden. On March 23, the topic is “Turning Used Water to Beer”; on April 27, participants will study “Bumble Bees and Blooms” at the Garden.

Cost is $15 per person, with transportation and light refreshments provided. Go to www.

BoiseEnvironmentalEducation.org. (The Boise WaterShed Environmental Education Center is at 11818 Joplin Rd. Call 208-608-7300 for more information.)

The Idaho Botanical Garden will present a major new site-specific Land Art Exhibit from March 16 to April 30 onsite at the Garden. A free opening day is set for 2 to 4 p.m. Saturday, March 16. This is the Idaho Botanical Garden’s first-ever Land Art Exhibit and will feature works using natural materials such as clay, leaves, seeds, stones, wood, and wool. The pieces challenge artists to think about creating art that does not permanently occupy a space. Due to the nature of these natural art pieces, the display will decay and decompose over time. (The Garden opens for regular hours in March. Go to idahobotanicalgarden.org.)

Green Pin Bowling

Boise Contemporary Theater camp Get ready for a fun spring break at Boise Contemporary Theater’s Theater Lab: Spring Retreat. Learn acting, storytelling and the thrill of playing for an audience in this week-long workshop from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Monday-Friday, March 1822. For costs, registration, or other information, go to bctheater.org.

Boise Parks & Recreation camps Boise Parks & Recreation will hold a number of spring break camps March 18-22, including art camps, BUGS culinary camps, Foothills Learning Center nature camps, robot camps, and many others. For more information, go to parks. cityofboise.org, bee.cityofboise.org, or call 208-608-7680.

12 MARCH 2019 | Idaho Family Magazine

Boise WaterShed camp The Boise WaterShed will hold a free Spring Break Drop-In Program, BLOCK fest at the WaterShed, March 18-29. Each day from 10 a.m. to noon, kids are invited to participate in hands-on BLOCK fest activities at the WaterShed at 11818 W. Joplin Rd. The whole family is welcome. For more information, visit http://bee.cityofboise.org/ watershed.

Idaho IceWorld camp A Beginners Learn to Skate Camp for kids ages 5-12 is set for 9 a.m. to noon March 18-22. Camp includes skate rental, instruction from certified instructors, snacks, games, friendship and fun in a secure, family-friendly environment. Participants will receive a camp t-shirt to wear for the final-day performance, when skaters show off the skills they’ve learned throughout the week. (Skating fans should plan to arrive on Friday at 11:45 a.m. for “The Greatest Show on Ice!” performance.)

For more information including costs and how to register, visit idahoiceworld.com.

Treasure Valley YMCA camps The Treasure Valley YMCA invites youngsters to come find new talents, try new activities, gain independence and make lasting memories during the Y’s Spring Break Day Camps March 18-22. Camp topics include Little Chefs, Little Inventors, Little Monkeys, Little Princesses, Pre-K Adventures, Rookies Soccer Camp, Teen Art & Design, and others. For more information or to register, go to ymcatvidaho.org.

Zoo Boise camps Zoo Boise will hold spring break youth camps March 18-22, with Animals in Action for children in grades 2-6 and Zoo Careers for children in grades 7-10. Go to zooboise.org for more information on costs and how to register.

Spring Break Golf Camp This camp for youngsters ages 7-15 will be held March 18-22 at Warm Springs Golf Course. The camp will focus on all aspects of the golf game and teach each youngster to be able to play a round of golf on their own. It will be held daily from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m., and all skill levels are welcome to participate. Camp will also include breaks for movies and downtime. Each student is responsible for his or her lunch each day and should dress appropriately for the weather conditions. There is a per-child fee. Call the Warm Springs Pro Shop at 208-343-5661 to sign up.

Creatively Manage Your Life Learn to creatively manage your life through Bullet Journaling 101 from 6 to 7:30 p.m.

Tuesday, March 19, at JUMP’s Inspire Studio in downtown Boise. Learn a few quick tips and tricks for organizing your life with a “bullet journal.”

Learn how planning doesn’t have to be arduous or perfect and can be as time-consuming, artistic and encompassing as you want. Everyone will receive a bullet journal and pen. For more information, go to http://jumpboise.org/class-listings.

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BAM Wednesday Spring Break Sculpting Day Camp Boise Art Museum will host a Sculpting Day Camp for children ages 7-12 from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Wednesday, March 20. Students will explore sculpting for a day as they spend time in the galleries and the studios, exploring the capabilities of this unique medium. Participants should bring a sack lunch, drink, and water bottle. Children are required to be checked in and out of classes and camps at BAM by a parent or guardian. Cost is $35 for members and $40 for non-members. Preregistration is required by Friday, March 8. Go to my.boiseartmuseum.org.

Boise Flower & Garden Show The 2019 Flower & Garden Show is set for 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Friday and Saturday, March 22-23, and 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Sunday, March 24, at Boise Centre. For more information, go to gardenshowboise.com.

Glow in the Park The City of Eagle will hold its first glow in the dark-themed fun run, beginning at 7 p.m. Saturday, March 23, at Gueber Park, 2200 Hil Rd. in Eagle.

This run will feature a live DJ, glowsticks and prizes. Bring the whole family to the park for the “who shines the brightest” contest (youth, adult and group categories) and a chance to win a new pair of shoes, a gym membership, and more.

Those interested may sign up to participate at the park prior to the event.

Mary Poppins Spring Break Musical Theater Camp Treasure Valley Children’s Theater staff will teach this unique theater camp for kids ages 6-12. The camp will take place from 9 a.m. to noon March 25-29 at the Meridian Community Center, 201 E. Idaho Ave. There is a per-child fee. For additional information and registration instructions, go to meridiancity.org/activityguide or visit treasurevalleychildrenstheater.com.

Robotics Competition The 2019 Idaho Regional Robotics Competition is set for March 28-30 at Ford Idaho Center, with the theme “Destination: Deep Space.” For more information as it becomes available, go to idahofrcregional.org.

Make Gyoza (Japanese dumplings) This cooking class for ages 12 and up will teach participants to make gyoza, a Japanese dumpling filled with pork and veggies. The class is set for 6 to 7:30 p.m. Thursday, March 28, at JUMP’s Share Studio in downtown Boise. Registration ends March 26. Go to http://jumpboise.org/ class-listings.

Wizard of Oz Interactive Movie The Wizard of Oz will be presented at Nampa Civic Center’s Interactive Movie Series on Friday, March 29. A Wizard of Oz trivia contest will start at 6 p.m.; and at 6:30, there will be a Wizard of

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Oz costume contest. The movie begins at 7 p.m., and participants are invited to not just watch the movie but interact with it. Audience participation is essential, and an interactive kit is include with admission. To buy tickets, go to http://www. ictickets.com/events/the-wizard-of-oz-interactivemovie. It’s a perfect program for the whole family.

Jurassic Quest Jurassic Quest is coming to Expo Idaho March 29-31. For more information as it becomes available, go to expoidaho.com.

Boise Phil’s Holiday Pops The Boise Phil Pops Series will wrap up Saturday, March 30, with a “Hollywood Hits” concert featuring clips from classic films such as “James Bond,” “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” “Rocky,” “The Pink Panther,” and others. The concert will begin at 7:30 p.m. at the Morrison Center in Boise. For tickets, go to boisephil.org or call 208-344-7849.

Family Nights Out at BUGS Boise Urban Garden School hosts various Family Night Out programs. Taco Tuesday will be held from 5 to 7 p.m. April 2 at BUGS’ HQ , 2995 N. Five Mile Rd. in Boise. A Rustic Pizza program is set for 5 to 7 p.m. April 5. These are handson family cooking classes. For costs and other information, go to bee.cityofboise.org.

“Charlotte’s Web” A performance of “Charlotte’s Web” is set for 7 p.m. Wednesday, April 3, at the Morrison Center.

This treasured tale, recommended for grades K-5, features mad-cap and endearing farm animals and explores the topics of bravery, selfless love, and friendship. Go to http://www.morrisoncenter. com/events/detail/charlottes-web for tickets and other information.

Idaho Horse Expo This family event is all about horses and will feature an interactive kids’ corral, with fun, games and learning. Set for April 12-14 at the horse park at Ford Idaho Center in Nampa, the program will feature horses showing to music, as well as other horse acts. See what a horse can do or watch a trainer tame a wild horse. For more information, go to idahohorseexpo.com.

Lewis and Tolkien: Of Wardrobes and Rings C.S. Lewis (“The Chronicles of Narnia”) and J.R.R. Tolkien (“The Lord of the Rings”) were lions of 20th century British fantasy and distinguished faculty members at Oxford University. In Wardrobes and Rings, Caldwell Fine Arts will present portrayals of the esteemed writers as they meet at Oxford’s historic Eagle and Child pub for one last visit, tempered by thawing humor, confession, and reconciliation.

The performance is set for 7 p.m. Saturday, April 13, in Jewett Auditorium on the College of Idaho campus. For tickets or more information, go to caldwellfinearts.org.

Idaho Botanical Garden, 2355 Old Penitentiary Rd. in Boise. The event will focus on connecting interested people with quality community resources for young children. Parents may learn about early literacy, summer camps, fire safety, child care, healthy eating and more. Children will be invited to try new gymnastics moves, how to cast a fishing line, play musical instruments and other activities.

Idaho AEYC and the Idaho Botanical Garden are partnering to host this celebration, and the garden will be open for the community to explore during the event. For more information, go to https:// idahoaeyc.org/week-of-the-young-child/.

Asthma Day Camp Children ages 5-12 who have asthma, and their siblings, are invited to attend this year’s Jungle Adventure, an Asthma Day Camp provided by St. Luke’s. The camp is set for 8:30 a.m. to 4 p.m.

Tuesday, June 18, at Kristen Armstrong Municipal Park. There is no charge for this event; however, space is limited and interested people are urged to sign up as soon as possible by calling St. Luke’s Respiratory Care at 208-381-2028. Team activities will include a jungle trek, crafts, learning with interactive models, and a treasure hunt for asthmafree fun. Lunch and snacks will be provided, with parents invited to join the youngsters for lunch and a Q & A session on asthma. Onsite medical staff will supervise medications, respiratory therapy treatments, and special diets as needed.

SPRING BREAK DAY CAMPS March 18 – March 22, 2019 9:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m.

Ages 7-12 Students can select from a variety of day camps designed to explore art through different materials. Camp participants will spend time in the galleries and the studios, concentrating on one medium per day. Sign up for one or more individual camps or the whole week!

Monday: Painting Tuesday: Drawing Wednesday: Sculpting Thursday: Printmaking Friday: Collaging

Individual Day | $35 ($40 non-members) Full Week | $160 ($190 non-members) Must register in advance.

Visit www.boiseartmuseum.org for details.

Week of the Young Child Celebration This free, family-friendly, outdoor celebration is set for 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday, April 20, at the

Idaho Family Magazine | MARCH 2019 13

A GENETIC diagnosis

Staying course until the light returns

By Macaile Hutt

I

started my Idaho Family Magazine journey when the clinic I was working at was given the opportunity to write an article from a therapist’s perspective on how to stay active in the blistering summer heat. I felt so honored and inspired when given the opportunity to write that article, and it helped me re-ignite my passion for writing, community, and creating a safe space to share so many thoughts and feelings that go well beyond the aspects one sees from a superficial perspective.

Macaile Hutt Today, I felt impressed to sit down and share a little bit about a struggle I’ve experienced, because opening up, sharing and making my struggles transparent has been the single most effective way I’ve found in taking back my control and putting a name to my fears and doubts.

Sometimes just saying it out loud helps me realize that the things I’m experiencing, no matter how dark or how beautiful, are just a part of my story. They don’t define me, they don’t pave the path to my future, and they don’t have to control me any more than I allow them to. Sharing my story and my experiences always leads to someone reaching out and saying something to the effect of “You too? I thought for sure I was the only person who felt that way / experienced that / knew that pain.”

So, here I am, telling my story.

Three years ago I learned that I am a carrier for hemophilia. For those unfamiliar, hemophilia is a bleeding disorder in which a male lacks the clotting factor needed to clot his blood. In the past, this disease was very difficult to manage and often led to “the boy in the bubble” stories, where the person had to refrain from any activities that could cause injury, particularly bleeding. The scary thing about this is that even bumping your arm could cause an internal bone bleed, leading to very serious and even fatal consequences.

My grandfather on my mom’s side died from complications from this disease when my mom was only 19. I knew this about my grandfather, but it had never been a real point of discussion between my mother and myself. I always grew up hearing the best and most wonderful stories about the grandfather I never had a chance to meet, and part of me is thankful that those are the stories I think of when I hear his name and not the horrible disease.

Just over three years ago, I learned about the possibility that I could be a carrier for hemophilia. I found out in a very abrupt and traumatic manner, and I truly felt as though the world I knew had been completely flipped upside 14 MARCH 2019 | Idaho Family Magazine

down. I found myself consuming research and knowledge and any bit of information I could, oftentimes leading down a scary rabbit hole of feeling helpless, hopeless, and very alone. I completed genetic counseling, had lots of blood panels and tests performed, and eventually received the full write-up confirming that I am, indeed, a carrier for this disease, with mild symptoms that cause me to have difficulty clotting and bleed / bruise more easily than others.

The day I read my confirmed diagnosis, I felt like a stranger inside my own body. I felt betrayed by my own skin and bones. I felt scared and confused and I felt like there were too many unknowns ahead of me. I found myself feeling angry and resentful, placing blame wherever I could in order to avoid the fear and confusion. Simultaneously, I began meeting with specialists and geneticists in order to learn more about what this diagnosis means and how it will impact my life and future. I spoke with my mom and her family members willing to talk with me about their experiences with hemophilia or being what is called an obligate carrier, and I will always be so thankful for the love and support I received from all of my family.

The biggest thing I learned about my diagnosis is that it will impact my choice to have children. Thanks to modern medicine and technology, I have many options once that time in my life comes around. Some of these choices include sex sorting, in which I would only be able to have girls to avoid the spread of hemophilia to my potential son, but also continuing to run the risk of passing on the carrier gene to my future daughters. I can undergo in vitro fertilization in which all eggs would be tested to eliminate the spread of the carrier gene to any of my children. I can adopt. I can choose to have children naturally, with the known risk that I could continue to spread this hidden disease that has lived within my family for years.

These choices brought a whole new ocean of fear and uncertainty when words like “automatic high-risk pregnancy” and “frequent monitoring” and “placenta testing” swirled around me. I felt really frustrated and out of control, particularly because having children is something so important to me. But infertility, difficulty with conceiving, complications in pregnancy, and genetic disorders are all things that are so often not spoken about in our lives’ highlight reels, where we attempt to make life look perfect all the time. www.idahofamilymagazine.com

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So many people silently struggle without a single person aware of what’s happening in their hearts and homes.

And that’s why I choose to share. For the people too scared to share their own stories. For the people sitting in a big puddle of darkness just begging someone to turn on the light. For the people feeling like they have never been more alone while they are surrounded by a million people who could never understand.

I am thankful for the team of specialists here in Boise that has helped to alleviate some of my fears and start giving answers to my many questions. I am thankful for the hope that I discover every single day with every little bit of knowledge I receive.

When I first received my diagnosis, I was sharing this hemophilia journey while in a relationship with a partner by my side, and when that abruptly and painfully ended, I felt like I had been left alone to navigate these rough and scary waters. I felt abandoned. But little by little, I felt strong enough to turn and face this storm alone, and that’s exactly what I’ve done.

It’s been over three years of learning and discovering my own strength. I’m putting one foot in front of the other and finding hope in each new day life brings.

I guess, at the end of the day, that’s why I’m sharing this with all of you. We all have our highlight reels, our best selves, the face that we choose to put out to the world.

But behind the scenes and the filters, behind the perfect lighting and the pretty words, there’s sometimes a lot of pain. It can be pretty darn scary.

But once the dust settles and the initial fear subsides and we find courage to reach out toward the thing we are most afraid of, we will often find a lantern in the darkness.

When we share our stories, we turn on the light and allow ourselves to see all of the many beautiful people sitting with us in the very same darkness. Sometimes, just knowing we don’t have to sit in the darkness alone is enough.

So here I am. I am here in the darkness, and I will sit with you until the light returns.

Macaile Hutt is an occupational therapist in Boise, as well as a writer and contributor for The Sensory Project. Her therapy style takes a holistic and child-directed approach, with the goal of children succeeding across multiple environments. She holds a master’s degree in occupational therapy from A.T. Still University and has received continuing education in Handwriting Without Tears, pediatric kinesiotaping, Interactive Metronome, and Beckman Oral Motor. She is co-owner of the company Human Code, a candle and retail company with a larger purpose of promoting kindness and generosity. In her free time, she enjoys creative writing, backpacking, and traveling. www.idahofamilymagazine.com

Idaho Miss Amazing College of Idaho Jewett Auditorium | March 15-16, 2019 Miss Amazing is a nationwide program that provides opportunities for girls and women with disabilities to build self-confidence.

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BUILD LIFE SKILLS

INCREASE VISIBILITY Because girls with disabilities can and do accomplish amazing things!

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id.missamazing.org (208) 250-8821 Idaho Family Magazine | MARCH 2019 15

Early Learning 2019 Preschool and Child Care Guide The following preschools and child care facilities are listed by zip code

BOISE 83702 A Bright Child Preschool & Daycare 1819 N. 18th St., Boise 83702 336-7228 abrightchild.com Another World Preschool 2200 W. Sunset Ave., Boise 83702 343-1633 Boise Bears Child Care Center 1803 N. 9th St., Boise 83702 343-3817 boisebearschildcareinc.com Boise River Montessori 2211 N. 26th St., Boise 83702 344-6303 boiserivermontessori.com Cathy’s Day Care 859 N. 29th St., Boise 83702 336-1295 Children’s Village 950 W. State St., Boise 83702 345-6408 https://www.ymcatvidaho.org/ locations/childrens-village/ Cooperative Preschool Two sites on North Latah Street in Boise 703-3823 or 342-7479 boisecooperativepreschool.org Foothills School of Arts and Science 618 S. 8th St., Boise 83702 331-9260 foothillsschool.org Giraffe Laugh Early Learning Center 9th St., Boise – 342-1239 12th St., Boise – 424-3387 State St., Boise – 954-5465 giraffelaugh.org Kids Are Special People 717 N. 11th St., Boise 83702 343-8441 kidsarespecialpeople.com Marian Pritchett School-Booth 1617 N. 24th St., Boise 83702 854-6830 boiseschools.org

The Children’s School 1015 N. 8th St., Boise 83702 343-6840 tcsboise.org St. Joseph’s Catholic School 825 W. Fort Street, Boise, ID 83702 208-342-4909 Treasure Valley Family YMCA 1050 W. State St., Boise 83702 344-5502 ymcatvidaho.org Wesleyan Preschool & Kindergarten 717 N. 11th St., Boise 83702 343-3778 wesleyanpreschoolboise.com

83703 Challenger Schools 5551 W. Bloom St., Boise 83703 338-9500 challengerschool.com Faye’s Family Daycare 1904 N. 28th St., Boise 83703 345-4641 fayesfamilydaycare.com Gem State Gymnastics Academy 5420 W. State St., Boise 83703 853-3220 gemstategymnastics.com Hillside Academy 3900 Hill Rd., Boise 83703 343-8919 hillsideboise.com Just For Kids 3 Locations in Boise North Mitchell Street – 854-5172 North Milwaukee Street – 854-6372 West Victory Road – 854-6720 Learning Tree School & Daycare Center 2908 N. 28th St., Boise 83703 342-7821 learningtreeboise.com Little Creations Preschool 3614 N. Market Lane, Boise 83703 853-9850 Shepherd’s Fold Day Care Center 2620 N. 36th St., Boise 83703 342-9141

R House Child Care 2185 W. Hill Rd., Boise 83702 343-8188 rhousechildcare.com

Walgamott Child Care 3019 N. 28th St., Boise 83703 343-9658

Ready Set Go Preschool 950 W. State St., Boise 83702 672-8015 readysetgopreschool.yolasite.com

Advantage Early Learning Center 9045 W. Irving St., Boise 83704 391-2222 advantageelc.com

83704

16 MARCH 2019 | Idaho Family Magazine

Alpha & Omega Day Care Center 7012 Folk Dr., Boise 83704 322-0087

2273 S. Vista Ave. #160; 433-9078 focaf.org

Camelot Castle Learning Center 10415 Excalibur Ave., Boise 83704 375-5018

Great Beginnings Child Care 715 S. Latah St., Boise 83705 336-3838 greatbeginningschildcare.com

Children’s House 1218 N. Hartman St., Boise 83704 322-1124

Hugs Child Development Center 4812 W. Franklin, Boise 83705 367-9111

Hillview Preschool 8525 W. Ustick Rd., Boise 83704 377-9280 hillviewpreschoolboise.org

Kid’z Connection 2310 S. Columbus St., Boise 83705 384-1191 kidz-connection.com

Kids Zone Daycare & Preschool 7119 Ustick Rd., Boise 83704 377-3556

Kootenai Kids Preschool 4802 W. Kootenai St., Boise 83705 424-5055 k2preschool.com

Little Lambs Learning Center 3000 N. Esquire Dr., Boise 83704 375-4841 Northview Montessori Preschool & Accelerated Kindergarten 7670 W. Northview St., Boise 83704 322-0152 northviewmontessori.com Salina’s Sunshine 6304 W. Butte St., Boise 83704 321-9401 SandCastles Children’s Learning Center 3214 Acre Lane, Boise 83704 376-7846 Snuggle Bug Day-N-Night Childcare Center 2103 N. Fry St., Boise 83704 St. Alphonsus Child Care Center 6520 Norwood Dr., Boise 83704 367-5164

83705 All Saints Children’s Center 704 S. Latah, Boise 83705 344-2537 allsaintsboise.org Bodies In Motion 729 W. Diamond St., Boise 83705 381-0587 bodiesinmotionidaho.com

Lee Pesky Learning Center 3324 Elder St., Boise 83705 333-0008 lplearningcenter.org Puentes Spanish Preschool 1605 S. Phillippi, Boise 83705 344-4270 puentes.biz Rose Hill Montessori School 4603 Albion St., Boise 83705 385-7674 rosehillmontessori.com Sacred Heart School & Kindergarten 3901 Cassia St., Boise 83705 344-9738 sacredheartboise.com Speech Spot LLC Children’s Speech Therapy 514-9243 boisespeechspot.com Vista Montessori School 2096 Gourley St., Boise 83705 343-0201 vistamontessori.net

83706 Beginning Years Child Care Center 2981 E. Boise Ave., Boise 83706 338-0000 beginningyearscc.com

Creative Children’s Center 419 S. Orchard St., Boise 83705 344-8221 creativechildrensctr.com

Bluebird Preschool, The 709 E. Riverpark Lane, Suite 150, Boise 83706 863-8415 thebluebirdpreschool.com

Friends of Children & Families, Inc. Head Start & Early Head Start 4709 W. Camas St., Boise 83705; 344-9187

Boiseko Ikastola | Basque Preschool 1955 Broadway Ave., Boise 83706 343-4234 boisekoikastola.org

Boise Cooperative Preschool (BCP) 300 N. Latah St., Boise 83706 703-3823 boisecooperativepreschool.org Boise State University Children’s Center 1830 W. Beacon St., Boise 83706 426-4404 childrenscenter.boisestate.edu Carden Preschool & Day Care 2211 S. Sumac St., Boise 83706 344-3336 Cozy Cottage Learning Center 507 W. Williams St., Boise 83706 608-6882 cozycottageboise.com Garabatos Spanish Preschool 1403 W. Boise Ave., Boise 83706 336-1552 boisegarabatos.com Granny’s Infant Care 4819 Corporal St., Boise 83706 345-2850 Kids Choice Child Care Center 2170 S. Broadway Ave., Boise 83706 343-7550 mykidschoice.com Lakewood Montessori 133 E. Linden St., Boise 83706 331-3888 lakewood-montessori.com New Horizon Academy 155 E. Boise Ave., Boise 83706 386-9108 newhorizonacademy.net Parkcenter Montessori 649 E. Parkcenter Blvd., Boise 83706 344-0004 boisemontessori.com South Boise Child Care Center 805 1/2 Richmond St., Boise 83706 333-0550 southboisechildcare.com

83709 All God’s Children Childcare 3838 S. Cole Rd., Boise 83709 362-0865 allgodschildrenchildcare.org Amity Community Preschool 11950 W. Amity Rd., Boise 83709 562-0931 At Grandma’s Child Care 1214 N. Cole Rd., Boise 83709 713-3845

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Bohrn To Achieve Childcare & Preschool 2555 S. Five Mile Rd., Boise 83709 672-0101 bohrntoachieve.com Calvary Christian School 111 S. Auto Dr., Boise 83709 376-0260 ccsboise.org Cloverdale Christian Day School 3755 S. Cloverdale Rd., Boise 83709 362-1702 cloverdalechurch.org/day-school Club Kid at Wings Center 1875 Century Way, Boise 83709 376-3641 wingscenter.com/child-care Five Mile Montessori 1439 S. Weideman Ave., Boise 83709 322-8981 fivemilemontessori.net Montessori Garden School / Caspari Montessori 9626 W. Victory, Boise 83709

562-1420 caspari-montessori.com/montessorigarden-school Mother’s Choice Child Care 1604 Penninger Dr., Boise 83709 375-4640

Tiny Treasures 7509 W. Camas St. Boise 83709 323-1174 tinytreasurechildcare.com

83712

Overland Montessori 1461 S. Weideman Ave., Boise 83709 322-9092 overlandmontessori.com

Little Luke’s 316 W. Washington St., Boise 83712 381-4670 https://www.ymcatvidaho.org/ locations/little-lukes-early-learningcenter/

Shepherd of the Valley Lutheran Preschool 3100 S. Five Mile Rd., Boise 83709 362-1112 sovidpreschool.weebly.com

Music Lingua Foreign Language for Kids Boise 83712 571-1713 musiclingua.com

Spunky Monkey Preschool 323-8066 spunkymonkeypreschool.com

Parkside School 1017 E. Park Blvd., Boise 83712 283-2777 parksideschoolboise.com

Super Kids Day Care 3989 Black Hills Ave., Boise 83709 362-1246 super-kidsdaycare.com

83713 Adventure Zone CDC 5630 N. Cloverdale Rd., Boise 83713 938-1028

Boise Valley Adventist School 925 N. Cloverdale Rd., Boise 83713 376-7141 bvas.org Born To Succeed Preschool & Childcare 4770 N. Shamrock Ave., Boise 83713 658-5561 myborntosucceed.com Cloverdale Montessori 12255 W. Goldenrod Ave., Boise 83713 322-1200 cloverdalemontessorischool.com Cross of Christ Preschool 11655 W. McMillan Rd., Boise 83713 375-3992 cocboise.org/preschool Deb’s Childcare and Preschool 12118 W. Mesquite Dr., Boise 83713 602-2842 debschildcare.com

Kidlink Learning Center 13013 W. Persimmon Lane, Boise 83713 331-4575 kidlinklc.com Kindermusik 12516 W. Fairview Ave., Boise 83713 861-6056 MusicCenterStudios.com Little Tigers Child Care Center 11911 W. Ustick Rd., Boise 83713 323-7885 llittletigerschildcarepreschool.com Marantha Christian School 12000 W. Fairview Ave., Boise 83713 376-7272 New Horizon Academy 11978 W. Ustick Rd., Boise 83713 323-8900 newhorizonacademy.net Rainbow Learning Center 3525 N. Cloverdale Rd., Boise 83713 323-7628

Summer Camp at Montessori Academy

• Day camp with extended hours • Field trips and events • Nature and science • Arts and crafts • Sports and games • Music, dance and drama Boise 649 E. Parkcenter Boulevard Eagle 1400 Park Lane

866-424-9085 For more information, visit MontessoriAcademyIdaho.com MA_IdahoFamily-Camp_Mar19_7.625x5.indd 1 www.idahofamilymagazine.com

2/7/19 2:4017 PM Idaho Family Magazine | MARCH 2019

Early Learning 2019 Preschool and Child Care Guide The following preschools and child care facilities are listed by zip code Terri Hill’s Day Care 4251 Oxbow Way, Boise 83713 377-4434 Tumble Time Gymnastics 1379 N. Cloverdale Rd., Boise 83713 375-0063 tumbletimekidscenter.com

83714 Early Learning Children’s Center 7064 W. State St., Boise 83714 853-2800 earlylearningcc.com Kids Kampus Learning Center 8707 W. State St., Boise 83714 853-4247 boisekidskampus.com New Horizon Academy 12692 W. LaSalle St., Garden City 83714 376-2690 newhorizonacademy.net Ol’ McDonald’s Montessori 5890 N. Gary Ln., Boise 83714 853-2163 olmcdonalds.com Vineyard Christian Academy 4950 N. Bradley St., Garden City 83714 407-8197 vineyardchristianacademy.org

CALDWELL 83605 Alice’s Day Care 10741 Highway 20/26, Caldwell 83605 459-4160 Caldwell Adventist Elementary School 2317 Wisconsin Ave., Caldwell 83605 459-4313 mycaes.org Calvary Kids of Caldwell

911 Everett St., Caldwell 83605 454-5136 calvarycaldwell.com/home/ learningcenter/ Centennial Baptist School 3610 E. Ustick Rd., Caldwell 83605 454-1997 centennialbaptist.education Grace Lutheran Preschool 2700 S. Kimball Ave., Caldwell 83605 459-4191 gracelutherancaldwell.org Heritage Community Charter School 1803 E. Ustick Rd., Caldwell 83605 453-8070 heritagecommunitycharter.com Karla’s Day Care Center 522 N. 9th Ave., Caldwell 83605 459-0111 Lil’ Da Vinci Academy – Preschool with Imagination 19652 Commonwealth Ave., Caldwell 83605 709-1415 lildavinciacademy.weebly.com Little People Learning Center, aka LPLC 1310 Arthur St., Caldwell 83605 454-5652 Marble Front Head Start Center 20594 Ward Lane, Caldwell 83605 459-7010 wicap.org/head-start/marble-front Turner Center-Family Development 406 S. 14th Ave., Caldwell 83605 454-1324 Wonder Years Daycare and Early Learning Center 1502 Main St., Caldwell 83605 455-9876

WE CAN CREATE YOUR UNIQUE PATHWAY TO LEARNING

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EAGLE 83616 Cornerstone Children’s Center 1450 N. Prestwick Way, Eagle 83616 938-1368 Eagle Adventist Christian School & Preschool 538 W. State St., Eagle 83616 939-5544 eagleadventistchristian.com Eagle Christian Preschool 1107 E. Iron Eagle Dr., Eagle 83616 939-2272 eaglechristianpreschool.com Eagle Early Learning Center 223 N. Eagle Rd. #100, Eagle 83616 938-3344 eagleelc.com Eagle Wings Preschool 651 N. Eagle Rd., Eagle 83616 939-1351 eagleumc.com/eagles-wings-school Hope Lutheran Preschool 331 N. Linder Rd., Eagle 83616 939-9181 hopeeagle.org/hope-preschool

Montessori Academy 1400 N. Park Ln., Eagle 83616 939-6333 boisemontessori.com Polaris Learning Center 1323 E. Iron Eagle Dr., Eagle 83616 938-9830 polarislearning.net Seven Oaks Guided Discovery 1441 S. Seven Oaks Way, Eagle 83616 559-3379 ymcatvidaho.org/facilities

MERIDIAN 83642

Advanced Therapy Care 68 S. Baltic Place, Meridian 83642 898-0988 advancedtherapycare.com

Smaller Scholar Montessori School 2150 W. Cherry Lane, Meridian 83642 888-6881

Advantage Early Learning Centers 3677 E. Copper Point Way, Meridian 83642 391-2200 advantageelc.com

Sunshine Academy 737 N. Linder Rd., Meridian 83642 288-1007

Children’s Unique Styles 1915 W. Cherry Lane, Meridian 83642 888-7228 Cole Valley Christian Schools 200 E. Carlton Ave., Meridian 83642 947-1212 colevalleychristian.org Dreamland Education Center 875 W. Franklin Rd., Meridian 83642 288-2282 dreamlandchildcarecenters.com Healthy Beginnings Childcare 444 N. Linder Rd., Meridian 83642 887-0001 Idaho Learning Center / Joshua Institute 2150 W. Cherry Ln., Meridian 83642 893-5130 idaholearningcenter.org / joshuainstitute.org Kids Connect Preschool 68 S. Baltic Place, Meridian 83642 898-0988 advancedtherapycare.com/kidsconnect Melissa’s All Star Preschool 4703 W. Big Creek St., Meridian 83642 240-0296 http://meridianallstarpreschool. blogspot.com Meridian Montessori Preschool & Kindergarten 822 W. Cherry Ln., Meridian 83642 888-6810

A Child’s Choice Montessori School 1797 S. Millennium Way, Meridian 83642 288-1990 achildschoicemontessori.com

Nature’s Childcare 2135 S. Cobalt Point Way, Meridian 83642 884-3833 natureschildcare.com

ABC Club Daycare & Learning Center 650 W. Broadway Ave., Meridian 83642 895-6789

Pine Creek Montessori 3774 W. Pine Creek Ct., Meridian 83642 893-5437

Ten Mile Christian Preschool 3500 W. Franklin Rd., Meridian 83642 888-3101 tenmilecc.com Ten Mile Community Church Day Care Center 4440 E. Columbia Rd., Meridian 83642 362-4602 tenmileccc.com/school/ The Learning Launch Pad Preschool Ten Mile/Cherry Lane, Meridian 83642 351-2838 launchpadps.blogspot.com Tiggeriffic Preschool & Daycare 1302 N. Main St., Meridian 83642 912-3517 tiggerifficdaycare.org

83646 A Step Ahead Preschool and Daycare 3348 N. Meridian Rd., Meridian 83646 473-2420 astepaheadpreschoolidaho.com Ambrose School, The 6100 N. Locust Grove Rd., Meridian 83646 323-3888 theambroseschool.org Anchored Beginnings Preschool 4549 W. Quaker Ridge St., Meridian 83646 898-0664 anchoredbeginningspreschool.com Challenger School 2020 W. Everest Ln., Meridian 83646 846-8888 challengerschool.com/campus/ idaho/meridian/everest Dreamland Education Center 2501 N. Stokesberry Place, Meridian 83646 288-2205 dreamlandchildcarecenters.com

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18 MARCH 2019 | Idaho Family Magazine

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Friendship Celebration Preschool 765 W. Children Blvd., Meridian 83646 288-2404 fclcpreschool.org Kids Choice 2210 W. Everest Ln., Meridian 83646 888-7540 mykidschoice.com King’s Kids Preschool & Kindergarten 50 W. Spicewood Dr., Meridian 83646 887-0801 http://kingskidsmeridian.org New Horizon Academy 1830 N. Meridian Rd., Meridian 83646 887-3880 newhorizonacademy.net/location/ idaho-meridian/

NAMPA 83651 ABC Country 432 Caldwell Blvd., Nampa 83651 465-7413 Apple Core Preschool 719 17th Ave. S., Nampa 83651 442-0035 Calvary Christian School A.C.E. 1210 N. Middleton Rd., Nampa 83651 467-9114 ccsnampa.org Creative Child Preschool 150 Delaware Ave., Nampa 83651 467-3652 Happy Days Child Care Center 215 N. Bonner Dr., Nampa 83651 466-0156 Kids Korner Child Care Center 423 18th Ave. S., Nampa 83651 467-3533

Nampa Christian Schools nampachristianschools.com Nampa Montessori Preschool 312 N. Canyon St., Nampa 83651 465-6179 nampamontessori.com Playful Child 420 17th Ave. S., Nampa 83651 466-1858 St. Paul’s Catholic School 1515 8th St. S., Nampa 83651 467-3601 nampacatholic.school Taffy’s House 212 21st Ave. S., Nampa 83651 467-5975 Teaching World 222 3rd Ave. S., Nampa 83651 465-5437 idteachingworld.com Tiny Tot Hotel Day Care Center 131 Smith Ave., Nampa 83651 467-4769

83686

83687

ABC’s & 123’s Child Development Center 919 S. Diamond St., Nampa 83686 468-4999

Here We Grow Preschool 7847 E. Red Oak Ct., Nampa 83687 350-9720

Cowpoke Country Daycare 1127 E. Greenhurst Rd., Nampa 83686 463-0033 cowpokecountry.com

Liz’s Loving Child Center 407 Stampede Dr., Nampa 83687 (661) 616-7746 Polaris Learning Center 6224 Birch Ln., Nampa 83687 466-1322 polarislearning.net

Destiny Christian School PO Box 294, Nampa 83686 466-1264 Little Ones Preschool 3121 Custer Ave., Nampa 83686 463-1593 Messiah’s Children Preschool 534 W. Iowa Ave., Nampa 83686 465-4511 Safe Haven Day Care 2024 S. Banner St., Nampa 83686 467-3508 Zion Lutheran Christian School 1012 12th Ave. Rd., Nampa 83686 466-9141 zlsnampa.org

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Idaho Family Magazine | MARCH 2019 19

‘SERVE AND RETURN’

Parents as children’s brain builders

By Cara Johnson-Bader

T

he CEO of New Horizon Academy, Chad Dunkley, recently attended an early childhood conference in Baltimore. At the conference, a professor from Georgetown University spoke about recent research on brain development and about the importance of “serve and return.”

Serve and return is the back and forth exchange between children and significant adults in their lives (parents, teachers, grandparents, etc.). This back-and-forth process is fundamental to the wiring of the brain, especially in the earliest years. Think tennis, ping-pong, or volleyball.

As parents, we know that children naturally seek interaction. The coo of a baby, the smile of a toddler, the shout of “Look at me!” from a preschooler are all examples of children seeking interaction. Parents or caregivers respond with sweet whispers to the baby, a smile and an “I love you” to the toddler, and a “Wow, you are building with blocks! Tell me about what you are building” to the preschooler. These interactions help “wire” the brain by creating connections.

When parents and caregivers respond to a child’s initiation of interaction, it fosters brain development.

Harvard University has a video that explains how serve and return helps brain development. It is a pretty powerful video and demonstrates how the serve and return concept nourishes minds and sets the stage for later development and learning. Here is a link to the video: http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=m_5u8-QSh6A&feature=player_embedded After hearing the powerful information and watching the video from Harvard University on the importance of serve and return, I started thinking about my own interactions with my children. I realized there is no need to purchase expensive toys, games, equipment, or DVDs in order to support brain development. It is the everyday interactions I engage in with my children that stimulate brain development.

In a nutshell, the simple act of reading to your child, even as early as two months of age, can have long-term positive effects on a baby’s mind. Not only does the physical act of reading to your child bring you closer together, but the action helps to solidify and strengthen the emotional parent-child bond. For example, the playful sing-song voice of a mother reciting the words and allowing her six-month-old child to grasp the pages of a book, feel them underneath her fingers, and flip the pages, engages the child and allows connections in her brain to ignite.

It is really pretty simple and powerful. Your child will toss you an opportunity to build her brain and all you have to do is respond with a meaningful reply, and the brain will make connections. As you can see, everyday interactions with your child present an opportunity for brain building.

20 MARCH 2019 | Idaho Family Magazine

Cara Johnson-Bader’s sons, Ben, left photo, and Will, right photo, work in the kitchen, cooking together with their mom.

(Courtesy photos)

Since learning about the serve and return concept, I have been purposeful and intentional in my interactions with my children. I now see myself as an architect of my sons’, Ben and Will’s, brains. I thought I would share a few ideas of things I learned in the research and activities that I have implemented to be a brain builder. Below are a few easy to implement brain building activities.

One-on-one time

• The number one brain booster for children is one-on-one time with parents.

Respond warmly and quickly to a child’s cues for support and attention.

• Sensitivity – Learn to be aware of children’s signals. Watch for their signals and how you can respond.

• Timing – Respond quickly to children’s signals rather than waiting for extended periods of time.

• Warmth – Be gentle and caring with children when responding to cues, which helps them feel trust.

Hold, touch, and snuggle with your child.

• Touch is a child’s lifeline to security, attachment, and reassurance.

Make time each day to practice and encourage repetition of songs, stories, and other experiences.

• Few things build a child’s brain and open opportunities for learning more than consistent repetition of healthy activities or experiences. Telling the same stories and singing the same songs over and over may feel boring to you, but it is not boring to children.

• Children learn through repetition.

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Talk, laugh, sing, play peek-aboo, and read with your child — children need to hear language.

• The key to language development in a child’s brain is hearing language — lots of it.

• Music and language not only introduce children to words, but help them learn rhythm, sequences, and spatial and math skills.

• Cook together.

• Cooking can help a child learn and practice some basic math concepts and build language skills.

• And the experience of creating meals with you can help build their self-confidence and lay the foundation for healthy eating habits.

Cara Johnson-Bader is the Vice President of Marketing and Parent Experiences at New Horizon Academy and mother of two young boys. Learn more about New Horizon Academy at newhorizonacademy.net.

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The Horney Village Continued from Page 7 “like that” (more lies). I refuse to buy into the convenience of a white-washed memory palace in which I am the magnified hero and problems were the dragon I slayed. If I want to be a safe place for the world around me then I need to allow room for my past and present failings and struggles, not as a mark of my martyrdom or heroics, but as an honest representation of myself. Because without honesty, without humility, who are we but shadows of ourselves? And who wants to live in a world of shadows?

I want to be kind with how I keep my memories: Kind to myself, to my children, and to anyone who asks to share life with me. Like a tour around my house, I don’t have to open every closet and drawer, but I won’t be so disingenuous as to only show them the front room where I just vacuumed.

I don’t want to use shined up memories as a shield, or a weapon. So if that means you get to hear about the time I forgot to buckle the infant’s seatbelt straps, or you find out what my marriage actually looks like when there are three crying kids at bedtime, or maybe I tell you how I feel after I yell at my kids and then cry for the shame of it; I will be kind to us both. I will offer honesty with humility, but also forgiveness to myself and grace to you, so you can give yourself the same. If, someday, you ask me what it was like when I was raising small children, I won’t lie. I’ll say, it was one million small and difficult decisions that I will never remember for three human beings whose story never belonged to me in the first place. But, and, it was one million acts of love that told a story we’ll never forget.

Jessie Horney is a freelance writer and poet.

Find her at www.horneymomtellsall.com.

Jessie Horney

Idaho Family Magazine | MARCH 2019 21

WHY so angry?

Teach kids to use words not fists

By Sandy Spurgeon McDaniel

W

hat is everyone so angry conflict. about? You can answer 4. Be sure the children move that question with political to resolution: or personal answers, and Child: “I do not want you to take my the real reason is that, especially in my baseball mitt without asking me. Are you generation (I’m 77), we were taught to willing to do that?” suppress anger. There was a very strict code The parent can offer a consequence if of conduct that we followed or there would the agreement is not kept: “If you borrow be a hole in the wall where we were ejected. his/her mitt without asking, you have “Yes sir, no sir!” was a stringent way to be volunteered to... (i.e., clear the table and raised and more restrictive, even, was the empty the dishwasher two times in a row).”

“Never talk back to me” clause. There was Children will not use their words unless it no place for feelings, so we stuffed them.

Sandy Spurgeon McDaniel is unacceptable to hit, name-call, shame or Passed down from generation to generation is blame. The Minute Drill and Penalty Box are the inability to appropriately vent negative feelings. my discipline systems and are found at parentingsos.com.

When I am teaching my “Making Good Choices” class, I Children need to diffuse their anger before they can talk blow air into a balloon while I tell a story about a boy who about the problem. A great technique for this is to have two doesn’t want to wake up in the morning (blow), finds his children stand about six feet apart (out of strike range), then favorite shirt is in the wash (blow), hates eggs for breakfast you tell them, “Sam gets to say everything that he wants to (blow), and his bicycle has a flat tire (blow) so he has to walk say about what happened to cause the fight. Denise, you to school (blow). Because his timing was off, he arrived at cannot talk until Sam is completely finished.” school after the bell rang (blow) and all the kids mocked him Then reverse the process: “Denise, it is your turn to say when he entered class (blow). He got a D on his math test whatever is on your mind. Sam, you cannot comment at any (blow) and realized he had forgotten his lunch (blow). As he time while Denise is speaking.” arrived home, his mother chirped, “Hi, honey, how was your Give the listening child the football “time out” sign (make day?” (Pop the balloon.) Little frustrations, angers, irritations a “T” with your two hands) to keep that child quiet. Go back build up until something that doesn’t really matter is the and forth until the children get bored and don’t want to talk cause for an explosion. about the problem anymore. Let them play together again.

It is essential that we teach our children to use their words, They have diffused their original anger, so they are less likely not their fists, especially to solve problems. Most people have to enter a war zone again. If they do fight again, separate few if any communication skills. Did they teach you how to them for a half hour and repeat the process. communicate in school? Probably not. Here are some rules An additional technique is to have child “B” tell the other of the road for teaching children how to communicate when child what was heard before stating that child’s case, such as, they are angry: “What I heard you say was.... Is that what you said?” (This is

1. Don’t have children discuss a problem when they are angry.

Have each child run to a tree and back to diffuse their anger. If there is no tree nearby, run in place.

2. Name-calling is not allowed.

Teach your children to use their words. Have them say, “I don’t like that you took my baseball mitt without asking me if you could use it.” Starting with the word “I” tamps down the tendency to use labels instead of words that describe one’s feelings.

3. Do not ask either child to say he/she is “sorry.”

An angry child is not sorry. Do not force your children to lie. An apology should be a natural resolution to a minor 22 MARCH 2019 | Idaho Family Magazine

a fabulous way for adults to defuse an argument.)

Children who learn to express their feelings, especially their anger, will have more mature relationships, less conflict in general, and respect for themselves and their actions. They will also be a part of creating a less combustible world. Teach your children to use their words.

For more than 55 years, Sandy has been an international speaker and recognized authority on families and children. Author of five books, columnist, founder of parentingsos.com, she is a resident of Meridian and loves spending time with her three Idaho grandchicks. Semi-retired, she speaks to schools, churches, and MOPS groups and provides parent coaching sessions in person and on the phone. She is available for parenting talks/trainings in the Treasure Valley and may be reached at sandy@parentingsos.com. Also, go to YouTube: Sandy Spurgeon McDaniel to see videos on specific parenting issues. www.idahofamilymagazine.com

WEDNESDAY’S CHILD

DJ hopes to attend culinary school The following information is provided by Wednesday’s Child, an organization that helps Idaho foster children find permanent homes.

DJ, 13, is a thoughtful young man who loves to cook and one day hopes to go to culinary school and become an amazing chef. His favorite foods include chili, pizza and tacos. When he’s not in the kitchen, DJ also likes to go swimming, fishing, camping and hiking. While sometimes a little quiet and shy at first, if you engage him in a craft project — particularly origami — DJ is sure to open up to you and let you see what a fun, caring and nurturing person he truly is. DJ dreams of one day traveling to Japan to see the world-renowned origami festival.

DJ would love it if his new family liked to play board games like Life, Chess, Checkers, or card games. If board games aren’t your thing, DJ looks forward to playing basketball or football with you. His favorite teams are the Boise State Broncos and the Atlanta Falcons. DJ also enjoys playing video games such as Super Smash Bros. and Mario Kart. He likes rap music and the pop rock band Imagine Dragons, and he is interested in trying to learn to play the harmonica.

DJ is kind and loves animals and is very protective of the important people in his life.

DJ relates really well with the strong male role models in his life. His Permanency Team is searching for either a traditional couple, a single dad or a family with two dads. Although the ultimate fit for DJ would be a family where he could be the only child, if your family has other children, being the oldest child in the home would be a great fit for him as well. Having some experience or knowledge of how trauma, grief and loss can impact children who come from hard places would greatly benefit your relationship with DJ. A family who values connections and can help DJ maintain and navigate his ongoing relationships with some of his biological family members would go a long way towards helping him to transition successfully into his new family setting. DJ is looking forward to finally finding his very own Forever Family as soon as possible. If you think that may be you, please inquire about DJ today.

www.idahofamilymagazine.com

For more information on the Idaho Wednesday’s Child Program, visit www.idahowednesdayschild.org, or contact Shawn White at swhite52@ewu.edu or cell 208-488-8989 if you have specific questions.

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