Laura Curry Dissertation

Institute for Clinical Social Work

“Good Mother” Ideologies in Psychoanalytic Theory: Impact on The Child Therapist's Experience as a Mother

A Dissertation Submitted to the Faculty of the Institute for Clinical Social Work in Partial Fulfillment for the Degree of Doctor of Philosophy

By Laura Brown Curry

Chicago, Illinois February 2026

Abstract

This qualitative study explored the lived experiences of five child psychodynamic therapists as they navigated the intersection of their professional and maternal roles. Psychoanalytic theory, largely written by men, has historically centered on the mother-infant dyad, promoting “good mother” ideologies that emphasize attunement and often blame mothers for their children's psychological development. Despite extensive writings on mothers, the perspectives of mothers who are child psychodynamic therapists remain undocumented. Using a hermeneutic psychoanalytic case study methodology, the study examined how the theory manifests in practice and documented therapists’ firsthand accounts, considering how their extensive education in developmental and psychoanalytic theory, along with society's good mother ideology, shapes their experiences of motherhood. The findings showed that, through reflective reparation, participants moved from the paranoid-schizoid splitting of good and bad mothering to the depressive position, thereby embracing Winnicott’s concept of the good-enough mother. Three key themes emerged: the weight of responsibility imposed by a harsh professional superego, motherhood as a site for breaking intergenerational cycles, and the development of psychodynamic theory from an intellectual defense into an internal holding environment. Ultimately, the research emphasized that for these mothers who are child therapists, motherhood reflected the analytic process itself a transformative space in which the burden of knowledge was replaced by the grace of simply being. This underscored the importance of orienting clinical training to understand therapists and caregivers as individuals with subjective needs.

Keywords: psychodynamic theory, child psychotherapy, good-enough mother, intersubjectivity, mother-blame, matrescence, gender development.

This dissertation is dedicated to my parents, Bill and Nancy Brown, my husband, Ryan, and my children, Hannah and Jack. Without them, I would not be a mother.

Acknowledgement

This dissertation was made possible by the steadfast support, encouragement, and generous time of many individuals. First, I wish to thank the participants for their trust in me, their time, vulnerability, and willingness to share their experiences, which made it possible to illuminate the voices of mothers who are child psychodynamic therapists. I am indebted to my dissertation chair, Jennifer Tolleson, PhD, who, at every turn, encouraged me to go further by pointing me in a direction and trusting me to grapple with the theory, even when I was unsure of myself. A special thanks to my committee member, Kerstin Blumhardt, PhD, who consistently believed in me and walked alongside me supporting and encouraging me from the very beginning, engaging in meaningful consultations, and helping me clarify the study's mission. Many thanks to my additional supportive committee member, Sherwood Faigen, LCSW, who offered thoughtful insights and perspectives I had overlooked. I am also grateful to my reader, Karen Baker, MSW, for her time and contributions. Working with a committee deeply committed to this topic has been an invaluable experience.

Finally, I would like to express my gratitude to my friends and family, especially my supportive husband and encouraging mother. Everyone’s belief in me, along with their encouragement, grace, and understanding, made this study possible. It has truly been a labor of love, shared by many. This endeavor has been profoundly meaningful, bringing me greater selfunderstanding, self-acceptance, and a deeper appreciation for the concept of “good enough.” I wish the same for others.

List of Tables

Table 1. Psychoanalytic Concepts: Applied to Inform Their Training’s Influence on Their Mothering 191

Table 2. Participant’s Integration of Five Psychodynamic Concepts Into Her Maternal Identity 192

Table 3. Influence of Psychodynamic Training on Participants’ Experience of Mothering ...... 196

Table 4. Shared Cross-Case Psychoanalytic Mechanisms.......................................................... 200

Table 5. Three Themes Across Cases and a Commonly Held Integrative Pattern.....................

Chapter I

Introduction

General Statement of Purpose

This psychoanalytic case study (Tolleson, 1996) aimed to understand the mothering experiences of a small sample of child psychotherapists/psychoanalysts who are mothers. By examining their accounts of motherhood, the study develops a theory and concepts that integrate psychodynamic interpretation with personal narratives. It explores how child psychodynamic therapists understand their lived experiences as mothers, highlighting how their exposure to psychodynamic theory and direct practice with children and families informs their perspectives on motherhood. It focuses on their experiences as mothers and their self-perceptions in that role.

A child psychodynamic therapist mother has formal academic training in child development and direct clinical experience with children and families, both of which provide a professional understanding of the delicate and complex dynamics of parent and family relationships. A core assumption of this study was that her professional work and training influenced her personal experience of mothering in some way. A child psychodynamic therapist has studied psychoanalytic/psychodynamic theory, which holds that the mother plays a central role in child development and often links psychopathology to problems stemming from inadequate mothering.

Psychodynamic theory offers good mother ideologies (Chamberlain, 2022, p. 54), which are arguably steeped in Western patriarchal notions of gender roles (Chodorow, 1978). This orientation toward blaming the mother, often referred to as mother-blame, is part of the fabric of psychotherapy theory and practice (Chamberlain, 2022, p. 54; Freud Museum London, 2023, 12:45). Mother-blame and good mother ideologies are cultural phenomena that extend beyond

the clinical setting (Freud Museum London, 2023). Child psychodynamic therapist mothers in the United States live in a society where psychoanalytic theory has infiltrated Western patriarchal culture, shaping how we, as a culture and society, judge and label what constitutes good mothering. They have also learned it directly from their clinical training in psychodynamic theory. As a result, the child psychodynamic therapist mother has been taught personally and studied professionally what it means to be a good mother. Given their dual roles as mother and child psychodynamic therapist, this study examined how their work experience and training in psychodynamic theory informed their mothering.

The research participants were individuals who identified as female, were fully licensed, and had at least four years of work experience prior to having a child. They identified as psychodynamic therapists specializing in treating children. They completed courses or seminars in the psychodynamic treatment of children, including at least one course in child development and one in psychodynamic theory. They had clinical supervision in psychodynamic/psychoanalytic child therapy and had at least one child between the ages of six and eighteen at the time of the study.

Significance of the Study for Clinical Social Work

This study aligns with the National Association of Social Workers’ (NASW) Code of Ethics (2021), which states that social workers should strive to contribute to the knowledge base of social work and continually increase their professional knowledge and skills, applying them in practice (NASW, 2021, Standards 4.01b, 4.01c). This research contributes to the knowledge base of clinical social work, which has little to no data on the mothering experiences of child therapist mothers. This study raises awareness of how psychodynamic theory plays out in practice regarding motherhood and may shed light on how child psychodynamic therapists who are

mothers navigate prevailing good mother ideologies. Good mother ideologies are shaped by the interplay of gender and cultural biases with the psychodynamic theories they learned during their training. Notably, many of these theories were written by men.

Additionally, sharing the experiences of mothers who are child psychodynamic therapists supports future therapists working with clients who are both therapists and mothers. The study also fosters solidarity among child therapist mothers facing similar challenges. This is particularly important given the make-up of clinical social work. Clinical social work is a female-majority field, with many practitioners being mothers, yet most of the prevailing mothering ideologies in the field are written by men (Salsberg et al., 2020; Zippia, 2025). This study provides a means for the field to examine an experience shared by most of its members.

According to Zippia (2025), 79.1% of child and adolescent therapists are women, the average age is 44 years, and the most common race is White (74.2%). According to U.S. Census Bureau data (2018), 86% of women aged 40–44, nearing the end of their childbearing years, have given birth to at least one child (Livingston, 2018).

Additionally, a 2022 Pew Research survey (2023) found that being a mother is an important aspect of respondents’ personhood (Schaeffer & Aragao, 2023). According to Schaeffer & Aragao (2023), 88% of mothers report that being a parent is the most important aspect of their identity, or among the most important. Given these statistics, we can infer that many female child therapists are also mothers and that motherhood is of great importance to them. These two notions, that many child therapists are mothers and that mothering carries great importance, support the premise of this study: to give voice to the mothering experience of the child psychotherapist mother. The voices of mothers matter because mothers have been written about extensively in psychodynamic theory. These theories, written by men, tend to hold mothers

responsible for their children's psychological development and well-being. As such, the effects of these theories fall on mothers, who are frequently blamed for problematic outcomes. While the theory discusses mothers and their roles extensively, the voices of child psychodynamic therapist mothers have not been documented or analyzed. Including their voices could provide valuable insights into how the theory plays out in practice and how it influences their motherhood experience. Perhaps participants’ accounts of mothering will encourage the field to re-evaluate the messaging in theories and consider how these good mother ideologies affect mothers.

Statement of the Problem and Specific Objectives to Be Achieved

Void in the Literature

Currently, there are no studies documenting the firsthand accounts of child psychodynamic therapist mothers. In reviewing relevant research and related literature, only a few studies were found on child psychodynamic therapists and motherhood. Some studies confirm that being both a mother and a therapist, or another type of clinician, such as art therapists, child welfare officers, or school counselors, mutually impact each other in ways that are both helpful and create unique challenges (Goldmann, 2020; Herman, 2019; Menashe, 2012; Moore, 2008; Parker, 2024; Robinson, 2012). These studies all call for further research on motherhood among clinicians, highlighting the need to address gaps in the literature. While previous studies have provided valuable insights into the dual roles of therapist and mother, they did not specifically examine the mothering experience of the child psychodynamic therapist.

Psychodynamic Theory and Good Mother Ideologies

Psychodynamic theory emphasizes the primacy of the mother’s role in her child’s development and well-being, but it does not account for or document how child psychotherapist

mothers think or feel about the theory, how the theory plays out in practice, or how it informs their sense of self as mothers. This study offers a glimpse into how these child psychodynamic therapist mothers navigate gender and cultural biases in theory, how these biases can influence those who study and practice the theory, and how they perceive their mothering.

Although it is not possible to make broad generalizations about all child therapists as mothers, this study sheds light on shared experiences of motherhood influenced by messages about good mothering from both their psychodynamic theories and society at large. By making these accounts of child psychodynamic therapist mothers' experiences available for sharing, the study identifies new areas of universal and unique experiences, offers a sense of comfort and commonality to some, and examines how psychodynamic theory comes to life in the practice of mothering.

Barrage of Messaging on Motherhood

In the United States, there is an endless list of parenting must-reads and guides, some of which offer idiosyncratic or trendy parenting advice that is not always grounded in children’s developmental needs. According to McAfee (2020) in “The Decade of the Parenting Manual,” the 2010s were the peak decade for parenting manuals, with a slew of new theories advising parents to “get off your child’s back, light a fire under him, or love him more efficiently. From helicopter parenting to benign neglect and back again, writers aimed to set parents on the right path to producing well-adjusted kids” (p. 1). This flood of resources and constantly shifting advice contributes to the inherent uncertainty of parenting. Thus, today’s mothers have an overabundance of information that could guide their mothering. This struggle is even harder for therapist mothers who, in addition to digesting mainstream parenting advice, also hold the psychodynamic theories of good mothering and their clinical experience in mind as they mother.

This leads to the study’s main research question: What do child psychodynamic therapists say about mothering and their experiences of motherhood, particularly in relation to their work experience and clinical training, including psychodynamic theory and good mother ideologies?

While child therapists, as first-time mothers, have never been mothers, they do have intimate firsthand experience of the complex dynamics of family relationships through their professional work and psychodynamic training, which informs their thinking about mothering. Moreover, given that psychoanalytic theory has historically emphasized the role of the mother, one can infer that this may also inform her experience of motherhood, in some way.

Maternalization of Psychological Theory and Practice

This study also addresses the potentially problematic parallel found in theory between mothering and psychotherapy practice. The literature on this parallel is significant and begins with Winnicott (2002), who said,

For what the mother does when she does well enough is to facilitate the baby’s own developmental processes, making it possible for the baby, to some extent, to realize inherited potential. All we do in successful psychoanalysis is to unhitch developmental hold-ups and to release developmental processes and the inherited tendencies of the individual patient. In a peculiar way, we can actually alter the patient’s past so that a patient whose maternal environment was not good enough can change into a person who has had a good enough facilitating environment, and whose personal growth has therefore been able to take place, though late. When this happens, the analyst gets a reward that is far removed from gratitude and is very much like that which a parent gets when a child achieves autonomy. (pp. 78–79)

This quote draws parallels between the roles of the mother and the therapist. Both mothers and therapists have been tasked with facilitating mental health; that is, the mother supports the child’s mental health, and the therapist supports the patient’s mental health, more specifically by addressing the “initial failures of the mother” (Winnicott, 2002, p. 21). Thus, therapy addresses the “failures of the mother” because psychodynamic theory has framed it that way. Additionally, good mother ideologies overlap with good therapist ideologies due to the maternal turn in theory discourse. As such, Philipson (1994) argues that as psychotherapy has become feminized, it has become more “mother-centered,” and she draws a parallel between the “reproduction of mothering” and the “reproduction of therapy” (Bueskens, 2014b, p. 11). An aim of this study was to examine how one’s training, steeped in theories of mothering, intersects with clinical work with mothers and children and with personal experience of mothering. It is important for the field to study this intersection.

Hypothesis or Research Questions to Be Explored

This study focused on the experiences of child psychodynamic therapists as mothers: What do child psychodynamic therapists say about mothering and their experience of motherhood, particularly as it relates to their work experience and clinical training, including psychodynamic theory and good mother ideologies?

Theoretical and Operational

Definitions of Major Concepts

Historically, the mother’s role in child-rearing was emphasized; however, past theorists spoke from the historical contexts in which they lived. We have since learned to use the terms mother and caretaker interchangeably, since we may not always be referring to a femaleidentifying person. When we say "mother" or "caretaker," it can refer to a transgender or nonbinary parent or to a father. We now understand that “it is the practice of mothering that

makes one a mother, not a biological or social imperative; therefore, the title of ‘mother’ is not strictly limited to biological mothers, or even women” (Ruddick, 1989, p. 12). Our aim is to avoid binary classifications and refrain from categorically dividing roles by gender, as has been customary in the past. However, despite this new flexibility in language and understanding, many contemporary women still face these pressures when they choose to become mothers. While recognizing that mother can now carry many meanings and apply to different people, for the purposes of this study, mother will refer to a female-identifying person who participates in child-rearing and assumes the identity and role of a caretaker for her child(ren).

Child psychotherapy: Refers to a variety of techniques and methods used to help children and adolescents who are experiencing difficulties with their emotions or behavior. In treating children and adolescents, play, drawing, building, pretending, and talking are important ways to express feelings and resolve problems (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry [AACP], 2017).

Clinical training: To provide an individual with experience and instruction in providing direct patient care in a health care institution (Law Insider, n.d.).

Misogyny: Refers to a deep-seated hatred of women (Merriam-Webster Dictionary, n.d.). For the purposes of this study, misogyny will be understood to characterize societal and cultural attitudes that perpetuate negative attitudes towards women that reflect a worldwide prejudice (Chamberlain, 2022).

Mother: A female parent (Merriam-Webster Dictionary, n.d.).

Mothering: To bring up, take care of, or protect as a mother; to look after in a (sometimes excessively) kind and protective way (Oxford English Dictionary, n.d.). For the purposes of this

study, mothering will be considered the act or action of rearing a child by a female-identifying person.

Psychodynamic approach: Views human behavior from the standpoint of unconscious motives that mold the personality, influence attitudes, and produce emotional disorders. The emphasis is on tracing behavior to its origins (American Psychological Association [APA], n.d.).

Psychodynamic theory: A constellation of theories of human functioning that are based on the interplay of drives and other forces within the person, especially (and originating in) the psychoanalytic theories developed by Sigmund Freud and his colleagues and successors, such as Anna Freud, Carl Jung, and Melanie Klein. Later psychodynamic theories, while retaining concepts of the interworking of drives and motives to some degree, emphasize the process of change and incorporate interpersonal and transactional perspectives of personality development (APA, n.d.).

Psychotherapist: An individual who has been professionally trained and licensed (in the United States by a state board) to treat mental, emotional, and behavioral disorders by psychological means (APA, n.d.). The terms psychotherapist, psychoanalyst, analyst, therapist, and clinician will be used interchangeably throughout this study.

Role: A character assigned or assumed, a socially expected behavior pattern usually determined by status in a particular society (Merriam-Webster Dictionary, n.d.).

Statement of Assumptions

• Because of her clinical training and work experience, a child psychotherapist mother has formal training and knowledge of psychodynamic theory, child development, attachment, and the impacts of parenting experiences on a child.

• This specialized knowledge will inform her experiences as a mother. Through their clinical work with children and adolescents, mothers who are child psychodynamic therapists have witnessed children and adolescents suffering deeply in relation to their experiences with their parents. They have seen much that can go wrong in the parenting experience, which may, in turn, affect their own mothering experience.

Epistemological Foundation

This psychoanalytic case study (Tolleson, 1996) aimed to understand the perspectives of child psychodynamic therapists who are also mothers on their mothering experiences. It drew on their lived experiences to develop a theory and concepts that integrate psychodynamic interpretation with their personal narratives. Across cases, the study examined how child psychotherapist mothers made sense of their lived experiences as mothers, emphasizing their unique exposure to psychodynamic theory and direct practice with children, and how these experiences inform their mothering (Bloomberg, 2023). This psychoanalytic case study was chosen because there are no documented accounts or analyses from mothers who have studied psychodynamic theory and good mothering ideologies during their formal training. Much of the existing research explores the intersection of motherhood and the therapist role, emphasizing how these roles influence each other particularly how motherhood affects a therapist's practice and how being a therapist influences maternal roles (Goldmann, 2020; Parker, 2024; Robinson, 2012). However, this study aimed to explore this phenomenon from a single direction, focusing on what child psychodynamic therapist mothers have to say about mothering and their experience of motherhood, particularly as it relates to their work experience and clinical training, including psychodynamic theory and good mother ideologies.

The epistemological foundation for this project was a hermeneutic paradigm of inquiry. In hermeneutic phenomenology, understanding is achieved through the co-construction of data with research participants and is derived from in-depth interviews (Bloomberg, 2023).

Hermeneutic research is a methodology of interpretation that focuses on the interpretation of meanings and enables the development of theory through a listening stance. This study analyzed in-depth interviews with child psychodynamic therapist mothers, which served as the basis for the data. The researcher’s role in interpreting meaning was that of a co-interpreter with each participant. Meaning was not discovered by the researcher; rather, it was derived through a collaborative process in which the researcher and the participant made sense of the participant’s experience (Eddles-Hirsch, 2015). Following Eddles-Hirsch (2015), “it is through the participants’ descriptions of the phenomenon being investigated that the research is able to uncover the invariant structures or essences of the phenomenon being investigated” (p. 254). The hermeneutic researcher is concerned with both participants’ descriptions of the phenomenon and the interpretation of meanings derived from their lifeworld experiences (Eddles-Hirsch, 2015).

Foregrounding

My interest in this topic arose from my experience as both a child psychodynamic therapist and a mother. I entered the PhD program at the Institute for Clinical Social Work in 2013, feeling strongly connected to my role as a child psychotherapist. At that time, I had worked as a psychodynamic therapist with children and adolescents for nine years, and I took pride in this as part of my identity as both a person and a professional. After completing two years of the PhD program, I took several years off to have children. During this period, I observed that my parenting was significantly influenced by what I learned at ICSW and by my clinical experiences with children, adolescents, and families. I often had Winnicott in mind when

my children were infants, and I was thoughtful about how much I let them cry in their cribs, how much I impinged, and how much frustration they could tolerate. As my children entered the Oedipal phase, I kept Freud in mind, reflecting on family dynamics and triangles, and analyzing their interactions with my husband and me.

I re-entered the PhD program in 2022 with a new role and identity as a mother. As I navigate life as a mother, child therapist, and adult therapist, I am interested in learning more about other child therapist mothers’ experiences of mothering and motherhood. How are other child therapists’ experiences of mothering similar to or different from mine, and what common strengths and challenges do we bring to our mothering experience as we hold these dual roles?

Becoming a mother has been one of the most meaningful gifts in life, and like many great gifts, it brings a mix of joys and challenges. I believe this is partly due to my dual roles. I also reflect on how my clinical theoretical orientation and the psychodynamic theory from ICSW may have shaped my approach to mothering. I am interested in my fellow child psychodynamic therapists’ experiences and their perceptions of potential links between their theoretical orientation and their mothering.

Upon reflection and through the research process, I have come to believe that the culture of good mother ideologies in the field and in society has created more anxiety and self-doubt for me as a mother. As Chamberlain succinctly describes while in conversation with Phillips (Freud Museum London, 2023, 12:20), I found myself concerned about what Winnicott’s (1953) concept of good-enough mothering truly meant. I often compared myself to the good mother ideologies and standards in psychodynamic theory and in society, questioning whether my own mothering was good enough. I worried that I might be harming my children by not providing a good enough environment and emotional attunement, but not so much as to be overbearing and

harm them in another way. There are many factors and influences in parenting. Fraiberg et al. (1975) state that every nursery has ghosts, “visitors from the unremembered past of the parents” (p. 387). In other words, the concept is that all parents have past experiences that surface, both consciously and unconsciously, during parenting and may be reenacted, knowingly or unknowingly, with their child. Mother therapists may carry the usual ghosts from their past, as well as ghosts of clients and ghosts from psychoanalytic theory (K. Blumhardt, personal communication, March 12, 2025). It has been important for me to be aware of these insights, as my own experiences inform my psychological and social location as an interpreter in this study.

I can only approach this research through my experiences in these dual roles; thus, those experiences will undoubtedly color the lens through which I view this study. I recognize that I hold the belief that, while it brings added anxiety and challenges, having clinical training and experience as a child therapist is good parent training and has helped inform my mothering in valuable ways. This was the lens through which I listened to my participants and interpreted the data. I strove to be open to exceptions and to view each participant as an individual with their own experience. I was aware of and prepared to interview participants with both similar and different experiences from my own. I was open to hearing their accounts and understanding their unique experiences.

Chapter II

Literature Review

“The words are being spoken now, are being written down, the taboos are being broken, the masks of motherhood are cracking through” (Rich, 1981, pp. 24–25).

This study explored the mothering experiences of child therapist mothers: What do they say about mothering and their experience of motherhood, particularly as it relates to their work and clinical training, including psychodynamic theory and good mother ideology? Although there is ample literature on maternalizing the therapeutic process, little is known about how psychodynamic theory informs the experience of motherhood when the mother is a psychodynamic child therapist. Thus, to gain insight into this topic, the following literature was reviewed to provide perspectives on these parallels.

This study examined the role of mothering from the perspective of a child therapist mother, drawing on her direct work with children and families and her clinical training, particularly in psychodynamic theory and good mother ideologies. Feminist theorists have highlighted misogynistic undertones in psychological theories. These critiques aim to shift the conceptualization of human development and psychological functioning to address early biases about women and children. We no longer see the mother as merely a “breast” (Klein, 1946/1975a, p. 14), merely the holding, mirroring environment (Winnicott, 1971), or the symbol of castration (Freud, 1905/1953); however, these are the theories taught in psychodynamic programs, which are predominantly written by men and tend to hold mothers responsible for the psychological development and well-being of their children. As such, the effects of the theories fall on mothers; therefore, they are frequently blamed for problematic outcomes. Although the theory offers much about mothers and their role, the voices of mothers who are child psychodynamic therapists have yet to be documented and considered to better understand how

the theory plays out in practice and how it impacts their experience of motherhood. Furthermore, what are their perspectives on motherhood, given their exposure to theories and training steeped in maternalized ideas? This study examines how mothers who are child psychodynamic therapists perceive themselves and their experiences of motherhood. These perceptions might be shaped by their professional work and clinical training, especially in psychodynamic theory and good mother ideologies

Psychodynamic theories place great importance on the role of the mother, both generally and in a child’s development. The primacy of the mother's role has become the prevailing view in our society, and most psychological difficulties in a child can be traced back to the mother. That notion could put pressure on the mother; perhaps they have internalized some of the good mothering ideologies and may feel the weight and responsibility of mothering in a specific way to prevent harming their child psychologically. Considering how psychoanalytic theory has historically placed this heavy burden on mothers and what it says about women who are mothers, what insights do child psychodynamic therapist mothers have about their own experiences as mothers?

As previously stated, psychodynamic therapists have extensive training in psychodynamic theory. Beginning with Sigmund Freud, a White male, his seminal ideas on the development of gender and sexuality have heavily influenced subsequent theorists.

Psychodynamic/psychoanalytic theories and practices are built on Freud’s male-centered theories and are written from a White, male perspective. The fact that men primarily write the theory is significant, given the extensive discussion of women’s gender and sexuality development and the assumptions about the role of the mother in psychodynamic theory. Accordingly, significant assumptions are made about a woman’s role in life and the role of the mother. Given these

misogynistic attitudes in psychodynamic theory, it is reasonable to wonder how they may affect the mothering experience for mothers, particularly child psychodynamic therapist mothers.

This literature review begins by providing context and understanding of dominant cultural messages about mothering, including an exploration of good mother ideologies and mother-blame. This will be followed by a review of Freud’s ideas, since he is often considered the founding father or grandfather of psychoanalytic theory. The following section discusses the theoretical shift in which relationships take primacy, including a review of Mitchell’s notion of the developmental tilt and the maternalization of psychological theory and practice. This will be followed by a review of Winnicott’s (1953) notion of the good-enough mother, then a brief overview of Kohut’s self psychology. Next, there will be a brief discussion of Mahler’s important contribution to the study of mother-child separation. This literature review concludes with an analysis of the theorists who contributed to attachment theory, followed by final reflections on the concepts of the refrigerator mother and intensive mothering. Following the section on psychoanalytic theory is a review of critiques of historical notions of motherhood.

While there are several critiques to choose from, this study will focus on those by Goldner, Walton, Chodorow, and Benjamin, as these are among the most widely known feminist theorists within the psychoanalytic community who challenge misogynistic views. It is worth noting that psychodynamic and psychoanalytic theories have traditionally been written from a Western, White, male perspective. Consequently, motherhood is often understood through this same lens. Although viewpoints that challenge this White-centric view of motherhood cannot fully examine the racial implications, these effects will be briefly discussed here.

Next, the discussion focuses on the therapist as a better mother, exploring parallels between therapy and mothering, both of which have been extensively examined in the clinical

community (Bueskens, 2014a). This is followed by a review of the literature on child therapy, including a brief overview of child psychodynamic therapy and a short exploration of its assumptions and techniques. The review concludes by examining relevant prior research on the intersection of child therapy and motherhood. After reviewing relevant research on parenting and child therapists, no studies were found on the experiences of child psychodynamic therapists who are mothers. A few studies confirm that being a therapist and a mother can be both helpful and challenging (Goldmann, 2020; Parker, 2024; Robinson, 2012); however, there remains a considerable gap in the literature on how being a child psychodynamic therapist informs mothering. This study will begin to fill the gap by examining the mothering experiences of child psychodynamic therapists.

Dominate Cultural Messages on Mothering

Good Mother Ideologies

Although we cannot quantitatively define what makes a good mother, we can examine how culture delineates the qualities of a good mother and how that delineation shapes our understanding of the ideology surrounding motherhood. As O’Reilly (2016) explains, Motherhood is, thus, primarily not a natural or biological function; rather, it is specifically and fundamentally a cultural practice that is continuously redesigned in response to changing economic and societal factors. As a cultural construction, its meaning varies with time and place; there is no essential or universal experience of motherhood. (p. 16)

When attempting to define what makes a “good” mother, good mother ideologies often perpetuate ideas about what is essential to good mothering and promote unrealistic standards for contemporary mothers (O’Reilly, 2016; Vigil, 2012). Vigil (2012) explains that good mothering

ideologies are derived from many sources, including historical and social factors, other ideologies, and the media, and are transmitted across generations by grandmothers and mothers, as well as by other mothers in communities. While it is interesting to explore all the contributing sources, for the purposes of this literature review, the focus will be on how psychoanalytic and psychodynamic theories contribute to mother-blame and good mother ideologies.

A cursory reading of key writers on development, such as Winnicott and Kohut, reveals psychoanalytically informed good mother ideologies. Winnicott emphasizes the importance of the mother consistently meeting her baby's needs during the early infant phase. Winnicott (1956/1958) extends this further, arguing that mothers have a unique ability to devote all their focus and energy to their child; he called this phenomenon the primary maternal preoccupation (pp. 300–305). Winnicott believes that the primary maternal preoccupation enables a new mother to focus so intently on her infant’s needs that she may disregard or even forget her own needs (Winnicott, 2002). The primary maternal preoccupation holds that the mother identifies more with the child than others might and champions this all-encompassing focus on the infant.

Winnicott viewed this as healthy, normal, and essential to the infant’s successful development.

Kohut likewise emphasizes the mother's role and her need to mother in specific ways to support her child's healthy development. Kohut (1977) explains that chronic failure of empathy, attributable to parental character pathology, undermines the healthy development of the child’s self and leads to narcissistic psychopathology. Good mother ideologies are clearly woven into psychodynamic theory and practice. Furthermore, these ideas inform cultural narratives about what constitutes a good mother and what mothers must do to support their children’s healthy development.

Mother-Blame

From good mother ideologies, the concept of mother-blame was born. The cultural tendency to place blame on mothers and to identify them as the source of their children’s problems has been termed mother-blame (Chamberlain, 2022; Freud Museum London, 2023). Mother-blame and the good mother ideology, as cultural phenomena, are powerful forces that shape the messages mothers receive from teachers, pediatricians, parenting books, their own mothers, neighbors, and psychoanalytic theory, which has seeped into dominant cultural norms (Chodorow, 1978). While good mother ideologies affect all mothers, this study examines how child psychodynamic therapist mothers navigate these ideologies, given that they receive these messages both in their daily lives and directly through their psychoanalytic training.

According to Thurer (1993), in the second decade of the 20th century, expectations for mothers began to change rapidly, and a similar upheaval occurred within psychoanalytic circles between the wars.

Suddenly, there was an outpouring of clinical, theoretical, experimental, and anthropological literature even animal studies on the importance of the mother-child bond, such that Bowlby (1951) wrote, “mother-love in infancy and childhood is as important for mental health as are vitamins and proteins for physical health.” Mothers came to be viewed as all-powerful figures, and what they did, especially during the first few weeks of an infant’s life, underwent microscopic scrutiny. Good mothering became not only crucial but highly specific simplistically speaking, she must neither “overprotect” nor “reject” nor “deprive.” She must offer “tender loving care,” “ordinary devotion,” “attachment,” “bonding,” “empathy,” “mirroring,” and allow herself to be “idealized,” all the while allowing “optimal frustrations.” (p. 527)

As this quote illustrates, blaming the mother, though not the intent of psychoanalytic theory, became a prominent theme in contemporary psychotherapy and the media, resulting in a generation of mothers who bear a level of guilt their predecessors never knew (Thurer, 1993).

Thurer (1993) further explains,

Expectations for good mothering, combined with unflattering presentations of mothers in literature and the media (e.g., Philip Wylie, Philip Roth, and the avalanche of castrating, suffocating mothers depicted in 20th-century novels and films), created a cultural climate that produced guilt, confusion, and frustration among women. (p. 532)

Mitchell’s (1988) developmental tilt, discussed further in a later section, highlights how maternalization shapes the fundamentals of psychopathology. Mitchell (1988) states,

Psychopathology is a direct product of deprivation, an “environmental failure”…what was missing is still missing and needs to be provided essentially in the form in which it was missed the first time around…the analyst must enter at the point of the so-called environmental failure, providing relational experiences as replacements for those the infant never encountered. (p. 170)

Therapy is viewed as a means of repairing deficits stemming from the mother's failures. The following quote exemplifies this idea: “At the deepest level, psychotherapy is replacement therapy, providing for the patient what the mother failed to provide at the beginning of life” (Mitchell, 1988, p. 191).

Similarly, the concept of therapy as a corrective emotional experience, which will be discussed and critiqued in greater detail below, is important because it links therapy and mothering. Alexander (1946) described the corrective emotional experience as the essential factor in psychotherapy and noted that specific therapeutic interventions and experiences can

provide healing emotional experiences that may have been missed in early childhood, often in relation to the primary caregiver or the mother (p. 66). In other words, therapy becomes a remothering or an avenue to correct the failures of the patient’s mother.

With Mitchell’s (1984) developmental tilt and the concept of the corrective emotional experience, we view the therapist as a replacement mother and draw a parallel between “good mothering” and “good therapist” (p. 489). As Winnicott (2002) stated, the therapist’s role was to maintain the “image of the parent-figure” (p. 236). When a mother failed to provide reliability for her dependent child, it was the therapist’s duty to correct emotional disappointments through unwavering dependability. Given this connection, we will continue our exploration of motherblame with additional examples.

Mother-blame persists because mothers are the primary caretakers and socializers of children in Western society; therefore, they have the most influence. This influence may also contribute to assigning blame to mothers when things go awry. Additionally, mothers’ dominance in child-rearing is considered “natural” (Chodorow, 1978, p. 11). While biology does play a role, as a woman can conceive a child and a male cannot, the exclusivity of the motherchild relationship could be questioned, especially when compared with child-rearing practices in other cultures. As O’Reily (2016) notes, “the naturalization [of motherhood] assumes that maternity is natural to women all women naturally know how to mother and that the work of mothering is driven by instinct rather than intelligence and developed by habit rather than skill” (p. x). Feminist historians agree that motherhood is primary, though not a natural or biological function; rather, it is specifically and fundamentally an ideological construction that has continually changed in response to social and economic transformations (O’Reily, 2004, 2016).

Rich (1976) explains that two features of the modern ideology of motherhood make mothering oppressive for women. First, mothering is assumed to be natural to women; and second, mothers are assigned the sole responsibility for motherhood but are given no power to determine the conditions under which they mother (Rich, 1976). According to O’Reily (Mazzoni, 2002), this prevailing belief, rooted in patriarchal culture, fosters an overemphasis on the mother as the main source of psychopathology (p. ix). Beyond viewing mothering as inherently natural, blame directed at mothers also extends into pregnancy through the idea of “maternal impressions," which holds that pregnant women exert strong psychic influences that can affect the physical or psychological development of their unborn child (Mazzoni, 2002, p. ix). While this can be seen as problematic, there is also a tangible biological aspect to consider in that the mother is the sole person responsible for physically carrying the baby for nine months in utero. The biological aspects of conception, reproduction, and breastfeeding make mothering an embodied and intimate experience between mother and child. Additionally, the extended period of nurturing and care, especially in societies where cultural norms expect the mother to be the primary caregiver, intertwines the identities of mother and child into a close and complex relationship. Nonetheless, aside from carrying the baby during pregnancy, much of this role is socially constructed.

Thus, with these societal and cultural norms in mind, many women may feel judged even before the baby is born. Rich (1986) further supports this notion by stating:

Women have been both mothers and daughters, but have written little on the subject; the vast majority of literary and visual images of motherhood come to us filtered through a collective or individual male consciousness. As soon as a woman knows that a child is growing in her body, she falls under the power of theories, ideals, archetypes, descriptions of her new existence, almost none of which have come from other women (though other women may transmit them) of all of which have floated invisibly about her since she first perceived herself to be female, and therefore potentially a mother. (p. 47)

This quote highlights how these messages or notions about good mothering ideologies become ingrained in women’s psyches. Even at young ages, many girls imagine themselves as mothers and play mom and baby. From societal and cultural messages around them, many young girls imagine the mother they might become or wish to be, and motherhood is often assumed (Rich, 1986). These messages also shape how women feel about themselves and the new role of motherhood they are taking on. They may feel additional pressure because they are the ones who can biologically carry a baby.

Additionally, a connection exists among mother-blame, good mother ideologies, and the perceived pressures that some women feel before, during, and after becoming a mother. Many women feel pressure to have a baby or to view having a baby and becoming a mother as an expected part of life (Benjamin, 1988, 1995, 1998; Zakin, 2011, as cited in Goldman, 2020). In Goldman’s (2020) study, she noted, “The centrality of motherhood is captured in the response of one of the participants, who said, regarding becoming a mother, ‘It was never unimagined.’”

Becoming a mother is so intertwined with views of female development that it is often seen as an inescapable part of female identity and desire (Benjamin 1988, 1995, 1998; Zakin, 2011, as cited in Goldman, 2020, pp. 125–126).

Many women also feel pressure about how they should feel while pregnant. Reddish, Golds, and MacBeth (2024) document the following:

Women felt the pressure of unrealistic expectations of a ‘glowing’ portrayal of pregnancy as an idyllic time without problems during which they should be happy and excited…There was a strong sense that this discourse needs to change as the difference between expectations and reality increased levels of distress and shame. (p. 464)

In addition, many women experience perceived pressures to breastfeed, which can negatively impact their mental health; [holding good mother ideologies including] … the “breast is best ideal, believing breastfeeding was part of success as a mother” (Grattan et al. 2024, p.1). Again, these notions are shaped by good mother ideology and can lead to perceived pressure and stress. This is compounded by the fact that in heterosexual relationships, the woman is the only one who can become pregnant, carry the baby, and breastfeed. These good-mother ideologies and perceived pressures experienced by some women may begin to shape how they feel about themselves as mothers or soon-to-be mothers.

In a similar study, Goldmann’s (2020) dissertation states, “given that psychodynamic therapist mothers are subject to these conditions and ideologies, exploring their personal and professional experiences through individual interviews helps to expose implicit biases and unconscious beliefs that may have affected them, and perhaps all mothers” (pp. 32–33). Similar to Goldmann’s (2020) study, this study provides an opportunity to document the voices of child psychodynamic therapist mothers as subjects rather than objects in the literature, thereby expanding the conversation about mothering and mental health.

Psychoanalytic Notions of Mothering

During their clinical training, mothers who are child psychodynamic therapists have studied psychoanalytic and psychodynamic theories that have historically emphasized the significance of the mother’s role. Just as Freud described dreams as the royal road to the unconscious, it seems there is a psychoanalytic royal road that leads all childhood difficulties exclusively back to the mother (Chamberlain, 2022, p. 16). The idea that most psychological difficulties in a child can be traced back to the mother has filtered into general Western beliefs and has become the prevailing stance. This orientation toward blaming the mother, or motherblame, has been influenced by and supported within Western patriarchal culture and has thus become part of the culture of psychotherapy in which all clinicians were educated, with particular attention in this study to female clinicians (Chamberlain, 2022; Chodorow, 1978; Freud Museum London, 2023). Therefore, psychodynamic theory developed in a context that could be considered misogynistic. In privileging misogynistic theory that emphasizes the role of mothering, the field of psychodynamic social work inadvertently adopts a perspective that downplays the lived experience of practitioners in the field, who, in this case, are child psychodynamic therapist mothers. This notion is further explained by Chamberlain (2022),

Whilst dealing with the unconscious processes which are conceptualized and attended to with the prejudice of the analyst’s own theoretical framework and the impact of their own analysis, something has been lost of women’s lived experience. I am curious about how much of the blatantly concrete is missed in the privileging of the unconscious, and therefore how much this blindspot [sic] consequently impacts the unconscious. The fundamental fact of women working in a patriarchal society, being trained within that system without a proper analysis of what that means, and the impact that has on us as women, is overlooked. (p. 5)

To understand psychodynamic notions of mothering, this literature review begins with Sigmund Freud's theoretical work. This is followed by the theoretical shift toward relationships taking primacy, including a review of the developmental tilt and the maternalization of psychological theory and practice. This is followed by a review of Donald Winnicott and a brief overview of Heinz Kohut’s self-psychology theory. Next, there will be a brief discussion of Margaret Mahler’s important contribution to the field regarding mother-child separation. This literature review concludes with an analysis of the theorists who contributed to attachment theory, followed by final thoughts on the refrigerator mother and intensive mothering concepts. Freud

This review begins with Sigmund Freud, the “grandfather” of psychoanalytic theory (Gay, 2006), since many psychoanalytic and psychodynamic concepts originate from his work. Therefore, understanding Freud is fundamental to the psychodynamic and psychoanalytic theories that came after. It is generally understood that his work reflects a male-centric perspective and, at times, can be seen as misogynistic or male-centered (Chodorow, 1978; Freud Museum London, 2023). In psychoanalytic thought, Freud frames motherhood, or more

specifically, having a child, as the goal of feminine psychosexual achievement; in other words, female identity is inextricably paired with motherhood (Suleimon, 1994). Theorists following Freud have adopted some of his views, and his theories underpin later psychoanalytic frameworks. Understanding this is key to seeing how misogynistic theory is woven into the fabric of psychodynamic theory (Freud Museum London, 2023).

Freud characterizes womanhood as essentially motherhood, or, as some modern psychodynamic feminist theorists call it, the “essentialization” or “essentializing” of motherhood (O’Reilly, 2016, p. 15). Although Freud’s ideas have since been critiqued, his theory remains influential and is still taught in psychodynamic training programs. This review focuses on the aspects of Freud’s work most relevant to this study, including his seminal work on gender and the development of sexuality, the Oedipal complex, and his brief thoughts on motherhood.

Gender and the Development of Sexuality & the Oedipal Complex. Freud is well known for his psychosexual stages of development, which include the oral, anal, phallic, latent, and genital stages (Freud, 1953/1905). Within Freud’s stages of development, the Oedipal complex occurs during the phallic stage, which occurs between the ages of three and five years, and serves as an important point in the formation of sexual identity. According to Freud (1923/1961c), during the phallic stage, the child develops feelings of desire for their opposite-sex parent. Along with this desire and longing for the opposite-sex parent, there is rivalry, jealousy, and anger toward the same-sex parent. Freud (1923/1961c) explains that the child wishes to replace the same-sex parent in order to “be with” or “have” the opposite-sex parent. For the child to resolve this conflict, the child must first relinquish their wish for the opposite-sex parent and, second, either intensify their identification with the same-sex parent (or identify with them for the first time), which results in a “normal positive complex” or heterosexuality (pp. 30–32).

Conversely, the child will identify with the opposite-sex parent, resulting in a negative inverted complex or bisexuality. With the negative inverted complex, Freud (1923/1961c) notes that there would also be other signs throughout the child’s life of opposite-sex identification tendencies (for example, for a girl, preferring male toys and games and acting more masculine), which would also contribute to the difficulty in resolving the conflict in a positive, normal manner (pp. 30–32).

Freud’s (1923/1961c) theory and the resolution of the Oedipal complex differ for boys and girls. For a male child, the boy experiences castration anxiety, the fear of losing his penis, which symbolizes strength and power (p. 32). Freud believes that as the boy becomes aware of the physical differences between males and females, he assumes that his father, seen as the strong, powerful one with a penis, has removed his mother’s penis. This evokes fear in the boy, who fears that his father will castrate him for desiring his mother. Thus, the boy must both give up (or repress) his wish for his mother and identify with his father. Through this process, his superego is formed. Freud believes that girls, rather than experiencing castration anxiety, experience penis envy (pp. 30–32).

This depiction of male/female and father/mother roles also places the father in a position of strength and power, and the mother in a less than position for not having a penis. The theory and resolution of the Oedipal complex are more complex when applied to a female child than to a male child. Following Freud (1923/1961c), the female child would develop unconscious feelings of desire for her father, along with rivalry, jealousy, and anger toward her mother, the same-sex parent. Freud explains that the female child wishes to replace the same-sex parent, her mother, in order to “be with” or “have” her father. For the female child to resolve this conflict,

she must first relinquish her wish for her father and then identify with her mother, resulting in a normal positive complex or heterosexuality (pp. 30–32).

Thus, the little girl's recognition of the anatomical distinction between the sexes forces her away from masculinity and masculine masturbation on to new lines which lead to the development of femininity…. She gives up her wish for a penis and puts in place of it a wish for a child, and with that purpose in view, she takes her father as a love-object. Her mother becomes the object of her jealousy. The girl has turned into a ‘little woman.’

(Freud, 1925/1961b, pp. 255–256)

With this resolved, the Oedipal complex leads to the formation of the superego, or inner moral authority; for example, for a female child, it is not acceptable to desire her father. Freud (1923/1961c) states,

The broad general outcome of the sexual phase dominated by the Oedipus complex may, therefore, be taken to be the forming of a precipitate in the ego, consisting of these two identifications in some way united with each other. This modification of the ego retains its special position; it confronts the other contents of the ego as an ego ideal or super-ego. (p. 33)

According to Freud, the superego represents a complex duality for the child, involving reaction formation against the id’s earliest object choices. The female child must balance identification (you should be like your mother) with the acceptance of limitations (you may not be like your mother), and the Oedipus complex is repressed.

Freud (1925/1961b) concludes with a clear separation of gender, determined by physical body parts, specifically the presence or absence of a penis. According to Freud, because a woman does not have a penis, female sexual development essentially leads to motherhood or the

wish for a baby. There is a strong emphasis on anatomical differences as the key factors in determining gender roles. By using the presence or absence of a penis, the role of women or motherhood is fundamentally defined as a lack. Interestingly, the idea that women are “lacking” was developed by a man (Freud, 1905/1953). Freud’s theories were formulated from a boy’s perspective and then modified to apply to girls. This theory serves to establish that women lack power, and their role should then be considered limited to motherhood. Motherhood is expected and, therefore, part of your whole identity. Freud would argue that the job of a good mother is to facilitate the Oedipal position. He regards this as her primary role, and motherhood is the measure of her success.

Freud’s Brief Thoughts on Motherhood. As mentioned earlier, Freud’s developmental theory categorizes gender based on bodily differences, establishing a socially constructed division that distinguishes between woman and man, as well as the roles of mother and father. While it is noteworthy that Freud said little about mothers in their own right, he emphasized the need for a mother’s love. One of Freud’s famous quotes is, “If a man has been his mother’s undisputed darling, he retains throughout his life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it” (Jones, 1955, p. 421). This is significant because it emphasizes the maternal role, as do psychoanalytic theories that follow Freud.

As previously discussed, Freud discusses the role of the mother in the Oedipus complex, which holds that a young boy desires his mother and feels hostility toward his father, and that this is part of normal, healthy development (Freud, 1923/1961c). Thus, Freud focuses on the mother’s role in helping her child navigate the Oedipal phase of development. As such, the mother is defined by her position relative to the father and the son (Bueskens, 2014b). In other

words, the mother has no role or place in her own right; rather, she exists in service of another.

The concept of a mother’s lack of subjectivity is explored below. However, despite the mother’s obvious centrality in the young child's life and, therefore, in their developing psyche, Freud initially said little about mothers (Bueskens, 2014b). It was not until much later in Freud’s career that he discussed the mother-daughter relationship, yet he still overlooked the mother’s subjectivity in her own right, treating her as “pre-Oedipal” (Bueskens, 2014b, p. 16) rather than simply maternal. What is missing from Freud’s early explorations is a rich, nuanced understanding of the pre-Oedipal relationship between mother and child and of how that relationship shapes identity, including feminine identity. Bueskens (2014) states, In this early period, the mother emerged only as an absence, an unexplained “hole” in the text, through which the deeper meaning of the child’s attachment fell. She would appear but only later indeed, 35 years later when Freud finally acknowledged that beneath the girl’s Oedipus complex was her deep “homosexual” tie to her mother, such was the strength of this tie that the little girl in Freud’s estimation never fully resolved her Oedipus complex. (p. 8)

Although Freud’s theory of female sexual development is complex, it falls beyond the scope of this study. What matters is that Freud had little to say about mothers, and that what he did say framed their role in terms of others’ needs or goals rather than addressing their role as a subjective being in their own right.

Nearing the end of Freud’s thoughts on this topic, it is important to note that Freud’s work is the prime example of the sexist or misogynistic aspect of psychoanalytic theory, and it is typically cited as such. Freud’s introduction of this theory provides the foundation for our understanding of gender and what it means to be a girl and a woman, with misogynistic,

pathologizing undertones. It is also noteworthy that Freud would have explained that his depictions of gender and sexuality, and of motherhood, came from his patients' fantasies rather than from existing social and cultural influences, while also acknowledging that patients' fantasies are influenced by social and cultural norms (S. Faigan, personal communication, February 26, 2025). While it is difficult to imagine that a theorist could completely control for or ignore their social and cultural milieu when developing a theory, this perspective remains important to consider.

Whether Freud was influenced by his social and cultural context or developed his theories solely from his cases, he established the idea that the mother is not an individual in her own right but exists to meet others' needs. This notion persists. As a result, theorists following Freud further perpetuate the misogynistic nature of psychodynamic and psychoanalytic understandings of the mother's role.

Freud’s drive theory focused on the motivational forces that unconsciously drive human behavior, emotions, and thoughts. In this pursuit, Freud focused on a person’s internal psychology, what goes on within a person, as opposed to future theorists who also look at the significance of external factors, such as real events and relationships.

Thurer (1993) further developed the notion that the mother is not recognized as having her own subjectivity. According to Freud’s drive theory, a one-person model, the mother is crucial to the infant solely as a means of satisfying needs; as Thurer (1993) describes it, Freud places the mother center stage but believes that the mother “is not a flesh-and-blood differentiated human being with a personality and desires of her own, as much as a container for drives, a mechanistic needs-satisfying object” (pp. 520–521). Based on this description, the mother appears to be perceived as insignificant in her own right.

The discussion of Freud’s theory suggests that it is better to be a man with a penis and assumes that women are not good enough if they do not have a penis or a baby. This is also a socially constructed concept that places men/fathers above women/mothers. In more recent times, some contemporary feminist psychoanalytic theorists have challenged Freud’s malecentric theories and the gender dichotomy he emphasized. This shift in thinking along gender lines recognizes that how someone understands their gender and sexuality is personal and does not prescribe a role based on body parts. Further, the field is striving to reduce gender-based generalizations and adopt broader, less dichotomized views of the roles of mother and father. However, because psychoanalytic theory has traditionally focused on the role of the mother, mothers particularly those who are child psychodynamic therapists may continue to view themselves through the lens of these classic psychoanalytic ideas. Because these psychoanalytic theories may still influence all mothers, particularly those who are child psychodynamic, it is important for this study to explore their experiences of mothering and their feelings about themselves as mothers.

Relationships Take Primacy

The concept of the mother as one-dimensional and as providing provisions has now also extended to the therapist role; thus, the therapist is cast as the mother who provides provisions as well. The literature on the potentially problematic parallel between mothering and psychotherapy practice is substantial, and a parallel is also evident in the concept of the developmental tilt. Mitchell (1984) notes that since the late 1940s, psychoanalytic ideas have increasingly emphasized relations with others, past and present, real and imaginary. A commonly held tenet among relational model theorists is that disturbances in early caregiver relationships and interactions significantly shape adult relationships and predispose individuals to later

psychopathology. When considering the clinical application of this concept through the lens of the developmental tilt, the analyst enters at the point of the “environmental failure” and provides relational experiences as “replacements” for those the child or infant did not previously encounter with their early caregivers (Mitchell, 1984, p. 489). One result of the developmental tilt is Michell’s (1984) concern that everything is viewed as a developmental failure and as infantile, with an excessive focus on early relationship experiences, thereby inadvertently excluding much of human experience and other influences. As a result, psychoanalytic notions of motherhood place more blame on mothers and their role during early childhood.

Winnicott and Freud also differ in their conceptualizations of the innate nature of understanding human behavior. While Freud emphasizes the innate sexual and aggressive drives that motivate human behavior, Winnicott stresses that mothering is an innate quality of women and that babies innately know how to develop, provided they are cared for in the right physical and emotional environment and in the right way. For Winnicott (1960), there is a “natural-ness” in both roles. He believed that children inherently reach toward an independent existence (p. 585). In contrast to Freud’s emphasis on internal structures and drives, Winnicott emphasizes the interaction between the baby’s innate or natural qualities and the quality and consistency of the mother’s natural care, which together facilitate a child’s physical and emotional development (Borg, 2013). Winnicott (1960/1965) further develops this notion of the distinct mother-child connection; “infant and the maternal care belong to each other and cannot be disentangled. These two things, the infant and the maternal care, disentangle and dissociate themselves in health” (p. 39). Winnicott explains that only through good-enough mothering and the healthy development of the child can the mother and child be “disentangled” (p. 40).

Winnicott’s Notions of Mothering

Freud posited that the mother is not her own person but exists to meet others’ needs; subsequent theorists have adopted this view. Therefore, it is not surprising that Winnicott (1960), working within this framework, famously coined the statement, “there is no baby without a mother” (p. 586). Winnicott also places great emphasis on the mother's role in ensuring the baby's survival. As such, Winnicott’s theories of attachment further reinforce the misogynistic nature of the psychoanalytic understanding of the mother’s role.

While Freud’s theory of gender and sexual development did not emphasize the mother’s role beyond facilitating the Oedipal phase, Winnicott (1971), by contrast, articulated seminal ideas about maternal care, including the concept of what constitutes a good-enough mother (p. 10), and detailed the functions of that role. These functions include creating a feeling of omnipotence (p. 111) in her infant, mirroring (p. 111), and creating a holding environment (Winnicott, 1960/1965, p. 43). Although Winnicott acknowledges that mothering need not be perfect through his concept of the good-enough mother, he still emphasizes the mother's central role. He outlines how mothers should carry out their roles. Additionally, Winnicott (1953) describes the characteristics of “not good-enough mothering” (p. 94) and its potential negative impact on the child's development. Similar to Freud, Winnicott (1960/1965) continues the misogynistic theme, with a greater focus on the mother's significance, and discusses "mother and baby" (p. 586), often excluding the father's role, which could increase the perceived burden on the mother.

Good-Enough Mother and Omnipotence

. Throughout Winnicott’s (1957, 1971) writings, the mother is pivotal to the infant’s emotional development, as in his well-known description of the good-enough mother (p. 10), which encompasses all the aspects that lead to

health in the individual and reflects the mother’s adaptation to her newborn’s needs. At the beginning of life, the good-enough mother carefully reads and attunes to her baby, meeting the baby’s physical and emotional needs. When all their needs are met, the baby develops a sense of omnipotence and trust that their needs will continue to be met. Winnicott explains that the goodenough mother meets the infant's omnipotence through a process of communication in which she comes to understand the infant's needs and then meets them (Adams, 2018). This process occurs repeatedly over time. This leads the infant to feel that they have created what has come their way; they then feel omnipotent or Godlike. According to Winnicott, this feeling is critical in the early stages of life and in learning to trust that, in the real world, the infant can find what they need. Through this experience of omnipotence, the infant develops a capacity for trust, which is essential for emotional development (Adams, 2018).

Winnicott (2002) describes the good-enough mother as beginning with complete adaptation to her infant’s needs. As the baby matures and develops, she increasingly adapts less to her infant’s growing ability to handle her failures. In fact, “the mother fails and then mends her failures, which is what teaches the baby and the growing child the meaning of her reliability” (Adams, 2018, p. 243).

In addition to adapting to her infant’s needs and, through their interactions, teaching reliability, Winnicott (2002) explains that another role of the good-enough mother is to facilitate her infant and child’s mental health:

From my point of view, the mental health of the individual is being laid down from the very beginning by the mother who provides what I have called a facilitation environment, that is to say, one in which the infant’s natural growth processes and interactions with the environment can evolve according to the inherited pattern of the individual. The mother is (without knowing it) laying down the foundations of mental health of the individual. But not only that. If we assume mental health, the mother (if she is doing well) is laying down the foundations of the individual’s strength of character and richness of personality. (p. 25)

In this quote, Winnicott clearly places the child’s mental health in the mother’s hands. The mother is held responsible for creating an environment that supports the infant’s mental health; developing the infant’s “strength of character” and the “richness of their personality” is her responsibility.

Winnicott (1960/1965) also argues that a mother who is not good enough cannot perform these tasks. She cannot facilitate the infant’s omnipotence; therefore, she repeatedly fails to meet the infant’s needs and instead fulfills her own. He also states, “mothers who cannot provide the environment the infant needs for healthy development can be divided into three groups, the psychotic mother, the mother who cannot surrender to primary maternal preoccupation, and the tantalizing mother” (p. 39). This can be seen in Winnicott’s description of what constitutes a good-enough mother versus a not-good-enough mother. The child’s well-being and healthy development, which depend on the mother doing everything correctly or being good-enough, might be perceived as a heavy burden and substantial pressure on one individual.

Mirroring-Role in Good Mothering

. Winnicott discusses the importance of the mirror role in good mothering. In this theory, the infant depends on the mother’s facial responses to

provide the child with the experience of being seen. This experience of ‘being seen” is most crucial. “Winnicott sees a sequence in the journey from apperception to perception: When I look, I am seen, so I exist. I can now afford to look and see. I now look creatively, and what I apperceive, I also perceive” (Abram, 2007, p. 241). This underscores the crucial role of mirroring in the development of the sense of self. Winnicott places this mirroring role on the mother, and we have historically learned this from psychoanalytic theory. However, in contemporary contexts, we understand that mirroring can and should come from both parents.

The Holding Environment in Good Mothering. Winnicott (1960) describes how the mother creates the baby’s first environment, both biologically and psychologically, and emphasizes the importance of the good-enough mother providing a non-intrusive holding environment. Winnicott (1960/1965) believes that a sufficiently supportive holding environment and maternal care facilitate children's emotional integration during early childhood (pp. 43–46) He observed that during infancy, both good and bad experiences occur constantly and are beyond the infant’s control. Winnicott believes that maternal care, specifically the ego support the mother provides to the child, enables the child to live and develop despite the child's lack of control over the environment (p. 39).

According to Winnicott (1960), when an infant is provided with a good-enough holding environment, their needs are met, and they are unaware of their lack of control over it. “The term ‘holding’ is used here to denote not only the actual physical holding of the infant, but also the total environmental provision before the concept of living with” (p. 589). Winnicott’s understanding of holding extends beyond the physical act of holding a child to include emotional regulation, or, in a sense, emotional holding. Winnicott (1986) places great importance on this concept, as evidenced by the following: “In an environment that holds the baby well enough, the

baby is able to make personal development” (p. 28). Winnicott (1960/1965) further states, “holding…is a form of loving” (p. 49). It can be inferred that without a good enough mother providing sufficient holding, the child would not be able to develop to its full potential.

To summarize, Winnicott emphasizes the mother's role in the child’s development. As such, Winnicott perpetuates the misogynistic theme in psychoanalytic theory, resulting in his view that the well-being and healthy development of the child fall solely on the mother. In Winnicott's work, psychoanalytic theory inadvertently attributes problems in the child to the mother while discounting the role of the father and any societal or environmental factors.

Mother’s Role According to Kohut

A final theorist, Heinz Kohut, developed self psychology, a theory in which the infantile self is characterized as helpless, weak, and in need of a selfobject to provide cohesion, constancy, and resilience (Kohut, 1977, p. 345). Selfobjects are usually people (typically mothers) who perform the tasks, or selfobject functions, that, if all goes well, will later be performed by the individual. Kohut considers the empathic relation between the selfobject and the infant the “sine qua non” of healthy child development, an essential condition. “The good selfobject “mirrors” the child, in other words, admiring its grandiosity and displaying constancy, nurturance, respect, and general empathy” (Kohut, 1977, pp. 146–147). According to Kohut, the selfobject must also permit the child’s idealization, enabling the child to experience a sense of merger with a strong, valued figure. He explains that, over time, the selfobject must provide optimal frustrations incrementally so they can be internalized. Kohut (1977) calls this process transmuting internalization, and, if successful, it gives rise to a permanent psychic structure a cohesive sense of self (pp. 30–32).

Kohut (1977) further explains that chronic failure of empathy, attributable to parental character pathology, undermines the healthy development of the child’s self and leads to narcissistic psychopathology. “Self psychology holds that it is a combination of endowment and the availability of an optimally responsive environment in infancy and childhood that leads to the acquisition of those psychic structures that enable us within a very broad latitude to regulate affect, establish and maintain self-esteem, and maintain connectedness to others throughout the lifespan” (Ornstein & Ornstein, 1996, p. 90). Kohut emphasizes that mothers have a significant responsibility to mother in a particular way to facilitate the essential condition and to support the optimal healthy development of their children.

Margaret Mahler

Margaret Mahler is best known for the concept of separation-individuation. This concept describes how children develop a sense of self and autonomy and separate from their mothers. It was an important contribution to the field of child development and is pertinent to the present study because the mother is identified as the primary person responsible for this critical developmental task.

According to Mahler et al. (1975), a “normal separation-individuation process… involves the child’s achievement of separate functioning in the presence of, and with the emotional availability of the mother” (p. 3). Separation and individuation are understood as two complementary developments; “separation consists of the child’s emergence from a symbiotic fusion with the mother, and individuation consists of those achievements marking the child’s assumption of his own individual characteristics” (Mahler et al., 1975, p. 4). Separationindividuation is a developmental phase that typically occurs between 4 and 36 months of age (Mahler et al., 1975).

Again, the mother is identified as the primary person responsible for helping her child navigate this important developmental phase. Supporting this idea, Mahler (1963) states, “I believe it is from the symbiotic phase of the mother-infant dual unity that those experiential precursors of the individual beginnings are derived which… determine every human individual’s unique somatic and psychological makeup” (p. 307). Mothers' expectations change as their children grow; according to Mahler, the good mother must remain constantly attuned. Mahler et al. (1975) furthers this notion by stating that the mother’s failure in this regard may result in “severe disturbance of individuation and psychotic disorganization” (p. 45). Thurer (1993) notes that Mahler did write about the child’s contribution to its own psychopathology, but her writing emphasizes the mother’s responsibility. Like her predecessors, she neglects the mother’s subjectivity, portraying her as a tool whose primary function is to facilitate the child’s achievement of this developmental stage.

Attachment Theory

Like Winnicott and Mahler, Bowlby also focused on the mother-child relationship. He is well known for his work on attachment theory. Bowlby (1969) rejects Freudian drive theory, arguing that attachment is not driven by primary drives (such as food, liquid, warmth, and sex); rather, attachment theory holds that human beings are born with an innate disposition to form and maintain enduring affectional bonds, which are crucial for survival from early infancy throughout the entire lifespan. According to Bowlby, the root of adaptive behavior is the “child’s tie to the mother,” which he termed “attachment” (Mitchell & Black, 1995, p. 136).

Bowlby (1969) describes attachment as a unique relationship between an infant and their caregiver that provides the foundation for subsequent development. Bowlby also explains that attachment theory involves an inherent biological response and behavioral system designed to

satisfy basic human needs (Bowlby, 1969). Evidence supports the positive influence of secure mother-child attachment on later development and aptitude (Slade & Aber, 1992). Bowlby (1969) suggests that a secure attachment system provides a foundation for emotional expression and communication in future relationships, and that differences in infant-mother attachment security have considerable long-term implications for intimate relationships, self- and otherunderstanding, and mental health.

To understand the concept of attachment, Bowlby describes a positive or secure attachment as the reassurance that another person will be there for an individual. Bowlby (1988) explains that:

Attachment behavior is any form of behavior that results in a person attaining or maintaining proximity to some other clearly identified individual who is conceived as better able to cope with the world… for a person to know that an attachment figure is available and responsive gives him a strong and pervasive feeling of security, and so encourages him to value and continue the relationship. Whilst attachment behavior is at its most obvious in early childhood, it can be observed throughout the life cycle, especially in emergencies. Since it is seen in virtually all human beings (though in varying patterns), it is regarded as an integral part of human nature and one we share (to varying extent) with members of other species. The biological function attributed to it is that of protection. To remain within easy access of a familiar individual known to be ready and willing to come to our aid in an emergency is clearly a good insurance policy whatever our age. (pp. 26–27)

To summarize, the central theme of attachment theory is that primary caregivers who are available and responsive to a baby’s needs help the child develop a sense of security. The baby

learns that the caregiver is dependable, creating a secure base from which the child can explore their world. Bowlby assumes that the mother is the primary caregiver (Bowlby, 1988, p. 11).

Bowlby and others demonstrated that nurturance and responsiveness were the primary determinants of attachment. A series of experiments by Harlow (1958) supports this notion by showing how early bonds form and how they have a powerful impact on behavior and functioning. In one version of his experiments, newborn monkeys were separated from their birth mothers and reared by surrogate mothers who provided both food and comfort. The research demonstrated that early attachments were formed through comfort and care from a caregiver rather than simply through being fed (Harlow, 1958). These experiments provide evidence supporting Bowlby’s contention that healthy development depends on the nature of the relationship between infants and caregivers.

Like Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth also focused on the nature of the relationship between infants and caregivers. Ainsworth’s research built on Bowlby’s work in her groundbreaking strange situation study, which revealed the profound effects of attachment on behavior (Ainsworth & Bell, 1970). In this study, researchers observed children aged 12 to 18 months as they responded to a brief period of being left alone, followed by reunion with their mothers. The study measured how a child explores their environment in the presence of their caregiver, in the absence of their caregiver, and in the presence of a stranger (Ainsworth & Bell, 1970).

Ainsworth and Bell (1970) observed and conceptualized three major styles of attachment: secure, ambivalent-insecure, and avoidant-insecure. According to Ainsworth and Bell, children who can depend on their caregiver have a secure attachment style, characterized by distress when separated from their caregiver, joy upon reunion, and the ability to use the caregiver’s comfort and readily resume play. As a result of poor parental availability, children with an ambivalent

attachment style become highly distressed when their parent leaves. Children with an avoidant attachment style tend to avoid parents or caregivers and show no preference between a caregiver and a stranger, which may reflect abusive or neglectful caregiving (Ainsworth & Bell, 1970). This study concluded that a child's behavior during separation from and reunion with their mother provides substantial information about their attachment style. Ainsworth’s work emphasized the importance of the caregiver’s actions in determining the quality of the attachment bond (Ainsworth & Bell, 1970). Ainsworth’s study further supports Bowlby’s findings that our early relationships lay the groundwork for future relationships and continue to affect us throughout life.

Building on the idea that the quality of the relationship between the infant and the primary caregivers helps determine the infant's level of trust, security, and development, researchers sought to more precisely identify the different types of attachment. Later, researchers Main and Solomon (1986) identified a fourth attachment style, disorganized-insecure attachment, based on their research. The disorganized-insecure attachment style is characterized by a lack of a coherent strategy for managing stress; children display confused, contradictory, or dazed behaviors and often fear or are confused by their caregiver (Main & Solomon, 1986).

Main and Solomon (1986) expanded on Ainsworth’s work by recognizing that parental behavior and interactions with their child shape the child’s development. In the disorganizedinsecure attachment style, the child often experienced inconsistent or unpredictable caregiving, with the caregiver sometimes unresponsive, unavailable, or even frightening. Bowlby (1961) also discussed disorganized attachment, stating, “as the sum of such disappointment mounts and hopes of reunion fade, behavior usually ceases to be focused on the lost object. Instead, despair sets in and behavior, lacking an object towards which to be organized, becomes disorganized” (p.

334). Emphasizing attachment styles, as described above, underscores the importance of mother/caregiver-child interactions from a young age.

Like other attachment theorists, Main recognized that the quality of the infant's early relationship with primary caregivers shaped subsequent development and attachment style. She also recognized that relationship quality persists throughout the lifespan. Main and her colleagues developed a key measure of adult attachment style, the Adult Attachment Interview, which assesses an adult’s early relationships, early attachment style, and personality to determine their attachment style (Levy et al., 2011).

In summary, Greenberg et al. (1993) explain that secure attachment can be protective and provide a foundation for exploration and normal development, whereas compromised or insecure attachment can lead to developmental challenges. In addition, the idea that attachment classifications correlate with later development is central to attachment theory (Bowlby, 1969, 1982). Bowlby’s attachment theory is supported and extended by Main. Main’s research expanded our understanding of attachment by showing how early experiences can shape an individual’s attachment style and how attachment styles can influence relationships throughout the lifespan, including into adulthood (Levy et al., 2011).

Kohut, Mahler, Winnicott, and attachment theorists often use the term “mother” and present the mother as the primary person or caretaker who shapes the child’s development not only through her behavior but also through a particular kind of maternal love or good mothering, which includes being sensitive, accepting, cooperative, and always available to meet the child’s needs. Bowlby (1952) concluded that depriving a child of maternal care “…may have grave and far-reaching effects on his character and so on the whole of his future life” (p. 46). By emphasizing the mother-infant relationship as a critical factor in healthy child outcomes,

attachment theory links children's well-being to specific standards of mothering. This emphasis on the mother’s relationship and interactions with her child can create pressure to act in a particular way to be a good mother. This exclusive bond that needs to form between mother and child has shaped societal norms regarding mothers’ stay-at-home roles Women with children were then expected to be full-time, selfless, and devoted mothers (Kaplan, 1992). This standard heavily influences the mother's role, defining what she must and must not do to be considered a good mother who raises good children.

Additional Notions of Mothering

Refrigerator Mother. Mothers are also held responsible for issues that extend beyond the child’s well-being and for the challenges they face. A child with a diagnosis such as autism spectrum disorder can also be blamed on the mother. This misplaced blame is evident in Bettelheim’s theory of autism, in which he describes the refrigerator mother (Bettelheim, 1967, p. 50). The term has been debunked, but it was first coined by Leo Kanner and later elaborated by Bruno Bettelheim. This theory held that autism was caused by a lack of parental, and in particular maternal, emotional warmth (Cohmer, 2014). According to this theory, a mother’s cold, uncaring parenting style could traumatize her child so severely that the child retreated into autism. The documentary Refrigerator Mothers (Simpson, 2003) depicts the suffering of women who sought help from psychiatric establishments for their children’s disturbing behavior, only to be blamed for it. In some cases, the mothers spent years in analysis addressing their perceived inadequacies and mistakes. As depicted in the movie, the refrigerator mother belief caused great pain for many mothers and families until it was shown to be both untrue and stigmatizing. It is now generally agreed that autism spectrum disorder is unrelated to cold mothering. The study of the refrigerator mother is relevant here as another example of the pressure placed on women by a

theory that becomes interwoven with and understood as Westernized cultural norms, which can greatly impact how mothers mother and how they feel about themselves as mothers.

Intensive Mothering. Ross and Keer (2015) critique attachment theory, noting that it emphasizes the mother-infant dyad and, in doing so, places significant pressure on mothers to mother in a particular way. Mothers receive the message that they must engage in what has been termed intensive mothering, a term first described by Hays (1996, p. 8). According to Hays (1996), “intensive mothering is child-centered, expert-guided, emotionally absorbing, laborintensive, and financially expensive… Mothers are expected to be self-consciously dedicated to their children and thus regularly take better care of their children than they do of themselves” (p.15). Hays also explores how intensive motherhood has become a socially constructed, cultural model for appropriate childcare, as she states, Conceptions of appropriate child rearing are not simply a random conglomeration of disconnected ideas; they form a fully elaborated, logically cohesive framework for thinking about and acting toward children…we are told that it is the best model, largely because it is what children need and deserve. This model was not developed overnight; however, nor is intensive mothering the only model available to mothers. (p. 21)

This quote highlights how intensive mothering is socially constructed and makes significant assumptions about what children “need and deserve,” which may help explain why mothers adhere to these social and cultural norms without much consideration for their own needs. These ideas stem from prior discussions of good mothering ideologies and mother-blame, which have been woven into psychodynamic theory and our cultural norms. O’Reilly (2016) explains that the development of these notions was “buttressed by the new psychological teachings, notably Bowlby’s attachment theory, from which two beliefs emerged in the 1950s: 1) children require

full-time “stay-at-home” mothering; and 2) children, without full-time mothering, would suffer from what was termed “maternal deprivation” (p. 45). Hays (1996) states that this style of mothering appeared after World War II, introducing the concept of the “happy homemaker" and promoting the “stay-at-home-mom-and-apple-pie” as the ideal model of motherhood (p. 42)

O’Reilly agrees that intensive mothering has roots in this era but argues it became fully developed during the 1980s and 1990s.

Building on Hayes’ (1996) concept of intensive mothering, Douglas and Michaels (2004) define new momism as follows:

The insistence that no woman is truly complete or fulfilled unless she has kids, that women remain the best primary caregivers of children, and that to be a remotely decent mother, a woman has to devote her entire physical, psychological, emotional, and intellectual being, 24/7, to her children. The new momism is a highly romanticized view of motherhood in which the standards for success are impossible to meet. (p. 5)

As previously described, the psychoanalytic theories upon which our Westernized society relies tend to neglect the mother’s perspective. Whether through the agenda of intensive mothering or attachment theory, there are excessive demands placed on women to allocate substantial time and effort, regardless of their employment status, towards nurturing their children’s emotional and intellectual development. For many mothers, adhering to an intensive mothering script can result in increased stress, impatience, loneliness, feelings of loss, vulnerability, guilt, shame, and bitterness (Hays, 1996). Chamberlain (2022) describes the impossibility of meeting this standard:

The mother’s position presents the no-win situation for all mothers: if the mother is concerned and seeking help then she is seen as over involved, anxious, merged with the baby; if she does not act quickly enough then she is selfish, negligent, self-involved; if she does not complain or voice concerns about her baby then she is taken for granted as doing an easy job that is innate (emphasis added) for women. (p. 52)

This quote highlights the impossible-to-meet standards and the “no-win” situation that mothers face. It also highlights the assumption that mothering is “easy,” “innate,” and “natural” for women. Given these impossible standards, mothers’ experience of these pressures should be heard and documented. This study gives voice to child therapist mothers, a voice that should have a place in the literature, given that they are trained in a theory that has much to say about how they should mother. How does this influence a child psychodynamic therapist’s approach to motherhood and her self-perception as a mother? Given her knowledge of psychoanalytic theory and the good mothering ideologies that stem from it, what thoughts does she carry into her own mothering? This study explores and documents these questions.

Critiques of Psychoanalytic Notions of the Mothering Role

Since the advent of Freud’s psychosexual developmental theory, psychoanalytic and psychodynamic theory has emphasized the distinctiveness of gender categories, each with its own roles and norms. These concepts create socially constructed gender norms and roles. From these socially constructed ideas about gender roles and norms come different understandings and definitions within a family of what the roles of mother and father entail. In recent years, contemporary feminist work has challenged Freud’s male-centric theories and the gender dichotomy he emphasized. We are also seeing more recognition of how someone understands their own gender and sexuality, and the necessity of working towards making fewer

generalizations based on gender. Critiques of Freud’s theories of gender and sexuality development are the focus of this section, as they lay out the groundwork of psychoanalytic theory and are internalized as Westernized gender norms.

Freud’s gender dichotomy is critiqued by Walton, Goldner, and Chodorow. Benjamin’s critique is also examined, along with her critiques of psychoanalytic theory that followed Freud. Notably, psychoanalytic theory has historically been written from both male and Westernized, White perspectives. Motherhood, therefore, is generally perceived through a White-centric lens. Although this literature review cannot comprehensively examine the racial implications of motherhood, it will be briefly addressed in this section.

Challenges to Freud’s Gender Dichotomy

Psychoanalytic theory began with Freud’s understanding of gender and sexuality development, which significantly shaped the rest of psychoanalytic theory and later seeped into what became Westernized gender norms and assumptions. Walton (1997) challenges Freud’s male-centered theories of gender and sexuality development. “From its inception, psychoanalysis has an explicit and obvious terrain for exploring and critiquing sexual and gendered differences. It has both a tool for and an obstacle to political intervention in gender and sexual oppression” (Walton, 1997, p. 223). Walton notes that psychoanalysis appears to thrive on the persistent problem of adapting Freud’s male-centered theories of sexual development to make them equally relevant for women. While this idea is now widely known, throughout history it has shaped how we view mothering and motherhood for all mothers, and, of particular interest to this study, for child psychodynamic therapist mothers, who learn about this theory in their training and also receive messages through societal and cultural norms.

Goldner (1991) examines how the intersection of gender roles and the familial context may inform a child therapist, with psychoanalytic training, about her role as a mother. According to Goldner, children’s understanding of gender roles and the meanings of “mother” and “father” is shaped by their experiences within their family. As Goldner (1991) states, The processes whereby "gender premises" (ideas about how to be male or female) are not only being internalized but also being enacted as part of the family drama…Thus, fundamental expectations about how spouses, parents, and children should feel and behave toward one another are shaped by cultural fantasies about masculinity and femininity. For example, who should be in charge, and of what? Who should be taken care of, and when? How are power and privilege to be distributed? (p. 266)

This quote suggests that it is not only what is explicitly taught about gender roles that shapes children’s understanding. Children also implicitly learn assumptions and generalizations about the roles and norms associated with “mother and “father” through their experiences within the family. These assumptions are often held throughout adulthood, in both personal and professional settings. Goldner (1991) takes this a step further, showing that this way of understanding affects not only gender but also identity development and relational assumptions and expectations. She states that conceptualizing gender in these terms highlights the ways in which personhood, gender identity, and relationship structures develop together, coevolving and codetermining each other. From such a relational perspective, it is not useful to think of gender as being "acquired" by the child at all; rather, the symbolic structure of gender shapes and organizes the conflict-laden layering of internalized self-representations and object ties that become the child. (Goldner, 1991, pp. 261–262)

Goldner emphasizes that the child is not merely “acquiring” gender identity and relationship structures. The child is actively engaged in co-creating meaning and understanding.

Chodorow (1996) identifies the pitfalls of universalizing and essentializing defining the essence of what it is to be masculine or feminine as a clear dichotomy. She “explains that historically psychoanalysts have followed Freud in assuming that anatomy in some way precedes or underlines gender identity, that subjective gender is derived first and foremost from genital anatomy and centered on genital difference” (p. 232). Chodorow (1996) further explains, for Freud, the essence of feminine psychology is penis envy and its consequences and transformations… I have found that genital and reproductive anatomy, whether or not to become a mother, and other aspects of gendered and sexual embodiment, are extremely central to some women’s sense of gender, psyche, and self and much less significant to the psyche, self, and gender of other women.” (p. 220)

Chodorow suggests viewing gender and sexuality on a continuum rather than as an either/or, polarized framework focused on physical differences, as Freud did. She emphasizes the importance of understanding each person’s gender identity development, as we are all unique and should not be generalized.

Chodorow (1996) also sheds light on how psychoanalytic theory has historically viewed women and mothers in a reductive manner, stating that psychoanalytic tendencies reduce the mother to one particular symbolization, for example, “the” holding environment, or “the” breast, or “the” symbol of castration. It is not universally the case that the mother’s lack is necessarily contrasted with the father’s phallus, or her baby-gestating capacities with his lack. (p. 230)

This highlights Freud’s emphasis on differences in anatomical body parts. This focus on differences leads to assumptions about a person’s roles and presumes that capabilities depend on the presence of a particular body part. She goes on to explain, “for some women, their femininity, however it is created, will be a central area of conflict and will be central to transference and countertransference, while for other women, it will be less significant” (Chodorow, 1996, p. 234). These ideas underscore the importance of avoiding assumptions or generalizations based on gender. Women do not automatically embody traditional or stereotypical feminine traits. Just as not all women view their life goal as wishing for a penis or a baby, or see motherhood as their main capability or role in life.

Maternal Subjectivity Acknowledged

Contemporary feminist theory continues to push back against the misogynistic, pathologizing view of gender development that Freud left us with. As previously depicted, the historically problematic view holds that the gender dichotomy defines what a mother is and is not. Benjamin (2015) furthers this discussion by deconstructing Freud’s (1923/1961c) Oedipal complex, calling it the “Oedipal model” and focuses on the psychic meaning of the invidious binary of the have and have-nots: how the structure defined therein does represent a psychic configuration of subject and object, a binary in which opposing tendencies such as active and passive, being and having are split rather than held in tension. (p. 271)

Benjamin challenges the dichotomous configurations Freud emphasizes. It is unnecessary to create these either-or categories when identities can incorporate elements of both. Benjamin (2015) points out that in Freud’s Oedipal phase, masculinity and femininity are mutually negating; in other words, each is constituted by the other’s negation. This polarity is

problematic because it leaves no room for gray areas. Benjamin, along with other contemporary feminist theorists, has helped us reach a historical moment of relational reversal, in which the focus is on childhood identifications rather than anatomical differences. Benjamin and others also help us see that the mother’s role is not limited to safety and nurturing, and that the father’s role is not limited to that of a rival, representing the outside world, protector, and prohibitor. She states,

The figure of attachment and separation excitement need not be so split, that mothers can be exciting as well as safe, that fathers can nurture, and that, at a social cost to be sure, boys can be girly, girls boyish, moms dads, dads moms, and everybody everything (or no thing), while anatomy and destiny too can be reversed. (Benjamin, 2015, p. 274) Benjamin, together with other contemporary feminists, contributes to the understanding that the definition of mother should not be limited to “the breast” or the symbol of castration, and that she is much more than these elements.

Chodorow and Contratto (1992) further identify problematic views of motherhood that are interwoven with socially constructed norms and understandings of it. They recognize that the idealization of maternal figures is problematic, as mothers are portrayed as intuitive nurturers, naturally equipped and readily available to meet all their children’s needs. Similarly, Tolleson (2009) states,

‘Mother’ is reified, treated as a universalized ‘someone’ responsible for the well-being of children in a particular, naturalized way, rather than understood as a social construct. Mother as constructed, then, becomes an organizing social discourse with which real women and men consciously or unconsciously must reckon. (p.195)

Also highlighted is the denigration of mothers who fail to meet the impossible ideal of the allgiving, selfless nurturer. This binary understanding of good and bad mothers reinforces the psychoanalytic historical notion of mother-blame and the internalization of guilt by women when their children experience problems (Ramvi & Davies, 2010).

Psychoanalytic theory has historically viewed mothers strictly as attachment objects and has focused almost exclusively on the child’s subjectivity (Sidesinger, 2024). According to Sidesinger, maternal subjectivity is the recognition that, even as they are objects on whom children depend, mothers are simultaneously subjects. Sidesinger (2024) writes,

Beginning with the question, ‘Why does maternal subjectivity matter?’ thus seems to me, in some way, rooted in a recapitulation of a longstanding erasure of the feminine. We really ought to be asking, ‘Doesn’t a mother’s experience matter?’ At what point, exactly, should a woman stop being a subject worthy of our attention? (p. 282)

The term matrescence, introduced into psychology and adult development by Athan and Reel (2015), highlights the concept of “the birth of a mother” (p. 321) in public discourse. As a developmental process related to motherhood, matrescence has been significant in illuminating mothers’ experiences and in emphasizing that becoming a mother does not entail also losing one’s identity (Sidesinger, 2024).

A critical point is that the mother’s role is framed as provisional. In other words, her role is defined by what she can provide to her child. Benjamin (1988) writes about de-subjectifying the mother by exploring how psychoanalytic theory has framed and treated the mother only as an object. She is seen as an object for fulfilling others’ needs rather than as a subject in her own right. Benjamin and various feminist theorists actively question and challenge this portrayal of motherhood.

This study emphasizes the mother’s perspective and subjectivity, particularly among mothers who are also child psychodynamic therapists. Benjamin (2004) defines intersubjectivity as “a relationship in which each person experiences the other as a 'like subject,' another mind who can be 'felt with,' yet has a distinct, separate center of feeling and perception” (p. 5).

According to Benjamin (1988), the intersubjective view holds that the individual grows in and through relationships with other subjects. Thus, with this concept of intersubjectivity, Benjamin transforms the traditional account of the self, framed as a subject–object relation, into a model of two subjects in interaction (e.g., mother and child). This notion transforms how the mother–baby/child dyad is viewed. Benjamin notes her concern with an asymmetrical relationship in which a more mature and powerful mother is responsible for providing her baby/child with what Winnicott calls a facilitating environment for another’s growth and development.

Benjamin (1988) critiques the historical patriarchal notion of freedom, arguing that it requires a hierarchical relationship between the subject and the subject’s other. The subject’s other (mother) develops a sense of self shaped by her role in serving the subject (baby), thereby enabling the subject's freedom to translate their fantasies into reality. The mother’s subjecthood is a crucial factor in the infant’s developing capacity for mutual recognition. Under these assumptions, her role perpetuates the patriarchal construct of femininity, which entails the expectation that women sacrifice their own identity to serve the men who are their lovers, husbands, or fathers. Benjamin (1988) states that feminism creates the opportunity for a twoperson, subject-to-subject approach to freedom, in that if the other presents as a subject in her own right, then each self has the opportunity to enjoy “a life-giving exchange” (p. 22) with another self. Benjamin emphasizes that only then is there a sense of freedom.

Later feminist scholars broadened the scope of research to describe mothers' subjective experiences of the maternal body and of maternal thoughts, feelings, and experiences. “Maternal subjectivity” can be defined as mothers’ lived experience of their relationships with their children. As Kraemer (1996) described, “‘maternal subjectivity’ encompasses both how the mother feels about how she feels and her specific position as one whose (first- and secondorder) feelings tend continually to be eclipsed by her attentiveness to the feelings of the other the child for whom she cares” (Kraemer, 1996, as cited in Stone, 2014, p. 334).

Similarly, following the idea that we need to avoid reducing the mother’s subject position to her child, Baraitser (2009) argues that we should retain a specifically maternal subjectivity. To fail to do so leaves the mother’s particular concerns and paradoxes hopelessly unarticulated… [We need to] repeat the second-wave to uncouple maternity and femininity…not this time for the sake of the feminine, but for the sake of the maternal. (p. 10)

Therefore, this study examines matrescence and the maternal experience, with a particular focus on the motherhood experiences of child psychodynamic therapists.

Mothering from a White Perspective

Understanding mothering across diverse racial and ethnic backgrounds is crucial because perceptions of good mothering can differ significantly. There is no objective standard for what constitutes good mothering because it is socially constructed, with its meaning varying over time and place; therefore, there is no essential or universal experience of motherhood (O’Reilly, 2016). A full exploration of this topic is beyond the scope of this study; however, it is critical to recognize that motherhood, as portrayed in White culture, has become mainstream and normalized (Collins, 2007). Thus, when we discuss motherhood and commonly held norms of

motherhood, we are referring to norms historically established through a predominantly White lens. As a result, these norms may run counter to valid mothering practices in other groups or cultures, thereby implying that those practices are deficient. This creates pressure to adhere to norms of mothering that may be irrelevant to a specific group. This assumption has significant implications for non-White mothers, as it is likely to influence the maternal experiences across various groups.

Adrienne Rich (1981), the poet and essayist, makes an important point that motherhood has more than one meaning; it is both a social institution and a private realm that refers to “the potential [and actual] relationship of any woman and her powers of reproduction and to children” (p. xv). Considering motherhood from this dual perspective is essential for comprehending the intersection between an individual’s or a collective’s experience of motherhood. As a social institution, motherhood establishes norms and expectations that create the framework within which personal experiences are developed. These norms do not apply equally to all potential mothers, as expectations vary by ethnicity and class (Collins, 2007). This issue is more significant for women of color and those outside the dominant culture.

As discussed above, intensive mothering is a Westernized, White, middle-class societal norm that, along with attachment theory, has shaped our views of mothering. Ross and Kier (2015) point out that although attachment theory has long treated the mother-infant dyad as the most critical factor in healthy child development, cross-cultural evidence from other countries presents a different picture. Cooperative care, the care of infants and children by multiple caregivers, characterizes many (if not most) cultures worldwide, including non-Western ones (Ross & Kier, 2015, p. 6). Other cultures raise psychologically healthy children with less emphasis on maternal attachment and without the exclusive focus on the all-encompassing

Western view of motherhood (Ross & Kier, 2015). Western societal norms, shaped by attachment and developmental theories, have culturally constructed our widely accepted ideas of “good” mothering. However, these norms vary across cultures and are not universally applicable, a point often overlooked.

Ross and Kier (2015) also make the important point that many studies examining attachment security or attachment style in Western societies have focused on White, middleclass, two-biological-parent families. Similarly, throughout psychoanalytic theory and internalized by Westernized society, when motherhood is discussed, it is through the lens of White, middle-class women. This is a gross generalization and does not encompass the “experience” of motherhood that reflects all mothers. It again reinforces the idea that motherhood is not generalizable. Layton (2004) states,

Motherhood is a social institution, lived differently depending on class, race, gender, sexuality, and nationality. Psychoanalysis ignores [the] fact that as it theorizes the universals of maternal experience [it also, unknowingly] describes and prescribes proper maternal behavior. (Layton, 2000 as cited in Layton 2004, p. 250)

Motherhood is experienced differently depending on the mother’s identity, and psychoanalytic theory does not account for this. Although this topic warrants further discussion, these key points highlight the importance of broadening our understanding of motherhood. The field should examine not only child therapist mothers from a White, middle-class, Western perspective, but also strive to understand mothers from diverse cultural backgrounds.

Therapist as Better Mother

The parallels between the therapist and the mother have been widely explored in psychoanalytic discourse. The present study provides an overview of this discourse, including a

discussion of shifts in provider gender and in theoretical frameworks. These developments in conceptions of psychopathology and clinical approaches have transformed the field. Psychopathology, in Freudian terms, was seen as the byproduct of intrapsychic conflict. From this Freudian perspective, the therapist's role was viewed as a paternal presence that offered insight and interpretation. As the field became more relationship-focused, psychopathology became increasingly defined as the result of failures in infantile relationships with the caretaker/mother. In this frame, the therapist’s role is provisional, and she works to address those initial shortcomings. Mitchell (1988) cautions us about this shift in views of psychopathology and intervention. According to Mitchell, the fixation on early childhood relationships prevalent in psychoanalytic circles infantilizes the patient. Benjamin (2004) asserts that the mother is more than just a provider of goods; she is also a subject in the process. This overview explores how shifts in theory and demographics have affected the field and examines how these shifts have occurred.

The psychotherapy field has transitioned from male-dominated to female-dominated over time (Philipson, 1994), and it's important to examine how this shift occurred. Psychotherapy underwent a process of feminization in the 1970s and 1980s, and by the 1990s, between 70 and 90 percent of the psychotherapy workforce was female (Bueskens, 2014b, p. 5). As psychotherapy became a women’s profession, it created a situation in which men are not, or cannot be, the ones we turn to for care, empathy, or understanding (Philipson, 1994). Philipson (1994) further notes, “the fact that men are no longer choosing this work suggests that responsibility for tending to emotional concerns, psychological problems, and people’s most intimate experiences will fall even more into the hands of women” (Bueskens, 2014a, p. 79). Philipson (1994) observes that women already provide care, empathy, and understanding as

mothers, wives, daughters, and friends. Now they will dominate this role under another title, that of therapist.

Philipson (1994) states, “Because mothering and its vicissitudes are understood to play the deterministic role in psychological development and attachment styles, it is the repair or replacement of that mothering function that has come to dominate theories of therapeutic action” (Bueskens, 2014a, p. 81). This parallel between mothering and therapy is evident in earlier developmental and attachment theories, as well as in the notion that the therapist serves as a replacement for the mother, repairing her missteps and performing mothering functions more effectively. In this recasting of the therapist’s role from interpreter to mother, good mothering ideologies and good therapist ideologies become synonymous.

The shift to “mothering [in] psychoanalysis” (Philipson, 1994, p. 62) is connected to the relational tilt (Mitchell, 1988). It “generated a new paradigm that resonates with women’s sensibilities, experiences, and expertise, and this paradigm largely took hold because it appealed to women who had come to numerically dominate the field” (Mitchell, 1988, p. 81). Dominant cultural messages cast women as nurturers, making them ideal candidates for the vocation of caretaker-therapist. However, while the developmental tilt is part of this shift, Mitchell expressed concern about casting the therapist’s role in maternal terms. Mitchell disagrees with the notion that infantile relational needs are resolved in good-enough early caregiving relationships, arguing that these needs are universal and span the lifespan. Mitchell states that the corrective emotional experience superimposes early childhood developmental needs from early childhood onto therapy, a role he believes does not belong to the therapists. “Good therapy” is not about providing a “better mothering experience” (Mitchell, 1988, p. 162). Mitchell’s critique pivots

psychoanalytic discourse away from the trending view that parallels the roles of mother and therapist.

The maternalization of theory and practice reframes the therapist’s role from paternal to more maternal terms. Mitchell (1988) is not arguing that past relationships are insignificant. Instead, he preserves Freud’s notions about the role of the past in the treatment process.

According to Freud, the relationship between the patient and analyst is, in part, a recreation of past relationships through transference. Freud maintains that the patient’s fantasy and creative processes are not merely replicas of past experiences and that the treatment relationship is not a direct replica of past experiences. “The past is still important, but as a vehicle for understanding the meaning of the present relationship with the analyst, and it is in the working through of that relationship that cure resides” (Mitchell, 1984, p. 478). As Mitchell (1984) further explains this idea,

The developmental tilt collapses relational needs in general into the kinds of interactions which characterize the relationship of the small infant and the mother. For many of these authors, the analyst is seen as providing various dimensions of relatedness which appear to characterize encounter and intimacy throughout the life cycle: a containment (Bion, 1967) or holding (Winnicott, 1949) and the other, merger experiences (Mahler, 1967), admiration and occasions for idealization (Kohut, 1971), a generally caring impact (Klein, 1967)” (p. 478). Yet instead of conceptualizing these dimensions of the analytic relationship as providing the patient with a richer, more complex, more adult kind of intimacy that his previous psychopathology allowed him to experience, the developmental tilt leads to a view of these dimensions essentially as developmental remediations. (p. 478)

Evidence of the tilt is seen in the theories of Kohut, Winnicott, and Guntrip. Guntrip (1971) considers the neurotic a “neglected physically grown-up child” who has been deprived of the “elementary right to the primary supportive relationship that can alone enable him to live” (p. 156, as cited in Mitchell, 1984, p. 478). Therefore, the therapist provides for the frightened child within the patient what was previously missed in childhood. “At the deepest level, psychotherapy is replacement therapy, providing the patient with what the mother failed to provide at the beginning of life” (Guntrip, 1971, p. 191). Kohut (1977) takes a similar position, stating that if parenting adequately provides appropriate selfobject functions, life proceeds simply and easily. Likewise, Kohut suggests that if the analyst does not subject the patient to empathetic failures, the analysis proceeds smoothly and non-conflictually (Mitchell, 1984).

Philipson (1994) notes that psychoanalytic theory focusing on mother-infant interactions often implies that psychopathology stems from a mother who exists outside of time and space. In other words, ideas about mothering are so focused on the mother-infant dyad that they neglect the broader context and other potential contributing factors. Similarly, Layton (2004) suggests that child development involves more than mothering. Other issues include economic and social impacts. Layton (2004) discusses how psychoanalytic theory and American society, as a whole, have an “obsession” with mothers and blame them for their children’s problems. According to Layton (2004), “Bad or good mothering, not the social, political, or economic system, becomes the guarantor of the well-being of the children” (p. 249). Americans tend to blame their problems on mothering that may have created or led to the “weakness of the self” (p. 249). This “obsession” with the mother may contribute to how society, as well as mothers, internalizes these good mother ideologies and perhaps blames themselves, rather than examining other contributing factors.

Tolleson (2009) also describes how psychoanalytic theory frames the primacy of the mother and the parallel between therapy and the mother. She states, Emerging from developmental models of therapeutic interaction that view the clinical dyad as a reconstituted mother and child, the unacknowledged assumptions that inform our notions of ‘the good mother’ and what we, as clinicians, are reenacting in our efforts to ‘be good enough,’ require studious consideration. The equation between mothering and clinical empathy, or mothering and a particular brand of benevolence (Tolleson, 2003), clearly needs to be examined. (Tolleson, 2009, p. 195)

This quote offers a concise summary of the discussion of the problematic parallels drawn between a good mother and a good therapist. This study explores how a person's training, grounded in theories about motherhood, intersects with clinical work involving mothers and children, along with personal experiences. Understanding this intersection is important for the field to study. The following section examines examples of the therapist as better mother, including the practice implications of the work of Alexander, Kohut, Winnicott, and Bowlby. It concludes with Benjamin’s critique of the de-subjectivizing mother and the clinical implications of her determination to recognize the mother/therapist as a subject.

Practice Implications of Alexander and Kohut’s Corrective Emotional Experience

The concept of a corrective emotional experience was introduced by Franz Alexander. It can be seen as similar to mothering, in which the therapist provides the patient with an experience or “re-exposure" that was lacking or unachieved during early caregiving (Alexander, 1946, p. 66). He described the corrective emotional experience as the essential factor in psychotherapy and noted that certain therapeutic interventions and experiences can provide healing emotional experiences that may have been missed in early childhood, often in relation to

the primary caregiver, the mother. The corrective emotional experience refers to the re-exposure of the patient, under more favorable circumstances, to the emotional situations which he could not handle in the past” (Alexander, 1946, p. 66). Alexander (1946) explains that this re-exposure occurs in psychotherapy through a reparative relationship with the therapist, re-experiencing the old, unsettled conflict, but with a new ending, is the secret of every penetrating therapeutic result. Only the actual experience of the new solution in the transference situation or in his everyday life gives the patient the conviction that a new solution is possible and induces him to give up the old neurotic patterns. By repetition, these corrected reactions gradually become automatic; the ego accepts the new attitudes and integrates them into the total personality. It is thus that therapeutic results become consolidated… In the patient-physician relationship, the therapist has an [sic] unique opportunity to provide the patient with precisely that type of corrective experience which he needs for recovery. (p. 338)

Alexander concludes, “Here lies the most vital function of psychotherapy: To give rational aid to all those who show early signs of maladjustment” (p. 339). Alexander’s concept of the corrective emotional experience closely mirrors the functions of mothering. Just as mothering plays a foundational role in the early development of the self by providing attunement, nurturing, and emotional support, the corrective emotional experience in therapy helps repair past emotional suffering and restore self-cohesion. It promotes healthy emotional development by providing reparative emotional experiences that were missing in a person’s early life with their primary caregivers.

Kohut (1984) further developed Alexander’s concept of the corrective emotional experience. In Kohut’s self psychology, he emphasizes the importance of early relationships,

particularly the child-mother relationship, in the development of the self. Central to Kohut’s thinking is the pivotal role of the mother’s empathic mirroring in helping the individual develop a cohesive sense of self, as well as the role of working through empathic failures in the process of change (Kohut, 1984). Kohut emphasizes the therapeutic relationship as a central mechanism of change. From his perspective, the critical turning points in treatment occur when inevitable periods of misattunement arise between the therapist and the client, and when they can work through these experiences constructively.

Although there was controversy within psychoanalytic communities about corrective emotional experience, Kohut and Alexander generally agreed on the concept. Both Kohut and Alexander viewed psychoanalysis as a process in which the patient revisits old conflicts with a more mature psyche. Kohut (1968) stated, [On certain occasions and with certain clients], the analyst must indulge a transference wish of the analysand; specifically, that the client had not received the necessary emotional echo or approval from the depressive mother, and that the analyst must now give it to her in order to provide a ‘corrective emotional experience.’ (p. 111)

Again, consistent with Alexander’s views, a parallel to mothering is noted; the corrective emotional experience in therapy is an attempt to repair or recreate early developmental experiences that were lacking or disrupted, particularly in the mothering context.

Kohut’s (1968) self psychology centers on three key components or poles, each correspond to specific selfobject transferences. These points in Kohut’s theory highlight the parallel between corrective emotional experiences and mothering, showing how healthy selfobject functions ideally provided by a parent and selfobject transferences facilitated by the therapist align within his theory. Kohut describes three pillars of selfobject functions within

the corrective emotional experience: mirroring, idealization, and twinship. Kohut (1971) states that in early life, a mother or primary caregiver provides mirroring by reflecting the child’s emotional state, thereby validating the child’s feelings and needs and supporting the child’s sense of self-worth and value. According to Kohut (1968), this is crucial for the child’s development of a coherent sense of self and for healthy self-cohesion and self-esteem. Kohut (1971) believed that the need to be admired and appreciated was universal and essential to psychic growth. In self psychology, the therapist acts as a mirroring or validating selfobject who, like the mother, provides empathy, attunement, and validation of the patient’s feelings; in this way, the therapist provides a corrective emotional experience. Through the mirroring function, or transference, the therapist provides mirroring similar to the mother’s, or, in cases where insufficient mirroring occurred in early childhood, serves as a “replacement mother” (Kenny, 2014, p. 131).

The second pole is the idealizing or idealized parent imago pole. Kohut (1971) claims that children have an intrinsic need to view others as omnipotent, beginning with the admiration and idealization of their parents. He argues that the presence and availability of an idealized person, or object, are self-organizing, enhance emotional regulation, and provide cohesion. This person, a parent or selfobject, also provides protection; Kohut believes that children need a strong, calm, and admirable other to idealize and merge with in order to feel safe and complete within the self. Similarly, as part of the corrective emotional experience, the therapist can fulfill this idealizing need/pole, or idealizing transference (p. 43) They create a space that is both physically and emotionally safe, allowing the patient to freely explore their thoughts and feelings without judgment.

The third and final pole is twinship, the need to feel that others in the world are similar to you, creating a sense of belonging and likeness (Kohut, 1971). According to Kohut (1984),

twinship is “the feeling that one is a human among other human beings” (p. 200) or the need to find sameness in an “other” and to feel a sense of belonging and legitimacy. He argues that anxieties arise when one feels that no one is like them. A therapist can serve as a twinship selfobject or twinship transference by providing the client with a sense of sameness and belonging, thereby fostering understanding and connection. This selfobject function can help the client feel less alone and develop a sense of self by fostering empathy and recognition of their experiences and feelings. This process becomes part of the corrective emotional experience.

In summary, many parallels have been noted between the concept of the corrective emotional experience and mothering. The corrective emotional experience is grounded in the therapist’s ability to attune to the patient’s inner emotional world and to recognize and respond to feelings that may not have been acknowledged or understood in early childhood relationships. The therapist provides a space in which the patient can experience emotional connection and regulation, analogous to how a mother might offer soothing care when a child is distressed. In self psychology, the corrective emotional experience is regarded as necessary and healing.

Practice Implications of Winnicott’s Good Enough Mother/Therapist

Similar to Alexander and Kohut’s descriptions of the corrective emotional experience, Winnicott also describes many parallels between the tasks and roles of the therapist and the mother. Winnicott (2002) states that when a mother has failed to provide reliability to her dependent child, the therapist is tasked with correcting emotional disappointments and addressing the “initial failures of the mother” (p. 230). Thus, therapy addresses the “failures of the mother” because psychodynamic theory has framed it that way.

Winnicott (2002) credited his theories to his observations of mothers and children, as well as to his clinical work with both child and adult patients, noting that “they all become babies

and children in the course of treatment” (p. 236). His observations and clinical work shaped his understanding of the therapist's role in treatment and of the parallel between therapist and mother; the therapist's role was to maintain the “image of the parent-figure” (p. 236). According to Winnicott, both mothers and therapists are tasked with facilitating mental health; the mother’s role is to support her child’s mental health, and the therapist's role is to facilitate the patient's mental health. “The therapist is cast in the role of replacement mother ameliorating the purported neglect and damage of the ‘real mother’” (p. 236).

In light of Winnicott’s comment about there being no such thing as just a mother but a mother and child as a nursing pair, one might say that from a therapeutic perspective too, there is no such thing as a therapist or a client, only a therapeutic dyad. (Berzoff, 2011, p. 225)

This illustrates a parallel between therapy and mothering: in both, the dyad influences each other, and each role is shaped by the other (Berzoff, 2011). Essentially, a mother’s identity is formed through caring for a child, just as a therapist's identity develops through interaction with patients (Borg, 2013).

A key parallel between mothering and therapy is the provision of a safe, supportive holding environment (Winnicott, 1960/1965, p. 43) in which an individual, child, or patient can feel emotionally secure enough to explore emotions, develop self-awareness, and learn coping mechanisms. Both roles emphasize empathy, active listening, and a focus on fostering healthy emotional regulation. Mothers and therapists alike strive to nurture and guide individuals toward healthy development. In her discussion of maternal metaphors in psychoanalytic theory, Slowchower (1996) explains Winnicott’s holding environment and Bion’s container, both of which assume the therapist as mother and the patient as baby. Slowchower (1996) describes the

similarities between mothers and therapists as follows: “The analyst-patient pair, like the mother and baby, is viewed as engaged in an ongoing attempt to understand and then to meet the patient’s needs, and to repair disruptions when they occur” (p. 195). Winnicott (2002) describes the mother providing a holding environment, which parallels some of the therapist’s tasks. For instance, the metaphor of holding within the therapeutic relationship is established by features of the therapeutic dyad, such as the office space, confidentiality, and ethical reliability. First, in terms of the physical space, the therapist’s office is typically kept organized. It generally remains unchanged over time, thereby conveying the reliability, stability, and safety inherent in the concept of holding (Borg, 2013). In this way, the therapist’s office can be seen to physically contain the patient, much as a mother might hold or contain her infant.

Secondly, confidentiality is essential to the functioning of therapy; within this metaphor of containment, it serves as another means of extending safety and a sense of holding for the patient (Borg, 2013). Like physical space, confidentiality can provide emotional safety and reliability. It ensures that a patient’s emotional content remains contained and not disclosed, much as a child might feel safe in their mother’s arms (Borg, 2013). The third aspect of this containment metaphor is ethical reliability. As stated in the NASW Code of Ethics, “social workers should take reasonable steps to avoid abandoning clients who are still in need of services” (NASW, 2021, Standard 1.17b). Ethical reliability means that the therapist will continue working with the patient for as long as the patient needs services or will provide appropriate referrals for continued care. This example illustrates a Winnicottian recognition of the importance of reliable and continuous care, highlighting the parallel roles of the mother and the therapist.

Bion (1962) recognized a similar parallel in the maternal and therapeutic dyads. Bion used the terms “container” and “contained” to describe interactions between the patient and the therapist (pp. 90–91) and between the child and the mother (p. 63). For example, the therapist becomes a container for the patient’s intolerable or anxiety-provoking mental content (Bion, 1962; Mitchell & Black, 1995). Similarly, Winnicott (1988) provides a firsthand account of his experience of being a container with a patient when he writes,

Once I had made this interpretation the treatment had started and all the subsequent material was influenced by the fact that I had entered the boy’s life as a human being who can put things into words, who can deal objectively with the situation that is full of feeling, who can tolerate conflict and who can see what is just ready in the patient to become conscious and therefore acceptable as a self phenomenon. (p. 89)

In this quote, he describes his task as “dealing objectively with the situation” and “tolerating conflict," which aligns with Bion’s (1962) idea of being a “container.” Consequently, there is a parallel in how mothers support their children in regulating or co-regulating emotions by tolerating their children’s intense feelings and promoting emotional health.

Another similarity can be drawn between the therapist and Winnicott’s (1956/1958) description of the mother in her primary maternal preoccupation, in which all her time, focus, and effort are directed toward the child, while she neglects her other responsibilities. For that one therapeutic hour, the therapist’s needs are set aside, and the patient receives the therapist’s undivided attention. The therapist conveys care by providing unwavering, consistent attention and focus on the patient, reminiscent of a mother’s attentive care.

Mitchell and Black (1995) describe “the analyst, like the good-enough mother, provides an environment in which her own subjectivity is on hold” (p. 133). This highlights the parallel

between therapists and mothers, both of whom show care by putting their “subjectivity on hold.”

A final similarity between the therapist and mother roles, as described by Winnicott (1971), is his emphasis on the mirroring role (p. 111), which he previously described as the mother's crucial task of providing an environment in which her child feels seen by her. Winnicott viewed the sense of self as critical to its development. Winnicott (1971) explains this further,

The glimpse of the baby’s and child’s seeing the self in the mother’s face, and afterwards in a mirror, gives a way of looking at analysis and at the psychotherapeutic task.

Psychotherapy is not making clever and apt interpretations; by and large it is a complex derivative of the face that reflects what is there to be seen. I like to think of my work this way, and to think that if I do this well enough [emphasis added], the patient will find his or own self, and will be able to exist and to feel real…Even when our patients do not get cured they are grateful to us for seeing them as they are, and this gives us a satisfaction of a deep kind. (pp.116–117)

Winnicott highlights the parallel roles of the mother and the therapist in producing the effect of a child or patient feeling seen. Winnicott (1971) underscores the importance of both the mother and the therapist providing mirroring for the child and patient. There is also a parallel in Winnicott’s language when he uses the phrase well enough. In other words, he claims that a therapist is considered good if they fulfill their role in a good enough way, aligning with his concept of the good-enough mother. In speaking of the good-enough mother, Winnicott (1971) states,

[She] is human and imperfect: A good-enough mother starts off with a high degree of adaptation to the baby’s needs. That is what ‘good enough’ means, this tremendous capacity that mothers ordinarily have to give themselves over to identification with the baby. (p. 234)

A recurring theme and similar language appear in the parallel drawn between Winnicott’s descriptions of the therapist and the mother.

Bowlby’s Ideas Applied to Practice

As mentioned earlier, parallels exist between the mother and therapist roles from a Winnicottian view; similar patterns are also evident through an attachment lens. From an attachment perspective, mothers typically assume multiple roles, frequently serving as the primary caregiver. In this role, the mother typically meets needs and builds a human connection with her child; she provides protection and ensures safety, and, once attachment is formed, becomes a secure base for the child to explore, learn, and develop (Borg, 2013). Attachment theorists argue that attachment style, shaped by interactions between mother and child, will likely set the stage for subsequent interactions in emotionally significant relationships.

Interestingly, the tasks described above, which relate to attachment theory and mothering, can also be accomplished within a therapeutic relationship. Borg (2013) emphasizes that the primary need for social interaction can be fulfilled through a therapeutic relationship. At times, this therapeutic relationship may constitute the only significant human connection in a patient’s life. Additionally, attachment can be viewed as providing protection or safety; a therapist may even literally protect a patient from themselves if they are self-harming or suicidal.

Another parallel is evident in the therapist’s role as a secure base for the patient. In this way, a therapist often encourages self-reflection and fosters experimentation with new ways of

being, coping, relating, and behaving to promote emotional growth (Borg, 2013). According to Bowlby (1988),

This concept of the secure personal base, from which a child, an adolescent, or an adult goes out to explore and to which he returns from time to time, is one I have come to regard as crucial for an understanding of how an emotionally stable person develops and functions all through his life. (p. 46)

An additional essential responsibility of the therapist is being available to the patient during times of need; examples include scheduling an urgent appointment, returning an emergency call from a patient outside of the regular therapeutic hour, or advising the patient to seek a higher level of care if their safety is at risk.

Finally, and perhaps most influential, is the concept that the therapeutic relationship offers the possibility of developing a secure attachment, which can then transfer to other relationships. In essence, the therapist creates an opportunity to form a new attachment that extends beyond therapy. The therapist as a new attachment figure has been widely discussed. In a study comparing adult attachment to both a primary attachment figure and a therapist, it was found that “the features characterizing the therapy relationships were in many respects the same features that characterized the respondents’ relationships with their primary attachment figures” (Parish and Eagle, 2003, p. 281). This quote reinforces the idea of a parallel between mother and therapist, viewed through an attachment perspective.

Benjamin’s Thoughts on Intersubjectivity and the Parallel of Therapist and Mother

Benjamin’s writings (1988, 2004, 2006, 2018) criticize psychoanalytic theory’s emphasis on the mother-child relationship, which simplifies the mother’s role to merely fulfilling her child’s emotional and physical needs. Benjamin (2004) argues that this perspective is

problematic for both mother and child. The mother is not recognized as having her own subjectivity, including her own wishes and needs in her own right; she is not acknowledged as having subjective experiences and agency. It is also problematic for the child, as it can prevent her from seeing the mother as a separate individual with her own needs and desires. Benjamin views the capacity for recognition as a fundamental aspect of healthy development and a cornerstone of intimate relationships. Benjamin states that for an infant to be recognized, a mother (the subject) must be present to acknowledge the infant. She also notes that the mother must maintain her own subjectivity for mutual recognition to occur. In the presence of a distinct subject, the infant struggles to distinguish self from others, a process crucial for the development of meaningful interpersonal relationships (Benjamin, 2004).

Additionally, Benjamin (2004) extends this concept to the therapist/patient dyad, another parallel between mother and therapist. Her perspective is more of a critique of the corrective emotional experience paradigm, and she highlights the significance of subjectivity within the dyads. Benjamin emphasizes intersubjectivity, in which both the mother and the child are recognized as subjects in their own right, influencing each other’s development. Benjamin believes that the therapist and the mother are not just providers of emotional goods but also subjects in the interaction, thereby illustrating that the caretaker’s presence as a separate subject is an important part of development. For example, she states,

This ability [of the therapist or mother] to maintain internal awareness, to sustain the tension of difference between my needs and your needs while still being attuned to you, forms the basis of what I call the moral third or the third in the one… The sustained tension of difference helps create the symbolic space of thirdness. This third in the one is exemplified by the mother’s ability to maintain awareness that the child’s distress will pass, alongside her empathy, by holding the tension between identificatory oneness and the observing function. This mental space of thirdness in the caretaker must be, I believe, in some way palpable to the child. As a function, in both its symbolic and soothing aspects, it can be recognized and identified with, then made use of by the child or patient. (Benjamin, 2004, p. 13)

Benjamin explains the critical concept of the analytic third and proposes that the analyst can soothe or help the patient regulate only by maintaining the position of thirdness (p. 17). If the analyst does not convey the third, the analyst becomes the doer, or the one who can heal, and the patient assumes the passive position of done to (Benjamin, 2004, p. 17).

Benjamin’s (2004, 2018) work highlights the need to move beyond viewing the mother as a passive object of the child’s needs and to explore the mother’s subjectivity and the dynamics of mutual recognition. Benjamin describes the doer/done to dynamic, in which one person is perceived as acting and the other as reacting. This dynamic is critical for establishing a shared third space in which both individuals can be recognized and understood for their unique subjectivities. The third, as Benjamin (2004) describes it, is a space in which the therapist and patient experience mutual recognition and connection across their minds while also acknowledging their individual differences (pp. 25–26).

This new way of conceptualizing the clinical dyad has significant clinical implications. Benjamin’s (2004, 2018) work generated a significant shift in perceptions and understanding of the therapeutic dyad. The term intersubjectivity was first introduced by Stolorow and Atwood (1984) and later extensively examined by Benjamin (2004, 2018) in relation to the concept of the third. According to Stolorow, Atwood, and Benjamin, intersubjectivity holds that all interactions must be considered in context, including those between the patient and analyst or the child and parent; these interactions cannot be treated as separate but must be understood as mutually influencing one another. Similarly, Benjamin (2018) states that intersubjectivity can be defined as “a relation in which each person experiences the other as a 'like subject,' another mind who can be 'felt with' yet has a distinct, separate center of feeling and perception” (p. 22). In other words, the child or patient has some understanding of the mother or therapist as a separate person with her own experiences and perspectives, which is important and necessary for healthy development.

This is a dramatic shift in how psychoanalysis understands the relationship between these dyads. As noted above, psychoanalytic theory, beginning with Freud and his successors, focused on the patient’s inner world, internal conflicts and drives, and early childhood experiences. The therapist's role was understood as that of an interpreter of intrapsychic experience. With the advent of the corrective emotional experience, this role was replaced by the therapist’s role as a caretaker and empathizer. However, the addition of intersubjectivity emphasizes the relational matrix and the subjects involved in the process. With this shift, the unit of study goes beyond solely considering the patient’s inner world as it surfaces in the transference (Freud) or in identifying the old bad object (corrective emotional experience) to also consider the co-creation of meaning within the therapist-patient dyad (Benjamin, 2004, 2018). Intersubjectivity views

each person in the dyad as an individual in their own right, with their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences that mutually influence one another (Benjamin, 2004, 2018).

Theorists such as Benjamin (2004) and Mitchell (1984) challenge those studying psychoanalytic theory to consider the implications of the hyperfocus on early childhood relationships and the notions that cast the mother as the go-to bad object. Benjamin (2018) emphasizes the misogynistic biases that underpin the mother-blame and therapist-as-bettermother perspectives prevalent in modern psychology. The study's author explores how these theories and their training affect participants’ notions of motherhood. In particular, the focus is on how mother-blaming messages embedded in these theories shape participants’ views of what it means to be a mother. The researcher sought to further recognize the subjectivity of mothers, à la Benjamin, by asking child psychodynamic therapist mothers to describe their views and experiences as mothers.

Literature on Child Psychotherapy

A review of the literature on child therapy provides greater context for the role of the child therapist. This section offers a simplified overview of child psychodynamic therapy, including a brief exploration of its assumptions and techniques.

Brief History of Child Therapy and Assumptions

Psychodynamic psychotherapy for children began in 1909, when Sigmund Freud introduced play therapy by supervising the treatment of a five-year-old boy, Little Han, conducted by his father (Delgado, 2008). According to Delgado (2008), Hug-Hellmuth formally introduced play therapy in 1921. Following this, Anna Freud and Melanie Klein pioneered the study of child development, focusing on ego functions, defense mechanisms, drives, and superego formation, and held the view that a child’s play has symbolic, unconscious meaning

(Delgado, 2008). Early play therapists in the United States included Levy, Allen, and Axline. Additionally, Delgado notes that the contributions of Bowlby, Winnicott, Erikson, Mahler, and Stern have furthered theories of attachment and object relations and highlighted the importance of working with parents in the treatment of child patients. Delgado (2008) outlines five fundamental assumptions about psychodynamic psychotherapy with children:

1) The central importance of the unconscious in mental functioning, 2) the symbolic meaning of behaviors, 3) the existence of internalized unconscious conflicts, 4) the idea that symptoms have meaning, and 5) the belief that transference-based thoughts and behaviors are critical. (p. 2)

These five assumptions imply that children’s behavior is tied to unconscious mental functioning and that it symbolizes internal thoughts and feelings that are expressed externally. The child therapist values identifying and understanding the root causes of behavior. She does not view behavior merely as symptoms, but rather as meaningful and in need of understanding. These five assumptions provide guidance and insight into child therapy philosophies and underpin the discussion below.

Child Therapy, the Setting and Technique

Child psychotherapy refers to a variety of techniques and methods used to help children and adolescents who are experiencing difficulties with their emotions or behavior. In child and adolescent treatment, playing, drawing, building, and pretending, as well as talking, are important ways of sharing feelings and resolving problems (AACP, 2017). More specifically, psychodynamic child therapy emphasizes understanding the factors that motivate and influence a child’s behavior, thoughts, and feelings. It is believed that a child’s behavior has meaning;

therefore, it can be helpful to identify and understand a child’s typical behavioral patterns, defenses, and responses to inner conflicts and struggles to observe improvements (AACP, 2017.).

Many child psychodynamic therapists emphasize the importance of the setting, particularly the therapist’s office. Hartnup (1999) discusses the importance of the child and adolescent psychotherapist’s detailed attention to the setting and to providing consistency. This focus includes consistency in the session room and time, as well as in the physical environment, e.g., the organization of the space and the specific toys available. According to Hartnup (1999),

The setting is a place for a meeting of the minds. … Thus, it provides conditions in which the invisible inner world of the young patient can become visible to the psychotherapist, and the child or adolescent can allow the psychotherapist into that world (p. 103)

The setting’s function includes containing the projections of the patient’s unconscious conflicts that cannot be adequately symbolized or put into words, and metaphorically holding the patient (Anagnostaki et al., 2017). According to Winnicott (1953), the setting also provides the patient with a sense of security, or holding, that helps them develop confidence over the course of treatment. Winnicott (1953) notes that providing a good-enough environment is analogous to good-enough mothering (p. 94).

As with work with adults, the child therapist maintains a listening stance, attending to the therapist’s free-floating associations and the patient’s free associations, while recognizing that children’s play and drawings also represent free associations (Klein, 1932). Akhtar (2011) suggests that listening serves a maternal role, requiring the listener, whether mother or therapist, to let go of her own preoccupations and be receptive to the expressed needs of the other, the child or patient. Notably, this mothering parallel also appears in descriptions of child therapy.

This parallel was discussed in more detail earlier. Below, the focus shifts to the literature on therapist mothers, exploring how the therapist and mother roles intersect in previous research.

Prior Research on the Intersection Between Motherhood and Child Psychotherapist

After reviewing relevant research on mothering by child psychodynamic therapists, little was found. Although a few studies have confirmed that being a therapist and a mother mutually influence each other in ways that are both helpful and create unique challenges (Herman, 2019; Menashe, 2012; Moore, 2008), the literature does not explicitly examine how being a child therapist informs her parenting and/or her experience of herself as a mother. In one example, MacNab (1995) details the interplay between her personal and professional experiences as both a mother and a clinician and explores her self-regard in both roles. She writes that she believed “my years of training and psychotherapy would protect my child and me from almost all the pain I had heard from my patients or had experienced in my own family” (MacNab, 1995, p. 39). She found that her training could be helpful yet also left her more vulnerable to internalized expectations of “near perfect” mothering (p. 37). MacNab correlates her exposure to psychodynamic theory with some distortions in her professional belief system.

Psychodynamic theories focus intensely on the pernicious influences of mothers and fathers, or their emotional and physical absences. The therapist encourages the patient to explore the roots of painful feelings and their early childhood origins. Destructive patterns are often traced to the frightening, angry, unfeeling, or humiliating ways that patients experienced their parents. We may have moved away from mother blaming but not far enough. (p. 41)

MacNab notes that she also values her professional expertise, remarking, “my clinical work brings important knowledge to my family life, that is, the inevitability of suffering and the

immense healing capacities of compassion for myself and my family” (p. 44). MacNab is candid in recounting her personal and professional experiences, highlighting the challenges and benefits of the dual role of mother and therapist.

In addition, there were a handful of dissertations or published research studies on the general topic of psychotherapists and motherhood, and one came close to examining the experience of child psychotherapists. More specifically, it focused on the experience of play therapist mothers. The study by Parker et al. (2024) examined the dual role of women as mothers and play therapists and identified the challenges and benefits they encountered in each role. The study focused on the mutually influencing roles, namely how motherhood affects the therapist role and how the therapist role affects mothering. This mutually influencing focus contrasts with this study’s one-directional approach, which seeks deeper insights by focusing solely on how psychodynamic training and theory influence mothering, rather than the reverse or both directions. Parker et al. note that this was the first study on the topic and call for additional research.

Goldmann (2020), Robinson (2012), Shaw & Breckenridge (2014), and Sheridan (2017) each published dissertations, theses, or articles on this topic. In these studies, eight or nine therapist-mothers were interviewed to determine the extent to which their dual roles as therapists and mothers influence one another. Data from these studies (Goldmann, 2020; Robinson, 2012; Shaw & Breckenridge, 2014; Sheridan, 2017) suggest that the roles both benefit and undermine one another.

Goldmann’s (2020) dissertation examined the interrelationship between the clinicianmother roles and explored the issue of mother-blame, including whether its continued presence in our culture has affected the therapist/mother. According to Goldmann,

Motherhood and clinicianhood set the groundwork for profound encounters with the individual’s self-regard, strengths, limitations, and capacity for growth. Being a clinician, both enhances and supports the experience of being a mother, while simultaneously elevating the sense of risk and apprehension in the performance of that role. Being a mother adds depth and knowledge and empathy to the clinician, increasing the flexibility of her belief system, while shifting her identifications and sensitizing her to the nuances in her clients’ developmental experiences. Mother blame has a role to play in this too; whether it derives from theory, social conditions, gender discrimination or internalizations based on personal experience, its residual effects were acknowledged by all but one of the study’s participants. (pp. 166–167)

This quote highlights how the therapist's and mother’s dual roles affect one another, creating both strengths and challenges (Goldmann, 2020). Notably, in the present study, all participants acknowledged the “residual effects” of mother blame

Robinson’s (2012) dissertation examined the reciprocal influence between the therapist and mother roles among her nine psychoanalyst-mother participants. Four themes emerged from the study, “motherhood changes everything; insight changes everything; therapists’ experiences of motherhood are complex; and therapists have a worldview that encompasses their parenting and professional lives” (Robinson, 2012, p. ii). Robinson concluded that rather than thinking about being psychoanalytic with their children, “psychoanalyst/mothers have absorbed a particular worldview that becomes part and parcel of who they are in the maternal role” (p. 91).

Shaw and Breckenridge (2014) explored the recursive relationship between the intertwined identities of therapist and mother, as well as the impact of the therapist’s pregnancy on the practice of psychotherapy. They were particularly interested in the questions, “In what

ways does a woman’s experience of motherhood inform and influence her therapy practice?” and, correspondingly, “In what ways does a therapist’s perceptions of her professional activities inform and influence her mothering?” (p. 139). This study examined how the roles of motherhood and therapy influence one another.

In a master’s thesis, Sheridan (2017) examined how the therapist-mothers’ dual identities “inform, shape, enrich and conflict with each other” (p. 7). Sheridan found that motherhood is a transformative state that affects the psychologist/mother’s multiple identities. Sheridan concluded that identity shifts are continuous and that therapists should acknowledge both positive and negative effects, reflect on them, and constructively reintegrate them into the self.

Goldmann (2020), Robinson (2012), Shaw & Breckenridge (2014), and Sheridan (2017) noted the limited research on this subject and emphasized the need for further study. These authors examined how the roles of therapist and mother influence one another during the treatment of adults. In contrast, this study investigates what child psychodynamic therapists say about mothering and their personal experiences of motherhood, particularly as these relate to their professional work and clinical training, including psychodynamic theory and good mother ideologies.

Although research on this topic is limited, a review of closely related literature identified several studies. All the research reported similar findings; the roles mutually influence one another in ways that are both beneficial and challenging (Herman, 2019; Menashe, 2012; Moore, 2008). This theme is common among mothers who are also clinicians, including art therapists, child welfare officers, and school counselors (Herman, 2019; Menashe, 2012; Moore, 2008). These studies all call for further research in this area.

Conclusion

This study explores and seeks to deepen understanding of the mothering experience among mothers who are also child psychodynamic therapists. As shown in the literature review, psychoanalytic and psychodynamic theories offer significant insight into the mother's role and her influence on her child. Although psychoanalytic theory has evolved to revise earlier negative conceptions of female development, mothers still face an undertone of mother-blame and a sense of ultimate responsibility for their child’s development and psychopathology. This raises the question of how all mothers, particularly those who are child psychodynamic therapists, perceive themselves in this dual role. This study explores the following question: What do child psychodynamic therapists say about mothering and their experience of motherhood, particularly as it relates to their work experience and clinical training, including psychodynamic theory and good mother ideology?

Although there is literature on the parallel between mothering and therapy, little is known about how psychodynamic theory informs or influences the role of the mother when that mother is a psychodynamic child therapist. While mothers and mothering have been discussed in professional and lay literature, there is a notable absence of documentation and consideration of their voices regarding their own experiences of mothering.

Although these theories were written at different times, they are still taught and continue to influence contemporary beliefs. Theories taught in psychodynamic programs emphasize the mother's role and her critical contribution to her child's well-being (Chamberlain, 2022; Freud Museum London, 2023). This study reviewed psychodynamic theories from Freud, Winnicott, Kohut, Mahler, and attachment theorists because they focus on development and parenting. Various critiques of psychoanalytic theory were examined, highlighting misogynistic

perspectives on motherhood embedded in Western cultural beliefs. The concept of the therapist as a better mother, along with examples, was also reviewed to shed light on shared experiences and tasks in this dual role. Additionally, an overview of child therapy was provided. Historically, psychoanalytic theory has placed a heavy burden on mothers regarding their child’s well-being and offers extensive insights concerning women who are mothers. In light of these perspectives, how does a child psychodynamic therapist approach and experience the role of mothering?

While reviewing relevant research on mothering and child therapists, no studies were found that specifically address the experience of mothering among child psychodynamic therapists. Several studies have confirmed that being a therapist and a mother mutually affect one another in ways that are both beneficial and pose unique challenges (Goldmann, 2020; Parker, 2024; Robinson, 2012). However, a significant gap in the literature persists, particularly regarding the experiences of child psychodynamic therapists and the influence of psychodynamic theory on their mothering. This study's findings begin to address that gap.

Chapter III

Methodology

Introduction

A psychoanalytic case study methodology (Tolleson, 1996) was chosen for this hermeneutically situated study. This study explores how a small sample of child psychodynamic therapists understand their mothering experiences to build a theory and concepts that integrate psychodynamic interpretation and personal narratives. Assessing one’s mothering is likely a common experience among many, if not most, mothers. However, the experience of a child psychodynamic therapist mother differs in that she may evaluate her mothering through the lens of psychodynamic/psychoanalytic theory, which explicitly identifies good and bad mothering practices. A child psychodynamic therapist mother has formal clinical training in child development, psychodynamic theory, and relevant work experience with children and families. Both training in psychodynamic theory and work experience lead to an understanding of the delicate and complex dynamics within parent and family relationships. To better understand this phenomenon, this study addresses the central research question: What do child psychodynamic therapists say about mothering and their experiences of motherhood, particularly in relation to their work experience and clinical training, including psychodynamic theory and good mother ideology?

This chapter outlines the study’s research methodology. It includes a detailed discussion of the following areas: the rationale for a qualitative research approach, including the rationale for a qualitative research design and a phenomenological methodology; a description of the research sample; an overview of the research design; the methods of data collection; and the ethical considerations.

Rationale for Qualitative Research Design

This study used a qualitative research method as described by Denzin and Lincoln (2011) in the SAGE Handbook of Qualitative Research:

Qualitative research consists of a set of interpretive, material practices that make the world visible. These practices transform the world. They turn the world into a series of representations, including field notes, interviews, conversations, photographs, recordings, and memos to the self. At this level, qualitative research involves an interpretive, naturalistic approach to the world. This means that qualitative researchers study things in their natural settings, attempting to make sense of, or interpret, phenomena in terms of the meanings people bring them. (p. 3)

Qualitative research can develop complex, detailed understandings and explore meanings (Creswell, 2007, 2009, 2023), both of which align with the goals of this study. The epistemological foundation for this study is a hermeneutic paradigm of inquiry.

Following Gadamer’s philosophical hermeneutics, the qualitative interpretive method sought to explore the meaning of individual experiences in relation to the understanding of human interpretation (Regan, 2012). In hermeneutic phenomenology, understanding was achieved through the co-construction of data with research participants, derived from in-depth interviews (Bloomberg, 2023). Gadamer (2004) identified language as the medium for understanding and a means of sharing the complexities of human experience. Thus, the child psychodynamic therapist mother’s language will help deepen understanding of their “human experience” of mothering.

Throughout the process, the researcher adopts a reflexive stance toward the essential themes that constitute participants' lived experience (Bloomberg, 2023). The researcher then wrote a description of the phenomenon based on a shared understanding of the topic.

Hermeneutic research is a methodology for interpreting meaning that enables the construction of theory through a listening stance. In this study, taking a listening stance meant that the researcher was attentive to what participants communicated about their experiences at multiple levels: verbal and nonverbal cues and less conscious responses. The researcher then interpreted the verbal and nonverbal cues and less conscious responses, gaining insight into the participants’ awareness of their lived experiences. The researcher’s role in interpreting meaning was that of a co-interpreter with each participant. Meaning was not discovered by the researcher alone; rather, it was derived through a collaborative process in which the researcher and the participant made sense of the participant’s experience together (Eddles-Hirsch, 2015). The hermeneutic researcher was concerned with both the participants’ descriptions of the phenomenon and the interpretation of meanings derived from their lifeworld experience (EddlesHirsch, 2015).

According to Yin (2003), case studies are the preferred research strategy when three conditions are met. First, case study methodology helps answer “how” and “why” research questions, providing both explanatory and exploratory data. Second, when researchers have little control over events, case study methodology focuses on the primary actor within the phenomenon under study. The interviews in each case provided subjective data from the person conducting the work. Finally, this methodology was useful for providing information about events occurring in real time within a real-life context. The focus of this study child psychodynamic therapist mothers’ experiences of mothering meets these three conditions. This study is concerned not only with how child psychodynamic therapist mothers mother but also with how and why they do what they do as mothers, which may, at times, reflect less conscious responses or experiences.

Rationale For Specific Methodology

Much of the research on the intersection of motherhood and therapeutic work examines how these two roles inform or impact one another, or how being a mother affects her work as a therapist (Goldmann, 2020; Parker, 2024; Robinson, 2012). Although this research has yielded important insights into the benefits and challenges of these dual roles, it does not focus specifically on child psychodynamic therapist mothers, nor does it address how psychodynamic theory has informed their experience as mothers or how they feel about themselves as mothers. Based on the existing literature, this psychoanalytic case study method was chosen to give voice to child psychodynamic therapist mothers and to deepen understanding of their experiences of motherhood in these dual roles. The focus is on how psychodynamic theory influences their mothering and their self-perception as mothers. Through interviews with mothers who are child psychodynamic therapists and an analysis of the data across cases, the participants and the researcher co-constructed an understanding of meaning, developing a theory and concepts that integrated psychodynamic interpretation with personal narratives.

Tolleson’s (1996) psychoanalytic case study method was used to facilitate in-depth single- and cross-case analyses. Hoffman (2009) supports and advocates for the importance and legitimacy of the psychoanalytic case study research method,

The “consequential uniqueness” of each interaction and the indeterminacy associated with the free will of the participants make the individual case study especially suited for the advancement of ‘knowledge’ that is, the progressive enrichment of sensibility in our field. (p. 1043)

The psychoanalytic case study method mirrors the therapeutic encounter by treating each participant or patient as a unique individual to learn about and understand their experiences. The

lived experiences of mothering and motherhood, as seen through the eyes of child therapist mothers, are one such phenomenon well-suited to this method of analysis.

With the understanding that each participant is unique, as both a researcher and a child therapist and mother, I recognized the importance of respecting each participant's individual experiences and engaging in personal reflection. I was open to participants sharing experiences that differed from my own and aware that their responses might not align with mine. I was diligent in journaling and precise in note-taking during and after each interview. Consistent with Gadamer’s (1975) view, “the important thing is to be aware of one’s own bias, so that the text can present itself in all its otherness and thus assert its own truth against one’s own foremeanings” (p. 282). With this in mind, this study follows Gadamer’s position that the goal is not to extinguish oneself as the researcher but rather to “foreground an appropriation of one’s own fore-meanings and prejudices” (p. 282).

Research Sample and Screening Process

Research Sample

This study employed the widely recommended guidelines for case study research. The sample size was five participants, consistent with Creswell (2007, 2009, 2023), who suggests that case study methodology optimally involves four or five participants. To employ purposive, criterion-based sampling, I selected participants who most closely aligned with the objectives of my study (Creswell, 2023). As Morrow (2005) states,

Qualitative sampling is always purposeful that is, participants are deliberately selected to provide the most information-rich data. It is also always criterion-based that is, one always uses specific criteria (people who have experienced a particular phenomenon, age, demographics) based on the questions guiding the research. (p. 225)

Following Creswell (2007, 2009, 2023) and Tolleson’s psychoanalytic case study (1996), this sample size was intended to prioritize depth over breadth and to support more in-depth analysis and formulation.

Recruitment

Participants were recruited using purposive or criterion sampling, with recruitment initiated through word of mouth and email. I reached out via word of mouth and sent emails to my personal and professional contacts. I asked recipients whether they knew anyone who met the study's inclusion criteria and requested that those potential participants contact me. In addition, I contacted potential participants via the Chicago therapist listservs and the ICSW community listserv; see the recruitment flyer (Appendix A). I provided my contact information, including my email address and phone number, and interested volunteers contacted me by email.

Phone Interview/Screening

For those who expressed interest in the study, I conducted a brief phone interview (see Appendix B) to determine whether they met the inclusion criteria listed below. They should:

• Identify as a female therapist mother.

• Be fully licensed and have at least four years of clinical experience before having a child.

• Identify as a psychodynamic therapist specializing in treating children and have taken classes or seminars in the psychodynamic treatment of children, including a course in child development and a course in psychodynamic theory

• Have had clinical supervision in psychodynamic/psychoanalytic child therapy.

• Have at least one child between the ages of six and eighteen.

During the initial phone screening, I also assessed potential participants’ ability to reflect on and articulate their thoughts and feelings by asking whether they were comfortable discussing

parenting and motherhood, topics that may feel vulnerable for some. If they were not open to exploring their thoughts and feelings about parenting and motherhood, they were excluded from participation. A willingness to be audiotaped was a study requirement; thus, an unwillingness to be audiotaped was an exclusion criterion. If they met the inclusion criteria above and there were no additional exclusionary criteria, I asked them the demographic questions below:

1. How old are you?

2. What is your race/ethnicity?

3. Where do you live?

4. Are you raising your child(ren) alone or with a partner?

5. How many children do you have?

6. Would you be willing to be interviewed four times for 60–90 minutes?

7. Are you comfortable with being audiotaped?

8. If we proceed with your participation in this study, would you prefer to meet in person or virtually? What is your choice for a $30 gift card for your participation in the study (e.g., Starbucks, Target)?

Those who met all inclusion criteria and agreed to participate in the study were asked to provide a three-digit number (e.g., 001, 002, 003) to be used across data-collection methods. This number helped maintain the privacy and confidentiality of the research participants. The first respondents who met all study criteria were selected Research Design

This qualitative study followed Tolleson’s (1996) psychoanalytic case study methodology and employed a psychoanalytic interpretive lens. After completing four 60–90minute interviews with each participant, I conducted an in-depth analysis of each transcript using

psychoanalytic theory as the interpretive lens. A psychoanalytic case study was created for each participant, based on transcribed narratives and interviews, as well as information from my field notes and journal entries.

The data analysis involved two steps. The first step was to present individual case studies, which provided information on how each participant described their mothering experience. The analysis employed a psychoanalytic interpretive framework (Tolleson, 1996) and, for each participant, examined the circumstances, dimensions, and meanings related to the topic. The second step was a cross-case analysis that provided comparative information across cases (Tolleson, 1996; Yin, 2003). The primary purpose of the cross-case analysis was to develop theory and contribute to the literature on the experience of mothering among child therapists, with particular focus on how they understand how psychoanalytic theory and good mother ideologies inform their mothering and how they feel about themselves as mothers.

Data Collection

Interviews

Once participants were selected for the study, I contacted them via email to schedule interviews and finalize the time and location. Confidentiality and privacy were paramount as we finalized our location plan. I allowed the participant to choose the time and place, ideally somewhere familiar to them that is reasonably quiet and free from interruptions or distractions. All interviews were conducted via Zoom, a secure Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA)-compliant videoconferencing platform. Before the interview began, I asked the participant whether they would have privacy and would not be overheard or interrupted by others. Data collection consisted of four 60–90-minute semi-structured interviews. The first interview began with a verbatim reading of the informed consent script (Appendix C)

and the informed consent form (Appendix D). To ensure understanding, I asked participants to describe, in their own words, how they understood the informed consent, and then they signed the form if they had not already done so. After signing the informed consent, I explained the confidentiality measures, including that recordings and transcriptions would be stored for five years in a password-protected folder on a laptop. Paper copies of the transcriptions would be kept in a locked cabinet, with the researcher as the only person holding the key. In accordance with IRB policy, after five years, all related computer files will be deleted, and any paper copies will be shredded.

Interviews were conducted using the semi-structured interview guide (Appendix E). Using a psychodynamic interpretive framework, the study explored the experiences, beliefs, and perceptions of mothers who are also child therapists as they balanced their dual roles. The questions also examined how these roles might affect her parenting and her self-perception as a mother. In-depth interviews encouraged participants to tell their stories in their own words, in depth and detail. In these interviews, I elicited detailed descriptions, encouraged free association, and listened for latent or less conscious meanings. As Tolleson (1996) notes, this approach “parallels clinical interviewing methods” (p. 91) by encouraging participants to elaborate freely on aspects of their experience most important to them. I aimed to collect data that accurately reflected participants’ thinking and to explore both the global and the latent, or less conscious, meanings of their narratives. I carefully recorded nonverbal behavior in my field notes throughout the interview. Yin’s (2003) list of skills that make a good case study investigator is remarkably similar to those that make a good psychotherapist.

A good case study investigator should be able to ask good questions and interpret the answers; be a good listener and not be trapped by his or her own ideologies or preconceptions; be adaptive and flexible so that newly encountered situations can be seen as opportunities not threats…should be unbiased by preconceived notions, including those from theory to be sensitive and responsive to contradictory evidence (p. 59)

Because the researcher is also a psychodynamic therapist, these skills were applied during data collection. Runyan (1984) writes about the use of narrative data in case study research, “in attending the particularities of thought, conversation, actions, subjective meanings, and social context, narrative qualifies as an idiographic method par excellence” (p. 192). With this in mind, it was the researcher’s responsibility to follow the narratives, seek clarifications, and invite and pursue deeper, latent meanings within the discourse (Tolleson, 1996).

I began with open-ended questions that were less emotionally charged to establish rapport and create a safe, comfortable environment for the participants. Creswell (2013) notes that this approach gives participants space to share important information. I asked them to tell me a little about why they decided to participate in this study and how they understood or what they recalled having in mind as they entered the role of a mother, for example, the kind of mother they wished to be. If they did not bring up their own psychodynamic training and how they understood it to inform their mothering, I asked them this question at the beginning of the second interview.

All interviews were recorded and transcribed. The remainder of the first interview, as well as the subsequent interviews, were semi-structured, beginning with broader questions about motherhood that allowed participants to consciously and unconsciously select material related to the topic they wished to discuss and share. Near the end of the final interview, I allocated time

for debriefing and posed questions to help participants reflect on their experiences in the study. I was prepared to offer psychotherapy referrals (not the researcher) to participants for additional support, if needed.

Throughout this process, I kept field notes in a journal as an additional data source to triangulate findings. I recorded my thoughts, feelings, impressions, questions, and other reactions that arose before, during, or after the interviews. Gadamer (1975) argues that rich understanding and meaning-making are possible when one is aware of one’s own biases and subjectivity. He writes, “The important thing is to be aware of one’s own bias, so that the text can present itself in all its otherness and thus assert its own truth against one’s own fore-meanings” (Gadamer, 1975, p. 282).

Plan for Data Analysis

Data analysis was conducted using Tolleson’s (1996) case study methodology, which involved rigorous within- and cross-case analyses. Using a multi-step process grounded in a psychodynamic theoretical framework, I identified and interpreted how participants understood their lived experience of motherhood, considering their work experience and clinical training, particularly in psychodynamic theory and good mother ideologies. As noted in the previous section, the data sources were transcripts of each participant’s interviews and my own impressions, questions, thoughts, and feelings, recorded in a journal.

Transcripts from each interview and field notes were reviewed multiple times during data analysis. The case studies were designed to represent each participant’s verbal and nonverbal communication as authentically as possible while acknowledging my subjectivity as a coconstructor. Following Runyon’s (1984) case study, material from each participant was first “examined as an entity in and of itself: idiomatic, distinctive, and informative in its own right”

(Tolleson, 1996, p. 93). The participants’ responses were treated as individual expressions of their personal experiences of mothering. Therefore, each case study is a unique, personal theory of mothering from the perspective of a child psychodynamic therapist. After completing each case study and its within-case analyses, a comprehensive cross-case data analysis was conducted to develop a theory. The comparative analysis examined similarities and differences among participants.

While using hermeneutics, I was unable to fully bracket or suspend my presuppositions, biases, assumptions, or prior experiences to see and describe the phenomenon as the participants described it to me (Bloomberg, 2023); rather, I remained transparent and aware of my own biases. “Keeping and using reflective journals and field notes enabled me to make my experiences, opinions, thoughts, and feelings visible and an acknowledged part of the research design, data generation, analysis, and interpretation process” (Ortlipp, 2008, p. 703). Because biases cannot be eliminated entirely, they were made visible by acknowledging and documenting them and by incorporating them into the interpretation.

Within-Case Analysis

The first level of analysis focused on data gathered from each individual case and was conducted after the interviews were transcribed and completed in a naturalistic manner to capture details of natural and nonverbal speech patterns. Once the interviews were transcribed, they were read and reread. In addition, the audio recordings were listened to multiple times to become increasingly familiar with the transcripts, thereby immersing the researcher in how each participant talked about, understood, and thought about her mothering through the lens of her dual role as both a child therapist and a mother. The case study methodology enabled an in-depth description of the participant’s experience of mothering and the researcher’s interpretations of

that experience (Runyan, 1984), as well as the identification and analysis of nonverbal behavior for its meaning. Through the researcher’s interpretive analysis, each case study portrayed aspects of the participant’s experience of mothering as a child psychodynamic therapist. One major goal of this study was to examine how participants’ work experience and clinical training, particularly in psychodynamic theory and good mother ideology, may inform their mothering as child psychodynamic therapists. These themes, or theoretical statements, were presented in each of the five individual case studies. In each case study, the researcher developed these themes as “categories of meaning” (Tolleson, 1996, p. 116) about the study topic that were most significant to each participant.

Initially, notes were recorded in the left-hand margin of printed transcripts to begin identifying themes by examining, line by line, how child psychodynamic therapist mothers understood their mothering and how they arrived at these beliefs. Based on each participant’s verbal and nonverbal communication, I analyzed the data for various categories of meaning. … These meaning categories were comprised of both the subject’s stated, or manifest, psychological experiences as well as the researcher’s inferences of latent meaning as derived from her overall experience of the subject, and her own clinical and theoretical knowledge (Tolleson, 1996, p. 93)

Themes were grouped into meaning categories, with each color representing a category. The participant’s manifest content and stated words converged with my psychoanalytic interpretation of underlying latent messages, co-constructing the meaning categories that informed understanding of their experiences.

Cross-Case Analysis

Once all individual case analyses were completed, a cross-case analysis was conducted to identify similarities and differences and to examine meaning categories across cases. This comparative process facilitated the understanding and synthesis of themes inherent in the collective experience of the child therapist mothers under study. A rigorous cross-case analysis was conducted to facilitate theory building, as Tolleson (1996) outlines: Following the detailed analyses of individual subject data, the researcher examined the meaning categories generated by those analyses in totality, i.e., across subjects, in order to discern features of experience which were more or less general to the collective sample. (p. 93)

To begin this process, individual case themes were listed and categorized. Next, themes were compared across cases to identify broader, more encompassing themes. Finally, I identified overarching themes that represented all case units. The data analysis process was iterative, with earlier steps revisited as insights emerged in subsequent stages. I also sought oversight from my committee members to ensure that psychodynamic theories were appropriately applied to the data analysis.

Ethical Considerations

Informed Consent

Creswell (2023) notes that research involving data about and from people can raise complex ethical issues. I followed Creswell’s recommendations to develop a plan to address ethical issues before, during, and after data collection and analysis. Before data collection, an Institutional Review Board (IRB) application was submitted and approved by the Institute for Clinical Social Work’s IRB. All child therapist mothers in this study were voluntary participants.

Although these experienced child therapists volunteered to participate and share their experiences, they also discussed their parenting and motherhood, which can be vulnerable. All participants received and signed an informed consent document (Appendix C) before data collection began.

Psychological Harm

The expected risk of psychological harm was low for this population; however, all efforts were made to mitigate any potential psychological harm. The topic of parenting is personal and can evoke emotionally charged discussions and psychological discomfort, including feelings of vulnerability and anxiety. To minimize these risks, I began the interviews by discussing them, outlining strategies for managing emotions as they arose, and reminding participants of their option to leave the study at any time.

I also monitored participants for signs of psychological distress during data collection and was prepared to stop the interview process if deemed necessary to protect a participant’s wellbeing. If a break was needed, we were prepared to pause and resume the interview when the interviewee was ready. I was prepared to provide community psychotherapy referrals after the interview, if needed, and the participant could pursue additional support if they wished. Additionally, all participants were informed, both in writing and verbally, that they had the right to withdraw from the study at any time without penalty or explanation.

Confidentiality

I honored participants’ right to confidentiality throughout the process, including the use of pseudonyms and careful monitoring of interview recordings and transcripts. After the study was completed, I stored all hard copies of the data in a locked file cabinet, intending to follow the protocol to destroy all data after five years.

Participants were informed that the study results would be published as a dissertation and may also be published in journal articles or presented at conferences. To protect their privacy, all shared data has been presented in summary form or in a format that does not reveal their identities.

Validity and Reliability

Due to the researcher's interpretation and inference in analyzing the raw data, this study was vulnerable to threats to reliability. The following two strategies were implemented to reduce the risk that the categories of meaning derived from the data would reflect the investigator's idiosyncratic view. First, after the researcher's analysis of individual data, the dissertation chair, a second reviewer, examined the researcher’s interpretations. Second, the researcher kept her inferences about meaning as closely tied to the data as possible.

Validity for this project was defined as the accuracy and defensibility of the relationships between the meaning categories and the data assigned to them by the researcher. Because the researcher's meaning categories were data-informed, their validity was expected to be strong. The following validity checks were conducted during data collection and analysis: 1) each subject was interviewed four times to gather data and clarify meanings; 2) the researcher kept a journal of her ongoing reactions to the subjects and the data to monitor her own biases; 3) interpretations of underlying meaning were discussed with an independent consultant (i.e., the dissertation chair) with clinical training to help discern subtleties in psychological narratives and check their reliability.

The Role and Background of the Researcher

In this research, I serve as a child psychotherapist, mother, and researcher. While this combination can help in understanding the data, it also poses the risk of making assumptions.

Starks and Trinidad (2007) emphasize that “the researcher must be honest and vigilant about her own perspective, pre-existing thoughts and beliefs, and developing hypotheses” (p. 1376). I balanced this concern with careful attention to avoiding bias, striving to be transparent about my subjectivity throughout the research process.

Similarly, the researcher should “engage in the self-reflective process of ‘bracketing,’ whereby they recognize and set aside (but do not abandon) their a priori knowledge and assumptions, with the analytic goal of attending to the participants’ accounts with an open mind” (Tufford & Newman, 2010, p. 83). Keeping this in mind, I kept careful notes and engaged in reflective journaling to become aware of my beliefs, biases, perceptions, and experiences. As noted earlier, this was a crucial component of the study given the topic and my dual role. I kept detailed notes during and after each interview, recording my thoughts and feelings in a journal.

Chapter IV

Findings

Introduction

This chapter presents the research findings, including a within-case analysis for each participant. For each case study, I have presented relevant descriptive data, including a summary of their childhood experiences, with particular focus on their relationship with their mother and her emotional state upon becoming a mother. For each case, I have analyzed relevant interpretive “categories of meaning” (Tolleson, 1996, p. 93). By consistently pursuing interpretation and understanding, each within-case analysis reflected the hermeneutical epistemology underlying the study and ended with the participant’s pseudonym and a brief summary of my impressions from the interview. I concluded with a section in which I asked each participant about their pseudonym choice, including its significance and any associations with the name they would use throughout the study By asking them to share their thoughts about their pseudonym, I was interested in whether their name choices might be interpreted as having meaning related to their dual roles or their childhoods.

I made an effort to use “thick and rich quotes” from participants to represent as closely as possible the relationship between participants’ subjective experiences and my own interpretations (Bloomberg, 2023, p. 213; Creswell, 2008). Researcher subjectivity cannot be excluded; thus, as part of the study’s foundation in hermeneutic epistemology, the data will include quotations and summaries of participants’ experiences, along with my understanding of my responses and reactions. Most noteworthy, my thoughts and interpretations of each participant were informed by a broadly psychoanalytic theoretical lens and represent only some

possible ways to interpret the data. Certainly, other theoretical interpretations and conclusions could be drawn from the same data.

Research Sample

Following purposive sampling guidelines, all participants self-identified by responding to my recruitment flyer (Appendix A) via email. Each potential participant completed a brief initial phone screening (Appendix B) in accordance with the previously described recruitment protocols, as outlined in Appendices B and C. All participants electronically signed the informed consent (Appendix D) prior to the first interview and completed the required number of interviews; none withdrew from the study.

The five participants were interviewed four times, each lasting 60–90 minutes. All participants identified as cisgender females. Three participants identified as White, one as Hispanic, and one as biracial, Japanese and White. The participants’ ages ranged from 31 to 50 years. One inclusion criterion was that participants had at least one child aged 6 to 18 years. Among the participants interviewed, their children’s ages ranged from 6 to 15 years.

All five participant interviews were conducted via Zoom. All participants, except one, live in various locations across the United States, so for ease of scheduling and to ensure consistency, the local participant was also interviewed via Zoom. Interviews were scheduled according to participants’ availability. They were conducted weekly, with a few exceptions that required a slightly longer interval to accommodate participants’ work, family, and travel schedules.

It was my intention to write each case study carefully, in a way that respectfully represented the psychoanalytically informed ideas derived from the data, thereby creating interpretive categories of meaning. Although each participant did not read and review their own

case study, I intentionally engaged in member checking throughout each interview (Creswell 2007), which included restating or summarizing what I understood from what the participant said, clarifying my understanding of the meaning of what they said, and requesting their feedback to help me determine my understanding of what they said, with the aim of refining the study’s accuracy and credibility and of accurately understanding and representing their thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

Case Study 1: Hope

Descriptive Data

Hope is a 48-year-old psychodynamic therapist for children and adults and the owner of a private practice group. She currently lives in a suburban area of a larger city in the Mid-Atlantic region of the United States. Hope identifies as a cisgender White female. She is the mother of two children, a 13-year-old daughter and a 10-year-old son. Hope openly shared a complicated dynamic in her life: she and her children’s father divorced when her children were approximately 2 and 4 years old.

Before having children, Hope attended college on the East Coast and earned a Bachelor of Science in social work. After college, she joined Teach For America, taught at a public elementary school, and earned a Master of Arts in Teaching through the program. She then received her Master’s in Social Work from a school in the Mid-Atlantic, where she had been residing. After receiving her MSW, she worked in various non-profits: a program helping people with both sexual trauma and domestic violence, a Head Start program for homeless families, and an inpatient pediatrics unit in a hospital.

During this time, Hope began three years of psychodynamic training, including a specialization in child and adolescent psychodynamic psychotherapy. She started her solo private

practice part-time on weekends while working full-time at the hospital during the week. After the birth of her daughter, she transitioned to full-time private practice and completed the psychodynamic training program. Her daughter was born prematurely, which required her to take about six months off, more than she had planned. She gradually built her practice to full-time. Approximately three years later, she gave birth to her son and took two months of maternity leave. Hope is currently pursuing a PhD at a psychodynamic institution.

Her Own Experience of Being Mothered. When asked to reflect on her experience with her mother growing up, she initially said her mother worked part-time and described her as “very devoted to my brother and me.” In reflecting on her childhood and relationship with her mother, Hope identified aspects of her mother she wanted to replicate and those she would rather not repeat. Hope liked the way her mother made her Halloween costumes and always made sure birthdays were special. Hope described their many fun outings. Her mother created a great deal of structure in terms of routine and schedule, making things predictable. Hope tried hard to continue many of these mothering practices with her own children.

On the other hand, there were aspects of Hope’s childhood she did not wish to replicate. She recalled not feeling a strong emotional connection with her mother and noted that her mother did not know how to help Hope with her emotions. She also noted that her mother likely did not have that connection with her own mother as a child. Hope described feeling she had to figure things out on her own throughout her childhood and adolescence. For example, she stated that she was not taught about self-care or “self-nurturing.” Hope also described feeling she had little space for self-expression or much choice in her upbringing; for example, she felt forced to attend church. Hope worked to do things differently for her children.

Hope described her mother’s parenting style as rigid, focused on expectations regarding behavior, grades, and routines, and characterized by limited emotional connection. Drawing on her training in psychodynamic thinking, Hope noted that her mother was likely influenced by her upbringing and by her lack of connection with her own mother. Hope expressed a desire to break these patterns with her own children; utilizing her psychodynamic sensibilities, she strove to be more present, open to self-expression and self-care, emotionally connected, and attuned to her children’s emotional needs.

Entering Motherhood. As she entered motherhood, Hope drew on her professional experience as a teacher and, subsequently, as a social worker in various capacities, as well as her psychodynamic training. She also brought her own childhood experiences of being mothered. Together, these three identities and experiences were interwoven, shaping how she entered and experienced motherhood. Hope shared, “I thought I’d be a good mom… That I would take care of my children and support their needs.” She described feeling “optimistic and excited about becoming a mom.”

At the beginning of the first interview, Hope noted that in her work experience she had seen “some of the dark sides of parenting” but imagined her future differently; “I saw it more in a positive light. Maybe I was a bit naïve.” These thoughts could be viewed as “naive” or as a self-protective, resilient defense mechanism. In splitting off the “bad” parenting she witnessed in her work and experienced in her childhood, Hope came to see herself as the good object or good mother, thereby allowing her to feel optimistic and excited about becoming a mother. Remaining stuck in her own difficult childhood memories, along with knowing the “dark side of parenting,” would have been unbearable. Thus, this splitting can be seen as self-preservation and perhaps

necessary at that point in time. This coping mechanism could also be viewed as idealizing the theory and the idea of “perfect attunement and emotional connection.”

Hope described her psychodynamic approach in her group practice and in her own clinical work. She takes a heavily Winnicottian approach to conceptualizing her role as a therapist, and this carried over into her mothering. The psychodynamic theory came to life in her home and office, as evidenced by her consistent references to creating a holding environment, the use of transitional objects, and Winnicott’s concept of the good-enough mother. In Hope’s idealization of psychodynamic theory, and of a Winnicottian approach in particular, she shored herself up in times of doubt. She drew on her psychodynamic training as a blueprint for understanding what it meant to be a good mother.

Hope also drew on her childhood experiences with her mother as a measure against the theory, helping her validate which aspects of her childhood were good or bad and identify deficits, particularly in emotional connection and attunement. She then used the theory to validate those deficits in her childhood, where her needs were not met. Those missed pieces or deficits from her own childhood experience, supported by psychodynamic theory, guided her to be the mother she wanted to be, most importantly, “attuned, authentic, and emotionally available.” Hope strove to apply these traits of a successful child psychodynamic therapist in her interactions with and mothering of her children, emulating what she believed children need emotionally from their parents, both in her office and in her own home. This practice likely stems from both childhood deficits and her training.

During the first interview, when asked, Hope described her interest in the study and her reasons for participating. She shared, “My identity as a mother is really important to me… and I

also strongly identify with being a psychodynamic psychotherapist… so these are just all very significant aspects of who I am… And I am eager to contribute to the research.”

Categories of Meaning

1. Hope’s idealization of the theory and aligning herself with the idea of being a perfect mother was a way to manage anxiety.

2. Hope’s internalization of developmental theory and her training enabled her to tolerate ambivalence.

3. Hope’s use of the theory to be other than her mother: Reparative mother and pattern breaking.

4. Psychodynamic theory was used as a guide and a container to manage Hope’s anxiety.

5. Winnicott’s good enough mother grounded her mothering and helped balance a tendency towards perfectionism.

Category of Meaning 1: Hope’s Idealization of the Theory and Aligning Herself with the Idea of Being a Perfect Mother was a Way to Manage Anxiety. Hope’s idealization of the theory helped her manage the anxieties inherent in motherhood. She drew on her clinical training to develop a structured parenting blueprint, which gave her a sense of predictability in an otherwise unpredictable role. By idealizing the theories, she created a sense of control and optimism to manage fears stemming from her upbringing and professional experiences. Hope’s reliance on psychodynamic theory became a psychological secure base, allowing her to cope with her anxiety and feel successful as a mother.

Hope initially idealized psychodynamic theory and used it as a blueprint for her actions and her sense of what it meant to be a good mother. As she described, “it [psychodynamic training] was great on-the-job training for being a parent myself… I think being a

psychodynamic therapist gives me the privilege of having more insight, being thoughtful, and being reflective about the parenting role.” Hope described her prior work experience before having children and noted that this in-depth knowledge of child development was very helpful.

Hope’s extensive understanding of typical development bolstered her mothering and strengthened her self-esteem and sense of ability. “I had the language and the experience as a social worker. I know it may have both helped and worked against me in some ways.”

Hope’s work in high-stress environments, such as the NICU, exposed her to “worst-case scenarios,” leading to hypervigilance. Drawing on these experiences, she used the theory to bolster her self-esteem and maintain a reflective capacity to manage this pressure. Due to past work experience, she recalled “white-knuckling it” through her premature daughter’s early milestones, anxiously asking, “Are you gonna [sic] make it?” Knowing all that could go wrong made her hypervigilant; she admitted it created “more anxiety and worry” and a pressure to be a “good” mother so her kids would not face those challenges.

Hope seemed to feel the weight of the good mother ideal, or a subtle belief that if she were good enough, she could protect her children from harm. She even acknowledged a “false sense of control or power” in thinking that way. This awareness revealed Hope’s reflective capacity, as she could step back and recognize that her mind was trying to ward off fear by invoking an omnipotent ideal. By recognizing this, she likely prevented herself from becoming overly controlling and instead used it as motivation to be thoughtful yet flexible.

Hope described how her work as a child therapist gave her “real-life examples” of the impact parents have on their children through their parenting and interactions. Hope did not want to negatively affect her children the way some families in her office had. There may have been a sense of “us” and “them,” with “us” the professionals who “know better” and “them” the parents

who “screw up their kids.” This splitting was more pronounced for Hope before having children, possibly as a defense mechanism and a way she identified more with her child patients and saw the parents as “bad.” As she became a parent herself, this feeling softened, and she could identify with both the child and the parent. As she developed into her mother role and understood the challenges of both, her feelings were less split. In the same way, she now saw her own mother as less “bad” and with greater compassion, since her own mother had not been emotionally attuned or supportive. Over time, the theory provided internal reassurance and helped her maintain a sense of control.

Category of Meaning 2: Hope’s Internalization of Developmental Theory and her Training Enabled her to Tolerate Ambivalence. Through Hope’s psychodynamic training and her understanding of theory and development, she has crafted her own model of mothering, grounded in these concepts and her training. Her psychodynamic and developmental sensibility enabled her to tolerate the ambivalence and complexity inherent in motherhood. The internalization of her training enabled her to “live in the gray,” and the example below illustrates her belief that developmental processes would eventually resolve her co-sleeping challenges.

Throughout Hope’s accounts, her psychodynamic training and understanding of development served as a compass and a source of solace, guiding her through the ambiguities of parenting. She attributed her comfort with “the gray area” of child-rearing to being “a psychodynamic thinker.” She rejected absolute, one-size-fits-all rules, noting that it’s “harder to live in the gray area… [but] there really isn’t a true right or wrong in terms of parenting.” This perspective stemmed from her training, which emphasized individual developmental trajectories and the complexity of each child’s needs. It allowed her to resist rigid societal or cultural good mother ideologies in favor of a more nuanced approach.

Initially, Hope felt societal pressure to conform and to push her 10-year-old son to sleep in his own room, but ultimately, her understanding of child development and psychodynamic thinking reinforced her decision to wait. With that knowledge came the trust that he would eventually mature and become more independent. Holding her training in mind, she tolerated the ambivalence and trusted that he would not be sleeping in her bed as a teenager. Hope used a developmental lens to balance what others might label a “regression” (co-sleeping at age 10) with empathy for her child’s emotional timeline. She stated, “I know how to adjust and titrate cultural, societal expectations versus attachment or developmental needs… I can justify it. … I’m looking at the whole person in context.” She used the theory to justify her parenting decisions.

Hope’s internalization of her training enabled her to tolerate ambivalence and complexity, marking her psychic growth. Her ability to “live in the gray” signified a shift from splitting (good/bad, right/wrong, us/them) in the paranoid-schizoid position toward the depressive position, which entails integrating contradictory emotions and representations, such as love and hate, within a single relational field (Klein, 1946/1975a, p. 14).

Category of Meaning 3: Hope’s Use of the Theory to be Other Than her Mother: Reparative Mother and Pattern Breaking. Hope’s mothering is viewed through the lens of reparation, as she symbolically repairs the bad internal image of her mother from her childhood. She consciously deviated from her experiences with her mother and formed emotional connections with her own children, thereby breaking the generational patterns she experienced with her mother and grandmother. Hope used the theory to validate and explain what children need, thereby splitting her mother into the bad object and positioning herself and the theory/training as the good object. In this way, Hope healed her own childhood wounds by

giving her children the emotional attunement she lacked. This psychodynamic perspective supported Hope’s choices and allowed her to feel good about herself as a mother.

Hope’s story depicted a complex interplay of identification with and differentiation from her mother. As noted above, Hope described her childhood as structured yet emotionally lacking. This early relational dynamic likely contributed to an internal split between competence and emotional connection. In a sense, Hope unconsciously repeated and repaired this early dynamic through her mothering and her profession. Her deliberate efforts to create an emotional connection with her children, which she lacked with her mother, demonstrated both repetition and reparation. Following Freud’s (1914/1958) concept of the repetition compulsion, Hope’s mothering enacted a working-through of early loss. As she strived to be the attuned, emotionally available mother she longed for, she symbolically repaired the bad or deprived object internalized in childhood. From a Kleinian perspective, Hope’s shift from blaming to understanding aligns with Klein’s theory of reparation. In this sense, motherhood became the site of reparation, as Hope repaired the internalized mother image that had once been split into good and bad, and eventually came to see her mother and herself as a mix of both good and flawed (Klein, 1937/1975b, p. 306).

Guided by the theory, Hope had a blueprint for inward reflection to analyze past relationships, identify patterns, and draw on the internal strength and support from her training to mother differently. Hope drew on her psychodynamic sensibilities and her own psychodynamic individual therapy to better understand her childhood experiences with her mother. As mentioned earlier, even though it was no longer so split, Hope realized what she had missed in her childhood. Over time, she understood that her mother was raising her in the same way she herself had been raised. Hope’s mother did not have an emotionally attuned mother to model that way of

engaging. Hope consciously and thoughtfully worked to parent differently. Hope drew on psychodynamic theory, cherry-picking theories that supported her view of the deficits in her upbringing and highlighted those deficits. She used these deficits and the theory to justify and support her mothering, which bolstered her and helped her see herself as the “good” mother she strove to be.

Despite it not always feeling natural, she longed for the closeness with her daughter that she had not experienced with her own mother, seeing it as a way to be a good mother. Hope reflected that she felt her mother “missed a few things along the way,” and she understood this to be likely because her mother was “parented in such a way herself… I don’t think that her emotional connection with her own mother was very strong.” Hope expressed sadness about this insight, sad for herself and her mother’s lack of emotional support. Hope used this insight and understanding to guide her mothering, as she stated, “I want my daughter to have therapy and all those good things so that she can start off and launch as an adult with way more tools than I had.”

Hope continued to differentiate herself from her mother in real time as she described how she handled a point of tension in a recent conversation with her mother. After careful consideration, Hope decided to allow her two children to walk home from the camp bus stop together, a 13-minute walk. She noted that they would be together, both would have phones in case of an emergency, and they would be walking in a safe area. She had discussed this idea with her children, and they liked the idea of gaining this independence. Hope described experiencing her own anxiety while titrating her children’s independence and freedom. Hope did not want her own anxiety to hold her children back.

When Hope described this plan to her mother, she was met with judgment and criticism. In her mother’s overbearing response, Hope recognized the pattern of her own anxiety, her mother’s anxiety, and parental criticism, which together bred self-doubt. Hope reflected that she was now trying to be aware of this recurring dynamic between them and to make different choices as a parent. In this way, Hope actively resisted the intergenerational repetition of compliance and constraint. Instead, she facilitated and supported her children’s individuation and independence, thereby, in a sense, achieving her own symbolic freedom and independence

Category of Meaning 4: Psychodynamic Theory Was Used as a Guide and a Container to Manage Hope’s Anxiety. Psychodynamic theory and Hope’s training provided a blueprint for understanding what children needed emotionally from their parents, shaping her as a mother through a developmental and psychodynamic lens. There was a clear overlap between what Hope did at home and at work, rooted in her training. The main examples of Hope’s use of her training at home were careful attunement, creating a safe space or holding environment, and a secure base to support the expression of feelings. Hope also used the theory as a container to hold and manage her anxieties as a mother. Notably, although Hope co-parents with her exhusband, their relationship was described as tense, leaving her to make many parenting decisions alone. She described turning to the theory as a guide and a container for her anxiety.

Hope grounded herself by drawing on her training to connect with her children, since her mother had not modeled this behavior. In this way, she used her clinical training to support and encourage emotional expression, promote independence, and value authenticity. Despite divorce, custody arrangements, and logistical challenges, Hope drew on theory to ground herself and inform her mothering, for example, by creating a safe holding environment and providing

routine, structure, and consistency for her children at home. She conveyed a sense of emotional safety through her consistent reliability and predictability.

In a sense, Hope used the theory as a good object and a container for her anxieties. It provided support and a holding space to rely on when she felt unsure about her parenting. She grounded herself in her understanding of Bowlby and attachment theory, feeling like a good mother as she created a safe, secure base for them. Hope cited the study in which children were observed separating from their mother and looking back at her (Ainsworth & Bell, 1970). She described this concept of separation, noting that it helped her children separate from her. The theory deepened her understanding of the importance of separation and independence for their development. Hope went on to explain, “providing a secure base fit with the independence piece, too, like knowing that they always have a stable person to return to who is available to meet their needs.” Hope may have felt an even stronger need to be a secure base for her children as they navigated their parents’ divorce and transitions between homes.

Hope’s use of the theory could also be understood as serving a defensive function. When societal or internal voices made her question her choices (e.g., extended co-sleeping), Hope used the theory as a container for her anxiety. From a Kleinian perspective, this symbolized the “good breast,” to which she turned for reassurance (Klein, 1946/1975a, p. 4). She described psychodynamic theory as “a huge relief” that “help[ed her] feel okay” in moments of doubt. In a way, Hope idealized the theory itself, placing trust in the theoretical framework almost as an internalized understanding figure that validated her instincts. The theory served as a container for her anxiety, as she placed her self-doubt in the symbolic object of “what Winnicott would say” or “what attachment theory teaches,” thereby finding steadiness and reassurance.

Hope described viewing her children’s behavior as a way to understand their inner world and as an indication of something that needed to be expressed and understood, a perspective she had also used as a child therapist. This strong tenet of psychodynamic child therapy helped Hope deepen her understanding of her children. Below is an example of Hope’s understanding and appreciation of the need to explore what lies beneath children’s behavior and what their actions are trying to tell us about their inner world. It is also an example of Hope’s use of the theory as a guide and a container for her anxieties. Hope described how, on transition days, when they were younger, her children would return from their father’s house exhibiting “an uptick in acting out behaviors or meltdowns and big emotions.” She described the relief she felt when she could use a psychodynamic lens to understand that her children “feel safe enough here [at her house] to let their feelings and emotions out.” She explained that she is not sure that is the case at their father’s house; “I think a lot of it [emotions] sort of gets backed up [inside her kids], it sort of builds up in them, and they save it for me, to bear with me.” She understood this behavior as indicating that they felt safe with her, stemming from her creating “a space where they can express who they are and know that they can get their emotional needs met.”

Hope found solace in this interpretation of her children’s behavior, which helped contain her anxieties and offered some relief. The theory guided her parenting approach and helped her feel good about herself during difficult interactions with her children. It also provided a container for her anxieties and doubts. By supporting the expression of all their feelings, she communicated the nonverbal message of unconditional love. Hope mothered through a psychodynamic lens, examining what her children’s behaviors revealed about their internal world and experience, and noting the importance of this process for the work of parents and child therapists.

Category of Meaning 5: Winnicott’s Good-Enough Mother Grounded Her Mothering and Helped Balance a Tendency Towards Perfectionism. Hope drew on psychodynamic theory, particularly Winnicott’s concept of the good-enough mother, to ground her parenting and bolster her confidence as a mother. She was better able to make sense of her feelings about herself and to evaluate her mothering. Hope used the theory to overcome perfectionism, self-doubt, and societal and familial judgment.

I really like that theory [Winnicott’s good-enough mother] and that kind of explanation of how children attach to their primary caregiver. I've also used it to validate my own experience as a mom, knowing that I don't have to be perfect, but rather that I can be good enough, and that will adequately support my children.

Hope used Winnicott’s theory to support her choices to differentiate from and disidentify with her mother; it also enabled her to be good enough, thereby lessening her need to be perfect. These feelings of inadequacy were likely tied to her sense of self-worth and childhood experiences with her mother; she may have felt she had to be perfect to be loved. In making this shift, Hope leaned on the theory as a blueprint for her parenting and interactions with her children. She felt good about herself when she measured herself against the theory. In this quote, Hope also recognized the lack of support she received from her mother or a therapist in childhood; instead, she appreciated that her own therapy and training gave her guidance and grounding. In her early idealization of the theory, she saw herself and the theory as the good mother, contrasting them with her mother as the bad one. In this splitting, the theory helped her feel good about herself as a mother. Through the splitting, she used the theory to support her choices to be different. Over time, this splitting softened, and Hope could see more of the gray;

as she could hold more compassion and empathy for herself and her mother, the two ways of parenting no longer seemed so split or dichotomous.

Hope demonstrated authenticity and honesty, stating that she “does not do this [parenting] effortlessly.” While there was a tendency to idealize the theory and strive for perfection, over time she also worked to cultivate self-compassion in moments when she was less than perfect, when she yelled, or when she did not meet her children with full attention and attunement. She noted that she apologized to her children when she had not been her “best self.”

The psychodynamic theory gave her relief when she made mistakes, letting her off the hook and allowing her to fall back on Winnicott's idea that she did not have to be perfect, just good enough. She also described valuing and making the effort to repair ruptures, as the training taught her to do in the therapeutic relationship. She had learned the value of this technique through her psychodynamic training, which, in turn, guided her mothering.

Below is an example of Hope’s use of Kleinian and Winnicottian theories to inform her mothering. It also highlights her use of Winnicott’s concept of the good-enough mother, which grounds her mothering and her sense of self. She described an interaction in which she dropped her son off at school after a challenging morning. As he was leaving the car, she said to him, “I love you,” and he responded, “I hate you.” She bravely tolerated his negative emotions, did not take his comment personally, and did not overreact in the moment. Hope explained her response, “I think I want to interpret that as he loves me, and we are all having our feelings. … I do trust in the process.” Thus, Hope responded calmly and supportively, as she would if this were presented in her office.

Hope’s use of the theory helped bolster her confidence that meeting such projections with patience was what children needed. She stated her stance toward him, “I’m his object, like, I’m

there,” indicating that she understood he was treating her as the target of his projections or intense feelings, and that her role was to remain steady and survive the test rather than retaliate. Instead, Hope absorbed her son’s strong emotions and “show[ed] him unconditional love” nonverbally through her steady presence and nonreactive responses. In doing so, she gave him the experience that aggression or negative feelings would not destroy their relationship. Her unwavering love and support for her son, however he responded to her, mirrored for him what he needed in that moment, her unconditional love. As Winnicott (1971) described, she tolerated and “survived his wrath” (p. 91). Hope noted that this very stance “help[ed] her feel [that] she was the good mother she want[ed] to be.” In a sense, Hope identified as a good-enough mother, and in moments of challenge, the theory grounded and guided her mothering.

Pseudonym and Impressions. Following the four interviews, I emailed Hope to ask which pseudonym she would like me to use for her case study write-up and whether there were any significance or associations with the name she had chosen. This is what she wrote:

I chose the name Esperanza in my high school Spanish class, and I have used it as a pseudonym in the past because of the significance of needing to have hope in life! I would use Esperanza, but I feel like the connotation would be Latina, and I am obviously a White woman. [So, I would choose the name, Hope.]

Hope’s choice of pseudonym captured her psychological shift from compliance and fear toward authenticity and integration. The name represented both her wish and her achievement in transforming inherited patterns through conscious, reflective mothering. In her response, Hope’s authenticity was steadfast, revealing her complexity, depth, and true self. Even with her pseudonym, she shared a personal high school experience, a value, and something she held close to her heart, emphasizing the importance of hope in life. She also demonstrated thoughtfulness

and sensitivity regarding race by noting the importance of how she presented herself, even when anonymous.

Her response also mirrored my experience of her; she was both vulnerable and thoughtful throughout the interviews. Over the course of the four interviews, Hope consistently appeared eager to engage with me and discuss this topic; both verbally and nonverbally, she expressed how meaningful these two roles are to her. Her face lit up when she spoke about her children and clients, especially when she described the care and thoughtfulness with which she supported children at home and in her office. Hope’s strong ability to connect also came through in our interactions. A sense of twinship was evident in our connection, with many similarities in our shared feelings and understanding of our dual roles. There was a mutual wish to stay connected. Hope’s voice throughout was reflective, at times self-critical, and consistently deeply committed to the care and growth of her children and to her own growth as a therapist, parent, and human being.

Case Study 2: Ann

Descriptive Data

Ann is a 50-year-old psychodynamic therapist specializing in children, adolescents, and adults in a small group practice. She currently lives with her husband and daughter in a suburban area near a larger city in the Western region of the United States. Ann identifies as a cisgender, heterosexual, White female. Ann is the mother of a 15-year-old daughter and also helped raise her niece, who is now an adult living on her own. Ann openly shared the added dynamics in her life experience when she went to court, became her niece’s guardian, and parented her from ages 5 to 13.

Before having her own child, Ann attended a state college on the West Coast, where she studied social work. She earned a Bachelor of Social Work, followed by a Master of Social Work and a Pupil Personnel Services Credential. During this period, her niece moved in with Ann and her husband. Ann’s first social work position after graduate school was as a Day Treatment Therapist at a school for students identified as Severely Emotionally Disturbed (S.E.D.). In this role, Ann completed a two-year Certificate program in Advanced Training in Psychodynamic Psychotherapy. Shortly thereafter, Ann transitioned to the Child Guidance Clinic's outpatient division as a Staff Clinical Social Worker, remaining within the same agency as the Day Treatment School.

Next, Ann worked as a Contract Assessor for the Department of Mental Health, conducting comprehensive evaluations to determine students’ eligibility for county mental health services. In preparation for starting a family and securing health insurance, Ann took a position at a small local hospital as an Acute Care Medical Social Worker. She remained in that role for a year before taking approximately three months of maternity leave after the birth of her daughter. Ann continued working part-time at the hospital for 13 years while raising her daughter.

During that time, she also took on additional opportunities, including working at another hospital, joining a group practice focused on treating children and adolescents, and facilitating bereavement groups at a third hospital. About two years into the COVID-19 pandemic, Ann reassessed her professional path. With her daughter older, she decided to pursue a PhD through a psychodynamic institute. Concurrently, she joined a group practice where she currently works, providing treatment to children, adolescents, and adults.

Her Own Experience of Being Mothered. Ann described growing up with her mother, father, and three siblings. She was the second oldest, but due to family dynamics, she often felt

like the oldest; she reported that considerable responsibility was placed on her. Ann described growing up in a very strict, religious home; as she put it, “I was a pastor's kid.” She described a fear-based parenting style from her parents. The focus was on being good enough to go to heaven or bad enough to go to hell. Both of her parents exhibited authoritarian parenting styles, showing little emotional warmth, affection, or bonding with Ann. Her father was a pastor, and before Ann and her siblings were born, her mother was a kindergarten teacher. After Ann’s mother had children, she did not return to work until all her children had graduated. Ann further explained that her mother had homeschooled all her children.

When asked to describe some positives from her childhood, Ann shared that her mother was very creative, enjoying piano, singing, and the arts; this fondness became a shared interest. Ann described her relationship with her mother as “complicated.” She stated that the “negatives were more glaring… and the current relationship continues to feel negative, critical, and hurtful.” It was difficult for Ann to recall any other positive memories of her mother or childhood. Ann described feeling that her mother and father “parentified her” by giving her a lot of responsibility at a young age. She noted that if things in the home went wrong, she was the one to blame; Ann explained that her mother “relied too heavily on me to be her confidant and like the other mother to the kids [Ann’s siblings].” Ann felt responsible for her mother’s emotional needs; as a result, the roles were reversed, with the child providing emotional support to her mother rather than the other way around.

Entering Motherhood. Ann’s parentification and her role as caretaker in place of her mother likely produced an early internal object world marked by a split between responsibility and resentment. Her mother’s dependence and emotional volatility made affection feel scary; it tied love to duty and guilt, leading her to believe love was conditional. In this way, Ann’s mother

became both the desired and feared object, loved for approval and feared for criticism. This dynamic established the good/bad mother split, which Ann carried into motherhood; she strove to be all-good to avoid repeating the harm she had experienced in the mother-child relationship.

Given her difficult experiences with her mother, both in childhood and currently, it was likely that Ann’s emotional needs were not being met. Ann viewed her mother as the bad object and, upon entering motherhood, focused on avoiding many of the things her mother did. This defensive splitting was perhaps self-protective and a means of coping with these difficult childhood experiences. In addition, Ann described her religious upbringing as focused on good and bad/evil. There was fear of being bad and going to hell. Ann felt strongly that she did not want to replicate these religious ideas as she became a mother. Ann’s harsh superego, rooted in her strict religious upbringing and early parentification, likely led to her maternal anxiety and perfectionism. Her reliance on psychodynamic theory served as a stabilizing support; she saw a way to “do it right” by adhering to Winnicott’s (1960/1965) good-enough mother ideal.

As Ann described her childhood and the many ways she did not want to repeat her experience, she expressed “sadness to think that there was a whole long list of things, like oh I don't want to do that, all the things that my mom did.” She attributed her understanding of the mother she aspired to be to her experience working with children as a child therapist, her education, her psychodynamic training, and her own therapy. Ann described her clinical treatment approach as heavily psychodynamic, with Winnicott particularly in mind. She described using child-led play therapy in her work with children, and many psychodynamic techniques and theories emerged as she referenced her clinical work.

Ann described significant uncertainty and ambivalence about becoming a mother, stemming from her childhood experiences. She explained, “I think before even becoming a mom,

feeling almost, like, burdened by it, feeling in some ways like I raised my brothers, and my sister, even though she's older, so it was like, oh, do I want to do this? I feel like I've already kind of done it.” She described feeling a lot of fear because of her upbringing and concern about whether she would be able to be a good enough mother. She shared a realization she came to; in “thinking about becoming a mom, I had to accept, and I think challenge what I was taught in my childhood and what was modeled from my interactions with my mother.” In worrying about the type of mother she would become, Ann described leaning on her experience as a child therapist and her training to help soothe her anxiety; the theory was the voice that calmed her worries. She entered motherhood feeling like she knew how to handle “the feelings stuff because I have done that with work and learned a lot about development.” She reported having “a sense that the training is going to serve me well [in parenthood].”

When asked why she decided to participate in the study, Ann shared, “I was excited when I read about the study because I fit the criteria and it is interesting; I didn't realize until I read the informed consent that there isn't any literature on this topic… I feel like it's an important one, personally and professionally.”

Categories of Meaning

1. Ann’s use of the theory to be other than her mother: Reparative mother and pattern breaking.

2. Ann’s defensive splitting and idealization of the theory were ways to manage her anxiety.

3. Ann’s use of the theory to relinquish the fantasy of maternal omnipotence.

4. The theory supports Ann’s acceptance of limitations.

5. Ann’s use of psychoanalytic concepts as maternal tools to create a holding environment.

Meaning Category 1: Ann’s Use of the Theory to be Other than her Mother: Reparative Identification and Pattern Breaking. Ann’s transition into motherhood was marked by a subconscious effort to heal her internalized child self. Having grown up in an environment where she was parentified, assuming parental roles for her siblings and enduring criticism and shaming, she entered motherhood determined not to repeat those dynamics. Consequently, her daughter became the site of reparative identification, where Ann sought to provide the empathy, safety, and attunement she had been denied. By giving her daughter the unconditional positive regard and empathy she lacked, Ann symbolically repaired her own early relational trauma.

Ann’s individual therapy and knowledge of psychodynamic theory helped her develop awareness of inherited dynamics and intergenerational trauma. She did not explicitly state that her mother was parented as she was, but that is a reasonable assumption, as people tend to parent as they were parented, without conscious effort to do otherwise (Baumrind, 1971). Ann shared that she actively explored and reflected on her childhood. She stated, “I was really hopeful that with all the work [individual psychodynamic therapy] that I had done, that we [Ann and her daughter] would have a really different relationship than I have with my own mom … trying to break the cycle... that was very important to me.” Ann consistently emphasized her commitment to avoid repeating the hurts of her childhood. She recognized the parentification, emotional burden, and criticism she experienced from her mother and intentionally aimed to “do things differently” with her daughter.

As Ann entered motherhood, her clinical work had provided a place to practice her skills. She gained confidence and strength from seeing that she could connect and might be the kind of mother she hoped to be. Her child client’s wish that Ann were their mother offered her a vote of

confidence in Ann's ability to be a good mother. This unconscious evidence gave her courage and strengthened her belief that she could parent differently. Ann drew on her childhood experiences, which represented the bad mother she wanted to reject, and on her clinical training, which provided her with a model of a good mother (Winnicott, 1953, p. 94). In this splitting, Ann was offered a redo of her childhood, and her training gave her a roadmap for better mothering.

This split provided psychic stability, and when Ann began to symbolically repair her mother-child relationship through her daughter, she experienced greater integration. In this way, Ann’s daughter became the site of a reparative identification (Klein, 1937/1975b, p. 311). Ann was symbolically repairing her own mother-child relationship and reworking her early relational trauma. For example, Ann consciously chose to value what mattered to her daughter, such as watching hours of a video game (Roblox), to understand and join her daughter’s inner world. This contrasted with the rejection and disregard she had felt as a child.

Category of Meaning 2: Ann’s Defensive Splitting and Idealization of the Theory

Were Ways to Manage Her Anxiety. As noted in the meaning category above, recognizing intergenerational influences and her ability to parent differently with her own child gave Ann the opportunity to essentially revisit her difficult childhood. She broke the cycle by challenging many of her mother’s parenting beliefs, particularly the idea that all mothers should be perfect. Ann described how her mother modeled for her what a mother should be, always presenting a perfect front to the outside world, which Ann thought she should do as well. This behavior likely contributed to the perfectionistic tendencies Ann generally felt. In addition, Ann’s religious upbringing instilled in her the belief that you must be good to go to heaven. These religious

beliefs instilled fear and worry, which likely furthered her perfectionistic tendencies. Ann likely internalized this thinking, and it followed her into motherhood as well.

Ann initially used the defense mechanism of splitting to manage her anxiety. Ann’s splitting likely stemmed from a desire to be perfect in her parents’ eyes and from a fear of the alternative, going to hell, which was ingrained in her through her religious upbringing. In this splitting, Ann also differentiated and disidentified with her mother. Ann categorized her own mother as bad and positioned herself, along with psychodynamic theory, as the good mother alternative to manage her anxieties about mothering. This split provided psychic stability, allowing her to use her training and the theory as a blueprint for mothering, which helped her believe she was a good mother. Although Ann entered motherhood feeling more uncertain because of her childhood, the theory became idealized in her mind. It gave her a guide and a sense of confidence in mothering. In this way, Ann idealized the theory; she believed it was good, so if she followed it exactly, she could be good too, leading to perfectionism in her mothering.

In a sense, Ann applied this split to her mothering practices, along with a drive for perfection. She was very careful with her word choice to avoid invalidating her child’s feelings, as Ann had so often been invalidated in her childhood. Ann described an example of this and explained the need to avoid labeling, especially when children are younger. Ann shared an example of something she would never say to a child, “For example, you're a good girl, or, ooh, you're bad, because you did that. So being very intentional not to label [behavior] good and bad.” In this example, Ann described not labeling, drawing on the understanding that when children are told they are bad or that something they did was bad, they may internalize this and feel that they are a bad person rather than that the behavior was problematic, as she had in her childhood.

Ann described Winnicott's concept of the good-enough mother as a more comfortable alternative to the idea of what a mother should be. The theory offered her a new perspective on motherhood and challenged the intergenerational belief that mothers must be perfect; instead, they only need to be good enough. This afforded her the “freedom” to recognize that other options existed; Ann stated, “There's been a lot of freedom in that [Winnicott’s good-enough mother] for me.” Ann described the sense of freedom and relief in disproving the idea that mothers should be perfect; she stated, “Phew, I don’t have to be perfect.” Through this shift, Ann also used psychodynamic theory to help ease her anxiety and move away from splitting. An example she gave was recognizing that a “meltdown at Target” was a normal developmental occurrence influenced by many factors, such as hunger or tiredness, rather than a mother or baby “being bad.” Ann began to realize that these dynamics were not so black and white, good and bad. She could see there was a gray, a good enough, not so split or “binary.”

Category of Meaning 3: Ann’s Use of the Theory to Relinquish the Fantasy of Maternal Omnipotence. A central conflict in Ann’s story and her development was her relinquishing the fantasy of maternal omnipotence. Ann’s harsh superego was rooted in her strict religious upbringing and early parentification. She described feeling responsible for her mother’s emotions as a child, saying, “If things went wrong, it was my fault. I had to be the one to make it right.” Ann’s early experience of omnipotent responsibility became internalized; to be good was to be safe, and to fail was to risk parental rejection. Therefore, Ann’s maternal anxiety and perfectionism could be understood as a continuation of her childhood defense against annihilating guilt. Her use of psychodynamic theory provided a stabilizing ego support; she believed she could achieve this by following Winnicott’s good-enough mother concept (Winnicott, 1960/1965).

Ann’s premature responsibility likely fostered a defensive sense of omnipotence, a belief that her worth and safety depended on managing others’ emotions, particularly her mother’s. This dynamic, often associated with parentification, necessitates a survival strategy that, in Winnicott's (1960/1965, pp. 140–152) terms, becomes a false self: the child complies with external expectations at the expense of authenticity. According to Winnicott’s framework, the false self is an organization that substitutes compliance for spontaneity, particularly when the primary caregiver is unable to meet the infant or child’s basic needs for attunement and reassurance. Ann's internalization of a false self probably led to her adult perfectionism, as she believed that only by doing everything perfectly could she maintain attachment and a sense of self-cohesion.

Ann’s early experience of taking the blame for things growing up led to a tendency toward “catastrophizing” and self-blame in adulthood. When her daughter experienced difficulties, Ann subconsciously concluded that she was to blame and that she was a bad mother, a sentiment stemming from a false sense of control she felt she had to maintain over her daughter’s well-being. This dynamic reflects a repetition compulsion (Freud, 1914/1958), the unconscious reenactment of her mother’s emotional world, in which Ann assumed excessive responsibility and reversed roles, becoming the good mother who must be perfect to ensure her child is “in the clear.”

Ann’s initial fantasy of maternal omnipotence reflected an unconscious belief in her absolute power over her daughter’s emotional development and future well-being. She believed that perfect parenting could prevent all suffering. This belief was linked to deficits in her early emotional development, leading her to assume that if she met all her child’s emotional needs with unconditional love, she would prevent any anxiety or struggle. However, the realities of

motherhood challenged this ideal. When Ann’s daughter showed a tendency toward anxiety despite Ann’s good-enough mothering, the assumption of omnipotence was invalidated. Ann’s ability to self-reflect and challenge long-held beliefs, particularly those related to the false self organization and the repetition compulsion, enabled her to shift toward a more realistic, goodenough maternal identity.

Ann described a “feeling of lack of control, a powerlessness,” and a sense that “there is only so much I can do.” Ann felt she needed to accept her situation, yet it also felt “really scary, what if there is no one else to ask for help, no one else to advocate.” While there was a sense of freedom in the idea that “there’s only so much I can do,” there was also sadness and a loss in having to accept it.

Category of Meaning 4: The Theory Supports Ann’s Acceptance of Limitations. As discussed in the previous category of meaning, because she grew up in a home where she was parentified and blamed when things went wrong, Ann developed a defensive sense of omnipotence. She held an unconscious belief that she had total control over her environment and that if she did everything perfectly, her child would be perfectly fine. Ann eventually realized she was only “one piece of the puzzle” and shifted her focus from trying to control outcomes to recognizing that she could only influence them.

Ann noted that this transition from omnipotence to acceptance entailed a significant loss; this duality reflected the sadness inherent in accepting limitations. For Ann, letting go of her need for perfect control enabled her to view her daughter’s struggles as part of a complex interplay of factors rather than a personal failure. She reflected, “I realized it wasn’t all me… There were other factors genetics, school, friends.” Ann drew on several psychodynamic and

developmental theorists, including Piaget, Tronick, and Winnicott, to help her accept her limitations.

To understand her childhood self-blame, Ann drew on Piaget’s (1929) research on egocentrism, the tendency of children to assume that their own perspective is the only possible one and that everyone sees, hears, and feels exactly as they do. In an interview, Ann referenced this concept and used it to recognize that children are not as powerful as she had once imagined; her childhood belief that she was responsible for her mother’s emotions was a coping mechanism rather than a reflection of reality. This recognition enabled her to reframe her adult perfectionism, shifting from maternal omnipotence to an unconscious form of reparation that allowed her to accept her limitations. With this, she attempted to heal her internalized mother by providing her own daughter with the support she herself had lacked.

Ann also cited the theorist Tronick, whose research showed that factors beyond the mother/caregiver significantly shape a child’s development (Tronick et al., 1978). This work offered a counterpoint to the idea of the mother as the sole source of pathology, a notion Ann had learned in her psychodynamic training. For Ann, Tronick’s theory helped calm her anxiety about her daughter’s struggles. She found some comfort in the theory; it eased the pressure she put on herself. She noted, “It's not all on me [as the mother].” By acknowledging the brain’s complexity and the influence of genetics, peers, and school, Ann moved beyond the binary splitting that had cast her as solely responsible for her child’s well-being. This recognition marked an important ego integration, the acceptance of limitations, and shared influence. She described this realization as “freeing” and stated, “Being a good mother does not mean being a perfect mother; it’s trusting in the process and the relationship.” The theory helped “free” and “reassure” her; it calmed her anxiety and tendency to blame herself, and lessened her maternal omnipotence.

Initially, Ann felt the weight of responsibility, as psychodynamic theory often framed mothers as the root of all pathology. This burden created anxiety and, at times, panic within her. Ann had previously viewed theoretical tenets as a rigid manual for mastery, but as her confidence grew, she began to experience the theory less as something to master and more as a holding environment. This reflected Winnicott’s idea that containment happens through the relationship rather than through perfect control.

Through Winnicott’s concept of the good-enough mother, Ann came to understand that she did not have to be perfect; she only had to be good enough. Winnicott’s good-enough mother brought relief, underscoring her earlier sense of omnipotence and her current recognition of her lack of control. The theory provided her with insight and solace, easing her worries. For Ann, the theory served as a transitional space in which she could rework her childhood misunderstandings and develop self-compassion. Winnicott’s concept of the good-enough mother provided relief by allowing her to “trust in the process” rather than focus on perfect control.

Category of Meaning 5: Ann’s Use of Psychoanalytic Concepts as Maternal Tools to Create a Holding Environment. Throughout her story, Ann integrated specific psychodynamic techniques into her home life, using her professional skills to create a safe holding environment for her child that emphasized emotional connection, including attunement, validation, and empathy. Ann reflected on how her professional training as a child therapist naturally extended to her parenting, with skills honed through her clinical experience. Ann’s therapeutic and maternal identities merged as her clinical skills became reparative tools directed inward toward her own child self and outward toward her child.

Ann used the theory to guide her mothering, both consciously and unconsciously replicating in her home what she did in her office with her daughter. She described “walking the

walk and talking the talk,” in a sense embodying therapeutic values at home. Ann described traditional therapeutic techniques she used at home to create an emotionally safe environment, perhaps unconsciously replicating Winnicott’s idea of a holding environment. Throughout her story, Ann repeatedly emphasized the importance of creating an environment in which her daughter felt emotionally safe expressing her feelings and coming to her in times of need. As her confidence grew, Ann began to experience theory less as a shield and more as a holding environment, reflecting Winnicott’s (1960/1965) idea that containment occurs through relationship rather than mastery (pp. 37–55, 140–152).

Reflecting the therapist’s stance, Ann described valuing the relationship and working carefully and thoughtfully to build a strong connection with her daughter, thereby creating a safe environment that fostered openness and trust. She also noted that as her daughter grew older and began sharing more sensitive topics with her, she was careful not to overreact; “I’d channel my inner therapist and get really curious as opposed to critical or overreacting.” As she did in the therapeutic setting, Ann valued using curiosity to foster openness, asking questions and listening rather than reacting. In doing so, she created a holding environment for her daughter and herself through her use of psychodynamic concepts and techniques.

Drawing on her psychodynamic training and understanding of child development, Ann adopted a parenting stance in which she viewed every behavior as a message, treating it as communication rather than defiance. In contrast to her childhood, when unwanted behavior was labeled “disrespecting elders,” “being bad,” or “having a bad attitude,” Ann described learning to be curious and to seek to understand the behavior rather than to chastise. Ann described how she used her clinical training to explore and understand behavior and emotion nonjudgmentally, seeking deeper meaning, and she brought this approach into her parenting.

Likely stemming from her training and her own therapy, Ann deeply valued selfreflection. Even during the interview, Ann often reflected on the process. She noted that she had not realized the extent of the overlap between her work with clients in her office and her interactions with her daughter at home. Throughout the interviews, Ann used psychodynamic terms such as countertransference, transference, and enactment, which reflected her thoughtful exploration of an interaction with her daughter, recognizing that she had played a role and that further reflection was needed. The type of psychodynamic analysis she described using with her daughter was learned in her psychodynamic training.

Another psychodynamic concept Ann drew from her training and applied at home was the idea of rupture and repair. As previously noted, Ann’s splitting involved seeing her mother as bad and herself and the theory as good. Notably, the theory offered a voice of support during difficult parenting moments, such as conflicts. Ann described consciously admitting when she had “messed up.” She explained, “If I realize it, I've gone back to my daughter and said, ‘Oh, I was really frustrated. I’m sorry for the way I responded to you. You didn’t deserve that.’” In her efforts to make amends and apologize to her daughter, she was mindful of responding differently from her mother and instead followed her training, which helped her see herself as good, her goal. Ann showed considerable ability to use psychoanalytic concepts as maternal tools to create a holding environment.

Pseudonym and Impressions. After the four interviews, Ann was asked by email to indicate the pseudonym she preferred for her case study write-up, explain the significance of the name she chose, and share any associations that came to mind. She wrote, “I chose the name ‘Ann’ for the write-up as it is my mother’s middle name. I thought it was fitting since the research is on mothers, and she has been influential in my life.”

One way to interpret Ann’s choice of her mother’s name as a pseudonym was as a wish or longing to be closer to her mother. In the four interviews, she explored all the ways she did not want to be like her mother, and perhaps this gesture was an acknowledgment of her mother’s influence, whether positive or negative. It may also have reflected a desire for connection or a way to identify with her mother in a new way.

Throughout the interviews, Ann appeared eager to participate and share her story. Even during the interviews, there was a sense that Ann wanted to be the perfect participant and give the correct response, even though I stated several times that there was no right or wrong answer. I felt a strong connection with her and could relate to many of her feelings about holding this dual role. Ann came across as very genuine and honest.

In a sense, Ann embodied psychodynamic practice throughout the interview, demonstrating notable self-reflection and honesty. She described realizing she hadn’t quite “put it all together in that way” regarding her dual roles. Throughout the interview, she developed a new understanding of how her training and work had shaped her parenting. She shared that she had discussed these insights in her individual therapy and with her daughter’s therapist to help her reframe some of the more negative ways she saw herself as a mother. She was brave enough to share her reflections with me during the interviews.

Through this process, Ann described seeing things in a more positive light, less split and dichotomized. Ann shared, “Maybe it wasn’t an accident that I have all this knowledge; it makes me the best fit for my daughter.” Thus, she reframed the “double-edged sword” and reclaimed her sense of self as a good mother, seeing her training as a resource to draw on during difficult times. Over time, she continued to internalize the idea that a good enough mother makes mistakes and can still be a loving mother. Ann’s harsh superego and splitting softened as she

moved from guilt and self-blame to empowerment by reinterpreting her knowledge and experience. Ann’s thoughtfulness and kindness were evident throughout her story, along with her love for her family and her work.

Case Study 3: Elizabeth

Descriptive Data

Elizabeth is a 32-year-old psychodynamic therapist for children and adults, working in a private group practice of individual clinicians. She currently lives in an urban area in the SouthCentral region of the United States. Elizabeth identifies as a cisgender, heterosexual, White female. Elizabeth is the mother of two daughters, ages 5 and 7.

Before having children, Elizabeth attended college and graduate school in the Midwest, where she earned bachelor’s and master’s degrees in social work. She then interned as a school social worker in the Midwest and worked for several years in school-based community mental health.

After having children, Elizabeth continued working as a social worker while taking three months of maternity leave for each child. When her children were 2 and 4 years old, Elizabeth pursued her PhD at a psychoanalytic institution. Elizabeth began private practice when her youngest child was 6 months old.

Her Own Experience of Being Mothered. Elizabeth is the oldest of three children and has a younger brother and sister, with whom she was very close growing up. Elizabeth’s mother was the breadwinner, trained as a social worker who worked as the director of an agency focused on crisis work. Her father was a paramedic. Elizabeth described her mother’s work as “really meaningful” and all-consuming, noting that her mother was “on call 24–7, 365” days a year. “I think that part of me that I got from her was watching her do work that was really meaningful,

and the part I didn't want to be like was the person that wasn't available.” She noted, in retrospect, that it was odd that her mother never made her lunch for school and did not cook. She explained that those were the kinds of things her father took on.

Elizabeth shared that her mother was not particularly nurturing and recalled, as a child, thinking, “You are a therapist, but our relationship didn't feel therapeutic.” Perhaps by default, Elizabeth reported feeling a stronger attachment to her father because he was more physically present. She described internalizing a family value of helping others. Elizabeth shared, “So that was ingrained, and I felt very idealized about it growing up. I thought, this is amazing. This is important and valuable, and who we are as a family.” She still held that view; however, upon more mature reflection, she also recognized the less idealized aspects of her childhood.

Elizabeth remembered that on many Thanksgivings and other holidays, she and her siblings stayed home and ate pizza alone because both of their parents were working that day. She also noted that, looking back, it felt “a little lonely, or a little bit, like a backburner-type energy.” Perhaps she thought she and her siblings were less important than their parents’ lifesaving professions. Young children know only their own experiences and consider them “normal,” as they do not know any other way; it is therefore not surprising that Elizabeth also described it as “mostly it just felt normal.” Elizabeth likely grew up internalizing the belief that her feelings, experiences, and inner world were less important than her parents’ jobs “saving” others. This may have left her feeling unseen or unheard.

Elizabeth described it as typical for things at home to feel chaotic, and they were often doing homework or a major project at the last minute, like at 11 pm the night before; yet at the same time, there was an attitude of “we'll figure it out… nothing's too overwhelming.” She explained that a trait she valued was never being blamed, shamed, or criticized by her mother for

not doing something; instead, there was a sense of “calm and figuring it out.” Elizabeth recognized her parents’ ability to stay calm under pressure, which they developed through their professions, and saw an incomplete homework assignment due the next day as not an emergency.

While, in some respects, it was helpful for Elizabeth that her parents did not mirror her overwhelmed and anxious feelings, her sense that it was a big deal was not reflected back to her. In this instance, she felt her parents viewed her response as “freaking out” and an “overreaction.” Elizabeth noted the discrepancy and observed little emotional attunement or mirroring. Because her parents were so calm and collected, she may have felt misunderstood or that her feelings were invalidated. She described that despite her parents’ calm demeanor, her true experience was that she was a “very anxious child.” Elizabeth ended up feeling misunderstood and not always validated or seen.

Elizabeth described her upbringing as filled with playfulness and spontaneity. She explained that there was not much judgment and that she could make mistakes. She recalled that if she did make a mistake, there was not much “lecturing,” and that she was not afraid to tell her parents about it, which she viewed as a positive aspect of her upbringing. While mistakes were acceptable to discuss, sharing feelings was avoided or discouraged. Elizabeth shared that she did not think she knew how to express what she was feeling; “I think a lot of my feelings were somatic. So, when I look back now, I'm like, how did my mom not ever pick up [on this] as a child therapist?” She explained that there were two specific traumatic instances; her father had a heart attack and was in the hospital for one month, and Elizabeth had a traumatic injury; both were significant events that no one talked about the events or discussed their feelings about them.

Elizabeth described her relationship with her siblings as very close and “meaningful.” This was perhaps by default, given how much time they spent together and how much they

leaned on each other when their parents were not home. She described the norm as walking home from school every day with her siblings and making their own snacks; her parents would arrive home at about 5 or 6 pm. As the oldest sibling, Elizabeth likely assumed a more parental role toward her younger siblings during these times when they were home alone; perhaps she felt pride in following in her parents’ footsteps by “helping others.”

Elizabeth reported that she and her sibling had to be highly independent and, on many occasions, make “adult decisions.” When she was a teenager, her elderly grandmother moved in with them. Elizabeth and her siblings cared for their grandmother, who had Alzheimer’s disease and was bedridden. In other instances, they were responsible for caring for their dog after it was sprayed by a skunk and for removing a raccoon trapped in the attic. She and her siblings were also, at times, asked to make medical decisions for themselves and to decide whether their father should travel out of town on a work trip to assist with Hurricane Katrina. While parents or other adults typically assumed such roles and made such decisions, in Elizabeth’s family, she assumed these responsibilities growing up. These examples reflect “parentification,” or being asked to fill the role of the parent at times. Elizabeth may have developed a sense of omnipotence, or a feeling of having too much control, which she reported “felt scary sometimes.”

Elizabeth also described having considerable freedom throughout her childhood. She would ride her bike with friends until 9 pm, then tell her parents excitedly about her adventures. They responded with curiosity and support. Because her parents held more serious and stressful jobs, Elizabeth said, “a lot of our coping as a family felt like laughter…we laughed a lot, made fun of each other a lot… it was very playful.” She explained that they loved to travel and have “adventures together.” She added that her family had many friends, fostering a sense of community for her and her siblings.

Entering Motherhood. Elizabeth was asked to share what came to mind when she reflected on entering motherhood. She noted that one of her earliest memories was being very pregnant and working in community mental health, conducting trauma assessments for the Department of Children and Family Services. She recalled driving home and asking herself, “Why am I having children? That was sort of the weight of the impact of my clinical work.” From her work, Elizabeth explained that she carried a lot of fear about her and anyone’s ability to truly keep their children safe. She shared, “I didn't have to imagine the worst-case scenario; I heard them. So, I could really sort of picture these experiences and put faces to them, I think [that created more fear and anxiety].”Elizabeth entered motherhood with a lot of insecurity, shaped by the narrative and lived work experience that “horrible things happen to them [kids]… the world’s a cruel place.” While she felt some differentiation from many of the families she worked with, she also identified with some of them. These instances provoked more fear and anxiety because she could imagine that situation being hers and her own future family’s. She saw that even when families “were trying to do a good thing, their child got hurt.” Before even becoming a parent, this identification left her with a “heaviness” and a “daunting” feeling about motherhood. “I just sort of felt insecure about it from the get-go. How would I do it? How would I keep them safe? Could I [keep them safe]?” Elizabeth felt a contrast between her childhood experience of a strong sense of independence and freedom, perhaps a sense of omnipotence or greater control, and her current sense of a lack of power, or a possible inability as a parent to control or keep her children safe. These feelings may have amplified her fear and insecurities as she entered motherhood.

Elizabeth noted that she had greater judgment toward the mothers she worked with before having children. She had a hard time understanding and processing the abuse and neglect she

witnessed or heard about. Her experiences led to less empathy toward the parents and greater alignment with the children. Elizabeth described her clinical work as heavily psychodynamic, with a particular focus on Winnicott’s work and relational theory. When questioned further about why she liked Winnicott among all the psychodynamic theorists, Elizabeth explained that she held all the theory in mind, but that it would be “hard to be a child therapist and not think about him [Winnicott]… he defined a good-enough mother… his work just spoke the most directly to it.” Elizabeth also referenced using child-led play therapy and being trained in “Theraplay.”

Throughout the interviews, she cited numerous prominent psychodynamic theorists, including Freud, Klein, Winnicott, Kohut, and attachment theorists.

Steeped in psychoanalytic theory that often linked a child’s health to maternal care, Elizabeth internalized a heightened sense of responsibility for every aspect of her child’s wellbeing. She described feeling that “every relational moment has a lasting impact.” This realization put pressure on her to optimize every parenting moment and to recognize the significant influence of her parenting. It reflected the cultural and theoretical good mother ideology she had absorbed, the idea that a good mother is perfectly attuned and unfailingly responsive. In Elizabeth’s words, she had envisioned herself as “nothing less than a perfectly attuned parent, ‘perfectly attuned, perfectly regulated, really aware’” of her children at all times. In this idealization of motherhood, Elizabeth held an unconscious fantasy of total control and insight, possibly stemming from the omnipotence and over-responsibility she experienced at times in her childhood through parentification. In her idealization of being a perfect mother, she established unattainable standards that she eventually recognized as unrealistic.

At the beginning of the first interview, Elizabeth was asked to explain why she decided to participate in the study and to articulate her interest in the topic. She stated, “I got the email, and

opened it up, and just thought, oh, that's me. I self-identified as a participant.” She explained that her psychodynamic training led her to reflect on her own parenting and that the topic, in and of itself, was interesting. “It’s interesting to me, it's relevant, it's personal, it's personal emotionally, it's personal intellectually.”

Categories of Meaning

1. The burden of knowledge: Theory as an ego-resource and superego demand.

2. Elizabeth’s use of theory informs her disidentification with her mother, and she emphasizes attunement and “being the parent.”

3. The collapse of Elizabeth’s idealized fantasy and her use of the theory to relinquish maternal omnipotence.

4. Elizabeth’s use of Winnicott’s good-enough mother to diminish her initial drive for idealized maternal perfection.

Category of Meaning 1: The Burden of Knowledge: Theory as an Ego-Resource and Superego Demand. Elizabeth’s clinical training and work experience gave her direction and support in mothering, but they also heightened her anxiety and maternal guilt. She found value in the developmental knowledge and psychodynamic lens in parenting, yet the weight of knowing and witnessing so much also created fear and anxiety for her. Additionally, Elizabeth felt the weight of her role as a mother, given the emphasis on attachment in infancy and early childhood.

“My educational training in psychodynamic therapy gave me a lot of information that was helpful, and sometimes, in the thick of the pragmatic parts of mothering, it wasn't helpful. It just was overwhelming. It was overwhelming to know.” Elizabeth poignantly exclaimed, “Is knowing always better? Sometimes I envy people's not knowing.” While Elizabeth struggled with the knowledge she held and the pressure it created, the theory also provided her with a

framework and a reference point, grounding her parenting and supporting her during difficult moments.

Elizabeth entered motherhood with clinical knowledge and fear intertwined. As a child therapist, she was acutely aware of everything that could go wrong, having seen firsthand the “worst case scenarios” that occurred for children in her care. Carrying this awareness, she recalled that becoming a mother initially felt “really heavy” and “daunting,” leaving her “insecure… how would I keep them safe, could I?” Elizabeth’s professional insight led to a persistent worry that she could never fully protect her child from harm.

Throughout the interviews, Elizabeth noted that her training clearly informed her mothering, as she used many therapeutic tools with her children. She often cited her work as a guide for understanding family dynamics and for supporting her children. Together, her training and work experience made her attentive to attachment and safety from the start, ensuring her infants knew their needs would be met. For example, Elizabeth chose not to use the “cry it out” method when her babies were little, firmly believing, “if you cry, I’m going to get up…we’re gonna [sic] meet your needs.” This way of thinking was rooted in her strong attachment training and, perhaps, in a response to the weight of what she had seen clinically.

The struggle to hold this knowledge was a recurring thread throughout Elizabeth’s parenting experience. For example, she explained that she valued the idea of the unconscious and found it helpful to look for “more going on under the surface.” At the same time, she learned that not every feeling needed to be analyzed. “Sometimes I get exhausted; we don't have to unearth every unconscious thing,” she said, laughing at herself while recognizing the balance between insight and letting things be.

While the theory was a helpful guide, she also felt the “weight” of the mother role. She noted a “weight or a pressure to parent a certain way because you know the impacts of parenting.” Her psychoanalytic training had taught her that a mother profoundly shapes a child’s psyche, as if every interaction imprints on the child’s sense of self. This knowledge was empowering but, at times, overwhelming. Elizabeth shared, “To understand your power, that every… relational moment has a lasting impact on their sense of self, their psyche, and their superego… [on] who they end up being and how they end up operating… it was a lot of pressure.” Elizabeth further explained that she found this reflection helpful in retrospect; “I find it very helpful with my patients to look back and make meaning of it, but when you're trying to make meaning in the midst of just living and surviving, it can feel a little bit paralyzing.”

Throughout the interviews, Elizabeth reflected honestly on how helpful and difficult it had been to have all the knowledge. In her eventual acceptance of her limitations, she began to realize she could just be “Mom.”

Category of Meaning 2: Elizabeth’s Use of Theory Informs her Disidentification with her Mother, and she Emphasizes Attunement and “Being the Parent.” Elizabeth followed in her mother's footsteps, becoming a social worker and upholding her family’s strong value of “helping others.” Her mother modeled strength, dedication to work, and composure, but also emotional distance. Elizabeth admired her mother’s purpose yet wished for more warmth and presence. Through individual therapy and psychodynamic training, Elizabeth identified inherited parenting patterns. As a parent herself, she consciously sought to reverse that pattern, thoughtfully preparing her children’s lunches, attending their appointments, and showing up for them. Drawing on theory and through self-reflection, Elizabeth transformed what she liked and learned from her mother’s parenting, adding the attunement and emotional support she had not

received.

Through her psychodynamic training, Elizabeth learned the importance of mothers’ attunement to their children, an experience she had not had herself. Her sense of the need to be attuned to her children was strong. As she explained,

I felt a tremendous pressure to be attuned, and had this template [from the psychodynamic training] that my responses to her needs, were going to be the building blocks for her future relationships; her psychic structure was gonna [sic] be developed because of my attunement, [including] her view of the world, and her own sense of self.

To fulfill her wish to be different from her mother and more attuned to her children, Elizabeth adjusted her work schedule. She reduced her hours to 20 per week, down from her mother's 40+, and set boundaries to make time and energy for her children. Elizabeth described thoughtfully transitioning from community mental health to school social work shortly after having children. She explained further, “I was pretty conscious of being available to them… I want to work the same hours that they're at school. A pretty purposeful difference [from her own childhood]. … This was not what it was like for me.” The memory of feeling unseen as a child pushed her to be both physically and emotionally present with her children, striving to meet their emotional needs.

Unlike her own upbringing, Elizabeth disidentified with her mother when her daughter was sad or anxious and instead followed her training to get on her daughter's level and listen carefully. In one instance, when her younger daughter came home sad without explanation, Elizabeth later followed up using a technique she called “I wonder if,” which she learned in her child therapy training. She wondered aloud with her daughter whether a playground incident might have upset her, offering an opening to share her feelings or experience without pressure.

This was Elizabeth’s way of parenting differently, giving her children the emotional attention and presence she had wished for and inviting them to share their feelings when they were ready.

As she had vowed, “I’m gonna [sic] be such a good listener…so empathetic,” indicating that the theory and training guided her to parent differently. She became that attuned presence while also respecting her children’s separate inner lives.

Elizabeth was very conscious of not repeating her own childhood experience of excessive parental responsibility and decision-making power. Several times during the interviews, she described thinking, “What is on them? What is on me?” and noted, “This is my job as the parent.” She cited helping with their hair and teeth because they were still too young to do it independently. Her history led her to want to do more for her children, but she also recognized that it might not be what they actually needed from her. She was trying to be mindful of that balance. Elizabeth explained further,

I think I’m trying to give them a different experience, [but] that could lean to the direction of handling everything for them. I think about how valuable it was for me to

have so much autonomy. So, the good enough mothering part of leaving them alone to be and to learn to figure it out. And to not rescue them from their consequences.

Elizabeth tried to find a middle ground between feeling parentified and doing too much for her children, while recognizing that there were also benefits to giving them some of the freedom and autonomy she herself had enjoyed and appreciated as a child.

Similarly, another way Elizabeth tried to parent differently was by carefully distinguishing herself from her children. She described this understanding as, “you are you [her child], and I am me. You're not a reflection of me; you are a reflection of you. The only thing that's a reflection of me is how I respond to you. You are your own person.” Throughout the

interviews, Elizabeth repeatedly said, “That's my job [as the parent];” she made a concerted effort to define herself as the parent and to understand her responsibilities. This was her way of distinguishing herself from her mother and of parenting differently.

A final way Elizabeth tried to parent differently was by applying the clinical concept of rupture and repair. She made a deliberate effort to recognize when she had raised her voice or had not been her best self as a parent.

Days when I've been so impatient and so reactive, and I [would] just lay down and apologize and go to bed. I think I could go to bed feeling super bad or I could just say, I apologized and I took accountability. That's just good enough for today. I think I apologize to my kids more in a day than my parents did in their home in their whole lives.

By applying the clinical concept of rupture and repair in her home, Elizabeth transformed the generational pattern of avoiding feelings into one that fosters emotional expression and attunement. In these ways, she created intentional change across generations, carrying forward the value of helping others while adding a new legacy of attunement and assuming the role of parent within the family.

Category of Meaning 3: The Collapse of Elizabeth’s Idealized Fantasy and Her Use of the Theory to Relinquish Maternal Omnipotence. As noted above, Elizabeth did not experience her mother as very nurturing or emotionally attuned; as a child, she recalled thinking, “You are a therapist. But our relationship didn't feel therapeutic.” Before having her own children, Elizabeth’s idealization of the theory and the idea of being a perfect mother encompassed the aspects of her childhood she wished to change and the fantasy of the mother she hoped to become. She shared her fantasy,

Perfectly attuned, perfectly regulated was the fantasy. Really aware of their [her children’s] feelings and experiences… When I try to think back to that time [premotherhood], and I think of our relationship, my fantasy of our relationship felt more therapeutic than it did mother-child. She further described her pre-motherhood fantasy of “debriefing” with her children and being “really reflective and attuned,” but she now recognizes that this interaction more closely resembles a therapist-client relationship than a true mother-child relationship. Now a mother, she realizes that these relationships were “very different” in reality.

Her childhood parentification, which instilled omnipotence and over-responsibility, along with her psychodynamic training, likely contributed to her idealized fantasy of motherhood. Elizabeth held an unconscious fantasy of total control and insight, possibly stemming from her idealization of the perfect mother. She set unattainable standards that she later recognized as unrealistic. The realities of motherhood eventually forced Elizabeth to admit that she cannot do it all, that her children will inevitably feel hurt or upset by her parenting, and that she cannot manage every one of her children’s internal experiences. Through motherhood, Elizabeth confronted her idealized fantasies and perfectionistic tendencies, and the theory supported her in letting go of attempts to control so much.

As previously discussed, Elizabeth experienced the theory as both a guide and a significant responsibility. Elizabeth noted a “weight or a pressure to parent a certain way because you know the impacts of parenting.” She further explained, “I've certainly sat with adult patients and thought, oh my god, this is what my kid's gonna [sic] be talking about, talking about me 20 years from now.” While it was difficult to imagine what her child might think or say about her in

the future, Elizabeth accepted this as normal and, in doing so, recognized some of her imperfections as a mother. Elizabeth continued,

I can't manage my kids’ internal experience of how I'm parenting all the time. I mean, if it's not one thing, it's another. There will be harm. Whether it's criticism, whether it's not being involved, whether it's being on top of what they're doing, or being removed, is there a perfect medium? I don't think so.

She described the stress of trying to be a thoughtful parent and the impact she was having on them. In the quote above, she explained that she understood she would not be perfectly right, no matter what she did. She further explained that, in the parenting role, you often ask your children to complete tasks they do not want to do, such as homework or cleaning up. She stated, “I'm always telling them what to do. I can't manage their experience in that. So, they'll have to just grow up and process the gaps.” As her maternal omnipotence collapsed, Elizabeth found both stress and relief in this acceptance.

Elizabeth described her acceptance of her limitations and the collapse of her idealized fantasy in the example below. She put her child in the crib and walked away while the child was screaming because Elizabeth needed a minute or two of a break.

She’s screaming, and I’m thinking, I mean that can't be good for her psyche… but also me screaming at her probably wouldn't be good either, so it's sort of the lesser of two evils. … But the fantasy to be the parent that's always regulated, always calm, reliable and consistently responding every time to every need. I can't do it. I can't do it all.

In the final interview, Elizabeth articulated acceptance of her limitations, reflecting the tension between professional knowledge and maternal imperfection. She stated, “Sometimes it’s overwhelming, and then sometimes it’s relieving, like that’s just…is what it is.” This statement

reflected what Klein (1940/1975, p. 358) would call Elizabeth’s acceptance of limitations and a loss of omnipotence, important markers of the depressive position. In this shift, she recognized that, no matter how psychodynamically informed she was, her children would inevitably experience her as frustrating or inadequate at times. Rather than defend against this, she learned to accept it. Elizabeth’s use of the theory enabled her to hold ambivalence, reflecting a shift in ego integration, as she maintained self-cohesion while tolerating guilt and imperfection (Klein, 1940/1975b, p. 358). This was particularly significant for Elizabeth, given her childhood experiences and perfectionistic tendencies.

Below is another example of how the theory helped Elizabeth relinquish her maternal omnipotence and perfectionism. The theory employed was Winnicott’s concept of the goodenough mother, which is explored in greater detail below. Elizabeth often viewed her children’s behavior through a psychodynamic lens and used the theory to understand her daughter’s behavior. For example, when she observed her now five-year-old child sucking her lip at night, she interpreted this as an “oral fixation” stemming from early feeding frustration. Elizabeth, halfjokingly, wondered whether her daughter’s love of snacks and her toddler’s biting phase were “because of my lack of ability to produce breast milk.”

While these insights helped Elizabeth make sense of what was happening with her daughter, they also made her question whether having all that knowledge was always helpful in the moment. “Sometimes I envy people’s… not thinking so much about my role in it,” she reflected, imagining how freeing it might be to say her child likes snacks but, “that’s not my fault.” Again, in the face of the realities of parenting, Elizabeth’s fantasy of total control and perfect parenting collapsed; she began to accept that not every difficulty was her fault as a mother and that not every interaction needed a clinical interpretation. The “perfectly attuned”

mother she had initially idealized became a good-enough mother, trying her best. In this shift, Elizabeth was able to accept her imperfections and let go of trying to control and be perfect.

Category of Meaning 4: Elizabeth’s use of Winnicott’s Good-Enough Mother To Diminish Her Initial Drive For Idealized Maternal Perfection. Throughout the interviews, a theme emerged of Elizabeth’s striving for idealized maternal perfection, leaving her grappling with guilt, perfectionism, and self-blame. Elizabeth described how Winnicott’s good-enough mother concept helped her accept imperfection and soothed her self-doubt and anxiety.

In Elizabeth’s initial idealization of the perfect mother, she felt constant pressure to respond to her children in the ideal, perfect way. Eventually, Elizabeth learned to value and accept Winnicott’s concept of good-enough mothering rather than seek perfection. She went on to explain, “That's [Winnicott’s good-enough mother concept] the essence of what I've gathered, learned, and known about mothering, and what I've tried to implement while mothering… that impacts how I approach things.” Elizabeth described that it had resonated in theory but had now become a lived mantra; “I think I'm constantly telling myself that I'm a good enough mother, even at the end of hard days… It's just good enough.”

When Elizabeth described her understanding of what children need emotionally from their parents, her first response was to turn to Winnicott.

When I think about what kids need, it's from that lens of attunement and… holding environment from Winnicott comes to mind. My theory helps create the values of holding space and scaffolding, creating space for kids to have their own subjective experience, but not rescuing them from it, necessarily despite that being the temptation. By holding environment [I’m referencing], withstanding their experience, their reactions and their emotions.

Elizabeth acknowledged that, at times, her analytic perspective allowed her to “stay calm but also stay removed.” She worked to integrate emotional and cognitive containment, stating, “I’ve learned I can understand it and still feel it.” She learned this from theory and from her ongoing reflection on her mothering, “being attuned is [also] knowing your own limits.” Over time, Elizabeth learned it was okay to take a break to regain her composure; that was still considered good enough. She did not have to strive for the perfection she had initially idealized; she accepted Winnicott’s good-enough.

Elizabeth described holding in mind Winnicott’s (1971) idea of “surviving her [child’s] assaults” and the idea of “surviving” them (p. 91). She explained that she embraced the role of mother, working to withstand and sustain her children. She cited Winnicott’s account of his patient and the vase, in which the child patient broke it, and Winnicott returned to the treatment room as if nothing had happened. Elizabeth described the same concept when she and her children had a difficult morning; she picked them up after school as if nothing had happened, and they “moved on.” She explained this concept using Winnicott’s (1971) language, “I can withstand your wrath without retaliation” (p. 91). These examples illustrate how Winnicott informed Elizabeth’s mothering; she internalized his approach to relating to and understanding others, particularly children, and applied it to her own mothering.

Elizabeth further described her understanding of Winnicott’s (1971) concept of “surviving” (p. 91). She shared an example from when her children were babies who cried and screamed a lot. At times, she would put them down and walk away. She explained that this was her way of understanding and surviving the interaction; “that idea of just surviving them. They hate you, and they need you. And that's not about you. That's just the developmental process. So, I think theory made things less personal.” Elizabeth drew on her understanding of theory and

development to strengthen her sense of self as a mother. The theory served as a guide for her parenting; it offered ways to parent differently, and Winnicott’s good-enough mother concept helped reduce her idealized fantasy of motherhood.

As Elizabeth recognized her limits and her need to control lessened, she shifted her inherited guilt and perfectionism toward empathic understanding. Her psychodynamic training strengthened her capacity to manage her guilt and anxiety; by accepting being not perfect, but good enough, Elizabeth realized that motherhood isn't about perfection. Elizabeth drew on Winnicott’s and attachment theory’s blueprints to describe her efforts to remain calm and selfregulated when her children were dysregulated, working to be that steady holding figure and environment that could contain their emotions. By adopting Winnicott’s good-enough concept, she was able to accept her mothering and generally feel good about it as “not perfect, but sturdy, curious, and attuned.”

Pseudonym and Impressions. After the four interviews, Elizabeth was asked by email to choose a pseudonym for her case study write-up and to explain the significance of the name she chose and any associations that came to mind. She wrote, “I'll choose the name Elizabeth because of Taylor Swift's new song... Elizabeth Taylor.” She did not elaborate further or provide any associations.

One way to interpret Elizabeth’s choice to use “Elizabeth” in Taylor Swift’s new song was as a nod to her two daughters and the fun she shared with them. By choosing this pseudonym, she brought herself closer to them and to the happy memories and ways they connected and enjoyed each other, reflecting a twinship and a shared interest. Elizabeth described turning to Taylor Swift when she had a hard day or felt overwhelmed. She described using play and music to lift the mood, noting that they would dance and sing together to Taylor’s

songs. She also described a game they created in which they quiz each other on Taylor Swift’s song titles and the albums each song is on; this was another way to connect and be playful together.

Throughout Elizabeth’s narrative, as she described her dual identity as a mother and a psychodynamic child therapist, there was a strong sense of tension. Her psychodynamic training and work experience were a source of great insight yet also created increased anxiety and inner conflict. A strength of Elizabeth’s was her strong reflective capacity, which was also a challenge, the “overthinking.” She wondered aloud how her therapist (also a psychodynamic child therapist with children of similar ages to her own) and other psychodynamic child therapists might answer these same questions and how they felt the training had impacted their mothering, reflecting an overall interest in the study. Elizabeth reflected, When I fantasize about that, my answer's kind of like, I think you have to be a little bit, the first word that came out was tortured soul, but maybe it's, like, overthinking or something, reflective, engaged in reverie, something where you're prone to curiosity and understanding… trying to understand yourself and your kids.

Elizabeth clearly reflected and thought deeply. I enjoyed talking and connecting with her and could relate to many of her reflections on holding these dual roles. I appreciated her honesty, openness, and vulnerability in sharing both the positive and challenging aspects of her parenting experiences. When referring to her own therapy, her dedication to her personal work stood out. She stated, “I don't really have time to be in therapy every week, but I really do believe in that idea that you can't attune to someone until you're attuned to what's happening in yourself, and so I go figure it out!”

Elizabeth presented as ready to engage and took the interview process seriously. She seemed eager to get to the interview questions and skip the small talk, and she was eager to discuss the topic at hand. For example, on one occasion she arrived prepared with a quotation from Winnicott, and on another she said she had reviewed some psychodynamic theorists before our meeting. Elizabeth reported looking forward to the interviews.

Elizabeth began motherhood weighed down by anxiety, the burdens of knowledge, generational pain, and perfectionism. Her courage in confronting and changing inherited patterns was commendable. Through her own insights, Elizabeth let go of the need to be perfect and developed her identity as a mother through connection, understanding, and attunement. Throughout her story, her love for her family and her work shone through.

Case Study 4: Jennifer

Descriptive Data

Jennifer is a 40-year-old psychodynamic child and adult therapist in private practice. She currently resides in a rural area of the Northeastern United States. Jennifer identifies as a cisgender, heterosexual, Hispanic female. Jennifer is the mother of three children, ages 4, 8, and 12.

Prior to having children, Jennifer attended college in the Southwest, studying counseling and art therapy. Following college, she obtained a Master of Arts in Art Therapy/Counseling.

Shortly after graduation, Jennifer had her first child; therefore, her primary training prior to that experience was her practicum/internship. Given this detail, Jennifer did not officially meet the criteria for the study of having at least four years of clinical work experience prior to having a child, however, she did have four plus years of clinical work experience before the birth of her second and third child, thus, after consulting with my dissertation chair, it was decided Jennifer

would be considered meeting the inclusionary criteria for this study. For each of her three children, her maternity leave lasted two to three months, and when she returned to work, she gradually increased her hours. Following her master’s degree, Jennifer worked in several capacities as a counselor specializing in children and adolescents. She was employed in various community mental health centers and private practice settings. Jennifer’s postgraduate training enabled her to hone her skills in working from a psychodynamic and developmental lens, providing child-centered play therapy, as she began her career focusing on children and families. Since then, she has expanded her work to include more mothers and adults.

Her Own Experience of Being Mothered. Jennifer reported that she grew up in a middle-class family in a small town with her older brother, mother, and father; her parents divorced when she was 28. She described how her family had a strong support system with a close circle of four families that created a small community. She reported that it “felt like having four sets of parents,” any of whom would “feed you,” and “give you a band-aid,” creating a sense of safety and being cared for. She explained that her parents created a “nonjudgmental space,” encouraging her and her friends to ask questions and express their feelings. Jennifer shared that her mother was in college studying engineering when she became pregnant and dropped out just before completing her degree. As a “stay-at-home-mom,” she became actively involved in the community, serving on the PTO, leading a youth group, and coaching soccer. Jennifer shared that her father worked full-time as an engineer and had the “best work-life boundaries I've ever seen from anybody… I appreciate that model.” She reported that it was not a traditional home in which her father was the breadwinner and her mother was the homemaker, solely responsible for “kid-related” matters. She said her father was very involved; he went

grocery shopping, cooked meals, made lunches, coached sports teams, and “didn’t miss a sporting event or show” that she or her brother was in.

Jennifer described her mother as “a vessel of… love and holding,” for whom “nothing was a problem,” and whose everyday attitude was one of curiosity, affirmation, and care. Jennifer described many positive memories and extensive involvement with her mother during her early childhood, including craft projects, homemade Halloween costumes, cooking together, making birthday cakes from scratch, and various adventures. Jennifer reflected, “I feel like she always made everything really special.” Jennifer recalled that her mother was very attentive to her needs, creating an environment of safety and care; “She knew my needs before I knew what they were.” Her mother was not trained or educated in a helping profession, and Jennifer noted, “she [Jennifer’s mother] definitely did not have an attuned parent herself… I remember her saying, I didn't want to do it how my mom did.” Jennifer described her mother’s parenting style as “collaborative,” offering her and her brother many choices and following their lead. These experiences with her mother established an internalized template of maternal attunement and responsiveness that Jennifer later adopted as her ideal for mothering.

Despite the secure attachment noted in Jennifer’s early childhood, she described a notable change during early adolescence. Looking back, she linked her mother’s “dysregulation, irritability, and unpredictability” to unresolved family-of-origin trauma. Later, she wondered whether perimenopause also played a role, but at the time the shifts felt surprising and, at times, “scary because that was never the mom I knew before that.”

Jennifer only mentioned this briefly, but she also experienced a significant childhood trauma she described as mishandled. When Jennifer was 11, she disclosed to her mother that she had been sexually abused by a babysitter. Jennifer reported that rather than comforting her or

focusing on her emotional needs and experience, her mother wondered whether her brother had also been sexually abused. Jennifer said she made a police report and did not remember going to therapy or receiving any support regarding the abuse. “I think that that was one of the biggest ruptures we've ever had… the lack of appropriate response.” Now, as an adult who processed the experience in therapy and, with her mother, made repairs when Jennifer was a young adult, she reported feeling that she understood her mother better. Although they have since repaired their relationship, Jennifer still holds mixed, conflicted emotions about the rupture with her mother; she stated, “it's a very conflictual space inside of myself.”

Jennifer reflected that she hoped she would never have to deal with something like this with her own children, and if she did, she hoped she would respond in an “appropriate, attuned way.” While Jennifer had overall happy memories of her childhood and currently receives substantial emotional and physical support from her mother, she also felt conflicted about times when her mother fell short of meeting her emotional needs. This contrast also informed Jennifer’s later determination to be different with her own children, valuing predictability, repairing ruptures when they occurred, and providing consistent attunement and emotional support.

Entering Motherhood

Jennifer entered motherhood with a complex upbringing and relationship with her mother. Her adolescent rupture and shift in her experience of her mother did not erase the positive experiences of her childhood; instead, both experiences seemed to coexist in Jennifer’s story. This may have resulted in a complex internal representation of mother, one that was typically affectionate and thoughtful, with occasional yet significant emotional lapses. Jennifer’s story showed how a mostly secure early attachment can handle later complexity without collapsing, and how these experiences inspired the mother she wished to be.

Jennifer shared that she imagined herself being the type of mother who would “make my own baby food, read all the books to my baby, teach them the songs, go to the library, and do a lot of those very interactive-related things.” She reflected that her own mother was “incredibly involved and attuned when I was little, and I mean, still is.” Thus, she reflected that she had a “model for that, you know, to kind of look to, and I always expected myself to be all the good parts of my own life.” Unlike her mother, Jennifer had psychodynamic training, which she drew on when imagining herself as a mother. She stated, “thinking about motherhood from a perspective of holding space, being the container, really being those secure hands, and helping to guide and teach and love.” She also described herself as “acutely aware of the impact of development from prenatal to 5, because I'm an infant mental health specialist… So not a hypervigilance, but definitely a hyper-awareness, that all the things mattered.” In these quotes, Jennifer drew on several psychodynamic theorists, including Winnicott and Bowlby’s attachment theory, and on her identification as an ‘infant mental health specialist’ to understand her role as a mother and the mother she wanted to be. This also reflected the focus of her clinical practice, with these theorists guiding her work with clients. Jennifer also described using the attachmentbased parent psychoeducation program Circle of Security to help parents better understand and meet their children’s attachment needs.

Both her training and her experience shaped her mothering and informed how she entered motherhood. In holding onto the good parts of her own experience and drawing on the theory from her training, she split good and bad mothering into two categories in a self-protective, defensive way. Splitting was a way to cope with and manage the scary, sad, and uncertain feelings that surfaced when she remembered significant misses from her adolescence. Although these incidents were infrequent, when they did occur, they were felt strongly. Jennifer disavowed

this bad mother part as a defense against feeling the loss, sadness, and fear of not knowing what kind of mother she would get, and against mourning the mother from her early childhood.

Jennifer disavowed these bad aspects and worked hard not to be like her mother in these ways, as she viewed them as bad.

Jennifer also entered motherhood aware of the “mental health stuff in [her] own family,” including depression, anxiety, and trauma that had run through previous generations. She shared that her mother had significant “family of origin stuff that was really unresolved,” which eventually surfaced as anger and instability during Jennifer’s adolescence. In addition, her mother experienced a tremendous number of losses throughout her lifetime; by her early 30s, she had lost many loved ones unexpectedly, creating grief and loss. As Jennifer entered motherhood, she was acutely aware of these legacies. She used the phrase “mitigating epigenetic risk” to describe her approach to preparing for motherhood. These legacies, and the understanding of how they could shape future generations, were at the forefront of her mind as she entered motherhood.

When asked about her interest in the topic and why she decided to participate in the study, Jennifer replied that she wanted to participate because “this body of research doesn't exist, and I don't think that is supportive to mothers, to therapists, or to therapist mothers in understanding the dynamics that then exist within holding both [roles].” She explained that she believed “the intersections between those two roles felt important.”

Categories of Meaning

1. Splitting, disavowal, and reparative identification: Jennifer’s use of the theory to be other than her mother.

2. The theory brought a burden of knowing, and Jennifer used it as a defense and a container to manage her anxiety.

3. Jennifer uses the therapeutic frame as an ego function.

4. Jennifer’s use of Winnicott’s good-enough mother to diminish her drive for idealized maternal perfection.

Category of Meaning 1: Splitting, Disavowal, and Reparative Identification:

Jennifer’s Use of the Theory to be Other Than her Mother. Jennifer described her parenting as significantly shaped by an intergenerational legacy, understood as the transmission of patterns, traumas, and strengths across generations. She described it as “emotional lineage,” demonstrating a keen awareness of her family history. She was thoughtful and careful in assessing various aspects of her childhood, intentionally deciding what to carry forward and what to leave behind.

During Jennifer’s early years, her mother was highly responsive and nurturing, effectively breaking the cycle of disconnection and lack of attunement that had characterized previous generations. Jennifer recognized this change as she described this lineage of nurturance and attunement; “I had a model for [attunement]… and I always expected myself to be like all the good parts of my own mom.” In this way, Jennifer internalized her mother’s warmth, openness, and involvement in her children’s lives, using them as a model for her own parenting. This reflection created an internal template of what good mothering looked and felt like, which Jennifer idealized and sought to repeat. She reported unconsciously repeating her mother’s mantra of flexibility, e.g., “if there was a will, there was a way,” to enable her children’s wishes, and then realized, “Oh, that came from my mom.”

During her adolescence, Jennifer experienced a series of painful ruptures that contradicted the safe, attuned environment of earlier years. She split defensively, identifying with and idealizing her mother's good parts while rejecting and splitting off the bad parts she remembered from that period. These incidents were deeply felt and created fear and uncertainty about whether the good mother would suddenly vanish. Jennifer described being “so scared by her [mother’s] shift in affect” as a teen, to the point that she would not consider confronting her mother or seeking comfort during those times. This created deep ambivalence, likely leading to defensive splitting. As she held split images of her mother in her mind, she coped by disavowing the bad mother parts. She mourned the loss of consistent goodness and vowed not to repeat this experience with her own children. As an adult, she understood this feeling as a rejection of unresolved trauma or harmful dynamics she did not want to pass on.

As described above, Jennifer demonstrated a high degree of intergenerational reflection and awareness of these legacies. She used the phrase “mitigating epigenetic risk” to describe how she consciously prepared for motherhood, aware of familial trauma, depression, and anxiety running through her lineage. She explained that she was “definitely thinking” about what these risk factors or family history might look like for her own children and how she could “mitigate risk.” She actively guarded against the transmission of those harmful parts of her legacy.

Interestingly, as she ages, Jennifer’s experience is increasingly resembling her mother’s. She has noticed a shift in her ability to maintain her composure and has become more irritable in recent years, at the same age her mother was parenting her. This experience provided Jennifer with a reparative identification. She leaned on the theory that a healthy parent-child relationship was “not never [sic] having ruptures” but by the ability to repair and learn from them. Jennifer explained, “Repair is the most essential part of everything… you’re gonna [sic] mess up, period,

because you’re human, but if you can offer that repair, then it matters.” In line with this belief, Jennifer practiced reparative techniques with her own children. For example, if she and her children had a conflict and she reacted in a way she did not feel good about, Jennifer made a point of going back to her child to apologize and “try again,” demonstrating to her children that no mistake was final. She noted that this also taught her children that relationships can “withstand mistakes,” an insight drawn from her training, and that timely repairs strengthen trust. By explicitly telling her children, “Mom is struggling, and it’s not your fault,” or by apologizing, Jennifer offered a reparative experience she did not receive as a child. As she said this to her children, it was as if she were also telling it to her child self. She noted that her mother did not explain or repair during those difficult years, but that the insight and recognition came much later, when Jennifer was an adult. For Jennifer, this experience was also a corrective emotional experience. By thoughtfully acknowledging a conflict and facilitating “repair conversations” with her children, she did what her mother could not. In this experience, Jennifer healed her internalized fear that “once something happens, that’s it,” and repaired her lingering adolescent worry that love could abruptly disappear or turn hurtful. For Jennifer, as noted above, this dynamic was also a reparative identification with her mother. As she identified with and repeated her mother’s attunement and empathy (the good parts) and disidentified from her mother’s failures to repair, it was as if she were given the opportunity to redo the temporary misses in her own adolescence. In becoming a mother who apologizes and restores connection, Jennifer allowed herself to feel that she was better than her mother had been in those difficult moments, and thus she saw herself as a good mother. Seeing herself as good bolstered her self-esteem and self-image. Jennifer felt further supported when her children shared their concerns with her, something she could not do

with her mother. These acts signaled to her that she had done a “good enough job building a secure relationship.” These interactions allowed her to disidentify from her mother during difficult moments, parent differently, and see herself as good.

Category of Meaning 2: The Theory Brought a Burden of Knowing, and Jennifer Used it as a Defense and a Container to Manage Her Anxiety. Jennifer frequently referenced her psychodynamic and developmental training as a strength because it provided her with a roadmap, reinforcing her confidence as a good mother. Her training also fostered a hyperawareness of developmental processes and the ways things can go wrong, both developmentally and relationally, heightening her anxiety and pressure to mother in a particular way. She used her professional knowledge as a defense mechanism to manage overwhelming emotions and anxiety. In a way, her training served as a symbolic holding environment or an intellectual container for affect that could otherwise overwhelm her. When she felt dysregulated, she turned to analytic language to bolster her sense of self. In Bionian terms, Jennifer used theory as a container for unprocessed affect (Bion, 1962).

Jennifer recognized the benefit of drawing on the emotional skills and understanding from her training in her mothering; however, it also carried the burden of insight, heightened awareness of what could go wrong, and the expectation that she should be able to handle it all. This led to self-doubt and overextending herself at times. Jennifer described holding the dual role of therapist and mother as an “ongoing dance,” at times a source of strength and at other times a source of stress, but ultimately an influential and important part of who she was as a mother.

Jennifer’s training, along with her childhood experience, taught her to be attuned to her children, aware of developmental stages, and to understand what was normal and what to expect. Jennifer explicitly attributed her sense of strength to her “book knowledge” as well as to her

positive childhood experiences; “I feel like I have the foundation in the experience from my parents, but then I have this wealth of book knowledge on top of it.” In this way, it served as a defense against worry and self-doubt.

Jennifer’s clinical background and wealth of “book knowledge” served as both a resource and a source of internal pressure. For example, from her training, Jennifer internalized the idea that “all the things matter,” which shaped her interactions, tone, and attunement as she sought to support her children’s emotional development. While this helped ground her mothering approach, it also intensified the pressure to mother perfectly. Jennifer often evaluated her mothering and reactions through the lens of her training, leading her to question whether moments of irritability or fatigue might harm her children. At times, her difficulty separating her therapist identity from her mother identity led to more self-criticism and over-analysis. To help contain these difficult emotions, she described stepping away to regulate her emotions and regroup. She said, “I go walk through the woods and take a deep breath… talk myself down off the ledge a little bit, and be like, it’s fine.” In this way, she drew on her training and coping skills to regulate her distress. Her psychodynamic training provided support and comfort during difficult moments; it helped her contain the weight of holding that knowledge.

An example of knowledge as a burden and of Jennifer’s use of the theory as a container for her difficult emotions occurred when she saw a client whose child mirrored her own child’s struggles. She described how the experience made her question her credibility and vulnerability as a therapist and mother. She said, “I’d have a family come in and their kiddo… would be having the exact same behaviors [as my child], and I’m like, what am I going to tell you to do? I haven’t figured this out yet!... If I can’t even help my own kids, then who am I to tell you how to help your kid?” In these difficult moments, she reminded herself that therapists are human and

that knowing what to do is not the same as being able to apply it to therapeutically support one’s own child perfectly.

Jennifer described the knowledge as helpful to keep in mind but challenging to apply to her own children. The theory served as a container, helping Jennifer cope with her struggles and anxiety. Jennifer noted that keeping the roles “separate” was a conscious effort, “being really mindful about transference and, like, okay, this [client] is not [my child], this is separate.”

Jennifer described her understanding of the importance of considering transference, selfreflection, and differentiation to help manage the complex emotions that arise.

Jennifer shared that, ultimately, she believed her training supported her mothering more than it hindered it. She appreciated being “as aware as I am of development and the impact of relationships… that’s actually supportive in my overall parenting.” She described how her knowledge helped her maintain a perspective that avoided catastrophizing. For example, when her youngest child was crying about being dropped off for preschool, Jennifer’s developmental lens was helpful. Instead of feeling guilty, she reminded herself, “he’s only four… It’s week three of school… this is normal.” In these moments, her training helped her cope with overwhelming emotions. In a way, the theory offered her a way to reassure her child and herself. Her training helped her feel good about herself as a mother, supporting her confidence that she knew how to help her child in that difficult moment.

Jennifer reported that her training has made her constantly “think in psychodynamic.” She found herself analyzing underlying causes and unconscious patterns in her family’s life, as her training taught her to be highly reflective about behavior and relationships. While this insight was helpful, she also recognized that this difference in perspective could create tension in relationships, particularly with her husband, her co-parent. As she stated, “this is the training I

have… how I see the world… which is obviously not how he [her husband] sees the world, and that’s okay. I have to remind myself of that.” Jennifer explained how her training informs her mothering, and while the knowledge is helpful, it can also create challenges. She used the theory and her own self-reflection to understand that her psychodynamic outlook was not universal; she reported that she cannot “turn off” viewing her family’s lives through a therapeutic lens, but is working to recognize this and to be aware of other people’s perspectives as well.

Category of Meaning 3: Jennifer Uses the Therapeutic Frame as an Ego Function. Throughout the interviews, Jennifer described how she was thoughtful and intentional in integrating her psychodynamic, developmental, and art therapy training into her approach to mothering. She explicitly reported keeping classic psychodynamic concepts “front of mind” while raising her children, frequently referencing attachment, attunement, and co-regulation. In this way, Jennifer has internalized psychoanalytic concepts as ego functions and applied clinical techniques in everyday parenting. She drew on her psychodynamic and developmental training to inform her therapeutic frame at home and her understanding of the need for and use of structure and routines, creating a holding environment that provided her children with safety and predictability.

Jennifer stated that she strongly believed “the blueprint of early childhood [was] the foundation for everything,” so she approached her children’s early years with thoughtful care informed by these developmental principles. For example, from the start, she focused on fostering a secure attachment with her children, as if she had internalized attachment theory’s tenet, “you are the secure base for your children… the space for them to jump off from, but also come back to.” This attachment-based view of the mother as a protective shield guided Jennifer’s mothering and her interactions with her children (Kenny, 2014, p.125). Examples of Jennifer's

training being incorporated into her mothering include her discomfort with the “cry it out” method of sleep training and her sensitive response to nighttime cries, which taught her children about safety and security and conveyed that she would be there when they needed her. As her children grew older, this evolved into encouraging open communication and the expression of feelings. Jennifer noted, “That’s something I still hold, at the core, I want you [her children] to be able to come to me with anything.” Thus, Jennifer strove to be a reliable, emotionally safe, secure base, as outlined in Bowlby’s attachment theory (Bowlby, 1988, p. 11).

The influence of psychodynamic theory on Jennifer’s mothering was evident throughout her story, particularly in her use of concepts such as containment, holding environment, transference, co-regulation, and the unconscious. She described her mothering as a “holding space, being the container, really being those secure hands.” She drew on Winnicott’s (1960/1965) concept of the holding environment and Bion’s idea of the mother as a container for the child’s projected feelings. Drawing on her developmental knowledge, she said she held “a hyper-awareness that all the things mattered,” intentionally created a secure base for her children, and valued emotional attunement.

Throughout her story, she described using her therapeutic skills to engage in regular selfreflection, remain aware of transference and triggers, and thoughtfully regulate her emotions. She modeled this for her children, teaching them emotion identification, calming tools, and coregulation to help them learn to regulate. When regulation was difficult and conflict arose, Jennifer taught her children to apologize for their mistakes. Jennifer’s consistent mothering conveyed that mistakes can be forgiven, that all feelings are acceptable, and that her love was unconditional. In this way, Jennifer internalized psychoanalytic concepts as ego functions and used them as everyday parenting tools to create a holding environment for her children.

Category of Meaning 4: Jennifer’s Use of Winnicott’s Good-Enough Mother to Diminish Her Drive For Idealized Maternal Perfection. A central theme in Jennifer’s story was her idealized fantasy of motherhood. Likely stemming from her early childhood idealization of her attuned mother and her training, Jennifer created a “superhuman” image of the mother she wished to be. She initially identified with the perfectly attuned, “superhuman” mother, who never felt dysregulated or angry and consistently met her child’s every need before the child was even aware of them. However, the onset of a hormonal disorder (PMDD) and the increasing challenges of her older children forced her to relinquish her sense of omnipotence. Jennifer had to accept the realities of parenting and recognize that she could not always be perfectly regulated. Winnicott’s concept of the good-enough mother helped lessen her drive for maternal perfection. Jennifer’s drive for maternal perfection likely stemmed from both internal and external pressures. Throughout the interviews, Jennifer described being aware of the expectations placed on mothers by society, psychodynamic theory, and her own standards. She shared that she holds herself to a higher standard than she would anyone else. “Where I set the bar for myself is way higher than I would ever set it for any mom that I’ve ever known… in my personal life or in my practice.” This self-imposed standard even exceeded the guidelines she had learned in her training and taught others. She cited the well-known research of Cohn and Tronick (1988), which found that a caregiver needs to be attuned only about one-third of the time for a child to form a secure attachment; as she stated, “you only have to get it right 33% of the time.” However, even with this knowledge, Jennifer reported not finding comfort in that benchmark, stating, “That’s really low… that’s never seemed like a good enough number to me.” In Jennifer’s idealization of her early childhood and training, she internalized a near-perfect ideal of motherhood, in which good enough felt unsatisfactory.

Jennifer’s internal pressure or idealization likely stemmed from wanting to replicate her mother’s good parenting while avoiding her mother’s mistakes and poor parenting moments. As previously discussed, Jennifer split the internalized image of her mother, idealizing her mother's early childhood emotional connection and attunement, while disavowing the less favorable mother aspects from her adolescence. In this splitting, Jennifer set extremely high standards for herself, expecting near-perfection in her mothering. Jennifer acknowledged that this high standard was partly self-imposed and partly heightened by her professional awareness, “I do think part of it is the intersection of, like, I do this for a living [I should be able to do it at home too].”

As described above, as her children grew older and their struggles intensified, Jennifer reported a shift in her ability to maintain her composure. She also reported feeling the weight of guilt and self-criticism when she became more irritable and less patient. She was later diagnosed with PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder), a hormonal mood disorder. Jennifer described this phase of life as deeply disorienting, saying, “I was like, who are you and what have you done with yourself? Where’s the other me?” Perhaps she even experienced flashbacks to her own childhood, when she felt this way about her mother and wondered the same thing, “Who are you?” but this time about herself. Seeing herself as her mother in this way likely created intense confusion and inner conflict.

When Jennifer did not meet the standard of the superhuman fantasy, she experienced intense self-blame. She worried that every parenting imperfection might cause lasting harm. Being hard on herself also likely stemmed from her own experience with her mother and from not wanting her children to endure the same pain, loss, and confusion she had. Jennifer described how hard she was on herself during this time, noting that even minor missteps triggered self-

judgment. For example, if she raised her voice or responded more harshly, she would later ruminate with critical self-judgment, saying, “Really? That’s going to be the voice in their head later… Why would you say it like that?”

To manage the guilt and self-blame of being less than “superhuman” and, at times, “irritable or less patient,” Jennifer leaned on Winnicott’s concept of the good-enough mother. She intellectually recognized that no mother could be perfect and tried to remind herself of Winnicott’s concept; however, it was still difficult for her to fully accept it. When asked where these impossible standards leave her emotionally, Jennifer shared, “It’s hard to hold those… I usually just go outside.” She described stepping away to regulate her emotions and regroup. In this way, she drew on her own training and coping skills to regulate her distress and manage her perfectionistic tendencies. Jennifer comforted herself by reminding herself that she was “usually showing up” for her children and that the many positive interactions would buffer the occasional rupture; that she was good enough.

To counter the weight of this idealized perfect mother, Jennifer worked to reframe her expectations and practice self-compassion. She described her efforts to work on herself, saying she was “learning how to be gentle with [herself].” She acknowledged that accepting her own imperfections was something she was working on, “I know better on both sides… all the inputs that shape who we are… but… I usually don’t let myself stay in [the negative space] too long, because it’s not productive.” Jennifer coped by drawing on her training and theory to support herself when she felt guilt and shame. As she would offer to clients, she practiced self-regulation, reframing, and other techniques to help her understand that she was a good-enough mother.

Pseudonym and Impressions. Following the four email interviews, I emailed Jennifer to ask which pseudonym she would like me to use for her case study write-up. I asked about the

significance of the name she had chosen for herself and any associations that came to mind. She wrote, “Jennifer… It’s the name I’m called most often when people forget my name; it's also a name that can be associated with Hispanic culture or not… No actual significance…. Associations outside of that… I had a very good friend named Jenn in grad school.”

Jennifer seemed to hold me at a distance with her choice of a pseudonym, noting that she chose a name people call her when they forget her name. Was she afraid I would also forget her? Was she ambivalent about what she shared and about it being written about? It was interesting that this idea came to mind for her. Her response also highlighted her Hispanic heritage, which was notable given that she did not mention her culture or Hispanic identity during the interviews. Her response may have suggested an unconscious attempt to retain some continuity with her real identity while creating psychic distance from it. In choosing this pseudonym, she may have mirrored her attempt to be herself and not herself, to revisit her history without being overcome by it. This duality paralleled her experience as both a mother and a child therapist; she described holding both roles simultaneously but needing boundaries to manage identifications and projections.

Choosing the name “Jennifer” may have been an act of reparation, as it was closely associated with conventional femininity. In a way, her choice of pseudonym served as a transitional object, allowing her to hold both her internalized maternal ideals and her current, more self-reflective approach to mothering. Rather than rejecting her past or choosing a name that signaled obvious distance, she chose “Jennifer” with new meaning. This could be her unconscious way of reclaiming it as part of her maternal subjectivity and of highlighting her movement toward becoming a good enough mother who can both contain and allow space for imperfection.

Jennifer was warm and enjoyable to speak with. I greatly appreciated her openness and honesty, and her recognition of how difficult it can be to discuss such personal topics, including her own upbringing and motherhood. At the beginning of the second interview, when asked about any reflections or thoughts from our first interview, Jennifer shared, “I was really surprised internally, how much just having those conversations brought up. I was like, wow, that felt like 6 years of therapy in an hour. I was okay, [but] it just felt a little heavy, and that's okay.” At the end, when we debriefed, Jennifer shared that she really appreciated the time to reflect on [holding the dual role]. A lot of these things swirl around in my brain sometimes, and then I'm just like, oh, I don’t have time for that. I have to keep parenting and working, and [so I’ll say] I'll think about it later, which I do.

I appreciated Jennifer’s openness in sharing her experience with the interview process and how it highlighted the need for space to process these dual roles. I also appreciated Jennifer’s enthusiasm for my study; several times, she expressed excitement about my work and the topic’s further exploration. Throughout the process, Jennifer appeared eager to engage with me and discuss the topic. She expressed interest in participating in the study, even though she did not initially meet the exact criteria. It is clear that she has thoughtfully considered holding these dual roles and cares deeply about each. Jennifer’s voice throughout reflected her consistent commitment to her own growth and to the thoughtful development and care of her children.

Case Study 5: Sophie

Descriptive Data

Sophie is a 45-year-old psychodynamic therapist for children and adults and the owner of a private group practice. She currently lives in a suburban area near a larger city in the Midwest region of the United States. Sophie identifies as a cisgender, heterosexual, biracial

Japanese/White female. She is the mother of two children, ages 3 and 6. Prior to having children, Sophie attended college in the Midwest, studying Business and Communications. She then worked with children in an after-school program, where she developed a fondness for working with young children. This led her to pursue a Master’s degree in Child Development and earn an MSW.

Sophie subsequently worked at a pediatric clinic, working with young children and their families. During this time, she began her doctoral program to further her clinical skills. A few years into the program, she became pregnant with her first child. For that pregnancy, she took approximately three months of maternity leave. Not long after, she decided to start a private practice to achieve a better work-life balance. A few years later, she became pregnant again and took about two months off from work for maternity leave. After the birth of her second child, she founded what is now her group practice.

Her Own Experience of Being Mothered When asked about her childhood and upbringing, Sophie reported that she lived with her mother, father, and younger sister. In reflecting on her childhood, she acknowledged some positive aspects but said her overall memories with her mother were marked by emotional volatility, role confusion, and premature responsibility, or parentification. Sophie described her childhood as feeling like she was “too much,” including being too emotional, too intense, and too demanding, which likely led her to internalize the belief that she was the “problem” in her family. She described her role as the family member holding the family’s distress; “I was sort of the classic holder of all the symptoms.” In this sense, Sophie felt “bad,” “defective,” or “too much,” which likely led her to believe that her mother’s love was conditional.

Sophie described her father as a doctor who worked full-time as the breadwinner, and her mother also worked (career unknown) and “ran the household.” Sophie recognized some positives, remembering that her mother was very involved in her school and community. She shared that her mother “volunteered, came to every game, she was really front-facing… so everybody loved her.” Perhaps the discrepancy between her mother’s public appearance and her private instability increased Sophie’s sense of isolation and uncertainty. She also described her mother as a “great problem solver, was very devoted… [her mother] ran the whole household and worked a job.” She described her mother taking Sophie and her sister to many activities and creating structure and routine in their home; “[my mother] loved routines and rhythms.” The parts of her own mothering that Sophie internalized and sought to replicate were her mother’s devotion to her children, her involvement in activities, and her emphasis on establishing structure and routine in the home.

However, she wished to handle the emotional environment differently. Sophie described that, in terms of emotions and feeling seen, “it [the negatives] kind of outweighed” the positives. She explained that her mother became easily overwhelmed, swinging between withdrawal and rage. When her mother withdrew, she would “lock herself in her room for long chunks of time,” leaving Sophie and her younger sister to manage on their own. At other times, her mother became very angry; as Sophie described, “she [her mother] would get mad about messes, and she would level the room… tak[ing] everything off, throw[ing] things, it was very scary, very overwhelming.” Living in an unpredictable emotional environment, Sophie likely felt both unseen and overwhelmed.

Sophie’s mother was emotionally unstable. Sophie explained that she developed heightened sensitivity to her mother’s moods, learning to read the emotional temperature of the

room, likely as a form of survival. This heightened attunement to others’ emotions may have led to a pattern of sensing and containing others’ distress, which could be considered a form of parentification, since the parent should be attuning to the child’s emotions, not vice versa.

Sophie recalled another example of parentification when she was about eight years old. Her mother had become upset and locked herself in her room just as they were hosting a party for friends, including other mothers and kids. Sophie and her sister ended up hosting the party on their own; “so we had the party without her… We made the meatballs, did everything ourselves.” This was another instance in which Sophie assumed adult responsibilities in the absence of an emotionally and physically available parent. Throughout her interviews, Sophie’s story illustrated how her early environment shaped her adulthood, manifesting as perfectionism, intellectual mastery, and emotional self-containment.

Despite instability at home with her mother, Sophie reported that her father and sister gave her a sense of goodness. “My dad didn’t really see me as the problem… and my sister didn’t either. That was a lifesaver.” Sophie described her father as more “timid… selfless… very easygoing… [who] does not [have] a bad intention in his body.” She explained that he was her “person growing up” and “absolutely my anchor.” She described him as warm and said she thought he felt bad about being away from home so much due to work. Unlike her mother, “he didn't lose his temper much” and could “stay more regulated.” She added that he was also very involved; “when he came home, he did all the playtime, bedtimes, and baths.” She explained that on weekends, he would take them for the whole day so her mother could do whatever she needed to do; “[he] always wanted to be involved and be around.” Sophie also noted that her father always seemed happy to see her, which meant a lot to her, as she may not have felt that way with her mother.

Entering Motherhood. Sophie described entering motherhood with ambivalence and mixed emotions. She felt excitement and anticipation, along with anxiety and grief tied to her early relationship with her mother; “I didn’t have a great relationship with my mother.” Sophie noted that during her pregnancy, she had already anticipated her mother’s emotional unavailability; “I might not be able to lean on my mom the way I would like to.” She described keeping her pregnancy news from her mother for a while, noting that this distance felt “protective” and “wise,” though it carried “a lot of grief embedded in it.” She found herself caught in the tension between wanting to share with her mother and wanting to protect herself from further rejection and pain. Sophie also acknowledged how her clinical work informed her approach to motherhood. She initially believed that her professional training and knowledge of development would prepare her well for motherhood, but later confessed that this was not true. Sophie described her group practice and her own clinical work as psychodynamic and rooted in her core values of attunement, containment, listening, and emotional presence. Winnicott and relational theory heavily informed Sophie’s practice; she described her role as a therapist as offering a dedicated space for listening, being-with, and holding. These psychodynamic principles were also reflected in her home. She grounded herself in psychodynamic theory when anxious and relied on her psychodynamic training as a framework for being a good mother. However, this also led to perfectionism and high standards for herself. Strongly wanting to be the opposite of her mother, she likely split, idealizing the theory and viewing it as good while seeing her mother as bad. In a sense, Sophie used her childhood experiences with her mother to evaluate the theory, determining which aspects of her childhood were good or bad and identifying deficits, particularly in emotional regulation and attunement. Her understanding of the theory validated the deficits in her own unmet childhood needs, as

Sophie described wanting to be the opposite, a mother who was attuned, present, emotionally available, and capable of repairing ruptures. These are also traits of a child psychodynamic therapist, and the knowledge she gained in her training, along with her childhood, informed how she interacted with and mothered her own children.

At the beginning of the first interview, Sophie described her interest in the study and her reason for participating. Sophie shared, “It obviously hits very close to home, being a mother and a therapist who practices psychodynamically… I’m happy to do it.”

Categories of Meaning

1. The theory supports Sophie’s drive to break the cycle and to be other than her mother.

2. Sophie idealizes the theory and uses it to mitigate her perfectionism and accept limitations.

3. Sophie’s use of play as a corrective emotional experience for her children and herself.

4. Sophie’s use of the theory in motherhood: Incorporating containment and the analytic third.

Category of Meaning 1: The Theory Supports Sophie’s Drive to Break the Cycle and to be Other Than Her Mother. A thread throughout Sophie’s story was her understanding that her training informed her mothering and was rooted in her awareness of intergenerational transmission. Sophie likely developed this insight through individual therapy and her psychodynamic training. Her childhood memories of a home environment marked by deficits in emotional attunement, volatility, and role confusion shaped her ideas about motherhood and informed the mother she aspired to become.

As noted above, Sophie entered motherhood with considerable ambivalence and anxiety, including both a desire to reach out to her mother and a need to retreat to protect herself.

Unconscious memories of her unmet emotional needs haunted Sophie, reminiscent of Fraiberg et al. (1975) and their concept of ghosts in the nursery. The part of her that wanted to mother differently also sought to protect herself from suffering maternal rejection again. As she became haunted by the fantasy of becoming her mother’s opposite, Sophie, in a sense, acknowledged her ghosts, which compelled her to strongly dis-identify and differentiate from her mother to feel good about herself. Her identification with the idealized opposite led to a defensive splitting of good and bad, a process discussed in great depth below.

Sophie’s awareness of her ghosts enabled her to make conscious choices about which aspects of her mothering to repeat, such as structure and devotion, and which to leave behind, including emotional instability and lack of attunement. In adulthood, her professional and maternal identities likely developed from unconscious wishes to repair what was missing or broken in her relationship with her mother. By studying development and practicing psychodynamically, she sought to provide her clients and, eventually, her children with the mirroring and attunement she had lacked.

Sophie’s description of her early family environment, marked by her mother’s mood swings and her father’s avoidance, required her to regulate the household’s emotional climate. As a parentified child, Sophie became the emotional container her mother could not be. Sophie’s early adaptation to her mother's emotional demands required her to assume the role of caretaker, causing her to neglect her own emotional needs; thus, she developed a false self (Winnicott, 1960/1965, pp. 140–152). While Sophie described her father as her anchor and a great support, he also unknowingly minimized and normalized her pain when he told her, “We’re all four legs

of a table, and when one leg is weak, the others have to hold it up.” This metaphor was intended as a helpful lesson but also reflected the intergenerational logic of caregiving, equating love with tolerance and self-sacrifice. For Sophie, this further confused her role in the family, confirming her sense that it was her responsibility to stabilize and contain the family system.

Sophie internalized the family narrative that she was “the problem” and that it was her responsibility to make things better. She mirrored her mother’s projective identification, which, as Klein (1946/1975a, p. 8) suggested, was the child’s premature empathy, or the unconscious attempt to regulate the parent. This dynamic persisted into her adulthood. Sophie’s clinical work with children before becoming a mother revealed that she “over-identified with the child” clients and struggled to empathize with parents. Sophie’s identification with her child clients mirrored her early relational stance, as she empathized with the “problem” child (her child self) and perceived the parent as threatening or unavailable, like her mother.

Upon reflection, Sophie realized that her professional stance mirrored her internal child position; her longing to be understood had made it difficult for her to see the parent as a subject in their own right. This transition was critical to breaking the cycle of projective identification, in which she might otherwise have used her children to regulate her internal state, as her mother had done to her. Instead, her understanding of the intergenerational legacy enabled Sophie to gain this insight, rework the dynamic, and break the cycle, shifting her inherited role as an emotional container into a mutually reciprocal relationship.

Another way the theory supported Sophie in parenting differently from her mother was her drive to be emotionally available and present with her children. She described striving to show her children that she was happy to be reunited with them at the end of the day. Sophie explained further, “When we reunite, I try to let them feel my joy… the spark in the eye that

says, I’m happy you’re here.” In this way, Sophie was not only expressing her love through her actions but also helping her children truly feel it, rather than just hearing it expressed verbally. This idea likely stemmed from Kohut’s concept of a parent’s phrase, "gleam in my eye, happy to see you," a well-known metaphor in self psychology that describes the mirroring selfobject function in early development (Kohut, 1977). By consciously expressing joy and attunement, Sophie provided her children with the emotional mirroring she had lacked in her own childhood.

Category of Meaning 2: Sophie Idealizes the Theory and Uses it to Mitigate Her

Perfectionism and Accept Limitations. Initially, Sophie’s training led to an idealization of the good mother ideology, fostering unrealistic expectations of perfect attunement. She wanted to be the mother who “never lost it” and made her children feel “totally safe all of the time.” This idealized maternal perfectionism was supported by the theory and served as a defense against her fear of her own aggression and the pain of her childhood. Although she had been taught Winnicott’s concept of the good-enough mother before becoming a mother, her understanding of it continued to evolve through her experience as a mother.

Sophie initially approached motherhood with an unconscious perfectionistic ideal, wishing to be consistently patient, emotionally available, and different from her mother. “I wanted to be the exact opposite,” she explained, “warm, comforting, loving.” Her early fantasy of being a perfect mother, the “opposite” of her mother, served as both a wish and a defense. On the one hand, it represented a reparative wish; she hoped to rewrite her unmet early maternal emotional needs by providing her children with the warmth and attunement she lacked, as discussed above. It made her feel good because it disidentified and differentiated her from her mother. Thus, she split, viewing her mother as bad and herself and the theory as good.

On the other hand, it served as an unconscious attempt to disavow her own aggression, ambivalence, and limitations. In this way, perfectionism became a defense, shielding her from re-experiencing painful aspects of her childhood, such as helplessness and fear. As she disavowed the bad-mother parts, Sophie embraced perfectionism, seeking emotional security by being endlessly available and emotionally attuned to her children. Splitting and idealization were ways to cope with her anxiety about repeating the past.

In Sophie’s initial idealization of the theory, she assumed that her professional training and extensive developmental knowledge would prepare her well for motherhood. Sophie recalled imagining she would have “a bag of tricks” drawn from her work with children, only to find that “the bag of tricks is a bag of tricks for other people’s kids… it’s not available when you’re dysregulated.” Sophie’s realization highlighted the tension between theoretical knowledge and lived emotional experience, collapsing her initial fantasy and prompting her to reassess. Over time, Sophie gained the ability to experience authentic connection rather than defensive idealization.

Sophie initially tried to be “endlessly available and emotionally attuned” at all times; however, exhaustion, frustration, and inevitable ruptures challenged her fantasy of omnipotence. She found herself experiencing what she called a “reckoning” in motherhood, “a great reckoning and a real truth-teller for me about what is possible and what is not possible.” Facing the reality of motherhood and realizing that perfection was impossible, Sophie turned to her psychodynamic training for support and meaning; Winnicott’s concept of the good-enough mother became her “anchor.” She had learned this concept before motherhood, but it evolved through her personal engagement, becoming a lived, reparative mantra.

During this shift, Sophie’s internal world became less split between good and bad; she began to recognize that love also required failure, and that her ability to repair misattunement or maternal missteps mattered more than avoiding it or striving for perfection. Sophie reflected, “It’s not about getting it right… it’s about how we go back to the moment and re-engage.” This realization led her to internalize Winnicott’s idea that the mother’s failures, when followed by repair, fostered the child’s resilience and trust, and to embrace the concept of good-enough and let go of perfection. Sophie shifted from splitting to ambivalence, allowing herself to see both the good and the bad in her maternal experience and in her own mother. She said the notion of goodenough “is not about aiming to be perfect, [but about] giving myself space, knowing that I will shift between the good and the bad.” This reflects Sophie’s transition from the fantasy of perfection in motherhood to an acceptance of her limitations.

Sophie’s transition reflected Klein’s (1940/1975b, pp. 358–359) shift from the paranoidschizoid position to the depressive position, in which she could integrate the good and bad parts of herself and her mother. She stated, “It wasn’t that I was bad; it was that she [her mother] was overwhelmed.” Sophie reframed her mother’s behavior as a symptom of her mother’s limitations, not as a reflection of Sophie’s badness. This shift from blaming to understanding, as Sophie described, aligns with Klein's (1937/1975b, p. 311) theory of reparation, through which inherited pain is transformed into empathy, from blame to compassion. In reparation, Sophie repaired the internal mother image, which had been split into good and bad, and came to see her mother and herself as a mix of good and flawed (Klein, 1937/1975b, p. 311). Winnicott’s goodenough mother offered a template for accepting mistakes and for understanding reparation as central to love. When she spoke of forgiving herself for moments of impatience or distraction, she was, in effect, mothering the child within herself. She described this breakthrough as “a

cornerstone in my early mothering.” When Sophie gave up the fantasy of maternal perfection and complete control, there was room for her to be imperfect.

Category of Meaning 3: Sophie’s Use of Play as a Corrective Emotional Experience for Her Children and Herself. Drawing on Winnicott’s (1971) theories of play and the transitional space, Sophie used play as a corrective emotional experience to break her childhood pattern of false self organization. Sophie, trained as a child psychodynamic therapist, had a clinical understanding of play as a means of connection that deeply influenced her mothering. Having studied the developmental and symbolic functions of play, she described rediscovering its role in her relationship with her children. The therapeutic position Sophie took in parenting over the years also reflected a breakdown in her adaptive and protective false self organization (Winnicott, 1960/1965). In her childhood, the false self organization required her to be compliant and hypervigilant, leaving little room for spontaneous play. She survived by predicting her mother’s moods and complying; as a mother, she reclaimed her true, authentic self through play and vulnerability. Sophie’s quote captured this shift: “When I can slow myself down enough to play, I know how much it means to my kids. It builds on itself. It’s fruitful and generative.”

In motherhood, Sophie sought authenticity, as noted throughout her interviews, wishing to remain true to herself and reclaim the spontaneity and playfulness she lacked with her mother. She expressed this wish, in contrast to her mother’s rigidity and lack of playfulness, when she stated, “When I’m bogged down with all the to-dos, I can’t be playful, can’t find that part of myself. My mother never had that; she was always in motion. I want my kids to feel my warmth, not just my doing.” The constant demands and pressures of modern motherhood, including the “endless list of emails,” risk recreating the emotional environment she experienced as a child.

As a mother, Sophie used play as a corrective emotional experience for both her children and herself, reclaiming the spontaneity and joy that had been unavailable to her with her mother. By connecting with her children through play, Sophie accessed what Winnicott (1971) called the transitional space, the psychic area of freedom and creativity where self and other come together (p. 107). She explained that through play, her children taught her to slow down and experience happiness. She described her mother as “covered in armor, roboting around getting so many things done,” and contrasted that image with her own wish “to show up in the most authentic way, not with a ton of armor on.” Sophie’s use of play demonstrates how her professional training provided the justification and method for reclaiming parts of herself she had been forced to disavow as a child. Through play, motherhood became a site for psychic repair.

Category of Meaning 4: Sophie’s Use of the Theory in Motherhood: Incorporating Containment and the Analytic Third. Sophie’s story demonstrated how her psychodynamic sensibilities served as a blueprint and guiding principles for her mothering; it was filled with therapeutic language, such as self-awareness, containment, play, rupture, and repair, as she explored and discussed her mothering. Sophie’s mothering reflected her analytic stance not only in the techniques she drew on but also in her relational style, which was attuned, curious, and reflective. Sophie’s mothering was also deeply informed by Bion’s (1962) concept of containment and Ogden’s (1994) concept of the analytic third. Drawing on her psychodynamic training, Sophie often described her parenting as “an extension of the analytic stance.” She focused on regulating her own affect before responding to her children, reflecting Bion’s (1962) concept of containment. For example, she stated that before engaging with her children, she worked to ground herself emotionally, mirroring the selfregulation a clinician might engage in before a session. She explained further, “Before I go to

pick my kids up, I check in with myself, where’s my internal barometer? Can I put the emails down and be present for who knows what’s going to happen?” In her reflection, she mirrored the psychoanalytic stance of containment, in which the therapist, or here the mother, needs to hold herself first so she can hold another. This quote demonstrates her use of theory to regulate her emotions and her awareness of the relational principle that the caregiver’s emotional state shapes the child’s sense of safety and connectedness (Beebe & Lachmann, 2002).

Similarly, Sophie reflected on the use of her therapeutic techniques with her children, targeted towards connection and attunement, and her own self-reflection and regulation. She shared, “It’s like being in the room with a client; you can’t drop in if you’re flooded or distracted. So, I try to know where I am before I try to know where they [her children] are.”

Sophie’s use of language showed that she internalized the therapist’s reflective function and Bion’s (1962) concept of containment in her mothering, thereby shaping and informing a more attuned and responsive maternal position.

As previously discussed, Sophie identified herself as the container of her mother’s unprocessed pain; later, she consciously aimed to be a different kind of container for her children (Bion, 1962). In motherhood, Sophie became the container for her children. For example, she states, “When I mess up, I try to name it. I’ll say, ‘I didn’t listen well that time. Can we start again?’ And I can see them soften.” By acknowledging and repairing ruptures, Sophie provided her children with a lived experience of containment and trust.

Sophie described an integration of her maternal and professional roles that reflected what Ogden (1994) termed the analytic third, a co-constructed space where new meaning and ways of relating are developed. This concept of co-construction derives from contemporary relational theory, which posits a third that exists between two subjects as a co-created process (Benjamin,

2004, 2018). Sophie explained this notion by stating, “Each of my children and I are creating something together… something unique that shifts and changes.”

Sophie came to see motherhood not as an individual act of giving but as a dynamic relational process defined by both her subjectivity and her child’s. She moved away from the one-sided caregiver dynamic of her childhood (“the four legs of a table”) toward a model of mutual recognition, in which both parent and child are recognized as separate, distinct individuals (Benjamin, 1998). This perspective shows that Sophie no longer views motherhood as an individual act of giving or performance but as a dynamic relational process. She stated, “It feels mutual, not all on me.” Sophie’s dual roles merged, creating a new kind of subjectivity that was emotionally engaged and self-reflective.

Pseudonym and Impressions After the four interviews, I emailed Sophie to ask which pseudonym she would like me to use for her case study write-up. I asked about the significance of the name she had chosen and any associations that came to mind. She replied, “You can use the pseudonym, Sophie. It was a name I used a lot as a child in my creative writing and often when writing about myself within my writing.”

In a sense, this name choice symbolized Sophie’s psychological movement from splitting and perfectionism toward integration and acceptance of good-enough mothering. In choosing this name, Sophie shared a special childhood memory, connecting her to her child self as a “writer.”

As a child, writing likely served as a creative and imaginative space where Sophie could safely express parts of herself she might not have felt she could show in everyday life. In Winnicott's work, the child’s imaginative play space was where the true self could emerge when outside demands were not threatening. Selecting this name as a pseudonym in adulthood could signal a reconnection with her true self, the authentic part of her that sought attunement and play, in a

household that instead asked her to be compliant, emotionally vigilant, and contained. Given her home environment and the false self adaptation in Sophie’s childhood, her use of this childhood name may also be an act of psychic reparation. By using a name she had used in childhood, she symbolically reclaimed her subjectivity. Her story demonstrated a movement from idealization toward integration, a developmental and emotional shift that mirrors the psychoanalytic process. This interpretation also aligns with my experience with Sophie, who was both vulnerable and thoughtful throughout the interviews. During the interviews, Sophie consistently appeared eager to engage with me and discuss this topic. Her warmth, thoughtfulness, and vulnerability were evident in her gentle voice, the pace of her story, and her few moments of tears. Her face lit up when she spoke about her children and clients, and as she described the thought and care she put into supporting children at home and in her office. Sophie’s strong ability to connect also came through between us as a dyad. A sense of twinship was felt in the connection, with many similarities in our shared feelings and understanding of our dual roles, and a mutual wish to remain connected.

Summary of Findings from the Within-Case Analysis

Introduction to Tables 1 and 2

Table 1 presents a within-case analysis of how five psychodynamically trained child therapists, Hope, Ann, Elizabeth, Jennifer, and Sophie, understood how their psychoanalytic training informed their mothering. Each participant drew on specific psychoanalytic concepts to reflect on their upbringing and consciously shaped their mothering and mothering identity. Table 2 presents a within-case comparative analysis of how each of the five participants interpreted and applied five core psychodynamic concepts in their maternal identity: the good mother ideology, containment and holding, rupture and repair, projection and splitting, and idealization and

integration. These concepts were selected for their relevance to both psychodynamic theory and the participants’ stories. The table illustrates the unique ways each mother navigated the internal and relational challenges of parenting, as viewed through the lens of their clinical training and personal experience. Each column shows theoretical applications and psychoanalytic psychic processes, such as defense, growth, and reparation, in the mothers’ efforts to parent reflectively and authentically.

Table 1

Psychoanalytic Concepts: Applied to Inform Their Training’s Influence on Their Mothering

Participant Key Psychoanalytic Concepts Applied

Hope Splitting; Attunement; Breaking Patterns

Ann Parentification; Good/Bad Mother Split; GoodEnough Mother

Elizabeth Maternal Attunement & Mirroring; Internalized Values; Self-Attunement

Jennifer Internalized Template; Rupture and Repair; Appropriate Response

Sophie False Self vs. True Self; Parentification; Psychic Reparation

Understanding of Training's Influence on Mothering

Hope used her training to break patterns of limited emotional connection from her own childhood. She initially used splitting as a defense to separate bad parenting she witnessed professionally from her own good mother identity, allowing her to remain optimistic.

Ann recognized how being parentified as a child created a rigid internal split between responsibility and resentment. Her training helped her soften her harsh superego and move toward the concept of being a good-enough mother who can make mistakes.

Elizabeth noted a lack of mirroring for her childhood anxiety and used her training to prioritize attunement. She consciously moved away from inherited perfectionism and generational pain to focus on authentic connection with her children.

Jennifer's training helped her identify a major rupture and several smaller ruptures in her adolescence. She used her psychodynamic lens to ensure she remains attuned and provides supportive responses to her own children.

Sophie understood her childhood compliance as a false self adaptation to her mother's volatility. Her mothering is informed by a desire for psychic reparation, reclaiming her true self and providing the attunement she lacked as a child.

Note. This table was generated using AI by uploading the five participants’ case studies and concepts and instructing it to summarize the shared psychoanalytic concepts across all five participants that informed their mothering.

Table 2

Participant’s Integration of Five Psychodynamic Concepts Into Her Maternal Identity

Psychoanalytic Concept

Sophie Jennifer Elizabeth Ann Hope

Good mother ideology Utilized Winnicott's good- enough mother as an anchor to move from a perfectionistic ideal to a model of repair

Containing and holding Practices containment by checking her "internal barometer" to ground herself before responding to her children

Rupture and repair

Projection and Splitting

Central theme involving acknowledgin g maternal missteps to her children to re-establish connection and trust

Utilized defensive splitting (mother as bad, theory as good) to cope with fear of repeating her history

Idealization and Integration Reached the depressive

Used goodenough concepts to diminish her drive for “superhuman” perfection and self-imposed high standards

Views motherhood as being the container and uses professional knowledge as an intellectual container for affect

Belief that "repair is the most essential part," using apologies to show that relationships withstand mistakes

Splits good and bad mothering to protect herself from adolescent ruptures and disavow her own mother's misses

Internalized the pressure to be perfectly attuned but later used good- enough ideal to relinquish the need for perfection

Sees her role as a holding figure capable of withstanding her children’s reactions and sustained emotions

Prioritizes taking accountability and apologizing to her children far more frequently than her own parents did

Childhood parentificatio n led to a sense of omnipotence where she felt she had too much control or power. Splitting as a defense

Worked to reframe her

Experienced the collapse of

Found freedom in the goodenough ideal to challenge intergenerational pressures and religious perfectionism

Channels her "inner therapist" to create an emotionally safe holding environment characterized by curiosity

Emphasizes repair by going back to her daughter to apologize for frustrations or harsh responses

Employed splitting to manage anxiety, categorizing her mother as bad and the psychodynam ic theory as good

Relinquish the fantasy of

Used goodenough to validate her experience and balance a tendency toward perfectionism and hypervigilance

Acts as a containing object for her son, absorbing his aggression and reflecting back unconditional love

Explicitly apologizes when she hasn't been her "best self," treating repair as a blueprint for maternal stability

Initially split off the "dark side" of parenting seen at work and deficits from childhood to perceive herself as an exclusively a good mom

Reached depressive

Psychoanalytic Concept

Sophie Jennifer Elizabeth Ann Hope position by integrating good and bad parts of herself and her mother, reframing volatility as being overwhelmed expectations and practice selfcompassion to integrate her imperfections as a mother her idealized fantasy, eventually accepting that her children will inevitably process the gaps maternal omnipotence, accepting that she is only "one piece of the puzzle" in development position, gaining the capacity to integrate love and hate within the relational field

Note. This table was generated using AI by uploading the case studies of the five participants and the concepts. Then, it was instructed to summarize the shared psychoanalytic concepts across all five participants.

Summary and Interpretation of Tables 1 and 2

Across all five participants, the good mother ideology was a central and initially pressuring concept, often shaped by their histories and training. Each participant began with an idealized or more split image of good mothering, whether as an internalized standard, a rejection of their own mothers, or both, and gradually moved toward a more integrated, compassionate view. All participants cited Winnicott’s concept of the good-enough mother as helpful in this shift.

The concepts of containment and holding were evident across all participants’ parenting styles. Drawing on their clinical expertise, they described creating attentive, emotionally safe home environments that encouraged and supported their children’s expression of feelings. They all used therapeutic tools, such as naming and expressing emotions, managing their own dysregulation, and modeling emotional availability and presence for their children. These practices provided each participant and their children with a sense of containment and holding.

They all intentionally drew on their therapeutic sensibilities in their day-to-day interactions with their children, demonstrating that their training provided a framework for their mothering.

The concept of rupture and repair shaped how each participant related to their child. Over time, all five mothers rejected perfection as the goal and instead focused on repair as a sign of secure attachment. Ruptures were normalized, and repairs, often through apology, reflection, or reconnection, were seen as necessary for building trust. This was especially meaningful for those who had not experienced repair in their own childhoods, underscoring an intergenerational act of correction and reparation.

In discussing projection and splitting, all participants demonstrated self-awareness. Many described early family interactions marked by unconscious projection and expressed a strong wish to avoid repeating those patterns with their children. Their stories indicated increased awareness of their inner worlds, efforts to process and avoid projecting distress onto their children, and intentional efforts to express emotions through supervision, individual therapy, and self-reflection.

Finally, the concepts of idealization and integration were complex for each participant, who began with split images of themselves and others. For some participants, idealized views of motherhood and psychodynamic theory, or a wish to disidentify and differentiate from their own maternal figures, gradually gave way to ambivalence and integration. Each mother learned to accept her own limitations and those of her mother, ending with a more forgiving and realistic view of herself as a mother, one who is both loving and accepting of her imperfections.

In summary, this table shows how psychodynamic training influenced both participants’ mothering and their personal psychological shifts. The five participants used psychodynamic concepts to understand their children and to renegotiate their internal object relations, childhood

hurts, and ideals of motherhood. As a result, their experiences and identities as mothers were shaped by careful self-reflection and the psychodynamic theories learned in their training.

Introduction to Table 3

Table 3 presents how each of the five participants, Hope, Ann, Elizabeth, Jennifer, and Sophie, understood the influence of their psychodynamic training on their experience of mothering. Across participants, being a mother and being a psychodynamic child therapist were closely linked, shaping their capacity for self-reflection and their internal pressure to mother perfectly. The table shows that their clinical training acted as a double-edged sword. While it fostered empathy, insight, and the ability to mentalize their children’s emotions, it also heightened guilt and perfectionism and intensified self-criticism. For these mothers, psychodynamic knowledge served as both a source of strength and guidance. Yet it also became a burden, a container for meaning, and a mirror reflecting their own vulnerabilities.

Table 3

Influence of Psychodynamic Training on Participants’ Experience of Mothering

Participant

Perceived Impact of Psychodynamic Training

Hope Training reinforced structure and reflective calm in parenting

Ann Training heightened her capacity for reflection and empathy but also intensified guilt and self-criticism

Elizabeth Training enhanced awareness of transference and emotional containment

Positive Influences

Fostered emotional openness and resilience; theory served as a supportive framework

Deepened insight into projection, emotional attunement, and repair

Challenges / Ambivalence

Sometimes intellectualized creating distance

Felt overly responsible from training and childhood parentification

Allowed her to mentalize her children’s affect states and model emotional language

Jennifer Training and supervision improved her ability to self-reflect but contributed to perfectionism

Sophie Training increased her self-awareness but also exposed her to maternal guilt and anxiety

Allowed her to identify projections and enact conscious repair with her children

Provided vocabulary for understanding rupture and reparation

Created pressure to always respond reflectively; feared overanalyzing family life

Felt burdened by the knowledge that she “should know better”

Struggled to apply theory in everyday moments when emotional or frustrated

Interpretive Summary

Used theory as a stable container rather than a moral standard; integration appeared balanced

Her training reinforced a moralized superego; motherhood became a test of analytic ideals

Theory provided containment but also became a demand for mastery

Training offered both insight and internal pressure, a double-edged superego dynamic

Her professional empathy deepened maternal guilt; awareness preceded integration

Note. This table was generated using AI by uploading the five participants’ case studies and categories and by instructing it to create a table summarizing the participants’ experience of how their psychodynamic training informed their mothering.

Summary and Interpretation of Table 3

As shown in Table 3, their psychodynamic training significantly shaped the child therapist mothers’ experiences of parenting and their perceptions of themselves as mothers by providing language for emotions, conflict, and repair. While clinical insight improved empathy, containment, and self-reflection, it also heightened self-scrutiny and guilt. For Ann and Sophie, the training created a moral and emotional burden; both struggled to balance analytic awareness with self-forgiveness, often feeling they had to live up to idealized versions of maternal attunement. Elizabeth and Jennifer, while also burdened by the “shoulds” of their professional expertise, used psychodynamic theory to promote understanding and emotional expression in their families. This demonstrates their ability to integrate knowledge and empathy. Hope, in contrast, used the theory as a stabilizing framework rather than a moral indicator.

For all participants, psychodynamic training increased their capacity for reflection while also burdening them with the weight of knowing. This duality highlights a central psychoanalytic paradox in which insight both heals and burdens. Integration for all five participants occurred when theory served as a holding environment rather than a moralized superego ideal. Shifting theory from a defensive stance to a relational tool became an indicator of psychological growth and authenticity. Table 3 shows that the child psychodynamic therapist mother occupies a unique position in which her professional knowledge and motherhood inform and challenge one another.

Chapter V

Discussion

Introduction

This qualitative research design used a psychoanalytic case study methodology to explore what child psychodynamic therapists say about mothering and their experiences of motherhood, particularly as these relate to their work experience and clinical training, including psychodynamic theory and good mother ideologies. Overall, the study found that their clinical training had a significant impact on their parenting. This chapter synthesizes the study’s findings by presenting the results of an in-depth cross-case analysis of the data, exploring the complex interrelationship between professional identity and maternal subjectivity, and examining how the participants understood and made sense of their dual roles.

The previous chapter presented the cases of five child psychotherapist mothers exploring how they understood their psychodynamic training, particularly good mother ideology and psychodynamic theory, and how these informed their mothering. Throughout, attention was given to participants’ unique ability to reflect, their incorporation of psychodynamic theory and training, and their navigation of internalized ideals of good motherhood ideology, which they encountered both culturally and in their training. This chapter presents the cross-case findings, which identified three themes that emerged from the data: (1) the weight of responsibility and the harsh power of the superego, (2) breaking the intergenerational cycle through reflective reparation, and (3) psychodynamic knowledge as containment and a defense, along with four shared psychoanalytic mechanisms: (1) maternal superego pressure, (2) intergenerational repetition and reparation, (3) false self vs. true self negotiation, and (4) containment of

ambivalence. The remainder of this chapter will explore the theoretical, clinical, and research implications of the study's data, concluding with a final summary.

Summary of Findings from the Cross-Case Analysis

Introduction to Table 4

Table 4 summarizes the shared psychoanalytic mechanisms among the five participants: Hope, Ann, Elizabeth, Jennifer, and Sophie, highlighting the similar dynamics that underpin their experiences of motherhood as psychodynamically trained child therapists. Although each participant expressed these processes in unique ways, a common thread connected their experiences. The table identifies four central mechanisms: (1) maternal superego pressure, (2) intergenerational repetition and reparation, (3) the negotiation between the false and true self, and (4) the containment of ambivalence. Each mechanism draws on classical and object-relations concepts, including Freud, Klein, Winnicott, and Bion, to illustrate how these mothers manage the tension between clinical knowing and emotional being.

Table 4

Shared Cross-Case Psychoanalytic Mechanisms

Shared Mechanism Psychoanalytic Concept Manifestation Across Cases Integrative Interpretation

Maternal Superego Pressure Superego formation; moral anxiety; guilt (Freud, 1923/1961c)

Intergenerational Repetition and Reparation Reparative drive; depressive position (Klein, 1940/1975a, 1937/1975b)

False Self vs. True Self Negotiation False self (Winnicott, 1960/1965); compliance vs. authenticity

Containment of Ambivalence Depressive position integration; holding (Winnicott, 1960/1965; Bion, 1962)

All participants experienced exaggerated responsibility and guilt. Ann and Sophie internalized punitive maternal voices; Elizabeth and Jennifer linked guilt to empathy and insight; Hope experienced guilt through control.

Each participant consciously sought to break the cycle. Ann and Sophie repaired through emotional presence; Elizabeth and Jennifer through explicit communication; Hope through emotional openness.

Sophie and Ann over-adapted; Elizabeth and Jennifer balanced awareness with spontaneity; Hope expressed stable authenticity.

All participants moved from control to acceptance, allowing guilt, love, and frustration to coexist.

Motherhood reactivated the superego’s moral demands. Psychodynamic knowledge increased self-criticism but also provided a way toward superego softening through reflection and self-compassion.

Mothering became a symbolic workingthrough of early object relations. Reflection and empathy shifted unconscious repetition into reparation.

Motherhood challenged the professional false self, promoting authenticity through emotional imperfection and relational truth.

The capacity to contain ambivalence marked their emotional shift; motherhood becomes a place for integrating aggression and love without defense.

Note. This table was generated using AI by uploading the five participants’ case studies and mechanisms and instructing it to create a table summarizing the shared psychoanalytic mechanisms across all five participants.

Summary and Interpretation of Table 4

This table summarizes the main psychoanalytic mechanisms shared across all participants. These mechanisms highlight a shared maternal psychology in which theory, defense, and reparation coexist. Although the table presents these shared mechanisms, there were slight differences in how they manifested across participants, briefly noted. Each mechanism represents a developmental movement from defense to containment, from guilt to compassion, and from professional identity to authenticity and presence as a mother. As illustrated in Table 4, maternal superego pressure was a strong force for all participants, creating a heightened sense of responsibility and guilt that mirrored both their ideal professional and maternal selves. Through self-reflection, however, this superego softened into compassion, demonstrating a developmental shift from punitive self-criticism to empathy and accountability. The mechanism of intergenerational repetition and reparation reveals the mothers’ conscious efforts to parent differently, transforming inherited pain into a new opportunity for growth and repair. Their clinical understanding of projection, transference, and mourning allowed them to transform unconscious repetition into relational healing.

The third mechanism, the negotiation between the false self and the true self, involved each participant’s professional identity as a therapist overlapping with her role as a mother, creating risks of over-functioning and compliance. They were accustomed to “holding” others, including clients, colleagues, and now children, often at the expense of their own needs. This dynamic parallels Winnicott’s (1960/1965) formulation of the false self, in which adaptation to external expectations replaces authentic self-expression. Over time, professional compliance and perfectionism shifted toward authentic self-expression.

The final mechanism, containment of ambivalence, is the participant’s ability to hold conflicting feelings, such as love and anger, without one overwhelming the other. This mechanism reflects Klein’s (1940/1975b, pp. 358–359) shift from the paranoid-schizoid position to the depressive position, which integrates love and aggression, allowing these mothers to accept imperfection without collapsing.

Collectively, these mechanisms show a similar progression from guilt to acceptance and from cognitive control to emotional containment. They indicate that what defined motherhood was the capacity to hold complexity and to think and feel simultaneously, rather than the removal of conflict. In this sense, Table 4 summarizes one of the study's central findings: for these participants, motherhood mirrored the treatment process, in that the self-reflective process each participant observed enabled them to shift toward empathy and acceptance of their limits and imperfections, which, in turn, offered them the possibility of reparation and love.

Introduction to Table 5

This cross-case analysis examines the lived experiences of Hope, Ann, Elizabeth, Jennifer, and Sophie, five child psychodynamic therapists whose work is closely tied to their experiences of motherhood. Across cases, participants report that becoming a mother reawakens emotional dynamics from early interactions with their mothers. Their training in psychodynamic psychotherapy, particularly its focus on unconscious processes, transference, and intergenerational repetition, highlights and intensifies these dynamics.

Across participants, a shared sense of their inner world as mothers emerges, including guilt, ambivalence, and a desire to parent differently. Each mother’s story shifts between her clinical mind and her emotional self as she seeks to make sense of her identity as a mother through the language of psychodynamic theory. Through their reflections, three themes emerge:

(1) the weight of responsibility and the harsh power of the superego, (2) breaking the intergenerational cycle through reflective reparation, and (3) psychodynamic knowledge as a means of containment and defense. These themes are distinct yet overlap in shared struggles with what it means to be a good mother, a concept shaped by cultural ideology, psychodynamic training, and internalized object relations. Additionally, all five participants use Winnicott’s theories as a grounding anchor and a stabilizing internal object. For these women, motherhood becomes a site of emotional integration as professional insights, early attachment experiences, and intergenerational dynamics converge.

Table 5

Three Themes Across Cases and a Commonly Held Integrative Pattern

Theme

1. The weight of responsibility and the harsh power of the superego

2. Breaking the intergenerational cycle through reflective reparation

Psychodynamic Processes Involved

Superego formation, guilt, moral anxiety, omnipotence, internalized parental criticism

Manifestations Across Participants Interpretive Meaning

All participants expressed an exaggerated sense of moral and emotional responsibility.

The good mother ideal activated a harsh superego, producing perfectionism and guilt. Over time, participants transformed this harsh internal voice into selfcompassion, all five embodying Winnicott’s good-enough mother.

3. Psychodynamic knowledge as containment and a defense

Reparation (Klein, 1937/1975b), projective identification (Klein, 1940/1975a), transference, mourning, reflective function

Each mother sought to do it differently, by either disidentifying with their own mother and/or idealizing the theory.

Through conscious reflection, mothers transformed repetition into reparation, symbolically healing early relational wounds by offering their children what they lacked. Mothering becomes an act of intergenerational repair.

Intellectualization, containment (Bion/1962), false self vs. true self (Winnicott,1960/1965), transitional object (Winnicott, 1971)

Participants initially used theory defensively to manage anxiety. Gradually, the

Professional knowledge served as both a defense and a means of containment. When integrated, it provided

Theme Psychodynamic Processes Involved

Integrative discussion: The good mother ideology and use of Winnicott. All struggled in seeking good mother ideology versus their authentic selves, by leaning on Winnicott’s good-enough mother, over time superego softening, internal reparation, containment of ambivalence.

Manifestations Across Participants Interpretive Meaning theory became an internal holding environment. emotional holding and a reflective space, transforming clinical insight into a lived relational practice.

All five participants demonstrated movement from guilt to acceptance, control to surrender, and defense to integration by using Winnicott’s theories as a support.

The therapist mother’s task mirrored analytic work: holding, containing, interpreting, and repairing. Motherhood becomes a lived analytic process.

Note. This table was generated using AI by uploading the five participants’ case studies and themes, then instructing it to create a table summarizing themes across all five participants.

Summary and Interpretation of Table 5

Theme One: The Weight of Responsibility and the Harsh Power of the Superego

Across all five cases, participants reported that motherhood was burdened by internalized responsibility, stemming from both early family dynamics and their professional identification with psychodynamic theory, which posits the mother’s heavy influence on a child’s development. Each participant described heightened awareness of her power to shape her child’s emotional world, which increased empathy but also led to heightened guilt, anxiety, and perfectionism. This idea of the dual role as a double-edged sword came up with each participant, in that their psychodynamic knowledge increased both empathy and understanding, as well as anxiety and guilt. They all noted that the additional knowledge from their training was helpful.

Yet the same expert knowledge contributed to an exaggerated sense of agency and understanding of the harm that can occur when early childhood relationships with caregivers, particularly mothers, do not go well, resulting in increased anxiety for each of them and a harsh superego.

However, each found growth within this tension. Through self-reflection, each participant began to transform guilt and anxiety into a space for repair and growth. The superego’s tyranny softened through self-compassion, therapy, and reframing failure and conflict as opportunities for connection and repair. In this process, the participants exemplified the paradox of Winnicott’s (1953) good-enough mother: one who “fails” in tolerable doses, enabling the child’s development and her own (p. 94). Notably, each of the five participants relied heavily on Winnicott’s concept of the good-enough mother as a grounding anchor and a stabilizing internal object.

Theme Two: Breaking the Intergenerational Cycle Through Reflective Reparation.

All five participants expressed a wish to parent differently, stemming from both a conscious goal and an unconscious attempt to heal the emotional hurts of their childhoods through their mothering. Each mother brought knowledge of intergenerational transmission to parenting and used psychodynamic theory, along with their own therapy, to help break cycles of parenting practices such as criticism, emotional neglect, role reversal/parentification, or enmeshment.

Each participant reported some level of ambivalence and/or insecurity as they entered motherhood. This illustrates what Stern (1995) termed the motherhood constellation, a psychological reorganization that occurs when a woman reencounters her experiences of being mothered. In other words, the participants’ pregnancies and the transition to motherhood stirred up feelings from their past, along with a wish to be mothered differently. Their professional and maternal identities likely developed from unconscious wishes to repair what was missing or broken in their relationship with their mothers. By studying development and practicing psychodynamically, they sought to provide their clients and, eventually, their children with what had been emotionally missing for them. Similarly, memories of their unmet emotional needs

haunted them unconsciously, reminiscent of Fraiberg et al.’s (1975) concept of ghosts in the nursery. The participants’ awareness of their respective ghosts enabled them to choose which aspects of their mothering to repeat and which to leave behind, focusing on attunement and repairing ruptures, skills honed through their training.

Across their stories, all the participants demonstrated that breaking the intergenerational cycle was not a single achievement but a process of shifting between repair and repetition. Each mother’s initial defensive reaction, “I will not be my mother,” gradually softened into a more integrated understanding of inheritance. Through self-reflection, they came to see that the legacy of motherhood could be transformed rather than simply rejected. Their psychodynamic awareness allowed them to understand, over time, that their internalized guilt could be processed rather than accepted as unchangeable.

From an object-relations perspective, this theme reflects participants’ shift from the paranoid-schizoid position, characterized by splitting and defensive idealization. Many participants reported developing the ability to “live in the gray,” signaling a move from splitting toward the depressive position, characterized by the capacity to tolerate ambivalence, mourn, and engage in reparation (Klein, 1937/1975b, p. 306). The child therapist-mother’s professional insight provided her with tools to understand projection and transference and to deepen her understanding. Ultimately, their stories suggest that reflective reparation, their willingness and ability to engage emotionally after rupture, became the bridge between theory and lived experience. For each participant, reparation extended beyond their children; by mothering differently, they re-mothered the parts of themselves that had once been unseen, neglected, or silenced.

Theme Three: Psychodynamic Knowledge as a Means of Containment and a Defense. Psychodynamic theory served as a stabilizing internal framework for all five participants. Although they all noted the difference between therapy and mothering, their clinical skills heavily informed their mothering; each wished for their children to feel seen, heard, and cared for. Therefore, they incorporated clinical techniques such as mirroring, validation, encouraging the expression of feelings, and affect regulation into their mothering, while also recognizing their limits at home. Like the double-edged sword noted in theme one, psychodynamic knowledge initially provided an intellectual defense against anxiety but later became an internalized holding environment that encouraged reflection.

This duality highlighted a classic paradox of knowing and being. As all five participants noted, their professional training initially gave them an illusion of control; they entered motherhood with their training and theory in mind, holding the false belief that their expert knowledge would protect them from uncertainty and challenges. Sophie captured this paradox when she said, “I had this bag of tricks, but that bag of tricks is for other people’s kids, it’s not available when you’re dysregulated.” Similarly, Ann noted that “the skills that make me a good therapist sometimes make me overthink my children’s feelings,” while Elizabeth described “listening like a clinician instead of a mother.”

These reflections reveal a common struggle with the difference between merely knowing about something and actually living through it. Bion (1962) articulated this distinction by distinguishing between the mind that “knows” and the mind that “learns from experience” (p. 89). Each participant noted that their academic defenses collapsed when they confronted the real emotions of motherhood. In those moments, theory did not help. Their realizations shattered their initial fantasy, prompting reevaluation. They each learned to stop thinking so much and to feel,

responding emotionally to their child. In the end, their maternal subjectivity, informed by theory and relational experiences, became a space for psychic growth; they gained the ability to experience authentic connection rather than defensive idealization.

This also aligns with Bion’s (1962) concept of containment, the mother’s capacity to absorb and metabolize her child’s unprocessed affect. Across all cases, participants’ conscious monitoring of their internal states reflected mentalization, enabling them to respond rather than react (Fonagy & Target, 1997, p. 127). In this way, participants drew on their clinical training and theory to support and inform their mothering; their therapist’s stance of mindfulness and emotional containment helped them become more attuned and present as mothers.

Initially, participants saw theory as a form of protection or a way to create order and manage the anxiety that comes with the unpredictability of raising a child. Over time, this defensive use of knowledge shifted toward treating it as a container or space to hold their knowledge and affect. In Bion’s (1962) model, this process mirrors how we process thought, moving from overwhelming unprocessed experience to meaningful understanding. For these mothers, their psychodynamic sensibilities became both a framework for mothering and a holding space for metabolizing the guilt, fear, and ambivalence inherent in motherhood. This theme highlights how each mother learned to hold herself as she would a client or a child, indicating the development of an internal holding environment in which they could hold their own vulnerabilities rather than using psychodynamic theory defensively or as a measure of perfection. Ultimately, psychodynamic knowledge provided them with a psychic container for ambivalence, within which their professional and maternal selves converged. As one participant concluded, representing a collective experience, “My work trained my mind, but motherhood trained my heart.”

Integrative Discussion: The Good Mother Ideology and Use of Winnicott. Across the five cases, motherhood provided a space for further development and, in a sense, a psychoanalytic space where internalized maternal objects, professional identities, psychodynamic theory, and cultural ideologies converged. The three major themes (1) the harsh power of the superego, (2) breaking the intergenerational cycle through reflective reparation, and (3) psychodynamic knowledge as containment and a defense come together around a central tension: the struggle to embody the good mother ideology while remaining true to their authentic selves.

From a psychoanalytic perspective, the good mother ideal operates through two mechanisms, the aspirational (ego ideal) and the punitive superego. The participants’ internal worlds were driven by a superego that demanded flawless attunement, constant responsiveness, and emotional containment. The good mother image functioned as an ego ideal, an internalized standard she felt compelled to meet (Freud, 1923/1961c). The participants’ stories showed that the good mother ideal is not only a cultural construct but also an internal object relation.

Winnicott’s (1960/1965) concept of the good-enough mother offered an answer to perfectionism, yet it could still be idealized by therapist mothers. They viewed the idea of good-enough through a clinical lens that overemphasized the mothers’ responsibility. Each participant entered motherhood already steeped in psychodynamic knowledge and language and familiar with concepts such as attachment, transference, projection, and containment. This knowledge heightened empathy but also increased guilt; they saw their own failures in analytic terms as ruptures with possible developmental consequences. Therefore, psychodynamic training further strengthened the superego’s demands for insight and self-regulation. Jennifer summarized this paradox well when she stated, “I can’t not [sic] know what I know.”

As previously described, each participant’s childhood and psychodynamic training led them to struggle with maternal omnipotence, holding and containing their professional skills within the maternal role, the use of rupture and repair, and a wish to break the cycle. Winnicott’s ideas were heavily relied on because he offered an answer to these shared challenges, providing a more compassionate way to integrate their clinical identities with their experiences as mothers. The good-enough mother concept offered relief from maternal omnipotence and provided an anchor for these women, allowing them to relinquish the belief that they were solely responsible for their child’s well-being. Winnicott’s concepts of the holding environment and containment helped the participants translate their professional skills into their personal lives, creating emotionally safe spaces for their children. This, in turn, supported their ability to hold both their children and their own maternal vulnerabilities.

In this study, all five participants explicitly drew on the concept of rupture and repair, which Winnicott (1971) typically called “failure and mending” (p. 89) as a blueprint for maternal stability. They viewed taking accountability and apologizing to the children for their own frustrations or missteps as essential to mothering; it showed that their relationship could withstand mistakes and remain secure. These participants likely gravitated toward Winnicott because his theories helped them accept imperfection and reduce self-criticism. Winnicott (1971) argued that good-enough mothering begins with nearly complete adaptation to an infant’s needs, but as the child grows, the mother gradually fails to adapt perfectly (p.10). A critical point is that Winnicott specifically told mothers not to be perfect; being a good mother is not the absence of failure but the act of repair, which is crucial for the child’s development. Given their histories and training, the participants were predisposed to idealize perfect mothering; therefore, they gravitated toward Winnicott, who told them otherwise. His ideas offered a “big relief,”

addressing precisely what they were struggling with and providing justification for accepting their limitations. Winnicott’s work also offered the five participants a way to parent differently from their parents, providing a theoretical anchor and blueprint for parenting with greater attunement and emotional connection. Their use of Winnicott’s theories allowed them to break the cycles of emotional unavailability from their upbringings.

The participants’ stories show that the good mother ideal is not only a cultural construction but also an internal object relation. Each mother carried within her an image of the perfect or failed maternal figure, drawn from her childhood experience with her own mother or from the idealized maternal figure in theory; each used this image to shape her understanding of the mother she wanted to be. These swings across cases could be described as the paranoidschizoid position, as Klein (1946/1975b, p. 2) described it, in which the self protects itself, as a defense against ambivalence, by splitting the image of the mother into good and bad parts. However, over time, they each moved toward the depressive position, where the mothers could tolerate ambivalence, imperfection, and the integration of love and aggression. Therefore, motherhood became a lived experience of working through early object relations, as they each experienced a form of internal reparation by surviving their own failures and those of their mothers, indicating a shift from repetition to reparation. These mothers show that generational healing can happen when you stop striving for perfection and instead embrace being good enough. By embracing imperfection and accepting themselves as good enough, these mothers reflect the essence of psychoanalytic thought: wholeness is the capacity to hold complexity, integrating love and loss, and finding goodness in being good enough.

Research, Clinical, and Theoretical Implications

Research Implications

This qualitative research design used a psychoanalytic case study methodology to explore what child psychodynamic therapists say about mothering and their experiences of motherhood, particularly as these relate to their work experience and clinical training, including psychodynamic theory and good mother ideologies. This method was chosen to honor the complexity and emotional nuance of the psychodynamically trained mothers who shared their stories. A core assumption of this study is that professional work and training shape the personal experience of mothering. In their training, child psychodynamic therapists study psychoanalytic and psychodynamic theory, which posits that the mother plays a central role in child development and often links psychopathology to problems stemming from inadequate mothering. In addition, child psychodynamic therapist mothers in the United States live in a society where psychoanalytic theory has infiltrated Western patriarchal culture, shaping how we, as a culture and society, judge and label what constitutes good mothering. Therefore, child psychodynamic therapist mothers have both been taught personally and studied professionally what it means to be a good mother.

The in-depth interview design, conducted over four sessions per participant, created space to build rapport and foster emotional safety over time. This structure mirrored aspects of the therapeutic process, while I, as the interviewer, provided containment and repetition, along with opportunities to deepen our trust. This approach allowed the research to move beyond participants' self-reports to a more in-depth examination of fantasy, conflict, memory, and emotion. Several participants, for example, shared experiences or insights in later interviews that built on earlier comments in nonlinear ways, suggesting that the interview process became a

space for self-reflection and for making meaning of their dual roles, which will be explored below.

This study used a psychoanalytic interpretive lens to analyze the data, examining both the manifest content and the latent meaning. This methodology allowed exploration of participants' statements while also considering their latent meanings, including how they spoke and how their stories highlighted unconscious processes and internal struggles. Attention was paid to contradictions, silences, and idealizations, as well as to what they defended against, such as projection, splitting, and idealization.

Consistent with a hermeneutically grounded project, the interpretive work was neither neutral nor distanced; rather, it was conducted within a relational framework that acknowledged the researcher’s subjectivity. Therefore, reflexivity was central to the process, including the researcher’s identification as a psychodynamic child therapist and mother, which was not bracketed but carefully noted and considered as part of the data and analysis. Thus, the findings reflect a co-constructed account rather than an objective truth. Participants’ reflections were influenced by factors such as their level of insight and comfort with self-disclosure, which may have affected the depth and tone of their narratives.

Additionally, a notable challenge that emerged throughout this study was the role of consciousness and awareness of the origin of a behavior or action. A participant cannot report on a connection they made if they are not consciously aware of it, just as they cannot report on something they are not consciously aware of having. Therefore, the study relied on interview data that captured participants’ conscious reflections rather than the full unconscious dimension of their motherhood experiences. This aligns with the study’s interpretive lens and underscores the value of further exploring unconscious maternal processes in future research. Additionally,

care was taken to represent participants’ experiences as accurately as possible by examining latent and subconscious communications to derive interpretations of their thinking and behavior. As previously noted, these interpretations are one of many ways to understand these women’s experiences through a psychoanalytic interpretive lens.

While this method provided deep insights into the experiences and mental processes of these five child therapist mothers, it was limited by its small sample size. Although this limits generalizability, that was not the goal of the research. Additionally, the psychoanalytic lens, while providing depth and richness, may have overlooked other sociocultural or systemic factors. Care was taken to balance psychodynamic theory with participants’ explicit meaning-making and contextual realities; however, this remains an epistemological consideration.

Ultimately, the chosen research design reflects a commitment to depth over breadth (Tolleson, 1996) and to the value of hearing someone’s story in their own words, including affect and unconscious meaning, as a source of valuable knowledge. While the theory has much to say about mothers and their role, the voices of child psychodynamic therapist mothers had not yet been documented or considered; therefore, this study was an initial attempt to address this gap in the literature. This research begins to fill a gap in theoretical knowledge by presenting the experiences of this subgroup of mothers, whose stories offer important insights into the intersection of clinical wisdom, maternal identity, and lived experience. This study contributes to the growing body of literature on the intersection of professional identity and mothers’ subjectivity. It highlights how psychodynamic child therapists internalize, apply, and reinterpret core psychodynamic concepts in their mothering, and how these five women found reparation for their own childhood experiences through motherhood.

Future research could be expanded by interviewing additional child therapist mothers or by interviewing fathers, same-gender parents, or therapists from diverse theoretical orientations to enable more generalizable conclusions. It could also be expanded to include other clinicians, helping professionals, or other specialists working with children, examining how they integrate their professional knowledge and societal norms into parenting, as well as how they perceive themselves as parents. Longitudinal studies could examine how child therapist mothers’ internal dynamics develop and change as their children grow older, highlighting how reparation and ambivalence continue to shift across developmental stages. Additionally, future research should incorporate a broader racial and cultural perspective, regardless of the specific population studied, as the cross-cultural dimension was lacking in this study.

Clinical Implications

Following this research study, several implications for clinical training and maternal mental health support were identified. The findings suggest that psychodynamic training can provide a double-edged framework for therapists who are also mothers, bringing both additional supports and challenges to their experience of motherhood, as previously noted. Participants consistently reported that their clinical training provided helpful insights, language, and theory, while also increasing feelings of guilt, self-criticism, and perfectionism, as well as moral pressure to parent with constant reflection and empathy. This occurred when they failed to meet the good mother ideology they held, the unattainable standard of the “always attuned” or “therapeutic” mother. The findings challenge the assumption that clinical expertise makes parenting easier. As a result, training institutions, educators, supervisors, and clinicians who support therapist-mothers might need to be more explicit about the intersection between professional and maternal identities. It would also be helpful for institutions that train child

psychodynamic therapists to examine how their professional knowledge may seep into their personal lives, particularly in relation to becoming parents, and to integrate discussions of parenthood, ambivalence, and perfectionism into their curriculum.

Another clinical implication highlights the importance of the corrective emotional experience, or the better mother model, in contemporary therapy. This idea relies heavily on the corrective emotional experience, which portrays the therapist as a maternal replacement who addresses the initial failures of the actual mother. It places pressure on the therapist-mother’s role, implying that professional success is closely tied to fulfilling an idealized maternal role. As shown in the research, each participant initially held an idealized maternal image, including fantasies of being “perfectly attuned,” of having “superhuman” attunement and regulatory abilities, and of exercising maternal omnipotence. This maternal idealization stemmed from a combination of their psychodynamic training, a desire to repair deficits from their own childhoods, and a desire to parent differently from their mothers in specific ways.

Benjamin (2004) critiques this paradigm, arguing that it de-subjectifies the therapist and reinforces a doer/done-to dynamic that reflects patriarchal gender roles. The research results demonstrated this dynamic, showing that clinical and maternal growth occurred only when participants shifted from being a healer or the doer to a more authentic subject capable of surviving failure and engaging in mutual recognition. As Benjamin (2009) describes, by admitting their failure, the therapist or mother shifts from being an object of the child’s needs to a separate subject with her own limitations. Benjamin (2009) explains that this transparency and “the restoration of mutual recognition” enable the “co-creation of a shared third space” (p. 447). As observed in the participants’ stories, their process toward greater integration ultimately led them to accept imperfection and to view repair as a success rather than a failure in both their

mother and therapist roles. To better support all therapists, especially mothers, clinical supervision should shift away from the replacement model and focus on the concept of “a shared third space,” in which both therapist and patient are recognized as subjects (Benjamin, 2004, p. 447).

To further support therapist-mothers effectively, supervision, consultation, and clinical education should intentionally create spaces for reflection, such as clinical supervision, peer supervision, individual therapy, and support groups, to normalize their experience and to explore and discuss these dynamics, which could better support this population and possibly help reduce the risk of burnout. Supervisors can model curiosity about maternal countertransference and normalize the commonly noted experience of empathy, exhaustion, love, and frustration.

Reflective supervision groups can serve as holding environments (Winnicott, 1960/1965) for therapist-mothers, allowing them to process their dual identities.

Another clinical implication is the importance of recognizing how childhood and interpersonal experiences shape current relationships, both as a clinician and as a mother. Shared responses from participants highlight the need to support therapist-mothers in individual or group settings to explore and process their early attachments alongside their parenting practices and clinical work. Several participants described how parenting brought up their respective ghosts from the past and the early emotional wounds they had previously defended against, and that their training provided them with both tools to help and pressures to manage those difficult feelings. Normalizing and raising awareness of these dynamics among mother-therapists, along with providing spaces for processing, may help prevent professional burnout and isolation and promote emotional resilience.

As noted above, several participants shared insights in later interviews that built on earlier comments, suggesting that the interview process itself became a space for self-reflection and meaning-making. Participants noted that having a space to explore their dual roles was helpful, a noteworthy finding. These women are well-versed in psychodynamic thinking about their histories and in connecting past experiences to the present, as developed in their individual therapy. However, many indicated that they had not previously considered the overlap between their dual roles in quite the same way as they did during the interview process for this study. It is significant that participants reported benefiting from having space to explore and process their dual roles as mothers and therapists. Likewise, I can attest that the process was personally therapeutic and beneficial. As I had the honor of hearing these women’s stories, I could strongly relate to many of their struggles and experiences. Recognizing a common experience among other child therapist mothers normalized my own experience and fostered a healing sense of twinship (Kohut, 1971) as I heard similar challenges from my peers. As initially surmised, a deeper understanding of the clinical dynamics noted in this study suggests that exploring and processing the dual role may facilitate emotional support and growth. It also provides a deeper understanding of this subgroup, enabling future therapists to better support their clients who are mothers and therapists.

Another noteworthy consideration when drawing clinical implications from this study is the chicken-or-the-egg paradox. In other words, what came first, their natural ability to be highly attuned, compassionate, and deep-thinking mothers, their clinical training and experience, or their upbringing that led to the mothering experiences documented in this research project? Or all of the above? One challenge in this study is determining whether these child therapists would have had similar mothering experiences regardless of their profession, given their childhoods and

natural tendencies, or whether their motherhood experience was shaped more by their psychodynamic training. Would these women have been highly attuned and compassionate mothers even if they had pursued different professions? While this question is difficult to answer, without their training, they likely would not have known about concepts such as containment, Winnicott’s (1960/1965) holding environment, and the good-enough mother (1953). Another question concerns individuals who enter the field as clinicians or child clinicians, and whether aspects of their childhood or other life experiences may have influenced their motivation and decision to pursue a career in clinical practice. While it is outside the scope of this study to fully address these questions, they could be fruitful avenues for future research and warrant noting as an additional complexity for consideration in the present study.

Finally, these clinical findings are particularly important given the makeup of clinical social work. As noted in chapter one, clinical social work is a female-dominated field, with the majority of practitioners being mothers, yet most of the good mothering ideologies are written by men (Salsberg et al., 2020; Zippia, 2025). This study provides the field with a method to examine an experience shared by the majority of its members. It presents mothers’ subjective voices, which are noticeably absent from the theory. Given how the theory frames mothers, it seems imperative to document the feelings and experiences of child therapist mothers in the literature. Furthermore, it is important to carefully consider the needs of these women. The findings of this study suggest that what these women most need is similar to what they offer their clients and children. They need a space where they can be recognized as unique, subjective individuals and where they can think, feel, and be held and contained without judgment.

Theoretical Implications

This study aimed to deepen the understanding of how psychodynamic theory is applied in practice regarding motherhood and to explore how child psychodynamic therapists navigate good mothering ideologies. Theoretically, this study highlights the lack of research and understanding of how maternal identity is influenced by psychodynamic theory in real-world practice. While there is literature on the good-enough mother and intersubjectivity in theoretical or clinical terms, this study shows how those ideas are internalized, idealized, and then renegotiated by mothers with analytic training. For example, all five participants began with idealized images of motherhood, often shaped by personal histories or professional ideologies, and through lived experiences and reflections, they came to a more integrated image of themselves as mothers. This path is significant for how psychoanalytic educators might explain the developmental process of becoming a good-enough mother. It is an ongoing, evolving process shaped by ambivalence, humility, and rupture and repair.

This research encourages further discussion of maternal well-being beyond the scope of psychodynamic therapists. Although this small sample is not generalizable, the themes reflect a broader cultural pattern in which perhaps all mothers, especially those with psychodynamic training, feel pressure from internalized beliefs, including conscious efforts to “break the cycle” and attempts to embrace the idea of being imperfect and good enough. In the cultural landscape of intensive mothering norms, these findings highlight the importance of mothers' authenticity and self-reflection, and the need to normalize ruptures and recognize the capacity to repair. These findings emphasize that social and clinical conversations should shift the focus from exclusively the child’s needs to include the mother’s psychological experiences and needs.

This study highlights the participants’ struggles with the same cultural pressures of perfectionism, self-criticism, and the aspiration to be good enough that all mothers face, but perhaps more intensely because of their heightened self-awareness. This may reflect a smallscale example of broader societal pressures on all mothers. Consequently, the findings of this study are relevant beyond the academic community, as they show how internalized good-mother ideologies and a cultural tendency toward self-blame foster a universal struggle between authenticity and adequacy among Western mothers.

As highlighted in the literature review, Layton (2004) examines how psychoanalytic theory and American society are fixated on mothers and tend to blame mothers for their children’s problems. This focus on mothers can reinforce the internalization of good mother ideology by society and mothers alike, leading mothers to resort to self-blame rather than consider other contributing factors. While it is beyond the scope of this study to determine the extent to which these women were influenced by their psychodynamic training versus cultural norms and societal pressures, given the Western cultural climate of socially constructed norms around intensive mothering, these findings are even more noteworthy.

As mentioned earlier, the study was not designed to be generalizable; however, given the prevailing cultural climate, it is probable that all mothers face this pressure to some degree. Based on these assumptions, many mothers, regardless of their careers, are steeped in good mother ideologies. As previously stated, they are reading various books on the latest trends and strategies for becoming the best parent or adopting the latest recognized best approach. This pressure to parent in a particular way may lead to perfectionistic tendencies in parenting, as observed among the study’s participants. Therefore, these findings may apply to a broader population of mothers and perhaps fathers as well. As more traditional parenting norms become

less dichotomized, it has become more common for both parents to share responsibility for their child’s well-being. This study has focused on women because the theory placed greater emphasis on the mother’s role; however, it is hoped that parenting will become more equitable over time. Furthermore, it was observed that participants developed self-compassion and the capacity to accept ambivalence, acknowledge imperfection, and progress towards repair rather than self-blame. Since this process reflects the typical developmental path of mothers, the findings might be relevant to a broader range of mothers. Although this study focuses on a specific professional group, its findings may offer a significant model for understanding how reflection, repair, and emotional containment can help mothers in any setting become more resilient.

A final theoretical implication of this study is that growth and change are lifelong experiences. The results show that the participants’ psychoanalytic understanding of motherhood is an evolving relationship and a reflective process rather than a predetermined, fixed role. This study emphasized how psychodynamic ideas, such as containment, projection, the depressive position, and the false self, came alive in everyday family life for these participants. It also suggests that we can heal inherited intergenerational emotional pain through intentional acts of understanding and self-reflection. For these psychodynamic therapists who are also mothers, their home lives became an extension of their professional practice, and they actively applied their therapeutic theories in real time.

Implications for the Theoretical Understanding of Gender Socialization

The study's findings suggest that discussions of maternal identity should be viewed through a broader lens that accounts for gender socialization. An important theoretical implication of this study is its alignment with critiques from contemporary feminist theorists.

Some critics argue that Winnicott’s notion of the good-enough mother, as explored in this study, while intended to reduce perfectionist pressures on mothers, also often places excessive responsibility on mothers for their children’s health and well-being (Bueskens, 2014c; Chodorow, 1978). This perspective may perpetuate mother-blame and unrealistic expectations for mothers.

Feminist critiques of Winnicott’s concept of primary maternal preoccupation argue that this state, described as an "almost illness,” reflects patriarchal pressures on women to relinquish their subjectivity (Santos & Zornig, 2021, p. 4). Furthermore, Winnicott believed the child’s sense of self depends on a time when the mother serves solely as a containing space, a view that also de-subjectivizes the mother (Sidesinger, 2024). These critiques were evident in the participants’ stories; each initially held idealized views of motherhood and the good mother ideology, which, as they accepted their limitations, gradually collapsed, allowing them to reclaim their subjectivity.

The drive for maternal perfectionism among participants reflects broader cultural and theoretical influences. Historically, these factors have marginalized maternal subjectivity and shaped gender socialization, leading women to prioritize emotional labor and self-sacrifice (Bueskens, 2014c; Chodorow, 1978). Clinical theories often reinforce this gender socialization by portraying emotional attunement as a moral obligation, identifying maternal shortcomings as a primary cause of a child’s emotional and developmental challenges, and encouraging traits such as social attunement, agreeableness, and selflessness in girls (Benjamin, 1988; Chodorow, 1978). These qualities are highly valued later, both in motherhood and in helping professions.

In this study, patterns of parentification and pressure to maintain social attunement led participants to internalize the good girl archetype, which, as adults, reinforced maternal

perfectionism through clinical training (Benjamin, 1988; Chodorow, 1978, as cited in Bueskens, 2014b, p. 12). Psychodynamic theory initially functioned as an extension of the participant’s false self organization, with clinical mastery serving as a defense against the cycle. Thus, the drive for maternal perfectionism can be understood as a socially constructed defense mechanism against guilt produced in a patriarchal culture that promotes intensive mothering yet diminishes mothers' subjectivity.

Benjamin (1988) claims that the good girl archetype and the restriction of female aggression stem from a failure of mutual recognition during gender development. Building on Winnicott’s theories, Benjamin (1988) further argues that, because of their gender, girls are socialized to develop a false self-organization, learning to prioritize others’ needs to maintain attachment. Many of the participants’ stories illustrate Benjamin’s theory, which holds that when children are required to serve as their parents’ emotional containers, they often lose their sense of power and authenticity. Instead, they develop identities rooted in shame, seeking validation through compliance. Sophie and Ann’s experiences illustrate this dynamic, and, to a lesser extent, those of the others. For these participants, entering the field of child therapy was often a reparative drive, an attempt to provide for others the containment they lacked as children.

Expanding on Winnicott’s notion of the parent surviving the child without retaliation, Benjamin (1995) developed what she calls the deconstruction of the object, a process in which the child, in fantasy, aggressively attacks the mother to see whether she survives. If the mother survives without retaliating, she is perceived as an external subject rather than merely a projection of the child’s needs. Benjamin (1988) argues that patriarchal gender development relies on gender polarity, a psychic splitting of human qualities. Boys are socialized to achieve independence by differentiating from the mother, often by rejecting her, which leads to male

rationality and dominance, whereas girls are socialized into continuity with the mother, which can result in a good girl archetype characterized by self-negation and vulnerability (Benjamin, 1988). Benjamin further explains that when the good girl conforms to societal expectations, she sacrifices her own subjectivity and agency. This leads to what she calls a pathology of love, in which one partner exerts power over the other (Benjamin, 1988). Conversely, Benjamin (1995) advocates gender heterodoxy, in which individuals of any gender can integrate independence such as assertiveness and aggression with connection through nurturance and empathy.

Benjamin (2004) also argues that authenticity lies in mutual recognition, achieved when individuals are recognized as subjects. She explains that authenticity is lost when one person dominates or is active (the doer), and the other submits or is a passive object (the done to). To address this problematic setup, Benjamin (2004) moves beyond binaries to the concepts of thirdness and intersubjectivity, which acknowledge two separate individuals and enable both subjects to coexist without one dominating or controlling the other (or done to). Benjamin’s (2004) concept of intersubjectivity offered the study’s participants a way of relinquishing maternal omnipotence. By accepting their own limitations and aggression, they moved from being an object, de-subjectivized and framed solely in terms of what she provides for her child, to an authentic subject.

Furthermore, as noted by all participants and as Benjamin (2009) suggests, authenticity is often regained only through rupture. Benjamin (2009) also suggests that a mother must eventually give up the “ideal of being a ‘complete container’” and instead “take responsibility for her failures” (p. 447). Admitting this failure to the child is an act of reclaiming her own subjectivity and restoring mutual recognition. Benjamin (2004) describes the analytic third as a mental space in which the mother remains attuned to her child while also maintaining her own

separate desires and needs, thereby facilitating mutual recognition rather than self-sacrifice. This study demonstrates that participants transitioned from a false self-organization defined by sacrifice to a true self characterized by greater authenticity and connection, through selfreflection and therapy, a la Benjamin.

Community and Policy Implications

At the community and cultural levels, it is important to shift narratives about motherhood, moving away from holding mothers solely responsible and toward a more compassionate, community-based approach to the challenges of raising children. As noted in the era of intensive mothering, the current cultural landscape of the good mother often demands complete self-sacrifice and emotional availability, without considering mothers’ subjective experiences or needs. Educational programs, parenting groups, and media representations should highlight and normalize ambivalence, recognize the cultural assumption that women want to become mothers on the first hand, recognize the imperative of maternal imperfection, and normalize and value the idea that relationships experience ruptures and repairs. These suggestions help mothers embrace self-compassion rather than guilt and shame, fostering a mindset of growth and an understanding of imperfection, rather than punishing them for not meeting impossible standards.

At the societal and policy levels, meaningful support for mothers must go beyond symbolic gestures. Access to paid parental leave, affordable childcare, and mental health services for all represents the social equivalent of a holding environment. Public health policies should recognize that the mental health of mothers and fathers is essential to children’s well-being. To better support mothers, priorities need to shift so that society, as the parental object, assumes greater responsibility for containing the known anxieties and stressors associated with parenting,

reflecting a collective act of support, containment, and reparation. Finally, the study calls for recognizing and appreciating mothers as individuals with their own desires and needs, rather than valuing them only for what they provide for their child.

Summation

Addressing the central research question: What do child psychodynamic therapists say about mothering and their experience of motherhood, particularly as it relates to their work experience and clinical training, including psychodynamic theory and good mother ideologies? The cross-case analysis shows that these mothers have a distinctive experience. Their professional training increases awareness, responsibility, and empathy while also strengthening the drive for perfection. However, through self-reflection, they transformed theory from a burden into a stabilizer and from a defense into a form of containment.

This study explored the lived experiences of five child psychodynamic therapists, Hope, Ann, Elizabeth, Jennifer, and Sophie, as they navigated motherhood through a psychodynamic lens. The cross-case analysis identified three overarching themes: (1) the weight of responsibility and the harsh power of the superego, (2) breaking the intergenerational cycle through reflective reparation, and (3) psychodynamic knowledge as a means of containment and a defense. It also identified four shared psychoanalytic mechanisms: (1) maternal superego pressure, (2) intergenerational repetition and reparation, (3) false self versus true self negotiation, and (4) containment of ambivalence.

At times, all participants struggled to navigate their dual roles, often confronting internalized good mother ideologies from both theory and society. Participants' accounts of these struggles underscore the burden of caregiving in a culture that idolizes motherhood yet offers insufficient support and resources for mothers. Through a psychodynamic lens, they made sense

of their dual roles by reexamining concepts from their training, such as the good-enough mother. They internalized this concept, embracing their limitations and valuing emotional presence and repair while holding both roles.

Although the study’s findings cannot be generalized to the broader population of mothers, some themes extend beyond the specific sample. Regardless of professional training, these themes reflect universal aspects of the maternal experience, such as striving for balance and authenticity and managing guilt and aggression. These experiences highlight that what all mothers, therapists, and non-therapists need most is psychological, relational, and societal support, creating space for self-reflection and relational containment. Therapy, support groups, peer connections, or thoughtfully written policies can help mothers thrive by recognizing them as individuals with unique subjective needs. To truly support all mothers, efforts should include both empathy and structural change.

In conclusion, this study met its objective by providing child psychodynamic therapist mothers with an opportunity to express and document their perspectives. Although the theory historically speaks extensively about mothers and their roles, mothers’ perspectives have not been considered to better understand how the theory plays out in practice and how it impacts their experiences of motherhood. For these women, motherhood, much like therapy, was seen as a continuous, evolving analytic process. Each mother’s story demonstrated the potential to turn theory into lived experience, knowledge into empathy, and guilt into understanding. Ideally, the findings from this study will contribute to positive advancements for women, including an enhanced understanding and additional support for this population.

Appendix A:

Recruitment Flyer

Email subject line: Seeking participants for PhD research project

I am a licensed clinical social worker and PhD candidate at the Institute for Clinical Social Work in Chicago, Illinois. I am conducting an IRB-approved dissertation study researching the experience of child psychodynamic therapists who are also mothers. This study will explore their perspectives on good mothering ideologies, including how their work experience and training, in particular psychodynamic theory, inform their mothering.

I am writing for your assistance in connecting with research participants, if you or someone you know might be interested. I have attached a recruitment flyer to this email. If you would kindly consider passing this along to any of your patients, colleagues, friends, or family, if you believe they might be interested in participating. See the attached flyer for more information.

Thank you in advance for your consideration,

Laura Curry, LCSW PhD Candidate Institute for Clinical Social Work

Email: lcurry@icsw.edu

Phone: 312-919-0002

Flyer attached to email: Institute for Clinical Social Work, Chicago IL., Ph. D. Student Seeking Volunteers

Volunteers Needed for Research on “Good Mother” Ideologies in Psychoanalytic Theory:

Impact on The Child Therapist's Experience as a Mother

-Do you identify as a female psychodynamic child therapist?

-Have you taken at least one course in psychodynamic theory, one course in child development, and had clinical supervision in psychodynamic child therapy?

-Do you have a child between the ages of 6 and 18?

-Did you have, at a minimum, four years of clinical experience prior to having a child?

-Are you willing to participate in four 60–90-minute interviews, which will be conducted in a private setting in person, or via Zoom? Confidentiality is assured.

-Participants will receive a $30 gift card. Please contact Laura Curry at lcurry@icsw.edu or (312) 919-0002 if you are interested in participating or would like more information. This study will be carried out by Laura Curry, LCSW (Principal Researcher) supervised by Jennifer Tolleson, PhD (Dissertation Chair) and under the auspices of the Institute for Clinical Social Work, 1345 W. Argyle Street Chicago, IL 60640

Appendix B:

Initial Phone Screening/Pre-Screening Script

The following is a script of what I said to potential participants interested in my study: Hello. Thank you for your interest in my research. Again, my name is Laura Curry, and I am a PhD student at the Institute for Clinical Social Work. My research is focused on child psychodynamic therapist mothers’ experience of mothering. This study will explore their perspectives on motherhood, including how their work experience and training, in particular psychodynamic theory and good mothering ideologies, inform their mothering. Before we move forward, I’d like to ask you a few initial questions to determine whether you meet the criteria for this study. Would it be okay if I ask you a few questions now?

Screening Questions:

1. Are you a fully licensed clinician? [Yes/No] If no, disqualify.

2. Do you have at least four years of clinical work experience prior to having a child? [Yes/No] If no, disqualify.

3. Do you identify as a psychodynamic therapist who specializes in treating children? [Yes/No] If no, disqualify.

4. Have you taken classes or seminars in the psychodynamic treatment of children, including at least one course in child development? [Yes/No] If no, disqualify.

5. Have you taken at least one course in psychodynamic or psychoanalytic theory? [Yes/No] If no, disqualify.

6. Have you had clinical supervision in psychodynamic/psychoanalytic child therapy? [Yes/No] If no, disqualify.

7. Is there anything you can think of that might deter you from participating or providing me with honest answers? [Yes/No] If yes, possibly disqualify.

[If the potential participant meets screening criteria, move to demographic questions and script below.]

Since you have met the criteria for this study, I’d like to ask you a few demographic questions. Is that okay?

Demographic and Logistical Questions:

8. How old are you?

9. What is your race/ethnicity?

10. Where do you live?

11. Are you raising your child(ren) alone or with a partner?

12. How many children do you have? What are their gender and ages?

Child 1: gender ______ age ______

Child 2: gender ______ age ______

Child 3: gender ______ age ______

Child 4: gender ______ age ______

13. Would you be willing to be interviewed four times for 60–90 minutes? [Yes/No] If no, disqualify.

14. Are you okay with being audiotaped? [Yes/No] If no, disqualify.

15. If we proceed with your participation in this study, would you prefer to meet in person or virtually? What is your general availability for interview meetings?

16. What is your choice for a $30 gift card for your participation in the study (e.g., Starbucks, Target)?

17. Since you have met all the inclusionary criteria and agree to participate in the study, please provide me with a three-digit number (e.g., 001, 002, 003) that will be used in all forms of data collection, including interviews and data tables. Thank you for taking the time to answer these questions. [Continue if they qualify for the study and are willing to participate.] The next step will be my contacting you in the next few weeks to continue discussing your participation in this study. Would that be okay with you? Prior to the first interview, I will email you the informed consent for you to sign electronically. I will go over it at the beginning of the first interview and you can have it handy to look at in case you have any questions.

Appendix C:

Consent Form Script

When the prospective participant arrives for the first interview, informed consent began. This process entailed the following: 1) an explanation of the study’s purpose, 2) reasons for and scholarly benefit of the study, 3) expectations of participants, 4) the data collection methodology process, 5) possible risks and benefits of participation, and 6) privacy and confidentiality procedures. Participants were informed that they would receive a $30 gift card for their participation and would incur no costs beyond their time. Their information will be kept strictly confidential, and they may revoke consent and terminate the process at any time. The script below was read aloud to the participant, and they were asked to state their understanding of the consent. If they communicated an appropriate and clear understanding and agreed, they signed the Informed Consent form to participate in the research.

Thank you very much for your interest in this research. The purpose of this study is to explore the experience of child psychodynamic therapists who are mothers. I am personally interested in and motivated to study this topic because of my experience as a psychodynamically trained child therapist and my reflection on how my training and work experience have shaped my parenting. There is currently no literature on the parenting experience of mothers who are also child psychodynamic therapists. This study adds to the literature and may bring a sense of commonality to other child therapist mothers, as well as help mental health professionals understand and possibly improve the treatment of child therapists who are mothers.

You will be asked to participate in four 60–90-minute interviews. During the interviews, I will ask you some questions related to your experience of yourself as a mother. This will

include how you understand how your work experience and clinical training, in particular psychodynamic theory and good mother ideology, inform your mothering.

I will audiotape our meetings. Everything we discuss together will be fully confidential. The tapes and transcripts from our meetings will be stored on a password-protected computer and/or in a locked cabinet during and following the study. I am mandated to keep these materials for 5 years and then destroy them.

I am the only one who will know your identity. Your name will never appear in the interviews or in the transcripts. You will choose a number that will serve as the sole means of identifying your narrative.

The potential risks of participating in this study are currently unknown but are expected to be minimal. More specifically, your participation may involve some inconvenience, such as travel or time spent in interviews, and emotional discomfort associated with reflecting on the study’s topic. If you experience emotional discomfort or distress during or after the interviews and wish to seek support from a therapist, please let me know, and I will provide a referral.

Furthermore, you have the right to refuse to answer any questions I may ask at any time, for any reason. You have the right to stop the interviews and withdraw your participation at any time, without penalty. After you review the informed consent, I will ask you to confirm your understanding, and I am available to discuss any questions or concerns you may have. At that point, I will ask you to sign the consent form.

Appendix D:

Consent Form

Institute

for Clinical Social Work

Research Information and Consent for Participation is Social Behavioral Research

“Good Mother” Ideologies in Psychoanalytic Theory: Impact on The Child Therapist's Experience as a Mother”

I,_____________________________________, acting for myself, agree to take part in the research entitled “Good Mother” Ideologies in Psychoanalytic Theory: Impact on The Child Therapist's Experience as a Mother.”

This work will be carried out by Laura Curry under the supervision of Jennifer Tolleson.

This work is being conducted under the auspices of the Institute for Clinical Social Work; At St. Augustine College, 1345 W. Argyle St., Chicago, IL 60640; (773) 935-6500.

Purpose

The purpose of my research study is to complete a dissertation using a qualitative research design. The goal is to explore the child psychodynamic therapists’ perspective on mothering, considering their exposure to psychodynamic theory and direct practice with children and families, and how this informs their mothering and how they feel about themselves as mothers. The findings of this study will be included in a bound dissertation document and may also be used to develop papers for conference presentation or journal submission. This completed dissertation document will be available online.

Procedures used in the study and duration

Participation in this study includes four interviews lasting one to one and one-half hours per interview, focused on your thoughts about mothering, given your work experience and psychodynamic training. Interviews will be recorded and transcribed, and all audiotapes/recordings will be destroyed after transcription. Transcriptions will be used in a case study design method in which your narrative will be used as the basis for identifying meaning categories in the within-case analysis, and as a basis for building theory in the cross-case

analysis. Data from these interviews will be secured via password-protected files and stored in locked file cabinets. You will receive a gift card of $30 for your participation in the study.

Benefits

There are no tangible, financial, or direct benefits for your participation in this study beyond the opportunity to engage in an in-depth process of self-reflection about the research topic. Participating in this research is a contribution to the knowledge base of Clinical Social Work.

Costs

The cost of participation is up to six hours of time for interviews and possible expenses or additional time for traveling to interview locations (if meeting somewhere other than your own office).

Possible Risks and/or Side Effects

While all research involves some level of potential harm, the very limited risk of this study involves the possibility of some psychological discomfort or the experience of some uncomfortable feelings that may arise as a result of your sharing personal thoughts and feelings related to this research topic. While this risk is unlikely, this researcher will provide you with community therapy referrals to receive additional support or you may, of course, seek support from any person of your choice. You have the right to refuse to answer any question asked of you, for any reason, and to withdraw from this study, without penalty, at any time and still receive the gift card for $30.

Privacy and Confidentiality

Your privacy and confidentiality are a top priority of this study, and your identifying information will be protected. Procedures for maintaining privacy and confidentiality are as follows: Privacy will be maintained during in-person interviews, which will take place at your private office or in my office, and/or via a HIPAA-compliant virtual platform, such as Zoom. All identifying information (e.g., names) will be disguised, as each participant will provide (or be assigned) an alias that will be used in any written publication. Each interview will be audiotaped and transcribed, and files from this process will be shared only with the dissertation committee members. All files will be password-protected and kept on password-protected computers. Any physical files will be maintained in a locked cabinet accessible only to the researcher. Five years after graduating, I will shred and delete all paper and electronic records.

Selected sections of transcriptions without identifying information will be shared with my dissertation committee members.

Subject Assurances

By signing this consent form, you agree to take part in this study. You have not given up any of your rights or released this institution from responsibility for carelessness.

You may cancel this consent and refuse to continue in this study at any time without penalty or loss of benefits. Your relationship with the staff of ICSW will not be affected in any way, now or in the future, if you refuse to take part, or if you begin the study and then withdraw.

If you have any questions about the research methods, you can contact Laura Curry at lcurry@icsw.edu or Jennifer Tolleson at jtolleson@icsw.edu

If you have any questions about your rights as a research subject, you may contact Dr. John Ridings, Chair of the Institutional Review Board; the Institute for Clinical Social Work; His address is St. Augustine College, 1345 W. Argyle St., Chicago, IL 60640; (773)935-6500; email is irbchair@icsw.edu.

Signatures

For the Participant

I have read this consent form and I agree to take part in this study as it is explained in this consent form:

Participant Name (please print): ___________________________________

Participant Signature: Date: _____________

1. Would you like a summary of the results of this study?

Yes: ____

No: ____

For the Primary Researcher

I certify that I have explained the research to _________________________ and believe that they understand and that they have agreed to participate freely. I agree to answer any additional questions when they arise during the research or afterward.

Researcher Name (please print): ___________________________________

Researcher Signature: Date: _____________

Appendix E:

Interview Questions Guide

Interview #1

1. What do you recall having in mind as you entered the role of mother?

Can you tell me a little bit about why you decided to participate in my study?

Prompts:

-What are your fantasies/memories about your own experience with your mother growing up, or what stands out about how you were parented by your mother?

-When you were a child therapist and had not yet become a mother, what were your fantasies about the mother you wished to be? Or wanted to be?

-Do you think your psychodynamic training has found its way into your parenting practices and philosophy? How and why? Examples?

Interview #3–5

1. Given your work experience and clinical training, in particular psychodynamic theory, how do you think this informs your parenting/mothering?

Any follow up thoughts or reflections from the first interview?

Prompts

-How was the first interview for you? Any follow up thoughts or reflections from the first interview?

-Given your training in psychodynamic theory, what does it mean to be a “good” mother from your perspective?

-How do you understand what you learned in your psychodynamic training about what it

means to be a “good” mother and in what ways do you see it impact how you mother and how you feel about yourself as a mother?

-How does your psychodynamic training inform your views on what your child needs emotionally from you/their mother? How and in what ways does that inform how you meet your child’s emotional needs?

-What in parenting comes more easily given your clinical work and experience? And what parenting challenges come up that you attribute to your clinical training and work experience?

-Describe any psychodynamic theory about the role of a mother that you bring into your parenting approach with your child(ren)?

- Do you identify any core values or beliefs around what children need emotionally from psychodynamic theory? And do you then apply them to your parenting?

-Do you notice that you identified particular rules or “dos and don’ts” of mothering based on your psychodynamic training and/or psychodynamic theory?

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