Spring Cleaning Your Life

April 2012 Issue No. 18

Spr

ing Cle You an ing rL IFE

Self Defense or Murder (The Story of Trayvon Martin)

Clean Up That Attitude

“Ask Your Ex” Featured Blog by Carl A. Roberts

iCandiLand Contents Dear iCandi (page 4) The Cleansing (page 6) Spring Cleaning Pictorial (page 7) (Shannon D Photography) Self Defense or Murder (The story of Trayvon Martin) (page 8) iCandi Challenge for April ‘12 (page 9) Clean Up That Attitude (page 10) J. Antoinne Music Review (page 12) Let’s Clean our Minds this Spring (Page 15) Bucks with Bux (page 16) The Clean Up My Life Soundtrack (page 18) Clean It Up (20) Fashion with Red (21) Ask Your Ex (featured Blog) (page 22)

Recipe of the Month (page 24)

iCandiLand Publisher MsiCandi iCandiPro@gmail.com Editor Jamaal A. Bivens Jamaal.Bivens@gmail.com Featured Blogger Carl A. Roberts http://goodmendocheat.blogspot.com/ Graphics & Photography Southern Stylez Graphics southernstylez904@yahoo.com Leamaj Studioz leamajstudioz@gmail.com Shannon D Photography ShannonDPhography.com Our Writers Millard Morgan Shiwanna Chapman Meghan Williams Michael Jayce Jamaal A. Bivens Deanna Brewster Melissa Howe Tawanda Brice

HAPPY BIRTHDAY APRIL BABIES!

Amanda Ferrer 4/7 Quiana F 4/14 Davi Jaye 4/14 Idrees Bashir 4/15 Sylvan Edward 417 LaToya D Prophet 4/25 Carmelita C. Jones ‎4/27 Maya Edmerson 4/30

Erica Burrage 4/20 Dion Ventus 4/30 Jay Scott 4/13 Donnell Spurling 4/9 Terra Denise 4/ Alex White april 10 Brotha Outtasight 4/26 Jay Allen 4/11

D

ear iCandi,

I am in love with my best friend. It’s so hard to watch him date other women while he comes to me for advice about them. He recently started dating a girl that I really can’t stand. She’s all wrong for him. Evil gold-digging, shady person. How can I get him to notice me without being desperate.

K. Stokely (in DC) Hey Lady K If he’s truly your best friend you should be able to tell him anything. I personally am not the aggressive type so if you are hesitant with just coming out and saying “I like you! Do you like me back?!” I completely understand. Start with just pointing out the qualities of the woman that he’s dating. Ask him if he really sees a future with her.

Tell him the things that you noticed about her and explain why you don’t think she’s the one for him. If anything you want your friend to end up with a good woman and not an “evil gold-digger”. Now about pursuing a relationship with him, I say go for it. Women tend to let the good ones get away by putting them in that “friend category.” If you are like me and don’t like rejection, you can test the waters by putting that extra effort in the way you dress around him. Put on that “Freakum Dress”, curl that hair, a little bit of mascara and lip gloss. Watch his reaction to you. If he compliments you a lot and can’t seem to stop looking at you BAM! make that move. Be careful though. Make sure you are really trying to take the friendship to that level. It can be the best thing ever! You could have a soulmate in your best friend or it could backfire and ruin a friendship. Good luck either way.

MsiCandi

BRING BACK REAL MUSIC If you have been wondering who’s the voice behind the ICandi After Dark Theme Song, stop wondering; it’s SWAVAY!!! Swavay is definitely bringing back REAL music with his new mixtape “Perfect Timing”! don’t take my word for it! listen for yourself and download it for FREE right now at: PERFECT TIMING

The Cleansing

In Loving Memory of Kandace “Fysty” Pyles

Written by Michael Jayce

So I waited until I got back from my first trip to New York City to write this article. I’m not sure if this article will make the final cut for the magazine, but hey, we all can dream.

Less than two years ago, I witnessed with my own two eyes the death of my fiancée. Not to get too much into it, but the cause of death was an illadvised surgery. As a result, there were six weeks of torture, only to be followed by her last breath in the early afternoon of August 15th, 2010. This has been the hardest test to personally conquer. But I bring this incident up to show you how you can conquer your personal demons, only to come back stronger than ever.

I’ve been doing music independently for over five years. Don’t believe me? Fine. Google “Jayce Miguel” and tell me what you see. During this time, there was a period when I was down and out. Have you ever been broker than broke? No? Well, I guess that is something that I had to learn to deal with. It was in the Spring of 2008 and I just lost my job, rent was due, and my son’s mother was pregnant with our second child. Now, this is something that I hid from my fiancée, and that’s one of the things that I will always regret. And honestly, the only reason that she forgave me was because Malachi (my youngest son) was conceived before I even met her. Thank God for understanding people, you know? Okay, back to the subject at hand. I needed to make my life better than what it was at that moment, but the only thing that I could think of was allowing me to suffer and find a way to make it happen in Cincinnati. Well, needless to say, that never happened. With the help of Fysty (my fiancée), I came to the conclusion that moving out of Cincinnati was the best choice for me personally and financially. I will admit that this was not an easy task to do, physically or emotionally. Items needed to be moved without money, and I had to let go of my “Cincinnati pride” and become a resident of Indianapolis, IN. It took a while to adjust to the new city, but months later, it happened.

I was finally comfortable in the home, didn’t regret moving, and even got used to not having a LaRosa’s or a SkyLine Chili in the neighborhood. Soon thereafter, I got a job, started to send my son’s mother some money to support My’Kell, and even got a car! Things were really starting to look up.

As I think about all of those things and how God blessed me, it took something special to happen in order to change my life for the better. What was that one thing you ask?

I was forced to swallow my pride.

Remember that “Cincinnati Pride” that I mentioned earlier? Well, that’s something that I had to learn to live without. Now, a lot of my Cincinnati brothers and sisters may disagree with me, but I’ll be brave enough to say it. For a city like Cincinnati to be without a lot of things, especially opportunities, we tend to carry around a lot of pride; I mean the kind of pride that one should have after he or she accomplishes something big. Do you agree that having your own place, a reliable vehicle and a good job are things that you should have as an adult? Well, tell that to some of the folks here and you would hear the opposite. To me, those things aren’t accomplishments.

They are requirements that any stable adult should have. Yes, we all fall on hard times (have you not been reading the article?) but we all have the chance to make our glorious comeback. Having some of the “good things life has to offer” can come with benefits and consequences. Why do you think the scripture “for the love of money is the root of all evil” is relevant, and will be until the end of time? It changes attitudes. It can either make you a better person, or bring out who you were the entire time. That kind of attitude is dangerous to have.

Having a sense of pride ruins lives, tears up families, and can have detrimental effects on one’s health and well-being.

Do you know of someone who refused to take “doctor’s orders” because they didn’t want to change their lifestyle? Whether you call it being stubborn, bull-headed, or just plain prideful, it’s all a poison that we can possess. And we know the end result of taking in poison if you aren’t treated properly and in a timely manner.

Now that we are approaching spring, what are some things you can do to improve your life? Do you find someone appealing but won’t speak up because you refuse to “make the first move?” Are you struggling at work but won’t allow your fellow peer to assist you because you want “all of the credit for doing a good job?”

Are you in school and struggling with a subject, and refuse to listen to a classmate because you’re “smarter than him or her?” Don’t be fooled. Your attitude towards things in life will either make for good results or crash and burn, right in front of your face.

Since the passing of my fiancée, I ended up moving back to Cincinnati with a brand new perspective on life. It was a rocky start finding a place, getting a new car and making sure that my kids were well taken care with no money.

But persistence was the key to all of the things I was able to do. Around this time last year, I was struggling to put gas in my car. This year, I have plenty of finances in the bank, a wonderful job that pays well and just got back from my first real vacation in years. Don’t be afraid to cleanse yourself and get rid of that poisonous attitude. If it worked for me, it can do the same for you too.

See you all next month! There are still things left to unpack.

Clean it up Pictorial Photographs: Shannon D Photography

Self-defense or Murder

Team iCandi’s Reaction to the

The story of Trayvon Martin

Trayvon Martin Case I’m honestly amazed at how many people are not supporting people’s effort to pay tribute to Trayvon. Yes, tragic things happen to children every day. Yes they all should be heard and rights should be fought for, but that doesn't mean fighting for this one cause is a bad thing.

Every time I hear of a story I'm talking about it trying to get the word out but if we have marches for every single situation, how will our bills be paid? How will our children be fed? I try my best to give back and make a change but I commend the people that are making this movement for Trayvon. Most people will eventually forget about it and fall off but a few will continue. So as long as a few people get it and continue to try to make a difference BE HAPPY and SUPPORT! Let’s not talk down on people getting involved because at the end of the day a boy was murdered AND NOTHING WAS DONE ABOUT IT! ~MSICANDI~ I think anyone who thinks this has nothing to do with race is completely oblivious. There is a grave injustice done, even without knowing all the facts. We know if the races were reversed how the outcome would be A jury should decide if this murder is selfdefense, NOT a police department.

Absolutely reprehensible. ~J. ANTOINNE~ The arrogance of law enforcement, the very system put in place to help protect you. When asked to do the job, fails the one who needs you most and acts as if they have no reason to respond...

UNBELIEVABLE, I just can't believe the whole thing. This must not go undone. ~MAYO WOODY~ Utterly ridiculous that its gone this far..an example of what happens everyday..but it makes me sad for the future of our children ~GO2GURL SHI~

This has been going on for decades. Race is still a factor, along with background and environment.

Tawanda Brice Does race, background or environment play a role in the slaying of a 17 year old boy named Trayvon Martin? It is easy to point fingers and say what someone has done wrong.

Oftentimes, the media plays a tremendous role in getting information out before the actual facts are given. The question we must all ask ourselves is what happened that night that ended a young man’s life and turned many people worldwide against another?

So much of what we’ve done or who we are is hidden away or kept a secret, so people will only remember or focus on the good. This is not to say Trayvon or Mr. Zimmerman were bad people. This is saying whatever happened that night, changed both their lives and the way the world views the killing. Let’s be honest, race plays a major role in the decision to prosecute an individual.

People try to outrun their past but there’s no escaping it. It is always in you, just lying dormant. George Zimmerman, 28, was raised in a Catholic home and later became an altar servant. Zimmerman was a victim of an assault when he was 17 or 18. Details were not released regarding what happened. He also has a criminal past which is now being revealed. I believe it was because his father is a former judge that this information was surreptitious to the public.

Trayvon Martin was a high school student in Florida. It is said that Martin was an A and B student, yet it was revealed that he skipped school or was always tardy. He had been suspended from school for truancy and recently for having in his possession a marijuana pipe and baggies containing trace amounts of drugs. Martin wasn’t charged because he stated the paraphernalia belonged to a friend. Information was also released regarding tweet comments about his involvement with drugs, his hitting a bus driver and his attitude toward everyday life.

There are things that we have no control over; this is not the case. Why bring a gun to a fist fight (if this was the case)?

Why not try to subdue him long enough for the authorities to take over? Why follow him?

If he looked suspicious, why not call authorities? Maybe Zimmerman felt he would be protected due to his father’s former employment? So many questions can be asked, yet there may never be a satisfying solution for Martin’s family or Zimmerman’s family. Zimmerman’s life has been destroyed, no matter what. If he is not arrested and charged, then the public will come after him. There was a $10,000 bounty placed on his head by The New Black Panthers. There has been too many senseless murders by either civilians or police officials. Young people are dying and for what? It doesn’t help demonizing anyone. It won’t change the circumstances surrounding this case. We learn information day by day as it’s being revealed.

However, it all boils down to:

“We need to put a stop to violence!!!!

#iCandiChallenge Amanda Ferrer was cooking it up in FL and even has a glass of wine ready! YES MA’AM!!! The lovely meal she prepared is “Arroz Gondules and Bistec Encebollao”. For those that can’t translate it’s rice, steak and onions (but it sounds so good in Spanish).

Lateefah can cook! Suprised?! Me too!!

No only is my girl the “Sexpert” but she can throw down in the kitchen too. Be sure to check out her show “Late Night with Lateefah every Wednesday night at 11pm EST on iCandi Radio.

Danielle Williams on Facebook was cooking up some vegan meals and now she’s going to have a dinner guest the next time I’m in town! She proved that she can cook and got my attention because I’m hungry! :-)

#iCandiChallenge for April is for all that are GLUED to your cell phones. We have gotten so attached to “texting” that we’ve gotten lazy with communicating with people. Remember back when “texting” wasn’t an option? You actually had to pick up the phone to call someone. Let them hear your voice and you hear theirs. I challenge you all to BRING COMMUNICATION BACK. For one day (any day you choose) this month, I challenge you NOT to text AT ALL (including Facebook, Twitter, and emails from your phone). FB, Tweet, or email me telling me about your experience. Did you make it the whole day? Did you break after five minutes? Let me know. Good luck. ~MsiCandi~

Clean Up That Attitude

By Melissa Howe

A few days ago I walked into a conversation between two women that I found extremely interesting. The women were talking about their manager. Apparently she has a very negative attitude, screams at employees, and basically makes for a bad work environment. One of the women explained that she had gotten into an argument with this manager. She told how she had screamed back, then spent the rest of the day in a funk. She blamed her behavior and attitude on this manager's actions. This is when I had to involve myself into the conversation. I asked her how her behavior was the fault of someone else. She told me that had this manager not behaved the way she did she wouldn't have reacted that way.

Now this isn't something that I haven't heard before. We, as humans, always need to justify our bad behaviors. We have to lay the blame at someone else's feet so that we don't feel guilty. If we have a good enough reason then it's okay for us to act out. It's someone else's fault. This thought intrigued me.

I asked her how this manager's actions forced her to react the way she did. Did the manager hold a gun to her head and tell her how to act? She seemed surprised that I had questioned her reasoning. After a moment she tried to explain that the manager's actions had caused her reaction (notice that it really wasn't an explanation, just a repeat of her earlier excuse). I told her that I understood, that this manager controlled her.

She immediately became offended and vehemently denied this observation.

The conversation broke up after this but it's stuck with me. The more I think about it, the more I believe that my observation is correct. When you react you make a choice to act. If you act the way someone expects you to act or blame their actions for yours, then you are allowing them to control you. They controlled the way that you behaved with their actions and you handed them that control without any hesitation.

We have to learn how to maintain control of ourselves, no matter what the situation. We have to learn to mentally pause and regroup, think through the situation, and analyze the best way to handle it. Even if this means you have to momentarily completely remove yourself from the situation.

I thought about how the situation with the manager should have been handled. The woman should have taken a deep breath and politely said, "I'm sorry that you are so upset. Obviously you are too distraught to have a rational conversation. Why don't you take a quick break? When you've calmed down some we can discuss the problem." Then she should have walked away, forcing the manager to take a moment. Easier said than done? I agree. It isn't easy. When someone comes up to you screaming or making accusations you immediately become defensive. I've learned over the years though that angry, defensive people do not listen. When fresh anger is present, problems do not get solved.

When you feel angry you have to learn to push it aside. Let it go. When you hold onto it, it will affect everything you do. You will pass it along to the people you meet. You'll keep seeing it, keep finding reasons to allow it to stay. In the end the person who made you angry ends up controlling not only your reactions to them but your mood and behavior towards others.

Find your happy place and learn how to get there quick in an emergency.

This also goes vice versa. Don't take a problem to someone when you are still angry about it. Let the anger fade. If you confront them while still angry you are less likely to listen to their reasoning or explanations. If they don't have valid answers for your questions you could react badly, giving you the reputation that the women's manager currently has.

When you begin your spring cleaning this year, start with your attitude. Let go of the anger, let go of the hostility. Invite happiness, kindness, and a good nature into your life.

Strive to keep them with you even when things get hard. I leave you with these words from Charles R. Swindoll: "The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.

We cannot change or past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes."

Clean YOUR ATTITUDE

Music Reviews by J. Antoinne The CraigLewis Band - The CraigLewis Band Free Agentz Music, 2012 These young gentlemen are best known for their roles in Tyler Perry plays, in which they had ample time to show off their voices. Here, they do just that. "Tell Me" and "My Heart" are a couple standouts; however, if they would have strayed away from antiquated and overused beats, the album would flow better. That definitely does NOT take away from their awesome voices, as they do the best they can.

(4 Stars)(B)

Melanie Fiona - The MF Life Universal Republic, 2012 Melanie Fiona was a relative newcomer with her debut, The Bridge, an album that went largely (and sadly) unnoticed. Here, with her sophomore album, she almost breaks new ground but leaves her fans a bit unsatisfied. Songs like "I Been That Girl" and "Wrong Side of A Love Song" work well with Melanie's big voice, but others like "Bones" and "Watch Me Work" sound like they came from Kelly Rowland's album; kind of uninspiring from Melanie. If she can stick to the ballads that work, she'd definitely be more appreciated.

(3.5 Stars)(C+)

Lonny Bereal - The Love Train Notifi Music Group, 2012 Lonny's voice is one of those you just can't easily ignore, much like most of this debut album. This is a pretty decent effort, with songs like "Love Ride", which sounds just like one, and "Favor", with Kelly Rowland, which has been blowing up urban radio.

However, this album suffers a bit from lackluster production and sounds you'll be thinking you've heard before. If you can get past that though, you'll have a decent album on your hands.

(4.25 Stars)(B+)

Tia London - Love Junkie The Legendary Traxster, Inc., 2012 Still flying under the mainstream radar, Tia brings you an album chock full of songs that will have you laying back and enjoying it. The live instruments here stray from current production, but still keep you interested. "Thinking Bout It" is a catchy ditty, as is "Nothing On You" with its catchy rap. However, "2012" is an easy favorite, with its effortless flow and simple, but melodic rhythm. This album is definitely one that's worth a few spins.

(4.5 Stars)(A)

Don't Miss This!

Throwback albums that you probably don't have (BUT SHOULD)

Allure - Sunny Days While the then-foursome's debut was impressive, this sophomore album was awesome lyrically and vocally. "The Shore (Wanna Be Your Lady)" and "Earn My Trust" easily stand out.

Remy Shand - The Way I Feel This blue-eyed soul singer should not be slept on whatsoever. "Everlasting" and "The Colour of Day" are just a couple gems on this amazing album full of true soul.

In Our Angel Hands Thomas Chapman (The Legend) Carlos Jeff & Family Berdie Lewsis “Sista Mama” The Barnes Family Karen Daniels Toria & Family Kevin “Kdaddy” Hicks Joanne Williams Nevaeh Mccoy Phyllis Evans & Family Jose Aldanondo Robin Smith Ann Smith Lillian Smith Cheryl O’Coner Alicia Hearing & Family Matt & Michael Thompson Amber “Big Sexy” Johnson Tila Frost & Family Holly Carrigg & Family Jane Boyles Jennie Mathis Bonita King-Long Zahbria Thomson Junita Bonner Jasson Haynes Catherine Haynes Shimika Haynes iCandi Supporters & Their Families

iCandi Angels R.I.P. William & “Candy” King Kandace Pyles Brycee & Cameron Jeff JP James Romano Anna Brown Jerome Swanson James “Jellybean” House Patricia Kirkland Scott Burrows Sr. John Bruce Gilmore Jr. Julia Ann Hicks LeRoy Morgan Nadene McGowan Reshaud Jackson James Revels Jr. Betty Bailey Sally Rowland Jannie Tubbs Theodore Perry

“Let’s Clean Our Minds This Spring” Written by Brotha Insight

This month we are discussing ways to clean up, starting our spring cleaning to get ready for the next season. I started thinking to myself what I need to clean up or what we as a culture need to clean up to start moving forward in life. The first thing that came to mind is exactly that our MINDS, which will eventually lead to cleaning our souls. I had a show about meditation, and one of the reasons I introduced that topic was because it is so important that we free our minds and allow ourselves to think clearly and, most of all, listen clearly. The world has so many different issues happening right now; in order for us to stay ahead of the nonsense and have a strategy in place to dodge the so-called bullets/issues, we have to have a clear mind. If you’re having issues with a spouse or significant other, figure it out and clean it up; stressing and repairing the same issue over and over again is just clogging up your mind. If you are on a job that is driving you to leave work and still go home stressed out and not able to properly finish out your day due to exhaustion, clean it up. Start by trying to find ways to cope with the stress because jobs are hard to find, or maybe it’s time for entrepreneurship. If you have children that are being very disrespectful to your life, not listening, getting into trouble at school, or just being a troubled teen, then it’s time to seek out professional/spiritual help, but you can’t sit there and just stress. Our culture has moved in a different direction that has taught us to sit around and complain instead of standing around and campaigning for change. It’s time we take charge of our own destiny and clean up our past to ensure our future is what we want it to be for ourselves and our family.

Clean up the negative or stagnant thoughts you have in your head and change your perception to empower yourself to become a better person. One of the best pieces of advice that I can give is to surround yourself with people who are moving in the same direction, but are doing a lot better at it than you. If I want to become a teacher then I am going to seek out a principal to gain the knowledge and move forward in that career goal.

If I would like to become a nurse then I am going to surround myself with doctors. It’s all about raising your standards and becoming the person you can become. It takes a village to raise a child and to improve our culture we all must move forward together, but we need the village to have a clear vision. Take the trash out, take the negativity and throw it away, take the stress and throw it away, take the accepting to be average and just making it paycheck to paycheck and throw it away, take the excuses for why you don’t complete a project or why you haven’t started one and throw it away. Clean up and replace your trash with accomplishments; go work at the local food bank and give back to the community, register at your local community college and learn something new to empower yourself, take on a project at work to improve a policy. Start simple and show your manager your leadership skills, or maybe just start taking more time out to read a book with your children, increasing their knowledge and empowering our future generation. Create good karma for yourself and make clear, obtainable goals that will improve your quality of life, which leads to a future that is limitless.

BUCKS WITH BUX

So we have all heard the saying "out with the old, and in with the new."

Sometimes we have to listen to just that. Spring cleaning your home can be a pain, especially after such a long winter. However, it doesn't have to be so expensive, especially if you have to keep replacing your cleaning products. Luckily there are cheaper alternatives if you desire to use them.

You can simply do wonders with vinegar and baking soda. If you are not up for the cheaper alternatives get multipurpose cleaners. Another big thing: consider getting rid of your disposable cleaning tools that you use such as the Swiffer or Wet Jet. Although these products make our lives a lot easier with cleaning they can become very expensive with having to refill. You may consider pulling out the old mop and broom and just put in the time to disinfect those products to cut back on cost. Happy Cleaning!

**New TV Shows To Watch** People are always saying that reality TV shows are horrible and in the African (Black) American community they are portrayed badly; well there are two new shows out on TLC and WeTv that I am already in love with. Niecy Nash has a new show on TLC where you are watching her family adjust to the new blended family since her recent marriage. Gospel group and sisters Mary Mary are giving us a peek of their lives in the gospel world and family life. Both are very positive shows. Check them out.

Leave it to Niecy airs on TLC Sunday Night at 10 pm EST

Mary Mary airs on WeTv Thursday Night at 10 pm EST

*** BOOK OF THE MONTH** Be sure to check out Nah’Sun Blaze’s new book “Thick When the Chances Are Slim”.

It is a great read that honors “thick women”. Nah’Sun’s style of writing will have you not wanting to put to book down. You can get the the book at: http://www.nahsunblaze.com/

THE CLEAN UP MY LIFE SOUNDTRACK Music heals the soul! Music motivates! Music inspires! Music is the soundtrack to life.

Since we use music for everything else, why not have a soundtrack to clean up your life? ~MsiCandi~

Get on Up (Jodeci) I don’t know about you but whether I’m cleaning up my house or cleaning out my life I like some good upbeat dance music. It gets my blood flowing, gives me energy, and puts me in a mood to MAKE THINGS HAPPEN! Jodeci says it best: GET ON UP! Get on up and clean the carpet! Get on up and stop being depressed. Get on up!

We Fall Down (Donnie Mcklurkin) This is truly the song that motivates me to keep going! In spite of all you might be going through, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and KEEP GOING!! In life we make mistakes and poor choices, but we always have the chance to learn from them and CHANGE! So yes we might fall down but GET UP! Don’t stay down! YOU CAN DO IT!

Even Angels (Fantasia) This song is another that motivates me to KEEP TRYING! In this thing we call life, we are thrown all types of tests. Sometimes we pass on the first try, other times we have some serious lessons to learn in the process. But we are humans and it s*it happens. So, the next time you are going through, don’t be so hard on yourself because “Even Angels Learn How to Fly”.

Don’t Take It Personal (Monica) Sometimes cleaning out your life can involve some decision making and in order to make those decisions you need some ME time. Monica says it best “Don’t Take it Personal”. Just take some time for yourself so you can think clearly and not take anger or emotions out on the innocent bystander.

Man in The Mirror (Michael Jackson)

Listen (Beyonce)

Sometimes cleaning up your life starts with cleaning up yourself. You know what they say. If you keep getting the same outcomes maybe it’s YOU! There comes a time when you have to accept responsibility for your actions, FACE THE FACTS, and start making a change within. Look at than man (or woman) in the mirror and get to cleaning.

Have you ever had people doubt your potential whenever you get a new idea or you go after your dreams? They are always being “Debby Downers,” telling you that it’s a bad idea or how it’s a waste of time. This song inspires you to follow your voice inside and go after your dreams ANYWAY!

There’s Hope (India Arie)

Sometimes I Cry (Eric Benet)

Tired (Kelly Price)

This songs takes me to my “happy place.” It really reminds me what is important in life. At times we get so caught up in money, drama, image, and reputations that we forget the small blessings that happen every day. “It doesn’t cost a thing to smile, you don’t have to pay to laugh, you better thank God for that!” Amen India!

Amen!

One of the best things you can actually do to clean out emotions and feelings is CRY. Some people (especially men) might feel it’s a sign of weakness to cry but crying is one of the best forms of therapy out there (not to mention it doesn’t cost a dime).

It’s okay to cry. It’s actually healthy. Don’t hold all of those emotions in. Let it out.

Sometimes you just gotta cry.

Have you ever truly been TIRED! Most of the time people don’t start making real changes in their lives until they are really TIRED of the situation. If you tired of that bad job? Are you tired of that jealous girlfriend?

Are you tired of blue curtains in your living room? Changes don’t begin to be made until one is TRULY TIRED! If you have reached this point, it’s time to take the proper steps to make some changes.

Free Yourself (Fantasia) This is the official getting over a bad relationship song! Ladies (and gentlemen too) if you are in a relationship where you are feeling unappreciated, mistreated, unloved, disrespected, just HURT, play this song and put it on repeat! This song has GOTTEN ME THROUGH! I’ve cried with this song, shouted with this song and even bounced back to this song. FREE YOURSELF!! If you don’t believe me, just listen for yourself. SANG TASIA!!

CLEAN IT UP Written by The Go2Gurl Shi

You dirty dirty dish rag YOU! Now tell me this: HOW CAN YOU EXPECT TO CLEAN UP YOUR LIFE IF YOU CAN’T EVEN CLEAN UP YOUR HOUSE? Ponder on that thought; it’s okay, I’LL WAIT. We are coming out of winter, the darker colors, and the heavier scents and coming into spring. We should have bright happy colors and light scents around the home. Make your space joyful with bright bold colors or light pastels.

1. Go buy you some new comforters, sheets, curtains and towels. Have colors in your bathroom that will help you get up in the morning, like oranges and yellows and purples and greens. When it’s time for bed and you want the brightness to dim down, don’t worry, just turn off the lights and light some candles and bring your night to an end.

2. Go fragrance shopping for your house. Smell some candles and look for a scent that reminds you of a child with the windows and screen door open (smiling). Floral scents are nice. I’m not much of a flower girl myself, but if you get a lavender candle and a vanilla candle and let them burn at the same time; smells just lovely.

3.

It’s time to do some serious cleaning, I mean hands and knees cleaning. Time to get in the cracks, up where the spiders left their webs, in the window seals and around the baseboards. What difference does it make if the house smells nice but doesn’t look clean? ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!

4. Make a flower box; nice to look at and nice to smell. If you live in an apartment find a nicely lit area from the sun and get you a hanging plant, one that is easy to take care of. First timers shouldn’t go all in and get something complicated.

5. Change up your accents as well.

Flowers are nice. Handmade accents are nice. Look on the web when you think of something around the house and see if you can make it yourself, like dry floral arrangements. Paint your own wall decors, recover your pillows, make an accent wall; anything to add your own special touch.

6. Last but not least, pray around your house. Make sure that you are protected and have peace of mind when you walk through those doors.

Your home is your foundation; the foundation that you built yourself or with a loved one. So let NO ONE take that away.

I hope these tips are helpful. Get prepared for the spring and enjoy every minute of it.

FASHION FASHION FASHION FASHION FASHION

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FASHION WITH R.E.D.

Wanna learn more about yourself... ask your exes!

Carl A. Roberts

When you look into the mirror; who do you see? Does your image reflect the person the world sees?

Or better yet, the person your significant other sees? Although your current boy/girlfriend can be a tad bit biased towards this question, do you wonder how they really view you? How honest and upfront can your current boy/girlfriend be with you and actually stay in a relationship after expressing? I've never met a couple where a partner expresses the fact that the sex is not up to their standards and they stay together! You may get a "baby, it’s good" but never a straight up "damn it’s too small" or "it’s to loose" but I love you and want to be with you forever." (Laughs) I could be wrong, being that there are SO many women settling just for the sake of saying "I have a man." Who knows? I'm just an Author!

So, who are we according to our exes? How was the sex, our level of commitment, the amount of love and attention we give, our communication skills, drive, self love and respect? Are we marriage material? And the BIG QUESTION: would they date you again? Who are we/you? Now to get the most honest answer out of an ex you first have to: 1. Have some sort of friendship/ respect from the person. Doesn't mean that you are best friends nor does it mean that you are in direct contact with this person, but a "friendship" shall do.

2. The anger issues or issues you had with this person should be forgotten, forgiven or resolved! (They'll try to hurt or anger you with their response if they're still upset!)

3. Be open and ready to receive what they have to say, with NO objections! It’s their opinion/view of who you were to them (you could have changed or you could have had dislike for the person so you did/ treated them the way you did).

Whatever it is/was, more than likely it’s true how they feel!

4. Questions to ask them: A. Name 3 things you love/like about me.

B. Name 3 things you disliked/hated about me.

C. Would you date me again?

Tell them to be direct with their answers. It won't hurt you now...will it?

5. Be brave and post some of your answers to my blog and read my book "Good Men Do Cheat." (Shameless plug, but I do have your attention right?)

For more with Carl A. Roberts check out his blog at: http://goodmendocheat.blogspot.com/

It’s amazing how your exes view you. It’s like they're totally talking about a different person, when the comments are what we DON'T want to hear! Just imagine if they told you these things before the break up or if they/you knew these things about the other person when you first started to date. Maybe there should be a website where people fill out "who they are" based on ten questions and when you meet them, you just say "hey, go to my page to see my makeup," that way you can hold them accountable for their changes!

(Laughs) Hmmm! Maybe there should be an app for that! Press send or touch phones and BAM, the 10 most important things about that person is sent directly to your phone! Hmmm! (Contacting my lawyer...now).

Ok so let's see, I've been called: Selfish, verbally abusive, have a lack of communication, have a lack of attention, scared to fall in love, great, perfect when I wanna be, the type of person they would wanna marry, no sexual complaints (just being honest, but was told my sexual attention was low...whatever!!) Opinionated, giving, extremely fun, wack (I had to laugh at that) the perfect idea of a person all women should date...when I wanna be!

(Interesting) shoot, I could go on, but I want to hear from you. Oh, and please try not to email me your responses. Although I do appreciate it, I'd much rather you post them to my blog. My email is turning into another book!

(Laughs) It’s your turn and your friends’ turn too. Hell, tell your exes to reply.

Good Men Do Cheat

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RECIPES OF THE MONTH Home Made Lemonade W W

-1 1/2 cup sugar

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-1 1/2 cups boiling water

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hibiscus flowers

plus 2 lemons cut in half lengthwise and sliced 1/8

A simple thing such as your favorite sandwich can go very nicely with a glass of lemonade. Simple yet tasty.

A Healthy Salad

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inch thick

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-6-8 lemons (enough for 1 1/2 cups of lemon juice)

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-Optional: For pink lemonade add -1-2 T dried

A Nice Sandwich

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Ingredients

It’s hot out and lemonade is the perfect beverage to quench your thirst, but after that you want something to eat. I’ve done a little research and these are the most favorite treats or meals to pair with lemonade :-)

-6 cups cold water

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(Optional: fresh mint leaves for garnishing) Directions

of agave nectar. Set aside

sugar, stir until sugar is completely dissolved. Add

-Juice lemons and strain out seeds and pulp

-Add ice and lemon slices

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-Garnish with mint leaves and serve

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hibiscus flowers if using), lemon juice, and water

-Dissolve the sugar in hot water before mixing the distributed. For sugar-free lemonade sweeten with agave nectar or stevia.

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lemonade to ensure that the sugar is evenly

BBQ

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-In a large pitcher combine sugar water (strain out

For my healthy babies, a nice healthy salad can go well with some lemonade, and it's even good for you!

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optional hibiscus flowers if you want them. Set aside

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-For lemonade with sugar: Pour boiling water over

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the amount of water by 1 cup, and add 1 to 1 1/2 cups

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-Optional: For lemonade with agave nectar, reduce

NOW THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT! On a nice warm (or hot) day out break out the grill and it’s time to BBQ. Not only does this go well will lemonade, but it's great family bonding time. Who doesn’t enjoy a good old fashioned bbq?