Breaking Up is Hard To Do

April 2013

The Streets Are Talking with MsMocha

Candi Ladies NEWEST Addition

DIVORCING YOUR

FRIENDS

20 Things you might NOT know about MsiCandi

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

TABLE OF CONTENTS Music & Entertainment Birthday ShoutOuts 5 The Streets Are Talking 6 Music Review by J. Antoinne 8 Bucks with BUX 11 20 Things you Might Not Know About MsiCandi 14 Recipie of THe Month 29 Fashion & Beauty Fashion By R.E.D 12 Friendship & Advice Divorcing your friends 16 Fallen Friendships 26 Short Story Series Candi Ladies 18 Bnreaking Up BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO 24

break up & make ups 28

BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUTS!!!

Happy Birthday to Our April Babies David Evans April 1 Rajah Shepard April 1 Cleve Wheeler April 3 Ala Aqrabawi April 7 Amanda Joseph April 7 Johnny D. Morgan April 10 Jay Mille-Collins Allen April 11 Fyre Marshal Bill April 10 Alesha Ranae April 12 Chloe Franklin 13 Michael Parker April 13 Kendra MT April 14 Shaun Daniels April 14 Mickey Lanee April 16 Semajah Parker April 17 LaEric Barkley April 19 Erica Burrage 20 Cindy Parker April 21 Chenita Williams April 22 Shaun G April 22 Earnest Zimmerman April 24 Ashley Hummer April 25 Antoine Horsley April 27 Rhonda Young April 30

Go Go Go Go Go Candies! It’s ya birthday! We at iCandi want to wish you a very happy birthday! Enjoy your day rockstars! ~MsiCandi`

Visit us online at www.icandipro.com

Music & Entertainment

The Streets Are Talking with Ms Mocha (The Gossiping Diva)

Recently there has been some whispers about Real Housewives of Atlanta star Porsha Williams and her ex-NFL hubby Kordell Stewart’s marriage. There was talk that Kordell was being very controlling and treated Porsha like a child, that she didn’t have her own identity, and that she had became “PorDell,” a morph of her and her husband. On one episode of the RHOA, Porsha was confronted by her cast mates when she refused to go to a strip club with the other ladies on a girls’ trip because she said it would be disrespectful to her husband. She was very vocal about her role as a wife. Porsha defended Kordell’s actions by saying that she is in a traditional marriage and that a wife is to allow her husband to run the home. “PorDell” seemed to be okay with being a trophy wife/homemaker.

Porsha and Kordell were also trying to conceive another child after losing their first to a miscarriage during her fourth month of pregnancy. Later, Porsha told a therapist that Kordell wasn’t as supportive as she needed him to be while she was grieving their loss.

Fast forward to March 22, 2013 after less than two years of marriage and Kordell is seeking divorce as the marriage is “irretrievably broken,” a legal term meaning that there is no possibility of reconciliation between the parties in the divorce suit. The spouses involved in the divorce proceeding agree that they cannot settle their differences and there is no way to save the marriage. He also insists he shouldn’t have to pay spousal support because she an able-bodied person, earning income, and is capable of supporting herself.

The question here is what turned their marriage from “suga to sh**” so quickly? Could it have been that Porsha submitted too much?

Porsha claims that she gave up her life and business to be a full-time wife and mother to Kordell and his son from a previous relationship. Was that too much? Biblical wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior (Ephesians 5:22-23). That being said, was her sacrifice too great? Could a woman be too submissive to her husband to the point that he takes advantage of it or becomes bored and uninterested? In my opinion, marriage should be an equal and supportive partnership, meaning that it is a give and take situation. A woman can sometimes be so ‘into’ a man and his happiness that she loses who she is and what she wants. When this happens she becomes lost with no identity of her own; without him or his ideas she has nothing. Porsha is suffering from this and hopefully she can bounce back and find herself.

The next time she finds herself losing who she is in her relationship maybe she will notice the signs and get her mind right before she gives up everything and winds up with nothing! Yeah I said it and y’all should listen to me because I’m the one to gossip!!

J. Antoinne’s Music Review Bilal - A Love Surreal Entertainment One Music, 2013

Brian McKnight - More Than Words Entertainment One Music, 2013

Will Downing - Silver WDP, 2013

There comes a time when an artist’s name precedes his reputation, solely based on prior recordings. Because of that, people expect great things from that artist. With Bilal, you’re almost guaranteed a sure thing (sans a few missteps). Here, his fourth effort, pretty much continues the grain of his last album, Airtight’s Revenge, and its predecessor, Love for Sale.

While the voice is still intact, this album is a lot more organic than say, 1st Born Second. The lyrics on “Right At the Core” can hit home with a lot of people, and the saccharine of “Slipping Away” takes you on a whimsical, melodramatic journey you’ve felt before but couldn’t express. Bilal’s Prince-like soul and smoothness is brought forward in “Butterfly”, and it’s gems like that and “Back to Love” which makes you wonder why mainstream America refuses to embrace this awesome artist.

(4.75 Stars)(A+)

Brian McKnight has been in the game for more than twenty years, and he’s often regarded as one of the best musicians out there, based on his vocal range and instrument expertise. That said, he suffers from notoriety of releasing lots of music that sounds much like previous efforts. This album attempts to steer away from that assumption, and, for the most part, works. “Slow” is just that, a nice thumping song that’s not too raunchy (a la that much-touted “If You’re Ready to Learn”), and the title track keeps things simple and slides along. Actually, simplicity works best for Brian, as evidenced by “Another”, which is standard McKnight fare, and “Trying Not to Fall Asleep” is probably the best song on the album (or in Brian’s career). Sure, one can do without some of the more mature themes, or even the dated attempts at “cool,” but it’s worth a few listens.

(4 Stars)(B)

Anyone who routinely listens to Adult Contemporary radio knows exactly who Will Downing is. While mainstream America may only remember him from his duet with soulstress Rachelle Ferrell entitled “Nothing Has Ever Felt Like This,” real R&B listeners know the timbre of Downing’s soulful tenor when it’s heard. Alas, he has routinely delivered consistent smooth and easy listening in his albums for twentyfive years (hence this album’s title), and this album is no different. Die-hard fans will recognize these songs from earlier released EPs, but new fans can find greatness in “One Step Closer”, “You Were Meant Just for Me”, and the eponymous Atlantic Starr remake of “Send for Me”, the latter in which Downing crafts what seems to be an original piece. This is what smooth R&B is really supposed to be.

(5 Stars)(A+)

“Where there’s life, there’s music” ~J. Antoinne~ iCandi Productions

Charlie Wilson - Love, Charlie RCA, 2013 Charlie Wilson has an unmistakably distinctive voice, one that has been in rotation for the better part of forty years. His voice has held well over the years, as evidenced by this latest offering of his. While there’s nothing new and groundbreaking here, it’s good to know that Wilson’s svelte tenor has maintained. The first single “All I Have to Give” pretty much sounds like something that’s been released before (maybe from his Charlie, Last Name Wilson album), but he still coos on through the bass-heavy song. However, “A Million Ways to Love You”, lyrics notwithstanding, is a well-crafted song that brings the Wilson flair we’ve come to love, as is the wonderfully produced and sung “Say”. There are a couple songs that one can do without (while Wilson attempts to remain “current”), but as long as he sticks to the ballads, he shines.

(3.75 Stars)(B)

Don't Miss This!!

Throwback albums you probably don't have (BUT SHOULD)

Natalie Cole - Unforgettable, With Love Natalie Cole steps out of her father’s shadow while standing firm in it, delivering masterful remakes of his former hits with some of her own glory. The musicianship on this album is timeless and definitely worth its weight in gold.

Nicole Wray - Make It Hot Being one of Missy Elliott’s protégés helped to put this singer into the limelight, but this album definitely has a nice mix of urban uptempo songs and some syrupy sweet ballads that many people slept on.

@iCandiPro

Budgeting

Bucks with BUX Breaking up with your significant other: most of us have been there and find it hard to deal with. Some breakups come with dividing a household, which can be tough because most people can be used to the current flow of things. During a breaking up transition you have to be smart about the decisions that you make. If you and your ex have any joint bank accounts, you need to close them out; you both will be getting the money that you put into the account. If you have an apartment lease you need to a) buy out the lease and split the costs or b see if you can put it in one of your names. If you own the home, sell it. Lastly, if there’s any debt shared among the two of you, you need to decide who is responsible for what; the last thing you want is to be at fault over something that is not related to you. Moving on can be sad and hard, but it shouldn’t have to waste your money.

Fashion

FASHION BY R.E.D.

Retail therapy is the best way, in my opinion, to get over a breakup.

Treat yourself to a day that’s all about you. Start with a pedicure so your toes will look hot in those new peep-toe booties you will be treating yourself to afterwards. I know you’re thinking, “booties for the spring?” But, that’s the current trend; it could be hot with a cute spring dress. Speaking of a spring dress, that’s our next stop; hit up your favorite store and pair the dress with the peep-toe booties. Pictured below are two options of what your new outfit could look like. Now call your girls to go out so you can be on to the next one. I hope I gave you some new ideas! ttyl RED.

20 Things you might NOT know about MsiCandi

So you think you know MsiCandi? Well we dug deep, pulled her teeth a bit, and got her to reveal twenty things that most might not know about MsiCandi. Check them out! #1 MsiCandi enjoys most food that people dislike, like liver and chitterlings.

#10 MsiCandi is addicted to weddings because she’s a hopeless romantic.

#2 Look really closely at the picture where you can see her left thigh, there is a two-inch scar. She got that hanging out with her dad “the junk man” carrying a block of glass at 8 years old. Such a tomboy!

#12 MsiCandi loves heels but can barely walk in them.

#3 MsiCandi has broken over 10 bones (both feet, elbow, wrist 3 times, and 5 fingers).

#14 MsiCandi is obsessed with monkeys!

She wants a pet monkey!

#4 MsiCandi’s all time favorite song is “Cause I Love You” by Lenny Williams.

#15 MsiCandi started DJing at her childhood recreation center at 11 years old and she went by the name “DJ Shorty.”

#5 MsiCandi has one tattoo on the upper left side of her back of a Native American symbol that stands for “everlasting life” (in memory of her grandmothers). #6 Her favorite material item is her 25 year old teddy bear (he’s traveled America with her). #7 There are three people that come with MsiCandi: Juli, MsiCandi, and Justine! #8 MsiCandi is addicted to Disney Movies. #9 MsiCandi was on a hockey team in junior high school.

#13 MsiCandi worked at a daycare center in college.

#16 MsiCandi’s first film project was a documentary on LGBTs in a history class at the University of Cincinnati. #17 MsiCandi had braces as a child. #18 MsiCandi has no middle name. #19 MsiCandi didn’t her first REAL kiss until she was 16 years old. #20 MsiCandi’s government name is Juliaette (pronounced Julia.at).

(Questions submitted by you) Go2Gurl: (Finish the sentence) I like it when my man...

MsiCandi: Only has eyes for me.

Go2Gurl: Boooooooooooooooooooo! Thatís not juicy, punk!

MsiCandi: (Laughs) Hits it from the back...bites my neck...sucks my toes.

Go2Gurl: (Laughs) Are you fond of the missionary position?

MsiCandi: I do like the missionary position because I like kissing while heís inside of me but I eventually want to flip that sh**!!

Go2Gurl: Ugh! I threw up my omelette! See Iím not built to know your sh**!

Lord I feel woozy.

MsiCandi: (Laughs) Hey you asked!

Jose: What do you actually look for in a man?

MsiCandi: Chemistry, great paternal instinct, spirituality, respect, loyalty, a great sense of humor, compassion, security, a protective nature, security in himself, supportive, passionate. Someone that can be my best friend as well as my lover.

Janelle: Have you ever let one get away? If so would you jump at the opportunity to get him back?

MsiCandi: I think they all let me get away actually. (Laughs)

Relationships & Advice

Do You Need To Divorce Some Friends?

By Brotha Insight

The divorce rate in this country seems to continue to rise. Right now, it’s at over 50%, which is totally insane. I thought about how easily folks give up on their marriages, but they have friends that they have known their whole lives. These people are like leeches; they simply suck the life out of you. Nothing positive comes from these relationships, yet you still continue to spend and waste a lot of time calling them friends. I want to challenge the reader to DIVORCE those friends they may have that aren’t productive and help you be your best you.

I consider myself a very good friend. I try and always treat people like I want to be treated. I think this is what we truly all want. But, we all have that one friend that seems to always be taking and not giving anything back. I’m here to help you say “NO MORE.” I have been a fool and allowed so-called friends to take from me left and right. I’m talking time, money, advice, etc., and whenever I needed someone these folks weren’t around. At first, I felt bad when I told myself I really need to let these so-called friends go. The history and time that you have spent knowing them always seem to get you.

You think about the good and bad times and the time you all grew together, and a lot of times you say, “no I will let it pass.”

The history of the relationship is the only reason you hold on. But, when I look at divorce in this country, people bail out at the drop of a dime. So why do we have a hard time bailing out on unproductive so-called friendships? This is a question that we have all have to ask and hopefully answer for ourselves.

A few years back I took my own advice and totally disconnected from some of these so-called friends. It was rough at first to be honest. Folks said I was acting brand new and forgot where I came from. At first I was hurt by their harsh and negative words, but once I stepped back and assessed the situation, I said I will take the name calling and false accusations for peace of mind and to not have to deal with these selfish and immature people. The older we get the more we have to be conscious of the people we let take up our time.

If they aren’t helping us be better people, then we really need to ask ourselves the question above and then make a decision. I’m a living witness it won’t be easy, but the peace you gain will be well worth it. Trust me and mark my word. So, if it’s time for you to “DIVORCE” a friend or two, don’t waste any more time doing what you know you should have done a while ago. I hope this article was helpful and you all enjoyed it. Until next month family, PEACE & BLESSINGS.

In Our Angel Hands Thomas Chapman (The Legend) Berdie Lewsis “Sista Mama” The Barnes Family Karen Daniels Joanne Williams Nevaeh Mccoy Phyllis Evans & Family Jose Aldanondo Robin Smith Ann Smith Lillian Smith Cheryl O’Coner Vandella Cole

Alicia Hearing & Family Matt & Michael Thompson Amber “Big Sexy” Johnson Jane Boyles Jennie Mathis Bonita King-Long Zahbria Thomson Junita Bonner Jasson Haynes Catherine Haynes Shimika Haynes Marissa Alexander iCandi Supporters & Their Families

iCandi Angels R.I.P. William & “Candy” King Kandace Pyles Brycee & Cameron Jeff JP James Romano Anna Brown Jerome Swanson James “Jellybean” House Patricia Kirkland Scott Burrows Sr. John Bruce Gilmore Jr. Julia Ann Hicks LeRoy Morgan Nadene McGowan Reshaud Jackson James Revels Jr. Betty Bailey Sally Rowland Jannie Tubbs Theodore Perry

We at iCandi are true believers that PRAYER CHANGES EVERYTHING! We think of you all as our iCandi Family and “the family that prays together stays together”. So before you all go to bed tonight, when you are saying your prayers, add these few extra people to your list......

Join us next month for more Candi Ladies........

Newest Addition to

is

Cheyenne T

Short Story Series Written By Melissa Howe

“Let’s get some playful shots. Do whatever comes natural.” I grinned as the three teen girls immediately began to strike vogue-like poses. They were the newest act discovered by iCandi Productions.

Their excitement over posing for the cover of their debut album had them jumping all over the place. Thankfully we were on the beach and their energy turned into some amazing photos.

I snapped pictures for another twenty minutes while the girls laughed and had a great time. Then I got them into their chauffeured car with promises that they could see the pictures soon. I had a hard rule that no client ever saw the pictures until I was one hundred percent ready to show them.

I glanced at my watch. I was going to have to hurry if I wanted to beat the kids home from school. Even though my oldest son, Mark, was more than capable of taking care of his younger brother and sister, I loved to be there to greet them as they came in the door. I always tried to schedule my photo shoots around being home with them. Thankfully I had several amazing photographers working for me to make it much easier.

Photography by Cheyenne T had blossomed into more than I had ever dreamed was possible. When I started all I had was a cheap, older camera and the backing of my husband.

Now I employed four photographers that I had personally trained. I had a permanent retainer with iCandi Productions as well as many other clients. There was a waiting list a mile long to get a session with a photographer from Photography by Cheyenne T. I had a large studio, though I preferred to do pictures on location. I had a full time assistant who kept the office running smoothly.

When I arrived home, I dropped my equipment off in my home office before heading to the kitchen to make dinner. Most of the editing I did was done at home so that I could spend as much time with my family as possible. I had state of the art equipment in both the studio and my office.

Since my husband, Billy, wouldn’t be home until late I decided to have a pizza night. I loved to cook and tried to pass it on to my children. Mark wasn’t interested but even he enjoyed making homemade pizzas. I started prepping the ingredients that we would need, knowing the kids would be home any minute.

Right on time, they came through the door in a burst of noise. I came out of the kitchen to greet them. Mark, at fourteen, looked like a carbon copy of his father.

He was tall with light brown hair and deep blue eyes. While his features still had a hint of childness in them, you could see he was quickly turning into a handsome man. His main focus was always sports.

Madison came through the door talking nonstop.

She had my dark, curly brown hair and hazel eyes. She was tall for her age and had boundless energy. She was ten but had the attitude of a teenager. My middle child, Jonathan, was quiet and studious. He enjoyed learning about anything and was always found with a book. He was also the child who took on looks from both his father and I. He had light brown hair that was curly, his father’s height and build, but my eyes.

Later when the children were in bed and the house was clean, I made my way into my office to begin editing the pictures from today’s photo shoot. I had a rule that all of my photographers had to edit their own pictures. My younger brother, Joshua, operated as my assistant head photographer and he often checked over their work to ensure they were getting things done in a timely manner that was up to our high standards. Thankfully I hadn’t had any problems.

They all immediately fought to be the first to gain my attention and I laughed as I greeted each of them with a hug and a kiss. I ushered them into the kitchen where they each took turns talking over one another to tell about their day. I was used to this and managed to hear each of them, asking all of the right questions.

It had taken hard work and a long time to turn my company into the successful enterprise that it was now. I had started around the same time that Candace started iCandi Productions. Back then we did each other a lot of favors to get our names out there. Now we worked together at the top of our fields. While I was extremely pleased and proud of the reputation and company I had built, sometimes I felt as though something were missing. There was more to do but I simply couldn’t put my finger on it.

When the pictures for the album were completely finished, I printed them along with several I had taken for advertising and magazines. I also saved them to a zip drive. I would deliver them to Candace in the morning and let her take over from there. As I slipped them into an envelope labeled with the group’s name, I heard the front door open and close.

As I came out of the office, my husband’s handsome face lit up with a smile. Before I could say a word he swept me into his arms and began to twirl me in a slow dance around the living room. I laughed. He was a die-hard romantic and believed firmly in proving it to me any time he could.

As he spun me I caught a glimpse of a picture I had hanging on my wall.

It was of my best friend, her husband, and their only child playing in a park. I had taken the picture in a session I did for her family. Last month her daughter had been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. They had begun chemo and radiation to fight it which was making the little girl’s hair fall out. She thought the kids in her school were going to make fun of her and had asked her mother how anyone would think she was pretty if she had no hair. It was at that moment a light bulb went off in my head.

I wanted to take pictures of children and adults battling cancer. To show them and the world that they were not only extremely beautiful but stronger than most. I needed to do a little research and talk to Joshua and Candace, but I already had the perfect name for this venture: Photographs of Bald Courage.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do Written By MsiCandi

There comes a time in some relationships where it just ain’t working. Oftentimes I see people hanging on for dear life to NOTHING. I really don’t understand the point of this. From my observation over the past few months, and just talking to several people from all over, the top excuses to hand in a horrible relationship are:

Scared to Be Alone People are so desperate not to be alone that they are willing to deal with their mate’s bull crap or just a loveless relationship. We see this happening a lot.

You can, without a doubt, notice that a man or woman is truly unhappy in their relationship. They are either always arguing with each other, never home, sleep in separate rooms, accepting infidelities, etc. They are obviously unhappy. Why do they stick around, you ask? Because they figure it’s better than being out in the world alone. Now I must admit, it’s hard out here for a single woman (men it’s hard for you too), but over the past few years I’ve embraced being single.

I’ve learned a lot about myself and my worth. I refuse to “settle” just to have someone around; the experts call it self love. If you don’t love yourself and don’t want to be alone with YOU, why should anyone else want to?

For the Kids Now this one is tough, As a single mother, I can honestly understand the sacrifice that we make for our babies. It was never my intention to be a single mother.

Growing up I dreamed of marriage and the 2-parent family lifestyle; it just hasn’t happened YET!! Sometimes two people can create the most amazing child ever and that was truly their purpose, not to be together in a loveless relationship that the children can and will one day notice. In the long run it can do more damage for the child than help. If you two aren’t really into each other or are always fighting and the children pick up on that, what type of relationships will they find themselves in as adults? Lead by example. Show them that you can get along as friends and be great parents; you don’t have to be together.

Not Paying Child Support I had a conversation with a young lady who is basically dating a man with a “situation” (it’s funny how we now can call a relationship a “situation”; that’s never a good thing). She’s holding on to the hope that one day he’ll leave because he states that he’s only sticking around so she doesn’t put in on child support.

That is sad. No man or woman should ever stay with someone to avoid having to financially contribute to their child’s life. This is where we have to put on our GROWN UP hats and handle our business. No one likes to see money snatched out or their checks but it’s going to your child’s household, so just suck it up and get you a legal side hustle (ON THE SIDE) to make up for that money.

And ladies, we are not stupid. If he’s not into you, you know it, so stop hanging on thinking that the kids can change his mind. You can’t make someone love you and want to be with you. Let it go! Be great parents, but let it go.

Splitting Bills Depending on the longevity of your relationship, you could possibly have been together long enough where you are living together, splitting bills, have a joint bank account, etc. Breaking up can really throw that into hardship, especially with the economy being the way it is. You need to start planning and communicate. If it ain’t working out, accept it and set deadlines. Depending on if you are renting or owning, make decisions. For those renting, depending on the lease, that can be your deadline to get your own space. Start saving our money (less going out and fast food dinners); start seriously looking for your own place that agrees with your income alone. Stop stalling! Sticking around just because of financial ties is a waste of time and energy.

I understand not wanting to let go of a relationship, especially when you’ve invested time and energy, you share children, and money is involved. but sticking around some place you really don’t want to be is not only bad, but it’s a waste of time. Your perfect person might be right around the corner and you can miss that opportunity sticking with “dead weight.” Let it go people. Let it go.

Communicate your feelings: Communication is key. People sometimes get caught up in their own feelings and forget to communicate. Your partner will not know what’s going on if you don’t talk to them. Keep things out on the table. Sometimes you may not have the words to describe the way you feel, whether it’s good or bad. Try as hard as you can. Encourage your partner to do the same. Have a talk every now and then to see if you two are on the same page.

Breakups & Make Ups Written By LaToya Evans

Breakups are hard, especially longer relationships. We take the time to get to know a person, we get real close to them, we become comfortable with them, and then it ends. No one is immune to breakups. It happens. We have to learn how to effectively get through them and recover. The ending of a relationship easily works with the five stages of grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Immediately after the break up there is DENIAL. It’s overwhelming, and makes no sense. We try to get through each day numb. It’s unbelievable. How could this have happened? The next stage is ANGER. In order to recover you have to feel. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to ask questions. We use anger to manage all the time; it’s a way to blow off that steam and release the pain. After anger is BARGAINING. After encountering that pain head on we think about what we should have done differently. We bargain with God, “Please help me.

If you bring us back together I swear I’ll do better, be a better person,” etc. After this DEPRESSION will set in.

We withdraw from daily activities. We feel sad, helpless, and hopeless. It feels like we can’t go on. Depression can last from weeks to days. It depends on how we deal with our feelings. Finally we learn ACCEPTANCE. We start to accept the situation. We start to feel that it’s okay to move on and accept the mistakes that were made or whatever the situation was.

If there is a problem try to work it out: Relationships are like oceans; they ebb and flow.

Sometimes it goes great, other times it’s not so great. Instead of flying off the handle about issues in the relationship, talk to your partner and try to understand why the issues are happening. Figure out your plan of action for the relationship. If you two really love each other you have to work at it. It’s not always going to be easy. Most issues can be worked out over time. It takes love, understanding, communication, and patience. Some issues may require therapy; others may not be able to be resolved and that’s when break ups really happen.

Dealing with breaking up:

Breaking up sucks, we all know that. Even when it’s mutual it still stings a bit. You have to be sure that breaking up is the right solution. Think of it as a lesson. Debrief yourself at the end of the relationship. Think about what went wrong. What are you willing to do differently next time? What are you willing to accept and not accept? Will “your type” change? Learn from the failed relationship. It’s okay to feel a little depressed about it, but we also need to know when it’s time to let it go, move on, and live.

Choosing to move forward with a relationship: A good friend told me that being in a relationship is a choice and continuing with a relationship and fixing the problem is also a choice. We make these choices when we feel that a relationship is worth fixing. I’ve been in a relationship for over seven years. We’ve been through plenty with each other. We once came to a point where we weren’t sure we were going to make it. It was an extremely rough time. Our good times outweighed the bad and we have lots of time invested. We love each other very much.

We chose to work through our issues. We chose to be a team and communicate our thoughts and feelings to each other regularly. We chose to continue to be there for each other. We can make it through anything with that type of thinking. This is how relationships should work. It’s work, believe me. But you have to fight for what you love.

Fallen Friendships

By Pauline Williams

One of my favorite sayings is “When the purpose is fulfilled, the lesson is done” - Iyanla Vanzant.

As with all things, friendships and relationships are among the many lessons bestowed upon us as humans beings. Although we would love to maintain the exact same friends throughout our entire lives, that’s not always the case. Life pushes us in many different directions along the way and sometimes the people closest to us are removed from our lives when we least expect it.

In my early 20’s I lost my best (male) friend in a fatal car accident and for the life of me I couldn’t comprehend why God would allow something like that to happen. Simply put, his purpose had been fulfilled. My friendship with him prepared me for the marriage that I have today, and even though I still mourn the loss from time to time I’m now able to appreciate his contribution to my life and I thank God for it.

What do you do when you find yourself in a situation that no longer serves you? You can either choose to part ways as soon as you have come to the realization or you can stay and drag it out and allow the forces of nature to remove you from the situation. Prime example: my (female) best friend and I had been friends since high school and I loved her as if she were my biological sister. Over the course of about a year, I began to notice bizarre behavior from her that was out of character to say the least. But she was my best friend for God’s sake; I couldn’t just call her up and say “Hey, you’re acting crazy so I no longer want to be your friend.” Instead I prayed and asked God to help me.

If maintaining this friendship was for the greater good of all parties involved then please help me to accept this woman’s new found “Divatude”, and if it wasn’t (which in the core of my spirit I already knew it wasn’t) then please grant me access to a state of being that serves us both and bless us in it. Within a few months of me making my plea to God, the woman that I once called my sister completely severed ties with me. No altercation, no warning, she just completely cut me out of her life. Although I was hurt at first I was well aware that even through my pain God had answered my prayer. My friendship with her taught me many things and in the end I’m honored to have been selected to fulfill whatever purpose my presence in her life may have been.

Sometimes in life we have to take the bitter with the sweet in order to truly appreciate all that life has to offer. No matter what, all events in our lives serve a divine purpose and when it’s fulfilled… well, you know the rest.

Spinach and Strawberry Salad Ingredients: 2 bunches spinach, rinsed and torn into bitesize pieces 4 cups sliced strawberries 1/2 cup vegetable oil 1/4 cup white wine vinegar 1/2 cup white sugar 1/4 teaspoon paprika 2 tablespoons sesame seeds 1 tablespoon poppy seeds Directions: In a large bowl, toss together the spinach and strawberries.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the oil, vinegar, sugar, paprika, sesame seeds, and poppy seeds. Pour over the spinach and strawberries, and toss to coat.

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Amazing Summer salad Ingredients: 3 (6 ounce) skinless, boneless chicken breast halves 1 cup Italian-style salad dressing 1 Granny Smith apple, cored and diced 2 tablespoons lemon juice 1 head romaine lettuce, chopped 1 avocado, diced 4 ounces feta cheese, crumbled 1 1/2 cups diced fresh strawberries 1 cup dried cranberries 3/4 cup balsamic vinaigrette, or to taste Directions: Place the chicken breasts and Italian dressing into a resealable plastic bag. Mix together to coat the chicken with the dressing, squeeze out excess air, and seal the bag. Marinate in the refrigerator for 1 hour.

Remove the chicken from the marinade, and shake off excess.

Discard the remaining marinade. Grill the chicken breasts until no longer pink in the center, or to an internal temperature of 165 degrees F (74 degrees C), about 3 minutes per side. Set aside to cool while preparing the ingredients for salad, then dice.

Toss the diced apple with the lemon juice in a large mixing bowl until well coated; drain and discard any excess lemon juice. Place the lettuce into the mixing bowl, then sprinkle with the diced chicken, avocado, feta cheese, strawberries, and cranberries. Gently toss the salad with the balsamic vinaigrette, and serve immediately.

Preheat an outdoor grill for medium-high heat, and lightly oil grate.

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