INSIDE: Creating a Fitness-Focused Home WholeFIT: Wellness for Life Calling Time-Out On Fighting
MAY/JUNE 2017
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TA B L E O F C O N T E N T S
Fitness
What’s your Reason? 12 Skip the Diet! 14 Creating a Fitness-Focused Home
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Financial Re-Examining The Role of Life Insurance As Part of a Sound Financial Strategy
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MAY/JUNE 2017 On The Cover: Photo of Timpanooke Meadow at the base of Mt. Timpanogos.
Nutrition How to Deal With Picky Eaters
16
Health The Biology Behind Human Relationships, Part II
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Outdoor Living Paradise Canyon
26
Family Wellness
Opioid Use Disorder 20 A New Treatment Option For Headache Sufferers 21 WholeFIT: Wellness for Life 22
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How To Talk With Your Children About Therapy 27 Myths About Parental Alienation 28 Transitioning to Sexual Intimacy: No, No, NO! to Go, Go, GO! 29 Calling Time-Out On Fighting 30
Culture WholeFIT Adventures: Our Story
Departments
Meet Our Staff 6 Letter from the Editor UVU Letter 10 Community Focus 11
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Utah Valley Health & Wellness Magazine | May/June 2017 5
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M E E T O U R S TA F F
Triston Morgan Author, Family Wellness
Wendy Thueson Author, Nutrition
Travis Lott Author, Fitness
Kelli Middleton Author, Fitness
Melinda Colton Editor
Terrin Parker, PT Associate Editor
Would you like to see your photography included in the next issue of Utah Valley Health & Wellness? If so, please contact our staff at brianammccurdy@gmail.com or 801-368-4768. For more information on advertising or other inquiries, including career information, visit our website at www.utvalleywellness.com, email brianammccurdy@gmail.com or call us at 801-368-4768. The publisher is not responsible for the accuracy of the articles in Utah Valley Health & Wellness Magazine. The information contained within has been obtained from sources believed to be reliable. Neither the publisher nor any other party assumes liability for loss or damage as a result of reliance on this material. Appropriate professional advice should be sought before making decisions. Outside of our staff authors, articles written by providers or professionals are invited authors and represent the opinions of that particular individual, business, group or organization. If an article is a paid advertisement, we will place the word “Advertisement” or “Advertorial” to identify it as such. ©Copyright 2017.
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Utah Valley Health & Wellness Magazine | May/June 2017 7
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FROM THE EDITOR
We have lived in our home about 12 years now. A few months ago our family made the decision to remodel our home instead of moving. There were a lot of reasons for our decision to stay where we are, but perhaps the most important was that our two sons didn’t want to leave their “community.” Ultimately, we decided our community is more important than the house we live in. A community is many things to many people. We all have several types of communities in our lives: school, business, church, friends, and numerous others. It’s those communities that shape our opinions, and help us shape who we are. These communities also help us raise our children. My sons spend more time with their school teachers than they do with me. I depend on those teachers to teach them not only academics, but also life skills. Sadly, some days its feels like they spend more time on electronics than they do with me. Communities cannot be found on Facebook, Instagram, or YouTube. Those communities are not real. They are make believe, representing only the very best of one’s self. Our authentic communities see us for who we are, on our good days and on our bad days. Our communities learn from our mistakes and help us move forward in our lives. One of my greatest concerns is the lack of community in today’s fast-paced world. It takes an entire community to help us be successful individuals and families. Indeed, the African proverb: “It takes a village to raise a child” rings true today more than ever. I want my children to understand the value of sitting on the lawn at night and chatting with the neighbors. I want them to know that other adults in their lives, whether at school or at scouts, care about them and their welfare. So, put down the electronics. Spend more time outside with your neighbors. Get to know the people your children are spending their time with. Create a new community that offers you different views than your own.
Melinda R. Colton Editor
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As I go from meeting to meeting accompanying President Matthew S. Holland, I often like to stop for a few minutes and take in the beauty of the mountains that surround Utah Valley, especially Mount Timpanogos. President Holland started a tradition of hiking Mount Timpanogos with students a few years ago. That’s not an easy hike, and provides a good metaphor for education. Tough terrain has to be navigated, and the incline can be demanding, but once you arrive at the top, the view is worth all the effort. More than 5,300 UVU students reached a pinnacle of their higher education experience this spring, 3,100 of those earning bachelor’s degrees and close to another 100 earning master’s degrees. We are proud of all that our students have accomplished as they take their place among Wolverine alumni. We are experiencing growth at this university that at times reaches breathtaking speeds, and as I look up at the mountains around us, I have considered recently the value of taking time to reflect and reset. Life can get hectic and demanding. I don’t think there’s any question that everyone is busy in their own responsibilities. No matter your interests, education, employment, or aspirations, I think we can all benefit from taking time to meditate and recharge our batteries. Summer is a great time for many people to do that.
Justin Jones Chief of Staff Board Secretary, Utah Valley University Justin Jones became the Chief of Staff to President Matthew S. Holland in August 2016. In this position, he oversees and directs the operations, projects, and events that promote presidential activities and initiatives that align with overall university strategies, goals, policies, and plans. Additionally, he serves as the liaison between the President and divisions of the university. Prior to joining UVU, he was the Executive Director of Prosperity 2020 and Education First and also worked as the Vice President of Public Policy and Communications. Prior to the Chamber he directed all communication and marketing efforts for Rio Tinto Kennecott and previously worked as the Senior Advisor to the President of the Utah Transit Authority. He holds a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration from Utah Valley University and a Master of Intermodal Transportation Management from the University of Denver. Justin is married with four children.
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The chair of UVU’s Board of Trustees, Elaine Dalton, announced recently that President Holland will be spending the summer as a Senior Associate at the University of Oxford in Oxford, England. In this capacity, he will give several public lectures on the American Founding and political thought. He will prepare materials for teaching at UVU (which he loves to do), and research and write on his academic areas of expertise (political philosophy and history), and Higher Education administration. He will also take some well-deserved time to recharge his batteries. This is a unique opportunity for him and for the Utah Valley University community. Whatever your summer plans, I hope you can find the time to consider what helps you maximize your potential. Perhaps that means refocusing on your goals and priorities. You might even find time to take a hike. The mountains are calling. Warmest regards,
Justin Jones
Justin Jones Chief of Staff, Office of the President Utah Valley University
Community
Shut Up and Dance A few years ago, my son Chris and I, at the request of my wife, agreed to go down to the store and pick up some food items. I went out to my truck and got in. Chris came after me, jumped in and fastened his safety belt. Chris immediately turned on the radio and found his favorite station. The song “Shut up and dance with me” came on. He began to dance in his seat, rocking the truck back and forth. It was fun to watch him dance. This memory came back to me as I recently read an article about the effects dancing has on individuals over 75 years old. This 21 year study examined if physical or cognitive recreational activities influenced mental acuity. Specifically, the researchers, from the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York, were interested in what activities had a significant beneficial effect on the mind, especially dementia. They studied an array of activities such as reading books, writing for pleasure, doing crossword puzzles, playing cards, playing musical instruments, playing tennis or golf, swimming, bicycling, dancing, walking and doing housework. The results were surprising. The only physical activity to offer protection against dementia was frequent dancing. Reading produced a 35% risk reduction for dementia, bicycling and swimming produced 0% and playing golf produced 0%. Frequent dancing, however, produced a 76% risk reduction for dementia and even accounted for an increase in brain connections (even in older people). The essence of intelligence is making decisions. Dancing requires split second rapid fire decision making. Dancing integrates several brain functions at once, increasing your connectivity. These researchers highlight the fact that dancing simultaneously involves kinesthetic, rational, musical, and emotional processes. For those of us, young and old, who want to be healthy, dancing brings real benefits both to our cardiovascular and muscular systems as well as to our brain connectivity. So, per the song title, “Shut up and dance with me”!
Richard Brunst Mayor, Orem City
The essence of intelligence is making decisions. Dancing requires split second rapid fire decision making. Dancing integrates several brain functions at once, increasing your connectivity.
Utah Valley Health & Wellness Magazine | May/June 2017 11
Reason? What’s your
By Travis Lott CPT, CES, FNS, WLS
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uvhw | Have you ever really asked yourself why you work out? I mean, we all know the typical reasons why we should, but have you actually thought about your true motivation for getting in shape or staying fit? It’s not as clear cut of an answer as you might think right off the bat. I think if you’re honest with yourself, then it will help your game plan to achieve long term success. After all, we want to be healthy for the rest of our lives. What is your initial motivation to exercise? Is it to get in shape or lose fat? Is your motivation to lose weight because society will judge you for a big gut or flabby arms? Well, most likely they will judge you, but that should not be your motivation to lose that fat or get into shape. Obviously looks play a huge role in our self-confidence and self-esteem, so it can definitely be one reason to work out, but it shouldn’t be the main reason. Is your motivation to prevent pain? That’s a great motivation because you realize the great value of being in pain vs pain free living. I can relate to this with my lower back. Is your motivation to be healthy in order to enjoy your family now and years to come? This is enough reason to stay in shape. Your motivation must be meaningful. When there is meaning to doing something, it’s much easier to do. Your reasons have to be meaningful enough that you’re willing to do whatever it takes. That’s where a lot of people struggle. Once you realize the value of what exercise can do for you, the easier it is to commit to dedicating the time, money and effort. Until then, good luck on reaching your goals. Unfortunately a lot of people wait for a crisis in order to change. If you don’t have any reason yet to be motivated, then at least let some of these be your reasons for hitting the weights:
FITNESS
• It is the single best thing you can do for your brain in terms of mood, memory, and learning • I t reverses the effects of stress • Exercise is one of the best weapons against diseases like Alzheimer’s, heart disease, and cancer. • You’ll take fewer sick days at work About the Author • I t boosts your self-confidence Travis Lott is a certified • Your joints and ligaments will personal trainer, corrective strengthen and your bone density exercise specialist, certified will increase nutritionist, and certified weight-loss specialist at If you’re out of shape now or feeling Leantrition. He has trained down about yourself, pick up your head many diverse individuals and and square your shoulders, look in the groups over the years including mirror, and ask yourself what your real people of all ages, weight classes, and medical histories. motivation is. Be confident. Don’t make Many of his clients have seen any excuses or lie to yourself or to others. very successful results that have Don’t care what others think of you. Walk changed their lives. Travis is through the doors of the gym like you passionate about the health industry and takes pride in own the place. Start now. Every successful helping others achieve a new, person had to start somewhere. You’re not healthy way of living. born successful. True success resides in your ability of self-mastery and problem solving over time. Having the right motivations will enable you to stay committed long term and avoid being stuck in the short-term ebbs and flows cycle of ever trying to get into shape.
Utah Valley Health & Wellness Magazine | May/June 2017 13
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FITNESS
Skip the Diet! Learn, experiment, and follow simple guidelines for a healthy diet By Charles Abouo Have you ever felt that we have basically two options – eat food we enjoy or follow a popular diet that will help us achieve good health? It really doesn’t have to be that way. Good diet or good habits – First, the way you eat does not need a name. I believe lots of success stories from popular diets can be attributed not just to the diet specifically but to adopting healthier habits in general. Habits such as eating whole foods, more plants, and vegetables, doing away with processed fats and sugar, convenience and fast foods. Many popular diets recommend such guidelines, which are the same ones followed all around the world by individuals and communities that have a positive relationship with food. Learning from many voices – We can find out by experimenting with eating plant-based, we can discover lots of tasty vegetables that are very nutritious. I incorporated more nuts, seeds, legumes, quinoa, and many new foods in my diet after such a trial. I was introduced to grass-fed beef, and healthy unrefined fats such as grass-fed butter, extra virgin avocado oil by a friend who eats a diet rich in fats. We can also learn from following some whole food diets that grass-fed raw dairy products such as milk, cheese, and kefir can be nutrient rich and not harmful like many claims. We can also see the importance of fermented foods and their beneficial probiotics, by looking at many traditional and cultural diets. Experimenting and trying all these different types of foods is a great learning experience and one that can broaden our knowledge of healthy foods. We have to understand with all the variety of foods in the world, there is more than one specific path to good health.
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Eat healthy, your way – So after you experiment and learn, Can you be a vegan, Paleo, traditional foodist, whole foodist, and a raw food advocate? You definitely can adopt all the good dietary principles you find and fit them into your diet to enjoy the nutrient dense foods you love. There is a place for raw About the Author fruits and vegetables, cooked food, meat, Charles Abouo is a professional basketball player butter, fish, dairy, legumes, grains, desserts, in France and is a former and many other good foods in a healthy BYU student-athlete. He is a diet. No matter what we hear, we should certified personal trainer, and always remain flexible enough to learn and developed a passion for health and wellness while majoring experiment to find more healthy foods to in exercise and wellness include in our healthy lifestyle. at BYU. The 2012 BYU Before we pick and choose sides, be graduate played basketball at BYU from 2008-12. aware that our health issues today are He currently plays for ASC not about making the choice to eat only Denain Voltaire in France. plants or meat, dairy, legumes, desserts His hobbies include traveling, reading, writing, anything and etc. Many of our health issues come food, learning new cultures, from all the processed food, pesticides, and spending time with his hormone, refined grains, sugars, friends and family. chemicals, and trans fats in our foods. Starting with some simple guidelines can help you work towards a diet that is healthy and delicious. Five healthy dietary habits that have stood the test of time: 1. Eating a plant-based diet – a diet of mostly fruit, veggies, whole grains, legumes, nuts, and seeds. 2. Eat organic – Traditionally grown with eco-friendly processes that respect our natural resources 3. Eat a variety of whole, nutrient dense foods – Limit processed foods 4. Meat in Moderation – We do not have to eat meat every day to survive. Meat should be a smaller part of a healthy diet. 5. Drink mostly water
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FITNESS
Creating a Fitness-Focused Home
By Kathy Campbell, Realtor It’s a well-known fact that obesity rates are on the rise in the United States. Statistics show that 36.5 percent of adults are obese and 20% of school-age children (6-19 years) are obese – a rate that has more than tripled since the 1970s. While some blame schools or the abundance of fast food, experts confirm that the root of the problem is the habits formed in the home. Physical health depends on three factors: sufficient physical activity, proper eating habits, and adequate sleep. Since the home establishes the framework in which these behaviors take place, the layout and design of the home becomes a prime influence on the fitness levels of family members. As a Realtor, I walk through numerous Utah County homes a month. Many of the layouts of the homes focus on entertainment viewing and technology. Screens and monitors are found throughout the house, and if not permanently mounted, tablets and smartphones can be carried into every room and viewed on a 24/7 basis. Another challenge is lack of outdoor space. Because land is limited and becoming more expensive, I’m seeing smaller lots with less room for children and adults to engage in physical activities. However, all is not lost. There is much that home owners and contractors/designers can do to focus their homes on fitness by creating spaces that foster healthy and active lifestyles. Let’s take a look at few areas. Indoor Spaces After a long day at school and work, it’s easy to be drawn to sedentary activities. Consider carefully the placement of televisions and computers. Though popular to place in kitchens and bedrooms – mindless watching can lead to overeating and lack of sleep. How about changing the focus of kitchens to large spaces where family members can prepare meals together and enjoy lively conversation? Or how about shifting the focus of a family room to activities that engage the mind and the body? I recently read in the
book, Brain Warriors, by Daniel G. Amen MD, that sports that require coordination and complex moves like table tennis, foosball, tai chi and yoga (to name a few interior sports) are good for the brain and the body. For families with young children, instead of packing a room with furniture, allow extra space for kids to jump, tumble and dance. For families with older children, extra space will allow room for stretching, kickboxing, mini tramps, and other aerobic workouts. If home space and finances allow, dedicate a room solely to exercise. Install cardiac equipment, like stationary bikes, treadmills, and ellipticals; strength-focused items, such as weights, punching bags, and mats for pushups and sit ups; and floor space to allow room for stretching to improve flexibility. If you don’t have space for an exercise room, there is space-saving equipment that can be tucked into a family room or bedroom corner. A simple climbing wall could be added to a bedroom or garage. Studies show that lighting and color choice can even encourage activity. For example, natural light produces feelings of well-being and promotes activity. And certain wall colors have been found to enhance workouts: yellows stimulate cheerfulness, red energizes and excites, and blue helps with focus and concentration. Major renovations are not necessary to encourage physical activity. Room layouts and color can go a long way to encourage family members to get up and get moving. Outdoor Spaces When space is available, outside equipment can encourage physical activity. Consider installing a swing set, sandpit, trampoline, tetherball pole, swimming pool, sports court, or lawn space for badminton and lawn darts. Playground structures offer a variety of aerobic and strength-building activities as well as fuel the imagination. Just make sure to install a soft base underneath play equipment to prevent injury from falls. One reason kids may choose to watch TV
instead of play outside when a parent is gone is because they can’t reach equipment. Create storage spaces in the garage or yard that are easily accessible to children. Make it handy for kids to pull out and put away balls, bats, nets, bikes, pogo sticks, scooters, racquets, jump ropes, sidewalk chalk (and how about a Hoppy Taw for playing hopscotch?). Gardens are a terrific way to soak up some vitamin D, get some physical activity and encourage veggie eating. Large garden spaces are not necessary; grow boxes and container gardening work well. Healthy Behaviors Kitchens are the hub of the home and play a central role in establishing our eating habits. Of all the rooms that need plenty of space, the kitchen is king. Open kitchens allow space for family members to gather and help with meal prep. Arrange your kitchen so healthy snacks are in sight and within reach, and make sure cool water is easily accessible through refrigerators, water coolers, or even water fountains. Bedrooms are also vital spaces in the home. Children and adults alike need space to relax and get adequate sleep, especially since sleep deprivation can trigger obesity. Design bedrooms to have proper storage space to keep things tidy and proper lighting that calms. Sleep experts say not to put televisions in bedrooms, and also discourage use of electronic devices an hour before bedtime. The light from these devices is ‘short-wavelength-enriched,’ which means “it has a higher concentration of blue light than natural light – and blue light affects levels of the sleep-inducing hormone melatonin more than any other wavelength.” These are just a few ideas for creating a fitness-focused home. With a little thought and not too much money, home owners and contractors/designers can set the stage for a long and healthy life by creating spaces that encourage healthy eating, foster physical activity, and provide for adequate sleep.
About the Author Kathy Campbell is a Realtor with Coldwell Banker in Orem. With a bachelor’s in communications and a background in residential home sales, new construction and remodeling, Kathy delights in helping families with their real estate needs. She’s also an avid gardener, fitness enthusiast, and dedicated community volunteer.
Utah Valley Health & Wellness Magazine | May/June 2017 15
HOW TO DEAL WITH
PICKY By Wendy Thueson
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EATERS
The number one complaint I hear from parents is that their child is picky and won’t eat anything except macaroni and cheese, pizza or chicken nuggets. When I ask about fruits and vegetables, they tell me they only like certain ones. Then I ask, “Have you ever tried feeding them a sweet, ripe mango or other fruit that may not be on their list?” Most often they answer “No”. As I watch the parent and child interact, I give a few suggestions of different foods to eat, sometimes even offering a new food to the child who is reaching out with big eyes and a smile on their mouths. I get a quick reaction from the parent, however, “Oh, they don’t like that.” Then the child recoils and the moment of discovery is gone. Maybe it isn’t the child who is picky. Children are pre-programmed to like sweet foods and this obsession with sweets continues throughout adult life. Mother’s milk is sweet, as is fruit. We were designed to eat a lot of fruit but instead we eat sugary candy that looks and tastes like fruit. Why not just eat what nature provides us in their own little packages that we can peel and eat on the go?
uvhw | FIVE WAYS TO MAKE FOOD COME ALIVE If you have a picky eater, here are some great suggestions to help you navigate through meal times: 1. Start with ripe, colorful fruit. Put a bowl or tray of a variety of cut up fruit on the table and let them enjoy as much of it as they’d like. This digests the fastest so eating it first will help digestion later in the meal. 2. For a second course enjoy a salad or vegetable tray with more bright colors that draw in even the pickiest eaters. A nice dip is helpful too but not always necessary. See if you can get them to like the food in its natural state and make sure you are eating plenty of the fruits and vegetables as well. 3. Put a small amount of a main dish on the table using it more as a side dish. If your family is used to eating meat at every meal, reduce the amount of meat they consume by adding more vegetables, beans, rice or potatoes or a combination of these plant-based foods. 4. Watch your words. How are you speaking to your child about food? Are you encouraging them to try new things or do you side with them when they shoot it down? It takes up to twelve times for them to be introduced to something new and learn to like it, so keep trying and encourage them along the way. 5. Get your children involved in preparing the food. The more they help in the kitchen, the more they will want to eat what they make. This is a great way to bond with them and make some fun memories too. Be a good example to your children. They watch what you are eating and how you talk about food. If you have a poor relationship
NUTRITION
with food, blaming it for your weight or resenting having to make meals for your family, they feel it. I teach Little Chef Summer Camps to children ages six to sixteen. Introducing them to new foods and ways of preparing it has been a fun adventure. I educate them first about nutrition and the power of plants as About the Author medicine. We talk about what foods are Wendy Thueson is a certified good for us and that we need to eat more Chef, Raw Food Coach, Master Herbalist and a wife plant-based uncooked fruits, vegetables, and mother of four. She is sprouted nuts and seeds. As we prepare passionate about plants and things like donuts using plums and their amazing nutritional make a delicious jelly filling and colorful and medicinal powers. She is from Eagle Mountain sprinkles out of citrus peels, they love and enjoys teaching classes, the bright colors and the sweet flavors speaking at events, and these make. Most of the children love sharing her message of health the majority of what we make and they on TV and in printed media. She is the author of “7 Days of go home excited to share what they have Raw Food”, and her “1 Day learned. We have a rule that everyone has Raw Challenge” found at to try one bite of everything. RawChefWendy.com One student was skeptical of everything we made and she let me know it with a sour face. But as she ate her first bite, her frown turned into a big smile as she exclaimed, “I like this!” It was fun to see her do this week after week until she finally expected to like each dish we made.
Utah Valley Health & Wellness Magazine | May/June 2017 17
The Biology Behind
Human Relationships Part II: Understanding Biology
to Heal from Trauma By Kirsten LC. Cadden, with Lee Johnson, Ph.D., LMFT
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uvhw | The Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) controls unconscious bodily processes. A branch of the ANS, the Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) is responsible for the fight or flight response, its main goal being protection and survival. The pounding heart and sweaty hands that happen instantly when you face sudden dangers indicate that your SNS is engaged and working to keep you safe. The other branch of the ANS is the Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS), which facilitates rest and connection with others. While the ANS is necessary, it is not particularly discerning. An argument with your partner may yield a pounding heart and sweaty hands. Your life is not in danger, but your SNS is working to protect you from potential danger nonetheless. This response happens before you are conscious of it, and it can hinder healthy relationship functioning. Fortunately, you can use a knowledge of this system and practical health tips to more readily engage your PNS response and positively influence your relationships. In this article we discuss what happens when your body more readily engages the SNS because of past negative experiences or traumas. Say “trauma” and people instantly think of combat, abuse, or other horrific experiences. The fourth grade teacher who frequently embarrassed you in front of the class probably does not come to mind. But the survival mechanisms of your brain do not distinguish between big traumas and smaller negative events very well. If something hurt you (physically or emotionally), frightened you, or left a strong negative impression, your brain literally rewires in order to protect you from it happening again. Research suggests that when we feel safe and loved most the time, our brains are able to specialize in curiosity, exploration, and learning. When we frequently feel afraid, abandoned, or hurt, our brains focus on managing our fears and protecting us.1 Consistently being in protection mode limits our ability to connect with others. Some events become embedded in our minds because of the personal attributions we attach to them. Feeling publicly humiliated is a fact - it was embarrassing. But feeling like you were the target
H E A LT H
for embarrassment because you are not smart or not loveable is an attribution. Facts + negative attributions = “sticky events” (so named because of the way they stick in your mind). Sticky events can be positive or negative, but the negative ones tend to carry more weight and facilitate the rapid engagement of our protective mechanisms when we are not in actual physical danger.2 These “sticky events” have important implications for our relationships. Research suggests that past trauma can make us look at our current relationships more negativeily.3 While major traumas are less frequent, many people have experience with minor traumas and “sticky events”. Both major and minor trauma cause the SNS to engage. It happens in various ways and for various reasons, but it happens subconsciously, leaving many people to struggle in relationships without knowing why. Addressing the trauma in a safe environment is essential. Whether it is in a nightly journal entry or a counselor’s office, finding a way to work through traumatic experiences while the PNS can be engaged, and is helping to regulate the SNS, is crucial to healing. Otherwise, these sticky events continue to tell us we are worthless or unloved. With unresolved trauma, the brain puts more energy into protecting us in our relationships than allowing us to connect in our relationships. The BYU researchers suggest thinking consciously about the positivesticky events of your life. Spend some time dwelling on a time you felt especially lovable, blessed, or worthy. While this does not dispel the influence of trauma, it does increase PNS engagement and may aid in trauma recovery. Van der Kolk Johnson, Bradford, Miller 3 Busby et al. 1 2
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About the Author Kirsten LC. Cadden is currently a senior at BYU majoring in family studies. As an undergraduate she has worked as a research assistant and a professor’s assistant. After graduation this year, Kirsten plans to pursue a master’s degree in clinical social work. Kirsten is a big fan of therapy, mindfulness, and self-care.
Contributors Lee Johnson, Ph.D.: Lee Johnson, an associate professor in Marriage and Family Therapy at BYU, holds a bachelor’s degree from BYU in family science, a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy from Utah State University, and a Ph.D. from Kansas State University. He has worked at Friends University, University of Georgia, and now BYU. His research interests focus on examining the relationship between physical exercise, improved sleep, and reduced stress on marital and family therapy outcomes; emotional regulation process in clinical couples and families; and the therapy alliance.
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Angela B. Bradford, Ph.D.: Angela Bradford, an assistant professor in Marriage and Family Therapy at BYU, earned her bachelor’s degree in family science from BYU, and her master’s degree in marriage and family therapy and Ph.D. in human development and family studies from Auburn University. She has worked as a university instructor, a graduate research manager, and in private practice as a therapist. She currently is. Her research with Lee Johnson, and Rick Miller, is the basis for this article.
Utah Valley Health & Wellness Magazine | May/June 2017 19
Opioid Use Disorder
The Rising Epidemic
By Southwest Healing and Wellness Many months after surgery, she found herself craving oxycodone. She spent hours each day thinking about how she could get more. She had tried to cut back because of the damage it was causing her family, but the cravings just got worse. She was on the verge of losing her job, her marriage, and her life. Each time she tried quitting, her anxiety and depression went through the roof; she couldn’t sleep, and she became incredibly nauseous. Despair overwhelmed her, and she considered taking her own life to escape her new reality. She, like many others, had unwittingly become addicted to drugs in the form of prescription opiates. In the United States, over 650,000 opioid prescriptions are dispensed daily, and as many as 91 people die each day from an opioid overdose. While this epidemic is reaching across the globe, it also hits close to home. Utah currently ranks 7th in the nation for drug overdoses; the majority of which are opioid related, with oxycodone being the highest. Within the state of Utah, opioid overdoses have now surpassed deaths due to firearms, falls, and motor vehicle accidents. In the last 5 years, Utah has experienced a 400% increase in death from opioid misuse. Tragically, 1 out of every 10 people with opioid use disorder also have a history of attempted suicide. If you or a loved one are currently suffering from problems related to opiate use, seek help immediately. Effective treatment options are available which can treat chronic pain, addiction, and mental health related challenges in a caring and integrative way. (Sources: American Psychiatric Association; CDC.gov; Health.Utah.gov)
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A New Treatment Option For Headache Sufferers
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H E A LT H
By Jon Obray, MD, Interventional Pain Management Physician
The sphenopalatine ganglion is a bundle of nerves that is located in the midface behind the nasal passages, and, if damaged or traumatized, can cause severe pain in the face and head. Recent research has highlighted the ability of alleviating headache and facial pain through a minimally invasive procedure known as a sphenopalatine ganglion block. At Southwest Spine and Pain Center, our pain management specialists treat many patients who suffer from About the Author debilitating migraine headaches. Migraines are different than a common headache that we all may get from time A graduate of Johns Hopkins University School of to time; they are painful headache episodes that can last anywhere from hours to days, and are accompanied by Medicine, Dr. Jon Obray symptoms including nausea, dizziness, and sensitivity to light and sound. Management of migraines is complex, but completed fellowship training with the use of sphenopalatine ganglion blocks, the pain specialists at Southwest Spine and Pain Center are bringing in interventional pain medicine at Mayo Clinic, hope to migraine sufferers. later serving Mayo Medical Chronic facial pain is also often difficult to treat because the face is a delicate area to work with, but those who Center as the Medical Director of the pain clinic. Dr. suffer from facial pain are usually extremely debilitated. Recent studies have also shown that facial pain patients may Obray now serves as Medical find relief following this minimally invasive procedure. Director of Neurosciences The ideal candidates for a sphenopalatine ganglion block are patients who suffer from pain that is caused by acute at Dixie Regional Medical Center, and is a clinical or chronic migraine headaches, acute cluster headaches, and many types of facial neuralgias. Sphenopalatine ganglion research investigator. blocks may be administered in conjunction with medication and other pain management treatments and techniques. As a minimally invasive procedure, this block can be performed at any of the state-of-the-art procedure centers at Southwest Spine and Pain Center. Patients will not require general anesthesia, and will be able to go home shortly after the procedure. The nerve block consists of a local anesthetic to provide pain relief and the entire procedure lasts approximately ten minutes. After a brief time in the recovery area, patients are able to go home. At Southwest Spine and Pain Center, our pain management team has seen great success for patients with migraines and facial pain following a sphenopalatine ganglion block, with patients reporting less pain, better function, and improved quality of life. For more information about chronic migraines or facial pain, or how a sphenopalatine ganglion block may help your chronic pain condition, visit www.SouthwestSpineandPain.com or call (435) 656-2424 to contact the Southwest Spine and Pain Center location nearest you.
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www.SouthWestHWC.com Utah Valley Health & Wellness Magazine | May/June 2017 21
WholeFIT: Wellness for Life
Living Healthy & Well “For Real”
By Jared DuPree, PhD This past year, I wrote the article series “Healthcare in America.” I received a lot of positive comments about the series and hope you all learned more about how our system is changing and how we can understand how to live healthy and well as this change occurs. This year, I’m excited to shift gears and focus more on how to live healthy and well considering all areas of our life. As some of you may know, I recently published my book, “WholeFIT: Wellness for Life,” that addresses the many areas of our life that impact our health and wellness: our minds, bodies, spirituality, relationships, careers, hobbies, life balance and more. In the book, I discuss how all of these areas are connected and how living healthy and well in one area impacts other areas. Equally, living poorly in one area often impacts other areas negatively. I would like to start by giving you some tips to consider when striving to live healthy and well — for real! I say “for real” because there are so many quick fixes, fad diets, and unrealistic expectations that just don’t work long-term. They are unsustainable. They create guilt or shame. They aren’t you. Real change occurs when we engage in activities that tap into what we really believe, want, or love. Tip #1: Align your life with what is important. When we consider what is most important in life, most of us will discover that our relationships, life purpose, and health begin to rise to the top of the list. Relationships because they provide us with opportunities to love, serve and connect. Life purpose because we feel more motivated and joyful when we engage in activities that fit what we feel is important. Health because it gives us the energy and ability to engage with our relationships and live our life purpose. Ask yourself if how you spend your time is helping or hurting what is important in your life. Consider making some changes so you can spend more quality time with those you love, engage in more activities that fit your life purpose, and make choices that improve your health so you can have the energy and ability to do what you love. Tip #2: Dedicate time and energy each day to your body, mind, spirit and relationships. Rather than considering what other people think of you or what is expected of you as you think about your health and wellness, think about how spending time and energy in each important area can help you grow and develop in that area. We strengthen our muscles and
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heart through exercise, we strengthen our mind through learning and reading, we strengthen our spirit through worship and service, and we strengthen our relationships through time shared and memories created. Don’t exercise just to lose weight, exercise to strengthen and nourish your body. Don’t eat well because you are counting calories, eat well so you can feel better and have the nourishment needed to be you. Giving time and energy to each area of our life on a consistent basis will help us live healthy and well in a more “real” and sustainable manner.
About the Author
Dr. Jared DuPree is the founder and executive editor of St. George Health & Wellness magazine and the Southern Utah Health & Wellness Directory. He is also the founder and president of the Centers for Couples & Families and WholeFIT. He currently is an Assistant Professor for Dixie State University and resides in St. George with his wife and four kids - the highlight of his life.
Tip #3: Change in one area will lead to change in other areas. It is important to realize that change in one area automatically changes other areas in our life—for better or worse. As we spend time exercising and eating well, serotonin is released in our brain which impacts our mood and motivation, leading to better creativity and productivity at work, leading to increased capacity to connect with others and so on. Equally, poor diet and health can lead to depression, marital and family conflict, poor work performance and so on. Every area is truly connected. Consider taking a step back and looking at your whole life and asking yourself, “What areas do I need to change that will put everything else into a positive motion? Sleep? More quality time with a partner or spouse? More time relaxing or spending time on a hobby?” In the end, as we consider living healthy and well “for real,” we must consider what is truly important in our lives (e.g., relationships, life purpose and health); how to dedicate some amount of time and energy each day to the important areas of our wellness (body, mind, spirit, and relationships); and what changes or tweaks need to be made to shift our overall life. For more information on how to live well more fully, visit www.wholefitwellness.com.
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Utah Valley Health & Wellness Magazine | May/June 2017 23
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FINANCIAL
Re-Examining The Role of Life Insurance As Part of a Sound Financial Strategy
It’s not like buying a book online, or using the latest technology tool… By Todd Francis Johnson, Northwestern Mutual While the ‘90s were a time of economic prosperity and wealth accumulation for many, the 2000s have reminded people of the importance of diversification and protection. Recent economic and world events have certainly caused many of us to refocus on a larger and more challenging financial picture. For these reasons, it is important to work with a qualified financial professional. Many financial professionals are wisely preaching the need for diversification as a means of better managing risk, but how many of them are suggesting taking a second look at an old reliable tool – life insurance – as an essential element for a sound financial strategy? Arguably, the biggest issue with life insurance is the tendency to oversimplify the whole buying process. Some “experts” will say it’s either term or permanent; furthermore, these same experts then advise their clients that term is the only way to go, for everyone. The truth is, buying life insurance cannot be reduced to a simple either/or decision. It is much more than a simple commodity; it’s not like buying a book online or using the latest technology tool. Also, what is best for the client will depend upon each person’s circumstances. There are issues of: • How much insurance you need • How long you’ll need it • How the actual contract is designed: • What types or combination of types are best for your needs • How your insurance needs might change over time • The extent to which you are prepared to pay premiums over an extended period It follows that the life insurance policy a person owns should reflect that individual’s unique needs – there are no one-size-fits-all solutions when developing a financial security plan. For some, this could mean term life insurance; for others, it could mean permanent life insurance. For others, still, it could mean a blended policy of both term and permanent insurance, or a combination of several types. Whenever you get into the issue of term or permanent, it’s important to understand the fundamentals. With permanent insurance, the insurance proceeds are paid to your beneficiaries whenever you die, as long as the premiums 24 www.utvalleywellness.com
continue to be paid. Permanent insurance has level premiums About the Author and a cash value that grows on a tax-deferred basis. Term Todd Johnson is a Wealth insurance, on the other hand, provides a payout only if you Management Advisor with die within a certain period of time. The premiums typically Northwestern Mutual. He is also the Managing Director increase each time you renew your policy, and it has no for operations in Southern cash value. Initially, the premium for term insurance is Utah. Todd has been with considerably lower than that of a permanent policy. But, in Northwestern Mutual the long-run, the net cost may eventually be lower with the since 2003; he began after completing his Law Degree permanent plan. at Case Western University. Life insurance should be considered the foundation He is married to Erin Johnson and most conservative element of any personal plan – the and they are the parents of money that absolutely has to be there, no matter what the three beautiful girls. When economic cycle or climate. Furthermore, choosing the right he is not working, Todd enjoys spending time boating, amount of insurance is more important than finding the mountain biking, riding right kind. After that, the type you buy depends on your horses, and spending time with timetable and budget. his family. A good financial representative will make sure you consider life insurance as part of your overall financial strategy. This is someone who can help you understand your insurance needs and help identify which products offer innovative solutions in a particular situation. Rather than push a product, a good financial representative will do these things: • Ask questions about your goals and objectives and your long- and short-term needs. • Analyze the information to determine the feasibility of these goals, objectives and needs. • Make a recommendation to help meet your financial goals. • Provide good service year after year, by letting you know how your plan is performing relative to your objectives – it’s a long-term relationship. Article prepared by Northwestern Mutual with the cooperation of Todd Francis Johnson. Todd Francis Johnson is a wealth management advisor with Northwestern Mutual, the marketing name for The Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, (Northwestern Mutual) (NM) and its affiliates. Todd Francis Johnson is an insurance agent of NM based in St George, UT. To contact Todd Francis Johnson, please call (435) 628-8248, e-mail todd.johnson@nm.com or visit toddjohnson-nm.com.
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TUACAHN.ORG Utah Valley Health & Wellness Magazine | May/June 2017 25
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OUTDOOR LIVING
Paradise Canyon It’s a great time to ride in St. George! By Jay Bartlett I’m hoping that as this article reaches you, you’re enjoying a beautiful spring day, and gearing up for a ride, because as I write this in late January, we have been assaulted with wave after wave of rain and a little snow. Most trails are in no condition to ride, with some not even accessible at all. Painfully, the freshly finished Wire Mesa trail is among those – more on that trail in a future article! With weather like this going on, we have to search out the more hardy, water-shedding trails in the area like Barrel Roll, the Boy Scout Trails, and of course Church Rocks. Also, we have to sneak out when the getting is good: when the rain stops and the sun decides to poke its face out. There is a trail just outside town that is perfect for such a surgical strike-type of ride; the oft-overlooked Paradise Canyon. Paradise, at times, flies under the mountain biking radar, overshadowed by some of our more famous trails. I’ll admit, it’s not one of my “go to” trails, although it should be. I always have fun on it, but I think I ignore it a bit due to its shorter length. There are several ways to put the network together, but most loops end up around four miles. That being said, there is much fun to be had running laps, or riding things in the opposite direction (some hike-a-bikes may be necessary) or out-and-back sections, so additional mileage is available. Several trailheads are available to access Paradise Canyon, making it an easy “ride-to” trail from many parts of town – helpful on those rainy or busy days, when you have to sneak out! The Chuckwalla trailhead just up Highway 18, after the Red Hills Parkway interchange, is my favorite. The terrain is comprised of some fast dirt, some short sand sections (which can be tough in the dry) and quite a bit of sandstone. In fact, the Turtle Wall trail slithers along a “bench” Mom Nature was good enough to cut above the valley floor in the sandstone, making for a very interesting mile or so in either direction. Other notable trails include Beck Hill and Paradise Rim. Beck Hill is probably one of the lesser used trails by mountain bikers, probably because of its hundred yards or so 26 www.utvalleywellness.com
of sand at the beginning, but it turns to a great, techy climb of just over a mile with some nice slickrock problems at the top before rejoining Paradise Rim. Techy climb? Yeah, some of us actually like those! Paradise Rim is the drop-in back to the valley, so fun! There are some B-lines that have drops and jumps, and most sections have an easy line through About the Author them, but if you’re unsure, it’s not a bad Mountain bike veteran, idea to take a look before you leap. amateur filmmaker, and One thing to keep in mind, since endurance racer Jay Bartlett has been riding trails in the St. Paradise is so close to town, it is used George area for over twenty quite often by hikers and climbers as well, years. Jay has nearly a decade of so please use courtesy and give them the experience as a bike mechanic at Bicycles Unlimited, St. George’s right of way. oldest bike shop. Bike Rentals Paradise Canyon is a great little trail available. to give the newbie a taste of our terrain, or the expert a challenge close to town, and it’s also close to City Creek Trail (also a trail for another article) so options for an epic are available. So whether it’s been raining and the sun just popped out, or it’s been a busy week giving you just a short window for a ride, Paradise Canyon might be just the answer. Did I mention it’s also beautiful? You don’t name a canyon Paradise for nothing!
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How To Talk With Your Children About
Therapy
By Alexis Lee, MS, LAMFT
Therapy should not be talked about as “a way to get over this problem you’re having” but as “a way to learn some skills to help you be happier.”
F A M I LY W E L L N E S S
Unfortunately, in today’s society there is a negative stigma attached to therapy. I have heard many people say that therapy is just for weak or broken people who can’t handle life on their own. Sadly, even children and teenagers have heard that therapy is bad and for weak people. This can lead them to resent and fight against attending therapy. Instead of seeking help when needed, this belief causes many parents to delay therapy until their need is dire or other people insist they get help. I have worked with parents who tell me they were told by a doctor, teacher, friend, or About the Author family member that it is their fault their child needs therapy or Alexis is a therapist at the that they are bad parents. Unfortunately, many parents have never Spanish Fork Center for been trained to handle a childs distress or difficulty. Lets talk about Couples and Families. She is how to approach therapy with your child. a licensed associate marriage and family therapist and One crucial concept for parents to keep in mind is the specializes in working with importance of embracing and helping your child who might have children and adolescents in fear and anxiety about coming to therapy. These worries are real for therapy. your child even if they seem silly or pointless to you. An example of the importance of your child’s perspective is illustrated by a child who might scream or become devastated over losing a balloon. To an adult this might not seem like a big deal; however, to a child it is like watching their whole world disappear. If this is your child’s fear, it is good to discuss specifically what your child’s fears are in order to address them. Recently, I met with a terrified child in my office. He was worried everyone at school would find out about him being in therapy and think that he was bad or weak. I addressed his fear by talking to him about how normal it is to have weaknesses and to sometimes need therapy – everyone does at some point. He was able to understand that this didn’t make him a bad person. I also reminded him that the only way others would find out is if he himself told them – he had control. Another crucial parenting concept regarding talking with your child about therapy is to be respectful and validating instead of belittling or embarrassing. Therapy should not be talked about as “a way to get over this problem you’re having” but as “a way to learn some skills to help you be happier.” Children can tell when their parents think there is something wrong with them. This influences their mood and actions in therapy. Lastly, it is important for parents to let their child know they are loved and supported. Some parents bring their children to therapy when they are at the end of their rope and have no idea what else they can do. When children recognize this they might feel worse about themselves because they do not feel special and loved. Children in this situation might feel that not only are they stuck, but also that mom and dad do not love them anymore. In conclusion, remember that when talking to children about therapy parents can: • Recognize that there are stigmas about therapy that your child knows about • Talk with your child at an age appropriate level • Address any fears your child might have • Help your child feel respected and validated rather than embarrassed or shamed for needing therapy • Love and support your child through the process of therapy If these guidelines are followed, children can have a better experience starting therapy.
Utah Valley Health & Wellness Magazine | May/June 2017 27
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F A M I LY W E L L N E S S
Myths About Parental Alienation By Michelle Jones, LCSW
Whenever the topic of parental alienation arises, frequently others in the conversation respond that they themselves have gone through it, or they know a close friend or relative who went through it. They then describe a horrific story of once-loving children being turned against them, of having ex-spouses who moved away with the children in order to block access, or of being falsely accused of child abuse. Sometimes they don’t know what to call this phenomenon, but they are very familiar with its traumatizing effects. Although most lay people know through their own experience that this scenario is real, if they seek professional help, they are often told things like, “Don’t say ‘parental alienation’ or it will make you look bad.” Others will say parental alienation is “junk science” and doesn’t even exist, or it’s only abusive males unfairly blaming a woman who would claim this. But if so many people, both men and women, claim this is their real experience, then why such controversy surrounding this topic? In order to understand the confusion and taboo surrounding the term parental alienation, the history of it needs to be explored. Since the beginning of time and by whatever name is used, parental alienation exits. But it was not until the 1980s that Richard Gardner, a child psychiatrist at Columbia University, noticed some unusual behavioral patterns in children going through high-conflict divorces and labeled what he observed as Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), which he described as “a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child’s campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from the combination of a programming (brainwashing) parent’s indoctrinations and the child’s own contributions to the vilification of the target parent” (Gardner,1998). Gardner identified the following eight symptoms found in children caught in this dynamic: 28 www.utvalleywellness.com
About the Author Michelle Jones, LCSW, graduated from Brigham Young University in Clinical Social Work. She is the Director of Concordia Families, a clinic specializing in family-court involved therapy and reunification services. She has worked in Utah in several treatment centers, helping individuals and families for 17 years. She serves as a member of the executive committee of the National Parents Organization, whose mission is to promote shared parenting and family law reform.
1. A campaign of denigration against the targeted parent 2. Weak, frivolous, or absurd rationalizations for rejection of the parent 3. Lack of ambivalence towards the targeted parent 4. The “independent thinker” phenomenon 5. Reflexive support of the favored parent 6. Absence of guilt 7. The presence of borrowed or scripted scenarios 8. Spread of animosity to the extended family He labeled these behaviors a syndrome because a syndrome represents a pattern of symptoms so commonly occurring together as to make up a distinct clinical picture. When Gardner tried to get his ideas accepted by the mental health community, they did not dispute that this phenomenon existed, but they rejected his notion that this pattern was a legitimate syndrome. When it was not accepted as a mental health syndrome, people began calling it “junk science.” Further, Gardner made the mistake of saying that PAS was most often instigated by women, which led the feminist community to vigorously fight against his ideas. His motives were twisted to mean that he made up PAS specifically to protect truly abusive men from being held responsible. Some even began accusing Gardner of being a “pedophile lover” and an advocate of child abuse. Gardner later admitted that parental alienation was not gender specific, but it was most likely committed by the custodial parent, which in the 80s was mostly women. Although he corrected his views, the myth is still being perpetuated that a person claiming PAS is actually an abuser who is trying to hurt innocent women and children. Although significant research has now been published to legitimize the concept of parental alienation, these mythical distortions, which have been perpetuated for almost 40 years, have made assessing and treating parental alienation more difficult.
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ing n o i sit n a Tr
, o N
ual x e to S
! O N , o N
, o to G
MFT FLE, L C , D h en, P . Bod S y rem By Je
Many years ago, a student of mine wrote in her paper that upon asking her mom one week before she got married to give her some advice about sex, her mother replied, “Well, Honey, people have been having sex since Adam and Eve, you will figure it out, too.” That was her sexual education. Pretty exhaustive. Sexual intimacy is one of the most vulnerable experiences we will engage in this life time. Few experiences can replicate the deep emotional and physical exposure that accompanies being sexual with our partner. Despite the magnitude of the impact that sex can have on the marital relationship, our research of over 1000 married individuals has revealed that few people are prepared for this highly anticipated event. Here are some of the themes and findings from our study. Sexual Knowledge Overwhelmingly, one of the most consistent messages we received from our participants was that they just didn’t feel prepared with enough knowledge about the intricacies of sexual intimacy going into marriage. One female respondent stated, “I was so uneducated and unknowledgeable about sex and sexual acts. We learned to talk along the way but it took a few years.” In fact, only 28% reported any knowledge of human sexual response and less than 7% reported any specific knowledge in how to make love. Many individuals reported that their sexual education in the home could be summarized with one statement, “Just don’t do it.”
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Take home message: Don’t be afraid to look for material that is in line with your values, get educated, visit a medical and/or mental health professional before and after marriage, and find answers.
Healthy Sexual Messages, Beliefs, and Expectations From the time we can understand language to high school graduation, we will have received thousands of messages about how to view our own bodies, relationships, marriage, sex, and our own sexuality. Some of these messages can be positive but many are not and can contribute to struggles in the transition to sexual intimacy. One female stated, “I was taught growing up sex was bad, dirty and wrong and we didn’t talk about it. When I got married it took a while for us to talk through my fears and for me to grow out of shame and into acceptance and enjoyment.” Over and over again respondents indicated that they had unhealthy, unrealistic, or false conceptions of their own sexuality and what sex was or was not going to be like. Take home message: Become aware of your own sexual beliefs and expectations and share these with your partner before and after marriage. Remember to practice empathy and understanding as you listen to your partner.
Emotional Safety When we asked married individuals what advice they would give couples who are about to embark on their first sexual experience together, many encouraged couples to be patient with each other, go slow, and to practice kindness, gentleness, and love during their first time. As
F A M I LY W E L L N E S S
one respondent put it, “Be patient and understanding. It’ll take a while to get the hang of it, and be open and understanding to each other’s needs. Be loving and concerned about each other.” Study after study has noted that when spouses feel emotionally safe and connected, their sex life thrives. Take home message: Your partner is the most important person in your life, and together, you are embarking on one of the best areas of marriage. Therefore, be kind, soft, patient, understanding, and gentle with each other.
Sexual Communication According to our study, only 44% of couples talked about their expectations about the wedding night before marriage. Thus, the fourth key to a successful transition into sexual activity was that couples need to communicate before and after their marriage about their expectations, thoughts, and emotions about sexual intimacy. Further, both men and women strongly agreed with the statement, “Looking back, I wish we had communicated about sex more before we got married.” However, we’ve also learned that it is less about the discussion of specific topics and more about the comfortableness felt in talking about sex before marriage. In other words, if you are able to discuss your expectations about sexual intimacy before marriage, it is likely that this comfortableness will continue on after marriage. Take home message: You must create a safe environment and push yourself to discuss these important issues surrounding sexual intimacy. Couples who talk about their sex life have better sex and more of it.
When couples can gain adequate knowledge, cultivate healthy sexual scripts, create an emotionally safe relationship, and learn to safely and frequently discuss their sex life, our research supports that their transition to sexual intimacy will be smoother. About the Author Jeremy is an assistant professor at Utah Valley University in the family studies area and is a therapist at the Provo Center for Couples and Families where he specializes in couples therapy. Jeremy is married to his beautiful wife, Daria and they have four children.
Utah Valley Health & Wellness Magazine | May/June 2017 29
Calling
TIMEOUT
on fighting
By Kenneth Jeppesen, LAMFT, MMFT On the list of unpleasant things, getting in a fight with your partner is right up there with root canals. There are few things as stressful, and there’s a good neurological reason for that. When we start fighting, our brain thinks we are in a life or death situation. We perceive our partner as a threat. Our pulse races to 100 beat per minute and above, our brain goes on high alert for anything that looks dangerous, and perhaps most important, our higher reasoning shuts down. This is our mammal brain, running on instinct, providing the classic fight or flight reaction that kept our species alive for so many years. But it’s not so helpful when we need to be performing complex mental and emotional tasks like listening without being defensive, or empathizing. Ending a fight in a helpful way is impossible when the mammal brain is in control. We have to learn to override the old system with our newer, more helpful neocortex. How do we do that? The first thing to do is recognize that a fight is beginning. Often we find ourselves going from calm to upset in seconds without realizing it. One of the biggest signs is a budding or fully developed disagreement. Any kind of debate or argument where you are in an adversarial position with your About the Author partner can blow up into a full-fledged fight in moments. This leaves you scratching your head thinking, Kenneth is a therapist at the American Fork Center for how did that happen? The warning sign is the disagreement itself, but we rarely see it as such. Couples and Families. As a It takes focused effort and time to practice noticing the warning signs of a fight. Until we get to that couple’s therapist, he enjoys point, there are some important things we can do when we find ourselves in the middle of a fight. The helping clients find peace and happiness and spends the rest best thing to do is call a time out, and schedule a time (at least 20 minutes later) to finish the discussion of his time trying to learn after the body’s fight or flight response has cooled down. The reason this is important is because when about everything! our body is overwhelmed and physiologically worked up (i.e., increased heart rate, sweating, or weighton-our-shoulders feeling), it is very difficult respond to our partners in a healthy manner. Dr. John Gottman calls this being ‘flooded’. At this point, practice what Dr. Gottman calls self-soothing. Self-soothing is largely done by managing our thoughts. When we fight we tend to think distressing thoughts like “I don’t have to take this,” “They have no right to talk to me like this,” “It would be better to be alone,” etc. These thoughts continue to flood us with distressing emotions. Try replacing such thoughts with, “We’re just upset, and when we’re upset, we say things we don’t mean,” “Sometimes we fight, but everything will be ok,” “I’m safe, they’re not trying to hurt me, they’re just in pain,” etc. Having the presence of mind to think this way during a fight is not easy, especially when all evidence seems to contradict the soothing thoughts. But this is a vital step to master if you want to end fights once and for all. When you can control your thoughts and emotions, you will have the ability to see the big picture beyond the current problem, and understand the emotional need that is causing it. 30 www.utvalleywellness.com
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C U LT U R E
WholeFIT Adventures Our Story By Jared DuPree, PhD When I was a kid, I loved Indiana Jones. When someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said, “An archeologist!” I didn’t just love Indiana Jones, I wanted to be Indiana Jones! I imagined visiting the Pyramids of Egypt or trekking the jungles of some distant land amidst native tribes. I wanted to learn languages, meet new peoples and cultures, and feel the excitement of the unknown. I was hungry for adventure, even at a young age. Today, if I’m honest with myself, I still want to be Indiana Jones. I was sitting in my office one day reflecting on how I spend my time and came to the conclusion I need to make some adjustments. I realized I only have one life to live, and I might as well live it doing things I love! I knew I couldn’t quit my job, but I thought, What is stopping me from going on some adventure trips and bringing people along? I also knew that my book, “WholeFIT: Wellness for Life” had a philosophy of life balance, life purpose and wellness that would fit really well with adventure travel. So, I just went for it! I contacted insurance companies, travel companies, lawyers, and my accountant to figure out what I needed to do, and within a couple of days had formed WholeFIT Adventures. I didn’t even know the term “adventure travel” really existed in the industry, but quickly learned that there are likeminded individuals, hotels, excursions and companies that focus on creating trips that go beyond the typical vacation. Adventure travel is for those that love to be active, try new things, engage in adventurous excursions, and be off the beaten path a little bit – like Indiana Jones! Perfect! We recently finished our fall 2016 WholeFIT Adventure trip to the Yucatan. It was incredible! We had several college students, a father and his daughter, a couple, and my daughter join us to visit the beauty, uniqueness and adventure of the Yucatan. Arriving in Cancun, we got
out of the touristy district and headed two hours west into the heart of the Yucatan jungle, enjoying our stay at a bed and breakfast that I love, Casa Hamaca, of Valladolid. After several days of biking in the jungle, visiting cenotes (natural water pools that are incredible), and exploring some ruins, we had the chance to engage in some service for the Mayan people in the area by providing some food donations. We learned that most families make less than $5/day making hammocks or other handmade items to sell. We spent time learning how to make Yucatecan food using techniques that are over a thousand years old. They all spoke Mayan, but we were still able to communicate as we laughed and taught each other English and Mayan words. Most of us thought this was the highlight of the trip. The Mayan people are so happy with so little – they taught us a lot. My daughter Sienna, who is fifteen years old, felt it had a major impact on her. As a father, those moments are priceless. To end the trip, we relaxed in the vibrant town of Merida and spent some needed relaxation time at the beach near Progreso. We all had an amazing time! We have many more adventures to experience! I’m personally going to lead two trips a year (in May and October) but have collaborated with several travel companies like Cosmos to offer additional trips throughout the year that fit the adventure travel feel. We have service trips, adventure trips, family trips and wellness trips planned for the Olympic National Forest (favorite place in the US for me), Costa Rica, Grenada,
Dominican Republic, Ireland, Italy and Alaska. We have also started to customize adventure trips for corporate groups, reunions, families and more. We have found there are few companies that can help plan trips that include the three key elements: adventure, service and wellness. For more information, visit www. wholefitadventures.com, and join us for an amazing adventure!
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