Deference booklet excerpt

CONTENTS

Biblical Character Illustrated Curriculum Illustrated in Scripture “The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple” (Psalm 19:7b). Biblical

2 Introduction

character is illustrated in this curriculum

2 How to Use This Curriculum

through both artwork and lessons from

3 Goals and Objectives

the lives of people in God’s Word. We most

4 Character Quality Overview

often benefit from the positive examples of faithful men and women. “For whatso-

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Lesson 1: Be a Good Example

ever things were written aforetime were

8 Bible Story: Paul Supports Himself While Preaching

written for our learning, that we through

9 Memory Verse: I Timothy 4:12

patience and comfort of the scriptures

10 Activity: Simon Says

might have hope” (Romans 15:4). And there

11 Lesson 2: Use Music to Edify Others

were people in the Bible who are representations of poor character, and we can

12 Bible Story: God Gives Moses a Song for Israel

learn from their lives as well. “Now these

13 Memory Verse: I Chronicles 16:23

things were our examples, to the intent we

14 Activity: Music in the Making!

should not lust after evil things, as they

15 Lesson 3: Refrain From Causing Offense

16 Bible Story: Peter Pays His Taxes

17 Memory Verse: Romans 14:21

18 Activity: Found in a Fish

19 L esson 4: Avoid Using Disrespectful Language

also lusted” (I Corinthians 10:6). We would be wise to learn from the testimonies God has given us in Scripture.

Illustrated in Life “Faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God” (Romans 10:17). Hearing the Word of God causes us to grow in faith.

20 Bible Story: Shimei’s Bitter Outburst

This curriculum offers many practical

21 Memory Verse: Psalm 141:3

applications of God’s Word to everyday

22 Activity: Crossword Puzzle

life. “But be ye doers of the word, and not

23 Additional Resources

23 Hymn History: “May the Mind of Christ My

hearers only” (James 1:22). As God enables us to act in faith, our lives as believers will illustrate His character to others.

Savior” by Kate Wilkinson

24 Hymn Sheet Music: “May the Mind of Christ My Savior”

25 Explaining Salvation to a Child

26 Journal Entry and Application Chart

27 Reproducible Coloring Pages

31 Answer Key

The character of God is illustrated in Scripture.

May it also be illustrated in our lives.

Character Quality Overview What is Deference?

Read aloud, study, and discuss what deference means and how it applies to life.

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he operational definition of deference is “limiting

to sleep. He is impolite and will continue talking

my freedom in order not to offend the tastes of

loudly when another is on the phone. He thoughtlessly

those God has called me to serve.” Everyone you are

plows ahead with his own schedule, ideas, and pref-

called to serve—your parents, siblings, neighbors,

erences without consulting others or being willing

church family—has preferences. Maybe your mom

to change his plans for them. His coarse words and

wants a specific cleaner used on a certain type of sur-

actions are hurtful and offensive. His behavior is in

face. Possibly you

stark contrast to Paul’s prayer in Philippians 1:9–10:

are asked to load

“And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more

the dishwasher a

and more in

specific way. Per-

knowledge and

haps you share

in all judgment;

a bedroom with

That ye may

your sister, and

be sincere and

she would like to

without offence

paint it a certain

till the day of

color or organize

Christ.”

When we show deference, others are unhindered by us in their journey with the Lord.

it a different way.

Maybe a neighbor needs assistance with a project and prefers that you come at a specific time. A person’s preferences may or may not seem important to you; however, by laying aside what you think is best or most efficient and honoring their choice or desire, you are demonstrating deference. Deference communicates that you prefer others above yourself and want to be a blessing to them. “Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another” (Romans 12:10).

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People are

When we do not show deference, we

different and

become an obstacle that hinders others in

have unique

their journey with the Lord.

tastes, preferences, and ideas. With such varying perspectives, your home could be filled with arguments all the time! If you find yourself demanding to have your own way, remind yourself that God resists the proud but gives grace for every situation only as we humble ourselves. (See I Peter 5:5.) The Lord’s grace will enable you to lay aside your comforts, desires, and freedoms so that you can show His love to others

The opposite of deference is rudeness. A rude person

as you put them first. You will soon find the peace

is unpleasant to be around because he only seems to

that comes when we practice deference. “Behold,

think about himself. Such a person is inconsiderate

how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell

and will turn on a light when someone else is trying

together in unity!” (Psalm 133:1).

Deference in Scripture Read aloud and discuss each verse, question, and concept.

P

roverbs 2:1–6 says, “My son, if thou wilt receive

•

my words, and hide my commandments with

thee; So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding; Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, and liftest up thy voice for understanding; If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures; Then shalt thou understand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God.

DEFERENCE IN MY LIFE Now let’s examine some ways God wants us to live out deference daily.

•

How can I avoid unnecessary conflict with my family? (See Genesis 13:8–9.)

•

Has the Lord brought someone to mind that I have offended? If so, what should I do?

(See Matthew 5:23–25.)

•

How serious is it to lead a child astray from God’s truth? (See Matthew 18:6.)

•

What is God asking me to deny for His sake and the sake of the Gospel? (See Mark 8:34–35.)

•

Am I willing to limit my freedom as the Holy Spirit directs? (See Acts 16:6, Romans 6:13.)

•

What should I focus on instead of judging others’ differences? (See Romans 14:13, 19.)

•

Why should I be careful not to be offensive?

(See II Corinthians 6:3.)

•

Instead of demanding my own way, what is the example Christ gave that I should imitate?

(See Philippians 2:3.)

For the Lord giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.” What a privilege to study the rich truths of God’s Word, hide them in your heart, and apply them to daily life! These truths are priceless treasures, far above the value and beauty of rubies and diamonds. As you dig deeper into God’s Word, see Who He is, and allow Him to work in you, your life will be a radiant expression of His love. He will be glorified as His character is seen in you.

THE CHARACTER OF GOD We see examples of deference in God’s character in the following ways: •

God deferred to Israel’s request for a king even though His desire was that the nation be a theocracy. (See I Samuel 8:7, 22.)

•

God will defer His anger for the sake of His glory and praise. (See Isaiah 48:9.)

•

Jesus yielded to His parents’ plans even though He was ready to begin His ministry. (See Luke 2:41–52.)

•

•

The Holy Spirit indwells believers, guiding them and reminding them to live without sin and offense. (See I Corinthians 6:16–20.)

When Jesus answered the Samaritan woman,

DEFERENCE KEY VERSE

He did not enter into her argument but instead

“It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink

spoke truth to her. (See John 4:20–24.)

wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother

Jesus emptied Himself and laid aside the glories

stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.”

of heaven to come humbly to earth and die a

ROMANS 14:21

terrible death in order that we might be saved.

(See Philippians 2:5–11.)

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Deference GEMs Read and discuss how you could apply each GEM. GEM is an acronym for “God Enables Me.” This phrase

even as by the Spirit of the Lord” (II Corinthians 3:18).

begins each of the ten statements that describe the

The four colored GEM statements will be the focus of

change that results as we behold the Lord and yield

the four character lessons in this booklet. Let’s read

to the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives. “But we all, with

together the ten “God Enables Me” statements and take

open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord,

time to meditate on the Scriptures that help us under-

are changed into the same image from glory to glory,

stand these aspects of deference from God’s Word.

God Enables Me to . . .

Respect the preferences of others.

“Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.” ROMANS 12:10

and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.” JAMES 3:8–10

Refrain from causing offense.

“But if thy brother be grieved with thy meat, now walkest thou not charitably. Destroy not him with thy meat, for whom Christ died . . . . Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.” ROMANS 14:15, 19

Use music to edify others.

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.” COLOSSIANS 3:16

Be constrained by His love.

“Behold, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.” I JOHN 4:11

Notice those around me.

“Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” PHILIPPIANS 2:4

modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.” I TIMOTHY 2:9–10

Steer clear of arguments about differences.

“But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes.” II TIMOTHY 2:23

Be a good example.

“In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you.” TITUS 2:7–8

Seek resolution of conflicts.

“Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;

Avoid using disrespectful language.

Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first

“But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full

be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer

of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father;

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Know that my attire conveys a message.

“In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in

thy gift.” MATTHEW 5:23–24

LESSON 1

GOD ENABLES ME TO

Be a Good Example INTRODUCTION Babies learn through imitation.

Clapping, giggling, covering your eyes—whatever you do, they will copy you. Yet, babies are not the only ones who imitate you. Did you know that your brothers, sisters, and friends are also watching you?

For this very reason, God’s Word tells you to be a good example.

Being a good example may mean limiting your freedom; however, with limitations can come greater opportunities to point others in the right direction. Whether you are seven, seventeen, or seventy-seven, you can influence people’s lives by making wise choices as you live for Christ. “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity” (I Timothy 4:12). Remember: Others are watching! Ask God to enable you to be a good influence on those around you.

Paul Supports Himself While Preaching

DEFERENCE Limiting my freedom in order not to offend the tastes of those God has called me to serve

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BIBLE STORY PAUL SUPPORTS HIMSELF WHILE PREACHING

H

aving just finished ministering in Athens, Paul

at an occupation, would they be tempted to justify

traveled to Corinth. Well-known for his outspo-

man’s tendency toward laziness? Seeing the impact

ken commitment to Jesus Christ, he spent his days

of his example, Paul willingly set aside this freedom

discipling new believers in the faith and writing under

and worked to support himself as he was ministering

the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Paul knew that as

to others. Paul’s deference avoided an offense that

a minister, he had a Biblical right to expect financial

could have hindered the cause of Christ. How did Paul

support from believers. However, Paul was teaching

support himself as he traveled from place to place and

that men ought to work hard so they could have food,

preached? In Corinth, Paul lived with a couple who

support their families, and help other believers. If he

shared the same profession. How did his example

taught this principle without working himself, would

affect the couple with whom he lived and worked?

people question him? If others saw Paul not working

What else do Paul’s epistles teach about deference?

BIBLE STORY QUESTIONS Read Acts 18:1–4 and I Corinthians 9:1–18 together and discuss the following questions: 1. Who did Paul find when he arrived in Corinth?

(See Acts 18:1–2.)

What new places have you been to where you made new friends? Do your friends know that you are a Christian?

2. What occupation did Paul have in common with Aquila and Priscilla? (See Acts 18:3.)

What activities, beliefs, or hobbies do you have in common with your friends? How do those common interests draw you together?

3. How did Paul spend his Sabbaths? (See Acts 18:4.)

How can you show deference on the Lord’s Day? What activities might you lay aside this one day of the week to be a good example to other believers?

(See Isaiah 58:13–14.)

4. Why was Paul making tents in addition to preaching? (See Acts 20:33–35, II Thessalonians 3:8–10.)

When have you chosen to work instead of play because you knew it would encourage someone else who needed to keep working?

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5. Based on God’s Word, Paul had the power (right) to be supported in his ministry. What was his motive for giving up that right? (See I Corinthians 9:12.)

What things do you need to give up so you will have a stronger witness for Christ?

6. Who ordained that preachers should not have to make their livelihood outside of their ministry?

(See I Corinthians 9:14.)

What missionaries or ministries does your church or family support?

7. Who in this story saw and followed Paul’s example of working to support himself while ministering to others? (See Romans 16:3–5a.)

Who has been a good example to you? How can you be a good example to others?

8. In what other ways did Paul teach we are to show deference to one another? (See Romans 14:19–21.)

In what area of your life do you need to show deference right now?

LESSON 1

MEMORY VERSE I TIMOTHY 4:12

Play the game together to help the children commit I Timothy 4:12 to memory. In the section “Doers of the Word,” have the children record how they will apply the verse to their lives.

“Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.”

I TIMOTHY 4:12

MEMORY VERSE GAME

DOERS OF THE WORD

Knock, Knock, You’re It!

In the blank below, write how this verse could be ap-

Select one child to sit facing a wall and with his back

copy what I do,” or “set a good example by finishing

toward the others who are seated in a semicircle. Have the other children slowly read the verse aloud together.

As each word of the verse is said, starting with the child on the left, have each child take turns raising and lowering his hand. While the children are reciting the verse, the one with his back to the others chooses when to knock on the wall. When he knocks, whoever was raising his hand at that moment switches places with the “knocker.” Continue until everyone has the verse memorized or when each person has had a chance to be the knocker.

plied in your life, e.g., “remember younger ones might my chores,” or “show appreciation for others.”

“Dear Lord, I yield to You and am willing to apply this verse. Help me to _______________ ________________________________________ ________________________________________.

I ask that You would develop deference in my life. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”

When the Lord gives you an opportunity to apply this verse, write it in your journal to later recall God’s working in your life.

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ACTIVITY SIMON SAYS

INTRODUCTION During this character study we are asking the Lord to develop deference in our lives. What a privilege to respond to the work He is doing to change us into the image of His Son! As you are growing in your walk with the Lord, you are being watched by brothers, sisters, friends, neighbors, and others. What kind of example are you setting for them? Can you say as Paul did in I Corinthians 11:1, “Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ”? Today we are going to play a game to remind us to be a good example for others.

Instructions We are going to play the game, Simon Says. However, listen carefully so that you always do what I say, no matter what I do. Ready? Let’s begin!

Clap your hands

Touch your head

Touch your nose

Touch your ears

Touch your elbows

Touch your shoulders

Smile big

Cover your eyes

Raise your hands

Turn around

Stand on one foot

Jump up and down

As the leader, give the students a few commands after saying,“Simon says.” For example, say, “Simon says, ‘Touch your nose,’” as you touch your nose. Then, command one thing but do another, such as, “Simon says, ‘Touch your elbows,’” as you touch your shoulders or “Simon says, ‘Turn around,’” as you jump up and down. (See suggestion chart for more action ideas.) Continue to play the game for several more commands, with one or two “mixed signal” commands interspersed among them.

Did you do what I said every time? When did you not? Why was it difficult to follow my instructions when I said one thing and did another? Being a good example to others is very important. Part of being a good example is making sure that your words and actions match. If your words say one thing and your actions do something else, people will wonder which one they should follow: your words or your actions.

Let’s play the game again, remembering that when you are a good example, your words and actions will match. Play several rounds of Simon Says, allowing the children to take turns being “Simon.”

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Hymn History “May the Mind of Christ My Savior” Sing “May the Mind of Christ My Savior” and read about the deference of the hymn writer, Kate Wilkinson.

I

n 1925, a new hymn appeared in the children’s publi-

Each of the five verses expounds a secret of the

cation, Golden Bells. Titled “May the Mind of Christ

Christian life. First, God’s love and power control me.

My Savior,” it included Philippians 2:5 as a byline:

Second, as I allow the Word of Christ to dwell in my

“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ

heart and mind, He gives me victory over sin. Next,

Jesus.” Very little is known about the hymn writer,

trusting God in difficult circumstances yields peace

Kate Wilkinson. She was born in 1859 in England and

for comforting others. Then, when the love of Christ

married in her early 30’s. Mrs. Wilkinson attended

fills my life, it will spill over to those around me.

the Keswick Conventions and ministered to girls in

Last, looking to Jesus gives me strength and endurance.

West London. This hymn was published when she

This limiting of self for the outflow of Christ is a

was 66 years old.

Three years later, in 1928, Mrs. Wilkinson passed away.

Written as a prayer, this hymn asks for God’s enabling to help us live as Christ would. Deference is “limiting my freedom in order not to offend the tastes of those God has called me to serve.”

Kate Wilkinson wrote, “And may they forget the channel, Seeing only Him.”

The opening line of this hymn, “May the Mind of Christ My

beautiful display of deference.

The final verse of the song seems to be the prayer of this hymn writer of whom we know so little: May His beauty rest upon me As I seek the lost to win, And may they forget the channel, Seeing only Him. As the channel, Mrs. Wilkinson may be forgotten, but her song lives on, pointing others to Christ. The same is true of the little-known composer, A. Cyril Barham-Gould. He was an Anglican priest and composed the tune specifically for this hymn. At the time, he was staying at an English coastal town called St. Leonard’s-on-the-Sea; thus, the tune’s name is “St. Leonard’s.”

Mrs. Wilkinson and Mr. Barham-Gould were two

Saviour live in me from day to day,” is a reminder to

servants of God who lived their lives in service to

defer to Christ and seek His perspective throughout

Him. They displayed the heart of deference: not

each day. In every situation ask, “How would Jesus

wanting their lives or anything they did or said to

respond?” or “What would He have me say?”

distract people from God’s message.

Photo courtesy of www.hymntime.com/tch

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Explaining Salvation to a Child Christ Our Righteousness Before reading to the children, write examples of sin (selfishness, mean words, lying, stealing, disobedience, rudeness, wrong thoughts, good actions without faith, etc.) on several sticky notes. You will also need a white bed sheet or bathrobe to represent Jesus’ robe of righteousness.

T

he Bible tells us about God. He is the Creator of the universe and is holy. God loves us and created us to have fellowship with Him. (See Revelation 4:11.)

Select a child to stand and represent all people.

Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” Sin is anything we think, say, or do that breaks God’s Law. Can you name some examples of sin?

If we accept His gift of salvation, God no longer sees our sin when He looks at us!

Put the white sheet around the child.

Now when God looks at us, He instead sees the righteousness of Christ! Isaiah 61:10 describes what has happened this way: “My soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of right-

Now place the sticky notes with examples of sin onto his clothes.

eousness. . . .” In Romans 10:9–10, we are told how we

Because God is holy, our sin separates us from having fellowship with Him. However, because God loves us so much, He sent His Son, Jesus, to take the punishment for our sin. Jesus died on the cross and rose again, conquering death! Now we can have fellowship with God. (See John 17:3.)

thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine

can accept this gift: “That if thou shalt confess with heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”

Are you relying on the righteousness of Christ for your salvation? If so, your sins are forgiven and

In a Nutshell 1. God created all things (Colossians 1:16). God is holy (Leviticus 19:2).

God loves us (John 3:16).

2. Our sin separates us from God (Romans 3:23).

3. God sent His Son, Jesus, to provide the way for our sins

His burial, and His glorious resurrection (I Corinthians 15:3–4).

4. We can do nothing to earn salvation. It is a free gift from God that we receive by faith (Ephesians 2:8–9).

5. We receive that gift of salvation

to be forgiven and for fellow-

by confessing with our mouth

ship with Him to be restored

that Jesus is Lord and believing

(Ephesians 1:6–7). Jesus accom-

in our heart that God has

plished our salvation through

raised Him from the dead

His crucifixion on the cross,

(Romans 10:9–10).

covered, and Christ is living in you! Just as the Apostle Paul wrote in Galatians 2:20, you can also say, “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”

God gives us eternal life—sweet, constant fellowship in the Spirit with our Savior— and then His righteousness is seen in us for His glory. (See John 15:4–10.)

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JOURNAL ENTRY Record how God gave your family opportunities to apply this character quality.

APPLICATION CHART Searching for the rich truths of God’s Word and applying them in your life is far more valuable than discovering rubies and diamonds. Add a check mark, sticker, or initials in a diamond each time God enables someone to apply deference in one of the suggested ways. Let’s set a goal and then celebrate, not only the accomplishment of applying God’s Word, but also our gratefulness for the work He is doing in our lives.

Ask someone else to share his ideas.

Play music that lifts others’ spirits.

Put a Scripture verse to a familiar tune.

Choose to wear a modest outfit.

Let another person choose the family activity.

Decide not to voice a disrespectful thought.

Let someone in line go before you.

Refrain from doing what irritates others.

Wear clean, neat clothing.

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Use kind words with your brothers and sisters.

LESSON 1: Paul Supports Himself While Preaching

“We . . . wrought with labour and travail night and day, that we might not be chargeable to any of you: Not because we have not power, but to make ourselves an ensample unto you to follow us” (II Thessalonians 3:8–9).

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