I watched special and I #can't relate

Greeting fellow reader and welcome to my friendly little corner of this beautiful publication. By now, you probably think of me as the how to guy which has been relatively true for the majority of my run on IBCoM Magazine. However, in the spirt of this issues theme, I decided to do something a little different and talk to you guys about triggers.

When I first heard of special, I was ecstatic.

It was the first time I would ever see myself accurately portrayed on TV a gay man with cerebral palsy played by an actual gay man with cerebral palsy actor Ryan O’Connell and it’s based off of his autobiography so it’s legit right? Wrong. I made the mistake of thinking that the portray would be strong and nuanced reflection of what it truly means to be gay and disabled. However, what I got was disappointing to say the least.

When I first started watching the show, I was hoping that this was just a growth story. How a man went from being shy and hiding who he is to being strong, confident, out and proud.

As I kept watching though, there was this growing pain in my stomach and I was honestly and most completely shook.

Ryan was by far the most disappointing character I had ever seen on television and I just couldn’t see anything of myself in him. He was quite reserved while I am naturally outgoing. He hid his disability while I relished in its uniqueness. He struggled with embracing who he was while I could literally hold a sign that says gay and proud TM. He hated his life while I genuinely adored mine.

I think the biggest issue is that I felt like I was tokenized.

I felt like my existence was rendered down to a conformist tragedy rather than a story of bravery and struggle. Throughout the show, all Ryan wanted to be was normal and the storyline centered around him coming to terms with reaching for normalization while I always strived to be different and special.

In retrospect, I realized that maybe this is due to the fact that confidence was placed in me from a young age by my mother who did everything in her power to make sure I felt loved and accepted wherever I went which lead to me not believing that there’s anything wrong with me rather I was unique and had a chance to be heard. I’m not gonna lie, I kind of feel sorry for Ryan if he truly believes that he should try to be normal because so much of this world lies beyond the limitations of racist, heteronormative, able bodied ideals of this world and they will just never understand him nor should his strive for them to.

That being said, I applaud Jim Parsons and Ryan O’Connell for fighting for this story to be told.

While its far from perfect, it’s a step in the right direction. I think it’s finally time for ableism to die and for disabled people to finally take the place they’ve always deserved in the world’s spotlight.

To end this, I just want to say that it has been an honor to write for you this year and I hope to see you back next year whether I’m still a writer or even something else.

TO BE CONTINUED

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Written by: Anonymous