Radical Black Woman, September 2018

SEPTEMBER 2018

IN MY OPINION

BEL DAM IN BUSINESS

BUILDING YOUR COMMUNITY

BLACK VIBE TRIBE

THINK PIECE THE RADICAL BLACK WOMAN

table of contents

02

HEY Y'ALL

03

SHOP MY CLOSET

04

IN MY OPINION

06

BEL DAM IN BUSINESS

07

THINK PIECE

08

STARR STRUCK

09

#BLACKGIRLCHAT

10

WHAT REALLY MATTERS

Photo Credits: I. Am. Woman. Photo-shoot (Houston): Rena O Productions www.renaoproductions.com Shop My Closet Photo-shoot: (San Francisco/Oakland): Visuals by Bri www.visualsbybri.com

02

y e H l l a Y' Thank you for taking the time to visit the site and even more thanks for having the interest to see and hear how I do life. I’ve been blogging for a long time now, and honestly, I don’t like to be called a “blogger”, mostly because I’m not a fan of labels because they are very confining. I prefer to just be thought of as a person who blogs, a content creator, if you may.

Because I’m not a blogger, I wanted to present content a bit differently. I want to show you how I do life because what I’ve learned is that we are all more alike than we are different. I want to share with you how I approach insecurities, relationships (intimate, platonic, and familial), chasing my destiny, life transitions, and loving and ACCEPTING self. My goal is that we share these happenings together, learn from one another, and celebrate one another both in great style and in beautiful spaces.

XOXO, Starr Howard

INSPIRATION. STYLE. RADIANCE. ME.

"Whatever follows I am, will eventually follow you."

- Joel Osteen

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JUMPER Big Chop Accessories Polka Dot Jumper 15% off your purchase use code: IGStarr bigchopaccessories.com

EARRINGS Melanin Be Poppin Tassel Earrings melaninbepoppin.com

**shop similar

JACKET

WAIST BAG

Walmart Stores Denim Crop Jacket

Tree Fairfax Half Moon Waist Bag etsy.com/shop/TreeFairfax

SHOES My Closet Color Block Platforms Gianni Bini **shop similar

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p o sh

y m

t e os

cl

**Shop similar items at shopstyle.com/collective/iamstarrhoward

IN MY

04

Opinion Building Your Community Building a business presents a number of challenges, specifically, surrounding yourself with the right people. You have a plan, or an idea, put in the work, then realize that you can’t carry out the mission and vision alone. Naturally, you source candidates that meet the skill set or sets you are lacking, you then find a match and get them on board!

Seems easy enough, right?! Truthfully, it’s never that easy.

Not everyone has your same drive, your same passion, share the same goals, and can see your vision. Some people you bring on may have their own separate goals, vision and agenda, which is okay, we should all have a dream, but those aren’t the people you necessarily want on your team. The truth of the matter is, no one is going to share the same passion or vision as you because it’s not their vision!

Let’s compare your dream to an actual baby; sure, people will love your baby and think he or she is cute and adorable, but will they love that baby the same as you? Will they nurture the baby and feed the baby and tend to the baby as you would? Not at all.

When it comes to your dream, you are looking for someone who can see your vision and run with it. Those people are hard to find. So what do you do? Personally, I do the one and only thing I know how to do… I pray about it. I ask God to send the right people to me. You may not know where your dreams will land you, but God does. God knows because he impregnated you with the vision. So who better to know the right people needed to execute that vision? God sees beyond the perfectly laid out Instagram page or the well-rehearsed elevator pitch. He knows whose skill sets match your need because the same dream and desire he placed in your belly is the same kind of dream and desire he placed in theirs. In addition, someone out there is praying the same prayer! Let God line it up! He is the ultimate matchmaker.

Building Your Community (cont'd) This concept of asking God to surround you with the right people to execute the vision is not strictly for business relationships. We should definitely apply it to life and personal relationships. As kids, we are more concerned with the number of friends; the more friends the more popular you are. Sadly, some adults haven’t evolved from this childlike way of thinking; However, as we age and mature we understand that it’s less about the quality and more about the quantity. Through the transition of life, it’s normal that friends will drop off along the journey, whether it’s by fallouts or simply “fall aparts”, it’s inevitable. We should appreciate those relationships for what they were and what they gave during their time period. I always feel that God sends you people exactly when you need them, for the reason you need them.

Sometimes they last and other times they fizzle, but we shouldn’t ignore what they provided.

When we build friendships and our communities, our selection process, now, is a lot more intentional and not too different from building your professional community.

In personal relationships, we also want to know whether or not these people are God sent. Do they share the same vision as I do? Are we rooted and grounded in the same God - stuff?

Although we may be different in our thoughts and executions of those thoughts, are we made of the same ingredients? As adults we have a lot more to lose then we do as kids. We have careers, spouses, children, etc. Our close community will be intertwined with those things, so we must pay close attention to what those people are made of.

In seeking to build your community, pray for God to send people to you whom He sees fit. Trust me, the same way you are seeking an equally yoked community, your people are seeking the same thing.

You can check out the podcast In My Opinion with Starr Howard, available on iTunes, SoundCloud, Tunein and Google Play. New episodes are available every Wednesday.

Download and listen in today!

' DAM BEL

06

In Business I know you’ve heard, and seen...Black Girl Magic is taking over in every arena imaginable, but in the area of entrepreneurship, we are blazing trails, y’all! Black women are leading the way and own 30% of all businesses in the US accounting for 9.4 million firms (Black Enterprise), which is why I wasn’t too shocked to find Trinity Simone running things on the Gram.

I’m not too sure exactly how I found her, but I’m glad that I did. Trinity launched Black Vibe Tribe in 2017, at the age of 14. FOUR-TEEN! What were you doing at the tender age of 14? I think I was too engulfed in The Babysitter’s Club and the happenings of Victor Newman (thanks to my grandma) to even think of starting (and successfully running) my own business. BUT, I did write a series of short stories that were a mashup of The Babysitter’s Club and 90210 meets The Young & The Restless.

I digress. Black Vibe Tribe is a statement-making T-shirt brand that does a tremendous job of connecting and building people from the African Diaspora.

Trinity successfully reminds both men and women from the Diaspora of our strength and value, and forces us to say it with our chest!

Moral of the story: Parents be sure to foster and nurture your child's interests.

If my gifts were watered, I could have been Issa Rae before Issa Rae was Issa Rae. Shop Black Vibe Tribe.

Show your love and support by connecting with Black Vibe Tribe on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Trinity Simone OWNER, BLACK VIBE TRIBE

07

Think Piece THE RADICAL BLACK WOMAN iamstarrhoward.com

Black women are oftentimes overlooked when defining beauty standards, but our likeness is imitated then praised and stamped with a seal of approval of beauty, fashion, trailblazing, and trendsetting when seen on white women.

Black women are overlooked when considered for financial raises, promotions, and comparable pay.

When compared to White, non-Hispanic men, Black/African American women are paid only $.63 (cents) on the $1 in comparison to white men. This means the typical Black woman must work until August 2018 to be paid what the typical White man was paid at the end of December 2017 (www.equalpaytoday.org). This is despite the fact that we have been obtaining degrees at a consistently high rate for the last eight years and counting (Essence Magazine) and are the most civically engaged demographic.

Black women are highly underrepresented in mainstream consumerism despite the vital role we play in influencing mainstream culture in fashion, beauty, television, music and civic engagement for women of all races. Black people, overall, have a $1.2 trillion spending power and black women are responsible for a large share of those dollars. What we buy, other people think is cool, so they buy.

In 1962, Malcolm X said, “The most disrespected person in America is the Black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the Black woman.

The most neglected person in America is the Black woman.” Despite the fact that black women are constantly saving America from itself. (See Roy Moore). However, let it be known, we don’t save America for them, we save America for us.

The many contributions made to society by black women is enough reason to celebrate black women.

“As a black woman, the decision to love yourself just as you are is a radical act; and I’m as radical as they come.” ~ Bethanee Epifani J. Bryant

When we praise our black sisters, we aren’t putting down women of other races. When we commune to celebrate our hair and our melanin and our successes and our milestones, we aren’t discounting other women of other races. When we promote and support black women in business and encourage other black women to patron those businesses, we aren’t dumping on other women of other races. We’re celebrating our culture, our resiliency, our brilliance, and our beauty.

Considering everything that black women have gone through, are going through, and will continue to grow through, a lesser woman would find comfort in disappearing into the background, sitting at the back of the bus, or silencing her opinion, hoping to never be seen or heard, but the black woman that chooses to stand up and speak up is a woman who has made the decision to celebrate her sister and love herself, as radical as that may appear.

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There are lots of things that catch my eye, but only a few leave me STARRstruck. I like great quality items and I love not having to spend all of my coins on those items. However, if and when I do, best believe I’m getting my money’s worth. And because I care about your lifestyle and more about your wallet, I will be sharing a few goodies that have made it to my home and sometimes my closet. Trust me, you will NOT be disappointed

Struck

with ANY of these items. The thing I love most about the list below is that they are either from small independent businesses or they make it a mission to give back. I feel a lot better when I know that my dollar will serve a bigger purpose. Happy Shopping!

Eye Buy Direct (Eye Glasses) www.eyebuydirect.com

My Intent (Jewelry Company) www.myintent.org

The Longest Thread (Turkish Towels) www.thelongestthread.com

Soyful Aromas (Soy Candles) www.soyfularomas.com

Reflektion Design (Home Decor) www.reflektiondesign.com

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#BLACKGIRLCHAT "DAUGHTERS & MOTHERS"

In the black community, we place a lot of emphasis on the presence, or the lack thereof, of the father, but not really addressing the importance of the black mother. Just like a daughter’s relationship, perceptions and experiences with her father will shape the way she interacts with male figures in her life, her relationship with her mother will impact how she interacts with other women, + most importantly, the relationship she develops with herself.

I’ve noticed that there tends to be a lot of tension between black mothers + daughters; sometimes it’s competition; maybe animosity because the daughter achieved goals that the mother was forced to defer because of an unexpected pregnancy, or maybe it’s resentment because the child is the byproduct of the relationship with a man that never was. Whatever the reason, it definitely impacts the mother-daughter relationship and influences any future female based friendships the daughter may cultivate.

I grew up in a household where I didn’t see my mom interacting with a lot of girlfriends or having a girls night out with the ladies, or calling up a girlfriend to cry on her shoulder. My mother has 6 sisters, so those were the women I saw and the women my mom called upon.

Although relying on family is absolutely vital, it doesn’t teach you how to be a friend. I often wonder if the importance of friendship is taught in black families. A number of my friends have expressed that their mothers have quite often made sure they knew “I am not one of your little friends.” I understand the purpose + the sentiment behind this statement; kids do need to understand parent-child boundaries and revere their parents; however, when does that method of interaction end? When do you ever cross over into an actual friendship between mother + daughter? Does it ever happen?

I believe at some point, there has to be a shift. Daughters need to know that they have a friend in their mother. We need to know that we have someone we can confide in without judgment. We need grown woman advice!

I, along with a number of my friends, place no blame on the way our mothers raised us. We know that they did the best they could with the information and experiences they had, just like the generation before them. There is also not one single doubt in us of our mother’s love. However, we now know one thing for sure. With this knowledge + revelation, it is up to us to raise our daughters and/or future daughters with more knowledge and understanding than the generations before us. Although it’s possible 20 years from now, even our daughters may point out some things we could have done better. I’ve witnessed my friends as awesome mothers be intentional + patient + thoughtful + loving with their daughters. They give their all. For that, I salute them and all of the mothers out there doing the same. Thank you!

10

What Really

Matters:

I have always heard + believed that you get back what you put out. It’s often said that you will attract the energy that you give…”Your vibe attracts your tribe,” right?!

Now, I know differently. I’ve grown to understand that we don’t simply receive what we give, but we receive what we ARE. You see, you can easily go through the motions of showing what you THINK love, kindness, gratitude and such look like, with no intention behind it, but that yields no results.

If you want to attract love, you mustn’t simply give love, you must BE love. Love must take over your entire being showing itself with every word you speak, action you perform, + vibe you release.

In all ways.

Whatever that thing is that you desire the most, you must first learn to BE it...If it’s patience, become patience. Understanding?

Become understanding. Peace? Become peace. The practice of this concept warrants you to truly KNOW the thing you crave the most...If you don’t know it, how will you recognize it when you finally receive it?

What really matters is that the thing that most of us desire, is already inside of us. We simply have to seek and activate it.