Comfort in Self, October 2018

OCTOBER 2018

IN MY OPINION I SHOULD BE FURTHER ALONG BY NOW-THE LIE I TOLD MYSELF

BEL DAM IN BUSINESS BIG CHOP ACCESSORIES

THINKÂ PIECE WHY I DIDN'T REPORT

table of contents 02

HEY Y'ALL

03

SHOP MY CLOSET

05

IN MY OPINION

07

BEL DAM IN BUSINESS

08

THINK PIECE

09

STARR STRUCK

10

#BLACKGIRLCHAT

11

WHAT REALLY MATTERS

Photo Credits: Shop My Closet Photo-shoot: (San Francisco/Oakland): Visuals by Bri www.visualsbybri.com

y e H l l Y'a

02

INSPIRATION. STYLE. RADIANCE. ME.

"If you learn to master anything in life, learn to master self" - Bishop Christopher C. Smth

I am completely overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support you all have shown me on the launch of the IASH Magazine. My cup runneth over.

BUT...I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you that although my heart is full now that the launch is complete, fear tried to have its way with me the second I was set to click “publish.” Thoughts of doubt took over me and I started to second guess my words, my worth, my work, and my gift! With all of that doubt and fear sitting with me, I still pushed through. Why? You ask. God planted this seed in me many many years ago, but it wasn’t time to pluck it up until now and I felt that. More importantly, I BELIEVED that. I know that God doesn’t plant a seed in you without the confidence that there will be a harvest. He only plants what he knows will produce as long as we feed it.

So, my promise to you and to myself is to continue to feed and plow and nurture this seed that has been planted in me in hopes that my works will, in turn, feed the seed that is planted in you.

Thank you all again for your support that constantly fertilizes my seed.

Love, Starr

03 03

EARRINGS Forever 21 Tortoise Geo Drop Earrings https://www.forever21.com/ us/shop/catalog/product/f 21/acc/1000311397

SHOP SMALL

Shop Local

SHOES

Forever 21 White Faux Leather Ankle Boots

Fall is here and I couldn’t be happier! I’m a summer baby, but the Fall layering and accessories have all of my heart. The one fashion tip that I can provide for your shopping need is to compare compare compare! Trends come and go and some stay longer than others. With that said, the trendy items can be found in just about any store across the city. If you know that 1, the item will not be a staple item in your rotation and 2, the trend is probably going to dissipate by the next Fall season, then don’t spend all of your dollars on it. Shop places like Forever 21 or Zara where you won’t leave with buyer’s remorse and you can keep your coins and instead spend them during a girl’s night out! Also, SHOP SMALL and SHOP LOCAL! Your local boutiques will have unique items, lower prices, and one on one attention from the employees without the hassle of being hounded because the salesperson works off of commission.

https://www.forever21.com/ us/shop/catalog/product/f2 1/shoes/2000270123

**Shop similar items at shopstyle.com/collective/iamstarrhoward

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DRESS

Big Chop Accessories Navy Cutout Midi Dress https://big-chopaccessoriesboutique.myshopify.co m/collections/dresses/p roducts/navymididress

HAT Forever 21 Wide Brim Fedora https://www.forever21.com /us/shop/catalog/product/f 21/acc/2000254466

NECKLACE Forever 21 Layered Charm Necklace https://www.forever21.co m/us/shop/catalog/prod uct/f21/acc/1000317316

POUCH My Closet Tracee Ellis Ross for JCP **shop similar

shop my closet

05

IN MY

Opinion I

s h o u l d b e f u r t h e r a l o n g b y T h e l i e I t o l d m y s e l f

The moment I turned 31, I had an entire breakdown!

It wasn’t one of my usual, I need to organize my life, get some real food in the fridge, fold this pile of laundry breakdown...A real, “I need to see a therapist RIGHT NOW before I bust a cap in somebody” breakdown. In my mind, I had an idea of what my life would look like at the age of 30. When absolutely none of it happened, by the time 30 was over, I couldn’t accept it. I was upset with everyone around me. Upset with my boyfriend for not marrying me. Upset with my mom for not supporting me, because after all, it was her fault that I didn’t have a 5 digit amount in my savings. Upset with my previous job for laying me off and my current job for

n o w -

not paying me what I was worth. I was upset with everyone, including myself, because I was not the person I thought I would become when I was 20. I was not in the same positions as my friends and I thought that I should be further along than I was at that moment.

Fast forward, 6 years later and an insurmountable amount of time in solitude. I have come to the realization that I lied to myself over and over for far too long. Who says that I should be further along?

Who measures MY level of success? I now know that I am in the exact place, at the exact time, at the right age, at this very moment.

IN MY

Opinion

(cont'd)

Our lives are not measured by the people, places, and things around us. Every person that walks this earth has their own journey and path to follow. I’ve learned that every little step I take (shoutout to the king of R&B, Bobby Brown), every destination I reach, every stage I enter, is preparation for the next step, the next destination, and the next stage.

Do you want to know why I wasn’t married by 30? I wasn’t ready. The relationships I had been through before that time were not marriage worthy. I was laid off from that job at that moment (and 2 other positions after that) because it wasn’t my calling.

If I had stayed at any of those jobs, I would not be in California; I would not have the friends I have now; I would not serve next to a pair of the greatest spiritual leaders I have ever encountered, and I would not be sitting here writing this piece for you, in my very own magazine!

Everything has its timing. If we learn to step outside of ourselves and allow God to guide us, our placement will be exactly what we need, what we deserve, and more importantly what we can handle. Whatever phase of life you are in, appreciate it. Embrace the entry-level position. Live your best single life. We’re exerting too much energy focusing on the absence of something and not the gains we have earned. Take the lessons and allow them to prepare you for the next level.

Get Ready!

XOXO Starr

P.S. This article was inspired by the book “Girl Wash Your Face” by Rachel Hollis Available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Girl-WashYour-Face-Believing/dp/1400201659

You can check out the podcast In My Opinion with Starr Howard, available on iTunes, SoundCloud, Tunein and Google Play. New episodes are available every Wednesday. Download and listen in today!

' DAM BEL

07

In Business Big Chop Accessories Big Chop Accessories is a Women’s Clothing Boutique with both a mobile shop and a storefront. Christian Drackett, the owner, can be found driving her pink truck down the Bay Area highways or parked at your local flea or fest. You can also shop her actual storefront in Pittsburg, CA. I sat down for a little chat with Chris to get all the tea on her business.

Starr: Tell me about Big Chop Accessories I started Big Chop Accessories after my desire to go natural (the big chop) and still be fashionable after literally cutting off all my hair. Six years later it has become a mission to create and accentuate one’s self-style. I desire to highlight natural beauty with quality accessories and clothing that complement and highlights one’s personality and natural hair.

Starr: What motivated you to start the business?

Being that I was a stay at home mom at the time, I loved having the ability to set my own hours and work from home. I began making accessories to go with my new haircut, and soon everyone wanted to own a pair and thing just took off from there.

Starr: How long have you been in business for yourself?

I’ve been in business for six years

Starr: What did you do before BCA? I worked in operations management for a few years before becoming a stay-at-home mom

Starr: What did you do before BCA?

Starr: What were your goals for the business?

I am a big creative person once I started my own business I knew I could never work for anyone else. Being able to decide my next move is fantastic. If I want to grab a cup of coffee at 2 pm, I could do so without anyone telling me differently.

For my husband to be able to quit his job and retire. He has been my hype man for all these years without his support Big Chop Accessories wouldn’t be here. It’s going to take some real boss moves, but I am up for the challenge.

Starr: What were your fears?

My biggest fears these past few years would be failing in my dreams of opening my mobile boutique and storefront.

Starr: How did you fight off the fears?

I did it in/with fear. I can be so scared to do something, but if I do not at least try, I would never know the outcome good or bad.

Starr: What has been your biggest success?

My most significant success would be reopening both my mobile boutique and storefront after significant uncontrollable disasters.

Starr: What advice do you have for any woman, woman of color, mom that wants to start their own business?

Take it one day at a time nothing happens overnight

Christian Drackett OWNER, BIG CHOP ACCESSORIES www.bigchopaccessories.com @bigchopaccessories

08

Think Piece Why I Didn't Report iamstarrhoward.com

Every two minutes, somewhere in America, someone is sexually assaulted.

15 out of 16 rapists will walk free….IF the assaults are reported. Take a moment and let that sink in….

One out of the 16 rapists will serve time in prison.

ONE! This is one of the many reasons why so many victims don’t report it.

For me, I simply didn’t remember. It was only until I was deep into Grad School, studying Clinical Psychology when memories started to resurface. As psychology students, the first thing we all do is start to diagnose ourselves. We start to unpack our own issues.

When the memory did come alive, they were clear and very vivid. Memories of waking up to someone on top of me. I remember being afraid to fully fall asleep because I didn’t know what I would wake up to. Although I don’t remember the exact age, I do believe that I was either in the 2nd or 4th grade. I do remember where I was, and I definitely remember WHO it was. I didn’t report because I simply did not remember. I pushed it away to the back of my memory and buried it. When the memories and the revelation started to surface, I started to doubt and question myself. Was this my fault? Will anyone believe me? This was over 20 years ago, will anyone care? Did I enjoy it? Was it REALLY sexual assault?

So I stayed quiet.

I didn’t reveal this information to anyone until around 8 years ago, to my boyfriend at the time but I didn’t receive the response I expected. My doubts became reality. I was asked, why had I never said anything. I wasn’t believed. So I stayed quiet.

It wasn’t until about 2, maybe 3 years ago that I decided to confide in my bestfriend and boyfriend at the time

Believe women. Believe Black Women. Believe Survivors.

Women. Tell your story. You are not alone. It is not your fault.

You have the right to be free. - Starr Howard

It resurfaced when I realized that I had issues with accepting his love language of physical touch (He was very touchy and affectionate and is going to kill me for writing this. lol). His touch annoyed me. It made me uncomfortable. It frustrated me. Once I unpacked the why, I shared the information with him and he was very supportive and still is.

Obviously with everything happening in the Supreme Court and the gross and hurtful rhetoric and results stemming from white supremacy, these memories are starting to resurface and emotions are triggered. Anger is festering up inside of me. Simply getting through writing this piece has taken me days to complete but every time I’m able to tell my story, the easier the story becomes to tell, although I don’t always want to tell it.

When we are ready to speak our truth, we have to be able to have the space to tell our story without being questioned.

09

Fall Fashion TRENDS

Struck

Plaid - Heartloom Ivy Suit Free People- $278 http://shopstyle.it/l/Sy7l

Red boots - Leith Finn Sock Bootie Nordstrom $109.95 http://shopstyle.it/l/Sy5H

Leather skirt - Lace Trim Faux Leather Skirt Nordstrom $79 http://shopstyle.it/l/Sy69

Beret Hats - Urban Outfitters Fila + Pierre Cardin Beret $19.99 (On Sale) http://shopstyle.it/l/Sy7y

Leopard Coats - Faux Fur Leopard Coat J. Crew $298 http://shopstyle.it/l/Sy8u

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#BLACKGIRLCHAT "THE MEASURE OF SUCCESS"

Every time I go back to Texas to visit friends and family, the first thing I get asked is, “Where is your ring? Are you married, yet?”

It is the most annoying and disrespectful question I’m ever asked. Mostly annoying. I’m not one to get offended easily, but that question does the job. Here is why.

I have achieved a LOT in my life both personally, professionally, and spiritually. It frustrates me that regardless of all of the successes, I’m only measured by whether or not a wedding ring is on my finger. Is nothing else I’ve achieved valued unless I’m married? Why is my worth determined by the presence or absence of a man? Truth be told, I believe that I have accomplished everything that I have because I’m single! Being single allows me more time and focus to check off the goals I have set, get to know myself, and spend more time with God. Being single is a gift! As a matter of fact, it is written by Apostle Paul that singleness allows time to learn “how to be holy and set apart both in body and in spirit; but a married woman is concerned about worldly things, how she may please her husband.” (1 Cor. 7:34) I’ll say this again, a man nor children define me! My identity is not wrapped up in anyone attached to me but what is inside of me.

We must resist the implication that singleness is second best.

We must not excuse the hard work and progress that we have made without screaming kids and a hungry man. LOL. I. AM. MORE! So please stop asking me and other single women out there whether or not we are married yet and questioning our worth?

Ask us how our career is going. Ask us about the business we just launched and how you can support it! Okuurrr! Ask us about our college life and friends and charities.

The very next time someone asks me if I’m still single, I’m going to ask them if they are still married….That’ll stop that question.

For all of my single ladies, recognize it as a gift from God and make the most of it for as long as you have it.

Signing off in SUCCESSFUL Single Woman Solidarity (we need a secret handshake), XOXO, Starr

11

What Really

Matters:

T H E

P O W E R

O F

"Yes" I’m an advocate for the power of No. If I don’t want to commit to an engagement, don’t have the energy to entertain, or simply don’t feel like it that day, whatever “it” is, I believe in a hard strong “no.” No is a complete sentence and you don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why you just don’t want to, because...boundaries. Set them, keep them, and respect them. Respect the boundaries you set for yourself.

Although there is great power and peace in “no”, there is just as much power in “yes.”

Just as no sets boundaries, yes removes restrictions and opens doors. Saying “yes” to the things you would normally say no to because of discomfort, unfamiliarities, insecurities, “it’s just the way I’ve always been” issues, opens you up to receive new things. New beginnings. New blessings, and makes room for those things you’ve desired for so long, but blocked out because it was just easier to say “no”.

What matters is you. You, living life abundantly. You, setting boundaries but removing restrictions. You, receiving everything that you desire and deserve.

Tackle your fears and say yes to a better life!

XOXO,

Starr