Gratitude, November 2018

NOVEMBER 2018

THINKÂ PIECE BLACK WOMEN AND INFERTILITY

BEL DAM IN BUSINESS M. BROWN CREATIONS

In My Opinion SILENCING THE BLACK WOMAN'S VOICE

Co n t e n t s 02

HEY Y'ALL

03

SHOP MY CLOSET

05

IN MY OPINION

07

THINK PIECE

08

#BLACKGIRLCHAT

09

BEL DAM IN BUSINESS

10

STARR STRUCK

11

A SEAT AT THE TABLE

13

DESIGN ON A DIME

16

WHAT REALLY MATTERS Photo Credits: Shop My Closet Photo-shoot: (San Francisco/Oakland): Visuals by Bri www.visualsbybri.com

y e H l l Y'a

02

INSPIRATION. STYLE. RADIANCE. ME.

"We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives."

-John F. Kennedy

Can you believe the year is almost over?!? At this rate, we might as well just keep our Harvest decorations out. It will save us a lot of time.

I’m not sure about you, but I always notice how nice and pleasant everyone is around this time of year and it’s quite refreshing. This time of year allows you to take a moment to reflect on the failures, successes and lessons experienced the past year and finally slow down a tad before the craziness of the new year begins.

Although this is a season of Holiday Parties, cocktail hours, and entertaining, I like to take small, slow and still moments to spend quality time with friends, family, and loved ones, whether it be dinner, Girls’ Night Out, Family Fun Days, or just sitting around the kitchen island with a warm drink, joking, laughing, and reminiscing on the year behind us while planning the year ahead of us.

With all of the busy-ness around you, I hope you take moment to just be.

XOXO, Starr

03 03

EARRINGS Shop Similar Pieces Antique Gold Chandelier Earrings https://shopstyle.it/v/fWC

Slip

INTO THE

Holidays Slip dresses can serve many purposes and create several looks. Worn alone with a strappy shoe and simple earrings can create a effortlessly chic look to be worn to a nice birthday dinner, anniversary celebration, or a girlfriend’s wedding. I opted to layer the slip dress I picked up some time last year, from Vici Dolls (www.https://www.vicicollection.com), to create a look you can wear to any of the upcoming Holiday Parties, Christmas Dinner with your Girlfriends, NYE Celebrations, cocktails with your family, or just wear it to the living room for Thanksgiving Dinner. Do you boo!

BOOTS Forever 21 Rose Gold Ankle Boots https://www.forever21.co m/us/shop/catalog/produ ct/f21/shoes_boots/20002 25315

**Shop similar items at shopstyle.com/collective/iamstarrhoward

04

SILK DRESS Shop Similar Pieces Silk Slip Dress https://shopstyle.it/v/fWt

BRACELET Shop Similar Pieces Gold Fringe Bracelet https://shopstyle.it/v/fWC

SWEATER Forever 21 Fuzzy Off-The-Shoulder Sweater https://www.forever21.com/ us/shop/catalog/product/f2 1/branded-shopwomen/2000295645

shop my closet

05

IN MY

Opinion S i l e n c i n g T h e B l a c k W o m a n ' s V o i c e

I am extremely proud to be a black woman and overjoyed with the the strides we are making in corporate america, politics, medicine, education, and every other arena we decide to take on; however, navigating through these worlds, as a black woman, is not easy.

Black women are bold, strong, confident, matter of fact, jovial, intelligent, brilliant, smart, firm, and all knowing, but these very things that are our strengths are used against us to keep us quiet. Starting as soon as early childhood education, young black girls are punished more frequently for being too loud, too chatty, and for questioning subjects they don’t

understand. Tactics are used to make us doubt ourselves and our qualities. We are often pushed to the back of rooms and our input and contributions to conversations are ignored and sometimes demeaned. We are name called, labeled, terminated from jobs,and judged for simply having an opinion, speaking up, challenging the system, refusing to “stay in our place�. Hey Jemele Hill...

I remember being a vital part of a project at a company and being the only person in the entire company to do my job. Surely that would make me the subject matter expert on the project, you would think. On several occasions I provided processes,

SILENCING THE B L A C K W O M A N ' S V O I C E (cont'd) procedures, and my professional opinion, only to be looked over and ignored. My white male coworker had to step in and repeat the exact same data I previously provided, to get the information across. Obviously I couldn’t actually be that smart to be an expert in any subject.

Back women are told that we are too blunt and should soften our delivery, because after all, black women are angry. When finally inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Nina Simone, an iconic voice of the civil rights movement, was described as having an “unapologetic rage and accusatory” sound. What?!?

These strategies are used to cripple us and prevent us from speaking up and from speaking our truths.

Don’t allow other people to speak for you or tell your story. Speak up, speak loudly, and speak boldly, or someone else will tell you who you are.

XOXO Starr You can check out the podcast In My Opinion with Starr Howard, available on iTunes, SoundCloud, Tunein and Google Play. New episodes are available every Wednesday. Download and listen in today!

07

Think Piece Black Women & Infertility iamstarrhoward.com

Black women do suffer from infertility.

If society could tell our story, they would say that black women are only good for having a bunch of children they can’t afford, by men who are unfit.

This way of thinking is both persistent and harmful.

Society seldoms makes truth a priority. Contrary to belief, Black women are equally, if not more likely, to experience infertility as white women. The problem, we don’t talk about it. In the Black community, we’ve all been taught that “what goes on in this house, stays in this house,” which is an entire issue in itself. Maintaining privacy is more important than coping. There is also a cultural expectation that strong black women can cope with hardships on our own. As a result, we suffer in silence. We don’t seek assistance. We don’t speak out. We aren’t aware of our resources. We aren’t comfortable with speaking about these issues with family and friends or even our own doctors because of shame of the inability to conceive and the mistrust of doctors. This lack of trust with medical providers is common in the black community and stems back to the Tuskegee study. In addition, it’s known that black women are less likely to be believed by medical providers when we express our health issues, pains and symptoms, causing premature death and misdiagnoses. Racial discrimination is everywhere.

Only about 8 percent of Black women between the ages of 25 and 44 seek medical help to get pregnant, compared to 15 percent of white women (www.womenshealthmag.com). The resources, such as IVF and surrogacy, are available, however a number of factors play a role when black women are seeking care and assistance for fertility issues such as socioeconomic status, the lack of representation in pamphlets, on bulletin boards, or in waiting rooms.

Photo Credit: Micholiano;www.micholiano.com

Personally, at the age of 37 and without children, I have began to feel the pressure and the shame because I am not a mother. Starr Howard

This leads black women to believe that those options are not for us, but the resources are out there sistahs. The help is there, and so is the support.

Fertility for Colored Girls (https://www.fertilityforcoloredgirls.org) The Cade Foundation (https://www.cadefoundation.org) The Broken Brown Egg (http://thebrokenbrownegg.org) Oshun Fertility (http://www.oshunfertility.com Personally, at the age of 37 and without children, I have began to feel the pressure and the shame because I am not a mother. I have started to worry about the ability to conceive and oftentimes blame myself for waiting so long; however, I realize that I am not alone in my worries, there are resources and friends I can lean on, and this is my journey to travel through. Whatever shall be, will be.

08

#BLACKGIRLCHAT "GLEANING"

Women need women. Period!

It’s hard for me to trust any woman who say that they don’t have female friends. Typically the issue isn’t the other women, it’s THAT woman who hasn’t dealt with her own issues, therefore she has a hard time connecting with other women.

I’m a girl’s girl and love to not only support other women, but I have learned so much from the women in my life, both near and far. We can learn a number of things from women by simply gleaning.

Every woman in your life will not give you everything you need. In that case, you simply glean from them. You gather, bit by bit.

Sometimes we aren’t aware that we are gleaning, but those women with fashion blogs, or the reality TV stars, influencers, business owners, and the celebrities you follow on social media, are all a part of your gleaning process, whether good or bad.

Be mindful of the company you keep because sooner or later, you will become that company. I pride myself on the circle of women and friendships I have carefully curated. I have chosen to surround myself with women who inspire me to advance in my career, chase my dreams, build my wealth, be a great mom, be a loving wife. They challenge me to better my attitude, handle opposition, believe in myself. They show me how to love Christ and rest in His presence. They teach me to stand up for myself and other women who look like me and most importantly, they have taught me how to love myself unapologetically. With everything they have taught me, I pray that I will be the subject from which another woman can glean from.

Who is in your circle? Who are you gleaning from?

' DAM BEL

09

In Business

M. Brown Creations

M. Brown Creations is a custom dessert design company that specializes in baking your ideas to life. Magan Brown, the owner, is a master at crafting decadent desserts for her customers. I was able to pull Megan away from the kitchen to talk more about her sweet treats.

Starr: What/Who is M. Brown Creations?

M. Brown Creations specializes in designer desserts, ranging from chocolate covered treats to delicious custom cakes, all which can be considered edible art containing the most important ingredient...LOVE. I have been baking for about nine years but the last four I have been solely focused on the business aspect of dessert design. My vision is to provide new concept desserts with an old fashioned feel.

Starr: Where did this passion for baking come from?

Honestly I was NOT a fan of baking or anything associated until I was on a 3 month maternity leave with my youngest son and got obsessed with baking shows. My mother has always been a baker so I assume that gift was just hidden waiting for a chance to shine.

Starr: Why did you decide to turn your passion into a business?

The realization of the demand for custom dessert items was a major influence.

The ability to enjoy what you do for a living is definitely a blessing and there was always something pushing me back to doing it.

Starr: Are you a full time business owner? Why or why not?

Currently, yes, but with 3 kids all entering college next semester, I will work a part time job on the days I don’t bake. As a cottage baker I only provide custom orders which provides for a more flexible schedule.

Starr: As a single mom, what has been your challenge or your push to become a business owner?

Being a single Mom of 4 and working in Corporate America is definitely not an easy task. Being reprimanded for taking a child to the doctor or having to leave for an emergency, is not an easy thing to process, so choosing to invest in my gift was a decision I made to make life easier for all of us.

Starr: What advice do you have for other moms, specifically single mothers, who want to start their own business?

Other's opinions don't matter! Do what makes your soul rejoice and do what is best for your family. Ignore the people who say you are crazy for not doing what everyone else does! Research your business, learn as much as possible, and invest in yourself. If you start with a $30 budget, don’t be discouraged, keep going! One of the strongest things on earth is a single mom...be unstoppable!

Starr: Has there been a moment when you wanted to give up? What kept you going?

I think the last year has been my hardest. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis resulting in hands that would swell double their normal size! Getting out of bed was an entire process. I wanted to give up, but I have a family to take care of so giving up is not an option...I would never let my children see me quit.

My Dr told me once how much of an inspiration I was to her and that made me push even harder.

Starr: What has been your greatest success today?

Knowing that my children are healthy and happy and seeing the smiles on their faces.

Nothing matters as much as my kids. Everything else is replaceable

Starr: What specials do you have for the holidays?

Magan Brown OWNER, M. BROWN CREATIONS

I’m very excited about the Holiday specials! You’ll have to follow my social media pages to get the full details!

@m.browncreations

10

Holiday ENTERTAINING

Struck

Porcelain Plates Sets With Space-Saving Racks World Market - $24.99 https://www.worldmarket.com

The one thing I love about the Holidays is the opportunity to gather with friends and family and just have a great time. Besides eating a traditional feast (or non traditional, if that’s your thing), I look forward to the post dinner and sometimes pre dinner shenanigans; family games, hanging out, telling exaggerated stories with your choice of wine, hot chocolate, or hot toddies, appetizers, and all the snacks and finger foods. I’ve curated a few pregame/postgame entertaining serveware that can be used for any occasion, that has me StarrStruck!

Wine Glass Copper Set of 2 Target - $19.99 https://www.target.com

3-Step Server Bed, Bath, & Beyond - $34.99 https://www.bedbathandbeyond.com

Large Striped Acacia Wood Paddle Cutting Board - World Market $59.99 https://www.worldmarket.com Vintage Inspired White Enamel Popcorn Bowl Set Amazon - $53.95 https://www.amazon.com

Copper Hammered Beverage Tub Pier 1 - $45.38 https://www.pier1.com

11

A SEAT AT THE

Table VEGAN TORTILLA SOUP

H

ey I’m black and southern, so you know it’s a part of my DNA to eat and mingle. We use food to bring family and friends together.

Growing up in Rosharon, TX, after a long week of work, my mom and aunts would gather in my grandparent’s backyard under a huge Oak tree to converse about the week behind and the weekend ahead, all over some form of food and/or dessert.

In my adult life, nothing much has changed. I love gathering with my friends over a delicious charcuterie board, drinks, and great conversation.

Pulling up a chair at the table with friends and family is how we connect, decompress, bond, build, and love up one another. I hope this recipe for vegan tortilla soup brings you as much comfort as it has brought me. Now that the temperatures are starting to drop, cook this flavorful bowl of soup, pull up a seat to the table and gather with friends and family with much love and laughter that you all deserve.

"Simple, easy and full of flavor"

Vegan Tortilla Soup For the soup: 1 tablespoon light oil, such as canola or vegetable 1 yellow onion, chopped 3 cloves garlic, minced 1 litre vegetable broth (4 cups) 1 28oz can diced tomatoes 2 teaspoons chili powder 1 teaspoon ground cumin 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 19oz can black beans, drained and rinsed 1 cup corn kernels (fresh or frozen) For garnishing: 3 small corn tortillas OR 3 handfuls of tortilla chips 2 tablespoons light oil* 1 avocado, sliced 1 handful fresh cilantro, roughly chopped 1 lime, cut into wedges Daiya Shredded Cheese

*Cut corn tortillas into long rectangular strips fry them in a skillet using the light oil to make your own tortilla chips.

Instructions 1. For the soup: add the oil to a large pot and put over medium-high heat. When hot add the onions and garlic and sautĂŠ until the onions turn translucent and begin to brown. Add the vegetable broth, tomatoes, chili powder, cumin, oregano, and salt. Bring to a simmer and cook for about 15 minutes until the tomatoes are cooked through.

2. Stir in the black beans and corn and cook an additional 5 minutes until everything is nice and hot.

3. For the tortillas: Either use store bought tortilla chips or to make your own, cut the tortillas into small strips. Heat the oil in a frying pan, and when hot, add the strips in a single layer. Fry for about 1 minute per side, flipping when the bottom is golden to fry the other side. Remove from pan and drain on paper towel.

4. To assemble the soup: scoop a serving of soup into a bowl. Top with avocado, cilantro, tortilla strips (or tortilla chips), and a squeeze of lime.

Recipe taken from It Doesn’t Taste like Chicken

13

Design

on a Dime

"FRIENDSGIVING"

Taking on the task of cooking and hosting Friendsgiving is a HUGE responsibility. Although cooking isn’t necessarily my thang (I can dibble and dabble a bit), the decorating really gets my blood pumping. This past weekend, a group of 15 friends, including 4 children, packed up our bags and drove out to Lake Tahoe to enjoy a Friendsgiving dinner in a cabin in the woods and a sprinkle of snow. Hello Global Warming.

We all contributed to the meals, but I took charge in setting the tablescape. My vision was Urban Glam, aka Buppity (Black and Uppity). I created a color scheme of black, white, gold, and green. So I went on my shopping mission and headed straight to Dollar Tree. Because of the Holiday season, I knew that they would have gold chargers on deck!

Dollar Tree is my jam y’all! I not only grabbed 16 of the gold chargers, I grabbed every single gold votive candle holder they had in stock. *DOD Tip: Take a moment to shop around and price compare. Chances are, a lot of the discount stores will have the items you are looking for at a fraction of the cost.*

I love the look of marble dinnerware, but when hosting, you have to consider that there is a great chance that dishes can be broken. I already own 8 Marble Melamine plates from Pier 1(https://www.pier1.com/marble-melamine-saladplate/3196726.html) but obviously, 8 is NOT enough. The Hosting Cabin cam through, and provided white Crate and Barrel dinner plates (https://www.crateandbarrel.com/mercer-dinnerplate/s237020) which saved the day! My solution, alternate the dinner plates around the table. For the remainder of the place setting, I picked up a box of plastic gold cutlery from Amazon along with black cloth napkins.

14

*DOD Tip: Invest in cotton napkins, especially if you are a hostess with the mostest. Instead of disposing of napkins and having to purchase them for every occasion, you can simply wash the cloth ones and reuse them.*

In my effort to be as cost efficient as possible, considering I was setting a table for 15, I wanted to bring the outside in. If you are hosting a large group with small kids, find ways to get them involved. My plan was to have the kids pick pine cones from around our cabin, but our area was completely void of pine cones. I did get lucky and found a ton of cones at the Ski Resort so I grabbed a few there. To add a little more of Tahoe unto our table, I picked up a few fall colored leaves and added them to each place setting and disbursed a few additional leaves along the table runner which I also grabbed from Amazon and topped with faux green garland from Hobby Lobby.

Our dinner table was massive, so I had to create some table fillers. I found a cute black “be thankful� sign and a few sale pumpkins from Hobby Lobby and placed the dinner in white serving platters along the center of the table. PS: I sent a note to everyone on the trip to make sure they bring white serving platters for the table, there will be no lumina foil on my table. :) Everything turned out amazing and to see the appreciation on my friend’s faces was well worth it. Creating a beautiful environment for the people in my life truly makes me happy and I was glad to be able to give that to them. When hosting, you should always aim to make your guest feel special and a little Buppity.

Cheers to good friends and good food!

Happy Friendsgiving!

Starr

15

SHOP MY TABLE

Black & White Table Runner: Amazon - $12.99-Click here Faux Green Garland: Hobby Lobby - $15.99-Click here “Be Thankful” sign: Hobby Lobby - $4.99-Click here Gold Chargers: Dollar Tree - $1.00/Each-Click here

Gold Votive Candle Holders: Similar from Amazon - $19.99/set of 12-Click here Marble Melamine Plate: Pier 1 - $5.28/Each-Click here White Dinner Plate: Crate and Barrel - $4.76/Each-Click here Gold Plastic Cutlery: Amazon - $14.99-Click here Black Cloth Napkins: Amazon - $9.45/6 Pack-Click here

Design ON A DIME

16

What Really

Matters:

" G R A T I T U D E " You may have heard the saying, “I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now.” I honestly can’t think of a more truer statement.

There are so many things that I am grateful for and I’m not sure if there is enough space to list them all. Don’t get me wrong, there are times where I feel like I could be further along, as mentioned in the last edition, or I feel as if the more and more I work and pray, the less results I see. I am fully aware, in that moment, whatever it is I feel like I’m lacking is only because I don’t see it, or have it, in MY time or the manner in which I think I should have it. Focusing on what you don’t have, as opposed to what you do have, can cause you to overlook the true blessings.

Don’t block your blessings, girl.

I’m currently sitting in my apartment, sealed in and restricted from spending too much time outside because California is on fire and the air quality right outside of my door is too unhealthy.

Right before I begin to complain about the horrible smell of smoke that’s interfering with my quick Target run, I think about the tens of people that have lost their lives, the thousands of people who are unaccounted for, and the entire town that no longer exists. I pray for those who do not have a home to return to and have lost a loved one, then immediately thank God for keeping me yet again.

I’m grateful for setbacks that became setups, disappointments that blocked me from further

We may not be where we want to be, or have what we think we want, we are better today than we were last year and the day before. Live in the moment and appreciate your current place in life. Skip the journey and you will skip the lesson and the blessing, and that’s actually what really matters.

turmoil, rejections that pushed me to an even bigger yes, and closed doors that saved me

With much love and extreme gratitude,

from walking into situations that were not in His will.

Starr