Lesson 9 Respect for Elders

Opening Stor y

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Lesson 9 Respect for Elders

This is an image of the admission ceremony (入學儀) of the Crown Prince during the 15th to 18th centuries of the Chosun dynasty in Korea.

At the ceremony where the Crown Prince was taught by the teacher, the teacher sat at a desk with the book open in front of him, while the Crown Prince knelt before him with the book open on the ground. Even though the Crown Prince would eventually become the King, he still knelt in front of the teacher to read the book.

Why did the Crown Prince do so? He was acting as an example to his people by showing respect to the character, ideology and actions of the teacher as the Crown Prince.

Admission Ceremony

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1. Filial Piety: Courtesy towards Parents

There is nothing more precious on Earth than my body.

This body was given to me by my parents.

Yulgok Yi I (South Korean Philosopher, 1536-1588)

Why do we need to respect our parents and fulfill our filial piety?

We would not exist if our parents did not give birth to us. Therefore, showing gratitude and respect to our parents is the most fundamental duty and universal value. Let us respect our parents and integrate filial piety in our everyday lives.

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1. The importance of filial spirit In the east, many early philosophers emphasized filial piety. Confucius preached that “filial piety is the root of all actions (孝者百行之本),” Yi Hwang preached “filial piety is the cause of all actions (孝者百行之源),” and Yul Gok stated that “filial piety is the basis of all actions (孝者百行之 道).” Hyo Kyung also clearly stipulated that “filial piety is the root of all

virtue, and education comes from it (孝德之本也 敎之所有生也)” With these ideologies at the root, Korean people have considered filial piety as the basis of all actions based on the idea of loyalty. As all actions were based on filial piety, once this duty was fulfilled at home, people served their neighbors and showed loyalty to their country.

Seeing this, Westerners began to call Korea as the country of courteous people in the East, and historian Arnold J. Toynbee said that filial piety, the respect for one’s parents, will be Korea’s contribution to human civilization.

Filial piety, which is thanking one’s parents for their kindness by showing respect, was not only emphasized in the East. In the book of Exodus of the Bible, God told the Israelites through Moses, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you,” as a law that the chosen people must keep.

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Filial piety is a universal value that shows love, respect, and consideration towards mankind. It is the fundamental duty of all people to show gratitude to their parents for their kindness and love, and to repay their parents. Filial piety is the basis of all actions, the foundation of human ethics, and it is a beautiful virtue that has been handed down for generations. Furthermore, filial piety is a value that transcends religions and denominations. Filial piety is a culture that encompasses time and space, and it is a spirit that goes beyond our ideologies and beliefs. That is why we need the spirit of filial piety to fulfill peace.

2. Why we need to do our filial duty for our parents King Frederick II of the Holy Roman Empire conducted an experiment because he wanted to see which language would be spoken first by children. So he took several newborns from their parents and gave them to nannies to raise them. He told the nannies, “feed and wash the babies, but do not speak to them at all.” He wanted to know if the babies would speak Hebrew, the oldest language, Greek, Arabic, or the language of their parents. However, all the babies died before they could speak.

Historian Salimbene wrote, “the babies died because they received no touch.” The absence of parents during childhood can threaten the lives

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of children. All people need the help of their parents until they are able to care for themselves. We learn all human-like actions, such as walking, eating, speaking and thinking, from our parents. Our parents gave us life by giving birth to us, and they sacrifice and dedicate their lives to raise us.

Understanding this kindness and showing courtesy in gratitude is “hyo (filial piety)”.

In Parents’ Immense Grace, a Buddhist scripture, the 10 kindnesses of parents are described as follows:

① [懷耽守護恩] Kindness of providing protection

and care while the child is in the womb.

② [臨産受苦恩] Kindness of bearing suffering during the birth. ③ [生子忘憂恩] Kindness of forgetting all the pain once the child has been born.

④ [咽苦甘恩]

Kindness of eating the bitter herself and saving

the sweet for the child.

⑤ [廻乾就濕恩] Kindness of moving the child to a dry place and lying in the wetness herself.

⑥ [乳哺養育恩] Kindness of suckling the child at her breast and nourishing and bringing up the child.

⑦ [洗濁不淨恩] Kindness of washing away the unclean. ⑧ [遠行憶念恩] Kindness of always thinking of the child when it has travelled far.

⑨ [爲造惡業恩] Kindness of deep care and devotion. ⑩ [究意憐愍恩] Kindness of ultimate pity and sympathy.

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There is an old proverb about the filial piety of a crow who feeds its mother. A crow receives the care of its mother when young, but once old enough, takes care of the mother instead by bringing back food. The story’s moral was that we needed to show the same filial duty to our parents to repay them for their kindness. The story of the crow and the Parents’ Immense Grace reminds us of our parents’ kindness and our duty as children, which is often forgotten.

There may be times when parents lack in caring for their children and expressing love. They may be busy or the financial responsibility itself is too much. Therefore, some children may not be fully satisfied with their parents, or they may carry scars from their parents’ wrong actions and

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words. However this does not mean our responsibility of respecting our parents and fulfilling our filial piety disappears. Fundamentally, we must always be thankful to the one who gave us life. This is the duty of all mankind and the fundamental reason why we have to carry out our filial piety.

父兮生我 母兮鞠我 哀哀父母 生我劬勞

It is deeply heartbreaking that my father gave me life and my mother raised me.

What great suffering they have endured to give me life and to raise me.

欲報深恩

I want to repay my debt to

昊天罔極

heaven.

them, but it is as great as

- The Mingxin Baojian, Filial Piety part

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Discussion 1. Discuss different acts of kindness shown by our parents while we were growing up.

2. Discuss how respecting our parents and doing our filial duty affects us and our surroundings.

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2. Respect and Admiration: Courtesy to teachers

The dream begins with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you to the next plateau, sometimes poking you with a sharp stick called ‘truth’.

Dan Rather (US Journalist, 1931-present)

Who are teachers and how can we respect and admire them?

Teachers pass on wisdom and knowledge that serve as the foundation of our growth, so we should be thankful for their passion and dedication and consider their teachings and spirit as precious. Furthermore, we must always have a heart to learn in our daily lives and look for different teachers.

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1. Why “respect and admiration” should be our primary attitudes towards our teachers.

There was survey on a portal website that asked employees, “Do you need a mentor?”, and 89.1% responded, “Yes”. We encounter countless lectures in books, and on television and YouTube and we meet many people who teach. Yet, most people still say they need a teacher or a mentor who will guide them through life. Why? It is not necessarily that we do not have a mentor, but the problem is that we do not know how to recognize mentors or treat them properly.

Seong Hae Eung, a 17th century Korean scholar, wrote about how respect and admiration have disappeared between teachers and students.

In just a hundred years, the custom of treating a teacher has been broken down, and teachers are forced into homes to teach the students as if they were the teachers’ own children.

The students are usually arrogant and they act superior to their teachers. The teachers cannot rebuke or use corporal punishment because they are unable to establish authority.

The teacher only does what he is told to do.

Since students look down upon their teachers, it is impossible for their education to be genuine.

Yet, they blame the teachers, calling them powerless, which is like given rotten reins to lead a fierce horse.

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This situation still stands today. There are countless teachers, but as long as students think of education as a service that is bought with money, the true meaning of “teacher” is lost and it becomes impossible to find a true mentor.

At universities, a professor’s passion towards the students and professorstudent relationships depend on how the students treat their professors.

A professor can become a simple information deliverer or a life mentor based on if the students see him as a teaching staff of the university or as a person who imparts valuable knowledge and wisdom about life.

A study showed that the most influential factor in a student’s education was neither parents nor friends, but their relationship with teachers. Students understood and learned more when they trusted their teachers and had an optimistic view of their relationship, but when they were pessimistic about the relationship, they learned less. For genuine learning, we need to trust, respect and believe in our teachers. Respect and admiration are not only for teachers, but they are essential qualities and attitudes that all learners must have.

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2. Story of Confucius and Yan Hui Yan Hui(顔回) was one of the disciples loved by Confucius (孔子) because he enjoyed learning and had a kind personality. One day, while Yun Hui was at the market running an errand for Confucius, a fight broke out between a store owner and a customer. The customer said in a loud voice, “3 times 8 is 23, so why are you asking for 24 coins?” Yun Hui respectfully answered, “3 times 8 is 24, so why do you say it is 23? You have miscalculated.”

The customer said he would give his neck, and Yan Hui his hat (冠), as they waited for Confucius’ decision.

Confucius laughed and told Yan Hui, “Give your hat as you have lost.” The customer left confidently with the hat. Yan Hui could not understand Confucius’ decision

Confucius and Yan Hui

and made an excuse to visit his hometown because he thought Confucius was too old to teach him.

Yan Hui went to Confucius as soon as the day became bright to ask about his reasoning. Confucius said, “Think about it. If I said the customer was wrong, he would have had to give his life. What is more important, a hat or a life?” After hearing these words, Yan Hui finally understood and kneeled to bow to Confucius.

Even if we meet a great teacher, if we do not understand his intentions * Hat(冠): Refers to the cap that Confucian scholars wore

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and judge from our point of view, we will not be able to receive wisdom.

We truly learn when we seek the wisdom and perspective of our teachers that we have not experienced ourselves.

There are hidden teachers and masters throughout our lives, so we have to try and find these true mentors as we live. But what is most important is that we consider everyone around us as someone to learn from, and to show respect and admiration to them as our elders. When we humble ourselves to seek knowledge and wisdom, we will be able to find the mentor whom we have desperately been searching for.

Wherever three people are walking, my teacher is surely among them 三人行必有我師焉 Confucius (Chinese Philosopher, BC 511-479)

MEMO

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Discussion

1. Who is the most memorable teacher from your childhood? Discuss why you thought of him or her as a great teacher.

2. Discuss what kinds of attitudes we should show our teachers in order to learn more from them.

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3. Showing Courtesy to Elders

Manners maketh man.

William of Ockman (English Politician, 1324-1404)

How can we show courtesy to our elders?

Courtesy begins with gratitude. Doing our filial duty for our parents and showing respect and admiration to our teachers start with courtesy.

Courtesy should not only be felt, but it must also be shown in our actions and words. Courtesy creates order and harmony in families and society, and furthermore, it becomes the foundation for peace.

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1. Showing courtesy through filial piety Courtesy(禮) is our actions and words that show respect and gratitude to our elders, including our parents. If we look at the Chinese character “禮”, it is a combination of “示”, which means “to see,” and “豊”, which means “abundant,” as it looks like a dish full of food for our ancestors. In other words, the character shows that abundant food has been prepared for the ancestral rites. The rites are to show gratitude and respect to the heavens and the ancestors – our elders – because they gave us life. At the same time, courtesy was a tool so that people would not forget respect, admiration and gratitude to the elders, including parents, teachers and ancestors.

A similar concept of “courtesy” in the east is the French word, “etiquette,” which refers to the expectation of certain social behaviors of a particular group of societies in the same period or in accordance with traditional norms. It is often associated with consciousness (儀式) and diplomatic protocol (議政), and refers to customary official behavior. The word “etiquette” means a note attached to a wall. In the court of France, there is a list of people allowed to enter the court. Therefore, the word “etiquette,” which means note, came to mean “acting with dignity to match the rules of the monarchy.”

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Courtesy and etiquette both refer to respect and consideration for others, and it is a means of expressing respect and gratitude towards elders. We show courtesy when we humble ourselves in front of our parents, teachers and elders. Courtesy keeps our arrogance in check. By being courteous and polite, we can have the right body and mind to create order and harmony in our society. It also helps us develop genuine relationships with others, such as our parents and teachers, and helps develop better character. We can become “people of peace” who create peace in society by fostering order and harmony.

2. How to show courtesy in today’s time Courtesy, or expressions of showing gratitude and respect towards parents and elders, has changed over time. However, the fundamental spirit remains the same. Through the following ideas, let us look for ways to show courtesy in our lives.

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① Care: We can show courtesy by taking care of the body and mind of those we respect. Care can be divided into emotional and physical care.

Emotional care refers to making others happy and comfortable, and frequent communication when apart. Physical care refers to cooking or doing other housework and providing financial support, medical care, or finding various services offered by public institutions and the government. ②O bedience: We can show courtesy by trying to listen and understand the experiences and wisdom of our parents and elders. Another way to serve them is to fulfill their wishes by obeying their words. ③D iscussion: We can show courtesy by seeking advice and warning from adults. We must speak in a way that is understood by adults and we must be respectful when speaking our opinions. It is important to take notes and if you have questions, and you should always seek permission before asking. The Analects of Confucius say, “there are three common mistakes made by soldiers. First, speaking before the other is finished is impatience, staying silent even after the other is finished is concealment, and speaking without examining the expressions of the other is lacking sensibility (言未及之而言 謂之躁, 言及之而不言 謂之隱, 未見顔色而言 謂之瞽)”. These are three applications of communication

etiquette that still apply today. ④S ervice: We can show courtesy by providing food, help, convenience and service to adults first or waiting until they enter a room, restroom, car or airplane. Just as how parents sacrificed while raising their children to give their children what was more tasty and healthy, we

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should wait for adults to be seated first during meals, and we should wait to eat until they take the first bite to repay them for their kindness. ⑤ Greeting: Greeting is a basic and important part of courtesy and it is a way of serving elders by joyfully greeting them to show their importance. When you greet someone, you must bow with good posture and speak in a clear voice to show respect. ⑥ Honorifics: Using honorifics while speaking or writing to adults is a way of showing respect by lowering ourselves. When speaking to adults, we must be mindful of titles; verbs, prepositions, words, phrases, and sentence usage must also be different depending on the degree of respect (this applies to cases where a language contains the meaning of honor, especially in the East.) ⑦ Tidy Appearance: We can show courtesy by dressing neatly, brushing our hair, and showing a polite attitude and kind facial expressions when meeting elders

By putting each courtesy into practice, we can find the method that is most comfortable to us. Just showing courtesy should not be the end but we must also think about the fundamental spirit and principle behind each action. Let us awaken our conscience, which will keep harmony and order through rules and discipline that show courtesy. The practice of good conscience-based courtesy will help create peace together with elders.

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Discussion

1. A collection of actions become habits. How can we show courtesy (禮) to our parents and teachers today and/or in our daily lives?

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2. How will acting courteous affect the people around us?

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Respect for Elders Conclusion

Just as trees make up a forest, a tree’s transformation is complete when it creates a forest.

The final form of a tree is not an individual pine tree but a lush forest. This applies to people as well.

We only become true individuals in the midst of relationships with others.

Young-Bok Shin (South Korean writer, 1941-2016)

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Showing respect to our elders creates order in relationships.

By doing our filial duty to our parents and respecting our teachers, we can recognize that we do not exist on our own, and be thankful to those who provided us with life.

Furthermore, we learn order, life’s everyday wisdoms and how to distinguish between right and wrong. Through respect, we can play a bigger role in society and develop our personalities, which will become an example for the future generations.

Why do we need this to create a world of peace? The values of gratitude, consideration, sacrifice and forgiveness in earlier lessons are key elements in creating peace in our hearts. Therefore, respecting our elders provides a foundation to harmoniously weave world peace into our society. By fulfilling our filial piety to our parents, respecting our elders, and treating anyone we can learn from as teachers, we can accelerate the achievement of peace, and these actions themselves will become a part of a peaceful world.

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Image source p.5 https://gogung.go.kr/searchView. do?pageIndex=1&cultureSeq=159LJE&searchRelicDiv4=&searchGubun=ALL1&searchText= p.16 https://blog.naver.com/yje1531/130145990501 p.26 http://remolition.blogspot.com/2014/03/mountain-boarding-wallpapers-la-google.html

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Data source The parental benevolence sutra 10 grace http://encykorea.aks.ac.kr/Contents/Item/E0024159

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