Lesson 8 Understading and Forgiving others

Opening Stor y Kim Phuc was hiding with her family at a Caodai Temple on June 8, 1972, during the Vietnam War. Then, just a few seconds after hearing the voices of soldiers saying, “Get out of the field!”, napalm bombs flew towards the temple, and the entire village was suddenly engulfed by orange flames.

The napalm bomb flames caught on Kim Phuc’s left arm on her cotton clothes. In fear, Kim Phuc desperately ran through the streets, throwing her clothes off, and then passed out. At that moment, Huynh Cong Ut, a photographer at the Associated Press, photographed the scene.

Kim Phuc was invited to speak at the Veterans Memorial in Vietnam on Memorial Day in May 1996. She spoke of forgiving those who bombed the village, overcoming the pain of the past in the name of peace. During her speech, John Plummer, a bomber pilot during the war, was present.

When Kim Phuc’s speech concluded, John jumped out of his seat, went towards her, and confessed.

“It was me. I was the pilot who bombed the village 24 years ago. I am sorry. I am very sorry.”

The audience in attendance cried together and applauded after witnessing this heart-wrenching moment of forgiveness requested and forgiveness given. (*This speaks of personal forgiveness, not forgiveness between nations.)

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Lesson 8 Understanding and Forgiving Others

1973 Pulitzer Prize Winner, Middle Girl is Kim Phuc *This photo had a big impact on the end of the Vietnam War.

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1. Forgiving and Peace

Chastise yourself as you would chastise others and forgive others as you would forgive yourself.

From Chinese classic <Lesser Learning>

What is forgiving?

Everyone experiences being unfairly treated or having their feelings hurt in big or small ways throughout their lives. Some even experience being attacked by another person, which results in them or their loved one being hurt or dying. At times like this, people want to take revenge to pay back how much they’ve been hurt. These feelings are not wrong, and are natural reactions of our hearts. Certain matters should have laws and principles of punishing the assailant in order to prevent such things from happening again. However, apart from legal punishment, there is a different form of heart that we can choose to have towards the assailant. It is forgiving.

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Lesson 8 Understanding and Forgiving Others

1. Forgiveness and peace Forgiving someone begins by admitting that I am also an incomplete person who is capable of inflicting pain and hurting others. Just as others have hurt me, I have probably hurt and inflicted pain upon others. If people surrounding me did not forgive me of my mistakes and decided to take revenge for every single one of my mistakes, how unfortunate would that life be? It does not make sense to expect others to forgive me when I am unable to forgive others. In order for me to be forgiven by another, I must also become someone who covers inadequacies of others and forgives their small mistakes and wrong doings.

Furthermore, in order to forgive, I must be aware of the fact that the other person’s wrongdoing may not be ill intended. Typically, we have the tendency to think that when someone does us wrong, that it was done intentionally. We think “Why would they do that? What a terrible person!

I am going to hurt them back because they hurt me.” However, when we wrong another person, we tend to write it off as it having been unavoidable or done within reason. Of course, with explicit crimes such as wars, murders, sexual assaults, or scams, there should be definitive punishments based on the law. Close supervision and direction are also necessary in order to ensure that such things do not repeat themselves. However, in most situations, the mistakes that happen within personal relationships are often mistakes that resulted from complex circumstances and the momentary loss of control over one’s emotions rather than with malicious intent. It is the same situations that cause me to make the same mistakes to

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others in the past. In regards to these situations, we need a bigger heart of understanding. That is what will open the road to forgiveness.

Why do we need to forgive? It is because when violence is repaid with violence, violence will never cease in the world. We need to choose a different approach and cut the chain of this vicious cycle. If we repay hate with hate, anger with anger, and resentment with resentment, what will become of this world in the end? We must reject every kind of evil. The past has already passed and we cannot take back our history. However, we can take a difference stance on how we view our history and past. We can also choose a different approach. That is to not bear grudges against others for their wrongdoings in the past and choosing to not retaliate, but to choose to forgive instead. Is it putting an end to the wrong customs of the past and to begin a new world of peace with forgiveness. This is a work that must be done by someone.

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2. Famous quotes regarding forgiveness

Forgiveness is almost a selfish act because of its immense benefits to the one who forgives.

Lawana Blackwell (American author, 1952-present)

Without memory, there is no healing.

Without forgiveness, there is no future.

Desmond Tutu (South African cleric, 1931-present)

Forgiveness is not always easy.

At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it.

Marianne Williamson (American author, 1952-present)

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Discussion 1. Discuss about the times when I have forgiven others and when others have forgiven my mistakes.

2. Think and discuss about why forgiveness is necessary in order to achieve peace.

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2. Example of forgiveness

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.

Bernard Meltzer (American Radio Host, 1916-1998)

Can forgiveness ever change me and the world?

Forgiveness may not be difficult for someone who does not have much pain or hurt. However, forgiveness is not easy for a person with countless pain and wounds. When discussing forgiveness, it is important to fully understand this. Forgiveness is by no means an easy task. There are so many reasons why it is difficult to forgive. “Will that person ever change if I forgive them? If I forgive them, will there be other victims? Can I really heal my wounds if I forgive them? Would forgiveness make the world too unfair?” This lesson cannot answer all of these questions. It is clear however, that forgiveness can first change oneself, change others, and have the power to change the world. Let’s take a look at the influence of forgiveness through the following examples.

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1. Influence of Forgiveness 1) Lincoln and Stanton Before his presidency, Lincoln had a political opponent named Edwin Stanton, who was a famous lawyer at the time. Stanton was arrogant and rude towards Lincoln who was an obscure lawyer, calling him a “boor.”

When Lincoln was elected president, he lashed out saying, “Lincoln’s election is a national disaster for the United States.” However, Lincoln appointed him as minister. His aides vehemently opposed his decision as minister. But to his opposing sides, Lincoln said, “Even if he were to belittle me hundreds of times - He’s enough to be a cabinet minister because of his patriotism and sense of duty.”

Lincoln and Stanton

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Lesson 8 Understanding and Forgiving Others

Lincoln’s faith and forgiveness in Stanton, who had been so rude, later brought a huge emotional scene when Lincoln was shot to death. Stanton hugged Lincoln who was dying and cried out, “Here, the greatest man in the world has been shot down!”

2) The apology of Willy Brandt Willy Brandt was a politician who served as the fourth Federal Prime Minister of West Germany from 1969 to 1974. It was raining since the morning of December 7, 1970. Prime Minister Willy Brandt, who was visiting Poland, kneeled on the wet ground in front of the monument commemorating the victims of the Ghetto uprising in Warsaw. Willy Brandt’s actions were interpreted as an apology for the war crimes committed by Nazi Germany during World War II. Of course, the apology did not absolve all the WWII victims of Nazi Germany. However, it is true that Willy Brandt’s kneeling in Warsaw has helped to improve relations between Germany and the Eastern European countries.

Plaque in Warsaw commemorating Brandt’s action

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3) South Africa ‘Truth and Reconciliation Committee’ The word ‘apartheid’ means racism that was in South Africa. Blacks were restricted from entering white areas and moving from one section to another without a certified pass. Resident registration records allowed ethnic information to be recorded, and marriages between different races were strictly prohibited. There were 17 different educational systems by race, so blacks had to receive lower-quality education compared to other races. There were also beaches, buses, and hospitals that were available according to race. In Cape State, people of color were also deprived of voting rights. On March 21, 1960, near Johannesburg in Sharpville, police fired guns at protesters against apartheid, resulting in 69 deaths and 289 injuries.

Nelson Mandela was arrested in 1962 on charges of treason while fighting against apartheid policy and was sentenced to life in 1964. He was released from prison in 1990, and won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1993.

Then the next year, he was elected South Africa’s first black president in 1994.

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Since then, South Africa has come to the point of punishing or passing racist criminals. The South African government took the most difficult path, which was the reconciliation and formed a “Truth and Reconciliation Committee.” The Truth and Reconciliation Committee granted amnesty to perpetrators of state violence who suppressed black people’s fight against racial discrimination by burning and firing squad, if they sincerely confessed and repented of their sins. Because of this, they received statements from more than 20,000 people, who appeared at televised hearings and testified courageously. The perpetrators confessed to making a solemn apology for their human rights violations. That alone brought comfort upon countless people.

Bishop Desmond Tutu, who was chairman of the “Truth and Reconciliation Committee,” stressed that forgiveness is not about turning a blind eye to or watching past events, but about dealing with past affairs thoroughly to prepare for a new beginning. There is no future unless you forgive and reconcile, so you have to be a people who forgive, reflect, and reconcile themselves. He also confessed in regards to what he has perceived through the work of the committee that evil is clearly present everywhere, but humans have the amazing ability to do good, and that is why they can hope even in the most difficult circumstances.

The Truth and Reconciliation Committee, ending its activities in October 1998, posted five reports of 3,500 pages to President Mandela.

The report has become an official memory of the national community and a human rights textbook, and has been distributed to all school libraries and public institutions. The Truth and Reconciliation Committee has left a very important mark in the history of overcoming human violence.

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Discussion

1. Let’s share our thoughts perceived from the above examples of forgiveness.

2. Find and present good examples of forgiveness in the history of each country.

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Lesson 8 Understanding and Forgiving Others

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3. Application of Forgiveness

Compassion, tolerance, forgiveness and a sense of self-discipline are qualities that help us lead our daily lives with a calm mind.

Dalai Lama (Tibetan Monk, National Leader, 1935-present)

Forgiveness For Oneself Forgiveness cannot be done forcibly. Even if there is a determination to forgive, the anger and injustice found in the heart do not easily disappear.

And even if there is forgiveness today, the anger can still come up tomorrow.

Or even if you forgive someone, the people around you may look at you rather strange by saying, “how can you forgive such a wicked person? I do not understand you.”

We do not have to think of forgiveness as a duty or think of ourselves as strange because we cannot put it into practice. However, efforts are

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needed to practice forgiveness for your own happy life and a peaceful world. The world of peace is not something you can gain without effort.

Just as farmers reap fruit with sweat, the world of peace is like a fruit that is obtained with constant effort to choose forgiveness.

1. A simple way to practice forgiveness The method presented by Fred Ruskin, who studied forgiveness at Stanford University, is an easy and effective way to practice forgiveness in everyday life.

<The heart you need in order to forgive> 1) T here is no one who purposely wants to harm you.

Those actions were carried out without knowing it can harm another person. They are harmful actions that derive from selfishness and lack of consideration.

2) W hen you get angry because of the hurt you receive from another person, think of your loved ones or think of what makes you feel grateful and happy.

3) I believe that hatred and forgiveness is up to me.

I have the power.

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Lesson 8 Understanding and Forgiving Others

PRET Breathing Method 1) Close your eyes and take deep breaths in and out two or three times.

2) With your heart, think of someone you like or a scene that evokes awe and admiration. Remember a person who was kind to you and think about what you are thankful for.

3) Through practice, you will become less tense and enter a state where your heart is at ease. So you should ask yourself what you should do to solve this problem of forgiveness.

2. The effects forgiveness has on the human body

Mayo Clinic Research Team

People who are angry are three times more likely to have a heart attack than those who are less angry.

Friedman and Rosenman Type A Behavior Pattern and Coronary Heart Disease Research

People who are easily angered or have the tendency to become hostile are twice as likely to have heart disease than those who are not.

Hope University Research Team

When you bear hatred, your heart rate rises and blood pressure increases, but when you have a forgiving heart your heart rate and blood pressure decreases.

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Dr. Dick Tibbits

For people with high blood pressure and excessive anger, forgiveness is an effective treatment.

Johns Hopkins Hospital

Forgiveness is effective in reducing the risk of heart attack; improving cholesterol levels; normalizing sleep patterns; and reducing pain, stress, anxiety, and depression.

Stanford University Forgiveness Project

A person who practices forgiveness significantly reduces the stress response, eliminates physiological disturbances, and eases tension.

Blood pressure, muscle tension, and pulse decreases in a person who forgives.

The negative effect of anger and hatred on the human body is like bringing oneself to pain and death. Forgiveness is not intended to absolve the perpetrator. Forgiveness is the key to freeing oneself from anger and hatred. Therefore, forgiveness is for oneself.

3. Concepts Confused with Forgiveness 1) To forgive is not to forget.

To forgive and to forget are different. Forgiveness is neither erasing memories nor eliminating reality. Forgiveness is a matter of how to remember the event. Therefore, forgiving today does not necessarily mean

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that you have to forgive tomorrow. Forgiveness is a constant challenge and when it reaches true forgiveness, memories remain, but you are free from the pain of the heart.

2) Forgiveness does not justify the perpetrator.

Even if you forgive, what is wrong is wrong. Forgiveness does not justify wrong behavior, nor does it condone or pardon such behavior. Forgiveness only lets us understand that a person is vulnerable enough to misbehave.

3) Forgiveness is not reconciliation.

It is not always the case, but forgiveness can often lead to reconciliation.

Reconciliation requires the effort of two people, but forgiveness can also be done alone. Even if the other party refuses to participate in the process of forgiveness, my power of forgiveness is not hindered. Forgiveness is for oneself, not for the other person.

4) Forgiveness is not liberating the perpetrator.

Even if I forgive the other person, I can still hold them legally and ethically responsible for their actions. Forgiveness does not disregard justice. What is changed through forgiveness is the desire for revenge.

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Discussion Share experiences on how your life was affected by whether you forgave someone or did not forgive someone. Let’s also discuss why forgiveness is for ourselves.

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Lesson 8 Understanding and Forgiving Others

Application Let’s think of one person in our life whom we found hard to forgive and by following the next steps let’s try organizing our thoughts.

① Let’s recall a memory where I was hurt and write it down on paper.

② Let’s write out and organize the reason why it is difficult to forgive that person.

③ Write if there is any reason or need to forgive.

④ I f you decide to forgive that person, let’s think of how we will forgive and write it down.

⑤ If you have the courage to, then let’s share what we wrote down in ①~④ with each other.

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Understanding and Forgiving Others Conclusion

Just as there are various causes of war and conflict, there are also various efforts and endeavors required to achieve peace. One of the issues is, “how will we address the hatred that has already been established throughout the world?” The violence that has been committed in the past between nation and nation, ethnic group and ethnic group, individual and individual, has been great in number and hatred and anger remain. All parts of the world are like gunpowder where it is at risk of catching fire at any time and exploding. A peaceful place today can even be a battlefield tomorrow.

Forgiveness is not an abstract concept. It is actually

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something we have the ability do. Forgiving with generosity and reflecting on the past to create a future of reconciliation is necessary for peace. Reconciliation and forgiveness between nations or between peoples do not amount to any reparations. Peace is achieved when there is a sincere apology, remorse, and true forgiveness in each person’s heart.

This section explained the various examples of forgiveness and specific methods and effects of forgiveness. In some cases, it may seem impossible to forgive, but our purpose is to achieve peace. Forgiveness is not for others, but it is for ourselves and for our future generation. You cannot achieve peace with anger and hatred. If we do not solve these things, our future generations may one day suffer from the war and violence that rooted from anger and hatred. To create a world of peace, someone must do the job of breaking this vicious cycle. I hope that someone is us. And I hope it is our time to achieve peace through forgiveness.

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Image source p.5 https://www.pri.org/stories/2018-02-21/how-vietnam-wars-napalm-girl-found-hopeafter-tragedy p.12 https://blog.naver.com/vocal2500/220925915095 p.14 https://pixabay.com/vectors/politician-nelson-rolihlahla-mandela-150383/

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Data source Truth and Reconciliation Commission http://www.justice.gov.za/trc/ The Meaning and Method of forgiveness https://terms.naver.com/entry. nhn?docId=2110003&cid=51011&categoryId=51011

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