Lesson 5 Being Grateful for Kindness and Grace

Opening Stor y There was a girl living in an underprivileged environment. She was so poor that she almost starved to death but thankfully, her neighbors found her right before. On top of this, WWII broke out so she spent her childhood in hunger. At that time, one of the relief organizations delivered relief goods to her, in which the organization was UNICEF. She was able to endure the period of starvation by eating bread handed out as relief goods.

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She grew up to become an actress in the U.S. and played the role of the main actress in “Roman Holiday” directed by William Wyler. Through the movie, she received an Academy Award for Best Actress and became a globally known celebrity. Her name is Audrey Hepburn.

After she retired, she served as an ambassador for UNICEF, the organization that helped her through her childhood, and traveled across the globe to extend a helping hand to children in need. In particular, even when she was being treated for cancer, she visited the country of Somalia to help the children there and received praise from all over the world. She said, “As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.” Audrey Hepburn, who remembered the kindness she had received when she was younger, lived a life full of gratitude and volunteer work. Still today, she is remembered in our hearts.

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1. Acknowledging Kindness is the First Step to Gratitude

People don’t know they’re being blessed even when blessings are poured upon, and don’t know water is flowing although the boat floats down.

Chinese proverb

What Have I Received Already?

We have already received much from nature, our parents, and society free of cost. As we can see from this, being given something thanks to someone else’s effort and sacrifice instead of our own are kindness and grace we ought to be grateful for. However, do we recognize them as such? Also, how thankful are we for these? When we reflect upon our lives and look around, there are countless things to be grateful for. Despite this, there are factors that prevent us from feeling grateful. A few examples include negativity bias, taking someone else’s volunteering mind, and help

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for granted, and being greedy and wanting more. We have to overcome such practices and thought processes at the fundamental level and foster the personality of peace through building the habit of being grateful.

1. We Already Have Plenty of Things to be Grateful for

Light, rain (dew) and air that provide us with life

Look above to the sky and below to the earth. The sky provides light, rain and air to all forms of life on Earth free of cost. On earth, flowers that received the energy of life blossom and bear fruit, while animals prosper and provide people with what they need. These are not things made through our effort—nature provides such grace to everyone unconditionally.

My parents who fostered me, my teacher who taught me, and my friends who were there for me

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From the moment we are born to the point we become adults, we can do nothing alone. There were our parents’ care and fostering, the society’s system that helps us grow, and schools and teachers who taught us to realize our dreams and tap into our potential. When we get on a bus, we can see ourselves riding on a bus someone else is driving on roads we didn’t build, yet we arrive safely to the destination. It is the same for smartphones and telecommunication services we access conveniently. Infrastructure laid in different parts of the society is also an example of kindness and grace that came about thanks to others’ efforts and sacrifices.

However, a fundamental reason as to why we should be grateful is that we are able to live and exist in the world. If I do not exist, then everything else becomes meaningless. Being grateful for my existence is the first step to being thankful for everything else.

To be grateful means to recognize kindness and grace we have received and to feel positive about it. When we begin to recognize that family, friends, society, nation, or God have given me good things, we are able to have a thankful heart. This allows us to feel like we are being understood and loved by others. Also, being grateful heals inner wounds and heightens self-esteem.

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2. Things that Prevent Us from Being Grateful As we carry out our daily lives, we receive much from nature, parents, and society. Yet, why is it that we do not realize what we are given and are often not grateful for them? What prevents us from being grateful?

1) Mindset with Strong Negativity Bias Our brain responds to negative stimulus more than the positive. Hence, we remember negative things longer than positive ones and focus more on negative things than the opposite. One psychology research released results that to offset one negative event, you need four positive events.

This demonstrates how negative stimulus has a huge influence over us.

Such negativity makes us focus on what we lack, and take for granted the kindness and grace given to us.

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.

Epicurus (Greek philosopher, BC341-271)

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2) Mindset that Takes Things for Granted Is love from my parents and the care I received something I naturally deserve? For babies born on war sites, they lose their parents even before they are loved and cared for by them. Is it natural that I go to school and have teachers to teach me? Many places in different corners of the world still remain where there are nowhere near enough schools or teachers. The number of refugees across the globe amount to 71 million, and they have yet to receive any proper education. We often take things given to us for granted. However, the moment we do that, we lose a sense of gratefulness.

We should never forget that things I take for granted can be conditions that others have longed and would be very thankful for.

At times my heart cries out with longing to see all these things.

If I can get so much pleasure from mere touch, how much more beauty must be revealed by sight.

Yet, those who have eyes apparently see little.

The panorama of color and action which fills the world is taken for granted.

It is human, perhaps, to appreciate little that which we have and to long for that which we have not, but it is a great pity that in the world of light the gift of sight is used only as a mere convenience rather than as a means of adding fullness to life.

From Helen Keller’s “Three Days to See”

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3) Greed to Have More In a Korean proverb, there is a saying that you can fill up an ocean, but not a person’s greed. Greed is an excessive desire to have more things than I need. To have more although I have enough is greed. Greed prevents us from making the right decisions and it is difficult for a sense of thankfulness to grow in such a heart.

4) Lack of Practice to be Grateful Expressing gratitude is not something natural—it is something that requires practice. We need to consciously seek the target to be thankful for and to express it as a habit. Unless we practice it, our psychology will prioritize negative things, the mindset that takes things for granted, and greed.

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3. Being Grateful, the Personality of Peace Being thankful is the root and the most fundamental factor in having a personality of peace. To be thankful means I recognize what has been given to me, what I enjoy now, and the blessings that will come. Furthermore, it means to think that what I have now are not things I have acquired on my own, but something that is able to exist thanks to the help and effort of others. A world of peace will be a place where people who express gratitude daily as a part of their lives have gathered. Being grateful is the essence of building the personality of peace, and a world of peace.

There is nothing more beautiful than a thankful heart.

When we are thankful for someone, there will be no discord or animosity.

Bak Jiwon (Korean Philosopher, 1737-1805)

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Discussion

1. What were things I could not appreciate, although I should?

Why did you think it was not something to be grateful for?

2. Let’s talk about someone around me who I could not express gratitude to before.

Q. Who do you want to thank?

Q. What kind of kindness and grace have you received?

Application Let’s write a thank you letter to those who took care of me.

[People directly related to me]

[People indirectly related to me]

Parents (family members)

People who built my school and home

Teachers Friends

People who made books for me to study Police officers who keep my area safe

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2. How Being Grateful Helps Me

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.

It turns what we have into enough, and more.

It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.

It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events.

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

Melody Beattie (American psychologist, 1948-)

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How Does Being Grateful Help Us? Being grateful helps us in diverse ways. It helps us to grow stronger both mentally and physically and allows us to form good relationships and make us feel happier. Gratitude also helps us to weather through difficulties or obstacles.

1. Being Grateful Makes Us Healthier According to research results, those who express and practice gratitude experience fewer symptoms of illnesses and have better quality sleep compared to those who do not. To have high-quality sleep means that there is a positive impact on their mental health since they are able to manage stress better.

A research group from the University of Stirling in Scotland conducted psychology and health tests on 186 adults on May 2015, and the findings showed that those who view their environments in a more positive manner and are grateful for the life they are given have 1/3 lower chance of getting heart disease. The level of their immune systems proved to be 1.4 times higher.

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How can a simple behavior of being grateful exhibit such an impact?

Today, we are able to tell what happens within our brains when we are grateful thanks to the development of neuroscience. When cerebral blood flow for times of gratitude are compared to times when we have negative thoughts, the flow was significantly stronger when we are grateful. To have stronger flow means brain functions are enhanced. Also, when we are thankful, oxytocin, also dubbed the gratitude hormone or love potion, are released. Oxytocin mitigates social fear and pain and alleviates stress. It also serves as an anti-depressant, so it helps people to be more generous and tolerant toward others. As we can see, gratitude is connected to physiological functions such as increasing cerebral blood flow and hormone produced; therefore, it boosts our health.

2. Being Grateful Helps Establishing Harmonious Relationships It is not easy to be on good terms with members of the society where diverse people live together. Not only with physical appearance and personalities, but backgrounds and values of life differ, so it is easy to have misunderstandings and biases. What prevents such conflicts from occurring is “expressing gratitude.” By saying “Thank you,” we can open the hearts of the people who we talk to, and they are able to have good impressions. When we exchange words of gratitude, we naturally establish bonds and familiarity. Unless we explicitly express thankfulness, it cannot

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be delivered, so we need to actively express it. By doing so, we show support for each other and feel better together. Below are some examples of expressing gratitude.

Thank you for understanding (Acknowledging others’efforts and sacrifices) Thank you for being there for me in times of difficulty (Acknowledging another person’s existence) Thank you for your effort (Acknowledging someone else’s effort)

Expressing gratitude makes a person happy, and that content feeling spreads. Without any physical contact, the happiness of a person spreads and it impacts our happiness. According to research, if I am happy, the chance of my friend being happy increases by 15% and the chance of my friend’s friend becoming happier increases by 10%. The chance of a friend of my friend’s friend becoming happy rises by 6%. A simple expression of thankfulness can start a chain effect where many people become happy.

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3. Being Grateful Changes Our Perspective and Helps us Overcome Obstacles Beethoven, known as the saint of music, started suffering from hearing loss and by the time he was 32, he could barely hear anything. At the time, he was thinking of committing suicide after writing a will at a small town called Heilligenstadt on the suburban side of Vienna, Austria. However, he accepted reality and overcame it with gratitude, which led him to make up his mind that he will continue his career as a musician. Since then marks Beethoven’s prime time as a musician. He released Sonata No. 2, 7, 10, 13, 14, 22, in a series and composed symphonies such as Heroic, Destiny, and Pastoral. In particular, Symphony No. 6 Pastoral’s finale is a song of thanksgiving that a shepherd sings after a storm. This is known to be a song written reflecting on the comfort found within the forest of Heilligenstadt. Hence, people sometimes refer to the symphony as a “symphony of gratitude.” Despite having lost his hearing ability completely, he continued to rely on his inspiration to compose songs and had left behind masterpieces that move the heart of many.

As we can see, gratitude becomes the engine of strength to overcome and control difficult situations. It is not that we need a situation worth gratitude that we become thankful, but even in times of despair, if we focus on what we can be thankful for, we find what we can appreciate and overcome crises.

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1. Let’s think about a time when I expressed my gratitude to someone. To whom, and how did you express it? How did that help you? Let’s share these with classmates.

Discussion

2. Let’s find cases where people overcame desperate situations with gratitude.

Application 1. Let’s express my gratitude to someone I was not close with or someone I had misunderstandings about. Then let’s observe how the person’s attitude toward me changes, and share with classmates regarding the effects of expressing gratitude.

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3. Applying and Practicing Gratitude

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

John F. Kennedy (Former U.S. President, 1917-1963)

How Do We Practice Being Grateful?

Being grateful is a habit. It is not something that comes naturally, but something that grows as we practice and train ourselves. Hence, we should make the effort to be grateful throughout our daily lives. First, we need to expand our areas of gratitude. Even areas where we do not think we would be thankful for should be considered.

Also, we should record and remember gratitude. Keeping a gratitude diary is the most common method for remembering what I was thankful for. If writing a gratitude journal is practicing gratitude on a personal level,

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writing letters or notes of gratitude to give to others is practicing gratitude on a social level. Above all else, being thankful for the fact that I exist at this moment is the first step to gratitude. We should be grateful just like we breathe.

1. Expand What to Thank for and Target of Gratitude: What Should We be Grateful for?

To practice gratitude, we should first look at what we are grateful for.

By searching for more to be grateful for, I will be able to find things I was unable to consider before. Let’s look at the questions below and think more in-depth.

What can I be thankful for from my physical state and emotional state?

What can I be thankful for in regards to school or work?

What can I be thankful for in nature?

What can I be thankful for from my past self, present self, and future self?

What can I be thankful for from my family?

What can I be thankful for from my friends?

What can I be thankful for from my teachers?

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As we expand on our gratitude, let’s write them down and think in detail on what to thank each person for by saying “Thank you, _____ for _____.” This practice of expanding gratitude widens our perspective and changes our mindset. Thus, we are able to express gratitude in more diverse methods.

2. Write Down and Remember Grateful Things Records dominate memory, and we need records to remember things. It is the same for gratitude. It is important to be thankful in our daily lives, but if we do not write them down, we forget them. When we write gratitude journals and keep records of certain moments, that gratitude lasts forever.

Gratitude journaling is the most practiced and effective way to recall gratitude. However, simply listing events is ineffective in moving the heart or evoking positive feelings; instead, I should record the details.

Even if it is only one line, being specific in what I am thankful for and why will make the writing more effective.

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3. Express and Share Gratitude By writing thank you letters, notes, or expressing feelings to others, we are able to show gratitude in a more direct manner and share it with others.

The expression of thankfulness helps us realize the importance of people.

Through the process, we are able to nourish relationships and view each other with a sense of warmth. This spreads happiness.

How do we express and share gratitude and make it a habit? We can say thank you every day at school or at home to friends and family. We can write a letter or note of gratitude to more than one person every week. Rather than saying, “Because of ~,” say “Thanks to ~” and express thankfulness.

It does not have to be something big; it can be something small. Through our daily exchanges, we can express and share gratitude.

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4. Be Thankful More for Experience and Existence Rather Than Possessions Thomas Gilovich, a psychology professor at Cornell University said, “We buy things to make us happy, and we succeed. But only for a while.

New things are exciting to us at first, but then we adapt to them.”

In other words, ownership or achievement-centered gratitude has a short duration. When people buy or get something, they feel content for a short while. However, when something better comes or when it is compared to what others have, that great feeling from the beginning disappears and quickly changes to dissatisfaction. When we achieve something, we instantly think of what to achieve next. The greed to have more or to compare ourselves with others makes gratitude disappear.

To practice and express gratitude in a sustainable manner, we need to be thankful for experience and existence. The moments we live and breathe, the moments we are together with loved ones, and the moments we are trying something new are all the moments we ought to be grateful for.

Also, let’s be thankful for the precious memories and experiences we have.

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1. For a week, let’s keep a diary of gratitude and share what has changed in our hearts by the end of the week.

2. Let’s express our heart of gratitude to family, friends, and teachers by using letters and notes. Let’s also collect replies.

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Being Grateful for Kindness and Grace Conclusion Being grateful is a part of having a peaceful personality, and it is a quality that peaceful citizens need to have.

Building the habit of gratitude helps maintain peace within individuals, and expressions of gratitude help establish harmonious relationships among people.

When are we thankful? When we realize that we have received much kindness and grace without conditions.

Much has been provided to us from nature, people, and society. Also, the fact that we have life and exist is grace in itself. This is because life is not something we acquired on our own but something we received from our parents.

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When we let go of negative mindset, the greed for more, and the heart that takes thing for granted, and choose gratitude, we will be able to reap the precious benefits of being grateful.

Being grateful is not about feeling a fleeting emotion.

It is something we need training and practice for. Being grateful should not stop at an individual level, but should be actively shared and expressed to spread the power of gratitude to those around us and throughout the world.

This is how we can build a world of peace. More than anything, this is the way for us to build peace within ourselves.

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Image source p.5 https://www.unicef.or.kr/news/story_view.asp?idx=55899 오드리 헵번 p.7 top left https://pixabay.com/photos/spring-tree-flowers-meadow-276014/ top center https://pixabay.com/photos/drip-grass-raindrop-mood-133170 top right https://pixabay.com/ja/photos/%E4%BA%BA-%E4%BA%BA%E9%96%93%E5%AD%90-%E5%A5%B3%E3%81%AE%E5%AD%90-832193/ bottom left https://pixabay.com/photos/mother-daughter-family-park-child-1171569/ bottom center https://pixabay.com/photos/school-classroom-boys-girls-79612/ bottom right https://pixabay.com/photos/boys-friends-poor-black-and-white-1283786/

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Data source Beethoven’s Hymn of Thanksgiving https://www.peoplepower21.org/Magazine/1446075 Effect of Gratitude https://academic.naver.com/article.naver?doc_id=13811464

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