The Endless Sea

The Endless Sea _____________

By Matthew I Cintron

Chapter 1 – Waves

And so it was that in the middle of my life I found myself lost adrift the waves in a massive ocean adrift amidst the waves. I knew not how I got there nor when I had even decided to venture onto the calm yet terrifying waters of the world yet all that was meaningless now for here I was and unless some miracle befall me and like rapture on high lift me up into the heavens above away from this dark place it seemed here I would stay.

As the waters carried me further out on the rip tide wake drifting ever further unto that endless horizon I began to ponder. There was nothing else to do left free and formless floating like discarded dreams across the glassy water so it seemed like the most logical thing to do when one finds oneself in such a situation. After all if thoughts like me now drifted they could nigh make the situation worse so logically speaking it could only make things better.

My thoughts like rain began to flow and like a joke the rain in form began to as well and so it was that jokes began to enter my mind. Not funny ones or great nee slappers to cause one rolling on the floor like so many a ripe turnip during harvest season on the farm no more the ironic kind. The dry humor and subtle jests one might attribute to a board god of whimsy filling his waking

hours with the torments of those less than him or at the very least having a bit of fun at their expense.

The joke was not a very good one but it made me laugh all the same for what else could I do but see the hilarity in the situation as ridiculous as it was. The joke for all that is worth was me, all my life I had been the responsible one counting the coins keeping things civil choosing to study rather then to play choosing the safe option over the risk and on and on it goes. Yet with all that overwhelming cation and planning every day of my wretchedly boring life here I was now set to likely perish on a whim consumed by the ocean far from home in an area of the world I did not even know of all from a risk that I could not even remember taking. All in all a fitting end to ridiculous life and one that put none to fine a point on the most ridiculous part of it all, the complete and total illusion of control.

An illusion that’s price was far to high to pass the mark in my view yes I muttered to myself amid a chuckle and a sigh far to high indeed. For to pay for that dam illusion I had well and spent the currency of my entire life on the shores of the real world begging chance to ignore me so that a whim of helpless stone could shape me into meaningless comfortable nothing and that is now exactly what I was. Suddenly I looked up … the sky had … changed again, or maybe changed is not the right word but it suddenly felt …darker.

There it was again that ….shadowy color to the very sky itself it seemed as though the whole world had begun to shrink and fear like the coiling bands of a python amidst a strong crushing will to devour its prey began to set upon my heart. What on earth was happening the sea began to roil and shake as well great waves began crashing down over the horizon line and I could see this rain had turned into a storm filled with a rage like that of witch I had begun to feel for myself but only moments ago can this be real?

I gasped as another large wave swept over the side of my raft.

Raft ill be it was a generous term what held me up above the roiling jaws of wet oblivion was little more than a collection of sticks truth be told. How it had even gotten out this far into open waters was utterly beyond me both in terms of mechanics and time as I still for the life of me could remember nothing of how I bloody got here and it was beginning to eat at me more than I could take.

I screamed out into the darkness and like Zeus on Olympus itself had heard my cry a shuttering thunder roll followed with blazes of bright blue lighting arching across the heavens in the wake of my cry. So close the bolts fell I could see the steam off the water where they had come crashing down to earth like the forked tongue’s of angry daemons desperate for a cool drink after months trapped in dark cages at the will of some unknown and malicious master. Fear griped deep in my heart at the site of this alone in this maelstrom I could see my whole life flashing before my eyes.

Days long gone of growing up far afield on the farm where every day was blistering heat wave and every night a cool summer breeze. My family and friends of my youth there faces burned into my memory of the good times and the troubled as all good things come to an end we were pulled apart far to early I was only 14 when the draft took my father away never to come back mother was never the same after that she still tried but it was easy to see her heart just was not in the world anymore and us like pale shadowed reflections of the man she had loved so deeply made her avoid us to avoid the pain.

4 years later I found myself leaving for the army as well though I said it was to honor my fathers legacy and fight the enemy’s of freedom in truth I think it may have been simply to avoid seeing that sad look in my mothers eyes ever again when she looked at me. By then I was the only one left my older brother Jacob had died in a drunken car crash 2 years earlier and what once was a golden warm and loving home and become nothing more than hollow place of sad reminders to everything that we had lost.

Waves kept crashing all around me waves of water waves of memory’s twisted and warped. The tide began to pull me under and somewhere along the cold and shuttering crashes of thunder my mind left me and I fell into darkness.

Chapter 2 Stranger I opened my eyes like a new born cub for the first time in the world the sky had brightened, no far more than that it was like the whole world had opened up right in front of me golden rays of perpetual sunlight it an turquoise and alabaster sky the edges of clouds shining bright like sliver moon beams and rolling hills of purples and red lit the heavens with a brilliant painting of whirling light. A sunset the most beautiful I feel id ever seen ….

But when had the storm broken it had seemed like for a second there just a second ago all was about to be lost it was just a second ago ….. wasn’t it suddenly I was having trouble remembering.

Wait how did I get here was that something….. it tugged at me like a recent dream that you just woke up from yet begin to lose as soon as you wake drifting off from your mind like snow melting in afternoon heat. Damn why couldn’t I remember it wasn’t just that I wanted to know what kind of tragedy or stupidity had led to me being stranded out alone on the open waves like this but more a simple matter of context to tie me to this place I could not remember anything about how I got here and as this place grew stranger and stranger worried thoughts began to enter my head that remembering would at least put to rest. After all if I could not remember how I got here who’s to say I ever did and this isn’t just some purgatory of the mind a cruel trick or nightmarish dream ….oh god … what if I’m already dead?

A wave crashed hard against the side of my small vessel sending salt and spay right into my face awaking from my stupor. I cough heavily as the brine chocked me wit its salty stench ..no ..no not dead I chuckled to myself not yet anyway this place felt real enough even with all the strangeness. There was such a cold beauty to the waves as the slowly crashed into each other now that the sun was beginning to come up over the waters I could see far off toward that endless horizon and all the way out as far as I could see the light began to bounce across the waters in a spectacular manner sending all the ocean around him to sparkling silver glass. An eternally weaving ever spinning web of perpetual light engulfed me and I sighed letting my shoulders down the stress I realized that had been pulling at my heart a weight like ten thousand stones felt like it was lifted from my chest for a moment I finally felt safe or a least not like I was about to die in the very next second. In this moment time stands still and I could truly breath again until I heard the voice behind me.

Are you from the Side with the Steel and Wood towers? I spun in surprise what on earth had said that it had been a shrill voice high pitched like a child almost but somehow not and somehow…. Wrong. I looked around but saw nothing ….suddenly again from behind my left shoulder this time the voice rung out clear as day. It’s a nice place but far to many death hunters about for my liking the things that rule that place are all obsessed with death. This time I jumped so high I nearly feel of my tiny vessel in the gapping watery Abbys bellow.

Staggering back I got fully to my feet to look around more clearly it was then I saw it peeking out at me from behind my small white bag, literally the only position I had in world now, it was a small grey and blue speckled seagull just sitting on the raft across from me looking up at me with two black pea shaped eyes.

Could this have been the thing that spoke to me …. No that can’t be I thought to myself Ivee only been on this dam raft a day or two by my reckoning I can’t possibly be losing my mind already ….right.

As If I had spoken out loud my thoughts came reflecting back at me ten fold as the bird to my shock and aw began to speak plain as day. Hey what is being the matter with you are your parts wrong you have the look of something crazy in your eyes I wanted to check on you as you survived the first pass of the Night Watcher but if your just another crazy death under Ill be on my way thankyou very much. I could not belie it this bird it was actually talking to me …. My brain began to snap dropping back down to my knees in that instant I began to roll up in a ball and cry out hands over my ears. I don’t know why I reacted so violently perhaps it was just shock or perhaps the though of losing my mind way out here on the ocean so far from home to have my last moments so filled with mad raving that I completely lose every scrape my own humanity terrified my more then even the possibility of starving or drowning out here did for whatever the reason even though it was just a small bird at that moment I was terrified.

SQWAKKK…oh sorry I mean Hellooo! Aye don’t tell me your one of the ones that don’t speak…The bird cried out clearly becoming impatient with my lack of responses. What ..what are you I finally managed to stammer back. Me ahh well over here we are known as the winged keepers but I do like this form one of the ones we like to take on this side of the barrier, which reminds me what are you doing here don’t think I’ve seen one of you around here for well must be about 100 years. I was utterly baffled at this point perhaps I had finally fully lost my mind yet well there was no one else to speak to and at this point. What do you mean this side of the barrier ….where are we.

Oyayy you don’t know cold blind me that’s a funny state to find yourself in what do mean you don’t know well how’d you bloody get here then. He seemed generally perturbed by my lack of understanding at this point the only thing I could think of to do was reassure him of my integrity. In truth I have no idea ….I have no memory of how I got here and this place it feels wrong I can’t put my figure on it but its just a feeling there is something off about this place. Aye yeah there is something off about this place your cross the barrier the Bird squawked again if you don’t find your way back or bond with a beast your mind will completely disintegrate. Wait what I shouted out ….this creature odd as it was some how I knew it spoke the truth ….what do you mean Ill disintegrate dam you man I reached over and seized the Bird between my hands the games were over I needed answers.

Now you listen here my fine featrherd friend I'm about all out of patanice with this place and I've had it up to here with your cryptic back talk now you tell me what this place is and how to get away from it or so help me this birdy is going for a swim.

The bird squawked and struggled in my hands but it was no use I held on tight …..SQUAKKKK hey get your dam hands off me bloke geez I’m trying to help you here and this is the thanks I get WACKKK SQUAKKK…alright alright geezzz just put me down. It seemed by transgression into the new world violent bird crime had been a lowing success at last answers there could be no justice without it after all that’s why I came here I would not rest until justice was ….. wait what no that’s right …not right at all I have no idea why I came here ….what’s going on …suddenly I did not feel so well. I put the Bird down on the deck and lay down back against the wood water flowing still and cold beneath me. Looking up at the grey and black sky I tried to calm myself ….tried and failed as I could feel a bit of a panic attack starting to brew in my chest …..I needed to get out of here.

Chapter 3 End of a Dream OIEEE yeah your feeling it now aren’t you that’s the mind rot sinking in looks like you’ve already use most of your rope up won’t be long now soon your thought’s are goanna be nothing but jelly my friend . He Spoke in strange fits and bursts but at last some sense began to form in my mind this place this fresh watery hell was dangerous to me in fact it was consuming me somehow …. I needed to get out of here. What do you mean mind rot what is happening to me dam bird? He looked me up and down as a mad man looks at a fool so caught in his fun this was a game to him I could see it now the dam feather rat was enjoying this. Soon however he answered my query's …

The mind rot ya daft bloke is the sinking of your ship you’ve drifted to far out to sea this place its not for you here the thoughts of all conscious creatures are one endless sea they drift like little shits upon the waves see but the deeper you go the darker and more intertwined they become till you begin to feel the weight of the source. But well you don’t have to worry about that love that’s more a problem for void walkers like myself to deal with you mate AYEE SQWAKK your bound to lose yourself just even floating on the surface. Your mind just isn’t prepared for this place look at ya for crying out loud ya still clinging to that pathetic idea of yourself in the formed world like its actually what you are SWAKKKHAHHA HAAk.

The creature was beginning to spout nonsense again and I had not the time but from the babble I began to get a picture of what mattered …formed world …. Not suppose to be here … would not last …escape it seemed was imperative and if by some twist of fate I found myself here wherever here was then there must be a way back home right? Dam it you confounded creature enough of your games how do I get home I need to get back back to this …formed world as you said come now out with man there has to be a way. He paused again Aye der is something …..not sure if its what you need but well it’s the only thing on the surface I know about that you might be able to reach before you disappear into oblivion but well your not going to like it I wager. At last some hope anything tell me man this place eghhhhhh my body trembled and shook again my body a child’s body of only 5 wait what … what was that I am no child I would be 26 next march what in all the infernos ….I needed to get out of here. Please good creature help me I can feel it getting worse … Yeah SQUAKKKK dats plain to see your already losing form alright alight Ill take you this place is known as the isle of mirror here you must pass through the mirror of self if you can make it through you should have achieved enough self awareness to move yourself out of this plain and back into the physical relm SKQAKK ….but be warned the process is extremely painful and most go bloody insane before they make it past the mirrors edge ….lets hope you’re a stronger sort SQUAKKKKK.

The creature suddenly began to grow in size I skittered back on my makeshift raft trying to avoid being consumed by the sheer enormity of it. Once moments before nothing more than a small bird now an enormous beast began to emerge before me multiple wings coming through over and over each other like the many peddles of a flower echoing and dancing in crystal light as beautiful as they were they were matched every inch by the horror of what came next as eyes massive eyes began to emerge one on every wing staring out with searing intensity but none more so than the great massive eye in the center of the beast dear god what was this monstrosity before me my mind screamed out into an deadly void.

SQUAKKKKKKK keep your shirt on bloker, the creatures now booming voice echoed out into my mind, here we make our own forms here and if your wanting to get to the center in time I'm going to needs carry you like a ripe fresh fish. The raft shattered from the weight suddenly as I was staring as this new nightmare approaching my person and I fell. Deep into the waves as the wood sunk in to the sea and I saw the depths beneath me …. it occurred to me as my head breached the surface even as I had been drifting for some time in this massive ocean at large …. I had never looked beneath the waves and as I did I saw it eternity, the endless maze, the golden city, the mad king, The great ancients, the end the beginning and the shattered coast of Carcossa. And with that the breath left me and I dissolved into self into other into nothing … AKKKK wait no no noo I'm sorry friend your to far gone your to far GAHHHHHH the last things I

heard from the great best as my soul shattered into a million shards beneath the crushing weight of infinite darkness.

Epilogue In A hospital far off the eastern coast of Honduras.... How is he doctor.... same as yesterday I’m afraid and with test results I don’t believe he will be seeing any change. They turn to a bed laden with a man eyes open gazing off into the void. And what is his condition exactly Dr … it’s a bit hard to say …. not full brain death or a coma as he still moves and eats on his own but well its so odd the body is like an animal now there just is no man behind those eyes anymore as if it was somehow consumed when he fell off that boat in the pacific. Lost somewhere beneath the waves I suspect he is not coming back another nurse spoke up from the corner.

I beg your pardon Margert the head doctor inquired to what exactly are you referring. Oh didn’t you hear doc he fell in the area known as the gateway to nowhere a cove ships going through have lost more than just cargo over the years it is said it can consume peoples very souls leaving them as nothing but husks. Oh please Margret leave your superstitious nonsense out the door honestly I ….oh shoo shoo go on now god that dam bird again …. Dr ? Oh you have seen it’s that seagull I swear

that’s the 4th time this week its come landing on his lap like that cant imagine why if he is looking for food he wont find it here the man barely eats at all now.... strange through it always looks so sad and lost as if its trying to apologize …..ughh now you’ve got me seeing nonsense as well come now we have other patients to get to today Aye a endless sea of them in fact lets get to it.

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