Saving Sex?

“As a teen, I played the third wheel because my sister had many boyfriends and I didn’t. I became depressed and wondered why guys didn’t like me.

When I finally got a boyfriend, it became an abusive relationship. After years I ended it, but even with that freedom I still didn’t know who I was and ended up with more exes. Then I met Ethan. Even though our values didn’t match I thought Ethan was ‘the one.’

I wanted to remain a virgin before marriage, but the only thing I remembered from sex ed was, ‘don’t have sex.’ I took that to mean, anything but sex was fine. We kept getting physically closer until that one night we finally went all the way. I jumped out of bed and curled up in the corner and sobbed. I couldn’t take it back, ever. I felt like avoiding sex no longer mattered so we kept sleeping together (in secret).

I felt like I was leading a double life. I kept ignoring the nagging problem of our mismatched values. He was perfect for me except one thing – he didn’t understand my value of saving sex for marriage. Breaking up with Ethan was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it changed my life and made me the person I am today.

I vowed not to date again until I was 100% sure whom I would marry and that he would respect my sexual integrity.

While I was single, I found a group of friends who shared my values. An honorable guy in the group, Michael, later became my beloved husband. I was his first girlfriend; his first kiss! He understood that waiting was important so we waited to have sex until our wedding night. Now I am content with the real man that showed me I was worth waiting for.”

—Kayla

The conversation about waiting to have sex feels outdated and meaningless. Who has enough willpower these days to actually hold themselves to that goal? It’s proven that couples that wait have higher satisfaction, contentment, and better sex. On the other hand, relationships that move rapidly into sex are often filled with distress.

There are countless other ways to show someone that you love them. Waiting to have sex until you’re committed, like getting married, is a beautiful expression of real love. You’re willing to use self-control, patience, and put real love into practice for another person. Not to mention, waiting to have sex is the number one way to find someone that truly loves you for all the right reasons.

Despite the choices you’ve made in the past, you can start over at any time. It’s up to you; what will you choose?

Dating Do’s & Don’ts

▶ Stay with the group If you don’t know the person well, it’s better to date in a group setting or to go on a double date with a couple you know. Be aware of the dangers of human trafficking.

▶ Stand your ground Don’t be tolerant of a guy who violates your personal boundaries. If he doesn’t respond when you tell him to stop, leave the situation.

▶ Watch your beverage Don’t accept beverages from people you don’t know and don’t drink out of anything you’ve left unattended. “Date rape drugs” can be slipped into your drink when you’re not paying attention.

▶ Trust your instincts If you sense something isn’t right, end the date or get out of the situation.

Want more? Visit j4gmagazine.com for additional dating do’s and don’ts, helpful information on STDs and hormonal contraception, or to share an article with a friend.