EXPERIENCE: FINDING YOUR PLACE

FINDING YOUR PLACE at university

Hasan Ali reflects on fitting in and personal growth

Going to university is one of the hardest things anyone ever has to do. For most, it means moving out and taking on masses of new responsibilities - you have to take on the academic transition yourself and try to make new friends, while keeping in touch with some of the old ones. But one of the things that people don’t discuss is how to find your place in all of the chaos that comes with trying to settle down in a new city and trying to feel like a human again.

University is filled with people from all walks of life who present a thousand and one opportunities to become a new friend, coursemate or even a romantic partner. So it should be easy to find that person to drink with on the weekends (or on the weekdays, I don’t judge). But that’s the issue, university is filled with people can sometimes make you feel insignificant, like that you don’t matter. That can throw your confidence and self-esteem to the point where you may not even feel like making friends anymore, and instead withdraw into yourself where it’s safe and you feel comfortable. It’s okay to feel like that because chances are others are feeling the same way.

Naturally, humans are social creatures. As a psychologist, I point to evidence from the earliest moments of life where contact and social interaction between a child and its caregiver are pivotal, as it will set the pace for emotional and social development for the majority of its life. How that child experiences those early memories will affect how they treat their own child in the future. We can see this if we look back to early depictions of human life such as the Native Americans who typically grew up and lived in tightly knit tribes their entire lives. Even in the animal kingdom, sociability is absolutely everywhere from how animal packs interact with one another to how they may mourn the loss of one of their own. Humans aren’t much different in this regard - socialisation is part of who we are and because of this, it forms the type of person we are too.

How we may come to find our place, or ‘pack’, is a different story and is one that you’ll write on your own. As each day presents numerous opportunities to meet new people, write them into the story that is your life. Some people may not stay for the whole story and that’s okay. Whatever experiences you may have with that person, whether they be good or bad, will help you grow. You’ll get a feeling for things and you’ll eventually find that place you were in search of as you arrived to university. You should also never feel shame for how you found your place either, because finding somewhere you finally fit and belong is one of life’s most liberating experiences, aside from graduating of course!

I found my place in academic research and working with a team of awesome people from a variety of academic backgrounds. Even though I may have been one of the youngest people there, my love for neuroscience meant that we all shared one common interest that made this group of people feel like my ‘pack’. I felt like I actually mattered and that I wasn’t so insignificant anymore. After a while, my confidence grew. I was no longer scared to approach someone in the shops for help. I was no longer having a sickening train of thought that would drive me to insanity on the daily. Most importantly, I was happy. It felt like a thousand kilos had been lifted from my shoulders and the grip around me loosened allowing me to feel like myself again. I felt more like a human.

No matter who you are, where you’re from or what you like to do as a hobby, you will find your place. We all have somewhere to fit into, where our experiences of the whirlwind that is life are appreciated and, by extension, so are we. Just allow yourself to be you.

“Some people may not stay for the whole story and that’s okay. Whatever experiences you may have with that person, whether they be good or bad, will help you grow.”

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