Feature: When love doesn’t find a way

FEATURE

When love doesn’t find a way

It’s quite a predicament. You have a horse you are no longer happy riding. Is it you? Is it them? CHRISTINE ARMISHAW looks at this surprisingly common dilemma.

If you’ve found yourself wondering whether pursuing a relationship with your current horse is something you should continue, you’re not alone. Many riders at one time or another have questioned if the horse they find themselves with is indeed The One. But to know if the marriage has truly lost its spark, we need to delve deeper.

From the perspective of feeling unsafe, nervous or uncertain about riding a particular horse, there are a couple of key questions you need to ask yourself and then, with brutal honesty, answer.

To start with, it’s worth considering why you ended up with the horse you have in the first place. Did you actually ride it before you bought it? Did you buy

based on looks or breeding? Was it what its competition history suggested it could go on to do with you? Or were you in a rush to buy and snapped up the first horse that came along?

As a coach, I meet people that for all sorts of reasons simply chose the wrong horse. They may have bought sight unseen and never got to try it out before purchase. Sometimes, they buy the horse based on the rider they want to become, when in fact the horse is not suited to the stage they are at right now. In other cases, due to lack of experience, they are captivated by the horse’s beauty or low price and fail to pay enough attention to temperament, arguably the most important attribute of all.

While not all these scenarios end badly, things can go wrong and if they do it's the rider’s confidence that takes a beating. The horse acts up, you get nervous, the horse feeds off your nerves and the behaviour gets worse. Before you know it, you don’t really want to get in the saddle so much anymore. These types of situations can be circumvented by enlisting the guidance of a coach or experienced horse person, who can help keep you on track when selecting the right horse in the first place.

On the other side of the coin, perhaps it’s less about the horse you’re on and more about a new headspace you’ve found yourself in. Changes like this can occur after a fall or accident, after becoming a parent, or simply even as you get older. As life moves along, we can find ourselves more aware of what could go wrong compared to when we were younger. A frisky mount with a bit of spice can go from fun to frightening as your perspective shifts with time.

So, what to do in these situations? Should you persevere? Whatever the cause, even when your confidence is through the floor, there are fortunately a number of things you can try. Firstly, you need to make sure your horse is comfortable, happy and sane. Horses by nature are

LEFT: When you feel confident with your horse, riding is fun! Christine and Myal High El Capitano go cross country (Image by Mel Goodson, Snapshot Australia). ABOVE: Christine aboard Myal High El Capitano, proof that riding should make you smile (Image by Mel Goodson, Snapshot Australia).

not nasty, and they simply do not sit in the paddock plotting how they will try to make you fall off during your next ride!

If your horse is being difficult, you need to tick off some boxes before making rash decisions. Teeth and feet must be up to date, get some body work done, check for ulcers, and pay attention to the feed being consumed. The latter is a massive contributor to undesirable behaviour, especially when lush green grass is abundant. If your horse has loose, very green bowel movements you can almost guarantee he won’t be acting like his normal, sweet self. Once you’ve honestly checked those boxes, building up trust, rapport and understanding is next on the cards. Spend time focusing on groundwork to establish a connection again, and find a coach who’ll help you understand your fears and reservations and work through them. Or perhaps you might even prefer to send your horse away to a trainer, and start getting back on yourself (ideally with a few lessons) after you’ve been able to watch your horse in regular work for a while. However, if you’ve done your absolute best and you’re still not loving being in the saddle, then deciding to move the horse on is a courageous

ABOVE: Have a coach or an experienced horse person help you choose the right horse (Image by Karina Porter).

thing to do: it’s not admitting defeat. Like people, horses have different personalities, and we simply don't all click with everybody else.

Years ago I did a lot of breaking in and starting. I was working with a particularly tricky mare, the type of horse that would outwardly seem calm while inwardly stressing out, which would eventually be expressed as a seemingly out-ofnowhere explosion. After weeks of groundwork, mouthing and long-reining, we were a couple of weeks into the ridden side of things.

On one particular ride she really didn’t want to yield to the pressure of the right rein. When I pushed the envelope further, she went from feeling stubborn into full bronc mode! Rearing then broncing as she landed, she threw me off. I landed on my feet, but one foot was slightly turned in and the muffled crack was the first indication that I had broken my leg. The second indicator was intense pain when I tried to walk on it! Sitting on the grass wincing, while the horse continued to bronc and buck all across the paddock, I had no desire to get back on.

After my leg was healed I was itching to ride again, and did so as soon as I was allowed. But I had no real inclination to get back on that mare. I ended up taking her to another trainer to finish the starting process with her. I did ride her while I was at the other trainer’s yard – I felt like I had to prove to myself that I could – but I admit I was scared. Ultimately, I rode her just a handful of times before selling her to another experienced rider, with full disclosure.

To pursue things with that horse would have done nothing for my confidence and deep down I knew that I would have only prolonged the inevitable if I hadn’t moved her on. It took courage to admit she wasn’t a horse I wanted to continue to work with, but rather than a ‘I must conquer this at all costs’ attitude, we parted ways and were both better for it. I continued my equestrian journey with other horses and have evolved as a rider, trainer, and coach.

Many people feel they must keep trying, and trying, and trying with the view that they’ve given up or failed if they don’t continue to slog it out with a horse that’s

ABOVE: Working with a coach is a great way to break through mental barriers (Image by Olivia Salkeld, Snapshot Australia).

just not right for them. But this is not how it should be. Horses are incredibly intuitive and pick up on your emotions. If you find that riding puts you into a state of tension, a sensitive horse may react to this by expressing behaviours you don’t love. This can make you more apprehensive and the flow-on effect is that the horse gets worse too.

One of the hardest things to do when it comes to horse ownership is admit that it’s time to let go - but in certain situations that’s the best thing for all parties involved. Be truthful with yourself: is there pleasure to be gained from continuing, or are you just feeding your ego by refusing to accept that maybe this isn’t the perfect match? If you do decide that moving your horse on is the right decision, be up front when you rehome it. No horse is perfect, but other riders have to be given the chance to decide if the horse’s quirks are ones they are willing to put up with. Being straight-up keeps everyone safer.

When you’re ready to look for your next horse remember, temperament trumps all, especially when your nerves are a consideration. Open up your search parameters, look for something a little older, or a little smaller. Go for a horse that you feel you need to push on a bit, versus one you have to hold back – it

Horses are incredibly intuitive and pick up on your emotions. If you find that riding puts you into a state of tension, a sensitive horse may react to this by expressing behaviours you don’t love.

will do great things for your confidence.

You don’t need to be a hero and to feel like you need to conquer a particular individual, there are so many other wonderful horses out there. Spend your saddle time making memories, laughing and smiling. Go make your riding fun again.