Bayou Catholic | Septemper 2014 | Marriage

Bayou

Catholic

Mar riage HOUMA, LA ~ SEPTEMBER 2014 ROBERT FAUST PHOTOGRAPHY

Contents Technology

Sacrament

You need not be present to attend today’s weddings

Marriage as a sacrament

72

68 Marriage

Dream Wedding

How to create, nurture a healthy relationship

Need not be a financial nightmare

70

74

Spiritual Home Geaux ahead join parish together

For more articles on strengthening your marriage, visit

66

www.foryourmarriage.org

80 Marriage Prep Why marriage prep?

82 Advertise in the Bridal Issue of the

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Catholic

Magazine

Call or email us Today!

985-850-3132 or padams@htdiocese.org Bayou Catholic • Houma, LA • September 2014

Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God. Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love.

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Marriage

Guest Columnist

H 68

Nancy Diedrich, L.P.C., L.M.F.T.

How to create, nurture a healthy relationship

Healthy relationships don’t just happen; they take time, patience and two people who truly want to work together to create something meaningful.

One of our most basic needs is to be loved.

Psychology 101 states repeatedly that the need to feel loved is a PRIMARY human emotional need. People have been known to do many things for love. For love, people will climb mountains, swim rivers and endure untold hardships. Without love, mountains become unclimbable, rivers unswimmable, and hardships unbearable. Yes, love permeates throughout human society because as human beings we need it, thrive on it, and actually emotionally decline without it.

There is something that cries out in our nature to seek and to be loved by another. At the heart of our existence is the desire to have an intimate, loving committed relationship with another. Marriage is designed to meet that need for intimacy, love and commitment.

But if love is so important, why can it sometimes be so difficult? It seems like it would be extremely easy to achieve and maintain something that is so needed by all mankind! I think something subtle sneaks into relationships once people declare their love for one another, and become committed. No one sees it coming; it just creeps in, sort of unnoticed …

So what is this thing that can change “happily ever after” to “happy for a little while”? What could this misbehavior be?

Often times when people work so hard to find love, then work even harder to nurture it from courtship to marriage, they lose some of their emotional energy.

The thought process sometimes changes to, “I found my soul mate, married her, and now I can just go into cruise control.” Although all the hard work of dating and getting married may actually cause some couples to think they deserve an emotional vacation, “cruise control” is a dangerous place to put marriage efforts. Remember loving relationships don’t just happen; they take a lot of time, effort and two people who are willing to work together to make it more meaningful every day.

So how does a couple keep their love lamp burning year after year? I think communication is like GLUE in a marriage. Good communication is important in every phase of life, but in a marriage it is essential.

Why is it so imperative? Because communication can either make or break a marriage. Every couple living together is continuously communicating; they do it in words, in silences, by looks, gestures, tone of voice and touch, through action or inaction. Poor

Bayou Catholic • Houma, LA • September 2014

communication can drain almost any relationship.

Done well, communication makes almost anything possible.

Another fundamental need for a married couple is to spend quality time together. What happens to the “in love experience” when you can’t get enough of each other? Well, reality intrudes! You get married; have car notes, a mortgage, beautiful children, jobs, hobbies, friends, family … the list goes on. Life happens to even the “most crazy in love couples”! When that happens, and you begin to forget what your spouse looks like, because you’ve worked 60 hours this week and she’s been busy keeping the home and kid’s needs met, and probably maintained a job away from home also … you have to call a break. Regroup, and realize your marriage came first, before any of the other LIFE stuff.

Your love for your spouse came before anything else. Of course you both have many more

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responsibilities now, BUT you still have each other and your relationship to nurture. Take time to feed your marriage.

You will be amazed at how much easier all of your responsibilities are when you have a real partner by your side. When you feel that you need to spread yourselves thin with all the duties and concerns of life, stop and breathe, and remember that you have a partner, a spouse, a lover, a soul mate to help you with everything. Just take time to nurture your marriage and each other, along with everything else!

In addition to having special “words” and “time” for each other, couples strengthen and energize their marriages with positive actions. You know, doing those things that your spouse would really appreciate you doing. Help each other out.

You know each other’s responsibilities and “to do” lists. If you have an extra minute, lend a hand. These actions lead to greater appreciation of each other.

They lead to a feeling of selflessness … and eventually to the couple having more quality time together, where they can nurture their relationship with positive, loving words, and keep their “crazy in love” feelings forever!

(Nancy Diedrich, LPC, LMFT, a national board certified counselor, is a marriage and family counselor for the 69 diocesan Office of Family Ministries.)

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Marriage

You need NOT be present to attend today’s weddings

BY CAROL ZIMMERMANN Catholic News Service

The slogan “you must be present to win” certainly does not apply to today’s weddings.

That’s because modern technology can enable guests to virtually attend weddings they cannot go to in person. These guests don’t have to choose whether to sit on the bride’s or groom’s side or even dress up, for that matter. They also don’t have to travel across country, to another country or even stay a few days in a far-away locale.

These “guests” also can see the wedding right as it is happening, not days or weeks later, as was the case with videotaped weddings from days gone by.

70 The modern bride and groom have plenty of tools at their disposal for sharing their big day with farflung friends and family. An actual wedding guest can set up a video call through Skype or FaceTime or film the wedding on a webcam or video camera and broadcast the footage though online sites such as Google Hangout or YouTube.

Couples can also use professional services such as Idostream.com or mystreamingwedding.com that offer the necessary equipment including a camera, tripod and even a laptop with built-in broadband wireless in case the wedding site doesn’t have an Internet connection. They also offer professional videographers.

As part of the fee involved, these services also provide technical support to those recording the event and viewer support for those watching the ceremony.

The sites enable guests to log on to a site and watch as the wedding takes place.

Other couples use Ustream and Livestream to broadcast their wedding. With this service, the footage is sent to a passwordprotected channel that invited

guests can access.

Although live-streaming weddings is the latest trend in the digital age where people are eager to share all of their big -and even small -- moments with close friends and those only close through Facebook connections, the tool shouldn’t take away from the ceremony itself.

Catholic weddings have specific guidelines about wedding photography and videography and individual parishes will no doubt indicate these policies to the brideand groom-to-be.

The website catholicweddinghelp. com, sponsored by the Catholic newsweekly Our Sunday Visitor, notes that a general stipulation for wedding photographers and videographers to remember is that a Catholic wedding is “first and foremost a liturgy -- that is, the public prayer of the whole church, not just a private ceremony for those present. People videotaping or photographing the wedding should strive to respect the sacred nature of the liturgy.”

It also notes that cameras should not be positioned where they might interfere with or distract from the liturgy. For example, the area around the altar is off-limits and use of the center aisle is most likely

Bayou Catholic • Houma, LA • September 2014

discouraged.

Most Catholic churches don’t allow the use of flash or artificial lighting during the wedding ceremony and ask that furniture, flowers, plants and candles remain in place.

St. Mary’s Church in Grand Rapids, Mich., even encourages photographers and videographers to be familiar with the Catholic rite of marriage as part of their preparation.

It notes in its wedding guidelines that the “use of the church for pictures is a privilege, not a right of either the couple or the photographer. All photography or video before, during or after the liturgy must respect the sacredness of the sacrament and of the church.”

It also points out that if someone videotapes the ceremony they should record it in its entirety.

“Every moment of our worship -- word, song and silence --is intentional and significant,” the parish guideline says. “This fact is especially important to anyone recording the liturgy with video.

Consider continuous video footage of the entire liturgy to honor the spirit of our service.”

Which means the wedding footage should not be condensed to a highlight clip.

Dream wedding need not be

Marriage

a financial

By CAROL ZIMMERMANN Catholic News Service

Somewhere along the line weddings became very expensive celebrations.

Some people have long dreamt about the exotic weddings they want or else they feel pressured to go this route by friends and family.

But such plans ring up a huge tab that might need some reconsideration.

Although the U.S. Catholic bishops have not spoken directly about wedding spending, their website, foryourmarriage.org, asks couples to think twice about the bottom line in this celebration.

Although costs vary by region, the average modern wedding costs 72 between $20,000 and $25,000.

Hold on a minute, the bishops’ website essentially says, asking couples in the section “Budgeting for Your Wedding” to consider what they want their wedding to say about them and their values.

The article asks some pointed questions such as: -- Are you willing to go into debt, or put family members in debt, because of this wedding?

-- Are you willing to focus time and energy on the details of a lavish wedding? Will this reduce the attention you can pay to preparing for the marriage itself?

NIGHTMARE

-- Do you feel comfortable with the amount you plan to spend?

Have you considered this in relation to the needs of people in your community?

The online article suggests that, as with many things, moderation

is key. “If you have a feeling that wedding expenses are getting out of hand, they probably are.”

The site suggests that couples ask for donations to a local food bank or food pantry or that the couple make a donation from

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their wedding gifts to the parish’s social outreach committee.

It also urges couples to seek practical ways to trim costs on the wedding ceremony and reception.

Advice on trimming wedding budgets is as plentiful as the styles of flower arrangements couples can choose from for their big day.

Bridal magazines and blogs are full of do-it-yourself wedding ideas and how to get married on a budget.

Some couples are going green by using second-hand wedding dresses or reception decorations.

Others are assembling their own wedding invitations, making their own centerpieces and flower arrangements.

The Knot, a website with wedding ideas and resources for engaged couples, says its top piece of advice in trimming wedding costs is to cut the guest list which would reduce catering costs and save on invitations and the number of centerpieces.

It also advised having the wedding during an off-peak season -- usually December to April -– and not marrying on the most expensive slot of the week, Saturday night.

The site also notes that there are plenty of ways to cut costs on reception food and drink. It urges couples to skip the main course and just supply appetizers and drinks or offer beer, wine and a signature cocktail instead of a full bar. It also suggested ordering a small one- or two-tiered cake for show that could be supplemented with a larger sheet cake for guests to eat.

As for printing costs, the site suggests ordering single-page invitations and e-mailing “save the date” notices.

These budget trims do not need to take anything away from the special day itself.

As the bishops’ site adds: “The Catholic Church understands a couple’s desire for an appropriate celebration of their marriage with family and friends. In the Catholic Church, marriage is a sacrament.

All sacraments are to be celebrated because they are encounters with Jesus Christ. A wedding celebrates Christ’s gift of marital love to this particular man and woman. It is a time for rejoicing.”

Just rejoice within your means, in other words.

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Marriage

Marriage

as a sacrament

Marriage as a sacrament is a serious and sacred commitment that calls a couple to each other in the most profound and permanent way. Their mutual love is a reminder of the sacrificial love of Jesus Christ. By the grace of their sacrament, they become able to love one another as Christ has loved them. As a married couple, they become a visible sign and reminder of Christ’s sacrificial love for all people.

The Engaged Couple A couple desiring to be married is encouraged to contact their priest/deacon at least six (6) months (or more) prior to the proposed date of their wedding. This interval allows time to prepare well for such a sacred commitment.

The engaged couple must take an active part in all the steps of these guidelines which apply to them. With the assistance of their priest/deacon, they are to: n Identify and cultivate their strengths, n Deal with the areas of difficulty in their relationship, 74 n Participate in assessment and preparation, n Recognize that marriage is essentially characterized by unity, fidelity, permanence and an openness to children, n Attend a formal marriage preparation program, n Participate in premarital evaluation and counseling when recommended.

A tentative wedding date may be set at the time of this initial contact with the priest/deacon. When the couple has completed phase two of the marriage preparation process, the tentative wedding date will be confirmed or changed.

Responsibilities

1. Priest/Deacon The church has the pastoral obligation to assist those desiring to marry to make a prayerful and mature judgment concerning their marriage. In particular, the priest/deacon, who plans to witness a marriage, is personally responsible for the complete marriage preparation process. He has the serious moral and ministerial responsibility to assist the engaged couple in understanding the meaning of Christian marriage in its human, spiritual, canonical and sacramental aspects, and to provide a liturgical experience that truly celebrates and manifests the momentous step that the couple is taking.

2. Community The faithful in each parish share in the pastoral responsibility to help engaged couples prepare for their life together. Married couples have a particular responsibility to witness the holiness of their sacramental life of intimacy, unity,

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self-sacrificing love and commitment. They may therefore be invited to participate actively in the marriage preparation of engaged couples in their parish.

3. Parents The church recognizes the unique and vital role of parents in the psychological, social, moral and spiritual development of their children. Renewal in the church has included attempts to make sacramental preparation more family centered. Parents are therefore encouraged to respond to the invitation of the priest/deacon to participate actively in the assessment and preparation of their children for marriage in the church whenever possible.

The Marriage Preparation Process All engaged couples are required to receive sacramental preparation and must meet with their priest/deacon at least six months (or more) prior to the desired wedding date. This marriage preparation process consists of four phases.

1. Phase One: Initial contact with priest/deacon will: n Establish rapport with you in order to support and counsel you at this most important time in your life. n Examine your motives for marriage. n Explore any special circumstances that may affect marriage, e.g., age, cultural background, pregnancy, military service, physical or emotional problems, levels of faith and religious issues. n Explain the marriage preparation process.

n Obtain personal information, explain what other documentation is needed, and determine whether any dispensations or permissions will be necessary.

2. Phase Two: Assessment process with priest/deacon will: n Administer a Premarital Instrument* to assist in beginning the assessment of your readiness to marry. n Discuss the results of the FOCCUS instrument. n Discuss the strengths and weaknesses of your communication process. n Examine the sacramental aspects of your human covenant. n Assess your readiness for marriage and complete the prenuptial questionnaire. n Begin the liturgical wedding plans and present to you the parish guidelines. Inform you of the cost and suggested offering. *A premarital instrument is a tool designed to help you assess your readiness for marriage. It is not a pass/ fail indicator. Instead it is meant to help you discover more about yourselves and each other in a nonthreatening and objective way. Our diocese utilizes the FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication Understanding and Study) instrument to help you identify issues that need to be discussed, reflected on, understood, studied for problem-solving, skill-building and decision-making. Your priest/deacon will give you more information at your initial meeting.

During phase two, the priest/deacon will make the decision to proceed or delay the marriage. If he proceeds, the wedding date will be confirmed and

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Marriage

Marriage

as a sacrament

76

the process continues. If his decision is to delay the marriage, he will follow the procedure found in Delay of Marriage.

3. Phase Three: Formal marriage preparation This instructional phase, formal marriage preparation, presents the essential human and Christian aspects of marriage so that the couple becomes aware of the total dimensions of the marriage covenant. Formal marriage preparation includes reflection on the nature and sacramentality of marriage, married love and family life, couple prayer, marital responsibilities, communication within marriage, personal expectations, natural family planning and other practical considerations.

There are two approved options in the Diocese of Houma-Thibodaux. If you are unable to attend such a formal marriage preparation program, you must discuss this with your priest/deacon immediately.

These are the approved options: n Diocesan Marriage Preparation program n Engaged Encounter Weekend Retreat in the surrounding dioceses Schedule of the Day for Marriage Preparation in the Diocese of Houma-Thibodaux n Location: 2779 Hwy 311 - Schriever, LA 70395 Pastoral Center Conference Hall n Arrival Time: 8:45 a.m. (The day begins promptly at 9 a.m.) n Dismissal Time: 3:15 p.m. n Registration Fee: $100 (check or money order) If you are engaged and would like to begin your marriage preparation, you will need to meet with your parish priest or deacon at least six months before your desired wedding date. The priest/deacon will give you a marriage preparation booklet which will include all of this marriage prep information and a registration form to attend the diocese’s marriage prep, “Day for the Engaged.” Complete the registration form, detach it and mail the form with your registration fee at least three months before the date you would like to attend.

Your fee can be paid with a check or money order made payable to the Diocese of Houma-Thibodaux. Do not send cash! Come dressed comfortably.

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4. Phase Four: Completion of marriage prep process with priest/deacon will: n Discuss with you what you have learned and experienced at your formal marriage preparation program. n Discuss with you your understanding of sacrament in light of your formal marriage preparation. n Discuss with you your responsibilities as members of God’s people, as spouses and future parents. n Complete all documentary requirements. As appropriate, grant permission for mixed marriage and/ or apply for appropriate permissions or dispensations. n Discuss the reception of penance and holy Eucharist as a fitting preparation for the sacrament of matrimony. n Finalize the wedding liturgy and discuss the wedding rehearsal.

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Marriage

Natural Family Planning’s holistic approach gaining more followers

By PETER FINNEY JR.

Catholic News Service

The trend of going green and being more conscious of the environment could explain why more young couples are using natural family planning, say instructors of the practice.

At the very least, couples preparing for marriage have shown less resistance to NFP in recent years particularly as they understand more about what contraceptives can do to a woman’s body, according to NFP teachers in the New Orleans Archdiocese.

Gayle Rizzo, who began teaching NFP to couples about 20 years ago, said the concept of using NFP was not embraced in the same way it is now. The practice allows women to monitor periods of fertility through close examination of naturally occurring physiological signs, and use that information to prevent pregnancy or space births.

“Very definitely, in the beginning, for me personally, it was a very difficult area to minister in the church because it was fairly universally rejected,” said Rizzo, who has taught NFP since 1992 and now is involved in training certified NFP teachers. “We know that the 78 teaching was rejected, so it has been a climb up from people not even giving it a second look to now.

“Whether it’s from the health standpoint or the ecological standpoint, people are giving this a look.

What gives me the greatest hope is that they are looking at it as good for marriage and the love between a man and a woman,” she said.

She said when she teaches the class, participants’ eyes “open up because they can now make the decisions themselves about their own fertility. It puts them in the driver’s seat and also expands the vision of what God designed. It gives them a renewed hope for marriage and for a committed love that lasts a lifetime.”

The Archdiocese of New Orleans offers eight to 10 NFP workshops a year and plans to offer additional classes in Spanish. Most of the participants are engaged couples who have been asked to attend by the priest or deacon preparing them for marriage or are married couples no longer interested in using contraceptives.

Rizzo said when she first started teaching NFP, more women than men were open to the idea.

But in recent years, she said, more men have accepted the practice, saying they want the best for their wives and they think contraceptives are unhealthy for them.

“To me, that’s a major change,” she added. “These men have seen the negative effects that contraception has caused and they are desiring more from their relationship. They want to be able to be real husbands who really, truly love their wives.”

About five years ago, Rizzo helped train Caroline Cleveland Sholl as an NFP teacher, and Sholl now teaches many classes throughout the year. Sholl said the increased openness to using NFP is rooted in the Bayou Catholic • Houma, LA • September 2014

idea that it is “a green method of family planning.”

“Even outside of the moral draw, it’s compatible with the ‘Whole Foods’ way of life,” Sholl said. “Most of the students who take the classes are required to be there, but for those who end up using NFP, the main draw is that it is good for your body. It seems simple to the women who buy hormone-free chicken. They realize the irony when they’re putting hormones into their body every day to shut down a part of the body that is working properly.”

The classes consist of four, 90-minute sessions over two months.

Sholl said NFP is not a “magic bullet” that will keep marriages together, and she even said it can bring some tension that the couple needs to work through together.

Sholl said it was initially a great source of tension and the couple wondered if they were going to be similar to the Duggars, the couple with 19 children on the reality television show “19 Kids and Counting.”

She said they ended up embracing NFP as part of God’s plan for their family and also realized “this was for our family’s ultimate good and it strengthened our marriage.”

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Couples of different faiths

By MAUREEN BOYLE

Catholic News Service

When Beth Fricke first met her husband, David, she was impressed with his knowledge of his Christian faith and his love for Christ.

Beth, a lifelong Catholic, and David, a Presbyterian, were married in 1997 and have three children.

“I’m Catholic. It’s who I am and I could never leave that,” said Beth, explaining the couple’s firm decision to marry in the church and raise their children Catholic.

Ecumenical marriages, where partners do not share the same religious persuasion and affiliation, are a rising trend in the United States and they bring both challenges and blessings to married couples.

The family life section of the Archdiocese of Cincinnati’s website points out the different terms used in these marriages. For example, an interfaith marriage is the marriage of a Christian and a nonChristian. Catholic and Protestant couples are described as interchurch couples. Mixed marriages also can include marriages where one partner has no religious persuasion.

The Frickes are parishioners of St. Bernadette Church in Silver Spring, Md., but they also attend services regularly at Wallace Presbyterian Church in College Park, Md. Both Beth and David view their marriage as one that comes with multiple blessings because of its deep roots in their shared Christian faith, but challenges exist as well.

David said he appreciates the beauty of the Mass and sees many parallels between the two faiths. Beth said she has come to a greater biblical understanding of her faith from her husband’s religion, church and worship style.

Another bonus of having an interfaith marriage is that it keeps religion at the forefront of their lives, never relegated to the background of their family’s daily routine. “After 17 years, we continually have faith discussions,” Beth said. “It never goes away.”

Their greatest challenge, both agree, is raising their children as Catholics who also are in involved in David’s faith and church. “We have two very different views on how to spend our Sunday mornings,” said Beth. David attends weekly Mass with his family, but about once a month they go to the St. Bernadette vigil Mass and then Sunday morning services at David’s church.

The church approaches ecumenical unions with great pastoral care and attention, said Father Rick Kramer, director of the Office of Family Life for the Archdiocese of Washington.

“There is an abundance of caution,” said the priest.

“It doesn’t mean it won’t work out, it just means there are specific challenges couples should be aware of.”

According to the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops’ initiative “For Your Marriage” (www.foryourmarriage. org) -- an Internet-based resource site for married or engaged Catholic couples -- interfaith marriage was rare decades ago, but may now be as high as 40 percent in certain areas of the United States with

proportionately fewer Catholics.

“Because of the challenges that arise when a Catholic marries someone of a different religion, the church doesn’t encourage the practice, but it does try to support interfaith couples and help them prepare to meet those challenges with a spirit of holiness,” according to the “Interfaith Marriages” article on the bishops’ marriage website.

One particular challenge the article highlights is how these couples raise their children.

Father Kramer said children are the gift of married love, and the church’s primary concern in an interfaith marriage. The church has eased up on some of the rules for mixed marriages as the non-Catholic spouse is no longer required to agree to raise the children Catholic, he said. (Official permission from the diocese is still required for the marriage to take place, with a more formal dispensation from the local bishop being necessary for a mixed religious marriage.)

“The Catholic is still asked to raise the children in the faith of the church,” said the priest.

The priest noted other immediate challenges include: Catholics have obligations regarding worship, therefore couples must discuss if they will attend Mass together and how they will observe holidays and holy days.

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Marriage

Marriage Prep: Why? Guest Columnist

I 80

Rev. Joseph S. Pilola

It’s a year before the wedding … so much to do. Where is the reception going to be? Will we cater? Shall we invite all our friends as well as our family?

Shall we hire a band? What kind of music will we have? What are we going to give as gifts for the wedding party? How many bridesmaids will I have? Will they match up with my groomsmen?

What about the cake? What about the dress? What kind of honeymoon will we have? Will we stay the whole reception?

Notice all these ‘important and necessary’ questions have to do with the ‘wedding’ and NOT the ‘marriage’! Worldwide Marriage Encounter people wisely advise, “A wedding is a day; a marriage is a lifetime!” Marriage preparation addresses the issues that will affect the life union of that particular man and woman. Is the wedding important? Absolutely.

However, the wedding is the beginning of the life together, true marriage prep addresses the day after that and the day after that, etc.

What is marriage to this particular man and woman? Are they thinking about marriage because of a feeling or out of a commitment? Do they believe a marriage is for life? Will there be any ‘trouble’ ahead that they will have difficulty facing?

How does each of them handle difficulty? How are they as a couple in dealing with questions

of children, jobs, in-laws, faith, religion, finances? Do they make each other better? Or, will they make each other bitter?

If the marriage of a particular man and woman is going to be a true sacrament, three things are necessary. Have they come together freely and without hesitation to give themselves to each other in marriage? Will they love and honor each other as husband and wife for the rest of their lives? Will they accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his church?

I keep saying this ‘particular man and woman’ for a reason.

Marriage is made real between this unique individual man with this unique individual woman. There is no other. Each has his/her own feelings, fears, history, strengths, weakness, etc., that make them who he/she really is. Does the other person appreciate who that person really is? If the person is immature in some areas of life, does the other person trust what he/she is going to grow into? If that other person is ‘mature,’ can that person still be open for growth? If that person is not open to growth and change, how will the spouse handle a ‘static’ person if he/she is more dynamic and alive, and ready to meet the challenges that life will realistically throw at them in the future? Will one grow and the other ‘break’? If the couple has been together for a long time, do they really know each other well enough to spend the rest of their lives together? Do they truly know and understand each other’s principles and values by which they make decisions in this world? If they say they know each other, do they truly have respect for and feel respect from their future spouse about how they each feel about God, marriage, men, women, work, children, church, their own role in the community and the church? Are they going to leave the answers for ‘later’ and only deal

Bayou Catholic • Houma, LA • September 2014

with ‘whatever’ on a need to know basis ‘whenever’ they get to it?

Some questions are put on hold UNTIL the couple has children.

Without proper preparation and discussion many new mothers and fathers automatically assume they will raise their children like they were raised. “It’s natural!” they think. “I have a child, so I’m a parent, right?” Ask that of any new parent? The answers are not so automatic. Now literally the love between that particular man and woman has become ‘incarnate’ in this one small child. Now they must face the fact that the man and woman were NOT raised in the same family, with the same values and customs. Now what do they do. Are they truly unified in their values, traditions, faith and personal discipline? How can one child be raised in a family that offers differing values? Some couples naively believe they can let the child decide for itself when it grows up. This kind of couple might as well let the child grow up in a pack of wolves. Children are raised, that is, taught and molded, from the first day they are held.

Why marriage prep? It is a ‘sacrament.’ Yes, it is ‘an outward sign instituted by Christ to give grace’ for the salvation of this particular man and woman. But, on more human (spiritual) terms, God cares for this man and this woman. God wants them each to be happy because the marriage of a Christian man and Christian woman is a reflection of how he loves the church. The church cares for its individual members and in a special way for the individuals who choose to marry because that couple will reflect how the church is truly called to love God. If a marriage is going to be a true sacrament, it has to be a reality that exists outside of the wedding at church and lived on a daily basis. Marriage Prep is laying the foundation for that reality to come true.

Sharing Faith is key part

By LYNNEA MUMOLA

Catholic News Service

When couples get married they find they suddenly share almost everything but at the top of that list should be faith, say marriage advisers.

Expressing faith together as a married couple improves trust, communication and each spouse’s relationship with God, said Lauri Przybysz, coordinator of marriage and family life for the Archdiocese of Baltimore.

“It is never too soon to practice” a deeper spirituality in one’s marriage, she added. “At any time in a person’s married life, you can take your relationship to a new level.”

She urges couples to learn about one another’s prayer devotions and to be open to differences in spirituality.

The challenge comes from the various ways individuals practice spirituality, she noted. While one spouse may have grown up praying the rosary for instance, another may not have a strong tradition with that prayer.

Przybysz said when her husband asked her to pray the rosary before a long road trip it took her a while to get used to that request. Now, if he forgets to start the prayer, she will often ask, “Aren’t we going to pray the rosary?”

Since prayer “is such an intimate thing,” Przybysz said, couples may be shy or need some guidance to practice praying together. She

suggested going on a retreat together or attending a talk at a parish or campus ministry. “The couple could practice looking into each other’s eyes and saying out loud something they would normally say to God,” she said.

In an online article on the U.S. bishops’ website, foryourmarriage. org, Przybysz stressed that many couples -- even when they are brought up in the same faith -still have different approaches to spirituality. She also noted that

‘

Be open to the differences in spirituality

,

these practices equip them to overcome challenges and include God during tough times.

In the book, “How to Pray with Your Spouse: Four Simple Steps,” author Chris Stravitsch compares a couple’s spirituality to the celebration of Mass and says couples should follow the four steps of the liturgy with one another.

He suggests that they set aside time to focus on each other and God while seeking forgiveness for hurting one another during the past week. They should learn about God together by reading Scripture or talking about pressing issues.

“Step three is to share your love,” Stravitsch advises. “After discovering God together, you deepen your prayer and intimacy by sharing your love with each other,” he wrote, reminding couples to do so with a thankful heart. He noted a simple kiss, resting in one another’s arms or caring for a sick spouse are some ways of sharing love.

Finally spouses should serve one another in the mundane tasks of daily life. Couples ought to remember that intimacy continues in cooking, cleaning, household chores, listening and working.

“The fruit that will come from your prayer routine will bless your marriage, deepen your love for God and each other, and allow you to reflect the love relationship between Christ and his beloved spouse, the church,” Stravitsch wrote.

Joann Heaney-Hunter an 81 associate professor of theology at St. John’s University in New York agreed. “In marriage, the couple’s life, love and witness can make Christ visible to others,” she wrote in the essay, “Marital Spirituality” on the bishops’ marriage website.

She wrote that married couples have the opportunity to demonstrate total commitment to another person. “Couples create sacramental communities when they build a life of sharing with each other, with their families, with local communities, with the church.”

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Marriage

Geaux ahead join parish together

82 By CATHY KLINGMAN, L.C.S.W. Newly married couples face their new life together as husband and wife. As they learn more about each other, there will be many joys, challenges and struggles they must negotiate. Their church parish can be there to journey with them and support them.

So how do couples decide which church parish to join?

It is important to understand you are not automatically registered in a church parish just because your wedding was held there, or because you “grew up” there. Couples need to discuss their needs, attend different Mass times together, and visit the Catholic church parishes near their home. They can then make a decision together about which church parish to join.

So how do couples “join” a church parish?

Registration is not a difficult process. It begins with a call to the parish office and maybe a visit with the parish priest. After the registration paperwork is complete, married couples can learn more about the different ministries and programs available to them.

Not only will couples receive support from their parish, but the parish also receives and benefits from their participation.

The church parish is a couple’s spiritual home, the place where sacraments are celebrated, tears are shared and support is given. In church, couples are surrounded by others who believe and worship with them in this wonderful journey of life together as husband and wife.

(Cathy Klingman is the diocesan director of the Office of Family Ministries.)

Bayou Catholic • Houma, LA • September 2014

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