Hippies meet for the 69th annual ecstatic dance competition

by Vendetta Lamborghini

Local hippies gathered at Cal Poly Humboldt’s West Gym for the 69th annual Ecstatic Dance Competition on Saturday. Ecstatic dance is a form of movement where dancers completely abandon themselves to the rhythm and move as freely as their chakras let them, leading them to a state of trance.

The bleachers were filled with various forms of hippies, from white people with dreads and old tie-dyed Deadheads, to shanti yogis and festival bros. The competition began with a sage burning and group throat singing before the lights were dimmed and ethnically appropriated tribal bass music reverberated through the gym.

Participants got five minutes to wiggle, fling, flail, twirl, oscillate, and jump as ecstatically as possible, all in the hopes of winning a trip to Guatemala to participate in an ayahuasca ceremony led by a white person from Los Angeles. Judges at the competition based their ratings off of a few criteria.

“We’re looking for the most freely moving dancer,” said judge Agate Fern.

“Whoever is the furthest from form, most tapped into the pulse of the universe.”

Everyone gave it their all, but professional ecstatic dancer, Rainbow Song, stole the show by lying down and vibrating her body for five minutes.

“It just came to me,” Song said. “I let divine source energy possess me and take control.”

One contestant was disqualified when he was found to be using crystals to cheat. Judges say they fell out of his pocket during the performance.

“Crystals are powerful tools, and harnessing their powers in your dance is like taking steroids,” Fern said.

There has been some backlash from certain sectors of the hippy community, who smoked weed in protest outside of the competition.

“The vibes here are wack,” said local ecstatic dancer, Sunflower Bug.

“You can’t judge someone’s ecstatic expression, man. Like, this whole thing doesn’t even make any sense.”