FBC XYZ/Parenting

Blake Bray and Natalie Vinzant. Courtesy photo.

Blake Bray, Development Coordinator, and Natalie Vinzant, Program Director for CASA of Grayson County presented a very informative and interesting program to the First Baptist Church Howe XYZ group last Thursday at their July meeting . Court Appointed Special Advocates for children of Grayson County needs volunteers to provide a consistent presence in a child's life during their time in foster care. After training, they work collaboratively with everyone involved on the child's case advocating for the child's voice to be heard. "To do what is best for the child" is CASA's watchword.

Since XYZ is the church's senior citizen group, Bray and Vinzant presented additional ways older adults can help the CASA organization with donations of time and money, help with collection drives like suitcases or school supplies, help with special activities, or help with scholarships for summer camps. Success stories were shared, and all agreed that CASA does indeed have the best interest of the child at heart.

*** First Baptist Church as launched a new “Living Proof” Bible Fellowship Group for younger adults. They also have Bible Fellowship Groups for all ages. The groups meet at 9:15 am on Sundays and worship at 10:30 am.

John Rosemond

the same. Q: How can I explain to my kids, ages 6 and 9, that “fair” and “equally” are not the same. They complain constantly that I’m not fair. What they mean is I don’t treat them

A: You’re yelling into a hurricane. Forget it. Below age twelve or thirteen, children cannot wrap their brains around the difference between these two concepts.

Treating children equally means treating them in the same fashion regardless of any measurable differences between them. Treating children fairly means treating them with consideration of those differences. Take bedtime as regards two siblings, ages 5 and 10. To treat them equally, one would send them to bed at the same time. To treat them fairly, one would let the older one stay up later. Obviously, the younger one wants to be treated equally, while the older one wants to be treated fairly.

The concept of meritocracy is germane to this discussion. Meritocracy means that privilege is conferred objectively. In the previous case, the objective measure is age, but it could also be talent, effort, or expertise. Children do not believe in meritocracy. A child believes—and the younger the child, the stronger the belief—in the “Metocracy.” To Ritchie, it is of no consequence that Frankie runs faster and therefore reached the ball first. Ritchie thinks it’s not fair that Frankie has the ball. But then Frankie thinks it’s unfair that because Ritchie made straight A’s through the entire school year, his parents are taking him to Dizzy World. Frankie slacked off during much of the school year. No Dizzy World for him. Unfortunately, many adults these days seem as confused as children by the difference between fair and equal. That confusion is reflected in the nouveau practice of giving every child on a team an award.

“And the Most Well-Oiled Glove Award goes to Billy Bratnslob! Let’s give him a big hand! Good job Billy!” Let’s not admit, much less let on to the kids, that one child on the team might be the best player. The problem is that the attempt to treat all children in a certain group equally isn’t fair at all. In this case, fair would be for adults to recognize that some children on the team did, in fact, make a greater contribution than others. But in these odd times, it is widely held that telling a child the truth might dim the glow of his or her supposed entitlement to selfesteem, and entitlement wins. I am reminded of a story about a family Christmas attended by six grandchildren. Grandma and Grandpa gave the same toy bulldozer to each of the four male grandchildren. They did this, they said, to be “fair.” (Note the confusion of terms.) Nevertheless, within one hour of opening their identical presents wrapped identically, the boys were fighting over who got the best of the six identical bulldozers and whose identical bulldozer was whose and so on.

Good intentions don’t mean a thing to young children.

Family psychologist John Rosemond:johnrosemond.com,parentguru. com.

John Rosemond has worked with families, children, and parents since 1971 in the field of family psychology. In 1971, John earned his masters in psychology from Western Illinois University and was elected to the Phi Kappa Phi National Honor Society.