Finance/Children

Hey Taylor: I got my husband to commit to what I’m calling “financial spring cleaning.” We’re Taylor going to focus Kovar on getting our finances in better order leading up to the summer. Any tips for where we should start? - Danielle

Hey Danielle: I like that! Everyone should engage in a little financial spring cleaning. There are a lot of things you can do, but I’ll keep it to three main points right now.

Debt. Hard to take any other steps when you have credit cards or student loans tying you down. It might be hard to pay off all your debt in one season, but it only takes an afternoon to make a solid repayment plan that can have you making big strides and feeling optimistic about your progress. If you have the ability to get out of debt but you’re just dragging your feet, take this opportunity to set yourself free. If you have a lot of outstanding balances and feel overwhelmed, pick one loan and set a goal for when you can pay it off. And, if you have no debt, move on to the fun stuff!

Work on your travel budget. Whether it’s a summer vacation or a flight to see family at Christmas, nothing upends your finances more than paying for travel without having planned ahead. If you want to get things nice and tidy, you should check airfare prices and start setting money aside so you don’t get caught off guard. If you have the flexibility to put aside a good amount, you can start thinking about a bigger, grander vacation down the road. After all, the best part of budgeting is saving money for the finer things in life.

Cut back on silly spending. Got a gym membership you don’t use? Three credit cards with annual fees? A bunch of extravagant appliances that drive your electric bills up? There are a lot of expenses you can cut out of your life without becoming some sort of unhappy hermit. Look at your monthly and quarterly bills and figure out where you might be able to trim the fat a little. Cable bills and car insurance are a good place to start. Maybe look at your grocery spending and then see how much food is getting left to rot in the fridge. A really small change in behavior could save you hundreds of dollars each month.

I’m excited to hear about how this spring cleaning effort goes! I might steal your idea and recommend a little spring cleaning to some of my clients. Thanks for writing in!

Legal Disclaimer: Information presented is for educational purposes only and is not an offer or solicitation for the sale or purchase of any specific securities, investments, or investment strategies. Investments involve risk and, unless otherwise stated, are not guaranteed. Be sure to first consult with a qualified financial adviser and/or tax professional before implementing any strategy discussed herein. To submit a question to be answered in this column, please send it via email to Question@GoFarWithKovar.com or via USPS to Taylor Kovar, 415 S 1st St, Suite 300, Lufkin, TX 75901. Q: My 5year-old continues to throw tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. His father and I are diJohn vorced. I have Rosemond primary custody. He is with his dad every other weekend, basically. My ex- has very poor emotional control and I’m concerned that our son may have inherited that from him. When he throws a tantrum, I make him sit in a “tantrum chair” in the living room, something I read about in one of your books. It sometimes takes him nearly an hour to fully calm down. Is there anything else I can do to help him get control of himself or should I just stay the course? I’m thinking five years old is too old for tantrums and that there may be more going on with him than I’m aware of.

A: Sixty-plus years ago, it was “unheard of” for a child older than 36 months to still be throwing tantrums; today, it isn’t the norm, but it’s not unusual either. The difference is due to sea changes in childrearing practices that have taken place since the 1960s, the two most significant of which have been (a) a shift from adult- to child-centeredness in the family and (b) a change in focus from instilling citizenship values to making children happy.

As the result of demonizing (by the media and mental health professional community) and all-but abandoning traditional childrearing attitudes and practices, behaviors associated with the so-called “terrible twos” – tantrums, defiance, impulsivity, separation anxiety – continue to occur past toddlerhood and sometimes well past. In other words, I doubt there’s more going on here than meets the eye.

A tendency toward emotionality may be heritable to some extent, but even if that is the case, emotional control can be taught. Behavioral predispositions are exactly that: predispositions. Unlike physical characteristics, they aren’t written in stone. So, for example, you can’t change a child’s eye color, but a tendency toward shyness can be overcome.

For whatever reasons, your son is having great difficulty accepting what I call the Mick Jagger Principle: You can’t always get what you want. (For those readers who suffer from deficiencies in rock ‘n’ roll knowledge, that is the title of a well-known song by the Rolling Stones, Jagger’s band.) A “tantrum chair” (or some variation upon it) is my standard recommendation concerning ongoing emotional meltdowns in a child your son’s age. The most important element in the equation is that you enforce in keeping with the “Referee’s Rule”: no warnings, no threats, no second chances, no deals.

As soon as a tantrum begins, assign him to the chair. In hesitation, all is not lost, but hesitation when it comes to enforcing rules is almost as counterproductive as not enforcing them at all. This going to be an uphill battle. Stay the course. Your resolve will eventually pay off.

Family psychologist John Rosemond: johnrosemond.com, parent guru.com.

John Rosemond has worked with families, children, and parents since 1971 in the field of family psychology. In 1971, John earned his masters in psychology from Western Illinois University and was elected to the Phi Kappa Phi National Honor Society.