Finance/Children

Hey Taylor –I’m in between jobs and trying to find some direction. People tell me to find something Taylor that suits my Kovar strengths, but I always second guess what I’m good at. How do I figure out what I do well without just being unrealistically confident? - Elsie

Hey Elsie - It’s hard to manufacture confidence, and that’s something overlooked when people are searching for direction. Until you feel confident about what you’re doing, you won’t know if you’re playing to your strengths or not. Meanwhile, that confidence isn’t going to come until you have experience.

Fortunately, there are multiple ways to assess whether or not you’re good at something. The most important factor to watch for is your excitement level. If you feel passionate while doing the work, even when the work isn’t great, you’re showing a significant strength. It might not be evident in the results, but staying excited and persevering is a talent in and of itself.

The question then becomes will this passion and perseverance lead to a career? This is where many people have a hard time making their strengths fit into a job title. You might be really fascinated by certain elements of web design and photo editing, but you don’t know if you should be a designer or an editor or an animator.

The solution is to ignore the moniker. Not every job will fit all of your strengths, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong for the position. Every career will come with a learning curve; you should expect to learn on the job while letting your best abilities serve as an entry point. Don’t search for a named role within a company, and instead look for any place where you can work on something that interests you.

Remember, strengths don’t have to be specific trades like accounting or welding. Listening, problem solving, organizing and communicating are all valuable assets employers look for. I know plenty of people who have landed jobs they initially thought they weren’t qualified for, but they were hired because they had personality traits and skills that can’t really be taught.

So, what do you like to do? When you’re doing that thing or those things, what makes you feel confident about your effort, and what keeps you engaged in the activity? Even if you start by focusing on a leisurely task like reading or gardening, there are still strengths on display. Your love of fantasy novels might not feel like it translates directly to a marketable skill, but it’s not as far off as you think.

We’re typically the best at things we like to do, and that’s where you should start. Consider jobs from your past that have given you moments of excitement, and think about why that was. Eventually, you’ll be able to align your passions and be a few steps away from a great career. Good luck!

Legal Disclaimer: Information presented is for educational purposes only and is not an offer or solicitation for the sale or purchase of any specific securities, investments, or investment strategies. Investments involve risk and, unless otherwise stated, are not guaranteed. Be sure to first consult with a qualified financial adviser and/or tax professional before implementing any strategy discussed herein. To submit a question to be answered in this column, please send it via email to Question@GoFarWithKovar.com or via USPS to Taylor Kovar, 415 S 1st St, Suite 300, Lufkin, TX 75901. What, pray tell, is COVID parenting? I need to know because over the past few months, several John journalists have Rosemond asked if I have any COVIDparenting suggestions. I went online and, sure enough, a fair number of so-called “parenting experts” are advising parents on how to “survive” shut-downs, as if having children in the home as opposed to attending school is life -threatening. Since when does day -to-day of living with children require a unique set of parenting skills?

After doing some research, I realized that I may well have experienced COVID parenting as a child. There were, after all, days when for one reason or another I was confined indoors. It was raining cats and dogs, for example. Mind you, it had to be cats and dogs for me to be indoors. If merely kittens and puppies, my mother would send me outside. One of her favorite COVID parenting aphorisms was “Water never hurt anybody.” When I was confined indoors, Mom’s primary COVID parenting rule was, “If you don’t find something to do, I’ll find something for you to do!” I was not allowed to be bored or bother her for any unnecessary reason, which pretty much covered everything. It was easy to not be bored back then. My only electronic device was a record player, so I learned to entertain myself with nothing more than the weird stuff that normally goes on in a child’s head.

The summer of 1952 required maximum COVID parenting only the disease wasn’t COVID; it was poliomyelitis, which is a whole lot worse. That was the summer of the nationwide polio scare. No one really knew how polio was contracted and all sorts of rumors flew, including the notion that polio loved hot, humid weather. My mother and I – she was a single parent in those days – lived in what is now called the “historic district” of hot, humid Charleston, South Carolina, only it wasn’t historic back then. Not, that is, unless run down and falling into ruin is historic. Our flat on the second floor of a now-historic home with a Bentley parked in the courtyard was plumbed for cold water only. Anyway, anyone who’s experienced a Charleston summer will appreciate that I was indoors most of that summer, being POLIO-parented.

I really don’t get this “survive” stuff, but then, childrearing has become a soap opera since I was a kid. Mom never seemed the least bit ruffled by me being confined indoors. I left her alone and she reciprocated by leaving me alone. It was an unspoken arrangement that had no downside for either of us. Mom did not think it was her responsibility to entertain me; therefore, I learned to entertain myself. Believe it or not, children can actually do that.

I think I’ve figured it out. COVID parenting, in the modern sense of the term, is what a mother thinks she has to do when children are underfoot because she has never informed them, in no uncertain terms, that she is not their playmate or personal go-fer and insisted that they entertain and fend for themselves. Today’s moms, to their discredit, think that ignoring their children is bad mommying. So, they don’t ignore and their kids end up thinking mommy is akin to a multi-purpose app one downloads into one’s life and taps into action at whim.

It is the paradox to end all paradox that so many women, supposedly liberated, have enslaved themselves to their kids. I have to believe that allowing children to run your life is the most demeaning of all forms of submission. But then, I’m just a man. What do I know?

Family psychologist John Rosemond: johnrosemond.com, p arentguru.com.

John Rosemond has worked with families, children, and parents since 1971 in the field of family psychology. In 1971, John earned his masters in psychology from Western Illinois University and was elected to the Phi Kappa Phi National Honor Society.