Finance/Children

Hi Taylor: I’m committed to paying off at least some debt as my resolution this year. I had the same Taylor goal last year Kovar and failed, so I think I need some help. Any hot tips? - Marie

Hey Marie: The hottest tip is to stick with it, but that probably feels like a bit of a cop-out. The approach that works best varies from person to person, so you need to keep at it until you find a reliable system. I’ll give some ideas to get started, and hopefully this will be your year!

Target one loan at first. It sounds like you might have enough debt that it’s spread out over a few credit cards, maybe some student loans, perhaps a car payment? If that’s the case, the big picture probably feels pretty overwhelming. Go after one balance, ideally the smallest, and try to get it off the books. Even if it means paying the minimum on a highinterest card while taking care of the last $1,500 of a student loan, the feeling of accomplishment can really push you forward. And, once that smaller loan is gone, you free up a little more money each month to put toward another balance.

Cancel something. Anything. Cable, gym membership, home phone, Prime, a magazine subscription. You get to pick and it can be as big or small a monthly fee as you want. The point is to prove to yourself that some spending doesn’t need to happen, and even the slightest change can motivate you to do more. What don’t you need? It might be iCloud storage or a monthly service you’ve been meaning to cancel. Even better, this might be the time to get rid of cable or something you use frequently but would be better off without. It’s really easy to view a lot of things as “needs” when you know your life would go on relatively unchanged if those things were gone.

Obsess over debt. One of the main reasons people can’t get out of debt is that they don’t actually prioritize it. Even if you target one loan and stop paying for a monthly housekeeping service, those efforts are nullified if you still choose filet mignon every time you eat out or can’t stop yourself from taking a daily visit to the coffee shop. You need to pay close attention to your spending habits and get laser-focused on the ones you can change. Start a spreadsheet, download a money managing app, whatever you need to do. If you really want to see those balances drop, you’ll make this your #1 goal for 2021.

I’ve seen people climb out from under hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, and I know you can do the same. Set goals and don’t lose sight of them, even when things get overwhelming. Good luck and Happy New Year!

Legal Disclaimer: Information presented is for educational purposes only and is not an offer or solicitation for the sale or purchase of any specific securities, investments, or investment strategies. Investments involve risk and, unless otherwise stated, are not guaranteed. Be sure to first consult with a qualified financial adviser and/or tax professional before implementing any strategy discussed herein. To submit a question to be answered in this column, please send it via email to Question@GoFarWithKovar.com or via USPS to Taylor Kovar, 415 S 1st St, Suite 300, Lufkin, TX 75901. Q: I teach 3and 4-year-olds in a childcare center in Australia. I always have a few difficult John children in any Rosemond group and the book in which you describe Alpha Speech [The Well-Behaved Child] has been very helpful. My disciplinary options are limited to separating a misbehaving child out of the group for a few minutes and talking, but I cannot isolate or take privileges away. Besides, it seems that the worst kids’ parents undo at home what we accomplish in the classroom. Some of them even side with their children when they misbehave. Meanwhile, we walk on eggshells when it comes to discipline so that a parent doesn’t file a complaint against us with child protection. What suggestions do you have for preschool teachers?

A: Go back to school and learn automobile repair. Better yet, learn baking. Hardly anyone ever sends dessert back to the kitchen.

American preschool teachers also complain to me that concerning classroom discipline, their hands are tied by their supervisors and they get little support from parents. Consequently, kids whose behavior problems could have been brought under control in preschool take them to elementary school where they are “identified,” diagnosed, and medicated. Because dedicated people like yourself are unable to discipline effectively, Big Pharma profits.

Once upon a time, children were afraid of adults. I was afraid of adults, for example. I didn’t quake in my sneakers around them, mind you, but I had a healthy respect for the lifechanging influence they exercised in my life. In the late 1960s, mental health professionals began demonizing everything about traditional childrearing. Today, most children are not afraid of adults and child mental health is much, much worse. And if that’s not sad enough, consider that many of the parents I counsel are afraid of their children.

Let’s get something out of the way: I am by no means recommending that adults be frightening. Children should feel comfortable and secure around adults, but they should “fear” them. They should be clear that adults run the show and will enforce the rules. Children are “afraid” of adults who simply act like authority figures. They mind their P’s and Q’s around adults who embrace their roles as leaders of children.

Said adults don’t bend over at the waist when they talk to children. They stand up, like people who possess confidence in their natural authority. They don’t scream and yell. They tell children what to do in short sentences that don’t end in “Okay?” When children misbehave, they don’t become flustered and threaten, as in, “If you do that one more time…!” They act, calmly and with purpose, proving they mean what they say.

Children trust adults who fit that description. Obedience is an act of trust, and children benefit from it. Research finds that a child’s sense of well-being is proportionate to his or her level of obedience. We don’t even need scientists to tell us something so commonsensical.

Giving children reasons and choices and letting them express their feelings may sound wonderful, but what children truly need are adults who tell them what to do, set firm boundaries, and enforce rules…adults who act like adults.

Family psychologist John Rosemond: johnrosemond.com, p arentguru.com.

John Rosemond has worked with families, children, and parents since 1971 in the field of family psychology. In 1971, John earned his masters in psychology from Western Illinois University and was elected to the Phi Kappa Phi National Honor Society.