Finance/Children

Hey Taylor: I’m finally at a place where I earn a good living, have money set aside for retirement and inTaylor vestments, proKovar vide for my family… and all I can think about is working less. How do I slow down, enjoy life, and not start stressing about money again? — Quinn

Hey Quinn: Feels impossible, right? Some think if you want to earn a lot of money, it’s a requirement that you give up all your free time and spend every waking moment at the office. Fortunately, I don’t believe that to be true. Changes can be made to ensure you’re enjoying life. Here are three things I want you to think about.

1. Is it the career or the company? There’s no hard and fast rule with career changes. If you don’t like what you’re doing, you can work hard and get into a new field. The issue is when people mistake a bad job for a bad career. If the worst part of your day is the commute or a coworker that you don’t get along with, it’s probably not time to start from scratch. Conversely, if you work at a bank and detest the sight of numbers and the smell of money, you might think of doing a hard reset. Whatever you choose, make sure you put some serious thought into why it is you want to shake things up.

2. How are you spending your money? The more you make, the more you’ll spend. This is a simple truth for most people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be smart about it. While buying material possessions provides a quick thrill, have you thought about some services that might actually buy you more time for enjoying your life? Hire a maid to cut back on the time you spend cleaning or take advantage of a delivery service so you spend less time in the car. If you reorganize and reprioritize your spending, you might find work is actually much more bearable than you thought.

3. What’s your forecast? Take a step back and think about your job, your immediate future, and your long-term goals. Do you want to work less because you’ve had a few stressful weeks, or is the struggle consistently demoralizing? Are you close enough to retirement that you’re just getting a little antsy and want time to move faster? Are you working too hard in hopes of an early retirement, and burning yourself out in the process? With all the work that goes into building your career, it’s easy to get caught up in the process and forget to take inventory of your life. Before you do anything drastic, take a second to reassess.

Your happiest life is out there and you might be closer than you realize to living it. Think about what you really want and what you’re most driven to do, and you’ll find yourself on the right path in no time.

Legal Disclaimer: Information presented is for educational purposes only and is not an offer or solicitation for the sale or purchase of any specific securities, investments, or investment strategies. Investments involve risk and, unless otherwise stated, are not guaranteed. Be sure to first consult with a qualified financial adviser and/or tax professional before implementing any strategy discussed herein. To submit a question to be answered in this column, please send it via email to Question@GoFarWithKovar.com or via USPS to Taylor Kovar, 415 S 1st St, Suite 300, Lufkin, TX 75901. Q: My 13year-old son’s grades and overall respect for me and other adults –teachers, in John particular –Rosemond began going downhill last year (eighth grade), even before the shutdown. He began school this year with the same attitude, if not worse. In response, I have taken away most of his privileges, including his phone and video game. When we divorced four years ago, the judge ruled for split custody, so he spends three or four nights a week with his dad. That, unfortunately, is the problem. His father strives to be what you refer to as a “buddy-dad” and will enforce no rules. When he’s with his dad, he enjoys a smart phone, video games, and wears clothing that I associate with sociopaths. I feel like I am constantly taking one step forward and then one step back. Do you have any suggestions? the best interests of the children, not the parents. Compounding the problem, split custody also creates the impression that neither lawyer has lost. By issuing rulings that preserve the self-esteem (or, in the case of attorneys, their reputation), judges often, but unwittingly, rule against the interests of the kids.

There’s no viable solution to this sort of problem, in which case I invoke the rule of muddling: Sorry, but you’re just going to have to muddle through this.

Let’s face it, if you and your exwere able to parent cooperatively, there’s some likelihood you would still be married. The first thing you need to do is accept that there is no solution to this problem. Dad is getting reinforced for being a buddy. Furthermore, his incorrigible undermining of your discipline is likely a form of retaliation, in which case we can double his reinforcement. In effect, he’s a coward, but such is the nature of the divorced buddydad.

A: My first suggestion will fall on deaf ears, but they are not yours.

With a minority of exceptions, my second-hand experience has been that split custody arrangements are not in the best interests of children. All too frequently, they lead to exactly the sort of problems you describe. One parent ends up being a disciplinarian while the other, seeking to be viewed by the child or children as a “good guy,” undoes what his or her ex- is attempting to accomplish at every turn.

Split custody, meaning a 50/50 arrangement (or close approximation thereof), is intended to be “fair” to both parents involved in a divorce. In so ruling, however, family court judges seem to have lost sight of their mission, which is to rule in Accept the realities of your situation, but don’t give up the good fight. Continue to enforce rules when your son is in your care but do so knowing that you’re going to be in a one step forward, one step back state of affairs for some time to come.

There is always the possibility that your son will someday realize that you are the more responsible parent, but don’t count on it. In any event, stay your present course with grace.

Family psychologist John Rosemond: johnrosemond.com, p arentguru.com.

John Rosemond has worked with families, children, and parents since 1971 in the field of family psychology. In 1971, John earned his masters in psychology from Western Illinois University and was elected to the Phi Kappa Phi National Honor Society.