LOVING WITH DECENCY
Love Is Not a Movie: Separating Reality from Fantasy
There is a young man somewhere in Lanet scrolling through his phone. Between videos, songs, and endless social media posts, he encounters a familiar message: love is excitement. Love is like butterflies. Love is finding that one person who makes life perfect.
By Alex Njagi
A few streets away, a young woman watches a romantic drama where two people meet, fall deeply in love within days, overcome a few obstacles, and live happily ever after.
The credits roll; reality begins.
Welcome to Loving with Decency, a conversation about love not the version sold to us by screens but the kind that builds people, strengthens families, and nurtures communities.
Perhaps no word is used more often and understood less than the word love.
Today, love is marketed. It is packaged in expensive gifts, flashy weddings, public displays of affection, and carefully curated online photographs. We are surrounded by messages telling us that if our relationships do not look exciting every day, then something must be wrong. Yet the truth is simpler and deeper.
Love is not a movie. Movies are designed to entertain. Love is designed to sustain.
Movies often focus on beginnings. Real love is tested in the middle. It survives ordinary days, misunderstandings, financial struggles, disappointments, and moments when emotions are not as intense as they once were.
Many relationships suffer because people mistake excitement for commitment. They confuse attraction with character. They chase feelings without examining values.
The result is a generation that often knows how to fall in love but struggles to remain loving.
Our parents and grandparents were not perfect in matters of relationships. They had their own challenges and shortcomings. Yet many understood something modern society is slowly forgetting: love is not merely a feeling. It is a responsibility.
In many African communities, marriage and relationships were not viewed solely as private affairs. Families, elders, and communities played a role because they understood that relationships influence the wellbeing of society. A healthy relationship created stability. A broken one affected many lives.
Today, individual freedom has increased, and rightly so. Yet somewhere along the journey, we began to believe that love exists only to make us happy.
But healthy love does more than make us happy.
It helps us grow.
It teaches patience when patience is difficult.
It teaches respect when disagreements arise.
It teaches forgiveness when mistakes occur.
It teaches responsibility when life becomes demanding.
Most importantly, it teaches us to see another human being not as an object for our satisfaction, but as a person worthy of dignity.
That is where decency enters the conversation.
Decency is not an old-fashioned idea. It is timeless.
Decency means treating people with respect even when emotions run high. It means refusing to manipulate, deceive, exploit, or use others for personal gain. It means understanding that genuine affection cannot thrive where respect is absent.
A society that learns to love with decency becomes stronger. Families become more stable. Children grow in healthier environments. Friendships deepen. Communities become safer and more compassionate.
The challenge before us is not to love more dramatically.
The challenge is to love more wisely.
To love with honesty.
To love with responsibility.
To love with respect.
To love with decency.
As we begin this journey together, let us question the stories we have inherited from movies, social media, and popular culture. Let us rediscover a deeper understanding of love—one that values character over appearance, commitment over convenience, and dignity over desire.
Because the strongest relationships are rarely the most dramatic.
They are often the most decent.
Reflection Question
If all the excitement disappeared tomorrow, what would remain in your understanding of love?
