LOVING WITH DECENCY
By Alex Njagi
One evening, as the matatu rolled from Nakuru town towards Lanet, two friends sat quietly after a long day. One sighed and said, "I stayed because I thought love meant enduring everything."
The other looked through the window before replying softly, "Maybe love was never asking you to lose yourself."
That conversation is happening more often than we realize.
Many young people and even older couples have been taught that love means sacrifice at all costs.
That if you truly love someone, you must always say yes, always forgive, always stay, and always put yourself last.
But is that really love?
Not quite.
Love should never require you to abandon your dignity.
Somewhere along the way, we confused self-love with selfishness. Yet they are as different as rain and a flood. Rain nourishes the soil. A flood destroys it.
Healthy self-love is not pride. It is knowing your worth without thinking you are worth more than others.
It is understanding that you deserve honesty just as much as you are expected to be honest. It is respecting your own boundaries while respecting those of others.
In many Kenyan homes, we are taught to care deeply for family and neighbours. These are beautiful values. Yet sometimes, people forget to extend that same kindness to themselves.
We apologise for things we never did.
We remain silent when we should speak.
We tolerate insults because we fear being alone.
We accept betrayal because we believe another chance will somehow change a person's character.
The truth is simple.
You cannot pour tea from an empty kettle.
Neither can you pour genuine love from an empty heart.
When you value yourself, you choose relationships that encourage growth instead of fear. You choose friends who celebrate your success instead of competing with it. You choose a partner who speaks to you with kindness, not contempt.
Self-respect quietly becomes your compass. It teaches you to say "no" without guilt. To apologise when you are wrong. To walk away when your peace is constantly under attack.
And to return with humility when you have made mistakes. Our communities flourish when individuals know their value. A father who respects himself is more likely to respect his family. A mother who values herself teaches her children confidence.
Young people who understand their worth are less likely to be pressured into unhealthy relationships simply to fit in.
Love does not begin on Valentine's Day. It begins in the quiet decisions we make every ordinary morning.
The decision to speak truthfully. To protect our character. To keep our promises.
To care for our minds and bodies. To refuse shortcuts that compromise our values.
Perhaps that is the greatest lesson of all. The first person you are entrusted to love is not a stranger. It is the person who greets you every morning in the mirror.
Treat that person with compassion. Correct that person with honesty. Forgive that person when they stumble. Help that person grow. Because when your heart learns to live with dignity, it will naturally love others with decency.
Reflection Question
Are your daily choices teaching others how to value you, or are they teaching them how little you value yourself?
